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wovenstarlight · 1 year

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Hello! I'm thinking about your cached AU again and I was wondering, what is Yoojin's relationship with Song Taewon with like? Because their relationship in canon (at least up to where I've read) is heavily influenced by the fact that Yoojin is an F rank who holds power over S Ranks, making him both a threat and someone to protect. Does Taewon just go red alert whenever Yoojin around now? Does Yoojin keep trying to be friends with him? Does Taewon find that terrifying?

HAHAHAHAHHA. OH BOY. THIS SURE IS A QUESTION THAT HAS AN ANSWER. a very long answer so i'm putting it under a cut. thanks for waiting and im sorry if its incoherent its like 6ish local time. or maybe not im not very concerned wth reading clocks rn

(on ao3)

——

Be careful.

Taewon had wondered, when he received that message from Sung Hyunjae, if it was some sort of joke. A sly way of telling him he’d made trouble somewhere and he’d better prepare for the incoming paperwork, perhaps. The fact that it had been encoded suggested some degree of seriousness to it, but it was vague enough that he’d dismissed it and gotten ready for this long-delayed meeting.

Taewon locks eyes with Han Yoojin and is immediately struck by the complete lack of fear he finds there. So much so that he barely notices when Sung Hyunjae crushes his car with the breezy efficiency of a compactor.

And even as Sung Hyunjae gets out of his own car, even as he turns that amused, glittering gaze onto Han Yoojin, no apprehension sparks to life. No nerves. Just a cool, faintly disappointed look that he turns on the Seseong Guild Leader.

It stops the man in his tracks. Song Taewon blinks at Sung Hyunjae, faint smile frozen on his face, and looks back at Han Yoojin, who’s gazing at him now with a welcoming smile on his face.

…So that was a real warning, then.

Surely it can’t be for what Taewon thinks it is.

—

Taewon was told Han Yoojin was an A-rank. While the Hunter Association staff had confirmed his stats were well within standard range, they’d also made no secret of gossiping about how even the A-rank he’d come in with had looked vaguely spooked. How Han Yoojin carried himself with that unthinking confidence and grace all S-ranks had. How, when Seok Gimyeong had gone to personally take him through the registration process, Han Yoojin’s expression had gone flat and stony, and while he’d cooperated, something in his demeanor had had everyone around him going quiet and hurrying through the steps as fast as possible.

What it boils down to, in the end, is a sense that he’s not what he seems.

What Taewon thinks it is, quite simply, is a high-rank fear-inducing skill. Han Yoojin has no reason to claim he’s lower-ranked than he actually is, not when being higher-ranked would mean getting fast-tracked to a much better lifestyle than what he had before.

What Taewon realizes upon meeting Han Yoojin is that either he was very, very wrong about the other man’s ambition (or lack thereof, as it happens), or that the fear induction skill is far more potent than anyone let on.

“Chief Song-nim?”

Taewon stares at Han Yoojin. He’s merely standing there with a bag of instant coffee in hand, gazing at Taewon over his shoulder, and yet, if Taewon’s phone was in his hand right now, he’d probably have crushed it. As it is, he realizes distantly, his nails are digging little crescents into his palms. “Han Yoojin-ssi,” he gets out, and then stalls immediately.

He’d come here with the assumption that Han Yoojin was an A-rank. Which means all his questions (I wanted to check, are you safe, are you being pressured, why did such a high-rank monster appear in a dungeon with only two S-ranks in it and how did you kill it anyway?) were tailored for an A-rank. For someone that needed protection.

Is something wrong, he’d wanted to ask.

Is something wrong with you? is what his mind supplies now.

“Are you—alright,” he manages eventually.

Han Yoojin stares back at him, fingers tensing faintly around the bag as Taewon speaks. “I… yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

“…With… the Babar’s appearance in that last dungeon.” It gets easier to speak once he’s started. “And all the higher-ranks you’ve been around lately. I’d understand if you were feeling—stressed, or strained.”

“Ah.” Han Yoojin relaxes. “No, I’m alright. It’s been quite busy, but I’ve adjusted well enough, I think. Thank you for your concern.”

Truth, Taewon thinks. He seems too confident for it to be anything but. But how can that be? To face an SS-rank monster as a supposed A-rank—

“Are you sure?”

Han Yoojin glances at him out of the corner of his eye. The tension isn’t back, but there’s a frown tugging at his lips. Taewon forcibly uncurls the fists his hands have balled into, and continues. He needs a reference. He needs to know what Han Yoojin looks like when he’s lying. “The Babar alone was an SS-rank, and you may have had your brother and ward with you, but even then, facing such a monster as an A-rank—”

And there it is, the slightest creases around his eyes, how he looks down and to the side slightly before meeting Taewon’s gaze once more, lips thinning into a line. Taewon’s so busy thinking over their conversation so far, matching these markers against what’s been said, that he doesn’t realize what he’s saying—

“…seeing them fight… They may be your family, but they’re S-ranks before that. Which makes them dangerous, more than you know—”

Until it’s too late.

“What are you trying to say, Chief Song-nim?” Han Yoojin asks, letting go of the bag of coffee and turning to face him properly. His voice has taken on a sharp edge, and Taewon steps backwards before he even consciously acknowledges the sound. Han Yoojin just steps forward to match, bringing him dangerously close— “If there’s a point to this, I’d like if you could—”

Taewon has a hand around his throat.

Han Yoojin raises a hand (touching? grabbing?). Seize his wrist, twist his arm, shift the grip on his neck, until Han Yoojin is pinned face-down against the counter, cheek pressed against its surface.

Then Taewon realizes he’d moved to begin with.

“…What are you doing?”

Han Yoojin’s flat question kills Taewon’s hasty apology before it can even leave his mouth. His grip tightens instead of loosening. Some quiet part of his brain is counting out the handful of people and low-rank Hunters present in the building today. A much louder part of his mind says he’s testing the hold.

Han Yoojin flexes his hand again, shifting easily even in Taewon’s grip, and he—

He panics.

Looting flares, black not-smoke wreathing his fingers and Han Yoojin’s limbs. Vague surprise flickers over Han Yoojin’s face before his eyes rise to a point in the air before himself, likely checking his status window. Whatever he sees there has his eyes widening sharply.

And then, all at once, something closes off in his face, and he goes limp.

A different kind of alarm spikes through the white-out fear in Taewon’s mind and he tilts his head to get a better look at Han Yoojin’s face. There’s a tightness around his eyes, still, lips pressed together like he’s bracing for something. But when those eyes flick up to meet Taewon’s stare, there’s also a dull sort of… familiarity?

No, not familiarity.

Resignation.

Taewon feels sick. He all but rips his hands off Han Yoojin, backing away hastily. There’s already shadows on his skin where Taewon’s fingers had pressed against it. There’ll be bruises there by tonight. Earlier, even, because—how long had he had Looting active?

He can’t remember. He can’t remember the last time he lost control like that. His stomach twists. He feels sick.

Han Yoojin still hasn’t moved. Taewon tries to remember how tightly he was gripping his neck.

And then Han Yoojin slowly, slowly draws his arm to his side again, pushes off the counter with his other hand, and straightens back up. A pause. Then he turns, just a little, so he can look at Taewon.

They stare at each other in silence like that for a moment.

Then, in a thin voice: “Interesting skill you have there.”

Taewon’s breath catches. Han Yoojin doesn’t seem to notice as he tilts his head slightly and opens his mouth again.

“Why’d you stop?”

…

Taewon—

Taewon leaves, after that.

He doesn’t remember what he says. What he does. Han Yoojin has a knack for disabling his rational mind, it seems.

What he does know is this: that Han Yoojin’s voice, when he asked that question, was genuinely curious. Perhaps even a little pleading.

What he does know, looking back, is that Han Yoojin didn’t try to pull away. He shifted in Taewon’s hold, yes, and in his panic Taewon overreacted. But he never tried to break free.

(What Taewon doesn’t know if he wants to know is this:

How does a man like Han Yoojin end up feeling resignation?)

#cached au #my sranks #answered #licilou22 #star.txt #guy who has problems disorder meets guy who has problems disorder. what happens next will shock you #spoiler: they are going to have so many fucking problems. Together 🤝#i... hope this answers your question...?#re: protection/threat dilemma: stw's super on edge around him and it makes him lash out in panic sometimes #because hes used to the worst threats being shj or hyh level. and hyj is double that Minimum #but because hyj also presents as Just An A-Rank and genuinely seems like a decent guy + Actually Has A Moral Code #stw's Really Fucked Up about how he reacts to him. so he's just kind of ?!??!?!?! about him #eventually the fear will ebb as he gets used to it. and then he'll be more okay around him. but for now [sucks air through teeth] Nnnhh. No #meanwhile hyj is. not having a good time either. a reprieve from the constant burden/reminder of his brother's death? check #being thrown around and threatened and generally made to feel unsafe in what should be safe company and a safe place? check #just your- whats the phrase kdj used. just some ordinary trauma #hyj is a biiit more hesitant abt befriending him here but stw's formal/polite worksona is so strong that eventually he lets down his guard #which in turn makes stw relax more around him cuz hyj starts being Friendly instead of just Polite #so yes i guess they'll be friends. eventually. ...Very eventually

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thewanderingace · 2 months

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I just found a section on my new job's scheduling app (who knew such a thing existed!) where I can set my preferred availability!? They didn't tell me about that! So I set it up so I'm unavailable/prefer not to work every other weekend. Along with the Tuesdays and Thursdays I cannot work. This way I can pick up a shift those weekends if I want to but I could avoid working every single weekend AND it leaves my WWII reenactment weekends available and I'd only need to put in time off requests for the fridays before. I HOPE THIS WORKS AND THAT I DID IT RIGHT AND IT WON'T UPSET MY NEW BOSSES! I'm still gonna work weekends just hopefully every other one and not every single one.

#mod post #personal #i know this all seems ridiculous to fret kver but when you have anxiety thet partially stems from the fear of upsetting someone #or being a burden or anything in that realm #then shit like my work availability becomes a big deal #i dont want to look lazy by not working the full 30 hrs a week #i dont want my bosses to think im lazy or a flake #but i also don't want to make my household schedule any more complicated than it already is #im trying to please everyone and i just end up making myself insane #story of my life #if this availability works with my bosses then that gives me 3 days a week occasional weekends of for life things #while also still working weekends which are peak traffic days for the museum #and i can always pick up a weekend day if needed and im available #they said theyre pretty good at accommodating people's preferred schedules #so i guess ill see how this goes #cant wait for the newbie feeling is gone and fully into jaded exhausted long time worker #i much prefer that stage cause then the job is easy and second nature #this beginning stage i just feel useless and awkward and nervous and dumb and i hate that so much

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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years

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My last vent post could have literally been summarized by me just saying "how tf are some people just okay?!? I'm freaking out over here and I'M RIGHT"

#yeah anyways dont let anime protagonist decieve you #being severely traumatized didnt unlock special powers it just made people tell me i have wisdom #but in reality that wisdom is something i deeply repress and try to hide from others #because it reminds me of how many things none of us will be able to control and how #anyone lacking an understanding of that isnt something i would ever take from them #you deserve to be happy. even if it means blaming yourself for things that arent your fault sometimes #because regret is still better than despair #maybe people can have a little self deception. as a treat #since i lost mine ive been burdened by fear and inevitability and conflict that i cant quite decipher #though i guess i felt that in my self deception too... hmm #maybe it would be okay to not hide what j think after all #maybe what i do or dont say about things wont affect people that much after all #nah im still too scared lol #also sorry if i worried anyone. i will be okay just feelin a little paranoid is all

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apollo-cackling · 8 months

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jessie's situation sucks so bad too having to integrate into this tight knit group with its whole mess of internal dynamics to not die horribly but every time any of them looks at you, all they see is someone else they're grieving for and whom you are similar enough to grate but from whom you will forever be fundamentally different.

also sy (beloved nightmare child) deeply resents you. which is probably more terrifying than all of the above combined

#my rambles #that one post that was like jessie is both literally trans and also excellent trans allegory is like #sooo right #less jokingly #imagine there being one，one singular person that your predecessor cared enough about to tell you to specifically protect #- something he takes care not to do too much in fear of making you resent him #(and knowing jamie to not burden his successor) -#and he hates you he resents you #they're bridging that gap rn so far as I can tell but yk.#situation sucks man #apollo reads twig

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revengesworn · 7 months

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so i know i asked you all if i should post about the ending but in the end I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, I'M SORRY, tr ending discussion under the cut

as a summary of my previous thoughts on the ending... my number one problem with it has always been the lack of an explanation for how mikey/takemichi managed to leap back in time together. to me, this makes it seem like they just got lucky that the leap worked at all, which ruins the theme of "you shouldn't take on your burdens alone/rely on your friends a little."

the reason it ruins it is because it comes across as like... mikey was right to push everyone away, because when he finally gave into his impulses and trusted takemichi like he told him to, he LITERALLY KILLED TAKEMICHI. and it was seemingly just luck that they both managed to go back??

i have, however, had thoughts since then which make the ending work a bit more for me personally. mostly, that the reason the curse was broken/they were able to go back was still ultimately a direct result of mikey deciding to trust takemichi/breaking the mindset of "i have to take everything on alone." specifically, in part because he trusted takemichi to save him and "gave into" the dark impulses, but mostly because in the moment takemichi was dying, he begged him to come back. basically he was asking takemichi for help; asking him to prove his beliefs right - that mikey should and can rely on others, and that it's okay to do so. basically i'm trying to help the ending to make thematic sense (to me), is the idea.

now... that's interpretation of the final leap is kind of a stretch. and not really stated or implied in canon, unfortunately. BUT i do think there's some symbolism to support it, like the heavy emphasis placed on mikey's tears that are implied to play a reason in why the leap worked (at least that's what it looked like to me??). mikey has been set up as a character who believes that crying is weakness, so seeing him openly cry represents the shedding of that belief/being willing to ask for help.

but anyway i've said all this before, so what are my new thoughts? well, not much tbh WHOOPS but in the past, i interpreted the dark impulses as being a result of not the curse on shinichiro/karma directly - the punishment for THAT was shinichiro's death at kazutora's hands. instead, mikey's DI are more a circumstantial result of him having been dead in the previous timeline.

and also in the past, i said that the DI appear due to his desire to not rely on others, and are therefore broken when he admits he needs help. i still hold to that, but now i also really like the idea of like... they also come about as a result of him believing he doesn't deserve to be saved, & that he can't be saved?? and therefore it's not just him admitting he needs help that breaks the curse - but also him admitting that he wants to be saved at all. maybe even coming to believe that he deserves it, or at least that he wants a future with everyone.

after all, he DID technically manage to save everyone (but himself) in the bonten timeline. it's not just that he needs help because he can't save everyone by himself. it's also that he needs help so that he can save himself, too, and that he deserves to be a part of that happy future he created for everyone as well.

does that... make sense?? at all?? lmao i feel like it's a meaningful distinction a bit, but idk if i phrased it in a way that makes that clear or that is indeed coherent at all. regardless though. those are my ending headcanons. but god i wish wakui implied all this a little more than what we got KSJFHDSKF

#ooc #headcanons.#ending talk.#but also!! it's not just takemichi who saved mikey! everyone else did too!#without relying on the whole of the new tokyo manji gang takemichi wouldn't have been able to do what he did.#similarly #mikey did manage to protect everyone! he's not as weak/powerless as he might fear he is. BUT.#being protected alone isn't what would make everyone happy. to save EVERYONE; he needed to rely on others.#to save himself; he couldn't bear everyone's burdens alone. only by admitting he needed help could everyone be saved in the end.#...i'll admit i'm biased in that i like to emphasise how mikey did still manage to protect everyone in the bonten timeline #because otherwise his lack of agency / the feeling that he never got to achieve anything just makes me so damn sad #but yeah!! the message is “rely on your friends.” both because you CAN'T take everything on alone.#but also because you DESERVE to have help too!! etc.#i've said my piece i'm so sorry i literally cannot help myself #apologies for mostly just repeating what i've already said in other posts. lmao

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todayisafridaynight · 8 months

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I am sad you deleted the post for it was good and true and funny but I am glad I caught it in the minute it was up... teehee...

Admittedly I Don't Know Anything and was just making the most basic "wow 'light' and 'shadow' twins"/"wow Masato trans and may as well literally be a changeling baby" associations so I will defer to you <3 I agree though and I too Like Samarie and am obsessed with that clip of Olivia <3

I was actually thinking domination soul RGGJo (again incredibly basic "Casca = D'arce = RGGJo's natural leadership+combat ability and also the idolization/weird secondhand ambition WRT Arakawa" association) so... The DNA Is There Is It Not... it could work for any of them methinks... not sure yet about Y7Jo though...

one day ill make a trans masato post and keep it up longer than twenty seconds.. <- doubt

I THOUGHT YOU HAD A THESIS IN MIND ALREADY its why i thought so hard... nevertheless i will continue thinking...

domination soul sounds fair for RGGJo with that thought process No Notes there... as for Y7Jo Unsurprisingly i have a few ideas: im ping ponging between the likes of tormented and blank.....

#snap chats #i also thought of latent considering his steadfast nature and his vigilance on doing good in masato's eyes and working hard #akin to tanaka and his own workaholism and his fear of disappointing his father. ironically enough.#blank and tormented more blatantly encapsulate His Whole Deal now donnit #with the blank soul moreso being just Getting By while chasing an almost-meaningless purpose #or now that- ultimately- wont really be all that fulfilling if it was somehow obtained #not saying that jo trying to do right by masato is meaningless it'll just ultimately hurt himself and/or others #and his efforts wont grant him any reward- not even relief from.. his torment.. lol...#Hence The Tormented Soul as the tormented soul. Who Woulda Guessed It. deals with the burden of knowledge #not to be confused with the enlightened soul which selfishly enjoys knowledge tormented is the burden of truth #and so desperately wanting relief from that torment but knowing it impossible to get that relief #even more letting that torment consume you and transform you just to cope.do you see what i mean so many possibilities its EVILLLL

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