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#mammon crack
ilumin · 6 months
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MC: Mammon? What are you doing here?
Mammon: I've... Been wanting to bless you with my presence, human! I bet ya now feel very blessed, huh? >:)
MC: what did you do?
Mammon: ...
MC: Mammon?
Mammon: I broke Lucifer's vase, please help me, I don't want to die
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astaroth1357 · 3 months
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For your consideration:
Lucifer and Mammon display nesting behaviors.
If MC takes a nap around the House, they'll wake up surrounded by a mound of blankets, pillows, and various random shirts and jackets from their closest.
They think, "Oh MC might get cold, I'll go get them a blanket." ... then another, and another, and another, and...
Then their bird-brains forget even doing it until MC wakes up or they need their clothes to go out somewhere.
Belphie has woken up in similar fabric piles before and it weirds him out that they keep doing that
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lovetei · 10 months
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Things that the citizens of the Devildom witnessed that will prove that this Human have the characters at their beck and call
Versions: The Brothers, Side characters
Warnings: Gender neutral pronouns for MC, Cussing, Slight yandere themes (Belphegor, Asmodeus)
Links: Masterlist
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LUCIFER
This demon likes sticking to rules
Running on hallways? Detention
Eating during class? Detention
Not paying attention to class? Detention
No one is safe...
Except for one person.
The cafeteria if filled with loud noises, your voice shouting profanities to another demon specifically.
Everyone listening to the argument feels like they're stomach is about to burst out of nervousness because "What if Lucifer randomly comes in and put all of us is detention because we just stood by and didn't do anything to stop the fight?!"
And he did.
But what surprised them is that he didn't shout or anything, he just stood there for a few second and scanned the crowd looking for one of his brothers.
Spotted Mammon and came close to him before whispering something among themselves.
And then he just stood there
Doing nothing
As if it's just fucking okay to let a human, the exchange student at that, to scream and curse a demon because he won't cooperate into this project.
And when the demon started cursing back at you, the rules are suddenly so strict as if cussing will cause the end of the 8 rings of hell.
The demon is sent to detention, removed from the group, suspended, and many more.
And who knows? Maybe you pulled just a few strings to have that demon expelled.
But what the citizens sure know is that they never saw anyone again after talking to MC like that.
MAMMON
It was cute
Mammon would do anything for you, no matter how big or small it is.
One day, Mammon was spotted running around the halls of RAD.
Looking like he's getting chased by Lucifer, again.
But surprisingly, he's not.
He's just running around the school fetching your fan, notebooks, bag, pens, water or some snacks.
One time, you two were put in a group for this project and were talking about it with your other group mates.
Then you hit him with a "Mammon, I left my notebook on my desk in the potions class, can you fetch it for me?"
With just a blink of an eye, Mammon who was leaning on your shoulder just a few minutes ago is gone.
And with another blink of an eye he's there again with your notebook on his hands then he's back to leaning on your shoulder again as if he didn't just go to the other side of the school for a notebook.
LEVIATHAN
He's introverted
He won't go out his room if it's just for some lame party
I also headcanons for him to be the most unseen brother
Or like him having the smallest amount of photo and information online because he just won't go out.
Yeah, he won't go out if it's just some small, lame party but if Diavolo hosts it, what exactly can he do?
"Do you think the avatar of envy will attend this party?"
"Ha! No way... Lord Leviathan won't attend small parties or gatherings like these unless Lord Diavolo hosts it himself."
"Lord Leviathan really has a high standard when it comes to gatherings..."
And then poof
He's there
Beside you
A happy go lucky sheep beside a gloomy snake
What a match
And if you ask him why he would attend such gatherings when it's totally not even his style he would just go like "MC."
"What can I do? MC really wants to see the fireworks display."
"MC wants me to escort them."
So they got the hint on how to make Levi attend gatherings, either have Diavolo host it or invite MC too.
SATAN
He's angry
But not angry enough to yell when MC is around
Man's can go from 👹 to ☺️ real quick as soon as he felt MC's prescense
He doesn't know why too, but whenever he yell while you're around he thinks he'll fall out of favor
"WELL MAYBE IF YOU'RE SO PERFECT THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO AROUND WHILE YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD FAR UP YOUR ASS- Oh, Hi MC? How are you?"
He'll talk so sweet in front you and then when you turn around you can see some veins popping out of his neck and forehead.
And if he can't really handle it and went berserk in your prescense another scary yet amazing thing you can is to put your hand on his body.
Shoulder, head, neck, wrist, arm, wherever it is.
Just pat him or link your arms with him and he will start to calm down.
ASMODEUS
People headcanon him to like it when you're obsessed with him but I think he's more obsessed to you.
Like he's down bad
You can do anything and he'll literally fawn all over it
"Look at the way they run their hands through their hair!"
"Look at how they work!"
"The way they hold that fork is so graceful~"
Literally, you're the only person that comes to his mind when someone said pretty
Except for himself of course
But I swear, whenever someone caught him staring at you the atmosphere gets so thick
You don't even know why but the atmosphere is heavy and the air suddenly smells so sweet
And those heart in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate
Yeah, you have this man worshipping you alongside himself
BEELZEBUB
Other than the fact that he's actually willing to share his food with you
He's willing to help you in any physical works
Like lifting up things, carrying your stuffs and sometimes even running errands for you
I mean, he actually doesn't do it a lot because Lucifer actually asks Mammon for this stuff because the things Lucifer needs to be done is a little...
Shady?
And he doesn't want to taint Beel's innocence.
So now since you're already a part of the student council when Lucifer needs to have something important finished but it requires physical work.
You and Beel will be partnered
And he doesn't have anything against it either
He likes it so much when you command him to do something actually
I mean, he's tall and buff but Lucifer won't ask him to do anything that includes hard labor except taking care of Belphegor
So you actually helping him make use of all those muscles made him feel a tinge of happiness
He feels like he's actually of use :)
BELPHEGOR
This little brat
He would kill for you and he means it
He's not scared to spill blood on broad daylight as long as it's for you
Someone bothered you? Dead
Oh this person annoyed you? Taken care of
Aw~ He told you you're cute and asked you out on a date? That's sweet! Dead.
He's just like that
He won't tolerate anyone who dared disrespect you
And Lucifer won't even put a stop into this
"I mean, Devildom is quite overpopulated and we don't want anyone disrespecting Lord Diavolo's plan on bringing the three realms together now." Is what he reasons everytime.
Oh, he also wakes up on command as long as it's you.
Lucifer and his brothers could be shaking him like he's dead and he won't even bother to open his eyes
But if you just pulled a "Belphie? Good morning..." Oh dear, he's wide awake and clinging to you.
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cosmicstarlatte · 1 year
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Diavolo: Do you have representation?
Mammon: I call upon my lawyer MC!
MC: My client is innocent!
Diavolo (pinching MCs cheek): Of course he is, case dismissed!
Lucifer: Lord Diavolo there's crisp clean video of Mammon stealing from-
Diavolo (petting & cuddling MC): MC said he's not guilty, so he's not. What's so hard about that?
Lucifer: MC do you handle murder cases?
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rktksmdrm · 7 months
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mammon & mammon
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devildomwriter · 2 months
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The Brothers When MC is Angry
Accurate representation of MC’s threat level vs size
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slutifer · 8 days
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Lucifer: mc, you can’t just say “spit in my mouth” when one of us does something you deem attractive
mc: but why not??
Mammon: yeah it’s just saliva, what’s the problem??
Satan: did you know that saliva is almost entirely water? only 0.5 percent of it is anything else, but that tiny portion is full of useful enzymes-proteins that speed up chemical reactions-
Lucifer: stop-
Satan: among these are amylase and ptyalin, which begin to break down sugars in carbohydrates while they are still in our mouths. if we chew a starchy food like bread or potato for a bit longer than normal, we will soon notice a sweetness. unfortunately, bacteria in our mouths like that sweetness, too-
Lucifer: STOP-
Satan: they devour the liberated sugars and excrete acids, which drill through human teeth and give them cavities. other enzymes, notably lysozyme-which was discovered by human scientist alexander fleming before he stumbled onto penicillin-attack many invading pathogens, but not the ones that cause tooth decay, alas.
Satan: …
Lucifer: …
mc: …
mc: spit in my mouth
Lucifer: MC
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mariiio · 2 months
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Just made some obey me memes, your welcome >:3
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mammonswhore · 8 months
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Mammon: *with a walkie talkie following Belphie* The cow is out of the farm I repeat the cow is...
Belphie: *Taking the walkie talkie* THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?
MC: *on the other side of walkie talkie* I am scared of you so Mammon keeps me updated to know if I leave my room or not
Belphie: I am not going to hurt you
MC: bitch you said the same and killed me I ain't risking it again
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lyrichi · 1 month
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[the bros are all fighting in the background]
mc, watching and eating one of those vero mango lollipops:
solomon, sitting next to them: what did you do to make them all fight like that?
mc: I said I had a favorite
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tsukii0002 · 1 month
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Mc: I can't take it anymore… If you continue to be so irresponsible I'll take the kids!!!!
Mammon: Please Mc! Forgive me, I promise I will change. I will be a better father!
Mc: I can't ensure the welfare of my children over words.
Mammon: Mc! I will never stop caring about our children!!!
Levi: *confused* What are they doing?
Asmo: Oh *eating popcorn* they are arguing because Mammon bought birdseed for canaries instead of special birdseed for crows for the new chicks.
Satan: *stealing popcorn from Asmo* And now Mc has restricted Mammon's care over them.
Levi: And what do the parents think, the crows?
Satan: *holding back laughter * They're on Mc's side.
Levi: Pfff *starting to laugh*
Mc: It's too late...
Mammon: Mc nooo!!!!
.
.
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ilumin · 11 months
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Mammon: Don't worry! I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!
MC: How can you still say that?
Mammon: Because sometimes, when things get though, denial is all we have.
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astaroth1357 · 3 months
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I have long wanted to write a headcanon where high demons have lesser forms, so take a walk with me on this:
Imagine that the brothers are fighting with each other and one of them takes a serious hit, like, somebody's left hook got them right in the jaw and it was brutal. They fall to the ground, stone cold, and... just. Poof into a tiny little critter. Like a verison of their familiar. And they can't retake human form until they've rested and healed their wounds.
I'm doing that.
Lucifer becomes this fat-ass, little peacock. He's like one of those rotund Chocobo from the Final Fantasy universe, you just want to pick him up and squeeze him but he's slightly too heavy for that. His feathers are black, save for the tail which have black, red, blue, and green markings. If something makes him "Poof!" then he'll hide away in the Castle because he refuses to let his brothers ever see him in that state. MC can visit him, though, and he'll coo and get all fluffy whenever they pet his tummy.
Mammon turns into a three-eyed raven, but not fat like Luci. He basically becomes a bigger verison of one of his familiars, he's about the size of an eagle. For being the second strongest he gets "Poof!-ed" rather often because he gets caught up in so many fights. Most of the time, he's just a bystander then some stray shot hits him and suddenly he's squawking everybody's ear off! Hilariously, he's arguably smarter in this form so when he's stuck as a bird, his grades actually improve (if anyone can read his actual chicken scratch penmanship).
Levi becomes a snake. Duh. He has similar markings along his back to the colorful scales on his neck in his demon form. He isn't even the length of your average scarf, so MC can drape him behind their neck easily and he doesn't get in the way. He's absolutely MISERABLE like this, though, because he has no hands to play games with. He can get extra clingy to people if he's feeling cold, but MC has to invite him to share their body heat because he's too shy to signal what he wants.
As much as Satan would love to be a cat, he becomes a little unicorn (Sorry, I didn't make the lore). He's about the size of one of those miniature horses, but don't be fooled. He will snap your kneecaps and he's at perfect height to rear-kick his brothers right in the crotch. His coat is black but his tail, mane, and the underside of his horn are all his signature green. If he every gets "Poof!-ed!" he's big mad, so he'll spend the entire time trying to kick and spear his brothers so they have to suffer along with him. He's the cause of a lot of chain "Poof!-ings."
Asmo becomes the smallest, cutest scorpion you ever did see. Well, as cute as scorpions can be. His whole body becomes hot pink and he has the biggest widdle eyes (think those jumping spiders who wear raindrops on their heads type energy). He's also venomous as all hell, so his brothers HAVE to make sure that they continously call him "small, cute, and adorable" lest they suffer a week's worth of paralytic toxin. He can fit the palm of a hand and makes MC tie a little bow around his tail so he doesn't feel too bad about being under-dressed.
Beel, unfortunately, becomes a fly. A big fly (by fly standards), but a fly nonetheless. You wouldn't even know that it's him if he weren't traffic cone orange. Literally everyone panics when he gets "Poof!-ed" because it would only take some bozo with a swatter to put an end to the sweetest brother... Belphie never lets Beel out of his sight and even has a tiny leash so he can keep track of him if they have to go out. He's a lot easier to feed like this, but everyone has to resist that automatic urge to smack him away from their dinner plates.
Belphie ironically has the largest lesser form out of his brothers. He's a cow, more specifically a bull, but there's nothing special about him aside from the navy fur. He is a full grown bull and he loves to lord it over the others if they all get "Poof-ed!" at once. Also, good luck getting him to do ANYTHING in this form. He is a bull. If he does not want to move, he will not be moving. Not even Beel can carry him like this. He's the only brother who doesn't mind getting "Poof-ed!" all that much because of it.
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books-and-catears · 1 month
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Witch: Alright here's your offer Mammon. 10 million Grimm
Mammon: WHAT? That much really? I'll definitely do it!
Witch: You might want to hear me out first. 10 million Grimm for MC's soul.
Mammon: ....
Mammon: I'll make sure Cerebus eats y'all for breakfast.
MC: What? And you didn't take the money?!
Mammon: Hey you really expect me to hurt you over some Grimm?
MC: No you could have taken an advance payment of half the money and then killed the witches!
Solomon: Pro tip also try and observe where they are bringing the money from, track the vaults and loot it later to get full amount.
Mammon: ...why do you both sound like you've done it way too many times before?
Solomon: Do you know just how many people want both MC and my souls? I think there's currently a bidding war going on too.
Mammon: I-
MC: And that's why we never run out of money.
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lovetei · 9 months
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Okay, this have been on my mind for a while now…
So! MC in the manga is a sheep (get turn into a sheep because they aren’t familiar with the magic? Idk). I was just wondering that at the end of the exchange programme how would the boys react to Mc’s “true form”
This is such an interesting thing to write 🖤
By the way, this is another request stuck in my drafts, I promise I'll try to make up for it and post more :')
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Their reaction to Sheep MC changing into their human form at the end of the exchange program
Warnings: Slightly suggestive, no proofreading, wrong grammar, spelling errors, kind of long
Versions: Demon brothers, Side Characters
Links: Masterlist
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LUCIFER
It was the end of the exchange program and he's seeing you off
A large portal behind your back
For you, it might be the portal that will lead you to the freedom and whatever normality this program took away from you for a whole year
The portal that you've been waiting for
But for him, it's nothing but a spiral of magic that takes away the only comfort he has
The comfort that he seek for
And his twisted heart aches whenever he remembers it
But he hides it off with a smile and a wave
He waved at you one last time before you turned around
"Uhm... I feel weird-"
What?
The extreme feeling of despair left his body for a second and was covered with confusion
That soon turned into worry as your sheep form completely fell to the ground
The noises you're making is not normal and they're all panicking because they've never heard of it before
And the fact that you started glowing didn't ease their mind.
Could it be that some higher demon planted some spell inside of you?
IS THAT SPELL SUCCESFUL?!-
MC..?
He looked at you shock
No, more like-
He looked at your new form, shocked.
The way your naked body is laying on the ground right in front of him...
Right in front of them..?
He can't help but sigh and thought that, everything would have been fine, perfect even, if you turned into this form in front of him
But no, you just have to turn into your original self in front of everyone
Now he can't even embrace you.
All he did was take his coat off and throw it to your body as his face flush red.
You turned around to look at them as you clutch his coat with that adorable expression before you run off and enter the portal
He's left there, shocked and speechless
He didn't know what the hell just happened
But what's he's sure of is that he's going to get you back
And you're going to show that expression to him one more time
But that time, it will just be the two of you, alone.
MAMMON
This man is bawling his eyes out
His original plan is to watch you leave as he cries and once you're gone he will walk it off like a real man, with tear stains of course.
He set his mind to it, gambling for the whole week after you leave so that he can forget you
Even for just a moment
But no,
You won't even let him have the peace of mind
Or leave him with a nice memory
Instead your sheep body dropped to ground and made everyone think that you're about to die!
But you know what more you did?
You turned into a human!
Your human form!
Naked!
He went from 😭 -> 🤨 -> 😮 -> 😭 -> 😳 in a mere minute
He just stood there with a flushed face
A blushing dumbass who don't know what to do but watch as Lucifer threw his coat on you
And watch you run away with that cute expression, embarrassed expression on your face.
Gosh
You drive him insane
Now he's all fired up, willing to destroy the mortal world just to get you back in his arms.
LEVIATHAN
This one too is bawling his eyes out
While holding his camera of course
He's filming every part of this
He's standing there like "WAHHH MCCC! W-Wait is the angle r-right..? I need to capture how b-beautiful MC is..." while sobbing words out.
His hands are holding the camera shakily but the movement suddenly stopped when you said you feel weird...
His eyes shot open and his tears stopped
Are you okay..?
. . .
He's malfunctioning the moment you dropped to the ground and started to glow
And he malfunctioned even more when you turned into your human born, as naked as the moment you were born.
Now his sniper instincts came in and the camera is as focused as a laser
He's staring at you wide eyed, face as red as a tomato and his mouth agape
He doesn't know what's happening
But what he's sure of is that he needs to film it
Everything
The moment you grabbed Lucifer's coat and hugged it to cover yourself
And the moment you stood up and looked at them with that cute expression
But the moment you left, he hid the camera
This film is for his eyes only...
He's gonna need this for a 'project'...
And you know what else he needs?
Tissues.
SATAN
He's smiling everything off as he watches you leave
But you know deep down some anger is boiling
Considering how hot his pact mark is getting
Because, why do you have to leave..? Did he fail to satisfy your standards..?
He can't help but roll his eyes internally
But in the middle of his self talk, you spoke
"I kind of... Feel weird-"
And then you dropped to the ground and he's suddenly panicking
Any other feeling except for confusion flushed out of his body
He ran up to you immidiately but the light dimmed down and your naked body lay before him
He can't help stop in his tracks and just look at you and blush
Before he can even register anything, Lucifer's coat is already hugging your body
Which causes another wave of wrath to hit him
He just glared at Lucifer and saw that he's not even paying attention to him
He's looking at you
With a foreign expression in his face
So he also looked at you and...
Why the fuck did you have to look so majestic..?
You met his gaze and your face flushed before you ran out and entered the portal
He just remained still
Looking at the ground where you once sat
He can't move, he's shaking so much...
He feels like he's about to explode...
ASMODEUS
"WAHHH MCCC!" He whined out as he openly sobbed
He loves you so much!
Just why do you have to leave him!
He can't help but pout at you as you say your final goodbye
But what about him?
Why do you have to leave him too!
I mean it's understandable that you want to leave them because they're all such nuisances to you why him?!
He can't help it-
What do you mean you're feeling weird?
He's slowly walking to your direction
But you started to glow..?
Suddenly he's bearing his teeth expecting enemies around
Oh wait...
Oh...
You're...
Naked...
His mind is scrambled
He completely stopped working
And he'll probably be out of service for the next few days.
BEELZEBUB
He's probably standing there with Belphie in his arms
He's giving you his infamous puppy smile hoping that you'll give him what he wants
Hoping that you'll fall for it like the usual and ran up to him an dsay he's cute instead of leaving
But there's a part in his heart that knows you won't
He's sad and happy at the same time
He's happy because you'll finally live the way you do back then
But he's sad because you have to leave to do so...
Huh?
You're feeling weird..?
You're glowing, MC!
He's shaking Belphegor awake now
What's happening to you-
. . .
He'll be one of the most respectful and cover his eyes
But he's secretly peaking through the gaps
Your flushed face...
Looks so cute...
You look...
You looked delicious...
Just enough to eat...
Now he's hungry.
Hungry for something... New?
Something that includes you.
BELPHEGOR
He's awake actually
He watched everyone, he heard everyone gave their final speeches to you
But when you were about to leave
He forcefully shut his eyes and leaned on Beel
Hoping that his sin would take over and he fell into some deep slumber
But why of all times... Why isn't it cooperating..?
His brows are furrowed as he forces himself to sleep
But suddenly everyone dropped silent...
So you finally left?
Wha- why is Beel shaking him?-
MC?!
Why the fuck are you glowing now?!
No no no...
Is it the work of some demon?!
Who-
. . .
You're... Naked...
In front of everyone...
Haha...
Beel better hold him back or else he's about to run after you and do what his brothers can't
But he knows you won't like that.
So he clinged to Beel-
Haha...
Why do you look like that?!
That's his last thought before he ran and almost caught you but the portal closed
Immidiately.
"Hmm... What a shame~"
He'll make sure he'll catch you next time.
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temis-de-leon · 1 month
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Based on that one joke from TikTok. My pc is still broken and I can't write anything decent:
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MC: Fuck… I forgot to peel my skin today.
Mammon: What?
MC: My skin, I didn't peel it today.
Asmo: Like a mask?
MC: No, just my skin.
Asmo: Solomon's never done that.
MC: It's just the girls, Solomon doesn't know shit.
Satan: You have to peel it?
MC: Once a month, just after my period.
Asmo: You're molting?
MC: Yeah, sure.
Mammon: And you didn't do it today??!
MC: Don't worry, I can do it tomorrow.
Satan: Nonsense MC, we can help you now.
MC: …no, don't worry… it's kinda taboo for girls anyway…
Asmo: Don't be silly, MC! We'd never judge you!
Satan: And it'll probably take less time if the three of us are helping you.
Mammon: That's right! C’mon MC, let's peel your skin off!
MC: …oh no.
.
Masterlist
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