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amons-abyss · 2 years

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1/9/21 @10:45pm

Some days I found myself making excuses for him even though I knew better. Sometimes I tried to reason that the man I knew and remembered just might be depressed and need me to hold his hand and ask him how he’s doing and let him break down to me like he always did even though I was the one that desperately needed the comfort and to break down. Sometimes for him I want to cast my anger aside and forget the things he’s said and done because I think if I don’t then where will we ever be but then I remind myself that isn’t fair that it’s always me having to be there for him when clearly he cares so little for me. Sometimes I ask myself are we just weathering the seasons and we’re finally seeing the ugly sides of each other we don’t like. Should I be more patient with him and remember that as people we are fallible? Is he depressed and is crying out for help? I make up excuses all day long some days because I can’t fathom his behavior but then other days I tell myself no he knows what’s he’s doing and he doesn’t care and I’ve pitied him enough and forgiven him in the past but enough is enough. This isn’t pride getting in the way, this is about walking away from someone that continues to hurt me and does nothing to change his behavior. This is about finally choosing more as I’ve always known I deserve. But that was the thing about my love for him it was boundless and abundant. No matter how many times I uprooted the weeds, they’d always grow back in a different area and stronger.

Via (Amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 3 years

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Maybe the reason it bothered me so much was because it was finally something tangible. Something I could see and that was right in front of my eyes. In that moment I could see that it was real. He was actually with her and not just behind closed doors but in public at a party for everyone else to see. She was his girlfriend and no matter what was going on with us, it was time for me to acknowledge it. She’s his girlfriend and I’m nobody to him.

-7/1/21 (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 3 years

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I have learned many times over and in the hardest of ways that people don’t care how they treat you. They will say and do whatever they want if it means they’ll be unscathed in the end.

-8/22 (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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March 2020

I was so damn angry I could set the world on fire. Some days I felt like I contained my rage well and other days I felt like it was slipping out of every pore. I would lie and say I didn’t know where it came from or how it started but I knew exactly the root from which it stemmed. I was angry at how people treated the state of my existence.

I existed only when it was convenient for them (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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8/27 @9:35am

You make me feel like I’m hard to love when my love for you has only ever been patient.

-(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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February 2020

I refuse to keep running in circles with you. I want something more. The fact that someone held my hand in public for the first time ever and you and any other person who came before or after you had never done so, I can’t forgive you for.

(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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9/5

I believe some things are just far too coincidental. Maybe this happened for a reason or maybe I was just stupid and fell into your bullshit once again but maybe I wasn’t meant to step off this toxic carrousel just yet or perhaps I stayed on too long and now I missed my chance to ever get off.

-(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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8/22 @5:35pm

I was finally alone and able to cry if I needed. It had taken a lot for me to remain strong and pretend as if this wasn’t really bothering me. Truth is I was allowing it to poison my mind although I wish I didn’t let it. But it hurt, just like the first time all over again. We were reopening old wounds.

-(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything but I guess that means I’m back to writing from a place of pain.

-Everything is not alright. 9/5 (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 5 years

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I wondered, what do you bring to someone who wants to die. Do you bring them their memories, do you bring them all of the possibilities that may happen in the future that they’ll want to be there for. Do you bring your strength, your presence? What do you bring?

(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 5 years

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He smelled like tobacco but his mouth tasted like burnt coffee.

(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 5 years

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What a tragedy it is to cry over someone who never loved you.

(Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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If people were colors, he’d be the color indigo. Always in the middle and hard to distinguish his boundaries. Representing a deep under layer that makes you want to extract more from underneath the surface to truly dissect and assemble one’s identification. Was he blue? Was he violet? The answer was neither but rather in between, and it was a result that left me puzzled the more I tried to understand.

10/27/19 (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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Who was she? When did it start? Mindless questions I didn’t really need the answers to, yet they pecked at my brain anyway.

The new girl in his life (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 4 years

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Before I met you, I don’t think I ever met someone and thought to myself “we were made for disaster.” I don’t think I ever fought so hard to try and make someone permanent. Us seperating this time around, brought me to the rightful conclusion that my fantasy was and will never be a reality. For awhile, I wished for you to always be around in whatever capacity that meant. Whether it was for my engagement party, kids birthday, holiday dinners, or just a housewarming party. I wanted to make you family like I know the rest of my friends are. I never wanted to ask a friend in 10 years “how is he?”I wanted to be able to ask you myself but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way.

11/7/19 (Via amons-abyss)

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amons-abyss · 5 years

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If I decide to open my heart to you again, will you make me regret it?

September 2019 (Via amons-abyss)

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