I’ve come here to make an announcement! Shadow the hedgehog’s a JOLLY ass NICE LISTER! He GAVE PRESENTS to my fucking wife. That’s right! He took his hedgehog fuckin BURLAP SACK out and GAVE A GIFT to my fucking wife, and he said his BELLS were “this JINGLY!” and i said “that’s JOLLY!” So i’m making a callout-post on my twitter dot com: Shadow the hedgehog your STOCKING’S FULLA COAL and guess what? Here’s what my STOCKING looks like! 💣💣💣💣💣💥💥💥💥 That’s right baby! No coal! No sticks! No itchy sweaters! Look at that it looks like CANDYCANES and TOYS! He GIFTED my wife so guess what? I’m gonna GIFT the world! That’s right! This is what you get! My super RED-NOSED REINDEER!
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I’ve come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog’s a bitch ass mother fucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That’s right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG. And I said “that’s disgusting!” So I’m making a callout post on my twitter dot com: "Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, it’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller." And guess what, here’s what my dong looks like: PFFFFFFFFGJT. That’s right baby. All point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife so guess what, I’m gonna FUCK THE EARTH. THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LAZER PISS. Except I’m not gonna piss on the earth, I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing on the MOOOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss d r o p l e t s hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!
String identified:
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Closest match: Molanna angustata genome assembly, chromosome: 4
Common name: Hood casemaker fly
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Loser!ellie headcannons .ᐟ ⭐
A/N .ᐟ First set of hcs..😭 lmk if y'all want a pt. 2
Loser! Ellie who lowkey has a collection of plushies that all have names, ages, and probably birthdays (specifically dinosaur ones)
Loser! Ellie Who could not flirt for shit the first few months you guys were dating.. But you on the other hand? Always trying to mess with the poor girl until she's a flustered mess.
Loser! Ellie Who had been too much of a pussy to ask you out for the longest time, just for you to already know she liked you.
Loser! Ellie Who still can't look you in the eyes without getting nervous.
You were sitting in the living room beside Ellie talking to her about how one of your coworkers had pissed you off today while Ellie was looking anywhere but you. “Els? Are you listening?..” You said, tapping your preoccupied girlfriend on the shoulder in order to get her attention.
“I- I am…” Ellie mumbled, still looking away, the tips of her ears a bright shade of scarlet. You looked at Ellie noticing what was going on, you chuckled to yourself quietly “That's unfortunate.. My own girlfriend, the love of my life, doesn't even want to look at me? How upsetting..” You tease, as Ellie turns to look over at you, her cheeks a bright shade of red “I never said that!” She replies quickly before looking away once again “You're just.. so fuckin’ perfect..” Her own words cause her to be even more embarrassed prior to how much she was before. You try to hold in your giggles as you pull your girlfriend closer to you “I love you s'much, you know that?” you say in between your uncontrollable giggles �� I love you too..” she mutters back “And don't be a dick. Stop fuckin’ laughing at me” She adds before resting her head on your shoulder. You continue to giggle, which makes Ellie start giggling too.
After a few moments of you two continuously laughing your asses off, you pressed a soft kiss on Ellies forehead. “Now, Tell me about your day, love.” You smile as Ellie begins to give you a rundown about everything she had done that day.
Loser! Ellie who has a separate sketchbook to fill with small doodles of dinosaurs, planets, and occasionally drawings of you.
Loser! Ellie who never fucking sleeps, like this girl will be up til’ late at night doing lord knows what.
Loser! Ellie who hates when you beat her at any game, girl will start making up the most random excuses as to why she lost, sometimes if you tease her about losing she even goes to the extent of giving you the silent treatment
Loser! Ellie who loves spooning (defo calls big spoon before you guys are even ready to head to bed, yet still ends up being little spoon sometimes.)
Loser! Ellie who acts like it's the end of the world when she accidentally interrupts you while you're speaking. Like I'm talking non-stop apologizing and always arguing with you on whether she should continue what she was saying or if you should finish speaking (you always find a way to win the argument nonetheless)
Loser! Ellie who has the humor of a middle school boy.
Loser! Ellie who probably eats lunchables 4/7 days of the week.
“Els, there's leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry!” you callout before walking into the kitchen to see your girlfriend standing there like she got caught red handed, holding a half eaten pizza lunchable in her hand
“I'm not even surprised.” You say arms crossed, shaking your head slightly
“What?! They're good!” Your girlfriend argues back, taking another bite of her mini pizza
“Okay Els.” you chuckle, rolling your eyes playfully
“Hey! Don't roll your eyes at me..” Ellie scoffs “Don't knock it til' you try it.”
Loser! Ellie who has a backpack filled with space and dinosaur themed pins (also probably pins with corny ass memes on them.)
Loser! Ellie who either can't accept a compliment, or gets abnormally flustered by your compliments. (It all depends on the day tbh😭🙏)
Loser! Ellie who ADORES taking walks with you near lakes, creeks, and ponds.
A/N .ᐟ I love Loser!ellie so much omdysss🙏❤
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AITA for pissing on the moon?
S is a bitch ass motherfucker who pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and pissed on my fucking wife! And he said his dick was THIS BIG. And I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com. S, you got a small dick, it's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller.
And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like! That's right baby. All points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks just like two balls and a bong!
He fucked my wife so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth! That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth, I'm gonna go higher. I'M PISSING ON THE MOOOOOOOON!!!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT!
YOU HAVE TWENTY-THREE HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH, SO GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I FUCKING PISS ON YOU TOO!
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