#when your brain is not braining bc it's just paining

[vaughnsthebest]

VIVZIEPOP GOT EVERYTHING WRONG.

TVS DONT FUCKING BLUE SCREEN. SHAKING MY FUCKING HEAD. Ruined my perception of the show, and the show for me actually. I am throwing up in pain and misery ever since I have seen this image. And every night as I go to bed, I wonder who in the higher-ups had allowed this? I will rest my head upon my pillow to not be allowed any slumber or closure in my life, my whole brain is just filled with thoughts of misery. When I finally rest my head all I think about is how society has been wronged from this. I wake up to be in more misery as I can’t focus on anything but how wrong we as a society are. Life is going on when we aren’t focusing on the real problems like this, but no. We really are going backwards as a society, downgrading really. I never thought I would have seen something as horrifying as this in all my years of living but I have been wronged. Never again, will I ever have hope in society. I hope the newer generations gaze upon this show with a critical gaze because I will never be emotionally or physically the same. And before one of you nerds go “erm actually..” IM RIGHT YOUR WRONG SHUT UP.. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I AM RIGHT. TVS DO HAVE A BLUE TINT WHEN MESSED UP. BUT MOT A BLUE SCREEN! IN WHAT WAY IS THAT A WINDOWS BLUE SCREEN? HES THE TV DEMON NOT THE FUCKING WINDOWS VISTA DEMON NAME THE FIRST TV DO IT RIGHT NOW IF YOU CARE THIS MUCH ABOUT PROVING ME WRONG. I BET YOU CANT BC I KNOW MORE ABOUT TVS THAN YOU

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #vox hazbin #vox hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin vox #voxval #the vees #vees #vox the tv demon

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Brain not braining today. Just paining 😣

#when your brain is not braining bc it's just paining #my poor babies #i'll never be over it #trying to think in the final timeline helps a little #but it feels so far away right now #they just wanted a family #and they have it for a while #s62 being a found family because i say so #one of them surviving is cruel #kakucho #izana kurokawa #poor kakucho #in my tenjiku depression era #i miss the denial #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #ken wakui pay my theraphy bills

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[dragongirlbunny]

i wish my body just had a diagnostics panel that lists out all of my issues

#i am pretty much always in some kind of pain #not to mention exhausted #and get lightheaded and dizzy easily #and bc i live in the US i cant fucking afford to get to the bottom of the issue #especially when doctors just go 'hm well youre not diabetic and your heart is fine so you should be all good (:' #despite things obviously not being all good #and this isnt even getting into brain shit #such as my goldfish memory or the fact that i cannot fully trust my own observations about my behavior and shit #its all just so infuriating and further compounds the exhaustion #i want a little tablet i can plug into a port on my hip or neck or something #and it goes 'ding' and says 'you have the following disorders'

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[carbonateddelusion]

on a show of hands who here remembers how possession works in the 80s universe it was SO long ago I'm assuming none of you do

#anyway the kids pilot edgar like a fucken. mech all the time and he just kinda lets it happen because experiencing living again makes- #-them happy #it only dies down when Isaac and Noah enter the picture and 1. he does not want them using him as a meat puppet and scaring off isaac n noa #2. once they actually know about the ghosts and they can see how badly it fucks him up because of how frequently they do it... #they put their foot down about it #they just take a while to realize what is actually happening bc. it's edgar. #finding him throwing up isn't something unusual. like he is actually in pretty decent health aside from his disabilities in jack's universe #but you cannot look me in the eye and say that you'd be surprised to find him looking gaunt and about to pass out it's edgar. #common side effects of possession include: #memory loss; nausea; dissociation; phantom pains; brain fog; vertigo; and delayed response to stimuli #but that's just the physical effects. if your body is fighting to kick out a spirit (which edgar's usually isn't) it causes a lot of- #-mental distress and paranoia #the phantom pains specifically are your body and mind trying to sort itself out. the spirit still retains the wounds that lead to death #e.g.; eddie would experience shortness of breath and tension/pain in his neck when mads is controlling him #bc she was strangled

[sooouth]

god DAMN it.

just cried over satosugu for the first time.

#meow.// #satosugu #i literally haven't felt that much about them (still enough y'know) to cry but all of a sudden??? wtf??? #i just cried bc i related them to that one song (christmas kids by roar) and omfg. why does it hurt so much. i thought i could live in PEAC #like. i didn't have to suffer through the pain but nooooo NO ONE IS SPARED. #“you'll change your name or change you mind” #“and leave this fucked up place behind” #“But i'll know” #HISSINg. GROWLING. SOBS #geto literally changed his mind though (thanks kenjaku) #the animatic ideas are swirling in my brain like toilet when i flush the black and white beta fish #BECAUSE THEY'RE BBOTH FUCKING DEAD #jjk #banging my head on the wall please help me save me from this torture. I didn't know gays could hurt me so much. they're tearing me apart #like that one emo werewolf picture that's a meme. that's me but with satosugu atm guys. i'm so sorry for the tag rants. it's like a pigsty #if you follow me i need you to know that i'm not okay and you should stop that immediately because i'm swirling into the abyss #i'm like a melting ice cream from the ice cream truck that they hand you and it gets all over your hands and drips onto the ground #leaving a trail of ice cream drops behind you as you walk away; the music of the truck fading into the distance as your realise #this ice cream SUCKS. #i'm so sorry #south talks too much #irls if you see this i need you to slap me the next time you see me and i'm dead serious.

[crossbackpoke-check]

Willingly [abridged], originally by Tess Gallagher (Amplitude: New and Selected Poems, 1987)

#i have been plagued by this enough that i actually searched to see if i could find a post of it to reblog but it doesn’t exist so here is #my brain waves at ???? from ???? days ago where i just wrote down the draft ‘ajax jack willingly tess gallagher’ in my tumblr & called it ok #when ever the everybody straight until the narrative foil walks in post was going around: carbon dating my drafts by that this is around it #paging but not quite paging brockachu & drartemysia bc ajax jack is theirs but i’m obsessed with it every smidgen #and then i also had to remember that the other half of this poem was my superbuddies seattle heartbreak poem & i had to color code & include #more of the poem than i meant but do an amended version but also write all over it bc i reference this poem a lot in the context of hockey #like i think i talk about it with the caterpillar & the chrysalis too bc of the idea that you are giving up permission of your body #i fully well know this is the poem that i had my ‘red is seattle blue’ twitter thread breakdown about & various a drop of light a chip on #your shoulder the ache passing through superbuddies trade tag emotions about & then also the joyful reunion because it was too terrible #had another poem i was maybe going to web weave with but forgot it in the process of making this :/ frustrating #maybe there is a force that breaks the body diane seuss but just by-product is pain/embrace—divest then sing #not hockey hockey poetry titles #the way i feel unspeakable about where you place the emphasis on think #strangers ‘verse for the dream i could not carry // ‘not remembering’ #ajax jack

[fatcowboys]

doctors? bad.

#tried to talk to my pcp abt migraines. didnt go well. got explained what migraines are and how to manage them #wild to me that i can have all of these migraine symptoms but if i dont have nausea or auras well i an simply wrong #oh yknow. light sensitivity brain fog cognitive difficulties fatigue but bc i dont get nauseous every time or get auras #and then Also got told yknow its important to figure out ur triggers and track ur migraines #maam i literally told u five mintes ago I do in fact. track them. and they are typically triggered by weather and pressure. hello #anyway. i am tired. doctors are the worst #also was told how migraines are debilitating and when you have one its your whole day #as if every person i know who has migraines hasnt worked thru a migraine. #and also as if i havent had those debilitsting ones. they arent Every Day. but all of these other ones feel the same #just a different pain level. #im tired. i hate doctors.

[abyssalpriest]

Working with Leviathan be like

Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired

#ramblings // #Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the #door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you #And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like #duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me #And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me #leviathan // #ramblings // #Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend #And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like #talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories #that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical #bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my #eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and #she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult #:( you know. Just :( #Diary // #The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone #And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it #and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It #Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my #hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo #No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see #it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do #with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my #life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me #takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway #The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it #Thanks Lev #I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao

[hussyknee]

Listen I love Ellen and Oscar but

June Claremont-Diaz 🫱🏽‍🫲🏻 Princess Bea

↓↓

✨ Parentification Trauma ✨

#listen I know there's many reasons this happens even with loving parents #but it's incredibly psychologically damaging to have to fill a parent's shoes for a sibling even if you're legally an adult #because your brain doesnt give a shit how legal you are #it just knows you're prioritizing playing a parental role when you need to be focusing on yourself #my most intense parentification trauma years was between 17–22 #it broke my heart that June left her boyfriend to be with Alex because she knew she's the only one who would prioritise him #and Bea pumping the brakes on her mental health spiral because her baby brother didnt have a functional parent left #granted that may have saved her but having to claw yourself back to sanity bc you have to take care of someone else is seriously non-ideal #and yeah I know that their brothers were worth it and they dont regret it #but they have so much reason to be burnt out and hold their mothers to account good god #women arent caretakers and protectors because we're just built naturally kind. it's because we get left to do the nurturing and caretaking #until it becomes second nature #for my part being a big sister is fundamental part of me and caretaking and protecting and nurturing is who I am now #but the inability to ever put myself first and take space when someone needs me #the inability to turn off the kindness tap even when it's running blood #the instinct to fix things and take responsibility for everyone #it's all incredibly damaging in the long run #''southern goodness'' baby that's the gender conditioning ideal #do you know how much repressed pain it takes to be that kind and gentle #firstprince #june claremont diaz #bea fox mountchristen windsor #parentification #child neglect #emotional neglect #feminism #gender conditioning #knee of huss #rwrb #red white & royal blue

[existencebringsonlypain]

oh I just loooove going blind for upwards of ten seconds every time I stand up. It's my favorite part about being underweight

#i dont have an ed #just naturally lightweight and my meds take away my appetite #but oh my lord vertigo is the worst #one time i was going downstairs to take my meds and the vertigo started as i got to the stairs #and i fell down the entire flight of stairs because i misjudged how close i was to the stairs #i got super lucky and kinda ended up sliding down on my back #it coulda gone a lot worse #but i was still halfway blind and super dissociated bc of the pain #and the blood still hadn't returned to my brain #so when my mom yelled “what happened” i just went “i ...think i fell down the stairs” cuz i eas still processing what happened #but im the end i only got a buncha bruises on my back so i think im lucky #vertigo #existenceunrelateds #physical health #ugh still have a headache from going to wash my hands #personal shit #hey you. yeah you. go take your meds. #and drink water #if you dont you'll fall down an entire flight stairs like me #i'm a cautionary tale #health

[mako-island-moon-pool]

You want to know how bad my memory is?

I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.

I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'

'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'

#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck?? #When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue #Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting #Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha' #It's scary. #I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make #Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it #I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time #And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you. #Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :) #Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather #So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction #Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it #Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write #Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul. #I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin #In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone #I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that. #Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster. #Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you #Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves... #ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter. #I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic #Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying? #Yeah GROOVY

[mossy-rot]

just had a very intense moment of trans joy bc i just realized like. This week im gonna go to work with short hair wearing my binder and im gonna walk in and my coworkers are gonna say "hey lucien" and i'll put on my trans flag pin and my he/they pin and im gonna introduce myself as lucien and holy shit. man. this is real. i can do things like this. will it always be pleasant? no, i still get misgendered by customers constantly. will I be able to go home like this? no, i'll have to change out of my binder as soon as i get home and hide my pins before i even start my car. but i get to go out and wear them in the first place. people still call me by my name despite knowing my deadname. people call me they instead of she when they don't know my pronouns. i have queer coworkers. I feel safe. the other shoe will drop eventually, but until then, i'm going to bask in what i have

#sorry for the emotional dump everybody i was reading tsp fanfiction and just. almost started crying for no reason bc of this #i dont know its just. i didn't think i'd be able to get this far. its the small things #when youre alone so often you forget to look at the bigger picture and even when you do it seems so so far away #like you won't survive long enough to reach it #and you struggle and spiral and wonder if the trek there is even worth all the pain. that maybe itd be easier to submit #but sometimes you hit a place that's your own little safe haven and for once in your life you feel comfortable #and your brain feels a little lighter and suddenly the pain hurts a little less #and you can see that those things aren't so far away. what was once a galaxy away now feels like a mountain #its far away and hard to reach but by god it feels achievable #from a little trans flag sticker to a pin to a name change to voice therapy. i'll get there someday. i'm just happy i got here #i think this is probably one of the most personal posts ive made? eh. idk it might resonate w someone #mossy's rambles #luci's rambles #trans #transgender #trans positivity #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #queer #pride #i didn't really do anything for pride bc my hand was out of commission for the whole month oops- consider this your pride post

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water #it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing #still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy #maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body #and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing #but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things #i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they #crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord #and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness #i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give #interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year #was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped #the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury #and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right #but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel #fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe #but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water #anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time #vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see #unrelated