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puhpandas · 7 months

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i feel the warmth in my chest (and the chill on my skin makes it that much clearer)

(1,964 words)

Evan and Gregory, while waiting those few agonizing hours before Halloween can truly begin, go outside into the chilly weather and play in the leaves.

🎃🍫👻

It's a crisp Autumn afternoon when Evan steps out onto Gregorys porch. The screen door slams behind him, and the air transitions from warm to chilly in only seconds. The breeze washes over his face like a wave, and Evan finds he dosnt mind the cold that much in this moment.

It makes his nose numb and his fingers freezing, but unlike how he usually feels about the cold, he welcomes it. He takes a deep breath, smelling the scent of fallen leaves and crisp air and the pumpkins Evan had carved with Gregory last week sitting by his feet next to the stairs. It fills his lungs, and alongside the aftertaste of Aunt Chicas cookies on his tongue, the chill is pleasant, unlike how its usually so unbearing and biting in his own home.

It doesnt take long for the temperature to wash over him fully. By the time hes stepping down the stairs, his thin,white overcoat flowing behind him, its left his shoulders shaking and his teeth chattering.

But so like he's not used to, the deep, bone chilling cold only adds onto his excitement. It's that type of chill you can only get during Halloween, with that specific vibe and feeling coming along with it. Evan has never liked that unmatched feeling. All it ever told him was that Halloween was on it's way, and along with it, Michael and his pushing and pulling and jabbing and messing with. With the addition of the neighborhood kids jumping in if they'd see him walking down the street on the one night of the year it would be acceptable to scare him with scary masks and bloody fingers and camouflaging cloaks, it made for a pretty dreadful day.

He takes another look at his costume, a ghost, with white flowy sheer fabric that makes him look like he floated right down from the clouds. Underneath is a white sweater and pants, and his makeup is done to make him appear ghastly and, well... dead. Eyes sunken in with deep shadows and complection pale.

Gregory is matching with him, kind of. Gregory's costume is of a murder victim. Hes wearing sort of varsity jacket with a plastic knife stabbed in his gut, and his face is painted with bloody makeup and a faux black eye. Gregory hadn't explained the specific costume he called a 'Zombie Murder Victim High School Football Star', just gotten excited over the fact that they matched with their undead themes.

Its Evans first year matching with someone. His first year having someone to go trick or treating with. Theres something about this year. It doesn't leave him guessing. It doesn't leave him on edge, wondering who will strike first, all while being so uncertain but sure at the same time that something will go wrong. This year, he has Gregory and his family. This year, he has people who actually care about how he feels, and understand how to have fun.

This year, he knows Michael will be across town with his friends, and that his father will lock himself in his workshop. He knows that the neighborhood kids wont dare mess with him now, because of how many times Gregory has shown them a thing or two over the better part of this year.

This year, Evan isnt dreading the coming hours. He isnt hiding in his room, celebration or joy for the Holiday nowhere to be found, because he has to watch his back and sides. This year, he isnt considering running away for the night, even though he had always known he would never be brave enough to do it.

Instead, he's going trick or treating with his best friend, and he only feels excitment and anticipation, compared to the stark contrast of last year where all he felt was on edge and trapped in his own house.

The sun is only just setting by the time he steps onto that little pathway leading to the backyard from the front porch. Waiting for it to get dark has been agonizing. It had only gotten too much when he and Gregory were sat in front of a movie they'd seen a thousand times, makeup and costumes done, and unable to sit without wiggling or fidgeting, and Gregory had jumped up and gone "That's it! I can't just sit here anymore!"

That's why Evan's followed him outside. For the better part of the day Gregory has been more restless than a bored puppy.

Evan thinks the description fits when he finally catches up to Gregory and finds him digging through the shed in his backyard. Evan doesn't really know why he came out here. Theres much less to do outside than there is inside, but his intentions become clear when he moves to stand by Gregory's shoulder, and he goes Aha! while retrieving something.

Evan stares blankly when Gregory pulls out a rake, turning to face him and grinning at him. "Want to build a leaf pile and do cannonballs in it?"

He doesn't even have to ask.

It's not long before they're trekking through backyard, browning leaves crunching under their sneakers as they head to that big tree in the middle of the yard. When they get there, they waste no time grabbing the big rake and making the inklings of a pile on the flattest bit of ground.

The rake is heavy, and Evan can barely control it, if how it swings around and almost hits Gregory in the face is any indication. The handle is ice cold on his fingers, but it only makes Evan that much more aware of the excitment thrumming through his veins.

With Evan using the rake, Gregory takes to getting on his knees and shepherding the leaves to the pile with his hands. Gregory laughs over the dirt under his fingernails and how the still-damp leaves from the light shower earlier are chilly on his hands, and it makes Evan abandon the rake and get on the ground with him.

It takes longer than it should to finish the pile. They keep getting caught up in throwing the leaves at eachother like snowballs and using their hands to push waves at eachother like they're in a pool. The leaves end up more scattered than the were originally, and Evan has to get the rake again.

By the time they finish and theres a huge pile of damp leaves sitting in front of them, the sky is a dark, deep blue with the horizon a yellow. The sun is only barely peeking through the trees, and it's enough for the automatic porch lights to come on.

With the lack of sunlight, it's gotten that much colder. Evan's shivering enough that it makes his laughs warble, but he doesnt care. He doesnt care about the cold.

They only take a short break before they jump in. Evan lays flat on the ground, damp excess leaves and ice cold dirt underneath him. His throat is dry from the chill and how much he talked, and laughed, and his cheeks are sore from smiling too much. His nose is numb, and the thin, cheap Spirit Halloween costume does nothing for keeping him warm, but he doesn't need it.

Through the cold, it makes the warmth blooming in his stomach that much clearer. It makes the laughter bubbling in his chest and the excitement that the fun isnt even over, yet, he still gets to go trick or treating with Gregory after this, that much more apparent.

He has the warmth that spawned inside of him from spending time with his best friend and having fun with him to keep him toasty. So unlike his own home, where the chill is all there is. No warmth or comfort to adhere for that fact.

It's only now that Evan thinks that maybe, he doesn't really dislike the cold. Just how the cold is what comes with his unfeeling house and unpleasant family members and uncomfortable atmosphere.

Because here, right now, as he lays on the freezing ground, sky darkening above them and the last bit of leaves on the big tree in Gregory's backyard fluttering in the chilly breeze, he realizes he likes what comes with the cold, and not what the cold comes from.

With the cold comes the awareness of the warmth unfurling in his stomach. With the cold comes drinking the delicious, steaming hot chocolate Aunt Chica made. With the cold comes bundling up with his favorite sweaters, cuddling up under a fuzzy blanket, and watching a movie with Gregory.

With the cold comes those agonizing few hours before Halloween truly begins, and making a leaf pile with your best friend.

Evan knows his all-white costume is dirtier by the time he finally gets up, the knees of his white jeans brown and dirtied, but he doesnt have time to dwell on it when all he hears is a breathy laugh before hes shoved face first into the leaf pile.

Even through the leaves submerging his head, he can hear Gregory cackling. He sputters when leaves get in his mouth, and while regaining his footing after rolling around a few times, he wastes no time shooting up and grabbing Gregory by the shoulders.

Gregory yelps when hes yanked down with Evan, and all Evan is aware of when his eyes shut in glee from how hard hes laughing is the soft, scratchy, earthy leaves beneath him, the breeze in the air that just screams Halloween, and Gregory's body fallen on top of him.

Gregory grabs some leaves and smushes them into his hair. All Evan can do is screech at the wet chill before grabbing his own fistful and doing the same. Leaves fall over them like a wave when they roll around, wrestling in the yard.

They only stop when they get too tired to keep going. His costume is definitely dirty by now, damp like the leaves and dirt. The scent of wet earth and the cold and Halloween washes over him, and all he can find in himself to do is grin, and giggle breathlessly and chatter with Gregory as he lies on the ground, shoulder to shoulder with him.

Its almost pitch black by the time Freddy opens the door leading to the backyard, stepping outside, Frankenstiens monster costume and all. "Kids? Are you two ready to go? Its almost time for trick or treating!"

Evan only shares a fleeting look with Gregory before they both shoot up, previous exhaustion from their little fight completely gone. Evan runs side by side with Gregory to the door, his costume with the mud stained hem flowing behind him, and all Evan can feel in this moment is warmth, despite how his nose is numb and his shoulders are shaking and theres this chilly, floaty feeling in his chest.

He knows that there are definitely leaves in his hair when he steps inside after Gregory, and when the heat of the home blasts him in his face, making his freezing face tingle, the warmth prickling and sharp, Evan finds that with the cold can come the warmth, and maybe it isnt so weird that Evan feels nothing of the sort when it comes to his own house, and his own family.

It was never about the cold.

Just like how the warmth with Gregory and his family has never been about the temperature.

He only has time to grab his candy bucket (shaped like a mummified teddy bear) before he and Gregory are shooting through the front door, racing to Freddys car. He smiles even wider when the cold air rushes across his face again, and he can hear Gregory's footsteps next to him and Freddy and the others' voices behind them.

ao3 link

#feel like having a family that actively is out to get you and hates you would be awful on holidays.#in a way it makes you feel worse because maybe nothing is different #but the fact that its a holiday and youre supposed to be having fun but youre sitting here on edge and scared and miserable as usual just #makes you more upset #with evan its not even just the usual #really.#its the combination of having your mood soured because everybody is having fun celebrating and decorating with their families #but your family just. doesnt do that.#plus michael probably notices evans mood and gets his tons of scary masks he now has access to because of the halloween season #and torments evan times two. and now he has all of the tools at his disposal with multiple masks to choose from to target evans phobias #but anyway hes chilling now! literally.#he has people who love him and have built him up all this time and its not perfect #but man is evan happy he has them.#he gets to be a kid and relax and it makes his house a little more bearable when he knows thats not it for him #flashlight duo #gregory and evan #pandas writes #oneshot #halloween #fnaf gregory #evan afton #flashlight duo modern au #my fics

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moonlit-imagines · 23 days

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#hypothetical situation (not) but how would one feel if their roommate was using their tv in the living room (which was bought by your father #as a gift to you) and is sitting on the couch you paid for (rubbing their feet all over it like literally rubbing back and forth and in #between the cushions) and had left a mess on the table you also bought and when you asked if you could use your tv in the living room their #response was to immediately argue (raise voice) saying ‘I PAY RENT TOO YOU CANT KICK ME OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM’ when this was the first time #i had asked in our 2 months of living here to use my tv bc shes been using it all week and my ps5 is connected to it so i wanted to use it #she said ‘this isn’t yours your dad bought it’ and then said ‘dont you have your own tv in your room’ (which is much smaller and i cannot #play ps5 games on bc yaknow. ps5 is in living room)#how would we feel in this situation #knowing said roommate is using your things and claiming them as apart of rent (i assure you its not apart of rent i paid for and dragged in #and set up all these things out of my own pocket)#claiming them……as their own……….#and taking over?#she has not even bought anything for the house and then whenever i ask and finally give up and get it myself shes like ‘oh i was gonna get #that tomorrow’ (which is why shes not allowed to use my shower caddy now lmao)#am i being territorial or am i being reasonable for being upset with her?#wtf do i do LMAO #delete later

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unwanted--ceiling · 2 months

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get my girl outta there I beg

#hotd #alicent hightower #house of the dragon #my art #alicent hightower fanart #hotd fanart #she's like one of those chihuahuas that sit there shaking and when you touch it bites your hand off #tell me somebody else sees it

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royalberryriku · 16 days

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Thinking about how "self defence" is considered okay until a country the west is not allied with does it.

#yes this is about iran #israel attacked first and then they responded and now everyone is like “wait wait they can't do that!”#and I'm just sitting here looking at Palestine like ???#And look I'm not saying I condone any violence esp against civilians #but I am saying it's bery ironic and telling #when Israel fucks around and finds out #I am kind of here like damn finally tasting the taste of your own spit that you spat at another #must feel like throwing stones in a glass house eh Israel is kinda the feel I'm feeling rn #but anyway #also a note while I say I'm generally against violence I do think resistence is expected and deserved when colonial powers oppress people #I'm specifically talking about how I'm not condoning any attacks on civilians #BUT resistance is justified while Palestine is occupied #and long live the Antifada #both are two things that coexist for me here #and things I think are being honoured in the resistence the more I hear of personal accounts of said civilians #*civilians #When one military side says “oh this happened!” only to be proven as liars over and over again #then the hostages themselves say “no we were attacked with friendly fire from israel”#and for that to be proved??#Then hearing how said hostages say “Hamas put their bodies on the line to cover us from said friendly fire” like??#maybe Hamas aren't the aggressors when they treat their hostages like this and israel has killed their own just to get at Hamas and civ-#-illians alike #tag comments are a mess and probably don't accurately portray feelings fully but long live the antifada and down with colonialist lies

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icewindandboringhorror · 7 months

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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz #ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and #then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific #cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or #etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as #you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on #accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have #as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence #of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate #versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a #neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest #ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling #and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for #documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like #sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I #can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If #I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my #ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be #accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor #focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it #were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan #that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is #some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my #kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means #i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m #in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in #one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability #& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER

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merry-andrews · 11 months

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Boxer!Bradley AU;

Bradley fights big matches and wins big prizes. He's one of famous ones. one night at a bar he meets Jake. He's a run-away kid looking for finding a job in this big town and a new start and it's supposed to be a casual one-night stand but morning after when Jake walks around Bradley's small kitchen, wearing Bradley's shirt and sitting on Brad when he's doing his push-ups, Bradley just gets too fond of him that he suggests Jake to stay with him until he finds his own place to live.

he's set for a big match for next couple of months and his competitor is also a good boxer with good reputation too so it's a real challenge if he can beat him. Talking about moneys and bets here which he can make a whole new life someplace else (with Jake💗 Brad's planning on to purpose him) something that he doesn't know, Jake's his competitor's lover.. and all this was a plan from start to get under Bradley's skin to get to convince him losing the match without polluting his own name. So Brad finds out somehow and they break up and while Jake truly has feelings for him, but he doesn't say a word or begs him.. he just leaves..

Brad wins the prize (Jake's heart was beating so fast he was so scared, on the edge of tears whenever Brad got hit. At the end Bradley's locking eyes with Jake while they raise his hand to announce winner) and at that same night Jake comes knocking on a moping Bradley's door, tears in his eyes when Brad pulls him in a kiss, says he's in love with Bradley and he put bets on Bradley instead of his ex-lover💗

#hangster #sereshaw #jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun maverick #Bleed For This fusion #hmm and let me steal that version of Glen from Scream Queens #so yeah they're gonna go live someplace sunny and buy a house and a car and a dog and adopt kids together💗#Brad will open a gym of course #and they lived happily ever after #💕💕💕💕💕💕💕#thank you @redfurrycat all your aus posts encouraged me to make my own one💖💖💖#I'm proud of this post!! I am!!#also you bet. Brad indeed put LOTS of forces in his fists cus 'NO ONE GETS TO TOUCH AND OWN JAKE EXCEPT ME!'#its why he won? hmm maybe!!#also sitting on your husband while he's doing push ups sit ups is really really cute ok #and I just need to see this scene when Jake kisses Brad's bruises pushes his sweaty curls out of his face after the match💗#and Brad wraps him in his arms hhhnn #this ship is so cute🥺💕💕💕#au post #au posting

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archduke-enver-gortash · 17 days

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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

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theinfinitedivides · 5 months

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so much for not writing the fic

#tv: vigilante #vigilante #vigilante kdrama #nam joo hyuk #yoo ji tae #kim so jin #lee joon hyuk #kdrama #local gay watches Vigilante.txt #local gay watches k-dramas.txt #local gay writes fanfic.txt #it's not my fault it's Heon f*cking me up with his hand on Ji Yong's face that spawned this post-canon fic where the latter #comes back from his activities and Heon is in his house. sitting on his couch without warning. Ji Yong's still in his hoodie btw #there's blood all over his face. he is in a state of affairs but you know how i like my men #never mind this will probably like. never see the light of day anywhere and that it's more hurt/comfort than anything else but #we'll see how it goes. that's all i can say for y'all not to get your hopes up i have other sh*t to finish sksksksk #edit: i hate when i listen to music while writing and subconsciously work the lyrics into my sh*t. Polly by Moses Sumney came on #and this is why you have the 'he'll dissolve just like that' line bc uh. 'i'll dissolve / i know it won't solve this (i want to #dissolve) / evolve into rain and spit / you make me go unstitched' if you get it you get it if you don't you don't. full stop

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philsmeatylegss · 5 months

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Noah Scnapp turning off comments on his tiktok and Instagram. The audacity.

#I literally get so angry just thinking about it #it’s one thing to stay silent #it’s another thing to fucking sit laughing with friends coming from your million dollar house about how ‘Zionism is sexy’ and talking about #how scared YOU are when Palestinians aren’t even safe in hospitals and refugee camps is INSANE #it’s one thing to be silent #it’s another thing to support Israel #(which you can tell I already hate)#but it’s fucking MILES AWAY to laugh while parents try to find the body parts of their children in rubble #I get so angry #rae’s rambles #noah schnapp

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july-19th-club · 11 months

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love an ending that is 'happy' in that a desirable outcome is produced, but made complicated by the fact that the protagonist has given up something integral to themself in order to make it so. it's sort of uncool in some circles to admit you LIKE when characters give up something really cool for something pretty basic, but it's all about context and quality of storytelling, right? that sort of conviction - this is a part of my personality that i am permanently renouncing access to, and it's my choice, and i'm going to miss it, but i'm not going to regret it - that's compelling. ending in which a character who loves nothing more than the rush of finding the answer to a question is handed, one day, a puzzle they just don't want to solve. and that part of their life is over, but it's not a bad thing. maybe the answer doesn't need to be known. maybe not knowing it opens you up to a creative mindset you never had before. character who gains some kind of special power chooses to give it up not because they no longer love the ability, not because it hasn't improved their life, but because this thing they love comes with costs, is getting in the way of a life someone they love or loved and lost would want them to live. i'm glad it turned out this way. i miss the missing thing with all my heart. i would let go of it again if i was asked to choose.

#stories where people give up something beautiful to live ordinary lives because there's something in the ordinary life they want more #a very common variant of this is of course the 'immortal character renounces their lifespan for a mortal lover' plot #which is fine and all #but i like more nuanced versions . like my tobias animorphs epilogue idea where he and his mother reconnect more permanently #and one day when he's at her house they have a long. long talk. about what he is going to do now. it's been years but he's still #in this holding pattern of grief and solitude. but his mother is his one anchor to the world of humanity. and she's not getting any younger #and hawk lifespans aren't getting any longer. and they spent so much time away from each other #and he says. i miss her like an amputation mom. how do you keep going?#and she says. not missing your father because i didn't know that i loved him and he was gone was worse #and she asks hm if he's sure he could be human again. if he could give up his hard-earned flexibility of form #and he says we've been sitting here talking for three hours. little late to second-guess it now #this got away from me . but you see my vision #writing tag #animorphs i guess also lol #q

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