#i dont have a reason

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[i-deserve-to-bite]

oh oh no and Here's The Crash things are Wonderful and Perfect and Loving and I am simply Augh and think Bad

#maybe i should go to bed early #i dont want to relapse #and maybe i could wake up early and work on the animation #i dont understand why i get like this #everything is good why am i miserable all of a sudden? #i wwish i could be held #i dont understand anything right now and its so confusing!!! #i want to bite someone #maybe i should draw something of miette and - #less mmiseeable that way Maybe? #my head hurts #god i have so many assignments due tommorow. i have to make a stupid fucking storybook and animation i just #i wish i could just not deal with anything #i hate school i want to lie on the ground forever #i hate ruin i hste rainy aahhhgg!!! i hate wveryone ever #theyre all stupid and make no sense #i fucking hate ruin #i dotn know why #i dont have a reason #he just makes me so mad #i think its just. sngry about things #i wanna spend more time with him but #agh #i want to word it i really do #i hate him #i dont think im in danger so this bad mood could be cured by curling up into blankets and watching something comforting #why am i so emotional i throw tantrums like this so often agh!!! #i think i know why i hate ruin and its the fact im clingy and hes drifty or whatever #theres stuff he says that i hate and makes me mad and we clash in mannerisms i suppose? i dont know #im too small to word i feel like epxloding itno crumbs i will simply die

[mickedy]

Does anyone remember the internet when MLP first got popular and people online were insisting They were swearing up and down that the show was for adults, and that it was marketed towards kids but was Definitely For adults, full of mature humor and dark concepts and deep complex characters. and then nowadays you go look up an episode of MLP: FiM and the episode synopsis is something like Pinkie Pie Lost Her Balloon 🎈💔

#Like i swear it felt like a bunch of adults not wanting to admit they liked the little horse show for girls. its OKAY #its a good show you dont have to make up reasons that its good. Enjoy it for what it is 🤷‍♀️

[beybuniki]

they should go on a fishing trip pt.1

#DONT COMMENT ON THE BACKGROUND I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW #anyway this is day 1. they take a bus. the bakugo household has fishing gear so ´deku is wearing bakugo's onesoe (?) and bakugo is wearing #his dad's. and notices he has grown :') #anyway they take a BUS and don't feel like doing this at all it's awkward for so many reason #also trying to relax after everything is neurologically just really hard they might be hyperivgilant dik #and there's so much they never got to unpack bnut they have to and they have to start somewhere and with someone #deku makes that flower crown while bakugo preps everything and they both look at it and are thrown back into their childhood 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ #and at first they just sit and wait for the bavarian fish to bite (rody should make a cameo tbh) but then bakugo breaks the iceeee. #and he starts with their moms because their moms have been such a stubbron connection between these two :') #and deku answers with the usual 'good :) how's your mom :)?' and to everyone's surprise he actually opens up #and tells deku about his mom's insomnia because she watched her son die (that shit was live streamed tpo 10 bnha tweets btw) #idk i love to think of their moms being a very easy subject to connect through i think it's easier for them that way to be more vulnerablei #and then some fish biteeeeeeeeeeee #but like 3 small ones so they have to gather berries and mushrooms and make stew (dw there's an aldi this is bavaria after all) #but yeah day 1 is a bit weird like it's just them in the woods with no distractions #which is so different from whatever went on during their 1st year of high school #don't read this i will throw up i just need this somewhere this is my public scrapbook #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #the flower crown on their knees makes this a bit homosexual but fishing is always homosexual im not fighting against that #au: #fishing

[trans-cuchulainn]

wish abled people would understand fluctuating disabilities more. i told my boss my knee was better today than friday and she's like "I'm glad it's slowly getting better" but it's not Getting Better, it's just having a good day (and tbh it's worse now than it was when I said that) and tomorrow it'll probably be unable to bear my weight again. like. stop thinking of these things as a straight line progression because they're not and I'm tired to having to explain every bad day like it's some bigass new problem when it's just. the nature of these things

#i also wish adobe acrobat would stop freezing on me because it's like the whole reason i came in today #bc i dont have acrobat at home #and it's being so shit I can't actually do any work #painblogging #disability

[regret-breathing]

i refuse to follow neil gaiman no matter how many times you bastards remind me he’s here

#regret posting #i dont have a reason #i just think hes corny

[steviesbicrisis]

To me it’s the fact that Steve assumed Robin had a license but still woke up 3 hours before his work shift to drive her to school everyday.

That is not a plot hole everybody, that is just the kind of person Steve Harrington is.

#you dont understand #what a great friend Steve is #this is the main reason why I don’t want his story to revolve again around Nancy #it’s him and Robin and they have the greatest friendship in the show #these two mf will get married and live together and it’s going to be 10000% platonic #if you look up platonic soulmates in the dictionary SBAM just pictures of Stobin #Im done bye #steve harrington #platonic stobin #robin buckley #stranger things

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[coralnoodle]

WHAT THE HELL IS LAB SAFETY!!

#my art #danny phantom #dp #danny fenton #danny phantom fanart #heheheh i have more time to do art now!! #reason: i went to therapy for work #tho im also writing my thesis so like dont set this as your standard for me lmao #anyways!! who wants to listen to my insane danny phantom analysis and hcs!! #eye strain #ask to tag!

[celestialmaison]

And while we're talking about ai theft: turn. off. grammarly. Disable it. Delete it. Get that shit off of your computer ASAP.

I never realized how much of my shit is scanned by grammarly until today. It scans my emails, my text posts on this bewitched platform, my wips on google docs, my youtube comments--literally everything ive ever typed on my laptop is scanned by grammarly. And I've been allowing this to happen for years.

Turn. Off. Grammarly.

#blue rambles #ai theft #ai #grammarly #data scraping #i dont like how many suggestions are made when im editing my writing anyway #theyre distracting+irrelevant half the time #and the only reason i even have grammarly is bc of uni

[faunandfloraas]

Honestly I think a lot of people who have never made a gif for tumblr don't get that it does actually take time and effort, its not just rip it from a video and post it- you have to download the video, in my case I have a video player installed that grabs continuous caps, figure out what parts you need, you have to open those in photoshop or gimp, depending on where you got photoshop you might be paying for it every month and then on top of that is actually sizing, cropping, colouring, sharpening, adding text, etc. etc. like it is something that takes time and effort for which the only real reward is creating something that makes you happy and hopefully people reblog it with a nice or funny tag, so maybe keep that in mind the next time you think gif makers are being mean or unfair for being upset about reposts. It is its own little artform that is fairly unique to this website, and that's a big aspect of why I have always loved tumblr, if all the gifmakers stopped posting things would be a lot more boring around here.

#like its well known reposting art or fic is rude so idk why gifs are free game #and why people are always so ~its just a gif~ okay well if its *just* a gif then you go and make one to that quality #oh wait you cant bc it actually does take time and practice #ive been at this for years and i still dont know all the tips and tricks #also the reason i mention all the software needed is bc like. you have to find install learn and it takes up space on the drive #so just reblog stuff and appreciate people that make fun content

[obsob]

oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!

#mine #cats #i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway #ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things #me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun #i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph #like we dont need to be doing all that #as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice #anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is #whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling #have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3 #its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK #there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong #i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3 #ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason #still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies #anyway. i am going 2 bed

[cinderellahoneymoon]

im being so fucking for real and i need you guys to boost and reblog this you nonblack selfshippers have got to stop using "simp." you have to. its african american vernacular english (aave) which in colloquial terms means its not for you to use. in a space already hostile towards shippers of color, youre just making it more inhospitable to black selfshippers by appropriating our language. say youre crushing. say youre obsessed. say youre head over heels, say youre a sucker, say youre infatuated, just stop saying simp. for the love of god

{nonblack shippers [even other shippers of color] i do NOT want to hear your opinion on this post or hear about how you "didnt know" or are "changing it right now." just be an ally and LISTEN instead of needing to add your piece.}

#at this point i am just desperate . trying to get the word out there bc clearly ppl still dont know #im TIRED of all these nonblack shippers having simp in their username or their bio #one of the main reasons i dont interact w the community is bc its so ISOLATING and so many ppl are so ignorant #and everything is so white-centric that i cant stand it #squiddyneg #squiddyspeak #f/o community #self shipping #self ship #self ship community #f/o #romantic f/o #familial f/o #platonic f/o #f/o x s/i #f/o positivity #f/o comfort #imagine your f/o #f/o imagines #selfshipping #selfship #selfship community #selfship positivity #fictional other #comfort character #f/o prompts #imagine your fictional other #comfort character imagines #poc selfship #poc selfshipper

[sp00kysk3lly]

I'm going to destroy myself until I find a reason as to why I am still alive, or why I was born in the first place.

But, there are rules. Rules - 1) It can’t be for anyone else, it has to be solely about me. (Example - “I’m alive because of so and so.) 2) it can’t be because of an object or a pet.

If the reason is good enough I’ll stay alive, but if it’s not then I will destroy myself until I’m not here anymore.

It’s obvious I was born to suffer and be punished. Why else would bad stuff keep happening to me? Why was my ABUSER given a good life, a girlfriend, 3 kids, a home of his own, a car? While I got several chronic illnesses, no one to love me, no one to want me?

Why was he given the reward? Why did I get the punishment?

When the time comes, I won’t ring 999, I won’t scream for help even if I’m in pain or I feel sick. I’ll just let death come and take me away.

#mental health awareness #mental health #fake friends #no one likes me #no one wants me #all alone #blog #fake people #emo songs #songs #depression #sad #lonely #forever alone #i dont have a reason #why was i born #why am i here #still breathing #loser #pathetic #stupid little loser #no one loves me #unwanted #unloveable #mentally unstable #just wanted a chance #just wanted friends #just wanted true love #not allowed a life #punishment

[anatomical-puppet]

my source is that i am autistic about horror

#this took longer than i thought it would but i needed to. for my own sanity. #also sorry if the ids are bad i dont have a ton of experience writing them and wasn't sure how to format smth this text-heavy lol #horror #horror movies #body horror #gore #saw #<- mostly tagging for organizational purposes and also bc people calling saw body horror is the main reason i felt the need to make this #puppet scribbles

[arinmoss]

Sam!

#i like his winter outfit cause his hat hides his stupid ass psiky hair lmao #sorry im not a sam guy the only reason i even drew him was so i could dra whi hair like this lol #look i love soft hair thats kinda wavy or swoopy so im makin all the boys have this hair #im sure if i ever draw alex or shane they would be unrecognizable lmao #also his face looks kinda weird but #i dont really feel like fixing it anymore than i already have #like i fixed his face so many times cause it looked off and it STILL looks of but ah well #art #artwork #stardew valley #fanart #sam stardew valley #sdv #artists on tumblr