#which nobody was very happy with

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i am,,,once again,,,,,opening a girlie up hang on is this why i get shadowbanned and my blog deleted? I Am Once Again Opening A IMAGINARY Girlie WHO DOESNT EXIST Up in FAKE FICTION

anyway not even using a knife this time its more of a scurvy scars reopening kind of a situation

#you fuck up a regeneration and now your body wont close #dont worry im not posting this ones for the private collection #anyway miss 'death=love' y literally dying: yasmin. yasmin. stick your fingers in me. dont care which hole any of them ive got many rn #its not even technically missy any more i think at this point in her timeline its like missy number 6 #she keeps killing herself!! #also keeps giving herself new names but im just putting missy until ivefigured out what they are #first time it was like a Healing sort of suicide she was inspired by yaz so she was like #I Wanna Be More #and then there was an accident and she turned into koschei #which nobody was very happy with #yaz bc she was like we were having sex yesterday and today youre a child so thats complicated #and missy bc she was like the doctor is acting like im the ghost of their childhood back to haunt them :( #and the doctor bc she was like the ghost of my childhood is back to haunt me #so that was not ideal #then there was an actual suicide-suicide sort of a suicide situation #very committed one too but the doctor uh brought her back #with a lot of effort #then there was a practicality one #like you run i'll explode myself kinda thing #i think im forggeting one #anyway so we're a couple bodies in and she has Once Again fucked up a regeneration #one might suspect shes doing it on purpose #yaz definitely is #but shes also not gonna say no so

[stalga]

I solemnly swear to post more than every six months!!

Hi again! I have a little update to the whole "trying new software" thing! On top of trying PNGTuber+, which I'm still fiddling with, I really wanted to take a crack at Live2D! There's still a million things to learn, but here's a work in progress with Dream sans!

Certain parts of head rotation have been really challenging, particularly the corners! Close observers will notice that poor Dream has a dent on the left side (our right) of his skull when he turns his head... that's an accident. I'm trying to fix it!!

This is based on this design i did of dream sans... omigosh, 3 years ago??? Time flies!

Anyway, what do you think??

#dreamtale #live2d #dream sans #undertale au #animation #I also decided to follow classic sans rules for the mouth--his teeth open for nobody!! #my friend said it resulted in a very charming cartoony look which makes me happy!

[sneez]

more of my oc tervis (any pronouns), the creepiest most miserable little weirdo in town. which is saying something [id under cut]

/ ID: four digital drawings.

The first image is a series of drawings of Tervis on a paper-textured background. A heading at the top reads 'Tervis (Humble)'. One is a coloured headshot of Tervis looking to the left; they have a gaunt face, short receding hair, a scar bisecting their lip and right eyebrow, greyish skin, and are wearing a red shawl around their neck. An arrow pointing at their right eye reads 'one blue eye (mostly blind)'; another arrow pointing at their left eye reads 'one brown eye'. They have a serious, hostile expression. The second drawing is an uncoloured full-body sketch of Tervis. Next to this is the same drawing but coloured and with more polished lineart. Tervis is a thin, hunched figure wearing a long, dark brown robe, a greyish bag on their back, and a red shawl around their head and neck. They are barefoot, and are leaning on a walking staff with both hands. An arrow pointing to the walking staff reads 'needed for walking, useful for hitting'. Tied to the belt around their waist are several long scrolls of paper with writing on them. An arrow pointing to the scrolls reads ''blessings' they paste on infected houses'. Tervis is looking warily out at the viewer from beneath their eyebrows. An arrow pointing to their head reads 'scar from getting hit in the face with a brick (also knocked out a tooth)'. Alongside these drawings are a series of bullet points giving information about Tervis. These read:

   indeterminate age, indeterminate gender

   religious fanatic (unclear which religion)

   lives alone somewhere in the steppe

   dislikes everyone but is nicer to children than anyone else

   has every disease

The second image is a fake screenshot from the video game Pathologic. Tervis is looking out at the viewer; the background shows scenery from the steppe. The text on screen reads:

CHANGELING: I still don’t see what you could have done that would make you personally responsible for this plague. TERVIS: Responsible… no, not merely responsible! This is my plague, cast upon my head alone. I am the originator; my sin is at the root of all. I have ventured into the town. I have seen the canker there. No matter how many houses I bless, my sickness sinks deeper. The rotted limb is the death of the body… Surely you understand me. You are a healer, are you not? CHANGELING: What is it that you are asking me to do? TERVIS: Let me be the lamb, worker of miracles! My blood shall wet the earth, and bright flowers shall grow… My putrefaction will provide the soil within which new life will burgeon, pure and free of sin and decay. Let it be done. I am ready. My failing flesh is but little sacrifice; in death my weakness will be my strength. Soon these torments will be at an end.

Below are two dialogue options:

You’re insane!

What makes you so sure your death would solve anything?

The third image is a fake screenshot from the video game Pathologic 2. Tervis is looking out at the viewer, and has been painted in semi-realistic style. The text on screen reads:

Tervis: Why do you force me to live? Damn you! Your cure is poison to me. Now I shall never be blessed. You should have left me to bleed.

Below are three dialogue options:

Don’t be absurd. I wasn’t going to watch you die.

What makes you think you deserve suffering?

I wish I had.

At the bottom of the image is a line of dialogue which Tervis has just spoken:

The air is foul. There is rot in this place. The stench of corruption shall be – what was it? What was it? The stench of corruption shall be… swept aside…

The fourth image is a coloured scene depicting Tervis and Clara. They are central in the composition; around them is the steppe, which has been rendered in a loose, painterly style. Tervis is kneeling, their walking staff cast aside, and are reaching out their hands to Clara in a desperate, pleading gesture. They are crying, their face contorted in an expression of agonised ecstasy. Clara stands beside them, one hand reaching out, the other held above Tervis’s head as though about to touch their brow. She has a solemn, pained expression. Behind her head, a break in the dark clouds gives the impression that she is haloed by sunlight; rays of the same light fall onto Tervis, illuminating their face and red robe. End ID. /

#artwork #pathologic #tervis!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D #sorry i know ive already posted that fake p2 screenshot i just wanted to keep all my tervis images in one place. please forgive me #i am having. So Much Fun. i would explode and die for tervis shes the worst i adore her #making fake screenshots is so enjoyable i love trying to match the fonts and copying all the little ui details it's so fun highly recommend #i have a lot of tervis lore which i am still developing but hopefully these drawings give you some idea of his character #hes just a mess really. hes got every imaginable problem #that last drawing is her getting sacrificed in the humble ending. she is SO happy about it #also if you didnt see my last post tervis was originally a warhammer 40k oc (which he still is ive just made a bonus pathologic tervis now) #but ive tried to keep a lot of 40k stuff in her design like the blessing scrolls and the uh. Posture #that's also my reasoning for why nobody knows what his religion is. the watsonian explanation is they are just spouting incomprehensible #disjointed passages from some obscure scripture which nobody can identify (and who would want to try really. tervis is not good company) #but the doylist explanation is that it's literally just the cult mechanicus. just ignore all the references to the weakness of the flesh and #the glory of the machine it will all be fine nothing weird here at all #anyway :-) i could talk about tervis forever but i will stop now #i hope you are all well my dear friends! i am on holiday now wahoo #i am also aware that i have several messages to answer which i will do very soon i am so sorry for being so slow as usual #i love you all i am giving you individual kisses on your individual heads. mwah

[littlegreenwyvy]

A lot of the more 'drastic' effects that I got within the first few months of HRT have mostly subsided.

But one thing that seems to be 'staying' is that I can giggle myself into a laughing-fit the likes of which I and my friends have never seen. "Are you laughing or crying?" is a phrase I hear at least once a week, and which goes unanswered for a good several minutes before I'm able to regain my composure (the answer typically being 'both' by that point).

Being happy is cool :>

#sketch #cel (wyvy) #hrt #trans #transgender #laughing #Also to be extra clear this IS uncontrollable laughing #NOT uncontrollable sobbing #(though that does happen very occasionally too) #which I'm also happy about I was never able to cry like barely at all pre-hrt #actually taking a moment to let myself cry feels amazing #The particular instance this sketch is referencing I don't even remember what the joke was #but my friends were genuinely confused about what I was laughing at because nobody else even registered it as a 'joke' #(a common experience in VCs I'm in) #if that tells you anything about my sense of humour #Not my fault that my friends are absolute gods of comedy without even trying

[ricksanchezbignaturals]

i just think it's really funny when people try to argue with headcanons. bro you're not gonna Facts and Logic your way out of rick sanchez being trans. rick is trans because i am trans and i like him.

#nobody cares but this specific headcanon does have more layers than liking the character for me #not in the arguing for the validity of it kind of way but like the reasons it makes me happy #he's old af and older trans characters are very important to me #because theyre simultaneously examples of survival and trans people not being some modern trend #him being canonically queer and autistic makes me so happy partly because while he is a unique character he does fall into some archetypes #archetypes which are pretty much exclusively filled by cishet neurotypical men #so by the same reasons that him being pan and autistic is exciting #mr “smartest man in the universe” that can do pretty much literally anything except be happy over here being transgender is dope af actually #but yes he is also trans because i like him #rick and morty #rick sanchez #trans rick sanchez #transgender rick sanchez #trans rick #headcanon

[licorishh]

OH YEAH ALSO finally watched the FNAF movie with the coolest person on Earth, 11/10 movie, Mike looked ready to curl up into a fetal position on the floor and burst into tears at all moments, he is so me, would watch again

#fnaf #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy's #mike schmidt #anyway. i loved the end scene where the four of them do the thing with afton #i was also extremely glad the springlock scene was very palatable and not gory or overly vivid because i can't and won't watch that stff #when i tell you i HOLLERED when cory showed up. almost cried. my BOY #cory is the king of youtube fr fr. nobody does it like him #he's on a hiatus again but we the samurai will patiently wait for the shogun's return #i am getting off-topic. matpat's nametag said “ness” which was extremely funny #afton was in literally two maybe three scenes tops which i was not expecting but he stole the show ofc. very spazzy. dig it #vanessa was so mysterious?? #i kinda loved her and mike's dynamic though. so very silly the pair of them (running from real-life manifestations of fictious characters) #I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW FOXY WAS IN THE MOVIE. THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY #foxy's always been my favorite. my boy. he can have a little murder. as a treat #VANESSA HAD A GUN!! VERY COOL AND GOOD #she barely even shot afton though. honeybun literally had the upper hand by a mile #that man did not have a long-range weapon. he was entirely at her mercy. if she'd shot him all the animatronics would've instantly helped #still like her for some reason though. she permanently has the default sim expression etched on her face #also i don't know if y'all saw but in the credits it says foxy's humming was my boy kellen goff!! #mike was so STRESSED and so DISTRACTED the ENTIRE TIME i see so much of myself in him #can we also agree josh hutcherson looks great with a goatee like that is eons ahead of the peeta look (never read/watched himger gims ok)

[skrunksthatwunk]

FINISHED GAIDEN

#rgg gaiden spoilers in tags #GUH. SNIFF. GUH. BUHHHHBUHBUH. FUCK #!!!!! EUGHHHUGHHH #WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME GAIDEN WAS GOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #AUUGGUHEHGEHHVBBBBGHHG #SOBBINGNH BAWLING THROWING UP SHUDDERING SNIFFLING LIMP DREADFUL UGHHGHUUHH #EUGHHHHHHHHHGYUGHHHHHGGH #SORRY I WAS GONNA REFLECT BUT I CANT STOP TEXT GROANING LIKE. HYUGHHHGGGHHH GUHHHHHH #SOBBING INTERNALLY REALLY REALLY HARD RN... #it was such a good final sequence... like the whole final fight was so good #AND UFHGEYHG EVERYONES REACTIONS TO KIRYU COMING BACK.. AND HIS TO THEM ... #majima veing like yeah ywah ok sure thing joryu just. just don't run off too soon arright? GUHHHHHBWAUUUUHHHGGUUGUUHHBBBHHHHHHHHNNGGGHHHH #WET PILE ON THE FLOOR #and it's such a good final fight and final occasion for what's probably gonna be kiryu's final solo finale yknow? #captured the spirits of the others while getting the emotion and the hype in a way i havent felt with the past couple antags #yumi ring post credit sequence..... awhhhh 🥺🥺🥺 ...... he loves her.....🤧🤧🤧 #GYUGJH so glad to see rgg finally remembering yumi oughhguhhh and theres at least one papa kazama substory #and obv Tonight is there so like. the trio have been acknowledged which is nice #anyway very happy to see ichi again i miss him OH THE HIDDEN CAMERA SHIT. HRNGHHH NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THATTT #HGUHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNMMNRHRGZGZHJDBDBD BAWLING BAWLING BAWLIGN BAWLIGN BAWLING FUCKIGN SCREAMING‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #nooooooooooooo god it's so fucking sad dude... houghrhhgh like kiryu just crying and whimpering for a few minutes and the screen getting #more and more covered with his tears (and snot oops) and just. hububububhhhhh AND THE WAY HE LAUGHED WHEN THEY SAID NO ONE BELIEVED HE WAS #REALLY DEAD AT MORNING GLORY.. CUTE. YEAH WE ALL KNOW YOURE BAD AT DISGUISES I LOVE YOU FOREVER JORYU SUZUKI TAICHI #my heart.... kiryuuuuuuu kiryu i love you so much forever and everrrrrrrrr kiryujuiuuuuiu. GHRBMRNRNBSHAHSV #sad. sad sad sad. but not empty. never empty. #hhhnngnhnnn and like just. pshhhUGH i really liked the side characters this time around. akame and tsuruno and shishido and nishitani #BOY WAS I HAPPY TO SEE THE (LITERAL) BLOODLUST RETURN JDGDJS THAT SCENE WHERE HES LIKE joryu you got me ROCK HARD and tsuruno's like #p-patriarch?? LAUGHING MY FUCKIGN ASS OFF THAT SHIT WAS SO GOOD. THEY CALLED HIM A CAT IN HEAT STOPPPJDGSJSHS #and the lighting was pretty and the environments were gorgeous and i really liked everything i did #theyre starting to make the dragon engine combat good lol

[invinciblerodent]

brb, i have to go and. make strangled noises at nothing real quick; it just hit me over the head how Wyll's use of the metaphor of dancing as a stand-in for romance and intimacy really just. accompanies him all throughout his story, and how perfect it is

I guess I should have expected a character like him, that's both deeply poetic in his speech and courtly in his upbringing, would come to idealize a chivalric romance a bit, and translate his feelings on/of love to an element of courting that's as ritualistic and processional as ballroom dancing, but sometimes just realizing the obvious can really knock you off your feet for a second

like. just like how there is almost a blueprint to a perfect storybook romance in both stories and -consequently- in his head (I think romance might even be one of the literary genres with the highest number of unwritten rules that need to be fulfilled for a work to count as a romance), there is also a fairly strict method to a court dance. There is a series of well-known and practiced steps that was laid out in advance, and one is to perform them in succession, and in sync with one's partner. If one of the parties doesn't know or doesn't want to follow the rules/steps, it gets... tangled, messy, and you both stumble. The dance and the relationship both fall apart. The happy ending of a tale is not reached without all the steps in-between being followed, and he so dearly wants his fairytale ending, his happy, fulfilled love, I just---

it's such a perfect metaphor, and what makes it even more perfect is that Wyll is ostensibly aware of it, and he chose it, purposefully, and i don't want to watch the Act 3 commitment scene because I've not yet done it myself and don't want to spoil it, but I would be so surprised if he a.) made no mention of storybook romances, or b.) didn't just straight up propose y'know

i'm (metaphorically) crying, if it were possible to play this game on six different characters simultaneously without getting bored or confused I fucking would

#squirrel plays bg3 #yet another way my Trevelyan works very well in this situation for me #oc: raymond trevelyan #back in the day i made him... actually very similar to what Wyll is now #he was a young man of noble birth who grew up idealizing the storybook heroes of legends and romances #and while he wasn't really that stuck on the 'perfect romance' bits; being not interested in the ladies at all... #the Noble Hero On A White Steed image and the Charming Knight Saving the Realms images did appeal to him immensely #he was gregarious and brave and chivalrous and overall just... trying his absolute best to be good #he wanted to be the a gallant hero and to experience a sweeping passionate love- both wooing and being wooed #which he did get! and he did eventually find his happy ending! #only... the stories rarely mention that heroes don't often live this far past the end of their own tales #when the evil is slain and the damsel is saved; the story simply... ends #the characters; they live on frozen in the perfect moment of true love's first kiss #and nobody really talks about what happens after- not until you must experience it for yourself #so now he's... a burnt-out ex-knight #a has-been hero whose usefulness ceased and his happy ending was torn from him by pointless intrigue #and I just LOVE the thought of him finding a new happy ending; of starting over with someone who'll rekindle his passions #and dance the night away with him #YAY FOR TAG NOVELS

[eyluvu]

One fun fact about me is I constantly feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a panic attack

#god its not even like- its just like constant pressure on my chest #and then nothing comes from it which is really annoying because it means its just constant and nobody can really tell #the only 'good' thing about panic attacks is it shows how I genuinely feel on the inside and so people will take me more seriously #but I haven't had one for months and I'm very happy about it #(I am traumatised from one of them. those like constant memories and the physical feelings that resurface?? ew!) #its alr tho #my medication doesnt work #omw to find meth dealers #PAHAHA jokesssss! #im a pussy anyway dw x #vienna rants #anxiety #anxiety disorder #panic attack

[scranbatteries]

my front bottoms cds came, infinity on high is 17 today*, good kid announced a new single, bad day for anyone who has to deal with me

*when i wrote this people in other time zones were saying it was the day but it came out on the 6th which is actually not the 5th Oops

#one of the tfb cds is self titled i have been desperate for self titled like foaming at the mouth like oh my god #and also going grey which like underrated as hell love that album #and then infinity on high is old ??? whats it done that for #good kid announcing a new single this soon after bubbly gk4 seems like its gonna come Fast and that scares me #i put a guitar pick in my phone case in front of the camera to see if it looked funny if i took a picture (it didnt) #and now when i hold my phone it feels uncomfortable #ALSO new ts album ??? #tortured poets ?? you know who else is a tortured poet ?? #PETE WENTZ happy ioh 17th #i think i stole the pete wentz thing from someone on twitter very sorry to someone on twitter #i could write in these tags for weeks and NOBODY could stop me #speaking of weeks do you know who else is a tortured poet #DALLON FUCKING WEEKES love that man #did you know . gloom division this month ????????????????? #i think #i am going to listen to csh now cos in the middle of maths earlier i got lost because my teacher made a train station analogy #and it reminded me of csh #and also i had the bit of beach life in death where its all 'the ocean washed over/open your grave' in my head just now #i have been called a furry by my friends on several occasions and i dont think this is helping much Oops #but have you LISTENED to csh damnn #OH YEAH yesterday i got a screw stuck in some lego cos i was like “hm wonder if the screw would fit in the lego” and it fit PERFECT #but its fine cos like i wasnt planning to use that lego brick anyway #or the screw #which i didnt even buy #i Kinda Accidentally Stole it #except someone pinned it on my hoodie one time #cos it was in a crocodile clip #i stole the crocodile clip on accident basically and theres a screw in the crocodile clip sometimes for SOME REASON #i dont know what its meant to do #sorry if you read all this lol i think theres a limit to how many tags you can have cos it cut off everything after.ran out of things anywa

[stellarsightz]

“All that I've been taught // And every word I've got // Is foreign to me” — Hozier, Foreigner’s God

Aka "nooo dont grieve the life you spent running away from everything and wish you could go back to that life of uncertainty, where you constantly wonder if you can survive another day, rather than stand in the middle of a civil war which has nothing to do with you, you're so cool and sexy you're literally the mythical hero of a land where everyone detests your kind ahahahh"

A silly drawing of my Bosaltmer Dovahkiin, Baltana :))

I fiddled with her design a little, aka i added a different facial tattoo (which mirrors Lynwallyn's because hehe they're twins)

-> a companion piece to this older drawing of Lynwallyn

(Alternative version under the cut; possible eyestrain warning)

#oh tana we're really in it now #oc: baltana #i love me a reluctant hero <3 so thats what she essentially is #like imagine being a nobody your entire life then later become an assassin whose main deal is to be a silent executor #so she's really used to not being noticed and then bam. the whole province knows about her and she has these weird powers #that can make people explode and stuff. not to mention they all hope she was someone different & keep forcing their dreams and hopes #on her when she literally did not ask for any of it. suddenly her name opens a lot of doors and grants her so many contacts but she sees #through everyone's smile and knows they're full of shit. she's everything they hoped the dovahkiin not to be and yet. #she wants to belong so bad but her entire existence is just contrary yo everyone's beliefs. and it hurts so so much but she doesn't let #it consume her nor convince her to use her powers to destroy everything. she saves a world she cares very little about and doesn't even get #proper recognition for it which makes her so frustrated but yknow. what can you do #in the end it's better for her to be remembered as something entirely different than what she actually was bc ironically it means #the real her becomes forgotten. goes unnoticed #so yeah. no i cant make a normal happy character why do you ask #long tags #digital art #stellar.artz #stellar.ocs #tesblr #skyrim #skyrim tes #skyrim dragonborn #dovahkiin

[masquenoire]

OOC/Healthcare stuff under the cut ~

Thank you so much to everybody who left lovely comments before! My appointment with the hospital went much better than expected; the doctor I saw was very lovely and confirmed suspicions as to what I had (Lymphadema) as well as other issues (Lipoedema) and unfortunately while there are no cures for either condition, with the help I’ll be getting in future (on top of self-care treatment for now), my condition will become a lot more managable and I may be a candidate for surgery in the future to relieve the worst of chronic pain/fatigue/swelling! Thank you all again for being so supportive and patient with my slow ass!

@johnnlocked​, @fiddlingonthetympanic​, @wolfmoonsdream​, @thewomanwholaughs​, @oswald-pengu1n-cobblepot​, @elisethetraveller, @shinebrightsweetdove, @awolxsiblings​​​

#💀 ;; OOC #;; mun bullshit #healthcare tw #healthcare cw #Good news it's not terminal which is a HUGE relief #That was a big worry on my mind with so much weight loss going on #Beyond was I was aiming for #Not happy about having a lifelong condition but with some early intervention and management it shouldn't get worse #The doctor was very pleased with my current diet/exercise schedule so that was one thing #And makes me a candidate for surgery as they know I'll be able to maintain fitness/dietry requirements to improve health #Very stressful all the same so gonna grab some tea and start dinner #Just wanted to follow up from earlier so nobody's out of the loop

[dirt-str1der]

just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service

(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?

#Thanks for the ask ! #HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect #based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop #saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which #is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because #you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy #i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane #and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a #knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one #when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid #so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from #nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and #beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees #to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and #nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the #gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes #other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to #walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and #eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when #he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a #girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever #kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to #find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus #like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy #when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate #ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition #because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would #give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a #shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...

[itwoodbeprefect]

i finally did it! i rewatched starsky & hutch a body worth guarding! and i've decided it's still not a favorite, but it does have a lot of cute little moments to it, and "you wanna catch a criminal? GET the fascists!" is just a wonderful thing to hear any time anywhere. solid middle of the road episode for me, i think

#my reservations about this one are twofold. part 1 is the russian ballerina with the (to me) extremely obvious dutch accent. and part 2. hm. #i'm happy for hutch that he gets to have his dreamy weekend love and nobody even dies or falls deathly ill or [insert other tragic fate] #but he DOES annoy me at the start of the episode. anna is not what he imagined she'd be and he gets pissy about it #i'm not even saying that's not authentic to hutch i'm just saying. if you're writing me a one episode romance that works out in the end #the way this starts is not the vibe for me. which is sad because it's a huge part of the episode #and it leaves me to just sit there. baffled. thinking SHE'S NOT RUSSIAN very loudly at hutch and everyone else #and waiting for starsky to show up again because at least HE'S consistently fun in this one. starevsky where are youuu #* #starsky and hutch #and oh my god there's a cartoonish german accent too. this particular episode is just a heap of accents that make me feel stuff

[arcaneyouth]

GAUGH

#vent post #negative #i need to get these thoughts out somewhere and no i don't have anywhere better #i can't tell how muvh of this is rsd and how much is the very human fact that i need attention anymore #either way it doesnt matter #nobody has the time and energy to care about me which hurts a lot more than being hated tbh #cause it is unreasonable for me to ask. #when all of my friends are having breakdowns every day its very shit of me to ask for compliments and love #so i have needs and i know they're going to remain unmet #my excitement and happiness is just not something anyone can handle. #which kind of fukcing sucks so i think I'd lke to melt into a puddle and never return.

[lith-myathar]

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#so #here is the thing #when you've spent most of your life in a very happy relationship with fantasy #the idea of having a relationship in *reality* #well that may not be very happy. might result in feeling like your heart got ripped out your asshole. but even ignoring that #suddenly the amorphous idea of a partner (which can be anything) takes the shape of an actual person #which can very much only be one thing. this feels like doors closing. feels like getting trapped #part of the difficulty here is that i have difficulty not thinking in the long term (this is a defense mechanism apparently) so #even allowing the possibility of being with someone feels confining #because what if the reality is painfully disappointing (like everyone keeps telling me it will be #bc nothing can measure up to the fantasy) and then im trapped between a lifetime of disappointment and breaking somebody's heart #like. fantasy and Yearning leave one empty to a degree but they've kept me *alive* #and how could the reality ever have that same emotional high while also being Safe and in control #also it doesn't hurt anybody #my over the top desire for intensity feels like something nobody's ever going to want to match. too big. too much. unhealthy prolly #even if they did it wouldn't necessarily be a good thing #so. better maybe to quarantine myself to fantasy. #the Rewards of Being Loved tho. i want those. #realistic and rational part of me knows that Those are the Real Good Healthy Thing that will help the pain #but damn if im not attached to my little pet torments #what if i don't want to be healed? does suffering and trauma just sort of get you addicted to the intensity of emotion and then you're jus #chasing that forever? is anything healthy ever going to feel like Enough??? #like how do you just ask somebody ''hey do you want to crawl inside each other's rib cages and take everything way too fucking seriously #so we can attempt to maintain a perpetual state of Desire and the subsequent altered state of consciousness until we both die?'' #''but in like a chill way?'' #like that's *insane* #im insane. is there any way to have both??? #ugh. anyway. don't get crushes this sucks.