#when we didn't need to lie

[haru-chi]

I've been thinking about why Natsume Takashi's family called "Natsume" his mother and grandmother family name and not his father which normally should've been ??

We've always took this name for granted so we never question it even when we know about his family's history. I speak of myself that I never question it or find it weird till now ><

I feel it was something that triggered this idea suddenly but can't remember which event or scene did, or was it a late realization on my part or was it Seiji's remark in that scene hmmmm

I believe I find it weird because he had the same family name as Reiko herself .. since if Reiko was married then she too would go by her husband family's name thus her daughter too .. but Natsume had the same family as his grandmother not his mother which led to many questions in my mind either about him or Reiko but let's focus on Natsume for now …

It's weird, isn't it ?? or am I the only one that think that ??

It's known that the wife takes her husband's family name after getting married. also, his father is known unlike his mother's mysterious father so there's no reason to use his mother's family name. plus, his mother was the first to die too and he mostly was raised by his father, so it wasn't the other way around for him to maybe had his mother's family name.

Why give him his mother's family name then ?

his name "Natsume" Takashi wasn't passed down by only the yokai to link him to Reiko. I mean this name isn't exclusive in the yokai side of the world for it to make sense why he had this family name, even in the human world he's known as "Natsume".

Then I remember the orphanage incident that Seiji mentioned … how his relative never put him in one again in fear he might ruin their family image in society given how weird he is that he was kicked out of the orphanage .. "let's keep this disgrace within the family" they said (I so wanna kill them for this remark)

Do you think that's why they changed his family's name after his father's death ? So, they can blame it all on the other family "he's crazy like his grandmother, our family has no such weirdo" or to have an escape route by saying "he's not from the family" .. thus if he did another problem …. oooooooh wait … what if they changed his family name AFTER the orphanage incident ??? so that if he did another big incident or his name get to be known publicly then this name won't trace back to their family or image ?? ( this idea just clicked right now and .. I .. it make sense that I hate it ugh)

I'll stop here, I feel more damaged the more I think or talk about this and sure hope this whole idea in unfounded > - >

can someone tell me it makes no sense and nothing is weird in him going by his grandmother's family ?? T^T

this idea is painful if it's true >-<

NATSUME DOESN'T DERSERVE ALL OF THIS !!!

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #natsume takashi #about Reiko ... #we know the father of Natsume's mother is unknown so maybe that why her daughter goes by her mother's family #I believe the father is known yet Reiko didn't give her daughter her father name .. so why ? #after he died ? to protect her daughter from her husband's family ? #or she didn't get married in the first place ?? #he's an exorcist .. so if his family is well-known then I can see her maybe not wanting to link her daughter to them for reasons #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'M LOSING MY MIND HERE #I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS AND IDEAS !!! #WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU REIKO ???!!!!! #IS HER HUSBAND'S FAMILY THE ONE THAT KILLED HER ??? #THAT 'S WHY AFTER HER HUSBAND DEATH .... #STOP ME !!! JUST STOP THINKING TOO MUCH FOR THIS !!!! #ugh ... the more I think the more I lose my mind ... #when are we getting some kind of answers ?? #any kind pleaase !!!!! #I'll go and lie down ... I need a rest #I wonder if someone gonna find those thought of mine making any sense at all #or maybe I'm over thinking things again .... #ugh

[hunsa-jars]

Howdy peepers, I've been feeling pretty down lately but I think I'm on the right path to snap out of it!

See yall on monday hopefully

#to be honest recent political news got me anxious and just.. disheartened #not gonna lie rather depressed #but i guess that's a normal reaction #god it's just so awful #change of subject- i might be a bit burned out too because of all the stressing i subjected myself to this month #but worries be damned my grades ain't overall half bad #THO you just can't catch a break when it comes to college it seems #like we have to sign up for our classes on this website #based on your major obviously #and some people just don't pick the right classes hhhhh #and you see the waiting list for the class you need to sign up to is full because the goofs don't know what their course code is #which is weird like 😭 maybe there's a GOOD reason why your group mates' names aren't on the class list #because you didn't pick the right one aaaaaa #get outta here fella pleaaase #also on an unrelated note: it turns out i have a mild case of rosacea #it's not that suprising skin conditions run in the family #my mom's side of family at least #like my grandpa had rosacea. my mom has it too. my sister had acne (not anymore tho). my older brother too has something going on #i just thought i got lucky and inherited my dad's skin but guess not 💀 #funniest thing is that almost everything makes rosacea act up #heat? cold? spicy food? stress? exercise? stress? alcohol? GODDAMN SUNLIGHT??? #you name it #so yeahh not pleasant #if it won't get better mom will make an appointment with a dermatologist #uhh.. i guess that's all i wanted to say #for now at least #miss you guys hope all of you have been doing well :'> #random squeak

[oh-meow-swirls]

i feel like there must be a gold mine of yo-kai watch stuff that my moms bought and then never actually gave to me.

i have this now-

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #it's just a novelization of the first anime episode meant for. level 2 readers i guess. whatever that means- #my yo-kai watch collection is growing without me even doing anything i haven't bought anything but the games #okay that's a lie i did buy my jibanyan and rudy plushies. but other than that- #i have the jibanyan baddinyan n robonyan medal moments figures courtesy of my moms buying them years ago #when dollar tree sold yo-kai watch stuff (i miss those days) #that one jibanyan feature you can pose and change the expression of with stickers also courtesy of dollar tree #a bunch of medals courtesy of blind bags i got for my birthday and also a yo-kai watch that i got at the same time #i have a komasan figure that's like the jibanyan one somewhere. and a jibanyan figure you can switch to baddinyan. also from dollar tree #oh i have a komajiro medal moments figure from one of my elementary school friends who liked yo-kai watch. okay we weren't really friends #we were kinda friends. we mostly just bonded over liking yo-kai watch and never talked beyond that- #god i miss those days 😔 #oh right i also bought the manga volumes i have myself. still need the others. should probably put them on my wishlist #anyways. yea i didn't buy 90% of my yo-kai watch merchandise- #also those medal blind bags basically just got me a bunch of snotsolong. i got like five. i got a lot of other stuff too #but i have so many snotsolongs. five different snotsolong wanted to be my friend i guess- #i have no use for the yo-kai watch tbh. it's way too loud 😔 #cool to have tho

[anthromimicry]

OH, speaking of misao, while i'm still here... let me talk about how she was introduced to playing instruments + why she still does it often to this day. as you may know, misao's mother — kaiyah — did suffer from mental health issues, and in ancient japan... they were very behind in terms of providing the appropriate care to those who had mental health concerns. while doing research on it, i also discovered that it was also unfortunately HEAVILY stigmatized and thought of to be caused by spirits and/or brought about by spiritual means. and so kaiyah would often have to find ways to try to help herself cope with her symptoms; one of which turned out to be music. and misao remembers which instrument kaiyah used to play vividly because listening to her play music, as well as sing, was one of the ways that they'd bond despite them having a rather complicated relationship. kaiyah used to play the biwa, which is a plucked string instrument that sort of resembles a guitar and whenever she'd play, kaiyah would sit cross-legged. and this wasn't only because that was the traditional way to play the biwa, but so that misao could sit in her lap as she strummed the instrument. and misao also remembers kaiyah just looking at her with this look that was just made up of pure happiness during those moments. which, although they were very ephemeral, kind of helped her pull through her childhood because they gave her hope that maybe she could be like this all the time at first; and then upon discovering that although that might not be the most realistic thing to think... it helped her pull through because she would believed that she rather hold onto whatever scrap of happiness she could get, rather than try to forget these experiences with her mother, because of the fact that they hurt her so badly emotionally sometimes. and this was because she wanted to help kaiyah the same way that music seemed to — she just didn't know how. but as the years passed, misao came up with the idea that maybe learning to play it could be a method in which she could assist kaiyah with feeling more... at peace, i guess you could say, and so she did.

though misao only got to play the biwa for her mother a few times before ryu was born, and whenever that happened, everything changed. but of course... none of it was his fault. all those good feelings that misao had associated with the biwa now had a sort of bitter taste to them because of kaiyah's neglect towards ryu and once more, although this conflict was a lot more nuanced than it might've appeared because of her mother's illness, misao felt this strong urge to just completely smash her biwa into pieces because she felt so bad inside. though, honestly, misao is glad that she didn't today. because it honestly is one of the few things that she still has around that reminds her of kaiyah, and although she literally cannot play it because the last time she did, misao just sobbed all the way through it — she was able to pick up another instrument that vaguely reminded her of the biwa and allowed her to reconnect with that old part of herself: which would be the guitar. but it is a very private part of herself that she doesn't reveal to a lot of people. she'll really only play the guitar around people she really trusts, as whenever she's playing it, it's almost like she's playing to her mother again.

#SOMETIMES AGAINST ALL LOGIC WE HOPE: headcanons. #NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study. #yeahhh i uh... i'm not gonna lie y'all. i might've cried during this one #it's just that the situation that misao was in as a child was very complicated and so she does realize that feeling animosity towards her- #mother probably isn't right because it wasn't her fault at all but all misao could think about was that- #she was suffering and it seemed like kaiyah didn’t care about that at all. though who's to say that she did or didn't? #like i mentioned before it is a VERY complicated situation but despite all of that misao still loves her mother. #she honestly loves kaiyah with all of her heart and wished that she could've saved her from getting killed. because in the back of her mind #she sort of blames herself for it as her powers had awakened around that point and so she could've protected kaiyah. #but misao wasn't there when she needed her. and so there is LOT of complex grief as well as guilt surrounding her death for misao- #because of that. #but yeahhh... i know this one was probably a bit emotional guys but i had to get it out. #because i feel as if i have a duty to portray all parts of misao and one of those is that she loves her mother ❤️ #tw: mental illness. #tw: complicated platonic relationships. #tw: mentions of child neglect.

[bylertruther]

y'all are gonna hate me for this one but i think it's worth nothing that eleven levels up and develops more as a person whenever she breaks up with mike, and how the vines were tightening around her as he was giving his speech and roping them back into a romantic relationship/context (not his fault btw no mike slander here + it's complicated), but when she's reviving max the source that she pulls her power, focus, and resolve from are memories where max is reminding her to be her OWN person, that she doesn't need anyone else, and she is more than enough as she is with "not hopper. not mike. you." and "there's more to life than stupid boys."

she performs a miracle by believing in herself and the one and first ever person that ever taught her to do so. the girl who viewed her not as a superhero that happens to be a girl, but a girl that happens to be a superhero, too. the girl who encouraged her to grow and change and put herself first. that's who and what give her the courage to fight on.

like literally how much more clear do they need to make it that her romantic relationship with him is holding her back? just look at seasons three and four as well as how the flashback they used for mike's speech was of her in the woods which is undoubtedly a nod to the fact that he doesn't see her as she is now and is stuck in the past while she desperately wants to move forward.

i just. !!!!! i'm sorry but Be Serious Please we can admit this and be real about it. it's okay. it does not make either of them a terrible awful character okay We Can Say It! It's Okay! and i focused on el's perspective here, but the show makes it exceedingly clear that they are not compatible in this way at all and that this relationship is something that makes them both feel worse about themselves in serious ways. they don't have a strong foundation between them to fall back on and they won't be able to move forward and fix things between them until they forge one. everything is shit because at the end of the day they don't feel secure or comfortable with each other in a way that actually matters.

#they jumped into being bf and gf without ever becoming friends first and it shows and we can and should say tht :/ #platonic besties e|mike ok sure but maybe once they learn how to be friends first? 🤨 #maybe once they learn how to not idealize n lie to each other and feel safe with each other and learn how to actually talk? #they have cute moments when it's lighthearted n carefree but when shit gets real or hard it all just hits the fan #like. they have Issues ok these are not little tiny issues not when it affects their self worth and self image THAT fucking bad lmao #mike literally feels worthless pretty much like he's just some loser with no redeeming qualities that someone wouldn't like unless they #needed him somehow for something and eleven didn't even know what it meant to LIKE things and have your own tastes and felt #like she didn't know who she was and felt like she was a monster and completely other because of this box that they'd put her in and #then chastise her for whenever she dared to be a human being and step outside of it or do something they didn't like #i just. i like eleven and michael so much that's why it bothers me whn ppl act like those issues are not serious. they are. #they're not real people they're characters but it's like . they are my blorbos and that makes all the difference. u kno? :/ #mine #mike #eleven

[purplelea]

Everyday I think about how Neku lied to all of the Wicked Twisters, including Beat, about who sent him to Shinjuku. He looked at them in the eyes and said "I have no idea." when he absolutely knew it was Joshua. He knew it but he also knew that 1. Joshua wouldn't want him to reveal that and 2. it wouldn't help anyone, just confuse things more. So he didn't say anything and focused on saving Shibuya. A true king.

#and then joshua comes and says he 'wanted to make sure Neku kept his secrets for himself' BITCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW WRONG YOU ARE #are we talking about the same Neku Sakuraba here?? the one who hated lies in the first game #the one who learned from Shiki that lies can be good sometimes? #the one who lied to her right before his death because he didn't wnat her to worry? 'just another day in the RG'?? #joshua. joshua. you are a fool #Neku has changed. grown. he lies now. even to his closest friends. #because he knows when he needs to lie. when some things don't need to be said #do you have any idea how much charcater development is stored in this little line of 'Beats me.' #do you have any idea how much he changed? just with that line? #i need to lie down #léa rambles #twewy #neku sakuraba #neo twewy #neo twewy spoilers

[kairithemang0]

I sometimes think it would be fun to start up a rp blog but all the answers are wildly out of pocket and not necessarily out of character but just really weird. I don't know why I would do this, maybe just for the chaos

#literally never gonna do this #but like #what if i did? #and what if i didn't tell anyone it was me? #and what if people ask it's me and i just lie #yall i gotta stop thinking and do my choir homework #idc about how crap we did in that one song i dont like i need to keep thinking about silly things #blegh homework #im so screwed when it comes to homework i swear #like my motivation to do anything that isnt rewatch falsettos is a 0 #womp womp

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

saw a vaguely positive recommendation of Some Desperate Glory by emily tesh from a couple of lesbians best known to me for objectifying fictional men on twitter so i went out and bought it (because i am not financially responsible and i trust the taste of these lesbians) and then i read the entire thing in two days and frankly i think i might not be able to carry on living after this. it was. well it was really good. like it was just. well. it was really good.

#like do you ever read a book and immediately go . i NEED to get high with an english major and a bisexual bioethicist RIGHT now #so we can have a DISCUSSION . about this book. #it's like. okay when i read catch 22 i NEEDED to lie on the floor of a high school hallway and stare into the fluorescent bulbs afterwards #(didn't get to. but it was what i NEEDED.) #when i finished little brother i needed to go wander around the basement of a home hardware. #and when i finished regeneration i needed to sit quietly and hold it in my hands like it was an EXTREMELY fragile bit of lead crystal #and when i finished enders game i needed to like. go write a novel that i had yet to conceptualize. again i didnt do this. but i needed to. #when i finished a marvellous light i needed to hug my kitty cat gently! #and now having finished this i need to smoke a fat blunt with an english major and a bioethicist. #to be clear i know those examples don't make sense and are a frankly hilarious bunch of books to have chosen. #but . Well. They were the ones i thought of. #it's just like!!!!! okay!!! so a computer cannot be held accountable and must therefore never make a management decision!!!!!! #so what does a computer that is smart enough to KNOW THAT #do when it is presented with a management decision???? HUH? #WHAT DOES IT DO??????????? #there's so much good SHIT in that book! there's so much!! #it's like that. You get it. #like it's a book about omnipotent AI but the AI is neither a hero nor a villain. it's not a character at all. #even when it IS personified that personification is done with a lot of complexity #and a REALLY gorgeous distinction between literal personification -- creating a person to serve as an interface -- #and the assignment of a person to serve as an agent -- #and even that latter category isn't treated simply. because of course an AI cannot assign a person to serve its will. #because it doesn't have a will. #OR DOES IT. etc. this question we will of course debate eternally. this is how they get you. BUT YOU GET THE IDEA. #AND THE AI STUFF LITERALLY ISN'T EVEN THE CENTRAL QUESTION OF THE PLOT!!!!!!!! #like it IS a book about AI but it's. actually not really. #the question is not 'does AI exist' or 'is AI right or wrong' #but rather 'what do the possibilities presented by AI force us to confront about the nature of ourselves and our desires?' #and the plot isn't about the AI. it's about that nature of ourselves. #it's about cults! it's about misogyny! it's about rape culture! it's about eugenics! it's about the creeping realization

[kosmicfeelings]

I wait for you

;Alex G

#alex’s diary #I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon. #I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it #I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me #quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door? #I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me? #To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way. #While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore. #You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it. #I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me. #But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you. #I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you. #There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you #How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day #I'm still lost and confused and upset. #I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis #Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining. #I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here. #I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it? #I know you once loved me so that should be enough. #I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was. #I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day #I thank you for everything that you have given me. #I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end. #But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before #Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again #no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you. #im sorry for everything. #I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

[scrcrwfsh]

roadtrips suck

#it's one of those nights again #you're back. #i didn't want you here #i thought it'll get easier to forget. since you're gone anyway. #your dumbfuck speech patterns. and annoying fucking voice. #i thought i killed you already #yet here you are back again. #i keep finding you in the worst fucking places. the few fucking places i thought i could forget about you in. #and it's one of those nights again. #just when i thought you're gone #my head conjures up your annoying face in my dreams #how do i get rid of you #when everything i found as an escape i keep wanting to go back and show you #though i know you wouldn't care. #you're not exactly hiding it. #same excuses every time. we both know it's a lie #but so what? if you bothered enough to lie #it means you're bothered enough by me to feel the need to #I just wish you'd at least tell me to fuck off to my face. Rather than whatever this is. #i kept. trying. yknow? i thought I'd be able to meet more like you. #fucking hell #what is wrong with me #hey lion. i wish i had never met you. #i hope i get to see you a little longer in another life

[subconsciousmysteries]

Oh yeah it just occured to me...

This "counterphobic 6" "I'm full of shame about being a 6" *typing everyone who acts embarrassing or annoyingly as 6* nonsense was probably invented by a lot of bitchy ass 3s. Struggling with their 3 -> 6 line and hating on their integration type as we all do.

Every 3 sees 6 as a massive loser type and a shameful thing to be. Because 6s *gasp* believe in conspiracy theories and they even *faints on chaise* talk about them in public sometimes! How embarrassing to be a human being that speaks the truth! See if you're an image type and you have the vice of Deceit this makes sense.

Also part of speaking the truth is talking about your earnest feelings and how your vulnerable humanness is being violated by the corruption in the world. Another big no-no thing for 3s.

#I recently showed my friend ennea and she related most to 6 #Which is based because that's what I originally pinned her as when I met her (6w5) #I considered 5 for her as well but she didn't feel 5 for herself #However then I explained 7 to her and she was like EW OH GOD EW NO even worse than 5 #I relate a lot to 6/7 lol but I attract a lot of 5/6 line ppl #It's so interesting #Anyways there's so much imagey shame in the definition of raw 6 that doesn't really belong there #Yes 6s disintegrate to 3 but I'm talking the static version of 6 #It's not a shame type it's a head type #6 is about finding the right belief system to place your Faith in #Which can be simplified to “it's about finding the truth of life” #Which is where it gets confused with 8 all the time because 8 is (loss of) Holy Truth #Holy Truth is the inner knowing that reality is real #The loss of it results in this constant rage that you're constantly being lied to about what's supposedly real #And it leads to the postmodernist belief that nothing is real but the power to lie about what's real. So I can do whatever I want #The weakness of 6 is being culty and the detachment from body (6 -> 9 where they need to go) makes them feel like #They cannot handle too much uncertainty and they feel very mentally impressionable if they don't have a strong belief system to put faith i #The 6 impressionablity comes from the disconnection from the body #Body types have the opposite problem where we aren't impressionable enough... We have apathy nothing matters attitude #9 at the center of body triad go figure

[uncanny-tranny]

To start off this ask, I hope you're having a great day <3 Thank you for all the positivity your posts bring to my life.

This is a kind of serious ask, but I don't really have anyone in my life who is reliable enough to talk about this with. Recently, I've seen a lot of news articles about harmful trans clinics. The UK shutting down clinics for trans youth, negative effects of hormones for trans people, etc.

This website I found today is what really sparked this ask: https://www.thefp.com/p/i-thought-i-was-saving-trans-kids

I'm very confused and conflicted. I am trans-masculine. I don't know what to trust. And honestly, I'm scared. I don't know if there's something wrong with my body or mind. I once was excited for top surgery but now I'm worried about making a mistake. I'm worried about how my body will be handled by medical professionals.

My parents keep telling me these terrible stories of people who have detransitioned and have "ruined their lives," but I also know of so many trans people who live wonderful lives and are accepted and loved. I so desperately want that love and acceptance, but now I'm terrified that maybe my life will be "ruined," if I truly am just "being swayed by a cultural agenda."

I was hoping you might be willing to provide some insight.

I'll be real, I've had that same worry before, which didn't help because when I first came out, I was bombarded by stories about the same situation - notably, my dad sharing these concerns of his through stories about a trans soldier he knew personally.

I find that the whole fear surrounding "ruining bodies" and "horrid outcomes" don't place the ultimate authority on the trans people we're talking about. I've found that when people talk about "mutilated bodies", it is from the viewpoint that medical intervention is inherently going to transform a person from being natural (and the worthiness that comes with it) to being undesirable and freakish.

Transition isn't a destination, it is a journey, I think. The scaremongering about detransition is capitalizing on the fear that your body will become a sight of horror rather than a body that belongs to a person. Though detransition rates are low, and transition (including medical transition) has some of the lowest regret rates of other care (hell, knee replacement has higher regret rates), people who have detransitioned are still just as worthy as literally anybody else. Capitalizing on the exaggerated fear of transition and detransition hurts trans people and those who detransition.

There isn't anything wrong with you, anon. You have concerns, and that's completely natural. It is natural to feel the ways you are feeling, and I don't want for one minute to make you feel like you're bad for feeling the ways you do. However, I do caution you to still take into account the fact that you do deserve happiness. If medical transition is something you've looked into, you deserve that option. I can only speak from personal experience, but medical transition has been the best choice I made for myself. There is always the possibility that things turn out in your favour. There is always the possibility of happiness. No matter what you decide to do, you deserve respect and gentleness and the space to exist without expecting to be "perfect" or "right" about every last thing. I hope you can pursue the happiness, whatever that looks like

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #it's taken a long time to really see how much i personally needed to transition - even outside of my internalized issues #and i will say the article itself is some of the same arguments i've heard since 2016 and it's like... is there anything new? #because not going to lie the whole 'there are more mtfs than ftms and that's it' is wrong #and the idea that a person would transition just to fulfill a freudian desire to escape from society's expectations or from one's psyche... #...is just an overcomplicated exaggeration of what is happening #it's almost conspiratorial and it's so weird to watch cis people run around doing this #i did skim the article but i will say i'd be interested in hearing from the people this person worked with #when i went to the gender clinic at the only (?) hospital in my state that had one they certainly didn't help me... #...but that's because they treated me as a sight - they told me everything i already knew then went 'welp that's all we can do go home now' #so forgive me for being suspicious of the story that 'i worked in a gender clinic and it was a nightmare scenario for the poor children' #like i'm just one story but hearing from other trans people it tends to be a nightmare for us to even get the most basic of care y'know? #i just think a ton of the pressure would be alleviated if trans people could fucking breathe without being psychoanalyzed all the damn time #there wouldn't be so much pressure to never regret anything and transition 'right' if we accepted that humans are varied #i'm just tired of the same discussions and for trans people to be ignored every single time (not directed at anon) #sorry for ranting anon. i didn't want to get caught up in this tangent in the answer #it's amazing to be trans and to have a pet peeve of repeating yourself over and over /lh #because like i've been repeating this tag rant as a trans person for years and yet cis people still posit these ideas #without any changes or nuance or recognition that trans people exist and continue doing so even if you don't believe them #*inserts chart of left-handed rates between the nineteenth and twenty-first centuries ect ect*

[getwallowed]

the fact that it's now hurts me month (forward to april, did i give it enough?), and i've realised that i am currently in a situation that means i can relate entirely and completely to lyrics of the song, is indeed something that hurts me :)) at least it remains a banger of a song tho

anyways happy hurts me month to all who celebrate!

#silver linings? #when i said i wished i related to a wallows song #i meant marvelous #or nbgmly #or grsa #or let the sun in #ugh #hurts me #haven't talked in months #i knew it'd be tough #forward to april #did i give it enough?? (spoiler alert i probs didn't) #what to blame it on now??? #i know myself better than you do... #part of me is smth that you'll never see #we made a pact (now we'll never get it back) #I WON'T LIE #I DON'T NEED IT #IT'S ALL RIGHT #CAN YOU SEE THAT #I WON'T LIEEE #I DON'T NEED ITTT #I DON'T MIND #I DON'T NEED IT COS IT HURTS MEEEE #wallows #wallows music #wallowsmusic #braeden lemasters #dylan minnette #cole preston

[simptasia]

personally i don’t think anything should cost money. if it were up to me, we’d star trek this shit up and do away with that needless cause of so much suffering

however. bare min? we should at least make it so things that humans (and animals) literally need to live? that should be free. so that would be: food, water, medicine, housing, and the means for temperature control

those five things, at the very least, should be an undeniable right to all living beings. the fact that so many people can’t wrap their minds around that baffles me. and tells me my dream of No Money is a long way away

#sigh #''but people have to EARN these things!'' you're sick and demented #why should a person have to earn being alive #''but resources!'' we no longer live in a time when any of these things are rare #we don't HAVE to make the tough choices about who lives or dies gosh damn it #there is enough food and water and housing. the idea that there isn't is a fucking lie #to keep the rich cunts in power #they want us to think food is rare #''but some people don't deserve food'' 1. ur evil and 2. it's not a matter of deserving #fact of the matter is people literally have to eat and drink and be warm #we DIE without those things. and fun fact: living organisms tend to wanna avoid death #so starvation is such a painful way to die. fuck you #i was talking with my friend the other way and something obvious came to mind: #and that's ''gosh damn humans have to eat a lot. we gotta do that every day. multiple times. it's such a constant thing'' #and i didn't mean that in a bad way. i was just musing. Bitches Gotta Eat #sure you CAN go days without eating but you fucking shouldn't #i'm annoyed #i'm so annoyed by capitalism and money and i yearn for star trek :( #oh also entertainment and art and creative expression are totally human needs too. like we'd go insane without them #but i was going for the basic physical needs. sustenance. means to correct aliments. a home base for living. warmth or coolness #like. the You'd Die Without It needs

[sovamurka]

Happiness That Never Was

Still thinking about the fact that Sasha and Inga never really got a chance to live a peaceful, simple and happy life.

They were born into abusive households. Sasha was impoverished to the point when he couldn’t afford any food, starving for days, with Inga being the only one feeding and caring for him. Inga was constantly beaten up by her stepdad, and her mother did not stop him. The only one who stopped Inga from accepting so much abuse was Sasha, telling her ‘If your mother really loved you, then she wouldn’t let him hurt you’.

Inga: Wanna finish?

Sasha: But what about you?

Inga: Unlike you, I’m fed at home.

Sasha: Unlike you, I’m not beaten up at home.

Inga: Is this some kind of competition?

At one point things got so bad that Inga wanted to run away and Sasha had to stop her from doing it on her own because she’s underaged and had no place to escape. But he had a suggestion. He suggested they call Child Services, so they could send them to an orphanage. His plan was simple: they could live there until they reached 18 and then live how they wanted, without the abuse. 

Sasha: Let’s call the Child Services so they could take us.

Inga: To an orphanage?

Sasha: Just for a few years. Till we come of age. We need to get as far away from them (their abusive households) as we can...

On top of that, Inga is dyslexic and was continually mocked for it by everyone, except Sasha. He wanted to help her. He wanted to find a book so interesting that it would keep her so engaged she would try to go through and be proud of it. He did find it. Too bad that this book had a trap that caused them to get poisoned with white ink (which is one of the most important plot points in recent chapters and Exlibrium as a whole, this part of their story has been kept a secret for years, we only learned about this, like, half a year ago). 

Sasha: I thought if you like the book, then you would try to go through it to learn what happens next. That’s why I found a good one for you. I liked it, so I wanted to share it with you because that’s what friends do.   

After they were caught by the Bookwizard Circle, they were subjected to one of the most horrifying experiences in their lives - the ink trial. Nor Inga neither Sasha got the white ink as their main source of power, but both of them were stopped by the Circle. Why? Well... First, because Sasha’s colour was not a part of the spectre (his ink is grey, which is a big no no, because it’s close to monochrome ink). Second, even though Inga got azure ink she still had a huge amount of white ink in her body, to the point that her hair (including brows and eyelashes) turned white entirely and one of her eyes started looking like this:

Third, Leska family wanted to experiment on them in the first place because of how they got poisoned. Leskas wanted to see what would happen if both of them got white ink power. To their disappointment, none of them did. But they still proceeded to torture and experiment on them for a year, to see what could happen and to learn why Sasha got grey colour and why Inga still had white ink in her body. All while condemning them for it and telling them that they don’t belong here and that their every mistake is a fatal one (which backfires badly in Sasha’s case because that’s exactly why he did what he did in the future, costing the Library many lives and reputation).

After some time at the library (and the constant pressure from the Circle) Sasha (who was on the verge of suicide with Inga being his sole reason to live, because he was still blaming himself for putting her in danger) goes against the rules and tries to free a character named Agata from being killed over and over again by her best friend. As I mentioned, nothing goes according to plan, people die, all the students turn against him and start blaming him for everything... 

Except for Inga. She never blamed him and never turned her back on him. She understood him like no one else, accepting him with all his flaws. She defended him, when no one else did. And everyone hated her for it. Her mates still talked to her, but none of them were allowed to bring this issue up in her presence because they would immediately get into an argument with her. Sasha, however, started blaming himself even more, constantly apologizing for what he did. Also, he started to become even more self-critical and deemed himself unworthy of any love (especially from Inga, which he later confesses to her). 

Sasha: You always supported me. Even when I didn’t deserve it.

Inga: Nonsense! You always deserved it!

This internalized self-hatred results in him being ready to throw his life away, because, in his opinion, there is no other way for him to redeem himself. What he doesn’t realize, however, is that a lot of things that he did after this incident already redeemed him in the eyes of others. Even in Rita’s, whose almost-boyfriend Slavya died because of Sasha. And yet, even after this, after he finally started to stabilize and heal his mental state (despite losing his mentor and dear friend Nightingale, btw), after swearing not to die, he still had this gnawing feeling that the only way he can truly redeem himself is to sacrifice his life, so Inga could live. She was having none of it, so he tricked her into being saved, and it’s so heartbreaking because she was the first one to swear not to die, she didn’t want Sasha to see another loved one perish. And now she’s the one who has to see her beloved die. 

(Bonus: Lilya, who just had Kira back, also loses her in this process, wtf, why this series always punishes those, who dare to love somebody, like this)

It’s made even worse by the fact that Sasha is technically both dead and alive. So he kept his promise, but he also didn’t. Now we have to wait and see Inga’s (probably unhinged and very heart-wrenching) reaction to it.  

I have a very, very small hope for a happy ending. Mostly because this series is known for it’s glass-choking content and everyone has to suffer there. But I still have this hope, I always do.

Inga and Sasha’s story is still unfinished, but, for now, it can only be described as “Happiness That Never Was”. 

#bubble comics #exlibrium #экслибриум #not gonna lie. the fact that they accidentally referenced tatu's not gonna get us in sasha's suggestion has me rolling on the floor. #I still remember that one time Matvey told them to get a room and oh goodness I wish they could #I wish they could just have their own little flat and live there without any worries (except for domestic ones) #LISTEN. I do it every time but I need to mention that goddammit I truly clowned myself when I started reading exlibrium #because I didn't like Inga/Sasha at ALL. in fact I was annoyed by any mention of it. look at me now. I'm its bitch wholeheartedly. #you know. now every time I see bubble artists draw Sasha and Inga or Kira and Lilya together I want to cry. #because these duos were obviously liked and even adored by them and we didn't even notice.

[genderfluid-druid]

.

#ok we're gonna try to finish this story in under 30 tags ok let's go #SO. 'hahaha yeah wow that's crazy that you know him! we did date yeah. (does not elaborate)' #but. okay confession time. i know this was a questionable choice. it was selfish. it fed the brain gremlin that craves validation #but i never blocked M on snapchat #so even though we never talked. i could see when he viewed my stories. and i won't lie. there is a smug part of me that enjoyed #letting him see me go on about my life. #i am a flawed bitch. so sue me. it was a manageable amount of contact that didn't send me into spirals #and he DID keep viewing them. #he even messaged me once! i don't know maybe a year ago. it was totally out of the blue. 'saw this book and thought of you' on a picture of #a nice edition of The Hobbit. i didn't respond. i had to have a petty moment for all the times during the Bad Era when i tried to message #him and he took too long (in my shitty estimation) to message back. so i left him on read. for like a year #okay you can see where this is going so I'll cut to the chase #'i ran into a friend of yours' is a perfectly reasonable conversation starter. it can be the whole conversation if it needs to be. #well. it wasn't #idk. my world state for the last six years has been 'M doesn't care for me and there is no world in which we ever have a civil chat again.' #well. that doesn't track with 'it's past my bedtime but i don't mind staying up to chat' and 'i would love to get an earful about podcasts' #and 'let's chat again' and 'it was really great to hear from you' #idk. i don't know what emotion i should feel. anger is gonna be the first one that makes it to the surface i think #got a good healthy dose of anger happening #grief. i do think there's some grief. mmhmm yep there it is #there are probably some positive emotions but those are the most strenuously repressed and i don't think I'm ready to let the collar off #i have made a lot of choices in the last six years to protect my mental health specifically because of how that relationship ended #so even just talking to him is. well for one thing it's playing a bit fast and loose with the health i have managed to build up #i feel good. my life has been good lately. my therapist moved me from monthly to once every three months. my social life is the most #thriving it's ever been #i am possibly in a place to unbox some things that were thrown in the attic as an emergency measure #i should talk to my therapist