#when she should have just been her dad

[quietwingsinthesky]

it ever hit you out of nowhere that castiel is living in a dead guy's body and the show just does not care. it does not care. jimmy novak might as well not exist the moment he or claire is out of sight. cas stole a guy's body and his face and his life, and we can't ever talk about it or discuss it in detail because of how fucking horrifying it is that sam and dean's best friend just walks around in a dead guy suit. there's not even a human soul in there anymore. it's just a corpse. stone-cold body snatcher indeed.

#castiel spn #spn #this is not like a Castiel Crime (tm) to be clear. this is more me being (un)surprised that the show is Like This. #castiel is a horror story he is so much a horror story in the rapture #and then they just uh. never bring up again how horrifying and fucked up this is for another like 7 seasons #and when they do its to briefly go :( claire lost her dad :) but its okay! she forgives cas for it! #which!! NO SHE SHOULD FUCKING NOT!!! #but we can't have that discussion. we can't talk about that. because to acknowledge that it's fucked up would mean making cas kind of. evil #in a way that would vastly improve his later character arcs btw. if we had to reckon with not only this massive transgression #but with the fact that cas himself STILL DOESN'T SEE IT AS ONE. #that on a lot of fundamental levels. he is still functioning as he did in s4. a lot of that base programming is still there. #something something how cas never changes out of his suit under his trenchcoat #but it's like. jimmy said yes. so it's fine. that's what it is to him. #anyway. i wish they hadn't been scared of making all three of the boys more fucked up in later seasons. #thank GOD for dean being interesting in how he becomes Worse <3 because they were not bringing that for castiel. #again. good version of spn where jimmy's bloodline is an off-shoot of the lucifer vessel bloodline. explaining a) how lucifer Got In There #and b) letting lucifer possess claire later so that the two of them can have daddy issues together. #something about cas being the monster-not monster that jimmy let in that destroyed his life. #something about lucifer being the monster-not monster that castiel lets in later. the cycles. they are cycling.

[bumblingbabooshka]

My baby's just fine. She knows all of her rhymes. [Patreon | Ko-fi]

#bea art tag #comix #Tuvok #Asil #st voy #star trek voyager #star trek voy #st voyager #Asil not wanting to speak to her dad...too many emotions...what's the point? Why should I? #This is from the timeline in my head where she becomes a priest and undergoes the kolinahr because her anguish over losing her father #is too much #I typically have all his children being adults by the time Voyager returns with the youngest having been a teenager when he left #But AAA.....oh it DOES hurt the heart good to imagine that his youngest was only a child...comes back to nearly an adult. AGH. #And it'd probably hurt a lot...Tuvok obviously values teaching as a means to bond with children (see: Innocence) #<- And his relationship to Kes in some respects though she is NOT a child. I just know that teaching mental discipline would be high on a #Vulcan parent's priorities #The thought of Tuvok missing all that childhood development...he knows it'll go fine without him. He trusts his wife and his community but #it still must hurt...to see your child grow so much without you. Even more so because as a Vulcan their childhood is such a vanishingly #small part of their lifespan. They're a child for like 18 years out of their potential 200. #happy tuvok tuesday!!!

[empress-hancock]

Oh this is hysterical

#i am addicted to zoro slander it’s so unfortunate it is the least common slander in the whole fandom #this man is a doofus he’s a moron he sits on his ass while nami shovels the snow off the deck and sleeps while she busts her ass #he’s a dick and he picks on others and then laughs when they tell him to stop bullying him #(source: in punk hazard he did this to brook. brook literally said ‘stop bullying me’) #he insinuated that robin should not have been fought by a foe at full strength because ‘she’s a woman’ #actually insinuated isn’t right. he straight up said it #i know people think sanji thinks women are weak and that’s why he doesn’t hit them or saves the girls but #he saves EVERYONE. and does it not because he thinks anyone is weak #(he has on numerous occasions praised nami and robin’s strenth. and he has trusted them both to save HIM when he needed it) #he saves others because he doesn’t want to see his friends hurt. that’s it. he is the kindest of the crew. having turned multiple foes into #allies just by being nice #oh but anyway. the reason he doesn’t hit women is because Zeff threatened to castrate him if he ever did #so… saying that to a child has an impact #and if Sanji is so scared of disappointing zeff that he wouldn’t let SOMEONE ELSE kill his physically and mentally abusive family #then he probably isn’t going to disobey him on the women thing #it’s probably not even abt the castration anymore he just has fucking stockholm syndrome #zeff was abusive too but i think he’s desperate for a father and doesn’t want to let him down #he and Usopp have Issues with admiring terrible dads #anyway

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[kathrynmjaneway]

i came out to my parents last night 😄

#and it went FINE #AH #like its all good and chill #i knew my mum suspected and i was counting on that and that she might have talked to my dad about it before which i dont if she actually did #but i think so #and like ive been dropping things like going to pride with all my queer friends etc #and my mum was like 'yeah i suspected' last night #and this morning she checked in on me again to see if im all good #and she was like 'you do know that ive known for years right' #and i was like 'yeah 🥹🥹' #and last night i was also like that i dont wanna like shout it out to my grandparents and extended family (yet) #and my D A D said yeah that's yoir decision! you decide when to tell people! #and my mum this morning then also was like i have one piece of advice #dont tell your (one) grandma #you can just wait her out #bc my aunt had 'a lesbian phase' aka lived with a woman for a few years #which i ALSO JUST FOUND OUT VERY RECENTLY THAT WASNT JUST TWO FRIENDS LIVING TOGETHER PLATONICALLY #and apparently my grandma had a few choice words to say about that #which yeah i probably like will not tell her bc why should i??? #and i Knew that #anyway #MERRY CHRISTMAS I DIDNT RUIN CHRISTMAS ITS ALL GOOD IM HAPPY IM RELIEVED I CRIED BC THATS WHAT I DO #personal #shdhsjskdhfhdhshsjdhdjak #needed to share :')

[moe-broey]

GIRL......................... suspension of disbelief I know but.

Obviously you can pick out a BUNCH of the dragons as that Is an ongoing trope (dragons aging differently than humans, so they can look younger than they "actually are") (also while I did try to avoid including them to make them more comparable to Nino, I think Flayn can fit in either category for the purposes of The Context -- esp cause her dragon blood is meant to be secret)

Not only do we have Heroes skewing younger (a lot fitting into another trope of What If There Was A Baby Sister) we also have Baby Banner. Where the whole point is they are baby.

LIKE....... maybe I'm speaking way too soon and maybe the whole point IS this will backfire LMFAO, but it IS absurd to be presented with her art (which, def still looks youthful!) and having her say yeah I can pass as a kidnapped child. Which COULD be true! But also what do you mean no one is going to know you're a part of the Heroes. Why is no one fighting her on this. Not even including the dragons there are like a handful of Heroes who fit into her exact vibe. Some even MORE baby than her.

#fire emblem #feh #and that's not even factoring in charas like nyx (who's whole thing is she 'looks younger' than she is) #which. tbh. i personally never saw even in fates. like. that's just a short small woman. they do exist. #and adding to that are the other charas who read as short small women to me like celine (before i knew her in-game age is 17) #and eitri #and also youthful charas who are treated as younger yes but also as full fledged adults in their own right. like lissa #(treatment mostly comes from chrom tbh which is understandable LMFAO) #OH and that's not even looking at all the second gen/child units from awakening/fates/other games that include that #which i think is just genealogy and thracia??? i'm not familiar enough w those titles though #also like. in general. a lot of fe charas who have official ages are teens. nino is 15. i think ike was like 16 in por???? #which like! still a kid! but also! idk even what the difference is. is it just that ones a sweet looking girl #and the other is a boy who was trained to kill for as long as he's been alive (very lovingly by the rare good dad in fe) #i mean. i guess that makes a difference. #OH MAN I COULD HAVE INCLUDED LYSITHEA INSTEAD OF FLAYN. ALSO fits the bill perfectly #VERONICA WAS 13 WHEN WE MET HER AND SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CONSIDERED TO BE A CATEGORY 10 THREAT #SORRY i'm nitpicking like crazy LMFAOOOO but like. the people of askr should not be fazed by anything anymore. #and you would think whoever is causing problems like bandits or what have you. you'd think they'd adapt. #SANAKI. ALSO. WHO IS WHY WE KNOW VERONICA'S AGE ROUGHLY IN THE FIRST PLACE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #okay i swear i'm done now. good by forevwr 👍 #fe nino

[suffarustuffaru]

hi again i ranked every parent i could think of in rezero based on parenting skills + how much they give a shit

#i forgot to add the dude thats now married to garf's mom but he would go in 'seems alright'!! #ALSO LIKE GARFS MOM... THE POOR WOMAN.... SHES LIVED SUCH A ROUGH LIFE LAJSLDFJ I HOPE SHE'LL BE OKAY... but also yeah um. rip fred and gar #bc their mom dipped. like to find garfs dad yeah but like. girl :((( but also the implications of How she had fred is. :((( honestly. maybe #for the best that that woman lost her memories. #fribal (theresias uncle) is only ranked that high bc he at least shows REGRET for his actions.... he apologizes to theresia as he dies.. #the juukuliuses all seem like they were alright. rip daisy and klein though they died in that flood when julius was a kid ;-;;; #alviero is only present for like one scene in a side story but like. he seems alright. he def cares given he and his wife took in julius #after julius's parents died. and also alviero and maria have been taking care of joshua and julius... so they DO care but i dont think #alviero was perfect just judging off of. you know. how julius and joshua have turned out lajdslfjs. alviero is so gaslight gatekeep girlbos #and like overly concerned with how he comes off to others that you can see where joshua and julius got that shit from HAH. #heinkel is only up that high on the list bc felix's parents and roswaal exist. like its very hard to beat that LMAO T^T #and yeah rem and rams parents did not give a shit about either of them ngl. #rezero #WAIT I FORGOT TO COUNT RYUZU. SHOULD I HAVE COUNTED RYUZU?? PROBABLY RIGHT???

[botseeksbot]

#images that are for me and lucy #i need the women to be more relevant . i need my woman back and not written out like shit . #thoughts -> #i think she should straight up just be osi still/again (maybe temporarily quit for a bit) #assigned during s4 bc fuck hatred #she wants the boys to have a more normal life -> D is drawn to that -> thats what begins the divide between the boys not whatever s7 was #<- not to say they wouldnt get along during then its just when they start being less together #and i think that would allow more stuff w H + R especially seeing how much H values TV + his dad's approval in general #god theres just so much lacking w H + R in general like their dynamic is so tossed aside its just jokes and uncaring #like the hospital talk in s7 could have been something but it wasnt . i just really like H's relationship w his dad #theres just so much potential w it thats not there #B should have the same rivalry he had s SgtH except better this time and not just for one ep #i think they should be at each others throats whenever they see each other bc they have such different expectations from the boys #and the family in general #very much tries to be a mother figure to the boys which H rejects (like how he started w SgtH) and D has complicated feelings abt it #i think she goes back and forth abt hating R because she hates that their clones but is happy theyre alive but hates that theyre trapped #in the life they have and wants to try to make it more normal #but they would start going on adventures again (which freaks B out) because god damn . i miss their adventures #which ik isnt 'normal' but i think she would also have a different view on 'normal' being osi #basically i need my woman back . bring her back . for me #i think her being around would also push the want for finding their 'real' mom more than like . the reasoning in the movie or whatever #actually im gonna toot my own horn . her presence would just make things work better irt family dynamic stuff #vs whatever the hell happened in s4 and s7 . #anyway . bring her back . im about to rewrite so much stuff for the ladies but god damn she is my woman #<- already did NF . now its her time #my art #okay good bye i wrote a novel

[e77y]

Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

#vent #cw vent #rant #delete later #<- like tomorrow morning I’m shre #usually I delete stuff like this immediately but I’ll try to keep it up #was talking to my mom earlier about OCD and intrusive thoughts and whatnot…. #she definitely has it too. like undoubtedly #her intrusive thoughts and compulsions sounded exactly like mine #which sucks for me bc my dad ALSO definitely has OCD (in a more outwardly recognizable way) so! wahoo! double whammy #just feeling kinda defeated about mental health stuff #I feel like it’s never gonna get better #I need to go to therapy or a psychiatrist or SOMETHING #it’s been like 4 years now since I was originally supposed to go lol #and I keep putting it off out of fear (I think) #my friends (irls) have all been getting diagnoses and prescriptions lately #which is exciting for them but :( idk. I feel like there’s no way to medicate whatever I’ve got going on except SSRIs???? #and I don’t really want that #mostly though I’m just scared of going back to therapy or to a psychiatrist bc I think they’ll think I’m lying or crazy or whatever #which sounds stupid when I write it out but idk #I should probably keep a journal but when I’m only writing for my own eyes I just kinda wallow in it and write concerning poetry lol #I like journaling in a way other people can see (even if y’all DON’T like seeing it lmaoooo) bc it makes it feel more real? #and out of my head.. concrete etc. #wackyposting #<- seriously need to change that tag still lol

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why. #i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you' #or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[needylittlegirl]

#feel very umm #ive been home for a few hours just hanging out for easter #and my parents are arguing and like im glad i dont have to be around this anymore but #it still activates the little girl in me that hid in the corner of her room while she listened to them argue #i have such a vivid memory. they didnt know i was inside and my mom had just found out my dad cheated on her #i think i was like 5 and i heard the whole thing #they argued a lot at night too when they thought i was asleep #my parents are the kind of couple they definitely should have gotten a divorce <3 they did more damage to me not separating #fun fact theyre the root of all my relationship issues and fears!!! #whatever im so brave and tough and this isnt making me want to hide somewhere and cry like i did when i was little #trauma? is so funny cause like #logically this shouldnt bother me as much as it does #but just because i felt this exact feeling when i was a kid of course im still gonna feel it like i did then #and of course they started arguing the minute my sister left #when i was little they never argued when she was home #i was the youngest so i wasnt in school yet but she was. #so i had to hear it all alone #whatever im so tough #im gonna leave soon #tbd

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[billygoat26]

Just waiting to see if my mom breaks another promise :D

#vent in the tags #Context: last weekend we went to the mall and- not realizing how late it was- had planned on going to Emerald City to look at comics #but since we would have gotten there when it closes she promised that we would go next weekend #well since “next weekend” is here I'm just waiting #But chances are she forgot #or she's gonna use my “needing to do schoolwork” as an excuse to not go #I'm just tired of everything relying on grades and school work #Oh yeah- we had MPA yesterday #and she kept asking if she should go #I kept saying that she can go if she wants #and then she asked if I wanted her to go #I wasn't able to be on my phone when she asked that #And she took my not answering as me not wanting her to go #Istfg I actually cried when I saw that message because it was my first MPA performance and I had already fucked up enough that night #and I needed her to be there (my dad was sick and couldn't go) #I hate when parents just assume shit #like- don't assume that bribing me with fucking money is gonna do shit for me. I DON'T CARE about money #I don't care about school #I hate the IB program but she won't let me drop out of it so I've been trying to fail myself out of it but goooood forbid I do that #weekends are supposed to be when we get a break from working and shit like that #but the past like- 4 weekends haven't been weekends #I never get a fucking break #and all this may seem like pathetic whining and bullshit but I swear I'm just tired of it all

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

#purrs #delete later #also she’s guilt tripping me into coming to the stupid fucking potluck on sunday bc she needs the extra help and it’s like… what are you #gonna do when i move out. like i am a grown woman and i should be able to choose how i spend my two precious weekend days. and my dad is a #grown man and he should be able to choose where he works. like is that not a little bit insane. i get it but also….. i do think it s kind of #fucked ip that it’s her way or the highway and her needs take priority over all of ours and she’s asking us to bend to what she wants when #she wants it. like i get it bc she’s sick but it’s not fair for her to expect that from my dad especially. particularly when me and my #brother are back at work / school in more high risk environments than my dad who would be in a private office alll day. and the thing is no #one is brave enough to all her on it bc if we did it would be the END of the world. she even threw a fit on my dads bday and complained bc #the things he wanted to do were things she didn’t want to do like all the man wanted to do was go mini golfing and when that wasn’t good #enough he just wanted to go on a walk and my mom complained the whole time and also scoffed the movie he wanted to watch and said it was #boring and it’s like… wtf it’s HIS birthday??? but what do you expect from the woman who (and in fairness her friends got her these as gifts #but still) has TWO kitchen items that say some variation of ‘a marriage is when one is always right and the other is always the husband’ 💀 #i look at that little plaque every night bc it’s in front of the sink when im doing dishes and it makes me so fucking angry. like my dad is #a whole fucking person and he can be right too and he deserves to make choices and be happy and not have his wife put him down all the time. #idk. and she puts down his family all the time too and complains when he wants to do the most reasonable things for his own enjoyment that #don’t align with hers and criticizes his interests all the time and it just sucks to see. he never shows hurt or anything so idk how he #feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop #making her needs more important than everyone else’s bc… she may be our mom / his wife / whateger but that doesn’t make her queen. no one is #(andalso this has only gotten worse bc of covid / her being sick. like this has been a lifelong thing it’s just it’s a lot worse now bc the #circumstances gave her room / forced her to have to take up more space. and it’s just so frustrating. i get it. but none of us are pawns or #dolls or subordinates or anything. there’s 5 adults here and we should all be able to make choices and not be guilt tripped by her. lol #)

[22degreehalo]

Really... really looking forward to not having to make decisions with my family anymore :')

#dad tends to just. assume ppl want whatever he wants. #just decides things and then does them #which can be rly frustrating but. its over quickly. decision made. #meanwhile mum is like. she just decides what everyone else wants. and pushes for THAT #in the most passive aggressive without being malicious way at all #all with these transparent forced smiles #but it is IMPOSSIBLE to do what she wants #she has literally started crying before when i tried. bc she didnt understand why i kept arguing w her #shell probably say later flippantly what she really wanted #but she never understands how. shitty she makes everyone feel. #by Always being the one to compromise #even when you didnt want the thing she's pushing on you #ughhhhI just wanted to go to a festival tonight #we're in japan!!!! i learned this morning that the moon viewing festival is tonight!!!!! #we're in a major city! there are real celebrations! ive been buzzing all day!!! #then at lunch dad realised we're having lamb for dinner. so he decided we should stay for dinner. #and go later. #of COURSE mum acted really happy about thay #meanwhile i made it p clear i didnt. care at all #we wanted to try hiroshima okonomiyaki!!! we never got a proper okonomiyaki in osaka #mum was so excited for okonomiyaki before we left!! #but when dad suggested we stay on the boat she just. '😊 oooh lamb backstrap! sounds delish!' #and now it turns out theres a shuttle bus leaving at 7:30 (we will not finish dinner before then) #and they were concerned if they could get a taxi to the boat (i dont. think its hard at all lmao) #but dad just stood there. Frowning as always when in deep contemplative thought. #mum of COURSE admitted she doesnt care abt lamb at all. who knows what she actually would prefer. #and im like. i obviously would rather not stay on. but whatever. #sigh maybe i should have just. said can we just not and have okonomiyaki instead. #i dont. get why this one (1) dinner is so important. #but dad acted like wed put him in an impossible position