#which helped me progress a lot I think

[a2zillustration-archive]

I tweeted this with “I just want this man to be happy” and Hangman replied with “yeah you adn me both buddy” and he seems like a swell dude I wish him all the best in life

#this was my desaturated sketched phase in art #which helped me progress a lot I think #but it's very funny that this lasted all of like 2 months #and then I was like nope! never again #aew #all elite wrestling #wrestling #hangman adam page #hangman #adam page #wrestleboys #anxious millennial cowboy

[pettyprocrastination]

not to sound like an insane hipster but I kind of want to get a cassette player to find joy in physical media again

#TJ talks #as well as get me off my phone #a goal for 2024 is limiting my screentime to help my mental health and also day to day productivity #I think last week I averaged at about 4 hours a day on my phone which is. a lot. but it use to be worse! so progress I serpose

[wyllsravengard]

john in rdr1 is so special to me i feel crazuyzuzyszy

#z.gen #rdr1 john is just . so . #like hes like the best of himself embodied and hes so unbelievably duty bound to abi #he loves her so much. and he goes against everything for her and jack. the progression of stupid deadbeat #to worlds most loving and dedicated husband makes me sick #and it makes me feel so unwell that john in rdr1 isnt like arthur. #arthur is a good man. to me it makes sense that he is canonically intended to be moral and upright #mary linton even says so #but i dont think thats true for john. i dont think john is 'moral' as much as he is dutiful #nothing is his concern other than his wife and son and i loveeee that about him so much #i know a lot of people find this to be a fault and surely if you like more heroic characters arthur is much closer to it #but john is so. he is so. #theres something about the way he does anything to protect them that makes me weak #its not self serving like dutch nor is it moral like arthur #everything is for them. everything. every single thing. #he embodies in such a way that it makes me unwell. hes so morally gray but for them? he'd do anything and he does #i just . love how john is bound by duty and not morality #hes not particularly remorseful or good or upright #but he is painfully dutifully. to me because i think thats what he took from the sort of life arthur lead #even though i think arthurs goodness was truer. i think john realized that he isnt arthur #but he became the sort of man he could be and became someone who always paid his debts #and did whatever it took protect what he believes is family. whats important to him #when i think about how deeply his love is tied with loyalty and duty i just get sooo insane. like you dont even get it #and rdr1 john is soooo protective and kind to women and sooo hateful to men which helps #i think rdr2 john is so hateable but rdr1 john is like the most perfect man to ever exist and appeals to me #on a personal level more than arthur. like i just cant stop thinking about him #hes so like. attractive hngfmgkjdf #i can hardly play the game its sooo distracting to listen to him

[devilsskettle]

things i’m trying to do for my life to be better summer 2023 edition —

-> exercise 3x a week at least

-> eat protein

-> find easy recipes with few ingredients so i’ll actually be consistent about cooking actual meals for myself

-> less caffeine: no caffeine on non-work days or after 3 pm

-> habit stacking

-> no phone in the morning (admittedly a challenge because it helps my brain wake up but at what cost)

-> california sober

-> read Something

-> fruit

-> hydrate

-> being consistent about doing the dishes + laundry

-> slowly but surely getting my room together in a way that is fit for human habitation

-> i am a body before i am a mind so i need to prioritize my physical needs

-> traveling as much as i can afford to

#framing these things as trying to make my Life better instead of just trying to Be better is helping also #and being flexible about how i’m achieving these goals also and forgiving to myself if i don’t do everything on this list every day #because i’m not going to be able to do that lol and it’s fine #2023 #anyway i do think i am doing well with a lot of these things! which is progress #what i actually need to start working on now is the next steps of my career #somebody hold me at gun point and force me to apply to these certificate programs #also i should probably make an appointment with a psychiatrist to refill my meds #but i haven’t taken them in a hot minute since i ran out and i’m feeling good so idk maybe i don’t need to do that #maybe that’s the devil talking but i want to see if i can manage my symptoms with these lifestyle changes before i go back to meds

[heyitsphoenixx]

.

#personal vent incoming to just get off my chest don't be weird about it #i've known since i was a kid that my dad was overtly abusive but #just in the last 3-5 months i've learned my mom was and currently is almost just as abusive #but she's just covert about it instead #all of my adolescence was about surviving my dad who was so obviously a monster that he was almost easier to deal w in a way by comparison #this is. what an utter mind fuck #there's also like. no member of my family that i can turn to for help #bc they're either just as bad or my mother has ruined any relationship i might have w them over time #and i also fear being a burden #so i'm making a plan to get out but god it's overwhelming thinking about doing it all alone #and the thought that it might take years to actually get out or get healthy #she's kept me isolated from any support for so long #and im afraid any family that could possibly help wouldn't fully understand or they would be just as bad as her #and it feels impossible to progress at all bc im living w her and literally filed as her dependent on taxes #like ik this is gonna be the hardest thing to escape in my life and i've already escaped a lot #but this time i have to largely on my own #is v scary #and she's conditioned me to believe that i can't make any right decisions on my own without her #and that anything i do is always 'backwards' #makes it that much harder to make a clear plan #her work schedule is so inconsistent that it makes getting therapy online (since i don't have a license or car yet) nearly impossible #to do it without her or my brother listening #that i've just felt trapped for years #but. i can Tell i'm getting better now and rapidly. more than i've been for a v long time #so the process is just beginning and i think even she can tell #which is also dangerous #but ik i can do this its just the amount of time and effort and organizing behind her back and doing it alone thats v overwhelming #but anyway #we stay silly

[needylittlegirl]

now i have not ever been in labor before but i genuinely think im experiencing pains at the same or very close level which is crazy

#mytxt #i mean like #i always see people w endo saying theyd rather go through childbirth again instead of the endo pains #but you don’t really. Think about it like that #like yeah sure anyone can say that but you dont really conceptualize it until you’re experiencing it #like almost every month i have to experience pains that ppl describe as worse than childbirth??? thats crazy #luckily i dont have it every month cause of birth control but its kind of starting to be every other month #its just wild to think about and also awful to experience #and i completely forgot that its a Progressive thing. it gradually gets worse #because scar tissue builds and stuff i didnt even think abt that #til a few weeks ago when i saw my doc and she said yeah this is age is usually when it worsens for awhile #which. Yeah the last like 3 or 4 times have been insanely bad #it also doesnt help that one of those times my iud had screwed me over and tore a little hole but #still #idk #im trying to override my pain but thinking about how medically interesting it is #bc thats what i do with everything else i just go well if i think about it from a medical standpoint its not that bad! #thats how i get through most of my doc appointments #and i think thats why a lot of doctors dont really believe or realize how drastic a lot of things can be #bc theyre thinking about it medically and not like its a real person #sorry for rambljng im having so many thoughts #tbd

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Today has been a good day :)

#it started off low-key… stressful is too strong of a word #but I was feeling a bit nervous about some school things #BUT THEN I watched a YouTube video that made me laugh so that was nice #AND THEN I spent a while outside in a hammock with the sun shining on me and a chilly wind blowing through #and then my cat got chased around by my dog so that was entertaining aksvsjvsjsv #he’s perfectly fine just a bit disgruntled #then me and my family went to a good restaurant to visit other family members #which was a very nice change of pace #the food was good and the milkshake was better #…oh shoot #great I think I left my milkshake in the car #oh crap anyway- #then I was able to spend some time on tumblr which helped me unwind a LOT #then I watched my brother and my dad attempt to play a Mario game together #disaster. it was a disaster. we laughed so hard #now I’m trying to write annnnnd they’re still playing Mario okay #all in all this day has brought me a lotta happiness and I’m very content right now :) #I even made some progress on the school thing I was worried about!! #my post #rambling in tags

[boypurse]

i think the reason a lot of people identified as lgbtq that wasn’t was because of the promise queer related content made that everything is perfect in their relationships and straight ones had a bad rap for being bad when in reality . we r all just fuckd up

#pin.txt #i think this a bunch hkys #all the queer media popular back then was liek happy go lucky owl house fanon couples that didn’t focus on the bad #which isn’t bad at all actually good queer rep was like just getting good i fink #other than having tragic stuff like broke back mountain or call me by your name every thing is a secret so dirty blah blah blah #it was a moment where queer media was becoming more than a quote on quote cult classic #and more enjoyable to watch with its happy go lucky silliness #but that whole wave of it did help ppl find themselves i think and there was a lot more acceptance then than now #we’re like. de progressing rn it’s becoming weird again uh oh everyone let’s all kill ourselves 🙁 #lawl

[oh-gh0st]

thinking

#ghosts rambles #woke uo. i am somewhat awake #ive been kind if realizing how im starting to prefer drawing ghostoro instead of shinushi… like #i dont want to stop drawin shinushi all together but i dont think i developed their dynamic enough to be appealing to me #so i draw ghostoro instead because i gave them the “normal couple” dynamic. like theyre not overly in love w each other but #<- they still know that the other loves them compassionately. regardless if they say or show it which leaves room for experimentation #and the fact it has more like plot development to it??? CHARACTER PROGRESSION. THATS THE WORD #ive said what ghost’s purpose was in oso san before but ill say it again. they help choro be put into his place and humble him So much #come 5 years later hes a completely changed man #maybe because they bounce off of each other well. both are short tempered but one knows how to control it and the other lets it get to him #IDK… ive been seeing it a lot more lately #again i dont wanna stop drawing shinushi buts its like. i need to work on it before im passionate ab them as much as i am w ghostoro

[thespacesay]

one thing I feel like people miss in the discussions around the ridiculously low pay rates allowed for certain groups of disabled individuals is that in order to effectively change that, we first need to tackle funding for programs that support the types of disabled individuals who receive these pays. while i'm speaking to my personal connections to this, those low pay rates typically are social programs. these programs create jobs that are applied for via social workers assigned to disabled individuals by the state, and not through job applications. they are notoriously underfunded, primarily run by companies or groups who want to be seen as progressive, and typically are shut down rather than given increased funding.

for example: a recent change in a local pay rate for disabled individuals made it so my downs syndrome brother got like... $7 every two weeks (low hours + low pay) instead of $3. cool! for people who need more hours and the money it gives them, that sounds great!

but the thing is, at least for all the programs I know of, these programs are typically designed with people like my brother as the primary goal: adult disabled indiviuals for whom the goal of work is not to have a job, not to make money, but to provide a consistent socialization system. my brother is financially supported by our family, and he's disabled in ways where financial wellbeing is beyond his cognitive abilities. almost no money is put into the programs beyond paying a program manager, and it's generally used as a public "look at us, being so nice to provide for disabled adults!" thing. when my brother's pay went up due to legal changes... the company decided to simply end the program rather than invest in paying more.

again, i'm fully for raising their wages. I think the absolutely pitiful amount of money they're paid for legitimate work is terrible, and i'm well aware that my brother works with others who need what finances they can get through these jobs. but there's more to this than just wages. there's campaigning for better social programs so that there's something for them to fall back on. there's looking into how your local programs for disabled individuals are run, and ensuring they have enough money and equipement to provide a safe working environment for their workers. there's understanding who is paying these wages, what their goals are, and holding them accountable to helping disabled people instead of using people like my brother on an endless stream of advertisements to show how socially progressive they are.

and i'm really not joking about those ads. god, I really, really wish I was. my brother is visibly disabled, adores public attention, and very friendly. he's in like... 3 programs and featured in newsletters or ads probably 3-5 times a year. those programs have also let him wander out the door and not noticed for over an hour, fired program managers for manufactured reasons after they request funding for small but meaningful changes, and... been the local police. guess which group is the only one that never shuts down from a lack of funding?

I honestly can't tell you how best to help disabled people in your area. my needs as a disabled person are vastly different than either of my brothers, and all of us have terrible problems with employment not providing for us in vastly different ways. but if you're just tacking on "disabled people deserve better wages" to a broader "people deserve a living wage" with no nuance, you have got to understand that you can be actively harming the very people you want to support.

#i don't know how best to phrase this all #but just. i'm upset for my brother because when this program shuts down he's losing access to his friends who live in group homes #and i'm upset for his friends who are in turn losing more of their already very limited access to places outside of their house #i'm frustrated in the so-called progressive groups that pushed for this and said nothing when it led to 3/5 of the major programs #for disabled adults in that area who cannot work 'standard' jobs to close #because there was no effort to hold the companies providing those programs accountable to not just... close. fire them. anything like that. #and god knows none of them and none of the families of this group of largely cognitively/physically disabled adults in our area #have any fucking money to hire lawyers to even see if there *is* a case that could be brought #and of course the remaining programs are a new one by a group that i don't trust at all with my brother's health and safety #and the even worse one: the fucking cops! #just... there's probably poorly phrased shit throughout this and i really hope people can provide some better ideas and shit #but this is a personal rant in response to seeing 'progressives' use disability as a cute platform and having a lack of detailed attention #to the ramifications of how they tried to 'help' them #i'm also struggling to try to define like... i'm disabled. i'm not who these conversations are about #these conversations are about a different group of disabled individuals than me #and in the area my brother lives in i'm passingly familiar with a lot of the group of disabled adults who utilize the social programs #these wage conversations typically refer to #and among them i don't think i know any who *can* self advocate about this #also the consistency with which this happens every like. 5 or so years is really terrible #in reference to calling these jobs programs: they are programs. we apply my brother to them via his state social worker

[rigelmejo]

chinese reading notes:

my reading skill is funny (to me) because like. if reading sort of focusing on individual words, like when i read knowing i’m going to look words up (so reading intensively), it feels like i don’t know as much as compared with

when i’m reading extensively, particularly when i play audio (so i can’t stop or pause), when i comprehend things JUST FINE that if i read slower with word lookup i’d be ‘stumbling’.

i think part of this odd contradiction with reading skill, is when i read extensively like i must when audio is playing, i just take the context+hanzi i know+unknown-hanzi-radicals and then make a guess of any unknowns which is usually perfectly close to the real meaning. i have to make the guess instantly so i just rely on what i recognize. Like when i heard “effervescent” or “macabre” something in an english audiobook, i STILL as an adult am not sure on the exact definition, but based on how i heard it in the audiobook or when reading i can guess what it means good enough. 

So like. When I’m reading chinese extensively, which listening alongside audio requires of me, i do the same process in my brain. i see the equivalent of “luminescent” and like with english i just guess based on what i’ve got instantly and move on. Which is a good skill frankly to be able to also do in chinese as in my other reading languages. But, when I slow myself down and MAKE myself look up words, i suddenly am no longer seeing sentences as a ‘whole’ and start using word lookup for lots of individual words i could have figured out from context. On the upside, this word lookup is likely helping increase my mental information of said words. On the downside, it slows me down a lot, and perhaps i should go back to my old rule of “only 5-10 word lookups per chapter” so i don’t pause so much unless its a word i actually could use direct full definition help for.

I’ve been reading dmbj 1, and of course intensively reading it with Readibu (like most things this month). And for the first 3 chapters i’d say that was useful, as dmbj has some genre-specific unknown words (miners lamp, shovels, tomb, bury, engraving, scroll, mummy etc) that were useful to know the Specific Definition for and then repeatedly look up and drill initially so I’d know them quickly. But now that I’m at chapter 11? I noticed that when I extensively read it with the audio playing, i got through the chapter faster and had no problem following the plot. Whereas I know when I extensively read chapter 10 i stopped a bunch to look up words, and now i know i was probably mostly looking up words i’m now familiar enough to grasp in context i was just leaning on word-lookup as a crutch. 

Will i keep leaning on the crutch? Not sure. Like srs flashcards, or Listening Reading Method (when doing both steps 2 and 3), i think repeatedly looking up unknown and ‘foggy’ words as i read does do the repetitive-definition exposure that tends to get words learned quickly. So while repeated-word-lookup of words i’d learn eventually anyway through context slows down reading speed, it does probably allow me to pick up these words Faster than picking the words up only through extensive reading. (On the flipside though, if you’re also doing a lot of reading, a decent amount of extensive reading really really HELPS ones ability to comprehend full sentences whether u know what’s in them or not, so some extensive reading is always good).

I am trying to do a balance right now of extensive to intensive, so that I’m at least Sometimes picking up words the same way i did in english reading. I’m currently extensively reading 梦幻小公主 1, which is perfect for this. It feels a LOT like reading in middle school in english felt for me - lots of words i know, and lots of new fantasy/description words i don’t know but can guess really easily. I also needed to add some fantasy reading anyway - eventually i need to grasp horror (i already have a good vocab for this), crime (decent vocab but i need more police/legal vocab), supernatural (i already have good vocab), fantasy/xianxia (i know basic terms but need more), wuxia (i know basic but need more), and business (need a lot more) genre vocabulary. I’m also extensively reading 镇魂 while listening to the audiobook (who knows how long i’ll stick to it/if i’ll finish ToT), which is a good ‘harder’ novel for me to do other extensive reading in. 

completely unrelated:

nothing like seeing japanese again to remind me how utterly grateful i am for how hanzi work. i learned during studying chinese that i’m actually quite an auditory learner. as in, i tend to remember sounds well and sounds help me remember things, audio learning materials seem to work well for me etc. So with hanzi, usually hanzi only have 1 pronunciation (or a couple in some particular cases which at least for the de/di have to do with grammar function), and that pronunciation usually is tied to a radical in the hanzi. Now that I’ve learned the basic hanzi and gotten farther, i realize how i learn a VAST majority of new hanzi is “oh those radicals! its pronounced X! now i’ll listen to the audio real quick, remember X=this word meaning, and the water radical hints its moisture cool got it!” I remember 搂， 握， 提，抬， 拉 this way - hand radical so it has to do with hand-related verb movements, the other half is the pinyin so i just remember oh lou=X meaning if i see it with a hand radical. Idk if i’m explaining well, but basically sound is a huge way i remember hanzi and their meaning. I see new hanzi and for me the radical/portion related to sound IS the sound ‘spelling’ to me. So its kind of like how i recognize english words but a bit different? like i see “lumi” in english and know that spelling means “light”. Well for hanzi i see the pronunciation portion and know okay i remember that spelling+hand radical = X word. So for me hanzi start looking like word-pieces, which are just as easy to start recognizing as they were in english.

Meanwhile, with japanese, the kanji are truly my weakest point to remember. Remembering the meanings is NOT hard, because so many meanings vaguely transfer from hanzi to kanji or are close enough i can relate the new japanese meaning to the kanji fairly easily. What is hard, is the pronunciation. So many kanji have several pronunciations, and i am used to relating a portion of pronunciation to the radical/portion of the character. with kanji i can’t do that, i might see the same ‘sound’ radical in 3 kanji but they aren’t pronounced the same! And of course i’ll see a SINGLE kanji, and on it’s own it will have a few pronunciations. i never realized my hurdle back when i started japanese years ago wasn’t actually kanji meaning remembering. My hurdle was actually “brain likes to associate ONE sound to one symbol” and kanji do not do that. 

In my brain hanzi are a bit like english in that a portion of it (the sound portion) just is ‘spelling/pronunciation’ in my mind, and then the other portion is a hint of wtf the sound means (which in a way is nicer than english which does not always hint wtf the word means within the word). Kanji don’t seem to have any inherent “this is the pronunciation obviously” component, and i think for me that confuses the hell out of me. Which is even further complicated by the fact kanji change pronunciation representation depending on both words, and conjugations attached at the end. 

Anyway, as a result of my brain getting hung up on kanji pronunciation: my japanese reading-only skills are evolving fairly well (thanks hanzi-near-cognate transfer ToT), and my listening-only skills improve fairly expectedly (yay). But the combination of being able to know the pronunciation of what i read? Is VERY limited to only words i know well through listening. Because i need to know the word SO well that i remember the pronunciation and just match it up to the “symbol kanji-conjugated hiragana” reading chunk. Hence my study has been heavily leaning toward listening to japanese for the past year. Because the stronger my listening foundation, the better my kanji pronunciation. But without the listening foundation in a word, the kanji words keep fucking confusing me - their meaning is easy enough to remember, but their pronunciation (and therefore the specific word they represent) is so hard for me to figure out.  

#rant #reading #progress #anyway i think learning i AM an audio learner this past year was a big thing #it makes a lot of things make more sense #like back when i studied french and spanish. i simply could NOT stop confusing them until i studied pronunciation for both languages. #then simply having that mental sound distinction in my head made keeping them separate eons easier. #with chinese i think i partly picked up on it fast BECAUSE its svo structure which just is easier to me to intuitively grasp. #but also because its hanzi are visual-audio symbols. and rely on those both a lot #i remember visuals easily. but even more than that i apparently rely heavily on pronunciation #like... i think what would help me a TON in japanese would be a book/course #that explains a lot of japanese 'root word' sounds. like how in english 'lumi' means light #i need to know what sounds usually mean X topic in japanese. #if i knew any time i saw hajime it meant 'start/begin' then new words would get easier to link to pronunciation #any time i saw 'hana' if i knew it often meant it was flower related. id remember easier #basically if i knew root word sounds in japanese. i feel my sound/visual lack of information would stump me less. #i wonder if such a book/resource exists

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Day 361, and today's attempt at redrawing 13 year old art is going significantly better than yesterday's XD

I was going through a lot of my old digital art yesterday and there's so much of it I want to redo, it's almost funny. I also learned that Photobucket has gone down the shitter and has become significantly more evil since the last time I used it. I'm gonna check this weekend to make sure all my original stuff is backed up on my external drive—it should be, but you never know.

Anyway, original is under the cut for direct comparisons without dash stretching!

#the great artscapade of 2022 #bobbi's being weird again #art #my art #art evolution #art progress #character design #I think I've decided on a New Year's Resolution #like I'm still gonna do daily art that's not changing #but this year I'm going to add Scheduling My Chores™ and see if that makes me more consistent in keeping things clean #use Fridays to do dishes and Saturdays to do laundry and the last Saturday of the month to do bedding (plus regular laundry) #yes I know the bedding should be changed more frequently but look #look #once a month is already more frequently than I currently do it #vacuuming and dusting are my roommate's chores but depending on how on top of things I can get I might take over those #I might wind up falling off of this bandwagon #considering a lot of my inconsistencies are due to periods and illnesses #both of which pretty much immobilize me for at least a day or two and have VERY BAD HABITS of hitting near the weekends #but #if I can get into the habit of laundry and dishes once a week at minimum I think that will help a lot #so I'm gonna try to do that

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

oh i might have gastroparesis which is fun and new

#rhi talks #i went to the doctor like hey girl can i get like an x ray or something maybe and she was like. no you can get a new chronic illness though. #turns out the fact that i have been feeling progressively sicker for the past month and my long history of stomach problems was NOT anxiety! #suck on that ! paralyzing my pyloric sphincter to own the libs ! #anyways. to be entirely honest i have been thinking about this mostly through the lens of bad jokes and 'could be worse' #to avoid processing it in its intimidating entirety. which is fine. and an okay coping mechanism actually. #the meds seem to be helping a lot and as gp goes my case is relatively mild so i will live on it seems #cant get rid of me that easy! #jokes on you god i LOVE smoothies!

[sheerioswifties]

.

#...rant post incoming.... #WHY THE ACTUAL FCK IS THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IN THE US SO FCKED UP HELL #WHY IS DENTAL NEVER COVERED BY MEDICAL INSURANCE YOUR MOUTH IS FREAKING PART OF YOUR BODY WTFFFFFF #I CANNOT I JUST I CANNOT EVERY TIME WE GET ON A ROLL AND GET AHEAD MAKE PROGRESS WE GET HIT #WITH LIKE 84 THINGS AT ONCE OMFG I CANNOT DEAL I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN WHICH HEALTH CARE ALSO WON'T DEAL WITH AND I DUCKING #I HAVE CARTS I NEED TO CHECK OUT FROM TARGET AND AMAZON FOR THINGS WE NEED PET AND HUMAN FOOD AND MEDICAL STUFF THAT OH BC IT'S OTC YOYOK #FCKING I'M SO FRUSTRATED I HAD A $34 SOMETHING CART OF MERCH I WANTED BUT NO BYE AND #BUTTERS MY CHINCHILLA HE TURNED 14!!! TODAY! !! AND I'VE HAD AN ETSY CART JUST SITTING THERE WITH THINGS HE NEEDS FOR HIS CAGE AND #AND THERE'S THINGS I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT YET ONLINE BUT LIKE FAM I AM SO STRESSED #I'M WE'RE TRYING SO FREAKING HARD TO GET BACK ON OUR FEET ON OUR OWN IT'S A LOT BUT WE CAN DO IT EXCEPT WHEN STUPID SHIT HAPPENS #AND TBH I'M A LIL BIT TERRIFIED ABOUT THE OUTCOME OF THE MIDTERMS WORST CASE IT'S CIVIL WAR AND I'M SORRY BUT NO? ! #BUT LIKE IF SOCIAL SECURITY AND OTHER THINGS ARE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK? !?!?!'& #IDK WHAT TO DO I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO ASK ANYWHERE FOR HELP AND FRANKLY THERE ISN'T MUCH BC SO MANY PPL STRUGGLING NOW #FOOD BANKS ARE LOOKING THE WAY THE GROCERY STORES EMPTY SHELVES LOOK #MY FREAKING DIGESTIVE SYSTEM IS ALL FCKED FROM ANTIBIOTICS I HAD TO TAKE BC TOOTH INFECTION SPREAD INTO MY WHOLE CHEEK FREAKING HALF MY FACE #AND WE FOUND WHAT PROBIOTICS ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP BUT A BOTTLE IS $60 I'VE HAD IT BEFORE IT DOES HELP BUT FCKNVDZYDYDYDYDHDH #LIKE I'M OUT OF DISH SOAP AND CHEESE AND GOTTA WAIT A BIT OR FIND THINGS TO SELL #THIS IS I'M SO TIRED OF STRUGGLING I'M SO TIRED OF BEING STUCK IN A BODY THAT WON'T FUNCTION TO ALLOW ME TO GO BACK OUT THERE AND WORK #I'M JUST UGH I'M SO FRUSTRATED #I'M TRYING TO THINK OF THINGS TO SELL OR TRADE OR SMTH FOR GIFT CARDS OR SMTH BUT I JUST IDK???? I DON'T RLY HAVE DIGITAL SKILLS TO DO I #AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY COUSINS IN THE MILITARY SHIT IS GETTING REAL OUT THERE BTW AND ALL YOU FAM IN EUROPE I'M THINKING OF YOU #EVEN JUST HOW BAD THE WINTER IS GONNA BE AND SHIY LIKE I NEED TO GET A SPACE HEATER AND BLANKETS AND #A TENT IF IT COMES TO THAT LIKE WHAT THEY HAD TO DO IN TEXAS AND LIKE ETC IN CASE BUT NOPE PUT OFF BC OF MY FCKIN TEETH #I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE OF A WIFE OF AN ADULT OF EVERYTHING DUCK MY STUPID ILLNESSES THIS IS SUCH BS #I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE NOT BE STUCK IN THIS RUT GSD DAMMIT #I'M LIKE LITERALLY LIKE GOD OF WE COULD SOMEHOW JUST LIKE WIN OR SELL SOMETHING FOR LIKE $5000 IT WOULD CHANGE SO MUCH #10 WOULD LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIVES OUR CARS BROKEN DOWN WE COULD GET A SAFER ONE ETC ETC GET OVER THIS STUPID HURDLE IN THE WAY OF US #FINALLY NOT ONLY STABILIZED BUT CAN GET BACK TO HELPING #IT'S FCKED THAT MOST AMERICANS ARE THAT MUCH THAT LITTLE RATHER AWAY FROM THINGS LIKE EVEN 500 CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GETTING BY #ANOTHER MONTH OR FALLING INTO POVERTY AND HOMELESSNESS

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

2 & 3 from section 1 for peri and 7 from whichever section has a more interesting #7 for diodore -moss

oooh these are fun ones!

2. Describe their tent set-up (outside and inside) (Peri)

I think Peri's tent is constructed similarly to Gale and Astarion's (boxy, fabric walls, little covered area outside). Deep blue fabric w/ golden astronomical embroidery, mostly the sort of thing you see on star maps. Little golden tassles around the edges of the tarp (?) and the doorframe. He'd have a small, circular, dark wood side table short enough that you can use it sitting on the ground, and a dark blue pillow next to it; there would be some parchment and a bronze miniature astrolabe on the table. The inside would be just. full to the brim with the gaudiest night-sky-themed pillows you've ever seen. No bedroll, no palette, just a nest that would put those cube pits in trampoline parks to shame. There would be two bird perches for his familiar Medani: one taller one next to his tent and one shorter one under the overhang. The shorter one would have a crow-sized bow-tie hanging from it. Rugs on rugs on the outside area ofc. 3. What would their character quest be titled? Why? (Peri)

This is a hard one! His tav ending involves taking over the Waterdeep arm of the Harpers, so I think his arc would have something to do with that. He'd be pretty bitter about being dropped into another near-apocalyptic mess when dealing with the last one a few years prior was supposed to be a one-time thing. Something-something ptsd in a world that doesn't have the words for that yet, something-something 'once a hero always a hero', something-something the weight of responsibility...he's a planeswalker so I think part of it would be whether he decides to stay on Toril long-term and directly help rebuild the Waterdeep Harpers or if he continues to run travel around afterwards, so maybe The Far Traveller/The Far Walker?

Harpson/Fae-son are also potential options. "Fae-son" nods to him being a changeling without it being super obvious (like Astarion's "The Pale Elf"). It would also mimic his backstory reveals from RoT ("oh he's not 'from here' so, like, the Feywild" -> "OH he's not from here"). 7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one? (Diodore)

Buckle up because we're in for a long one here. I've thought about Dora's story arc a lot because she's the first of my tavs that I truly made for the game while having full control over her backstory, etc. (versus Corentin, who had their arc baked into the story as a durge). Dora's a paladin of Corellon (oath of ancients) and her story arc as a companion would have to do with whether or not she should accept capital-r-Redemption, the process by which a drow can be truly "freed" from Lolth and rejoin the ranks of the rest of elven society. It involves all of the Redeemed drow's memories being erased and them being reincarnated as a surface elf. The implication seems to be that without that, regardless of a drow's actions, they'd be thrown back to Lolth when they die? Or at least that their eternal fate is unknown (which is the way I prefer to think of it for. personal reasons). Under normal circumstances, Dora would be a long way from Redemption being presented to her at all (she's not even 200 yet and has only been on the surface for a couple decades), but like with the other gods' Chosen among the companions, near-apocalyptic circumstances tend to speed up those sorts of things.

Of course, you'd have the themes of faith & relationship with deity when they're all unequivocally real and are also mostly all assholes; maintaining or breaking generational cycles; facing the unknown; morality when none of your choices are "good" (and how that interacts with morality vs self preservation); power vs freedom; identity outside of the people who made you; etc. The choice would first be presented to her sometime in late Act I/early Act II, likely the first long rest after the group resurfaces from the Underdark and you've probably gotten some of her backstory already. I have no idea how Larian would have characterized Corellon, but he's considered one of the more benevolent/open-minded deities iirc, which could be interesting to see contrasted with Mystra, Vlaa'kith, and Shar. How much that open-mindedness would extend to a drow, even one who has been a faithful follower even before she escaped to the Surface (and who inherited that faith from her father), is unclear. At the beginning of the game she would be leaning towards accepting Redemption, despite her own misgivings about whether or not she would still be her in that case.

Her final decision (at the ending pier scene) would depend on the relationship she has with the PC and the other companions. Her best ending, imo, would be her not accepting Redemption but continuing to be a force for good. If she has a good relationship with the PC, she would have something to lose. I think seeing the House of Mourning would affect her too. After all, the thing Corellon is offering to her as a way to find peace is the same thing the Sharrans are using as a way to manipulate and control others.

She's viscerally aware of how she was socialized and very actively chooses "good", so pushing her towards a darker path would be incredibly difficult but not impossible. If you side with the goblins she'll leave immediately, and turn on you if she's in your party when you attack the grove. But if you decide to try and control the cult in Act II, depending on your over-all actions before then and how you've interacted with her, you could disillusion her to the point of convincing her to break her oath. That path would entail convincing her that controlling the cult is actually the best idea. I'm sure there would be other times that her oath could break that wouldn't necessarily lock her into an "evil" path, especially with how Oathbreakers are handled in the game. Knocking out Minthara instead of killing her outright and letting Auntie Ethel go in Act I instead of killing her are two things that come to mind.

If she doesn't choose Redemption she would be at the epilogue party, of course. I'm a bit undecided on what would happen if she does choose Redemption. She may not be there at all, w/ Jaheira, Halsin, Minthara, and/or Astarion mentioning running into her in her new, reincarnated state. Or she would be there, confused, and mention how the PC seems familiar in a way she can't quite place. In that case, she would ask them how they know each other and mention something about feeling a twinge of grief looking at everyone, but that she doesn't know why she feels that way. It would be up to the PC how much they tell her (if they tell her anything at all).

#ty for the ask mossy!! #and sorry for the wait lol a couple of these stumped me for a minute #thinking about peri & jaheira as narrative parallels... #b/c i want to be clear here. peri was and is *not* looking for more responsibility re: harpers #he was perfectly happy doing security systems. him not seeking power was an active character choice i made for him b/c he's a wizard #but in the Faerun In My Head (tm) the Waterdeep Harpers also get decimated by the Absolute b/c why would they not? theyd be a major threat #especially b/c their high harper was the catalyst for forming the lord's alliance and. like. you think they're *not* reconvening? #for Weird Cult Two: 2 Cult 2 Furious?? #gortash would take remallia OUT if at all possible #and also I like torturing my characters #and i think the whole 'weight of duty'/hero's curse (once you get drawn into one situation you can't ignore the others/they come to you) #thing is interesting for peri in particular. the man just wants to live a quiet life and he will! for the most part. #just now with thousands of lives in his hands b/c he's helped stop 2 apocalypses and is irrevocably tied to the fate of the Coast now #his conscious wouldn't let him just leave the Harpers or Waterdeep to rot. and that seems to be similar to the situation jaheira's in #generational cycles the cruel march of time history repeats itself etc etc #that's also why i think he would get Weave'd and have an unusually long lifespan. he wanted to rest and the universe said “no <3” #i think about dora's story a lot also because the whole 'you can be redeemed (from something you were born with) #but only by removing integral parts of yourself' thing hits *right* in the religious trauma #you cant tell me there wouldn't be *some* part of a Redeemed Drow's soul that remembers the people from before they were changed #unless they just. get a new soul in which case it literally isn't them anymore. #doras first real & healthy relationships happen in-game #thats part of why she's drawn to astarion. his bullshit is predictable to her and therefore feels safer. #definitely safer than whatever is going on with the others #(also why she trusts karlach so quickly: she's straightforward and blunt & doesn't really hide things? #and was also the only one to warn her against astarion. dora'd literally never had someone like that in her life before so it stuck) #and she'd feel a bit uncomfortable w/ the concept of Redemption at first but who is she to argue with a god? #esp one who seems kinder than many of the others #but as the story progresses she realizes that she *can* trust these people and that they trust her #and she sees how Gale and Shadowheart and Lae'zel are struggling w/ their deities #and not only does she have something to lose now but she's seeing more of how the gods work generally

[viosjaan]

i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here

#i am sorry #truly genuinely #ive been trying to justify it to myself that we weren't technically together and you said go kiss other people ill still be here meet your #needs in the way you want #but i think it was #yesterday #this guy flirted with me and i flirted back but then suddenly this wave of disgust and self loathing hit me #like what am i even doing #how could i have done that #you were sitting there thinking we're okay you thought we were still together and im just in a bad mood going thru one of those depressive #episodes you were so understanding when you shouldn't have been because if i say im in love with you i should be there for you every step #of the way. #but you go through so much shit alone and im never there for you or atleast not there for you a lot of times and then i blame you for #liking your bestfriends more like it's so stupid obviously love should be reliable stable #and we were something na. we were everything except the label #i should have told you the moment i started feeling empty and dissatisfied again #but just. this isn't an excuse but like i didn't want to hurt you by bringing up this same fight for the one thousandth time #we agreed that you're not in the position to give more and i agreed to be okay with it and i really was. #but i can't help myself i want to give you everything i hate that feeling that i need to be less love less WANT less. mujhse nahi ho pata #i wasn't lying or pretending to be okay with it i was TRYING my best to be okay with it because i love you and this was the only way to #not lose you forever #now i just want to move on fr and be just friends with you. i can't lose you as a person but i don't know how to make this up to you #i am physically incapable of being in this situationship i want a relationship or a friendship i can't with this in between #which is what i told you in jan. i remember my chest actually feeling heavy with fear bc i was so scared of hurting you and getting hurt #again. jokes on me my worst fears came true all the progress we made by taking space is lost #i don't know if you really deleted my playlist. i tried to listen to more songs from it but they're so. lovely. talking about epic grand #love. which we have. but it's like waving a candy in front of a kid and snatching it away it hurts too much to have all the feelings and #none of the relationship. now that ive talked to some people in the romantic sense i get it #you were my best love my most perfect love there are no flaws there's nothing anyone else can do that can be equal or more to what you did #but idk it isn't meant to be maybe there's no future