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trlly · 2 years

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Abused :/

Hi, I didn't know where else to put this but I've been thinking a lot about something that happened to me a long time ago and I felt the need to get it out in some form so i guess there's no better place to put it than here. Its kind of a long story but i feel its all relevant so bear with me.

When i was young I didn't grow up with very many friends. Of course, around that age most kids don't have very many friends except those they might have in school or maybe a couple cousins who they spent a lot of time with. For me, it was the latter. My cousin Dante was my best friend and i spent every summer with him doing everything from playing video games, running around in the wood, fishing. Whatever we did; we did together. That was until my dad lost his dad and felt the need to move to Colorado. Suddenly, everyone I've ever known was now almost an entire country away from me and i had to start fresh. If you knew me now you’d assume i would have struggled to make friends once i moved to Colorado but to be honest, i made friends almost instantly. Ryan and Austin were the first people id consider actual friends to me. The only issue is Ryan and Austin were kind of the problem children. I'm not going to say they were the worst kids in the country but just a little too much edge for me to feel comfortable. Its not like i was some goody two shoes or something but lets just say i cried when i said my first curse word. I was just a lil baby. Austin actually gave me my first porno i ever saw. Well, I didn't actually watch it but it was the first porno disc i ever saw. I ended up throwing it away because i was scared id get caught with it. Anyways, after that i drifted quickly away from the two and found my new friend Clayton.

Clayton was cool. He liked video games which i guess in hindsight is pretty much the only barrier to entry when it comes to me. Clayton introduced me to a bigger group of friends who ended up being the group that would for the most part stick together all through high school. This is kinda where things take a turn for the worse so trigger warning for here on out. So the larger group consisted of me, Joel, Clayton, and Sawyer with a few others coming in and out over the years. Joel immediately took on the “leadership” role simply because he was the most charismatic and he had the most stuff which i guess is how things work for kids idk. After spending sometime with the group I quickly noticed issues with everyone's family life. Claytons parents were very conservative and Christian and were VERY strict with everything he did. We were rarely allowed over, he was rarely allowed to hang out with us. If his grades slipped he was punished. If he didn't do exactly what they said he was punished. It was so severe that he wasn't allowed to drink monster energy drinks which at the time were huge. And while i agree kids shouldn't drink energy drinks, claytons parents would take it so far as to beat him if he was caught with one. I remember very vividly the amount of fear he had for his parents. Joel on the other hand suffered verbal abuse. And while i never was able to confirm it, i think there was an instance where Joel was also beat. His parents were also conservative Christians. With Joel's parents, the expectations weren't quite so high but everything he did was ridiculed. Everything was second guessed, everything was questioned. They pushed Joel to the edge and the second he decided to push back he was threatened with military school. Sawyer parents were more of the same. I mention this only to give an idea about why they all turned out the way they did.

When you start to map things out the way I've done hundreds of times it very clear to see what went wrong. Abuse begets abuse and it really haunts my soul to have seen what happened to them. The story with Clayton is a little bit more simple. After our freshmen year of highschool he started hanging out with the worst people and got hooked on Meth. We all stopped hanging out with him after that. The last time i saw him he was in rehab which is good but he looked horrible. It broke my heart to see that. Sawyer probably got away from it the least scared. He really got into taking shrooms but the last time i saw him he looked ok. To be perfectly honest i mention sawyer the least in this because out of everyone, hes the only person i wish i was still friends with. He hurt me the least. The history with Joel is the most complicated.

Going back in time a bit, despite the issues they had, things were great. We all had an incredible amount of fun and spent as much time together as we could. But it seemed like overnight he changed. He went from being a chubby anime nerd who played PlayStation with me and showed me what Smosh was to some weird skinny death metal hipster who hated everything. And you know what? I dug it. He was right. Everything did suck and our teen angst made everything seem so much worse. Cant imagine what that's like for kids now. I was just unfamiliar with it all but i didn't care. I embraced it all the same. See, before i met Joel i knew very little about everything. I didn't know what Anime was, i never heard of Devil May Cry, id never even had fish before. As a kid, i would just watch wrestling and buy whatever game was cheap. I didn't watch TV and i didn't have internet so if it wasn't within my field of view, i would never hear about it. Then i met Joel and suddenly my whole world view completely changed. He started showing me all sorts of cool stuff and it was fun and exciting and new. But after he made that switch in personality all that stuff i lacked started to become slights against me. For some reason they became reasons to attack me. “What, you've never heard of One Piece? What are you some kind of stupid piece of shit?”. At first i didn't take it too seriously. I thought it was just hazing. Just what friends do. You know that meme of how the meaner guys are to each other the closer their friendship was? Yea, i thought it was that. I wasn't the biggest fan of it but if it meant i had friends i would deal with it.

My self esteem was in rapid decline as we approached highschool. I was never happy with myself but i started to have outside sources feeding negativity into me and it was making things ten times worse. Joel was really good at picking at me in little ways that would drive me crazy and when i would snap back he would he would say “Why are you acting so crazy? Its not that big of a deal. You're being weird”. And he made me think he was right. It feels like an over reaction to get upset when someone does something mildly annoying but the way he would do it... Joel was very good at manipulating me. I don't know how to describe it. He just made me feel crazy. And while doing so he would find ways to pull me in closer. Like i felt like if i didn't have Joel i would have nothing. And that i would rather die than have nothing. So i just took it. I took all the abuse. After a while Joel began the process of self sabotage. He would get into fights and ruin friendships over incredibly small things. I would show up to school and ask where somebody was and he would just say “Hopefully rotting in a fucking ditch” and i would just know that i was no longer friends with that person. I was so attached to Joel that whatever he did affected me. If he stopped being friends with someone i would have to stop being friends. And Joel moved fast to. Unpredictably sometimes. I wouldn't even know there was an issue until it was over. He isolated me. There was a point in time where if i had gained the courage to stop being friends with Joel i could have had other friends but Joel had gotten me to the point where i had run out of options. I hated him. I hated how much control he held over me. I hated how i let him do everything he did to me. It reached a point where my self esteem got so low that i told myself that id rather sacrifice my mental health to make Joel feel better than make Joel upset because i couldn't bare the idea of losing him as a friend.

I thought things would get better after Highschool. In a way they did. The dynamic had changed. The plan was for all of us to move in together. Me, Joel, Sawyer, and another friend named Kevin. But i was terrified of moving in with them. I knew how bad Joel was and i didn't want to be around him that much. I finally gained some courage and told Sawyer that i wasn't going to move in with them. I was promptly stripped from the group and everyone immediately stopped talking to me. I stood up for myself and my biggest fear came true and i was alone. Everyone i could have been friends with i left behind in highschool. I stayed loyal to someone i never should have and it bit me in the ass. I became incredibly depressed. I few months passed and Kevin had hit me up. He told me after i was dropped from the group everything had fell apart. Joel and Sawyer got into a fight and weren't speaking and now nobody was moving in with anyone. Eventually Joel hit me up as well and we started hanging out again. Joel had gotten himself a girlfriend and for a little bit things were good. Until Joel told me that he was having problems with his family. I thought i was being nice when i told him he could move in with me. After all, I had been used to doing everything i could to make Joel happy. Joel accepted my offer and moved in with me but that's when him and his girlfriend broke up and i was officially on deathwatch. I spent hours everyday staying up till 4 or 5 am making sure he didn't kill himself. We would go on drives because he hated my house and wanted to escape it. I was miserable. I was in a constant state of fear that i would wake up and see Joel dead in my room. I wanted to die. I wanted Joel to live. I couldn't figure out how to save my friend and i didn't realize how much it was killing me. His toxicity. His negativity. The first time he had been nice to me in years and it was essentially on his deathbed.

I’ll spare you the details but Joel and his ex didn't work out. Joel got better. He also got worse. It was around this time i realized what Joel had done to me. All that time i thought I was protecting him from himself i was really redirecting his vitriol onto me. I acted as his shield. I think about it often. I think about who Joel used to be and who he became. I miss him. The old him. I’m filled with PTSD from what he did to me. I'm scared of making new friends. Joel ruined me and its so fucking hard trying to rebuild myself. Sometimes i wanna give up. Sometimes i think it would be easier to go back to him. I just wish things could have been different. I fucking hate what Joel's parents did to make him that way. I just needed to get this off my chest. I wish i could have told it more clearly but whatever. Thanks for reading this.

#abuse tw #verbalabuse #victim #triggerwarning #frienship

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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years

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death wish* matt murdock x reader

+++++++++ Request from @juniebugg : similar to Matt and Elektra in the gym ft Matt's choking kink

thank you again for the request and sorry it took so long. i had no idea how i was gonna write this and then it just hit me and i actually really like the way it came out so i hope you enjoy!

* - there is so little plot to this, i got so carried away omg. we definitely highlighted the choking kink, and maybe a praise kink, and mayhaps use a few pet names (good girl and baby girl) 😅

Song: disappear (remember when) by issues

tag list: @cynic-spirit @juniebugg +++++++++

"matt what are we doing here?"

i asked, watching him unlock the door. it made me that much more curious that he even had a key to whatever the hell this was.

"i want to show you where i go after work everyday. you said you wanted to know."

i looked around as he stayed by the door, holding his cane to his chest like he usually did.

"this is it, isnt it? where your dad trained?"

i asked, touching the punching bag hanging from the ceiling with the lightest touch. i looked to him and he nodded, walking to me slowly.

"i have an arrangement worked out with the owner and i come as i please. after hours of course."

i stared at him for a moment and a silence hung over the entire room.

"he's part of you ya know."

he raised a brow as i moved to hug the bag close to me, using it as a resting post.

"well he was my father."

i sighed out a short laugh.

"no matt, i mean daredevil."

he drew his brows.

"im not daredevil."

i rolled my eyes, letting the bag go and stepping to him slowly.

"I'm not an idiot matt, i know you sneak out in the middle of the night when you think I'm fast asleep. i don't know exactly what's in that trunk under the stairs but its kind of hard to miss the smell of blood. and even harder to miss the bruises on your face and body you try so hard to hide."

i shook my head, reaching up to touch his face gently and he flinched.

"you cant hide who you are from me Mr. Murdock. i see right through you."

he swallowed hard, tilting his head down as if he were looking at me through his red glasses.

"You always have."

"I think that's why I didn't ask you about it. I wanted you to come to me first. Tell me on your own terms."

He smiled and I smiled back before he leaned down and kissed me gently.

"And you're not mad I'm the devil of hell's kitchen?"

I snorted.

"Of course not. I'm a little concerned maybe but not mad."

"Concerned?"

I looked to the side and picked my words carefully.

"I've heard the stories and I see you limping sometimes. It's not a secret whoever it is you are fighting can throw you around."

He smirked at me.

"Not that I can't handle it. In fact i do a good amount of my own throwing around."

I smiled, amused.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

he challenged. I shook my head, placing my hand on his chest.

"Wanna show me just how much you can do?"

I challenged back and he smirked.

"is this a test? this feels like a test."

i shrugged, tracing my fingers lightly down his chest.

"i dont know, why dont we step into the ring and find out."

"lead the way."

he said and i did as told. i climbed onto the platform and he followed shortly after, leaving his cane by the door.

"so, matt, how much can you really see?"

i tested, squaring up with him, hands in a defensive position.

"enough."

he said and i raised a brow, making an impressed face.

"so if i-?"

i said before throwing a punch, him dodging it with ease and retaliating by pushing me. i huffed before trying again and him repeating the motion. we circled each other for a few moments before he decided to throw one at me, me stepping to the side and both of us laughing.

"something tells me this might go on for a while."

he said a little snarky and i snorted.

"only one way to find out."

i said before throwing another punch. in a second he grabbed my wrist and threw me to the ground. i groaned in pain, looking up at him as he offered his hand to help me back up.

"guess we found out."

he said and i smirked up at him.

"did we?"

i asked, grabbing his hand and yanking him towards me, pushing my foot into his hip and flipping him up over me and onto his back opposite me. i rolled over quickly and got into a new fighting pose, one knee bent and still on the ground and the other leg up with my foot on the ground like someone who is proposing. i had my hands up in a defensive position again. he just groaned, tilting his head back towards me.

"so its gonna be like that."

he stated before rolling over and doing a push up to get to his knees.

"i suppose it is."

i said slyly, dodging his punch and standing quickly. he was just as quick to match me though, grabbing me and flipping us both back onto the ground. he was only on top of me for a few seconds before i flipped him onto his back and straddled him, holding his hands against the mat above his head.

"guess i win."

i said proudly, looking over his face. he clenched his fists twice before he pushed upward and slammed his lips into mine. it took me off guard at first, making me let go of his wrists to kiss him back. he slowly sat us up, not breaking the kiss and i could feel his hands roaming up my back. i hummed against him until we were completely upright and he started kissing across my jaw and down my neck.

"you win."

he whispered against my skin before sucking at my collar bone, holding me against him with one hand and the other traveling up my torso slowly.

"matt."

i moaned as he gripped my breast over my shirt, biting my neck as he did so. i held onto him for dear life as i pressed my hips down against his, tangling my one hand into his hair.

"i need you."

he said, leaning back and pulling my shirt over my head. when it was gone i moved to him to do the same and when it was tossed to the side i pushed him back down onto his back. i kissed down his chest and torso slowly.

"id say this is a pretty good victory."

i said, undoing his pants and he laughed, helping me get them down his thighs.

"one we can share in."

he said with a smirk, tracing his fingers against my ankles as i stood over him and got rid of my own bottoms.

"god i want you so bad."

i said, dropping back down on top of him, kissing him deeply as i ground against him. he was already hard and part of me was proud again for not only pinning him before hand but also getting him worked up that fast.

"then have me."

he whispered against my lips and i sat back up. first i trailed my fingers slowly down his torso, watching his chest rise and fall as his breathing got heavier. then as i got further down i heard his breath hitch in his throat, his hands gripping my hips tightly.

"trophy?"

i asked and he nodded quickly, pushing his hips up against my hand. i smirked before stroking him lightly, watching as his mouth opened a little.

"please."

he gasped, bucking his hips up again as i moved my hand up and down his member.

"i need words matt."

"i need-"

he groaned, squeezing his eyes tight as i continued to tease him slowly.

"i need more."

he pleaded. i let him go and moved to hover over him. his grip loosened a little bit.

"like this?"

i asked before running his tip through my folds, covering it in my slick and sinking down onto him. i dropped all the way down onto him until our hips were pressed against each other and he let out a shaky breath.

"oh my god."

he said, moving his one hand to my stomach. i looked down at him intently as i started moving against him. as i sat up and sank back down onto him his hand got further and further up my body, sending shivers down my spine as he traced gently up the valley between my breasts.

"matt."

i moaned, his hand making its way around my throat and holding firmly.

"do you trust me?"

he asked and i nodded against him.

"god yes."

i confessed, him pulling me down and flipping us over. his one hand was still on my throat, the other coming to the mat to hold him up.

"how does it feel to have your life in my hands?"

he asked harshly as he jutted into me and i let out a short breath, my mouth hanging open.

"answer me."

he demanded, slamming into me again and i moaned.

"fuck, it feels great."

i whined, him doing it again and again until he had a good rhythm, pounding into me.

"tighter."

i said, holding his wrist with a death grip, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"how do we ask?"

he said and i pushed my hips up against him.

"please!"

i screamed as he pushed into me harshly.

"good girl."

he praised, squeezing tighter and my brain went fuzzy.

"matt."

i said drunkenly, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten. then he let go of my throat and i made a disappointed face. but my expression changed as his fingers found their way to my clit. i moaned loudly as he circled it with his forefinger. i pressed my nails into his bicep as he kept his pace, pushing into me hard and fast.

"you gonna cum when i say?"

he asked and i made a squeak noise in my throat.

"was that a yes?"

he asked and i nodded quickly.

"yes, oh god yes!"

i cried, trying to hold out.

"please matt."

i pleaded.

"almost there."

he grunted, hanging his head beside mine. i could feel his unsteady breaths against my collar bone and it sent a shiver down my spine again.

"cum for me baby girl."

he said and i could feel him twitch in me. then i pushed up against his hand and screamed as i came around him. he groaned against me as he came in me, pushing into me a few more times before pausing and trying to catch his breath.

"y/n."

he said softly between breaths.

"matt."

i sighed out, rolling my head back and forth, my vision getting clearer. he just hovered over me for a few seconds before pulling out slowly and i gasped at the sensation, feeling his cum dripping out of me and onto the mat below us. he dropped to his back beside me and sighed heavily.

"how have we never done that before?"

i said breathlessly before we both laughed.

"ive never gotten you into the ring before."

he said matter-of-factly and i turned my head to look at him.

"if you always fuck like this i might have to make more of an effort to get into the ring with you."

he smiled at that but only for a second.

"ya know i definitely didn't think tonight would go like this."

i snorted.

"and i did?"

he let out a short laugh.

"no i guess i just meant, well, we've only been dating for a little bit."

i rolled onto my side and touched his face gently.

"does that stand against how long we've been friends before hand?"

he half shrugged, rolling onto his side to face me, tracing his fingers up my arm gently.

"i have loved you for a while."

he said and i smiled, kissing his hand as it made its way up my shoulder and to my cheek.

"the feeling is mutual."

he smiled back at me before leaning forward and kissing me gently.

"god i cant believe foggy was right."

he lamented and my face fell to that of confusion.

"what do you mean?"

i said i little amused.

"he bet that id say i love you first."

i made an unbelieving laugh-like sound before hitting his chest and sitting upright.

"and im guessing you bet that id say it?"

i said, faking hurt and he laughed, sitting up too.

"i honestly didnt have a doubt in my mind."

i shook my head, reaching for his pants.

"rude."

i stated bluntly, tossing them at him and he laughed again.

"youre right, and i was wrong. but now that its out i have no intention of stopping my oh so serious confession."

i stood to pull my pants back on, amused.

"well, save it for the priest then lover boy."

#wattpad #x reader #request #matt murdock #smut #daredevil #imagines #one shots #marvel #341

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obeyme-kaidii-writes · 3 years

Text

Sleep

Mammon x gn!MC

Words - 2286

Content warnings - none, just lots of fluff and humor, platonic relationships

Prompt/Inspiration - AO3 request

Summary - Mammon starts sleeping in your room at night, and you notice a peculiar habit of his.

AO3

You were a light sleeper. A very, very light sleeper.

There had been several times during your stay at the House of Lamentation when Mammon scared the living daylights out of you by crawling into your bed in the middle of the night. Eventually, you just flat out told Mammon that he had to sleep with you because you were not going to be able to rest otherwise. He stuttered and blushed and fumbled over his words, denying that he had any idea what you were talking about, but in the end, he had taken up semi-permanent residence in your room.

When you start sharing a bed with someone on a regular basis, you begin to learn a lot about them that you wouldn’t know otherwise. Like whether they hog the blankets, if they prefer sheets over thick comforters, if they snore. And you, likewise, started to notice some very peculiar traits of Mammon’s.

For example, he preferred to sleep entirely nude. Of course now that he was sleeping in your room most of the time, he made the effort to wear something. But it wasn’t unusual for him to wake up in noticeably fewer clothes than when he had fallen asleep.

One night in particular, you were about to learn yet another thing about Mammon.

————

Mammon had fallen asleep long before you, and you had stayed up to keep reading a book you had borrowed from Satan. As you got sleepier and sleepier you realized that maybe it was time you called it a night. So you rolled over to turn your lamp off, only to find that you couldn’t reach it because a certain demon of Greed was starfished on the bed, essentially trapping you in a corner.

You thought for a moment about what you should do about this situation you found yourself in. At first, you didn’t want to disturb Mammon. His sleeping face was just so cute! But you were tired. And despite the fact he looked absolutely adorable next to you now, this was the same little shit that woke you up frequently for reasons much more frivolous.

“Pssst, Mammon. Wake up,” you nudged him with your elbow. When he didn’t stir, you gave him a bit of a kick with your foot. And when he still didn’t wake up, you put your hand on his shoulder and gently shook him.

“Wassup?” he finally answered as he sat up in bed.

“Turn off the light.”

“‘K.”

Having successfully woken him up, and trusting that he could manage a light switch on his own, you rolled over, turning your back to him, preparing to go to sleep. But after a good minute or two, you realized the light was still on. So you rolled over halfway, and repeated your request.

“Mammon, the light.”

“Right. Right. Gotcha.” And with that he finally reached over to the lamp and flicked it off, before snuggling back into your blankets and curling up behind you.

————

The following morning, you were the first to wake up. You looked over to Mammon, who was still taking up a good ¾ of the bed, and you couldn’t help but smile. It really was nice waking up with someone else beside you. Even if that someone was a bed hog.

When Mammon woke up a few minutes later, it was only to find you staring at him. He blushed awkwardly as he looked away, which just made you laugh.

“Whattaya lookin’ at?”

“Oh just a cute demon, hogging the bed.”

“Oh...uh...sorry,” he replied, pulling his limbs to himself as he rolled on his side away from you.

“It’s fine. So long as you are willing to turn the light off for me,” you said, smiling and laughing softly, as you snuggled up next to Mammon, wrapping your arm around his waist and spooning him from behind.

“The light?”

“Yeah, like last night when I was reading. If you’re gonna hog the bed, then be prepared to be woken up to turn off the light.”

Mammon rolled over a little to get a better look at you, certain that you had to be teasing him or setting him up for a joke or...something. But you were just smiling at him like normal.

“What’s up?” you asked.

“I dunno whatcha talkin’ about. I didn’t turn off a light last night.”

“Umm yeah you did. You even sat up and talked to me.”

“Noooo I didn’t…” he furrowed his brow in confusion. What on earth were you trying to pull?

“Ok fine. It doesn’t matter. The deal still stands. Hog the bed, be put on light switch duty. K?” you asked, leaning forward to give him a quick peck on the cheek, something that you knew would fluster him.

“Uh yep. Got it. Light switch duty,” he said as he rolled back over to hide his face from you. Without even meaning to, he shifted back slightly so that he was pressed more fully against you, and you simply smiled and hugged him in return. You were such a brat sometimes...kissing him on the cheek like that out of nowhere. You could at least warn him. Not that he liked it or anything.

While you did find it a little odd that Mammon didn’t remember the light incident, you just wrote it off as one of those things. It’s not like it mattered whether or not he remembered, anyways.

————

A few days later, you returned to your room after a study session with Satan only to find Mammon already passed out on your bed, once again leaving very little space for you. It occurred to you then that perhaps he was doing this on purpose so that you’d have to sleep practically on top of him, so you decided to have a bit of fun.

Instead of crawling over him, you climbed in next to him by the edge of your bed, and poked him in the side.

His reaction was immediate. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes...and then he just sat there.

“Mammon? You can lay back down.”

He mumbled something.

“Mammon?”, you sat up to get a better look at him. His eyes were open, but only just, and his gaze was unfocused, “You can lay down now.”

“I don’t wanna,” he whined.

“Mammon, are you still asleep?”, you had heard of sleepwalking before, but this was a whole new level of weird.

“Nooo.”

Sensing that it was perhaps better not to argue with him, you laid down in your bed and tugged on his shirt to get him to join you, “Come cuddle with me then so I can go to sleep.”

Without further complaint, Mammon complied and curled up next to you, resting his head on your chest and wrapping his arm around your middle. It didn’t take him long at all to fall back asleep, leaving you even more certain that he must not have been fully awake to begin with.

————

After that, there weren’t any more unusual episodes with Mammon for awhile, so you had almost forgotten about the whole thing.

That is until one night when you had been just about to fall asleep, and a notification came thru in your DDD. Usually you would put your device on silent when going to sleep, but tonight you had been so exhausted that you forgot. So when the notification went off - it was LOUD.

Mammon immediately sat up, dazed.

“Sorry about that,” you said, turning the sound off on your DDD.

“Fin stis.”

“Huh?”

“Den sai tis id.”

“Mammon, I think you are asleep.”

“Noooo! Am not!!!”, Mammon replied, as he started to act like he was about to get out of bed. Concerned about the sort of trouble he could get himself in while in this state you tried your best to stop him.

“Mammon, where are you going?”

He didn’t answer, but at least he stopped trying to get up.

“I think you’re asleep. Please, don’t get up.”

“I’m not asleep!” he snapped. You were surprised by the tone of voice he was using with you. Yeah he was loud and yelled a bunch, but you had never seen him actually angry with you. Not wanting to provoke him further, you decide to drop the issue and try what had worked the last time this happened.

“Ok Mammon, then just cuddle with me.”

“Fine.”

“Yeah, just lay back down with me so I can sleep.”

There was incoherent grumbling from Mammon as he wiggled back under the covers, still clearly annoyed with you for accusing him of being asleep when he knew he wasn’t.

“We can talk in the morning. Just cuddle for now.”

Once he was laying down again, you cuddled up next to him and wrapped your arm around his waist, hoping it would at least give you some warning if he would try to get up again.

————

“Sooooo, Mammon. Do you remember last night?”

“Huh?” Mammon turned around to look at you from his seat on the floor by your bed. It was Saturday morning, and he was browsing Akuzon on his DDD, trying to decide what to buy with his latest modeling paycheck. You had been laying on your bed, “helping” him with his shopping by occasionally texting him suggestions that you found. They might not have been the most helpful suggestions, but at least they were making the two of you laugh.

“You yelled at me,” you said, turning off your DDD and turning your head to look at Mammon.

“Whattya talkin’ about?? Why would I yell at you??”

“Because I told you that you were sleeping.”

“You’re makin’ that up.”

“Mammon, have you ever had trouble with sleepwalking?” you were genuinely curious if perhaps some of the things he got accused of were the result of him wandering the House of Lamentation unconsciously in the middle of the night.

“Huh?! No! Of course not! What are ya trying to pull? Seriously, is this like a joke or somethin’?”

“No, I’m telling you - you got woken up by a notification on my DDD, and when I tried to get you to go back to sleep, you yelled at me.”

“There’s no way that happened. I woulda remembered it.” Mammon eyed you suspiciously. He was sure this had to be a prank of some sort, though he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what the punch line would be. Why were you being so insistent?

“Well it did,” you mumbled under your breath. If he was going to be so stubborn, you were just going to have to prove it to him. The next time - you were going to catch it on video.

————

Not wanting to wait until Mammon would have one of his “episodes” on his own, you decided you’d have to try to trigger one yourself. Based on your observations, you needed to wait until he was *just* asleep, and then wake him suddenly - either a moderately loud noise, or a forceful movement.

So the following night, you made sure your DDD was fully charged...and you waited.

It didn’t take long for Mammon to pass out. You had made sure he spent the day running around the Devildom taking you shopping, and doing other “date” things, just to wear him out. And since this was Mammon, it took a LOT to wear him out. If it wasn’t for the fact you were on a mission, you’d probably have nodded off yourself long ago.

You pulled out your DDD, turned on your camera to record video…and then delivered a swift kick to Mammon’s butt.

As expected, Mammon sat up almost immediately.

“Hey Mammon.”

“Mmmm?”

“Are you asleep?”

“Nooo,” he whined. You snickered at his response. This was going perfectly.

“I need you to do something for me in the morning.”

“Sure, whattttayaaa want?”

“Can you make me breakfast?”

“Sure.”

“So what are you going to do in the morning?”

“Everryyythinnnn.”

“Are you going to make me breakfast?”

“That’s part of everrryyythinnn’.”

By now you were having a difficult time maintaining your composure. You only just managed to keep your DDD steady enough to get a decent video. You hadn’t tried talking to Mammon this much the other times, and were surprised at how long he was able to keep this up. Seeing as you had nothing to lose, you decided to keep going.

“Can you say it for me in a complete sentence? What are you going to do in the morning?”

“Breakfast and bugggsss.”

“What?”

“Breakfast and bugggsss.”

“Bugs?”

“Yesh.”

“So one more time, what are you going to do in the morning?”

“Killlll everythinnnn’.”

That was apparently your breaking point, and you had to cover your mouth to stop the loud squeals of laughter that weren’t threatening to escape. This had gone far more perfectly than you ever could have imagined. There was no way he was going to be able to deny this now. Imagining how red his face would get as you showed him the video had you giggling even harder.

Pausing your recording, and safely tucking away your DDD, you decided that you had had enough fun for the night and that it was time to give poor Mammon a break and let him rest.

“Ok Mammon, will you come cuddle with me now?”

“Fiiinnneee,” he said, slumping down onto the bed and rolling over so he could snuggle up to your side. You really had exhausted him that day, so he deserved a bit of rest. Gently combing your fingers through his hair, you thought about how exactly you were going to make use of this video as you drifted off to sleep.

Based on this conversation with my husband -

#gn!mc #platonic mammon #platonic relationships #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #mammon x mc #obey me fanfic #obey me fluff #obey me crack #mammon fluff #mammon crack #mammon fanfic

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dyketubbo · 3 years

Text

mkay. ive woken up, it doesnt seem like theres any new developments, so. post explaining what the hells been going on about the ae/emeraldduo qpr discourse ig woo. this is going to be from my perspective, because i am one person. shocker. anyways,

basic summary: i made a post saying that because c!kristin is canon and philza and techno have boundaries against shipping, i believed that maybe there should be a genuine effort to chill out with putting c!philza and c!technoblade in a qpr or platonic marriage, as c!philza being married to c!kristin is based off the irl marriage and c!philza and c!technos friend dynamic is based off the ccs dynamic even outside of the dream smp (such as, of course, the antarctic empire being a smpearth thing). i also said this because i feel like theres a genuine problem in the fandom with how it treats kristin, not only in fanart (making her skinny and white), but also just. in general, overshadowing her with the idea of emeraldduo being married, shit like that, and it irked me esp bc shes a woc while philza and techno are white men.

people get pissed at me, both to my face and behind my back, and i get insulted, called stupid, arophobic, anti-polyam, told i dont understand friendship and that i dont have friends. i joined a server just to wake up and find myself banned and blocked with no explanation, left to assume that i was talked about behind my back while i was unable to defend myself. out of all the people who disagreed with me, one person. one. person. was nice to me and didnt call me arophobic, actually giving me constructive criticism and a chance to elaborate. one. i finally start to feel better two days after the fact, consulting people outside the fandom to get second opinions and getting happy when people agreed with me and even gave insight to things i didnt consider, and what do i get?

someone rbed to tell me "not to go on twitter" because people were talking about me, and informing me that there was a group chat dedicated to "talking about how wrong [i am]". what the rest of the post said, i dont remember, because the person seems to have me blocked and i fucking panicked after being told theres literally an entire group of people talking about me on twitter- of which, yknow. is known for harassing people and even once had a black girl doxxed?? not to mention that the person who mocked me for supposedly not having friends did so when i said to leave me alone, and ive said publicly for people to leave me alone consistently, and. well, insulting and going after someone, or even talking about them behind their back, when they said to leave them alone is in fact harassment, by definition.

im accused of not listening to philza, with the only clip being given to me of him talking about c!emeraldduo being like "the platonic version of achilles and patroclus", as if platonic = queerplatonic. yesterday was the first time i was given a clip of phil talking about qprs specifically, given to me by someone who didnt evem disagree with me anyways, again showing the people disagreeing with me were barely actually willing to cooperate with me. i have. complicated feelings on the clip (mainly with how its worded as just headcanons and only given the definition of "platonic life partners" which.. hm.), but this post isnt about that.

regardless, i vent to my friends, because i was having a delusional breakdown, and one makes a post saying they didnt want to interact with the fandom after people went after me. they inform me that both people who insulted me before and others reblogged from their post to again assert that im arophobic, claim that no one was talking about me outside of people publicly talking about how "arophobic" i am (which.. is people talking about me), claim that i called people racist and sexist (i didnt?? i dont think anyones racist and sexist, not even for what i brought up concerning the fandoms treatment of kristin, it gives me a bad taste in my mouth, but i would never call anyone racist or sexist for it [outside of the whitewashing but thats a different issue from the qpr discussion]), and then they were sent anon hate, one even asserting that they were arophobic and talking over minority groups and therefore deserved to be in their bad home situation. outside of their post being in the dream smp tag, its hard to believe that people just. normally found their post. unless they were going through the recent posts in the dream smp tag (which i dont feel is the case), it is.. concerning that they found my friend trying to defend me so quickly and immediately decided to continue to talk about me behind my back and even insult them as well.

so.. yknow, not great in asserting that there arent people tracking me somehow, which is incredibly triggering and paranoia inducing.

either way, in the end, if people disagree with me about the situation, i dont care, i cant stop them, but i just want people to stop being fucking pricks about it. i want people to stop being pissy at me and about me, i want people to stop insulting me and telling me and telling people i interact with that im arophobic when im not. i want people to stop pretending to care when they tell me to take a break when theyre the fucking reasons i have to take a break. i want people to stop being condescending to me, to stop talking about me, to stop acting like theyre superior while fucking insulting me.

i just wanted to bring up an issue about the lack of respect kristin gets, and people as always turned it into something about philza and technoblades relationship when that was literally the behavior that i was complaining about. i hate that me wanting to talk about how kristin and her marriage to phil is treated turned into me having several breakdowns in one day because i kept getting worse and worse news about how people were treating me. i hate that i did take breaks, that i actively distracted myself, went outside, took care of my pets, took care of myself, talked to my friends, and yet people just acted condescending and went all "if you cant handle criticism then leave :/".

what the fuck is wrong with you people? why is it that this fandom actively defaults to harassment and using ccs against fans when an issue arises? and i fucking hate that this is my first goddamn actual interaction with aeduo fans. im genuinely terrified of aeduo fans now if this is how they react to problems. fuck everyone who talked about me behind my back, fuck everyone who acted condescending towards me, fuck everyone who called me arophobic or anti-polyam or whatever the hell they had up their sleeves, fuck every single grown ass adult who saw a teenager have a fucking breakdown over the shit they did and said and decided to continue. fuck everyone who didnt even bother to have a goddamn level conversation with me before insulting me and attempting to tell others that im arophobic and other shit like that.

this shit happened because of two paragraphs. i said two goddamn paragraphs about a personal issue with the fandom i had and now ive genuinely been pushed almost to the point of relapsing. i dont give a shit if people think i have a victim complex, i just want people to leave. me. alone. its the fucking least you could do. oh, and go fuck yourself. if you genuinely thought id be apologizing after that shit, fuck you. i shouldnt have to be the better person with this shit, i shouldnt be pushed to choking on my own fucking tears because people wont let it fucking be. im not goddamn apologizing after three days of getting insulted and harassed and talked about behind my back for a fucking shipping issue. piss off.

#long post #dsmp #negative #fandom critical #discourse #i dont care if i look immature for this. i deserve the fucking option to be immature after this shit #im tired of crying over this.#mask mews #harassment tw #ask to tag

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keepthyfaithandthylight · 3 years

Text

Reincarnation au part 4?

The week went by slowly but surely, and soon enough it was Friday night. Most everyone had gone out partying, including Georges who seemed to talk about only that the entire day.

“You’re not going out?” Max asked, watching his roommate dry his hair with a towel. Always how their conversations started in the evening.

“Nah, I don’t really feel like it. I’d rather just stay in honestly.” He answered, hair now wrapped in said towel.

“I see. Well I picked up some microwave food, which I know is not the healthiest option, but it’s something. If you want some, of course.” Max suggested.

“Oh yeah, sure, I’ll take some.” Antoine replied, focusing more of his attention on other things. Max nodded to himself, before sliding off of his bed and making his way over to his stash of food.

“You know, I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could go and find like.. a shelf or something. I know you have an entire bag of stuff under your bed that you haven’t gone through, some extra storage might be helpful.” He suggested, already putting the food in the microwave.

“Sure, I guess.” Came the hesitant response.

Maybe that’s a bad idea. We’ll see tomorrow.

“Alright, well I hope you like ramen.” Max commented, with a chuckle.

“Of course, it’s a staple of college life isn’t it.” Antoine replied. “Thanks,” he said, grabbing the cup of noodles from Max before sitting back on his bed. Max grabbed his own cup of ramen before settling on his own bed.

In the end they ended up turning on some cheap knockoff Netflix horror movie which managed to last until 10:30.

***

For once the entire week, Max was not woken by the strange remix of Chop Suey, but instead the sun shining directly in his face. Drowsily making his usual cup of coffee, he sat for a moment in thought.

“I knew you were up the moment I smelled coffee.” Came an amused voice from somewhere. Max jumped, nearly spilling his coffee, before glancing to his side.

“Oh, it’s just you. Sorry, forgot where I was for a moment.” He said, airily, and Antoine snickered very briefly.

“I noticed.” He said, with a carefully raised brow. “So, IKEA?” Max slowly lowered his cup of coffee at that.

“Why specifically IKEA..?” He asked, and a glint of mischief briefly flashed in Antoine’s eyes.

“Because,” he began, “have you ever tried to assemble a piece of furniture from ikea..?” He asked, leaning against the counter.

“Yes, it never goes well.” Max responded, with confusion.

“Exactly. But not this time, because at least I’m not putting it together on my own.” His roommate said, digging around and pulling out a t-shirt. “So, finish your coffee and get ready, we’re leaving right after.” Max raised an eyebrow as his eyes went wide.

“Not if I’m the one driving we’re not?” He replied.

“You’re not, I am.” Max groaned, before downing his coffee as quickly as he could, rushing around to get ready. As he stood brushing his teeth, he noticed the shadows under his eyes getting darker, or at least, darker than they were one week ago. Pushing the thought aside, he refocused on getting ready.

“Please tell me you obey traffic laws..” he began, emerging from the bathroom.

“I wouldn’t have passed the test if I didn’t.” Answered Antoine, walking out the door and into the hall, Max sighing tiredly before following after him. The air, at least, was slightly cooler outside to Max’s relief.

Ah, finally fall is coming soon. What a relief.

Max fell quiet before getting in the car, putting the seatbelt on and making sure it was extra tight.

“So you’re telling me you lived in this car for who knows how long..?” He asked, nervously.

“Uh.. yeah. That would be correct. Not like I didn’t clean it out when I got here, calm down.” Replied Antoine, who was more focused on actually starting the car.

“No, no, I have no doubt that you did. I’m just saying it’s.. kind of small. And you had a lot of stuff plus yourself-“ Max continued, weighing his points invisibly in his hands.

“Oh. Yeah, that wasn’t really enjoyable. It wasn’t all bad though, I could just turn on music and look out at the stars through the sunroof. That was the best part honestly. Everything else was shit, and don’t get me wrong I love this car but it is not ideal to have to live out of.” Antoine replied again, already focused on driving.

I won’t press the issue further, it had to be a pretty personal reason. No one just immediately goes to living out of their car after graduating.

The highway signs passed like sand in an hour glass, and soon enough they found themselves wandering through an ikea.

“How about these?” Max asked, pointing to some small shelves. “They’re small but I think they’d be able to hold quite a bit, plus there’s multiple.” He continued.

“Yeah, those could probably work.” Antoine replied, and without a second thought he was grabbing the box. Max stared wide eyed for a moment, before nodding and following him once more.

Once the shelves were actually bought, they traversed the large parking lot all the way back to Antoine’s car, putting the shelves in the trunk and making their way back. Max could tell he was in for a long day.

Once they were sat back in their dorm, with the materials scattered about the floor, Max made himself another cup of coffee.

“Do we have a screwdriver?” Antoine asked, from his spot on the floor, nose deep in the instructions.

“I don’t think so.” Max answered, apologetically.

“Maybe Georges has one, could you go ask him? I really hate to ask him of all people but..” his roommate trailed off, and Max nodded.

And so then Max was marching off towards Georges’ dorm, knocking on the door before he had any time to protest.

“What the fuck do you- Maximilien..?” Georges asked, clearly hung over.

“Hi yes-“

“Who’s at the door?” A woman’s groggy voice asked from somewhere in the room, Max immediately went expressionless.

Of course.

“Just some guy from my art history class, don’t worry about it!” Georges called back in response, before turning back to Max. “Anyway, how can I help you.” The latter cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I was wondering if you have a screwdriver I could borrow.” He asked, and Georges thought for a moment.

“Actually, I think I do, give me a sec.” he said, briefly retreating back into his room, before returning and slapping a screwdriver in Max’s hand. “There you go, man.”

“Thanks.” Max said simply, and made his way back.

***

“I have our screwdriver.” Max said, passing it to Antoine, before grabbing his beloved coffee.

How would I manage to have made it this far without caffeine.

“See?! I told you this time would be better!” Antoine exclaimed suddenly, with triumph clear in his voice. In front of him sat a set of surprisingly logical shelves.

“Nice, now to just put them in the wall.” Max responded, smiling tiredly. It had taken the entire morning and most of the afternoon, the sun was close to setting.

Who knew it took this long to put shelves together? Actually, it’s most likely because they’re from ikea.

Then his phone buzzed.

Camille:

Hey dude, Lucile told me to tell you she said hello.

Anyway, we have a date set. The wedding is going to be March 3rd.

Max smiled at his phone before typing out his response.

‘Alright, I’ll put it in my calendar. Thank you for letting me know.’

He put his phone back down, before passing Antoine a nail that sat on the floor.

“That might be helpful.” He said, with a warm smile.

“Oh, thanks.” His roommate replied, taking the nail from him.

Max couldn’t really be much help with actually getting the shelves up on the wall, so he simply stared out the window and drank his coffee. His third cup.

It was surprisingly quiet that evening, everyone was either away for the weekend, or staying inside.

Somehow, he missed the sound of rustling around in the bag, and only just now registered the sound of what he thought was sniffling. He turned away from the window, face wrought with worry.

“Are you.. ok..?” He asked, and Antoine nearly jumped, before coughing, the cough obviously being fake.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine I just.. dust. In my nose.” He responded, completely avoiding turning around to face Max. “You know what, I’m going to shower before I go through the bag.” Max watched still as his roommate made a beeline for the bathroom.

Alright, that's troubling.

Max wasn’t going to just go snooping around in his roommates stuff, he figured that if Antoine wanted to talk he would.

The evening was spent ignoring the issue, eating more Chinese food, and watching movies.

The moon shone in brightly through the single window that they were lucky enough to have, as Max sat on his bed. Beside him, he heard the sound of a sigh and the bag being dragged out from under the bed, it’s contents being carefully piled together.

“That’s a big difference from how you treated the other bags,” Max commented, with a raised brow, his tone as light as he could manage.

“Well yeah, the contents are fragile.” Antoine answered, laughing dryly. “They’re pictures.”

“I see,” Max added, nodding sagely. There was a pause.

“Did you.. want to see them or something..?” His roommate asked, and he stared back intrigued. “I don’t really mind, you know.” With that he slid off of his bed, sitting on his roommates when the latter moved a bit to give him room.

In a pile, there sat photos. Photos that Max felt wrong for looking at.

“Who is that?” He asked, pointing to the other person in the picture. It was a girl, and she was smiling rather brightly.

“Right… that’s my ex.” Antoine answered. “And the reason I was living out of my car.” Max fell silent.

“Are you.. are you sure you want me looking at these..?” He asked, and the other shrugged.

“Doesn’t really matter honestly. They’re from a time that at this point is long gone.” Antoine answered. “Oh, this one’s funny. That was at the end of one of the school years, I can’t remember which, she and I and a bunch of our friends all just.. kind of.. spontaneously went camping. May or may not have stolen a car, that’s also the first time we decide to use fake ID’s, it was.. very illegal. But it was fun. Just don’t tell the cops.” He said, holding a picture with a group of teenagers in the middle of the woods by a lake in swim suits. Two familiar faces stood out. “He actually ended up getting stuck in a tree. No idea how he got up in said tree but once he did he could not get back down.” The pair laughed a bit. Picture after picture, Max felt like he was almost intruding. “Oh, that was graduation, oh and this one is when we ended up getting an apartment, and.. that was last Christmas.”

“You guys seemed very happy,” Max commented absently.

“Yeah, I guess we were.” Antoine answered, silence fell once more and before Max could even speak, his question was answered. “But, her parents absolutely hated me. Why I have no idea, but.. because we ended up getting the apartment together I had nowhere to stay so I ended up just living out of my car. In case you were wondering.” There was a pause. “Not her fault, really, but.. honestly she was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She was funny, too, and always so supportive. There’s no other person like her in the world.” Antoine rambled, voice clearly strained.

“You miss her, I can tell.” Max commented, brows knitted together. His heart hurt.

“Maybe I do, but it’s not like I’ll ever see her again.” Antoine answered.

“What was her name?”

“Thérèse.”

#frev but make it a poorly written reincarnation au.#frev #french revolution #claws out for the main 5 #that’s right everyone we’re bringing this back

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moonstarsolar96 · 3 years

Text

Bohemian Rhapsody

MoonstarSolar

Warning

The moral right of the author has been asserted. All rights reserved. This story is published subject to the condition that it shall not be reproduced or retransmitted in whole or in part, in any manner, without the written consent of the copyright holder, and any infringement of this is a violation of copyright law.

A single copy of the materials available in this story may be made, solely for personal, noncommercial use. Individuals must preserve any copyright or other notices contained in or associated with them. Users may not distribute said copies to others, whether or not in electronic form or in hard copy, without prior written consent of the copyright holder of the materials. Contact information for requests for permission to reproduce or distribute materials available through this course are listed below:

Email: [email protected]

Discord: MoonstarSolar#7479

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

••••

Synopsis

Bohemian Rhapsody depicts the story of Penelope and Sev, who have a love-hate relationship between the two of them. Sev is the most self-obsessed, narcissistic, jerk she has ever met. He's her boss, yes, but she won't let him ruin her career, even her day. Sev is the co-founder and CEO of Grey Holdings. He is one of the richest businessmen and also one of the youngest billionaires in the whole world. He was featured in Spring Magazine's Top Person of the Year. Steven Grey may look like a nice person, but deep down, he's a bad boy. He never fails to make Penelope's life a living hell as soon as they meet. He likes to taunt her. He likes to tease her. He wants to own her. He became obsessed with her.

Chapter 1: Is this the real life?

I have been an intern at Grey Holdings for exactly a year. I was surprised to learn that I had been promoted to be the supervisor of the team. Linda, one of my co-workers, ran up to me and hugged me as she congratulated me on having the promotion.

"I'm so happy that we're on the same team!" she happily said and hugged me tighter, swaying our bodies from side to side as I tried to untangle her curly blonde hair from the rim of my glasses.

"Thanks, Linda. I am also happy that I can now show my mom this black calling card!" I showed her my calling card that I got earlier that our senior supervisor gave me.

We have three colors for three types of calling cards. The white ones are for lower-ranked employees like interns. The black ones are for higher ranks, like supervisors. And the gold ones are for the CEO, CFO, and COO.

Grey Holdings Inc. is one of the biggest, and also the best companies in the whole world. Our company is the parent company of Samseong, Hyeondae, and many more. The company even owns an expensive hospital--Grey Medical Center. If you're wondering, a holding company is a company that owns the outstanding stock of other companies. A holding company usually does not produce goods or services itself. Its purpose is to own shares of other companies to form a corporate group.

I really love everything about the company. We have a world-class lobby that looks like you're in a five-star hotel. We have a big cafeteria where the pantries are always full and anything that you like will be free and it wasn't even deducted from your salary. We also have a room where we can rest and take a nap.

"Penelope, I need you at my office now," my boss, Mr. Cohen, called. I excused myself from Linda's nonstop embrace and headed to my boss' office door.

"Come on," I heard him say. "Here is your new company ID, company phone, company laptop, and your new payslip." Mr. Cohen handed me all of the things that I needed to start my new journey in life. I am now an official employee of Grey Holdings Inc.

I have never been this happy in my entire life.

I am so happy, I feel like I'm on cloud nine.

But not until I met the worst person inside this huge building.

Steven Grey. The youngest, the prettiest *gags*, and the richest CEO of the company. His company became the fastest-growing company of the year. In just a few years, his business boomed, and he managed and held a large number of stock investments from other big companies and investors. It was all because of Steven Grey's hard work.

Linda has been a huge fan of the guy since she first stepped foot in this company until now.She never fails to fantasize about him, though she had a boyfriend. I told her that John was much prettier than Mr. Grey, but she gave me a horrifying look when I said that.

All of my other female officemates agree with Linda. They think of him as a God. But not me.

The guy is so self-obsessed. He can't function whenever he can't see his face in the mirror when going out of his office and going for an interview. He also can not stop himself from avoiding issues with himself and some other girls that he dated.

People are so fond of him, and he likes the attention.

Ever wonder why I hate him so much, I could die?

He was one of my college friends back then.

And yes, we had a past.

I was a scholar at Grey's Foundation back in high school. When I became a college student, I got an offer from Grey's Academy. That's where I met him and became friends with him.

He was the first one to talk to me back then, when literally, all of my schoolmates and classmates bullied me every time I stepped my foot on the marbled tiles of the school's entrance.

Sev--I mean Steven, helped me by threatening all of the bullies to stop harassing me or else they would be expelled and he would make sure that they'd never get into any universities.

They somehow stopped one day, and I was very thankful for that.

We became friends and I got into the same circle as him. We had some mutual understanding back then, but it all vanished when I learned that he and his friends played a bet on me.

His best friend, Noah, told me and I got mad. I was really thankful that there was Noah. He's always by my side. Noah became my best friend when Steven kicked him out of his group of friends.

And since then, the bullies continued to harass me again and again, until I transferred to another university because of their actions.

Steven just watched me get bullied and turned his back on me. Noah remained at Grey's Academy because his father wouldn't let him transfer to my school because it's for 'poor' people.

I lost contact with Noah and my other friends when I transferred, so I've decided to live a new life. Away from the bullies, and away from Steven Grey.

Whenever we saw each other in the company, I always turned my back first and ran away from him. I hate him even though I work for him. I am running away from him because I'm so scared he might break me again like what he did to me in college.

Whenever we saw each other, I was so confused because he was looking at me like he missed me, or did he not? My heart thumps louder whenever we make eye contact.

This day was the first time we got to be together in one room. Mr. Cohen introduced me to him as the new supervisor of the team.

But we were all surprised when Mr. Steven Grey started speaking. "Mr. Cohen, I'd like her to be my secretary."

To be continued...

#ceo #original story #novel writing #novelist #light novel #fiction #mafiaromance #romance

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collectsfallenstars · 4 years

Text

Lee Gon’s 3 Rules and How and When He Fell In Love With Jeong TaeEul: An Analysis in 2 parts

Part 1: Love like You Row

It’s pretty easy to say that Lee Gon starts off in “The King: Eternal Monarch” already in love with Jeong TaeEul and he remains in that constant state all throughout the series. That his character is that flat, as flat as the world according to Jeong TaeEul. While it may be true that his character remains deeply devoted to her all throughout, I’m here to show you that he isn’t a flat character. Aside from the external struggle he has with his uncle Lee Lim, and convincing TaeEul of his identity and depth of feeling for her, loving TaeEul also forced him to confront certain things.

On their first chicken dinner together in episode 2 which felt more like an extension of his interrogation instead of a friendly dinner, Lee Gon finds out exactly what kind of person he’s dealing with with Jeong TaeEul. He had just thanked her for being the reason why he survived the last 25 years of his life after his father had been murdered. She was tied to that one great big mystery of his life and he had wanted to find her all these years. Now she was there, eating dinner with him. But she didn’t believe anything he said, almost canceling out his entire existence because she did not have enough proof.

We are then taken to a flashback of baby Lee Gon talking with Lady Noh about the night his father was murdered while a cute baby Maximus ran around in the background. Lady Noh hands over the two things Lee Gon had held onto that night – half of the broken bamboo flute and Jeong TaeEul’s ID. And then little Lee Gon asks,

“DO YOU THINK IT’S HERE, THE REASON WHY I SURVIVED THAT DAY?”

The flashback ends and we are brought back to the present time with Lee Gon asking TaeEul,

“WHY DO YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY?”

This was a very good juxtaposition of events. As a child, the question of why he survived had been foremost in his mind. That’s him questioning the purpose of his existence and he’s tied it to these two objects – the flute and TaeEul’s ID. One is a symbol of utter power, and the other, I suppose, is love, or his destiny.

And all his life he believed held on to the idea that his life had purpose, had meaning, and it was tied to this woman, before him, who sat there not believing anything at all. She tells him to stay put till she gets back his DNA test and he takes it out of context and asks her,

“ANYTHING ELSE? IS THERE ANY OTHER REASON? THE REASON WHY I HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR WORLD? COULD THERE BE A REASON?”

This is him grasping at straws, a little desperately. He’s basically asking her to tell him, give him his purpose. He’s waiting for her to say, “I want you to stay because of me.” To hand it over to him. But of course, TaeEul thought it was all bullshit.

In Lee Gon’s world, he’s the king. He has never needed his existence to be validated. And he has always been sure of who he was. But one thing he was never sure of was his why he survived that night, his purpose. So he tied his purpose to the flute and to TaeEul. He had probably hoped that he would find it if he could just find her.

And he did find her. But she doesn’t believe he exists. She doesn’t believe his Kingdom of Corea exists. And the only reason, she says, that she’s helping him is just so she can send him back home and get rid of him.

He realizes two things here. Just because he found Jeong TaeEul doesn’t mean he gets an instant answer as to what his purpose is for surviving that night. And just because he’s spent the last 25 years attached to the idea of TaeEul doesn’t mean that the moment she sees him, she’ll come running into his arms like a long lost love. There is no love. At least, just yet.

This must have been a lonely time for Lee Gon. After this scene, we are shown a clip of him visiting an exhibit of Korea’s last monarch. The building occupies the same place where he and his father were attacked in the Kingdom of Corea. But that history of the royal family doesn’t even include his line. He has no identity, no history, no purpose.

And in this world, if he wanted purpose, it wasn’t just going to be a simple find Jeong TaeEul and she’ll give you the answer. He’ll actually have to work for it, find it by solving the mystery of the bamboo flute and work on building a real connection with Jeong TaeEul.

He finds out exactly how to best do that on this dinner too. When Jeong TaeEul answers his question about why she wont’ believe him, she says,

“IS THAT HOW BELIEF WORKS? I’M THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THE EARTH IS ROUND.”

It’s in this part when he realizes they don’t see the world in the same way. I like how he doesn’t force her to believe him just because he believes it, doesn’t guilt her into seeing things his way. You know how most people would go, this is how I see it. why cant you see it my way? Nope. He shuts up. He listens to her and understands that she needs to see things before she can believe them, and works with that instead of trying to change her mind.

He takes on 3 tasks. He must first convince her that he is telling the truth about his identity. He next has to convince her that parallel worlds exist. Once those two things are done, it will be easier for him to convince her that his feelings for her are real. He then formulates a plan the only way a mathematician and a rower would, tailor fitting it to meet Jeong TaeEul needs. I've written about this on a previous post, detailing how Jeaong TaeEul’s feelings for Lee Gon devloped exactly because of this method. If you’re interested, you can just scroll down my tumblr. It’s in there somewhere.

As I said, he looks at situations like a mathematical equation. If there’s a problem, there has to be a solution. A beautiful one. And his solutions are pretty simple. Patience and honesty. Every time she asks him anything about his identity and where he’s from, he will tell always tell the truth. No matter how many times she asks the same question, he will always give her the same answer. This is why rowing is such a perfect sport for him. He makes repetitive motions, moving in a single direction and onwards until the finish line. That’s exactly how he was with Jeong TaeEul. Keep telling the truth until she believes. But he won’t try to force her to believe him before she’s ready and endures it every time she insults him or accuse of fictionalizing everything.

If you look at episode 3, on what’s probably their 2nd chicken and beer dinner, he tells her,

“YOU GOT NOTHING ON MY DNA RESULTS. BUT YOU STILL CAN’T REALLY BELIEVE ME, RIGHT? SO WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THERE IS NO INFORMATION AT ALL ABOUT ME IN THIS WORLD.”

He leans forward on the table again, making the gap between them slightly smaller. Notice that he doesn’t make the conclusion for her. He just asks her the questions. He lets her make the conclusion on her own; and gives her time until she’s ready to actually say it out loud that she believes him, which won’t be until the 5th episode.

Having gotten no results for his DNA and fingerprints should point TaeEul towards the existence of another world where he does exist. But keep in mind that TaeEul needs to see something before she believes it. And no results mean no evidence. No evidence means, it’s all bullcrap form TaeEul. So when he tells her,

“I HOPE YOUR EARTH CAN BECOME ROUND SOON.”

He is saying “I know you can’t see it, but I hope you believe that my parallel world exists, and that I exist for you.” Just like the world being round. He’s essentially preparing her for what’s to come next. And it has nothing to do with seeing his world and him being king because those are things she will be able to see for herself. He’s preparing her for one of the greatest leaps of faith of all time – believing in love. It is, after all, an intangible concept. You can’t see it, you can only feel it to know it exists.

Now, when the time finally came that TaeEul got all the evidence that she needed and was finally prepared to believe him, he was still very patient with her as he answered all of her questions about her ID card that was issued exactly when he said it would be.

He goes to her, gathers her hair together in ponytail in one hand, and holds on to the side of her neck with the other, while he answered all her questions correctly, getting rid of her last excuses for not believing him. He is literally and figuratively holding her steady, as her world kind of fell apart knowing that she had been wrong all this time. He didn’t jump with glee or anything because he was right and she was wrong. He understood how this must have been terrifying for her and he kind of just was there for her to help her keep it together. Then he offers her his other world, letting her decide if she wants to see it for herself.

“DO YOU WANT TO SEE FOR YOURSELF? COME WITH ME TO MY WORLD.”

He holds her hand, pulls her to Maximus, puts both her hands on his shoulders and he puts this woman who had never watched fairy tales on a white horse fit for a prince and princess. I swear, when snow started falling in this scene, Maximus turned into unicorn for me. It was that magical.

Physically, you can see him become more protective of her in this instant. He closes his hand over hers. Puts her hands on his shoulders as if to tell her you can depend on me, you can trust me. He cages TaeEul between his arms as they ride off. And even when they get to Corea, he still has her inside his arms in a protective circle, asks the guards to step back because he knows exactly how flat earther Jung TaeEul will feel in a parallel world.

He already knows she’s a strong capable woman. But he didn’t hesitate to provide comfort and protection because he understood that even the strongest ones may need comfort and protection at times.

He does gloat here, a little.

“SEE? I WAS RIGHT, WASN’T I?”

Still on his horse, he leans closer to her, almost speaking right into her ear. His lips quite possibly less than two inches away from her earlobe. I mean…if I was Kim Goeun I’d be shivering with want. But of course, she’s very busy taking in the fact that a parallel world exists so maybe her libido is in the backburner for now. But when she turns her head to face him, and it was , quite possibly, the sweetest, most electrifying non kiss kiss ever.

Now at this point, he seems to have ticked off all his tasks. Convinced her he’s a king. Convinced her that a parallel world exist. Now the next thing to do is to convince her that his feelings, 25 years in the making, are real.

Part 2: Love of a Monarch with a Scar

But how real are his feelings? Because the Jeong TaeEul he’s now with is very different from whatever he imagined Jeong TaeEul to be when he was 8 years old! That’s actually the first thing he had to confront the moment he met TaeEul at Gwanghwamun Square. After they bicker and he insults her intelligence by asking,

“IT SEEMS YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT A PARALLEL WORLD IS. DID YOU NOT STUDY SCIENCE?”

He finally observes something about her. He says,

“IS THIS WHAT YOUR PERSONALITY IS LIKE? I HAVE NEVER IMAGINED IT. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SOFTER. THIS IS NEW.”

And this signals to the audience that he is aware that the Jeong TaeEul he had imagined and possibly loved for the last 25 years is different from the real Jeong TaeEul. He might have arrived at the scene loving only the idea of TaeEul but as soon as the 2nd episode, he takes it upon himself to actually educate himself on all things Jeong TaeEul, setting aside all of his built up notions about her.

In the precinct, even in the midst of his interrogation, he takes the time to really look at her and come to a decision that she “LOOKED BETTER IN REAL LIFE.” So that’s great right, he prefers the 3 dimensional version of her as opposed to a picture. And then when TaeEul finally released him from jail, he reveals that he has already pumped Eunsup for information about her life. He is making sure that he gets to know her right from the get go. It was also on the 2nd episode that he went to the library to get to know her world’s history. He looked up the poet Kim SoWol and bought his book before going back to his world, just because TaeEul randomly quoted him during their conversation in the bamboo forest in episode 3.

Now he didn’t completely let go of his imagined version of a TaeEul because he did manage to get a short glimpse of a softer TaeEul during their early days together. Time had to stop before he could see this softer side of hers because at this point, she still didn’t believe anything he said and was less likely to trust him enough to show him her softer side. So when time stopped, that was the first time he got to see the TaeEul he had imagined all this time. It was just there, buried underneath the hard, flat-earther exterior. He just had to wait til the 9th episode to finally see this softer, sweeter side of hers.

He also asks her important questions like, “Why did you become a detective?” which is essential when you’re trying to get to know someone. You ask them about their dreams to get an idea about the kind of person they are. Now, when TaeEeul answers,

“NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD CAN BE BRAVE. SO I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.”

it absolutely fascinated him. For someone who’s had his life set for him the moment he was born, the fact that someone can make a choice about which direction to take their lives must have amazed him. He admires this trait, that she can make a decision to be a cop just like that.

Notice also that she didn’t say, “I am brave so I joined the police force.” She said, I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.” If you look at Lee Gon, the kind of decisions he tends to make are what to do. Do I leave for my home? Do I stay a little bit more? Do I give her my name? But the one thing TaeEul shows him is that he can make decisions on what kind of person he wants to be, just as she did. So as he’s getting to know her, learning her, he’s also learning from her.

Why is this important? Because his identity is tied to him being a King. There’s a flashback of his time with his father on episode 4 where the father talks about the duties of a king. He asks,

“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FULFILL THIS CALLING, GON?”

So it’s all about performing a duty that is attached to the title of King. CAN YOU DO IT? It is never about what kind of King do you want to be? Which makes this part very important.

After she talks about her own dreams and what she wanted for herself, she asks him,

“SO THAT’S MY STORY. TELL ME WHAT KIND OF KING YOU ARE. A YOUNG, HANDSOME, AND RICH KING?”

This question appears to pleasure him, as much as bother him. He answers,

“A ROWER, MATHEMATICIAN, A WELL-GROWN ORPHAN, AND THE OWNER OF THE FOUR TIGER SWORD. A KING WHO HAS NEVER BEEN ASKED SUCH A QUESTION AND TRYING HIS BEST NOT TO PANIC.”

This is her asking him, “How have you been doing as a king so far?” How are you? A question on his well being as a king. Like whenever he returns to her from his world, he always asks how she has been and if she’s been well. It appears to have the same effect on him. It pleases him to know that she wants to know he has been doing.

But then, he also has no idea how to answer her question. And this makes him panic.

Since no one ever bothered to ask him what kind of person, what kind of King did he want to be, he never thought about it. He just simply accepted that he was a king and had to fulfill the duties that came with it. It probably never occurred to him that he can decide what kind of king he wanted to be. It wasn’t just a job, which I suspect is how he sees it. That’s why he likes escaping from time to time when it becomes too much. But here was Jeong TaeEul, teaching him how to be a better King because being a cop is so much more than just a job for TaeEul. Lee Gon is slowly becoming a better King, just by talking to TaeEul. Imagine how much more glorious he would become once he gives himself fully to her, and she reciprocates that love?

Ironically though, this love that taught him how to choose to brave is the same love that he has to give up when he finally chooses to be a brave King and save both worlds. But, we still have one more episode so that’s still up in the air.

Now, let’s go back to simpler times when their only problem was themselves and their own trust issues. So as I said, he makes great effort to really get to know her and once he was able to tell apart the Jeong TaeEul in his imagination and the Jeong TaeEul in reality, he lets her know that he much prefers the real version of TaeEul. At the end of episode two, he tells her,

“YOU’RE ALWAYS BUSY AND YOU DON’T CARE MUCH FOR ME. BECAUSE OF YOU, I’M POWERLESS HERE. BUT IT’S FINE. YOU ARE MUCH MORE AMAZING THAN I HAD IMAGINED.

This moment was especially pitiful because he said this after revealing to her that he felt hurt that she kept leaving him when she’s the only person he knows in this world. But even through his hurt feelings, he is able to understand why she does this. He understands that she’s busy, that she has a life, and that to her, he was simply just a stranger. So if we jump to episode 8, when TaeEul asks him if he would have fallen for her if she had been rude and decided not to help him, Lee Gon really wasn’t lying when he said,

“I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT UNDERSTANDING WOULD HAVE LED ME TO FALL FOR YOU.”

Because he was already doing it as early as the 2nd episode. She had just upset him and there he was, understanding why and still finding her amazing despite it all. He tells her this in what seems like a love confession, at first, but it really isn’t. When he compares her to the number Zero, he’s essentially saying that she alone can make him weak but at the same time, has the power to give him strength. And that whenever he felt trapped, she was the only one had the power to save him – like that night of treason. He was seeing firsthand the effect she has on him. And he sees that

she already has this much power and influence over him even without an established relationship. That’s how much power he has handed to her by the simple fact that he has hung on to her existence for the last 25 years.

This was not a confession of love but somehow, it feels heavier than that. I appreciate how he didn’t rush to say the words I love you to her at this moment, but instead chose to show her what she meant to him.

I feel like saying I love is sometimes a cop out, you know. I’m just gonna lump all these feelings for you together and call it love. But Lee Gon does not do that. He constantly reveals to her how she affects him. He is constant in allowing himself to be vulnerable and honest with how he feels for her.

“YOU LOOK BETTER IN REAL LIFE” is attraction.

“WHY ARE YOU TYING YOUR HAIR? DON’T TIE YOUR HAIR,” is a marked preference for the TaeEul in real life because the TaeEul in his imagination has her hair gathered in a low ponytail.

“DON’T GO. IT TOOK 25 YEARS FOR ME TO MEET YOU. I HOPE TODAY WILL BE A LONG DAY,” is him begging, or bargaining for more time with her after having pined after her for so long. And he doesn’t hide the fact that he has pined for her for a long time.

“THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. BECAUSE YOU EXISTED SOMEWHERE, I WAS LESS LONELY FOR THE PAST 25 YEARS,” is deep gratitude. Just the thought of her somewhere brought him comfort in his lonely life and that’s a powerful thing. Most people depend on an actual presence of a person for them to be significant enough in their life. But for Lee Gon, just the idea of her had been enough.

“THAT’S COOL, LT. JUNG TAE EUL,” is open admiration for her character and spirit.

But I think what really drove it home for me, and also my favorite declaration of devotion, is when he said, “I IMAGINED BRINGING YOU HERE LOTS OF TIMES BEFORE” when she asked him why he looked so calm after bringing her into the palace and the entire staff erupted in disarray. It is a very simple line, but so naked in its honesty. And Lee MinHo delivers it with the glee of a child who opens his gift on Christmas morning, gets exactly what he wants, and proceeds to tell his parents thank you because he’s dreamed of it all year long and now it’s his. Except for Lee Gon, he’s dreamed of it for 25 years already. Just the weight of that longing is flabbergasting. Can you imagine anyone loving you this much?

However, for all of Lee Gon’s openness about how he feels for TaeEul, I don’t think he ever fully allowed her into his world until the 6th episode. And this is because of the 3 rules he has always abided by when it comes to himself and all three are rooted in his trauma from that night of treason in 1994.

He doesn’t eat food that hasn’t been tasted beforehand.

No one touches his body.

No one can call him by his name.

Now the first two are broken as early as the 1st and 2n d episode. TaeEul cuffs him at Gwanghwamun Square and once more back in the precinct. Then on the 3rd episode, she tapped Lee Gon on the shoulder on her way to the restroom. By this time, he’s not even protesting when she touches him, he even welcomes it now. And this is growth for him, considering the last time someone touched him in such close proximity, he almost died. And on their first dinner together, he actually surrenders that rule willingly, using that point to tell her what the idea of her has done to comfort him for the last 25 years.

But his last rule, the one rule he clung steadfastly to, was the one that did not allow anyone to call him by his name. He consistently refused to give her his name in the first 4 episodes, and even when he finally did give it to her at the start of the 5th episode, he still stuck to the rule. He gave her his name, but she is still not allowed to use it.

Now, on episodes 5 and 6, we see him on uber boyfriend mode. He’s like a kid who finally got a puppy. Here, let me take care of you. Here let me feed you. Here let me give you alcohol. Here let me kiss you. Here let me pick you up when you’re stranded. Let me play with your hand and show everyone how I feel about you. Let me pat your head to comfort you when you’re lonely.

He’s basically a giver. Let me love you. But the danger in being with someone like this is that they control what part of them you’re getting, because they pick and choose, very frequently, so you never feel like you’re lacking for any affection. But you’ll never know the full extent of what they’re giving and holding back because they won’t let you in. And he hasn’t. At least, not completely.

TaeEul had to find out the whole deal with Lee Lim and the night of treason by google searching Lee Gon and his family. When he tells her,

“I GUESS YOU NOW KNOW WHAT ROOT YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF. IT’S MY HELL AND MY HISTORY THAT WAS ENGRAVED ON MY BODY BY THE GREED OF THE PERSON THAT KILLED MY FATHER AND STRANGLED ME.”

he simply confirms what she found out. But he didn’t offer the story himself. No matter how vulnerable he is with everything else, this source of his trauma is still something he struggles with. And the way that he clings to the rule that his name must never be called by anyone is a manifestation of this.

Names are deeply personal and the people who are close enough to him to say it out loud are both dead. So since he was 8, his name has never been called. He has always existed as Pyeha to everyone and this safe distance has guaranteed him safety. No one will ever get close enough to try and murder him like his uncle did. But this also afforded him great loneliness. Because Pyeha is only a title but being King has swallowed up his entire existence. That’s why he panicked when TaeEul asked him what kind of King he was. That’s why the idea of his purpose for surviving that night still evades him. Because if he doesn’t know who he is beyond the title of Pyeha, or King, it’s going to be hard to find out his purpose too.

And his name is his last barrier against TaeEul. He’s given her everything, except for the right to call him by his name. But she doesn’t wait for it. She punches right through his wall when she said,

“I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, LEE GON.”

And he is left there, dumbfounded, because she dared. He says,

“I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLED. BUT I GUESS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO CALLED ONLY BY YOU.”

And with this, by calling him by his name, she is now the person closest to him. And the impact that this had on him was huge. He’s been an orphan since he was 8 and no one has probably called his name with love until now. She just blasted his whole world wide open. And this, I think, must have been the moment when Lee Gon fell in love with Jeong TaeEul, completely, helplessly, and fiercely.

#the king eternal monarch #thekingeternalmonarch #lee gon #leegon #jeongtaeeul #jeong tae eul #leeminho #kimgoeun #lee min ho #kim go eun #kdrama #analysis

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chidoroki · 4 years

Text

TPN ch180

(spoilers! i'm so broken)

I didn't want to be right. I didn't want to actually believe that Emma was lying. If anything, I thought she was just lying about staying with her family when they crossed over to the human world, knowing she would be separated, but this.. oh my god. This girl knew ever since ch143 that she was going to lose her memories of her family and straight up lied to them about it. Granted, only a few days passed from when she returned from The 7 Walls up until they all crossed over to the human world, but still, I.. don't know how to feel. I knew since the prison break she had great acting skills so I'm impressed that she managed to pull off yet another wonderful performance, but wow.. I really hoped she wouldn't! To keep such an important and life changing secret from her family, who are all so important to her, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her knowing this while dealing with the entire capital attack and GF plantation raid. Fighting so hard and succeeding in achieving a bright, happier future for everyone but herself.. ow, my heart.

Some people are fine with the memory loss, others aren't. If anything, at least she's the only one who forgot? I think it would've been worse if everyone else forgot about Emma instead, so having the promise only hurt her is fine.. well, it's not, clearly, but you get what I mean.

And if demon god wasn't on my nerves enough already, the little prat decides to basically photoshop every family member out of the photos Emma kept this entire time. I'm touched she still had the photos in her possession, but now this upsets me so much. Upon seeing the first set of raws and learning Emma lost her memories, I hoped that she could possibly remember them by looking back at these photos if she still had them. But no. Demon god doesn't want me to be happy or get my hopes up. It would've been such a cool idea though. We know Ray originally requested the camera because he needed to strobe for the taser, but he continued to take pictures, not only to keep up the act to prevent Isabella from getting suspicious, but to give said photos to Emma because he knew how important their family is to her. I would've loved it if something so important from the first couple arcs came back at the very end to help Emma regain her memories.

Not only that, but demon god also got rid of her id number? Like.. really? I don't know why that bothers me so much but it does. I know the id brands just proved that the kids were meant to be nothing but food. Of course I know that they're all so much more than that and I should be happy Emma lost hers, because it truly means she's free, but the number was a part of her you know? It would've been fine if every cattle child lost their identifier, but since it was only her it makes me think demon god wanted it to be that much harder for Emma to remember her past and family. That's what bothers me. That even now, after they all crossed over and don't have to deal with demons anymore, demon god still has the audacity ability to make Emma suffer. If she still had her number, I'm sure she would've questioned it, much like Ray did when he was younger (my mind thinks back to ch28, that one memory of him looking at his neck in a mirror). Maybe she would've realized that the people in her dreams also have the same neck numbers, if only faintly. (it must be so weird for Demizu to draw Emma now and not include her number after all this time)

That leads me to wonder if Emma has questioned the rest of her appearance yet. I would assume she's still missing her left ear, since her hair is still covering that side, so does she ever wonder about why it's missing? What about the scars on her body? We personally haven't seen them, but you can't tell me her back and abdomen looks perfect and clean after getting stabbed by Lewis. Yes I know, scars heal with time, but the scar on Lucas' face was still recognizable after 13 years. Same with Zack and his many unfading scars. So does Emma question where hers came from?

Moving on, a month passes and still no memories, however Musica's necklace seems to be the cause of Emma's vivid dreams, like it somehow brings life to her feelings. We see the necklace constantly, not only because Emma wears it, but on volume covers and other color pages as well. It's always been shown off as this important item and yet it hasn't really served a purpose yet. Emma recieved the necklace back in ch51 and the only thing its done so far was show her that one old vision at Cuvitidala in ch101. It'll be a real easy way to solve everything by having the necklace just conveniently bring back her memories, so I get why some people might not like the idea, but at this point I'd be fine with it.

Figures she would end up in the human world with someone who can sympathize with her pain. Old dude lost his family due to war but at least he can remember them. He asks if Emma would want to see her family, if they're alive, and she remains unsure and lost. She doesn't know who these dream people are to her, why they call out "Emma" or why it makes her feel better.

This panel.. this one right here is what breaks me. Our girl is so upset and she can't even understand why. We know why you're crying hun, it's because you miss your family. Your memories may have faded but your feelings for them still live on with you! I have no doubt that love you just as much too! My poor girl, someone send me her location so I can go and hug her!

Emma might have given up trying to remember who she was and live a new life, but if she did encounter her family again, I hope she would be excited to meet them as new people. Maybe they could all start over. Over time they could gently remind her of her past, and if Emma truly can't remember, I hope they'll accept her regardless.

And a name change? I'm.. mmm frustrated. Yeah it makes sense since she couldn't remember hers and would need a new one anyway, but aahh, really? No id identifier, no memories, no name; it's like she's a new character. I was never a fan of the amnesia trope, like she's such a great character and gets built up wonderfully, and now it's like you reset her to zero. Yeah I know, deep down she's still the happy go lucky girl we all know and love, who's strong and capable to still smile even now, but.. man, idk anymore. This whole chapter hurts me.

There's a dim light at the end of the tunnel because we get a glimpse of Ray, Gilda and.. at first I thought it was Don but that person is way too short, so Phil? Regardless, I gotta give them some credit. It may have been a couple months, (remember, old dude said he could't call for help until spring and there's flowers in the ground now) but they've already managed to find where she might be in this new, large world. Please, turn around though! She's so close to you guys, she's right there! Notice her antenna or something, I beg you!

Demon god said that even if Emma met her family, she wouldn't remember them, but I still have small hopes. Emma claim's she stopped having the dreams and given up trying to remember her past, but maybe that short amount of time believing in them was enough. Aside from the necklace which connected her feelings to her unconscious mind, the five sense can also recall memories. Perhaps if she heard her name now, outside of a dream, something in her mind will click. Maybe she would get that warm feeling again she once longed for. Sense of smell and taste are usually most effective in bringing back memories so maybe just being near them or having them cook for her could also help. I know the sense of touch usually works for when you personally touch something, but if it's possible to also recall memories by being touched, then please, for the love of god, let Ray pat Emma's head again! He's done it countless time over the years.. can you imagine if upon meeting and learning that she has no memories, Ray is just like "no worries, you're still the same Emma to us," and while he pats her head, she's like wait hold up, major deja vu, I feel like I felt something like that happened before. I'm probably only getting my hopes up real high with that idea (since old dude just patted her head and nothing) but bro.. I would honestly cry if something so simple and nostalgic as a head pat helps Emma remember her family even the tiniest bit.

And yes, I'm worried Norman isn't around. Please don't let me be right again by having him stay behind due to his health issues. Just let him be in another search group somewhere else okay? I'll accept that. It's odd he wouldn't be working alongside Ray but whatever, split your best minds up to create equally powerful teams, that's fine. It only worries me because now we might not get one last full-score trio hug like I originally hoped! I swear having a hug like that as the very last panel of the series would've been perfectly fine with me after everything that just happened. But now.. aahhh, we'll see.

I can't believe the series ends next week. There's still so much I want to see and know. I pray there's a happy ending for everyone. I want Emma with her family. I want her to remember them. I want one last full-score trio hug. Shirai, don't let us down! You played with my feelings so much within the past year, so please make all the stress and tears worth it! Give me an ending that will satisfy me so much that TPN replaces Black Lagoon as my favorite series! Go ahead, I dare you! Ya see that beautiful panel? Give that to us and not have it be a fantasy! (pretty please??)

#the promised neverland #tpn emma #tpn manga #emma #chidoroki used chatter

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entropychanges · 4 years

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Tell me what you’ll do, please

So, Michael, dripping like a wet mop on the restaurant’s tile floor, stood silently as he looked between the sister of the girl whose murder he covered up only two months ago, and his lover who would rather be sent off to war than be with him. Great. He swallowed, figuring he may as well break the silence.

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if-”

“The kitchen is closed,” Liz interrupted, looking him up and down before saying, “but you can stay until the storm lets up.”

Or, in which Michael gets caught out in the rain while sleeping in his truck, and ends up taking shelter in the last place he wants to be.

also on ao3

title (from phoebe bridger's demi moore) precedes the lyric "I dont wanna be alone" which is kind of a central theme in Michael's mindset in this fic

warnings for mention of Michael's injury, very brief and vague mention of toolshed incident near the end, lots of talk about rosa's death and liz's mourning, michael has self worth issues, michael and alex say mean things to each other bc they’re sad and scared and just like a lot of angst

(3054 words)

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When Michael woke from his drunken nap, he sobered up immediately at the feeling of his blankets being drenched and the sky being far too dark for his liking.

He knew it was going to rain that night, and had even felt it in the joints of his mangled hand. What he didn’t predict, however, was that he was going to sleep for a few more hours than he intended, waking up in the middle of a storm rather than to the late afternoon desert sun.

“Shit, shit, shit!” he hissed, scrambling out of his truck bed and attempting to gather his linens. As he piled the soaked pillows and blankets he realized that he’d stupidly kept his bag of clothes beside him as he slept, leaving him with nothing dry to change into. He shoved his belongings into a sopping pile on his passenger seat before rushing to the other side of the truck cab and turning on the ignition with shaking hands.

Safe from the weather outside, Michael cranked up the heater and stripped off his shirt, huddling against himself for warmth. He ran his fingers through his curls in an effort to squeeze the water out, but to no avail. He sat like this, shivering and pathetic, for about 20 minutes before deciding that he needed a plan B. He didn’t have enough gas to use his heater for any extended period of time, and he wouldn’t have enough money for a refill until Sanders paid him for his work that week.

So, he decided to head into town to see if he could find somewhere that would let him stay inside for the duration of the storm without expecting a dime out of him. Normally he would try the library, but that closed at 8 and according to the clock on his radio, it was around 11 pm. Damn it. Hardly anything in this sleepy town was open past 10 on a weeknight other than the bars, and the storm wasn’t helping his chances.

Monsoon season was probably the most detrimental time for his beloved old Chevy that he called home, and tonight was no exception. He could hardly see through his windshield with the mix of dust and rain smattered across it, the high-velocity winds forcing his wipers to barely keep up. He was able to see enough to drive, though, as well as to recognize the signs on the shops and restaurants. They were almost all closed, as he’d suspected, except for one - the Crashdown still had its lights on and as he pulled into a parking space in front of it, he could see two figures inside. Liz Ortecho was wiping the counter as she spoke to the person in front of her, whose back was turned to Michael.

Only a few months ago, Michael would be too embarrassed to walk into the Crashdown at half-past 11 looking like a drowned rat and ask for a favor from his academic competitor. Now, though, Liz was going through her own living hell, which Michael felt partially responsible for, and had no room in her life to pity some punkass kid that lived in his truck. So, he swallowed his guilt and pride and shame and made his way out of his car and into the pouring rain. Without giving himself a chance to rethink this decision, he threw open the diner’s door, bringing attention to himself far too dramatically.

And, well, shit. Maybe he would’ve been better off using his fake id to spend his night with the racist alcoholics at the Wild Pony.

The first thing he noticed was that Liz looked rough. She clearly hadn’t been sleeping, as her eye bags were dark and evident, and her skin was paler than usual. She stood stock still at his cinematic entrance, her face full of annoyance and exhaustion. She no longer looked like the nerdy girl-next-door that Max had a crush on. She looked older than her age, and, in a sense, she was. She was going through more sadness than most had in their entire lifetimes, and that thought sent a spike of pain in Michael’s chest.

It reminded him of that selfish anger he’d been repressing since that night; anger at Isobel for killing the girls, anger at himself and Max for covering it up, anger at whatever entities left the three of them on this planet in the first place. He usually tried to shove those thoughts down before they ate away at him, but that was impossible when the consequence of their actions was quite literally staring himself in the face.

He glanced at the figure sitting on the stool across from Liz and his stomach dropped. Of course, it just had to be the very person Michael had been avoiding for the past two weeks.

He watched as Alex’s face morphed from confusion, to brief concern, and finally an annoyance that rivaled Liz’s. The last thing Michael wanted was to relive the fight they’d had after Alex told him he was enlisting in the air force.

Alex called Michael a violent alcoholic that was wasting his life.

Michael compared him to every birth and foster parent who had abandoned him.

Alex said Michael was no better than his abusive father.

Michael said that was funny seeing as he was following in his daddy’s footsteps.

It wasn’t pleasant.

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if-”

“The kitchen is closed,” Liz interrupted, looking him up and down before saying, “but you can stay until the storm lets up.”

Michael nodded, flinging water from his hair. He sat in the nearest booth, looking at his hands. He didn’t exactly have a plan for what he’d do if someone were to let him in. Maybe he could sleep? He didn’t think Liz would appreciate having to wake him up to kick him out once the rain stopped, but making conversation didn’t seem like much of an option.

When he looked back over to see that Liz had bent down to clean below the counter, Alex was still staring at him. Michael glanced back down at his hands, but it was too late. Alex approached the booth and stood over him.

“Hey, Alex.”

“What happened?”

“I fell asleep and when I woke up it was raining and all my shit was wet,” he said, still looking down.

Alex furrowed his brows. “It started raining around 8.”

“I guess I went to bed early.”

“Is that your way of saying you passed out drunk?”

Michael raised his gaze to glare at Alex. Alex glared right back.

“Can we not do this right now?”

Alex huffed a sigh and sat across from him. Michael leaned back and turned his head, watching the downpour out the window. They sat in silence for a minute until Alex spoke up.

“You need to change your splint.”

For someone that “wouldn’t be Michael’s medicine”, Alex sure liked to act like his doctor. But, he wasn’t wrong. Michael’s splint was soaked, making it functionally useless.

“I have some gauze in the truck, I’ll fix it later,” he replied, still staring at the rain.

“Just grab it now, I’ll help you do it.”

Michael turned back to Alex. “What? No, I-”

Alex stood up. “Get the gauze and I’ll meet you upstairs.”

As Alex turned away, presumably to ask Liz if she was cool with him bringing the personified version of a stray dog found in the gutter up into the small apartment she shared with her grieving father, Michael conceded and ran back to his truck to grab the gauze. He could never really say no to Alex. He rushed back in, covering the gauze with his body to prevent any rain damage and, with a quick “bathroom’s on the right” from Liz, he ran up the stairs to meet Alex in the tiny restroom that Liz used to share with Rosa. Used to. Michael shuddered at the thought. He was too sober for this long night.

Except, Alex wasn’t in the restroom. He was nowhere to be found. Regardless, Michael closed the door gently and began peeling the gauze off his hand, the feeling not dissimilar to applying a strip of wet paper-mâché to a surface. He winced at the pain, which he’d been ignoring until then, and wished he had some acetone to take the edge off.

He glanced at the medicine cabinet. Maybe…He opened the cabinet and there it was, half a bottle of kroger brand nail polish. Jackpot. Once he finished his second swig, the door handle started twisting. Shit. He used his telekinesis to put the bottle back in the cabinet and close the door, all while rinsing his mouth to cover the evidence. He didn’t want to think about what Alex’s reaction would be to finding him drinking Liz’s nail polish remover straight out of the bottle. “Seriously, Guerin? Alcohol not enough of a buzz for you anymore?”. Alex always called him “Guerin” when he was disappointed or mad at him. Lately, that seemed to be more often than not.

Alex peeked his head in slowly, as if to give Michael privacy, which was frankly adorable, seeing as how many times they’d seen each other at least partially nude. When he saw that Michael was decent, he opened the door completely, revealing that he was carrying a pile of clothes and towels.

“Here, change into these,” Alex commanded, handing him the clothes. His clothes. Michael’s ears turned red against his wishes at the thought of wearing Alex’s clothes.

“”You always have a stash of clothes at the Ortecho’s, or is this just my lucky night?” he asked, removing his wet t-shirt. Alex turned away, making Michael roll his eyes.

“I would usually come here when things got ugly at my place. Arturo didn’t mind me sleeping on Liz and Rosa’s floor, so I kept some of my stuff here. Tonight I’m here for Liz, though,” Alex explained.

Michael removed his pants. “You know you don’t have to turn away when I’m changing, right? We’ve seen each other naked, like, a hundred times.”

Now it was Alex’s turn to blush. “I think a hundred is a little hyperbolic,” he said as he turned around to face Michael.

Michael ran the towel down his body before finally ruffling his curls dry. “Well there was our first time... “

“Obviously.”

“And the time in the cab of my truck just a few days later…”

“That was just uncomfortable.”

“And then a week later when we had that picnic out in the desert at midnight…”

“Ugh, that was just gross. Do you know how many spiders and scorpions are out there? Definitely wish I’d kept my pants on for that.”

“And then add a few more in the back of my truck and that should add up to one hundred!”

“Still a hyperbole. I’d say that’s 8, total. The rest at least one of us kept our pants or shirts on.”

“Sorry, I forgot to add the ones from my dreams.”

“Oh god, please shut up,” Alex said just a little loudly, making Michael snort and put a finger to his lips.

“Shh, Alex, c’mon. No need to wake up Arturo by discussing our epic sexcapades.”

Michael was now fully dressed in Alex’s clothes, wearing a burgundy sweater that felt softer than anything he’d ever worn before and black jeans that were just a little too tight. He looked at himself in the mirror and cracked a smile.

“Maybe I could pull the emo look off, huh? What do you think, darlin?” He added the “darlin” as a test. When Alex was actually pissed, the pet name only ticked him off even more. When Michael was starting to get back on his good side, he brushed it off and pretended he didn’t like it, even though he definitely did.

Alex suppressed a smile. Score.

“I think you’re ridiculous. Now lean against the sink and hold this washcloth.”

Michael raised an eyebrow but did as he was told.

“Here, hold the washcloth like this,” Alex said before gently moving the fingers on Michael’s left hand around the cloth. It hurt like hell, but Michael did his best to hide it. He didn’t like Alex seeing him in pain, especially when he knew Alex blamed himself. Michael didn’t want him to have another reason to feel guilty.

“It’s good of you to come over here and be with Liz. She seems…” He trailed off, not sure of what he was planning on saying. She seems, what, bad? Exhausted? Depressed? Like she’d just had her favorite person in the world taken from her, and now the entire town was spreading lies about her? He just let Alex finish his thought.

“It’s just what friends do. She needs support right now,” Alex murmured, wrapping the gauze around Michael’s fingers. “She’s leaving town, too, soon. Which is a good thing, I think.”

Michael stiffened at that. He already knew Liz was leaving, of course. He was just as responsible for that as he was for Rosa’s postmortem defamation. It’s that “too” that hits. Maybe it was the buzz from the acetone or the thrill of Alex watching him undress, but either way Michael was able to forget for a second about the coldness that had been between them just a few minutes ago, and the reason for it being there. That little word, “too”, was a painful reminder that hurt just a little more than the feeling of his disjointed bones being squeezed too tightly by Alex’s makeshift splint. Michael inhaled sharply to indicate this.

“Shit, sorry, let me make this a little looser.”

Michael looked down and shook his head a tad bit too violently, trying to indicate that he didn’t give a damn about the stupid splint.

“What? What is it Michael?”

Michael squeezed his eyes shut, knowing he was diving headfirst into the argument he was trying to pretend had never happened.

“You can’t go.”

Alex dropped Michael’s hand, which he’d just finished putting the last piece of tape on.

“Goddamn it, Michael, did we really not spend enough time talking about this already? I’m sick of my father looming over me, and, let’s face it. I’m not like you. I can’t just waste my life in this garbage town forever, sustaining myself on whiskey and bar fights.”

Michael opened his eyes back up and realized he had tears welling up. It wasn’t because of what Alex had said, words and insults didn’t phase him anymore. It was that his deepest anxiety was becoming his reality. Michael was going to be left behind, yet again.

He was used to pushing his fears down, but right now he didn’t want to repress. He wanted Alex to understand exactly how he was feeling, no matter how childish or pathetic he sounded in the process.

“I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to be alone.”

He looked up to meet Alex’s eyes. The other boy’s face melted from the defensive hardness he’d held before to something much softer. It wasn’t piteous, it was just… sad.

“I don’t want to leave you Michael. I definitely don’t want you to be alone. You’re the only reason I’ve ever even considered staying.”

Michael looked down again. His words were sweet, but they held no meaning. It didn’t matter how much Alex cared about him, he was still leaving.

“You know this doesn’t have to be goodbye forever, right? I’ll be coming back after basic, and then I’ll be coming home on leave whenever I can.” Alex cupped Michael’s face with his hands, forcing him to look up at him. Memories flooded in of their first kiss, when they cradled each other’s faces in the UFO emporium. Michael mirrored the movement and leaned in to Alex’s space, but didn’t close the gap. Instead, he watched Alex closely, reading the earnesty in his eyes. It seemed like he truly believed they could still be together, even through hell.

It was Alex that made the move, pressing Michael into the sink behind him and tenderly kissing his lips. Their movements were slow and gentle, much different from their usual sexual intensity. This was a different kind of intimacy. They touched each other lovingly rather than lustfully, their focus not on rushing to make each other come, but instead on patiently memorizing every detail they could. They were so enraptured with their shared space that the outside world seemed to melt away, including the door that was being pushed open behind them.

“Oh shi-” they heard behind them, shattering the moment. Alex jumped away, terror in his eyes. Michael’s heart was in his throat. Of course, it was just Liz, who didn’t actually care about their romantic involvement, just that they didn’t have sex on her bathroom sink. Still, the last time they were interrupted like this wasn’t a night they wanted to relive.

“I just wanted to let Guerin know that it stopped raining,” Liz said, her eyes turned to the floor uncomfortably. This was her polite way of saying “please get out of my home it’s past midnight and I’ve been waiting for you to leave for half an hour”, so he took the cue for what it was and headed out the door with a nod.

“Hey, Michael?” he heard from behind him. He turned back around.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving in a week. I’d like to see you before then, to say goodbye.”

Michael gave another small nod, and headed down the stairs at twice his usual speed, not wanting either of them to hear him cry.

When he got to his truck, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon. So, instead, he devised a plan to ensure he wouldn’t be around whenever Alex decided to schedule that goodbye.

And this plan required Kyle Valenti’s hubcaps.

#malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #roswell nm #roswell nm fic #liz ortecho #malex angst

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bloody-bee-tea · 4 years

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03. Sight "please, just look at me" for xicheng ❤️❤️❤️ thank you so muuch also id like to let you know that i really enjoy all of your fics/ficlets

Finally, my first ace!Jiang Cheng fic. Thank you so much, dear anon

Jiang Cheng is shaking with nerves. He doesn’t want to do this, never wants to tell Lan Xichen anything that could make him not want Jiang Cheng, but he knows that he has to do this. It’s not fair to either of them if he doesn’t tell Lan Xichen that he’s ace, or so Yanli’s voice keeps saying in his head.

He probably should have done this during their first date, Jiang Cheng muses as he tries his hardest to make his hands stop shaking, but Lan Xichen has been so sweet and attentive and Jiang Cheng has been in love with him for years, so he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it then.

It’s biting him in the ass now, Jiang Cheng is aware of that.

But then the first date has turned into a second one and a third one, and all the while Jiang Cheng couldn’t bring himself to say it, to just tell Lan Xichen the truth, because he knows how it will end. And he’s not ready to see Lan Xichen leave yet.

But Yanli is right when she says it’s not fair to either of them, which brings Jiang Cheng here, in front of Lan Xichen’s doors, about to ruin the one good thing that happened to him.

Jiang Cheng has himself convinced that Lan Xichen isn’t home when the door in front of him is finally opened.

Lan Xichen seems surprised to see Jiang Cheng, or maybe he just notes how pale Jiang Cheng is, and it just blurts out of Jiang Cheng.

“I’m ace, I’m not sexually attracted to you and I will never sleep with you,” he rambles and sees how Lan Xichen’s eyes go wide.

“I’m late for my plane,” is not exactly the answer Jiang Cheng was expecting at that, but when his eyes fall on the suitcase behind Lan Xichen he remembers that Lan Xichen talked about a business trip on their last date.

It would be just Jiang Cheng’s luck to catch him at this time.

“Oh, I see,” he weakly gives back and steps aside to let Lan Xichen out of his apartment.

“Wanyin, I really have to leave right now, but we’ll talk about this when I get back, okay?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng forces himself to smile at Lan Xichen.

They will not talk when he gets back, and they both know it.

This is it, this is how the best thing in Jiang Cheng’s life walks out on him with no intention to come back.

“Of course,” he still says, because he’s not going to make a scene when Lan Xichen is already late. He’s more mature than that.

“I’ll meet you when I get back,” Lan Xichen says as he leans forward and softly presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s cheek.

“Fly safe,” Jiang Cheng can hear himself say on autopilot, because he’s too busy clinging to the feeling of Lan Xichen’s lips against his skin.

He knows it will be the last time.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is looking over some reports he brought back home with him, when he suddenly hears Lan Xichen’s voice outside his room.

He immediately tenses, and hopes to all the gods that he is just there to drop of Lan Wangji or something, but of course Jiang Cheng isn’t that lucky because a second later his door opens.

“Jiang Cheng,” Lan Xichen greets him and Jiang Cheng only shortly looks at him.

He is still as beautiful as he has been last week, and really, why shouldn’t he be.

“Lan Xichen,” he gives back, though Jiang Cheng turns his eyes back down on his report.

He can’t look at him. He knows what’s coming and he would rather Lan Xichen did it quick and painless and doesn’t drag it out.

Honestly, Jiang Cheng has been expecting a message all week, telling him that this is it, that Lan Xichen doesn’t want to see him again. It never came, but of course Lan Xichen would rather do this in person. Even though Jiang Cheng wishes he wouldn’t.

“Wanyin,” Lan Xichen softly says and Jiang Cheng’s mouth twists at hearing his name from Lan Xichen like that.

Why can’t he just makes this easy, get it over and done with, and not shred Jiang Cheng’s heart any further.

“Just say it Lan Xichen,” Jiang Cheng snaps and grips the report in front of him so tightly he’s afraid it might rip. He would never hear the end of it if that happens, so he consciously forces himself to relax his hands.

“Say what?” Lan Xichen wants to know and Jiang Cheng knows he’s still looking at him, can feel Lan Xichen’s eyes all over him.

“Don’t play dumb,” Jiang Cheng tells him. “I know you’re here to break up with me.”

Jiang Cheng cringes at his own phrasing because for Lan Xichen to dump him, there must have been a relationship first, and they never defined what they are.

“Won’t you even look at me?” Lan Xichen asks instead of reacting to what Jiang Cheng has said, but Jiang Cheng keeps his eyes resolutely down.

He’s not going to look at Lan Xichen. It hurts enough as it is.

“Just get it over with,” Jiang Cheng mutters and he startles badly when a soft hand covers his, still clenched around the report.

“Please, just look at me,” Lan Xichen coaxes again and Jiang Cheng is helpless but to obey the softly muttered plea.

Lan Xichen looks entirely too good for someone who is about to crush Jiang Cheng’s heart.

“What?” Jiang Cheng demands when Lan Xichen doesn’t say something and Lan Xichen sighs before he intertwines their fingers together.

“I said we would talk about this when I get back,” he says and pulls Jiang Cheng up and over to the couch. “So let’s talk.”

“You--want to talk about it,” Jiang Cheng dumbly repeats and he cannot believe his ears.

Lan Xichen had a whole week to decide that Jiang Cheng and his stupid issues and his sexuality weren’t for him. What is there to talk about?

“Yes,” Lan Xichen says, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “It was kind of a big thing you dropped on me at a very bad time.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Jiang Cheng mutters as he sits down next to Lan Xichen. “I didn’t think. I forgot you were going on that work trip.”

“And you were nervous,” Lan Xichen says what Jiang Cheng cannot and Jiang Cheng nods.

“I looked it up, asexuality,” Lan Xichen goes on and Jiang Cheng frowns at him.

“You were on a work trip,” he says, because Lan Xichen is very diligent about his work.

“And I might have been more distracted than normally,” Lan Xichen easily gives back.

“Alright, what’s the verdict?” Jiang Cheng flippantly asks. “Too much of a bleak prospect for you, never sleeping with me?”

Jiang Cheng tries to keep his voice even, but his heart is hammering in his chest. His partners in the past have stated very clearly that, if they don’t get to sleep with Jiang Cheng at one point, there is nothing holding them by his side. Apparently, his personality can only be tolerated by the promise of sex.

“Not at all,” Lan Xichen gently gives back and raises their still intertwined hands to kiss the back of Jiang Cheng’s. “But I do have a few more questions.”

“What do you mean ‘not at all’?” Jiang Cheng says, blinking owlishly at Lan Xichen because it cannot be true what he is saying.

“Wanyin, sex is not what defines a relationship, and I honestly refuse to let it be the one thing that comes between us. I’ve been in love with you for too long to care about that.”

“You’ve been what?” Jiang Cheng dumbfoundedly asks, because things like this don’t happen.

He has been in love with Lan Xichen for years. Not the other way around.

“In love with you,” Lan Xichen patiently gives back. “For years now. I’m sorry I never said it before.”

“That’s okay,” Jiang Cheng whispers, still digesting the fact that Lan Xichen apparently feels the same about him and then he finally relaxes on the couch.

“So it’s not a hard no,” he says, just to be sure and Lan Xichen tugs him into his side which Jiang Cheng allows.

“It’s not even a soft no,” Lan Xichen reassures him. “But I do have questions, and we should talk about what you’re comfortable with.”

“What about what you are comfortable with?”

“I have you by my side. I am very comfortable,” Lan Xichen gives back without hesitation and Jiang Cheng turns his head into his chest to hide the flush that’s spreading out on his face.

He cannot believe that he gets to have this.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Lan Xichen reassures him, a hand at the base of his neck as he presses a kiss to the top of his head.

“Good,” Jiang Cheng mutters into his shirt. “Because I’m in love with you, too, and I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

“Well, that sounds like a good, solid basis for a relationship,” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng melts against him completely.

“It does,” he agrees and then they fall into a comfortable silence.

There will be questions, and Jiang Cheng might even be ready for them later, but right now, nothing tops this.

And nothing ever will.

[Five senses sentence starters]

#bt writes #xicheng #the untamed #mdzs #ace!jc #getting together #kind of #hurt/comfort #anon #Anonymous

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qtakesams · 3 years

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When Life Goes On, Go with It

Two years ago this month, I moved to Edgewater, Maryland, to complete a summer internship with the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center. SERC, as we call it, is a branch of the Smithsonian Institution that specializes in climate, coastal, terrestrial, and various other types of sciences. Their campus is an hour east of Washington, D.C. They own hundreds of acres of land, on which they house their laboratories and fields.

It was just after my sophomore year of college ended. As with many underclassmen years, mine was turbulent. I endured a drastic shift in my social circle which had, even if temporarily, left me feeling stranded on a campus I was still learning about. I’d had a rough spring semester, finding a lack of motivation to complete any assignment.

Most undergrads face that year: the one where nothing feels right, and each path feels like a dead-end. I had applied for a SERC internship on a bit of a whim. Entering college, I’d seen myself as a fiction writer and editor, planning to end up in a corporate publishing house. Sophomore had shown me I desired other things, and I applied for SERC’s science writing internship completely unsure if I’d actually like the work. What if I didn’t? What if it felt worse than the previous semester? What would I do if I couldn’t bounce back?

All of this, I decided, would be worth the risk. When I got an email from the internship’s advisor in March, offering me the position, I accepted it. The rest, as some might say, is history.

SERC is a hard place to find until you’ve visited a few times. The brown sign is easily skipped by the eyes. Coming from the west, you approach SERC on the left side of the road. Immediately, you forget that you’re technically in the suburbs, less than thirty miles from the epicenter of political heat in America. After a few turns, you arrive at the gate. When SERC is publicly open, you drive on through. When you’re an intern coming back from the bar at night, you have to swipe your ID card. You drive a few more turns, watching closely for deer, before that final right turn that drops you into the parking lot of the intern dorms and the labs.

I fell in love with SERC within days of my arrival. There were the intimidating factors of the place: fellow interns at Ivy Leagues and respected colleges, scientific labs into which the government itself funded millions, no meal plan, and the stick shift vehicle I would drive all summer. I was terrified when my mom drove away. I explored the floor of my building, admiring the kitchen, perusing the book selection. By eleven, I was in bed. I was tried from traveling, but more so, I didn’t know what to do. I’d briefly interacted with the other intern already on my floor, but I didn’t know him well enough to go say hi. There were four interns moved in below my floor, but I hadn’t seen any of them yet. I suddenly seemed wildly out of my element, though I had felt comfortable at SERC the moment I drove through the gate.

Of course, I grew happier at SERC. The happiest I’d been in years. Within weeks, I made strong friends, adjusted to my job, and began to close my GPS when driving to the store.

My work felt good. The articles I wrote and the media I created reached thousands of people, many of which gave positive comments. My words were reaching people, and the people were responding.

I was raised by a scientist, but more importantly, by well-educated, empathetic people. Loving my planet was part of the gig when I was growing up. In high school, I began to see where my privilege in this education existed. My friends at school didn’t seem to care about the things I’d be taught to care about. Water consumption, electricity, knowing the landscape on which your house is built. I knew important moments in history, and how they affected me. I had early knowledge of politics, to the point where I knew who George Bush was before his presidency ended (when I was 10). Ignorance and empathy tend to go hand-in-hand, mostly because ignorance leads to apathy. We’ve seen this cause-and-effect equation hold catastrophic, deadly consequences in 2020.

When I arrived at SERC, it didn’t slip by me that I suddenly had access to information that most people only dream about. Many of us are ignorant (I remain ignorant to 99.9% of what happens on this Earth) by circumstance, not by choice. Accessibility is one of our biggest problems of a global society attempting to function in a digital, climate change-riddled world. Sixty percent of the globe now has Internet access, but that leaves 3.08 billion people without the knowledge they need to protect themselves from the setbacks of climate change. Most of those people, as it would turn out, are terribly affected most by war, poverty, hunger, climate, social injustice, etc. These things intertwine and cause one another. Not always, but often.

My position at SERC gifted me access to science occurring in real-time. When the Pandemic would hit a year later, it would be surprising but not shocking. On a planet where politics and science are brothers, and the population is soaring too high to properly maintain, containing a spreadable virus is like trying to hold a cup of water in your bare hands. Sooner or later, it’s going to slip between the cracks and go everywhere. If it slips far enough, you’ll never find a towel strong enough to collect it all.

In March of 2020, when I moved home to isolate, I knew the rest of college was trashed. Not my degree, necessarily, but the experience of college. I would lose that experience in its normalcy, and therefore the skills which develop from that normalcy.

I did soon realize, however, that we are not always fortunate enough to do something about mass-casualties or problems. There’s not always an answer, straightforward or not. When there is one, you should grab it with both hands.

That summer of 2020, I decided I wanted to pursue a master’s degree after college. Higher education is not unknown in my family; we boast high degrees from prestigious universities. I am the opposite of a First-Generation student (one of my great-grandparents also had a master’s degree). Graduate school had already been on my mind when I started college, but I didn’t know what for. An MFA in fiction had felt the most logical to my teenage self in 2017, but by 2018, that felt out the window. What I had realized by the summer of 2020 was that, in the midst of the chaos and absurdity, was that I could in fact do something about what was going on. I can’t solve climate change, or house the homeless, or save every polar bear, or even eradicate a virus, but I can help in my own way. On some level, I can do something about the many crises. This, in itself, is “doing something”.

Science writing is a polarizing subject, of this I have been aware my entire life. Unfortunately, we’ve made science political, though politics are generally opinion (with strong empathy) and science is fact. It’s a tough, competitive field, but so is everything else. If you want to “make it” in this world, you have to willingly shed blood, tears, and probably sweat profusely. As I watched the COVID cases skyrocket simultaneously to the people I knew who cared not to stay home, I could tell something was off. People weren’t listening. If they were, it was usually to the ignorant voices on television.

I could feel my cheeks burning as I watched the Johns Hopkins map. It seemed cruel that we, as a society, could do that to ourselves. That we could allow this virus to spread and kill, but also that we had put ourselves in this position. I had already been envisioning myself as a science writer every day since my time at SERC had begun. Finally reckoning with the knowledge that not everybody is a scientist, nor cares to be one, was the icing on the cake. I couldn’t fix it all, but I could offer my help. So, I would.

When I began this blog two years ago, it was solely for abroad purposes. It was a fabulous way to let anybody who cared know what I was experiencing and how I was handling those experiences. Studying abroad, no matter how or where or how long, is difficult. Studying in general, for any length of time on any subject, is mindboggling tedious. I give kudos to my friends and family who have any advanced, foreign, or nontraditional education.

What I discovered after I began writing blog posts and sharing my thoughts is that there’s always more to the story than the words on the page. That’s why I’ve added to this blog in the year and a half since my abroad semester ended; there is always more to tell.

In a few weeks, I begin my master’s degree at Northwestern University in Chicago. My degree is in journalism, with a specialization in Science and Health reporting. I’m nervous to my core, as I am with any new adventure. I just graduated college last weekend, so my emotions are running wild. Yet, I have a feeling I’m about to finally be where I’ve wanted to be for years. I love words. I love messing with them, shaping them, using them to fit whatever project I want. I also love science. I love knowing what is happening around me, and why and how it is. Combining them already feels like a dream come true, so I’m sure the next year will feel magical.

The classes of 2020 and 2021 are probably the most resilient in history. A Pandemic, racial and social injustice, wildfires, remote learning, wifi issues. We’ve seen it all, and it’s made us stronger every day.

I think I’ve worn this blog out for this phase of life. My thoughts on what I’ve talked about here are valid and important, but they don’t exist alone. For somebody who’s pretty much been writing since she could hold a pencil, I hate journaling. I’ve tried so many times, and never succeeded, with the exception of this blog. That said, it gave me an incredibly strong, consistent manner of getting my thoughts on the page, for which I am endlessly grateful. If you’ve kept reading my thoughts and words, you should know I’m endlessly grateful for you, too.

All of this is saying that, whether you’re ready or not, life keeps going. Life can be cruel, it can be challenging, it can be beautiful. No matter what, it keeps going. As my friend Ferris once said, if you don’t stop and look around from time to time, you could miss it. So much changed so drastically in the last year. I’m still processing it. I might always be processing it. Most importantly, I think, is that I’ve learned to flow with it wherever it goes. It’s harder sometimes than other, but the result is usually worth the grind.

You might read my stuff in the Times once day, or (my personal favorite dream) National Geographic. I don’t know honestly know where I’m going, but I’m okay with that because I do know that I’m on my way. I’m still going. When life continues, you should go, too. You never quite know where the climb will lead, but you do know that the view will be great.

#study abroad #science writing #thoughts #media #graduate school #graduate student #class of 2021

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thenightgazer · 4 years

Text

The Finding of Almagest

The elder son of Sparda wants to seek solitude inside a small local library. He finds himself trapped in an insightful conversation with the librarian as they share the stories of the stars.

(A/N) : My first DMC fanfiction! Took me long enough to finally made it. English isn’t my native language, so feel free to send me private message if you find grammatical errors! Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy the journey of our favourite brooding devil and his friendship with a local librarian! xD

Special tags : @queenmuzz for encouraging me to finish this fic❤ @voldemortimaginarynose96 for her nonstop support 🍫 and @drusoona for bombing me with Vergil screenshots! 💜

You can read this fic on my AO3

–

“The meeting of two personalties is like the contact of two chemical substances, if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

-Carl Gustav Jung

For a second in eternity, Vergil could finally rest his head between the familiar smell of stack of old books.

He just finished his latest mission; a pack of Empusas attacked a local church and brutally murdered the reverend and most of the nuns.

When Dante received the call, he casually laughed and said, ‘That sounds like a wicked slasher horror movie!’. Nonetheless, the owner of Devil May Cry still sent Vergil to do the mundane mission, much to his annoyance. The church paid him and that’s good enough. Vergil never really agreed about demon hunting business since the brothers came back from Underworld, mainly because his brother’s incapability of running the business neatly but that’s the only best thing they could do to make a living— a normal one.

Normal life, huh?

The words already lost its meaning since he was attacked in the graveyard when he was eight years old.

But now he has a second chance— a family to reunite. For that reason, Vergil decided to throw away his pride and stubbornness to make things right. In order to do that, first, no more raising or opening something leading to Hell for the sake of power.

Second, catching up his long-lost time to bond with his son, Nero.

For the love of Sparda, the hybrid demon tries his best to be a proper, competent father of a twenty-something grown man with anger and abandonment issues, which is challenging as much as it’s…. unbelievably exhausting. Not that he hated their bonding moments. It just sometimes confuses Vergil, this humanity contexts. He still has a lot to learn and catch up.

Third, try his best to make a normal life.

Which is one of the reasons why he ended up in this small, rustic local library in the town.

If anything about living as a human that could make Vergil at least enjoy his humanity, that would be a book to read. He is still and always an avid reader, even though there are not much books in the Underworld or Mundus curse was powerful enough to made him senseless about anything but The Prince of Darkness orders.

Before the memories of his time as Nelo Angelo stings his head again, he chooses to focus on his reading.

There is one larger library in the town, but this library suits him best. It doesn’t have too many visitors, much to Vergil’s benefit because he appreciates seclusion. He likes this place particularly because the library has rare collections. Perhaps this place is like a heaven on Earth for Vergil, now as he reads a rare edition of Paradise Lost.

His mother was the one who introduced him to literature, but Vergil’s love for reading bloomed since he meet the Redgrave City librarian— the same man who gave him William Blake’s anthology, which is now Nero’s possession.

A subtle smirk curves in Vergil lips, remembering how angry and nervous his son when Vergil came back from Hell and Nero wanted to return the book. But Vergil declined, said that it belongs to Nero now and to take care of it with honour. Instead of thanking his father, the boy challenged him for another duel.

You said you won’t lose next time, old man, Nero had said to him.

And of course, that time, Vergil won. Which lead to another demand of challenges from his wayward son.

“Cuppa?”

The sound of a woman distracted Vergil.

Another best feature from this library; they serve free-refill coffee. The best coffee Vergil ever tasted since his return from Hell. The fact that the library doesn’t often have visitors might be the reason why they willingly serve free drinks to attract more visitors.

“Thank you,” Vergil said as the woman refills Vergil’s cup.

“You’re welcome,” the woman replies in polite smile.

She always has that kind of smile. Vergil noticed it since his first visit. Always speaks in a-matter-of-fact tone with pleasant but business-only smile. She almost never speak unless necessary.

Dante had brought him fake ID and licenses from Morrison. Vergil isn’t obnoxious enough to not aware about human ways of bureucracy. His time as V taught him a little too much about it. It just hard for him to believe that Dante made him an obviously fake driving license while he possessed the Yamato, which is more convenient than any vehicles.

“At least,” Dante mocked. “It’s way better than your previous not-so-clever alias.”

Which resulted in another jabbing and broken properties.

What a way to show brotherly love.

Luckily, the younger twin was considerate enough to keep Vergil’s original name at those ID cards, even though it irritates Vergil because the main trouble of having an ID is that your identity would easily revealed. Vergil doesn’t need anyone knows that he’s son of Sparda. That legacy always left him more troubles.

So when the librarian lady asked his name to register his library member three months ago, Vergil, much to his dismay, showed her his fake citizen ID.

“Vergil?” she repeated his name.

“Correct.”

She looked at him suspiciously, “Just Vergil?”

“Yes.” He sensed that the librarian didn’t believe him. He would’ve just go and never return if she declined him, but she just shrugged and wrote his name in her notebook.

“Please wait for a moment,” she smiled while walking to back office.

Three minutes later she brought him his library ID card.

“Two weeks for returning the books. No more than three books to borrow for a week. Rare collections are for read here only. We sell secondhand books too— right there before the reading corners,” she pointed to the bookshelves which has ‘FOR SALE’ sign. “Please contact me if you need some help for searching books or recommendation.”

She handed him his ID card which Vergil accepted.

“Happy reading, Mr Publius Vergilius Maro.”

Not that old joke again, he lamented his parent’s choice of name. How dare this woman-!

“Pardon my rudeness,” she apologized in furtive manner. “The name was just the first thing popped into my head when I heard your name. I mean no offense at all, sir.”

Vergil thought probably she was just one of those people who wants to make some meaningless conversation. Or she was just always like that to new customer to break the ice. But in truth, he was intrigued by her audacity to tell him a joke. He, Vergil, whose entire demeanour screams stay back or die. Moreover, she still able to stayed calm and gave him apologizing smile. But her nervous fingers spoke different meaning, like it begged him to end her misery of being intimidated by his infamous deadly glare.

“None had taken,” he finally said, remembered to show some politeness. A devil he might be, but he’s a man with courtesy. “Thank you for your assistance, Librarian.”

She nodded politely and gave him final apologizing smile before she returned to her work and Vergil walked to his reading corner.

The two has never really spoken since then. Just her offer of a cup of coffee and him thanking her. He sometimes observes her talking with another customers, giving some book recommendations to them, and he think her choices of book are quite impressive. It took him almost three months to realized that this woman is unbelievably brilliant. Her love of books is tangible, as shown when she cleans the bookshelves, organizing books, the way she hands a book to a customer and her anger when her co-worker unintentionally scratched the book.

Somehow it reminded him with the Redgrave librarian. The man who taught him to cherish the splendor of the books.

He turns his attention to a passage from Paradise Lost :

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven…

Such a truth spoken by Satan.

The deeper Vergil digs inside his head, the more he doesn’t want to know what happened in the depth of his memories. His familiars might had gone, but it doesn’t mean he is unbothered with his own dark side of his mind. Ever since his first slumber in Devil May Cry after his arrival from the Underworld, he only slept for no more than a half an hour. His sleep was dreamless, followed with the instinct to stay awake like he used to be in the Underworld. He ended up restless for the rest of the night. Sometimes he would read Dante’s little collection of books, anything which doesn’t include inappropriate contents. He just want to distract his unsettling memories, mostly about his regrets and unanswered questions from the past.

He didn’t know where was that librarian after demons attacked Sparda Manor. Had he survived? He wouldn’t know for sure. He didn’t have time to think about it that time. He needed to save his mother and brother, but instead he was left—

Stop, he urges himself. Mother tried to save me too.

Vergil doesn’t even realized he gripped his book a bit too hard.

Maybe I need something lighter to read.

He close the book and stand up to return the book to its shelf. He never moved too far from his favourite reading corner for an introverted man like him; the farthest corner between rare collection bookshelves. Here he could read in peace, musing without any interferences except the librarian’s offer of coffee, which he eventually get used to.

“Hello again, Mr Vergil,”

There she is, standing on the ladder and organizing books. She barely sees Vergil’s figure, but it’s easy for her to recognize the presence of the only rare collection’s visitor, who is none other than Vergil himself. She knows other visitors would leave this corner immediately because of Vergil’s intimidating demeanor. None of them would stay to read or just searching for book.

Vergil returns the book to its place. His icy eyes sneakily lingers to the figure of the librarian. She looks busy storing the books, humming a song which Vergil doesn’t recognize.

“Done with Milton already?” she asks.

How did she know?

“You looked rather enjoy it before I offered you to refill your cup,” she continues. “It makes me feel guilty, as if my presence ruined your mood.”

“It has nothing to do with you,” Vergil turns his sight to another row of bookshelf. And more importantly, why doesn’t she just shut her mouth?

She finishes her organizing and starts to climb down from the stair. Vergil could not help but admiring the way she seems pleased with her job. She cleans her hand with a napkin, folding it and put it back inside the pocket of her brown midi skirt. She suddenly turns her attention to Vergil, who is quickly pulling away his gaze, pretending to be busy searching for book.

“May I give you some recommendations?” she offers with careful and awkward gesture, like she’s afraid she would disturb the menacing man in front of her.

Despite his annoyance of her presence, he remembers her passion of books. He noted her excellent choices of book. She seems reliable enough. Maybe she really could help.

“At the current given moment, I prefer to read something lighter, but enough to give me an insight.” Vergil answers dismissively. “Not necessarily fiction, actually.”

A little challenge to show your competency.

The librarian goes silent for a moment. Her eyes wander to the bookshelves. There, Vergil silently notice, that the librarian always has that kind of eyes; a pair of beautiful brown eyes, but a blank, void stare.

The truth? Her eyes slightly bothers him. Every humans, even demons, always has something to tell from their eyes. But the ones that librarian possess doesn’t tell him even a thing.

“Right!” she exclaims, pointing at a book in the row next to Vergil. “How much do you know about astronomy?”

“Beg your pardon?” The hybrid couldn’t believe what he just heard as he turns around to face the librarian.

“Astronomy. A branch of science that studies celestial—“

“I am fully aware of what astronomy is,” Vergil declares. “All of those books, why do you choose astronomy?”

“Because,” she takes the book she pointed before. “You seem to enjoy ancient texts. Your top borrowed books were all classics. You see, we don’t have many visitors and it’s noticeable that you’re the only person who consistently lingers at this section. It’s not hard to tell that you fancy this section the most. I thought classics and ancient knowledges would suit you the best. Therefore…” she shows him the book she recommended. “You might like Almagest.”

Almagest. Vergil remembers the copy of that book in Sparda’s private room in the Manor. He didn’t really paid attention to that book, although he did actually pick up that book and observe it delinquently rather than taking it seriously. He was still a child after all. He didn’t even think about reading it until now.

He receives the hardcover book from the librarian’s hands and observes the book. His fingers flip the pages carefully.

“Almagest is one of the most influential text all the time. The very source of ancient Greek astronomy that was accepted for more than 1000 years and becomes one of the basis of modern astronomy. Unfortunately, we don’t have the original version of Almagest… but the one you read now contains both the original and translated texts. You won’t find any difficulty to read it, just in case you’re not familiar with ancient Greek. The book also contains star catalog. Ptolemy’s catalog contains about 1022 stars, including the stars positions arranged into 48 constellations. The Ptolemaic constellation… as we know it in the present. Andromeda, Ursa Major, Sagittarius…” the librarian explains while observing Vergil’s behaviour cautiously, looking for some approving signal from the hybrid. “A rather quite insightful reading, don’t you think?”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Vergil sternly states. His eyes still fixates to the book, studying the graphs and tables, admiring the beauty of ancient Greek text and the planetary model. “Although, indeed, quite like a page-turner for stargazer.“

“I believe that astronomy is more than mere stargazing,” the librarian continues. Her tone is almost enthusiastic. “It is concerned with the formation and development of the universe itself. The universe always expanding, getting further from us while we are still standing here, wondering what happened outside the Earth…”

Vergil glances at her. The librarian’s eyes scanning through the books, but she seems out of the place. Caught in her own muse. The fusion of the magnificence of bookshelves and the librarian’s state of wonder somehow makes her look ethereal.

She looked pale, mysterious—like a lily, drowned, under water.

“There is Demon World,” Vergil sighs, closing the book in satisfied gesture. “The one human still trying to figure out in which system this world could be.”

“Oh, I wonder that too!” she quickly agrees. “They published a lot of researches about that. None of them actually make sense, more like a pseudo-science—Oh, pardon my twaddles! Are you going to borrow that book or should I recommend another one?”

Vergil shake his head, “This will do. Thank you for your recommendation.”

The librarian sighs in relief, “Anytime, Mr Vergil. I shall continue my work then.”

There it is again. The blank stare. The unsettling mix of pretty smile and void eyes. Something is off, but what? What does it means? She is nothing but a mere human. Why am I troubled for something nonsensical like the voidness of her eyes?

Yet he knows that if she turns her back and leaving him, he would never get his answer.

“On second thought, Librarian.”

The librarian tilts her head, “You changed your mind already?”

“On the contrary. I need some enlightment about Almagest and your knowledges regarding astronomy,” Such a buffoon, Vergil Sparda. “I believe your help will suffice.”

The librarian seems pleased with Vergil’s request. She nods in excitement, happy that someone needs her help and ideas, “Certainly.”

She excuses herself to get more coffee for both of them whilst Vergil returns to his usual desk and rest his head, processing to clear his brain from any irrelevant informations when suddenly a glimpse of his experience as V comes up.

This life’s dim windows of the soul

Distorts the heavens from pole to pole

And leads you to believe a lie

When you see with, not through, the eye.

There was a time when he, as V, memorized that poem at the center of Redgrave City. He was exterminating demons along with his familiars. He did his best to save any last survivors as much as he can. Between his own survival agenda and his unnatural obsession to defeat Dante, he truly realized the tremendous gravity of crime he did all this time for his pursuit of power. All he wanted that time was just a chance of redemption. He saved the humans compulsively, again and again. Like he would never get atonement at all.

That was the time he learnt that every humans and demons has stories in their eyes. Whether it’s hunger, glutton, joy, fear, sadness, painful memories. It was all reflected in the eyes. Their desires were always transparent like an open book. Even his mother once said that eyes are the window of the soul. Vergil used this wisdom to analyze his enemies. To find out their true intention. But at that time, as V, he used the knowledge to understand humanity and self-introspection. To accept his own emotions and weaknesses.

It all make sense now why the librarian’s existence intrigues Vergil.

It’s her eyes, Vergil contemplates. Ones that didn't tell me its stories.

He quickly lifts his head when he hears the little steps of the librarian approaching him.

“I am sorry to keep you waiting,” she apologizes while placing a tray of pot of coffee and a book on the desk, careful not to place it too close to the Almagest. She fills their cups calmly, enjoying the coffee’s delightful smell. Though Vergil noticed her awkwardness for being around him.

It’s clear that the librarian feels a degree of burden from accepting the challenge from this mysterious, brooding tall man who visits the library almost every week. She’s aware of how intelligent this man could be. How he would challenge her intellect and make her arguments invalid. Even his name is enough to convince her that the man in front of her will be her most peculiar customer to handle.

However, their discussion regarding Almagest is running smoothly. Though not an expert of astronomy herself, she’s capable of explaining Vergil’s questions regarding the Almagest and astronomical trivias. Her eyes might not tell him anything, but he can sense her true passion in astronomy. She doesn’t speak unless Vergil ask her something he’s not quite understand. He notices the librarian silently reads The Fall of the House of Usher. She shows no difficulty switching her reading and tag along with their discussion.

“I am sure not an expert of Almagest, but I hope I can still give you some enlightment,” says the librarian before she sips her coffee.

“You already are,” Vergil admits. He scans Ptolemy’s equant model and memorizing the librarian’s explanation. From all chapters of the book, he found the star catalogue to be the most interesting part.

Young Vergil was astonished with the stars. Back to his childhood at Sparda Manor, when the night falls, the twins used to sneak out from their bedroom and climb the roof to stargazing. They were too young to truly acknowledged the beauty of the night sky, but Vergil enjoyed that moment. It was hard to find the right time to get along with Dante and made him sit still without bugging him any further. Dante would occasionally pointed on something in the sky, pretending he saw a meteor. Vergil would replied with sarcastic remarks as always, saying that he acts foolish or something. Then it would lead to another brotherly fight.

“The star catalogue is certainly the most enticing part of the book,” Vergil mutters, sipping his coffee as he inspects Ptolemy’s star chart.

“Indeed. The star map is ancestral to the modern system of constellations. Now there is another 40 officially recorgnized constellations and two trillions galaxies.”

The librarian adds new informations for Vergil, including the brightest stars of the constellations and best months to find it. He returns the favour by telling her more details about Greek mythology, which is inseparable with Ptolemy’s star mapping.

“It seems to me that ancient Greek gods has a fancy preference to placed their fallen heroes in the sky, if not, curse them into something ridiculous,” the librarian contemplates.

“Not all heroes,” Vergil refutes. “Cassiopeia mocked the Gods by boasting her daughter being more beautiful than all the Nereids. She was chained in her own throne as her punishment. Then Poseidon condemned her to circle the celestial pole forever.”

“More like a good example of what being a narcissistic could do rather than a tribute for her.” She mumbles. “It’s interesting to note that both Cassiopeia constellation and narcissistics have a similar trait.”

“Which is?”

“They are all easily spotted and visible all around the year.”

Vergil tries so hard not to burst in laugh. “Are there any constellations visible all the year aside from Cassiopeia?”

“There are Draco, Cepheus, Ursa Major and… Ursa Minor. There,” She points the picture of four constellations. “Together with Cassiopeia, they are circumpolar constellations of northern sky. These constellations circling Polaris, the brightest star of Ursa Minor. Commonly known as The North Pole Star. The big bear Ursa Major is the largest northern constellation. It also contains the most prominent asterism in the night sky, oftenly confused for the constellation itself. Cassiopeia is always easily recognized for its clear W shape, like she was being chained on her throne as you mentioned it earlier. While her husband and worst father ever to sacrificed his daughter to sea monster, Cepheus, is not widely known in spite of its size. Cepheus and Draco are two of the largest constellations in the sky but their stars are not as prominent as Ursa Major.”

“And these constellations remain invisible from southern locations?”

“Sadly, yes. But the south has its circumpolar constellations too. There are Centaurus, Carina, and Crux. You won’t find Carina and Crux in the Almagest. It was Argo Navis before French astronomer de Lacaille divided it into the three smaller constellations; Carina, Puppis, and Vela. As for the Crux, it was originally considered to be a part of the Centaurus before 1679, and the smallest of 88 constellations, if I’m not mistaken…”

“If you are not mistaken.” Vergil emphasises sarcastically.

“Which means I am certain that I mentioned it right.” she evades.

The librarian tries her best to not let her laughter comes out when she notices Vergil’s permanent frown gets more crumpled.

The librarian seems to enjoy driving the half-devil to the edge with her dry wit. She finds it funny to see Vergil grunts in annoyance, or his slightly amused grin whenever she said something peculiar. Maybe because the man in front of her right now is always covered by mysterious cloud. That his face is always solemn, imperceptible. He looks sullen, like he never laughed for his entire life. He really needs a bloody lot of kips, she thinks, taking note to Vergil’s darkened eyebags as she compares with her own eyebags, which she thought were quite dark already.

She was going to continue her explanation regarding the southern circumpolar constellations before an unexpected thought spills out from her mouth, “You are haunted, Mr Vergil.”

The atmospheres shifts abruptly. The hybrid’s shoulders stiffens as he glares to the librarian as a warning to not cross the line. His frightening stare sent chills down to the librarian’s spine that she almost choked on her own coffee.

“What’s with the sudden impudent commentary of yours, Librarian?” Vergil doesn’t try to hide his vexation.

“Uh… well…” the librarian chuckled nervously as she hides her face behind her novel, shielding herself from Vergil’s intimidating glare. “You always look like you are either staring to nothing or focus on your book. There is no in-between.”

“You’d be disappointed to know the fact that a lot of people do that. Every time.”

“True,” she agrees. “But you are different. You have the eyes of a man who still try to adjust the new world. Most of people are haunted by the past… but you are haunted by the present.”

She shut her mouth almost immediately, realizing Vergil does nothing but giving her threatening look to stop analyzing him. It was her only detriment; to be innocently curious about everything, silently observing and analyzing things. Most of her ideas are boxed inside her head. She never said it out loud. But this time she couldn’t help but spilling her thoughts. That she finds Vergil interesting.

“I will forgive your impertinence,” the blue demon closes the book and shifts his position to relax his previously tensed shoulders. “Only if you explain why do you think I’m haunted by the present.”

“Well,” she grins and bluntly explains, “There are two kinds of people who willingly to spend the rest of the day staying here; a keen of literature or a misanthrope. I dare say you are both, but I think you are here because you are overwhelmed with the outside world. You are adjusting something you had never experienced before. That adjustment, whatever it is, haunts you. It confuses you, what happens now and how you would react about it. Like the moment when you were unfamiliar with our registrative custom, which was odd because you looked like it was your first time registering something. Honestly? I thought you were making up your name. You looked terribly confused back then, as if you didn’t recognize your own name. You seems… detached from reality.”

I must not let my guard down anymore, Vergil makes a mental note as he feels defeated, even though he won’t admit that everything she said was the truth.

“Pause,” The librarian let out a gasp as she notices Vergil’s inconvenience, “Is it really okay if I continue? I don’t like being psychoanalyzed and I’m completely understand if you want me to stop.”

“You are too late for that. You already talk a little too much.”

“But you said you will forgive me only if I keep talking!”

“If you explain your impertinence.. not chattering like a mockingbird.”

“That’s harsh! Besides, how could I explain if I am not allowed to keep talking?”

I’m done playing words with this woman, Vergil slowly growls in frustration. He never thought that having conversation with a human could be this infuriating. “Then let’s settle the matter. Tell me your thoughts and be done with it.”

“Fair enough,” she seems satisfied, enjoying Vergil’s defeat and curiousity. “For the record, you are the one who asked me to talk. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Where was I…? Oh, yes, detached from reality. You speak about humans differently. You treated your surroundings like a bystander. Like you distinguish yourself from reality. It make sense, actually. To understand something, we must separate ourselves from it.”

“I get your point.”

The librarian looks puzzled, “Did you?”

“Of course.”

“Was that mean I was right about you?”

“Even if you are right, I won’t bother to tell you.”

“No… it just…” she taps her fingers slowly. “It’s hard for me to express my point of view, particularly to strangers. Moreover, to make them understand.”

“You’ve done well to the customers.”

“That was different. It’s for business.” She waves her hand nonchalantly. “My point is, maybe this library is the right place for you to adjust yourself. I don’t have any slightest ideas of what you’ve been through, but you deserve to find your peace. Other customers will find you too scary that they will leave this section as fast as they can—I mean, look at yourself! But what I see is just… a man who wants a little solitude from this noisy world. And I believe everyone deserves their own place in the sky… like the stars. No matter how insignificant they feel about themselves.”

The elder son of Sparda found himself stunned by her words. He never thought a human could possess the ability to see people in such illuminating way. She doesn’t flatter nor mock him, just simply stated her intuitive opinions about him. She but a stranger, seeing right through his psyche. The same odd woman who is now obliviously reading her novel like she had already forgotten of what she said earlier.

“You saw a lot, Librarian. That’s an exceptional gift.”

“Compulsive observation isn’t counted as exceptional gift. More like a curse, but thank you. Of course I could be wrong. Maybe you are just another introvert bloke who’s happened to passed by and read something here. Who knows?”

They now surrounded by a soothing silence. Both of them are preoccupied with their own thoughts. Vergil contemplates the librarian’s words about his adjustment with the present. He never really paid attention about that, but it turns out to be the very reason why he still fear any kind of human contacts. He lost so many years that he almost forgot how it is to be alive.

When he saw Dante and Nero for the first after he re-emerged, he couldn’t believe that everything around him was real. That everything was not a mere illusion anymore. He spent mindless and controlled under Mundus’s cruel illusion for years that the line between the real and the fake were blurring. He was blind and chained. Far too long that his soul was decayed.

And to think he still has a chance to make things right… to be truly alive in the present…

Yet there is still one thing that holds him back. There is a part of him which screaming in agony, searching for validity of his confusing emotions. A part which he hides it deep in his mind palace. The one he refuses to share. For he is afraid that he won’t get any enlightment. That he could be the old Vergil who was obsessed with power. The part that granted him moral codes and compassion.

His doubt on his humanity.

“I used to hate humans,” Vergil finally confesses. “I used to think that they are all weak and useless, and I loathed myself for being a part of human.”

The librarian gives him a curious look, her lips curves into a playful smile, “You stop hating them now? Why, you are right about them anyway.”

The hybrid cannot hold his surprise. The lady in front of him… a mortal human, confirmed Vergil’s confession with ease. As if she herself isn’t human. But that can’t be true, you are a human, right? Vergil tries so hard to not bluntly asking something obvious which could make him look like an imbecile. She doesn’t seem surprised at all by Vergil’s unusual confession.

“It might sounds strange, for I myself a human. But you are right about humans. I could understand why you hated them. Easily corrupted and manipulated, they destroy themselves for something meaningless. But humans are truly fascinating being.”

“Fascinating being…” Vergil murmurs dismissively.

“I think you know it as well as me,” she peeks over her book to meet Vergil’s intimidating, yet calming gaze. “They stand on the grey zone. They are unpredictable, complex being. While most demons only want power and human flesh to consume, humans only desire self-actualization. To be a better version of themselves. That could lead them in many ways. To do things differently. Isn’t that interesting, to think that all the humans in this world are never really the exact same individual? Humans are unique, Mr Vergil. Each of them. Their ability to endure is transcendent.”

“Humans are selfish being.” Vergil objects. “Their desire of self-actualization is misleading. Some humans want to be demon so much that they become something worse than the demon itself.” Including my former self. “They crave for something more. Their greed is boundless.”

“Indeed,” she admits. “I won’t defend that fact. Humans are biologically and inherently selfish. The same goes with human emotions. Though oftenly fallacious, it’s important for human survival…”

“Sounds like a creature of flaw.”

“No one’s perfect, Mr Vergil. Everyone’s flawed. “ the librarian took notice of skepticism in Vergil’s statement. “Yet you stop hating humanity.”

“I try to embrace the fact that I’m part of humanity.”

“Why?”

“… because I have a family to protect.”

“There,” she gives him understanding wink. “Unlike demons, humans have connection to each other called compassion. Their instinct to protect their beloved ones. Their need of security and sense of belonging. Without all of it, humans would ended up just like beasts. That’s what distiguished us from demons. But not all demons. They said Dark Knight Sparda fought for humanity and became a human as well. It seems to me that every humans and demons have choice to be the better or the worst version of theirselves… to be a demon, to be a human… to conquer or to protect.”

“Without strength, you cannot protect anything,” Vergil adds, more like talking to himself.

“Fine word, Mr Vergil.”

“That’s what happens when you’re responsible for lives other than your own.”

“Which means you are not fighting alone. You have someone to protect you.”

You’re gonna need some help… and someone to keep an eye on you, Dante’s voice echoed inside Vergil's head. Had Vergil dismissed him, he would ended up alone again in the Underworld. The fact that Dante was willingly throw himself to join Vergil made him feel secure. That he’s protected.

Why did it take him so long to realise that he was always saved by humanity?

“Ah… that remind me of something…” The librarian seems out of place again. Her unusual pale face is suddenly turns deadpan. But that statement just left hanging in the air as the librarian went back from her reverie. Leaving a trace of voidness in her eyes.

“Your eyes, librarian,” Vergil addresses after he saw the voidness again. “Those eyes spoke nothing.”

“Pardon?”

“I’ve seen thousands stories behind every eyes.” The hybrid knocks his fingers on the Almagest as he feels the urge to tell her the truth. That he was enchanted (or bothered?) by her unsettling eyes. “But yours telling me nothing.”

“Oh… well, what am I supposed to do with that information?” she closes her book abruptly, startled by the statement. “They said eyes are the window of the soul, am I right? Was that mean I have no soul?”

“On the contrary,” Vergil disproves. “You have a wanderer soul. A mind of philosopher.”

She flustered as she breaks her eye contact with Vergil. “Well… thank you?”

“You are welcome.” he says softly. “It just… nevermind. Forget everything I said about your eyes. I must have mistook it for something else.”

He lied, of course. His intuition never betrayed him. There’ll be another time, Vergil thought, realizing it’s futile to contend with the librarian. This was their first real conversation since their encounter three months ago and both of them need some time to open up. He won’t rush it. Not that now he really wanted to at least make an acquaintance with a normal human. Moreover, the one who could keep up with his mind and antics,

The librarian seems uncomfortable with Vergil’s appraisal. It was odd, since she thought Vergil isn’t the kind of person who would’ve easily praise someone. Little does she know that Vergil would only compliments people who’s worth his time and energy. She avoids Vergil’s inquisitive eyes, tapping her wristwatch, ”I hate to end our discussion, but apparently we’re closed.”

Vergil surveys at the winter sky that soon will turn into dark, velvet blue from the window beside his desk, “Very well then.”

“You may borrow it as long as you want,” the librarian points at the Almagest as she cleans the empty cups.

“Would that be okay for you?” Vergil doubtly glances at the book.

“Just please don’t report me to Mr Steiner,” she chuckles when she mentioned the library’s owner. Vergil remembers an old man and his occasional visits to the library and checking notes at receptionist table. “A kind one, that man, but his wrath was horrendous.”

“Won’t your colleague complain about this?”

“Nate? He’s off duty today. Worry not, he rarely checks Rare Section.” She stands up, about to lift her tray. “Oh, and please take a great care of it. I’d lose all of my wages if you somehow decided to broke it.”

“I won’t,” he reassures. “Although it is not wise to trust a stranger, Librarian.”

“Righty-ho,” she winks mischievously. “Yet I believe this stranger will keep his words.”

“And how would this stranger keep his words if he doesn’t even know the name of the very person who made him promised?”

“Ah… Mr Vergil… I did mentioned my name in our earlier discussion!” she giggles as she grips her tray in excitement. “But yes, I didn’t precisely tell you that it was my name.”

“I don’t like riddles.”

“Ha! Then let’s play a riddle, shall we? It should be easy if you listened carefully to my explanations regarding constellations!”

It is surely futile to contend with this peculiar woman. As much as he dislikes to accept the challenge, he ultimately agreed to prove his competency. He won’t lose to everyone, let alone this scallywag librarian. He folds his hands on the chest as she prepares to give him clues :

“I am visible in the Northern and Southern hemispheres

I am prominent in the summer night sky

I belong to the Hercules family of constellations

My closest neighbour constellation is Cygnus

The meteor shower appears annually in April

I have one of the brightest star in the sky.”

The hybrid goes silent, recalling his recent discussion with the librarian. He remembers the librarian briefly mentioned this constellation— a small constellation, but its brightest star is the fifth brightest star in the sky…

The process of recall also brings him to the second passage of Georgics, which originally was a Greek tale of tragic story between a musician who attempted to retrieving his dead lover from the Underworld. He managed to get through all of the obstacles only by the play of his music instrument and softened the heart of Hades, the ruler of the Underworld.

This pattern of memories immediately leads him to his answer.

“You are heavily associated with the musician Orpheus, who took his own life after his failure to ressurect Eurydice, his beloved wife. Then Zeus placed you, Orpheus’s most cherished instrument, amongst the stars,” Vergil smiles in victory. “The lyre… Lyra.”

Lyra smiles slyly, “Touché, Mr Vergil.”

“Just Vergil is fine.”

“Very well then, Vergil.”

Lyra excuses herself to wash the cups, but Vergil insists to follow her to receptionist table. He waits her to finish the washing and packing her belongings while reading the motions of Venus and Mars from the Almagest. He occasionally asks her something concerning the part he read on and she’ll answer his questions from her office.

“Your choice of word was interesting, Vergil.” Lyra shouts while drying the cups.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You said Orpheus took his own life,” she recites. “But let say God doesn’t exist, then it’s absurd to say that he took his own life. Taking it from who? If his life was truly his…”

The hybrid demon sighs frustratedly, “It’s a figure of speech. Do you always take things too literally?”

“Blimey, Vergil. I was just joking!” the librarian appears in the office doorway as she wears her gloves. Her blue oversized sweater is now covered with black babydoll coat. Vergil makes a mental note of her elegant, classy appearance as the two of them heading out of the library. Clearly she is a type of person who prioritize comfort in clothing rather than fashion, but she is nonetheless still an attractive woman.

“Your whimsical sense of humour could drive one to insanity,” he remarks, but there is no offensive tone in his voice. He does enjoy her quirky humour, though he won’t admit it.

“Oh, Vergil…” Lyra smiles mysteriously while locking the entrance door. “You have no idea what insanity is.”

Or maybe I do have the idea.

They continue their conversation until they walk pass the crowd of the street. As the conversation goes on, Vergil mentally noted Lyra’s favourites and her quirks; she has too many favourite books, but she will always re-read The Hound of Baskerville and The Silence of the Lambs. Vergil was never stand too close from her to notice her slight limp on her right leg— too subtle that normal human eyes couldn’t spot it. He wonders how she got that, but he doesn’t ask. Instead he tells her his favourites and that he prefers classics, but he’s open for something new.

“Wait a second.”

Lyra jogs to a patch of blooming snowdrops as they’re passing a playground. She picks the flower, making a small bouquet from it, and quickly returns to Vergil, who’s waiting for her in confusion.

“Galanthus nivalis,” she hands him the bouquet. “They say snowdrop represents a friend in adversity.”

“Also consolation and hope,” Vergil adds. He touches the petals with one of his gloveless finger delicately, as he recalls the language of flowers his mother taught him once. The twins were regularly helped their mother gardening as she told them the story behind every flowers.

Lyra lifts her eyebrows, “Never thought you’d familiar with floriography.”

“As a librarian, I think you know it better than me to not judge a book by its cover.”

“You got a point there," she scans through the snowdrops on Vergil’s firm hand. “My mother once told me, if I find myself lost, pick flowers.”

“That was an exquisite wisdom.”

“It is,” she grins. “That’s why I picked you these snowdrops. You seem lost. You should start picking more flowers.”

“Only if I lose myself,” Vergil pledges. “At the moment, I think I already have my answers. You’ve been very helpful.”

“No worries,“ Lyra continues her walk before she turns her back to Vergil again. “I’ll take my leave here. It was a pleasure to meet you, Vergil.”

The hybrid doesn’t respond. He doesn’t like the idea of her walking all alone in dark alleys. There is a part of him which urging him to escort her until she’s safely arrived at her house. The world is full of danger. It could be anything; demons, thieves, serial killers, even natural disasters. “I could… you know… escort you home.” Vergil almost bite his lips, curse himself for his reckless offer.

Lyra shake her head, although she noticed the visible concern from the man who stand still in front of her. “It’s very kind of you to offer me escortion, but I still have to stop by my friend’s house.”

Her face determines her reluctance to be escorted that Vergil couldn’t find better excuse, “If you say so.”

"Well… normally I would say ‘goodbye’ to strangers because I don’t plan to meet them again. But this time I’ll say ‘auf Wiedersehen’, means ‘until we see each other again’”.

“Bold of you to assume that we will see each other again.”

“As a librarian, I have a duty to remind you that you still have a book to return.”

Vergil couldn’t help but chuckles as he’s amused with her perfect comeback. Her laughter is strong enough to make Vergil reciting a poem that revolved around his head regarding her presence :

“The sun descending in the west

The evening star does shine

The birds are silent in their nest

And I must seek for mine.

The moon, like a flower,

In heaven’s high bower,

With silent delight

Sits and smiles on the night.”

The librarian stands speechless. The pupil of her eyes dilates in awestruck, not aware of the hybrid’s delicacy of making those void eyes now full in adoration.

“That was… splendid.” she blurts. “I’ve heard that somewhere… Shakespeare? Wordsworth? Oh, no no no… hmm… Blake?”

She smiles in victory as Vergil gives her a confirmation nod. She remembered Vergil’s book list, “Your favourite, of course.”

“Do me a favour,” Vergil says seriously. “Be very careful on your way back home. Our world is a savage world.”

“Of course.“ She nods in beam. “Though I assure you, I’m penniless and too troublesome to be kidnapped.”

“I can see that.“

Lyra waves her hand playfully as she takes her leave, “Auf Wiedersehen, Publius Vergilius Maro.”

The blue demon couldn’t help but rolls his eyes.

“Word of advice, Vergil,” she shouts before she disappears into the crowd of the boulevard. “Ad astra per aspera.”

To the stars through difficulties. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Vergil waits until he can’t see Lyra’s figure anymore. He somewhat feel guilty for leaving her defenseless, alone in the street. Yet he trusts his intuition, that she is capable of taking care of herself. It doesn’t stop him to think that he will escort her if she allows him, though. Being around her is just… different. It’s different from what Vergil feels when he’s with Dante and Nero. Definitely not the same way when he’s around Devil May Cry crews. Even this is the different kind of feeling he once had for Nero’s mother, a long time ago.

The blue hybrid looks up to the cloudy night sky.

According to Lyra’s explanation, winter is the best season for stargazing. There are so much observable astronomical events in this season, not to mention the appearance of Winter Triangle and Winter Hexagon, the two major asterism that dominates the winter night sky.

“The Winter Triangle formed by Betelgeuse in Orion, Sirius in Canis Major, and Procyon in Canis Minor,” Vergil recalled Lyra’s voice when they discussed asterism. “While the Winter Hexagon are much more complicated. There are Rigel in Orion, Aldebaran in Taurus, Castor and Pollux in Gemini, Capella in Auriga, and the two from the Winter Triangle: Sirius and Procyon. Sometimes both asterisms appear simultaneously.”

One of the perks of being a half-human and half-demon is enhanced senses, including advanced vision. The sky isn’t clear, for the clouds are too dense, but Vergil can easily spot the Winter Triangle without difficulty. The stars are shining brightly that it reflects back in Vergil’s blue eyes. There is Sirius, he spots the second brightest star as viewed from Earth. He remembers Lyra mentioned that Sirius will continue to be the brightest star in the Earth’s night sky for the next 210.000 years.

He’s not sure that he would live to witness that phenomenon. Even Sparda didn’t live that long. Yet the fact that he would someday die doesn’t bother him. He is no longer interested in searching for power anymore, now that he realized that his true power lies within his humanity. He becomes more convinced after his conversation with Lyra. That humanity is flawed, but worth to defend. It makes him the man he is now.

The thought of the librarian gave him a moment of serenity in the darkness of the street. Gently, he slips the snowdrop bouquet Lyra made for him between the pages of Almagest. The token of their friendship. Her offer for his adversity. That remind him of a poem his mother once recited for him, when he was helping her at the garden of Sparda Manor :

“Now— now, as I stooped, thought I

I will see what this snowdrop is

So shall I put much argument by

And solve a lifetime’s mysteries.”

“Interesting.” He mutters to himself as he summons the Yamato, cut the space to open a portal and walks towards Devil May Cry office.

–

Here's the source of recited and mentioned poems and lines :

Paradise Lost by John Milton

Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

Auguries of Innocence by William Blake

Georgics by Virgil

Night by William Blake

The Snowdrop by Walter de la Mere

106 notes · View notes

idkmybffpotter · 4 years

Text

HP Fic Rec List

Yooooooooo. Ive finally gotten started on making a fic rec list (Im so bad at remembering to save the fics I love).

Here is the start of it! Warning: Most of these fics are epic length, 250k+words. Enjoy!!!

Ps. Please feel free to DM me to talk about any of these! Id love to hear your thoughts!

DRARRY

***Life Cycle Series by WIndseeker2305. https://archiveofourown.org/series/21657

1,402,781 words. #Creatures #Soulmates #Mpreg, #Abandoned in 3rd book

After a summer of torture with the Dursleys, Harry falls into a self induced magical coma. Draco-who holds a hidden torch for him-jumps in to help. There they meet and decide many things that could very well change the Wizarding World forever.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Literally my fav story ive ever read everrrr.

***Turn by Saras_Girl https://archiveofourown.org/works/879852/chapters/1692695

306,708 words #Alternate Reality

***Leo Inter Serpentes by Aeternum https://archiveofourown.org/series/53590

746,048 words #Complete Series Rewrite #Slytherin Harry

Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same?

***Saving Connor Series by Lightning on The Wave https://www.fanfiction.net/u/895946/Lightning-on-the-Wave

3,069,375 words

Harry's twin Connor is the Boy Who Lived, and Harry is devoted to protecting him by making himself look ordinary. But certain people won't let Harry stay in the shadows...

***Survival is a Talent by ShanaStoryteller https://archiveofourown.org/works/12006417/chapters/27167826

338,714+words #WIP #soulmates #POC

In the middle of their second year, Draco and Harry discover they're soulmates and do their best to keep it a secret from everyone. Their best isn't perfect.

***Freedom To Be by Quicksilvermaid https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052705/chapters/37477826

169, 550words #COMPLETE #BDSM

Harry Potter is the Boy Who Lived.12 years after the war, he's become the Boy Who Lived For Everyone Else. He has the perfect wife. The perfect house. The perfect job. The perfect friends.Only nothing feels perfect.Until one day he stumbles across a club called Release and begins a journey of self-discovery that takes him to a very different place.

***Brother to Basilisks by Lomonaaeren https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435531/chapters/5393471

595,688+ words AU of PoA. Harry wakes in the night to a voice calling him from somewhere in the castle—and when he follows it, everything changes

***Reparations by Saras_Girl https://archiveofourown.org/works/879599/chapters/1692075

87,376 words #Healer Harry

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

***Secrets by Vorabiza https://archiveofourown.org/works/8184311/chapters/18751001

395,365 words Beginning with Draco's unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry's summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side.

***Being a Veelas Mate by Chereche https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524595/chapters/17103607

399,867words Draco comes into his veela nature early when his mate's life is in danger. Will their unique bond be enough to finally bring peace to the wizarding world?

***All Life is Your to Miss by Saras_Girl https://archiveofourown.org/works/825875/chapters/1568057

114,741words #Professor Harry

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

***Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 https://archiveofourown.org/works/473335/chapters/819506

302,209 words Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness

HINNY

***A Second Chance by Breanie https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237082/chapters/37957664

1,714,567 words #WIP

What if Sirius didn't spent twelve years in prison, but was given a trial after four years? Follow the story of Sirius Black as he learns what it means to be a father/brother/guardian to his young godson & the story of Harry Potter, a young boy with a loving home who learns about the Marauders from the two men who should have raised him. M for later. Eventual Hinny.

JEDDY

***Couldn’t Get Better They Say by JadePresley https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119629/chapters/32535660

78,611 words #NoMagic #TextingFic

A boy texts the wrong number late one night. Another boy replies. Chaos ensues. Or, The one where James is too caught up in his career to be the person he wants to be, Teddy drinks too much to avoid his past, Albus wears terrible hats, Lily is a badass, and Gavin is the star of the show.

***Chances by TheProdigyPenguin https://archiveofourown.org/works/21166652/chapters/50379941

78,761words #COMPLETE

Teddy has lived in France with his grandmother for his entire life, living unaware of his past or the significance of his parent's lives, cut short at the end of the war. He lives blissfully ignorant of the life he was meant to have in England, until his grandmother dies shortly after his twenty-seventh birthday, and the discovery of letters written by an estranged godfather he never knew he had leads him back to his families home, searching for answers but in the end finding more than he'd ever expected or hoped.

SCORBUS

***Its Tea Time by Ellizablue https://archiveofourown.org/series/538465

872,002+ #WIP #Trilogy

SEVERITUS

***Blood by Lord of Chaos https://archiveofourown.org/works/3089927/chapters/6696266

466,835words Harry's sent reeling when he learns that Professor Snape is his bio dad, and if that were all he had to deal with, he'd probably be all right, but he's got werewolves, escaped convicts, a stubborn Dark Lord, and his own inner demons to deal with. Starts third year. Rating mostly for violence. Story deals with mental health, bigotry and child abuse.

***Digging for bones by paganaidd https://archiveofourown.org/works/598019/chapters/1078847

203,178 words

Rather than allowing Harry to stay at Diagon Alley after he blew up Aunt Marge, the Ministry sends Harry back to the Dursleys. Harry returns to school after a terrible summer, to find that he's not the only one with this kind of secret. A student has been killed by his family. New screening measures are put into place by the Ministry: Every student must be given a medical exam and interview to look for child abuse. With Dumbledore facing an inquiry, Snape is entrusted with the task of making sure EVERYONE receives one.

***Broken Mind Series by SensiblyTainted https://archiveofourown.org/works/8873683/chapters/20344381

864,245 words #Mental Health Issues #Multiple Personaity Disorder #Abuse

Harry Potter watched his mother die when he was fifteen months old, a piece of Voldemort's soul invaded his own, Vernon abused him, Petunia tore him to shreds with her hateful words, and Lockhart molested him throughout Second-year. After all that trauma, is it any wonder Harry created multiple personalities to deal with it all? In Harry's third year, Severus Snape decides to do something about it. He gives Harry therapy in secret, and this opens Harry up to a friendship with Neville Longbottom, another victim of Lockhart's perversions, and Draco Malfoy who can understand Harry's Slytherin alter better than anyone else.

***A Year Like None Other by aspeninthesunlight https://archiveofourown.org/works/742072/chapters/1382061

789,589 words

A letter from home? A letter from family? Well, Harry Potter knows he has neither, but all the same, it starts with a letter from Surrey. Whatever the Durleys have to say, it can't be anything good, so Harry's determined to ignore it. But then, his evil schoolmate rival spots the letter and his slimy excuse for a teacher intercepts it and forces him to read it. And that sends Harry down a path he'd never have walked on his own.

SNARRY

***Gift of Kindness by Hippocrates460 https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656377/chapters/33859731

105,872words #COMPLETE #soulmates #courting rituals

When Harry arrives at Hogwarts, everything is overwhelming. Luckily he makes some friends, Hagrid who took him to Diagon Alley, Ron who he met on the train, and Severus, who explains why they have to pretend to hate each other. This story spans 7 years, during which Severus and Harry get to know each other and find understanding.

TOMARRY

***Descent into Darkness by Athey https://www.wattpad.com/story/179650625-harry-potter-and-the-descent-into-darkness

https://www.wattpad.com/684682449-harry-potter-and-the-breeding-darkness-prologue

It's Harry's 4th year at Hogwarts and his name has just come out of the Goblet of Fire. Everyone has abandoned him and he feels utterly alone. Through an accident Harry and the piece of Voldemort's soul that resides inside him begin to interact and Harry slowly begins to change. He becomes stronger and more aware, and slowly grows aware of a more sinister course of events that has perpetuated his entire life.

WOLFSTAR

***Sweater weather by lumosinlove

74,493words+ #WIP #NoMagicAU Remus works for the Gryffindor Lions as a physical trainer, and has been half in love with Sirius Black, the Lions' heartthrob captain, for a while now, but he never expected Sirius to return the feelings. Read if you like cute nicknames, slow burn, and pining. Yep. That's it.

***Soltnse by lumosinlove https://archiveofourown.org/works/17186087/chapters/40408559

61,997 words #COMPLETE #NoMagicAU Sirius, a young Russian billionaire hires Remus, who is working part time as a call boy to make ends meet. Things happen, feelings occur

***Text Talk by merlywhirls https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651109/chapters/3501239

141,250 words #NoMagicAU

Sirius is in boarding school, Remus is in hospital, and they don't know each other until Sirius texts the wrong number.

***Casting Moonshadows by moonsign https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3378356/1/Casting-Moonshadows

393,500 words #WIP #ANGST

Lonely and outcast by his classmates, Remus wishes on a moonshadow for a friend who understands him. To his amazement his wish is not only answered once, but three times by his former enemies, the Marauders.

***Of Leaves and Stars by irrationalmoony, lady amina https://archiveofourown.org/works/6535114/chapters/14950924

266,476words #Texting Fic #WIP

Almost a year out of Hogwarts, Lily finally manages to convince Sirius and James to get more acquainted with muggle technology and buy phones. Sirius, of course, texts the wrong number.

RANDOM PAIRINGS

Harry/Sirius/Remus:

***To See The Human Soul Take Wing by Maeglin Yedi 227,394 words

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007970/chapters/1999281

#Werewolf Harry #Friendly Vampires This is actually the 3rd

book in the series, but it can be read as a standalone.

Harry's final year at Hogwarts is filled with secrets, old enemies and new threats. Unable to share his current life with his friends, Harry has to put his faith in the unlikeliest of allies to find a way to defeat Voldemort while his love for Sirius and Remus is repeatedly put to the test.

Hermione/Sirius

***Debt of Time by Shayalonnie

https://archiveofourown.org/series/760443

715,940 words #COMPLETE #Time Travel

When Hermione finds a way to bring Sirius back from the veil, her actions change the rest of the war. Little does she know her spell restoring him to life provokes magic she doesn't understand and sets her on a path that ends with a Time-Turner.

Severus Snape/OMC

*** Of A Linear Circle by flamethrower

https://archiveofourown.org/series/755028

1,428,885words #WIP #Long Series #Time Travel

In September of 1971, Severus Snape finds a forgotten portrait of the Slytherin family in a dark corner of the Slytherin Common Room. At the time, he has no idea that talking portrait will affect the rest of his life.

Harry/Theo/Charlie/OMCs

***There Be Dragons Harry by Scioneeris

https://archiveofourown.org/works/485605/chapters/845701

919,721words #WIP #Creature Inheritance

Harem!Fic Harry inherits a creature "thing" from both sides of his parents and somehow that leads to weird sleeping habits, conversations with Theodore Nott and finding himself caught up in a world of Dragons, elemental powers and new creatures he's never heard of before. Dragons? Mates? Very AU. Contains all kinds of slash.

Scorpius/Rose

***Ignite by Slide (JustSlide)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6470272/chapters/14810293

191,497 words

A mysterious illness leaving a handful of uninfected. A school in quarantine, isolated from the outside world. Danger on all sides, striking seemingly at random. And, at the heart of it all, Scorpius Malfoy, the only man to believe this is a part of a wider, dangerous plot

***Raindrops on Roses by backinyourbox

https://archiveofourown.org/works/373224/chapters/608435

301,383 words

Beginning immediately after the Epilogue, this story follows Scorpius, Rose and Albus through their Hogwarts years and beyond. Childish fears and desires soon turn to more serious dilemmas as some members of the Ravenclaw trio are forced to grow up too soon. Albus wants to be remembered for being something other than Harry Potter's son. Scorpius knows his father expects him to follow in his footsteps, but how long can he keep his friends, his music and his OWL in Muggle Studies a secret? And Rose has yet to decide what she wants...

Harry Potter/George Weasley Looking Beyond by Shini_amaryllis

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3178778/chapters/6905645

674,719 #COMPLETE #FEM!Harry

The first thing everyone noticed about Hope Potter was that she may have had her mother's face, but she had her father's penchant for causing trouble or somehow finding it. It only made sense that she would fall for a prankster, and it only made sense that danger was attracted to her very scent. Somehow, she was going to prove she was more than just the Girl-Who-Lived

Harry Potter/Avengers Crossover

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1369690/chapters/2902480

324570 #Loki is Harrys Dad #Just Read it I promise its great

In the several millennia he had existed Loki Odinson, Norse God of Mischief and Lies, had been many things, he had been a liar, a warrior, and a trickster, just to name a few, but never before, in his thousands of years of existence had he been a loving father, but all it took was a single glance at the perfect little creature before him and he knew, he was gone.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #drarry #scorbus #jeddy #snarry #severitus #hinny #Marauders #wolfstar #cursed child #tomarry

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