#yeah idk what to say here lmao

[pixelatedraindrops]

I finally did that one meme everyone was doing

Eeepy babies too pure for crime

#pixeldoodles #my art #rain code #master detective archives: rain code #demon slayer #yuma kokohead #nezuko kamado #crossover #whats sad is that nezuko is taller than yuma #so I just made her shrink lol #yeah idk what to say here lmao #not whump art for once #but I felt like I had to do this before the end of the year #not the best I know it was a quick doodle lol #also happy b-day nezuko <3 ilysm #kanai ward blocks out the sun so nezuko would be right at home :3 #tho she'd prolly need a raincoat unless demons like the rain?

[askblueandviolet]

hi im back from reading....with a couple minutes lf trying to reconnect to my wifi (cus it disconnected right after i was goign to make an ask,and wont..connect after)

ahEM!! BAI HE IS WITHHER PARENTS NOW?? AWWW, HOW DOES SHE LIKE THE HELMET⁉️⁉️

anyway, real, hershey is such s good dogn:3 pat pats for her yuhuh

ALSOALSOSOSLSLSLSKSDDM XIUYING RAAAHHH, HOWS BRO DOING⁉️⁉️ totally shoukd vidit the philippines soon hshhshs 😋😋😋

RAAAHHH IT WAS AMAZING READING THIS CHAPTERRR 😭😭 BRAVO, BRAVO,, so sorry if thid is somewhat long omg

throws another silly rock at macaculator

EEEEE HAGE A GREAT DAY‼️‼️🫶 OR EVENING IDK MAN

MASTER POST

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#lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid fanart #monkie kid #monkie kid fanart #lmk #lmk fanart #lmk mayor #monkie kid mayor #monkie kid macaque #lmk macaque #lmk baihe #lmk little girl #lmk hostess #monkie kid baihe #monkie kid hostess #monkie kid little girl #blue and violet #I think I've only vaguely referenced Xiuying's design on this blog #but here she is! in all her glory!!! #I mean she doesn't usually wear that outfit she usually wears a hoddie and jeans but she is on holiday mode #therefore she is making it her mission to become the pinnacle of a dad on holiday #wearing those tropical shirts and sunglasses #yeah the sunglasses are pineapples and so is her shirt- I just thought she would like pinapples- she's a pinapple on pizza guy by they way #anyways BAIHE HAS HER HAPPY ENDING INDEED #I... actually still need to figure out whether or not I want her to keep her powers #i left it vague on purpose because I literally couldn't decide what I wanted lmao #i am leaning towards letting her be free but idk lol #at least she has her parents and a helmet which is essentially just Macaque saying “here have this and please know I don't want you to die” #Hershey appreciates the pets #and Macaque stands by his point that the dog is being spoiled

[mattodore]

lovesick

#hi 👋 i have a hospital appointment in two hours that i'm nervous about so here i am in my screenshots folder staring at mattodore #i really shouldn't be typing rn but i'm. a ball of nerves. like actually keep me in your thoughts... like please. jsfdhnkj #also i think i'm gonna start reblogging things untagged here for a little while........... bc like. #i really shouldn't be typing it fucks with my arms so bad..... i say as i'm typing #but ykwim like that's why i've just been avoiding tumblr lmao #um so if you for some reason care abt ppl not tagging reblogs of other people's sims content uh idk what to say bc i'm gonna do it anyway #so expect that from me until i (hopefully) get meds again #also............ i have not started editing theo's bday edit and it's literally tomorrow. Scream . #i finished the poses tho <3 but yeah... we laugh and cry #i want to say i'll just start editing after i get back from the hospital but. well. #it's okay tho bc if i'm late for theo's bday edit that's understandable bc of the Illness but also #matthias's bday edit was like a week late anyway so lmao #also no caption bc idk i can't think #wait nvm listen to this song #river dipping #ts4 #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #a burning house to live in #echthroi

[moeblob]

I have only seen their C/B supports and honestly I love them a lot. Alfred really out here just committing acts of treacherous friendliness with other royals from other kingdoms. It's wonderful to see.

#fe engage #alfred #ivy #just in case im gonna tag as #fe engage spoilers #just because idk how far people have played nor what supports they have seen #at first im like dang bro alfred out here at weird times interacting with ivy but then he says #we really gotta stop meeting at these times princess ivy in their b and im like yeah p much #then goes on to be pleasant but teasing but helpful all in one conversation with her and i just really love him ??? #also i am very fond of ivy i love her a lot #also what time does alfred go to bed i need to know because hes always already slept #when he meets up with ivy and dia ....... when they havent slept #alfred my son what are your hours of passing out and waking up #im only on ch16 so uhhhhh i made like one ch of progress lately lmao #then ive been doing some dlc battles and other paralogue fights

[lavender-temult]

why do baby otohan’s colors look like fuckign TOOTHPASTE in this version 😭😭😭

#first version was a red-orange to vaguely green yellow analogous palette then i messed with the clothes a little and now i am failing at #color theory. help. this split complementary teal(ish) color and orange(ish) and pink(ish) is NOT working out #i do like my og colors so I’ll recolor this clothing version with that palette. but make otohan’s skin more saturated lol #i always desaturate skin so much 😭 it looks okay after rendering but OOF. light skin especially fucks me up WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DRAW #but yeah back to the original point I’m definitely gonna try out a bunch of different color palettes #i like the new clothes. i was definitely NOT an outdoorsy kid so idk what I’m doing here but #for the purposes of giving her a pointy stick I hc otohan to be that. i love the outdoorsy toothpaste baby. that’s a normal sentence to say #about otohan thull who is not depicted to be ANY of those things canonically. can you imagine if she was though. toothpaste killed 3 of bh #while screaming and crying and flailing around as babies do. can you imagine #… can y’all tell it’s INCREDIBLY late lmao? #wait i think i have a “late night art rambling” tag one sec #anyways that’s that for tonight’s late night art ramblings lol #<- THERE IT IS! #art ramblings

[themyscirah]

But look at us Luke, we're the ones left alone, holding some rich monster's pain. All of existence, built on his violence. All of space-time, humming to life with a single inviolate rule. Give the hero something to punch.

#kate kane #duke thomas #luke fox #outsiders #dc comic edit #comic edit #dc comics #my first time using photoshop lmao #got it for free with my school adobe acc and obviously im gonna abuse it for comic editing purposes. although i skipped all the tutorials #and just fucked around so idk this isnt like impressive. couldnt find buttons for a lot of what i wanted to do but i think i was just looki #in the wrong spots. anyways yeah. #batman #panel from outsiders no 3 ofc #dont know what else i say here. this is v much the product of me procrastinating writing an essay draft #if the format is weird im sorry im on tumblr desktop which idk how to use. bc photoshop is on my computer and also i turned my phone off so #would stay off my phone and focus. which obviously worked rlly well lmao #swishy's comic edits #panelposting #not rlly but ill tag that too for personal reference. yeah #bats #anyways this issue is so funny to me. like yes lets talk about how batman is everywhere and is taking over everything and also cant die. in #a batman comic that is taking over things (notably the team name etc) from other characters #IRONY!!!! #anyways dark multiverse(? idfk) duke thomas i love you. you can kill as many versions of bruce wayne as you like <3

[b4kuch1n]

I'm not gonna screenshot it bc 1/it really doesn't matter that much and 2/the person who made the comment is a kid but: a while ago I made a comic that's supposed to be a genuine study and reinterpretation of someone else's sprite comic (made in the spirit of authenticity too - to recreate the vibes of the sprite comics from that era, iirc very specifically because it's funny) and I got a comment on that comic's post that's like "glow up"

which is a compliment obvs. and the commenter probably didn't mean anything by it, it's a common expression. but I've been trying to find a way to gracefully put that comment away ever since it appeared lol

I just very much don't want my art to be taken as trying to one-up someone else's art when that's not the piece's intention. especially when the piece that inspired my art is perceived as "low effort" or "shitpost" or stuff like that. I did mention in the tags of that post that my considering it a study is entirely genuine, and I can legitimately write pages about the cool stuff I find in it other than and inherent in the haha funneys, but that's not for you guys that's for me. I just think that approaching art competition-first like that is a miserable way to do it, and (tipping into overthinking here if the whole tiny-comment-got-stuck-in-my-brain-for-almost-a-month part hasn't given that away yet lol) I really don't want that to be the takeaway from my own art. at least generally. if I actually think the source material is trash and what I'm doing is genuinely categorically better I'd just come out and say it lmao

#bakuspeech #yeah it's the darkhog sprite comic #honestly I don't love comments that put my art and other artists' art in a hierarchy in general. wherever my art lands on that scale #especially when it comes to character writing and trans 'representation' #which like. idk man I'm writing One character. he's NOT gonna be The Trans Experience. he's gonna be one character. #but yeah I'd guess I'm writing it all out in a post bc it's not really a race that anyone opts in #I don't actively participate but by virtue of how my art is perceived I just end up on the scale anyway #so uh. I'm suggesting that we do not bring the scale into my house at all lmao #there's also the like. Don't Yuck My Yum guideline of looking at art that's like #I like the things I'm aping! most of the times! if I don't say it's shit and I'm drawing stuff from it usually that means I like it lol #and then you kinda come in like wow what you're doing here is better than the thing you like. and it's not like yknow. #really anything. it's extremely trivial comparatively. but you are in fact yucking my yum there #tldr please try not to think abt art u like vs art u don't as ''better'' or ''worse'' and #have grace for the things that don't please u personally. anyways I'm omw to finishing the frog now. just need to fell all the seams down #and put that boy in da spinner for a ride. and then it can live in a gift bag until the day #I really enjoy holding it actually... maybe after this one I'll make something else. tbh slick stretchy fabrics are superior to fuzzy fabri #doesn't pill And cooler to touch. stuffed toys for the subtropical population #I'll get a combilation of pics once the thing's at its new home. but for now. we must finish the job

[hauntingblue]

Try not to make fights between two women look homoerotic challenge level impossible

#if franky isnt good with swords why does he have a sword on his mecha 💀 just for the shogun bit #inu inu fruit??? he is just like inuyasha... omg.... crossover of my favourite things.... yamato i love you..... #yamato eating the protector deity of wano fruit.... calling himself oden.... his father must be fuming he is the antithesis of his person #obv its very much on purposes but lmao rip bozo (kaido) you didnt think much about that one.... maybe the deity of wano wants its people to #be free and not slaves of a weapons industry idk.... #not olvia omg... and saul.... and clover... they changed little robin's name.... and her mom's voice is the same as hers lmao it's too much #robin said this is way too nice.... can't be real #once again thinking about robin holding her mothers hand..... and becoming an archeologist to make her proud.... the hands.... #but now it's not about her mom now its about her friends.... also her childish heart omg.... truly #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1042 #robin defending sanji's honor akdjsks #robin that was so slay... take care tho.... ily.... until next time #luffy on the floor passed out having a tantrum about food. incredible #fucking caribou again.... DIEEE!!!! #MOMO FLY AGAIN!!!! GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF HEIGHTS #also yesterday i was showering and thinking about like dying like this cant be right... i am on thay level.... #episode 1043 #'i am not soft on women' oh yeah i bet... #see how good armor haki would have been here..... i have been saying this #robin's face..... strongest element in all of one piece..... #robin wanting to become strong for someone else.... just like nami..... #OHHHH SHIT!!!!!!! she said i wanna be with my friends 😁 -> 😈 #that was so cool. also black maria is DEAD. that was a CLUTCH WWE STYLE. DAMN. robin getting there by thinking about his friends :))) #what love and human connection do to a mf (positively) #OH SHINOBU'S ABILITY.... MOMO..... OMG #episode 1044 #robin ily that was so cool. call me any time btw.

[cheeseknives]

I got last months electricity bill and it was like 800€ something, whhhaat the fuck

#this is going to be me just complaining lmao feel free to ignore #I practically live alone when moms not here ???? #but also like #if you have whole ass family #let's say partner and three kids or something #and you want them to have same kind of upbringing as you so you get a house with a lawn n all that in rural area #how the fuck are you supposed to do that ??? #I'm not even against the idea of raising kids myself but in this economy..? #hurr durr future bad #but also men who want housekeeper of a wife but also complain about gold diggers like dawg #you have to have stay at home money to have stay at home wife lol #even if both of you work you cant expect your wifey to do all the work at home #the municipality is going to look at our bill and the amount of residents in our house and think we are growing weed or something... #but yeah this is why you dont remove fireplace from old ass house old heaters are expensive to keep on #like idk if I should just turn them off in rooms we dont use ? #bc on the otherhand what if something like mold starts growing there since its still winter #ughh #turning this house into igloo I dont want to think about funny numbers on the screen #remember to unplug things if you arent using them #I probably should check that no one is living in our attic or something #I have desire to bother someone about this

[jessiesjaded]

most interesting popular accounts to me are the ones that just post stuff like gifsets or art or writing but never ever say anything, like no tag rambles, no personal posts, no opinions, no rants. im always like surely.... surely you have something to say....

#idgi #like its so boring yeah your posts are pretty or what have you but give me someone who talks and makes stuff only half as pretty #and im gonna prefer them bc i can see some personality behind it #idk maybe im just mean but its intriguing #esp since ive followed a bunch of blogs for the new thing im into and so many of them are like this #also on the rare occasions they do say stuff the posts never get notes #or replies and meanwhile they just posted a thanks for 9k followers post #i dont see the point of 9 thousand people if no one talks EVER #ALSO EVIDENTLY THEY WANT TO TALK BC MY ASS CANNOT BE STOPPED FROM REPLYING #and then they be out here following me even tho im some lil nobody so like #they must be like yay! someones talking! #again whats the point of this website if we dont reply and reblog and talk and have fun bro #see again this just makes me squint bc its like a lot of big influencer ig accs who just post perfectly edited pics and sell shit #and never say a word that could get in the way of a sponsorship #why are you acting like that on tumblr you dont even get money from being popualr here lmao

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi... #i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭 #i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh... #uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂 #i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say... #i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media / #without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ???? #i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀 #i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭 #who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

[cosmic-muses]

If y'all make ritual sacrifice or tribute to me I'll bless y'all with inspiration and good ideas, just sayin'

#nova posting #muses #creative stuff #ritual sacrifice #idk what are you looking at the tags for? #I'm not funny enough to hide jokes here #maybe say greek myth? #yeah sure #greek myth #museposting lmao

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

Mauga's man boobies

he sure has them 👍

#replies #sorry im like grey ace & i dont rly thirst post so idk what to say here LMAO #that may not b obvious considering i draw half naked dudes all the time but yeah idk. just not something i have any incling to do. (??) #(dw im not like bothered by this kind of comment i just have nothing to add) #wait apparently that word is spelled inkling??? like splatoon???? i thought it came from inclination. #anyway.

[seagull-scribbles]

Lie Awake

A TMNT 2012 Casey and Raph ficlet [AO3]

word count: 1,191

just a small drabble focusing on Casey and his view of their relationship. I didn't write this as a ship fic, but I do ship them so you can interpret it as platonic or romantic

Casey hates people seeing him as weak. He wears every cut, bruise and mark like a medal, a badge of honour for a hockey game well played or a fight well fought. He hates when neighbours or the school populace look at him with pity in their eyes and sympathy coating their words like sponge covering a toddlers playroom or bubble wrap suffocating a porcelain doll.

So what if he doesn't have a mom anymore? Who cares about his deadbeat dad? Casey is keeping his promise and at almost 17 is protecting and looking after his sister, the best player on a hockey team within the region and a vigilante the purple dragons will write legends about. He is strong and brave. He bounces back from anything with a witty comment and a toothy grin. Missing incisors be damned.

So why is this different? Strong, calloused, leathery hands gently graze over fragile skin. Instead of the usual burn of anger such caution would ignite, Casey Jones feels a sense of calm and his breath almost gets caught in his throat. Almost. Arms he has seen tear robots to shreds, dislocate joints from vigilantes, break monstrous jaws are now delicately tracing over his pale soft surface, well- it should be pale but the current complection is primarily a mixture of injuries, marks and dirt. Purple, blue, green, yellow, pinks, reds- any colour besides a natural skin tone coats his body like a vandalised back alley wall.

The hand stops moving and instead a comforting weight is placed across Casey's chest and torso. The weight he has seen choke and crush wrong-dooers, crack brick walls and dent spaceship walls now comfortably rests along his side like a weighted blanket, the arm across his middle.

Awareness of his current location comes back. Why's the ceiling looking blurry suddenly? Casey realises his eyes are starting to water. These can't be tears of frustration though? Maybe these are not new tears but the remnants of the storm that leaked from those eyes earlier this evening, in the privacy of these four walls as his own inner walls crumbled in Front of his current companion. No mask or face paint or armour, no facade of cokyness and happiness. His emotions are raw and his mind is still screaming at him, maybe that's why he hadn't noticed the burning eyes. These tears can't be new. Definitely not! He's happy and safe now, why would they be? He is brought from his thoughts as a hard smooth surface buts the bottom of his jaw, sending a short vibration of pain through his skull.

"'Ya sure this is alright?" A gruff voice nervously whispers.

"Yeah, 's fine" he mumbles back before finally looking down at the friend pressed against him. His own voice sounds raspy and sore. Perfect.

Raph has put his head back down on the pillow, his beak fitting like a jigsaw puzzle in the gap above Casey's shoulder. The bolt he'd felt had been from Ralph bucking his head to hit his jaw with the top curve of his beak. It hurt a little but he isn't fragile. Raph knows that. All he can feel now is that comforting weight on his side. He's focusing on it. Raph certainly wasn't scared to touch him. Why else would he hit him to gain his attention?

Soft cold breath gently brushes against Casey's neck in delicate puffs.

"I can sleep on the floor y'know?" tiredly drifts out of the terrapin creatures mouth "This bed ain't exactly made for two"

"Nah it's your room, I'm the intruder"

"Hmm" Raph lazily hums and slightly squeezes his ribs, getting comfortable in his squashed position on the edge of the bed "a warm one".

Casey sits there in silence for a bit, his friend drifting off to sleep. The overwhelming smell of sweat and blood and the sewers clogging his nose. Raphael is the only person Casey talks to about his home life, the only one he talks about his troubles too. He knows Raph instils that same comfort and confidence in him as he tells the lanky teen his own insecurities and secrets.

Tender moments like these however? They usually proceed fights. Fights they start coated in darkness or just heated spars between friends who are shouting and blowing off steam. They'd collapse with exhaustion on some random rooftop and through jagged breaths become vulnerable, no eye contact, maybe a squeeze of the hand or a punch in the side to let the other one know they're there. Kind, soft and comforting pain. Like the kind you get from laughing too hard or playing a game. It is strange to think they are now squashed and laid across each other, even if the reptile insists the body warmth was an exciting upgrade to his sleeping arrangement.

Casey was kicked out tonight after a particularly bad fight at home, he limped his way to his usual meeting spot and a few texts later Raph was on his way. He's going to be staying here with his friend, just tonight... he'll go home tomorrow. No one else in the sewer family needs to know why, Raph will come up with a lame excuse to torment him with. The thought makes him smile a little. Raph is the epitome of masculinity. Testosterone coats his existence like a second shell. He's violent and abrasive and yet here he is, not throwing punches, but still being gentle. His body weight is not entirely on top of the teen, but it is there along his right side nonetheless. He wasn't repulsed by Casey and he hadn't tried sugar coating anything all night. When he 'picked him up' he'd joked at Casey's expense and made the boy laugh. Casey wasn't too sure how Raph managed to create such a strong positive moment up on that rooftop in those circumstances. But none of the Hamato clan followed logic by nature so maybe that is not so surprising.

Casey isn't sure why this isn't affecting him the way it usually does. He feels calm and safe, even stripped down to his boxers and pressed into an old smelly matrice and cold metal wall.

Maybe it's because he keeps reminding himself that Raph doesn't see the squishy, thin human as delicate. He knows the turtle enough to know he considers Casey a great enough fighter to stand amongst his brothers, without any formal training or skill.

Maybe that's why this tender moment is nice? Raph isn't scared Casey will break, he wouldn't touch him if he thought he'd be hurt. Raph wouldn't joke with him and invite him here like this. The ninja had seen the boy break earlier, as he broke down and sobbed on the bed when they first arrived at the decorated subway car. The weight against him now is heavy, not crushing. It's grounding him.

Why is being treated tenderly so nice right now? Maybe that's the kind of privilege having a best friend creates? He doesn't remember his childhood friend creating such a welcoming environment before though.

Casey hates people seeing him as weak. Raph doesn't, even now.

#TMNT #tmnt 2012 #casey jones #raphael hamato #casey jones 2012 #raph 2012 #seagull scribes #seagull squawks #its weird posting a fic when i havent like done art to post and can just hide it in the comments #also its been over a year since i shared any writing #you can probably tell by everything im not a writer #2012 rasey #so like i do ship rasey and i am only posting this cause they have no conent and there is deffo a fellow need out there also starving #but i didnt write this as a ship fic its meant to be platonic and i was just focusing a lot on a lot of my old bad teenage experiences #and how my friends and found family helped me and stuff but if you wanna be like lmao love does that im cool with that #totally open to you if you have a secret third interpretation #idk what else to say i have so many unfinished incomprehensible drafts of these for every fandom ive been in but yeah posting this one #oh because its kinda pulling references from my own experiences i put some references in here to my friends they nay recognise #but i also doubt they'd read it id be shocked if this got more than lets sayyyy 11 notes ahaha #ill have to learn to draw humans or continue learning i should say #i wanna deaw these dudes more #also if you see mistakes let me know i am so so bad and typing and English and writing in general

[sonego]

gonna get personal in the tags sorryyyyy

shit i ran out of tags to use GKBKGKDKKDBJDMBMN ok rest under a read more 😭

so okay basically my doctor said sure i'll write you the prescription and also wait should i add it to your regularly taken meds page (so i can request it with a click when i run out)? and i was like yeah that'd be nice and i tried to explain that i thought i would only need for a short period of time but i still need it after many months so... but like he didn't care about the why lol

and anyway now that this has happened i'm like. gonna try to Stop doing what i was doing. there is no good reason to be in pain all the time and make my life harder when taking that dose of my med was working okay and making things considerably better. i don't need to punish myself. this is like so so so hard for me to internalize. being disabled is not a fault. even if it might be my "fault", even if i lowkey feel like i might have contributed to the condition i am in with like, bad choices or whatever, it's still not right to punish myself for it. i'm already unwell, i'm already suffering, what's making it worse gonna do to help? why do i need to feel worse just so i can think i got what i deserve for being in pain in the first place?

so yeah. going back to the higher dose. i hope that makes me feel less pain. i hope i can work without hating every second of it again. i do still hope one day i can get better and not need this med anymore, it's not like i've given up on that bc tbh a lot's still unclear and i will try and see if i can find answers. but in the meantime, no more punishing myself. i need to be okay. i want to be okay.

#called my doctor the other day #bc i needed the prescription for the muscle relaxant i take for my back pain #and i've been needing it for like a while but i kept putting off calling him to get it #there's a few reasons for that one of which is that i hate phone calls in general but especially w doctors #just makes me v v anxious #which is related to another reason which is that i was so scared he'd tell me no bc this was was supposed to be a temporary “fix” #like a little help while i actually got better #which clearly hasn't happened so i still need it but like. i am so used to doctors trying to like decide what i need #not based on my symptoms and needs and what i tell them but just what they think i SHOULD need #bc i SHOULDN'T feel pain i SHOULDN'T need to take that i should just idk excercise and lose weight and try not to be s*icidal and try to #control my moods and oh i shouldn't have headaches almost daily cause they found no medical reason for it #also have i tried sleeping more? have i tried not having insomnia? have i tried smaller doses of x med? #etc etc it's never what i AM experiencing it's what i SHOULD be experiencing. and let me tell you that sucks so bad #my previous gp ruined me so bad and i'm only now realizing it #like every time i need to tell or ask my current gp something i get so anxious bc i'm convinced he'll put up a fight and say no without #listening or he'll write me the wrong prescription or he won't even answer my calls ........... #instead this gp is the opposite #maybe even like. too easily says yes lmao 😭 like i try to talk things thru w him a bit to explain why i need x and he'll just be like #yeah sure here it is and sometimes i feel he's not even listening 🧍🏻 #but anyway like. i was kinda punishing myself i think? #i keep trying to lower my dose of muscle relaxant bc i think i shouldn't need it #and i don't want to need it i actually HATE that i need it. it makes me so mad w myself #so i keep trying even if every time i take less i am in so much pain #and these past couple of weeks? or something i did that even more bc i tried to lower it EVEN MORE #even if the 5th attempt to lower it a bit was unsuccessful and i was doing so badly #bc i was running out and i was killing two birds with one stone by trying to lower it so i would be a Better Stronger Nico #and was delaying having to call my doctor #end result: i wanna cry every time i stop (workiny #working* or studying or giffing or doing Whatever) #bc i'm forced to think of the fact i am in pain

[the-kipsabian]

why are so many people so mad about the all in card tho

like i understand the complaint of only one womens match in a five hour show cause yeah same but other than that???

#okay yeah personally i would have wanted oc to defend the INTERNATIONAL title outside of us #and idk how much fun watching stadium stampede in person will be when im not gonna see half the action without screens #but like i have no problem with like jericho/ospreay? the elite/bcg match is completely fine?? the tag and world title matches are great??? #like what is the issue here? #people are calling this house show quality which okay i get it but i feel like this people have never actually been to an actual house show #i have. and in comparison to that this is main event ppv quality #not every top star can have a singles match or we'll have a week long show when five to seven hours is already what we're looking at #plus their stupid decisions to have another ppv next week makes this difficult but still #this could be so much worse. could it be better? sure! but for what its worth this is legitimately awesome so far #AND im saying that as someone who doesnt have their blorbo in the show so far and it looks like i wont so!! #..anyways tk put kip in the card and then im willing to say a lot more things lmao #wrestling musing