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#I think I’ll spend a good amount of time blinding myself with tears

seinfeldvevo · 2 years

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Serious stuff

While I do write and journal the innermost personal thoughts of myself in numerous composition notebooks, I thought it’d be an interesting exercise to actually post and share these thoughts to my two followers (hello rj, hello charles) and whomever comes across this account by accident. I thought “wouldn’t it be neat to be vulnerable but indirectly?” and here I am. I am also just in need of an excuse to write as I feel I’m going to have a steady amount free time in the future.

I am not so often a serious person. Usually hidden between two to three layers of irony (at least) and a demeanor of absurd sarcasms and deflections. I know it must get on people’s nerves talking to me and I’ve heard from a lot of secondhand sources that I can come across as icy or enigmatic. Little known fact: appearing vapid or disinterested can really limit your social life and circles to the small amount of people who have been with you before you became a manic depressive who spends hours in their own head planning and plotting caffeine daydreams to themselves. Who would’ve thought? Oh well, it comes with the territory of pretending you’re an impressively intelligent and introspective person that is a guy who is actually self-conscious about how he’s perceived by others.

While I think these thoughts are natural (the newly founded interest in bullshit psychological and anthropological word salad repeating in terms like “imposter syndrome” prove this) with humans just being self-hating or self-destructive creatures in general.

You would think getting to the other side of cancer or the year or so of weekly therapy could’ve solved my personal issues, giving me a new grasp on life and self-love. Instead I became too comfortable and content with self-loathing and self-centered bitterness. Perhaps it is my destiny to remain alone and isolated. I’ve always figured I was slow to learn emotional behaviors and cues but now looking back, my brain seems to lack the very human feeling of empathy until I am scolded like a dog and then I lower my head and gaze at the mud and feces I brought into the house. Riddled with guilt after the fact, of course. Which, I will credit myself, is always genuine and sincere. I have never shed crocodile tears or feigned vulnerability.

Even though I have always been selfish, stubborn, the treatment made me more so. Giving me the idea that I’m the center of the Universe and that I’m the protagonist in Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey diagram or even that God (or whatever) owes me for the last year. Constantly anxious, flustered, and frustrated with those who care about me because I’ve pointed knives externally. Mostly due to my own disappointed with where life has taken and continues to take me. I’m a nobody who desperately thinks they’re entitled of being somebody. Somebody confident, strong, successful, etc. Everything I’m not. I’m week and a failure at everything I’ve ever set my mind to: Writing. music, working out, school, being a good son, being a good friend, and most of all being a good partner. I feel like I’ve tricked anyone who has initially liked me and it’s just a relationship that goes downhill from there.

Even now as I write what could easily become an aborted open letter to no one in particular, wide-open as I’ve ever been, I am numb. Like being hit by a flashbang, my senses have been ripped away. Blinded, deafened, nauseous, and pathetically flailing my pathetic limbs. I want to be loved and understood but I refuse to let anyone ever see me with my defenses down, even though I’m perfectly okay with taking out these built-up feelings on those closest to me.

‘Why is that?’ you may be asking yourself, dear reader.

I don’t know. This was a question I would ask myself in therapy but never got a straight answer. I’ll chalk it up to being stupid to any sort of emotional intelligence. I’ve felt this way for years and tried to get better with all of it! But eventually I relapse into being a miserable little worm. I wish I could be an egomaniac and blame the outside world for my problems or view those around me as enemies in the game of life, but I can’t. I know it’s all me.

It alludes me how I can act like this and pretend I’m so high and mighty. I am everything women say about men; selfish, distant, irresponsible, naïve, and so on and so on. I’m just like the rest of them that I mock with such harsh scorn. Perhaps that’s why I do it because I know deep down inside, I am like them. Fraudulent by all definitions.

A year ago, I had a best friend, a therapist, my hair, PTSD free dreams, an active education, and a loving girlfriend who meant the world to me. Today, most of these things have been ripped from me. I sit in the rubble of my life that even 300 days ago was normal and boring (in the good way). I was the average 22 year old, I worked, I fucked, I went on the computer and wrote a shitty screenplay. Now I’m just pacing around my room as I write some ranting blog worried about the unknowable future.

The relationship ending is not set in stone but it feels like this will be at least an extended break. Which I am terrified of. A few days ago, I accidentally video called a girl I went to high school with and haven’t spoken to since junior year. It was 11pm and she didn’t answer. What initially scared me was that “oh my god she’s going to think I’m so weird” then that quickly resolved but an even worst feeling of dread came over me. I haven’t been single for eight years, since sophomore year of high school. I’m going to have to try out the modern, twentysomething dating scene everyone treats like a warzone. It’s like being dropped in the 700mph wind surfaces of Jupiter or something. New planet, no rules.

Out of fear and just wanting to test the waters, I asked another girl (a female friend from a few semesters ago at my college) out to lunch. I have no interest in her outside of talking to her about movies and her own writing but planning a “date” with this girl has been infuriating. She responds infrequently and is just sort “uh-huh” (she has said she’s just a bad texter) and this is just a casual, platonic hangout. It’s like pulling teeth to get a set time and cafe down. It’s this dark realization that I have to be out in the open and vulnerable now. Putting out effort that can leave me looking like the biggest fool of all. It’s like I’ve been so protected by this exoskeleton of being the guy in a long-term relationship and now I’ve been pried out violently.

It is very funny how when you have a very long relationship and your friends find out, they talk to you like you’re already on the ledge to jump off of. I still haven’t told my family, I might do that at the end of the month but who knows? Maybe I’ll just never tell them and just say “Oh she’s just been really busy with work” until I get another girlfriend in 10 years and just pretend to be as confused as they are.

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wienerbarnes · 3 years

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A Certain Romance (6/6)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,609

Warnings: happy ending😁

A/N: another series in the books... hope yall enjoyed it as much as i did<3 thank u to everyone who liked/reblogged/left comments/read in general!

MAIN MASTERLIST | A CERTAIN ROMANCE MASTERLIST

Seven months go by before he sees you again.

A month after that double date, Sam asked about you, about what the two of you have been up to. He realized then that you hadn’t told Sam anything about the fight. You hadn’t said anything. You hadn’t said you’d “broken up” or even just came clean and explained the whole thing. You went on pretending the two of you were dating; did you do it to keep Sam off your back? Did you do it because you thought that’s what he would’ve wanted? He didn’t care about any of that, all he cared about was you.

He told Sam himself about a month after that. He told Sam everything, about making the deal with you, how you were both feeling about the dating situation. He told Sam about the nights at your apartment, the meals shared, the stories told. He explained the fight that happened the night of the double date and how he’s still trying to get over his feelings.

Sam hasn’t set him up on another blind date, and he assumes he hasn’t set you up on one, either.

Five months after that conversation, he thinks he’s getting better. He thinks about you everyday; how you’re doing, what you’re doing, if you think of him. The only difference between now and seven months ago is that he doesn’t feel the same pain in his chest when he thinks about you.

For a long while it made him so sad, the thought of not being able to talk to you, not being able to see you, not being able to drop by your apartment and share dinner with you. But as much as it pained him, it was what you wanted. You wanted time and you wanted space, so that’s what he gave you.

He misses you, though.

He finds himself in your neighborhood as he approaches the coffee shop he’s been frequenting since he met you. You had gotten him coffee from there once and had him hooked. Perhaps he goes there because the coffee really is that good or because it was you that had showed him the place in the first place. He doesn't think about it.

He walks in and stands in the small line at the counter, not quite taking the time to observe the place and see every single person there as he normally would.

After ordering his regular coffee and placing the change from the ten dollar bill he gave the barista into the tip jar, he stands off to the side to wait for his name and order to be called.

And all it takes is a look to his left to see you sitting there, already staring at him with a surprised expression, for all his progress to disappear.

You look so beautiful.

He stares at you for a second, mouth slightly open before his tongue pokes out to lick at his now dry lips. He clears his throat and stands up a bit straighter to compose himself, or at least make it seem like he’s done so.

“Hi.” He says, a tad awkwardly, but in his defense, he wasn’t expecting seeing you here. He’s come to this same coffee shop in your neighborhood at least once a week for months now, and has never run into you here, even when you were on speaking terms. Of course he’d see you today; he should’ve worn a different shirt.

Your mouth opens to respond with a greeting when Iced black coffee for Bucky interrupts you. His head snaps towards the counter to retrieve the drink before walking slowly back over to where you sit at the counter against the wall.

“Hi.” He repeats again, the only word he seems to be able to say right now.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” You ask him, voice gentle and light, just as he remembers it always used to be. He’s glad that you’re not upset at the scenario of running into him, instead welcoming the interaction; a much better play of this happening than what he was thinking in his head.

He wasn’t sure how the first interaction after not seeing each other would be like, or if there’d be one at all; if he’d ever even see you again.

He was hoping for the movie reunion, spotting each other from a long distance and running into each other’s arms in slow motion, an 80′s love song playing in the background. He feared it’d take an opposite direction, you spot him from afar and walk up to him only to slap him across the face and spit on his shoes. He’d have nightmares about that last scenario.

Neither of you say anything for the first couple of minutes of your walk.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you that night.” You finally speak.

“You have nothing to apologize for -”

“No, Bucky, I do. I should’ve spoken to you about everything, even if we got angry, even if we yelled, but instead I ran away, and I’m sorry.” You tell him.

A moment to take in your words, “Well, apology accepted.” He forgives.

Another minute of silence. He’s not sure how to proceed. While an apology was given, nothing’s actually been resolved. There’s still tension, still wondering of what you’ve been up to all this time, still his own feelings for you that he realizes now after seeing you again for the first time in seven months have not dissipated at all and are very much real in his heart.

He sees in his periphery that you’ve stopped walking on the nearly empty sidewalk and he stops, too, turning around to look at you, a worried expression on your face.

“The truth is I was scared.” You say.

“Of me?”

“Of my feelings.” You clarify.

You inch a bit closer to him, “I was growing feelings for you, and that scared me.”

All he can do is stare as you open your mouth to continue.

“I told myself that I wouldn’t put myself in a position to be too vulnerable. I wouldn’t open myself up as much to people, I wouldn’t get into any more relationships, I wouldn’t do any of that because the last time I did, it fucked me up. And I know you’re nothing like him, but it still scares me shitless. It scares me that you waltzed into my life and made me feel this way in such a short amount of time. It scares me that you made me want to forget all those promises I made to myself. It scares me that you made me want all of that; that you made me want you.” You explain.

He takes a step closer to you so that you’re face to face and you can smell his cologne.

“I want you, too.” He whispers, unable to find the words to say anything else.

You look up at him, “It’s going to take a lot of time, and - and a lot of patience -”

“I’ll do it, I’ll do it all for you,” He promises, the hand that’s not holding his coffee reaching up to cup your face, your free hand laying on top.

He slowly leans in, wanting to kiss you; he’s been wanting to kiss you for seven months. He feels your breath on his lips as you speak again, “Please take care of me.” You tell him. It’s not a question, but a plea.

“I promise.” He whispers back, finally touching his lips to yours, and putting every emotion in it.

A single press of your lips to express how much he missed you, how much he’s thought about you, how much you’ve thought about him. How many times each of you came close to calling the other, unaware of the hope waiting for them to reach out. How many times he dreamed about you, dreamed about taking you out, about kissing you and touching you, about talking to you and wanting you to talk back, if only to listen to the vibrations of your voice in his ears.

Oh, how he missed you.

An afternoon he was planning to spend filling up his time with pointless tasks as a distraction is instead spent holding you in the bed in the back room of his apartment. The soft sheets and plush mattress not all that bad when he has you in his arms to share it with. Embarrassing confessions of how much he’s thought about you, including his breakdown of smashing your plant, which he can now laugh about. Tears shed as more apologies are shared among both parties, love sprouting in the place of fear of a new relationship.

How lovely it is to have you. To have a person he can be authentic with, tears and anger and happiness and laughs included. To have a person who he can take away their troubles and insecurities knowing they will do the same. A feeling he never thought he’d feel; a feeling he always assumed was reserved for the version of James Barnes that never got drafted into the army, the version of James Barnes that survived the fall and went home, or the James Barnes that never fell at all. He never thought he’d find the puzzle piece for his heart, but here you are.

It was a certain romance for two people who never thought they were deserving of love, who thought it just wasn’t in their cards. Maybe in a past life, or a future one, but not this one, not in the lifetime they just happen to be present in at the exact same time.

Perhaps it was a certain romance, or perhaps it was fate, acting through Sam Wilson on that night in that pretentious restaurant.

Which reminds Bucky, he should call his friend and thank him.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes au #marvel #so cute #sad its over

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quiet-onset · 3 years

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stw headcanons #2

Summary: Sam meets his match part 2, electric boogaloo

TW: NSFW content, do not interact unless 18+!!!, unprotected sex (just don't do it, guys), choking, allusion to overstimulation, slight degradation, slight d/s dynamic (switch!reader, dom!Sam), mentions of female-receiving oral and spanking

Wasn’t going to write a part two and this is kinda long for a headcanon but @pixieyosi asked for it and I always have sinful thoughts so here we go

The next time you both saw each other was at a group thing. Just a little movie night with Bucky, Sarah, and the boys

Neither of you tried anything risky— mainly for the sake of Sam’s nephews — but god if heated glances weren’t exchanged.

You both were only alone over when you went to get refills for the snacks.

Silently, you’d walked around each other easily, like you’d been doing this for years. Ignoring the tension. But when it came time to return to the living room, Sam pulled you close by the forearm.

“Wanna explain that video?” He whispered lowly to avoid being heard.

“Nope.” You just smiled, throwing a piece of popcorn in your mouth and walking away.

(Sam had to adjust himself in his pants before returning to the group, but he decided two could play at that game.)

Then, everyday for the next 2 weeks, Sam made it his mission to either A) piss you off enough to make you make a move or B) fluster you enough to make his own.

When you came to training sessions, his shirt would always find its way to the ground. He secretly reveled in the way your eyes were glued to his frame as he dragged the shirt down his sculpted torso, clearing himself of a layer of sweat.

Once while hanging out with Bucky, he notices your new necklace. He waited until Bucky went to the bathroom to compliment it. “Nice necklace.”

“Thanks, Wils—“ You were cut off by your own gasp as he slid one thick finger under the necklace, lightly tugging to pull you closer.

“I wanted a better look.” He chuckled at your wide, lustblown eyes, releasing his hold when he heard the bathroom door open.

Your breaking point was probably when you took pictures together. You were swaying as he kind of knocked you off balance while he stood behind you, a smile on his lips as he pulled you close with his arms around your neck.

Bucky shouted something staying still, so you went to plant your feet solidly on the ground.

But Sam pulled you close. Close enough to feel his hardened bulge digging into the swell of your ass. “You heard the man — stay still.” Sam said as he squeezed you tighter.

You both smiled for the camera, but you could feel your pussy throbbing the entire time.

Finally, at the end of the day, when Bucky decided to head back to his own place, you were both left alone. Leaning on his kitchen counter, you glared at him while he scrubbed at dirty dishes. “You must be really desperate, huh, Wilson?”

“Whatever do you mean, Y/N?”

“You have been trying to get me to slip for the last few weeks now.” You sauntered up behind him, pressing your front to his back. You chuckled when he paused for a split second before scrubbing at his last dish again, then a hand around to his chest. “All because of a little video?” You mocked.

“A little video.” He repeated to himself with a scoff. He tried to ignore your hand as it slid down his chest, over his abs, and down to his groin, cupping his erection through his grey sweatpants.

“Did you like the video, Sam?” You asked, squeezing his bulge. “Did you listen to it with your cock in your hand?”

Sam knew what you were doing, talking to him like that. After all, great minds think alike. You wanted him to break, to give into you nice and easy.

You continued to rub him through his pants as he finished with the final dish, teasing and mocking him all while he washed and dried his hands.

Then, without a second to spare, he spun around to face you and brought one strong hand to your throat. He backed you into the counter as you clutched at his wrist.

“You wanna talk about ‘desperate’? You sent me that video.” He caged you in with his body, giving you no choice but to look him in the eye. “I was happy with my hand and my imagination, used to get myself off thinking about you all the time. But that wasn’t enough for you, was it? You needed more than that. Needed me to know how bad you wanted me.”

Sam was amused by the half-panicked, half-aroused look in your eye. It was almost like you couldn’t believe you were losing this game.

The final push came when he slotted his leg between yours. You could feel his warm cock on your thigh as he pushed his own thigh into your pussy, making your hips buck involuntarily.

He chuckled at the whimper you failed to conceal, giving your throat another squeeze. “If you wanted something from me, baby, all you had to do was ask.”

It wasn’t long before he was taking you, right there in the kitchen counter. His hips slapped up against you with every thrust as he buried his hand in your curls, pulling you close to kiss you and swallow your every moan.

You felt him hitting your G-spot, arching your back as he buried his face in your neck, focused on holding off his own orgasm.

“You feel me, baby?” He groaned in your hair. “Feel me stretching out this tight pussy? Bet it feels better than your fingers.”

You tried to answer him, you really did, but all that came out were moans and whimpers. You hoped that the scratches on his back would suffice.

When he felt your cunt flutter around him, he knew you were close. He chuckled at your inability to speak before pulling you closer, hiking one leg over his shoulder.

He pressed into you, long and hard, and you let out a long drawn-out whine, your orgasm creeping up on you. “Don’t you want to come, baby?” He mocked, remembering your relentless teasing. “Want to squeeze my dick like a good little slut?”

“Please!” Finally, a word broke free that might help you.

“Well, since you’re so polite.” He chuckled, speeding up his thrusts again.

He aimed the head of his cock at your G-spot, hitting it every time without fail. Soon, you fell apart on him, trying and failing to squeeze your legs together.

Sam barely allowed you a break. He pulled you off the counter and spun you around, your ass facing him.

(Of course, he couldn’t stop himself from fulfilling his fantasy of spanking your ass until it was feathered with a deep shade of red under the brown.)

After spending a generous amount of time on his knees, licking through your folds and sucking your clit till you could barely stand, he slid his cock into you once more.

“Y’know,” He grunted as he pulled you up by the hair, wanting to make sure you heard him, “For someone who prides herself on getting what she wants, it didn’t take long for you to give in to me, did it?”

“A hand around your throat and my cock against your thigh was all it took?”

“Maybe you were looking for someone to use you.”

“Not someone.” You choked out as your pussy squeezed around him, a reaction to his filthy words. “Just you, only you.”

Sam let out a deep chuckle at that, a strange sense of pride swelling in his chest. He wrapped his hand around your throat and pulled you closer, arching your back just a bit more as he plowed into you. “That’s a good girl. My good girl, yeah?”

That was when the begging started. He knew what you were begging for, but he wouldn’t give it to you until you said it. “Just ask me, sweetheart, and I’ll give it to you.”

Tears began to fill your eyes as he reached his other hand around to rub your clit in slow circles, a sharp contrast to his rough thrusts into your wet, pulsing heat aimed at your G-spot. “Please, I need to come! Wanna come while you fill me up.”

“What a good girl, askin’ for what you want.” He praised, rubbing your clit in fast, tight circles. He felt his own orgasm coming fast, his balls tightening with every thrust into your heavenly cunt. “C’mon, come all over my dick, baby. Milk my cock with your pussy.”

You weren’t sure when your orgasm hit, but the white-hot pleasure practically blinded you, made more intense by the fact that Sam hadn’t stopped thrusting.

One breathtaking orgasm strung into another as your knees began to buckle. He held you up through his last few rough thrusts before his cock twitched inside you, shooting his come deep inside your pussy while you shuddered around him.

His groans and deep, slow thrusts that pushed his come back into you made you whimper as he placed open-mouthed kisses across your back.

“I know we did this backwards,” He said in between deep breaths, “But I would really like to take you on a date.”

You let out a breathless laugh, “As soon as I can walk again, we can go wherever you like, Sammy.”

#stw headcanon series #sam wilson x black!reader #sam wilson x reader #marvel x black!reader #marvel x reader #sam wilson fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #sam wilson smut #marvel smut

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bookishofalder · 3 years

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Night Changes [Eight]

Summary: 34 ABY.

Warnings: Angst, smut (a large amount of smut!), fluff but it’s sad, I’m sorry this one hurts. WC—+12K

A/N: Wow I can’t wait to get your feedback on this. BUCKLE UP!

34 ABY - Location Unknown - Aboard Star Destroyer ‘Finalizer’

“I had no idea we had the best pilot in the resistance on board,” A cold, modulated voice woke Poe from his troubled slumber—his pathetic attempt at rest, considering he was strapped upright, his hands and legs restrained from moving at all.

The First Order goons had been on him for hours before finally giving up, realizing with each slice into his skin or blow into his side that he only grinned wider. He wasn’t going to give up anything, even if they pulled his eyes from his head, and they seemed to understand that and left him alone, he wasn’t sure for how long now. He’d assumed they’d left him to die.

He tilted his head up, his neck protesting at the movement before his eyes landed on the figure across the dark room. The man was tall, covered from head to toe in black, his face covered by a dark helmet. The modulated, amused-sounding voice spoke again when Poe made no reply, “Comfortable?”

“Not really,” He admitted, glaring even though he was curious as to who this new arrival was. He didn’t seem bothered by Poe’s sarcasm.

“I’m impressed,” The First Order man stepped closer to him as he spoke, “No one has been about to get out of you what you did with the map.”

Poe looked where he guessed the man’s eyes would be, “You might want to rethink your technique.” He challenged, his body tensing in preparation for whatever violence it was about to endure.

Only, the man reached up a gloved hand, palm open towards him. For a beat Poe was confused.

For a beat, nothing.

And then the oddest sensation, like a hand dipping beneath his skull and squeezing his brain, and he almost gasped. He let out a small breath, his eyes dropping from the masked man because—he needed to focus, to push this pain away, to prevent...what was he doing to him?

The pain and pressure doubled and Poe slammed his head back into the headrest, unable to hold in his pained groan, his entire body protesting at the invasion. He tried to push at it, but there was nothing he could find to push against, it was invisible, it was nothing.

The man tilted his head, “Where is it?”

Ah, he was trying to get to the map. In Poe’s brain, using a-a something that he’d only ever heard tales about, never seen, thought was long gone. He hadn’t been prepared for this sort of attack, this form of torture that seemed to make his brain want to cooperate, just for relief.

He thought of you, then, and what you said any time there was a close call, an enemy with the upper hand. It spilled out of his lips, automatically, “The Resistance will not be intimidated by you.”

The pressure increased again and fuck, fuck if it didn’t hurt worse than any other pain in his life, the pain of losing Charlie, of losing you, the pain of stab wounds or blasters to the leg. This hurt so much worse and he wanted it to stop but he couldn’t let it—as long as he was in pain, the information was safe. He’d go down burning, he had to!

“Where is it?” The man sounded frustrated, his hand moving closer to Poe as that pressure continued to build and build and he had to swallow it, let it happen, let the pain exist.

He tried something, then, in desperation. Poe let his brain flood with the memories he had of you, each one like a movie, and thrust them toward his interrogator, let him see the most vivid thoughts he had instead of the location of the map.

Poe stared down at you, his eyes threatening to blur with the tears he was shedding, and he had to keep blinking to clear his vision. You looked beautiful, standing before him in a simple lace dress, your lower lip trembling as you gave your vows.

“...and that was how we met, on the day of your mother’s funeral—the woman whose ring I’ll wear now, honouring her. Honoring you. I’ve loved you my whole life, Poe Dameron...”

“Pretty,” The man murmured, and Poe wasn’t sure if it was working or not so he kept thinking of the day he married you, pushing the memories at the man before him.

You were wiping at your tears as he spoke, holding your hands tightly in his own and working hard to keep himself from sobbing through his vows.

“...you and I were never honest with each other like we should have been. We built up our whole lives around each other, and then we lost Charlie,” He paused there, leaving a moment of space for your brother. “And we crumbled, each in our own way because we didn’t have a solid foundation. The truth is, the day Charlie died there were only two ways that could have gone, and we both know that the version where you died, where he didn’t save you, was never really an option. And I was-was angry at him for doing it but angrier at myself for how happy I was that I didn’t lose you. And now we’ve come back to each other and we have that foundation and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making up for lost time, sweetheart.”

He pushed the memories from his mind. As if eager for the man to see the greatest moments of his life. Like a movie. Because he had to protect the map, he had to.

And he didn’t need to protect you any longer.

The last memory slipped through, he hadn’t meant to think of it. Tried not to, always-but he was weak and the pressure and pain were blinding him. It just appeared, and the man saw it, Poe knew he did when he saw his head tilt a little more as if interested in what he saw.

“Pity,” That cold, modulated voice didn’t sound like he thought it was a pity at all. “Well she certainly can’t have it, can she? Tell me where it is.”

The hand hovering in front of Poe’s face twisted and the pressure on his brain increased rapidly until he couldn’t bear it any longer and he let himself scream, and scream, and scream...

Right before he passed out, he thought first of BB8 hurrying away with the map on Jakku. And then Poe thought of you, his beautiful wife, and how fucking much he already missed you.

Life was now so surreal to Poe, in the best ways, that just the knowledge he could touch you whenever he wished made it difficult to stop himself from doing just that. A hand trailing down your back, a brush of his lips against your temple, his body pressed against yours, even reaching up to cup your cheek. And while you seemed to enjoy the attention, often shooting him little smiles that made his insides warm, he could see that currently, it was irritating you.

“Poe, we’re supposed to be blending in here and if you keep giving me those ‘I’ve seen you naked’ eyes it’s going to attract attention.” You carefully adjusted the scarf you wore, which served both to protect you from the suns of Tatooine, and keep anyone in Mos Espa from being able to identify you.

Poe wore one similar around his neck, his hair gelled back in a way he thought looked awful (and confirmed when he’d stepped out of the ship’s fresher earlier and you laughed, hard). Today’s mission was more personal, though it had been approved by General Organa. Jess Pava had located, purely by accident, the location of the Twi’lek man, Dario, who had tried to capture you and Poe back on Takodana months prior after giving over First Order intel. He was in hiding from both the Resistance and the First Order now.

Poe sighed dramatically, dropping his hands to his sides as you continued walking, his eyes sweeping the crowds of the busy city street, “I can’t help it. We’re still in the honeymoon phase.” He argued, and you giggled in response.

“We’ve been married five weeks, Poe, the honeymoon phase is the entire first year.”

Poe mulled this over, biting back his smile so as not to stand out to those passing by in the opposite direction. He still couldn’t believe you had agreed to marry him if he was honest. It all felt too good to be true, but if there was one thing he’d learned as a Rebel all these years it was to enjoy the good while he could—he wasn’t spending a lot of time ruminating. He was instead regularly replaying in his mind how quickly you’d said yes, the excitement and joy and adoration that had split your face into a wide grin as he kneeled before you the morning after your feelings for one another finally came out.

“Let’s get married, flyboy.” You’d said, and he’s not sure he would ever come down from the high those words provided.

It had been a bit of a whirlwind, after that. You had still needed a few days' rest to get your voice healed up, and Poe was only able to spend that day with you before being called back to duty. While he’d been gone on a mission, you had organized everything from the comfort of his room, first telling only your closest friends—Tahla, Temmin and Kare. Then you had located the base officiant to ask for her to wed you and Poe in a private ceremony upon Poe’s return.

It was amusing how everyone took the news. You’d described to Poe how Temmin and Kare had high-fived one another, while Tahla had merely laughed, nodding his head in an annoyingly knowing way.

When Poe had arrived back on base, he’d sought you out in his room to find you being examined by Tahla and a medical droid, the former happily declaring that your voice was as good as new. He had then congratulated you each on the happy news and assured you both that he could remain for the ceremony with a cheeky sort of grin.

Poe married you the very next morning. The ceremony was small, just you and Poe, your three friends and the officiant. BB8 had also been present, happily beeping the moment Poe began to cry-which was around the time when you’d surprised him by taking your father’s wedding band from his droid and presenting it for Poe. You told him that as much as you were meant to wear his mother’s wedding band, the same went for him wearing your fathers. You said Charlie would have wanted it to end up in his hand, regardless of who he married, anyway. Poe had replied that he was always going to marry you.

That had been, quite easily, the best day of his entire existence.

After the ceremony, Poe had whisked you off to a nearby beach, the flight a mere ten minutes, where you would enjoy a short three-day honeymoon together camping, surrounded by nothing but sand and water, sunshine during the day and the stars twinkling by night. Temmin had helped Poe to pack camping supplies and promised to keep BB8 safe as he and Kare went off with the droid on a mission alone.

He made love to you on that beach—sand got everywhere, of course, so he took you again in the water that you’d entered naked with the intent to clean up. And again in the tent after dinner. He woke in the middle of the first night and spent a good twenty minutes eating you out before you’d woken, your orgasm ripping through you moments later when you realized what he’d been doing. You’d returned the favour the next night, pulling Poe from a deep sleep by sucking his cock so expertly he saw stars, then drinking down everything he’d given you when he came while moaning sinfully.

“Alright,” You drew his attention from his thoughts—thankfully as he was starting to get hard thinking of the honeymoon. Stepping out of the way of foot traffic, you peered nonchalantly across the road at a grubby-looking cantina. “Jess said he’s in there about this time every day. We just have to wait for him to come out.”

“Uh-huh,” Poe stepped closer to you, an eyebrow quirked, “And not shoot him on sight, right Major?”

You bristled immediately, “I am not going to kill him. Here.” You jerked your chin up stubbornly and Poe chuckled, leaning down and capturing your kips against his softly.

When he pulled back, you threw him a mock glare, “You shouldn’t get me all worked up when you know we don’t have the ship to ourselves, Commander.” You made busywork of adjusting your scarf, eyes back on the cantina.

Poe grinned down at you, “We could knock Dario out-“

“Yeah? And what about our dear Captain? You think Snap would mind?”

He blinked, momentarily having forgotten Temmin was waiting on the ship for them, even though Poe had been the one to ask him along as backup.

“Shit,” He mumbled, and you rolled your eyes goodnaturedly.

He let you think he was annoyed at the lack of privacy, but the truth was Poe had asked Temmin along because he had become extraordinarily overprotective of you since the wedding. After the honeymoon, you’d rejoined him in the field and the first moment he saw you with your blaster at your hip, something inside of him had just...snapped.

He’d realized after your attack on Canto Bight that losing you wasn’t an option, that your life was worth more than winning the war to Poe. It had scared him, to think like that, and everything after that had happened in such quick succession that he’d pushed the thoughts back. But then that first mission together as a married couple had occurred and he realized how intense those protective, selfish thoughts were. And he was being selfish—because you were one of the best fighters, best pilots, the Resistance had. Which was why you’d been brought to D’Qar to join his team in the first place, of course. Limiting your fieldwork would have been as much as a disservice to the Rebels as it would have been to his marriage, so he didn’t even consider asking you to stop.

Well, he’d only considered it very briefly.

He knew what you would say, if he did ask, anyway. And truly, his belief in your capabilities hadn't diminished in the slightest; he simply couldn’t fathom the idea of you being hurt. Even here on Tatooine, he was keenly aware of all possible threats to you—to YOU, not to the Rebels, not himself. Hell, at that very moment he could see you were covered in a layer of sweat, courtesy of the over-hot planet, and the urge to whisk you somewhere cool and out of the sun was almost as powerful as his desire to complete this mission.

He was aware that his scales were not, in fact, balanced.

No, they’d tipped right over in your favour, though he kept you unaware of that knowledge, and every day now was a struggle when Black team was on a mission. The best he could think to do was bring back up, just in case, and always keep you close to him. If he had to jump in front of gunfire for you, he would in a heartbeat.

If he ever started to feel guilty over these feelings, he would think of your brother. Charlie would, no doubt, be thrilled that Poe and you had married, that Poe had officially made you his top priority.

D’Qar Five Weeks Ago

“I know I said you didn’t have to help,” Poe crawled towards you on the makeshift bed you’d put together inside the tent, his voice low, “But I’m glad you did, sweetheart. Got us to this part quicker.” He wiggled his brows at you and you giggled, your eyes following his movements hungrily as he climbed over your body.

“What if I tired myself out, flyboy?”

Poe smirked, pressing his body over yours, “That’s okay, sweetheart. I can take care of you, just relax for me.” He began to kiss a trail up your neck and along your jaw, lifting one hand to gently coax you to settle into the cushions. You allowed your warm body to go limp, signalling a trust in Poe he still had trouble feeling worthy of, and let out a small sigh of content.

He wasted no time in ridding you of your clothing, immediately devouring newly exposed skin with his mouth as he did. He was marvelling over how much his life had changed in the last week, how incandescently happy he was. When a whimper fell from your lips as he circled his tongue over one of your nipples, he drew back and saw your eyes blown wide with lust.

“You’re such a tease.” You mumbled, reaching down to palm his erection over his khakis. Grinning widely, he leaned away and quickly stripped himself before bringing his body to settle over yours again, this time skin to skin. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding him close.

“Oh sweet girl,” He murmured into your ear as he reached between your bodies to run two fingers through your slick, “So wet for me already.” He withdrew his hand and gently rocked his hips forward, moving slowly as he sunk into you, a gasp falling from his lips at the sensation of your tight heat clenching around him. Perfect, you were utterly perfect.

Your back arched slightly as Poe filled you, angling to allow him to sink deeper, “Poe, Stars!” You whimpered, your hands sinking into his curls while he lazily worked his hips, drawing sweet little noises from your lips. It wasn’t the first time you’d made love that day, yet the intense desire you felt for one another was clear, heavy in the air around you, drawing you back to each other as nothing else could.

Being with you like this felt too good to be true, the sort of euphoria that must come with a limit, and so he savoured every second, drawing each thrust out as long as he could as he peppered your pretty face with kisses. “I love you...wife.” He joked, and you giggled beneath him, your legs tightening at his waist.

“I love you too, husband.”

You pressed at his chest then, signalling your desire to flip over, and Poe clutched your hips as he rolled, keeping himself buried within you as he laid on his back. When you relaxed atop him, his cock sunk even deeper and he grunted at the sensation, “Fuck, baby, so tight for me.”

With a moan, you started to move, rolling your hips to keep him deep within you and chasing your own pleasure, hands braced on his chest to hold yourself steady. Watching as you rode him, your breasts jiggling temptingly and skin gleaming with sweat, was one of the hottest things he’d ever seen. He never wanted to leave this beach.

“That’s it, sweet thing, bounce on my cock,” He gritted out, lifting his arms and grabbing at your tits, “Be as loud as you need, baby, no one can hear us out here, fuck.” His head dropped back onto the pillows as a wave of pleasure seemed to roll through your body, the resulting tightening around his cock pulling loud grunts from him and threatening to make him cum.

You started a steady stream of moans then, your pace remaining consistent as you whimpered and cursed, the hands on his chest pressing hard enough that he could tell you were attempting to prevent him from taking over; you wanted to be in control. The realization made his cock twitch, and you seemed to sense his thoughts as you glanced down and bit your lip, meeting his gaze.

“Poe, I’m so close,” You sighed, and he let go of one of your hips to rub his thumb over your clit, circling just how he knew you liked it, how he’d learned over the past few days.

The resulting orgasm rocked your entire body before you seized up and he swore your pussy was gripping him almost too hard, and then he was coming too. It was different, in a good way—he wasn’t moving his hips at all, yet you were milking his cock as you came around him, your hips still moving back and forth, and the surprise of it made Poe come even harder, “Oh stars, sweetheart!” He grunted, his entire body twitching until you finally collapsed and he caught you, holding you close while you both panted heavily.

“Poe?” You whispered, your face nuzzled into his neck.

Poe’s arms tightened around you and he kissed your hair, “Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I’m starving. No more sex, please feed me.”

Laughing, Poe lifted you lightly, each of you groaning at the sensation as he slipped from you and your mixture of fluids spilled out onto his thigh.

“Okay, sweet girl, let’s eat.”

It went without saying that you would enjoy one another for dessert.

You perked up suddenly, eyes still on the cantina, and Poe casually glanced over his shoulder. Spotting Dario ambling out of the door, he felt a lick of heat crawl up his spine; that asshole had pointed a blaster at you. He was going to turn you both over to the First Order, who would have tortured and killed you. Maybe Poe should have been more concerned that he would kill Dario, rather than arrest the motherfu-

“Let’s go.” You grabbed Poe’s arm and tugged, starting forward as Dario turned to walk up the road. Considering the Twi’lek was in hiding, he didn’t exactly hasten to return to the comfort and safety of his temporary home. It was easy to catch him up, and you tossed Poe a delighted little smile before surreptitiously unholstering your blaster and pressing into Dario’s back.

Dario made to turn, a small noise of surprise huffing out, but Poe threw an arm around his shoulder before he could see you and smiled. “Dario, dear friend, it’s good to see you.” He tightened his hold to an uncomfortable pressure.

“Ah, fuck.” Dario grumbled, putting up no fight. His eyes widened when you used your free hand to search him for weapons and pulled out his old blaster, tucking it into your waistband.

“Fuck is right,” You hissed, pressing the blaster a little harder into his back, “You’re coming with us, Dario. The Resistance has questions for you.”

Poe smiled at you proudly as you each led Dario through the streets towards the waiting ship. He saw you biting back your smile—you were much better at acting appropriate in the field than he was, though he had to admire his strength; the urge to kill Dario on sight had almost made him see red.

But that would have made the mission a failure, as Dario could have information the Rebels could use, and getting him out of the reach of the First Order ensured that he could not give them information about the Resistance.

Still, Poe would ensure his capture was far from comfortable.

Poe’s hand had found its way to your lower back, where he pressed it gently as you walked along beside him from your post-mission check in with the General. “You didn’t need to punch Dario the second time, Flyboy.” You teased, the memory of Poe punching the traitor before pushing him into the base’s lock-up making your lips tug up at the corners.

He laughed, shrugging as you weaved through the busy hallways, both nodding polite greetings to those you passed. Everyone referred to you as Major Dameron, now that word had spread through the base these past six weeks that Poe Dameron and (y/n) Horn had been married. You knew for certain you’d never been happier in your life, and based on how Poe could barely keep his hands off of you, he was enjoying life just as much.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just tag along for your check-up?”

You rolled your eyes, glancing up at your husband with mild exasperation, “Poe, it’s an annual,” You reminded him, stopping in your tracks to step close to him and peer up at his handsome face, “Go work on your mission report and I’ll see you in the room later, alright?”

When he merely grinned at you mischievously, you giggled before sliding your hands up to the back of his neck, pulling him down to you. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips first, something you noticed he did a lot, as though he were testing that he was still allowed to kiss you. He then cupped your jaw in his hands and met you again, this time in the sort of kiss that made your knees shake, his tongue tracing along your lips teasingly before he pulled back and pressed a more chaste peck to your forehead.

“See you later, sweetheart.” He murmured, his tone suggesting your evening would be a long continuation of that kiss. You felt very warm when you smiled up at Poe before spinning and walking down the hall to the med bay, fully aware his eyes were on your ass.

The med bay was fairly quiet when you arrived, the nurse at the main desk seemed to be peering off at nothing, lost in thought. You cleared your throat awkwardly and she started before a polite smile appeared and she rolled her eyes at herself.

“Sorry about that,” She said, and you waved your hand to show there was no need, “What can I help you with?”

“I have an annual, Major H-um, Major Dameron.”

The nurse smiled more broadly and winked at you before standing, “Come with me, dear.” She led you through to the back, past the emergency section and into the further depths where offices and operating rooms were located. She gestured for you to enter a doorway you had plenty of times before, where annual checkups and post-mission physicals were done. “The medical droid will start on your readings after you change into your gown and the Healer will be here shortly.”

You thanked the nurse before she left, then walked over to the bed and plucked the gown from where it was folded. You changed out of your clothing quickly before tugging it on, then hopped onto the bed to wait. When the droid came in moments later, you stuck out your arm and let it begin its work taking your blood pressure, a small sample of blood, examining your eyes and ears, everything all so routine you were as zoned out as the nurse had been when you arrived.

A younger female Healer walked in as the droid took your temperature, smiling warmly. “Good afternoon, Major. I’m Healer Boyd.”

“Nice to meet you, Healer Boyd,” You replied, watching as she looked down at the droids readings displayed now on her tablet. All was quiet for a few minutes until the droid was at the implant in your arm performing the routine scan. The droid beeped after the first scan, then scanned again and this caught your attention as you’d never needed multiple scans to get a reading on the birth control implant.

Healer Boyd glanced up from her tablet and walked over to the droid, “Let’s do that once more, please.” She directed, and the droid repeated the scan once more, then beeped indignantly. Her eyes narrowed fractionally in confusion and she stepped up to you, her hand reaching for your arm, “I’m just going to have a feel, seems the implant isn’t giving a reading—which I have seen before; we might switch it out today.”

Her fingers gently prodded around the skin until she pinched up a small section of your upper arm and the droid attempted the scan again. The Healer hummed when the droid beeped indignantly, and then walked over to a supply cabinet and began riffling around.

“I thought these implants lasted longer before needing to be changed out?”

“Usually, yes, but sometimes the implant does have to get exchanged earlier, it’s not an exact science,” She turned and settled onto a stool next to you, offering you a smile, “But that’s why we do the scans. And of course, the implant still does its job while it’s in your arm. I’m just going to ask you to lie down for me while I do the switch...that’s great thank you.”

You closed your eyes once you were laying on your side, grateful the procedure was painless but not interested in seeing it for yourself. The Healer worked quietly while extracting the implant and you had begun to mull over how they even worked, your medical knowledge in the area fairly basic, when she made a sudden noise of surprise.

You glanced up at her, then followed her startled gaze to the implant held in the extraction prongs. Even you could tell it looked wrong like the tiny medical device had been set on fire, no longer sleek but rather mangled and lifeless.

Healer Boyd stared at the device for a few beats, then looked up at you. “I’m going to have to make a call.”

You waited impatiently for half an hour for Healer Boyd to return, no longer laying on the bed but instead pacing around the small room nervously. You seriously hoped you weren’t about to find out you had some sort of disease or illness, because that seemed like the sort of luck you would have. Though you hadn’t ever heard of any that disintegrated medical devices.

When the Healer did finally reappear, the expression on her face was tightly pleasant, like she was readying herself. “Major, I’ve just been in touch with Healer Martell and his team,” She began, gesturing for you to take a seat.

Tahla had gone back to the outpost he worked from the day after your wedding. So why he was the one Healer Boyd had called only further confused you. “Okay, why...” You trailed off, swallowing heavily.

“I believe you were told that the pollen you and Commander Dameron were exposed to during your mission earlier this year was very rare. So rare in fact that some after-effects are unknown,” She glanced at her droid, which moved forward and began to bandage up your arm where the implant had been removed from, first peeling off the gauze that had been placed there temporarily. You watched with narrowed eyes—they still needed to put in a new one. “And we haven’t ever had a situation where those who were exposed were left untreated for as long as you and your husband were. I ran a few tests on the device while I spoke to Healer Martell. It appears the long-term exposure allowed the pollen to...treat the device as white blood cells would a foreign contaminant.”

You stared, “The pollen destroyed the implant?”

“Yes,” She replied slowly, taking her stool and sitting on it directly in front of you now, “Of course, checking the implant was never a thought-we’ve simply never seen this before. Your implant hasn’t been working since around the time you and the Commander collapsed on base.”

You didn’t understand why she was sitting so close, nor why the droid had left your arm bandaged. “But I can get a new implant, right? Tahla assured me-assured us both, that we no longer have pollen in our systems.” You tried to keep your voice steady, unsure of what emotion you were even experiencing at the moment, just that you could feel it bubbling up inside of you.

“He was correct, you both are free of the pollen. And we can put a new implant in, however not at this time,” And she reached out then, her hand grasping one of yours firmly, “You’re pregnant, Major. Based on today’s check-up, it appears you are about six weeks along.”

Well, fuck.

The first thing Poe noticed when you walked into the room was the bandage on your arm. He’d been sitting at the desk, typing out his report, when you arrived, your expression unreadable.

“Sweetheart,” He shot out of the chair and crossed the room in two strides, one hand landing on your cheek and the other gesturing at your arm, “Did a med droid malfunction?”

You laughed, “No, I’m alright,” Your voice was an octave higher than usual, and your eyes were glassy, not meeting his but instead looking somewhere over his shoulder. “Do you think Charlie would be proud of me? Of how far I’ve come, that I hold the same rank as he did?”

Caught off guard by the question, Poe glanced behind him and found you were staring at the picture of the three of you he had on his corkboard. “Yes, of course, he would,” Concern now flooding him, Poe led you to the bed and helped you take a seat. You still didn’t meet his eyes, your expression torn. “Charlie was proud of you before you even joined the Resistance. Once you did join—hell, he bragged about you all the time.”

“And you? You’re proud of me?”

Poe stared at you for a beat before dropping to his knees in front of where you sat. Sliding between your legs, he gripped your thighs tightly, “What’s going on? Did you get pulled from duty? Are you sick?”

You shook your head, then dropped it to Poe’s shoulder where he could hear you taking slow, measured breaths. “They didn’t pull me. But they suggested different duties.” Poe wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tight, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before pushing you back so that he could look at you again. You bit your lip, your eyes flicking to his and then away. Poe waited as patiently as he could for you to elaborate. “They said—it might be best for me to keep away from the riskier missions. From combat. Because of my condition.”

Poe frowned, his stomach tying itself up in knots of concern, “Condition?”

He saw it then, a brief flash of the emotion you were holding back—joy. It was fleeting like you were scared of it, but it made the whole odd conversation you were now having with him make a little more sense, made your next words a little less shocking.

“I’m pregnant, Poe. My implant was destroyed by the pollen before we...” You trailed off, rubbing your hands over your face and then meeting his gaze again, “They said about six weeks along, so still early which is why I haven’t had any symptoms.”

Poe had lived his life since joining the Resistance with the knowledge that each day that he didn’t get hurt, captured, or killed, was a day to celebrate. After Charlie had died, and you had left, he realized that a single moment could alter his entire existence. One night could change everything, and he only had so much control.

You coming back into his life, that had been a gift. After forgiving one another for the past, you had a chance for a fresh start. And he’d been happy with that, just knowing you were his friend again and that you cared for him--it was enough.

But then you’d told him you loved him. And it had been like every moment, every breath he’d ever taken, had been leading up to that night-as right as it felt, that feeling of coming home, joining his body with yours. Finally saying everything he’d held in for so long, that was as good as life could get. It was perfection, and he had no right to demand more—until he did, and he asked you to marry him, and you’d said yes so quickly and smiled so widely that he remembers, distinctly, thinking to himself, ‘yes, this is enough.’

Pregnant.

The reality of having a child when you were soldiers in the war against the tyranny of the First Order, weighed heavily over the good news. But his first emotions, which hit him like a tsunami, were of radiant joy, the best kind of tears springing into his eyes as he gazed at you, his beautiful wife, his best friend, his soulmate, in wonder. Because surely, even though it was unexpected, life could not be this good? He wanted to ask you to pinch him, just to prove he wasn’t asleep and dreaming up this life with you, but he found words hard to come by, so he smiled broadly.

You had been watching him warily, but the moment his face split into a painfully wide grin, your own broke through and for a minute you just looked at one another, soaking up that happy, astonishing feeling.

“Sweet girl,” He breathed after a while, tears still blurring his vision, “Maker I—pregnant? Are you...how do you feel?”

“Physically, normal? I don’t know about the rest of me, I think I’m in shock.”

Poe reached one hand up to cup your jaw, stroking his thumb over your lips, “Have you...did you, uh,” He paused, wanting to word this right. He knew he didn’t need to ask you but was determined to treat you with the respect you deserved. It was your body, your choice, and the reality was you had that implant for a reason—he could not just assume your willingness, he had to be sure, to let you know he supported any decision you made. “I will support you here, no matter what you want to do, alright sweetheart? I know this is...this is huge.”

Your eyes flicked up to meet his and Poe saw a flurry of emotions cross your features as you considered the implication of his words. “Thank you,” You reached up and placed your hand over the one he had cupping your jaw, “This is huge...and unexpected, and fucking terrifying. I’ve thought about us starting a family, you know—one day. But this is, Maker, Poe, this is our baby. Ours.” You brought both hands cradle over your stomach, a mixture of protectiveness and happiness colouring your words.

The sight of your hands pressed where you were growing his child, the way you spoke so strongly, it did something to Poe. Like it was the final piece of his life, slotting into place and completing him, his chest expanding from the force of it all. He suddenly felt stronger, wiser—and more in love with you than ever, if that was even possible.

He reached out somewhat tentatively, placing a hand over the top of yours where it rested on your so far unchanged stomach, his eyes moving upward until he met your gaze. You drew in a breath at the expression on his face, your eyes widening.

“Ours,” He repeated, his voice low and thick with emotion, “Our family.” He leaned forward then, and captured your lips in a soft kiss, losing himself in the moment. You kissed him back eagerly, your eyes on his lips when he eventually drew back.

“I realize what this means—what keeping the baby will mean,” You admitted sadly, “Even without the Healer’s recommendation, I understand I can’t go into the field any longer. You and I were already blurring the lines of protocol to keep each other safe.”

Poe nodded in agreement, his hand tightening slightly at your stomach, “You are sacrificing a lot to do this, sweetheart. Please know that I understand and I’ll do anything I can to make sure you’re happy. I’ll talk to Leia in the morning, ensure we get you a good assignment here.” He felt a little helpless, now, realizing that you had nine months of pregnancy to endure and he could only do so much to help you.

“We’re going to figure this out,” You spoke almost as much to yourself as to Poe, your brows pinching together, “Family comes first, always. So we’ll figure this all out. Together.”

Outwardly, Poe nodded and smiled at you encouragingly. Inside, however, a spark illuminated the stark reality--that he was currently sitting with the love of his life, who was pregnant with his child, in the secret base for the Resistance.

Arguably one of the most dangerous places in the galaxy.

34 ABY - D’Qar

Five months pregnant.

Shit, you were exhausted.

It had been another long day. You wanted to blame the baby for draining your energy, but you knew that it wasn’t realistic—you were more mentally exhausted than anything.

Anytime Poe was away for more than a few days at a time, your anxiety spiked and you had trouble focusing on much else. You had surprised yourself, when you first found out you were pregnant, over how quickly the resolve to pull yourself from combat and flight had come over you. You didn’t even miss flying because Poe would bring you out for ‘test flights’ whenever he could get the time, give you a chance to stretch your wings, figuratively, and break any monotony in your schedule.

But you didn’t find your new job boring, because you worked directly for General Organa. You advised and planned and aided her on the daily, in whatever capacity needed, which sometimes allowed you to get a glimpse of the kind of horrors the First Order was performing across the galaxy and it only fueled your internal fire to work hard-not just for her, but for everyone. For the oppressed, those captured, those who had been lost, and especially for your little family. If you could bring this baby safely into the galaxy and give them a good home, then it was easily worth the long hours.

But you worried constantly over Poe. He was out there with Temmin and Kare on dangerous missions; you could do nothing to calm your nerves, and it drained you. Sometimes there were several days between communications and you would inevitably begin to spiral, convincing yourself he was captured or dead, always waiting for the dream that was being married to your best friend to turn into a nightmare.

His missions lately had been especially dangerous, as Black team had been finalizing the search for pieces of a map that lead to Luke Skywalker, Leia’s brother. The infamous Jedi went missing after a tragic event no one knew the details of. Even Leia kept that one close, and you never tried to ask. She simply told you that it felt necessary to bring Luke back, not only because he was her brother but to fight the First Order. That was enough for you—if you could bring your brother back, you would stop at nothing to do it.

When you reached the door to your shared room with Poe, your eyes fell heavily shut, relying on your memory of the space to shuffle forward, contemplating if you could manage a shower while this tired or if you should just go straight to bed. You were convincing yourself to shower when an amused voice cut through the air, startling you.

“Are you sleepwalking, sweet girl?”

Your eyes snapped open to find Poe sitting on the edge of the bed, his flight suit discarded on the floor nearby so that he only wore his briefs and a white tee.

“Poe!” You gasped, launching yourself across the room and into his waiting arms. “Stars, you’re home! I thought you’d be gone longer.” He pulled you onto his lap as you spoke, settling you against him and wrapping his arms securely around you before burying his face into your neck. He inhaled you deeply, a new habit he’d established since you’d left Black team as if grounding himself with you.

His breath was warm against your skin when he spoke, “We were able to wrap things up quickly,” He tightened his hold on you with one arm so that he could reach between your bodies with the other and gently place his hand over the slight belly you now had. “How are you two doing? You look so tired, sweetheart.” His tone was laced with worry that you knew you wouldn’t be able to fully quell.

“We’re doing good, Poe, really. Remember what Healer Boyd said—“

Poe sighed, his lips tugging up at the corners, “It’s exhausting work, growing a human?”

You nodded and gave him your best grin, though you imagined it was more sleepy than anything. You studied your husband, from the worry in his face to the bags under his own eyes, the tension in his jaw.

You had sensed there was something he wasn’t saying for a while now but hadn’t figured out how to ask him what was going on. You had no real reason to suspect he was keeping anything from you, it was more of a feeling, and you didn’t want to cause him further stress by accusing him of anything without a better idea of whether you were right.

You usually ended up convincing yourself it was just the weariness and nerves of becoming a parent, a feeling you shared. With how unexpected your pregnancy had been, and the fact that he was off-world more often than not, he must have been feeling a great amount of guilt and concern. So you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, to distract yourself from everything. To welcome him home and show him you were just fine, that you missed him.

Every time he came home from a mission, the reunions ended up like this—it was like the relief only lasted so long, therefore you each needed to try and extend that feeling by getting yourselves as close to one another as possible. Skin to skin, bodies entwined, the assurance that you were safe and loved. Your hormones were such that even just a casual look from your husband ensured you became slick with need, and it was as though Poe was experiencing his own version of the same, meeting your insatiable desire with his own at every turn.

You loved the feel of him stretching you, tonight you’d barely been able to get out of your pants before he was pulling you back onto his lap and driving into you, the need to feel one another outweighing the parts that usually preceded; foreplay, clothing removal. You were already soaking and ready for him, rolling your hips as he scooted further onto the bed so that he could brace himself to thrust upward. When he found that angle, the one that made you see stars, you let yourself scream; for him, for more, for everything.

Poe delivered, never faltering in his need to ensure you reached your peak over and over, as though he couldn’t feel pleasure unless you did. You’d never known such an unselfish lover as Poe, and it made you love him even more. Even if sometimes, you thought you might combust from the way he pleasured you, or the way he spoke when making love to you.

The reality was, you and Poe had only just begun to explore one another fully when you found out you were expecting. Newlyweds, your relationship still fresh, and then you were with child—his child—and you discovered he wasn’t only passion and sweetness and slow lovemaking, he was also commanding, cocky, and you loved it when that side of him came out.

When you’d started to show—your belly bulging slightly and your breast swelling, that part of Poe seemed to evolve, as though the sight of you swollen with his child was the sexiest thing he could ever imagine. And as you pulled your shirt over your head now, you saw that glint in his eye, the way his pupils blew out as he gazed at you, how he bit his lip before letting out a groan that you swore was the single most erotic sound in the galaxy.

“Like what you see?” You teased, running a hand down your body to rest on your bump, your hips still rolling.

Poe growled, his grip on your hips tightening, “Fuck, you are sexy,” He leaned forward and licked over your breasts as he pounded up into you and you whimpered. “Think about you t-the whole time, when I’m gone, sweet girl.”

“I know, Poe, I miss you too. Think about you when I touch myself-”

Poe’s half-lidded eyes widened, and he was suddenly flipping you carefully onto your back on the bed, his breathing erratic, “Is that true, baby? You touch that pretty cunt while I’m g-gone, wish I was here filling you with my cum?”

He started to rut his hips down at a near brutal pace and you cried out in pleasure, unable to find the words to respond. He didn’t like your silence—commanding, dominating Poe now in full force, and he leaned down to bite a mark into your neck, a snarl tearing from his throat.

He needed to hear you admit it.

“W-wish you could fuck me all the time,” You whispered, your voice cracking as he fucked you into the bed, “Isn’t nearly as—oh shit, Poe I’m gonna-“

Your back arched as the pleasure that had been building up inside of you finally snapped--that hot, wet sensation wiped all coherent thought from your mind, stars painting the inside of your eyelids. You heard yourself repeating his name as you soaked the bed with your orgasm, your walls fluttering and clenching around his cock until-

“Oh sweet girl,” He groaned, his hips stilling as he pressed deep into you and spilled his cum, his body shaking from the force of his orgasm; you clutched him close. He didn’t allow any of his weight to fall over you, pulling out slowly before flopping down onto the bed next to you and tugging you into his side. “You okay? Did I got too hard?”

You were panting, completely blissed-out, and it took a moment for his words to register, “Oh, I’m more than okay, flyboy.” Giggling, you rolled onto your side and peered up at Poe, meeting his warm eyes and smiling. “How about you, are you okay?”

You didn’t mean for the level of concern to show in your voice, but it slipped out and he caught on to it immediately, his eyes never leaving yours as he seemed to consider your question.

After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke, “I’ll be honest with you, sweetheart, I worry about you...things are—they’re getting intense out there. Leaving you here doesn't feel as much like I’m keeping you safe as it once did. If this base is ever discovered, the First Order will make its destruction top priority. They won’t hesitate to kill every single person on this planet.”

His voice was heavy, the words coming out easily enough that you knew he’d been thinking this for a long time. He sat up, sitting crossed-legged on the bed and staring across the room at nothing, and you felt a sense of dread begin to grow at the back of your mind. You suspected you might be closing in on what he’d been keeping from you, and suddenly felt afraid to know.

“Poe, we have a lot of things in place here to keep us safe. There are escape plans.”

Still looking across the room, Poe gave a small nod of his head, “But none can guarantee your safety. I know you worry about me when I’m gone—well I’m fucking terrified for you, too. And I—I...” He stopped talking, his mouth snapping shut as if he had to physically fight to keep the words in and you frowned, watching him.

You sat up, moving slowly and then reaching down to push the comforter off the bed—it would need to be laundered. You had a few extras for this exact reason. Poe was silent as you moved, his eyes staring unseeingly across the room.

“Poe,” You reached out one hand and touched his shoulder, keeping your voice level despite the nerves coiling in your stomach, “Just say...tell me what you’re thinking.”

Silence.

“Poe Dameron, look at me.” You commanded, and his eyes shot up to meet yours, widening in surprise at the fierce expression on your face.

“I—I’ve got another mission,” He began shakily, a hand coming up to rest over yours on his shoulder, “And it’s big. It’ll just be me and a lot could go wrong, and I can’t stand the idea of leaving you here, that you would stay here if something happened to me.”

You opened your mouth to argue that nothing would happen to him, that, of course, you would stay, only he turned suddenly and brought both hands to cup your jaw, the look of fear on his face like nothing you’d ever seen; you’re Poe didn’t scare, he laughed in the face of fear.

“Sweetheart, I’d be letting you down, letting Charlie down, if I failed to protect you. To protect our baby,” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and you didn't like how it felt like he was saying something in that kiss. “I spoke to Leia, a few weeks ago. I asked her...begged her to help me keep you safe.”

Your frown deepened, “I work alongside her every day, Poe, I probably have the safest job in the entire Resistance.”

He shook his head, “What I mean is, I asked her where the safest place would be to hide you until this war is over.” Poe was looking at you cautiously now, and you leaned back to assess his face.

His words confused you. You stammered your reply uncertainly, “Hide me? What do you mean—I’m not going-”

Poe’s face tightened, tears now threatening and his voice came out choked, “You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need to, sweet girl. I have to keep you safe, and the truth is if I do get captured and the enemy finds out about you, about both of you, I wouldn’t be able to do that,” Poe dropped one hand to press over your belly, the gesture both sweet and protective. Your ears were ringing, though, and you didn’t have time to appreciate it. “I don’t want to send you away, you know it’s the last thing I’d ever want, but if you go somewhere safe, then I-“

“You can what, Poe? Fight the First Order all on your own? You do realize what you’re saying, right? We both know how this war is going, it could be years before it’s over. Years before...and what if you get caught and they find out where I am? Then what?” You felt your anger and despair growing by the moment, no doubt exacerbated by the flush of hormones coursing through your system.

Poe’s eyes flicked away from yours briefly, and he gulped almost comically before looking back at you and continuing, “Well, Leia thought of that. She seems to think that...our minds aren’t always going to be safe, that the First Order has a weapon that could break through...so she knows where she is going to send you, but I won’t know. No one else will.”

You stared at your husband for a very long, tense moment.

“B-but if you don’t know where I am-“

Poe blinked and several tears began to stream down his face, “It’s the best way, the only way, to do this. And I promise I’ll fight every day to stay alive and then I’ll find you.” He tried to pull you close again only you resisted, pushing his hands away so that you could give him your harshest glare, which he flinched under the heat of.

“What if, Maker forbid, something happens to Leia? I could be anywhere, in any system on any planet, and you’d have no way to find me, you-“ Your voice started to raise, an almost hysterical surge of emotions bubbling up your chest, “It could be years before the war is over and then a decade before you’d be able to find me! That-that’s bullshit, Poe. You’re going to abandon us on some fucking random planet and we could never see you again!”

You were crying now too, the tears blurring your vision as you shouted, refusing to accept this plan. But the sad way he looked at you as he cried told you Poe was serious, that he saw this as the only way forward, and you wanted to fucking scream.

“Sweet girl, I will never abandon you. I love you so much that even if they do somehow capture me, I won’t ever break, I’ll keep fighting and then if I have to tear this entire galaxy apart, I’ll find you. I promise I will find you,” He wiped harshly at his face, then grabbed your hands and held them tightly in his own, his expression desperate, “I want to meet our baby and watch them grow. I want to give them a sibling or two, even, and grow old together. Leia has everything figured out--she’s even going to have my dad flown here; he can go with you, so you won’t be alone.”

You wrenched your hands from Poe’s and shot off the bed, your eyes widening in betrayal, “Leia has everything figured out?” You repeated, and you saw the realization of what his words had revealed flash across his face, “You-when exactly did you think I was going to get shipped off, Poe?”

He didn’t answer, and you thought back to the beginning of this conversation when he’d claimed to have a big mission in a few days. You gaped at him as the realization hit that he was here for the next several days to get you ready to leave.

To say goodbye.

You burst into tears, heavy sobs pulling from your chest because there was no arguing this, was there? If you didn’t go, he could be out there too worried about you to be focused and then it would be your fault, wouldn’t it? And he was right, this base, even if you were glued to Leia twenty-four-seven, was still a hot zone for attack should its location ever be revealed to the First Order.

And did you truly expect to raise your baby on this base? There wasn’t even any space in this room you shared with Poe for a fucking crib, no places you could go to play, no other children for your child to play with. You had known all this the moment you’d found out you were pregnant, but now the reality of it all was crashing down around you because you’d never thought it would mean having to leave Poe. Again.

Another thought occurred to you, and you ignored the way he was trying to soothe you, now sitting on the edge of the bed but keeping his distance, his expression making clear he wanted to pull you back into his arms.

“What if I don’t want any of that?”

Poe tilted his head, confused, “What do you mean?”

“What if I told you I was staying, that I would have the baby and then you could go get shipped off somewhere safe with them, that I wanted to be the one to stay and fight?”

Poe gaped at you only for a beat, “You said—sweetheart, I asked you if you wanted this and you said you did, I thought that meant you wanted to stay with the baby, that you were okay with leaving the fight. I never wanted you to feel forced to do it!”

“I know,” You agreed evenly, your voice hardening, “But I didn’t know that it meant I was going to be fucking shipped away, Poe!”

You saw him falter then, his entire argument crumbling and he slumped where he sat on the edge of the bed, his head falling into his hands, “You’re right...I’m so sorry, of course, I can’t just expect you to...Fuck.” His shoulders shook as he tried to bite back his sobs, and for a moment you stared down at him, his words doing nothing to calm you.

Because he wasn’t wrong. Sure, it was a misstep for him to just assume as the mother that you would be the one to go away and raise the baby, it was old-school thinking. But you were aware of who you married, weren’t you?

He was the best pilot in the Resistance, the strongest fighter, the best of the best. If anyone was going to win this war, it would be your Poe—and while you used to think it would include you being at his side, fighting right along with him, that was no longer the reality. You couldn’t pull the best chance the Rebels had from the fight, and you couldn’t stay and fight yourself.

Which meant you had to leave.

You stepped forward and knelt before Poe, your hands tentatively touching his thighs and he started, his head popping up, “Oh sweetheart, don’t crouch down like that-“

“I’m fine,” You interjected, sliding between his knees and reaching up to cup his face, mirroring the way he’d embraced you so many times before, “And you...you’re right. I’m sorry for—well, I hate how you’ve just sprung this on me, but I know I can’t stay here and raise our baby like this.”

Poe searched your face and you wiped your thumbs under his eyes to clear away the tears, even as the reality of what you were agreeing to settled within you. He shook his head lightly, “I didn’t know how to do this. It’s the last thing...we only just found each other again, the idea of not knowing where you are, not being able to check-in, it terrifies me, sweetheart.”

You sniffled, nodding your head, “You aren’t going to be there when I...” You trailed off, the picture in your head of giving birth without Poe by your side too hard to say aloud. He understood, pulling you close against him as he dropped to the floor, hugging you tightly as you both sobbed.

“I’m so sorry,” He murmured, one hand stroking your hair, “I promise I will find you the moment I can, and I’ll never leave your side again.”

You couldn’t help but think, at that moment, that you had been right.

The dream really was a nightmare.

35 ABY - Aboard The Falcon - Sinta Glacier Colony

Poe looked up as a distant noise sounded, peering around Chewbacca to see a wall of Tie-fighters approaching where they were docked in the Falcon. He shared a terrified look with the Wookie.

“FINN! We’re about to be cooked!” He shouted back, hoping that the transmission of the message from their unknown spy in the First Order was nearly complete-they needed to get going.

“We’re almost there!” Finn hollered back, his voice cutting off as he ran to check R2D2, and after a tense moment...“We’ve got it, Poe!”

Poe didn’t hesitate, meeting Chewie’s eyes briefly before launching the Falcon forward and away from the informant, the knowledge heavy in his mind that there was a good chance Ovissian Boolio was going to be murdered for giving them the message. But there was nothing to be done for it now; this message was of vital importance to the Resistance, they needed to get it back to base.

The Falcon raced through the bay as fighters gained on their rear. Poe had no doubt that Finn was hurrying to the shooter station, but maintained the high speed and steered as carefully as he could. They hit a corner a little close and there was a shudder throughout the ship as it made contact.

Chewie exclaimed worriedly at this, “I’m sorry, I know, I know!” Poe apologized, frantically readjusting as they heard Finn begin to fire from below. He could see a lot of bogeys on the radar still, “Finn, you’re supposed to be getting rid of those things!”

He heard Finn make a noise before he shouted back, “Got one!”

“How many are left?” Poe swivelled in his seat and started making adjustments to the ship's systems, an idea forming in his mind. Not his best, but definitely not his worst.

“Too many!” Came the response from below. Shit.

The next few moments were incredibly tense as they worked together to outmaneuver the enemies on their tail until each one crashed or was shot down by Finn. Adrenaline was running high aboard the Falcon now as the near-death moments started to pile atop one another. Mission success was currently not guaranteed. Your image appeared in his mind briefly, the memory of the last time he had seen you, the love in your eyes.

He swallowed, swerving the ship up and seeing another wall of fighters ahead, “How thick do you think that ice is?” He asked Chewie, who made a loud noise in caution but Poe only gunned it forward, until relief swept through him—they were able to break through, free of the station and in open space now.

There were still fighters in pursuit, though, so they weren’t in the clear yet. Poe gritted his teeth, briefly glancing over his shoulder to see Finn standing behind him, before bringing the ship into light speed. When he pulled back out, most of the ships had managed to follow and after a bit of complicated flying, he put the Falcon back into light speed as Finn shouted in fear from behind him.

“What are you doing?” Finn cried, gripping the back of his seat. Poe fiddled with the controls, fully aware he was pushing the ship to its limits but not willing to go down without exhausting every last effort to survive.

“Light speed skipping,” He grunted in reply, reaching up to set his parameters with one eye on the fighters still in pursuit.

“How do you know how to do that?”

Poe hit the throttle forward, throwing the ship back out of light speed, “My wife.” He replied, leaning forward and steering around the onslaught of obstacles in their direct path, simultaneously readying the ship to jump again. He heard Finn begin to react to the knowledge the Poe had been married, surprise evident in his friend’s tone, but Chewbacca’s words of caution were louder and Poe glared at him instead, “Yeah, well Rey’s not here, is she?”

He gunned it into light speed, then almost as quickly pulled them back out. His stomach was in his throat as a very large, very alive obstacle was now dead ahead, and Poe silently thanked you for having taught him about light speed jumping before readying the ship to jump again.

“Last jump,” He yelled, leaning forward, “Maybe forever-hold on!”

When they landed the Falcon back on Ajan Kloss, Poe was furious beyond all measure. It wasn’t just that he’d nearly died, again. Almost cost the lives of his friends, again. It was that Rey hadn’t been there, and she was one of the best pilots he’d ever met. She was almost as good as him, nearly as good as you had been. He was heartbroken that you weren’t there to fight anymore—but Rey was and yet she chose to stay on base and train when her joining them on a mission like this would have been a much-needed boost, a much greater chance at survival.

They hurried off the Falcon and Poe lingered momentarily to instruct the ground team, “It’s on fire! Whole things on fire!” Maker, he was getting tired of these close calls. He’d been through a lot—survived a great deal, over this last year, but today was close enough that he had felt the hands of death creeping toward him, momentarily.

When he turned away from the burning ship, Rey was approaching, her face excited despite the condition of the Falcon. He marched over to her with his face straining, attempting to keep his cool.

“Hi! There’s a spy?” She asked brightly, her gaze surveying his stiff posture.

Poe huffed, “Really could have used your help out there.” He admitted, unable to keep the vitriol entirely out of his tone.

Rey frowned, then attempted to change the subject. “How’d it go?”

Poe stopped before her, hands landing on his hips, anger flaring, “Really bad, actually. Really bad.”

“Hans ship!” She exclaimed then, gazing over at the burning Falcon and gesturing in dismay.

Before he could reply, BB8 came whizzing up to Poe, beeping excitedly in greeting. At first, he was happy to see the orange and white droid, until he looked down and realized it was pretty beat up. He glared up at Rey, “What did you do to the droid?”

“What’d you do to the Falcon?” She countered stubbornly, her arms crossing.

“Falcon’s in a lot better shape than he is, Rey!” He exclaimed, gesturing at BB8 incredulously. This was why he found her difficult-here she was, safely on base ‘training’, with the one task of minding his droid. And not only did she fail at that, but she also dared to get angry at him for getting Finn and Chewie, the intel, and himself back safely to base.

“BB8 is not on fire, Poe!”

“What’s left of him isn’t on fire!” He shouted, knowing full well that this was about more than his droid and yet struggling to see past his rage and form a proper sentence in Basic.

Rey seemed to sense his anger and took a breath, steadying herself, “Tell me what happened.”

“You tell me first, Rey.” He deadpanned, scowling.

Rey glared straight back at him, holding up her hands in frustration, “You know what you are—you’re difficult. A difficult, stubborn man.”

“You—you are-” Poe cut himself off as he heard Finn call for Rey from behind him, and instead stepped around her to drop before his droid, shaking his head. “You okay, buddy?”

BB8 beeped merrily, sharing with Poe what had happened that afternoon but cutting off to ask if he was alright. Poe sighed, running his hands over his face, but nodded to his droid.

“I’m alright. Just thinking about her a lot today,” He admitted quietly, “Now what happened to you?”

Before BB8 could reply, Chewbacca yelled to Rey and Poe heard his name mentioned before she was walking toward him again, this time with Finn in tow. “You light speed skipped?”

“Yeah, well it got us back here, didn’t it?” He shot back, his hackles raising again. Finn caught Poe’s eye, his expression bright with curiosity—he wanted to know more about you, no doubt.

“You can’t light speed skip the Falcon!” Rey cried in exasperation, her eyes wide and for one moment, Poe wanted to scream. He’d come this close to dying today and had managed to get them all home safely, even if it did mean the Falcon needed a lot of repairs. She couldn’t just thank him, maybe?

His voice was rough when he replied, “Turns out you can, actually.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up, “How do you even know-“

Finn interjected this time, “Turns out our friend here hasn’t been completely honest with us, eh, Poe?” He grinned, glancing from Rey to Poe, then winked, attempting to diffuse the tension.

With a sigh, Poe frowned before responding. Stepping closer to his friends, he kept his voice low. “That information stays between us, and Chewie, Finn.” He’d mentioned you in the heat of the moment and wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about you. But he’d spent an awfully long time holding back his truth from Rey and Finn and it was starting to feel wrong.

“What information?” Rey looked between them, confused.

When Poe looked at her, he hesitated, his gaze hardening while he considered what he was about to tell her. He trusted Rey, and Finn for that matter, but he’d chosen to keep quiet about you all this time for a reason, and it was hard to break down those walls and talk about you. He’d built them up to protect himself, to keep his pain and sorrow buried down deep.

Poe pointed between them both, his jaw set, “Between us!” He growled, giving them both a harsh look.

Finn clapped Poe on the shoulder, eyes serious, “Of course it does, man. Between us.” He agreed, and Rey nodded, her eyes wide with curiosity.

Poe hesitated for another moment, and then finally confessed.

“I’m married. You uh...you know about my best friend, Charlie...” Poe began and Rey’s expression became understanding while Finn merely gaped, his brows knitting together now in confusion.

“Charlie died,” Rey whispered sadly, recalling the conversation they’d shared a few months prior after Han had died and they were discussing loss. “And didn’t you say...you told us his sister died too—Maker, Poe-!”

Finn gasped, his face morphing in horror, “Brother, you aren’t saying your wife is d-“

Poe couldn’t even stand to hear the words, so he cut Finn off with a rough shake of his head, peering around to ensure no one overheard. “No, that’s just what Leia and I let everyone believe, who knew her. She’s alive.”

Finn’s shoulders relaxed somewhat, but Rey kept frowning at Poe, her expression uncertain. “Why did people need to think she was dead? She was one of the best fighters we had, wasn’t she? If she’s alive, can’t she come back?”

Poe shook his head, the emotions he’d held in this past year threatening to spill, and he had to pull in a few breaths to focus. He wanted his friends to understand why he kept fighting, why living and winning were so fucking important.

“I had to send her away, not long before I met you, actually, Finn,” Poe smiled at him, “I don’t know where she is, I haven’t seen or heard from her since I said goodbye, back on D’Qar. I had to ensure she was safe, even if I got captured. And no one could get her location out of me if I didn’t know it. So she’s out there, somewhere, and one day I’m going to ask both of you to come with me to meet her.”

He wiped aggressively at his face, hating the tears that spilled, and waited for their replies. At first, they were both quiet, regarding Poe with dawning comprehension, suddenly understanding exactly what he was saying.

Finn was the first to speak, his voice laced with sadness, “You haven’t seen her for over a year?”

Poe shook his head, and Rey reached out and touched his shoulder gently, her eyes softening, “You said you had to send her away...what does that mean, Poe?”

He gazed down at his feet for a moment, and when he looked up he guessed he must not have kept the emotion off of his face, as each of his friends looked at him in surprise, stilling entirely as they waited for him to reply.

“There wasn’t anything in this galaxy that could ever stop her from fighting. She was my second in command, and would still be to this day, only she-” He thought of you then, how you had long since delivered the baby, wondered how that had been for you, whether you’d recovered well. He knew his dad would be doing everything to keep you both comfortable and safe until Poe could come for you all. His heart still ached. “It’s a long story, I guess. But she got pregnant, and we both realized she couldn’t stay on D’Qar—which was the right call, because look what happened there. Leia smuggled her somewhere far away and didn’t tell me a single detail.”

Rey had brought a hand to cover her mouth in shock, while Finn’s grip on his shoulder had tightened substantially. They both stared at Poe, their expressions a mixture of sadness and joy that he felt every day.

“Poe, man, that’s incredible,” Finn breathed, shaking his head slowly, “You have...a family, you have-“

Poe cut him off with a small smile, “I’ve got a wife and a baby out there somewhere. They’re waiting for me to finish this fight and find them.”

Taglist

@mermaidxatxheart @foxilayde @eleinemk @paintballkid711 @mylifeisactuallyamess @20th-centu-fairy-girl @deitysnips @cannedsoupsucks @ubri812 @poedameronloverx @hoeforthefictional @astrological-bitch @itsnottilly @itsdameron @alex-sulli @generousrunawaydonut @wildmoonflower @onlyferorder66 @deanandbobbymcgee @afootnoteinyourhappiness

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #reader insert #fanfic #fluff #night changes series #angst #multichapter #friends to lovers #star wars #poe x you #poe x reader #poe dameron x female reader #poe dameron smut #finn and poe #rey skywalker #oscar isaac #star wars day #star wars series

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xhanisai · 4 years

Text

Blanc Noise - Chapter One

AO3 / FFN

Summary:

It first began with the feeling of being watched and the flicker of shadows.

Then along came missing items being returned in the most odd places.

Soon it was the glimpses of blue eyes in the darkness and a silhouette of white that haunted her.

Marinette thought she saved him, that she saved her Chat Noir from the dystopian timeline.

She was wrong...oh so wrong...

A/N: Wassup mah d00ds! I hope you're all doing well and everything! Anyways, on tumblr, I made a quick AU of 'What if Chat Blanc comes back but as a ghost?' and it got lots of positive attention hence I decided to start a full fledged story. After all, I am a fucking slut for Mariblanc~ Big thanks to my good friend @/gale-of-the-nomads for the title name (sometimes, he has a good idea or two despite the amount of terrible puns he spews lol). Nevertheless, enjoy! P.S: The story takes place after the episode: Ladybug. Therefore, Maître Fu is still around, the love square is still going strong and Ladybug is not the guardian. Additionally, I've tweaked the timeline. The duo have now started their final year in collège in September (the events of Ladybug happened just before the summer holidays). Do I make myself clear? Good. Have fun! Song listened to whilst writing: White Silence - TK from Ling tosite sigure

~(x)~ . . . "MmmMhmm! That smells amazing! What have brought this time, My Lady?" The feline hero leapt to his feet, faux ears and tails wiggling with delight and pupils dilating with elation. Ladybug laughed softly at her endearing partner, sitting down on their favourite beam of the Eiffel Tower and beckoning the boy to come closer, wiggling the Tupperware in her hand teasingly. Chat Noir didn't hesitate to scurry towards her, plopping down on the spot opposite the heroine as she placed the container in his greedy hands. If he wasn't such a gentleman, he would have immediately tore off the lid and scarfed the delectable goodies down his throat like the alley cat his Lady proclaimed him to be. "Guess." Ladybug humoured him. "And before you ask, the clue is that it's a savoury dish this time. Don't shake it up too much." She playfully took it away from him and then placed it on the spot between them, grinning as Chat's face scrunched up into a thinking expression. Lips pursed, eyes narrowed and arms folded. Absolutely adorable. "Hm...it can't be steamed garlic prawns. You brought that yesterday." Noir mused. "And it doesn't smell like duck pancakes either." He added, scrutinising the mystery within the container. "You mean the Běijīng kǎoyā? Not after that horrible heartburn it gave you last week." Ladybug cheekily flicked his forehead, earning an annoyed grunt from him. "Geez no need to flex on the Chinese, Mlle. I don't know a lick of Mandarin." He tried to swat away Ladybug's hands when she attempted to poke him for making fun of her, chuckling at her mock angry face. "Okay okay! I'll behave- the heartburn was worth it by the way~ I started to crave for more days after, hahaha-" "I know SOME Mandarin, stupid!" "Insults and crude words do not count, My Lady." "Just guess the food in the Tupperware already or else I won't share!" Her threat froze the black cat comically. Chat quickly blabbered out apologies, clearing his throat and then eyed the container again. The sound of his stomach rumbling broke the silence, embarrassing the hero whilst his partner barely kept in her snickers. "Vermicelli rolls?" "Nope." "Kung-Pao chicken?" "Nah." "...wontons?" "You're getting closer," "Agh...okay from when I shook it, it sounded quite hard and crispy so..." He carefully shook the container once more, ears pressed against the cool surface as he tried his best to identify the treasures. Finally, an idea struck him, evident in the way his faux ears and tail shot upwards. "Aha! Spring rolls! It's spring rolls, isn't it?" His face looked like one who won the lottery and Ladybug couldn't help but coo internally. He was such a dork. "That's right, Chaton. Now, if you guess the correct fillings, I'll let you have some." Ladybug added nonchalantly, eating up the way Chat spluttered and the frazzled gestures he made, eyes begging to let him have the treats already. "Oh come on! You're not that cruel, Bug." He pouted but didn't attempt to snatch away the container. He directed his beady glare at his Lady, arms folded. "...La-aaaaady-bu-uuuuug..." He whined. "Just kidding~ Here, Bon appétit ," Ladybug didn't waste time, tearing off the lid and beckoning Chat to take some of the spring rolls. The boy's eyes widened at the sight of the delicious looking treats. The pastry was golden and crisp, the size of each roll were consistent and big enough to finish in three bites and the enticing, spicy scent made the feline salivate. And, they were still piping hot. Hell yeah, Bon appétit indeed! Without hesitation, Chat took a bite, unaware of Ladybug's anticipating look. . "Holy shit...I'm in heaven..." The teen blurted out, eyeing his spring roll with a tearful look, as if it was too beautiful for him to eat. He shoved the whole pastry in his mouth, moaning in delight without a shame whilst his Lady's tinkling giggles was like music to his ears. What a way to spend the last evening of summer before school. A beautiful summer night, a beautiful lady and amazing food! 'Yes, this cat is content for life,' He purred to himself, smiling at his partner as she offered him another roll. "Thank dieu you enjoyed it. I wasn't too sure if you were going to be keen on the secret ingredient I mixed in with the vegetables." Ladybug twirled her roll, cheeks ever so slightly flushed with happiness. "Is it that exotic spicy scent that I've been smelling this whole time?" "Yes. Maman's friend who's from the south-east gave her these homegrown naga-chillies. They're really, really hot on their own but without the seeds, they're bearable to me and make the vegetable filling taste so good." She bit into her roll as if to emphasise her point. She was blind to the way Chat Noir watched her with a pleasant, fulfilled smile. The warmth that pulsed in his stomach provoked his heart to skip a few beats or so- a standard reaction that the love of his life always gave him. 'I wish you would be mine forever...' His unsaid words were left floating in the back of his head as he nibbled on his food. The duo spent the rest of the night laughing, joking, exchanging bizarre stories without giving away their civilian lives and before they knew it, it was midnight. "Uh-oh...I'm turning into a pumpkin! Save me!" Chat Noir wailed dramatically, curling up into a ball and leaning against Ladybug. Her hearty laughter grew in volume, the girl clutching her stomach as she gasped for a breath only for Chat to join her with his contagious laugh. Soon, they calmed down. With the calm came the thoughts. The crescent of the moon shone like a beacon. The temperature of the summer air started to cool and the beautiful city lights below shone like diamonds. The two were hesitant to leave, wanting to prolong their last summer night. The older of two wanted to spend as much time as he wanted with the girl he loved. The younger on the other hand? She wanted to keep him happy and close. After all, She would rather die than fail her partner again and let him be akumatised. Little did she know how potent her sadness was. The atmosphere turned tense in a flip of a switch, sending shivers down Chat's spine and he was quick to glance at his now, forlorn looking Lady. As if they didn't just have a laughing fit and a mini picnic. It was that damn empty, distant looking face again. The boy under the mask absolutely despised it. He would do anything to get rid of it. "You know I'm always here for you, Bug." He placed his hands on her forearms, beckoning her to look at him. Ladybug refused to meet eye contact so he tilted her chin up with a finger, delivering a soft, sad grimace. "It's been months now and yet you wouldn't tell me what happened. Did you think acting more sweet around me would distract me from your tears?" The girl hadn't noticed her eyes were watering till her Chaton pointed it out and wiped away a stray tear. She knew he was much more smarter and perceptive than most would give him credit for yet she couldn't help but pray that he would leave her be. 'He's always been too good for you. You know it. I know it. So why don't you just hurry up and throw the earrings away so that someone else who's actually worthy of utilising the power can properly look after him?' "I told you, nothing happened. Just silly, civilian stuff." Ladybug tried to shrug him off, quickly wiping her eyes and trying her best to not sniffle. "Let's just go home-" "When will you stop lying to me?" The boy hissed out, tail lashing against the beams in anger and feline ears pressed against his dishevelled locks. His acidic green eyes pierced through Ladybug's being. A deadly scowl that would surely cause the blood in Le Papillon's body to freeze and petrify him. Ladybug tried her best to not show how he surprised her, keeping a poker face and swallowed quietly. However, with the way his hands were clasped around her wrists, she feared he could feel her rapid pulse. Why was it always her that caused his rare anger to rise on an occasion or two? It was simply not fair. How righteous his anger was towards her. A sudden gust of wind swept through their hair, ending the summer season and introduced the newly born autumn with a howl. It felt like ice seeping through their suits. Yet, the polka dotted heroine didn't dare move a muscle, observing her partner with a cool, neutral expression. Chat Noir hated it. He absolutely hated it. It was one of the few faces she made when she was forced to keep a secret away from him even if it took a toll on her body and mind. He felt disgustingly useless. "I'm fine, Chat Noir." Ladybug wiggled her hands to free them of his grip, bringing them to her chest as she glanced towards the city below. "Can we please not do this tonight? Please? I want it to end on a good note." Her wish was met with a defeated sigh from her partner, not flinching for even a split second when his tail whipped against a stray beam. An echo of his anger prior. Just as it was quick to come, it was quick to leave, thankfully. "I'm not give up on you," His resolute tone induced a quiet gasp from Ladybug, the girl herself cut her gaze towards him with parted lips. "But for tonight, I'll let you be." He didn't smile but...he didn't frown either. Reaching for her hands one last time, Chat Noir brought them to his lips. His bold, fiery greens never left her soft, steady blues whilst his lips brushed against her knuckles in a traditional kiss. Taking advantage of her lack of hesitation, he kissed the backs of her hands too and then brought them to his chest so that she could feel his fierce, beating heart. It began to lash against his chest when a light rouge tinted her cheeks. "I'm always here for you, always. No matter what, you can count on me to protect you." Then, with a determined nod, he launched forward and pecked her head before letting go of her swiftly and vaulting away with an impeccable speed. Ladybug remained frozen in her position, cheeks flaming until his figure became smaller and smaller in the distance. By the time she could no longer see him, she sunk to her knees, grasping her chest as her throbbing heart felt like it was going to burst out and explode. Millions of emotions ran through her body, fighting against each other as the memory of him kissing her head replayed over and over again. Like the sweetest of poison. Addicting but deadly. Despite the warm, fluttering butterflies, despite the smooth, softness of his lips, despite the comforting, protective touch of his, Ladybug couldn't help but have the memories of the other timeline flare in her mind like a warning sign. An unwanted threat that has never failed to wreck her mind. Biting her lips, she tried to keep her tears at bay, body shaking and pushing against the sobs that threatened to spill out. She was so tempted to run back to him and tell him everything. To care for him like the way he deserves. To love him like the way he needs. Yet the haunting, crazed ice blue eyes of the past invaded the temporary soaring feelings like a virus, eating away all the positivism and hope she tried her upmost best to maintain. 'You have no right to be happy...' An ugly gloom hooded her eyes, killing all her emotions as she staggered back up to her feet, using a beam nearby for support. The harsh wind clawed through her hair, ridding her trademark ponytails of their ribbons and blowing them away to the other side of Paris. Ladybug simply didn't have the energy to get them back, using muscle memory to swing herself back home. Her ribbons long forgotten. It was a cold, bleak September now. ~(x)~ It was quiet. Too quiet. Standing up from her crouch after detransforming on her balcony, Marinette immediately spun around and glared at her surroundings whilst Tikki hovered close. Not a single sound was heard. Not even the wind. Suddenly, Marinette's heart began to pick up pace as beads of sweat started to form on her forehead. The only thing she could hear was her heartbeat as she felt something weird. Her entire neighbourhood was asleep, evident in the lights out and the pitch black environment. The only source of light in her vision were the few lamp posts on the streets as well as around the park. Yet, she couldn't ignore the feeling of being watched. Not wanting to show fear at a possible stalker, Marinette took large strides till she was at the edge of her balcony, clutching the railings and scanned the scene with more scrutiny. One of the lamp posts merely flickered as moths buzzed around it. The trees simply swayed along with the inaudible breeze. The streets and roads remained empty. Not a single soul out. Marinette exhaled softly, eyes never stopping its study of her surroundings. She took a step back, tension leaving her body bit by bit, leaving an aching throb in her chest. The adrenaline that fuelled her veins vaporised. "I don't think there's anyone around, Marinette." Tikki whispered, clutching the girl's loose strands as she also watched for anything suspicious. "Can we go back inside? I'm cold." "...okay." Marinette glared at the scene from her peripheral vision once more, almost swearing that she saw movement under one of the lamps only to brush it off as paranoia and made her way back to the trapdoor. Since she wasn't paying attention, the teen bumped into her table, almost tripping over her feet but thankfully caught herself. "Eek! Are you okay?" The little Goddess freaked out, flying in front of her charge and scanning her from head to toe for any injuries. She was waved off with a tired smile. "Don't worry, it's probably just a little...bruise...?" A slither of red caught Marinette's attention from the corner of her eye only for her to gawk. There, on the railing of her balcony was... ...One of her ribbons. Inhaling sharply and leaping towards the railings, clutching her treasured ribbon, Marinette spied around the neighbourhood desperately like a hawk. Tikki's presence on her shoulders did nothing to alleviate her stress as sweat from palpitation grew on her palms. Her mouth on the other hand ran dry and she refused to blink. She didn't dare to tremble. She was Ladybug. Nothing should scare her. ...with her partner's possible akumatisation aside that is. Regardless, Marinette fixated her stare at the specific lamp post. The area where she brushed off momentarily. The light flickered back and forth whilst moths carried on fluttering around it without a care in the world. She watched. And watched. And watched. . Still nothing. Without looking away, knuckles white from her grip on the ribbon and her free hand cradling her beloved kwami, Marinette walked backwards, gingerly going down her trapdoor and quickly closed it till it was locked shut. . The silence haunted her all night. ~(x)~ "Ma-ri-nette!!!" Instantly, said girl was glomped by her best friend in a hug that would surely asphyxiate a commoner. Thankfully, Marinette was not only Ladybug in disguise but also trained vigorously in many of the martial arts by her dear maman. "Alya! I missed you! How was Morocco with Nino and his family?" Marinette leaned against Alya as the taller of the teens hooked their elbows together, leading them inside the school. "Girllllll I have so many scoops to share, so many deets-" "The million texts and selfies you sent me daily weren't just it?" "They barely scratched the surface! But anyways, it was amazing! I couldn't believe my parents were willing to let me go even when Nora threw a fit haha! I got to relax so much, spent quality time with Nino and his extended family, took so many pictures and tried so many different food. Ah~ Best. Summer. Ever." "Oh the food...I can't believe you shamelessly ate all of that without sharing it with me," The raven-haired girl teased, pushing her hip against Alya's who pushed back without a beat. "You wouldn't be moping if you came along, Mari. Remember the tagine you tried at the local restaurant nearby and you thought that was divine? Lemme tell you, it is nothing compared to the authentic, fresh tagine made by Nino's tante. One taste and I was in heaven. Absolute heaven." "Alya you're making me jealous, I get it, I get it." Marinette playfully scoffed but then her energy soon wore off and fatigue took over her body. Alya was quick to catch the tired girl as soon as she began to sway, perfect brows sculpted in worry as she eyed her best friend. "Marinette...girl...you do not look okay. I'm telling you this 'cos I love you. Go back home and sleep." The brunette brushed Marinette's fringe gently, noting the tired, dark rings under her eyes and the unhealthy paleness of her skin. It was as if Marinette avoided the sun all her life. "I don't wanna..." The stubborn girl whined but didn't fight back when Alya led her to a nearby bench, sitting them both down. "I've been missing you all too much and couldn't wait to see you all again," She admitted, earning a coo from the curvy girl and another hug. Alya's sun-kissed honey skin was a stark contrast against Marinette's pale, porcelain skin. "Alright then but I'll be keeping an eye on you, girl. I can see the effort you put into your cute bun and soft make up. How you do your eyeliner freehand without a guide will always baffle me~" Just as Marinette was about to retort back, the duo were engulfed by a surprise hug from the back. Neither fought back as the familiar laughter and soft, masculine brown arms were registered. "Babe! And dudette! My best girls!" Nino popped his head forward, in between the girls and squished their cheeks against his. "Heyyyy~" He waggled his eyebrows stupidly, his shit eating grin widening when his girlfriend burst out laughing and Marinette following with a quiet giggle. "Nino, g'morning," Alya quickly pecked his lips. To further his dramatics, Nino pretended to swoon and flopped backwards between the girls with a dopey smile. "Finally, a good lundi morning," Nino sighed with exaggeration, his girl still trying her best to stifle her laughter whilst Marinette fondly rolled her eyes at him. "I can now brave through these useless lessons and deal with M. D'Argencourt's bullshit rambles during registration. Oh how amazing the power of lo-oooove truly is!" "Oh yeah, I almost forgot that we won't have Mme. Bustier this year. Was about to say that I was gonna miss her but not gonna lie, she lost all my respect when you got expelled." Alya huffed, pulling Marinette against her like a worried mother hen. "To think that I almost had to spend my last year here without my precious Marinette~" "But Babe! What about me?" "You wish you were as precious as sweetcheeks over here." Alya blew a raspberry at her boyfriend, cheeky grin widening at his dramatics. Marinette on the other hand simply smiled, savouring every moment. The fact that there was a possibility that she would have had to attend a different collège for her final year without her friends made her quiver and she didn't falter in snuggling closer to her best friend. She's been through so much this year. Surely she deserved some sort of happiness. Even if she failed her partner at one point... Right? 'No. You do not deserve anything but pain and suffering you selfish, self-righteous brat. Because of you, how long did your beloved partner go through that hell? How many nights did he spend wide awake after destroying the world? Face it, you don't deserve him or your friends or any sort of love-' The dark, twisted, ugly thoughts and whispers that preyed upon her mind was quick to diminish at the sound of pure sunshine. "You guys! Hey!" Marinette didn't get a chance to look up fully as she and the rest of the small group was tackled by their loving blonde friend in a comfy, sweet hug. Her heart malfunctioned on the spot as all she could smell was the fresh, crisp autumn air that lingered in his soft hair and coat. Her mind rebooted over and over again at the feel of his strong, sturdy arm wrapped around her. Her lips quaked at the feel of his brushing against her cheek despite the gleeful smile he wore. "A-A-Adrien?" The model pulled back slightly to face the stammering girl, lips quirking into a silly but sweet smile. Not thinking twice, he pressed his forehead against Marinette's tenderly, their fringes intermingling with each other and their cool breaths hitting each other's lips. Adrien's eyes sparkled like emeralds and the aspiring designer couldn't help but be mesmerised. "Missed me~?" His nose was touching hers now and his pearly whites gleamed mischievously. Poor Marinette couldn't help but blink, blush already blooming in her cheeks. Dammit. They may have gotten much, much closer yet there were still times that the boy rendered her speechless! What's with the green eyed blonde boys in her life and making her heart a complete wreck?! "B-Bro...can't breathe...I don't wanna die!" Nino's muffled pleas shattered the moment and Adrien immediately broke the hug, snickering at the way Nino gasped for air and clutched a deadpanned Alya. Though, he took a seat besides Marinette and kept an arm around her waist, leaning against her as they watched the couple bicker and banter. "Enjoyed your holidays, Adrien?" Marinette began, playing with the fraying threads of her purse and peeked at him below her lashes. Adrien hummed, sitting up and then directed his gorgeous greens at her. 'Be still, my heart.' Marinette couldn't help but beg. "It was alright. Didn't leave Paris though and had too many photo-shoots. What about you? Didn't you get to go to Shanghai for a week?" Adrien's question almost went unheard as Mari couldn't help but be hyper-aware of the warmth of his hand on her waist. The way his finger casually tapped against it. The innocent smile he had on his lips. This boy was going to be the death of her. 'But you don't deserve him. You don't deserve either of them. Be lucky that they even acknowledge your filthy existence.' The eerie whispers clawed through her brain, her body begging to run away and cry. Yet, she forced her fingers to move away from her purse and pull on the seams of her navy pea-coat, smile never faltering. "Yes, I did. I really enjoyed it there. I wish I got to stay for lo-longer..." She trailed off, swallowing down any babbles or word soup as Adrien squeezed her waist as a gesture of comfort. He was being really sweet today... "I don't blame ya- all the pictures you posted online looked so cool. The skyline at night, the food, heck even your relatives! If I hadn't known better, I'd have thought that cousin of yours was your brother." "You wouldn't be the first to mistaken us as siblings," She giggled. "When we were younger and they came over to Paris to visit, some people used get mixed up between me and him. It didn't help that I had my hair really short at the time and wore nothing but blue and red." "That would have been really cute to see. Hmm, it also makes sense with how easily you accepted that Félix and I were just cousins instead of that weird conspiracy theory that Kim concocted up." "Oh I wouldn't say I accepted it too easily. You and your cousin are like mirrors of each other. It's insane! I thought for a minute that you had an evil twin." Marinette winked merrily, her giggles simply grew while Adrien rolled his eyes at her. "Come on. Not you too." His fake pout didn't last long and he quietly chortled alongside her. Just a smile from his Princesse was enough to brighten up his day despite the small fight he had with Ladybug eight hours prior. Yes, Ladybug was the love of his life. Yes, he would go to the moon and back for her. However, he would be an absolute idiot and horrifically obtuse to deny that his feelings for Marinette weren't as strong. With rare wisdom from his lazy kwami, Adrien learned that having feelings for more than one person was not only natural but also healthy in a way. It showed that he wasn't forever stuck on one person and it eased the pain of his Lady's rejection to his advances. Ladybug and Marinette were his best friends first and foremost and he wouldn't dare to sabotage his precious friendships. It didn't mean he couldn't wish for Ladybug to fall for him one day. Same for Marinette. He's still a silly teen; he could keep dreaming and fantasising! Till then, he was going to go with the flow and see what the future entailed. As far as he was concerned, his future was leaning more towards Marinette and frankly, he did not mind one bit. Abruptly, the morning bell rang, indicating that it was time for the students to head to class for registration. Grunts and groans were heard from the swarm of students in the courtyard, Kim's distinct "It's time for hell, bitches!" being one of the more prominent voices in the crowd along with Alix's curses. "Thank fuck Mari-bee was the class president last year and made sure that we got our class to be the same for this year. I'd have eaten my own hands if I had to deal with that one annoying kid obsessed with magic again." Nino shot a friendly punch against Marinette's shoulder and then wrapped an arm around Alya's waist as she led them to their new classroom. "Did he just indirectly mention that he'd rather have Chloé and Lila over Jean as his classmate?" Marinette huffed with endearment, taking the hand that Adrien offered to help her up. The sudden rush to her head caused her to wobble on the spot. Luckily, Adrien steadied her without a word, hands clasping her forearms. "S-Sorry..." She attempted to step away but the boy's grip on her tightened, halting her. Marinette glanced back at Adrien with confusion, cocking her head to the side slightly and lips pursed. "...you're not feeling well, aren't you?" A nail in the coffin. Adrien scanned her body from head to foot, frown growing deeper. "You can barely stand." "I'm fine. I just...couldn't get any sleep. I was nervous for the first day of school and also didn't want to oversleep." Marinette answered quickly, looking away from him. She didn't expect his finger to hook under her chin, forcing eye contact. For the first time, Adrien glared at her. Glared. He leaned in closer, bending down so that he could reach her height. "Are you lying?" Neither of them budged. The mutterings and chatter from the students that were around grew fainter and fainter until all that was heard was the classroom doors slamming shut and the echos of the teachers doing the register. Marinette wanted to quickly deny the allegation. She wanted to push him aside and run to class. She wanted to forget how she momentarily confused Adrien with her partner. Though, even the Ladybug could run out of luck. "Adrien," She began. "We're going to be late." Her stoic, cool expression showed that she wasn't going to budge, pissing off her friend completely. The model tsked with irritation, quick to grab her hand whilst using his other one to adjust the strap of his bag over his shoulder. He moodily led her to their class, refusing to utter another word. For a split second, the defiance and stubbornness in Marinette's eyes were a hundred percent identical to Ladybug's. He almost blurted out his treasured nickname for her. The annoyance of said stubbornness and refusal to accept his help grew stronger instead, causing him to try and forget about it and brood later on. What's with his treasured girls and their stupid reluctance to let him help!? . He wasn't aware of the horror that was plastered on Marinette's face. The girl refused to tear her eyes away from the main door behind them as a lone, torn up, dirty ribbon flayed in the entrance. A familiar ribbon that was most definitely not there ten seconds ago. When M. Haprèle closed the door, Marinette could have sworn... ...that there was a pair of blue eyes watching her right back. . . . ~(x)~ A/N: That's the end of chapter one! It's more like a prologue ish, slow chapter since we're building up- so bear with me, aight? I hope you enjoyed reading it regardless. I stayed up till 5am to write it after all :0 If this chapter gets at least ten comments, I will update! Till then, see you next time~

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wishuhadstayed · 4 years

Text

Yours

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Word Count: 2.9k 😳

Summary: Aaron and reader get married 🥺 Part 6 to Begin Again

Warnings: None, although I did make myself cry on several occasions

Author’s Note: it’s wedding time, folks. A thought both @yes-sir-hotchner and I had. (We share the same brain cell 😂) Inspired by a post from the wonderful @agenthotchner.

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Masterlist

It had been just a few short months since Aaron’s surprise proposal, after which the two of you had made a mutual decision to get married as soon as possible. The team had been delighted by the news, Penelope immediately jumping into full maid of honor mode. Rossi, being the most caring and generous friend out there, had insisted on taking care of everything and wouldn’t take no for an answer; even going so far as to offer his house for the venue.

Sitting in a luxurious upstairs room of the Rossi home, and being doted upon by your friends, you couldn’t help but feel a little like a princess for the first time since you couldn’t remember when. The day was finally here that you officially got to spend forever with the man of your dreams. Even after all this time, sometimes it still felt too good to be true.

Gazing out an open window, you could see backyard where the ceremony was to be held in just a few short hours and your heart began to race. You were snapped back to the present moment by the sound of your best friend’s voice.

“Earth to Y/N! Come in, Y/N!” She said, waving her hands in front of your face.

“I’m sorry, I got distracted. What was the question?”

“Your lipstick hon, what color?”

“Whatever color you think is best, Penny. I trust you to make me look beautiful.”

“You always look beautiful,” chimes in a voice from across the room.

“Thank you, Emily.”

Penelope finished off your makeup with waterproof mascara and JJ stepped in to put the final touches on your hair with delicate pearl hairpins.

As the hours passed and the final preparations were made, you could feel the nerves building.

Penelope, Emily, and JJ all helped you into your dress; a beautiful white gown with off the shoulder lace sleeves, a fitted lace covered bodice, and lace trim around the bottom of the full skirt. You were truly a sight to behold. Buttoning up the back of the gown, JJ asks, “You’ve been pretty quiet, Y/N. Is everything okay?”

“It’s just nerves, I think.” you reply. “I’d really like to see Aaron.”

“See Aaron before the wedding?” Penelope interjects, “You can’t! It’s bad luck!”

You knew there was no arguing with her and your spirits sank a little, disappointment written all over your face.

“What if we got Jack instead?” Offers JJ. “Would that help?”

Thinking it over, you give a small smile and a nod. “Yes, I think I’d like that. Thank you, JJ.”

“I’ll call Morgan and have them come up.”

Five minutes later, a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” you say, opening it before anyone can protest.

There stands Derek Morgan with the boy you’ve come to love as your own.

“You look amazing,” says Morgan taking in the sight of you with wide eyes. “Hotch is a lucky man.”

“Thank you, Derek.” You reply, giving him a tight hug. Pulling back and taking him by the hand, you make a request. “Will you tell him that I love him, and that I’ll see him soon?”

“Anything for you, lovely,” he says with a playful grin.

“You’re a good friend, Derek.”

With that, he retreats back downstairs to deliver your message, leaving Jack with you. Just having him there was already soothing your frayed nerves. Ushering him inside you ask, “How’s my handsome ring bearer? You’re not nervous are you?”

“No! I’m gonna do a great job, I promise! You look real pretty, just like a princess.”

“You are so sweet, little man. I know you’ll do amazing.”

“Y/N?”

“What is it, Jack?” You inquire, kneeling down to his level.

“Can I call you mom now?”

The question took you quite by surprise, causing tears to well up in your eyes.

“Do you want to?”

“Yeah, if it’s okay with you. I miss having a mom.”

Those few words are enough to break the dam and tears began to stream as you pulled the boy in for a hug. “Of course it’s okay with me.” you manage to choke out.

“Mom! Mom!” Jack squeaks.

“Yeah buddy?”

“You’re squeezing me too hard, I can’t breathe.”

Loosening your grip, you apologize.

“Don’t cry, everything’s gonna be okay,” Jack says reassuringly. Man, he is so much like his father.

“I’m crying because I’m happy, Jack. I just love you and your dad so much.”

“I love you too, Mama.”

“I hate to break up this sweet family moment,” Penelope cuts in, “But it’s almost time to get this show on the road. Jack I’ll take you back down to your dad.” Handing you a tissue, she makes her exit.

Emily and JJ sweep the room making sure nothing is left behind. “We’ve got to go,” says JJ, grabbing Emily by the arm and making her way to the door. “You look perfect, Rossi should be up soon. Love you.”

Sitting down for a moment, you gently pat your eyes dry. At least your mascara held up. In the quiet it finally began to sink in how all your wildest dreams were coming to life right before you eyes.

When the door opened again, there was Dave. Handing over your bouquet of pink roses he asks, “You ready for this, kid?”

“Absolutely,” you reply with a childlike grin.

He offers his arm and you rest your hand in the crook of his elbow, infinitely grateful for the fatherly presence.

“Then let’s get this party started.”

As the two of you arrived downstairs at the back door, you hear the processional music already playing. Luckily you had made it just in time for Rossi to give Jack his official ring-bearing instructions.

“Alright Jack. You know what to do. Just walk straight down to the end and give the rings to Derek. Then you can sit down with your Aunt Jess, okay?”

“Got it,” says Jack, giving a thumbs up.

“Go get ‘em kid,” Rossi encourages, opening the door.

Now it’s just the two of you left indoors. Rossi watches until Jack finishes his assigned duty and makes his way back to you as the music changes.

“That’s our cue,” he states, once again offering his arm.

——————————————————————————

Aaron hadn’t been nervous at all until that moment. When the music changed and the guests stood in preparation for your entrance, his hands began to shake.

“You alright, man?” Morgan inquires.

“Yeah, I’m just ready to have Y/N by my side.”

Just as he turned back from the short conversation, the double doors swung open and you made your entrance.

With the first glimpse of your radiant smile, he was immediately overwhelmed with emotion and moved to tears. Only somewhat managing to regain his composure, he took in every detail as you approached. The delicate lace of your gown, the afternoon sun making a halo of light on his own personal angel. A bouquet of perfect pink roses, just like the ones he had given you after your rudely interrupted second date. Time seemed to slow down, the walk that was in reality only a couple of minutes stretched into ages as he longed to have you near.

Then when your eyes finally met his with a look of pure love, all was right with the world.

At the end of the aisle, Rossi turns to you with one simple request.

“Take good care of our man.”

“I will,” you promise, giving the older man a kiss on the cheek before joining Aaron at the altar. Producing a handkerchief, you gently dried the remaining tears from his ever handsome face.

“Hey You,” he intones softly, hand grazing the side of your face. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

The rest of the world seems to fade away as the minister begins the service and the two of you are lost in each other’s eyes.

“The couple have chosen to write their own vows,” the minister states, snapping you both back to attention. “Y/N?”

Softly clearing your throat and looking deep into Aaron’s warm brown eyes, you begin.

“Aaron, If someone had told me over a year ago that I would be marrying a man that I met on a blind date set up by my best friend, I would have said that they were crazy. I had all but given up on finding true love. I went anyway. And everyday since, I thank God that I did. If it hadn’t been for that blind date, I would have never met the love of my life. I would have never met the most amazing group of friends that turned into family, who are standing by our sides even now. I would have never gained the most wonderful, loving little boy who I now get the privilege of calling my son. I promise that I will love both of you always. I promise that I will always be there, no matter how difficult the road becomes. And if you must venture into the darkness, I promise to always bring you back to the light”

Sniffling back tears, and taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Aaron speaks.

“Y/N, the long road that led me to you was full of heartache. When I met you, all of that changed for the better. Everyone says that I’m lucky to have you, but to be honest, I don’t feel lucky. I feel blessed. Every day with you is a blessing and a gift. There’s not a day that I’m not thankful for every pain and every heartache that I’ve been through, because without that journey, I would never have made it here to you. I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I fall a little more in love with you every day. When I’m finished with a long case, your arms feel like home. You’re the comfort for my weary soul when the world gets rough. I promise to spend the rest of my days loving you and hoping that it amounts to even a fraction of what you’ve shown to me.”

When you both looked up, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

Morgan hands Aaron the velvet pillow and you quickly exchange rings, suddenly anxious for the upcoming part of the ceremony.

The voice of the minister rings out once again.

“By the power vested in me by the state of Virginia, I now pronounce you husband and wife! Aaron, you may kiss your bride.”

Cheers rang out from the crowd as he pulled you in for a long, warm kiss. Probably too long for a wedding, but with the heart-stopping heat that clouded your minds, neither of you cared much.

As you come up for air, Aaron literally sweeps you off your feet, carrying you to the reception area. As you wait for the guests to make their way over, it finally sinks in. You’re finally married to your one true love.

As soon as the guests are all seated, dinner is served. Then before you could even blink, it’s time for speeches. Penelope taps her glass with a fork, capturing the attention of the room.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate two of our favorite people on the joyous occasion of their marriage. I would like to remind everyone that this is all my doing. If I hadn’t taken the liberty of setting these two sweet little lovebirds up on a blind date, we probably wouldn’t be here today. You’re welcome,” she says turning to face the two of you. “But in all seriousness, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.”

Handing the mic over to Rossi, Penelope is seated.

“Where do I start?” He laughs. “I’ve known Aaron probably longer than anyone here. He’s always been more than just a good man. He is a loyal friend, and a great dad for Jack. If anyone in the world deserves true happiness, it’s this guy,” he says, placing a hand your husband’s shoulder. “We’ve seen your relationship with Y/N flourish and come to love her as one of our own. I can confidently say that she will a loving mother, and a caring, patient wife. I wish every blessing for the both of you from this moment forward.”

Rising from your seats to hug your two friends, you’re reminded by Penelope that’s time for your first dance. Taking you gently by the hand, Aaron leads you to the middle of the empty dance floor. With everyone watching your heart begins to race until Aaron pulls you close. The nerves melt away as you rest your head on his chest and his arms circle your waist. The two of you sway softly as the music begins:

We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January

This is our place, we make the rules

And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you 20 seconds, or 20 years?

As the song goes continues and you look into his eyes so full of love, you can’t help but sing along.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close

Forever and ever?

Take me out, and take me home.

You’re my, my, my, my.... Lover.

Listening to the words you’re singing, he can’t help but fall in love all over.

My heart’s been borrowed and your has been blue

All’s well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramtic and true to my.... Lover

You pour you heart out in song, desperately hoping that Aaron knows how much you mean every word. He does. The sincerity is written all over your lovely face.

As the music slowly winds down, the guest begin to join the two of you on the dance floor.

Tapping Aaron on the shoulder, Rossi cuts in for his turn. You manage to dance with everyone, even Reid, reluctant though he may be. The whole team was having a great time, laughing and dancing when Penelope had to slip back into maid of honor mode. Grabbing both you and Aaron by the wrist she all but drags you to the table.

Approaching the cake, you grab the slicer with your right hand. Pressing closely against your back and giving you a soft kiss on the cheek, Aaron covers your hand with his. After cutting two small slices, you turn to face each other. Taking a piece in hand you raise it to Aaron and he opens his mouth just before you smear it across his unsuspecting face.

Closing his eyes and trying hard not to laugh, he responds.

“Oh so that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”

“Yep!” you tease gleefully. “What are you gonna do about it, Mister?”

“This!” He exclaims, returning the favor and smashing the cake in your face.

“Really should have seen that one coming,” you muse.

“Yeah you should have.”

At that moment he pulls you close, pressing his soft lips to yours for the sweetest kiss ever known to mankind and the room burts into a fresh round of cheers.

The two of you scurried off to get cleaned up, and when you make your return, Penelope is waiting with your next task. A car is waiting to take you to the airport for your honeymoon. It’s time to go.

You make your rounds saying goodbye as everyone makes their way out for your final exit. One last song comes on as you make your way out and Aaron holds you close, singing in his perfect deep voice as you stroll through thrown confetti:

I was a boat stuck in a bottle

That never got the chance to touch the sea

But I came to life when I first kissed you

The best me has his arms around you

You make me better than I was before

Thank God I’m yours

The worst me is just a long gone memory

You put a new heartbeat inside of me

You make me better than I was before

Thank God I’m yours

By the time you made it to car and sat down you were in tears for probably the tenth time that night, you’d lost count.

The car was just about to pull away when Emily sprinted up to the door. Leaning down, she spoke to both of you.

“Hey you crazy kids, have fun! And remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“Emily there’s nothing you wouldn’t do,” returns Aaron, catching you by surprise.

“Exactly,” she replies, slamming the door and slapping the roof of the car. You could have sworn you saw a wink.

As the car pulls away, the two of you get your first truly private moment of the night to process what just happened.

Snuggled close to Aaron’s left side, your head rests on his chest and his left arm drapes around your shoulder.

“We’re married,” you state, reaching to touch the gold band on his left ring finger.

“Yes we are,” he whispers, softly pressing a kiss to your temple.

“You’re my husband,”

“Uh huh,” he agrees, gently stroking your hair.

Looking up into his gorgeous face you confess once more, “I love you, Aaron Hotchner.”

After a slight pause, he replies with a smirk,

“I love you more.... Mrs. Hotchner.”

Tag list: @ange-must-die @agenthotchner @yes-sir-hotchner @hotchner-carisi @hotchners-slut @arganfics @ladyreapermc @rousethemouse @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @tgibstan @themanip @word-scribbless @quillvine @whoredonlightfoot @miss-united-ace

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #hotch fluff #criminal minds fluff #thomas gibson imagine #thomas gibson x reader #criminal minds imagine

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winterscaptain · 4 years

Note

directors commentary on absence plzzz

what an excellent choice!!

commentary in bold italics

So the BH arc was chopped to shit while I was working on it, because I couldn’t decide what Mom got REALLY mad about. Because Derek really had the corner on being mad at Aaron over Emily and I wanted to push it into the personal a little more.

Plus, I sometimes think the “let’s get mad at Aaron and JJ for Emily” is a touch overplayed and definitely would have been that way in this story.

You let yourself into his apartment, slamming the door behind you. He’s been waiting for you, leaning against the windowsill across from the door.

“How dare you.”

He sighs and presses a hand to his forehead. “You have to understand that I -”

“Bullshit, Aaron. I don’t have to understand a goddamn thing. What are you thinking? We need you.”

His head tips up, and he looks through you. The haunted look in his eyes almost makes you falter - it so acutely reminds you of the days following Haley’s death - but you keep your resolve. You know what that is? Growth! Mom is REFUSING to cave to his inner demons bullshit. He doesn’t say anything, just lets you yell at him until it’s out of your system. You could never actually hate him and he knows that, which makes some of it easier, but not all of it.

This was also the fight that was originally written for Mean It, but I spliced different beats in based on what the story called for. This one fit much better here, and increases the stakes because he’s about to leave.

The tears start and pick up speed as you continue, nearly at a shout. “You’ve known for seven months that you were going to leave for Pakistan. I read the brief. Seven. Fucking. Months, Aaron. You didn’t tell us when the task force assignment came through. Emily died, and you’re still leaving?” He flinches. And they’re so worked up they don’t even notice the magnitude or depth of the flinch like they usually would. “You’re leaving me and Jack. You’re leaving our team. I never thought you could do something like that to us. Maybe them, but not me. Never to me. I mean, after everything we’ve -” You cut yourself off and raise the back of your hand to your mouth, unable to finish the unbearably painful thought.

I had a ridiculous amount of fun writing this fight. I LOVE writing fights.

And “wet anger” as @ssaic-jareau put it, is so much more interesting and damning than dry anger for situations like this, especially in opposition to Aaron.

He’s not sure which part is the most painful - the fact that you list yourself with Jack instead of with the team, the fact that you say ‘our team,’ or the tone that drips with hurt. The sob that rips through your chest breaks his heart. Remember in enough when he was thinking about the horror of causing them pain? Yeah me too. He leans heavily against the arm of his couch, knocked down by the weight of your tears.

No - the hardest part is knowing he deserves it, that you aren’t saying anything that isn’t unfair or untrue.

Mom’s anger and hurt feeds right into his insecurities. This is quite literally his worst fear come to life, and as confident as he is in the strength of their relationship, he is terrified that he wont come back from this one.

“I can’t even look at you right now.”

He can only watch you as you walk back out, leaving the door open behind you.

There’s something so satisfying about leaving the door open after a fight. Like the drama of a slammed door is one thing, but I’ve always preferred creating a situation in which the other person has to get up and close the door behind you.

From experience, it’s incredibly satisfying.

About twenty minutes later, he receives a text.

9:34pm I’ll be there tomorrow at 12:30 to take you to base. Be ready when I get there.

He crawls into bed about a half an hour later, and receives another text.

10:05pm Goodnight.

The period at the end of that text is like the death knell for Aaron.

Fuck.

OOOOOOOH Aaron you done fucked up, kiddo. Good thing you’re self aware and have literal MONTHS without Mom to figure it out :)

(God he’s an idiot)

+++

The ride to base ride is mostly silent, and you know something’s wrong. It’s nothing you can articulate or even really put your finger on, but it’s something bigger than just his imminent absence.

As much as they know about each other, their emotional tuning forks can’t get past what they won’t share with the other. In this instance, Mom has not the first clue about what he’s hiding from her. How could she know?

He’s boarding a C-130 supply transport to Pakistan, and it will no doubt be a long and deeply uncomfortable flight. His go bag, packed with desert fatigues and a couple of creature comforts, looks smaller than usual at his feet.

“How long?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Taskforce operations are need-to-know.” There’s so much he can’t tell you, and it eats at him. Because it’s you, and he’s been an ass, he concedes a little. And also he can only keep so many secrets from them. “Probably a couple of months.”

“We’ll be okay, Aaron.” A little laugh leaves him, and it pulls a smile from you. “What?”

“Remember when you chased me down last night to tell me the team couldn’t do this without me?”

This is a dialogue motif for sure - it shows up all over the place in this series.

Remember all those other times you chased him down to yell at him about something? Yeah, those too.

You roll your eyes. “It’s still true, but we’ll manage. We always do.” There’s a moment of silence, and you continue. “And you’re going where you’re needed - that helps.”

It’s true. Your anger had cooled (just a little) overnight, and you decided you didn’t want him to leave while you were still upset with each other.

You already miss him.

Yes, that’s a motif and the reference in fear itself, with Haley.

“Don’t think I’m not still mad at you.”

He looks out the window, and you can hear the wheels turning in his head. Jack is on his mind, and so are you. There’s nothing more nauseating than the thought of leaving you while you’re still hurting from Emily’s loss. “I know.”

Why are you going through with this, Hotchner?

Oh, right. You’re a coward.

“I just don’t want our last conversation before you leave to be a fight.” You sniff, but don’t look at him as you continue driving down the highway.

I think this is their version of not “going to bed angry” as the saying goes. There was this fear I tried to convey that if they fought before he left and something happened to him, your last words to each other would be angry ones.

I am perhaps the most undeserving man on the planet.

You’re also an idiot, Aaron.

He says, “Thank you. I don’t want that either,” but he hopes you can hear what else he can’t say.

He has the same fear - of something happening to them (because he’s never worried about himself) while he’s gone, coming home to another funeral.

I love you. I’m sorry.

+++

“Alright, you’ve got everything you need?” You stand next to him on the tarmac, shading your eyes from the sun.

Aaron hikes his bag higher on his shoulder. “Think so. You gonna be alright?”

This was the first scene I saw. I so clearly envisioned the blinding sunlight in the middle of the afternoon during a Virginia spring with the two of them standing out there in a kind of isolated no-mans-land out on the tarmac.

You nod and reach for him. He embraces you, tucking his head into your shoulder. “You be safe, Aaron Hotchner. If you die out there I’ll kill you myself.”

He chuckles, and you hope the sound is enough to keep your heart from breaking too much over the next couple of months. Your eyes close as he presses a kiss to your cheek. This image made my heart hurt. “I’ll check in when I can.”

Shoving against his chest, you turn him around and push him toward the plane. “Get outta here.” And that, kids, is what we call emotional redirection and a repressive coping strategy!

He takes one last look over his shoulder when he reaches the ramp and offers you a wave. You return it.

+++

You manage to get to the highway before the tears start. The only person you want to talk to is Emily. She’d know exactly what to say, and she’d make sure your days off were full of fun and good company. You pull off on the side of the road, your head falling into your hands, sobs wracking through you.

When you’re able to keep driving, your chest hurts beyond belief.

Without her, these months seem to stretch before you forever.

+++

“Ready or not, here I come!” You call across the apartment, sneaking through the familiar rooms with practiced ease.

This was another one of those very clear scenes that just popped into my head.

Aaron’s been away for close to a month, and you’ve settled into a routine. Cases, of course, keep you busy. Derek’s rather good at playing Unit Chief - decisive and collaborative - but you miss Aaron’s steady, even hand.

Really, you miss everything about him. You try not to think about him too much.

You fail, often.

Avoiding thoughts of Aaron gets even harder as you creep into the master bedroom. The smell of him hasn’t left. Smell is such a strong link to memory and I just had to include that as something in this chapter of their lives. Like it’s so weird going into someone’s room, no matter how many times you’ve been there, and there’s no evidence that they’ve been there since the last time you saw them. Past the doorway, the air is spicy, masculine, and warm. You squint at the bed. One of the pillows moves, just a little, and you pounce, pulling the covers back and grabbing the wiggling pillow.

Jack screeches and throws himself at you. You catch him and fall back on the bed, laughing. “I found you!”

Jess is off running errands for the afternoon, taking some well-earned time off. You’ll more than likely spend the night over here tonight to give her more of her weekend. It’s never any trouble to stay with Jack. You adore each other.

I am so soft for Mom and Jack y’all.

Usually, Jack leaps right to his feet for another round, but he stays put after his fit of mirth passes, sprawling across your chest.

“What are you thinking about over there?”

He sighs, and brings his little hands under his chin, propping his head up so he can look at you. He’s six, now - still very much a boy - but the pensive look on his face starkly reminds you of his father. Oh, don’t worry. He’ll keep doing that well into adulthood but the resemblance will only get scarier. “When’s dad going to be home?”

You push some hair off his forehead. “I’m not sure, my love. I’m hoping it’s only a couple more weeks, but it could be a little longer than that.”

He sighs, and it breaks your heart a little. You turn on your side, and he curls into you, resting his head on your arm and tucking under your chin. Don’t worry. He’ll keep doing that, too. “Are you and my dad best friends?”

You laugh a little. “Yeah, I think so. Your dad and I have known each other for a long time.” His little hands play with the collar of your shirt. There’s more to his question. Jack’s just like his dad and takes a bit of ferreting out. Luckily, you’ve had plenty of practice. “What are you curious about, little bug?”

“Do you miss Dad?”

I always want to show that Jack feels safe with them, and can ask them harder questions without fear of judgment.

A track of Aaron’s laugh, his smile, the way his arms feel around you flies through your head. “Yeah, I miss him a lot.”

“I’m happy you’re here so we can miss him together.” You can almost hear Aaron’s voice in Jack’s. It sounds just like something he would say, and probably has said, talking to his son about Haley.

I love the things that kids kind of implicitly understand.

“Me too, buddy.” You kiss the top of his head. “Me too.”

Jess returns about an hour later, groceries in-hand, to find you and Jack curled together in Aaron’s bed, snoozing the afternoon away. She snaps a picture with her phone, saving it in an album she keeps for Aaron. After she puts the groceries away, she escapes, leaving a note.

I LOVE THESE little tableaus. And y'all know how much I like pictures.

Did you notice that this picture comes up in mistletoe??

You’re on your own tonight and tomorrow. Have a good time with breakfast - he’s been picky lately.

XO, Jess

+++

Back to back cases - five of them, to be exact, pull you through the next two months by the ear. Formal leadership wears on Derek more and more by the day, and you find yourself making just as many decisions as he does. That’s a fun parallel to season five!! You’re immensely proud of him, but the whole thing is exhausting. Most days feel held together by duct tape, with you and Rossi acting as the adhesive.

Thus, your evening with Jess is both well-earned and much needed.

“Wanna crash here tonight?” She sets a mug of tea down on the coffee table in front of you and sits heavily back on the couch. “It’s pretty late.”

You check your watch and find it is indeed late. Before you can answer, your phone rings, and you answer it with an apologetic glance toward Jess. “Hey, Morgan. What’s up?”

“We have sat call notification from Hotch. Can you come in?” He sounds exhausted.

In real life, you don’t just get to carry sat phones around willy nilly. Satellite time is EXPENSIVE and the US Govt is FRUGAL in the extreme (when it comes to minor DoJ teams and stuff - don’t get me started on being a global police force because that’s a RABBIT HOLE)

“Yeah, I can be there in twenty. Is everything okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah, looks like a routine check-in.”

Jess sighs, knowing the drill. She goes to the kitchen and pours your tea into a travel mug.

Have I mentioned yet today that I LOVE Jess Brooks??

“Are you calling anyone else in?”

“Nope. Just you. See you when you get here.” He hangs up.

You stare at your phone as Jess sits next to you again. “We have a call from Aaron coming in, and I have to head to the office.” She hands you your travel mug, and you take it gratefully.

“You’re welcome back here - I can set up Aaron’s room for you. We’re a lot closer to the office than your place, and I don’t want you to drive if you’re too tired.” She sets a hand on your knee, and you reach over to embrace her.

“Thanks, Jess.”

+++

When you arrive, Derek’s already on the phone. “… So, no leads?… Right.” He looks up and catches your eye. “Here, Hotch.”

You take the phone. “Hey.”

“Hi.” He sounds relieved. “Are you doing okay? How’s Jack?”

I love this moment, and I could so clearly picture some of the tension leaving his shoulders on the other end of the phone.

His questions make you smile. “We’re good. He’s good. I just left the apartment - Jess and I were having some grown-up movie time.”

You’re warmed by his laugh. “Good. Glad to hear it. I was just telling Derek that the leads out here have gone cold, but we’re still working.”

“Ah. Any chance you’ll be home soon?” You avoid Derek’s searching gaze.

Derek always knows something, doesn’t he?

“It doesn’t look that way, no. We’re picking up on some chatter out there, but nothing firm. We’ll have to keep out for a couple more weeks at least.”

Your heart drops, but you hide it as best you can. “Alright. Anything you need from us back here?”

“Just keep doing good work.” You know he can’t say much more than that, with more than a couple of NSA guys in between you on the line, not to mention the archival recording of the call. Both of those things actually happen, too. You can’t just say shit about shit over a sat phone. Even then, you know he means looking for Doyle. “That’s all I need from you.”

“We can do that.” You give him a quick rundown of some recent cases, all surface-level. You’re mostly stalling, using up incredibly expensive satellite time just to hear his voice.

You hear him sigh. “Alright, I gotta get back. Tell Jack and Jess I love them.”

There’s also something unspoken here!! But we all knew that.

“Of course.” You hand the phone back to Derek and wait while they finish up. Your eyes wander over the volumes of law books in Aaron’s bookshelf, the pictures of Jack and Haley and Jess behind his desk. Wandering over to his chair, you sit down and rest your head on your arms.

Your eyes wander to a photo taken a year and a half ago at Haley’s service. You’re not sure who took it, but you’re crouched on the ground talking to Jack, while Aaron stands behind him with a hand on his head. Jack’s little hands are in yours, and he’s smiling a little.

I am just a sucker for pictures. I know I’ve said this before, but they are such a wonderful vehicle for implicit characterization. I think, in some ways, he keeps this picture because in a kind of abstract, mournful way, it’s a photo of all four of them.

Of all the photos to keep on his desk…

Derek hangs up the sat phone and puts it back in the lockbox. He crosses the office and leans against the desk beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

PHYSICAL CONTACT

+++

When you get back to the apartment (indeed much closer than your home), Jess is asleep in the guest room, and Jack’s still out like a light.

Aaron’s bed feels far too big and far too cold without him.

+++

The next time a sat call comes in, you can’t go into the office. Jack has the flu and is absolutely miserable. You can’t, in good conscience, leave Jess to her own devices. Between the vomit and the sleeplessness and the tears, four sets of hands are absolutely necessary.

I think this is really one of those moments where they step into the parent role for Jack. I didn’t feel the need to explicitly note it in here, but that’s the way I approached this scene.

“Derek, I can’t leave. Jack is literally puking his guts out as we speak, and I don’t have any new intel for Hotch.”

Morgan huffs into the phone. “Come on. You know you’re the only one he actually wants to talk to and the only one who has any actual updates about Jack.”

“You just have to tell him that I’m with Jack tonight because he’s got the flu. Isn’t that enough of an update?” You don’t really mean to snap at him, but the lack of sleep has made you a little punchy.

“Fine. If he -”

“Yeah, I know. If he gets upset, just blame me. He can deal with me when he’s not in Pakistan. As long as there are twelve time zones between us, I’ll take my chances.”

“Fair enough.”

Even though he’s Acting Unit Chief, they’re still best friends and you can tell lmao.

He hangs up, and you return to the hall bathroom, where Jack’s cheek is pressed against the toilet seat, his forehead damp and face pale. Jess is taking her turn to sleep - you’ll switch off in an hour.

“Hey, bubba.”

He mumbles something that sounds like, “Hi.”

“Can I get you some crackers?”

Jack shakes his head and lifts himself up, holding his arms out. The risk of illness far from your mind, you gather him up and lean against the cabinets, rubbing his back.

“Can you try to close your eyes for me?”

“I don’t feel good.” There are a few tears in his voice, and it breaks your heart a little. You’ve so been there.

“I know, baby. I know. Just close your eyes for a minute, okay?”

He does, and his breathing evens out eventually. He’s still feverish, but you’re happy he’s sweating, at least. It could break by morning at this rate.

The makeshift towel-bed on the bathroom floor looks more than inviting. You gingerly shuffle over and lay down, keeping Jack flat against your chest.

This was such a hallmark of my childhood - the sleeping on towels if you had a stomach bug. I remember being so exhausted that the towels were suddenly the best thing in the whole wide world. Like....mattress who??

It’s the best sleep you’ve had in weeks.

+++

The hardest days are the ones where you end up by yourself. Derek’s picked up kickboxing with Penelope, JJ has her family, and Rossi retreats to the cabin by the lake with an alarming degree of regularity.

Thank God he’s not as cranky as Gideon.

That would be too spooky.

Any excuse to get a lil jab at Gideon in, it’s one I’m going to capitalize on.

Everyone is out of the office, scattered to their respective distractions. You sit on the floor of Aaron’s office, leaning against his desk. Your laptop sits open in front of you, playing a movie you’re only half paying attention to.

I like this image of them just...going to the office to hang out, even on a day off. I used to do that in the theatre when I was in college. I had no reason whatsoever for being there, but it wasn’t my house so it was a nice change.

It was only this afternoon you realized his office smelled more like Morgan’s Tiger Balm than Aaron, and it broke your heart a little. Your only solace was his apartment - the evidence of his existence was inescapable there. With Emily gone for good, you often needed the reminder.

His office phone rings. You pause the movie, stand, and answer it.

“Agent Hotchner’s office.”

NSA is on the other side, dry and professional. “We have an incoming call from Agent Hotchner. Is Agent Morgan available?”

You tell him he’s not, but that you’re the next in line to receive task force updates. In an equally dry and professional tone, you relay your credentials and your unique intel code.

“Thank you. Please stand by.” Click.

You roll your eyes.

God, they’re boring.

Sitting down at Aaron’s desk, you wait for the armed guard to arrive with the phone. As per protocol, you’ll sign for the call and remove it from the lockbox yourself. You’ll return it for pickup when the call is completed.

The guard shows up and you step through the motions, finally getting the phone to your ear.

“Hey.”

“Oh, it’s you.” He sounds surprised, but not displeased.

You laugh a little. “Yeah, it’s me. Morgan’s unavailable at the moment.”

“I see. Is Jack feeling any better?”

Another thing I wanted to lean into in this part was the anguish Aaron must feel being so far away from Jack for so long.

“Yeah. He’s been alright for about a week now. It was a pretty nasty bug, but he’s a trooper. Any new chatter down your way?” You trace the wood grain of his desk with your finger, only a little absent-minded.

“There’s a little bit of activity on the border. We’re monitoring the situation. Is everything going okay over there?”

“Yeah, for the most part. We’ve been feeling the heat a little since Seaver transferred to Andy’s unit, but we’re managing alright. Dave’s called JJ back in to lend a hand, and she’s doing really well.”

That was such a tiny detail in the show, but i realized how rough it must have been to be down like three people by the end of it.

He hums. “That was a smart idea.”

“I’ll tell him you said so.”

“Oh, please don’t. It’ll go straight to his head.”

You smile. “Fair point. Any updates on the timetable?”

When are you coming home? Please make it soon.

“Not at the moment. I think we’re getting closer. Few more weeks.” There’s something behind his voice you can’t quite grasp, but you let it go. Again, not a singular clue means that the emotional tuning fork is broken.

“Alright. Keep us posted.”

“Will do. You know the drill.”

“I sure do. I’ll relay the information to the team, tell your son you love him, and talk to you in a couple of weeks.”

You can almost hear his smile. “Exactly. Talk soon.”

“Be safe, Aaron.”

+++

You’re all gathered at the roundtable when Aaron walks in, looking all the worse for wear and -

Is that a beard?

Did I make myself myself laugh with that first observation? Yes. Was it my first thought even before I could process the delight that we wouldn’t have any episodes without him the first time I saw 7x01? Yes.

Wait. He’s back.

You just spoke to him on Monday, with news of a “few more weeks.”

Fucking bastard knew he was coming home, didn’t he?

All of your joy in seeing him evaporates, and you narrow your eyes at him. This was that moment where I had that AHA! thing. I realized that THIS was the thing they were going to get upset about. And it’s not just the anger from right now, the anger from before comes rushing back too. Basically - he’s safe, so they can get really mad and the fear goes away. Just like the last time you were in this room together, there’s an apology in his gaze.

“Welcome back.” Derek doesn’t sound surprised, and your head whips toward him. He doesn’t look at you.

Unbelievable.

“Thanks. Everyone, have a seat.” You follow Aaron’s instructions, and sit, crossing your arms. It’s childish, sure, but the balance of personal and professional life has flown out the window. Okay serious question. Was it ever in the room with y’all?

The next part here comes straight out of the show but it was SO fun to reframe.

Collecting the dialogue and who says what is often the most tedious part of the process for the episode-linked fics, but once that’s done I have a lot of fun putting it together and linking things into the rest of the universe - pointing things out and the like.

I always feel like y’all know so much about how I watch the show and my perspective on it with the episode fics. It’s kind of an interesting picture to me, like y’all are looking at it the way I see it. I dunno. That was a random thought.

This feels like a personal slight, rather than a professional one. You try to push it away, but it lingers in your sternum like a lit flare. It’s uncomfortable, and you hate it.

I’ve always found it’s really unpleasant to be mad at someone you really love. I always hate it because I don’t usually want to be mad. I wanted to lean into that feeling here.

“Why?” Derek sounds a little concerned, and you can’t blame him. “What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team.” You notice, brow furrowed, that JJ stands beside Hotch like an ally. They both have odd looks on their faces. “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle.”

No.

Reader doesn’t know what they don’t know, but they know something in their gut. I don’t think it would be too off-base to attribute it to their connection to Aaron.

“The doctors were able to stabilize her. She was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.”

No.

“Her identity was strictly need-to-know. She stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

No.

There’s silence, and you can’t tear your eyes from Aaron.

“She’s alive?”

“We buried her.”

Penelope and Spencer’s comments rush past you and you feel much like you did in the waiting room on that horrible, horrible night seven months ago.

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.”

His eyes finally meet yours, and you find your vision blurred. You blink away your tears.

It was a necessary lie.

You go into this business expecting to be lied to.

Not by Aaron.

That’s not the issue and you know it. He left.

He left us.

THIS is exactly the conflict and why Reader can’t fully trust him. It’s very normal to have these kinds of covert operations in agencies, though they seem jarring in the context of a team that’s so close.

It’s a weird reminder that this is still the FBI, and even though they’re family, they are colleagues and agents first. That’s an uncomfortable realization and part of me thinks that’s why Derek got so mad.

He was so ready for the BAU to be different, to be his family. We know that Derek has HUGE issues with trust, so evidence that his family isn’t as “safe” as he thought would be have been so difficult to process.

“Any issues?” Derek’s disbelief is marred by hurt, but you can’t reassure him through your own shock. “Yeah, I got issues.”

He’s cut off by Penelope’s glance toward the doorway.

The team, save for JJ and Hotch, rush toward her. You’re stuck to your seat until she approaches you. At her touch, you come back to life, throwing yourself into her arms. “Emily.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Her grip on you is tight, but your arms, looped around her shoulders, don’t feel like they’re attached to your body.

Y’all ever felt that buzzing feeling when there’s so much happening and everything feels like radio static? Yeah.

She lets you go and continues to speak. Derek’s frozen, and you can’t imagine for a minute what’s going on in his head. Emily wraps around him. He’s stock still, his eyes misty. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he brings his hand to her shoulder, his cheek falling onto the side of her head.

It’s back to business faster than you can blink, and now you’re sure you’re not the only one ready to kill Aaron where he stands. Derek is livid.

They stare at each other while Spencer starts asking questions. Eventually, they focus back. Aaron crosses to you, contributing where necessary. He just wants to be close because he missed them :’) Nice try, buddy. You’re in deep shit. You don’t acknowledge him. It’s horrible. You hate being so angry with him, but there’s nothing to be done.

You can’t be upset at him about Emily. There’s too much to understand, and yet the initial shock of it is like a never-ending bucket of cold water poured over your body.

Selfishly, you realize you’re upset with him because he didn’t tell you he was coming home. It’s so small when there are other, much bigger, issues to address.

I also loved the opportunity to lean into such a small issue??? It was a challenge to make it big enough to be a believable blowout in mean it, but it got easier once I realized that their anger wasn’t really about Pakistan. It’s more of an activating excuse that brings all of their feelings up to the surface and it’s overwhelming!

Emily’s lie is professional. Just part of the job. This one feels personal.

You’re a child. Let it go.

He knew and he left.

He didn’t tell you he was coming home.

Whew. That was fun. Stay tuned!

#anon reply #tali answers stuff #a joyful future #tali talks cm #tali provides commentary

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nonstoplover · 4 years

Text

For The Better ~ Michael Corleone

masterlist

Summary: Michael scolds his wife for acting without his approval and things escalate quickly, not quite the way Michael imagined.

Words: 2.3K

Approximate reading time: about 10 mins

A/N: i had this idea one night when i couldn’t sleep, pretty proud of the base situation actually, considering that i wrote it at like 3am and english is not my main language. let me know what you think. hope all you fellow Corleone-fans enjoy this ♡

He slams the huge pack of files on his desk in anger, stepping back towards the window.

“You’re going around making decisions all by yourself that you shouldn’t be without talking to me about it first.”

His tone proves the amount of tension his body shows as he’s standing with his back facing me, eyes probably focused on the view outside the window.

All the previous joy and proudness I felt is swept away in a single moment. It felt so good to do something for other people. People in need. It made me feel worthy again.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I’d accidentally let anger take control over me and make me speak words I wouldn’t want to otherwise.

“Darling, have you forgot who you’re talking to or simply having a full day with your so called clients made you go blind?” Pure sarcasm drips from my words and I see him stiffen, whole body freezing. “It’s me, (Y/N), your wife, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Michael turns back, his eyes sparkling with such anger that it feels like lightning is being thrown at me.

“I am supposed to be the leader of this family. And I start to feel like I’m being less and less in charge of it,” he growls. “I feel like I’m starting to lose control.”

“Oh so you’re gonna make yourself the poor one that needs to be felt sorry for, huh, now don’t you?” My previous trying to stay calm disappears within a second and I feel the same venom-like feeling bubbling in my chest. “Well, which one of us had to sacrifice her whole life just so she wouldn’t be a problem and a cause of worry to her lovely husband? Was it you? Oh, I’m so sorry, dear.”

I pause for a moment only to let out a huff, something that shows off clear disappointment. After another deep breath and the few steps taken that remained until I reached the other side of his table, I press my palms into the wooden surface, speaking up with a newly found anger poisoning my words.

“Well, please imagine what it is like for me. My family rarely talks with me anymore and when they do, they carefully watch if I slip and say something that proves we did something actually unlawful. They wouldn’t even mind sending their own daughter or sister in prison. God, I wouldn’t even be surprised if they’d hire a secret cop to follow my every move,” I let out another huff in disbelief and I can see Michael taken aback from my sudden burst of anger. “And which one of us had to quit her job that she very much loved, again? You?”

I wait for a few seconds, let my words sink in, but as soon as I see him open his mouth again, I continue speaking again.

“NO, it was me, in case you forgot. And for what? To sit around in a house all day long, waiting until my kind and loving husband finally returns back to spend some so called quality time with me?” My fingers signaling a quotation mark several times high up in the air as I speak. “To not be able to walk around any of our houses without accidentally stumbling upon territories I shouldn’t even know exist and then being scolded about it like a child who did something bad?”

My voice raises more and more until I’m shouting with almost full force, but I’m unstoppable now, not even his shocked, wide eyes and slightly opened lips can do anything to make me stop saying the thoughts I’ve been holding in for so long.

“And when I finally find a way to do something useful, something for a good cause, helping people who need me, and I make one tiny decision by myself being the fucking grown ass woman I am, then I’m being told I’m the reason you started to lose control over leading this family and that I’m messing your perfect life up? Well, thank you, but I don’t need that. I’m better off alone than having to bear with this any more.”

My eyes get watery, making everything blurry in front of me as I choke back my tears, my anger all of a sudden changing into a sad, disappointed kind of hurt.

When I blink the opacity away and I’m able to focus on his features again, I can see Michael standing in a shocked silence, the thoughts seemingly racing in his head, trying to process the words of my speech.

“What, now you don’t have anything to say?” My voice gets even more choked up, wet sounds of hidden crying filling up the air whenever I take a breath.

When he finally speaks, it’s almost inaudible, his voice so weak and quiet. “You really feel that way?”

“Yes.” I sniffle, a small movement of my head confirming.

A tense silence fills up the air of the room as we stare into each other’s eyes, thinking about the situation we got ourselves into.

“I said yes back then ‘cause I was hoping for a marriage filled with unconditional, endless, hell, even undoubted love and caring and understanding, but now I do doubt every tiny piece of it.”

I wait for him to finally say something, to try and talk himself out of it, blaming the complexity of his job as he always does, but he says nothing. He just stands there, facing me without a single movement of his body, and I can’t help but let my eyes wander up and down his whole appearance, taking in his beauty and hating myself for thinking about it in such a heated, negative moment. But he’s just like a gorgeous marble statue I’d adore in a museum, so handsome that it’s still almost unreal.

And I feel my heart break because he looks exactly like the man I once married, the man I fell in love with, and I hate to speak these things out loud, but I know we can’t go on like this without causing terrible, incurable damage in each other.

Few moments pass, and it’s more and more unbearable, and then a feeling comes over me, telling me that I can’t take the silence anymore, I have to do something before I take everything back just to be able to run over and feel his embrace around me again, his arms making me feel safer than ever as they always do.

But as I think back to what I was speaking about only minutes before, I feel the same bitterness building up in me again, venomous words swiftly replacing the loving thoughts in my head.

“God, I don’t even know what I was thinking. The head of the mafia doesn’t have time and capability to love.” Bitterness drips from my words, making the tension in the air even more poisonous.

Suddenly I feel weak, needing to sit down and taking a half step towards the arm chair next to me, I slump down on it. My palms almost involuntarily move up to cover my face, tears freeing themselves to slowly roll down my cheeks, leaving wet stains behind on the warm skin.

“You think I don’t love you?” Michael speaks up, and after my fingers wipe the salty drops off my face, I glance back up at him. He looks at me in disbelief, his question clearly written on his features.

“Well, don’t blame me if I do. It’s not like you often show me signs that you do,” I let out a sigh, eyebrows suddenly furrowing as the next though reaches my mind. “Actually, to be exact and honest, no. You never show me any signs of love, instead drowning me in all the scolding and pity and angry sentences you throw at me. I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore.”

My voice trails off once more, by the end of the sentence it’s so quiet that I don’t even know if he’s able to hear it as reality sets in inside my mind, just in time with my words.

I shake my head, shaking it unstoppably, fingers disappearing in my hair, tearing at the roots as I try to get rid of the things I feel and think.

“I love you, (Y/N). I thought you knew.” Michael speaks once more, voice gentle and careful.

The only thing I’m able to do is shooting him a dirty look, letting him know that it’s not enough. He can’t make everything right with saying these words. Not this time.

He takes a shallow breath before his lips open again to continue. “I couldn’t be more sad and heartbroken to hear such things come out your mouth. You should’ve told me earlier this is how you feel.”

“I wanted you to realise it on your own or otherwise it would only happen again.” I shrug, the backs of my hand carefully wiping away at my cheeks, trying to dry it up.

“I promise it’ll never happen again. I’ll change,” his voice is much more sure now, he speaks with a new force, trying to make me believe him. “I’ll change because I love you, and I’d never want to hurt you or let you feel this way ever again. You’re the goddamn love of my life, (Y/N), I can’t lose you.”

Hearing those words make my heart beat just a tiny bit faster even in the state I am in, but it’s not enough for me to forgive and forget.

“I honestly don’t know if I can take it anymore. Maybe I should really just go and disappear from this life, from this kind of world you’re living.”

My voice is quiet, unsure, I don’t even know myself what is it that I want, that I feel.

“Please, love. Give me one more chance. Just one more. I promise I’ll let you go if I screw it up again. But I need you by my side. I behaved terrible and what I did is unforgiveable, but just give me one more chance,” Michael says, slowly starting to move around the table. “It’ll be what you imagined it to be. Exactly like that and more.”

He kneels in front of me, one of his hands reaching out to touch my jawline, thumb caressing my cheek gently and very carefully.

“I was letting all my anger out on you and I should’ve never done that. I’m so honestly sorry about that and I’ll prove it to you if you let me. I truly love you with all my being, (Y/N).”

I take a shaky breath, mind racing a thousand miles per hour. I still can’t decipher what I want.

Do I want to give a second chance to him? Is it worth it or will he just do the same things again like today has never happened?

Raising my glance back up to stare deeply in his eyes I notice something strange. Something I’ve never seen before.

Michael’s crying. Teardrops silently roll down his cheeks before falling on the silky material of the shirt he’s wearing.

My hands instinctively reach out to wipe them away. I’m not used to see him so vulnerable, so open.

It’s like he’s the same young boy again that he was when I first met him. When his father was still alive, leading. When he was just an innocent kid, with a desire to finish college.

Not even fighting in the world war changed him like taking the role of the leading Corleone did.

My fingers gently tap away on his skin, trying to dry the wet stains on it.

“I’m sorry.” He repeats in a whisper, voice breaking.

I shush him, still deep in thought to find out how I’ll end the current situation.

“Michael, I love you with all my heart. You know that,” my tone is smooth and caring as my hands force him to raise his head and look into my eyes again. “But you have to understand that I’m truly hurt. A tiny crack appeared on my heart.”

The words form on my tongue before I even have a chance to double check what I want to say, my mind and all my rational thoughts fighting hard to take control over the love in my heart.

“I guess we should try being apart for a little while.”

His heart breaks in front of my eyes, hearing the words he never wanted to hear from me, and I almost take it back, almost, before I close my eyes and take a breath as a reminder that it’s for the better.

“I’m not saying that I want a divorce and that I’ll leave you forever. I just need a little time on my own, okay? It’s for the better.” I whisper, fingers still caressing away on his face.

“I have to earn you coming back to me, I know.” Michael replies, his voice only a raspy mumble as he accepts what I’ve decided.

A small, sad smile makes its way on my cheeks as I move to stand up. He does nothing to stop me, stays in the same position.

I walk towards the door, taking each step slowly since I feel so weak I’m afraid I’d collapse from a quicker pace.

When I glance back at him from the doorway my heart goes cold from the sight. It seems like all energy and life exited his body, shoulders slumped, head hanging low. Quiet sniffling can be heard from him every other second, but otherwise he’s motionless.

No matter what I see and how terrible it makes me feel, I know that there’s no turning back now.

I said what I said, and I meant all of it. If I truly love him and he truly loves me, we have to take this step.

So with the knowledge that I won’t be able to feel any emotion for quite a long while again, I turn my head away and step out of his room.

.::the end::.

masterlist

would you guys be interested in a part two for this one? ---> since there came so many likes and reblogs (thank you, love you), i wrote it:

part two

#michael corleone #corleone #the godfather #al pacino #imagine #the godfather imagine #fredo corleone #sonny corleone #al pacino imagine #michael corleone imagine

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carrottuan93 · 3 years

Text

Haven’t met you yet| Mark

Masterlist (4/4)

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 3075

An hour left before Christmas, Mark told you that he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He said he’d rather believe on the existence of aliens because he watched too much American movies about the extraterrestrial life. That sounded cool for you that you both share the same interest for the unknown life out there, but you don’t want to discredit Santa for giving you Mark to spend the Christmas eve with. He did not only hit the roof of your standards, but he exceeded them. He never cease to met all the bars for your ideal type and he’s never failed you so far with his vast array of knowledge of all the topics you guys are talking about in the past 2 hours. Guys for you are sexy if they can carry a proper conversation.

“I swear to God if an alien comes out of nowhere, I’d let him take me and I’ll fly with him in a heartbeat.” You’re a whole lot better now that you’re sharing a lot of jokes and making fun of each other. Setting aside the world and the rest of the others. Just you, him and the wine under the starry sky.

“Jesus, out of all the people in our planet, you chose to elope with someone from the outside world. In my case, I’d let them take me as long as they will show me how spaceships work so I could finally meet my childhood dream of becoming a space police, riding those cool ships and chasing bad aliens.” Your topic reached the outer space already but you’re now laying on the floor beside Mark, as you watch the open glass roof ceiling of the observatory with eyes wide awake.

“What’s wrong with dating an alien? At least, I get to experience travelling to different galaxies and planets. So much for the trouble of chasing bad aliens for a living.” You snickered, earning his grumpy voice.

“If you’re going to date alien, at least choose someone handsome.” He replied, placing both of his arms underneath his head.

“I haven’t seen any handsome alien yet, I mean all the creatures that they show on tv are the ones with the big bald heads, oval shaped eyes, and lanky thin frames. I don’t think they’d fit the definition of handsome.” This is your first time watching under the stars on top of the freaking Namsan Tower observatory and you’re delighted to experience it on a Christmas day with Mark.

“I am just right here beside you. I’m handsome since I was born, that’s already a given, I know. So just save yourself from the trouble of finding the alien guy of your dreams because Mark has come to save the unbothered princess from distress.” You don’t know if he’s still sober enough at this hour but you can tell that you aren’t drunk enough to be hearing this from him.

“Handsome guy perks, a ticket to finding instant dates. Why do you even want to date me?” You turned to your side, facing him. You're curious and you want to get straight to the point.

“Now that we’ve got to the topic of impressions, I think you’re quite interesting. That maybe you could make my Christmas eve a little less lonely, perhaps. Scratch that, maybe you could fit on all types of holidays and occasions. Maybe you’re a girl matched for all the seasons.” You felt giddy now that you’re facing each other, side to side, but still, you need to calm your high hopes for this guy.

“If this is a date, I’m ditching you already.” You glanced at him quickly and was rewarded by his cute eye smile. Oh cupid, this is not fair play for showing up earlier than your scheduled season in February.

“Why not? Am I not appealing to you? Come on. Try me." You watch his eyes examine your face, those hazelnut orbs are beautiful, and you want to train your eyes and treat them as their home. You never experienced staring at any guy for the longest time until tonight and all you can hear is the sound of him breathing, reciprocating your own rhythm. You aren’t aware that silence is actually too deafening when it’s the heart that does the talking. Those tall buildings appear smaller from a distant and they're glistening different hues and wavelength of bright lights, which are now witnesses to you finding love in the most unexpected way. But you don’t have the concrete definition of love because you haven’t felt it before. You just know and you can feel the unfamiliar zip of current travelling on your bloodstream. It’s just the two of you, and you’re under the supervision of the constellations in the open sky above, and it’s magical that you feel like these were the exact same stars that the first lovers saw on earth. How come it's too peaceful up there when you lay next to him? It’s a perfect moment for your exhausted soul to recover from your endless pursuits and maybe this is your fate taking its move. You are no daredevil to begin with and chasing ecstasy aren’t your cup of tea because you’re always craving for assurances in all the right places. But Mark is your risk and guarantee, all at once.

It is really tiring to find something when you don’t even know what you’re searching for in the first place. One thing is for sure, you haven't met anyone so random and fascinating like him. He's unique, overflowing with charms and maybe a box full of surprises for you to discover. Deep down, you've been wanting to get to know him more and you're aware that you're crossing oceans knowing that you’ll meet him on the other end. It is very unlike you to just casually lower your guard down for someone upon your first meeting but when it comes to Mark, everything seems to magically untangle in all the right places.

“Because I’m beginning to think that I misplaced my heart somewhere when it is still right here, intact on my rib cage. It’s just that my heart feels foreign to me now that you’re slowly owning up most of the empty spaces in my atrium.” He smiled like a panacea of all earthly ills and his smile could heal the world.

“I am no poet, but Paulo Cuelho once said ‘if it’s still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk’. I could see the thrill of chase, the first time I laid my eyes on you last night and you never left my mind ever since I got to talked to you tonight. Actually, I’ve met you already a long time ago. So you need to catch up with me and we all have the days on our feet to go on a lot of spontaneous pursuits, and you’ll make up for the lost time that you’re supposed to have known me already.” He’s too good with words and you’re drowning and drowning and you never wanna be saved. You’ve encountered almost all kinds of contracts on your work already and you always make sure to read the terms and agreements regardless of the number of pages but when it comes to Mark, you’d gladly sign the papers right away even with your eyes closed. But something doesn’t feel right with what he is saying.

"First of all, I haven’t met you yet not until this evening.” Maybe it’s the wine that’s getting you drunk, hearing things and such.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you that you’re the reason why I traded my Christmas in the US for a night here with you in Seoul for a blind date. I might sound stupid, but you should thank Jackson for all the credits. He introduced you to me a year ago and I stopped attending parties ever since my cousin did all the marketing strategy and such. It’s crazy right? For all I care, I’m tired of all things temporary so I trust my cousin when he said that you’ll give the permanence that I’m searching for. I don’t really know, I’m a random guy and I told my mom I’m hopping on a 14 hour flight to Seoul on Christmas eve to meet this girl so I went here for risk’s sake. And my luck has never failed me when you come to my place last night, barging in like some kind of an annoyed girlfriend coming home from a party. Damn, you nearly broke my unit’s lock system. You can claim your stuff at my place later when we go home, and you owe me a ‘Thank you’ because I saved you from carelessly sleeping into someone else’s bed. I respected your drunken state and I slept on the floor, so you have nothing to worry about. I’m just surprised that you disappeared in the morning all of a sudden without even saying anything.” You sat on your place, unable to process everything that he just said. You realized you’re so done, the heavens above could just open up and take you already because there isn’t any influence of wine taking over your completely sober minds. Everything is real and happening and you’re overwhelmed, and you don’t know what to do anymore.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT???!” You screamed to your shock, running all over the place like you killed somebody and you badly want to escape the room due to your embarrassment.

“Wow, you even curse louder than I’ve imagined. It’s alright, Y/n. I’m fully aware that you love the scent of fabric conditioner because you can’t get enough of me last night. I can’t blame my parents for giving birth to myself. I left your stuff in my room, but I know I got something that you badly need right now.” He fished out your planner from the pocket of his coat, waving it like some kind of a show money in the air and you’d do what it takes to retrieve it back to your possession.

“Relax, I didn’t mean to interfere with your personal schedule, but I just saw a picture of pink roses at the back of your planner.” He gave you the planner and you hugged it like your world depended on it. He clapped his hands in the air and a guy came out of nowhere, carrying a bouquet of full-grown pink roses. It’s your first time receiving your favorite flowers from a guy and you feel like you don’t deserve Mark because he’s too good for you. Your eyes are now brimming in tears, knowing that God already gave the sign that you’re looking for. He’s standing right beside you and all you need to do is to take a leap, because it’ll be all or nothing.

“Jackson, you’re so dead to me. He sold me even without my permission and now that you’re right here, I’m suing you as well because of the amount of emotional damaged you have caused to my system. Now I’ll never be the same again because you gave me an ocean when I’m only asking for some rain.” You’re crying because of happiness. He dried your tears and he hugged you, so tight, you never wanna let go of him anymore. He smells of fabric conditioner and you’re never going to shut up about it.

"If only you can see yourself from my own perspective, you'd want to date yourself too. You sound scary whenever you want to sue someone because of something. First, it's my cousin Jackson and now you're suing me as well. That makes you interesting. A tough nut to crack. You're a challenge and I'm always up for the stakes of it. I'm not a perfect guy but we can save all the paralegal proceedings with just settling everything in our own terms, alright? I'm a man of my own words. I might be a pro player, but only in games for your reference, because I don't play with hearts, I win them. You just need to chill and worry about not falling too hard for me. Because I'm pretty sure, I'd beat you up to it." The man's got a way with his words. He's the definition of smooth and speed at the same time. But he's more than that. You like smart guys, you're attracted to their brains and you'll be placing all of your poker cards on the table for this sweet bounty.

"I'm not sure if our personalities coincide or if our interests are compatible but I'm hoping that whatever it is, this mutual attraction tonight isn't just a one-time thing. Just so you know, Eunhee has given me enough stress with all the troublesome blind dates I've been to lately. All I’m asking is for you to be sincere and honest because once I let you in my life, you'll never be allowed to leave anymore." You glanced down on your fingertips, too afraid to enter a commitment, you feel like you're having a mini heart attack. You swear that Mark could really hear your heart pounding louder than ever.

"Fate is really unpredictable. If you will ask, I'd rather believe in the existence of aliens more than Santa but what if he's really residing in the North Pole and he gave you to me as my Christmas present? I’m not going to run away because the chase is finally over. All you need to do is surrender yourself to me. No more buts, and what ifs. Only if you'll gonna agree to date me, my Dad will be really proud of raising a gambler just like him.” You could only wish for time to stop right there on your spot. You couldn’t ask for more, you began to doubt yourself if you really deserve all the good things that has come to your life. You wouldn’t want to wake up from this fantasy, but your eyes aren’t going to lie, there is love all over the place and you can see that it is real and happening this time.

"I don't know much about you, but I would love for you to to bring me into another spontaneous trip of yours cause I'm absolutely up for more of your surprises." All you can ever hear is the sound of a loud bang with all the fireworks lightning up the sky in iridescent hues as you froze right on your spot, eyes wide open, when you felt his lips on yours in one swift chaste kiss. He's too gentle, you can feel his breath becoming one with yours. He pulled away and you both greeted each other a 'Merry Christmas' as a couple. That was your first kiss taken from you and it tasted sweeter than wine.

“I want to let you know that I’m actually your secret Santa. I may have come to the party without bringing my gift, but I made sure to tag you here along with me so you could appreciate my gift in person. It's me, I'm the gift itself and I'm already yours, Y/n." Did he just show you an aegyo? Gosh, you almost melted with how cute he is. Mark must have been blessed with all the charms in the world. He showed you a piece of paper with your name written on it. You don’t believe in destiny until you brought out your own paper and saw his name written on it.

“I didn't know if Eunhee and Jackson has something to do with this but I’m your Secret Santa too. If this isn't destiny, then I don't know what is. But you can have my heart for Christmas, and I hope you'd take care of it from now on.” You showed him his name written on the paper and everything became irrelevant all of a sudden. As if floating on a zero-gravity dimension, you felt like a lifeless feather on thin air but your heart is betraying you by falling too deep for this guy. He's a one chance in a lifetime, an answered prayer from your last lifetime and your sweet serendipity.

"Now that everything went the way I wanted it to be, I'm up for another trip this New Year's eve, on your birthday." Just when you thought you've been blessed with so much this year, there are actually a lot more surprises to come.

"Jackson has told you a looot about me, even my birthday, and I'm not going to be surprised about that. Anyways, what about the trip?". He reached for your hand and you felt delicate in his grasp. Too weak and too fragile but your heart is full and that's the only thing that matters.

"My father is the CEO of TUAN RESIDENTIAL, a US based real estate developer which also means we are your firm's newest client. I know this is the craziest coincidence on top of everything, but I just discovered it this morning when I saw your planner and read the details about the meetings you've attended in the past week. I find out that you're actually part of the accounting firm that we hired. With that, I want to formally introduce their Vice President, Mark Tuan. We're acquiring a domestic corporation here in Seoul so we could expand our own line of business here in Korea. Trust me, this looks like a prank but I guess fate will really find a way for us to cross paths together no matter what. But we aren't talking about work here. Instead, are you ready for another surprise? I'm taking you with me in the US ahead of New Year’s Eve so you could meet my father and discuss a little about the liquidation proceedings. And of course, my mom would love to meet the reason why her son traveled to the other side of the world. She'll be glad that his eldest son will finally bring a girl in the house. So be prepared, Y/n, because we're leaving in the next 24 hours.”

and all this time you thought 'why are people too patient when they are waiting?' Simply because you wouldn't want to come under prepared if love suddenly comes along your way when you least expect it.

“WHAT THE HELL! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, MARK??????”

“Cool. I like girls who cuss a lot.”

#got7 #mark #mark tuan #got7 fluff #got7 fanfic #got7 imagines #got7mark #ahgase #got7 jackson #jackson #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #boyfriend #Christmas

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doc-pickles · 4 years

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grow as we go

this fic is sponsored by Nat (one of the Group Chat members)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT! If there’s anything this girl loves it’s fluff and Jolex babies. So that’s exactly what I delivered for her special day!! I hope you enjoy this and just know WE LOVE YOU!! (and Pepper but mostly you)

This fic takes place early season 15 while Alex is chief and Jo is doing her Mass Gen fellowship. Hope you guys like this fluffy fic! :)

Alex Karev loved being chief. He loved being the big man in charge and he loved Grey Sloan. He loved his coworkers and he loved helping sick kids everyday. What Alex did not love, however, was being away from his wife. They’d been married just three months ago and he’d only been able to spend three weeks of that time with Jo before she left for Boston to start her fellowship at Mass Gen. Between her long hours working in the lab and his hectic new schedule, neither had found time to visit. They talked everyday and Skyped every Friday, but he missed having Jo next to him every night.

Alex’s path into his office was interrupted by Nancy, his secretary, letting him know that he had files or budgets or something to look over, causing him to let out a groan.

“Nancy, I told you I will get to it, but I have to call my wife,” Alex motioned to his phone as he backed into his office. “You know the woman who I married that lives clear across the country? The one I talk to at this time everyday? Give me thirty minutes.”

A sigh left Alex as he closed his door and sunk down into his office chair. He dialed Jo’s number and sat in silence until she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” Alex spun in his chair, brows furrowing as he listened down the line. “You sound out of breath, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just ran up the stairs to my apartment, I’m good,” Jo paused and sucked in a breath, before returning to her normal voice. “Sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was. How’s your day been?”

“Long and boring. I had two meetings and I wanted to stab my eye out with a pen during both,” Alex could hear Jo’s laugh from the other end, his heart aching at the all too familiar sound. “I miss hearing your laugh everyday, I miss you being in our bed.”

He tried his hardest not to bring up the distance between them, mainly because Alex knew things were much easier for him than they were for Jo. He got to stay in Seattle where they’d built their life while she lived on the other side of the country by herself.

“My fellowship won’t last forever babe. Besides, we vowed for worse or for better right?”

“I know, it’s hard to think about when you’re not here next to me though.”

“Well I’m hoping to get some time off soon, then I can fly home for a bit,” a sigh escaped Jo and Alex couldn’t help but lean forward, anticipating her next words. They were filled with tears and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around his wife. “I miss you so much Alex, I hate Boston and I wish I were still in Seattle.”

“You said it yourself, we’ll see each other soon. If you can’t make it out here then I’ll take some personal leave and come see you,” Alex ran a hand over his face as he helplessly listened to Jo crying. “I’m sorry babe, I’ve been so overwhelmed with this new position that I haven’t even had a second to think about coming out there.”

“Don’t say that, you’re doing important work. I’m sorry, my mind has just been all over the place lately,” Jo sighed then, signalling that she was done crying. She did it every time she wanted to move on and Alex felt like she was right next to him when she did it. “I’ve gotta go babe, but I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I love you.” “I love you too Jo,” Alex hung his phone up, eyes taking in the large office and the nice view he had of the hospital from the panoramic windows.

Alex loved his job, but he’d trade everything he had and more to have his wife in his arms again. With one last look, he stood and left the room, flicking the lights off as he walked out the door.

Alex didn’t make it back to his office until mid afternoon the next day, meetings and consults keeping him busy through the morning. His mind was still heavy from hearing Jo yesterday, even though they’d both texted before going to bed later that night. He knew he’d been distracted all morning, not paying enough attention to anyone that was talking in his general direction.

“Chief, you have-”

“Nancy, not now, please,” Alex paused outside the door to his office, giving his secretary a pointed look. “I’m not in the mood, maybe after I call my wife I’ll be able to do whatever mundane task it is that you have for me today.”

“But sir that’s-”

“Not now! And can you please clear off a week sometime in my schedule? I need to go to Boston.”

Alex opened the door to his office, flicking the lights on and cocking his head to the side as he took in the sight before him. Alex rubbed his eyes, making sure he wasn’t seeing things as he stared at the woman who had been occupying his mind.

“Hi there.”

“Jo?”

More real than anything he’d been through since he got off the phone with her the day before, Jo sat on the couch in Alex’s office, a small smile creeping up onto her face that made her cheeks glow brightly. Alex couldn’t move from his spot in the doorway, his heart beating out of time as he watched Jo stand from the couch. She was dressed in leggings and one of his oversized flannels that she’d stolen when she left, probably what she’d worn on her flight here.

“I didn’t want to say anything until it was all straightened out, but I left my fellowship,” Jo held her hands up, stopping Alex from intervening as she walked towards him. She shut the door behind him before coming to stand in front of Alex, eyes meeting his tenderly. “I know you’re gonna tell me I shouldn’t have left for you or whatever crap you’re going to say, but I promise I have a really good reason for coming back.”

“Jo you shouldn’t have come back just for me,” Alex was happy to have his wife here but he didn’t want her to sidetrack her career for him. “We can make the distance work, I’ll take a sabbatical and come to Boston with you. I don’t want you giving up on your dreams because of me.”

“Alex,” Jo grabbed his hand then, Alex looking on in confusion as she pulled him closer to her and settled his hand on her stomach. The normally flat and toned area was now rounded and growing, Alex’s eyes going wide as he looked up to see Jo’s megawatt grin. “I didn’t just up and leave for no good reason. I know we could’ve made it work but I really couldn’t stay away any longer.”

“You’re here.”

“Yes I am.”

“And you’re pregnant?”

“Did you listen to anything I said?”

“I heard it all but I’m still not convinced that I actually got out of bed this morning,” Alex placed his other hand on Jo’s hip and brought her closer to him, his left hand still placed firmly on her baby bump. “When the hell did this happen?”

“Mmm remember the shed,” Alex let a laugh out then, watching Jo for any sign that she was joking. “Hate to break it to you but we definitely made a baby in that shed.”

Leaning down, Alex caught Jo’s lips with his, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck. Having his wife in his arms again was better than he could’ve imagined, especially finding out that she was having his baby.

“I only found out three weeks ago because I’m completely clueless and thought the mood swings and the missing period were because I was stressed out and I missed you,” Jo’s eyes were glassy as Alex let his hand rub her back gently. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I wanted to tell you in person, here, at home. Because I don’t wanna leave again, Alex.”

Alex took in his wife, her puffy eyes and glowing face, the way one hand instinctively floated down to cradle the curve of her stomach. Her breasts were fuller, he could tell even through the layers of clothing she wore, and she’d cut her hair shorter again. Once he took a good look at her, he realized just how much Jo had changed in the short amount of time she’d been gone.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere. I’ll even talk to the chief to get you a job here,” Jo let out a laugh at his comment as Alex let his hand wander under the shirt she was wearing, fingers brushing over her bare skin and the swell signaling the new life growing there. He was going to be a dad. “I’m glad you came back, I missed you.”

“You don’t know the half of it, I cried myself to sleep the past week because I was so hormonal on top of missing you,” Jo trailed her fingers up to the knot of Alex’s tie and began to loosen it. “Thankfully for you I’m past all my first trimester aches and pains and all I really want is you.”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up as he took in the lust filled look on Jo’s face. She was undoing the buttons of his shirt now, fingers slipping under the fabric to run her nails over the smooth skin there.

“Well I think since my loving wife has finally come home, I can take the rest of the day off,” his words did nothing to stop Jo though, her lips trailing to his neck as Alex’s eyes involuntarily shut. “Or we can christen the couch in here since you don’t seem to want to stop.”

At his words, Jo began to pull him backwards, pushing his white coat off with a smirk. Before she could get her hands anywhere else, Alex quickly shut the blinds to his office, turned back to Jo and brought her in for a searing kiss. They collapsed onto the couch in a fit of laughter, hands moving greedily over each other as they made up for lost time.

Alex did like being chief, he loved this hospital and his coworkers, but he was absolutely certain that nothing in his life was better than having his wife and their baby back home with him.

#jolex #jolex fanfic #jo x alex #jo karev #jo wilson #alex karev #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy fanfic #grey's fanfic #nina writes

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thinkyoureholy · 4 years

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Soul Eater [Final Chapter]

[a/n: hhhhhh so this is the end of Soul Eater. I had such a fun time writing it and discussing it with all of you. I want to thank everyone that took the time to read it and leave a like or reblog or a comment in my ask box it really means a lot to me. And thank you so much for sticking with the story till the end!]

Pairing : Jung Yunho / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death, Demon! AU

Words : 3.7k

Previous Chapter.

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

-Y/N’s P. O. V-

I shook my head as I sat back, cradling Yunho in my arms. I brought a trembling hand up to his face, gently brushing the hair out of his face.

No, no please. Anything but this. I thought to myself, biting down on my lower lip to keep from crying but that just stopped the sobs from escaping but the tears flowed freely.

“I’m sorry.” I whimpered as I cried, the pain in my chest only intensified when he gave me a small smile.

He opened his mouth to speak but before he got anything out somebody else spoke over him, “Weak as always.”

My head snapped up to glare at Lucifer who stood a few feet away with a smug smile on his face. I’ve felt rage before and I am the literal definition of wrath but the fury I felt right now was stronger than anything else I’ve ever felt before. I could physically feel my eyes glow brightly, the red tinted aura surrounding me was heavier than ever. That alone was enough to have the smug looks fall from Lucifer’s face. I watched as he took a step back, baring my teeth at the sight. I could tell he wanted to run but before he could even think about going any further I thrust a fist into the ground. The ground shook and rumbled, cracks lining the cement before it opened up, Lucifer trying to get away from the crack but I just made more. Holes of all shapes and sizes surrounded the ground, Lucifer trapped and with a missing wing he wasn’t flying anytime soon.

“Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?! I’ve never done anything wrong in my life! I was a good daughter, a good wife! I was a good person so why!? Why me!?” I cried out, holding onto Yunho tighter as I shouted at the one that caused all of this.

“Because you were destined for a life full of misfortune! It is how God commanded!” He shouted back, vexxed by my words.

I shook my head, clenching a hand into a fist, “No! He doesn’t intentionally make his children suffer! At least not without giving them a way out, one I never had! No, this was all your doing! This is all your fault!”

As I shouted the wall shook, cracks appearing along the walls to match the one on the ground. Lucifer said nothing, giving me a scornful look. And within the next second he gave a flap of his wing, blinding me momentarily with the strong winds he created. I knew he was going to use this opportunity to escape but I wasn’t going to let him. I sharpened the feathers of my wings like how I did when I killed Greed and thrust them in his direction. The second I felt the ends of my wings pierce through flesh the wind stopped, warm blood coating seeping onto my wings. I looked up to see one wing had gone through his throat and the other was jammed into his stomach. He raised a hand to probably try and get off an attack but I didn’t even allow him that as I tore him to shreds the same way I tore Greed apart. I glared at what was left of him, breathing heavily as I tried to fight against the need for more blood. Had Yunho not brought my attention back to him I would’ve given into my instincts and gone out looking for more demons to kill.

I gazed down at him to see that his breathing was more shallow than it had been just a few moments earlier. I knew what this meant but I refused to believe it, “No...no...I can’t lose you…”

He let out a breathy laugh, immediately regretting it was he winced in pain, “It’s fine, I’m okay.”

“No you’re not! You’re dying...” My voice broke at the word as I trailed off, the lump I felt in my throat stopping any other words from coming out for a second, “You’re dying and it's all my fault. If I had just released you from your contract earlier then-”

“Y/N... I know what you’re thinking and my answer is still no.” He said, his voice barely audible. He had lost way too much blood, it's a mystery how he managed to stay conscious for so long, “Don’t even think about it.”

I set my jaw at his stubbornness, angry that he was being like this all the way until the end, “I can still save your soul, Yunho.”

“And I’ve already told you I don’t give a damn about my soul!” He shouted, throwing himself into a coughing fit, blood trickling out of his mouth by the time he was done, “I want to be with you. I don’t care where, whether it be here in hell, on earth, or in heaven as long as I’m with you nothing else matters.”

I gave him a sad smile, swiping my thumb along his cheek ever so slightly, “I can’t let you spend a single second down here Yunho, especially not to be with someone like me. I don’t deserve you, I never have.”

“Y/N please...I love you. Don’t--Don’t force me to be without you…” He tearfully let out in a whisper, desperately clinging on to me but I had made up my mind.

I had tried to get him to end the contract with me on his own free will but even as he was dying he refused but I couldn’t let him turn into a demon. If he turned into a demon then I’d lose the Yunho I love so much. As much as he’s convinced he’ll stay the same I know that’s not the least bit true. Once a demon you’re filled with this overwhelming sense to wreak havoc, to kill, to have the blood of others run at your feet. No matter how good you were as a human it always happened. Even the purest of souls get swallowed up by the darkness and I couldn’t have him tainted, I refused to have him go through that.

“You’ll be forced to spend another thousand years down here!” He cried, hoping to convince me but I already made up my mind.

He’d die whether I did this or not but at least his soul would be where it belonged. I kept quiet as I brought a hand up to lay against his chest. His heartbeat had slowed, letting me know I didn’t have much time. I closed my eyes and concentrated, feeling the chains I had used to bind his soul when we first made the deal. But before I could break them the words he uttered had me stopping short.

“Do you hate me that much?”

I looked at him with nothing but pure shock. Hate him? No, it was the opposite. I love him. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him. He meant the world to me and if I was blessed with some sort of power to heal him of his wounds then I would’ve done it in a heartbeat but I don’t. I would do anything to keep him here with me but I can’t, not if I want him to stay as he is.

“No…” I choked out, shaking my head as my tears fell onto his cheeks, “I love you...more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Yunho, in the short amount of time that I’ve known you you’ve become my world. You were the light that brought me out of the dark cave I had been hiding in. You showed me what it was like to love and be loved. Yunho, you are single handedly the best thing that has ever happened to me,” I paused to place a lingering kiss on his forehead, cupping his face in both my hands as I pulled away, “And because I love you so much I’m breaking our contract.”

He shook his head, about to protest but I stopped him from uttering a word by bringing my lips to his. I moved my lips slowly against his, pouring out all the love I held for him in that one kiss. I felt his lips tremble against mine but he kissed me back just as passionately. With my lips still glued to his I slowly brought a hand down to his chest, placing my palm over it. Like before I felt the chains holding his soul hostage and broke them with ease seconds later. The moment I did he groaned softly into my mouth, pulling away, the life finally leaving him.

I choked on a sob as I stared into his lifeless eyes, my hand shaking violently as I placed it over his face and closed his eyes. My hand then hovered over his face, his shoulders, his chest, unsure of where to go as he lay dead in my hold. Finally after what felt like hours, but was truly only a second, I hugged his body to my chest. The last of my self restraint disappeared, the tears flowing freely as I sobbed loudly. My sobs got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore and let out a scream full of pain and agony. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, holding onto him like my life depended on it and in a way it did. If I let go of him now then that’ll mean I’m accepting the fact that he’s gone for good and that I’ll never be able to see him again.

“Yun..?”

I snapped my head up at the sound of his voice. Mingi staggered forward a few steps only to fall to his knees at the sight he walked in on. He opened his mouth and closed it multiple times, the words refusing to come out. Through my tears I could see his own eyes glaze over before the first of many tears slid down his face.

“I...I had turned my back on him for just a second and the next thing I knew he was gone…” He muttered, his voice shaking as he spoke.

I furrowed my brows, confused, “You were with him?” I paused, my eyes searching his only for my face to twist in anger at the answer I found in his eyes, “Why did you let Lucifer take him!? If he was with you then you should’ve been protecting him! You had one job-”

“No, you had one job! I told you to make him happy! I told you to love him with reckless abandon and then let him go! Don’t put the blame on me when this is your fault!” He shouted, his voice heavy with emotion, “Yunho is dead because of you and you dare to blame me!? If he hadn’t met you he’d still be alive right now! I lost the only person I cared about and it’s all your fault! Don’t you dare try and put the blame on me!”

I was stunned into silence by his words, a sob crawling its way up my throat. He’s right, he’s absolutely right. This is nobody else’s fault but my own. I should’ve broken the damn contract a long time ago, no, I should’ve never made the deal with him in the first place. If I had known I would grow this attached to him, that I’d love him this much and that I’d be the reason he died then I would’ve refused to even make the deal. This is my fault and mine alone...and I had to live with that for the rest of my life.

-40xx, two thousand years later-

I sighed heavily as I walked through the park, lost in my thoughts. It had been a couple millennia since everything happened. With Lucifer gone and the other sins hiding from me I was left to take over Hell. I didn’t want to at first but then I realized that if they were left without someone to lead them and give them rules the demons would run rampant, chaos would ensue at every corner. So, begrudgingly, I took charge with Mingi as my advisor. It took a couple years for him to be able to be in the same room with me and about a century for him to finally forgive me. And when he finally agreed to help me run things we found out his time in Hell was about to run out. I was getting ready to say my goodbyes to him but he had found some documents Lucifer had hidden. In those documents I learned two things ; deadly sins were eternal beings so unless they were killed they never died and that there was another special power deadly sins had, something I’m sure the others weren’t even aware of. As deadly sins we were given the privilege of keeping familiars and those familiars were picked from the pools of the demons lower than us. Keeping them as familiars allowed those demons to extend their stay for however long the sin desired and gave them the ability to turn into their ‘master’s’ respective animal. I didn’t really want to keep Mingi for any longer than he needed to be in Hell but he was adamant in staying, saying if I was forced to stay here for all eternity he’ll stay too. He practically begged me to make him my familiar and so I did and he’s been by my side ever since, helping me run things down under.

The memory of him turning into a wolf for the first time brought a smile to my lips. He was freaking out so badly I had laughed hysterically for the whole thing. Thinking back it that was the first time I had smiled or even laughed since what happened. I didn’t even get angry anymore, it seemed like when Yunho left all my emotions went with him. I had been walking around as an empty shell, void of all emotions but after about a millennia I had finally started to heal. With Mingi’s help and that of a select few demons I had come to trust, I was slowly reverting back to my old self, though I always felt like I was missing something--something I was never going to get back.

I stopped walking at that thought, clutching the fabric over my chest. I had been trying not to think of him too much because it was too painful. Every time I imagined his smile or his laugh I’d feel this sharp pain hit me. It felt like someone had placed a ten ton anvil on my heart. At times it felt like I couldn’t breathe, my lungs refused to take in the air that surrounded me. I closed my eyes and tried to recollect myself before I started crying in the middle of the park. It took a few minutes but I was finally able to get myself together.

“And here I thought you were finally going to burst into tears.” A voice suddenly said from beside me.

I jumped at the sound of his voice, startled out of my thoughts, “One of these days I’m going to cut you to pieces for scaring me.”

“But today is not that day is it?” He asked, a cheeky grin on his face.

I rolled my eyes but was unable to hide the smile that tugged at the ends of my lips, “No, it’s not.”

A moment of silence passed between us before he spoke up again, “Your presence is needed for the meeting to start.”

“I know. I just needed to clear my head, I’ll be there as soon as I’m done.” I responded in a soft tone of voice, clamping my hands behind my back and looking towards the sky, the moon shining brightly to illuminate my path.

I turned to Mingi once more only to see he had shifted to take on the form of my wolf. I showed him a tight lipped smile, reaching out to pat the top of his head gently, “Tell the others to busy themselves with something else until I get there.”

He leaned into my touch before giving a nod of his head and left me to myself once more. I continued to aimlessly walk through the park, lost in my thoughts. I heaved out a heavy sigh when I noticed the sun beginning the rise. I should get back before the others throw a fit for being gone this long. I took one last look around and turned to leave, bumping into someone as soon as I stepped onto the trail meant for runners. I cursed under my breath before I began to apologize, finally looking over to see who had run into me. The moment I laid eyes on him it was like time stood still. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing, it can’t be what I thought... he looked exactly the same, his eyes the same shade of brown that I loved, his cheeks and lips the same shade of pink that I adored more than anything. When he caught me staring he gave me a soft smile, one I had missed dearly, one that brought tears to my eyes.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I should’ve been paying more attention to my surroundings. Are you alright?” He asked, his voice as sweet as I remembered.

My breath hitched when he reached out to wave a hand over my face, probably thinking that something was wrong with me for freezing up like this. I opened my mouth to call out his name but just as I was about to I shut my mouth, clenching my teeth. What good would it do if I called his name? He probably doesn’t remember me, I mean it’s been over two thousand years there’s no way he’d remember. If he’s here then that means he’s been reincarnated. I almost burst into tears when that thought came to mind. Finally, he can live a normal life and be happy and that’s all I ever cared about, even if it wasn’t with me if he was happy that’s all I cared about.

I shook my head and rubbed my hands over my face to compose myself, “I’m okay, I’m just a little out of it. I’m sorry I interrupted your run.”

I gave him one last smile before turning around, biting down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying out loud, the tears cascading down my face the moment I turned my back on him. I had only taken about two steps when I felt his hand wrap around my wrist. I froze the second his hand touched my skin, my shoulders tense but I refused to turn around. This simple action was giving me hope, false hope that he somehow remembers me. It’s making me want to believe that after all this time I can finally be with him but I didn’t dare hope for it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it together...if this hope ends up leading to nothing.

“It’s been years...don’t tell me you forgot about me already.” He spoke in a soft voice, squeezing my wrist gently in his hold.

I inhaled shakily, not daring to turn around and face him, “I think you’ve got me confused with someone else.”

“No I don’t. There’s no way I’d forget your face, Y/N…” He trailed off, walking around me to face me.

And the moment I looked into his eyes I knew he remembered everything. My mouth moved before I could even try to stop it, saying the name I had avoided saying for years because it was just too painful, “Yunho…”

He chuckled softly at the name, his eyes brimming with tears as he grinned at me, “I go by Wooshik now but my God is it good to hear my name fall from your lips again.”

I stared at him, stunned by everything that was happening. I reached out and placed my hands on his forearms, gingerly touching his skin to make sure he was real, “Are you really here? I’m—I’m not hallucinating am I? Because I’ve done it before! But this—you feel so real…”

“I’m real. I’m back, Y/N.” He said through the tears that had managed to escape.

The second he said that I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, bringing him into my embrace. I felt his arms wrap around my waist, squeezing me tightly in his hold as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I still couldn’t believe it but having him here in my arms I knew that this wasn’t just another hallucination. He was really here, I had him back...the only man I loved was back in my arms. That thought had a sob crawl its way up my throat before it escaped, muffled by his shoulder. I clung onto him like my life depended on it because in a way, it did. I’ve been so empty without him, just aimlessly wandering through life with no purpose. But now that he was back I could start living again, I could start to feel again. I pulled away from the hug to cup his face in my hands, staring into his eyes for a moment before leaning forward and kissing him with everything I had. I don’t know how long this was going to last but unlike last time I won’t try to distance myself from him, I won’t try and build a wall between us. I won’t try to keep him away from me for his own safety, no, I’ll protect him with my life. I’ll keep him safe. I’ll do everything I didn’t do, everything I regretted not doing. I'll do it now...and for however long he’ll have me. I promise I’ll love him fiercely, recklessly, and wholeheartedly. I swear it, I swear on my name, on my title as Wrath and may God punish me severely if I ever break my promise.

Tags : @chanyeolol @j-oneracha @choisofty @boredmay21 @elenaramos1

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fanaticartisan · 4 years

Photo

Bilbo didn’t know what he’d have done if Thorin had actually died in that last battle, but luckily he didn’t have to find out.

(full story under the cut!)

Gandalf, good old Gandalf, who had more magic in one hair of his beard than most people had in their entire bodies, spend a great long while in the tent with the injured king. And though Bilbo fussed and fretted and ate and drank and fussed a bit more, it still seemed an eternity before at last the wizard left the shadows of the tent. He found the hobbit at the lake, where he’d been throwing rocks into the water just to give himself something to do.

“Trying to hit Smaug, are you?” asked Gandalf, as Bilbo stooped to pick up a particularly large and round stone.

Bilbo promptly dropped it, and wiped his hands on his waistcoat (a new one, with gold buttons). “No, thank you,” he said heavily. “I was just…I was just thinking.”

“Were you?” Gandalf said, sticking his bushy eyebrows at Bilbo as if he could use them to read the hobbit’s mind. “Were you thinking about heading home at last? I know you’ve been longing for your hearth and chair for more days than seems decent to count.”

“I, well…” Bilbo brushed the dust he’d just wiped onto his waistcoat off it again. “No, that’s not quite it. Though not long ago you’d have been right, of course.” He cleared his throat, bouncing on his toes before turning to face Gandalf entirely. “So…you’re out here, then? Is he-”

“He’ll live, of course. Why, Mr. Baggins!” Gandalf laughed as Bilbo sagged in relief. “Judging by your reaction, you doubted me for more than a second! No, no, he’ll be alright, in time. Yes…” Gandalf nodded to himself, and gave Bilbo a grave look. “He’ll be alright. But he won’t be the same.”

“Not the same?” Bilbo repeated. “Whatever do you mean?”

“You’d better come see for yourself,” Gandalf said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “He’s been asking for you, in fact. Only agreed to stay in bed if I brought you to him.”

Bilbo flushed. “Lead on, then, my dear wizard,” he said, “And I will do what I can for him.”

“I certainly hope you will,” said Gandalf. And he turned, and led the way back. Towards the mountain…but not into it.

Thorin Oakenshield was still in his sicktent, well outside the mountain’s walls. The little room smelled of dry blood, and dwarf, and enough magic tingling in the air to make Bilbo’s nose itch. He sneezed as he entered, then said immediately, “Sorry. Oh, Thorin!” For Thorin was not lying in his sickbed at all – but standing. He was thin and pale, and looked all together ill used, with bruising on his face and bandages on his chest and hands. But he was dressed, in a rich new tunic from the mountain’s halls, sky blue edged with silver, and over that he wore his old gear, the mantle and cloak he’d worn during their journey. “Bilbo,” he said with a tired smile. “Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t have brought him if I’d thought it would drive you to foolishness,” Gandalf said, frowning mightily at Thorin. “You are supposed to be in bed, getting rest!”

“I’ve been in bed for three days now, wizard,” Thorin said, turning a dour look in the old man’s direction. “If I don’t get some fresh air in my lungs and sunlight on my face, I’m going to turn into a relic.” And when Gandalf opened his mouth to argue, Thorin held up a hand with a sigh. “I just want to take a little walk with Mr. Baggins,” he said. “I won’t go far,”

“Oh very well,” Gandalf said, and for all his disapproval, Bilbo couldn’t help but think he was secretly pleased about something. “I’ll come back in half an hour, then. Try not to be all day about it.”

“About what?” Bilbo asked, somewhat flummoxed. “Taking a walk?”

“Yes,” said Thorin, though he didn’t meet Bilbo’s eye. “Taking a walk. Come along, Mr. Baggins.”

And he left the tent, with slow, steady steps, ignoring Gandalf’s gaze boring into his back.

Bilbo hurried after him, though really it didn’t take much hurrying. It was clear that Thorin was still in bad shape, whatever he told Gandalf. Something of his sturdiness seemed to have left him, replaced with an unfamiliar dragging at his feet, almost a creeping movement. He rubbed at his chest as he walked, as it if pained him, and once the wizard was out of sight and hearing, he stopped walking all together, heaving a deep sigh. “How are you, Bilbo?” he asked, looking at him with tired eyes. “I know I apologized to you once already, but even so, I’ve been worried-”

“Oh I’m fine, fine!” Bilbo squeaked, and then stopped, clearing his throat. “Forgive and forget, as the old saying goes. Mostly I’ve been worried about you. How are you feeling, Thorin?”

Thorin considered him seriously a moment, and then resumed walking. “I’ve been better,” he said, “But, as you may have observed, I have also been a good deal worse. My injuries…” he ran a hand over his chest again, “were only part of what the wizard was trying to save me from.”

“What do you mean?” Bilbo asked, surprised. His gaze was drawn once more to Thorin’s bandages. They were clean and white, for now, a strong contrast to his ragged cloak that didn’t at all seem to match the splendid tunic. “What else was there to save you from?”

Thorin hesitated, and then said, “Let’s find somewhere we can sit a while.”

“There’s a nice spot overlooking the lake,” Bilbo said, a bit perplexed but eager to help his friend. “There’s even an old pillar I’ve been using as a bench. Here…” he took Thorin’s hand. “I’ll show you.”

Thorin let Bilbo pull him along. Up a little ridge they went, the lake blooming blue and sparkling before them as they sat, side by side, on the ancient fallen pillar. The carved stone was beautiful even as it crumbled at the edges. Thorin ran a hand over one of the carvings, a frown furrowing his brow, and then drew his gaze to the lake. He stared at it a long time. “Can you see him?” he said at last.

Bilbo didn’t have to ask who he meant. “No, the water is too dark, or too blue,” he said, turning his eyes to the smoldering ruin of Laketown. “There is a lot of ash in the water, even now. I imagine it will be years before it clears up properly.”

Thorin shivered, and drew his hand from Bilbo’s so he could press his palms together. Bilbo looked at them too – hands calloused from work, from wielding pick, axe and sword, and from days spent at the forge. “I can see him,” Thorin said, his voice low and rough. “Even with my eyes closed, I can see him.”

“Oh,” Bilbo said gravely, clasping his own hands and settling them in his lap. He frowned at them a moment, then looked back to Thorin. “Is…is that what Gandalf was trying to help you with?”

Thorin nodded. “He tried as best he could,” he said. “And he was able to clear my mind a great amount, I think. Also, the battle knocked me on the head enough to make room for some sense to slip in.” He rubbed a hand through his hair, and Bilbo noticed a touch of grey at his temples that hadn’t been there before. “But Smaug isn’t gone completely. At night, sometimes I dream of him…” Thorin closed his eyes. “Of his shadow, high in the sky, passing over me. Or of the flames on the mountainside. Or…” he shuddered, “Or just of his breathing, right at my ear.”

Bilbo put a hand on his arm, and Thorin relaxed a fraction, opening his eyes but not meeting Bilbo’s gaze. “He is gone though, truly,” Bilbo said, as if the words could chase away the phantom of a dead dragon. “You won, Thorin. It’s over.”

“No,” Thorin said with a bitter smile. “No, Bilbo. I didn’t win. It’s over, though, well enough.” He shook his head, closing his eyes again, but not before Bilbo saw the shine of tears. “Because of my greed, and my blindness, my cousins are dead. And for what? For a pile of cold metal?” his voice caught in his throat, and Bilbo’s heart squeezed in his chest, “Do you know what the worst part is, Bilbo?”

“What?” Bilbo said, squeezing his arm gently.

“Even now, I want to go back to it,” Thorin said, opening and closing his hands. “Even now, when I should be in mourning for losing my own flesh and blood, all I can think of is the shine of gold, and the feel of it sliding through my fingers.” He took a shuddering breath, and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his tunic, leaving two dark marks on the sky blue. “Part of me says it was worth it, to defend such a treasure. But deep under that, I know it isn’t true. Deep under that, I wish I could take it all back, and have them still at my side instead of a mountain filled with treasure that will not buy them back again.”

“Oh, Thorin,” Bilbo said. “It isn’t you, it’s the dratted dragon-”

“It is both of us,” Thorin said, with a sniff. “I was greedy, even before I spent days sunk to the knees in his accursed hoard. Look, Bilbo….” And he turned his hand over, and showed Bilbo his palm.

Bilbo took his hand, expecting to see calluses. But, strangely, they were like no calluses he had ever seen – they were shaped too evenly, and pattered on his palm like…

“Scales,” he breathed.

Thorin nodded, and closed his hand again. “His curse lingers in me,” he said, and his voice trembled. “It is on my legs, too and my arms…. Not just from touching the treasure, but from the choices I made, trying to keep it. I … I was a monster.” He looked out at the lake again, his eyes bright, and haunted. “I cannot go back.”

“Can’t go back? To the mountain, you mean?” Bilbo said, horrified.

Thorin nodded. “The sight of it, the sound…even the smell of gold…” A tremor ran through him at the word, “It ignites a desire in me that blots out all else, Bilbo. I fear what I would do, if I had to face it all again. I cannot go back.”

“But,” protested Bilbo, “Surely Gandalf-”

“Gandalf has done all he could simply to keep me with enough of my own mind left to not drag myself back to the mountain on my hands and knees,” Thorin said. “He knows my state as well as I do. And he agrees with me.”

“Agrees with you?” Bilbo repeated. “That you cannot go back? But Thorin, the mountain is more to you than just the treasure, it is…it is the home of your fathers and your fathers’ fathers, and you fought so hard to reclaim it-”

A tear dripped down Thorin’s cheek, and he said nothing, staring at the water.

Bilbo realized he wasn’t helping. He stopped talking, and looked out at the water too. Pain, barbed like an arrow, lodged in his chest – grief for his friend, and for the losses both of them had sustained in their quest for riches, and for a future, lost to mistakes that could not be unmade.

And Thorin wasn’t like Bilbo. He didn’t have a nice warm home waiting for him to go back to. He’d gambled everything on this mission, and through he’d survived, he’d still lost it all.

“Oh no, Mr. Baggins,” Bilbo said to himself, silently. “He hasn’t lost it all. After all, he’s still got you, his friend….” And then aloud he said, “Thorin?”

Thorin sniffed, but looked at him, his face stony.

Bilbo screwed his courage into place, and said, “It seems to me that you need to re-educate yourself.”

“Re…re educate?” Thorin said, surprise making him break his silence at last. “Whatever do you mean?”

“You need to learn to love the other things in life,” Bilbo said. “Not money, but the things that make life sweet to live,” and he smiled. “Why, any hobbit could tell you what’s really good. Fine food, cold beer, a pipe of tobacco, a garden of flowers…” he hesitated a moment, then said, “And, as it just so happens, I know the perfect place you could go to get all these things, and have a friend at your side besides.”

Thorin stared at him. “Bilbo,” he said, his voice grown soft with wonder, “Are you…are you offering-”

“I, well… I am, actually.” Bilbo said with a smile. “It’s not as big as Erebor, of course, but if Bag End can house thirteen dwarves, I think allowing one friend to stay as long as he likes shouldn’t be any sort of problem.” He took Thorin’s hand with a smile. “In Hobbiton, Thorin Oakenshiled, you will learn to love the gold of daffodils, of sunsets, and of fried potatoes just as much as you ever loved the gold that comes out of the ground.”

Thorin stared at him, and spoke with an unsteady voice, “You never fail to surprise me, Mr. Baggins. And I will never, ever, stop being grateful for that fact.” He put his other hand over Bilbo’s, and said, “I accept your offer of hospitality, and I will do my best to learn to appreciate these things as… as hobbits do.”

“It won’t be hard,” Bilbo promised, with a twinkle in his eyes. “Especially the potatoes. Especially with some beer on the side. Why, Thorin, you just might learn to love the Shire as I do, before long!”

“Yes,” Thorin said, and at last he smiled, his hands warm in Bilbo’s grasp. “With your esteemed help, Bilbo Baggins, I just might.”

#bilbo #thorin #the hobbit #fanart #oakenshield #baggins #sfw #thilbo #fanfiction #my art #queue'd

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miraculouslycool · 4 years

Text

Miraculous: Princess and the Pauper

Chapter 2

Previous | Next

Duusu held up the spherical rock he had just unearthed from the mines. It looked ordinary. Nothing special.

He shrugged, throwing it into the cart. He was told to clear out the mine completely anyway.

He went back to whistling as he worked.

"Ow!" He yelped when a rock hit his head.

He turned to see his brother Nooroo holding up the rock he had just unearthed. "Are you the idiot who threw this into the cart?"

"Yes!" Duusu said happily.

"Tell me, brother. Is this shiny?"

"No."

"Valuable?"

"No."

"Will it make Master happy?"

"Yes?"

"NO!" Nooroo hollered, throwing the rock over his head. "Get back to work and do it properly this time!"

Duusu shrugged, but suddenly Nooroo gripped his shoulder.

"Did you hear that?"

"I didn't hear nothing." Duusu shrugged. "Let's go steal more gold!"

"Will you shut up?! This is supposed to be a secret operation, Duusu! Something which no one should find out about!" Nooroo yelled.

"A word of advice, Nooroo. Next time you don't want to be caught, I recommend not screaming for the entire kingdom to hear."

Both of their heads whipped around to see Gabriel Agreste standing there.

"Master Gabriel!" Nooroo's teeth chattered nervously. "You're back early."

"Don't tell me what I already know." Gabriel said coldly. "Have you done what I ordered you to?"

"Yes, sir! The royal mines are officially gold free and have been shipped to your house." Nooroo said.

"And no one suspects a thing?"

"None! No one!"

Gabriel was silent for a while. Nooroo and Duusu shivered as they waited for the backlash to come.

He paced ahead of them, straight towards the nearly empty cart.

"My plan was perfect. I steal all the gold, the blind bat is desperate for a way out, I swoop in like a savior with my newfound fortune, and she crowns me king." He said quietly.

The brothers exchanged sighs of relief.

"AND IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!" Gabriel kicked the cart with so much surprising strength, it actually fell offif it's wheels.

"A wedding! For her spoiled brat! From the North of France too! Who does she think she is?!"

"The Queen?" Duusu piped up unwittingly.

Gabriel spun around and backhanded him. "Shut up, you idiot!"

"Yeah, shut up, you idiot!" Nooroo echoed.

"If I wanted someone to reiterate whatever I was saying, I would have asked, Nooroo." Gabriel snarled at him, but thankfully not hitting him too.

"This wedding cannot happen." Gabriel muttered, before something clicked.

".... without the bride." He finished his own sentence.

"Are....we going to kill the princess?" Duusu asked.

"Too easy." Gabriel said. "No, you two are going to kidnap her, and then when the King sees that she has 'run away', he will never step foot in the kingdom, considering the humiliation he will face. And then, I will 'rescue' the princess, and the Queen will be so grateful, she will have to crown me king in return for my heroic act. Not to mention all the golden strings that come attached with me. Two birds killed with one stone."

"Why are we killing birds?" Duusu asked, genuinely hurt.

If looks could kill, Duusu would have been murdered ten times over.

---------

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm so late!" Marinette squeaked as she ran into her station at the bakery.

Those who saw her only rolled their eyes good naturedly or laughed. It wasn't news to anyone that Marinette was always late.

"Tell me something new, girl." Marinette's best friend Alya, who worked at the cash counter next to her snickered.

Marinette laughed it off lightly before grabbing her tools.

"Okay, in all seriousness, did you sleep at all?" Alya asked.

"Of course I did!" Marinette chirped.

"The eye bags under your eyes say otherwise." Alya sighed. "How many times do I have to beg you to get some sleep?"

"Alya...." Marinette was too exhausted. "It's too early for this."

"11:30 in the morning is too early?" Alya quipped. "Did you have your breakfast?"

Marinette's silence gave her the answer.

"Okay, that's it." Alya reached under the counter and pulled out a bag.

"What are you doing?" Marinette was alarmed.

"That's my lunch. Take it." Alya said.

"What?! No, I'm not taking your lunch!"

"I wasn't asking."

"But you have very less for yourself as it is!" Marinette pleaded.

"Yeah, but atleast I eat everyday. I'll live if I don't eat one meal." Alya retorted.

"Alya-"

"If you don't eat before Chloe or one of the staff come in, I will force feed you myself."

Marinette finally gave in, though she still felt guilty.

Alya, unlike her, wasn't in debilitating debt. She had a job that paid her a meagre wage. Even if she really wanted to be a writer and didn't have the funds to foray into publishing. And she came from a family with three other daughters.

Alya's older sister Nora wanted to join the army. She ended up becoming a laughing stock of the town - a woman who wanted to be a soldier. She wasn't happy about it, because she had to settle for working at the flour mills.

Her younger sisters, Ella and Etta, were twins, and were still in school. Her mother was a household maid. Her father was a shepherd.

They didn't get on fairly well, but atleast there was food on their table.

"Is today the day?" Alya asked quietly. "Are you going to set up your stall once the bakery closes for the afternoon?"

"Uh huh." Marinette nodded. "Nathaniel already sent me those banners I commissioned."

And spent two months saving up for.

Alya grinned. "Look at you, you budding businesswoman."

Marinette blushed. "Oh come on."

"Do you want me to come help?"

"No, it's fine, I can handle it. Besides, you promised your sisters you'd spend time with them today."

--------

Marinette had only put up the stall for her designs one time before, and that was two months ago, and all she had was a little table.

Now she had three tables, and four banners welcoming customers.

She didn't sell out everything, but she did make a fairly good sale. People liked her designs, and some of them took the time to compliment her on them.

Satisfied with herself, she opened her box full of money to count her cash once the market had dulled down.

"I'll be taking that." A perfectly manicured hand grabbed her box from her hands.

"Wha-Chloe?!" Marinette sputtered as she came face to face with the blonde heiress.

When she began to empty the money, Marinette stretched out a horrified hand towards her. "What are you doing?! I earned that money!"

"And you owe me. Have you conveniently forgotten that?" Chloe said cruelly.

"Chloe, I am always prompt in my work at the bakery. What is so wrong in wanting to make some money for myself?" Marinette pleaded, almost in tears.

"Every minute you work here, is a minute you do not work for me."

"I don't work for you, I work for your father!" Marinette shot back. "You haven't inherited anything yet. So let Andre Bourgeois tell me to not have any other businesses, and I won't."

Chloe looked at her, miffed because she had a point. "My daddy doesn't need to order anything. And who do you think he will listen to anyway? His daughter? Or a rogue employee who wants to become a designer of such tacky clothes?" She laughed.

"Get back to work, Dupain Cheng. Or I'll ask Daddy to double what's leftover of your loan next time." She threw her box at her, which Marinette haphazardly caught.

"Excuse me," A calm, yet clear voice made her look up from her tears.

A young woman who looked about their age, stood there, crossing her arms and looking positively disgusted.

She had the same shade of hair as Marinette, and if you looked quickly, you'd almost be forgiven for thinking she was her twin. The only differences were that Marinette had shoulder length hair that she tied into a ponytail, while she wore hers in a perfectly placed bob, and her eyes were brown compared to Marinette's baby blue ones.

She was dressed as simply as her, but she somehow radiated power and confidence just from her unimpressed glare.

"Is there a problem? Why are you taking that young woman's money?"

"And who are you? The police?" Chloe sneered, but even her indignation fell away when she realised how intimidated she actually was by the girl. "She owes me a lot of money, and I'm collecting it from her."

"Not you, your father." Marinette scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"I understand. But couldn't you have collected it from her a little more gently? Your cruel words are unbecoming and disgusting. And besides, like she said, she is already a steady employee at your business. What's wrong in her making more money?"

"Every dime that she makes, belongs to me." Chloe said firmly, scowling.

"Do you have proof that she is indebted to you? Something like a document?"

Marinette smiled slightly. This girl was definitely no ordinary person. She was already chewing out Chloe like an imposing judge.

Chloe faltered. "I.....I don't have it with me now. Daddy has it in his archives. And why am I answering to you? You're not a judge, you aren't even the princess!"

Marinette noticed how the girl fidgeted with her fingers for a moment at that.

"But I am a responsible citizen who knows the laws of the kingdom. Any amount of money she makes while working for you, is yours. I won't argue with that. But this?" She pointed to the stall and designs. "This is all her hard work. This is her art. You are quite talented, if I may add." She said kindly to Marinette.

"Oh, thank you." Marinette flushed red.

"All of this is hers. The work she does here is for herself. Not for you. So either give her back her money, or I am ready to proclaim- ahem, I mean use my own connections to file a complaint against you and your chain of businesses." She smiled confidently, but you could see the fire in her stare.

"Your own connections...?" Marinette knew when Chloe was not scared, and this wasn't one of those moments. "And what are they?"

"You could save yourself the trouble and just give her money back." She said innocently.

"Ugh, whatever." She threw her money on the counter and stormed off.

Marinette could have tearfully hugged her, but even she knew hugging a person you just met was weird.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you so so so much." She said gratefully, scooping up her money.

"You're welcome." The girl smiled. "You do good work here. Are one of these scarves for sale?"

"Yes, yes they are." Marinette immediately became business like from her dazed stupor.

"I really like this one." She held up a black and white striped one. "How much is it?"

"20 coins." Marinette said.

It was somewhat amusing to see the same girl who confidently chewed out Chloe and saved Marinette's dignity, clumsily pulling out coins from her pocket and count them one by one before dropping them on the counter.

"Is that right? Have I paid enough?" She asked nervously.

"Yes, you have." Marinette said warmly. "I don't think I could ever repay what you have done for me."

"Oh, you don't have to....." She paused when she didn't know her name.

"I'm Marinette. And you are?"

"I'm Kagami." The name rolled off easily from her tongue, and suddenly, her eyes widened like she had made a huge mistake.

Wait a second.... wasn't Kagami the name of the....

Marinette's eyes widened as she realised she was looking at the princess's real face, which no one in the kingdom ever saw.

"Your Highness?" She whispered in awe.

I AM A GIRL LIKE YOUUUU

And please forgive me for the lack of Adrien in this chapter. I realised he's the only main character whose story I'm going to tell in bits and pieces unlike Marinette, Kagami and Luka. He will appear next chapter tho, I promise, lol.

Taglist:

@mysticmiraculer @chronicallylatetotheparty @beautymercurydragon @notall2gether @multimousemari @miraculousgrl @maximumjinx @fluffybreadd @disneyvamps

#Miraculous Ladybug #princess and the pauper au #luka #kagami #lukagami #adrien #Marinette #Adrienette #my fics

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teababe27 · 3 years

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Notes From the 2020 Myanimelist.net Challenges - Part 2: Manga

Time for Part 2 of the Thoughts on the Challenge posts; this one talking about the manga side.

A lot of the executive dysfunction and side effects of the chemo kinda took away my desire to read sometimes. As such, I didn’t get as far into the challenge as I had hoped, only getting about halfway through the required amount I had chosen for myself. There were even a few manga I was reading for the challenge that I have unfortunately not yet finished (Billy Bat, Battle Angel Alita, Meteor Methuselah), so I reluctantly won’t be including them on here. However, I did still read and finish some decent manga and some pretty good ones, too.

Like the anime post, I will mention some honorable mentions/one I had thoughts on, followed by my favorites that I read for the challenge this year.

Let’s do this.

Honorable Mentions/Other Notables:

Scumbag Loser (aka Saiteihen no Otoko) - completed for the task “Read a manga series you can finish in one day”

Masahiko is a fat, perverted loser who has a smell fetish and thinks everyone is beneath him. He takes solace in the fact that he’s not the Class Loser. However, when the Class Loser gets a girlfriend, Masahiko becomes the new Class Loser. Desperate to get out of this position, he lies and says he has a girlfriend: his childhood friend Haruka, who transfers to his class the next day. But there’s a problem that only Masahiko knows: Haruka died several years before.

This wins Worst of the Challenge, but I didn’t hate it entirely. Masahiko is not a good person, which is usually a negative in my book. This manga basically goes from 0 to 100 real fast. It takes a couple unexpected turns and I couldn’t help but wonder how the problem would be stopped. Ends on a bit of a downer.

Dragon Head - completed for the task “Read a manga that started serialization in the 90s”

While on a school field trip, the train carrying the students crashes after a natural disaster. Teru is the only survivor in his class. While trying to find a way out, he finds two other survivors, Ako and Nobuo. The three survivors try to escape while dealing with lack of food and light, earthquakes, cults, and the freaking apocalypse happening outside.

This manga was quite the ride. Creepy and scary at times. The artwork was really good, definitely adding to the atmosphere. I liked the characters. The story did kinda drag a bit in the middle and I felt the ending was kinda rushed and stopped inconclusively, but I liked this one.

Omukae Desu - completed for the task “Read a manga that started publishing the same month and year as one of your listed favorites” (Azumanga Daioh, in this case)

Madoka is a college student who has the power to see lost souls, kinda like the Ghost Whisperer. He is recruited by Nabeshima (the guy in the bunny suit on the manga cover) to work for the GSG, an organization that helps transport wandering souls to the afterlife. In order to help, Madoka often lets the souls briefly take over his body to do various things that they always wanted to do before passing on.

This manga was actually pretty adorable at times. Lighthearted and fun. Characters are kinda hit-and-miss, though their interactions are very amusing. I liked it.

Deathtopia - completed for the task “Read a manga that got cancelled/axed”

Kou Fujimura is an average guy. One day, he gets into an accident and is severely injured, leaving him blind and on the brink of death. He gets surgery and survives, but he now has psychic abilities and can see weird monsters. A mysterious woman appears, and she recruits him to help her and her fellow hot assassins who work for the police department. He helps the ladies take out the aforementioned weird monsters called Cheaters, people who come back from the dead with special abilities and blend in with normal people.

I liked the story/concept a lot. Kinda gave me Parasyte vibes at times. A little bit too fanservice-y at times. Very good in the beginning, but took a lot of lapses in logic (pointed out in the scanlations I read) near the end, and the ending felt rushed, though I can blame that on the manga being prematurely cancelled. I still recommend this one, as the story is interesting and the action is good.

The!! Beach Stars - completed for the task “Read a manga with a symbol in the title”

The sequel to the manga Beach Stars that I read for last year’s challenge.

Iruka and the rest of the team are back, getting ready for and competing in the Madonna Cup. Iruka’s goal is still the same: to beat the local volleyball champ Sanae Kayakawa.

Everything I liked about the prequel is here. The action/sports scenes are great, and the camaraderie between the ladies is cool, too. Though it is disappointing that this sequel is only 12 or 13 chapters, as some things could have used more buildup and fleshing out, especially the final match. Still a fun read, though.

Favorites from the Challenge:

Watashitachi no Shiawase na Jikan (aka Our Happy Time) - completed for the task “Read a featured manga” (Article: https://myanimelist.net/featured/1561/11_Epic_Manga_That_Deserve_to_Be_Adapted_into_Anime)

Juri is a former pianist who has gone down a dark path after a traumatic event in her life. She has grown to hate her mother, who was once a famous pianist herself. Juri has since attempted suicide multiple times. Yuu is a convict on death row charged with murder, and he has tried to kill himself as well. When Juri’s aunt Monica, a nun, invites her to visit Yuu, their lives both change forever.

This manga makes me think of how a friend told me they recently saw the movie Collateral Beauty for the first time. They said it was melodramatic, but they cried and enjoyed the movie all the same. This pretty much sums up how I felt about this manga.

This one honestly made me tear up a bit, as melodramatic as it was. A little dark, but I was still invested in the characters and the situations. The art is really good, too. It’s one volume, so it doesn’t take that long to read.

Kingyosou - completed for the task “Read a manga that includes a character with a disability”

One day, a girl, Asuka, falls in love with a boy, Manami, after hearing him play the taiko drums at a school festival. Manami is deaf, however, and has closed his heart to love. Asuka and Manami get to know each other and face various obstacles in their relationship, both relating and not relating to Manami’s deafness.

I thought this manga was really sweet. I also liked that there was deaf representation here, though I can’t really speak on how accurate it is because I’m not deaf myself. You don’t see many manga where the characters have disabilities. The relationship felt a little more realistic in this one because it took some time (as proportional as time can take in a 2-volume manga) for Manami and Asuka to get into the relationship. Another manga that was short, sweet, and to the point, at only 2 volumes.

Babel - completed for the task “Read a manga that appears when putting in your username in the Myanimelist search bar”

Kouta is a hotel waiter dissatisfied with his job serving rich clientele on New Year’s Eve at the Babel Hotel. On New Year’s Day, a worldwide terrorist attack occurs, with bombs going off everywhere. Kouta then meets someone who gives him the ability to go back in time. Kouta has to use this ability to stop the terrorist attack from happening and pretty much causing WW3.

I liked this manga a lot. A lot of unexpected plot twists. A fascinating mystery, keeps you hooked. I’ve always found time travel plots to be interesting as well.

Bloom Into You (aka Yagate Kimi ni Naru) - completed for the task “Read a Shounen Ai or Shoujo Ai manga” (tagged Shoujo Ai)

Yuu is a new high school freshman who loves romance manga and wants to experience a love story of her own. But when a classmate confesses his feelings to her, Yuu finds she feels nothing. Yuu sees the student council president, Nanami, turning down a love confession herself. Yuu joins the student council and she and Nanami become friends. Nanami soon confesses her feelings for Yuu, and Yuu is confused.

This one is tied with the next entry in this post for Best of the Challenge.

I loved this manga. So sweet and adorable. Made me tear up at times. Great, well-written character development. Doesn’t rely on bad/problematic tropes like certain other yuri I’ve read and watched recently. I loved watching this complex and realistic relationship between Yuu and Nanami develop. Some of Yuu’s feelings are pretty relatable. Read this one if you’re looking for a great yuri manga.

Inside Mari (aka Boku wa Mari no Naka) - completed for the task “Read a Psychological or Thriller manga” (tagged Psychological)

Isao Komori is a shut-in who spends his time after dropping out of college fapping, playing video games, and visiting a local convenience store every night to see a high school girl named Mari, who he admires from afar. One day, Isao finds that he is in Mari’s body! Isao-as-Mari continues to live her life and tries to find out how to switch back.

I know I mentioned this earlier, but I’ll be giving Best of the Challenge to both Bloom Into You and Inside Mari. I honestly couldn’t decide between the two, as they are from two different subgenres and two different styles. Kinda like how I couldn’t decide between Hereditary and Into the Spiderverse as my favorite movie of 2018 because they were so different form each other that I couldn’t really compare them.

This manga threw me for a loop multiple times. A subversion and deconstruction of the usual body-swap plots. A darker take on one, if you will. A couple of interesting plot twists, and the manga often takes a different direction than you expect, especially about halfway through the manga, where it switches to different characters’ points of view.

Highly recommended, though not for everyone.

#manga #myanimelist #myanimelist.net #scumbag loser #saiteihen no otoko #dragon head #omukae desu #deathtopia #the!! beach stars #the beach stars #Watashitachi no Shiawase na Jikan #kingyosou #babel #bloom into you #yagate kimi ni naru #inside mari #boku wa mari no naka #thoughts of the day

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emeraldbiscuit · 4 years

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Bunnies

Bnha Spring Time Event

Word Count: 1.8k

for at @quintessential-kaminari - 🌸

Note: I’m so sorry for this being late, tumblr has never deleted one of my fics before so that was a surprise. I really enjoyed talking to you and stuff, I hope we can be friends :), anywayyyy, I hope you enjoy ^-^

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I was awoken by the warm spring hues that beamed through the gap of my curtains. I groaned at the disruption of my tranquil sleeping state. I rolled over on my soft bed away from the window to avoid the blinding lights, while I reached over and grabbed the nearest stuffed animal - which so happened to be my favourite, my grey and white bunny squishmallow with an adorable pink button nose named Princess Sparkle - and promptly placed it over my face to prevent the light from disturbing me more.

My new-found peace didn't last long though. The offensive beeping from my alarm quickly brought me to the realm on the awake and living. I lazily reached over to my nightstand and picked up my phone to dismiss the alarm and check the time, 08:32. I grumbled knowing I had to get up or I would be late.

You see, I had my first date with my forever long crush, Denki Kaminari, but I am regretting agreeing to a date for so early in the day. Who in their right mind agrees to go on a date at 9 in the morning, who?? I sluggishly removed my blanket off of my frame before I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of my bed, hissing slightly as my feet made contact with the chilly flooring.

I tried my best to ignore the aching cold attacking my feet while I walked over to my window and dramatically opened my curtains. My eyes forcefully went into a squint due to the overly colourful skylights that reached my window.

I should probably stop spending so much time inside, then maybe I could adjust to the sun easier, I thought to myself as I made way to my closet to find a cute outfit to wear. I look through my closet for a good few minutes before making a choice. I ended up deciding on a black skater skirt along with a light pink off the shoulder top, as well as a pair of super fluffy baby pink socks with lilac hightops converse.

I moved to stand in front of my mirror. "I look cute as hell" I muttered to myself as I grabbed my brush to brush out my bedhead then put on my favourite stary hair clip to help keep my hair out of my face.

Satisfied with how I looked, I grabbed my phone, keys and a small black purse to hold my items before leaving. I quickly checked the time 08:56 as I left my house. He said he'd pick me up so I guess I'll just wait. I wonder what he has planned since he refused to tell me cause "It's a surprise but wear something cute yet comfortable"

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I caught a glance of warm blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. I smiled brightly knowing who it was, I quickly waved to Denki and walked over to him. He was wearing a pair of denim jeans along with a plain white t-shirt with a light blue dress shirt on top left unbutton along with blue converse. He also had a black bag on his back.

"Hiya Denki!" I said with a cheerful tone, honestly, I was super excited for today and what he had planned - but also super nervous. Eek.

“Hey y/n!!” He said with a large amount of excitement dripping from his voice, my smile only brightened at his excitement. Denki leaned in for a hug which I happily accepted, the scent of his cologne engulfing my airways.

"So, what do you have planned for today?" I asked after I felt his slightly chapped but moistened lips press softly against my cheek before he pulled away from the warm embrace we shared.

He brought a finger to my lips and pressed against them gently as a way to shush me "You will know all in good time, my little buttercup" He held out his arm and gestured for me to hold it.

I rolled my eyes at the nickname as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks "Alright, my prince charming" I intertwined my arm with his as I allowed him to lead the way.

"I know I should have said this earlier but you look really pretty today" He stopped walking and started frantically shaking his arms like a mad man "N-not that you don't look pretty every day but today you just look extra pretty!!" He added but didn't seem to stop his weird actions. "Ahh!! I'm not tryna say you look less pretty on other days" He took a deep breath to help calm himself down "You just look ultra nice today" He paused before continuing "I mean every day, you also look nice every day"

I giggled at his dramatic acts "Thanks, Denki. You look good too"

For the rest of our walk to an undisclosed location, we shared a small conversation full of laughs and giggles and some very awkward unprotected handholding.

We eventually reached a huge gate, decorated with gorgeous flowers and dense greenery. I looked over at Denki confused on what he had plans, all I knew about this place was that it was a botanical garden. I think I was having a conversation about them with someone one day, is that where he got the idea from? Who knows

He linked his arm with him and lead us through the beautiful gate, the garden itself was stunning. Full to the brim with all sorts of artistic flowers with such vibrant but soft colours contrasting with all the earthy greens of the stems. It was honestly a sight to behold, it was beautiful in every single way, there was not one single fault in the place.

"It's so beautiful," I thought aloud, my eyes sparkled with enthusiasm to see the rest of the captivating blooms.

"Nowhere near as beautiful as you, sweetcheeks," Denki said without a hint of hesitation. "Now, may I have this walk M'lady"

I nodded "You may," I said with a small giggle. Truth be told, he could have brought to hang out at the back of a dumpster and I would still be happy as long as I got to spend time with him. He seriously does just brighten up a room.

We walked around the garden, admiring all the scenery. There was quite a lot of people, some couples, some just families with their children. Some of the parents were being careless and letting their kids jump all over the flowers ruining the lovely flowers, kinda heartbreaking to see the growth of the flowers just scattered on the ground in the form of petals.

I was brought back into the world when I heard Denki's voice but I didn't quite hear what he said. But whatever it was, it certainly made him flustered.

"Denki? Are you alright?" I looked up at him with concern filling my eyes. His face was bright red and he was consciously avoiding eye contact.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just, um...you wanna eat? I brought picnic food" He asked while looking at the ground.

“Sure,” I said with a smile.

He nodded and looked up to look for somewhere to sit. He spotted a bench and wasted no time leading me to it. We sat down on the bench with our knees touching slightly.

Denki opened his bag and brought out a collection of sandwiches and snacks. “I had to ask Mina what you liked,” He said with a chuckle.

I smiled knowing he cared enough to ask what I liked. Maybe this could actually go somewhere.

We dug into the food he brought and started talking about the most random of things. I really do enjoy spending time with him, he’s so much fun and he brought my favourite foods with him. Like how sweet is that?

I was listening to him talking about a new game he got but I lowkey zoned out cause his voice was just so calming to listen to. Though the peace didn’t last since I heard a large scream come from Denki. I looked around for could have possibly scared him - to which there didn’t appear to be anything.

I looked over at him confused, as he is now sitting on the top of the bench shaking and staring at the ground. I looked down to see a small ball fluff, also known as a bunny-rabbit.

“Denki, are you scared of a bunny?” I asked, trying to hold back a laugh. How could someone be scared of something so cute?

“Yes, they’re evil carrot munchers!” He shouted while pointing at the bunny.

I rolled my eyes and reached down to pick up the bunny (don’t pick up wild animals) and started to pet the creature. “Denki, they’re not going to hurt you, they’re just fluff balls and they can’t actually eat carrots. They’re bad for them” I said while cradling the fluff ball “Aren’t you just the cutest, yes you are, oh yes you are”

Denki didn't appear to become any less frightened from the bunny. I looked at him sympathetically before putting the bunny down and letting it hop away into some bushed. I joined Denki sitting on the back of the bench and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in close.

"I'm sorry, you must probably think I'm pathetic now..." He said while looking down, he was still shaking with fear.

I placed a soft kiss against his cheek before whispering in his ear "That's the last thing I think, Denki, everyone has their own fears. I'm sorry, is there any way I can make it up to you?"

"I suppose there might be a way" He sniffled and wiped away some tears I didn't notice existed.

I held his hand and rubbed circles on the back of his hand in a comforting manner as I waited for him to continue talking. I didn't realise someone could be so scared of a bunny but the more you know.

"I think a kiss would help," He said while looking up at me with hopeful eyes.

I looked at him shocked for a second, I guess his flirtatiousness doesn't stop even when he's scared. I giggled before leaning in, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Is that better?"

He pouted "No, I wasn't ready," He said with a whiney tone.

"You should have been paying attention then," I said before standing up and holding out my hand "Wanna continue? I'll protect you from any evil fluffy creatures"

Denki took hold of my hand and we continued our date. We finished the walk around the garden and he walked me home.

I leaned against my front door and looked at Denki. I nervously fiddled with my fingers as I struggled to keep eye contact "I really enjoyed today and I wouldn't mind doing it again sometime"

Denki looked shocked "Really!? Oh hell yeah, I'd love to"

I smiled softly at him "Cool. I'll, uh, text you at some point"

#denki #kaminari #denki kaminari #denki x reader #kaminari x reader #denki kaminari x reader #mha #bnha #mha denki #bnha denki #bnha spring time #bnha spring time fic #emeraldbiscuit #emerald biscuit #emeraldbiscuitposts #emeraldbiscuit posts

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