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zirobitches · 6 months

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One Piece: Soulmate AU

Always in this twilight - Crocodile x GN!Reader

Summary: Soulmates are incapable of hurting each other. As a pirate, this leads to some tragic moments midst battles. You thought you were prepared for when it might happen to you, but damn you were wrong.

Gn! Reader, Angst no comfort, no beta we die like Roger, Reader is Croc's First Mate and a former Roger pirate (Shanks/Buggy's age) but it doesnt really matter, also former slave background, congrats you are now in the place of my self insert OC, no promises on not being cringe this is literally a /reader fic, also had to make a fake crew bc we dont know enough crocs backstory HAND IT OVER ODA

Word count: 4500+

Also first fic on tumblr, idk what im doing here, lmk ur opinions. It is now 2:03am and i have class at 10:30. Might have to skip lmao

EDITS: grammar check lol. also cross posted it on ao3 - same name as my blog

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Soulmates weren't as common as you'd might assume when you first hear about it. There's an easy way to prove someone is your soulmate, but when that method is to harm them, well, it doesn't make it easy to find that person. And society gets a bit weird when you know your soulmate is out there.

you've known that some people carry around little needles to poke into strangers hoping to find the one. But that was in decent society; among pirates you more often heard tales of bullets suddenly dropping to the ground after they hit their target, or swords stopping on someone's skin as though it just hit steel. A battlefield is a hell of a place to meet the person fate had decided for you, but for pirates it had become a norm.

Not that long ago, some genius named Vegapunk did a study on how many people meet their soulmate - 1 in a 100. And that's just how many people find them. It never accounts for how many actually happily end up together. You had chosen to live your life as a pirate, so a happy ending with your supposed soulmate wasn't something you foresaw in your future.

You were always grateful most of your current crew felt the same. There was a small group among pirates that were always on the lookout to find their soulmate and then immediately retire. Your crew however like to joke that if they found them in battle, they would move out of the way so someone else could finish them off. It was a grim reality, but it was your reality.

However, on nights like these where you drank the night away, some romantic always had to bring it up.

"C'mon, did old Roger really make you so cold hearted that you don't believe in true love?"

"Pfft, you're fucking joking right?" You scoffed back. You always argued with Tink about this, but you understood your young navigator still had hope. Too bad you were the pessimist of the crew.

"It's not that I don't believe in true love," you continued. "Soulmates are real, I don't really see another explanation for not being able to harm only one other person in the world. But why limit yourself to waiting for a person you might never meet? So many are denying themselves to fall in love with someone else and then end up dying alone because they never found their soulmate."

Tink pouted in front of you. This was a tired conversation, one that was repeated every few weeks much to the chagrin of your other crewmates. But a controversial topic was always a great topic for a group such as yourselves.

"I'm not denying myself the chance to fall in love! I'm denying ever feeling heartbroken over someone who doesn't matter!" Tink tried to argue back, but you just groaned in response.

"And if you never meet the one? You'll just live and die without ever letting yourself even get a taste of what it is you're chasing." Tink glared, knowing it was futile to keep going, but the pink of her cheeks told you that the grog in her system was trying to get her to keep fighting.

It was then that a familiar tall figure caught your eye. There was your beloved captain Crocodile, trying to sneak behind everyone's back to grab another bottle for himself.

Crocodile was never much one for festivities, at least not one 'undeserved' as he might put it. While there was no battle won to celebrate, the night sky was clear and the waters calm; in the Grand Line, shouldn't that be enough to be happy about?

However tonight you weren't going to let him sneak booze and hide from the crew.

"Cap'n!" Apparently the grog was getting to you as well. "Come over here and help me crush Tink's dream of a soulmate!" You laughed as Tink gasped at your audacity. The rest of your company seemed more or less happy with how the night was going, but your captain was still less than enthused to join.

"If this is the same soulmate debate you've been going on about for the past 3 years, I will pass again. You already know my feelings on the matter." Crocodile's deep voice reverberated across the deck of the ship. Even if he wasn't giving orders, he still commanded the attention of everyone within earshot.

He gave a long drag of the bottle in his hand, and then turned to walk away. However you felt it was your duty as first mate to pester your captain into spending casual time with his crew.

"I may know your opinion, but would you be so kind and gracious to remind the rest of the crew? Perhaps?" You called out to the dark coat trying to run from the party, and saw him pause, then turn to walk back.

You could see some of the newer additions to the crew cower. You didn't blame them, Crocodile was an imposing figure, and was developing a infamous reputation as a pirate on the Grand Line. But he was your captain, and he would never hurt his crew, this you knew.

"If I ever met my soulmate," Crocodile began, "I assume it would be when I attempt to kill them." He took another sip from his bottle. This was one of the rare moments he was not puffing a cigar you suddenly realize. It made his face look younger, as though he was actually a man in his 20s as he claimed he was.

As though he knew you were thinking of him, Crocodile made eye contact with you. "When I realize I can't kill them, I'll call out for you." You felt your heart skip a beat. "Then you can finish them for me."

It was purely the grog's fault for making your face warm. The lack of a sea breeze was also suddenly apparent. But you couldn't be flustered, not when you were the one who asked for this answer.

You smiled, doing your best to brush off the tension. You were still maintaining eye contact with him after all. "Well there you have it. Not exactly the opinion I remember, but I hope I can live up to your expectations, Cap'n."

Crocodile nodded, then told you all to start to sober up or get to bed. "I don't need a crew of drunks on the Grand Line, or else we will never make it to the New World."

Your crew began to disperse and you went below deck to your cabin. You really hadn't had much to drink that night, yet your chest felt tight.

You thought you had learned your lesson, but no. Even after promising yourself you wouldn't, you became attached to your crew. Even after your last one fell apart. Even after you watched your first captain, your savior, be executed, you fucked up and dove straight into a different crew expecting it to be different.

You laid down in your bed, staring at the ceiling, the world slightly spinning. Suddenly all you can think about is when you met Croc.

It was little more than 3 years ago now, wasn't it? A whole 3 years since Roger died. The weight is still heavy in your chest, but not nearly as devastating as it was in Logue Town that day. You were a wreck, physically and emotionally.

After watching the execution, you were too heartbroken to join the others in pursuit of the One Piece. Your world has just officially ended, the crew was technically already disbanded, but now there was no hope of getting it back.

You ended up in some local bar. No one recognized you, and in the haze of all the excitement following Roger's death, why would they? You had just been some nobody apprentice who happened to stick on his ship after Roger saved your life.

But your sorrow did catch someone's eye.

You sat at the counter of this dive bar in Logue Town, mindlessly stirring whatever number drink sat in front of you now. You had run out of tears, and sat stuck in some frozen state of grief.

However, this sad portrait of yourself did not seem to deter someone from sitting next to you.

You paid them no mind, just staring into empty space, not enough energy to even remember you were still alive.

"You were a member of the Pirate King's crew weren't you?"

A deep voice rattled from the stranger, but it was his words that really caught your attention.

"How'd you figure?" You had paused your stirring at first, but now focused on your drink to avoid eye contact. You were a mess, you could feel your puffy eyes, and were still sniffling every so often.

"There's no reason anyone in this town should be sad that someone like him died. So, you must have known him, right?" The deep voice continued, and you could feel their eyes staring, but didn't have the strength to meet them.

"Well, you caught me. Going to take me in and see if you can get a reward? I'm afraid you won't find any posters of me though. I tended to get lost in the crowd, you could say." After that statement you finally grasped the glass in front of you and decided to knock back what was left. If this was the end of your little pirating career, so be it. It can die with Roger.

"Will you join my crew?"

Your head snapped up at that, and you finally looked up at the stranger.

Long black hair was slicked back to show all the sharp features of the man's face. A strong square jaw, a prominent, perfect nose, and pale, piercing eyes, hooded by thin black eyebrows. Undoubtedly, even in your drunken haze, you were sure sober you would agree the man was handsome.

After a moment to take in this stranger all you could manage was a "Excuse me?"

He smiled - no, smirked - and pulled a cigar out from his coat. "I could use someone with your experience on my crew." He carried on, as if you were discussing the weather outside. He lit the cigar with a lighter you hadn't noticed him pull out. Perhaps it was the booze, but looking at this guy, he almost seemed… fuzzy, around the edges.

"Having someone who once worked for the Pirate King should help me become the next Pirate King."

The stranger took a long drag from his cigar, then exhaled over the counter. You didn't know where the barkeep was now, but at the moment, it felt like you and him were the only people in the building.

You should be mad. Enraged at the audacity of someone to come up to you on the worst day of your life, and to ask you to work for them. But you felt nothing.

No. That wasn't right. You did feel something.

You chuckled. Giggled even. A small laugh that built up till you were laughing, nearly hysterically. You hadn't felt like this sort of light headed elation in a long time, and it was nice.

After taking a moment to catch your breath you finally looked back at the stranger. He didn't look upset at your reaction. He just kept smoking his cigar, waiting for an answer.

"I'm afraid I didn't catch your name."

"I am Sir Crocodile, captain of the Neverland Pirates."

"Hmmm. Well, Sir Crocodile, I can tell you now that you have no chance of being Pirate King." You smirked back at him, propping your head up on your hand as you leaned against the counter.

This response still didn't bother the man. If anything, you swore he almost seemed… satisfied by your answer. Perhaps he knows what's coming next.

"I can help you out on the Grand Line and maybe help you get to the New World, but I promise," you leaned in towards this captain, staring him down. "You will never be the man Roger was. No one will."

Yet Crocodile was unperturbed.

"So you'll join my crew?"

You leaned back and reassessed your empty glass. You cast a quick glance at the bar and then back at the other pirate.

"Sure. I don't have anything better to do anyways."

You thought back in Logue Town you could never feel the same way about Crocodile's crew that you felt with Roger's, but you were always the fool. Now you are attached.

Now you need a reason to leave.

You couldn't waste your time or your heart with them. You had already died once with Roger, and if you stayed any longer you know you could never leave alive. You got up from bed - still plenty tipsy you swayed over - to your dresser.

Middle drawer, back left, underneath some no longer worn t-shirts was a small box. You opened it.

There were several small scraps of paper. Vivre cards.

As a child on Roger's boat, you were ecstatic to learn about vivre cards. A simple way to know the people you loved were alive and safe, and be able to find their exact location? It was too good to be true.

When you remember the feeling of Roger's paper burning in your hands at his execution, you knew the reality of vivre cards.

Your fingertips gently sorted through the papers you had made for some of Roger's crew. Each had a tiny name written in a corner. Shanks, Buggy, Ray, Gaban, Oden, and a few others of people who had been most important to you.

Maybe you could leave this crew and seek out the others. Rayleigh had always said he would retire at Sabaody, and your crew was bound to get there soon, hopefully in a couple months. The ache in your chest; you missed your old family. This could be the excuse you needed.

With a heavy sigh you closed the box and hid it away again. Sleeping on it would be good. Sleeping away the booze would also be nice.

Maybe then the tears would stop silently slipping down your face.

It turns out the excuse of seeing your old crew was unneeded. The news coo was kind enough to drop a reason to leave directly in your lap.

You stared at the newspaper for a long moment. The sinking feeling in your gut still did not go away.

You walked up to the bow where Crocodile was standing. He stared at the horizon as you approached the next island, Water 7.

"Captain."

Crocodile turned to look at you, face neutral, signature cigar in his mouth.

"Morning. The news any good?"

"They want to make you a Warlord."

Your own feelings were swept under the rug as your crewmates overheard. Instantly the deck was buzzing, the news spreading and making the once sleepy, slightly hungover crew come back to life.

"This is perfect!" The helmsman Diat yelled, a grin wide on his face. "Not only do we get the Marines off our back, it's recognition that we are some of the strongest pirates on the Grand Line!"

You would have laughed at him if not for the ice in your chest. Similar celebratory remarks were made all around you, but you didn't have the strength to pretend this was good news to you.

All you could feel was an icy feeling on your back, right where you had a large scar that tore up a long faded tattoo. But time could not get rid of the mark you could never forget about, no matter how much you wanted to.

Amid the spontaneous party you finally turned back to Crocodile. Amidst it all, he was still only looking at you.

Your words were quiet compared to the raucous around you, but your captain heard you just fine.

"If you become a Warlord I'm leaving the crew."

A couple of nearby crew gasped, heads whipped in your direction and murmurs quickly took place of all the yells.

Instantly protests, people yelling your name, yelling their arguments, but it all fell on deaf ears as you stared down your captain.

Tink of all people knew it was futile to argue with you, and turned to the man of the hour. "Captain! You can't just let your first mate leave!"

Before she could continue, Crocodile interjected. "You never planned on making me King of the Pirates, right? So you never planned on staying on this ship anyways."

This evoked even more protests from the crowd. Many of them weren't sure what you two were talking about, and some had begun to yell again.

The sounds were starting to be overwhelming, and this was not a conversation that required the whole crew anyways.

"That's enough from everyone!" You yelled over the cacophony. The crew went quiet. "This is a conversation for me and the captain, the rest of you need to beat it! Do something useful, we will make a port soon."

The crowd was not placated in the least, but it was true the ship would be docked soon, and there were things that needed to be prepared beforehand.

"You heard them. Get back to work." Crocodile finished your command, and the crowd dispersed. You knew they would still be listening, but it didn't stop you.

"I refuse to be part of a crew that works alongside the Marines. If you become a Warlord you automatically become their dog - then you may as well be a dog of the celestial dragons." Your tongue burned even at the mention of the world nobles.

Crocodile took a long drag of his cigar. He looked away from you and sighed an exhale of smoke, then dragged his line of sight back to you.

"I haven't decided yet."

You bristled at this. "Are you suggesting they already offered this to you? And I had to find out through a newspaper?"

Crocodile took yet another drag, and you lost your patience with his nicotine addiction. "Answer me Crocodile."

Your captain sighed through his nose this time, some of the smoke reaching you, a familiar smell after all these years. It once may have been a nice fragrance, knowing your captain was near, but now it blinded you and stoked your anger.

"We are almost to Water 7. Let's save it for there."

Tensions were high, especially between you and Crocodile, when your mood worsened when he disappeared while you oversaw the docking. But you docked. You got the crew into a hotel. During this time the crew began splitting into sides, which was not something you had anticipated. But you ignored it all until finally, Crocodile returned and you cornered him into in a room alone with you.

He had no cigar, and you had no drink in hand. It was a painfully sober room.

Crocodile sighed and slumped into an armchair. He dragged his eyes across the room till they met yours. You refused to look away this time, jaw set with determination to stand your ground.

"I don't want to be the Marine's dog," Croc began. "But they offered me a deal."

"The deal that our crimes are excused? Big whoop, as long as we don't get caught it's almost the same."

"No," he sighed, a large ring covered hand dragging down his face in exasperation. "A deal to help take down Whitebeard."

That got you silent. For a moment, as you recalled every time you saw Roger and Whitebeard exchange blows and fight for days on end.

"You? Take down Whitebeard?" You laughed, but it was a dry and bitter thing. "Your bounty is $81 million berries. Your devil fruit is great and all, but it is by no means fight and beat Whitebeard good. Even if Newgate was without his crew, our entire crew would be wiped off the map. You've lost it if you truly believe that this is achieveable."

Crocodile glared from across the room. Not his usual, perpetual glare, but a genuine, freeze you in your tracks ice cold glare.

He stood up, all 8 feet imposing over you as he stalked across the room. "I have let you say plenty of cruel things to me, but this may cross the line."

But you were his first mate and you couldn't fear him if you were supposed to talk sense into him. "Cross the line? I'm not the one who is making deals with the Navy so I can sail us to our deaths at the hands of Whitebeard!" You were yelling now, no, roaring at your foolish headstrong captain.

"If you take that ship and that crew as it is now to the New World to fight Whitebeard and his sons, no one will come back alive!" Your heart was on fire with rage and frozen in fear. Rage at your captain, who is very much overestimating his abilities. Fear for your crewmates who have no idea what sort of danger their captain was going to put them in.

Crocodile was now truly enraged on the same level as you. He sneered down at you as he suddenly grabbed you by the neck - much to your shock. "I wanted you there to see me become the next Pirate King. But if you can't support me for this, one of the biggest moments in my life since I've been a pirate, then I have no need for you anymore."

With his free hand he opened the door that was behind you. A group of Marines walked in with cuffs ready. "To sweeten the deal, what better than to give a former Roger pirate to the Navy?"

You felt all the blood drain from your face, as fear for your own well being finally pierced your heart. You looked up at Crocodile, and you could feel tears begin to creep at the corner of your eyes. "You never fail to surprise me, Captain."

"Well done Sir Crocodile." One of the Marines spoke, and you could tell from their uniform it was a Vice Admiral, though you didn't recognize them.

"A public execution of a Roger's pirate should be a grand way to ring in your instatement as Warlord."

You felt the world slow down around you and felt Crocodile's grip on your neck slip at the Marine's sentencing.

Crocodile began to speak, "That was not what we agreed on," But your ears had begun to ring.

Growing up on the Oro Jackson, you had picked up some neat tricks. You found out you were hopeless with the color of observation haki, but had a special knack for color of arms. Perfect against those darn logia fruit users.

In a blink of an eye you ripped Crocodile's arm away from your neck and you made a mad dash past him. And jumped straight through a window, glass and all.

You could vaguely hear a commotion behind you as Marines ran after you, but it was lost with the ringing in your ears.

You could hear and feel your heartbeat, pounding throughout your body as you ran through the endless alleys and canals of Water 7. You could feel tears pierce through the wind rushing past your face as you ran, desperately with no objective.

All you could think about was the way the heat of Crocodile's hand felt on your neck, the cold metal of the rings that had pressed against your pulse.

Have you ever really touched Crocodile before?

…

You missed him. You didn't understand why. He had just betrayed you - fucking hell, he was just handing you over to the Navy as part of his deal to become a warlord, but god. You wanted to be with him anyways. You're not sure how long you've been in love with him; his sharp eyes, the smell of his cigars, the rings on his hands, but gods above.

You had fallen in love with Crocodile.

In your realization you slowed down. Your legs and lungs burned, you were gasping for air and not just because you had been running.

Has it always been this dark? When did the day leave you behind?

You now stood in some nondescript alley, dimly lit a golden hue by windows that lined it. It was a long alley, each end blocked by canals. How you arrived there you weren't certain. But you weren't alone.

At one end sand had appeared. And from it stepped your dear, awful captain Crocodile. You both stared at each other, both of you panting for breath.

"I didn't want it to be like this." Crocodile's voice cuts through the air to you. You knew you should run. But for some reason you couldn't find the strength.

"I didn't know they would execute you. I imagined they would send you to Impel Down." Crocodile continued to speak. You just stood there and listened as he walked towards you.

As you watched him, there was a strange look on his face. You've seen it before but still didn't know what it meant.

He stopped walking ten feet in front of you. The light was still too dim to see him clearly, but it was fine. You knew his face well enough.

"I won't let the Navy kill you. Not after what the nobles did to you, it feels wrong." You had never told Crocodile what the scar on your back was. It didn't feel like it mattered anymore.

"I think I'll feel better about this if I'm the one who kills you."

You knew this was coming. The second you saw him at the end of the alley. But you agreed with him. If you had to die at someone's hands, you would pick Crocodile over anyone else. Even if it meant he didn't feel the same about you, it didn't matter anymore. You were so tired.

It would be nice to see Roger again.

But then Rayleigh's face flashed in your mind. You still had to pay him a visit. You still had to visit Wano to see Oden. You wanted to see Shanks and Buggy find the One Piece.

You couldn't see Roger just yet.

So, in a sudden scramble, you turned around and ran.

The ground where you had been standing suddenly crumbled. You felt a gasp finally escape your lungs as you realized you almost gave up. But not yet. You had to save your crew too.

Then you finally ran out of luck. The dim light hid a hole in the cobblestones and you fell to the alley ground. You quickly twisted your body just in time to see Crocodile's scythe of sand arc straight towards you.

It hits you right in the chest, and crumbles to dust.

Confused, you run your hands through the sand that has landed on your lap. You're not cut in half - instead you just have sand all over you.

Crocodile change his mind? He was letting you go? Thoughts and heart still racing, you looked up at him.

Oh.

Oh no.

The horror on his face was plain to see - that was supposed to be a killing blow.

But he didn't hurt you.

Your hand jumped to your neck from when he grabbed you earlier. But in retrospect, you had just been shocked by the action, he hadn't harmed you.

Crocodile didn't hurt you.

No.

Crocodile couldn't hurt you.

Because he was your soulmate.

It was the look on his face that hurt you the most. The disgust, anger, horror - this man did not want a soulmate. He did not want you. So why bother sticking around?

You scrambled back to your feet. Even if he couldn't hurt you, the Marines still could.

So, with blurry eyes and a heavy heart, you ran away.

Faintly, you heard a painfully familiar voice call your name, but then all that was left was the wind as you ran.

pt. 2 (if you want, but this might be better as a one shot)

#one piece #sir crocodile #crocodile one piece #crocodile x reader #one piece fanfiction #zirowrites #x reader

158 notes · View notes

lovelyrotter · 4 months

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okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

#stridercest #davedirk #dirkdave #alphacest #my t #thank you if you read all this HAHAHA #i am dedicated to my craft (autistic) (indulgent)

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cocozydiaries · 29 days

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this has been sitting in the drafts for a hot minute and you might as well get comfy coz this is a really long post (i’m so sorry) like whatever ur thinking it is longer. i’m a yapper :(

first thing i want out of the way: THIS IS NOT AN ANGSTY BACKSTORY i’m not about that life😭🙏 i want happiness and comfort pls and thxs (some minor stuff but only coz i couldn’t think of any way around it)

@keishawantskisses @livingmydreamlife5555 i posted my mha drself intro now it’s ur move🤭 (also if anyone else plans on posting their mha drself intro PLS TAG ME)

i’m so nervous? like i dont post about my drs much😭 anyways enjoy!!

Around when i was four i was adopted into a really nice family :> (aww so sweet)

With my family both my parents work as spies for a major undercover spy based hero company that works on breaking down villains from the inside by infiltrating them (you thought this was gonna be a chill backstory huh🙄 guess again).

See a lot of “villains” aren’t the typical villains you see heroes fighting day to day. Some keep their crimes traditional. They keep themselves lowkey while their crimes affect things and lives on a big scale. With these kinds of criminals it’s pretty difficult to prove they’re doing this stuff directly.

Can’t immediately fight a criminal if they’re not technically a villian. However they are still considered villains since the use of quirks if often involved and the use of quirks is what sets aside a villain from a regular criminal. Proving it is where things get difficult (think spooky gang sorta stuff and how often they can get away with stuff but then add in quirks into the mix)

That’s why these sort of spy agencies exists. To gather intel and then weed out the rats! (They also do other stuff this was just an example)

These spy agencies are also totes government approved (not to be confused with vigilantes which are also illegal) seeing as they work pretty closely with cops and some heroes. However for obvious reasons they’re kept out of the public eye.

To compare ig people would talk about these companies in the same way most people talk about the CIA or FBI. They know they exist and sometimes make jokes about them watching people. All that good old expected stuff.

Both my parents obviously know about each other’s jobs and that’s actually how they met me!

(god this is a long post)

Growing up my parents weren’t in the picture soooo yk. Care homes ig🚶‍♀️

I was around four when my quirk manifested. Long story short i accidentally flooded the place! Luckily it wasn’t insanely dangerous (only ankle level water on the first floor) but the place i was at still decided to switch me over to a different home meant for kids with slightly more difficult quirks just in case.

This place was essentially like the other homes just more equipped to handle kids with difficult or powerful quirks. They have more supervisors on hand with less kids.

Considering how some kids are placed in care after having just undergone smth traumatic to get them there, their quirks aren’t always very stable around this period in their lives. These facilities are meant to help them adjust mentally as well as assist them with their quirks. Some kids temporarily lose their quirks. Some kids lack control over overly powerful ones. Even in care quirk privilege still exists…

Flashy quirks aren’t as common as one would think so there aren’t a lot of kids like that and even less that are in care but whenever a kid like this does appear they’re transferred to these places to help them.

My life here, although short, was actually quite nice. I got along with the staff and the other kids well enough. I was happy and like four… like what else was i gonna be? Four going though midlife crisis?

However being the society that we live in quirks are pretty important and as such they’re a highly considered aspect in the whole adopting process.

In some cases some people might want easy to handle kids and so will want quirks to match that. On the flip side some people chase those flashy quirks. Hoping to mould kids into smth worthy of it (cruel i know but it’s a cruel world).

Some people defend these kinds of people by saying that even prior to quirks a child’s physical/mental well being was always smth that was put into consideration with these kinds of choices so by following that line of thinking aren’t quirks just an extension of that?

Of course social workers will do their best to make sure kids are taken in to homes with their best interest at heart but these kinda people slip through the cracks.

However my situation was a bit like the second. I was chosen for my quirk (just like all my older siblings were). With my parents they’re basically given funding (by that lil company they work at) to support the kids under their care and help guide them to follow in their footsteps. It’s basically a sort of investment.

There’s a lot of debate as to how ethical this is. The kids are given the choice to follow through once they reach a certain age but preparing kids to be spies… yh it’s an iffy topic.

Some argue that hero schools do a similar thing since people spend their whole lives preparing for those while others think it isn’t a fair comparison from an emotional perspective. Again this is a really forked up society.

As for the kids? They don’t do any spy work until they’re old enough ofc but in some very rare cases (like with my older brother and sister) they might.

Besides what kid doesn’t want to be a spy? Also they’re given the choice and any assignments they do complete (no matter how rare) there’s a set amount of money put aside for them once they reach a certain age.

The main thing to be considered when placing these future spies into houses is their quirk’s efficiency. Take my parents for instance. My mum is more suitable for short term assignments (like guarding people or whatnot) seeing as her quirk essentially boosts her physical strength while my dad does more long term lowkey stuff (espionage) since his quirk is more subtle.

My quirk on a surface level might not suitable for spy work but it makes for a great weapon if handled correctly.

So yeah. I have a future spy turned hero sorta thing going for me. I also would very much like to clarify this isn’t a sad backstory. I had a good childhood and a decent upbringing. My parents didn’t have to take in any kids but they wanted to. Also, unlike some people, they will still consider me their kid regardless of if i decide to follow their line of work or not. Cough cough take notes endeavour cough.

#coco mha dr #cocoyaps #professional yapper preaches #shifting script #shiftok #shifter #reality shifter #desired reality #reality shift #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifters #shifting #mha shifters #mha shifting #bnha shifting #honestly none of this is set in stone #i’m constantly changing my scripts #so idk if i’ll keep it as is

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noraviolence · 6 months

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at this point i dont care enough to say what people can or cant label themselves because theres obviously little point to that. however the incessant need for people to continuously make strictly lesbian content and posts about men and to insist that attraction to men and desire to be with men and have sex with men doesn't mean you're not a lesbian and call anyone who even slightly disagrees a terf or an exclusionist or a fed and how that doesnt happen on this kind of scale for literally any other sexuality is kind of like. hmmm! whats going on here! obviously no one is forcing me to be interested in men but it would just be fucking nice if i could go one scroll through this stupid site without seeing "yeah but did you know its okay to like men! fucking men is great! what about men though? why arent you including men in this! this but with men!!" fucking everywhere! i know its okay to like men we live in a fucking patriarchy why dont you get off our fucking backs god damn!!

i think in a male-dominated society its actually incredibly important to have a sexuality label that unequivocally excludes men from it. again i dont give a shit what you call yourself personally because what the hell am i gonna do about it. but you have to realize how defeating it feels to constantly be reminded that men are the important ones here. what about the men wont someone please think about the men

#ripping and tearing and destroying #i also understand that sexualities and genders are not set defined things #and its important to choose whatever label makes you feel the most comfortable #this isnt about that personal choice this about the wider-scale implications

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anti-katsuki-lounge · 6 months

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yk, it kind of annoys me when people rag on shinso for "coasting through life with his quirk". like, there are plenty of other valid criticisms of his character in canon (though admittedly i love his fanon characterization a lot bc of my own biases) but that one always gets under my skin. because that's,,, something basically every canon character does? if you have a quirk, youre going to use it, and the metric for which people use to identify a character as "relying on their quirk too much" seem inconsistent at best. even our very own main character midoriya starts relying on his quirk for everything basically as soon as he can use it without hurting himself, and we stop getting those fun moments where he gets to show his intelligence and creativity nearly as often as theyre replaced with "who can punch harder" contests.

also people who claim shinso did no physical training before the entrance exam, or before aizawa picked him up. because as far as im aware,,, thats never stated in canon? i think people are assuming that if he did any physical training, he would've automatically gotten into the hero course, but that's just not true. even if he trained as hard as he physically could, its gonna be basically impossible for a 15 year old who doesnt have a quirk that gives them an advantage to win against enough robots to pass... which is the literal point of the test. and before anyone brings up hagakure or ojiro, ojiro has an extra limb which canonically helps with his destructive power (he uses his tail to destroy things his punches/kicks couldnt multiple times) and professional martial arts training that shinso clearly doesnt have based on how he flailed during his fight with midoriya, and hagakure is invisible so she can easily sneak up on the robots and take the time to find their weaknesses without being attacked. clear advantages.

and even if he did absolutely no combat training, that could easily be a result of the whole quirk-centric society brainwashing everyone that their quirk makes them who they are. that they have to rely on it, and use it as their guide on who/what to become. so the fact that people are so quick to chalk it up to stupidity and arrogance, when it could easily be just a teenager who isnt immune to propaganda being bitter (and admittedly cruel, like i said not a fan of his canon characterization) when he tries to do something good with his "evil" quirk and it doesnt work, or hell any number of hundreds of other explanations, annoys me a bit. (i realize this is probably coming off as more of an angry rant than im intending, but im not actually that upset about it, im just trying to communicate my thoughts clearly.) ultimately, i dont think we have enough info on shinso's character to decide things like that, you know? and i dont think its productive to just decide that one interpretation of the very limited information we have on his thoughts and actions is the canon one, and then bash/praise him for that interpretation.

i think that's also why tagging things as OOC isnt really done anymore unless its egregious, because there are so many interpretations of characters that are close enough to canon that that version of them can be argued, and a lot of times the person who holds that interpretation is truly convinced that version in their heads is canon, to the point that anyone saying it isnt is automatically deemed an idiot who can't read. so its easy to say "people should tag more things as OOC", but it takes a lot to be aware that how you read a character may not be what is actually displayed in the text or what the author intended, and a lot of people only think about how they read the story due to their own biases or creativeness or pet peeves, not the literal reading of the text. its especially hard in manga, when drawings of facial expressions can sometimes be argued to display a number of emotions, thoughts, etc.

and that one post where someone said that shinso would die immediately if he had to fight someone with a weapon, when he wasnt trained, and they were genetically physically immune to his quirk?? like, yeah, obviously??? so would anyone! these hypotheticals are meaningless, because you could easily say "well, what is hagakure had to fight someone with a gun who had heat vision on day one, she'd probably die" or any other random character and scenario. it means nothing, especially since shinso was actively training to get into a school where he would be trained to both use his quirk and what to do when he cant use it. just saying "well he wasnt good at fighting before he got in" is a terrible argument. i agree with a lot of the rest of the post, but that one part baffled and irritated me.

I think Hitoshi’s biggest flaw is that the world building around him sucks. Had he been shown to train and still failed and had we actually been showed that he’s been bullied, his anger would’ve been justified or at least understandable/sympathetic. Instead we have… nothing, which makes him seem like he’s throwing a temper tantrum and/or comes off as entitled. On paper, he’s not a bad character whatsoever, and the same goes for Shota. The main issue with both characters comes from how they’re executed and how they mesh with the world they’re in.

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nanistar · 6 months

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How did you go about making your story Saltburn's Clan? I really love how fleshed out and interconnected things are, it's really good! I want to make my own story, too, but I'm struggling to know what steps to take to get there and where to start. So, how did you go about it?

this one is really hard. i get a decent amount of people asking me how to start/how to write a comic, but never how to start/write a story.

truthfully, i don't really know. i have always been a more oc oriented person rather than fandom oriented. when i was in middle school i tried writing fanfiction but was never as attached to the canon character as i was with ocs. now oc x canon, however, i could roll with. all this to say, i have always had oc stories floating around in my head, so starting a story itself is easy for me. following through is not, i have to really hit a vein early on.

so when it comes to story, what do you like? i like 70s and 80s grungy sci-fi and gory/campy horror (alien, event horizon, the thing, evil dead) niche and hostile biomes with highly adapted creatures (like deep sea or deep desert) and i love specbio, even if i'm far from an actual scientist. i also love bastardizing Christianity because the themes and motifs are. (chef kiss) Delicious. (a lot of these inspirations don't come into play for SBC but since i was 15 or so i've been working on another story, starting the comic, cancelling it, rewriting it, completely wiping everything but the core characters. most of these themes are more appropriate for them)

and what sort of character tropes do you like/don't like? i personally am uninterested in writing stories of younger people discovering the world around them and discovering who they are. i love to read them, but i've already lived through that situation and don't want to have to work through it again. another thing i'm personally bad at writing is will they/wont they romance stuff. that's why i like established adult characters with established relationships. Saltburn and hollowspur are both 5 years old and have been dating for about 4 of those years. we know that they love each other, as they visit and play around, and sleep over often, but we also know that they are independent and self-sufficient without each othersince we know that they live apart and have no interest in moving in together. (this is all shown, not told, in chapter 1) i did not start saltburn's story and setting with the intention of making it into a comic, or even to share it with tumblr or anyone other than my friends, outside of drawings that i did for myself and posted. she was just a little kitty cat who lived in my head for a while. i talk a bit more about it here, but basically when it came to actually coming up with the setting, i knew i wanted it in the desert so i researched biomes and found ones that would be good for clans.

warrior cats in particular lends itself to a really good jumping off point for stories, as it already has an established hierarchy and society so you dont have to think TOO hard about it. but also you can modify it to your own discretion. i'm personally sick of starclan's interference so i didn't want them to have anything to do with the story, plus there are a lot of better "starclan is evil/fucked up/has bad intentions" stories out there than i could do (@the-exiled-comic, the dog star, ect) . i also didnt want any clan v clan drama because weve had enough in canon. from there i established that cross clan relationships are fine and joining a clan that fits you better is okay too. then i filled out the clans, i started with sunclan and did marshclan last. through drawing that huge list of characters i was able to set them up with families and histories along the way because i could look at similar coat patterns and stuff and assign them as family. briskwater and hollowspur were always siblings, but hawkwasp being from briskwater's litter came a bit later. i knew i wanted flickerstar to have exes and a lot of kids so i came up with a bunch of names first and figured the rest out later. having these established histories that go back helps make the world feel lived in.

saltburn's unusual design came before the creation of moonclan, though i knew i wanted a 4th clan at this point. i decided there would be a clan that lived in the mines and came out at night, and then eventually worked them back so that they were instead banished away deep into the mines. there is a lot of moonclan lore that i have not revealed yet (we will learn all about them this upcoming chapter) and most of it has stemmed from the question: If life is so bad for them down there, why hasn't anyone left yet? because a major plot point form moonclan is that nobody knows they exist. SO there has to be something, physical or otherwise, keeping them down there. when you build a world you gotta ask yourself WHY a lot, and figure that out too. why are the surface clans so friendly with each other? because they don't need to compete for resources and are able to spare some. why hasn't anyone left moonclan? well...

anyway a lot of these things will come naturally the more you think about it. and tbqh, i did not go into the comic with all this lore and stuff planned. it has come to me as i work. moonclan's [Redacted] has been rewritten like a dozen times as i come up with cooler ideas. when i plan a scene, i usually wrote a short kinda vague script for it, and then work through it as i do the pages. an 8 page scene takes a month to do, so I have a lot of time to mull over the dialogue, so i don't worry about writing it all down ahead of time.

but beyond all that. i personally can't go "i want to write a story" and then do it. i have to work it over in my head and as doodles for a long time before i get anywhere that i'm happy with it. it comes naturally to me i just sorta zone in and focus on stuff.

#nyask #advice #i guess?#sorry i cant really be more help other than just saying idk do it

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neanderthyall · 2 years

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I hate that this is something that needs to be said: the fact that men who, at least at some point, had a deep love and appreciation for their wives, can end up betraying the people they love, doesn't mean that the former "ugh guess i have to spend time with the ol' ball and chain" sentiment is "good actually." I recently saw a post claiming that the men who seem to hate their wives are actually the ones who love them a lot, as if 1) love is hidden behind indifference or even cruelty and we just dont know about it due to our perspective as outsiders, 2) the "i hate my wife" thing isn't demeaning and a way of harming said wife in a way akin to cheating.

I can't express enough that we are not privy to the lives of stangers. I dont know what was going through the heads of john mulaney or ned fulmer. Frankly, its really none of our business. I do however think its dishonest to portay them as long term deceivers who never really cared for their wives. I'm sure like all men (or anyone really) they probably have adopted and reproduced some harmful sexist ideas, and yet i believe they could have fully and genuinely loved their wives. My point being, people may be serious about expressing their love and admiration for women but are not necessarily outside of the society that raises them to not be loyal or good men. Essentially, loving women doesnt mean you are or have been a good person. Caring for your partner is important, but it doesnt mean being a good person to your partner is not something you have to act deliberately to do.

Similarly, saying the old "i hate my wife" boomers are actually deep down very loving is misleading. Like i said above, expressing how much you dislike the person you're married to, (and for boomers this is likely the person they rely on substantially) is still a way of expressing engrained misogyny. "My wife is always nagging me" is a way sexism is expressed, and while he may feel the feelings of love, the guy saying this clearly has issues in how he views his wife. Basically, both the "i love my wife" millenial and "i hate my wife" boomer are both products of misogyny, just different in what they find identity in and how they express it.

#john mulaney #ned fulmer #the try guys #try guys

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khonaker · 5 months

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I think ochako is one of the most under utilised and underrated characters. I'm not a fan of her character (no, i DONT hate her). She had so much of potential amd her fight with BK just proved she's more than a pretty face. I'm fully aware of the fact that this show is oversaturated with characters. But let's not forget that she is the main female lead of the show. My biggest issue with her is that she didn't get to do a god damn thing in the Stain arc. She joined the academy with the sole intention of making money, and that's exactly what Stain hates about the hero society. Their monetary outlook. She could have been a part of the arc, the build up was there. She could have shown Stain that yes, while there are heroes who are there solely for the financial gains, that doesn't make them bad people. She all she wanted was to help her family get out of the poor financial situation they were in. Instead, she gets the typical shonen lead heroine treatment- being the love interest and whose sole purpose in life is to be a satellite character to the male lead of the show.

All her effort in the UA sports festival to do her best against Bk, all the desires to make good income as a hero to help her family financially, devolved into a girl who becomes a blushing mess infront of her love interest.

They did her so dirty. She was one of the few female shonen characters who felt like she could be someone in life without having anything to do with matters of the heart.

Also, notice how it's other characters around her who enforce her this whole Deku crush on her. Mina, toga and Aoyama to name a few. These are the characters who constantly remind her of her feelings for deku, thus pushing her further and further away from the plot relevancy.

I find this very annoying and makes me sick to think that a girl with tremendous potential is now relegated to the role of a girl hopelessly in love.

One last question: So many people think she's a terrible person for wanting to make money. I'm like, what? Are you serious? (If you want me to give further explanations I will) but it's the most human and realistic thing to do when you're stuck in a financial rut.

Please let me know and thanks for reading my extremely long post

Cheers

Ooooooooooo Lordy.

(Cracks hands and neck)

First and foremost, I still love Ochako. But I can’t ignore what’s happened to her throughout the series.

Honestly, it’s been ages since I’ve had that exact thought about Ochako and Stain situation! While he had a valid point (that wasn’t further explored, HORIKOSHI) about there being heroes that didn’t have the EXACT same mentality as All Might, her duality of wanting to provide enough money to support her family all the while having the desire to save others for the sake of saving others would be honestly a culture shock to Stain. (Or he may go further into denial, it’s actually hard to say. Guy had a few screws loose.)

But it HONESTLY would have been interesting seeing these two interact! And not to replace anyone the Hosu trio! It honestly would have been cool seeing her trying to use her new Gunhead Martial Arts (though she probably would have been focused on saving Iida as Izuku and Shoto took on the role of the main fighters, but Stain could have also tried to go after them and Uraraka would attempt to hold her own against him.) And we would have had MOST of the Dekusquad there! (Asui had her own internship.) Hiw great would it have been seeing the Dekusquad fighting together! And Ochako going feral protecting Iida!

Yeah, she happened to be more focused only about her crush with Izuku as time went on, which made a lot of her early traits and accomplishments kinda fade away and be forgotten. But for the record, and I still stand by this. A girl having a crush on someone DOESN’T cheapen her in my opinion. It’s something that happens to many teenagers. And some of their interactions I think are handled well, like them talking about wanting to save their respective villains. But other times, yeah, it felt a bit excessive that Horikoshi had to stop and say, “Hey! Hey! Do you remember Ochako has a crush on Izuku?!?” I honestly was looking forward to seeing how she acted after she vowed to put her feelings aside during the provisional license exam. But…Hori just continued to drill it into our faces.

As for the biggest perpetrator of making Ochako only about Izuku, I lay on Toga’s feet. Mina, yeah, she brings up the crush as well, but it’s done more in good fun I feel. And I think Aoyama has done that once. (Now that I think about it, it’s kind of random how he suddenly knew about her crush. He never does it again.)

But Toga? Horikoshi could have used her for something else to make her relevant, but the ONLY thing she had connected to Ochako is their shared crush on Izuku. Others say theirs other themes between them, but I’m sorry. I don’t see it, or believe that it was handled effectively. Ochako had more than just a crush. Like you mentioned, her want to provide for her family. Her fighting spirit and prowess that she showed against Bakugou. She had things that could have been fleshed out more.

Toga was a wha-wha girl that embraced being a remorseless villain and happened to be crushing on the same guy Ochako was crushing on. That’s it. There’s nothing else really about Toga. And she became to Ochako what Bakugou became to Izuku: a detriment to her character and preventing her from becoming something MORE. (Sorry but not really if I sound cynical about Toga. I just got REALLY tired being demanded to care about her. Like some OTHER blonde.)

Speaking of which, your last question? I also never understood this. I get it for a quick joke and stuff like that. Hahaha. But when people were SERIOUS about holding that over Ochako’s head? I was like, “Did you not hear her entire motivation?!?” I was dumbfounded how people could possibly come to that conclusion.

I find it ESPECIALLY interesting NO ONE brings up that BAKUGOU also had the desire to be a hero for money,JUST TO BE RICH AND FAMOUS! But no, shit on Ochako for wanting to take care of her family! Filthy hypocrites. I honestly wish Horikoshi did a better job balancing both her looking out for heroes as well as wanting to have a good paying job for her family. I think both are completely character of her.

Anyways, you gave me a long post, I gave a long response. 😜 But honestly, thanks! I don’t honestly get these and I hope my answers or thoughts are interesting or understandable! Have a good one and thanks again!

@theuntamedangel

#Ochako Uraraka deserves better #anti toga #anti himiko toga #not really anti Bakugou but he gets his share of criticism #to hell with both blondes honestly #mha critical #bnha critical #BNHA personal asks

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yonpote · 8 days

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I need to know why and how you were anti-phannie from 2014-2016

alright here we go i get to talk about THIS shit now.

i was generally anti-rpf at that point, and honestly? i think it was for fair enough reasons as some people were a bit too eager about showing (general) youtubers stories they wrote about them sucking and fucking their friends. i think i was also pretty high and mighty about being a somewhat oldhead phannie tbh, like ugh do these gaming-channel-only people even know about dan being super edgy and offensive 🙄 and lowkey it was a lot of subtly misogynistic "i'm not like other girls" type shit like i was sooo much better than yall cuz i hadn't watched that video (yet.)

i was generally not into these sorts of fandoms to begin with. i wasnt on the superwhopotterlock side, i was on the homestuck/dangan ronpa/anime of the month side of tumblr, if that gives you an idea of what i was like lol. around 2014-15 i was very much in a community that is kinda similar to what you might see on twitter now, where if you had any interests in media that portrayed anything problematic, that means you are in full support of that problematic thing. if dan howell said something racist in 2010, it doesn't matter that he wasn't being racist in 2015 he's still racist and liking him makes you a racist etc. and of course, rpf is included in problematic topics. if you ship real people, even if said people say they don't mind it, you are a sick pervert and you should be in the loony bin for being so depraved. and if you write or read any fiction that has immoral acts, it means you support those acts in real life too and you are trying to normalize abuse and SA (yknow as if whitecishetpatriarchy hasnt normalized that enough) and you're a danger to children and you deserve to rot in prison (yknow as if a queer person writing stories about queer people hasnt heard that one before)

now here's the real kicker. in 2015-2017 i ran a game grumps fan blog where i did talk about shipping the grumps. "wait how were you anti-rpf if-" well have you ever heard of this thing called Lying? or perhaps even, Cognitive Dissonance? i HAD to run a separate blog for this interest, because if my friends knew i consumed slashfic about arin and danny they would stop being friends with me and think im this evil horrible monster etc. genuinely that was where my brain was at, and is a little bit the reason i decided to this day, to make my phannie accounts completely separate from my main accounts.

nowadays, none of my non-phannie friends actually give a fuck and i do occasionally talk about dnp being silly gay white boys w them! at this point i dont post about em on main just out of respect like "hey im sure you dont actually want to hear about british yaoi constantly regardless of our level of friendship so i'll keep it over here okay?"

also, yeah i grew out of thinking consuming media with deplorable acts makes me deplorable. my favorite tv show is hannibal. i know its shocking, but i dont actually support serial killer cannibals. i will say, i dont fuck with "pro/anti" language with regards to what is considered "problematic" or having that be an identity marker. i think that people are free to write fiction as they please so long as its all properly tagged for people who dont enjoy that kind of content to avoid. but i also think there can be and often are problems in the way these stories are written, and yeah if all the romance stories you read growing up involve some sort of force or danger, that CAN normalize this sort of action as inherent to romance stories/real life romance. but i think thats an issue with like, society at large, and it's not on an individual fic writer to be educating teens who read their dead dove fic despite the explicit rating and tags.

TL;DR: BASICALLY. I WAS A DUMBASS KNOW-IT-ALL BUT DW I GOT BETTER.

#myrambles #sorry for party yapping

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mountain-lion-gremlin · 8 months

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So yes, im coming up on the end of my detox. During this time, ive actually learned a LOT because simply, im not glued to my phone 24/7.

Society pushes this idea that we NEED phones. That without your portable dopamine box you arent cool, or normal, or whatever the hell they choose to say.

Ive found clarity in my life. Ive focused more on my witchcraft and learning the craft itself. Ive danced in the rain and felt the rhythm of the earth, its heart beating beneath my feet. Ive started to learn Finnish even better than before, and my studies on homework have become so much easier because im not as distracted.

If it was up to me, i would never go back to being glued to my dopamine box. But...

If anyone who is following me and knows of my Amino, Ive been gone from it for awhile now. I worry that certain rules arent being enforced, or its becoming a hateful place. I left it in the hands of my staff, of course, but i still worry...

But regardless, Ill see if I can get an app that allows me to run mobile apps on my computer. I dont want to go back to using my phone unless i have to.

(Keep reading if you wanna see what I have to say about shapeshifting and stuff. I dont want this post to be eons of scrolling to those who dont want to read about it.)

Now, onto the important stuff that people might be asking me.

"Rio, did you fully m-shift and achieve your goals of shifting???" Well... no. Sadly.

Life has been really hectic, so Ive been focusing on the important, human stuff in my life, and have been struggling with balancing the important, animal stuff in my life. Im not going to lie, its easier to do now than it was before, but I still have to put effort into it.

With p-shifting, well... recently Ive been reading a lot of hate on p-shifting in general, how its wrong, how much actual stigma surrounds it, and im in a ditch when it comes to believing it will actually happen. Ive watered down my beliefs so many times for others online recently, that im questioning that they are true.

I know that they arent true. But, I know for a fact that even if I never p-shift, I will still be happy being who I am. Its a constant itch, and constant scratch to be who I really am, but I honestly believe that even if I never do p-shift, I will never stop being here, being a shifter and being happy.

In the end thats all its really about, seriously. Arent we just trying to be happy with ourselves, our identity, our lives? It hurts to even go a step outside of the shifting community, and see hours and hours of people talking about how horrible it is, how manipulative, how impossible it is. It makes me want to hide again in my little bubble and forget I ever saw it.

But it brings a sort of... clarity I guess? Many people who have never been apart of the community or have even ventured in will say "its impossible to do".

People who have been hurt, or have seen the hurt caused by misinformation and misguidance of shapeshifting will almost always say "p-shifting is manipulative, horrible, the people within it are blah blah blah blah blah...."

People who are apart of it but havent p-shifted will say "Ive seen so many success stories, Ive even seen my own progress with it and im really happy" And people who have shifted... well they either disappear quite quickly, or their stories are lost to deaf ears.

And after years and years of feeling like I have to fight against these people, show how I am, show the truth and understand it all... I feel domesticated by the reality that is always, constantly shoved in my face.

Nobody cares. Im trapped within society and I cant escape. I will never be free. I will never, ever be my animal. I am delusional for even believing it.

vitut.

I know that currently in my life, I am where I am. I cannot change it, because I am not old enough to. I know that I have and must make do with what I have, instead of wishing for things I do not have. Cougars are adaptable, we are survivors and change with our enviornment.

There will ALWAYS be time to be who I am. There will always be chance after chance after chance for me, I just have to grab it.

And ive noticed that I no longer have to force every single m-shift. It feels like just thinking about it, about mountain lions causes a shift. Ive gotten so comfortable in my living situation ive been vocalizing as my animal, jumping around on all fours and feeling like my animal.

Sometimes I worry that Ive become so obsessed with trying to m-shift that Ive forgotten that theres still more beyond it. While writing this post, I feel... excited for my future. I feel like p-shifting can happen to me. I feel like I am almost close to permanently m-shifting.

And let me tell you a little secret about m-shifting.

(There is no trigger for when you permanently m-shift. There is no way to actually know by just reading what others say it feels like. There is no actual way to do it.)

Permanently m-shifting to me, simply feels like a comfortableness with my animal. It feels safe, and okay to be who I am. And personally for me, after years of m-shifting, trust is what has brought me to where I am. (This might not be the case for everyone lol, figure out whats going on with yourself instead of using what I say to be the end all for you and your problems!) I was honestly afraid of my other side. That it was dangerous, wild, would hurt someone. I was also afraid that I would never actually get here and do this, because my mental shifts arent as strong or frequent as others. I was also afraid that it wouldnt work. So, so afraid that I would mess up and fail.

But I've learnt that... I am in control of myself. And being an animal IS myself. I have the control to be safe, and not harm others. We all do. Its an idea that has been presented to us through media, stigma, ableism and society itself. We always talk of people "losing control" or "flying off the handle". Werewolves are seen as beings who will rip your face off if they get mad.

We arent like that, you know that, right? I had to trust that I would be in control of my m-shifts. And even if my control has slipped, (such as when I had an m-flare in the middle of gym class) I was able to quickly recover because it wasnt appropriate at school to start running on all fours and hiding beneath the bleachers.

Ive also learnt that no, you cannot fail while m-shifting. There is no right or wrong way to m-shift. There is no way to fail an m-shift. M-shifting is just allowing yourself to be more animal-like, allowing your animal to be safe and comfortable with itself. Its complicated to explain the connection between our animal selves, and our human selves, but the most basic (not too accurate) way to explain it is that we are each other. You are your animal, and your animal is you. As you m-shift more this makes more sense, and you find your own meaning to what your connection, and your animal's connection is.

Regardless, even if I took breaks. Even if I wasnt dedicated, or spent all of my time m-shifting. I still am getting closer. What matters is the fact that you still care about it, and will do it when you can. Its unrealistic to believe someone could constantly be m-shifting actively, most circumstances make it very hard to do so. (Especially mine. I have divorced houses, 2 AP classes im taking, problematic siblings, responsibilities...)

It feels like learning a new language in a sense. Like, to m-shift is to constantly m-shift. To learn a new language is to constantly immerse yourself in it. Well... we cant really do that, so instead we go with short bursts of doing this, with interspersed passive learning, or attempting to m-shift when we can.

And nobody is barred from m-shifting. Let me let you know. NOBODY IS BARRED FROM M-SHIFTING!! Some people I know feel stuck, like they cannot m-shift. That its only involuntary. Listen. Listen listen listen.

There are many different ways to m-shift. So many!! Lots of people say "I cant meditate, and so ill never m-shift." Thats NOT true. Thats not true. I literally cant meditate lol.

And its not really attempting to voluntarily force a shift using triggers and stuff. I just think about it and try to feel more immersed in my senses, allow my perspective of life to shift more animal-like. AND, m-shifts do NOT have to be large, explosive things that change your whole reality and how you think and you want to crawl on all fours and you feel yourself p-shifting and fur-

Nah nah nah. Most shifts people will experience, at least how i know it, will be small, tiny shifts that you most likely wont notice unless you pay attention to it. Even if you arent trying to m-shift in the moment, even thinking about it may cause you to fall into a light shift. You do not need to have very impactful m-shifts to m-shift.

And I wont lie, my friend @dakotathewolf has helped me a lot, even with the endless ramblings on both ends (lol) I feel like we have both grown as people and understand more because of what we have taught each other.

I hope this helps you, dakota, along with anyone else who needs it.

#m-shift #nonhuman #p shift #proudphysicalshifters #mental shift #mental shifting #hope this helps #p shifting #pshift #shapeshifting stuff #about my detox #ily all #ask questions or ELSE

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