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crispyjenkins · 3 years

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Rexobi. I really just wanna see Rex and Obi-wan drinking together and complaining about the disaster that is Anakin Skywalker. They decide to team up to get anakin to calm the heck down and to talk about his feelings. Anakin doesn’t realize what’s going on but gets the idea he needs to play matchmaker with his master and his captain. He thinks he’s the smart one but he’s really not

(i have once again chickened out of your full prompt and instead give you the leadup to rexobi getting anakin to talk about his feelings.

i uhhh may be unable to think of anything but a rexobi au à la this post by @norcumii and @dharmaavocado about roleswap-ish senior padawan obi hella vibing with this mutant clone that can’t get above the rank of captain even as an arc trooper because the kaminoans are Like That, and qui-gon is going spare, because between anakin somehow being allowed to be in charge of a whole battalion and obi-wan picking fights with every single seperatist leader, he and cody never get a moment of peace. and like. just obi and rex being dumbass 20 year olds trying to deal with a general/master like anakin in the middle of a war. i don’t have TIME for that though

thank you for the prompt as always, i think this is the only rexobi/obex prompt i’ve ever gotten and this ship is criminally underappreciated. like?? kadavo?? anyways here’s whatever this is)

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Not for the first time, Rex wishes Kote were the one here dealing with this, because “how to comfort your favorite Jedi” hadn’t exactly been covered in ARC training – actually, Alpha probably withheld the information on purpose, the fucker.

But Kote is on the other side of the galaxy with the 187th and just as upset they’re not here in Rex’s stead: it’s barely a month off General Kenobi returning to his own face, and Rex knows his vod would strangle the entire Senate if given even half a chance for deploying them separately on their general’s first mission back after the Hardeen... incident.

And Fett’s Ghost knows Rex’s own general is going to pitch a fit when he finds out Rex is here instead of taking leave like the rest of the 501st, but Kote certainly wasn’t about to let Kenobi go all the way to Alderaan unguarded so soon after his supposed death; and honestly, Rex would have been offended if they had asked anybody else to do it. Thankfully, Kenobi hadn’t seemed offended when Rex had shown up at the Jedi Temple’s flight hangar before he could take off; instead, he had been rather amused.

Even luckier, Alderaan is barely a day’s jump from Coruscant, so they don’t have to spend too much time awkwardly pretending that Rex hadn’t attended the man’s funeral in Kote's place (that he would have attended anyways), or that Rex doesn’t know Anakin hasn’t spoken to his former master since their debrief to the High Council about Cad Bane. Which Rex should absolutely not know in the first place, but Anakin is his friend, for better or for worse, and Ahsoka thinks her master airs far too many of his grievances to his captain.

It isn't until their cruiser is making the descent over Alderaan that Kenobi finally addresses the tension between them, which only proves that Kenobi is well aware of it, but had put it off as long as he could. It's a humanising observation, that Rex wishes he could have had when he isn't the only vod in a ten mile radius that isn't the pilot, because at least then he wouldn't be the sole receiver of the soft smile Kenobi gives him as he joins Rex to wait by the shuttle's access hatch.

Rex thanks his progenitor's laughing corpse he has his bucket on, because all he can do is stare.

"You are worried about Anakin," Kenobi says matter of factly, though not unkindly, and Rex lets out a breath that's almost a laugh.

"I promise I am far more discrete with my thoughts in the field, sir."

Kenobi chuckles warmly, tucking his arms behind his back to watch the planet under them grow larger as they approach. "Do try not to worry so much, my dear, this will all resolve itself in time."

It's hard to stare right at his gentle assuredness, so Rex looks away. "You have far more faith in his ability to forgive than I, sir."

That laugh strains at the edges. "Yes, well, I'm afraid some of my lessons seem to have been... lacking."

Rex has regs carbon-printed on his brain, he knows that even without the direct chain of command, the soft push and pull of his relationship with Kenobi, the steady, serene growth of it, is... problematic, for so many reasons that he wouldn't know where to start. Not least of all is rank, how much more important a Jedi is than a replaceable CC-track washout, but, well, Rex had washed out for being too emotional, so it's not as if he's exactly unused to reacting to things inappropriately for a good little soldier.

"It's not my place, sir," he murmurs, remembering Kadavo, remembering Umbara, remembering the hand Kenobi had laid on his shoulder for far too long after the Blue Shadow virus, and has Rex really been this gone since then? "just say the word and I won't mention it again. But just because Kote isn't here doesn't mean you have to... shoulder all of this alone."

In fact, it's wildly not his place to make such an offer, however implicit, but that month on Kadavo did happen, and Rex isn't so self-deprecating to believe he hadn't had a heavy hand in helping Kenobi make it out on the other side as well as he did. He doesn't think so little of the bond they had formed then, to believe that Obi-Wan is unaware of it.

Not when he smiles at Rex like that, like he's a warm cup of caf after a week in the trenches, like Rex is... worthy of such sincere affection.

As the shuttle settles around them and the pilot announces their arrival over comm, Obi-Wan simply says, "I did not for a moment believe I was, my dear."

"You and Rex seem close."

Normally Obi-Wan can feel Anakin coming from an entire corridor away, but he also knows Quinlan has been teaching him a few Shadow tricks, so he isn't entirely surprised when Anakin appears at his elbow in the empty bridge looking like a smug necu.

Aside from eating firstmeal with Kote in the mess, Obi-Wan hasn't even seen Rex today, much less interacted with him: as he understands it, Rex is trying to round up the remaining 501st shinies that are running around the Negotiator, so Obi-Wan really doesn't know where Anakin had gotten that notion. Recently, at least.

Anakin rolls his eyes and scoffs, leaning back on the railing next to him and crossing his arms. "Please, Master, even Snips has noticed."

Obi-Wan refrains from telling him that anyone with a modicum more self-awareness than him has noticed. Be that as it may, "This is one of those times where I truly don't know what you're trying to say, my dear: I have been close with Rex since he was in the 212th."

It isn't even an exaggeration, that there had been... something between them before Anakin whisked Rex away to his own battalion after his knighting, though back then it had been nothing more than friendship. If he recalls correctly, and he does, the cleanup of the Ryloth capitol had been the first time since then that they had worked closely, while Anakin had been on the ground with the locals and Mace had been with General Syndulla, and Obi-Wan had found he still quite enjoyed the way they worked together. Their time on Naboo combating the Blue Shadow virus had only endeared the captain more to him —he does remember a slip in propriety in his relief that Rex had been rescued safely with Padmé and Ahsoka, a hand left too long on the captain's shoulder until Kote had called him away— enough that Obi-Wan had been both relieved and horrified that it was Rex there to support him on Kadavo.

"Cody said Rex was the one to go with you to Alderaan; you sure nothing 'happened' while you were there?" Anakin chuckles to himself like he's being incredibly clever, like there isn’t a hickey visible over the collar of his under tunic.

Obi-Wan raises a brow slowly and refrains from rolling his eyes. "Despite what you may believe, Anakin, not everyone leaps into committed relationships after life-threatening situations." Not that Alderaan had been life-threatening, it had actually been as close to actual leave as Obi-Wan has had the entire war.

"Please, it took Padmé and I ages to–"

Anakin seems to swallow his tongue, then, face rapidly going purple, and it really is a miracle the entire Republic doesn’t know about his marriage; the GAR certainly does.

Sighing, Obi-Wan checks the chrono and decides it isn't too early for another cup of tea. "If you have a specific question about my relationship with Captain Rex, I do wish you’d be direct, my dear."

Anakin splutters. "Relationship?!"

"Great Maker, Anakin, you’re easier to spook than a half-starved blurrg." He pats Anakin’s arm, his sonbrother floundering for anything other than abject confoundment, as Obi-Wan turns away from the bridge to go locate both tea, and his commander to hopefully finalise their newest mission orders. "Don't worry," he calls over his shoulder, "I'll actually let you come to the wedding, unlike someone."

Not that Obi-Wan has any such plans, Maker knows he and Rex have yet to address their feelings in the first place, but he'd be lying if part of him doesn't want to conspire with the captain in question —and perhaps Ahsoka— to see just how far they could take this before Anakin realises they're stringing him along.

Remarkably, Rex is waiting by Obi-Wan’s office with a flimsi cup of tea and a harried smile that promised quite the day chasing after shinies, and Obi-Wan decides conning his former apprentice can wait.

Mando’a: vod/e — “brother/s”, “comrade/s”, “sibling/s”, technically gender neutral but used most often in fandom as “brother/s”

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moonice20408 · 3 years

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Dream Analysis for Mary.

Quick intro, I don’t completely give into the idea of dream theory. But, I think it’s a good look into a persons psyche. People experience things differently, and interpretate things differently, so the brain is going to have different reasoning behind everything in a dream, depending on your own life experiences. Which is why I don’t think dream analysis is a ‘one size fits all’ thing, I just find it interesting in itself. And since we don’t really know a lot about Mary, this was just something for me to do to kill a few hours.

Also I wrote this pretty quickly.

Without proof reading…

Sooooo…

! Slight spoilers ahead !

I’m working in the fields, like, digging up the carrots, when in the distance, I see a man. His eyes and his mouth are wide open and he’s pointing at me. And then I feel something moving in my hand and I look down… It is the carrots. They have become like newborn babes, crying and squirming their roots around my fingers. And I look back up and now, very slowly, the man comes towards me, but he does not walk. His feet, stay together, dragging through the soil. And still he’s pointing at me. And I try to breathe in to scream, but I cannot, and my mouth fills with dirt. And now the man’s on fire.

And that’s when I wake up.

‘Working in the fields, digging up the carrots’

Personally, I don’t think there’s too much to look at here. Working in the fields was probably most of what Mary did, and the setting of the dream is just likely to be somewhere that was familiar/safe/comfortable to her while she was alive.

However, depending on the state of the field, it can represent different things. Considering that she was working in the dream, I’m going to assume that the field was growing healthily and was in the state she would expect it to be. Meaning this could represent her own personal growth in some way, or the possibility of a rise to fortune and to places of honour.

Crops themselves, again, represent growth. In the sense that you have put your time and effort into something, and it has paid off in the end. Singling out carrots signifies abundance and fertility. To me this could mean that, while alive, Mary’s field was doing well, and there was a good likelihood she would be able to make some more money from her work.

The idea of digging though, can suggest that someone is trying to find out about themselves, giving meaning to the phrase ‘digging into their lives’. It suggests that maybe Mary was preoccupied with her own identity and reputation, or trying to get to the root of an issue. Perhaps she knew there were rumours being to spread about her, as to why the field she was working in was doing so well. Maybe a jealous neighbour’s field was not as successful, and could not believe any reason other than witchcraft could be the reason why.

‘I see a man.’

Seeing an unknown man represents how you view men in general. And given that this is Mary we’re talking about, and from what she’s said in other episode, we’re most likely looking at very old-fashioned/traditional masculine traits. Men were seen to be more dominating, powerful, assertive, etc. What they said was right, and Mary probably didn’t question it very much, or kept her opinions to herself.

I’m assuming, that since Mary did just refer to this person as ‘a man’, that it wasn’t someone she knew. So looking in to the meaning of seeing a ‘figure’ in a dream, it indicates that she was possibly facing some confusion and ambiguity about her life. Going back to the idea of her knowing about the rumours spreading about her, if it were a man who started it, or she heard it from, it could represent a confusion in believing it. She defiantly believes in witchcraft, and if a man is suggesting she is one, it probably would be a confusing thing for her, because she’d been raised to believe in what men say and not to question it, but knowing she isn’t a witch and hasn’t preformed any witchcraft.

‘His eyes and his mouth are wide open and he’s pointing at me’

I think the meaning her is probably the most obvious. The expression of the man is one of shock or fear, so I think this is representing the accusations of her being a witch. The focus on his eyes to me means he may have seen something, the mouth could mean he’s said something himself, or heard someone say something, and those thing have lead to the conclusion of Mary being a witch.

The actual symbolism of eyes I looked into tended more to focus on a persons own eyes then someone else’s. What I did find was quite literal, in the sense that seeing eyes means that you feel as though you are being watched. Could be true, if accusations against Mary had been made, it’s extremely likely people around her were watching her and she knew it. Or maybe she was just very cautious of herself, and had become more aware of her own actions.

The closest thing I found to a single person looking at her was ‘eye contact’. In a dream this can indicate you’re looking for a connection. Maybe this could lean into the idea that she’s trying to connect with this man, or all men, in a way for them to see her for what she really is, not a witch. This also made me think about the fact that Mary’s husband dies before her, so she likely doesn’t have a male figure in her life to defend her, which back in those days, she would’ve needed. Maybe if her husband died not long before this, people would have used that against her too.

Seeing a mouth in a dream can suggest a number of things. The ones I think relate most to Mary are that, there is a need to express yourself, or that you’ve said too much and need to be quiet. The first being the obvious need to tell people she isn’t a witch. But, going back to the traditional gender roles at the time, Mary probably knew it wouldn’t do any good. What she thought or said wouldn’t matter, and if she did speak out, it would make it worse. Look at her reaction to seeing an episode of loose women. I thought maybe the second interpretation could relate to her, if there was maybe something she remembered saying, and thought that that could be the reason the accusations started. Like I said, she for sure believes in witchcraft, and it may be a internalised victim blaming situation.

Which links to the symbolism of the pointing finger. To see this signifies a feeling of guilt and self-blame. You’ve done something, and are afraid of exposure. The story of her husband came to mind when I saw this. Mary’s incredibly superstitious, and to this day believes that because of something she didn’t do at her wedding, it is the reason her husband died 3 years later. If there was something she said or did, even if it were years before, she could link that to the idea of her being a witch. Maybe even believing the accusations herself with her own reasoning.

‘They have become like newborn babes’

Fair to say there is nothing about carrot-baby hybrids themselves, so I just stuck with babies. But babies in dreams have a lot of interpretations, so I tried to focus on the ones that I could best link to Mary in some way. So, holding a baby suggests that a person is longing for an earlier part of their life, when they felt needed. This could possibly mean there was a time when Mary was needed by someone, but feels like no one needs her anymore or at the end of her life. We don’t know much about Mary’s family, so it’s hard to say.

A baby crying symbolises the feeling that some part of you needs to be nurtured. Personally, I think this relates to her fear of the unknown. She takes comfort in blessing the house after the woodworm men have left, and when she was alive, there would have been many people around her who would have the same ideals. The other ghosts and Alison don’t hold the same believes, and don’t really take her seriously with them, so her fear often runs wild. She relaxed when Pat explained how the camera worked, and she got quite involved after, because she understood it (in her own way at least) so wasn’t scared anymore.

Dreaming about an extremely small baby symbolises a feeling of helplessness. I think this makes sense with Mary’s way of thinking. Being a poor woman in the Stuart era would have been hard enough, but if there were rumours about her, she probably knew there wouldn’t be anything she could do to change peoples minds.

‘His feet, stay together, dragging through the soil.’

This was a difficult part to look into, because almost everything I could find do with feet/legs not moving or the motion of dragging, all focused on it happening to the person dreaming. So a lot of this is just my own interpretation of what I found. I also think this is more of a twisted memory of what happened to her husband- who we know was crushed by a plough.

Mary specifically mentioned the mans feet staying together, so when looking into the symbolism of feet, I found that they can represent independence and freedom. I took this to mean that Mary feels her freedom is being controlled by this man, or men in general. The fact his feet aren’t moving maybe suggests that Mary’s future is no longer moving forward. Concentrating on other peoples feet in a dream can suggest you are concerned about their movements. This makes perfect sense to me, as Mary would be more than concerned about this mans next move, knowing the punishment for witchcraft.

‘my mouth fills with dirt.’

This is probably the only part of the dream that I agree with the psychology of it 100%. To dream your mouth is full, indicates that you’re unable to express your thoughts and feelings. Mary knows that even if she were to challenge what people are saying about her, it wouldn’t do any good. And most likely make the situation worse. And what is in your mouth is a metaphor for what it is that you want to process.

So, looking into the meaning of ‘dirt’, I found it represents situations that are ‘less than honourable’, and that it suggests you may be trying to cover up poor behaviour. I think this links back to the idea of Mary herself believing she was capable of witchcraft. We know she does believe in it to begin with, so that would be a ‘less then honourable’ thing for her, definitely. But if she also thinks that her husbands death was caused by not breaking the cake at her wedding, or maybe another situation in which she did or said something, then she can’t believe that it isn’t a coincidence. She’s involved with these situations, which in reality was just a run of bad luck (again, we don’t know how long she died after her husband, so maybe it was just that), but her being at the centre of everything is enough to convince even herself. Maybe she never told anyone they didn’t break cake at the wedding, so for Mary that’s ‘covering up poor behaviour’, and she just feels guilty about it.

‘And now the man’s on fire. And that’s when I wake up.’

Fire is also something that has dozens of meanings when looking into dream meanings. Annihilation, desire, longing, radiance, sanitisation, transformation, insight, rage… But honestly I think it is just the reliving of her death. Possibly the idea of transformation, the end of her old life, and the start of her new one- ‘that’s when I wake up’. The whole dream to me symbolises the lead up to her death, and the fire simply came at the end of it.

So thanks if you actually read this, I would love to hear other people thoughts on this!!

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Was planning on making this my own post, but I thought you would be more suited to discussing this sort of topic. Something I've noticed when it comes to the more prominent/important/strong female characters (Nora, Pyrrha, Penny, Robyn, Emerald, Sienna) is that RT often has the tendency of giving them masculine allusions (Thor, Achilles, Pinocchio, Robin Hood, Aladdin, Shere Khan) as if they are unable to stand on their own as characters unless they have that connection to a male character. 1/3

It is worth discussing! Yeah, I hesitate to call it a pattern just because, as you say, Team RWBY themselves are an exception to the rule — and as the title characters of the story, they’re a pretty big exception. We also have good women allusions turned into good women characters (Glynda with The Good Witch, May with Maid Marian) and bad women allusions turned into good women characters (Winter with The Snow Queen — I don’t think she was ever meant to enter full antagonist territory, but that’s another post). So it’s not just a matter of saying, “RWBY models their strong women after male inspirations and turns all female inspirations into male characters.” It’s not that simple. But the fact that it’s not simple doesn’t mean there’s nothing there to unpack because I definitely understand the feeling you’re pointing to, anon. Team RWBY feels like it has the most thought put into it in terms of changing up these allusions, specifically when it comes to subversion: the little girl in a red hood who previously needed a hunter’s protection has become the hunter herself, Belle overcomes both her Gaston and the now evil Beast, Snow White extracts herself from her own abusive situation (with a little help from the Dwarves still), and Goldilocks is no longer lost and in need of basic necessities, but can rather punch her way out of any establishment — like, say, a club. The execution of these themes aside (how Adam was handled, turning Jacques’ arrest into a joke, etc.), there’s a commonality here that works. Or at least, it works for me. Yet when we expand the allusions past our title team, things get... very messy. That’s when we start to hit on these concerns.

I’d say the problem stems primarily from that lack of thought, not the act itself of turning women characters into men or vice versa. Meaning, as I’ve said in the past, RWBY’s use of allusions is terribly unreliable nowadays, and that’s not just in terms of plot expectations like, “Why did Penny have to become a flesh girl because Pinocchio, but Ironwood didn’t stay good because Tin Man?” It also includes these questions of why these changes were made and what sort of messages they send. As you lay out, why are so many of our heavy hitters — the most talented huntress, the lightning-immune smasher, the Maiden android, etc. — based on men? Why are many of the effeminate and “weaker” men — Jaune the untrained, Ren the emotional councilor, Oscar the kid who wants to talk it all out — based on women? Again, I don’t intend to sling any hard accusations, but rather to point out what’s likely a subtle, unconscious bias. To provide another example, I’ve seen talk recently about how RT (again, unconsciously) depicts the faunus, where all the good characters have culturally established “good” animal features and all the bad character have culturally established “bad” features. It’s cat ears, rabbit ears, sheep ears, monkey tails, dog tails, and beautifully changing skin color vs. scorpion tails, spiderwebs, bull horns, tiger ears, bat wings, and crocodile scales. Is it a perfect 1:1 divide? No, Ghira has panther claws and Fennec has fox ears, but there’s enough there for us to go, “RT tends to give the good guys cute features and/or features we associate with safe animals, whereas the bad guys tend to get ugly features and/or features we associate with dangerous animals.” I feel the same way here, that there’s a bit of a trend at play, with the caveat that there are more complications simply by virtue of these allusions being, well, complicated. But there’s enough there to make us stop and think, “What were RT’s intentions with this? If they just chose something based on the rule of cool, what might those inclinations tell us about gender norms in America?” Meaning, when someone goes, “Idk, we just thought it would be cool to change this up” there’s a lifetime of media consumption driving that choice. It’s not actually random, but based on whatever has been normalized — unless you actively counteract that by thinking through what you want the change to do.

Unconscious biases are always at work. When we analyze something like this it’s often not a matter of saying, “The author is [insert accusatory term here]” but rather just, “The author is falling into expectations, patterns, and normalized decisions based on the culture they’ve grown up in.” Which includes things like thinking, “Well, if this character is based on a male god, she must be crazy strong. If this character is based on a woman fighter, he’s probably more emotional.” Such biases may be driving a lot of decisions because, as said in the past, I really don’t think RT is putting much thought into these allusions, if any at this point. For me, Penny was proof of that — the inability to see how following her allusion utterly destroyed her character growth — but even if we don’t agree about Penny, what about Salem? Far from just using her name, this volume gave us a blatant reference to the events of Salem Trails in the 1690s. Namely, the burning of the witch.

Except references like this can’t just look cool. This isn’t a video game Easter egg with no real connection to the story, it’s a cinematography/plot choice that carries meaning. So what is that meaning? Well, the thing about the women on trail at Salem is that they were innocent. This is what that reference says: “Hey, remember that real life event where women who weren’t witches were horrifically killed because others thought they were evil? None were actually burned, but culturally we tend to think they were. So that’s the image in our collective mind: innocent women on fire.” Except... Salem is actually a witch. Salem is evil. Salem is guilty. Or at least, the questions surrounding the extent of her guilt — How much responsibility does she hold in comparison to the Gods? How much agency does she still have after the grimm pool? — has not been acknowledged by the text. Yang just yelled at Salem for killing her mom and Oscar is about to blow her up. This is not a “Question Salem’s humanity” scene, it’s a “Kill the witch” scene... yet it uses an allusion that is contrary to what the moment is trying to achieve. So what are we supposed to take away from this? Do we adhere to the subtext and believe that Salem is innocent somehow, ignoring what the actual text says, or do we uphold the text and in doing so undermine the reliability of every other allusion in the show? If we can’t trust Salem’s, why would we trust, say, Penny’s?

RWBY’s allusions are all over the place and yes, I think that lack of consideration extends to who they randomly decided to genderbend. There’s no acknowledgment of — let alone engagement with — how many of these characters and historical figures were trying to pass themselves off as another gender, nor does RWBY acknowledge how the need to do so feeds into our current and historic assumptions about gender as a whole. Why does the man dress as a woman? To keep himself safe and seen as a non-threat. Why does the woman dress as a man? To gain access to places previously barred from her and to gain the respect she otherwise wouldn’t be afforded. And, of course, in 2021 there’s the expectation that media will include trans characters, GNC characters, non-binary characters, cis characters uninterested in practicing traditional femininity/masculinity, etc. None of which RWBY tackles outside of May, a woman who references a systematic transphobia we otherwise never see in the show. May, as a minor character, is great and I am in all honesty thrilled that she exists in the RWBY canon. However, the rest of the show is built on an anime conception of gender — combat skirts and bare midriffs in the snow — while nevertheless engaging with the very complicated question of how you re-imagine canonically/historically gendered people. As a “girl power” show, RWBY has opened itself up to questions like, “Okay, it’s great that you made these four fairy tale girls kickass, but can we talk about making Joan of Arc into a bumbling guy whose presence as a blonde, blue-eyed, sword-wielding man taking up lots of important screen time has generated accusations about this being a male-centered show?” It’s not a “RWBY is horrible for doing this!” issue, but a “RWBY is deliberately playing with gender and marketing itself as a progressive show, so... let’s figure out what these individual choices are actually implying and whether or not we consider that progressive.”

#rwby #mymetas #Anonymous

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bigfan-fanfic · 3 years

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High School Musical feels to me like a very gay narrative, and doing a close reading reveals this fact. Long post ahead, with analysis of lyrics and story beats that contribute to a queer reading of the story

Basically, Troy is the repressed gay who hides in the closet, and Gabriella is the outcast nerd who is just discovering the gay, never knowing before then how she doesn't fit in. She talks about how she has been outcast before, because she was different. While in and of itself this is not particularly specific to the queer experience, Gabriella’s journey of becoming comfortable in her skin is prevalent to the story and a queer reading of HSM. Likewise, Troy’s growth in his confidence to do what he wants even though it’s easier and more comfortable to bow to societal pressure is also queer in its telling.

In "Start of Something New,” they both have that realization that this thing they're feeling is so right for them, they feel a belonging. :It feels so right/to be here with you” and “I feel in my heart/the start of something new” seems less to me an anthem for love at first sight and more simply the recognition of this feeling of attraction to someone - and despite Troy and Gabriella being ostensibly cishet, the combination of this song and the use of drama/the arts as a stand in for homosexuality in this reading make it feel as though both are nervous but excited in discovering their queerness - another interesting thing is that each of the love songs in HSM are gender neutral, and thus play the same if sung by two people of the same gender as by a hetero couple.

This moment is a growth for Gabriella’s queer journey - prior to the song, she is nervous and afraid to socialize, but afterwards she is open and excited to discuss with Troy their experience and be friendly. Troy is a little more closed-off, foreshadowing his journey of trying to stay in the closet - he makes a point of saying how this was something he’s never done before and is not a typical part of his character.

They meet later, and Gabriella's a little more confident, although not technically "out" yet - she doesn’t hide her interest in the “singing thing” and though she doesn’t want to be seen as the Freaky Math Girl, she does have no qualms about showing off her intelligence in class. Basically, despite this being a new territory for her, she is more comfortable in her skin. Troy, meanwhile, basically thinks about his gay experience but hides back in the comfortable closet, returning to being a jock’s jock and ridiculing Ryan and Sharpay, the story’s flamboyant representations of the “out” gays.

Ryan and Sharpay are interesting villains, and they read to me as what might be termed the LGBT+ gatekeepers, since we have drama/the arts as our allegorical stand-in for the queer community. Ryan and Sharpay are unapologetically gay, but they are also used to the ostracism they recieve and thus as a reaction, they have become fiercely protective of their safe space - Sharpay’s fear of the musical being taken over here reads as the worry of LGBT spaces being co-opted and appropriated by cishet people and thus returning them to marginalization.

The song "What I've Been Looking For" is a big jazzy pop number for out gays Ryan and Sharpay, further referencing their absolute comfort in who they are. However, when Troy and Gabriella sing it, it's a soft romantic ballad because they're still on the journey to discovery of their queerness. The lyrics are really gay in "thought I was alone/with no one to hold/but you were always there beside me" - the song is about finding a love when you thought you never could, and if that doesn't scream gay I don't know what does. Despite Kelsi’s insistence that Troy and Gabriella’s way is how it is “supposed” to be sung, the song works just as well as a hopeful romantic tune about the future as it does a celebration of finding acceptance of any kind, even platonic. Again there’s a reference to “this feeling like no other” - this song follows up “Start of Something New” as a continuation of the journey to self-acceptance, and speaks of finding comfort in the experience of meeting those like oneself - “I never had someone/that knows me like you do/they way you do.”

“Get’cha Head in the Game” is here to show the environment Troy lives in - he’s being constantly pressured, and the song is fast paced and imperative. It also provides a contrast in lyric theme, referring to the “head” instead of feelings and heart. Troy’s tonal shift in the middle of the song where he sings about his heart feels like now that he’s had this gay experience and knows this truth about himself, he can’t go back fully into the closet.

The posting of the callback list feels very much to me like Troy and Gabriella being publically outed as queer. When Troy and Gabriella are "outed," there is a reaction of support and others "coming out" in solidarity, but those voices are shouted down by those seeking not to upset the status quo. The song is chaotic and loud, with walls being broken down and students from different groups merging - Chad mentions later in dialogue that the social hierarchy is breaking down. Interestingly enough, despite the general tone of the song being disapproving and admonishing, everybody joins in the dance and shows support, until Sharpay literally shouts everybody down. This kinda feels to me like saying that the majority of people would be accepting and tolerant, except for a minority of vocal voices who dominate the conversation and push their agenda of hatred.

Homophobic Chad manipulates Troy back into the closet to protect the status quo, and a heartbroken Gabriella sings about how she "thought [he was her] fairy tale," and that really says to me like a gay thinking they've found a relationship only to be heartbroken by realizing the person was straight or too closeted to continue on. She “confused [her] feelings with the truth” and thought “[he] felt it too,” but luckily the ensuing fallout of Gabriella and Troy forced apart and into their respective closets makes their straight friends realize their horrible mistake and do their best to repent, becoming “allies” to them.

“Bop To the Top” is just a fun number, again showcasing Ryan and Sharpay as confident in who they are. However, the interesting part is that Ryan and Sharpay’s world is breaking down around them as well, just as it is for the straight people. Sharpay snaps at Zeke because she can’t quite comprehend this guy from the straight side reaching out to befriend someone of the queer set, and her walls go up. In her own way, she’s trying to restore order as well - however instead of forcing Troy and Gabriella apart, she instead tries to make it so they must prove their commitment to one side or the other - making it so that their activities with their friends take place at the same time as the callback - basically a choice between their closets or the queer community, but with the help of their allies, Troy and Gabriella bring everything crashing together - though the straight majority floods the theater, they do so in support of the community she has protected. At this moment, Gabriella and Troy have overcome the external queer-phobia.

And then the big emotional number at the audition, "Breaking Free," really feels gay to me, in that the song is about the world trying to tear this couple apart but with their faith in each other and themselves, they can rise to new heights. The verses each feel like an anthem to a queer experience in fighting against societal pressure and having confidence in who you are. “The world can see us/in a way that’s different than who we are” is about the pressure to conform to gender and sexuality norms, “but your faith, it gives me strength/strength to believe” they can break free and be themselves. In particular the bridge where they sing "more than you/more than me/not a want/but a need" gives me "born this way" vibes and describes the need to be who you are even when others might not understand. And yet, even in all of this, they are supported and tolerated - the audience dances in the seats and claps to the beat and supports them.

And then "We're All In This Together" is of course the fantasy of tolerance and overcoming bigotry within and without the LGBT community, where everyone is singing together in harmony, where there is nothing but acceptance of the differences that make us all special and unique, with the recognition that we are all human.

#just my thoughts #my two cents #my thoughts #high school musical #super long post

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ravnicaforgoblins · 3 years

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Ravnica for Goblins

Exciting Planeswalker Visitors

(Caution: Before we begin, this post is going to be much more opinion-based than previous ones. These are my own homebrew ideas, use them as/if you wish, discard/dismiss them if you prefer.)

Planeswalkers are an integral part of MTG Lore, as well as several of its most iconic characters. Put simply, a Planeswalker is an individual with an inherent gift for traveling between planes, or worlds. The gift does not appear at birth, but is usually triggered by some manner of incredibly emotional (usually traumatizing) event. In addition, each Planeswalker displays a unique aptitude for a particular style of magic; be it plant growth, transformation, becoming transparent, illusions, invulnerability, summoning beasts, structural analysis, setting things on fire, etc. Whatever their specific brand of magic is, it’s usually on a higher level than an ordinary person can hope to achieve.

Planeswalkers, as a general rule, are wanderers by nature. They may have a home plane, or even an adopted home plane, but being able to traverse the multiverse leads many towards lives of constant adventuring/shenanigans. Add in the fact that Planeswalkers cannot bring anyone else with them on these travels (except in very rare cases), and you end up with a special breed of super-powerful magical loner. They show up, make a name for themselves with their big magic, and depart when they feel like it. Did you say, “Instant Adventure”?

Ravnica has a few native Planeswalkers among its citizens; Ral Zarek, Vraska, and Domri Rade. In addition, it has several Planeswalkers who have at some point or another (depending on your timeline) devoted enough time & energy to be effectively considered citizens; Azor, Tezzeret, Kaya, Dack Fayden, Dovin Baan, Gideon Jura, and Jace Beleren. Some of these are currently dead, missing, or magically barred from ever returning. At one point, Ravnica had more Planeswalkers on it at one time than any plane in the multiverse has ever or will ever see. If you are going the War of the Spark direction, good luck. You'll need it and so will your players. For everyone else, which Planeswalkers you choose to include in your campaign (if any), should be based on who will work the best for the story you’re trying to tell. A recommendation; if you find their lore too distracting and complicated, stick to the main beats. A lot of these figures can be boiled down to simple ideas, and you don’t want to bore your party with the entire novel of these usually dramatic/tragic lives. Trust me, the base concepts are enough.

With that in mind, here are four Planeswalkers that I, a random person on the internet, believe would work great for a Ravnica campaign. My choices are not based on who has canonically already spent time in Ravnica, or who would be the most powerful/dangerous to suddenly appear in the city. Several Planeswalkers have their own prior commitments on other planes that are pretty central to their character, and BAMFing them to Ravnica for a quick Bad Guy to take down wouldn’t do them justice. These four characters would slide into various aspects of Ravnica beautifully. These four would be the most exciting visitors to Ravnica.

Ashiok, Dream Render

I don’t think any MTG character could be as good a fit for a Ravnican Guild as Ashiok is for House Dimir. Ashiok is almost literally a walking shadow of secrets and intrigue. Their origins, their age, their motives, their face; hell, their gender is a secret yet unrevealed. Ashiok’s power is creating living beings born of the greatest fears stolen from people’s nightmares. Literally.

It’s like if the Dimir stopped half-assing the art of stealing thoughts and turned it into a weapon of mass destruction. Because even the mightiest of Ravnicans are afraid of things. Ask Niv-Mizzet about the Nephilim sometime, see how quickly he changes the subject. What’s better, for a Guild that prides itself on always having the up & up on everyone, Ashiok is inscrutable. They have no past that can be divined, no secrets that can be stolen, no previous encounters to prepare any for their arrival. Neither Lazav nor Etrata can claim such anonymity, despite their best efforts. Ashiok is a true enigma and a dangerous new weapon for House Dimir.

Ashiok also comes with the ability to create minions and NPCs from out of any PC’s worst nightmares, making encounters a great combination of roleplaying & combat. Fighting them is specifically facing one’s deepest & darkest fears made real. Can you say, “character development”?

Ashiok’s arrival could spread this new magical art to other Dimir Agents for a longer campaign, but it might be best to confine it to Ashiok in order to allow for a cleaner victory. Ashiok is not a fighter, cornering them into a direct confrontation should be enough to make the Nightmare Sculptor run for the hills. The mind is powerful, but also very squishy.

Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded

You know how the Cult of Rakdos are technically Chaotic Evil but generally just a bunch of artsy hedonistic nuisances? Tibalt is to them what a gallon of gasoline would be to a lit stove. Good for fire, bad for everything else. Tibalt is an empath specializing in Pain Magic. Quite literally, he loves hurting people for fun. Drawn to pain like a magnet; physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc, he is sadism personified.

His brief time on Ravnica during War of the Spark was enough to make a strong impression on the Rakdos.

“I like this one’s energy.”

This is because they do not realize how bad Tibalt would be for the Cult. There is a fundamental difference between the Chaotic Evil the Cult practices and the Chaotic Evil Tibalt delights in. The Rakdos have survived 10,000 years by taking in the freaks, the rejects, and the crazies, and giving them a place where they can live out their most depraved hedonistic fantasies. They are the voice of the outsiders bringing all figures of power & authority down a peg. They always punch up, never down. Tibalt is a young man with no home, no friends, no job, and no interests or hobbies beyond inflicting pain in as many people as possible. Tibalt punches everyone. The most important distinction between the two is that the Cult of Rakdos is a culture, a way of life for people to embrace; it might be crazy, but it welcomes & accepts people no matter how insane the world says they are. Tibalt does not care about anyone but himself. Following his example would see the city turned into the largest, bloodiest, and most destructive riot in its history; with Tibalt inciting and sicking every monstrosity he can find onto the city at once. He will burn the Rakdos candle at both ends and leave them to suffer the consequences of his fun. The aftermath being the city in ruins, the Cult wiped from the face of existence, and him moving on to his next project. In short, Tibalt will hurt the Cult of Rakdos as much, if not more, than the rest of Ravnica. Because that’s how he gets his kicks.

The one thing standing in his way will be Rakdos himself. As the single largest diva on the entire plane, Rakdos does not tolerate anyone who tries to steal his spotlight. As a 10,000+ year-old Demon Lord, Rakdos is in a league of his own, and Tibalt is just a hotshit little pain mage with a few tricks. It’s not a fight, it’s either an exit or a curtain call for the Planeswalker. If Rakdos is around, Tibalt’s spree will be very short-lived. If, however, Rakdos is doing his usual thing of hibernating for weeks, months, or years at a time, that’s a different story. Tibalt is good for if your campaign wants to bypass politics & intrigue and go straight to killing Cultists & Demons. He’s bad for anyone he comes in contact with.

Garruk Wildspeaker

In case I haven’t made my contempt for Domri Rade clear, I hold Domri Rade in utter contempt. As a character, as a Planeswalker, and most of all as a Gruul, he’s a failure. Scrawny, weak, gullible, and stupid. My chief grievance with Domri is that he fell short in all the areas the Gruul Clans idolize. He couldn’t survive in the wilderness on his own without his Planeswalker abilities, he couldn’t fight for himself except against weaker opponents or with herds of animals as backup, and he acted on orders from someone else who wasn’t Gruul. For a Guild built on independence and survival of the fittest, he failed both completely.

Garruk is the real deal. Gigantic, strong, savage, and cunning. Here is a man who, on a fundamental level, has embraced animal savagery as a way of life. He lives like a predator on the hunt, an alpha of any pack, and a fierce threat to all who intrude upon his territory. On a plane like Ravnica, where civilization has encroached on the untamed wilds almost completely, Garruk would be a gamechanger. Not only could he feasibly fight Borborygmos for leadership of the Gruul, he could win, and he could unite the Gruul under his howl of reclaiming the wilds from so-called “civilization”. Garruk would bring animal strength to the Gruul in ways they’ve only begun to tap into, and he’d do it in their language. Because Garruk understands the Gruul, and they understand him. They have so much in common with each other that it’s hard to think of any Planeswalker who could be welcomed so readily into a Guild. They would become so much more than rock-smashers and anarchists, they would become Ravnica’s reminder that nature will survive when all traces of society have crumbled away.

As if taking on the city itself wasn’t big enough already, Garruk has also taken to hunting other Planeswalkers, and can actually track them across the Multiverse. Meaning a few high-ranking members of Guilds and even the Living Guildpact have to take his threat seriously. He’s got a particular grudge against necromancers, dislikes talking, and has a special gift with animals of all varieties. All of which provides plenty of ideas to build from. He’s an 8ft tall Human Druid/Barbarian who willingly chooses animal savagery over intellectual reasoning, can there be anyone more perfect for the Gruul?

Did I say Ashiok was the most perfect fit for an MTG character in a Ravnican Guild? Yeah, scratch that. Garruk is.

Sarkhan Vol

Most Planeswalkers have a theme to their abilities. For some, that theme extends to their personalities as well. And then there are Planeswalkers who can be adequately summed up in a single word. For Sarkhan, that word would be “dragons”. Sarkhan sees dragons as nature’s purest & most destructive form, and carries a fascination with them that is perfectly healthy for anything with wings and scales that breathes fire, but generally less healthy for everything & everyone else.

One of the things that makes Ravnica unique is the distinct lack of dragons (emphasis on the plural). Ravnica has a dragon, Niv-Mizzet the Firemind, who made the executive decision thousands of years ago that he alone was sufficient to represent his entire species. Ravnican dragons are considered more intelligent than dragons on other planes, Niv himself being a prime example of this. Around the original signing of the Guildpact, Ravnica’s Godlike dragons were hunted to extinction, with Niv leading the hunt against his own kind. They were not entirely successful in this endeavor, but what few dragons do remain in the present day survive by staying as far off Niv’s radar as possible. Some dragons live by carrying out Niv’s will under constant supervision, or by hunting in the untamed wilds outside the city, or as sideshow attractions for the Rakdos (usually with their wings cut off to prevent escape). They are effectively stripped of anything that would identify them as “dragons” for the sake of their own existence. Since dragons are such a notoriously touchy subject for the Firemind, few have the nerve or fire immunity necessary to speak out against it.

Sarkhan would be horrified. If he thought the extinction of dragons on his home plane of Tarkir was bad, seeing them living like this would infuriate him beyond words. What would Sarkhan do once the initial shock of seeing his spirit animal (in more ways than one) reduced to pitiful scraps of life as lab rats, scared prey, and freak shows wears off? Let’s make it a game! Do you think Sarkhan will:

A. Cry.

B. Throw up.

C. Embrace this as a plane’s reality that he has no right to get involved with.

D. Scream.

E. Set something on fire.

F. Set everything on fire.

G. Bring back the dragons.

H. Burn the city to the ground with dragons.

I. Kill Niv-Mizzet.

J. All the above except “C”.

If you selected Answer “J”, then congratulations! You’ve just won a free trip to a BURNING METROPOLIS! Sarkhan will absolutely make it his life’s goal to bring dragons back to Ravnica and destroy the whole wretched city down to the last brick. How he would do it is up to you, but it’s a solid bet that even if every other Guild treats him like an apocalyptic madman, the Gruul might side with him over some shared beliefs in smashing the city apart with ferocious animal savagery. They tend to lean towards such ideas with uncharacteristic willful compliance. Ravnican dragons are primarily red, with the most prominent breed still remaining being the Utvara Hellkites beyond the city limits.

Oh, and Sarkhan can turn into a dragon, too. Have fun with that.

#ravnica for goblins #ravnica #goblins #d&d #dnd #dungeons and dragons #dragons #planeswalkers #mtg #campaign #roleplaying #tibalt #sarkhan #ashiok #garruk #fun ideas #guilds

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spacebatisluvd · 4 years

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Summary: Entrapta receives an invitation.

Content Warning: A neurotypical writer attempting to portray an autistic character (with respect, compassion, and love, but I recognize there’s a chance I’ve fumbled here—just know it’s unintentional), Sea Hawk, Hordak’s poor sense of self-worth, cult-typical abuse, veiled references to masturbation, genital discussion, discussion of sex and sexual relationships.

Entrapta looked through the microscope, studying the micro-welds she’d made. Her mouth twisted a little, dissatisfied with the results. She sighed. “Emily, make a note—I need more silver solder. This prototype is a bust.” She tossed it behind her head, hearing it crack against the ground a moment later. One of the little recycling bots would be by to pick it up and take it apart soon enough, making sure nothing went to waste.

She glanced at Emily. “You know, Hordak’s really good with delicate work like this. His hands are so steady, and his welds are so...precise.” She gave a happy little shiver. “I wanted to surprise him with a working prototype, but maybe I should just give him the designs and let him build it. That’s still a surprise, right?”

Emily made a negative-sounding beep. Entrapta winced. “You’re right. Of course you’re right.” She stood, stretching. “I just need to make a working prototype—it doesn’t have to be pretty, just functional!” She used her hair to perform a tight backflip, shaking out her limbs as her feet came to rest on the ground once more. “Okay! Let’s do this—Emily, play recording.”

Emily made a happy whirring sound, the top half of her chassis spinning. Then Hordak’s recorded message began to play. Entrapta shut her eyes, listening to him describe the far-off stars that were normally too dim to see with Etheria’s many moons. She knew he’d probably assumed she would only listen to it while gazing up at those stars, but she’d found herself listening over and over again, lulled by the sound of his voice, even if she’d long since memorized his words.

She sat down and went back to work, adjusting her initial design into something more workable. When Hordak returned, they could refine and revise her work. She just needed to provide proof of concept. S he hoped it would work. She thought it would. The data indicated that it should, but she couldn’t exactly test it. Well. Maybe if she asked Kadroh...but would he guess what it was for? She knew Hordak would prefer to keep this—

“What?” she asked, looking up when Emily insistently butted against her. “What is—?“ Then she realized her communicator had been ringing for quite some time now. “Oh! Answer call!”

Scorpia’s face appeared on-screen, accompanied by Perfuma. “Hey!” she said, waving a claw. “I was getting a little worried there. We called twice, and I didn’t want to bother you—“

“I’m not bothered at all! If I was in the middle of something dangerous, Emily wouldn’t have interrupted me.”

“...dangerous?” Perfuma asked, gripping the front on her shirt more tightly.

“Oh, good!” Scorpia said, while Perfuma frowned. “I just wanted to invite you to the flower festival.”

“Flower festival?”

Perfuma stepped forward, smiling a little. “Yes! Plumeria has an annual flower festival during the week of the summer solstice. It celebrates the transition from a time of renewal and recovery to a time of joy and growth!” Entrapta smiled while Perfuma spoke, waiting for her to finish, but she stopped abruptly. The silence lingered.

Entrapta checked the data pad.

“Hold on, I think there’s a lag. Can you repeat the last part? I missed your explanation.”

“Um.” Scorpia and Perfuma looked at each other.

Clearing her throat, Scorpia said, “It’s uh, basically a big party to celebrate summer. There’s flower crowns and food and music. Perfuma says it’s a lot of fun. I was hoping you, um, might want to come too?”

Entrapta’s hair curled and twisted. “Are a lot of people going to be there?”

“Oh, yes.” Perfuma smiled widely. “People come from all over the region for the festivities. We’re hoping all members of the Princess Alliance—“

“And their partners!” Scorpia added.

“—will be able to attend.”

“Oh.” Her hair knit itself into anxious hands, the psuedo-fingers laced together. “I don’t know....” She looked away, thinking of all the people that would be in attendance. Would it be like the Prom or another formal party? Could she skirt the edges and just observe? (Would that be weird?) On the other hand, they’d specifically called to invite her, and this wasn’t like Princess Prom—they didn’t have to include her at all. Despite her concerns about the crowd, it was hard to pass up what seemed like an obvious overture of friendship. “Can I think about it?”

Scorpia blinked. She looked at Perfuma, scratching the back of her neck. “Um. Sure. Take all the time you need! The party’s in a couple weeks, so you’ve got time.” She smiled. “Hopefully, Mermista will let Hordak take some time off, so he can come too.”

Her hair frizzed. “Hordak’s invited?”

Scorpia nodded. Perfuma looked at Scorpia, who returned her gaze, eyes wide. After a beat of silence, Perfuma said, “Y...yes. If you come, he may...join you. As your guest.”

Entrapta couldn’t help but spin in place, her hair coiling under her to lift her high. She hugged herself, humming giddily. As she dropped back down to the ground, her hair formed a large cushion to catch her. “Really?!”

Scorpia beamed, and Perfuma exhaled slowly, though she too smiled. “Yes. Really,” Perfuma said. She looked to Scorpia, who offered her the Scorpinoid version of a thumbs up.

“Well, that changes things. I don’t think he’s ever been to something like this before. I’d really like to bring him. He hasn’t had a lot of opportunities to engage in leisure activities, and I’m trying to get him to explore and experiment with activities he might find enjoyable. This seems like an ideal opportunity.”

Perfuma looked at Scorpia again, and Scorpia slung an arm over her shoulders, shaking her gently. “Yep. This would be perfect for that, right Perfuma?”

The other princess smiled, exhaling again. “Right. It’s definitely the perfect opportunity for the former—“

“My former boss!” Scorpia interrupted, “Yep! Perfect—perfect opportunity to see if my former boss can, um, relax.” She blinked, and withdrew her claw from Perfuma’s shoulders to press it against her chin. “Actually, that’s a good question. Can he?”

“In very specific circumstances,” Entrapta said.

Perfuma looked between Scorpia and Entrapta before saying, “As long as he behaves himself.”

Entrapta cocked her head. “I don’t really know what you mean by that; Hordak is very well-mannered.”

Scorpia was already reassuring her, though. “Of course he will! I’m sure we won’t even notice he’s there.”

“Oh, you’ll probably notice him. His height makes him stand out,” Entrapta said. “If that’s going to be a problem, I’m not sure how to fix it.”

“No! Nope—Hordak’s height is not a problem,” Scorpia said very quickly, watching Perfuma. “Well, anyway, I, um, I hope to see both of you soon. Bye!” She hung up before Perfuma could say goodbye. Entrapta didn’t mind. As soon as the communicator cut out, she called Hordak.

His image resolved a moment later. “Hello, Star—“

“Entrapta!”

Hordak’s ears folded back, and he glared at the back of Sea Hawk’s head. “Hi!” she told them both, waving. “I just got a call from Scorpia—“

“Ooh. What did she say?” Sea Hawk asked.

“Well...” She rolled the word around, bouncing a little on her toes. “Plumeria’s going to have a flower festival during the solstice, and we’re both invited to come!”

Sea Hawk’s eyes widened. “You are?”

She nodded, bouncing a little more. “Mmmh-hmm. Scorpia really seems to want us to come. And Perfuma too! Well.” Her hair deflated a little. “I think she was excited? It’s hard to tell.” Perfuma always seemed so nice...until she suddenly wasn’t.

The data pad twirled as Sea Hawk ran off with it. “You have to go—both of you. It will be the perfect setting for romance . What are you you wearing? Wait, don’t tell me right now. I’ll call you later, and we can plan. Don’t worry about Hordak’s wardrobe; I’ll make sure he dresses appropriately.”

She cocked her head. “There’s a dress code? Scorpia didn’t mention that.”

“Oh, yes. A dress code—for love!”

The data pad was snatched from his hands, and Hordak’s face appeared, though he was glaring off-screen at Sea Hawk. “That is enough.” He shook his head, ears back, then he faced the data pad. “My apologies, Starlight. I believe he is being overly optimistic as well as overly involved. Reconstruction will not be complete by the solstice, and I do not believe Mermista will give me to leave to attend—with travel, I would be gone for nearly ten days, and I doubt she would approve of that.”

“What makes you say so?”

“I conquered her country and essentially destroyed Salineas.”

“You think she’s still upset about that?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

His ears twitched. “I will ask, of course.”

“Okay. I mean...” She looked away, running her fingers through her hair. “It’s all right. Maybe next year?”

“Perhaps.”

Off-screen, Sea Hawk yelled, “No! This is unacceptable! I will not stand by and allow such a travesty.”

Hordak looked at him. “You are being dramatic. This is not—“

“A travesty, I say!” The data pad jerked, then the camera lifted high—from the little she could see, Hordak was holding it overhead to keep it out of Sea Hawk’s reach. “How can you stand by and accept this? Are you not a man?”

“I am a clone, and I do not understand why my gender is important to the conversation.”

Sea Hawk made a wordless sound of mourning. “You aren’t willing to fight for your love?”

“There is nothing to fight! The treaty clearly stipulates I must prioritize the restoration of Etheria above my own personal happiness. Considering the destruction I wrought waging a completely senseless war—considering I brought Prime here, to the very doorstep of this world, I think those terms are more than fair! And considering that you yourself fought in both conflicts, I am stunned you are so determined that I break those terms.”

“It’s just ten days!” Sea Hawk said, “Besides, you haven’t taken a day off since you got here and that cannot be healthy.”

Entrapta blinked. “Hordak, is that true?”

As if abruptly remembering she was still there, he turned the data pad so she could see them again, though he was still scrupulously keeping it out of Sea Hawk’s reach. “Well. Yes. I do not require—“

“Hordak! I know you know that taking breaks is important—the Horde soldiers were allowed time off.”

His ears folded back. “Of course they were—Etherians are not very productive if they aren’t permitted unstructured free time periodically. My Force Captains insisted this was true and research seemed to prove them correct. But I am not Etherian. I do not need—“

“That’s ridiculous!” Sea Hawk said, “Everyone needs to take time off.”

“Clones do not. Even when at rest, we were put into stasis pods and our neural networks were used as relay stations for the hivemind.” He cupped a protective hand over the back of his neck, and Entrapta slammed her welding mask down, trying to keep out the thoughts of Prime and what had been done to Hordak and Kadroh and their brethren. Hordak noticed. “It was not that bad—“

“Don’t.” She exhaled slowly, voice shaking. “Don’t minimize what he did.” Through the mask, everything took on a soft teal tone. It made everything feel distant and ethereal, like she was looking at a world encased in glass. The tension in her chest eased, though the pit in her stomach lingered.

“Fine,” Hordak said, his voice soft. “The fact remains—I do not require time off to maintain productivity.”

With her mask on, she could hear her own breathing, steady and strong, and her voice echoed faintly. “Etherians do not regard time off merely as a necessity. It is considered inhumane to force someone to go without for long periods of time.”

“Yes. Because it is a necessity. I understand that—“

“You clearly don’t.”

He shut his eyes and his ears folded back. He exhaled slowly before saying, “I will ask Mermista.”

She lifted her mask a little. “...I just want you to take better care of yourself.”

“I will ask Mermista, but I don’t want you to be disappointed when she says no.”

“If she says no, then I’m coming over there. And we’ll go to the beach. And get ice cream. And maybe go swimming, if the salt water won’t damage your ports.”

His ears twitched, and his features softened. “Though I am uncertain of the swimming, I would otherwise be amenable to that.”

“Okay. Promise?”

His mouth twitched a little. “If it pleases you, then yes; I promise.”

She pushed the welding mask up the rest of the way. “Excellent. I’ll speak to you later, then. Unless there’s something else?”

“Nothing for now. Goodbye, Starlight. We will speak soon.”

Sea Hawk waved. “Bye, Entrapta! Never fear—I will use my masculine wiles to seduce my lady love, and convince her to release your...um—to release Hordak to you!” Hordak shut his eyes, and though it looked like Sea Hawk had more to say, the feed suddenly cut out.

Entrapta smiled to herself and resumed working on the prototype.

The next morning, a robot delivered a small package with her breakfast. Seeing that it was from Salineas, she made a high-pitched, happy sound and tore it open. Inside, she was surprised to find several sea shells, along with a note that merely said, “The shells are for Kadroh.” Among the shells, she found a data chip that was surely for her.

With a happy hum, she plucked the chip from the package and set the box aside, attaching the chip to her pad to see what he’d sent. It contained two files. One was her research notes. The other was her procedure proposal for their Intimacy Log. Seeing that, she had to get up, pacing and using her hair to flip and twist as she completed a circuit of her suite of rooms—her excitement simply couldn’t be contained, though she cautioned herself aloud, trying to minimize her expectations. After completing a third circuit, she finally felt settled enough to actually read what he’d sent. “Okay. Okay. Let’s do this!” She shook out her hands and settled back on the bed, opening her proposal.

She smiled a little, reading his notes. She wished he was here; she would have loved to demonstrate how she would ‘reward him for good behavior’—and to test out the newly revealed sensitive spot behind his ears. In fact, she could demonstrate the former by showing him how much she appreciated his willingness to reveal the latter to her. She hummed again, reading his response to her question about biting. It wasn’t a ‘no’, and she was eager to see what he might mean by a “strong reaction”, though she would wait until he was ready for such a step, of course.

Then she saw the short paragraph he’d written at the end.

‘I do not think it would be wise to extend your study to my genitals at this time. I have limited knowledge of them myself; I’m not even sure if I am capable of penetrative sex, though I understand that is not necessarily a requirement. I know enough to be certain that my genitals differ from all standard Etherian configurations. I would not want to subject you to anything unusual or surprising without forewarning. For this reason, it would likely be best if I were to conduct some private research first, then we will discuss the possibility of mutual study.’

She leapt to her feet, using her hair to guide herself through a midair somersault. She began pacing her rooms again, punctuating her circuit with various acrobatics and occasionally humming to herself when her thoughts grew too loud. She fumbled for her recorder, talking fast as she said, “Intimacy Log, personal notes, number 12. This is so fascinating! Hordak has revealed that his genitals are not Etherian in nature—which is unsurprising—and that he has limited knowledge of their form or function.” Something unpleasant itched at the back of her mind, but she just started to pace faster, burying those thoughts.

“I cannot begin to speculate on either. I have every reason to believe Hordak is what we would classify as a mammal—the presence of nipples implies his species at one time nursed their young, and he is quite warm, suggesting he does not have to rely on external heat sources to maintain his body temperature—but he is still an alien. These mammalian traits may be evidence of convergent evolution, rather than a common ancestor, though I still believe the bipedal body type suggests that our species are not entirely unrelated. Nonetheless, none of that necessarily implies so-called ‘sexual compatibility’. Hordak already seems to know that penetrative sex is not a necessity for a sexual relationship, but I will also endeavor to reassure him that our genitals do not need to be ‘compatible’ for sex to be satisfying. I should also relay that I am not put off by his confession. If anything, I am excited by the opportunity for discovery!”

She performed another somersault, shaking out her hands as she landed. “This is so exciting!” she hissed under her breath. To the recorder, she added, “He’s said that he would like to experiment on his own so as to avoid surprising me, but I would be very interested in experimenting with him. Query—has Hordak decided to experiment solo primarily out of concern for my comfort or his own? If the former, then he may allow me to at least witness any experiments he performs on himself—though I would welcome a more hands on approach, if he is willing to wait. However, if he is uncomfortable including me because...”

The unpleasant thoughts managed to break through, and she pulled her mask down securely. “While it is possible Hordak wants to experiment on his own in order to sate his curiosity in private—which would be completely understandable—I believe it is more likely that he’s uncomfortable sharing this with me due to shame and prior conditioning from Horde Prime, a suspicion reinforced by his lack of education regarding his own body’s sexual organs.” She flexed her hands, hair coiling around her limbs. “If that is the case, then I am unsure how to proceed. Hordak’s health, safety, and comfort are of primary importance, and I’m worried I’m not well equipped to make sure he isn’t harmed by our experiments. I’ve...never been good with people.”

She shut off the recorder and cycled through her mask’s filters, trying to find a more soothing way of looking at the world. She settled on infrared, gazing at the smear of colors meant to represent variations in temperature. It was comfortably alien, and pleasing to place her hands on the metal wall and watch the colors change—like painting with her own body heat. She traced patterns on the wall and watched them fade as the transferred heat dissipated.

She took a breath and raised her mask when she felt settled enough to proceed, blinking as she readjusted to her surroundings. Clicking the recorder on, she said, “Hordak has consistently proven himself to be unlike anyone I’ve ever known. He seems to understand and respect my need for clear communication. Thus far, we have been able to prevent the kinds of misunderstandings I’ve had in the past simply by talking to each other. I have to assume I can keep him from coming to harm in the same fashion. When we next speak, I will—“ Her data pad signaled an incoming call. “Oh!” She clicked the recorder off, assuming that was him. “Hi, Hordak—wait. Sea Hawk?”

“Greetings, Princess!”

“Hi! Do you need something?”

“No. Not...not exactly.”

“Are you sure? People don’t usually call me unless they need something.”

“I don’t need anything, I just.” He winced. “I...may have...possibly...slightly overestimated my ability to convince my beloved to allow Hordak time off. And...vastly underestimated her vindictiveness.” His gaze grew watery and distant. “She is as magnificent and unforgiving as the sea.”

“Oh. Well, that’s okay. At least you tried. I’ll just—“

Sea Hawk held up a hand, shushing her. “Entrapta. Are you in a secure location?”

She glanced around her bedroom. “I suppose so.”

“Good, good. Now, tell me...how far are you willing to go to prove your devotion?”

She blinked. “What?”

“Do you want to take Hordak to Plumeria?”

“Well, yes—“

“How far are you willing to go to get him there?”

“What?”

He moaned, as if in pain. Before she could ask if he was okay, he leaned close to the camera and said, “Listen to me. I have a plan to get both you and Hordak safely and happily to Plumeria. But it may possibly be slightly illegal.” Entrapta cocked her head. “And by ‘slightly’, I mean ‘extremely’. So, how far are you willing to go to prove your affections?”

She snorted. “Sea Hawk, don’t be ridiculous; at least three of my current experiments are technically illegal. Breaking a few laws won’t prove anything. With that said—what’s your plan?”

“Well—wait. Technically illegal?”

She gestured dismissively. “Mystacor isn’t really equipped to oversee scientific studies, but my experiments are technically overseen by their ethics committee. Which is guided by a woefully outdated moral system and staffed by technophobes. I stopped asking them to approve my more interesting studies ages ago.”

“Oh. Well. I’m going to assume that’s not at all nefarious—“

“I guess that would depend on your definition.”

“—and tell you my incredible, masterful plan! First—do you by any chance own any strappy high heels? A low cut dress, perhaps? Preferably in black.”

“What?”

“Never mind! We can continue without, but I feel that ignoring the aesthetic shows a lack of commitment.”

She stared at him. “What?”

A/N: As always, I’m extremely grateful for all the comments you guys leave. I read them all, often multiple times. I’m not good about replying, but I am always intensely grateful.Thank you so much. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. ^//^

#entrapta #hordak #entrapdak #sea hawk #scorpia #perfuma #intimacy log

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2ofswords · 4 years

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Phi talks factions, ruling families, and endings yet again

After long long last I finished my talk about the factions! So let’s talk about them! There is some discourse about it on here and most of it is really interesting and I wanted to throw my own takes into the mix.

Also, will put this in the very beginning: This essay is very long and hinges on a lot of analysation of very broad topics of the game. It is very possible that I make mistakes in it. I would be delighted to know about them and engage in discussion, but please stay friendly. I tried my best to research and to stay analytical, but I am firstly human and secondly human with a memory that can fail me.

Anyway without further ado: Let’s begin the faction talk!

Prologue: Personal sympathy

This is supposed to be more of an analysation about how the factions work in my opinion. It is not supposed to be an explanation why my favourite faction is the Best™. Still, my opinions will obviously influence my own analysis. So for the sake of levelling the playing field and not even trying to play coy about it – or in case you were curious what my personal opinions are – I will start by listing my own opinions about the factions, the families and the endings.

I consider myself a Utopian but also have a soft spot for the Humble ideology. I just really like progress, I am an idealist who thinks striving for a perfect situation has value (even if I do not believe in practical perfection) and I just really like the Kains’ visions okay? Not their executions, mind you, but their visions. (I am just really really obsessed with magic that involves time and space as a concept…) And I think the concept of human potential is one of the most hopeful and important ones to society and trying to get more out of being a human being is just an important concept to me. But I also think the personal responsibility is really important and interesting and the thought about individuality vs. society is something that needs to be discussed, so the humbles are just really interesting to me and I sympathise with a lot going on there as well. Not that much of a Termite person though. Sorry

Concerning the endings: If I would be in a position to choose any ending for the town, I would choose the Termite Ending. I would just be really unhappy about it… But it is the only ending that doesn’t involve any direct sacrifice of life and I value that the most, even if I think the trade-off is still pretty devastating. I am still a Utopian, but potential lives in people. The ending I consider second best is actually the Utopian one and by process of elimination I like the Humble ending the least. You will probably learn why this is the case when we get to talk about the endings, so I am saving my argument for later. If it is about how much I like the endings from a narrative perspective: I am a passionate fan of the Utopian ending even though that is very frustrating since I see it in a rather… peculiar way, I think. I also love the Humble ending a lot and it just has the most personal tragedy and a lot to think about. The Termite ending… eh. It serves its purpose and is necessary but not really pleasing in analysis. Or if it is, it’s still a bit frustrating to talk about. It is very useful for writing fanfiction though. ^^

I don’t really have a favourite ruling family. I think the Saburovs are the most sympathetic, but I am also fascinated by the Kains. My favourite members are Victor and Capella.

Okay? Cool, now that we got that out of the way let’s start with the actual faction talk.

Part 1: What the factions are (and what they aren’t)

The factions are categories that are very broad and not very concrete. It is probably a good idea to talk about what they are first, before we make any statements about them. So, let us start how I look at them and what the factions stand for, before debating the rest.

Firstly: The factions are a part of classic Pathologic. From what I can tell and remember, they haven’t been mentioned in Pathologic 2 at all. Of course, we can see the struggle of different worldviews there as well, but the split cast of important NPCs is not mandatory in any shape anymore and in fact Artemy is now responsible for everyone in town. While the politics between the ruling families are mentioned and the Kains as well as the Olgimskys still share their beliefs, neither the term “bound” not “faction” is introduced in the game. However that might be because we are starting with the Haruspex as our protagonist. The factions are a bit more important in the other two routes of classic Pathologic after all. The Bachelor being concerned with its politics and the Changeling with its ideology itself. So the terms might be introduced later. For now, their conflict may be a part of Patho 2 and certain aspects can be definitely seen, but they aren’t present yet. So we are mostly talking about Classic Pathologic here.

The factions are introduced in two different ways. First and foremost, they are three different ideologies that are present in the town and by definition in the entire story. It is also told, that the whole town is split into these factions and that roughly one third of the town each belongs to either faction. It is also explained, that the factions are purely made by the ideology and that people of different gender, heritage, age and class can align with different factions. (Which means that they aren’t equivalent to the different parts of town that are at least roughly divided by social status). There is also a philosophical level that strengthens the ideological importance each faction holds, but in this essay, I will focus on the ideological part and how it affects society. That means there is another layer that we won’t be touching today, but believe me, we have enough to do as it is.

The other aspect of the factions is the bound of each healer. All of the bound collectively are described as “Simons friends” at least in the Bachelor route and all of them are now split into the three factions. The name “bound” however is to be taken literally. The characters are part of the agenda each faction follows, however, that doesn’t necessarily mean, that the person one hundred percent shares the ideology of the faction! Most of them do, but it is important to keep in mind that peoples belief-systems still vary and the aligning criteria is the importance to the goal of said faction and not necessarily their own way of thinking. People’s mindset and beliefs can vary after all and some of them even have dynamic arcs (tbh Most of them have). The other way around people can be not a part of the bound of a faction and still share their beliefs. This will be important later! For the Utopians the specific bound criteria is “people who have the potential to overstep human boundaries in any way or form”. They are needed for the creation and upholding of the Utopia as it is imagined. Its goal is in some way after all to create something that oversteps the boundaries of what should be humanly possible. For the termites… well… it’s children. It’s all about the children, it is the children who are able to carry the town in the future. And for the humbles it is the sinners, whose souls are rotten to the core (I guess…). That isn’t only because the Humbles just really like sinners but they are directly needed for Clara’s solution and the Humble’s ideology of willing self-sacrifice in order to maintain society.

Okay. But what are the factions? What do they believe in?

Let’s start with the Utopians, because their whole schtick is kind of in the name. This faction is all about the potential of humanity and striving to create perfection. This is happening with the awareness that such a feat is at least deemed impossible. So, their goal is the defeat – or the power to overcome depending on who you ask – of the nature that prevents them from this kind of progress not being achievable. They value this progress and the possibility to overcome those odds over personal as well as societal comfort and justify it with the belief, that said growth would benefit society in the long run. That being said, not every Utopian thinks this strive for growth needs to be shared by everyone, though a society collectively working towards breaking limits as a whole is preferred. (An example would be Maria's explanation of the town, stating that mundane human life is very much necessary to sustain a Utopia). The Utopians are prone to brash decisions, since part of their ideology is that they are necessary to disrupt the status quo and change – even enforced one – is needed to get rid of complacency and provoke new development of the unforeseen (which is very much needed since we are working against “nature” (the literal one as well as the nature of fate and possibility). Their drawbacks are that brashness and the disregard of comfort. Their potential elitism is shown by their value of humans who try to disrupt the status quo and their adamant protection of people who can move society as “more important” and thus worthy of more protection. (However it is noteworthy that a lot of this thinking was introduced by Georgiy in Pathologic 2 and Marble Nest. I still think it is a legitimate drawback but much less used in P1, where the factions are a thing.) This doesn’t necessarily relate to elitism of an elite class (it can though!) but more so to academic elitism. On the other hand, they have the drive to move things forward, they literally are the builder of society and developers of indescribable magic.

The Termites can be considered the opposite of the Utopians. I have struggled to put a definitive description of them for quite some time because they are the group whose representatives have vastly different ways of thinking. Anyways, I have seen the Termite ideology being described as “preservation” by RagnarRox in “Pathologic 2 is an underrated masterpiece” and I think, that fits amazingly. It is about protection and regaining a status quo where everyone can live their daily lives content and as it was before. The children are supposed to be leading the town into the future, but especially in Patho 1 this is more about taking what the past has already shaped and using this as a guide instead of implementing new ideas and philosophies as the utopians and the humbles do (for better and for worse). If we look at how Capella describes her vision of the town, we can also see that it is about togetherness and comfort. Which makes sense if it is the antithesis of the utopian dream. It doesn’t sacrifice progress just because it wants to but because it endangers people’s comfort and personal safety. Disrupting the status quo can lead to catastrophe and make people unhappy, therefore it should be avoided. People should serve the community but that also means not committing to self-fulfilment that can endanger this togetherness. Khan needing to give up on his own ambitions to serve Capella’s vision of the town might be a good example for that. While there is this bond of togetherness there is also the need for leadership. Again, preservation and comfort are highly valued with the Termites and it is established by a leadership that is supposed to act as gentle but firm guidance. With the children being the bound, there is a strong emphasis on parenthood and again Capella – as the white mistress and the termite's leader – is accepted as taking the leadership together with Khan who are ruling together with love as well as fierceness. Artemy also has his journey of establishing leadership within the kin and dethroning the person who is unfit for the role. It is implementing change but to restore balance and only inside the already established rules. I would say it fits more as a case of rightful leadership that still stems from the menkhu families and Artemy proves himself while using his father’s lessons and notes. And the kids themselves are fated to lead the town itself as the chosen ones that Capella implored Isidor to protect, and set its rules, so that there are the boundaries to keep a way of living established while not needing to change this status quo and what hopefully is a harmonic way of interaction between people. So. Now that we have established what the Termites are, I think with this specific faction it is still important to also name what they aren’t. Firstly: The Termites are an ideology of the town’s future. They aren’t the kids club. Yes, all the Termites are kids, but as mentioned before the factions in themselves are a third of the population with varying members who believe the Termites to have the best solution for the town at hand. There are other members (and I will later talk about the Olgimskys and big Vlad specifically as representatives of the Termite ideology) but the kids are the bound because they are specifically needed to set this new order that they want to established. I would argue that some of the kids have principles that are more adjacent to other ideologies. The obvious one would be Khan who has goals that do not align with his family but similar dreams and more radical ideals about overthrowing the status quo. But Grace also seems to be more of a humble, focusing on caring about others and being quite selfless and self-sacrificing in her care for the dead. That means, the kids fill an important role but we have the strange conundrum that most of this factions bound isn’t together because of their ideology. I will try to take them into account still, but if you see me focusing on Capella and Artemy, this is one of the reasons. There aren’t that many people who clearly speak about the Termite’s vision. The Termites also aren’t the Kin. They are connected to each other but again, the Kin is a specific part of the town which the ideology clearly avoids. (And parts of the Kin are not part of the town and actually stand in opposition to it. Moreso in Patho 2 but with the conflict of the herb gatherers we catch a glimpse of that.) And the children are also representatives of different parts of the town and not of the Kin. The Kin are obviously linked to the towns ancient tradition and preserving their traditions honourably is Artemy’s specific journey. Still, they aren’t the same and with both Aspity and Oyun we have characters who are Kin and also part of a different faction.

Speaking of the Humbles. What’s up with them?

The Humbles also have a name that speaks for itself: It is based around the main idea of being humble. There are different consequences of this main core. The first and in my opinion most important one revolves around responsibility and self-sacrifice. The Humbles expect the individual to sacrifice part of themselves for the whole. I mean… that is quite literally what the ending is about. As with the Termites there is a togetherness but this one doesn’t revolve around looking out for each other (at least not specifically) but about looking at oneself and what you could and should do for society to work best. It puts responsibility not on a collective and its leaders but on yourself and needs you to ask what you did right, what you did wrong and how to take consequences for your own actions. This includes a chance for redemption as well as condemnation. For the purpose of evaluating yourself in contrast to society it is also about self-reflection. You need to look at yourself and at your deeds constantly and this analysation and the realization that you can and will fail as well as that you as a human being have your own limits you cannot and should not cross are what lead to humbleness in the first place. Yulia as a sinner, whose very sin is shaping the very ideology and establishing her ideals over the self. This brings us to the second pillar of the humble ideology: fatalism. It is also to see yourself in context of a greater scheme and accepting these very boundaries. Fulfilling your duty in the way the universe demands of you and seeing yourself unavoidably as a puzzle piece of said force is a big deal for a lot of the Humbles. Yulia is the prime example. Lara actively dislikes her fatalism but still follows her father’s footsteps in her attempt to assassinate Block. Aspity moves in the constriction of the Kin and her fate while still being the one who advocates most for change. The Saburovs are all about law and order albeit in different ways. Oyun cannot do what is entrusted to him which causes his horrible deeds in the first place, because he cannot accept at first that he is not fit for the position (or as the words of a humble: not destined for it). And Clara is struggling with what her fate imposes on her and her very being while trying to control her circumstances as well as the fate of the people entrusted to her. It all is about analysing but also about abiding to the whims of fate and facing the consequences of acting either against it, failing it or resorting to violence against society to fulfil it in the first place.

As you may see, all of these categories are rather broad. Of course, they are, they are made to encompass very different views of the world from different characters. When Victor speaks about working towards overcoming bounds he sure as hell means something different than Andrey. Hell, Dankovsky has no idea what Georgiy is talking about half the time! Lara and Yulia are both Humbles, yet Lara explicitly states that she hates the way Yulia weaves her fatalism in her ideology about the self. And well… the Termites are a very special case regarding the factions in general, being more of a symbol of their ideology than its actual believers. So let's get to the meat of this whole post. We now have a grasp on what the factions are about, but… why? Why are they in the game, what are they trying to say?

Part 2: Presentation of the factions and the ruling families

Well… after making an incredibly long introduction, let’s stop talking around the bush. Here is my conclusion about the game’s stance of the factions: … … I am sorry to conclude, that all of them suck. All of them. They are the worst and none of them are worthwhile in themselves. I am sorry.

Okay, okay, okay. Obviously, they are not only terrible. They have their upsides and all of their ideals are rather beautiful. Making potential become a reality is great! So is comfort and stability, we all could sure as hell use some of that! And the principle of giving something of yourself into society, taking responsibility and the ability to care into consideration… boy is that a good idea! But still… the factions suck. And that is an inherent aspect of them just because they are ideologies. And very unsubtle and uncompromising ideologies at that. To quote novel author Dorothy Sayers “The first thing a principle does is killing somebody.” A principle, if it is used without reflection, always has destructive potential. Even if it is the principle to save as many lives as possible. Put into the wrong dilemma, it will kill. (A single glance at the healer’s path’s is enough to confirm that.) And all three factions have some really potentially bad implications exactly because their ideology is so vastly applicable. It isn’t only about emergency situations, but a lifestyle that regards one way of setting priorities as absolute. Of course, that on its own must go horribly wrong! Leave one single way of thought unattended and it will guide you into fucking catastrophe!

I think the easiest way to highlight this theory and the best prove of the game’s acknowledgement of this line of thought is to take a look at the ruling families. The fact that there are three of them is no coincidence. All three families do not only represent one of the factions but also the destructive extreme this faction can develop.

Let’s start with the Kains again, because their case is the most obvious one and the theme of Utopia and thus uncompromising perfection that has a destructive force is in the fucking title of the game. And creating a project that causes the plague in the first place, forcing the Kin to dig the very hole that tears into the heart of the earth – which they sure as hell did not agree with! – conducting human experiments with their buildings and manipulating the situation so that the Polyhedron gets saved even sacrificing the town for its sake… yeah these are some pretty shitty things to do and they all relate to the Utopian ideal and their strive for development, progress and forming humanity as well as society. And sacrificing everything in order to elevate progress is… obviously a bad idea, especially if it involves using people who never consented to such a sacrifice in the first place! With only development – social as well as personal – in mind the scope of said sacrifice cannot be measured at all, leading to devaluing peoples well-being. It is a horrible thing that harms a lot of people and the strict enforcement of the Kains bring a lot of harm to the town. This damage doesn’t only turn against the town but also has a self-destructive tendency. The self-sacrifice that is demanded to keep the spirit of Simon and Nina is eating the entire family alive. Their strict family loyalties seem to have driven Khan off in the first place (though since his role is “The Termite of the Kains” and he holds a strange middle ground I think he is kind of excluded from the “most extreme faction”-stance). Victor and Georgiy are losing their own identity and eventually their life for the sake of a soul that they consider of higher status than them. And Maria loses her own self to become the next mistress and lead what is left of the town into a new age, which Victor laments as her father because he is literally losing his daughter! The family – even if they “win” the whole town conflict – is actively falling apart and is completely fractured if not destroyed in the end. Not only is the sacrifice the town has to endure obviously morally unacceptable but the disregard of comfort in favour of a greater cause is inherently self-destructive. Which leaves the question: Who is this Utopia even build for, who benefits from it, if everything but it is sacrificed? So yeah, what the Kains are doing and especially the way they are using the Utopian dream in its purest form is absolutely and incredibly flawed.

Sooo… what are our alternatives? How about the Saburovs? They are righteous and they care about people! I mean… yeah. They do! Buuuuut… their handling of the situation is also very… debatable to put it nicely. Let’s start with the obvious: putting everyone in prison who seems mildly suspicious while a highly contagious plague is ravages the town is just… horrible. It is a prolonged and cruel death sentence to many people either desperate or innocent. And yes, he himself did it with the utmost desire to protect society as a whole from the criminals and organized street violence but… surprise, that is what the humble ideology is about! Judging the individual according to sin without taking circumstances into account is one of the extremes the Humble-ideology has. You should stay put and work towards the common good and acting against that should be judged harshly!! If taken to an extreme it disregards personal circumstances and even a human approach towards the individual. And even if it hits innocents, the few have to take personal sacrifice for the many. Giving your life to uphold stability should be considered a good thing… right? Of course, the faulty leader should also be held responsible… So the judge becomes the judged and the executor of the ideology is destroying himself. Again, we witness the ideology's self-destructive aspect when taken to the extreme. Judgement and assigning responsibility for overstepping with no account on the human situation, looking out for the other individual or questioning where established boundaries should be pushed, will lead to draconian law where the single human being doesn’t matter in the first place! And that… doesn’t sound like a society one wants to live in, does it?Katerina has her own case of judging people albeit in a religious way. Her view splits the world into the sinners and the righteous and sentences the former to death while the others will survive what she is seeing as the plague's judgement. Do I have to elaborate why this is a bad take and why judging people to death based on being a sinner is… just awful? Especially when we look at the humbles and how some of them may have done some shit but definitely not something that warrants death. (Yulia and Rubin being examples, but I also think Lara shouldn’t like… be judged with death. Well, truth to be told I think nobody should be judged with death… Ever.) So seeing the Changeling’s power as a saintly sign is… bad not only on a societal level but also bad because pressuring a teenager like that is just a the worst. Which brings us the Humble’s second point and the one that Katerina personifies as well: Personal responsibility. The Humble ideology isn’t only about sacrificing the individual and applying judgement but also about self-reflection and taking responsibility. Which sounds really good but can be devastating when taken too far. Which brings us to Katerina’s journey of becoming a mistress and her devastating experience of trying to fit into a role that was expected of her to fill. Desperately trying to fulfil a fate that seems to be yours can destroy you. Her despair of not fulfilling as a mistress as well as a wife (in her own terms) are honestly soul wrenching and tragic. And it is an example where letting go of personal duty and seeing to oneself would have been for the best.

Okay so the Saburovs establish a society that seems awful to live in and also actively destroy themselves (they also die with their ending, something they share with the Kains). Which leaves us with… the Olgimskys. And yeah… I think we all agree that they couldn’t exactly be called a beacon of goodness in the world… The way the bull enterprise is handled is exploitative to say the least, dividing the town and enabling even more racism and class distinction. But what does that have to do with the Termites? After all, only Capella is part of the bound. Which is true but the Termite bound is also the children bound and I would dare to argue that the Olgymskys are unassigned because they represent the ruling families of the Termites but cannot apply as their bounds because of age reasons. Capella is pretty much the head of the Termites, the way Maria and Clara or Katerina are the mistresses of the other ideologies and Big Vlad… well Big Vlad is what the other ruling families are to the other factions. The best reason to stay away from it. (And I could make a point about young Vlad but to not stretch this too much, I will keep it short. Let’s just say that he has a dynamic role in the factions and more or less grows to be a Utopian and is not even really acknowledged at the Bachelor Route. I would put him in the same category as Khan and say that the Kains in themselves still are connected to the Utopian ideology. There are some really interesting parallels between Khan and Young Vlad btw. Both have strong parental issues and feel confined in their role, both appear in the letter about the Bachelor’s and the Haruspexe’s decision as a hopeful addition that isn’t fixed… I am pretty sure there is something to say about that, but this essay is not the right place for it.) There are two main themes with the Termites that are very present in the Olgimskys: stagnation and oppression. I think how the Olgimskys are specifically oppressive and moreso than the other families is pretty self-explanatory. They do not want to bind people to the law or their ideas but to themselves and especially big Vlad is very keen on ruling the town and leading its people directly and forcefully. (And while Capella is obviously the kinder part of the family, she too shares this sentiment. Her alliance with Khan is to align the two families but also to gather force with his dogheads and establish rulership.) They want to be obeyed without question or an established guidebook that gives specific reason to their judgement. But why is this specifically a problem the Termite ideology faces? Well the Termites are about ensuring peoples comfort and life and they do this for any cost. One thing this entails, is saving people from their own ambitions and forming them according to this belief. (Again, Capella’s alliance with Khan and how she sees it is a nice example). They are establishing that humanity should remain in their natural ways, complacent so to speak, while a few chosen individuals lead the town and its people. (The Termites are supposed to do this in the future that is why they need to survive in the first place.) And if we drive this belief and this “ruling as family” ideology, we arrive at Big Vlad’s doorstep. He is the father, he will take care so exactly obey to his wishes without question. Preserve the system that allows you comfort without overstepping your boundaries. Preservation of a system also means preservation of the ruling system without further questions. (And I will remind you that Forman Oyun gets overthrown because the place is not rightfully his and he sucks because of this and the right order gets restored with the right ruling family watching over the Abattoir upholding their alliance with the Olgimskys even if it is now Capella.) In its extreme the Termite ideology can lead to oppression on the guise of guidance and questioning this is not only almost impossible but only allowed to the few people already chosen as the leading caste. (Also if you want to have another look at the connection between preservation and oppression, have a look at “The Void” or “Turgor” and its Brothers which is another game by Ice Pick Lodge. Their whole stick is preserving their realm by oppressing the sisters. The Void seems to reference similar themes in general and can kind of seen as the game’s antithesis… But I digress and just wanted to recommend the game. It’s good!) Why the other problem – stagnation – is a part of preservation is easy to see, but how does it afflict the Olgimskys? Well, firstly it is a big theme in the infight the family has and the conflict that tears the Vlads apart. While Young Vlad wants to follow his legacy, he doesn’t want to follow the exact ways leading to the family breaking apart. Vlads stubbornness and his unwillingness to rectify old mistakes and… I don’t know… open the Termitary is also part of this. Closing it – while done by Young Vlad – is done to preserve the status of the town and deny the plague and its changes to society for as long as possible. A plan that is very, very costly in the long run betraying the Olgimsky’s own duty to ensure their peoples life and safety in the first place! Again, the ideology eats itself.

Of course, only talking about the most extreme and negative example isn’t entirely fair. And I think there is worth in every faction. They obviously aren’t all bad and the ruling families are twisting and radicalizing what could be a good idea. So… was this whole talk about the ruling families just some intellectual pastime that proves how the rulers are shitty but the factions in themselves aren’t? Do they only kind of suck? Or can we actually find the games stance of this radicalization and how each faction alone could affect the town negatively on a larger scale?

Part 3: The endings of the game

So let’s talk about the endings, since they are literally established as the “successful” outcome for each of the factions. And with that I mean that the fate of the town is decided in favour of one of the factions, eradicating the others and their own hopes and ambitions in return. Best it is seen with the Utopians and the Termites, whose dreams are mutual exclusive by the destruction of the town or the Polyhedron alone. But if we consider that the ending also establishes a new way of living in town and a certain social system, we can see the same with the Humbles. (We can also see this if we think of the Humbles goal as a means to restore the town at its best in favour of personal sacrifice, which still doesn’t happen in the other endings, since part of the town gets destroyed.) For the factions, the plague also brings a chance to shift the power dynamics of a town to their direction and this is referenced by several characters trying to make use of this situation or at least struggling to maintain their power. (The ruling families are again the worst offenders of this. The Kains try to guide the Bachelor to their cause from the very beginning and a lot more deliberate in the second half. The rulers’ unwillingness to even acknowledge the plague, Saburovs’ abuse of administrative power, the way Katerina urges Clara to convert townsfolk, Capella’s alliance with the Haruspex… I can go on, but I think we have talked enough about the ruling families.) Long story short: The endings are distinctly aligned with one side of the power struggle. (By the way this isn’t necessarily the endgoal the healers are striving for. I think it is apparent by now, that I align the factions more with the ruling families rather than the healers, because the healers’ first priority is getting the plague problem solved one way or the other and there are different motives for their solutions. Also they can choose a different healers opinion so they aren’t like… one hundred percent absolutely bound by their ending even if they still align with it. But I digress yet again.) So, they – as the “win” of each faction – are a good way to see how they would hold up on themselves and without the other factions interfering. I will analyse the sacrifice they put on the town as well as the society they are striving to build up (since this is what the factions are about. Changing society). Will one of them hold up and present us with a good solution?

I will not even try to create suspense. We all know, I think that they don't. They all bear sacrifices in contrast to what we had before that make the situation actively worse. A video that sums it up better than I can is SulMatul’s “Heroism in Futility; Pathologic, The Void and the Hero Narrative”. The video is really good in general but it also makes a point of pointing out, that Pathologic as well as the void do not offer a standard “good end” where the hero saves the day, because every possible solution is tainted in one way or another. The heroism Pathologic shows (as well as “The Void”) is struggling against a doomed cause and a hopeless situation despite the odds and not about becoming victorious in it. The Artbook of Pathologic 1 states as much, describing the whole scenario of the game as a trap, where the problem is that every ending can be seen as a victory as well as a failure. So, we have some strong sources but still: Let us look at the endings again and see, if my thesis holds up, that it is the ideology of the factions and the remaining of one in each ending that amplifies the problem the town will face after the catastrophe.

We’ll start with the Utopians, yet again. I think they make the most immediate impression and are easiest to describe. Because, you know… destroying a town and killing the sick is really fucking bad. (Though I feel sometimes it’s forgotten that the healthy get “vaccinated” (immunised for some hours) and evacuated before. It’s not about eradicating all townsfolk. And if I would be a true hypocrite I could be like “Do you find any infected districts and sick people on day 12 that you can’t heal, huh?” But that would be… quite ridiculous and I’m sure the sacrifice of the sick is very much intended here. Let’s just assume that it does kill the sick.) It seems hardly worth it and it very much represents the harshness of the Utopians. So, let’s see how it applies to the ideology. The ending for the most part sacrifices life and comfort for humanities progress. This is what the protection of the Polyhedron is about. The Utopians are not protecting it because they find it kind of pretty and it also is not a preservation of something culturally cool (which would be more the Termite way of thinking) because the usage of it is supposed to vary after the end of the story. (The children are leaving the tower so that the soul of Simon can be housed in the building.) But it is supposed to make the impossible possible and ensure humanities triumph over nature, break boundaries and create new impossible ideas. The visions of the new town Peter describes, tell us as much. It is not only about a building but about a new order, where the impossible is created and where the amount of energy is a crucial aspect of the vision. So, if we weight the different solutions against each other from out outside player perspective, we can see how tied the concept of the solution is to the Utopian idea. We already have a very steep sacrifice for the Utopian ideology here. The other aspect of the Utopian ending establishes this “creation through destruction” mantra that the Utopian ideology can impose in a different light: The Utopian end focuses on eradicating the plague. Which is… actually a good thing for once but still tied to the themes of the Utopians and making their involvement in it stronger. If we look at the Utopian end from a cold analytical perspective, it is literally destroying the playing board creating a tabula rasa, to start this whole town project again. (Or at least that is what our mistress Maria alludes to and who is in charge after the whole ending?…) Which is a very radical use of what the Utopians are about, carry out your vision rash, immediate and drastic and if it doesn’t work, then leave it behind and try again (the stairways to heaven tell a similar story). Which ultimately leads to a sacrifice that is way too big because the losses aren’t supposed to be considered at all.

So what about the counter thesis? If the Utopian ending is so bad, then the termite ending must be the solution. Well… it solves some problems. Mostly people not dying. Which definitely is a really good thing! But it also comes with its own drawbacks. Namely the destruction of the Polyhedron first and foremost. Which you know… doesn’t seem like that important… It's just some building. Until we reapply the meaning of eradicating the chance to work for the impossible – which the Utopian ideology enables – and a strive to triumph over nature and improve humanity as a whole. Then it suddenly becomes a huge deal. Destroying the Polyhedron is not only about destroying some cool architecture project of some very bored capital graduates (even though this is sure a thing we are doing) but about preventing humanity's progress. We are saving life but we are also preventing the chance to develop a system where humanity can grow, develop new amazing and helpful things and might even reject their mortality as a whole. And even if the last part sounds kind of insane, please consider, that Pathologic is still very much set in a world where magic and miracles exist. We rely on the magic the earth provides in both other routes, see the prophecies of the mistresses and the theatre, visit a talking rat prophet and we can see the magic of the Polyhedron when we visit it as the Bachelor on day nine and of course in the secret ending. Acting like the ambitions as well as the magic of the Utopians is completely unreachable and should be outright rejected, undermines the cost the Termite ending takes to ensure their own victory. So I would argue that there is at least the possibility of the development of humankind and progress into new developments that can help people in general that get destroyed to ensure the lives of the sick as well as the old rules of the town. And that is definitely a costly exchange! This also brings me to an argument that I hear a lot and also want to deny here: “But if the town exists, more towers and miracles can be build again so its not really that great of a loss.” And while this can hold true for the very similar Diurnal ending (if we are really nice and not deny every form of magic, which is kind of the point of that ending… but I digress), the ending in favour of the Termites negates this. Firstly, it explicitly invents a “town of men” where this strive for destroying nature should be prevented. Secondly… the whole underground fluid thing still isn’t really fixed… because that is what gets saved by the Haruspex this is his goal. Which allows for the Panacea but also means that the plague and the traditions that cause the infection aren’t actually off the table. If we would create another Polyhedron the plague would appear again. The old ways of the town are hardly questioned, and they actually cannot be – at least in a way that implies substantial progress over nature – because the laws that get re-establishes actively prevent exactly this. The thread of the plague isn’t gone completely – even if certainly postponed because of the Polyhedrons removal. And that resources run out and the knowledge gets obscured is shown how littler there even is knows about Isidor's earlier experiments. So, we are either creating a word, where humanities progress is distinctly stopped or we create a situation in which the same mistakes that will cause the plague aren’t prevented at all and humanities mistake will repeat themselves. We created a situation, where movement is not possible and actually actively prevented.

The third one – the Humble ending – establishes a balance where both structures can be preserved but movement is still possible. Which first sounds like all is good and the life of only a handful of people could be worth the cost, if we outweigh them against the systematic costs the other endings provide… right? Well… apart from peoples life’s never being a “cost”… this only can hold true if we cannot find a societal problem with this. And we can. Again, with all endings we can see the broad ideologies coming into play and so the very problem of the endings are, that they follow the factions rules so exclusively and absolute. The Utopian end sacrificing life and comfort for progress and vision, the Termite end sacrificing progress and vision for comfort and life and the humble end… what does the Humble Ending do? Well the Humble end saves the precarious balance between the Town and the Polyhedron but at the cost of personal sacrifice. While all aspects of the town may exist the same is true for the plague that gets neither destroyed nor subdued but instead is still active and handled by constantly applying a cure. A cure made out of the humans blood of those who sacrifice themselves for sustaining this very system. Which does mean we will need constant human sacrifice to sustain this system at all. And since a town and a societal system should last for quite some time and there is no other solution in sight to deal with the plague without firing a shot after all… we are facing a plethora of problems. Firstly: If we assume that for some reason the Changeling – or at least her miracles – are now as immortal as Simon was and she will not suddenly disappear leaving us with no one to even make the cure that we need, then what happens if the sinners we have chosen at the end of the game run out? And if we assume that the town will not like disappear after some years – which shouldn’t be the goal at all! – that will happen eventually. Who gets chosen and for what reason? I remind you again, that this is not a personal thing that people can do if they want, there is a societal need for people to die, it is integrated into the very system of the town. So how do we decide that? Are we just sentencing people to “cleanse themselves by human sacrifice” and just choose the worst criminals? That can be faulty and – again – the death penalty is something that we shouldn’t apply to society! Do we accept a willing sacrifices? Great, now that sounds like important and innocent life being taken for all the wrong reasons and can also hit someone who suffers from suicidal depression! Do we hope that our dear mistress continues her burden and selects who should die next.? That sounds like a horrible fate for Clara and also like a very unjust system. But sentencing someone to death because of a systematic need sounds incredibly unjust in the first place! Plus… you know with a highly contagious and deadly plague sometimes roaming the town, a cure doesn’t mean that nobody will die because of the plague. There still is a high lethality, personal reasons to obscure things and just a frightening time limit. Not to mention that the sandplague hurts before it kills so the pain aspect and the fear of the disease is still lingering. It sure is better then everyone contracting it and dying and the cure is a solution but… not exactly to every aspect of the disease, especially when we do not have the means to subdue it, that we have in the other two endings.

I hope that I was able to show that the endings might solve the catastrophe at hand, but all of them with a cost so huge that the specific solution can become debatable. Defeating the plague for good while saving the possibility to proceed further is really amazing, but destroying the entire old structure and killing the sick is a horrible tradeoff. Subduing the disease is definitely good, but at the cost of destroying the potential to enhance future life or even save more people in the long run and with integrating the enablement of repeating the same old mistakes doesn’t sound like a complete solution and more like turning the wheel and waiting for it to reappear at the same side (or you know… stopping it from turning all together). Preserving the town as well as its wonders is absolutely miraculous but allowing the plague to partake in this new system and requiring human sacrifice as a societal solution is a pretty dystopian thought. Again, the Artbook of classic Pathologic describes the whole scenario and its solutions as a trap. And it is! Because there is no right answer, we have to choose what we apply as a necessary evil and this is all we can do. There is no good ending we can find.

Conclusion: The meaning of “Utopia”

So where does that leave us? And what does that have to do with the factions? Remember the quote I used at the beginning of my argument? “The first thing a principle does is killing somebody.” And we can see the effect of this with every of the factions. The rashness and costly sacrifice of the Utopian ideals is seen by the way the Kains’ act and the loss of live the Utopian solution provides. The Termites disregard of progress and the oppression that is its result can see in the way the Olgymskiys’ handle its people as well as the sacrifice of the Termite ending. The Humbles enforcement of punishment and their harsh self-reflection influences the Saburovs’ judgement and leads to their solution at the cost of constant human sacrifice in the end.

So… does this mean that there is no hope? Should we assume that all of these solutions and ideas suck and leave this whole essay this depressed? That would be a shame and also missing the mark of what Pathologic is about. It is a tragedy, that much is true, but it is definitely not without hope and humanity. Because all the examples I use have one thing in common: They are examples of the radicalization of each faction and in its sole survival against the other factions. A principle on its own might kill. But that is why there shouldn’t be only one principle. Clara is right when she reminds the other two healers that killing one part of the town of is still killing. That there is a balance that must be uphold and we can see this balance in other characters. We can see Notkin’s idealism that is still rooted in earthly matters and a deep care for his people. We can see Eva’s kindness being born of idealism combined with her will to give herself away to other people (although this also gets taken too far in the end). And there is beauty in all three ideas. Fighting against impossible odds, caring for what is right and should be maintained, watching ourselves to help your surroundings… all of this is good! And all of these things hold solutions for the other factions. When striving for progress we need to watch our own wellbeing and the negative consequences of our actions. When preserving what is old, we have to see what should be changed, where chances for progress are and we also need to look at ourselves and not only the concept we want to preserve. Looking at our own sins and self-reflection is important, but so is our own comfort and our own goals, even if they might seem outlandish at first. By applying the different ideologies on top the one we hold dear, we can balance them out.

The best ways the ideology work – the real utopia – is a balance of all three ideologies together. That means that the best state of the town is what we witness in the beginning of the game (even if I would never call that perfect either! The exportation of the kin shows as much!) But debating and changing through the reflection of all three ideologies is in my opinion how society can be driven to it’s best. Progression is useless without looking out for each other and keeping what works and helps. Preservation leads to oppression and stagnation if self-expression is forbidden. Responsibility and duty are needed but can lead to condemnation and self-destruction if it isn’t balanced out. But comfort while allowing progress. Duty while allowing self-expression. That is what can only be archived through active dialogue. This is, why this game is a trap. This is why every ending falls apart: Because we have to choose. Every end is a victory, but it also is a failure. Something has to be destroyed. And even a miracle can only work on the back of its people. But this choice is the exact reason why. Being only allowed to follow one of the factions by radicalizing all three of them at the end of the game we are not allowed to make a decision that could benefit everyone. And this is – at the end of it all – the tragedy of Pathologic.

#Pathologic #Pathologic factions #Spoiler warning #ending discussion #I sure hope you enjoy this essay!

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askmyboys · 3 years

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Xovarkzis

Here’s the last god/goddess I made so far! More to come im sure lmao

| Name: Xovarkzis (pronunciation: Zo-Vark-Zis) God of Time (also has some power over life and death)

| Nicknames: Xo (again pronounced as Zo) or Vark/Ark

| Gender: He/Him, They/Them, She/Her, and It/It’s, gender doesn’t STRICTLY matter for them, you can call them a god or a goddess either one

| Age: It’s speculated that perhaps Xovarkzis has been around since the beginning of time, their specific age is unknown BUT it’s clear that he is over countless centuries old

| Height: 500ft (when they come down to visit Earth they shift down to about 6’3”)

| Species/Race: Well its obvious but still, just to reiterate- God/Goddess

| Hair Color: The left side of his hair is White and the right side of his hair is Black (his hair is a quiff style)

| Eye Color: Left eye is pure white and the right eye is pure black (they have a third eye on their forehead that is mixed between black n white, it isn’t two eyes, its just one eye with split colors, the left side of the eye is pure white and of course the right side is pure black)

| Skin Color/Body Type: The left side of his body is black and the right side is white (ayo a bit of a reversal there lmao) and he’s pretty lanky tbh

| Appearance: She’s got a few outfits BUT the main one is a white toga with a long black silk piece that’s draped over his shoulder (it’s got some white wording sewn into it but the language seems to be unknown, Xo’s language has been lost for centuries, you’d be lucky to find ANYONE aside from the goddess themself that speaks it or can even translate it, if you REALLY wanna know I’ll tell you, it’s basically going to translate into a blessing) it wears black and white victorian style boots (you know the boot got them h e e l s) for some reason he seems to have antlers, b i g ones- likewise the left side is a white antler and the right side is a black antler, he has necklaces hanging from those antlers full of Turritella Agate stones(it is believed to help in times of change, dispelling negative thoughts and reliving conditions of fatigue) and Snowflake Obsidian stones (it’s a 'stone of purity' bringing balance to the body, mind, and spirit. Said to be beneficial for the skin and veins) and she has a necklace she wears on her neck that is a Sodalite Stone (it helps to calm and clear the mind, bring joy and relieve a heavy heart. Said to aid the metabolism and lymphatic system)

He wears a white glove on his left hand and then a black one on the right (they cut the tips out of them so their black and white claws can peep through BUT ONLY for the claws, I’ll explain the gloves being a VERY crucial detail in side facts)

They have razor sharp teeth (they also have a circle beard btw, it being the colors of each part of the respective skin color ya know), their ears are pointed and they also wear black n white gauges and other earrings of that color in their ears as well, that’s all for the jewelry however- they can also grow black and white wings (v feathery n fluffy wings), they also have a black based tail and then white fluff at the end (p much a dragon-esque looking tail), they seem to have a few scars here and there but nothing TOO major, it just appears to be from a few fights that must’ve ensued sometime in her life.

| Personality: Xovarkzis is an… Interesting being, it usually spends time by itself, tending to her own world and keeping everything in order, he’s usually VERY calm and collected in every situation possible since he’s seen it all pretty much, they’ve seen most outcomes when it comes to life, all the questions, the answers, etc- Xovarkzis is essentially almost an all knowing being, when it comes to fighting Xo has never been one to choose a side, they always stay out of matters that don’t concern them, it’s just… What happens a f t e r a fight, especially if it gets… Messy… They do warn of the consequences of every action, every choice has it’s consequences and if someone thinks they are ABOVE consequences? They are a fool, even Xovarkzis to be as powerful and high ranking being as she is, even he’ll admit he is not free from consequence and he never will be...

Xovarkzis finds mortals to be such… Interesting beings, Xo loved to study them whenever they could, always watching and observing from afar whatever it may be, whether their making decisions and choices or simply going about their life… Life ...Another subject as well as death, that Xo knows very well, Xo’s seen such much death in her centuries, at first she had questioned why death had to really exist, why did people have to be taken, taken away from their loved ones, taken away from the living, and so… Easily too... Ark had even gone as far to see if it could even s t o p death but hah, when they look back at that, such a f o o l i s h desire, death, albeit a tragedy by most… Can be beautiful in many ways, a lot fear death, Ark cannot blame them nor would she ever BUT, people tend to forget, there IS still beauty in death just as there is beauty in life.

Xovarkzis always tries to show any mortals that wind up before them that fact, it’s not a way to ease them into death, there is no such way to ease into death unfortunately, but there’s still the beauty, at the VERY least Xo can show them that before leading them to their final destination, Xo might be the god/goddess of life and death (as well as time which I’ll get to in a moment) but they cannot bring a person back from the dead, that would go against EVERYTHING they believe in and it’s impossible anyways, death is permanent, and even if there were a way, if they brought them back, that person would NEVER be the same… Well in THAT regard anyways BUT there is a… “Special Rule” If a person is taken before their time is up? ...There CAN be a pardon but it depends on the person really and the situation, and it still goes against what Xo believes in, in, well a way but… Sometimes an exception needs to be made, if their time was not up and it happened to be an… “Unfortunate” circumstance then they must continue on their journey.

Xo will even admit “Despite my beliefs… Your time has n o t run out… There is still so much you must do, so much to accomplish… So, just this once, I will send you back… But remember, life isn’t something you should take for granted, so many loved ones, whether it be a friend, family, or partner… You have someone who truly cares about you out there, so try and live life to the fullest every day possible… Remember, you w o n ‘ t get another chance like this, next time, it will be permanent I’m afraid…” now as for time, Xo holds time with a fondness… Time can be a blessing and a… Curse to some… Xo used to see time as a curse but they learned quickly, you must do what you can and will with the time you are given, never be afraid to get out there and do whatever it is you desire, time may seem so short… It may even feel as though time is plotting and working against you, but that is simply not true… It’s all about working with the time you are given, there is no such thing as more or less with time, and you had better make the most of the time you ARE given, for one day, your clock, as will everyone else’s, will run out.

Xo keeps the time in order (kinda like father time in a way), she CAN control it in a way, meaning it can stop and start time BUT there could only be one reason for stopping, starting, and speeding up time- And if that reason EVER comes to pass ...Whatever god/goddess/being you worship, you had better p r a y to them, pray as hard as you can… (Xo cannot reverse time however technically speaking, unless you wish to count them bringing a person back via unfortunate circumstances then I suppose in a way she can do that but still) Xo’s always been fascinated with how time worked to be honest, it’s interesting all the things time can make happen… Mortals, plants, etc- those grow up, worlds they age and sometimes become more progressive than others, and mostly people change with time, some anyways- Everything changes with time marching ahead, and that, to Xo is a wonderful thing…

That’s honestly the best I can sum them up?? There’s obvs gonna be more to them but for now this is good for personality basis (Xo despite being so blunt with things, Xo is a sweetheart who just wants the best for everyone, just wants peace, equality, and for people to live life to their fullest potential, Xo wants to see them succeed, failure? ...Failure is natural and should not be something to fear, you can always learn from the mistakes you make and next time you try something, then you’ll know what to avoid next time around, failure in a way should be treated as growth, as growing and learning because it is)

| Side Facts: Xo isn’t one for weapons BUT it does wield a black handled scythe that has a white blade attached to it (if you REALLY want, Xo can be technically called a Reaper even if he is much more than that, but if you wish to classify her as that then so be it), Ark’s world is also made up of black and white (literally if you look at the world, it’s split down the middle, black and white, nothing more nothing less, it’s world is actually considered a “Void” given that there isn’t anything really there, the only thing there in the split is Xo’s “throne” of course because it’s literally right in the center of the world it’s black and white as well, they have decorated it with various stones (like the Turritella, Snowflake, and Sodalite stones) there are a few others that are p much otherworldly, those stones can only be found in Xo’s world (I’ll leave those up to interpretation lmao), there ARE shelves lining the “room” however full of hourglasses, all of various types, various names are labelled on them.

Even Xo’s own, for even Xo, despite being a god/goddess n such, does have a due date himself, all the gods/goddesses do, one day their time will be up just like everyone else’s, granted… They D O live a LOT longer than mortals, animals, etc… Hence why their hourglasses are so big and almost infinite, but Xo knows, deep down, despite their infinite size, the sand will reach the bottom one day and then that will be it… Xo isn’t scared of death anymore, they haven’t been for MANY centuries now (they used to be afraid, they used to not understand why they had to even deal with the things they did, why they were the god/goddess they were, but one day, it finally understood… And that was that)

(If Xo and Thanatos (side note, i do realize that’s an actual god name but this one in particular i made is… woo b o y, just- yikes), but Xo and Thanatos would honestly be at each other’s throats, Xo has never liked picking a side in a fight, has never been one for fighting anyway- but Thanatos would disrupt EVERYTHING… That sick disgusting excuse for a god doesn’t even deserve his status, he treats death like a game for his entertainment, he’ll LITERALLY go out of his own way to make everyone suffer in any way he can, and Xo will not have any mockery and slander toward life nor death in this way so those two would c l a s h)

You would think Xo would live forever given their status and being the god they are BUT, it’s definitely not true! They can even be killed even though ...That’s LITERALLY near impossible, not ABSOLUTELY impossible but still, someone would have to get a REALLY lucky and fatal shot in, however even if they were to fade (if Xo dies, imma say this right now, there’ll be a spotlight on them and they’ll start fading away into little specs and drifting into the wind) the balance of life, death, and time will not implode, there are many other gods/goddesses that will be ready to take Ark’s place even if it may be sooner than expected, there’s always a chance after all…

Also fine, yeah- Unus Annus inspired me p heavily here BUT not ENTIRELY?? I just wanted to make another god/goddess for the world, Osmundus has never met Xo despite Xo sometimes visiting other worlds/Earth, and literally meeting his husband- speaking of… Arvish? ...Xo will forever remember what he did to everyone, to all the mortals, his own people even, everyone he hurt and killed- However, Xo holds no grudges, Xo will not haunt him, besides Vark knows deep down Arvish is tormented constantly by his own head, it’s a wonder the old beast hasn’t driven himself insane with all that guilt, Xo has told him before however “You cannot change the past, what’s done is done… However… ...You can make anew for yourself, it all depends on the choices you make in the remainder of your life, so if I were you, I would make the right choices as best I could” Arvish… Took Xo’s words to heart especially, and told Xo he’d try his best.

Also one thing they have to question now… ...Why is it that the mortals want them to say “Memento Mori” so much? Granted, they DO know what it means and even the words “Unus Annus” I mean she knows what BOTH words mean but it seems to hold such value and significance to the mortals...

#Xovarkzis #my oc #original character #god of time oc #god of life and death oc

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inikavulpixelreviews · 4 years

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Let’s Talk About Pokemon - The Impidimp Family

859: Impidimp

Yet another Pokemon I fell in LOVE with the instant it was “revealed” during an E3 demo. And then kept waiting for a formal reveal that somehow never came, even though it's showed up multiple times during SwSh's hype cycle. What gives, with that?! That was so weird. There was even conspiracy theories that they wanted to show Impidimp but didn't want to acknowledge it simply because if Alakazam inspired conservative Christians to “boycott” Pokemon for “supporting devil worship”, than who knows the uproar that would've happened if Pokemon was advertising its newest game with a tiny, imp-ish little demon boy! Though at the same time, unless you're just a REALLY crazy conservative Christian, you're not really trying to fight Pokemon anymore since that battle's already been lost over two decades ago.

Impidimp was also pretty divisive when it came out, with most of the criticism coming from its big and perfectly round head while also having very noodle-like limbs. While it was somewhat of a put-off to me at first, I grew to love how cartoony and rubberhose it looked, like it could've been one of The Devil's minions in Cuphead. And of course, imagine my glee when it turned out it was our first Dark/Fairy type!

This rotten lil shit is also just plain perfect, design-wise. I love the pointy bat-esque nose with a single nostril it apparently uses to sniff “negative energy”, a sustenance it gets when it annoys things! The mischievous look only helped by it constantly giving a raspberry. It even has an odd little ponytail on the back of its head, which looks like a single bat wing. How adorable!

860: Morgrem

Morgrem here is even snazzier, with it growing out its hair into a slick emo sort of look that stands out WAY better than it does with Drizzile. It even incorporates something similar to an imp's tail in its hair too, which works into its theme of a trickster. The Pokedex states that it'll bow down as if begging for forgiveness, only to then stab its opponent with the spear in its hair once their guard is down. Which is exactly what its signature move “False Surrender” does!

I really dig the oddly Christmasy color scheme too. The green is pretty much only there to set up the coloration of its final evolution, just so it doesn't abruptly turn green, but for a mid-stage coloration it looks pretty nice actually! It's just a nice shade of magenta and green.

Personal Score: 10/10

861: Grimmsnarl

So I was kinda disappointed to see most of the line's charm dissipate with Grimmsnarl here... no more emo hair or dumb smile or hot pink skin. Instead it gets pretty overpowered by its own hair and a newfound interest in green. It did eventually grown on me more, even if I STILL don't like it QUITE as much as either of its previous stages.

But it seems like it goes from a devlish imp creature to more of an ogre or troll, with it sharing the major signifies of “big, hairy, and green,” but all doing it while still holding onto the more goblin-esque aspects of Impidimp and Morgrem. It may look muscular at first, but it's actually still pretty scrawny for its size! It just covers itself so much in hair that the hair has formed a psuedo-muscle tissue around its body! It's a really neat way to do an “exposed muscle tissue” type of look without it looking overly gross.

Its design is also all-around solid, being hard to find any one single flaw with it. Again, I miss the colors we had before, but the green covered by the black is still a pretty dang cool color scheme. Especially when the tiny dash of red bits get added in too. But to go along with how its muscular body is a facade, it has attack animations where the hairs on its arms slip off and become more like tentacles. Really creepy concept for a “hair” creature!

Well. I said there was not obvious flaw with it, but really I mostly wish it was a bit more imp-like or even full on devilish. Even considering Pokemon got away with an imp monster very reminiscent of a cartoony red-suit Lucifer, maybe a full on “devil” of sorts would be a stretch for Pokemon. But it still would've been so COOL.

G-Max Grimmsnarl:

Grimmsnarl gets a G-Max form just like its partner in hair-based designs, and this is definitely really highlighting the look of a monster making muscle tissue out of its hair. I do like that so little of Grimmsnarl itself is left uncovered in this state, especially seeing how small Grimmsnarl itself is in that hair mech it's made. So we're left to believe Grimmsnarl's size hasn't changed much, but its hair is what got a growth spurt! It's another G-Max that's a harmless add-on that I would've been fine not being there, but it doesn't hurt to have it there.

Personal Score: 9.5/10

Though once again, it comes with the lame gender ratio of 100% males. Which makes even less sense, given the fate of this species now lies in the hands of Ditto. And I guess now every design that falls into the human gender roles of “male” is getting stuck with an all-male gender ratio too. But I’ve already done the rant yesterday so pbbth.

BUT ONE THING that’ll bug probably me and me alone about the Hatterene and Grimmsnarl lines is this right here. If we combined the two, we would’ve gotten my ideal WITCH Pokemon, easily. AAARGH. It doesn’t affect the score any cause obviously I should review what’s there and not base it solely off a ridiculously specific hypothetical but. ARGH regardless.

[Archive]

#Pokemon #Impidimp #Morgrem #Grimmsnarl #Pokemon Reviews #Gigantamax Grimmsnarl

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beautiesandheadcanons · 5 years

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I've been planning this post for a while, but just haven't had a chance to sit down and compose it until now, so here we go! Also, my spell-checker absolutely hates me now, so you’re welcome.

This week, I wanted to talk about one of the most intriguing and unique races of Dragon Age. Other games, of course, have Elves and Dwarves a plenty, but the Qunari stand out as being a creation all of their own. While they may bear passing resemblances to other fantasy races (and even those are few and far between, from my person experience) between their looks, their language, and their culture, it makes for a complete experience separate from any other mythos.

The word "Qunari" is an interesting word in and of itself, because while most use it in general to refer to the race of grey-skinned, horned giants, it's only translated to mean "People of the Qun", and as a result there are those who are Qunari in race but don't follow the Qun's philosophy, and there are others who are not of the race but who convert to the Qun (they are typically referred to as Viddathari). Those of the race who are born outside the Qun's influence are known as Vashoth ("grey ones"), while those who rebel are known as Tal-Vashoth ("true grey ones"). Vashoth and Tal-Vashoth are terms that, in game, are used pretty interchangeably, but in experience there is a difference. Tal-Vashoth are rebels, usually fighting directly against the Qunari, while Vashoth simply exist outside of it.

The Qunari as a race descended from an unknown race of people known as Kossith, which predate the Qun philosophy. There was a settlement of them in the Korcari Wilds in southern Thedas, but they were overrun by darkspawn during the First Blight (and it's assumed the darkspawn's contact with them is what lead to the creation of ogres). While there is no records of what they looked like in relation to modern Qunari, it is said that they are different, not just in society. Why there was a split from Kossith to Qunari isn't completely clear (and possibly is shrouded in secrets for the purpose of propaganda, though that's just my personal opinion). What is known is that a Kossith philosopher, Ashkaari Koslun, developed a school of thought that became the basis of the Qun, the laws and guide that set down the rules of society for the Qunari, which is wildly different than any other in Thedas. Qunari do not marry or have families, but are bred and the children are raised and brought up in groups by Tamassrans. These Tamassrans also educate them and help to designate their roles in the society, which they are expected to fulfill to the letter. However, they don't see themselves as limited in their roles, they believe that from birth they are given a purpose in their nature and their lives are spent fulfilling that nature. To rebel against their nature is to rebel against order, is to become Tal-Vashoth, is to fall to chaos. Whenever they have led campaigns into Thedas for the purpose of conquering, they see themselves as liberators bringing the Qun to free them from their torment.

Their naming practices are the most unique in the game, because strictly speaking, Qunari don't have names in the traditional sense. They are assigned a series of numbers at birth - similar to a social security number of sorts - and their "name" is simply their profession. And, since their profession can change over time, with promotions and such (especially in, say, the military) then their "names" change as well (more on that later, as there is an interesting specific example).

Magic is seen as dangerous, and they treat mages far more severely than even the Chantry in southern Thedas (which, considering how abusive some Circles were, should tell you how seriously they treat it). Qunari mages are named Saarebas ("dangerous thing"), and their lips are sewn shut, their horns cut off, they are collared and shackled, and they are kept under strict control by a special soldier named Arvaarad ("holds back evil"). If at any point a Saarebas is separated from their Arvaarad, they are executed upon return because the danger that they have been possessed in the meantime is too great to them to risk. In Dragon Age 2, when Hawke escorts a lone Saarebas, if they fight for them then they are referred to as Basvaarad, a non-Qunari who controls a Saarebas (since "bas" is the Qunlat word for non-Qunari).

Physically, they are known as giants for a reason, since they stand taller than any other race in Thedas. While they commonly have grey skin and are usually called as such, their actual skin tone can vary, but is usually darker, like variations of gold or bronze (or even other colours, potentially, as we see in Inquisition). Most Qunari seem predisposed to having white hair, but that's by no means across the board. Their ears are pointed, but smaller than an Elf's ear typically is, and obviously their most prominent feature is their horns, which vary from Qunari to Qunari. Said horns have no nerves, so if they're damaged or even removed, that causes no problems. The horns are said to get irritated in some way (possibly itchy due to growth, at least that's my headcanon) and so they've developed a balm for themselves (otherwise I like to imagine a large, hulking Qunari rubbing their horns against a tree like a deer to relieve the sensation). However, not all born Qunari develop horns, and it seems the chances of that happening are akin to red hair occurring naturally in humans for us. Instead of being shunned or shamed, however, those without horns are revered as special and usually given high-ranking, prestigious roles in their society. For a race that is large and imposing and who typically sport horns, for them, not having horns is seen as scary or dangerous. This is the reason that Saarebas have their horns removed, as an indication of the danger they possess. In fact, the first Qunari we get to meet in the game is hornless, and if recruited, can become quite the powerhouse companion for the Warden.

In the first Dragon Age game, Origins, the first Qunari we get to encounter is Sten (which, again, is his title more than his name). He can be found locked in a cage in Lothering, imprisoned for slaughtering a family after waking up post-battle to find his sword missing (a shameful crime for a Qunari warrior, the consequence for which is execution). The Warden can free him or leave him to die, but there is no reason to leave a perfectly capable powerhouse warrior behind. He is very blunt, to the point, and obviously military born and bred from childhood. He is even puzzled by female-identifying fighters amoungst the group, as for Qunari society, warriors are male only (female Qunari who are adept at fighting are known as Aqun-Athlok, and enter the warrior caste as males and identify as such, since gender is a secondary trait that is considered less important than their duty to the Qun; again, Sten is obviously a fighter and not a philosopher and isn't as flexible in his thinking). Sten's personal quest involves retrieving his sword, which means after the Blight is over and he leaves the Warden's side, he can return to Qunari society without shame. If the Warden has a high enough approval, he'll even refer to them as "Kadan", a term normally associated in later games with a romantic connotation, but which simply means "where the heart lies" and can technically refer to close friends as well as a romance partner.

In Dragon Age 2, there are no Qunari companions, but there is a group of Qunari stranded in Kirkwall that is interacted with several times. They are headed by the Arishok, the general military leader for the Qunari people. At first, their staying there is chalked up to them waiting for a ship to come for them, however it's later revealed that the real reason they haven't left is because they have lost the Tome of Koslun and cannot return without it (which, surprise surprise, Hawke's pirate companion is involved in its theft). The Arishok, like Sten, is stoic and rigid and uncaring for the plight of Kirkwall itself. After spending a few years there, however, the chaos becomes too much for Arishok to handle and he leads his Qunari on a campaign through the city, executing the Viscount in front of the nobles and confronting Hawke, the protagonist of DA2. Hawke has a couple of ways of dealing with him, which include giving back the Tome of Koslun (which means giving up Isabella, the companion involved in its theft), they can fight Arishok and his company, or if Hawke has done enough to earn his favour as "basalit-an" (an outsider worthy of respect) or if Fenris is in the group, the Arishok can be encouraged to settle the matter in a duel one-on-one with Hawke. The duel itself is difficult, especially for squishier characters like mages, but from personal experience, a little strategy and patience can net a win over the Arishok, killing him and ending the Qunari hold on the city. Even if Arishok is given the tome and Isabella and leaves peacefully, however, Isabella later escapes with the Tome again and when he returns to the Qunari homeland of Par Vollen, he faces a court martial and is removed from his role as Arishok.

The interesting bit is, however Arishok is removed from his position, Sten from the previous game is given the role of Arishok, thus changing his name from Sten to Arishok. This can create a little confusion sometimes in referring to the characters, because Sten is no longer Sten at all and to Qunari he is Arishok only. As a result, in talking about him, the fandom has varied ways of referring to him. Some stick to more lore-friendly names - as in the Arishok post 9:34 (the year he was made Arishok), New Arishok, the Hornless Arishok - and others either make an amalgamation of the names such as Aristen or Stenishok, and others will just give him a nickname of their own to personally refer to him. We even get to see him as Arishok in the lovely comic “Dragon Age: Those Who Speak”, and I gotta say, he looks much better with the facial hair.

In Inquisition, we get the first chance to not only romance a Qunari companion, but also play as a Qunari! If one chooses to play as the Qunari race, they are technically Qunari who were born outside the Qun are Vashoth (though the game keeps referring to them as Tal-Vashoth, as if they rebelled and rejected the Qun). Their default last name is Adaar, which means "weapon", which our lovely Qunari companion comments on appreciatively. As a Qunari, the class options are the same as most races, and the player can be a warrior, a mage, or a rogue, though Solas and Cullen are excluded from their romance options (Cullen is locked for female humans and Elves only, Solas is the most restrictive with female Elves only). There are also unique dialogue options that can both be selected and that can be heard both in direct conversation and in passing … and not all of it is friendly and accepting. I currently have two Qunari Inquisitors that I play with, one a female rogue assassin named Katari (in Qunlat, "one who brings death"), and the other a male mage necromancer named Talan (in Qunlat, "truth").

The Iron Bull, I admit, is the whole reason I bought Inquisition first, because I wanted to romance him. When the player meets him, he is heading a mercenary band called The Bull's Chargers. While he appears to initially be Vashoth or Tal-Vashoth, in truth he works as a spy for the Ben-Hassrath, an arm of Qunari society that act as enforces and protectors of their law and also disseminates information and even sends assassins. The Iron Bull is not his "name" under the Qun (he's known as Hissrad to them, "keeper of illusions" or, colloquially, "liar") and is simply a name he took for himself when sent to spy in southern Thedas. To his credit, he is upfront with the Inquisitor about this, and passes on information from the Qunari along with sending information back to them. As mentioned, he can be romanced, and race and gender does not matter to him. If the Inquisitor doesn't romance him or Dorian, however, and their party banter reaches a certain point, the game will put The Bull and Dorian in a romance of their own (known to fans as "Adoribull"). His personal quest involves a mission given by the Qunari to stop a shipment of red lyrium. At a critical point, the Inquisitor will have to make a decision to either sacrifice The Chargers and forge an alliance with the Qunari, or to save The Chargers and forgo the alliance. This has a large impact on his character, as if his company is saved, he is branded as Tal-Vashoth and he is expelled from the Qun and everything he knows, but if his company is sacrificed, he becomes even more loyal to the Qun. In game, only a few dialogue and cutscenes are different, but in the DLC Trespasser, if The Bull is Qun-loyal or if his quest wasn't done at all, then he will turn on the Inquisitor and the player will have no choice but to kill him, even if they are in a romance.

With Dragon Age 4 being hinted to take place in/near/around Tevinter (who is in a constant slap-fight of a war against the Qunari) it's my hope that we get more of a peek into both of these cultures that we don't get much of a glimpse of in game. While their society and how they work and function is far from perfect, I find it's an interesting juxtaposition from the other cultures present in Thedas, and thus a refreshing change of pace from a lore perspective. I also hope that the Qunari remains a playable race, as while I prefer playing as an Elf, being a tall, imposing Qunari is a lot of fun, too.

#dragon age #lore #dragon age lore #qunari #sten #arishok #the iron bull #inquisitor adaar

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4res · 3 years

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Hello its me again who asked about the guidelines and such :) Well I'm wondering, all my life i have dreamed of being a author. Like a successful well paid, that's my only career one, but some things always hold me back from actually going after it, like maybe its not actually possible for me. Is this actually in the cards for me to achieve? What do I need to know?

Hello loved one,

First, I want to thank you for coming forward and allowing me to help you through this time in your life. I am so grateful to you! Your angels love you dearly, and they send to you so much light, concern, and love.

Love.. Take a deep breath with me for a moment.

The messages they have brought with them are filled deeply with love but will be difficult to read. As soon as your energy was opened, there was deep concern from your angels and we must go straight to the Heart of the matter as my #1 concern, and theirs, is for your spirit.

These will be lessons that are hard to learn.. And will require a lot of emotional release from you, because there are very deeply rooted Issues surrounding your question today. I say everything here with utmost love and care for you as a soul. Please walk with me for a moment though this text may be long..

We must talk about what has been holding you back.

Who are you?

When we ask ourselves “What is my career?” “What should I really do?” we are just asking ourselves over and over – who am I? For some people they might respond by giving their Gender Identity, or a profession. Some might give out a role. “I’m a mother!” or “I’m a caretaker!” but the Difficult Truth of this is that while these titles, professions, and beliefs are small pieces of the Puzzle of Who We Are, they are not our Being, Or our Soul. They are identities - Fragments.

When you see yourself.. Do you notice you tend to respond or act a certain way around certain people?

Your angels are calling for Great Authenticity to begin to enter your life. Before you can answer that tender question of “What can I do? What is my path?” We must be willing to revisit those painful parts of our past that contort us into believing we are someone we are not. Authenticity eliminates the need for self-deception.

Beloved one, the Identity image we project to Family, Friends, and the World is comprised of expectations that have been placed on us, what we want someone to see, or even Past-Trauma.. It creates a version of ourselves that seems to live completely detached from us. Alive in someone else’s beliefs or mind. It can even live on as who we think we are. And when our own Sense of Self isn’t strengthened.. It can be hard to determine.. What am I in all of this? Where is the real me? Especially when the Voices of Others or the Voice Within seems to constantly be saying “This is who you are. This is who you are.” Our own, inner voice that says “I know who I am” becomes smaller and smaller as our confusion grows..

Before you find your career, you will have to reacquaint yourself with who you really are. The energy that has been holding you back has been your angels, as they are showing you that there is greater work that must be done before this Path can be taken. This is for the sake of your Being.. so that the Beautiful, BRILLIANT example of who you really are can shine through in its entirety!

I ask you.. What do you feel you need to do to help yourself come home? Do you feel there’s someone you haven’t forgiven?

How has this Identity come to exist?

What is it protecting you from?

I am shown that deep down you know this.. And your Heart is broken. This is painful growth. Please do not rush the process of finding your Career.. Or Finding Yourself. These things, love.. They can’t be forced or prodded, they happen in Divine Time (which we all give a big UGH to!) You are lacking motivation, enthusiasm, and will-power because your focus is scattered by this large lesson that has been trying to reveal itself to you..

Well.. what do you do then? Do not have fear.. Your angels ask that you begin to uplift your thoughts, even if it is slowly at first. Begin by focusing your intentions on goals, blessings, or even people that you are thankful for. Doing this will also help you begin to release your Depression and Poor Self-Esteem. They also ask that you shift your focus onto Forgiveness. Let yourself make mistakes!

A practice they showed me was doing what is called a “burning” or “washing” where we make notes of events, Traumas, or things people have said or done to us, or we have done to ourselves, and write them down. We can wash the words away in water, or burn them in the heat of a fire. (Safely!) It can help us visualize the release that needs to occur.

Over all, please lend me your ears. Know Thyself. When who are becomes clear – all becomes clear. You WILL overcome these difficulties, your Angels have already shown this. Just by you reading this, you have already begun.. And I have Faith in you to heal these wounds and learn these hard lessons with Grace.

You will find a path for your career you aren’t thinking of just yet. All things are possible through Love, even becoming an Author if that is what you still wish to do when your inner-work is well underway. But just know that a space of love exists, right now, where if you wanted to change your mind.. There is no Judgement there. You can change your mind a thousand times and still be who you are.

Keep journals, write to your friends.. And write letters to yourself. Meet yourself once again, and check in on who you really are. You may find a solution to your career that looks different – and clarity will bless you to see what lies ahead.

I apologize that this became so long, but your angels had so much they needed you to hear. We are with you, and love you. Pump those breaks, and take another deep breath. Lay the bricks of your Foundation by resting them firmly on who you are deep inside and not who you might be to another..

Don’t build your house on a sandy shore, it might look nice – but you’ll have to build it twice!

Much love to you on your Career Path forward. The cards are full of prosperity for you! But first, we need to make sure we are firmly seated within before we take those big steps.

#readings

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ainarosewood · 5 years

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Character Interview Eyra Windsong

► Name ➔ “Eyra Windsong”

► Are you single ➔ “I am not”

► Are you happy ➔ “Yes....” she cocks her head confused, “Why shouldn't I be?”

► Are you angry? ➔ “Not at the moment.....no”

► Are your parents still married ➔ “I....don't know to be honest ‘marriage’ as you call it is slightly different than mated pair....”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “The Hatchery of the Windsong Clan in the Zephyr Steppes on the Windswept Plateau in Sorienth

► Hair Color ➔ “Black with white highlights as a Viera.As a Pearlcatcher..." she pauses a moment before asking curiously, "does my mane count ? Of so then dark with lighter mottling.

► Eye Color ➔ “Blue like the deepest depths as is normal for one with rare water eyes”

► Birthday ➔ “I hatched....lemme see it would have been just after the Greenskeeper Gathering on Sorienth ” at the interviewers confused look she added, “for Eorzean calendar call it the 10th Sun of the Third Umbral Moon...”

► Mood ➔ Eyra toyed with the object in the bag on her hip for a moment before stating, “Confused as to why you are asking so many questions...”

► Gender ➔ “Female.”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Neither, I prefer the Spring it was always so wonderful to see all the new growth that would burst forth on the Plateau. I especially loved harvesting bamboo shoots they were quite tasty”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Depends on what I need to do that day if I can relax then the afternoon. If I need to do something then the morning so I can get it done.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “yes”

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “Not really...I believe that you can be fond of a person when you first meet them. But love...that takes time to develop”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ Eyra closed her eyes for a moment before stating, “My choice to help Eorzea is what ended the relationship there was no true ill will between us. He understood that I felt I had a duty to fulfill the selfsame one he has back on Sorienth.”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “Yes” she said softly, “Im pretty sure though he understood the why, my mate was very upset at my leaving.”

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “No.”

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “Yes I have quite often...along with more but I’m not going into detail.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Eyra gives an amused smile before answering “Yes, it was quite adorable.”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ Again she closes her eyes, “Yes. I had to do my duty to my kindred and the people here in Eorzea.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “Love.”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “Both, Lemonade for hot days to cool off and a nice warm cup of tea for chill evenings.”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “They both have there benefits and detriments but I’d say I am more of a cat person.”

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few close friends”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “A Romantic night in is always lovely.”

► Day or night ➔ “Night I love staring at the stars.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “....Yes...sort of. When I chose to leave Sorienth I did try to go as quietly as possible but my clan leader found me and wished me a safe journey.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “Yes, you have no idea how hard it is sometimes for me to just remain as a Viera. I have wings as a Pearlcatcher I could easily prevent a fall but....it is often inconvenient to have a 24 fulm dragon suddenly appear on some steps particularly in a small building.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ The Viera just gives a deep sigh her had clutching the object in the bag, “Yes,” she simply responds.

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “Yes...particularly when I transformed into my birth form in front of all of Ishgard without thinking trying to save someone....”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Eyes you’d be surprised how well they can inform on a being.”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Taller, I enjoy the feeling of being enveloped by someone when they give you a hug.

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “Intelligence, Id rather be able to hold a conversation with someone and it be of something. Than to stare at a empty headed pretty face. Not to say that all of those who are attractive are vapid, its just so often many are because they learn that their looks can get them places.”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Relationship I’d prefer something lasting not fleeting.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “Yes I had been a very strong part of the Windsong Clan and although I was not of the Wind Flight they treated me as one of their own from the moment I hatched. Also the Scions and I get along very well they are my family here in Eorzea

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “I am a dragon who is shapeshifted into the form of a Viera, who left her homeworld to save both it and Hydalaen from an all consuming shade who has allied itself with a ‘god’ of chaos and darkness....you tell me,”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “I wouldn't say it was ran away from but unfortunately I can never return to it.”

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “No”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “Why....would that even be a thing?”

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “Yes again they are like family”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Lyse...she and I understand each other quite well even if we follow different paths”

►Who knows everything about you ➔ “This,” she states pulling out a large pearl the size of a childs ball, “All of my memories from my past till however many I choose to add to it are in it. It is a part of me and knows me the best.”

Tagged by: @eorzean-capitalist

Tagging: @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast@cahli-tia, @diskwrite-ffxiv, @e-x-i-t-3, @fair-fae, @garlean-nonsense, @ahlis-xiv, @sporebat, @entropytea, @thanidiel, @herd-of-halla, @isuke-ejinn, @jancisstuff, @luckiselki, @nineprotons, @qarukhel, @varae-ver-you-are, @voidsentprinces, @poe-lhyzeal, @cosmicdwarf, @qesh-rae, @roxinova, @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast, @tiergan-vashir, @una-xiv, @wandering-heart-ffxiv @autumnslance @mai-takeda @dragons-bones

And everyone!

#FFXIV #Character meme #FFXIV/Flight Rising Crossover

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k-tarot · 4 years

Note

Hello~ Thank you so much for the reading about my future love🤗 Could I request another reading I hope I'm not annoying you😅 Could I have the reading#6 with BTS from Admin C😊 - Andrea

Andrea~~

You’re not annoying at all!!! If anything we’re really happy that you want to request readings from us 🥰 I hope you like the reading!

Seokjin

In your relationship with Jin, surprisingly he’s always talking about coincidences or fate. He very much believes that a lot of the things in your relationship, maybe even your meeting and the relationship itself, were all meant to be. Along with everything that happens in your relationship, he kind of always has the same approach that whatever’s happening is happening for a reason (good or bad).

Jin kind of sees you like a breath of fresh air. You know how to have a good time and how to help relieve stress! Which is really important for him because stress is a major factor in his life (like many). But with how you handle stress, you make it seem like something people shouldn’t be so worried or scared about. Like it’s a little bug that could easily be squashed or flicked away. And so he just loves spending time with you because every moment is just filled with fun and relaxation. There’s a certain youth that you offer him when he’s with you.

Exactly like the bee spirit, you have a super delightful and joyful personality that just charms Jin to you and sucks him in. What he admires even more about you is that, you know how to have fun and relax after a hard day of work, but also exactly that you know how to work hard. You’re a very earnest worker and do your best at your job. But like every person, you do have times when your low on energy and have bad days, and that’s what Jin loves most because it also humanizes you and reminds him that you too have your limits.

Yoongi

Yoongi seems to be the spiritual one when it comes to your relationship with him. He’s very self-aware but also aware of his surroundings. He’s emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in tune to the relationship, himself and you. What this means is that Yoongi puts a lot of effort into maintaining the relationship and keeping things balanced. The important thing to note though is that he isn’t doing it because he feels obligated or that it’s something that needs to be done, but because he sincerely wants to. A happy relationship means a happy you. What else would he want?

How Yoongi sees you is that you’re extremely hard-working and super dependable. And if you’re like that with your relationship too, it only makes sense why he would be doing his best to keep the relationship in good shape too! You have no problem just diving head first into things and working through them, and that’s a trait that Yoongi also wants to meet you at with the same level.

With the nightingale spirit, this is where you’ve definitely caught and have Yoongi wrapped around your finger! You have a voice and you’re not afraid to use it. More importantly you’re not afraid to voice what you’re thinking and feeling. And something to note is that you don’t speak aggressively when addressing those things, you express them in a sort of poetic way. And in that sense, is just another point of why Yoongi loves you (because you’re one of his music inspirations!).

Hoseok

In your relationship with Hoseok, he offers you so so much. And by this I mean in aspects of love, emotion, mentality, ambition, fun, literally like everything you need and think you don’t need but end up enjoying. He’s just really well-rounded, and with that he brings you so many opportunities and possibilities to help yourself grow individually too. The two of you are in a relationship yes, but he’s always pushing for you two improve yourself too and learning more about yourself because it’s something that he has for himself, and knows you would love having a strong grasp of too.

Hoseok sees you for all you are and al you have to give. You’re so beautiful to him and full of love, you’re literally overflowing with it! And because of that you give him so much positivity and happiness too. If he feels like you’re giving him the world with just your love, it makes sense how much he’s giving to you too.

Like the hummingbird, Hoseok really sees how positive and rejuvenating you are for him. It’s like you have a secret to all the endless love you have to give and he can’t figure out what it is. Instead of seeking it out though, he’s perfectly content with just receiving his doses from you and sharing with you.

Namjun

Your relationship with Namjun is a romantic and learning one. Namjun is really wise and smart and it’s bound to deep into your relationship (in a positive way!). Namjun almost has a role where he’s always teaching you, but never in a way where he’s above you or better than you, but as equals like he’s holding your hand and leading the way. What he does for you is inspire you and it just gives you so much space and enables your growth.

Namjun sees you as someone very cheerful, and kind of always celebrating something. He can see how loved you are by the people and friends around you and that just emphasizes how amazing and good of a person you are to him. It’s something he really admired about you, is that it seems like no matter where you go you always seem to make friends. And it also grows the huge amount of respect he already has for you when he sees how well you interact with others (strangers or not).

As much as Namjun seems to teach you, he’s also well aware of how successfully independent you are too, with the camel spirit. He knows that you know yourself, and that you can help yourself wherever you go. In fact he even knows that you would still do well whether you were in a relationship with him or not! Of course that’s not something he dwells on, but it keeps him grounded and reminds him how lucky he is to have you.

Jimin

I feel in your relationship with Jimin, he’s viewed very highly by a lot people around you two and just in general. And because of that, he carries himself a very specific way and it crosses over into your relationship a lot too. It doesn’t cause tensions, but just creates a more specific dynamic. It’s a very respectful relationship where you each give yourselves the space and privacy you need. In this sense it’s not like you two aren’t close, this is actually the intimacy the two of you are able to hold and understand in your relationship.

Jimin sees you as pretty young. You’re at a stage in your life that he’s already been in where you have a lot of plans and goals but are still laying down the groundwork to get to the end. And that youth he sees is the amount of energy that you have in pursuing those things, and how quickly and how many of them come to you at a time.

The tiger spirit animal clarifies a lot. The tiger has a lot of feminine energy and it makes sense what you’re relationship dynamic is like. It’s a very traditional one. Jimin is really manly, and when he sees you he sees the femininity he needs in his life and to balance him out. So the roles the two of you have are kind of gender role aligned. He’s very serious about his status and he makes it his priority to take care of you as the man.

Taehyung

For Taehyung, he learns a lot from you. And the biggest thing he’s learned is how to be more in tune with himself. He’s become more open to understanding his feelings and learning how to communicate them with you. There’s a certain vulnerability with feelings and emotions that’s always been very secretive and personal for Taehyung, however it’s something you’ve been able to teach him to learn and open up to not just to you but for himself too.

Why you’re able to do that though is because Taehyung sees you as some extremely trustworthy and sincere. You only wish the best for others and he knows you exact intentions in having him open up to these sides he was never as open or receptive to with others. And with that trustworthiness and sincerity, he’s drawn to your generosity. To help people is one thing, to go out of your way to help them grow and learn more about themselves without intruding and invading is another.

The hawk spirit here really emphasizes how much you see and know. Which might be another factor in why Taehyung trusts you and opened up to you as smoothly as he did in your relationship. Even if he’s not being honest with himself or aware, he knows you can see right through him. So in that case, he understands that there’s no point in fighting or lying to you especially if you already know the truth. And more importantly, if he wants to become more open and knowledgeable with something like his own feelings, you’re the best person for him to help him through it.

Jeongkook

Jeongkook is basically what his card says, strength. And not just physically but also emotionally and mentally too. In this sense, he’s kind of the rock for the relationship. He has it in him to push when you don’t have the energy or want to. He’s the one to pick you up when you can’t and don’t know where to turn to. Jeongkook offers a lot of security to you in your relationship together.

How he sees you is that you’re a little pessimistic. But there’s a reason why which I’ll get to. Basically, you feel like a lot of things are unfair though and that’s what really stands out to him about you. The both of you know though that you’re not a glass half empty type of person though. It’s just that the things that happen get you really down. And when you’re down about those things, Jeongkook is the one to pull you up.

And with the lion spirit, it explains why you get upset about things sometimes. Lions are patient, and this spirit also has a focus in self-transformation. So that’s something you’re always working on and striving to better. You’re very observant and you don’t waste your energy on things you find won’t be beneficial to you. And so when the things you have put effort into don’t go the way you plan, that’s what causes you to be upset. Because go Jeongkook, you’re a particularly careful planner and take a lot into consideration. So things not working, upset you a lot more than what it’d be for the average person.

I hope you liked the reading~ please feel free to request more if you’d like ☺️

admin c

#kpop #bts #namjun #namjoon #jin #seokjin #yoongi #yungi #hoseok #jeongkook #jungkook #jimin #taehyung #tarot #tarot reading #k-tarot #admin c #hope you enjoyed it~~#reply

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werevulvi · 5 years

Text

"It IS the transition that makes trans people men and women. And now you have to do it again. That sucks! I know you've already paid your dues with dysphoria, and having to do it from the other side has to be hell. You did in fact transition into a man, and now you have to transition into a woman. It's going to be hard work to live as a woman, even though you are a natal female. I know you're a woman, but there are people out there who are going to clock you as a trans woman, and some of those people are going to think of you as lesser for it.

I've met and interacted with a lot of people like you, Laura. Detransitioned, lesbian women. And several ID'd as lesbians while calling themselves men. They became distraught, because they were not interested in the straight women who were now interested in them, they were interested in gay women. Because they were gay women."

I don't know how to reply to that. So I did try to start a conversation about sexual attraction going to sex not gender in a transmed group few days ago and well... I did get replies eventually. I got this (chopped from a much longer reply) from a friend of mine, and although I know he means well, and althout I know it was I who brought up my detrans struggles in terms of my (and others) sexuality and I should suit my stupid self for digging into such a sensitive topic... but fuck this hit me so hard. Even so to the point I cried myself to sleep.

Cause I do struggle really hard to believe that I'm still somehow a woman despite my transition to male, so those words of his dug into an especially delicate wound.

I don't know exactly what his words did, but they upset me really deeply. I felt like crying, screaming, destroying things, it was as if my soul was shaking and rattling within my body. I wasn't able to put words into what I was feeling, but I felt upset both about my detransition situation and about being a lesbian.

His previous message dug into my internalised homophobia and how much I still struggle to accept myself and not hate myself for being a lesbian. And I said "Whatever 'lesbian pride' I wave around here [in that fb group] is about as shallow as my makeup. I don't want to be a lesbian, I'm just trying to accept that I simply am one."

It's tearing at me. How ruined my entire life feels. As I tried to fall asleep in my early morning cries, I felt like I've ruined my whole life so bad. Like beyond redemption, almost. Or I don't know if it is redeemable. What can I do, except from just keep trying? I fucked up my body and traumatised myself sexually for a decade cause of the traumas before that, and I lived lies upon lies in desperate attempts to escape from myself, but now it has all caught up with me. Everything.

And it felt like a mountain hitting me in my face. And I still can't get up from the impact. I can't. I'm just lying here. Defeated.

I've been a little better for the past couple of months, although still dysfunctional enough to not manage doing anything productive, but then yesterday it was like I fell down into a pit of despair again. Same pit as before. I hate my life. Just look at it?! It's a full on tragedy. And it breaks my ravaged heart.

Is it too late to try to love my body and connect with it? Or is it beyond saving? Is it too late to start over with my dating/sex life in a way that won't traumatise me and that only includes other women? Or am I too hopelessly traumatised and unlovable forever? Is it too late? Will this pain kill me?

I keep wondering. No I'm not suicidal and have no such intentions what so ever, but fuck yeah I do wish I was dead and it's possible I could end up dying out of sheer negligence. Unintentionally starve to death cause of my ever decreasing appetite and I just forgot to eat, or care to eat. Cause I don't know how to push through this, and I'm so, so despondent. I don't have motivation for anything, not even breathing.

Truth is I feel horrible about the way I look. I hate that I look so bad when not "dolled up" cause I'm no fucking doll! And I feel like I'm putting on a mask of more femininity than I want to, in order to "look like a woman" and the trans community's harmful views on manhood and womanhood being purchasable lifestyle choices dig wounds into me and make me wanna scream. Am I buying womanhood in makeup, razors, dresses and a new female name? Fuck no, it doesn't work like that! And nor will me getting permanent hair removal and boob surgery be like me buying womanhood either. Being a woman is my birth right as much as it is my birth curse. It's something I fought my entire life to stop fighting... but I have a feeling that fight will never truly end. That I will always have to fight society on that point, if not also myself.

And truth is calling myself a lesbian feels like a joke cause I'm not even a "real" woman anymore. I'm not anything. I shredded my femaleness for a fake maleness. Ripped off my skin for a plastic suit. I'm a hackjob. A failed experiment. A broken girl who never got to truly become a woman. I'm stunted in my growth. It feels like it's too late now. I know I love women, that my love is exclusively for women, that that's what I want and it feels so good to even just imagine it considering how lonely I am... but just how much of a lesbian am I really when I still disconnect so hard from other women and from seeing myself as somehow one of them? So to the point that I feel like I'm a drag queen, a kind of man toying around with femininity making a mockery out of being a woman with caked on makeup and padded bras... but I'm just sad. Trying to recreate what I've forsaken.

To some degree I can connect better to other lesbians, though. And that's a big reason I hold on so tightly to the lesbian community already despite being so new in it and not quite getting the in's and out's of it yet. The struggles I share with them, and that there is some mutual understanding in that feeling of being alienated from other women in general. And on that point, I think I even relate noticably better to butch lesbians than I do to feminine straight women. That gay struggle runs deeper than what we look like. Also, before, I used to think being gay and bi was like a similar struggle or even pretty much the same. But oh boy, was I wrong.

Back when I still thought I was bisexual and thought I had "internalised biphobia", I thought to myself that it would be better if I was a lesbian instead... I take back that stupid wish now! I wanna whack myself in the head over it! But I think, that I actually got so far in accepting my attraction to women back then, that I even started thinking it would be fine if I was actually a lesbian, was one of the reasons that deeply suppressed/repressed truth in me started finally surfacing.

So no, I really don't think I in any way "wished myself gay" but rather that the desperate wish made my actual homosexuality start to show itself to me, cause I had let down my guard and inner defenses enough to open that door slightly. But then bunch of months later of course the thought hits me that "that was a really dumb wish" as if it was somehow the cause although I know it wasn't and it doesn't work like that. I guess that's just my internalised homophobia beating me with its stick again. Laughing in my face singing "nana-na-naaaana you got what you wished for, have fun in hell!" cause it echoes truth in everything that's ever randomly happened to me in my life, or in the random ways I was born.

I know I keep questioning myself when I really should be questioning society and its questionable ways of treating people like me. But it’s easier to beat myself up cause I’m closer and more accessible.

When I thought I was bisexual I thought I had at least some shred of heterosexuality about myself that I could hold onto, which made my attraction to women... not less scary but more like... something I didn't "have to" accept about myself (I know that sounds bad, but as a coping mechanism). But since knowing I'm actually a lesbian, that slight sense of security got pulled away from under my feet and I'm suddenly left to rely on and only having my attraction to women, which makes it even more scary and daunting. Like I really have to accept this now or else I'll have nothing.

And I'm just floating around somewhere scary and unstable with no ground to put my feet on. Cause I walked on a glass floor and it broke.

But the image of myself and what I try to recreate becomes skewed and disturbed like a false immitation. Like a scary victorian doll meant to resemble a child. I can never truly become myself again, or the woman I was supposed to become. I'm stuck as a living doll, reeking of decay.

It makes me think of a horrifying case of necrophilia I once saw a documentary about. A man who picked up the remains of a former patient of his cause he was "in love" (obsessed) with her. She had died of tuberculosis and he was her doctor who tried to cure her (I think this was back in the 30's or something before a cure existed, and yeah, actually happened). He propped her up like a doll in his home, trying all sorts of techniques to keep her looks from fading as she decayed over time. The photos of what he had of made her body, 7 years after her death, still haunt me a little. Poor girl. (And yeah, there was more horror to the story considering it's said to be the worst case of necrophilia in history so far... but let's leave out those details, okay. Not relevant to my feelings.)

But why, oh why, do I connect that horrifying image to my own body?! Cause she had essentially been turned into a doll, made of her own human remains, plastic and paint. And very tragically sexualised, which erh... yeah is relatable on a highly metaphorical level. I felt really dead when I was traumatised sexually over and over, and I felt really a lot like I was just a sex doll for men's pleasure. Completely mindlessly so. And also... she too never became a woman. She was only 15-16 years old when she died. I often relate to tragedies, in general.

And I fear that kind of image. Of becoming something like a false immitation of my former self that will haunt me. It reminds me of my childhood nightmares and horror movies I've seen. It reminds me of my phobia of distortion and fearing my own mirror reflection for weeks cause what if it will look distorted and unnatural? What am I detransitioning into, a monster? It makes me dissociate again. My body doesn’t feel like my own. I'm not here. The number you have reached is out of service.

I don't wanna go through this pain. It's far too much and it suffocates me. I wanna escape this horrible hell in my mind. I want a time machine. Go back to my teens. Start over again. I really want to start over. Life went horribly wrong and there's no way back.

#personal #sad post #really morbid stuff too #detransition #message from a friend #lesbian #detransitioning lesbian #womanhood #transition regret #phobia of distortion #i dont have depression its natural that tragedies depress ppl #traumatised

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leiaryes · 6 years

Text

for anyone saying bi lance is dead

alright so this is probably going to get a bit long so i’ll put the bulk of it under the cut.

but let’s start with what’s caused this: the interview with jeremy and bex where they supposedly shut down bi lance and anything else that has to do with it. i don’t know what anyone else is seeing, but to me, they neither confirmed nor denied anything. all they talked about was the fact that many people in the fandom take what they say and blow it out of proportion. and, to be fair, they’re not wrong about it. it’s exactly what’s happening right now. they weren’t explicitly saying lance wasn’t bisexual, nor were they confirming that he indeed was. in my opinion, they said the only thing they could. they’re both professionals. they’ve both signed NDAs. these are their jobs. they can’t just outright say whatever they want just because it’ll please us fans.

now let’s move onto what’s a little more important: THE ACTUAL SHOW ITSELF

look, i don’t know about you guys, but when i analyse this kind of stuff, i try and look at it from a logical point of view. do my shipping goggles sometimes cloud my vision? ABSOLUTELY. i’m a lance and klance stan first, so naturally, my view will sometimes be biased. but everything i’m about to say, i’ve looked at through a logical, storytelling point of view, so let’s get started shall we?

i’m not going to go too much into this first detail because there are hundreds of metas on this already, but if you guys have watched the show, you know how many hints there are of lance being part of the lgbt community. i mean, you could write a post just on the entirety of Taking Flight. The colour coding (the bi and gay flag colours), the looks shared between lance and keith (”hey lance! i got your lion back :) thank you, keith. now, can you come and unchain me?).

voltron is an animated show. it’s not a live-action, where the way actors interpret scenes can lead people to find things that simply aren’t there (i don’t want to throw anything under the bus, but destiel from supernatural is a prime example of this). with animation though, every little second counts. and for a show like voltron, where each episode is only about 24 minutes, this becomes even more apparent. they wouldn’t waste time, money, and effort into drawing out and animating a scene if it didn’t carry importance. couple that with what JDS and LM have said about including certain facial expressions into characters if they know it plays a role later on, and i have to believe that these “hints” all have reason to be there.

this brings to me to my second point: the bonding moment.

i know this has been mentioned in literally every klance meta ever, but the simple fact that it exists, that the voltron crew took the time and money to animate it, is saying something. it served no purpose other than to establish a bond between lance and keith, in an episode where their friendship wasn’t even at the forefront. they didn’t have a mini arc like in Eye of the Storm, where they were at odds with each other at the beginning, but worked together better by the end. the bonding moment was simply that. a moment, which, from a storytelling point of view, was honestly kind of random. but it existed. the crew used up precious seconds to animate lance and keith grasping hands and smiling at each other, all the while bathed in soft, purple lighting.

if it didn’t mean anything, if it was in no way important, they wouldn’t have placed such a big emphasis on it.

but moving on.

i want to address the picture LM drew when voltron first came out. i’m not going to attach it here, but i know everyone knows what i’m talking about (the picture of the paladins with the signs: race, gender, and lgbt). in it, shiro and lance are holding the lgbt sign. when it first came out, and then especially after the arcs with keith and pidge occurred, many of us believed it meant lance was going to get an arc related to sexuality, and that shiro was going to help him through it. after today, with shiro being confirmed to have had a boyfriend back on earth, some believe that it means voltron has given us the lgbt rep they promised, and that there is nothing more to say. now, i’m extremely happy with shiro’s announcement, but i do not believe voltron is finished.

everything else in LM’s picture has come true. keith struggled with being galra, and hunk played a role in his arc. pidge struggled with telling the team she was a girl, and allura played a role in her arc. shiro, from what it looks like, does not struggle with being part of the lgbt community. he had a boyfriend. LM confirmed that had it not been for the kerberos mission, he and adam likely would have gotten married. so, shiro is not the one needing help in that regard.

but who else was in that drawing?

lance.

lance, who from day one, has always been about “the ladies”.

lance, who in my opinion, would struggle immensely if he came to the sudden realization that he also liked boys.

lance, who would indeed go to shiro to ask for advice and help on how to come to terms with it.

in the picture, lance has a very shy smile on his face. he looks as though he is nervous or hesitant, like he is unsure and vulnerable. shiro has a hand on his shoulder and a very calm expression. he is supporting him.

but voltron would need a logical way for this to occur, and this is where klance comes in.

up until now, if you disregard all the scenes between him and keith, lance has very much been about allura. he likes her, far more than any other girl he’s liked before. if voltron does indeed have lance identify as lgbt, his arc with allura cannot solely be it. it does not make sense for lance to go to shiro, asking for advice on his new attraction to boys, if there’s no boy there to begin with. lance needs to like, or at least be attracted to a boy in order for him to realize that perhaps he’s not straight. and the only logical character for that?

keith.

why? process of elimination. it can’t be hunk, because he and lance simply do not share enough scenes to justify it. it can’t be shiro, because he will be the one to support lance, and i suspect that his arc with adam is far from finished. it can’t be matt, because like hunk, he and lance do not have enough interaction. and it certainly won’t be coran. unless voltron introduces a completely new male character (which at this point, although plausible, is doubtful), the only person left is keith.

and it gives lance another reason to seek shiro’s advice. he knows keith. they’re best friends. brothers. and lance knows it.

another reason it can only be keith?

because, from a storytelling point of view, their arc is unfinished. seasons one, two, and three gave us many interactions between them. they placed a lot of emphasis on their dynamic (”lance and keith, neck and neck”). they built it up from a childish rivalry to a place where both of them felt comfortable enough to go to the other with their insecurities. and then season four came around, and all that growth came to a halt. it left you reeling, because you were expecting their arc to continue as opposed to disappearing.

there was no closure.

arcs are supposed to have endings. if a character has an arc, you are meant to be able to identify the beginning, climax, and end of it. with pidge, her arc came to a close with her finding her brother and father. this does not mean she does not have any more important scenes coming, but from a narrative standpoint, her main conflict has been dealt with.

with keith and lance, you cannot identify this ending. you can pinpoint the beginning, and you can pinpoint all that has happened after it, but there is no scene that gives us the sense of closure that comes with the ending of an arc. these boys have more coming. their relationship will progress, simply because not doing so would only be bad writing (which granted, voltron has had before, but this does not seem like the kind of thing that has not been thoroughly thought out). and even if they only remain friends, you will be able to feel it when their arc comes to a close.

and, i don’t know about you, but that leaves me feeling pretty excited for what’s yet to come.

so how do i see lance’s sexuality arc playing out?

if voltron does indeed have lance be a part of the the lgbt community, then the way i am about to describe is, in my opinion, the most logical way for it to occur.

the first half of season seven will see lance getting over allura. it will be hard, but he’ll eventually come to terms with it and move on. the second half of the season will see lance and keith’s friendship strengthening, with them interacting more and growing closer. during this time, we might see hints of lance beginning to like keith. he might go to shiro for advice sometime during the end of the season, but i do not see that being likely. not yet, anyway.

the first half of season eight will see keith and lance’s friendship becoming even closer. by this point, if we are getting klance, both of them should like the other, and we as the audience should be able to tell. during the end of this half, or the beginning of the second half of season eight, lance will go to shiro for advice, who will in turn support him and help him better understand his feelings. lance will gain more confidence after this, and the end of the second half of the season should see keith and lance getting together.

now, all this is hypothetical, but i truly feel that if we are indeed getting lgbt lance and endgame klance, we will be able to see the beginnings of it in the upcoming season. there are only two seasons of the show left, and if we get no convincing klance interactions or lgbt lance hints in season seven, i do not know how likely either have of becoming canon. but i cannot deny the logic. looking at past episodes and seeing the patterns, i truly do believe there is a good chance for both klance and lgbt lance.

now, this has gotten much longer than i intended, so i’m going to end it here. i don’t know how much of this made sense (if any, LOL), but i hope you enjoyed it.

‘till next time, guys!

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