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ahundredtimesover · 21 days

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WOOWEEE i’m still processing the new chapter 🥹 i just wanna stress that there’s multiple realities, guys. jk wanting to respect oc by upholding her wishes to grow, but also feeling abandoned by her choices despite him baring his emotions and desire to have her close by. then you have oc feeling the burden of her family ties/debt with the jeon family and wanting to find out who she is away from her current role, but she’s emotionally attached to jk and it’s blurring with her own goals. not only that, we see jk’s codependency on oc and how that could make her feel more chained down. ultimately she’s always needed by someone, but when has she put her needs first?

as mentioned, this is all so deeply rooted. they need to spend time away from each other to grow. jk is probably going to retreat/relapse to his past behaviors or maybe he’ll also be working on himself so that he can be a better partner for oc … my guts say former because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i’m an angst enthusiast.

ALSO i see lots of ppl saying UGH JUST STAY AND DATE, and while yes … this is a fic, this is a slice of life too. yall realize it is super inappropriate to have a secret relationship with your boss? granted all of my bosses have been old balding dudes and not jk, still … it’s the principle 😭 oc and jk having this “separation�� period is good (i’m sleeping on the highway) and needed for their character development. i’m sure theyre gunna meet again and the tension is gunna be so high and they will do the boom boom pow💥🤯😏 without feeling that guilt/weird power dynamic!! 🫶🏼

mimi, you’re so awesome and i love this fic so much. YOUR BRAIN IS SO BEAUTIFUL, MUAH!!!!!!! 💋 you did not disappoint with the make out scene … cuz man if they can get like that on their first kiss … WE ARE NOT READY (i am🤲🏼)!! pls take care of yourself as always and hope you have a lovely day

Hi, anon. I took a break from doing my readings bc this just... this just made me smile and it appeased me (as did a lot of other readers' asks and comments) 🥹🥹 especially considering the other asks claiming how the characters are so dumb and stupid, or that they can just date while OC's in the company or date after she resigns. I would like to copy-paste your first paragraph to everything now hahaha (bc oh god the immense joy of a writer when someone accurately says what I was trying to show is insane and that's what I'm feeling!) 😭😭

Like, you couldn't have said it any better. All those things you mentioned can co-exist, and part of the characters' respective stories is learning that those realities can indeed co-exist. Which is why they're as burdened by their choices as they are (and we'll see more of this in ch12). I'd like for you to park that second paragraph bc... I wrote this entire series with the plan for season 2 so whatever happens at the end of this season, know that more will happen and you kind of raised some points already. 👀👀

And with the boss/asst. thing - YES. The power dynamic goes beyond their roles bc their pasts are intertwined as well. Mr. Ri pointed it out to JK - did he want OC to feel indebted to him, too? There are just so many complications. It's always been about needing to feel free for OC. What that freedom means is something she has yet to explore. Even the question of happiness is something she's figuring out.

BUT THANK YOU, like, really. 🥹🥹 It's always tricky and draining to write super long stories like this bc I need to make sure that the characters and storylines are consistent, and knowing that what I intended comes across (most of the time) is truly worth all the stress of writing this one hahaha I hope you're well and I hope to hear from you and your wonderful mind again! 💕💕💕

#mimianswers #fic: iwyts #let me smooch u anon

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yayforocs · 3 months

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I!!! ok ok these were who i was actually originally going to make helsmets for but then i remembered aron was originally a minecraft oc and she Immediately Took The Spotlight bUT I!!!! made some helsmets of the minecraft crew (even tho their helsmets would certainly not be a crew) to fill @silverskye13's sandbox with!!!!! i will ramble!! under cut!!

SO FIREMITE

He was like the first one (maybe second??) that i came up with an idea for, and it was actually the redesigns that did it! i mentioned that he kept his more sculk-y eye and half of his face hidden bc it could freak ppl out and then also i realized that i'd kinda visualized him as a happy ray of sunshine all the time and it perfectly opened the door to! suppression. like if he's perfect beam of sunshine all the time then he's gotta be suppressing/hiding A Lot Of StuffTM, both physically (hiding as much of his warden influence as possible) and emotionally (only showing others his happiness), so i made his helsmet based off that! :V it's also kinda what firemite is afraid to be seen as i think, bc if he saw his helsmet all he would see is what about himself would scare ppl.

Tyratone was my second!! I'm pretty sure! she might've been first. but Tyr looks around at her friend group and sees that everyone else contributes- fire brings up resources from underground, aqua makes connections to other folks to keep them on good terms, and razor keeps the group protected from physical threats. She just.. has her little indoor farm. Collects crops every so often. Mostly keeps her cats alive. Messes around with firemite n tags along with razor to scout out sometmes. Like what does she even do. (She provides for the group but thinks it a task that any of them could do and that she's not really needed, even tho they do all rely on her to keep them going. Any of them *could* step into that role alongside what they do, it's simple enough, but they all appreciate having her around bc she's fun and enjoys simple things, and keeps the group together.) She thinks it only a matter of time before she's kicked out bc she's not really doing much, and so her helsmet is based around proving her worth through what she can do for other people!

Aqua took me a bit to fully realize; i had a vague idea for a while but it was toeing the line of similarity to tyr's and i didn't want repeats, so i sat and thought for a bit. in his original bio, i'd put that he kinda missed only having two ppl in the group, and that he thinks he's the leader but isn't. ok, so throwing these two things together, i can kinda figure that maybe he missed only having two people bc it meant that his opinions carried more weight, because it was only ever up against one other, instead of three others. he gets ideas of what he thinks is best and what he thinks they should do at any given time and the others tend to go with razor's ideas more than his, and it gets to him. he feels like they don't really listen to him at all, which they do and give consideration to his input, but he gets jealous and upset that razor's ideas are gone with more. so his hels is someone that constantly strives to be heard and to be listened to and to be viewed as important! i'm not actually sure if how i ended up implementing that works or not, but that's what i was able to come up with :V (the cane is just to look neat, and also it's netherite so heavy bonking stick as well should he need it sdklfj)

and then razor! razor. good night he gave me trouble. i wanted to draw him so badly and could not for the life of me figure out what his hels would be of. like i knew he'd be a fighter, but like. why would he exist in the first place?? i kinda thought about how i'd designed him and what personality traits i'd given him- he wears a lot of layers, most of his face is covered, long sleeves, it's a kinda closed-off wardrobe. and he's phlegmatic, so he goes with the flow a lot. maybe his thing is that he's doing what he can to keep the group safe, sure, but he also wants to try to stay a little closed-off, so that if he fails one day to keep them safe, it won't hurt as much and would be easier to move on. tossing around the idea that maybe that had happened with folks he was previously with- before he and fire met aqua and tyr, and maybe even before he met fire. not sure yet, (still not entirely certain on his hels concept at all tbh) but that's the fun of being in the middle of developing characters and their stories!! trying stuff out and seeing if it sticks!!

ANYWAY if u read all of that bLESS YOU ilysm these were really fun to figure out and make!!! also cannot believe i hecking. i did all these today, this afternoon/evening dslkfjsdkl i'm going to bed Extremely LateTM but it is worth it!!! i did it!!!! i'm so happy i love them sm qvq ty silver for writing such a cool hecking story that provides so so much inspiration and such a fun world to play around in, this was a fantastic exercise in character development for these four, who just existed as bullet points prior :V

#redstone and skulk #minecraft oc #firemite #tyratone #aquafinity #razormane #hi hello it is me again with more helsmet designs #-helsmit? helsmet?? whichever one lskdfj #all of my rambling is in the readmore this time so no paragraphs of tags!!

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shikai-the-storyteller · 1 year

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UEUEUEUEUEUEU ILL SEND YOU THIS WHILE WAITING TO SEE BOBBYS STATUS.

Dw idm u answering publicly, I want everyone to be cursed w the thought that Rubius is a babygirl and a very bad one at that <3

Honestly I've only read a few explanations of their lore and bits about their relationship but they seem sooooo,,, /pos. Like they have such a fun and silly dynamic that has this air of toxicity and their loves feels quite self destructive bc rubius is kind of a destructive force of nature of a person who has a tendency to hurt those around him, perhaps as a defense mechanism or perhaps out of simply not understanding there are consequences to the things he does while vegetta is someone far too forgiving, he continues to love rubius despite how much he hurts himself, others, and vegetta himself. I'm not saying cubito rubius is an awful person but from what I've seen he is,,, complex. Difficult despite seeming silly. I could be just completely wrong tho LOL I am doin my best I prommy

ANYWAYS IM CHEERING U ON IN WRITING!!! I'd love to talk to u abt them more and learn more abt rubegetta bc like. Look. Theres no way q!vegetta isnt hung up on that demon idc,,,

I'm likewise waiting for the Eggstatistics (which will probably get posted while I'm in the middle of writing this) (EDIT: IT DID) and you gave me the opportunity to infodump so prepare for an essay LMAO

There are SO many layers to Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship (both romantic and friendship-wise), and that complexity makes them fascinating characters to study. I’ve been discussing this a lot in private lately, but I feel like there’s quite a bit of misinformation / misinterpretations of Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship amongst some of the newer fans who might not know some key components of their personality and their relationship dynamic as a whole (which is understandable since the majority of their lore came from Karmaland, and a lot of newer fans only speak English / only watch QSMP), so ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE:

I think of the two, Rubius definitely gets mischaracterized the most (which, again, maybe isn't too surprising since not everyone watched Karmaland and he hasn't been on the QSMP server too much lately). I could go off on a tangent here and list my frustrations about the people who harassed him for his role / his actions during the Egg event / whining about ships to the point where he decided not to log into the server again ‘til the Egg event is over, but that's ultimately irrelevant to this discussion.

“Their love feels quite self-destructive” is a really good way to sum things up, because Rubius is a pretty self-destructive man. Rubius is, fundamentally, a man who is full of love for the people he cares about, but those feelings are in direct conflict with his reluctance to let people get close to him (and his commitment issues). He can freely give hugs and kisses (and more) to Vegetta, but when it comes to expressing his true thoughts and feelings, he’s pretty emotionally constipated. We’ve already seen this a few times on the QSMP server – when Rubius visits on Vegetta’s birthday, he sings him the most beautiful heartfelt love song ever, but as soon as it’s over and Vegetta tries to talk to him, Rubius runs away. Even in Karmaland V, when hooked up to a lie detector and asked about his feelings for Vegetta, Rubius tried to wiggle his way out of answering. Only when the world was literally ending and they all thought they were gonna die did Rubius finally admit his feelings, shouting his confession and his love for Vegetta at the top of his lungs.

(The real tragedy here is that it was so chaotic with everyone shouting, Vegetta never heard his words…)

Although it’s easy to slap the label “toxic” on Rubius, I think that’s unfair to him and his character, as well as his intentions. He truly does love Vegetta with all his heart, in every universe, and he doesn’t want to hurt him, but Rubius doesn’t want to get hurt either. The Meteor shower conversation gives us a clear understanding of that:

Rubius: I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then get hurt. It's happened to me many times before. Especially here in Karmaland. Vegetta: Have you had lovesickness? Rubius: Yes. In Karmaland, everywhere, in real life... I'm already used to getting beaten. Vegetta: That's a pity... Rubius: I just want someone to take care of me, and that's it. I don't ask for much. Vegetta: I'm very protective.

The way I see it, Rubius is afraid of his feelings for Vegetta, because the larger his love grows, the larger that potential for hurt and disappointment gets. Does this excuse all his actions? No, of course not, however there’s a big difference between doing something out of self-preservation (possibly as a trauma-response, depending on how you interpret his character) and doing something with the intent to hurt someone.

IMO, Rubius isn’t a toxic guy, he just needs therapy.

Vegetta doesn’t get mischaracterized quite as often, though I do feel like people have a tendency to put him on a pedestal and minimize the flaws he has. I’m a massive Vegetta fan, but this guy’s far from perfect. He’s self-centered, borderline narcissistic sometimes, and he’s a very prideful man. He’s never left Rubius at the altar, but he’s still had his fair share of “oopsies” and "yikes" in their relationship. One (which I’m surprised people don’t talk about more) is an incident from Karmaland IV where Vegetta, very unhinged and mentally unstable at the time, kidnapped Rubius’ wife Nieves and threatened her with a sword, saying, “If Rubius can’t be mine, he can’t be anyone’s.”

For the longest time I genuinely thought that line came from a fanfic or something, then I stumbled upon the clip one day and I was just like:

Anyways

In Karmaland V, Rubius became very close with a little alien child named Titi. He took care of Titi like he was his own son, and despite his attempts at emotionally distancing himself early on so he wouldn’t get attached, Rubius wound up caring a lot for him.

Then Titi died.

It was basically Rubius’ worst nightmare come to life – he’d let himself get close to Titi, he’d loved him unconditionally and let Titi into his heart, and Titi’s death utterly destroyed him. Everyone in Karmaland was affected by the death, but Rubius took it especially hard because of how close they were. Rubius was hurting badly and resorting to terrible coping strategies to deal with the pain, and Vegetta…

Well. Vegetta wasn’t very nice about it.

There are a lot of ways we could interpret Vegetta’s actions and words during this time – maybe he’s not super sensitive when talking about death since he’s probably some kind of demigod, maybe he speedran the grieving process, maybe he thought brutal honesty and direct action would help Rubius “snap out of it” sooner. However you see it, ultimately it did a lot more harm than good for Rubius’ overall mental health.

I bring these examples up not to paint their relationship as toxic or negative, but rather to express just how complex it is. Because, despite all their mistakes and drama and heartbreak, at the end of the day, Rubius and Vegetta still love each other more than anything else. Even towards the end of Karmaland V when they were quite literally on opposite sides of the battlefield (one supporting Quackity, the other supporting Luzu), their true loyalties lay with one another. When Rubius was hit by an enemy, Vegetta defended him with his life, and when Vegetta was hurt, Rubius did the same.

Yes, Rubius doesn't really know how to handle healthy relationships, and yes, Vegetta tends to forgive him too easily, but that doesn't erase the love they have. The key we need to remember here is that Rubegetta is a telenovela that sits squarely in the romcom category. They may wander into other genres and tropes from time to time, but they will always gravitate back to one another. Whether you define that as fate or soulmates or just sheer dumb luck, the facts remain and the love is there.

PHEW anyways that felt good to get out, I have so many thoughts on Rubegetta so I appreciate the excuse to rant. I'm always happy to chat about these two! :D And you're so right - Vegetta is so smitten for that demon, I hope he gets to meet the angel too. I hope Rubius comes back soon so Vegetta can see his Osito Fiu Fiu, but in the meantime, we'll have to keep wishing and praying just like Vegetta...

(ALSO THANK YOU the current chapter of that dang Rubegetta fic is kicking my butt rn because it's the only chapter I didn't outline and life events keep interrupting me when I try and work on it, but it IS getting chipped away at bit by bit! I hope folks enjoy the outcome when it's released :D)

#Karmaland #QSMP #Rubius #Vegetta777 #Rubegetta #Vegetta #i talk #qsmp talk #ethogirlie #replies #QSMP Analysis

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filmnoirsbian · 11 months

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I have a question and lmk if its out of line or if you dont wanna answer it thats fine, but basically im a professional artist in the field of fine arts, and as such i have over time learned what makes art "good". I can like or not like it, but usually, im at least able to come up with a defendable opinion on why it is contextually bad art or good art, or rather, whether or not a given artist is 'good' at what they do. With poetry tho, while i (like everyone i think) journal recreationally, i really have trouble identifying whether either my own poems or other peoples are good. Like. This came to mind esp after your rupi kaur post, bc ur right, i dont like her, but i cannot for the life of me articulatw WHY i think its bad. Anyway tldr i guess how can you tell? What are some markers of good vs bad poetry ? (Especially technically speaking) i think these 2 things are similar bc with art too a lot of ppl will be like "ohhh its all relative" but like there are actual markers ofskill and well executed intent, and for fine arts i tend to know them (stuff like influence/filiation, taking into acct the viewers experience, intentionality of creative choices.....) but with poetry as a field i just like. Dont have that technical knowledge to talk about my feelings about a poem like i do with art ans i was wondering if u could help

This is a very complicated debate that has been ongoing since the birth of art and literature. I think it can be difficult for some people to allow that a piece of art (in this case, this includes poetry) can be technically well-crafted while not effecting them emotionally, and that a piece of art can effect them emotionally while being not technically well-crafted. A words app poem that you see which is filled with typos and accidental grammatical errors but which touches on a topic deeply important to you can make you cry while still needing work in its technical aspects, and that doesn't make it either good or bad as an objective work of art. Likewise, there are plenty of poems I've read which were deftly crafted by talented poets but were ultimately forgettable to me because they did not strike an emotional chord. Their lack of emotional resonance also does not make them good or bad. I think that because art has such a capacity for emotional resonance, it's easy to accept that as the most important criteria for what makes art "good," but I personally don't think that's fair. But to me, good poetry is honest--not autobiographical, but written with intent, some understanding of wordcraft as a medium, and meant to evoke a genuine understanding within the reader. Rupi Kaur is sort of a punching bag at this point, often from people who don't actually write poetry which I'll admit I find frustrating, because most criticism of her works is shallow and dependent on the idea that a poem must make you feel something to be good. That isn't a good basis for art criticism, because what makes you feel something is never guaranteed to make anyone else feel. But to me, what makes Kaur's poetry "bad" (not my preferred term, I'd describe it more as shallow or juvenile) is the lack of honesty. Her work is purposefully scrubbed of any distinction so it can be as widely applicable as possible, and in doing so, her poems become no more genuine or meaningful than the mass-printed fortunes in fortune cookies. And, worst of all, there is no technicality behind her wordcraft to make up for the lack of thematic complexity. Both style and substance are rendered as plain and inoffensive as possible. When an artist creates something, they are putting something of themselves into their work, so the art becomes a contract between the artist and audience. The artist is trusting the audience to genuinely engage with their work, and the audience is trusting that the artist has shared something genuine. Good or bad comes later; that it is something the artist created themselves with intent is the first step. But when art is made only with mass consumption in mind, it becomes stripped down to only the bare ingredients of art; it is art on paper, by definition, but it is not art by intent. It's a tree with no limbs, no leaves, no creatures making a home in it. It's not much better than a telephone pole.

When I judge a poem as good or bad, I look first for complexity, either in narrative or structure. This doesn't mean a poem must be a long-winded sonnet to be good; some of my favorite poems are haikus, and in fact haiku is my favorite poetic form. This is because often I find haikus carry multiple meanings, the poet packing in as much story as they can in such small luggage. Most of all, I just wish would-be critics would use their words; "Rupi Kaur's poetry is bad because it's boring" is not good criticism. Your definition of boring is not someone else's. "Rupi Kaur's poetry is rendered shallow and meaningless by the attention-consumption economy it was bred in and has no intelligent wordplay or articulation to constitute a poem that is at least engaging for the mind to read" is a bit more comprehensive.

#asks #poetry

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fizzy-dizzie · 4 months

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Hey people write Steve in character challenge GO

(warning long ass post ahead, character analysis turned Civil War analysis BC I'll never shut up about that movie)

Right off the bat, Steve isn't and has never been a rule follower. Steve has an extremely strong moral compass, he has the strongest feeling of right and wrong and he is going to go after the right thing even if he's told not too. This is so prevalent in ANY captain America movie.

Why he behaves so seriously would also come from how he grew up. He wasn't taken seriously ever due to his size and his health, if he wasn't loud and clear on what he thought, no one would be paying attention. But to be honest, I think the movies kinda do him wrong when showing he isn't serious outside of battle, he's always coping with some kind of fight or dilemma or stressful situation to be fixed, especially with the role of leader on his shoulders it's his job to take it seriously. On the rare occasions we do see him relaxed we can see he's just a calm and polite guy who's just maybe a little quiet in big groups. (Which would also be a product of his pre-serum days. In big groups no one's paying attention to the little guy)

I think a reason he's misconstrued as an asshole (aside from needing to be used as a plot point in a fic) is because of how he reacts in a battle. He's stern and being the leader of the group, is telling people what to do in the heat of battle. He takes problems seriously and looks at them from a very logical stand point, (again, which is his role as the leader) which is such a VAST fucking contrast from Tony who still thinks of problems from a logical stand point too but tries to find humor in every situation, even the world ending issues.

So it makes sense if you much prefer Tony's type of character, that you aren't going to like the way Steve handles problems, which is the opposite method of Tony's emotionally.

I think the first movie really enforced that divide between Tony and Steve fans with how opposing they were. And even with Age Of Ultron to clear the air, Civil War threw out all of the relationship we were supposed to believe they had.

If I'm being honest, on Marvel's behalf, I don't think they did a very good job in enforcing that Steve and Tony were good friends before Civil War. But it will always and forever be crazy to me that Tony would ever consider himself as close of a friend with Steve as Bucky is.

"I was your friend too"

He says like he was there when no one would listen to Steve, like he was there when no one took Steve seriously. Like he was there when Steve was sick all the time. Like he was there when Steve's mother died and he had no one. Like he was there for Steve when he got into fights he couldn't handle. Bucky was there since day one.

It links back to steve wishing to have someone who 'understood his experience' the ENTIRE catws movie being about how important Bucky is to Steve and Steve being willing to let Bucky KILL him to prove how much he cared. TONY AND STEVE NEVER HAD THAT CONNECTION.

And I know that's the point. I know that's the point of the movies, Bucky being the thing Steve is willing to leave the avengers for, the avengers who have been his new family in his time where he knows no one in a new world. But when I see people saying Steve betrayed Tony I just don't understand. Bucky means SO much more to Steve. And technically yes, the Avengers were all certainly helpful when he needed it, they were definitely important to him too, but they just don't compare to Bucky.

And quick side note, don't get me wrong, if someone killed my parents I'd want them dead too. It's not like I blame Tony's immediate reaction to the information but to look me in the eyes and say Tony had the right to, is ridiculous. Bucky was tortured and brainwashed and forced to kill and do what he did. That is an innocent man.

#this isnt a tony hate post its a steve hater hate post #also if there are grammatical errors which there probably are im sorry 💀#steve rogers is important to me guys lol #so is bucky #but god steve is so ridiculously misunderstood particularly in post civil war days #steve rogers #bucky barnes #tony stark #the avengers #cacw #catws #catfa #age of ultron #captain america civil war #marvel cinematic universe #mcu

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lavenoon · 1 year

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1st of all, need to say, adored Dove on the Roof and I'm sending you the longest review once I can after work, this is a threat 🔪 2nd of all–if you've thought of it and you wanna share the tidbit–I loved how after sharing Horizons name and Y/N admitted they only used his gadgets, Moon said he was gonna tell Eclipse abt it, Re:

“I’m going to tell him you said that. It’ll be terrible, because he’ll get even smugger, but it’s too good not to.”

and like. Luce. If you wanna share. I'd love to know how Eclipse reacted to that. Bc yes he'll be so smug abt it i just know it, but i also think he'd be really touched that like, his brothers' partner feels that strongly abt the stuff he makes? Struggling to stay coherent bc English is not my first language, but I just gosh. i loved it. going bonkers. hitting u w that long review later. get ready. -Soldrope ☀️💧

New morning new braincells, let's go!

I have devoured your comment(s) and I have been so so normal about the amount of thought and analysis and how many things you've caught that I tried to write in! I'm so so happy that it all came across and I literally cried reading your comments already gfdhjs now I only hope I soon get the spoons to go through my ao3 inbox and reply to the comments I've amassed

As for Moon telling Eclipse? It didn't happen in that window between Moon date fade-out and Sun date, because Moon was too busy cuddling and being a lovebird (he finally gets to be a bird too! <3), though it'll happen after the Foxy conversation after Sun's date.

That conversation will be addressed in a proper drabble/ chapter (they've been getting longer, so by now drabble feels no longer appropriate gfhdjs), so since I haven't written that yet this might not quite fit with how things turn out, but it'll be a fun thought until then!

Because after all that, and not charging the night before due to cuddle priorities (and they haven't quite yet reached the stage of a permanently installed charging cable at Y/N's side of the duplex) (it's definitely a thought though, because lugging around their cable for sleepovers has a bit of a hassle), Moon will excuse himself for a quick charge before work, and handle a little special phone call <3

(Eclipse will be smug enough. Moon doesn't need to make the gloating even easier by providing something to screenshot)

Eclipse, on the other hand, is positively surprised and doing his best not to be weirded out by a spontaneous phone call from his brother. That just didn't happen before! He's still getting used to the closer contact, too, and his first thought won't be a good one. Maybe another emergency? At least this time he'll hear about it sooner?

Well, only for Moon to pull the rug from under him completely.

"What do you mean, you haven't talked about me before?"

"I mean, we were trying to flirt, which already kept misfiring. Adding complicated family history that paints a rather ugly picture of us when they never asked wasn't really... Something that came up."

A sigh, and Eclipse does his best to cover up the lingering hurt. He knows their relationship was rocky at best, and he wasn't exactly eager to talk about them to other people either.

(It helps a little, knowing that part of it was guilt - he wasn't forgotten, instead his brothers felt too bad to casually bring him up. But he also doesn't like being a guilty secret either. In the end, he pushes it away to unpack later, and focus on the conversation at hand)

"How did it 'come up' then?"

Silence from the other end, as Moon quickly decides that no, he's not going to explain that he made his own first date emotionally charged in the heavy way to finally talk about his brother, much less the exact conversation that sparked it.

Eclipse never asked for their favorite colors, either.

"No, no, look, that's not the important bit. They went off on me for not telling them."

"Makes sense."

"Because they're a fan of your work."

"Makes s- huh?"

"They like your designs. They exclusively buy their own gadgets, except for when one of yours gets distributed. They said, and I quote, 'That Horizon?'"

Again, silence, as Eclipse processes that. That's so far from what he expected, or even figured would ever be in store for him. He knows his work is good, the agency doesn't really entertain slackers and subpar work, not for leading researchers - but that doesn't mean he feels appreciated. The people he works with are more neutral to annoyed by his antics, and the actual results he produces seemingly fade into the background.

So hearing there's someone out there who, dare he say it, is a fan?

He already thought Y/N/ Robin is nice enough from just the stories Sun and Moon shared before, but this? Now, within seconds, he's decided he has to meet them and become friends.

Hopefully they'll still like him once they've met him.

By now, he's been silent for a while.

"... Eclipse?"

The anxiety gets pushed away yet again, and instead Eclipse starts laughing. Softly, first, but then it turns into a full blown cackle.

Moon just sighs.

"Here we go."

"Since when? How long have they liked my stuff?"

"I didn't ask, that wasn't exactly the focus of the conversation."

"You can ask right now though! Ask them!"

"They're at work!"

"Send them a text then! You'll say you forgot if you don't do it now!"

"I wouldn't forget!"

"Yeah, but you'd say that!"

They squabble a bit, and it feels nice - just your normal, comfortable sibling banter, something they didn't get to share for the longest time. Both draw it out, just a bit, to enjoy it more.

Moon does send the text, but only after making a production out of "not wanting to". Eclipse laughs some more, that smug snicker of a younger sibling winning out over the older one.

And then he thinks of something else, too.

"Oh, oh, have you told them about that drone I've been trying to get approved?"

"No, I haven't, tell them yourself. Did that still not go through? You mentioned that weeks ago, they're really dragging their feet."

"They say it's a fire hazard, and I keep trying to explain that that's the reason why I need them to approve the more expensive fireproof material. Somehow they don't seem to understand that."

The conversation drifts towards other topics, then, but Eclipse is very much soaring from the start of it. That little "tell them yourself" is enough to reassure him on so many levels - this isn't an exception, this is going to be normal, his brothers want him to meet their partner, want to introduce them and give him a chance to talk to them himself.

The anxiety is still there, and a bit of it we see in Duck Duck Goose - he needs them to like him, needs things to go well, and to leave a good impression. He's more than just his work, and unfortunately he's afraid that they won't like the person behind the codename, and that confidence boost of them liking his work doesn't quite shine through.

They'll get there! It'll just take a bit of work, and time, but they're all very willing to put that effort in <3

#answer let luce #soldrope asks #accidentally undercover #im not wordcounting that good luck #it feels normal ask length for me but yknow that doesnt narrow it down much lmao #this took me the entire morning because I kept getting distracted FGHDJS #also now I thought about your comments again and I'm melting again aaaa #hope this lil scenario elicits even a fraction of the joy I felt reading your comments hehe <3

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thegeminisage · 3 months

Text

it IS tng update time. saturday we watched "relics" and "schisms" and last night* we did "true q" and "rascals."

*times altered bc as usual im typing this up late at night

relics:

oh boy. ohhh my god

so like, i'd like to preface this with: i am not a scotty stan or anything. don't get me wrong i love the guy and i'm fascinated by the way he tricked me into thinking he had all ten fingers. like he's v fun and all. but im not like Extremely Emotionally Invested In Scotty. all right. that said

I CRIED. LIKE A BABY. no one was more shocked than i was. actually i'm sure catherine was not shocked at all

i didn't cry when he first showed up which is what i suaully do when i see spock. no, no, no, no. it was when he went to the holodeck and created the fucking BRIDGE OF THE ENTERPRISE. and they played the main theme!!! the sound effects were even the same!!!!!!! and like all his friends are dead now except spock and bones and bones frankly has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO UPSET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

chronologically, this is also the last time we'll ever see a tos cast member coming back to reprise their role except for aos spock and um. an appearance which i do not wish to discuss now or ever. anyway it's definitely the last time in tng proper. and like yeah we have aos and snw and everything but those guys arent the OGs. AUGH.

also wah him saying the doctors are prettier on this enterprise. thats SO MEAN TO BONES………………….i miss him so bad and he's WAY prettier than beverly sorry beverly

i definitely wanted to kill geordi for yelling at scotty when he tried to tell his old man stories. im glad they hung out for the rest of the episode and that geordi treated him really niceys but it still felt a teensy bit patronizing of him at first like he was just doing it because picard told him to make scotty feel useful

THAT SAID. for once, i am pro picard, because picard is a giant nerd and he wanted to listen to scotty's old man stories as much as i did. not that i got to enjoy them while being blinded by tears. i'm actually genuinely tearing up right now while typing this just thinking about it. i think it was genuinely compassionate for picard to want to give scotty something he could genuinely help with in a way that WASN'T patronizing. like old people are just regular people you know. we all get old one day if we're lucky

spotted scotty's missing finger twice, which is two more times than i spotted it in my original watch of tos.

he remembered how to hide the missing finger (mostly) but forgot how to do his fake scottish accent. in his defense it's been ages and he was old but it was still funny

synthehol is wack. it's just another way in which there's no work-life boundary in tng. you're always on call, so you can never get drunk. you will NEVER have personal time aboard this ship. they can call you in your son's parent-teacher meeting. they can call you during birthday parties. you cannot raise your children here. but they do. anyway.

IT'S GREEN!!! i remember seeing a gifset of data floating around saying that to somebody, and then later i saw a gifset of scotty saying it in tos, but i didn't realize data was talking TO SOCTTY i thought it was just a reference!!!!!!! there were actually sooo many tos references in this episode, i was so pleased to hav caught them all <3

looooooved the dyson sphere. that was genuinely so fucking fascinating and it was the b plot!!!!! why can't it be the a plot!!!! it was so cool looking

i thot for a sec they were gonna kill scotty at the end and got REALLY worried but they didn't and he decided not to retire after all and good for him <3

anyway. that cry felt like a full-body workout. horrific.

schisms:

OFF GOES RIKER TO THE COFFEE SHOP

i waited so long to see the episode that gifset is from and it did NOT disappoint

my one sour note re: this ep was the beginning with data's poetry. can we please be nice to him and not loudly fall asleep in the front row. i know the circumstances are highly extenuating. i of all people understand sleep deprivation, which i am currently experiencing even as i type. but that was just rude!!! could he not have simply explained he was unwell and unable to attend!!!!!!! the crowd being restless was terrible. if you simply tell him that he has to have a limit on his poems he would understand. i'm glad geordi was an honest critic when data asked later but i would have liked to see data's results after incorporating his feedback. ok anyway

firstly, i loved when a little guy is sleep deprived. it was great when sam winchester did it and also great when riker does it

SECONDLY, that whole sequence with the table was fucking insane. everything getting darker and darker both literally and metaphorically and deanna starting to look uneasy near the end and riker's eyes being ABSOLUTELY HAUNTED and that table was basically like a chair, anyway

when they were like "yeah the aliens cut off your arm and reattached it" READER I HOLLERED. you can't just put a guy on a chair and tear his arm off and then make him forget stuff. please. it's been nearly 10 years.

when he's like theyre gonna take me again whether i want them to or not. yeah man they sure are. this isn't quite riker roulette but it is definitely adjacent

i think the best cure for insomnia is to be absolutely terrified of going to bed because you're still in uniform and have a tracking device on you because you are about to get abducted by fucking aliens. who could resist sleep after that.

i did wonder why he laid on the table so long before attempting his escape when time was precious but i doubt i could have done any better in his shoes. i sure did love the way that knife thing hung right above his neck though. i'm pretty sure we spent that entire scene hollering DISMEMBER HIM. TRAUMATIZE HIM!! and then they didn't <3 but i'm not even mad about it

anyway. 10/10 episode they need more space horror in star trek bc it's always fun. i remember reading that tos was originally meant to be space horror-y, but i found the pacing of those earliest episodes waaaay too slow. i want a star trek show with more dismemberment though.

true q:

mistakenly thot this episode was named qpid (got it mixed up) and was hoping for more of q wanting to fuck picard to so bad it makes him look stupid but all we got was one little arm around his shoulder. which was REALLLY funny because picard instantly made a face like he'd eaten sour lemon but we deserved more. to reiterate i do NOT want them to fuck i think the dynamic of q wanting to fuck and picard preferring to die first is the funniest possible set of circumstances

instead, q constantly displays predatory body language towards this EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. he leans really close to her and whispers in her ear and all that stuff and i did Not like it

i kept waiting for this girl to secretly be his child, or for her parents to have once been friends with him, but they literally were just randos to each other. disappointing, especially after he vanished while she was having her emotional moment on seeing their faces

where do the puppies go when she vanishes them? do they cease to exist?? did she just kill 12 puppies on screen???? too horrible to contemplate. i wish i could make kittens out of thin air though. actually that would be a terrible power the world is overpopulated with kittens as it is but STILL.

i want to know more about the weather altering net. we could have an entire episode about that alone. you just...got rid of tornadoes? and forest fires? did you fix climate change??

riker almost being killed by an empty barrel sent me into fits. they didn't strap them down after what happened to worf? this spaceship gets jostled horrifically EVERY EPISODE. what are they thinking!!!!!!!!!

RIKER ROULETTE STRIKES AGAIN. her bringing him to the alternate dimension and trying to lay on the moves was bad enough but using her powers to MAKE HIM START KISSING HER? HELLO???? i'm still mad they wrote an episode about rape and just used it for deanna fetish fuel instead of actually discussing what this poor guy goes through. why is it somehow ok/not noteworthy when it's men. come on now

it was kind of silly to have this girl go "no way im a human forever" and then immediately solve climate change on this other planet because her lil crush (/VICTIM???) was down there. like that was so rushed and weird

ultimately not a very good episode. i only like one thing about q and they did NOT deliver. he was also a misogynist to beverly once...like, die

rascals:

this got a 1 on letswatchstartrek.com and i simply disagree. i would have given it a 2 or mmmaybe 3. well no probably a 2 but STILL. first of all, tng's children are ALWAYS charming, and these guys were no exception, save possibly the kid who was playing picard, who was fine until the tantrum scene/riker's son bit, at which point i wanted to die

i never want to hear riker say daddy again.

i HAAAATE the ferengi theyre racist theyre misogynist i HATE THEM.

i felt like there was a missed opportunity with obrien and keiko to have him be cool about it, instead of awkward like everyone else. like i obviously dont think they should be canoodling or anything, gross, but there's nothing wrong with a little platonic compassion. he got there in the end ig but idk it would've made a nice contrast

how old is their fucking baby??? i just looked it up and she was born at the beginning of season 5...her ass is NOT old enough to be talking yet let alone full complete clear sentences??????

anyway speaking of compassion............GUINAN AND RO

i actually unironically loved ro's little arc here. anyone who had a shitty childhood will tell you they'd cut off their arm before going back, but she had to go back anyway, and guinan neither pitied her nor minimized anything she'd gone through. instead she got to occupy that space in a totally harmless way and receive a little closure. while the rest of this episode was okay-ish to maybe less than okayish (i NEVER want to hear riker say daddy EVER again) ro's little bit was so so so good.

re: ro...i love that we don't constantly bring her past and situation up as if it's the only thing about her but nor do we shy away from it and how it's shaped her and the narrative has never once suggested she's too harsh or too angry or whatever. of course with a season and a half left there's still time to ruin it but so far her whole thing has been one of the very few instances where tng is doing everything wonderfully.

NEXT TIME: "a fistful of datas" (noooo it's a holodeck episode) and "the quality of life."

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #i hope im not at work when this posts but u never know.

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kummatty · 4 months

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hi i have a lot of questions. 3 4 13 17 23 25

hiiiii <3

3. what were your top 5 books of the year?

in no particular order;

if an egyptian cannot speak english, noor naga

the faggots & their friends between revolutions, larry mitchell

uncommon measure, a journey through music, performance, and the science of time, natalie hodges

the remainder, alia trabucco zerán trans. sophie hughes

sex and the family in colonial india, durba ghosh

4. did you discover any new authors that you loved this year?

yes, many! noor naga and natalie hodges for sure, I would read anything they write and I look forward to more from them. actually all the authors above I haven't read before. I'd like to read durba ghosh's gentlemanly terrorists too. also vernadette vicuña gonzalez, I love the subjects that she focuses on in her work, ive been in the middle of securing paradise for some time but I also read an article of hers on hawaiian quilts, commodification, and american imperialism which was incredible

13. what were your least favorite books of the year?

hmm I would say apsara engine, in: a graphic novel, and the haunting of tram car 015 - they were all ok, somewhat boring, but apsara engine is the only one i actively disliked, i was excited for a graphic anthology of queer south asian scifi but it fell flat to me, with a lot of focus on white people/white gaze

17. did any books surprise you with how good they were?

yes! definitely if an egyptian cannot speak english because it's so rich, creative, and haunting. it stayed with me in many ways, and i'm especially haunted by how violently race, class, imperialism, etc. can play out on an interpersonal level, which this book explores through love/romance. another was david vann's aquarium, it was a bit difficult for me to move through emotionally so i think i was rejecting at first but it sunk in more after i finished and stayed with me as well. it is so striking, well-written, and lays bare the day by day accumulation of life. I also found chia-chia lin's the unpassing really touching and beautiful, i think there's an innocence of it that's halting

23. what's the fastest time it took you to read a book?

probably the 2-3 days (can't quite remember) that it took me to read gayatri gopinath's impossible desires: queer diasporas and south asian public cultures, which i had to get through quickly in order to write my final paper on it lol. I probably read other books quicker, like washes, prays by noor naga or faggots & their friends, but i would consider this the fastest for how dense the book is too

25. what reading goals do you have for next year?

in terms of overall book goal, I think i'll stay with 24 books, which was my goal for this year, bc it feels reasonable and puts the right amount of pressure on me to pay attention to reading as a habit. I don't usually have other specific goals, but I'd like to keep this trend of reading more nonfiction, and i have a lot of articles saved I wanna get to. one of my goals is to maintain personal reading during the semester - even if its much slower

#thank uuuuu ily

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eerna · 1 year

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how did u rate tdp s4? what moments did u like and what u hated

I don't do well with ratings, but here's an off-the-top-of-my-head list of likes and dislikes!

LIKES:

This might not belong here bc it is technically OOC, but I was always annoyed at Rayla saving Pyrrah in s2, so I am glad they went back on it lolololol

The Rayllum dynamic in the first 80% of the season! I loved how stubborn and focused Callum was on being offended without letting it be annoying or hinder the plot

Callum! Before, I didn't really care much for his arc, but I liked him this season! TDP struggles with tone, but the serious edgyness they gave him this season accidentally created the most tonally coherent main character lol. I was annoyed at how out of nowhere his "YOU GOTTA KILL ME" thing was, but based on Rayla's reaction that might have been the point? AND he only said one bad joke way back at the beginning of ep 1, which made him 1000 times more endearing.

This might be Stockholm syndrome but the self-righteous monologues weren't bad this time around? I really loved the earth dragon's Avizandum rant, go off king

Claudia is now EVIL!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!! I WANTED THIS SO BAD I LOVED THAT VIREN WAS SIDELINED IN HER FAVOR THIS SEASON LET'S GO EVIL GIRLS LET'S GO

Speaking of which, CLAUDIA AND TERRY KILLING SOMEONE!!! I was expecting it but it was nice to have my expectations met

The coin scene where Rayla is ready to cut a bitch and Claudia makes her regret it was so good!!! Idk why Aaravos said Rayla can’t kill, she killed Viren just fine, and this scene was more in line with that Rayla. However it got ruined by Claudia going back :/

DISLIKES:

the animation. I was one of the rare people who didn't mind the frame rate of s1, but this season's colors and shapes and movements were a gigantic problem for me. The screenplay is worse too. All in all the show doesn't look as competent as it used to.

Janai and Amaya. I am personally offended bc I was HERE for the marriage political drama plotline, but they messed it up at every turn. I ended up feeling like Janai doesn't know Amaya at all and is actually a really naiive, unaware woman, which is a very bad thing for political plotlines.

Rayla. She was so OOC it was insane. I am convinced the writers just didn't know what to do without her and that's why she was in this season. Like, why is she more emotionally mature, who did she have to practice those skills with??? We don't know, because the writers don't know either, as far as they are concerned she was in a coma for 2 years!!!! They could have removed TTM and instead made s4 Rayla paranoid and accidentally neglectful, and then in the end her fears get validated when she sees Viren and leaves Callum in a split second's decision, and then in s5 we can have a breakup story.

the plot is as contrived as always. If I were a queen of a people called "sunfire elves" whose bodies can run so hot they burn things they touch and a human architect showed up with plans to build a highly burnable camp for us, I'd think it was a practical joke. The dragon queen sees someone was murdered in her home while she was away, then a few hours later leaves her young son in that same home and thinks that will make him safe.

the coin scene T.T IT STARTED OUT SO GOOD IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD IF ONLY CLAUDIA DIDN’T GO BACK

The timeskip. Honestly was not needed at all. We could have done all the same things with a 2 month timeskip and it would make more sense bc WHY HAVE THE SUNFIRE ELVES BEEN LIVING IN A SUPER FLAMMABLE CAMP FOR 2 YEARS

how do the jokes keep getting worse. How. Why did we need those 5 minutes in which Claudia details how much she loves her bf's farts. I totally get why Viren got a panic attack and fell to his second death right afterwards

the ATLA references also keep getting worse. Someone explain to them they should stop reminding people that they could be watching a better kids' show instead

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk tdp #tdp spoilers

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genderkoolaid · 2 years

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(Trigger warning for transphobic content, self misgendering to make a point, transandrophobia. On anon bc some family members follow my main lmao pain)

Hi! I'm Caleb. For reference, I started physically and socially transitioning around 3 years ago.

As a trans man, I was always told not to ruin my perfect, lovely feminine body by becoming like "those filthy men" and taking T and getting top surgery. My mother would always insist "you're not a man, you're just a woman who's been taught to hate herself" and my grandmother would always insist "why would you want to be a man, they're disgusting". Every twist and turn wherever I wanted to seem masculine, someone would insult me for ~abandoning my womanhood~ for the sake of "attention" or "male privilege" (which is unfair, because I've always been treated as lesser than cis men AND women for being a trans man, ergo "a delusional woman") Every time I said I didn't want to be perceived as "pretty" or I said I didn't like how dresses made me feel, people reacted like "oh here comes one of those 'not like other girls'". If I said I liked a certain flower or felt a bit cute one day or did what is considered a feminine hobby, the response was "oh thank God you're not like those *other* men". If someone perceived me as just a butch lesbian, it would always be like "what are you, a male chauvinist?" for appearing masculine. If someone did perceive me as a man, they'd think me disgusting and inherently evil. My transition (which is still under way) is always made out to be some terrible loss of a perfectly good woman, and an attempt to escape femininity because of misogyny by some poor, misled little girl manipulated by the evil transes and men.

Some people have approached me talking about how Elliott Page, too, left femininity for the obviously oh so disgusting masculinity. Some have approached me like "men are more likely to rape and abuse women... why do you want to be a man? do you wanna rape women?"

Jokes have been made about my being a trans man, including "you now have to own only one pair of jeans", "only wash yourself once a week to be a true man", "real men don't wash their hands", "(insert my name) now has to be a piece of shit, it's just the law", "your hair isn't gross enough to belong to a man", "ewww you're a man??", etc etc etc. I'd almost considered detransitioning because every single person I knew except for a select few seemed to hate me for me, even if it was lighthearted or unintentional. People would comment highly inappropriate things about me, and I'd honestly hit one of my lowest points ever emotionally because of, well, everything. I'd fallen behind in my work and studies because I simply felt too shitty to bother.

The way that femininity is considered the epitome of purity, grace, loveliness, kindness, sweetness, etc and masculinity as evil, uncleanly, rude, unfit to be in public, etc has done a lot of harm, not even just for me, but also for my butch lesbian friends. Not to mention the fact that the whole "men are inherently evil" shtick gives actual evil men the excuse they need to be pieces of shit a la "it's in my nature", but that's a different conversation.

I really appreciate you doing the whole transandrophobia thing, makes me feel a little less alone. Some people forget that trans people don't experience the same privileges that cis folks do, as if transitioning magically makes you just like a cis person in every single way. Spoiler alert, it fucking doesn't. I will never experience the same privileges that cis men experience solely based on the fact that I'm trans. It's fucking unfair, but that's how it is.

It's Caleb, again, I felt the last ask was too long. My experiences truly have been a fucking textbook definition of transphobia and transandrophobia, and yet I'm "oh so lucky" that I get to "decide to be a man" and gain privilege over my cis women friends. I'm oh so demanding and oh so sensitive and oh such a typical brutish male for pleading that people stopped insulting me and my expression of self. This fucking oppression Olympics where everyone keeps kicking each other down because they "don't have it as bad" or don't have the same experiences gets the entire queer community fucking nowhere. People act as though radfems only target transfems, but I've had multiple radfems in my dms telling me I'm a poor misled little girl, that I should get off T because it makes me aggressive, etc etc etc. Every time I've complained about it, the response was "you're a man lmao you don't have it as bad, you so desperately want to be oppressed". I love transfems dearly for we are in the same boat, but assuming that trans men don't also have extremely negative experiences based on their gender simply because it's not the same as transfem struggles, and comparing trans men to trans women the whole time in the context of who has a higher percentage of suicide rates or detransitioning or hate crimes... it's fucking exhausting.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

#m.#ask box #experiences with transandrophobia

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blackwoolncrown · 1 year

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Will you talk a little bit abt your process moving to a new country? Not like the laws and stuff, just like how it happened… I have the means to do it too but I’m really scared about selling all my stuff and leaving my house and everything. I love your blog, thank you in advance! 💛 ✨💛💛💗💗🌙🌙✨🌼🌼

Aw, thanks!

Okay ummm

Apart from the procedural process, the shift has been fairly easy for me. Well NOW though- the mental and emotional leadup to doing it was HUGE and took many months. I teach manifestation so I definitely spent all the time ahead of it using those kinds of techniques and keeping my mind really centered.

As I've mentioned before I had a relocation specialist so having meetings w her about the process gave me a lot of confidence and then ofc I made a short trip to my target country to meet w her and get a tour which was like microdosing the experience itself.

The few weeks right before were the hardest bc I was under a sudden and unexpected time crunch and it was really heavy having to pack my life up, get rid of things and prep without really a lot of time to grieve or anything. Then I had to make the first leg of my journey out, alone, and even once I had help from a friend who joined me the whole thing was really stressful and intense and I was just like kind of emotionally 'locked in' and in survival mode for a few more weeks.

But, after that I was able to rest and start to readjust and that part was honestly easy. it can get tiresome not knowing or not being fluent in another language- when I first got there I basically always picked up a pizza I could order online or just shopped at the grocery store to avoid having frustrating interactions.

But I also had a language teacher and my partner and his family and that really helped me acclimate. I honestly don't get homesick; I did not like living in the US it was such a place of violence stress and trauma. Nice to visit my friends but I'm happy to be here and every week I get better at talking to people. The only thing I miss are certain foods bc central FL is very caribbean and asian and where I'm at rn lacks a lot of those flavors. It's hard to find good canned coconut milk.

I left my home, my friends, my food, my language, my birthplace, my whole life. ANd I'd do it again.

My life has more time in it now, I'm not as stressed and rushed. It was a huge hurdle but like I told my partner- I ran away from home a few days before 18 so this is not the first time I've jumped a wall like this in order to be safe and free.

10/10 highly recommended, I wish you all the best in your journey too.

If there's anything I can say advice wise it's this:

A) You feel attached to your stuff now but the attachment or the grief of its loss is temporary. Now I'm not one of those who says 'get rid of everything!' bc if something is really core to your routine just know that SOME items are very hard to replace in another country. But the pain of loss is temporary in most instances.

B) Some of the stuff we have and love living in The Imperial West we love bc it soothes the ache we feel from living here. Remove the ache, and the need for the soothing is gone, too.

It's not that bad. Generally the gain is greater than any losses just make sure you've done your research.

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ahiddenpath · 5 months

Text

Life Talk

Tone summary:

Life

I'm lowkey a wreck???? Is that a thing? I think you know what I mean. I get up and do the things, but emotionally everything is like AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

First World Problems

So I've been saving for a bathroom reno for... I don't even know how long, years and years. We have a sum that I thought was pretty substantial??? We went to a showroom and I picked a bunch of stuff I didn't like bc that is what they had. My inspiration for my bathroom is sea glass, and the showroom had neutrals only. Like, the kind of bathroom reno you do to flip a house, but on a much nicer scale.

Anyway, we had y money. Our estimate was y + (y*46%). I mentioned that our estimate made sense about 3 years ago, and the designer said, "Yes, 3 years ago your estimate would be about 6% higher than your budget of y." Meaning there has been a roughly 40% inflation of their services/materials over the last 3 years.

Okay, so like, I get it. I have a home, this is a first world problem. But it also isn't? Because like... What if your pipes burst, and you need to redo your bathroom? Now it's 40% more expensive than it was 3 years ago, through no fault of your own.

It's like everything I was saving for, everything I tried to do... The goal post dramatically leaped in a short timeframe. I'm so frustrated. I'd put it off, but apparently the forecast for this type of goods/services is further unprecedented inflation next year, of course.

I've also spent the whole damned weekend on this, because today, my husband made a 3D model of our bathroom, and I picked stuff I actually like. So like- I haven't done any chores or creative stuff or relaxing. My husband just asked me to get on a call with our two closest friends from out of state to plan a meet up, and I just about burst into tears. I just can't handle more mental load. I don't want to be the person who turns down doing things (that I can reasonably afford) because I'm so overwhelmed, but that's where I am.

Work

It's weird because lately, work has been... A bit better? I take lunches. I leave on time, or even half an hour early. But I'm so beyond burnt out from those few months where I worked closely with someone and did my work plus half of his, or more.

This is a weird thing to say, I know, but I had an epiphany when I was talking to my hairdresser yesterday, lmao! I was telling her all the stuff I did this year at work, and she was like- um, that sounds like a lot? Like really amazing?

And it's true. This year, I generated a type of protein that no one in my company has been able to make. I closed out a project my senior has been trying to do for almost the whole year- I did it in two weeks. I've been taking on and wrapping up lingering projects, all of which I had no clue how to do. My boss calls me The Closer.

And through all of this, I've felt like an underperforming idiot, because I didn't know the skills needed for anything and I struggled and asked a million qs and was anxious all the time. But the people who did have the skills and background couldn't (wouldn't?) do it, and I did.

The place itself is still a massive dumpster fire of chaos. But I'm doing well, except... I'm always given tasks I don't know how to do, and often, no one in my group knows, either. It's all brand new stuff or finishing stuff other people couldn't get done. That is so much extra mental load and stress compared to doing tasks I know how to do.

Creative Life

I've been doing Nanowrimo. Until yesterday, I was doing and feeling great. I wrote all of 83 words yesterday, and 0 so far today, lmao! I'll... try.

I still feel weird/unsure about sharing my work. I'm trying not to focus on that, and instead focus on enjoying creating. Right now, I'm really overwhelmed in general, though.

Fearing for the Future

I'm at the age where if I want to have biological kids, it's uhhhh it's at that "clock is ticking" point. But I'm barely handling myself as I am, without a kid, and stuff keeps getting wildly more expensive. I try to remind myself that I have an anxiety disorder, so my fears are augmented, but...

It really feels like, at this moment, this world isn't fit to bring a kid into. It feels like a lot of the stuff considered normal for a middle class person like twenty years ago is just... Off the table now.

Despair doesn't help anyone, you know? No point languishing on it. But also, uh, it feels very real? I'm sure people think about this a lot lately, so I don't want to catastrophize at length. I guess I'm just sharing that it's on my mind.

I hope you're all well and hanging in there. Please try to take care of yourselves <3

#hidden's life

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toburnup · 1 year

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I'm so utterly feral for this story. The way you write is so intimate and relatable, i wish i could write like you. Cannot WAIT for next tuesday (if your schedule permits of course ❤️)

I am a lil slow on the uptake lol. Can you kinda walk us thru where Eddie is at mentally in regards to trying to initiate things physically with Steve. Bc last chapter he's actively in denial over his attraction to him and NOW he's being pushy and confusing (to me at least).

Like are they friends now?

And is Gil attracted to steve?!?!? I was like WHOA did I miss that?!?!?!

i have another fic i'd like to post so i'll proooobably be posting the next iylo chapter in 2 weeks! 😣 but tbh the last few weeks of work have been so busy, so i'm going to try and prioritize sleep for a bit and recover. will keep you updated tho!!

in regards to where eddie is at...

he's not really in denial, but it's more like. he's being cautious about falling back into it (emotionally). steve burned him pretty bad the first time around, and i think he has good reason to be wary of steve's intentions tbh (i know lots of ppl are mad at eddie after this chapter, but steve kinda had it coming lol. and he knows it!). they're not dating, eddie doesn't owe steve monogamy, and like. steve's not necessarily hurt by what eddie's doing, but moreso by the fact that he doesn't acknowledge it

"are they friends now?" ahh the age old question!! yes, i'd say they're friends. it's messy, but it's a friendship of sorts. but steve's deeply attracted to eddie which makes it challenging (😈)

and if you want some more insight into where eddie is at, there's a bit of his pov (ch 6 specifically) when he talks about his relationship with painkillers 👀 that you might find informative.

and re: gil... let's just say that gil and eddie are more similar than gil and steve, if that makes sense 😌

#hehehehe #vague answer is vague #vio answers #is your light on #iylo meta

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hackedmotionsensors · 9 months

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QUICK UPDATE

lmao

So I just got back last week from Anime Impulse Bay Area! That was a lot of fun and I did a lot better than I did at Fanime Night Market. But I'm glad I did fanime night market bc even tho it cost me a LOT more than it should have and I was WILDLY emotionally and financially stressed.....it gave me a chance to trouble shoot a lot of issues BEFORE going to Anime Impulse where I was basically on my own.

Someone even gave me a stevetony charm bc they remembered me from the before times lol

Aside from that, like a lot of the animation industry I am still woefully unemployed. So any donations or commissions are greatly appreciated

FOR COMMISSIONS!! I have like three???? right now in the wings. But bc I have another con at the end of the month (anime impulse orange county! PLEASE COME) and I'm trying to get merch sent to manu before its too late or I have to pay a bazillion dollars I don't have I've only been able to cut away at them a little bit at a time. The next one (A STEVETONY NO LESS) is on its way! I just need to finish drawing the rest of the background but they lads are drawn in and I think its really cute. I'm usually really nervous about commissions which is why I'm so slow. I wring my hands a lot hoping that people like them. But lol Stevetony are like ....putting on my favorite shoes asdfasd

LAST PART OF THE UPDATE IS....

my fucking laptop is on the fritz. I'd been using this bad boy since right after graduating. Almost 10 years. It still WORKS but I had to repair the screen in 2022. And it didn't even really fix it. And NOW....my keyboard died lol The side of the keyboard where the A is just WOULD NOT WORK. Luckily when we got the notice that we were getting canned from Disney/Marvel I was like I'M BUYING A COMPUTER NOW!!!

That was in November lmao. I'm only setting it up now. There were a lot of things I apparently was missing bc I just never needed them by having a laptop. I had to go to target and get a little adapter for the cintiq plug. And I needed to order SPEAKERS lol What the hell is this 1994?!!!

So for today I don't have speakers so I can't watch anything on my main monitor so I'll just watch stuff on my ipad. I tried using headphones but it sounded so BAD.

So I think for the rest of the day I'll be spent fighting csp to give me my files but the computer is set up and now its just all the boring part of setting up all my old settings, ad blockers, anti virus stuff lol

GODDDDDD

Last little mention is that I'll TRY to use tumblr a bit more but only after I finish Good Omens bc I know all y'all fuckin nerds can't stop posting spoilers lmao (TBF the season is over)

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flockofdoves · 1 year

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i think its important to retain compassion and make sure when i actually talk to her i am open to listening to whatever she has to say. obviously thats important even just on purely a level of wanting communication to go well and for her to be receptive to solutions. but also of course there needs to be space kept for me and my gf to vent our frustration on our own time bc just bc pretty much almost everyone can always have some sort of personal justification for why they did something within their constricted circumstances obviously that doesn't mean people hurt by that dont still have reasons to be upset or resent the situation. and i'm trying to be good and healthy in how i balance these two things.

i'm not always the best at conversations i can be a bit conflict avoidant and i have given up on talking about any of this for a while after my last half assed attempts at communication about this stuff failed (even if i think to be fair to myself some of it very clearly goes beyond what i'd imagine the scope of any misalignment of expectations from past experiences in different living situations could cause. like sure ok maybe you've used other peoples dishes in the past but i cant imagine it takes communication (which i did w this actually!) to know that if you've then let those dishes mold for a month throwing out that persons dishes after they ask you to wash them after they see them outside is not an acceptable next step) but i’m really trying to expend the effort to be better at communicating

but every time i’ve tried she avoids it somehow. and i keep trying harder in more direct but still not aggressive ways and i’m sure theres still more i could do but its just so so frustrating having it continue on this way.

i feel like theres no space for me to even healthily balance my frustration with not letting that boil into any actual opportunity to talk because its just like a constant situation of having to hope that she’ll actually not avoid things this time and i need to emotionally prep myself for conversation so that i won’t unproductively just come across as angry (or just like. so shaky i cant talk lol) and because i’m just like fucking constantly having to put myself in that state theres not even a healthy space to even be properly mad during me and my gfs time when shes not around

i’m just so so so sick of this i’m so constantly stressed and sad about all of this this is the worst roommate situation i’ve ever been in even when just like. in fun conversations before she was avoiding us and that i still overhear w her friends i really enjoy my roommate. like thats really saying something when i’ve had a homophobic passive aggressive roommate before and a roommate that always turned the thermostat up to 90 degrees!!! but this is still (even after her wayyyy lowballing the utility bills “at their worst” looking back lmao) like the cheapest place i’ve seen around here with this fucking housing crisis happening around my college and at this point itd literally be too late to find anything good for when this lease ends i don’t know what to fucking do i was panicking about housing this time last year and it felt like it might fall through at like any moment once we did secure this apartment last august and then like so soon after that everything started to gradually get more and more stressful as more things happened with our roommate so its been like a fucking year of housing stress about stuff but we didn’t even start early bc it cost so much to furnish this place so our room wasnt just so deeply stressful to live in with the amount of unpacked boxes for months that we only just finally had all the furniture and storage to actually put away that we kept being like well i’m sure if we just communicate better it can improve because we really want to keep living here and dont want to go through All That with apartment applications and moving again any time soon but also jesus christ what if it just doesnt fucking change im in fucking limbo

#cpost

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