#why does everything have to go to shit

[paint-it-dead]

sooo *twirls hair* berserk has everything-

#berserk #guts #griffith #casca #farnese #charlotte #griffguts #gutsca #farnesca #chargriff #my posts #berserk manga #berserk funny #idk what else to tag bleghhh #anywaysss #thought this was funny sooo enjoy the product of a whole 5 min of editing(can yall tell im shit at it?) #*slams roof of berserk* this bad boy can fit so many confusing ships in it #im not 100% certain of farnesce but in the good version of it thats in my head they meet when theyre both leaders of their respective #troops/soldiers/mercenaries and they have a shounen homoerotic rivalry going on.... its BRILLIANT #also why does griffith make everything he's in extremely yuri?? it should be studied #must be the oscar françois de jarjayes in him

[lobotomyladylives]

I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck

#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i #in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where #i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever #i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at #and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like #everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd . #just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up #not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until #i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg #the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was #i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different #well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl #i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool

[arsenicflame]

do you guys ever think about how ed wouldn't intuitively recognise izzys steps anymore because ive been thinking about that a lot this week

#TAG RB AVAILABLE #an alternate (and worse) thought; that he still does recognise izzy from his walk but only because the cane is so distinctive #(every time izzy walks up to him he is reminded of what he did; of how he CHANGED izzy; he did that; why did he do that????) #he will never stop being reminded about what he did #anyway been thinking about this a ton this week. they have sailed together so long they know each other in ways they dont even know #themselves they are the only person the other trusts with everything they know their likes and dislikes and their strengths and weaknesses #they know their aches and pains (and how they got them) they know the sounds the other makes in their sleep they know the sound #of the others footsteps. until they don't any more #izzy cant walk up behind ed and be greeted as he once was. either his steps are not recognised and eds on guard for whatever comes next #or he does still recognise him. but is reminded every time of his worst moment how he broke the trust of his friend how everything #went to SHIT. #izzy never gets that relaxed greeting again #every time ed wants to apologise. he tries to. but it doesn't stop the guilt. it doesn't make it better. it doesn't make it go away. #everything they had. gone #nyxtalks #ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #israel hands #edward teach #the toe thing #whoops went off in the tags again. feel free to do a tag rb (or ask me to do one ':) djndb)

[ducktollers]

i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images i hate you ai images I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

#im so. i am so #this was never an issue my entire life and of COURSE just when id decided to give up on science and go back to art #theres this shit #of course OF COURSE of course of course. why would anything turn out good why would it ever #i have to post artwork and eventually im gonna have to post on instagram and probably tiktok even tho they fucking suck #this is the last place left on the internet that i WANT to be on and ofc now its throwing all of us under the fucking bus #i hope the staff are happy w however much money they get from selling our data. does that make you happy. i hope your happy #x #i dmed glaze on ig to ask for an account and they havent replied yet and ik theyre probably swamped but URGH #i dont think anyones trying to copy my style but on principle Dont fucking use my shit i need to glaze everything ive ever posted #anyways.

[the-knife-consumer]

"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about

#yes nintendo is homophobic. no they do not give a singular shit about what their fanbase does??? what are you talking abouuuutttt #they literally dont care what people do as long as they get money??? like what #listen im upset abt yona having so many unanswered questions. mainly she came from another zora's domain #meaning she came from outside of hyrule. so that leads to a lot of questions. #but howww do you come to the conclusion that she was just added as a 'no homo' indicator #dont even get me started on the people genuinely unironically calling this queerbaiting. what are you onnnnnnn #'and oh but sidon said he used to see her as a sister! so its gross and wrong!' sidon literally thought out loud to links face abt how #had things been different and link had gotten married to mipha he would be his BROTHER IN LAW. SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE. so shh #imo. yona was added for one 'ohh wow exciting new character look at this' and two. as a way for sidon's trauma to be acknowledged #bc it was veeery briefely shown in botw. for like. a singular second if you snuck up on him at mipha's statue #but yona's defining scene in totk was her forcing sidon to confront that he wasn't being himself because of that trauma. and that #he needed to let go of the fear around it. if only temporary. because his people needed him. #so tbh?? sheis very important to the plot. she new mipha. admired her. knows why sidon still struggles with this and #how difficult and frightening everything becomes when he views the world through the lens of 'what if i lose someone again' #like. they added yona for his struggles to be spelled out to the audience even further #so to just boil her down to 'ewww woman gets in the way of my gaybies 😡😡😡'. hello. did you play the game. #do you even know who these characters are. quick gimme ten facts about sidons character that you didnt make up for shipping purposes.pronto

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there. #also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen. #its VITAL that that did not happen!!!! #its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?) #and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist? #like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote? #that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke. #NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw) #does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab???? #oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

[electro-scorpion-moving]

i think there needs to be more of ava & lilith getting to have a fucked up sibling relationship in which they demonstrate the saying that hate and love are opposite sides of the same coin. lilith being the “no one else gets to hurt my sibling except for me.” ava being a cruel reminder to lilith of how she’s strived so long and hard, following all the arduous rules, for acceptance, and family, purpose and belonging. and yet ava suddenly comes in and gets all of that and more dropped into her lap, and she doesn’t even want it.

tl;dr: ava & lilith being wholesome siblings in aus is undeniably cute, but let ava and lilith be siblings with a very complicated and/or bad relationship more too

#warrior nun #ava silva #lilith villaumbrosia #sister lilith #headcanons #hcs #wn #i have an au in my head where ava & lilith are adopted siblings that share superion as their adopted mom #and lilith absolutely resents ava from the get go because ava gets to be ‘weak’ and superion ‘rewards’ her for it #ava gets to cry over ‘stupid’ stuff; ava gets to flunk tests #ava gets to just dip out of stuff she doesn’t want to do #and lilith is seething with envy #because she never got to have that no matter how hard she tried so why does some irrespectful kid get all that? #she’s had and has to work for everything #both w her bio family & w superion* #*superion never wanted or wants lilith to feel such #however she thought pushing lilith to not do so would make things worse #from lilith’s pov she interprets it as superion not giving a shit about her #au

[meyerlansky]

I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:

he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.

#they are different and ihave paragraphs and paragraphs of thoughts on it #but dressing like a leather daddy and holding your hand over an open flame and literally everything else he does #is not the behavior of a man who doesn't know or realize what gets him going #he's not closeted. he's not homophobic. he thinks having Any Positive Emotion not related to violence makes you vulnerable #[and he's right for his experience and circumstance but i won't touch that now] #his conflict is emotional; ed's ability to captain isn't compromised by his being attracted to a man. it's compromised by Having Feelings. #their ability to survive a world that wants them dead isn't compromised by either of them being queer; it's compromised by being SOFT #by having WEAK SPOTS #pets are a weak spot. lovers are a weak spot. get rid of them to stay safe. not out of spite. #not out of a disdain for those relationships themselves. out of disdain for what Feelings Do To You #idk man maybe i am simply emphatic about this nuance because i get—more than I would like—the impulse to be SAFE #even at the cost of your self and some chances at being happier #he doesn't even care that lucius is gay in the deck scene and i'd go so far as to say he doesn't really care that lucius is slutty #insofar as. like. he doesn't know him and pete are open. from a monogamy-normative perspective it's a betrayal. #your partner being unfaithful when you expect them To Be is ALSO A THING THAT CAN GET YOU KILLED #like idk i just. i think people don't get how much of him is about safety? #and i know the show's created this atmosphere of 'homophobia isn't a real threat' #but they haven't removed the violence and danger crews other than stede face for Other Reasons #so. he's very security-driven. and that's why he speaks to me. #and it's annoying that people just make 'lol izzy's closeted' 'peak homophobic gay' jokes instead of. engaging. with the shit izzy AND ED #went through to make them emotionally closed off the way they are #THE SENTENCE IS A SENTENCE BUT THE EXPLANATION SURE ISNT

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Every bookbinding tutorial i found online: "DO NOT TRY THE COPTIC STITCH AS A BEGINNER ITS TOO ADVANCED"

Me who has only bound one book before and used a completely different method: "ehh it can't be that hard"

2 hours later

.....I was right. Its not that hard.

#its technically slightly wrong cuz i dont have signatures #im just doing one folded piece of paper at a time #which does take longer #but i was expecting that #doing actual signatures would have a. been way too thick cuz im using watercolor paper and getting them to lay flat wouldve been annoying #and also i wouldve had to pay a lot more attention to how the pages were actually laid out #and this project was already kinda overwhelming without that added in #im also combining methods a bit cuz im also gonna glue the spine with wood glue for extra support #and i also dont want the stitching to be visible #every tutorial was also like ''coptic stitch is great for exposed stitching!!!'' like cool story. not why im using it. gonna cover that shit #also finding one that wasnt in video form AND actually showed everything i needed to know was completely impossible apparently #i needed to know how to attach a fresh string when i run out cuz i always struggle with that in any sewing project #and generally need a refresher each time #and all the written ones were just like ''just make sure your string is long enough before hand!!! but not so much that it becomes #tangled!!!'' bitch im making a much thicker book than you. i cannot just use ONE string. it b #absolutely WILL become tangled if i make it long enough to finish the binding in one go. #yall are WEAK #my book is 3 times thicker than yours #i need to know how to attach a fresh string #the video tutorials cover that but i had to fast forward through most of it #im running out of steam for tonight (hence why im here and not working on it) so ill be finishing this tomorrow #was hoping to get this part done over the weekend but i ended up not getting a lot of the writing done on friday as i intended #cuz i ended up having to play tech support for my friend so she could update her sims mods

[literalite]

idk how or when this happened but whenever my friends decide to hang out all the decisionmaking and planning falls to me and im kind of sick of it 💀

#and then people decide to pull out last minute and shit- the last time literally everyone pulled out even tho id already told them the plan #a month in advance. i ended up just going to the beach alone because i was so upset and angry and i didnt want to waste my free time #THIS time the meet wasnt even my idea but im having to coordinate the plan anyway because everyones been so slack and evasive and its a fri #night so if we dont book in advance then everythings gonna be full 😭😭 #like scheduling is already hard bc we're all adults so we're all really busy but WHY why does it always fall to me to plan it? #im not like a natural born leader its exhausting to try and talk to everyone. cannot begin to emphasize this plan wasnt even mine to begin #with this time for once id like to be invited to smth and not have to micromanage the details bcos everyone else cant be fucked #seph.txt

[cassynite]

.

#cassy bitches #i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed #our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job! #and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards #and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves #since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone #AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out #and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me #like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice #i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING #and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo #so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with #ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors #why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

#moshi monsters #sweet tooth moshi monsters #experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads. #next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im #i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning #and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences #for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m #it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force #maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too #uhh. first digital piece posted... ever? #the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam #yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it. #cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like #i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors #yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly #especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know #im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively! #anyway. sweet toof #though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO #note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to #gamble on what size it was while changing it #sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm) #yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS

[nerdy-hyperfixations]

Sorry to be a hater but this is how I’ve been feeling recently

#listen. #I love fluff #fluff is great #but does EVERY relationship have to be fluff and only fluff #I’ve noticed in the past that fandoms fandoms tend to #like #stray away from any conflict between characters they ship that doesn’t end in ‘omg you were right and I was so wrong 🥺’ #‘no I was wrong and I’m so sorry 😖😖😖’ #‘okay let’s agree to never fight again and be healthy and happy forever 🥹’ #and I’m more into complex not quite a perfect fit relationships right now #ones where they struggle to stay together #or where they both like each other but don’t get together for reasons OTHER than miscommunication #ones where they know they love each other but there’s obstacles #or where they’re both abusive shits #or where they’re both shitty people and they fit like a glove #I want more than just ‘luv you bby’ ‘awww me too’ ‘let’s go pet puppies together’ #like sometimes I find two characters and I’m like ‘YES! something refreshing! let me find more content’ #only to find all the fandom flanderized the characters #especially with the more toxic ones #it’s like. they’re shitty people but the fandom can’t explore that so they just remove everything that made them interesting #and its like ‘…why are you using *these* characters to do this?’ #there’s every other character in the world to be sweet and cutesy #I’m hyperfixate on *this* dynamic #not the same dynamic every other relationship before it had #it’s like copy paste characterization regardless of if it makes sense #anyway #sorry for being a bitch about this but whatever :/ #personal post

[marc--chilton]

(mgv) the ducklings succumbing to societal expectations/norms and going to wilson when house is bein silly (medical malpractice) to like try to "control" him sorta. because they never challenged their perception of relationships and "defaulted" to An Alpha Can And Should Keep Their Omega On A Leash. like a fake stupid harmful "hierarchy" of the secondary sexes. and wilson ends up scolding him because for one he's not house's alpha, rude to assume that, and even if he WAS he doesn't like. own him. just because house listens to his Alpha Voice doesn't mean wilson can use it against him, that's fucked up

#house md #hilson #sort of. they're unbonded but they got a lot of other shit goin on #sometimes wilson does actually have to because house is spiraling but like every day malpractice? no way #it's wreck their trust #this whole thing is like the internal conflict amongst the ducklings for the episode #so they're introspecting while doing their tests and putting patient of the week in the mri and everything #'i never realized how sexist asking of that was....' 'sexism never stopped house. if he's going off the rails why should it stop us?' #etc etc

[running-in-the-dark]

kinda disappointed with how this weekend went. I mean, it wasn't bad! but it was our first weekend in the new apartment, and I/we wanted to get a lot done. I already did a lot during the week (a lot for me, not a lot for most people I guess), but there's lots of things that I can't do/can't do on my own, either because I'm too short or not strong enough or I need someone else to hold something or whatever. which realistically just won't get done during the week because my husband works full time, so. it sort of sucks that only one very small, unimportant thing got done. 😔

#like. there's no rush. not really. #I mean we do get our kitchen in two weeks so we'll have to have space to install it then lol #but other than that it's fine #except everyone constantly makes me feel like it isn't. #they're so judgmental and shitty about it #yeah it's chaotic and messy as hell. there's boxes everywhere. we've only found some of our kitchen stuff so we're mostly eating microwave #meals with plastic utensils. all of that stuff #so fucking what? it doesn't affect any of them! I wish they'd just stop commenting on it but they don't. #well. at least it's just over the phone now. I haven't seen my or my husband's family since we moved in and I'm not planning to anytime soon #precisely because they will not stop doing this no matter how I react to it #like in what world would that ever do anything good? it doesn't motivate me to get shit done any faster. because guess what? I'm already #going as fast as I can. #like. I've had (maybe still have) a middle ear infection and been on antibiotics all week and I still got so much done! that's good enough #and this part is fun to me! I like that nothing is finished and everything is possible and new and different #it does also stress me out but so far it mostly feels like an adventure #anyway. I'm just venting but seriously why is everyone I know irl so mean all the time?! #personal

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

#it was so good tho #like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked #the fight scenes🤌 #the environments/settings🤌 #all of the fuckin machinery🤌 #the acting🤌 #the everything🤌 #yum #also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy.. #i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it #sorta vent-> #but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part #because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝 #just tee bee ehch #and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit #so i just went to sleep #and i was busy today #yesterday* #and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit #idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is #i felt a bit better yesterday though #and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea #hopefully that helps soonish idk #i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here #also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged #so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there #why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg #anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow #idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea #talkin shit