#i'm just reading into this nonsense. as far as i know he's just being written horribly haha

[bonefall]

So, I'm writing an essay on the whole STATE of misogyny in WC for one of my university classes, and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things! No pressure of course, please feel free to say no!

A) Could I reference your good takes with appropriate harvard referencing and links back to your blog?

B) Are there any specific moments from the books that you think should be covered the most?

C) The end result will be a visual essay, so it's like those fun infographics people on Tumblr make on like ADHD and stuff, so when it's done, would you like to be tagged to read it?

(Sorry for anon, I'm nervous lmao, but if you'd be more comfortable I'll resend this off anon)

AAY good topic! You've got a lot to work with. Absolutely feel free to reference anything I've written, and tag me when you're done.

While you're here and about to write something so legitimate, I'm also going to recommend you check out Sunnyfall's video on gender in Warrior Cats. She breaks down the arcs into numbers, directly comparing the amount of lines mollies have to toms, and examining the archetypes women are usually allowed to be.

I think it's a must-have citation in a paper about WC misogyny.

...and, I think it's insightful to look at the WCRP Forum thread about the video. Note how the respondents immediately come into the thread to complain about how the video is too long so they didn't watch it, dismissing Sunnyfall as not being entertaining enough to hold their attention, even whining that she starts with statistics to prove her point, which I'm convinced she did exactly because they would have cried that she "had no evidence" if she didn't.

I am not a scholar, so I don't know how to document or prove that the books have an impact on the audience outside of anecdotes. But I think if you do write a section about fandom, it would be worth mentioning the in-universe and metatextual apologia for Ashfur and its reflection in the real world discourse, the authorial killing of Ferncloud because of fan complains, and the utter defensiveness against the discussion of misogyny you see outside of Tumblr.

You may also want to check out Cheek by Jowl, a collection of 8 essays about sexism in xenofiction by Ursula K. Le Guin. There's a very unique manifestation of authorial bias in animal fiction, having a lot to do with how the author views "the natural world," and it's worth understanding even though Warrior Cats are so heavily anthropomorphized.

So... Warrior Cats Misogyny

I think discussing individual instances can be helpful, but I'd implore you to keep in mind what's REALLY bad about WC's misogyny is framing and the bigger picture.

Bumble's death is shocking and insulting, but it's not just that she died. It's that the POV Gray Wing sees her as a fat, useless bitch who took his mate so she deserves to be dragged back to a domestic abuser, and he's right because the writers love him so much. It's that Bumble's torture and killing only factors into how it's going to hurt a man's reputation.

It's how Clear Sky hitting, emotionally manipulating, or killing the following women,

Bright Stream (pressured into leaving her home and family)

Storm (controlled her movements and yelled at her in public)

Misty (killed for land, children stolen)

Bumble (beaten unconscious, blamed nonsensically on a fox)

Alder (child abuse, hit when she refused to attack her brother)

Falling Feather (scratched on the face, subjected to public abuse and humiliation)

Tall Shadow (thrown into murderous crowd, attacked on-sight in heaven)

Rainswept Flower ("blacked out" in anger and murdered in cold blood)

Moth Flight (scratched on the face for saying denying medical treatment is mean, taken hostage in retaliation against mother for the death of his own child, which he caused)

Willow Tail (eyes gouged out for "stirring up trouble")

Is seen as totally understandable, forgivable, or not even questioned at all, when killing Gray Wing in an act of rage would have been "one step too far" with the ridiculous Star Line.

"Kill me and live with the memory, and then let the stars know it would only matter if a single one of your murder victims was a man."

It's the way that fathers who physically abuse their kids out of their ego (Clear Sky, Sandgorse, Crowfeather) aren't treated anywhere near the same level of narrative disgust and revulsion the series has for "bad moms", even if they're displaying symptoms of a post-partum mood disorder (depression, anxiety, and rage), an umbrella of mental illnesses 20% of all new mothers experience but are heavily stigmatized with (Sparkpelt, Palebird, Lizardstripe).

It's Crookedstar's Promise giving him two evil maternal figures in a single book, while bending over backwards to make every man in a position of power still look likeable in spite of the fact they're enabling Rainflower's abuse. Leader Hailstar is soso sorry that he has to change Stormkit's name for some reason, in spite of leaders being unaccountable dictators the other 99% of the time, and Deputy Shellheart functionally does nothing to stop his own son from being abused or even do much parenting before or after the fact.

It's the way men's parental struggles are seen sympathetically, and they don't have to "pay for it" like their female counterparts (Crookedstar's PPD vs Sparkpelt's PPD, how Daisy and Cinders are held responsible for Smoky and Whisper being deadbeats, Yellowfang's endless guilt for killing her son vs Onestar's purpose in life to kill his own), even to the point where a father doesn't have to have raised their kids at all to have a magical innate emotional connection to them (Tree's father Root, Tom the Wifebeater, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost).

It's less speaking lines and agency for female characters, being reduced to accessories in the lives of their mates and babies, women getting less diversity in their personalities, with even major ex-POV characters eventually becoming "sweet mom" tropes.

You could zoom in on any one of these examples and have an amoeba try to argue with you that "Oh THIS makes sense because X" or "Ah well my headcanon perfectly explains this thing" or "MY mother/girlfriend was abusive/toxic/neglectful and I've decided that you are personally attacking ME by having issues with how a character was written or utilized," but the beleaguered point,

That I keep trying to hammer in, over and over, across books worth of posts,

Is that these are trends. More than just a couple one-off examples. It's the fabric that has been woven over years, showing a lack of interest in, or even active prejudice of, women on behalf of the writers.

LONG STANDING trends, which have only gotten worse as the series progressed. From Yellowfang being harshly punished with a born evil son who ruins her life in TPB and the mistreatment of Squirrelpaw that begins in TNP, all the way up to the 7 Fridgenings of DOTC and Sparkpelt's PPD being a major character motivator for her son Nightheart.

So, I would stress that in your paper, and structure it less as "the Sparkpelt slide" and "the Yellowfang slide," and more as "The paternal vs maternal abuse" slide, and "the violence against women" slide. They're really big issues, there's tons of examples for each individual thing.

Anyway to leave off on a funny, look at this scene in Darkest Hour that I find unreasonably hilarious,

"Everyone who matters to me; my truest friend, my sensible and loyal warrior, the wisest deputy I've ever known, and 2 women." -Firestar, glorious idiot

He can't even think of a single trait for either of them what the hell does "formidable pair" mean lmaooo, when I finished a reread about a year ago this line killed me on impact.

#bone babble #cw misogyny #warrior cats analysis #SO good luck!! Absolutely ping me when you're done I wanna see lmao #Full disclosure I'm bad at responding to DMs because I open them and then forget #But I can try to answer your questions #Feel free to send questions in tho. You don't have to come off anon if you don't want i don't mind #I cannot stress enough. I'm just a guy who likes to yell about cats.

[into-the-lokiverse]

Who You Really Are (Loki, God of Stories x Reader)

Summary: When all appears lost to an aspiring novelist, the God of Stories sends a message of hope.

(credit to @lokitvsource for the gif)

You weren't sure how much further you could go on, or if you could go on.

For years, one of the biggest things you desperately wanted in life was to be a novelist. To entertain with stories of magic, power, action, romance, and a little nonsense.

But lately, as you sat before your desk, exhausted from the day job you relied on to pay the bills, you just couldn't bring yourself to move forward with your debut story. The plot felt too twisted to the point even you could barely comprehend it at times. The characters once vivid, were fading into shadows and dust of their former selves. And the scenes you envisioned in detail started to feel...unreachable.

And yet, you couldn not stop scribbling notes at every random moment of inspiration. You clung to the memory of your characters.

Like a parasite or an infection, the idea of your story plagued your mind for weeks, months to the point where it never seemed to leave you. You could barely think straight about anything else, even cleaning.

Half-drank cups of coffee at every corner of the desk, loose napkins with random thoughts written on them, a garbage can full of tissues, candy wrappers, and tea bags, a folder filled with printed images of your dark-haired, blue-eyed muse, and a stack of books that you checked out for "inspiration" but hardly touched.

The floor surrounding your desk had a thin layer of dust, wherever there weren't fallen pens you hadn't the heart to pick up, or papers you abandoned.

Am I meant to be a writer, or am I simply possessed?, you contemplated over a cup of stale coffee. Am I truly, clinically insane with obssssion? Am I doing the right thing, or have I finally lost my mind? Maybe I'm just crazy...maybe I'm wasting my time, doing the wrong thing that was never meant for me.

Or maybe I'm just not worthy of being the person who...does things. The person who flourishes in doing something they love.

But just as you were about to put your head down on the one free space on your cluttered desk, you spotted a mysterious note in parchment.

It read,

I believe in you.

I believe in every part of you, even in that couple of paragraphs you've stuffed in your desk (which honestly should be cleaned, but you won't do it.).

I believe in you because I know who you could become.

Because I know who you really are. You're a talented, blessed individual burdened with a glorious compulsivity to write and far too much fear for your own good.

But who you really are, it does not matter. It is all about the stories. The adventures.

There is a last refuge for the unloved and the desperate, and the persecuted.

When life gets too impossible, when life gets too terrifying, find hope in this, my talented scribe. That when all else fails, remember that you are a branch on the tree of life.

And in the center of that tree, there is someone watching over you, protecting you like he's always done before, and will continue to do so.

Your branch is just beginning. So marvel me, and marvel yourself with all you do. My blessing is with you.

For all time always.

Loki

#loki laufeyson #loki (marvel) #loki god of mischief #loki of asgard #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki imagine #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki

[hard-core-super-star]

Ngl, being able to edit things here is cool, other media don't have this option so all you have to do is delete or slowly die every time you remember that mistake🥲

WELL– in that case it would be really fun to see Yelena just being a big softie to reader and end up getting caught by her friends doing so, then everyone would make fun of her or something (it would probably be their last time making fun of something in their lives, poor souls.

I saw that you still have things to write, so no hurry (and good luck with all this-). Also, Your writing is really good so it will be good anyway, but I'm sure you'll get it!

passive-aggressive magic tricks [Y.Belova]

pairing: yelena belova x reader

summary: a fun game night with your friends takes a turn when they realize how much of a soft dork the russian turns into when she's around you.

warnings: none, i think [except peter being verbally attacked every other paragraph lmao]; so much dialogue; a weirdly written game of uno; just...so much chaos; never written for yelena before so feel free to yell at me if she's too ooc in this one

wordcount: 1.2k

a/n: this gif makes me feel things gonna start this off by saying that this is meant to be romantic but you can read it as platonic if you want. i know everyone has an opinion on yelena's sexuality and not everyone will agree with mine and that's okay! [just don't be a jerk about it. i personally think yelena is a demiromantic asexual so do with that what you will] ALSO, this is so chaotic and borderline nonsensical and you can blame 🌟 for making me think about yelena playing uno that one time. ALSO ALSO, thank you for the vote of confidence, lovely anon, this was actually really fun to write and i hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

“This sucks,” Kate declares with a pout.

“Don’t be such a crybaby, Kate Bishop.” Yelena’s words only make the archer’s pout deepen which makes the whole situation feel even more ridiculous.

“Yeah, Kate,” you jump in. “You’re the one who started talking shit in the first place.”

An offended gasp escapes her lips at your accusation. “I wasn’t talking shit! I was being honest about my skills.”

This time, Peter cuts in before the blonde gets a chance to make fun of the archer again. “Guys, I thought we decided against Monopoly so we wouldn’t fight.”

“Fighting is Yelena’s love language,” you reply with a shrug.

You pretend not to notice the way the Russian’s lips quirk up into a small smile and instead focus on Kate and her awful decision-making skills. It takes her a few extra seconds and she still manages to choose the most annoying card in her hand.

“It took you two minutes to throw in a plus-four?” Peter questions, clearly doing his best to not sound judgemental.

“Shut up and take the cards, Pete.”

The boy grumbles something you don’t quite catch but Kate is quick to punch him in the arm, earning herself a kick to the shin. Their dynamic is certainly…interesting and you can’t stop yourself from wondering how much of it comes from being two only children attempting to one-up each other.

Yelena leans in toward you, pretending to whisper. “Why are we hanging out with them again?”

The pair clearly overhears her considering both the glare and the pout that gets thrown your way. You merely shrug in response, attempting to shield your cards from her expert gaze. “It’s…entertaining, I guess.”

“You guys are jerks,” Kate says, speaking the thoughts Peter is far too nice to vocalize. (It’s definitely not because he’s terrified of getting on Yelena’s bad side.)

“And you suck at Uno.”

She rolls her eyes at you but decides not to reply. The small moment of silence allows Peter to take his turn and the game continues…until Yelena decides to betray you.

You’re not fully paying attention to the strategies each one of your companions is forming which means you don’t realize it when they decide to team up against you.

You’re only four cards away from winning and the blonde beside you can’t stop herself from sneaking a look at your deck. Kate somehow manages to catch her in the act and the two stare each other down until the archer raises an eyebrow, silently asking to be a part of the Russian’s plan.

A plan that quickly leads to Kate placing down another plus-four card and Peter being thrown one of Yelena’s under the table. 

“We can stack, right?” He asks, mainly in an attempt to keep you from noticing what they’re doing.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you reply with a shrug. “Just don’t be surprised when Yelena pulls out a knife from her boot.”

The joke gets a few chuckles, and a slightly concerned look from the young Avenger. 

“Do not worry, Spider-Boy, I promised y/n I wouldn’t threaten you…again.”

“Right…” Peter’s clearly not convinced but he throws in his card anyway.

You turn to face Yelena with a smug smirk. “Sorry, babe, but it looks like I’m on my way to winning this round.”

“You sound like Kate Bishop.” She playfully rolls her eyes at you but the glint in her eyes shows off more amusement than annoyance. “I hope you handle losing better than she does, though.”

“Hey!” You and the archer both voice your protests, albeit for different reasons, as the blonde slams down the last plus-four card needed to ensure you won’t win any time soon.

This time around, she’s the one who looks at you with a smug grin but you’re too busy being dramatic to fully appreciate how good she looks when she’s being competitive. It’s genuinely just a stupid card game and yet you pull out all the tricks you’ve learned over the past few months to get the Russian to melt into the huge softie she is at heart.

“Oh, come on, that was mean.” You pull on your best impression of Kate’s wounded puppy dog look. A look that includes slightly wide eyes and an incredibly deep pout.

A pout Yelena has never been good at resisting. (But only when it comes to you, much to the archer’s dismay)

She, literally and figuratively, keeps her cards close to her chest but you catch the way her free hand twitches slightly, almost as if she’s fighting to keep herself from touching you. It’s strange how affectionate she wants to be with you when she’s always been the first to pull away from a hug, the first one to scoot away when someone sits too close. 

Being guarded had always felt like second nature to her until you came along.

Her hand reaches out before she can stop it, landing on your knee and giving it a soft yet reassuring squeeze. It's a subtle reminder that underneath all her sarcasm and the rough edges, she cares about you. A lot more than she ever thought herself capable of.

“It’s just a game, sweetheart.” The words are a mere whisper but somehow the person with the worst attention span you’ve ever seen manages to overhear them.

“Did you just call y/n ‘sweetheart’?” Kate blurts out, clearly far too shocked to worry about her safety. “You actually have feelings?”

“Wait, did she really say that?” Peter’s slightly more cautious but there’s both awe in curiosity shining in his brown eyes.

“I heard her!”

“I think you hit your head too hard on your last mission, Bishop,” you reply, trying to steer the conversation away the second Yelena starts glaring at your friends.

Despite all her other skills, Kate is still awful at reading the room so instead of accepting the safety you’re offering, she decides to be stubborn like always. “Don’t lie to me, y/n, I know what I heard. Yelena’s just a big-”

“A big what?” The blonde cuts in with the most threatening glare she can manage. Which, considering she’s an ex-assassin, is quite effective at shutting the archer up.

“Um…” You can practically see the wheels spinning in the brunette’s head as she tries to come up with something different to say. She clearly fails based on the words that come out. “A big softie..?”

“Oh, Kate,” you sigh. “You’re never going to learn to stop poking the bear, huh?”

“What do you mean?” 

Her confusion lasts for about a second before Yelena shoots up from the couch and lunges toward her. The archer gets the message pretty quickly after that, expertly ducking out of the way and taking off running in the direction of the bathroom.

All you can do is laugh and shake your head as the Russian chases after her. “Go easy on her, babe!”

“Yeah, Yelena, listen to your girlfriend!”

“Kate!” You and the Russian yell out at the same time, leading to a fit of giggles belonging to the biggest instigator you've ever met.

"So much for a chill game night," Peter mumbles, placing his cards onto the coffee table. "You're gonna go help Kate out, right?"

You shrug. "I'll think about it."

#yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x female reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x y/n #yelena belova fic #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova fanfiction #yelena belova #florence pugh #hawkeye #black widow #kate bishop #peter parker #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #wlw #wlw fic #writing

[winterchimez]

Nonsense | Jacob Bae

SUMMARY: never would you have thought that joining the music club is where you would develop an abnormal crush on your senior/club president Jacob Bae. so when the university's annual school performance is around the corner, you have decided to give a shot to confess your feelings in the most extravagant way possible.

PAIRING: senior!Jacob x junior g.n!reader

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: pg-13, kissing, yall this is just pure tooth-rotting fluff

WORD COUNT: 4,473

A/N: we're back with another fic for the emails i can't send fwd: collab that i'm doing with @heemingyu 😉 shoutout to both sana & @sungbeam for beta reading & helping me out with this one!! love you both loads 💕 also, lowkey this was written for you @zzoguri aka cobster's future, i hope you'll enjoy this (and may this somehow be a little something for you during your hectic times ily my moni forever!! ❤️)

It was finally the summer holidays, and you were ecstatic as you heard the sound of a vehicle driving right onto your front porch. You had been waiting for this moment since you got the news during the new year and counting down the days on your calendar without fail every day.

Once you heard the engine stop, you immediately ran out to the door to jump right into the person’s arms which were already opened wide, fully expecting your demeanour. 

“Yujin! I’ve been waiting months for you!” You shrieked as you hugged your cousin tight, rubbing your cheek against hers. 

Both you and Yujin were raised together by your grandmother back in Vancouver, and things took a turn when your parents eventually got a promotion up in Toronto, causing you to move far away from your family. Because of that, you don’t get to see each other often anymore, the most being once every 2 years when your parents will try their best to make time to attend the Christmas parties held annually at your grandmother’s house. 

Yujin was like your long-lost sibling; even though you were cousins, you both felt there was more to that. Ever since you both have gotten your very own mobile phones, you both promised that you would FaceTime each other almost every other day. You knew everything about one another—from each other’s darkest secrets to how much money you stole from your parents' wallets when you were younger to buy that vinyl you have been eyeing for the longest time. 

But lately, things have been a bit too chaotic for you both to keep up the promised ritual. Since you both started university, it was hard to make plans, especially when studying in different courses, which also meant different timetables and classes. During the weekends, the both of you would often be occupied with either school events or at your local pizzeria as your part-time job. Hence, texting was the primary source of communication between you two.

And besides that, something crucial had happened to you lately, and you couldn’t wait to spill the beans to your cousin. 

Once you had helped Yujin unload her stuff from the car and moved it up to your room, you quickly made yourselves feel comfortable by cuddling together on your sofa bed. 

“So, tell me. How has life been for you?” you asked, blinking your eyes, trying to give her a pleading face because you wanted to know about everything that had happened lately. 

“I’ve been promoted to being part of the student council at my university! Oh, and then there’s also me actually acing an exam that I clearly did not study for because I was up all night that past few weeks playing Genshin Impact. Oh, and then there was this adorable guy from my campus who I think kind of has a crush on me because he always glances in my direction, like you know? That stare? And then—” 

“Woah woah, slow down, tiger,” you had to pause your cousin because clearly, she was dumping all of the information without giving you time to process them individually. With that, the both of you chuckled, hands placed onto your stomach as you began to laugh a little bit too hard until it started to hurt. 

This was what you had missed so dearly, and you couldn’t help but put on this genuine warm, soft smile on your face as you looked into Yujin’s eyes. 

That was until she squinted at you. 

“Whatever you’re doing right now is creeping me out real bad, so I suggest you stop that.” 

You slapped her arm. “Rude.” 

“Fine. What about you then? I’m sure your time at the University of Toronto has been a wild ride for you.” 

“About that…I have something I need to consult you for,” you lowered your head and voice to a minimum, which got your cousin's ears perked up and was prodding your arms, wanting to know the details. 

“Oh my god, did you just finally have your first kiss?”

“W-what? No! I mean, at least not yet….” 

“What do you mean not yet? So do you have a special someone in your life right now?”

With a deep sigh, you took one of the pillows lying on the floor and threw it in Yujin’s direction, causing her to hug the pillow tight as she laid her head down gently to rest on it. 

“Buckle up, babe. It’s going to be a long story.” 

Flashback

“God, why do I have to sign up for this?” 

You stomped your feet to the ground as you looked at the paper, which read: “Applications for extra-curricular activities such as clubs are mandatory for all students, commencing on April 2023.” 

Your university had been pretty lenient over the years, and they had never once forced students to participate in clubs if they chose not to, understanding that some of them had make-up classes for their courses or were just busy with their thesis and side jobs. Most of the students in the university themselves took on part-time jobs, such as working in the school’s cafeteria and library, to earn a little bit of pocket money to survive.

So, when they decided to change the rules after the previous headmaster resigned and was replaced by a new one that everyone did not like, she chose that both coursework and extracurricular activities played a crucial role in one’s graduation. 

Left with no choice, you stood before the bulletin board, trying to find a club that suited your taste. 

“Screw Mrs. Kim.” You huffed. 

“Look, Y/N. It can’t be too bad. It’s just a club. After all, nobody said you have to be super committed to it,” Your friend Keeho sighed, looking at how you beat yourself up over such trivial matters. 

“You don’t understand, Keeho. This means I will have less time at home because I will have to leave to work my shifts at the pizzeria right after clubs. What is going to happen to my games and k-dramas?” You whined. 

“If you want to graduate from university, you’re going to have to choose one now.” Knocking some sense into you, he gave you a pat on your shoulder before walking away towards the opposite direction, heading to his club.

You turned to look back at the bulletin board once again, scanning through all of the posters and flyers that were scattered throughout. After a minute or two, your eyes finally landed on this one cream-coloured flyer, and you sighed before checking the location once more before heading to your destination. 

“This is the only option that will work for now.”

“Hello?” You called out, but the room was empty as you opened and peeked your head through the door. Thinking that you should try again, you entered the room and looked around. 

There was nothing here but a ray of sunshine shining through the glass window into the empty room, and the sunlight landed directly on the lone black piano at the corners of the room.

Maybe playing it for a while wouldn’t hurt at all.

You slowly approached the piano and opened it up as you made yourself comfortable, sat down, and got into the rightful position, gently laying your hands on the keys. Immediately, you started playing one of your favourite pieces of all time, Summer by Joe Hisaishi. Unbeknownst to you, your body began swaying along with the music, enjoying the moment you were in. 

That was until a clap made you stop your tracks.

“Wow, that was some excellent playing right there.” The male gave you a round of applause as he slowly approached you, causing you to jump right up, looking all flustered. 

“I-Umm—I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to play the instrument without approval—” 

“Oh no, no! The piano is free for anyone who wants to play, so you’re all good,” he reassured you, causing you to calm your fast breathing down by placing a hand on your fast-rising chest. 

As he finally reached where you were standing, he posed a question directly at you. “Is there anything that I could help you with?” 

It was there, and then you took in his facial features as the sunlight shone from his face. His soft fluffy brunette hair, those doe-like eyes, and how mesmerising it was as he smiled. Adding onto the fact that he keeps smiling in the best way possible, your heart starts to flutter. 

“Umm, hello?” He was now waving his hands over your face. 

Oh, right. You were supposed to sign up for a club. What on earth were you thinking, Y/N?

“Y-yes! I’m here actually to umm…sign up for the club,” you said reluctantly, a little bit too shy with your answer. 

That was when the male’s eyes widened, and he did a little jump to indicate how happy he was to hear that from you, and he quickly extended out his hands to you, giving you a handshake.

“But of course! We are always open to new members joining the music club! Oh, pardon me, where were my manners? You can call me Jacob.”  

“Y-Y/N.” You replied.

It has been around two weeks since you joined the music club, and everything has been going smoothly for you. Thanks to Jacob (who turned out to be the club’s president), he has helped you so much in trying to get you to blend into the crowd and with other musicians, creating a very safe and warm atmosphere for everyone. 

It was also then that you noticed what kind of a person he was. He was very gentle, yet suitable to be a leader. The tone of his voice and the way he handled things fairly and reasonably made everyone respect him and want to perform alongside him. 

From what you have heard from the club members, Jacob would lead the team to busk at the city centre once every two to three weeks, which was where they would earn some money that served as their reward as they went out to celebrate once in a while at the local party scenes such as the bars. 

Thanks to his guidance, the university’s music club eventually garnered enough audience from the school and the public to the point that they have been invited to perform multiple times throughout the year. You have heard that even local communities such as the orphanage and childcare facilities would often ask Jacob and his team to function for the underprivileged ones, and they would gladly volunteer, even if it were for free. 

There were a few times when you stayed behind to help Jacob close up the music room (more like you were trying your best to spend much time with him as much as you could), and it was when you decided to ask him about his thoughts and the way he did things around here. 

“Music just means so much to me, and I would gladly perform every day even if I had to. It’s not about the money; it can be great as a little side income, but what matters most is that I do this because I am passionate about it,” he replied, clearly stating his goals and reasons well. 

Ever since that conversation, you notice more in detail how he did things or even when he performed. Just as he said, he was passionate—it didn’t matter if things were hindering his way, he would still make way for it. 

No matter how burnt out he could be from his coursework or side job, he would always place the music club first, making sure that not only he enjoyed the whole process but also the club members as well. 

Slowly, you began to admire him for not just his good looks but also his personality. It was as if he was this fine perfect gentleman that had just entered your life easily, and you couldn’t stop thinking about him each day. 

It was the way he was always smiling with others, the way he would sometimes sit at the piano and play a duet with you, the way you both were guitarists, so one of you would either offer a fun little duet session after club hours, even up till writing song lyrics together. 

And how there was one time he unintentionally got his arms around your waist when you slipped from the wet, freshly-cleaned wooden floor from the club, and he caught you in time. 

That was something that you have thought about all the time ever since it happened. 

As the weeks progressed to months, the little spark in your heart for him eventually grew, and it just kept getting bigger each time you saw him in the same club room. 

And that was when you knew you were in big trouble.

End of flashback 

“Damn, you're whipped,” Yujin concluded after listening to your story. 

“I know. That’s why I’m telling you this, Yujin. I’m so screwed.” You buried your head in your palms, the slight headache becoming more prominent now. 

“Hey, what’s wrong with liking a senior? I’d say it’s your time to shine and confess to him.” She reassured you by gently rubbing your back before you slowly lifted your face up. 

“That’s because I think I might be in too deep,” you mumbled. 

“And how exactly did you come up with that conclusion?” 

“Do you ever start stammering and slur your speech when they get close to you like they’ve not done anything, but somehow you just can’t converse like a proper human being.”

“Oh.” 

“When they literally tell you how they absolutely love your eyes and loved making them roll?”

“Okay. Go on.”

“And that you actually finally got their contact number and literally named them ‘do not leave me alone’?”

“Hold up, let me see.”

Reluctantly, you fished out for your phone in your back pocket and scrolled through your contact list until you found Jacob’s. As you click into it, you nervously hand your phone to your cousin, praying internally that she will not drop another diss to make you feel worse than you already are. 

Do not leave me alone ❤️‍🩹. That was exactly what was written for the club president’s contact name on your phone. 

“Damn, Y/N. I never would have thought you would be so delusional. I’d like to think that you’re far worse than I am,” Yujin declared, turning your face into a bright red tomato again. 

“I know, Yujin! And I have never felt this way before. That’s why I needed your validation.” You were practically doing somersaults mentally right now, wishing that you could take it all back, but at the same time, you needed to let out your inner feelings too.  

As Yujin handed your phone back to you, she raised an eyebrow before posing you a question. “So, what exactly do you intend to do from here on?” 

“There’s this upcoming music festival at my university this weekend, and I will be performing on stage.” 

“Oh, that’s great—”

“And I’m going to perform a song I wrote specifically about him,” you blurted out. 

That made Yujin shut her mouth as she tried to process what she had just heard. “Wow, Y/N. You are literally going all out on this.” 

“I just need a way to get this off my shoulders somehow, Yujin. And it’s now or never,” you said. 

“Will he realise that you are trying to serenade him, though?” Yujin asked as she placed her hand on your shoulder. 

“Success or not, I will still do it. And then I’ll completely forget that I’ve ever written this song ever again.”

It was finally Friday night, and the auditorium hall was filled with students, lecturers, and outsiders. Peeking from the backstage, there was this nervousness in the pit of your stomach, and you were now trying your best to rethink your actions. 

What exactly had made you even decide to sign up for the concert in the first place had remained a mystery for you, and looking back now, you swore you would’ve thrown a cold bucket of water over you to wake you up from your insanity. 

But it was too late to turn back now, as it would be your turn on stage in a few minutes. After the previous performer finished his chosen song, the MC briefly introduced you and your contributions to the music club before finally inviting you onstage. 

As you entered with the white guitar you had gotten for Christmas a few years prior, you tried your best to search for Yujin amongst the crowd—sure enough, she was sitting right at the side, waving her hands enthusiastically to cheer you on. You couldn’t help but flash a smile back. 

And finally, you decided to find the man of your dreams, and he was sitting right in the middle section along with the other club members. He gave you a clap just like the rest of the audience did and mouthed out a few words that you couldn’t grasp. Perhaps he was just saying “all the best,” as one would as they support their fellow members.

When you finally reached where the microphone stood, you adjusted yourself before positioning your fingers along the instrument's strings and introducing the piece you were about to perform. 

“This song was written by a special someone in the crowd tonight, and whoever that it may be, I hope this song speaks to your heart and that you mean a lot to me. Without further ado, enjoy.” 

With a few strums from the guitar, you gathered enough courage to smile before singing into the microphone. 

I’ll be honest.  Looking at you got me thinking nonsense. Cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in And when you got your arms around me Oh, it feels so good 

Instantly, you noticed several people from the crowd starting vibing along with your song as they naturally swayed their bodies from left to right, enjoying the melody and rhythm your song produced. 

I had to jump the octave I think I got an ex, but I forgot him And I can’t find my chill, I must’ve lost it I don’t even know, I’m talkin’ nonsense  I’m talkin’, I’m talkin’ 

When you peeked from the corner of your eye, you noticed how Yujiin practically stood up, clapping her hands along with the rhythm. Naturally, the people around her joined in, as did the crowd from the middle and far left section. 

God, were you so grateful for that, so much so that you were trying to hold back your tears. 

I’m talkin’ all around the clock I’m talkin’ hope nobody knocks I’m talkin’ opposite of soft  I’m talkin’ wild, wild thoughts You gotta keep up with me I got some young energy I caught the L-O-V-E How could you do this to me?

I’ll be honest.  Looking at you got me thinking nonsense.

With one final strum, you ended the performance with a bang, and you got the crowd to give you one of the loudest cheers you have heard throughout the night. Some have even given you a standing ovation, and you swore that tears were about to form in your eyes. 

You quickly redirected your attention to Jacob, and he did the same, standing up while giving you that sweet honey smile that you’ve grown to be obsessed with, clapping along with the rest of the audience. 

Thank you for existing, Jacob Bae. I hope you can hear my thoughts through this song written specifically for you. 

With a final bow, you quickly exited the stage.

You were sitting on a bench at a park near campus, opening the bottle of sparkling water you had gotten from one of the nearby vending machines.

You met up with Yujin right after the show and told her how you wanted some time alone just to wind down and digest everything that had happened. You reassured her that you wouldn’t be gone too long and would return as soon as possible. Thankfully, your cousin understood the message and agreed so long as you did not venture far away nor leave her alone too long exploring your campus. 

With a sip of the water, you couldn’t help but smile as you looked up into the skies filled with stars on a clear night like today. The secret was finally out, and a burden was lifted from your shoulders, so you could just sit back on the bench and relax a little bit. 

That was until a voice brought you back to reality.

“Mind if I join you?”

You jolted up from the bench to see the man you were trying to serenade, and immediately you felt the heat rise towards your cheek, and you began stammering again. 

“Y-yes, o-of course!! Umm..g-go ahead!!”

As he sat next to you, you naturally shifted slightly away from him and ducked your head down as you began to rub your palms around the water bottle you were holding back and forth. Jacob noticed your demeanour, and he couldn’t help but giggle as he saw the redness of your face becoming more prominent.

Because he had always known how you have been having a crush on him.

To break the ice, he devised a simple conversation to help you loosen up a bit and break off the tension. 

“I really like your guitar, Y/N. It’s just the right shade of white, and seeing it reminds me of elegance and simplicity but in an attractive way.” 

“U-uh, thanks! It was gifted to me as a present—”

“Just like you, Y/N.” 

Wait, what?

Did you just hear that right? Or is your mind playing tricks with you? Maybe the after-effects of adrenaline from the performance got you thinking nonsense. But you had to make sure. 

“I umm…I beg your pardon?”

“I said what I said, Y/N. I know you have a crush on me.”

Oh no.

“How I make you feel all giddy and excited every time I talk to you.”

Oh, hell no. 

“And I’m going to guess that the song you just performed was directed towards me.”

Lord Jesus, take the wheel. 

At this point, you felt as if you were receiving dozens of arrows shooting right into your heart one at a time, and you were just about to pass out. What you thought was a simple crush became way too apparent to the point that your love interest has already known since day one. 

This is the most embarrassing shit ever. 

You quickly recollected yourself by sitting up straight and clearing your throat before responding properly. 

“Ha-ha, I guess I-I was too obvious!! I-I’m sorry if I might’ve made you un-uncomfortable in any way—”

That was when Jacob interrupted you. “What makes you think I was uncomfortable by all of this?”

Jacon now inches a few spots closer to where you were, and your butt was glued shut on the bench because if you were to move any further, you would end up falling straight onto the grass. 

Oh, good lord. 

“I’m actually grateful for you, Y/N. I think it’s the first time anyone has ever felt that way about me,” he smiled. 

That was when you blinked your eyes. “W-what, really? How can people not fall in love with you—” You clasped your hands over your mouth as soon as you said the “L” word. 

He chuckled. “I don’t know. People have always seemed to view me as a good friend but not a potential love interest. I haven’t had one since a long time ago, and that made me rethink if I could ever date again.”

Gently he laid his hands onto yours that were situated on the bench as he turned his full attention to you now. 

“And funny enough, I’m pretty sure I have feelings for you too. The moment I saw you playing Summer on the piano that first day we met, I knew there was something different about you. And I am so glad that eventually we got close to one another.”

After that, Jacob finally took in a deep breath before turning his direction back to you, which made you gulped for a second. “I think it wouldn’t be fair for me to not give you a proper response to your confession to me, no?” 

Oh, god. It’s here. “S-so…what are your thoughts, Jacob? Was the song okay?”

“Y/N. It was far beyond just okay. It was a masterpiece, and I loved how quirky you are with the lyrics. It was something else, but it suited my taste.” 

As he finally intertwined his fingers with yours, he inched his face closer to yours until they were centimetres apart. 

“I accept the proposal, Y/N.” He smiled.

“Y-you…you do?” You asked weakly as if you were already not melting enough from the tension and heat. 

“Will you give me a chance, Y/N?” There was this glistening in his eyes, and he looked exactly like Puss in Boots from the animation that both you and Yujin loved watching when you were kids.

“If you’re ready to deal with me, of course,” you stammered. 

He gave you the biggest smile before pulling you into a warm embrace. “More than ready, Y/N.” 

As you sunk into his embrace and took in his scent, you rested your chin upon his shoulders and stayed just like that briefly before Jacob broke off the hug and gently grabbed both of your shoulders, his eyes now landing on your lips. 

“May I?” 

Without giving a proper answer, you immediately shut your eyes, indicating that it was a yes in your books. Jacob chuckled at that for a while before leaning in to give a peck on your lips. 

The sweet moment was then ruined by a ruffling noise coming from behind as both you and Jacob turned towards its direction. Sure enough, you found your cousin Yujin emerging from one of the trees with her phone in hand, recording the whole session. 

“Now, that is what I call a successful indirect confession!” She exclaimed. 

“Miss Ahn Yujin don’t you even dare—” you quickly threatened her before you took off running towards where she was, and she did the same but ran away from you instead. 

“You will be sleeping on the streets tonight!” You yelled.

“Try me, Y/N!” She replied. 

Jacob watched as the two of you began chasing each other around the park, and he couldn’t help but giggle as he laid back and propped one arm on the bench, just admiring everything about you. 

“Little did you know Y/N, that you also got me thinking nonsense about you all day every day.”

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[teez-the-time]

dear may, i had to stop reading your san warrior fic a few times because my eyes are just filled with tears. 😭💕

excuse my wordings as i am not a writer but more so of a reader instead but your whole writing was done in such a wonderful way that i was left speechless and of course, in tears once again.

sannie written as such hopeless romantic and absolutely brave warrior is so accurately depicted that i truly believe he definitely can be one in his past life! 🙈

i guess as i am typing this, i just want to thank you so much for this brilliant piece of art that you decided to share with us here. 💖

hope this is just the first of many from you! 🥹

- ✨anon

MY. HEART. STOP.

No but, ever since I posted "Choi San, Wolf Warrior" I've received so many heartwarming messages and reviews that I literally had to sit down. You really have no idea how much a little support means to someone who never expected any kind of reaction from others. While I planned to continue posting my stories even if no one saw them, these kind of messages encourage me to keep exploring my potential.

I was SUPER nervous when I posted the story. For a moment, I even thought of deleting it and never having it see the light of day. I'm glad I didn't. I also contemplated making a second part, but ultimately decided to leave it as it is and not wear off the magic. Nevertheless, seeing that you like it so much...I present you a little story of Y/N and San before the big events of the story.

Lastly, dear anon: I obviously don't know you, but thank you for that beautiful message. Keep supporting ATINY authors with your sweet words, since many will appreciate them.

XOXO -May

Pairing: Warrior! San x Chief's daughter! Fem! Reader

Genre: fantasy, action, romance

Warnings: some cursing and metions of sex, but nothing explicit, Y/N and San are both whipped pt. 2.

Wc: 1.8k

Taglist: @darkdayelixer

You could barely see the ground in front of you as you walked through one of the furthest parts of the village in the middle of the night. It was way past the usual time you would have been home asleep, but one of your friends had come to you begging for your help. Apparently, San had come back with the other young men of the village from a successful hunt and was celebrating with some of your friends.

The problem?

Choi San, the fearless warrior, had lost to alcohol and now refused to stop drinking despite being pretty drunk. Seeing that no one was able to make him desist on his attempt to become a rum barrel, your friends resorted to an infallible plan: getting you to take him home.

That’s why you now found yourself walking on a dark path, alone, cursing his name to all the gods above.

May god curse that lightweight idiot, you thought to yourself.

You heard the laughter before you saw anyone. Partially hidden by a dense patch of trees and bushes, the young people of your village used the clearing as a meeting spot for this type of gathering. Consumed by your duties as the chief’s daughter, you had to excuse yourself from attending the party with your friends.

Well, I guess not anymore.

Your friends were scattered around the place. The majority stood in groups in different parts of a small clearing, others sat down on stools. A small group sat on the floor, listening to one of the boys play a guitar. At last, you saw San sitting with some mutual friends around a small wooden table. He couldn’t see you, as his back faced you (but you could recognize his blushed ears anywhere), and nobody seemed to have noticed your presence so far. You walked towards him, trying to be as silent as possible in case someone saw you. It’s not like you didn’t like this type of gathering, but it was pretty late and you had to get San back to his house and then go back to yours. You couldn’t stay for much.

As you approached the group, you could hear San talking, and from your friends’ expressions, he was talking nonsense.

“I am telling you,” he was insistent, but the slur of his words wasn’t very convincing, “no one can compare. Fucking impossible. I witness it with my two eyes every single day. The standards are so high it’s fucking ridiculous”.

You wondered what the hell he was talking about, but as you got closer, you caught your friend Wooyoung’s eyes. He showed you his mischievous smile before turning back to his drunk friend.

“Sanie, but what the hell are you talking about?” he asked San, who made an exasperated gesture.

“Are you dumb or deaf, Jung Wooyoung?” San sloppily motioned for his friends to listen carefully. “I’ll repeat it one more time ‘cause apparently y’all have been hit in the head enough times to become stupid. Y/N is the most perfect human being to ever exist”.

Your eyes widened, and the people that had noticed you started laughing. San didn’t like that. “What the fuck are you laughing at? Listen to me. Liiiisten. Wait, I got dizzy. Okay, I’m good again. So, listen to me”.

“Y/N is literally sooooo perfect sometimes it gets ridiculous. Like, she is so beautiful it doesn’t make sense. None at all. And it’s all the time. Not once in her life has she ever been ugly. No, wait. One time, when we were eleven, she slipped on sheep shit and got covered in it. She smelt horrible and cried like a baby. But now that I think about it, she looked so cute even though she was embarrassed. Goddammit!”

He covered his face, as he couldn’t bear the flutter of his heart. San dragged his hands through his cheeks and continued talking. “And that’s, like, just from the outside. From the inside, she is sooooo smart. Way too smart for her good actually. Hongjoong hyung, you are clever, but you look dumb compared to her. Sometimes, I feel like I’m too stupid to be with her.” He interrupted his speech with a gasp of horror. “Oh my god! What if she leaves me for someone more intelligent?”

His friend, Seonghwa, swatted his arm. “Yah, Sanie! Don’t even think about that!”

San downed the whole mug of beer he had been holding despite everyone’s protests. “But I’m right! She’s so much fucking better than me. She’s beautiful, smart, kind, responsible, and everyone loves her! Hell, I think my parents like her more than me. I mean, I don’t know, but I don’t blame them. Oh, and there’s nothing she can’t do. I’m not joking. She knows medicine, she helps her dad, and she even cooks. Her kimchi, hyung!”. He let out a hiccup and a sniff. “Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, Y/N. Yes! She’s even good at sex-”

That was your cue to stop his drunk rambles. “Woah, woah. Time for me to stop this party for you, sir.”

San didn’t pay you attention and kept rambling. “Oh no, I promised her that I wouldn’t talk about her like that. Forget the last part. I didn’t say shit about sex. It’s just…it’s just…I haven’t seen her since we left and I miss her sooooo much”. He stopped, his eyes widening. “Gods, I think I even heard her voice just now”.

If your friends weren’t laughing at San’s drunken antics before, they certainly were now. You put your hand on his shoulder. “Sanie, I’m here. It’s time to go home”.

San looked at you as if he had seen a ghost. “Oh my gods! I’m starting to hallucinate”.

In any other circumstance, you would’ve been rolling on the floor with laughter, but you were getting more and more frustrated with him. “San. You are drunk. Time to come home”.

“No!” he refused, holding the empty mug to his chest and pouting, “I won’t follow a fake Y/N. Get out, you impostor!”

You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration. “Sanie, I’m not a fake. It’s me Y/N. I came here to take you home”.

San narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Hmm, I still don’t believe you. Tell me something only the real Y/N would know!”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the first time he had pulled something similar. You sighed and answered his demand. “Your name is San and your family name is Choi”.

With that simple answer, his entire face lit up. He grinned from ear to ear and grabbed your hand. “You are my Y/N! Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

You had to fight the urge to knock his teeth out, as it would be too bothersome to explain to his parents how his son lost them. “Yes, I am Y/N. Come with me”.

You didn’t have to repeat yourself. Without letting go of your hand, he grabbed the few things he had brought with him and stood up from his seat. His smile was unwavering. “Let’s go home, darling. It’s way too late for you to be out!”

Drunk San was more ridiculous than normal San, so you made no effort to point his logic out. You just slung his arm over your shoulders to help him walk and said goodbye to your friends (who weren’t also totally hammered and didn’t make some colourful suggestions about home activities).

Even if you were annoyed by how drunk San was, you had to admit he was pretty funny when he was in this state. It wasn’t usual for him to drink this much, or at all, which was something you would have to inquire later. But, for now, you enjoyed the nonsense he was humming and muttering. The warmth of his body comforted you in the middle of the night chill.

“My love,” he called out to you. Lately, he seemed more comfortable calling you that in more public settings. “My love, Y/N. I have to admit something”.

“What is it, Sanie?” you inquired.

“I am drunk,” he said dead-seriously, “like super drunk. I don’t know why I drank so much. I am sorry”.

You held back a laugh, hearing how upset he sounded by the end of the sentence. “It’s okay, Sanie. You don’t have to apologise. I’m not mad.”

“Are you sure?” he asked and you repeated your answer. “You’re literally the best ever. I was gonna say best friend, but you aren’t my best friend anymore”.

“Oh?” you played along, knowing there was something he wanted to say, “then who is your best friend now? Wooyoungie? Yeosangie?”

San shook his head energetically. “Nop. They can’t compare to you. You are my best friend, but, like, you aren’t my friend. I don’t like any words for you. You…you are…my love. My Y/N”.

In the middle of that night, on the road you both took together to go home, you choked at San’s confession. You were always impressed at how he wore his heart on his sleeve, never afraid of judgment or rejection. You, on the other hand, were more reluctant to let others in, your guard having been broken by only a few; one of which you carried on your shoulders at this very moment. 

“Me too…” you said barely above a whisper, “I can’t find a word for you, my love…”

For a few moments, neither of you said a word, letting the silence speak for yourselves. You could feel he was regaining sobriety, although a throbbing headache would be waiting for him in the morning. His house stood at the end of the road, and yours wasn't too far away. It was time to say your goodbyes for the night, but you were already planning on stopping by again to leave him some medicine.

"Y'know, we're already twenty," San stated the obvious once again, "we only have to wait two more years".

You didn't dare to say anything. You both arrived at his door, and San removed his arm from your shoulders, but he didn't let go of you. Instead, he placed a hand on the small of your back and pulled you closer to him. His other hand found nest on your cheek. From that distance, you could see speckles of moonlight in his eyes, who looked at you with intensity.

"Gods, I can't wait for those two years," he whispered before capturing your lips with his. You reciprocated the kiss, tangling your hands on the hair of his nape. It tasted like alcohol but, somehow, San made it sweeter.

It was perfect, just like him.

You broke away for air, but it wasn't enough for San. He pecked your lips twice more before removing himself from you. You helped him open the door to his home, as he still struggled with basic coordination. He turned around to look at you for one last time, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"I love you~," he grinned and waved at you excitedly as he closed the door slowly. San's figure disappeared from your sight, but you heard a couple of stumbles and curses from the inside.

You smiled to yourself.

I can't wait either.

#ateez #teez-the-time #ateez fanfic #atiny #choi san #san #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez x reader #san x reader #san fluff #san smut #san angst #ateez fluff

[pardis-dhyai]

Hello! I just found this blog and read through all your content, I love it so far :) May I request for Zhongli, Diluc, Kazuha, Wanderer, and Alhaitham reacting to reader making self-deprecating jokes a lot or implying that they could do better?

i'm so glad you like the blog anon <3 extremely happy that all of you have been so wonderful so far! gives me more motivation to write. i've got you! i'm assuming you're asking for this in the context of being chubby, so that's what i'll go with!

with an insecure chubby partner

characters featured: zhongli, diluc ragvindr, kaedehara kazuha, scaramouche/wanderer, al-haitham

pronouns used: none--second person perspective.

warnings: mentions of fatphobia and general themes of insecurity/self loathing based on body type, usage of pet names (my treasure, my dearest, dove) (zhongli, diluc, kazuha), physical touch as comfort (all)

notes: written with a chubby reader in mind. will not work if you aren't chubby.

zhongli will hear nothing of it when you express to him that you feel he could do so much better than you, whether you frame it as a joke or not. "nonsense, my treasure. I would love you no matter what form you took, and I am quite partial to this one as it stands. I have changed my own appearance many, many times over the years--and not a single one could measure up to your beauty." he gently takes you in his arms, his embrace warm and all-encompassing as any doubts left lingering melt away. zhongli is not a man who withholds any praise whatsoever, and this conversation will just encourage him to make it even more frequent. what kind of a partner would he be if his most cherished one didn't know just how adored they are?

diluc ragnvindr is stunned into silence for a good while. if anything, he is the one who feels unworthy of you, so you'll have to forgive him for just blinking owlishly at you for a few moments as he processes and thinks of how he wants to respond. "I...that's nonsense, my dearest. has someone been rude to you to bring this on? if so, please don't hesitate to let me know and I will take care of it. or perhaps I have not been vocal enough about how appealing you are. or--" you have to cut him off with a hug before he gets too upset on your behalf. he laughs sheepishly as you gently run a hand through his hair to soothe him. he's supposed to be consoling you, not the other way around! diluc being diluc, you both end up curled up on the couch to have an earnest and sincere talk about your feelings. he knows he isn't the best at expressing himself, and you make him want to change that.

kaedehara kazuha fixes you with a gentle but firm gaze and a raised eyebrow. "whatever would make you think that, dove? is this your way of letting me know I haven't been affectionate enough lately?" he's concerned, but he knows exactly what's going on--he can read you too well. he just wants you to explicitly speak your mind in your own words and tell him yourself what's eating you. and when you do, insecurities bubbling out of you like a fountain, he listens. after you finish, he nods thoughtfully, gently taking your hand and rubbing circles with his thumb. "you have far too harsh a view of yourself. not only are you attractive in body, but in soul as well. I believe I have chosen my partner well, and you cannot decide who or what is what I really need, as harsh as that may sound. accept that I chose you and continue to choose you, and that any perceived inadequacies are just that--perceived. not truth." leave it to kazuha to be gentle and wise, putting the rest of your fears to bed.

wanderer can't stop himself from outright scoffing. "are you stupid? who are you to decide who is or isn't good for me?" when your distress doesn't ebb, he sighs, grabbing you by the shoulders and looking you directly in the eyes as he seems to fluster just a bit. "look at me. I'm only gonna say this once, so you had better pay attention. I love you. I think you're the most attractive person ever. anyone who thinks otherwise is an absolute coward judging others on their body type. it's shallow to only love someone based on appearances, and it's just stupid to tell someone that's attractive that they're not. there. happy now?" he's so flustered by the end of his little speech, his gaze dropping to the floor as his hands still stay on your shoulders. he says he'll only say this once, but...you're too important to him. he's going to do this again.

al-haitham actually closes the book he's reading, his gaze softening in a way that's almost imperceptible if you don't know him well. "well, to begin, thank you for trusting me and telling me. as much as I respect your honesty about your feelings, factually you're incorrect. even if I didn't find you physically attractive, a human being is made up of much more than just their appearance. judging a person solely on one thing is reductionist and a frankly ineffective way of measuring worth. I didn't know you took me for a shallow man." he's teasing you with the last sentence, his tone shifting to his sarcastic lilt, and as you smirk in response you can find no fault in his logic. he has always been the one to tout that "uniqueness is an asset" and to disregard the opinions of others in terms of his life, so you can take comfort in knowing he backs up his words with his actions and personal philosophies. he's got his own way of doing things, but you will never want for reassurance if you should want or need it. he knows you're strong, but as any biologist will tell you, humans are social creatures. he's happy to provide you, the one that has more than earned it, with his support.

#zhongli #kaedehara kazuha #al-haitham #love that al-haitham's is a mile long because he talks so much #genshin impact x chubby reader #genshin x reader #genshin x chubby reader #genshin impact x reader #al haitham x reader #zhongli x reader #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc ragnvindr x reader #scaramouche #wanderer x reader #genshin impact wanderer #kazuha x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #house of daena #x reader

[call-sign-shark]

Shark in the UK 🦈

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Hi everyone,

As you might have noticed I was pretty silent since my arrival in the UK. I must admit that I have been through a lot of stress and changes in a very short amount of time and it's only now that I'm finally getting used to this new situation. Below you'll find a detailed post of my adventures so far, so if you are not interested you can simply ignore this and just keep in mind that I'll be returning to my posting schedule and fan-fictions very soon. For those who are curious, fasten your motherfucking seat-belts.

While I'm not an organized person I become one when I have something important planned so I was so well prepared for this journey that I was convinced I was safe from any misadventures... How wrong I was. I was barely done with the security controls at the airport when I realized they literally broke my phone's screen. I don't know if they bumped it or not but they broke it. The same phone in which I had my boarding pass. It obviously happened the only time I didn't print my plane tickets as I usually do. :) Fortunately, my best friend had lent me his old iPhone minutes before "just in case". I managed to airdrop my boarding pass on the second phone and took the plane without trouble despite the flight being delayed by one hour.

Upon my arrival in UK, I took a taxi to the hotel and had a nice time alone. I brought myself to the restaurant and peacefully slept, getting psychologically ready to meet my host family, and oh boy. This is... Something.

When I heard the word "host family" I imagined it to be an actual family, and a bit like when you're an au pair. Retrospectively, it's completely stupid because it was never written but idk my mind went full "ok I'll live with a local family". What a surprise it was when I knocked at the door and was welcomed by one lonely man and the very acrid smell of cigarettes that jumped at my face! While my host dad (@rysko @red-riding-wood @kittenonpluto pimp nickname they said) was extremely nice and welcoming, the more he showed me around the more my face dropped. I wasn't going to spend months in a local family but in an old house more or less laid out like a hostel. A hostel with a strong cigarette smell almost everywhere, five other girls, one dude, and dirt. The differences between my expectations and reality were huge and, as you can imagine, the pill was difficult to swallow. I swear when he opened the door I was this close to run away lmao.

Between my accommodations and the new rhythm of the international school I'm studying in, my mind went completely foggy for a few days. I didn't know what to think or what to feel anymore. Worse, I didn't know if my money was well-spent or if I just got scammed. Now, read what follows before you call me "ungrateful" or "princess-like".

It’s not what I got that made me feel bad, but rather the stupid and nonsensical expectations I had in mind. Then, I slowly realized that it wasn't because I hadn't expected it and that it couldn't be fun. Maybe it had a lot to do with how nice the five other girls and the people at my school are, but I started // I am starting to really enjoy it. The house might be old and not "that clean" (or at least not as clean as I'm used to), but the host dad is lovely, cooks for us every day, we have fast wifi, are close to the school, we have a key and are free to come and go as much as we want without a curfew, and the bedrooms, as well as the toilets, are clean. To be honest, some students have it really worse. I mean, I'm talking about students having to sleep in a room crowded with 7 people, or having to sleep on a mattress on the ground, the host family asking them to buy and cook their own food to the extent of some even locked the kitchen's door at night to avoid the student snacking/stealing food at night. Or students who are on 1 hour of bus-trip long from the school — those conditions I find absolutely disgusting for the extremely expensive price the students have to pay for this language exchange. With everything said, I consider myself lucky despite the cigarette smell and the "clean but not really clean" house.

As I'm writing this, it's Saturday 10 am and I can finally say it: I'm happy to be here, it's a one-life experience and I'm incredibly lucky my parents offered it to me. Unfortunately, I've caught a very bad cold and I've been sick since Wednesday: I think the combination of my emotional rollercoaster, the crazy British weather, my fatigue and half of my classroom being sick have finished me off. Now I can't wait to get better to start attending to a shitton of activities, planning trips around, and going to the pub. Also, I've got my nails done! Look at my freakin' sharp claws teehee.

Congratulations if you're still there by the way, lmao! Thank you for reading my nonsense. I'll be back very soon, both for writing and commenting, just wait for my cold to get better!

Love,

Shark.

tagging some moots: @zablife @brummiereader @emotionalcadaver @justrainandcoffee @peakyswritings @peakyltd

#Shark attacks in the UK #Shark talks

[sharonisthebettercarter]

we need to talk about common comic opinion for the boys

so i read the comics.

was curious for a while, buddies wanted to do it, finally bit the bullet and MAN OH MAN~<3

there's common opinion that swirls around from people who *have not read the comics* need i remind, an opinion that they are merely *meaningless edgelord drivel* or the like.

i'm here to bust that misconception, smack it upside the head and drag it around the fuckin' town and kick it till it's caved in because it couldn't be more *wrong* if it tried.

first thing i'll say is that the comics *don't* compare in what you'd call 'gratuitous edginess' to the show. while they have their 'bit on the nose moments', they're drawings that go panel by panel. even what they *could* show wouldn't compare, and it honestly doesn't. (coming from someone who's also watched the show too many times over now and got a nice fresh read in)

robin's death is more brutal *in the show*. there is more blood and gore. *in the show*. the arguably edgiest thing between both of them is a guy exploding another guy from inside his urethra, which *only happens in the show*

and for those that have no clue about the big twist or comics homie and try to make blocks of analysis for a character they have zero actual information or decent research on.

homelander is worse. *in the SHOW*.

granted, both have similar enough structure with reversed character development/reveal, but i digress

butcher is just THE biggest fucking bottom by the way, lord satan i CAN NOT with that boi--

anywho~<3

the 'meaningless' part? well that's just a big fat lie and i'll say it up front. that shit needs to stop. this thing was definitely an emotional rollercoaster, and while it may be true that it's not for everyone, it was far from meaningless and actually brilliantly written and even researched.

it's raw, it feels real half the time, it teaches valuable lessons, and even when you're in the notion of 'okay, where is this going, it's sus', when you stick with it? you get rewarded fucking beautifully.

there are moments you'd disagree with the characters actions in a way that makes them feel humanly flawed. of course they might do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, so do real life humans?? there are cross cultural miscommunication references and conversations that show ennis knew what he was doing and why he did it a certain way. and yeah, it can be too much to handle for some,

*but if you honestly feel that way you shouldn't be watching the show either*

and here's what it's not.

meaningless, ill-thought, pointless, edgelord drivel.

it *is* an intricate and well done, brutally *honest* creative critique of the *military industrial complex*, *corporate capitalism*, and a couple other things expertly squeezed in. even touching on *abuse* and hitting all the right spots for how it can psychologically fuck with people. the ending punches you in the fucking feels as you could appropriately expect it to with a hard side of begrudged satisfaction.

good fucking satan these things were an excellent read that compelled me to want moar from start to finish, and yeah, if you have watched the show then i *highly* recommend them because the important topics and themes touched on are presented much better in the comic, even with the sometimes wonky ass art in place of hawt actors to distract you, lmao

but seriously? the lot of you that keep spouting nonsense from your clenched up assholes without actually bothering to look at the source material need to stop. all you're doin' is actin' damn fools and showing off high and mighty opinions based on complete mis-education if not un-education.

and f.y.i.... also being the damn fools both the comics AND show make fun of.

so remember that line billy says?

'but the main reason you don't hear about it is cause the public don't want to know about it.'

that's y'all. legit, at this point. more specifically, y'all would be the 'public' that wants to live with rose tinted glasses instead of acknowledging that reality is more brutal than we often want to see or admit.

why else would you keep denouncing and dismissing the comics and source material of something you allegedly love?

because some other schmuck on the internet said a lie, gave you hearsay, or a rumor they heard through a grapevine on a game of telephone that said it wasn't worth looking into yourself?

well i'll call bullshit on that straight up but what are y'all so afraid of??

couple other things i will say, if you hate butcher for being the biggest worldclass cunt, you will absolutely feel vindicated and have your feelings or possibly lovehate boner (like mine~) completely validated with what happens in these comics (and if i'm being honest about the direction of the show, weeeeelllll...~<3 lemme not tho lmao<3 still def the biggest bottom, out bottoms hughie by far, i wanna see him get railed by vas/love sausage)

i will also say, billy is 100% wrong in the comic and the show is slowly but surely unraveling that truth there as well, if it's not clear enough by now. what he does isn't for becky/becca, and definitely not for ryan either. it never was.

it's for his father, no i will not elaborate cause read the damn comics. (but also, people need to stop fucking forgetting that HUGHIE is the *actual* good guy here, not billy... billy is a bad guy... billy is objectively worse than homelander in many MANY canon ways and remember that reverse character development i mentioned--.)

contrast, if you *love* butcher, you will likely be disappointed in the show, but the comics will help prepare you for it (they also make too many things CLEAR)

unfortunately, you do not get sweetheart noir in this and while i love his show counterpart, bearing with cunt 9000 noir is worth it. (it also sparked fic ideas for me cause why not both~<3)

LOVE SAUSAGE IS UNREAL AND PERFECT~<3<3<3 if nothing else, comics love sausage at least deserves your full attention.

homelander's as always is a fun boi, show homelander by comparison is basically *final stage* comics homie (full throttle evil berserk type shit/just before it hits) take everything you thought you knew about (comics) him, and throw it out the fuckin' window.

boi does some fucked up shit... and ALSO has fucking mental breakdowns and visceral reactions like throwing up to doing evil shit because he literally can't stomach it and is trying to convince himself that he is the bad guy because he's been gaslit--.

and i'ma stop there. read the fuckin' comic if you actually wanna know just how deep that homie rabbit hole goes.

and i will absolutely use the idea of him having legit *adverse reactions to doing evil shit* in a fic because FUCK. YES. that was a sad but lovely detail and would make for a perfect fuckin'a alibi<3

anywho~<3, if you recognize he's a victim in the show? the comics. read them cause OOOOOHHHH--.

#the boys #the boys amazon #the boys tv #the boys comics #homelander #billy butcher #hughie campbell #annie january #starlight #marvin milk #frenchie #kimiko #put up or shut up #fandom fuckery #media literacy #no regerts #worth it #black noir #love sausage #bratty bossy bottom billy butcher #the 5 essential b's

[amoransia]

Satan being written as calm during his appearances has always been a wonderful choice for me. It's definitely deliberate, and I can't wait to see what makes him really show his rage (something related to the woman in ice would be my guess.)

He is the Lord of Wrath, so one would think he'd show his anger... but no! He seems not only composed, but pretty chill as well. His dominion is wrath, so no wonder he can control it? Or hide it? No clue, but at the same time, it's definitely kind of ominous.

I have more to say, but it's definitely a type of crack insanity and probably just me being demented, so I'll put it under the cut instead.

Ok. Sorry in advance. Satan is my favorite character entirely due to his moe gap of being just a guy that gets hanged up on by his own minions and also being The Fucking Adversary. It's cute. To me!

And I apologize for the nonsensical word vomit. It's borderline unreadable and unorganized, but I had to put it somewhere!!!!

So this is basically what I put on my twitter a while back but:

In chapter 51, when he appears to embrace the priest out of thin air is, like, so Whew, because, to me, it appears that he is cradling him like a parent would do to his child. I'm aware this is an insane take btw, that's why I'm putting it under the cut... but Lol...

My crackhead theory is that Satan actually sees himself in Mr. Priest -- as a younger version of him, about to go through what he himself went through: falling for love. I don't think this is too crazy, considering that all Demon Lords so far do say/think Priest-kun is the same as them in their "sin". E.g. Mammon saying the boy is violent like he is; Asmodeus saying that he, too, lusts, etc etc) Leviathan does kind of the same, except the priest actually reciprocates. After all, the priest explicitly sees himself in Leviathan too, both being extremely strong, so... there's that.

Anyway, because of this, I think (read as: hope) Satan cares for him, in his own... satanic... way? As I said, he (maybe) thinks him to be a younger version of himself, and consequently cares for him to a certain degree and cradles him gently like a child.

(Maybe relevant, but Asmodeus, in seeing Sarah in him, cared for him in a twisted, fucked up way, which is different to what I think of Satan, who instead sees himself in Mr. Priest rather than someone else)

Ultimately, I know it won't be this way, but it's something I like thinking about, so I'm putting it here too. I just think it'd be interesting that, despite Mr. Priest's ultimate goal being exorcizing Satan, he happens to treat him gently.

#make the exorcist fall in love #ekuoto #exorcist wo otosenai #text #amotalk

[waterfallofspace]

One Is Not Better Than None

Soooo I was scrolling through my google docs and remembered this little AU that I started writing (with the help of @themiseryandcompany) a few months back when I first joined snzblr~

And well, the actual 6 part story where they meet isn't finished, and reading it back... the parts that ARE finished could use a lot of editing~ it was one of my first attempts at snzfics, but I did find this little drabble/side story from the same AU~

It's not good, definitely not up to my current standards, but I did a little editing to make it hopefully readable, aaaaand since I've been a bit slow with content, I'll throw it out there incase anyone wants it!

~For Context: In this AU B/akugo is a doctor, and S/hoto is his boyfriend/a barista~ Word Count: 1.3k of utter nonsense that I'm posting because why not~

All Characters Written As 18+ In This Story, (picture late 20's)

~~~~~~~

Katsuki’s days off are few and far between, so when he does get time to spend at home, he finds that he often has a shadow.

Shoto seems to require constant contact, as if he fears that should their bodies stop touching for even a second, Katsuki would be out the door again. It would be annoying beyond belief, if it was anyone else. But it’s not anyone else.

He smirks over the journal he’s reading as Shoto lets out a breath that borders on a whine. He’s been trying to beat that level for an hour, and it seems like he’s just had to restart once more. 

“It’s not funny,” Shoto starts, catching Katsuki’s eyes as he glares up from his perch on Katsuki’s lap. A half-hearted gaze at best. “I’ve been at this forever. I just wanna beat it but this one boss has a frankly offensive level of regen. I know the strategy but I keep messing up the timing.”

With another sigh of frustration, the glare is long forgotten, instead replaced by a look that leaves Katsuki fighting the urge to kiss him until all the breath is sucked out of their lungs.

“Why don’t you just take a break and come back to it later when you’re less frustrated?” Katsuki offers, running a hand through Shoto’s mismatched hair. “Isn’t that what you always tell me when a recipe I’m trying for the first time isn’t going the way I want it to?”

“Yeah, but…” 

“What, too proud to take your own advice, Icy-Hot?”

It’s a nickname that came into being the first time Katsuki stayed over. Shoto had been sick at the time, and it was one of the first nights of pure vulnerability they’d experienced. 

With a fever, his body gets incredibly hot, but at the same time, he’s always swearing it’s freezing, shivering to make his point. During the night Katsuki tried to get him to take some blankets off, lest he smother himself to death, and Shoto’s reply was “I’m an icy pop”.  (To this day he still blames the fever talk for that little nugget).

To which Katsuki responded with a lighthearted “Oh yeah? Then why is said ‘icy pop’ so hot he nearly burns to the touch? Icy pop, more like Icy-Hot” and it just stuck from there. He normally saves it for playful teasing, such as today, but occasionally it slips out with a touch of softness when Shoto falls asleep in his arms. 

“No, this is different. I’m not frustrated, I just wahh!-” He breaks off, and Katsuki glances at him to see his eyes glossing over, mouth hanging slightly open, right on the brink for a few seconds until-

“heH-! hH’KESHHiew!”

A beat passes, Shoto’s eyes still unfocused, Katsuki biting a blessing back on his tongue.

“Snff- Bless me.” And with that, Shoto’s back to the level, leaving Katsuki to stare at him with a mystified expression. 

After several minutes of silence, and Katsuki’s eyes never leaving his face, mouth still slightly ajar, Shoto finally breaks away from his level to glance up at his boyfriend. “Uhh… what’s wrong..?”

“Y-you… sneezed…”

Shoto lets out a small chuckle, letting his phone rest on the couch as he sits up to meet Katsuki’s gaze. “Yeah? And? I do that quite often, you should know that by now.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes, as Shoto continues with a smirk. “And even if I didn’t, it’s a perfectly normal bodily function. You’re a doctor, I’m worried for your patients if hearing someone sneeze shocks you this much.”

“But… you… it was…. only one?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

There’s another pause, then Katsuki begins again, his words coming out uncharacteristically timid. “It’s… it’s never just one…”

The dumbfounded nature of Katsuki’s voice is enough to make Shoto burst into laughter. The joyous sounds finally snap his boyfriend out of the trance that the single sneeze had put him in, as he lightly punches Shoto’s arm. 

Shoto pulls away, still shaking with the joyous tune dancing from his chest, rocking the couch with each burst. For a minute, Katsuki feels his heart start beating through his throat, mind running wild. His full laughter is so rare… I’d do anything to hear it for the rest of my life.

Finally coming to his senses, Katsuki fires back with, “Hey, don’t laugh at me! I’ve never heard you sneeze just once before, it’s always at least two, more often in the hundreds”

This earns him a very weak punch, laughter still dancing through Shoto’s eyes. “I’m not that bad!” Sniffling lightly to test the waters, Shoto shrugs. “But yeah, just the one, I don’t feel any more. I’m sorry, I’ll make up for it next time I’m sure.”

Shoto reaches forward, touching their lips in an apology for the harm that his lack of a fit had apparently caused. Katsuki leans into the kiss, but his eyes still seem a bit far away.

~~~~~~~ 

The rest of the day, it felt as if Shoto was under constant surveillance. Every time he looked over at Katsuki, his boyfriend was watching him, and would quickly avert his eyes, pretending to be doing something else.

Finally enough is enough. Shoto stands from the chair he was lounging in, and walks over to Katsuki who’s currently trying, and failing, to pull his eyes away long enough to read an article on his phone.

Wordlessly, Shoto leans down and rubs his nose against the cat-infested couch. Usually his meds are enough to starve off any really desperate attacks, but living in an apartment with your allergens is enough to set anyone off.

Add to that Shoto’s already sensitive nose, and it’s a sure thing that you’ll get at least a couple small fits per day. However, right now he needs that fit immediately, and his meds seem to be working a bit too well, so it’s time for drastic measures.

Rubbing his nose at all was a sure fire way to form a tickle, but add to that rubbing it against an allergen, and the reaction was certain to be quick and merciless.

“What are you doi-” Katsuki starts, but is cut off by Shoto’s breath catching, as he holds up a finger, attempting to explain himself before the fit can start.

“You... w- were... hehh- ihh... st- staring... at m... ESH’shiew-! Ishh’yu-! kishh’oo-! tishh’iew-!” 

Still trying to catch up, Katsuki can only blink, muttering to himself, “I was staring…” 

“huh- ishh-tishh-kESH’iew! Tishh’oo! Heh- hH’kschh!” 

“Bless you-”

“hep’kschh-kshh-nggxt’shiew! hehh… hH’ngnt! G’nxxt!uhh Hh’ ihhh… hDT-” 

Shoto pauses for a second, watery eyes pointed at the ceiling, seemingly stuck in a hitchy agony, caught between the overwhelming urge to sneeze, and the denial taunting him. 

With a shaky exhale, and a snff, he tries to finish the sentence he began earlier, “Staring ahahh at-”

-which the sneezes pick as the perfect time to release themselves. “ihh’keschh’oo-! hH’ISH’hieww-! Staring at me. Oh, bless me. It was starting to scare me a little."

Katsuki flushes at the accusation, admitting to himself, and only himself, that there may be a touch of truth in it. He sheepishly hands some tissues to Shoto, who takes them with a wink and a chuckle, cleaning himself up as Katsuki averts his eyes.

Once finished, he drapes himself onto the couch, lips hungrily capturing Katsuki in a deep kiss, only stopping once he needs to take a desperate breath and duck another “hh’kssh-! Ihh… heH! hahh’keTSH’iew-!” into his shoulder.

“Bless you… Ya know, you shouldn’t have done that, you’re gonna be sneezing for hours now ya dumbass.” The words may sound harsh, but there’s no fire behind them. 

Shoto lets his head rest on Katsuki’s chest, looking up at him, eyes alight with mischief. “Well worth it in my book. As much as I enjoy you watching me, I was starting to worry you’d forgotten how to blink.”

This earns him another light punch, but the laughter that comes with it makes his statement even more true. 

Anything is worth getting to hear that laughter. The true kind, the kind he doesn’t let other people hear. I’d do anything to hear it for the rest of my life.

Slowly he lets his eyes close, drifting off to the sound of Katsuki’s heartbeat, their breathing falling in sync, exactly how it was meant to be.  

La fin.

#waterfalldrabbles #because this is not a fic as much as a... #'tosses it at you and scurries away' type of drabble #it's not very good but hey! it doesn't need to be! #just a little bit of nonsense as a light apology for taking so long to fill requests or post anything worthwhile~ #i am currently in the middle of a specific collab with a beautifully talented person #and I'm INSANELY excited to share our baby <333 #buuuuut for now~ have this nonsense and please forgive me for it #(i will say tho~ reading it does make me a little happy because I can definitely see improvement now!) #(whiiiich does mean that it just looks even worse haha~) #okay okay ill stop stalling and hit post #b/akugou & s/hoto doctor AU #incase i ever finish/post the actual fic theres a tag for that now

[letyukisayfuck]

hey!! i really like your blog and all of your thoughts about haruhi the franchise are so interesting but what I'm curious about is how do you feel about koizumi in general? you speak about him very rarely but he's my fav character and you're my fav tumblr account so far so i wanna hear it if you have something to say about him ahah

aaaaaa thank you! i'm glad people like my particular brand of nonsense and screaming loudly into what i initially thought was a void. gotta say, being called someone's favorite tumblr is an honor i never thought i would receive from anyone

so yeah, i mostly talk about koizumi on here to give him shit, but honestly that's partially because i find it funny that after mikuru gets promoted from being nothing more than the universe's punching bag he basically takes her place in terms of 'character that suffers for comedy' (see: random numbers and seven wonders in particular), and partially because the text gives us very little of him seemingly being genuine without some level of bullshit attached to it.

like i said yesterday, i don't dislike any of the brigade; koizumi would probably be classed as my least favorite, but it's not so much because i dislike him and more because he never gets the narrative focus that would bring him up to the same level as mikuru

we never really get something that eqates to love at first sight or the melancholy of mikuru asahina for koizumi, and certainly nothing on the level of disappearance or intrigues (which i would argue are the yuki and mikuru spotlight novels, respectively)

(melancholy and surprise i would class as haruhi spotlights, one before and one after her character development; and sigh i would class as 'establishing material that is necessary but not exactly fun to sift through for the most part')

i like to think if we ever get another long-form book it'll be koizumi-centric, mostly because i'd like to see him actually get to be a major player! it's getting a little sad to watch kyon hear him go "maybe i wanted to time travel" and just go "i mean what could koizumi possibly want from me"

but really, the only koizumi spotlight we have is the tempo loss bishop exchange--which, notably, while i take it as canon (as it was authorized) was not by tanigawa; if i remember right, it was instead written by sou sagara

i read a fan translation, as there's never been an official release and my relationship with the official haruhi translations is reasonably antagonistic on a good day, and i think it's worth noting that for the first page and a half i didn't think there would be a plot. i thought it was just koizumi's philosophical bullshit, novelized.

that said, it was really fun to read something from his perspective (kind of like how editor in chief gives us insight into yuki and mikuru via their writing styles; but more direct)

so, before i get into my own thoughts (which i believe i've touched on before), it's worth noting that while the entire cast of haruhi can be easily read a variety of ways, koizumi is arguably the easiest to do this with because we get so little to work with in terms of "things we know to be true"

things we know for sure are true about koizumi: north high student (presumably a teenager), esper, works for a mysterious organization, considered attractive/popular (unless i'm misremembering something), has explicitly stated that he's always putting on an act but has never clarified how much and in exactly what way, earnestly offers advice but often contradicts himself, claims to be able to read haruhi's mood/emotions/something along those lines, and (in the later books) has made a hobby out of trying to convince kyon to deal with his very obvious romantic feelings for haruhi

my own reading of koizumi is biased by my readings of other characters and their relationships/dynamics; and it's also specifically the one i think is the funniest option: koizumi has a thing for both kyon and haruhi, is aware that neither of them views him the same way (with haruhi viewing him solely as a subordinate and only really paying attention when he's saying things she wants to hear, and kyon seemingly regarding him as a friend as well as a source of useful information, but hardly even willing to acknowledge that fact most of the time)

and, since he has accepted that neither of them like him that way but they do very obviously like each other, he's decided that they should get over themselves and get together. unfortunately, kyon's strategy when he hears things he doesn't want to is pretend no one's said anything at all, and so koizumi's words go ignored

#ruby.txt #itsuki koizumi #asks #anonymous #there's an argument to be made that kyon's friendship with koizumi parallels his dynamic with haruhi in some interesting ways #namely in his refusal to acknowledge it and general dismissal of the concept #i don't personally see the romantic undertone of it on kyon's side but i do think it would be a valid reading. and an interesting one! #this ended up being SUPER long #oops! #guess i had a lot more to say about koizumi than i thought

[the-vampire-viktor]

♱ about me ♱

hello! i've been lurking on here for a little while now but i figured that it's time i actually post something — my name is Viktor, but you can call me Vik or Vicky if you'd like (he/him). i've started this blog so that i can post about The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, which I am currently reading <33 this'll be a mix of liveblogging my thoughts as I continue the series and fan content.

information about this blog;

i'm currently on Queen of the Damned

^^ no spoilers please!!

i'm planning to read the whole series!

my favorite character so far is Armand

my otp is Louis/Lestat, but i'm a multishipper <33

i'm a bit of a slow reader, i'm so sorry in advance

i'm keeping a page of my favorite quotes as I read

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAG THINGS. . .

i'm a writer!! i've only written one tvc fanfic, but;

and that's for the time being! feel free to send me questions or comments in my ask box, but (again) no spoilers please! either way, i'd love to answer any questions people have, whether you just wanna talk about something in the books or ask me what i think of certain characters, whatever! i'm also open to fanfic requests if that's something people would enjoy? we'll see how it goes, but thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoy whatever nonsense I post on here!

#tvc #the vampire chronicles #interview with the vampire #the vampire lestat #queen of the damned #vampires #introduction #pinned post

[motherstone]

WAVERIDER THOUGHTS

This will be long, and nasty. I may be yapping nonsense myself, and ngl this was all written in a fit of emotion, so it may be biased as all fuck. SPOILERS EVERYWHERE. Read further at your own choice.

Kazu, the neglectful, crappy father of his characters

Yeah, no, it’s been a long-time issue of his. Every new book has a new character. Not much of a problem if you're establishing the world - it’s a big one if you’re ending a story. See, the point of a finale isn’t to get us invested in new characters, it’s about giving a satisfying conclusion to your old. And not necessarily purely conclusive either! Some characters still have some journey to walk, but what matters is that you could read what happened to them, be at peace with how they went.

Kazu wrote the finale as if he’s writing 16 more books.

Let’s see the line-up shall we?

Trellis - has been hyped up being the true king, has been trying to get people stop believing in the false king, would not shut the fuck up about the well-being of the elves for several books.

Ending: Changed his mind last minute and gave up the throne.

Vigo - a flawed mentor. Kinda useless. Tries to be a guiding force and emotional support.

Ending: Dies in the most pointless and jarring way possible.

Aly - has exhibited great leadership qualities, is a good friend to Navin.

Ending: she wasn’t even there.

Etc etc. and that’s THREE of them so far, and it’s disastrous. Their conclusions were poor and nonsensical, the narrative portrays them as foolish and ignorant, and basically just treated their entire journey of 8 books as worthless and with little to no growth. Which is just yonkers. The main players don’t play in the final part, and the supporting casts are pretty much not supporting.

Then there’s the NEW cast.

No, sorry, I can’t stand them. They’re not appealing to me, we barely know anything about them except they’re apparently competent and we’re supposed to accept that they’re gonna be the better, newer generation of the Guardian Council? Because the story says so?

Why put new characters to play a part where your established characters can fill in perfectly? At least those established characters already have something ESTABLISHED, thus the payoff is more impactful ,especially if you fit them properly into the role. I never even gave a crap about Cielis and there needing to be a new Guardian Council, I always got the impression in book 4 that it was supposed to be the waning era of stonekeepers, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MOTHERSTONE WAS STOLEN, THERE’S LITTLE OF IT LEFT, THERE ISN’T A NEW MOTHERSTONE IN CANON, APPARENTLY ENDED UP FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE ELSE DESPITE BEING A POWERFUL ARTIFACT, AND STONEKEEPERS ARE TOO DANGEROUS FOR THE WORLD OF ALLEDIA. IN GENERAL.

All in all, the book feels like it’s trying to shove and rub these new guys all over my face, trying to get me to love them.

Gabilan, or just make Gulfen a democracy at this point

I'm gonna be for real though, I don't think Gabilan is the best guy for the job. Just because he was "kinda" right about stonekeepers doesn't mean he's a leader, and I don't think someone who kills people for a living, profits off of war, violates people's minds and steals their memories and ruin their lives, and arrogantly believes he has the judgment and say on who gets to keep which memories would be anyone's first choice to rule the country at its most desperate either. He’s sharp, yes, but moral? He has the moral backbone of a fucking chocolate eclair. A guy like that would not treat the people under him with the right to choose, when so many of his actions involve violating other people. If that’s THEIR next best choice after Trellis, Gulfen is fucked.

It's also kinda frustrating. Gabilan gets ONE reference to how he intends to be King, while Trellis gets references that he's the true king for several books, people desiring he make a better people out of the elves, had enemies trying to kill him to prevent him from taking the throne like the VOICE himself, only for the narrative to never even follow through it? 

The story can't seem to make up its mind either. "Stonekeepers in power are bad because they keep seeking to control others and are bad at maintaining control, so you shouldn't be King. That's why you should get an even higher, greater authority so now you're the leader of the Guardian Council!" 😩 make it make sense? 

Ronin, or how to make supervillains

Kazu has a bad understanding of how people work by how he wrote Ronin. Iffy enough that Ronin is retconned to be alive, her method on raising these stonekeepers is to be heavily scrutinized. I’ll be controversial here, but Ronin sucks as a person.

That’s NOT how you treat people, especially when they’re asking for help, even if they wronged you. That’s prioritizing your pride over what’s needed to be done.

Keeping kids in an isolated area, even with their consent, scaring off locals from their livelihood so you could have THEIR resources instead, and then scaring them into not bothering are all shitty things to do. If I didn’t have context, I’d genuinely think she’s trying to make a cult.

She didn’t create a better generation of youth, she created an ECHO CHAMBER. Their interaction with other people who isn’t them are limited and only under her monitoring, they don’t get to have the support and interaction of a wider community, they have fights, she induces them to lose control on purpose (even for training, that’s basically like having someone HAVE breakdowns so they’d “handle breakdowns better”), the young stonekeepers only interact with HER beliefs and HER teachings.

She’s arrogant as all fuck. 

The worst part is that the narrative doesn’t treat this as bad, just flawed, which is anything but 💀

To use @/gofancyninjaworld analysis, which is semi-realistic ngl, what Ronin did was plant seeds for these kids to be supervillains.

A sense of isolation

It’s bad enough that having overwhelming power alienates stonekeepers from most people, Ronin’s method of training has them explicitly stay in an area where the range of people they could interact with are greatly limited to Ronin and their fellow students. Sure, they interact with some civilians, but in an unbalanced way, purely in a savior and rescuee way, nothing else. This gives them sparse experience in the give-and-take interactions in a society, because for all they know, water only flows downwards.

A sense of superiority. It's not good to be considered 'gifted' and to be set aside from others. 

A sense of entitlement to rule.

Which Ronin further reinforced by planting into their heads that they’re the new Guardian   Council eventually, despite having little experience in leading. What happened to “rejecting a seat on the Council because she felt the responsibility at her age was too great”? And that was when she was an older teen. These guys are younger than she was offered.

Access to the means to do so.

The quarry, their stones, and their inevitable ascension to be the new Council.

So basically all she did was groom overly powerful kids with induced breakdowns, with heads too big for their bodies, with very little connection to the wider world to ground them in their thinking and humanity, basically four bombs that could and would inevitably go off. Cool. Any one of 'em could wind up becoming a totalitarian menace. Y'know how spoiled entitled billionaire bastards exists? It's almost virtually the same process.

Interacting with regular people AS regular people, not just as savior or leader is important. It grounds you. It teaches you there’s a variety of people, who won’t always be the perfect victim, who are not necessarily evil but are bad, who are not intentionally malicious but just incompetent, among other things. Application is the real teacher here - the more exposed you are to other people, the better you’d be able to handle them.

Emily, the monster, the savior, the next Buddha

Can’t make up its mind whether to condemn Emily or if she’s the next best thing since sliced fucking bread. Apparently, self-confidence is her issue, not her arrogance or survivor's guilt.

Not to mention her powers came outta nowhere. It’s like she discovers enlightenment, and that was what allowed her to properly control her powers.

Defeats the entire theme of needing other people and that not every outcome is reliant on ONE person’s actions, BY DOING EVERYTHING BY HERSELF, AGAIN!

God, I wish I could say more, but I skipped some of Emily’s parts because reading it was as tedious and agonizing as threading on cold mud. I can’t help but cringe at every dialogue.

The Voice, or how to NOT make a supervillain

…. I don’t even know what to say. Poor Ikol, a victim of the most indecisive and sloppy writing of  a villain I’ve seen, I actually feel genuinely fucking bad. I don’t even know where to begin with this dude, he’s just one whole confusing set of contradicting depictions and motivations.

Riva, or how to get a restraining order in 2 fucking seconds

If I were Trellis and told me the same words Riva said, I’d bolt as far as quickly as I possibly can away from her. That’s creepy, full stop.

I think this was kazu's way to prevent fans from shipping Emily and Trellis by a.) aging up Trellis because that’s the only explanation I could think of (even though he said a few times on twitter that he's the elf equivalent of 16) and b.) to get him together with Riva.

The way Kazu went about it is too insane for me. "Hey, I had a vision of you and me having babies and you became a great leader, let's get together" 💀 that's no basis for any healthy relationship, or any relationship at all that isn't transactional 😵. What is this?

On the other hand, he doesn't respect Riva as a character at all. A character becoming a love interest and a parent isn't a bad thing in of itself, but he wrote Riva so impactfully and charismatically in book 6 - she's one of the few rare elf characters, and a girl elf character to boot, is an established leader, was the daughter of an immigrant and knows all the hardship that comes with it, not to mention hails from a city that Cielis outcasted and abandoned because of their fear and prejudice but she compassionately takes care of the people there anyway.

There's so many interesting and compelling storylines with the foundations he made Riva with, and he focuses on getting Riva to get Trellis to get together with her 😵 she gets reduced from a character with plenty of potential to a character that exists purely to uplift another. That's just depressing. Riva and Trellis deserve better.

Who? Navin. We all forgot about fucking Navin

Actually, I’m pretty sure Kazu forgot about Navin up until the last second. The fact I forgot until he came up on the page speaks for itself on how bad the writing problem was. He plays almost no parts at all. He doesn’t even GET to be a leader properly. He was there to get punched, didn’t even GET to help Emily or anybody else.

The Ending

……………………………………………………………………………………

If Older Emily could time travel with the Void, why didn’t she just eliminate Ikol herself instead of leaving it to our current Emily? Oh, and Vigo jarringly dies and sacrifices himself in the most pointless way possible.

All in all, Kazu - world’s most terrible chef

BAN HIM FROM THE KITCHEN 🔥🔥💯💯🔊🔊🗣️😩😩 HE CAN'T COOK.

Bad? I knew it was gonna be bad at the cover alone, ut no way I could've predicted it was THIS atrocious. It’s not the medium’s fault either, you can’t claim that the medium limited what Kazu had to say - Kazu created comics for a living. He has more than a decade of experience, made dozens of pages, by now, he knows YOU CAN’T WASTE A PAGE. Every panel is important. It’s not the medium's fault for being short, it’s Kazu’s for being sloppy. 

He has an editor. He has a studio, he has a team, he has several copies of his series, he has claimed he has reread them over and over. He has no excuse to be this inconsistent and directionless. So what the fuck are they doing? Do they just sit there and draw? No quality or consistency check? 

Honestly, if he says it was executive meddling, if he was just tired of Amulet and just wanted it over, if it was because of medical reasons - I could accept all those reasons. I could forgive why the series wound up as it is, they’re all reasons I could understand. A decline in quality on purpose I’d understand because that can be fixed. A better employer, a better work schedule, better accommodations.

What I will not accept, if he genuinely believes this. Is. GOOD. WRITING. BECAUSE IT’S NOT. That’s either a lie, an in-denial belief, or just plain ol’ ignorance. That’s just pure arrogance to me. You drop this slop on my feet, 300 pages of yapped nonsense and try to convince me it’s gold? Fuck no. I deserve better, we deserve better, the kids who read your books deserve better. There’s no fixing that kind of thinking.

Am I too harsh? Yes. But I need to let all of these out. Am I kinda biased and a lil incomprehensible? Yes, but I don't care. If you enjoyed it, good for you! But it’s not for me. For closure, I’m nursing whatever shit I try to fix with a rewrite. Kazu already nuked the playground - might as well take a page from his book and do whatever I want like he did.

#amulet series #kazu kibuishi #waverider spoilers #amulet spoilers

[thesporkidentity]

an incomplete list of texts i sent as i slowly lost my mind over the second book of rivers of london, because i fully intend to drag at least one more person into this pit with me. come read with me i promise you're gonna feel so good and normal over this book, come closer

wow okay peter remains the absolute horniest bastard ever. is he a tits or an ass man? yes

oh we are just getting the surface levels hints of nightingales MOUNTAIN of unresolved PTSD and i am very 🥺

you ever feel like a character was written specifically to appeal to you? i'm getting so many tantalizing hints and i KNOW he's going to destroy because he's catnip. he is bait specifically designed to hurt my feelings

also his description makes me think of lee pace or like, 90s/00s paul mcgann and that's just Very Good and i'm being deeply not normal about it

also nightingale reads as SO queer to me, and the potential in fic to explore what that means insofar as how he has navigated the changing landscape of queerness from 1900 to present day is so tantalizing. i don't care that the author says he's not, in this case the author is wrong lol

i must say, i do not care for simone. if we absolutely MUST have hetersexual nonsense in this book i would like beverly back please. she was cool and not a cheating homewrecking jazz groupie lol

still not impressed with simone. i mean, far be it from me to judge a woman's grieving process and all, but she doesn't seem very broken up over her within-the-week dead lover. i mean, i LOVE peter and all and he's hot shit, but immediately falling into bed with him? sus

in conclusion bring 👏 bev 👏 back 👏

also peter, buddy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

he's a disaster so even though i'm screaming DON'T DO THAT i am unsurprised he is being led around by his dick by a beautiful woman throwing herself at him

but i just. i Don't Trust Her. she doesn't make sense, and i can't tell if this is a case of male author writing wish fulfillment and thus not giving the hot girl adequate motivation of her own

or whether i AM supposed to find it suspicious the way she basically doesn't mourn the man she homewrecked who died very suddenly and then IMMEDIATELY jumps into bed with the magic cop investigating his very probable murder

and i REALIZE the only way to find out is to keep reading, it's just frustrating that women are written poorly so often that, even if he's written good women before, i still have to debate with this is a subtle clue or just Male Author Syndrome

oh my god he finally twigs that this may be weird behavior. peter. bud.

at least he got it before trying to sneak her past folly wards?

side note: god lesley really got the short end of the stick. like, her face fell off, her teeth are a fucking mess, and she probably has brain damage. she got royally shafted

peter "i'm totally straight" grant, talking about how he wants to take a muscly guy by the shoulders and kiss his cheeks and making sure to mention how many phone numbers her got while canvasing the gay bar.

hmm sure, jan

look i KNOW peter is Incredibly Horny All The Time when near any attractive woman, but simone appears from NOWHERE half dressed while he's canvassing for the jazz vampire and he just skives off like that? while looking for a potential killer? that doesn't seem like him he's not that irresponsible. that smells like conspiracy and glamour and i don't trust herrrrrrr

like, peter was already horny wanting to motorboat mama thames (lol don't think i didn't catch that pun) last book. but this book has been a whole new level of horny, and peter may be distractible but not THAT distractible surely

another side note. i love molly and nightingale's weird friendship they've developed living basically with just each other for decades.

oh jesus that's fucked up

oh the severed head is talking

oh. oh no. it got worse

peter, darling, beloved, is now REALLY the time to be talking about how hot your boss is? like i appreciate your dedication to the thirst but time and place, bud

oh never mind i forgive you nightingale is so fucking cool, i get it, i love him

he's so good. the most tragic backstory and perfect stiff upper lip old fashioned english gentleman on the outside, and then just below the surface he's a daredevil and a bit of a bitch and he fucking CARES just SO MUCH and have i mentioned how much the casterbrook wall HURTS ME?? this was revealed in the last book but i just remembered it and it stabbed me again

okay i'm done

i feel like peter has miscalculated making a deal with his cousin to teach her if she aces latin. that's gonna come back to bite lol hope you like teaching too smart for their own good teenagers cuz that's gonna be your life now

"but sir, what do we do if you die??!" "well, that doesn't seem like it will be my problem at that point :)" he's such a bitch sometimes and i LOVE him, mother

ohhhhh. oh no. the pale lady looked like molly and now molly is obviously not okay after she died, that resemblance wasn't just coincidence she definitely knew her 😢

and this is the first person peter has killed, no matter how accidentally. and nightingale is back in the hospital with his chest infection. wow everyone is just having a terrible time right now

okay. i realize that as a memory for him this probably isn't a GOOD one, it's from the war and probably much scarier and MUCH more traumatizing than he makes it sound with his dry narration of it. but god. nightingale knocked out two TANKS. by himself. with his mind. fucking sexy lol

oh damn it why can't they just let me be horny about how powerful he is instead of immediately following it with the fact that he was rear guard and making emotional that it means he was the one trusted to watch over and protect the rest of his men while they retreated as that one final shield between them and enemy fire

hhhhhhhholy shit what did simone DO to mama grant???!!!!

she just bitch slapped her!

OH MY GOD SHE TRIED TO HOMEWRECK HIS PARENTS TOO???

she's PLAUSIBLY IMMORTAL???

fuck i was right she was sketchy as hell!!

she's a fucking jazz vampire and she's been glamouring and sucking him dry! buddy, get to dr walid STAT for a brain scan and make sure she's not turning you into cauliflower!

peter don't you make excuses for her you KNOW it's possible, stop lying about your mum and trying to make her feel better you need to take her in she's a m u r d e r e r

i mean, glamour yes i realize but god, frustrating

good lad peter, i see you fighting it 💪🏾

ohhhhhhhh. oh fuck. she didn't KNOW. she didn't know she was from the 40s and killing people. oh this is bad

nightingale, attempting to show concern: "that was not the most intelligent thing you've done" xD 10/10 nailed it buddy

umm, nightingale? this may not be the black and white moral situation you think it is to go in guns blazing...

it's both funny and little sad how militant both molly and dr walid are when nightingale is injured like. i do LOVE when the person who is SUPPOSEDLY in charge gets lovingly bullied, but it hurts because that's also probably the ONLY way to make him take care of himself is if they FORCE him. and peter's not any better, he's gonna need bullying too

i do love when they team up though. molly and nightingale ganging up against peter like. nightingale gets the special treatment and a hot cocoa from molly, but peter gets the dog's leash and smug little "i'm on bedrest :)" or nightingale foisting the rest of his kidney pie on peter while molly is out of the room then grabbing his empty plate back to pretend he ate it all himself when she returns xD

the cases are interesting and all, but i think it's the core characters that are really the standout of the novel and the reason i keep reading even while i'm asking myself things like, but WHY is she killing via vagina dentata instead of literally any other assassination method? i think it's also why simone stood out so much. she HAD no background that we were told (until now) aside from being sexy. which of course i now know was intentional

"this is your brain, which is not only clean and unsullied by thought..." i love dr walid. it probably says something about me that my favorite characters all have to be at least a little bit of a bitch

oh no i'm having feeeeeelings about both nightingale and peter trying to keep the other out of the vampire raid to shield them from the emotional effects of it, just from opposite ends. nightingale doesn't want peter to have the pain of ANOTHER death on his hands, this one purposeful as opposed to the accidental death of the pale lady, so he's trying to just cut him out of it. and then peter ALSO doesn't want NIGHTINGALE to have the weight of more deaths on his soul and wants to protect him from what he sees as the unfortunate necessity of having to off someone who isn't intentionally hurting someone but still may be too dangerous to live. nightingale trying to save peter from his bleeding heart and peter saving nightingale from his practicality overriding his morality 😭 i just love when characters try to take care of each other in mirrored ways

uh...uh oh peter...no i don't think those are the police OR nightingale's paratrooper buddies

okay the audiobook is fucking excellent though, his infomercial voice while extolling the virtues of doc martins is KILLING me

oh this posh wanker. "oh what is feeding on people but another form of exploitation, and we all know there's nothing wrong with exploiting workers, equality is morally bankrupt anyway" god i hate you already you're insufferable

like of COURSE a dining club oxford nose wipe would think that way. he thinks he's sooooo slick and original with his chimeras they're such exciting new COL crimes but it all just boils down the the exact same rich white bullshit mentality

he would hate it if he realized how dull and banal his villainy is once you strip back the shock value of the trappings. just another entitled prick who views people as things, fuck this dude

i'd be tempted to say the faceless man's signare smelling like pork was a dig at david cameron and piggate if i didn't know it was written a few years too early for that lol

peter: oh no nightingale is going to give me SUCH a bollocking nightingale, obviously so relieved he's alive: very much does NOT give him a bollocking and instead tells him how impressive it is that he didn't just immediately die against the faceless man

"for a terrifying moment i thought he was going to huge me, but fortunately we both remembered we were english just in time. still, it was a close call" 🤣🤣🤣

oh ouch peter. just use all his dead friends against him. effective but also, low blow

god he wants so badly for peter to be right, too, that they and HE doesn't have to kill anyone anymore, that how that it's not Just Him ALl Alone they might have the support structure for other options. oh no i want this to work so badly so that hope is validated, but i just know something is gonna go wrong

welp

i didn't like her but i didn't want her fuckin DEAD you know?

and now the ones left standing have to deal with the trauma and the fallout

oh lesley :( they're both trying so hard to be normal about it and they're such good friends 🥺

LESLEY DO MAGIC?

LESLEY JOIN TEAM FOLLY???!!

also don't think you've been sneaky there and that i haven't noticed SOME sort of thematic symmetry of lesley struggling with having lost her face involuntarily from magic, and the faceless man having voluntarily masked himself. involuntary vs voluntary loss of identity. i'm sure there will be more parallels in the next book but like. i see you. i see you setting up face themes with these two

hopefully with lesley regaining her face somehow and thus reclaiming identity while the faceless man is unmasked thus losing the identity he built for himself and revealing the true one he hid. maybe hopefully? i want good things for lesley and bad things for the faceless one.

#rivers of london #under a readmore because it's so long and i don't want to owe even MORE of an apology to everyone in the tag than i already do

[blueraineshadows]

Heart Breakers: Chapter 3A - When Seb wins

I strongly advise you read Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 if you haven't already. Written from a request from @simpy-slytherin F!MC is called Leina in honour of her MC

Sebastian x Leina x Garreth

This is 1 of 2 alternate endings. In this chapter, Sebastian is end game 💚 Chapter 3B will see Garreth get the girl.

He wasn't in the Undercroft or in the clock tower. Leina avoided the spot where she had seen Trixie all over Sebastian, hurrying on in her search for him. Eventually, she found herself standing outside the Slytherin common room, students wandering about giving her curious looks.

Maybe they were hoping more drama was about to kick off. She really hoped not.

After about 15 minutes of waiting and hoping Sebastian would appear, Ominis came down the staircase, wand out flickering. He headed for the door but paused, head tilting slightly. "Leina, is that you?"

"Yes," she said, stepping forward. "How are you, Ominis? I feel like we haven't spoken in a while."

"You have had your hands rather full it seems, no time for chit chat," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping to catch Sebastian. Do you know if he is around?"

"Hmm, yes, you two do need to sort out this new mess of yours," he sighed. "He has been an absolute monster to be around lately. I'm growing rather tired of it."

He paused in thought and then moved a little closer. "You won't find him here. He mentioned needing to catch up on some Astronomy assignment work and headed that way after dinner. I would assume he is still there in the tower."

"Thank you, Ominis, I will give it a try."

"Before you dash off, may I say something?"

"Of course."

His brow pinched and a glimmer of sadness washed over his face. "I know he has upset you terribly, but please, don't go too hard on him. He is the bane of my life sometimes, but he is also like a brother to me. I know when he is hurting, and he is definitely suffering. He still hasn't got over the events of 5th year. And as for Trixie, well, her behaviour has been disgusting to say the least. Sebastian was in a very bad place that night, and roaring drunk to boot. She took advantage of him. Had the roles been reversed, a boy would have been reprimanded within an inch of his life. I do not believe he set out to hurt you. In his own stupid way, he thinks he protects people with his wild ideas and protective nonsense. Anne being a case in point. I think what I am trying to say, is that he feels deeply for you, and that is why he tangles himself up in knots."

"Feels deeply for me?" Leina felt like her lungs had been squeezed at those words. "He has never said such a thing to me."

"He would never admit any of this to himself, or anyone else for that matter, he is far too stubborn for that. But he doesn't fool me."

Leina stood there taking this speech in with her eyes wide. She took a long, shaky breath as she tried to process all of it. She reached out a hand and placed it on Ominis' arm. He flinched a little, but didn't push her off.

"I understand," she said. "Don't worry. The last thing I want to do is hurt Sebastian. I just want to try and make things better because they can't go on as they are."

"Then we are agreed," he said with a smile. "I wish you luck."

.....*.....

Sebastian rolled up his parchment now that his ink was dry and put a stopper in the ink bottle. The Astronomy Tower was now deserted and quiet and he liked it that way. It was peaceful.

He sighed and moved towards a railing to look up. It was one thing to stare through the telescope and mark the detail of the stars, but when you stood and took in the whole blanket of them across the sky, it just hit you differently. It was huge, beyond comprehension, and you remembered that you were one small thing before it. Your troubles a mere wisp against the great, and therefore, should be more manageable to carry on your shoulders.

He wished that were true. He rubbed a hand across his eyes and gingerly moved them to his neck. The bruises there were less tender, the sticky salve on them seeming to do the trick. He scowled about the how and where of the salve, hating that he had to go begging to Leander Prewett, of all people, to ask for help. Wiggenweld just didn't seem to budge the dammed things and he hated the way people were staring at them, sniggering behind their hands.

Most of all he hated that Leina had seen them. His heart wrenched at the way her eyes had dimmed, losing their usual spark and fire. He hated that he hadn't been able to take her hand and try to soothe away the hurt. But, it was on him. He had nobody but himself to blame.

And now, he owed fucking Leander Prewett a favour for bailing him out with a Herbology trick for getting rid of bruises. The smugness on the idiot's face made his wand hand itch something terrible.

But he had been desperate. Desperate to hide the marks that had left him feeling dirty, stained. He shivered at the memory of her tongue violating him. It made his skin crawl. Never mind the stares of others, he needed to scrub all the evidence away that she had ever touched him in the first place.

Footsteps on the stairs signalled the end of his peace and quiet. He sighed and turned to gather his things, not really in the mood to stay for small talk. He froze when it was Leina that appeared at the top of the stairs, though. Alone, and looking right at him.

"Hello, Sebastian,' she said softly. "I've been looking for you."

.....*.....

Now that Sebastian was there, right in front of her, any words she had been trying to piece together on the way up here slid right out of her mind. He stood stock still, eyes wide and fixed on her like she would startle if he so much as blinked.

She stared at him in the moonlight, drinking in the sight of him, that heavy feeling in her chest shifting, feeling as though it might shrink a little. It was just him, and her, just like she was used to, and that had never been a bad thing. Not really.

She pressed her lips together, tears burning the backs of her eyes and then she was running, crossing the gap between them and throwing herself at him. Her arms wrapped about him and she buried her face deep into his neck, breathing in his scent like she had been holding her breath since the last time she had touched him.

He had stiffened at first, shocked perhaps, but then his arms circled her waist and crushed her to his chest.

"You're such an idiot, Sebastian Sallow," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

"I know," he said. "I know. And I'm sorry."

His voice cracked on the last word and she pulled back to look at him. He gulped, a hand reaching to swipe quickly at the tear that rolled from his eye. He tried to look away from her, but she wouldn't let him. "Its alright," she whispered. "It's just me. You're alright."

His lip wobbled and she pulled him in tight again, her fingers sliding into the hair at the back of his head as the dam broke and he cried into her robes.

The moment wasn't lost on her. It was the mirror of what she had done to Garreth, and Garreth had not questioned her need for comfort. She would not question Sebastion either, not if he wasn't ready. But she could hold him, she could soothe him and, maybe, it would help.

"I'm alright, honestly," he said. He pulled back and wiped his face. "I don't deserve your hugs, as lovely as they are."

"Everyone needs a hug at some point, Seb," she said. "How could I not comfort you if you need it?"

"I should be the one comforting you. I...I've been a fool, Leina." He hung his head. "There aren't enough apologies in the world to make up for it. But, I would like to try."

"Then, let us try," she said.

Her eyes drifted down to the marks on his neck and she swallowed, her nose wrinkling in distaste at the goop covering them. "Blimey, Sebastian, what on earth have you smeared on your neck?"

He groaned. "Don't ask. It's some nasty salve to get rid of bruises. I can't wait to be rid of them."

"You and me, both," she said, grimly.

An awkward silence filled the air and Leina shivered, the cold evening breeze cutting through the dampness of her clothing. Perhaps she should have changed after all.

"You're cold," he said. He rubbed at her arms.

"A little, unfortunately my clothes are a bit damp," she said. She tugged at the front of her jumper, wrinkling her nose, and he frowned in curiosity. "There was an incident during my Potions detention, I got a bit soggy."

His frown deepened. "I assume Weasley is just as damp?"

Leina stepped back out of reach of his arms. They dropped to his sides, fists clenched. She wrapped her own arms about herself, maybe because of the chill, maybe because she felt like she needed to protect the soft feelings she was harbouring in her chest for Garreth.

"I didn't come here to argue with you, Seb," she said. "But, let me make one thing very clear. I won't hear a word said against Garreth. He doesn't deserve it, not one bit."

She could see the clench in his jaw. Clearly, there were words fighting to get out, but he held his lips firmly clamped. Let them stay there. She didn't want to hear it.

"If we are going to have any chance at moving forward from this point on, then Garreth is non-negotiable. He is someone important to me and I won't give him up. Not even for you."

He processed that. He didnt like it, his eyes flashed, but he nodded. "Okay, so Garreth is off the table," he said slowly. "What did you want to talk about? Why did you seek me out?"

Her heart pounded. Yes, why did she seek him out? Did she want his confession of undying love for her? Now that she was here, she wasn't sure if she could handle it. It felt too huge, too all encompassing a thing, and she felt her chest tighten. It didn't feel heavy anymore, although she definitely hadn't forgotten the image of him wrapped up with Trixie. She wasn't sure if she ever would.

But, was that fair? He didn't owe her exclusivity. They weren't a couple. She had clearly spat the words into his face that a few kisses didn't lay a claim on each other. Also, how would he feel to see her wrapped up with Garreth? Livid, thats how, if his rage in the Undercroft was anything to go by.

Even here, in the chill wind cutting right through the tower top arches, she felt her cheeks warm. What if she had kissed Garreth on the floor of the Potions classroom? What if Sebastian had walked in on that? If Sharpe hadn't caught them, she thought it was quite likely she may have kissed him, and the thought threw her into a spin.

It was all too much. Her mind was fudge, and she didn't know what on earth her body was trying to tell her. He was there, waiting for an answer and she didn't know what to say.

She backed up a step, two, her lungs burning for air but she was gasping it in.

He frowned. "Leina, what's wrong?"

"I...I..." She threw a look towards the stairs, the exit, escape. Coward. "I accept your apology."

Inwardly, she cringed. Gods that was so formal. So cold. She didn't mean to be, and the flicker of uncertainty on his face made her want to run.

He took a careful step to the side, slowly lifting his hands. All the times they had been in a duel, fought dark wizards, trained together, it had given them a bond, an understanding of each other. He knew she was going to bolt just as much as she knew he was going to try and stop her. Their bodies were in tune, they could read each other in a split second.

She stepped back and to the side, one eye on him, the other on the exit. He stepped as well. Her heart hammered right up into her throat, her ears roaring with it and she forgot about the chill of her clothes.

Tension, electric and hot, sizzled. To her shock, she felt it in her abdomen, curling like some wild thing. Would he chase her? If she ran for those stairs, would he chase her? What if he caught her? Unbidden, a small sound came from her throat at the idea.

What the fuck was wrong with her??

He lifted an eyebrow at that sound, she was so distracted by it, and the slow curving tilt of his lips, that she had let her guard slip. He was closer than before. Damn him!

"I will catch you," he said. His voice was low, dark. Filthy.

She swallowed, her throat working double time. She shook her head in denial, but it was a pathetic shake, weak. Gods, he made her weak and she couldn't be. She had to get a grip on herself.

Her eyes darted to the exit and back to him. Where would she run to? That was a lot of fucking stairs to get down, she would no doubt end up tumbling to her death, if his smile didn't kill her first. Look at him, his smirk, that wicked, wicked mouth. Fuck!

She ran. Her feet bounded across the Astronomy deck and into the stairway, cloak and hair flying as she took the stairs in a leap. He was right behind her, feet pounding on the wooden steps, she could hear his excited breaths.

She ignored the shooting spear of fire that shot through her, if she didn't she would falter, and if she faltered then it would be too late. He'd catch her.

Oh, but what if he did?

Legs trembling, she skidded across the landings on the switch back steps, hands shoving off from walls for momentum, before hitting the next flight of stairs, curving down, and down, to her inevitable doom.

Leina was almost at the Room of Requirement. For a split second, she considered it an escape, but the door needed to form, it would take too long, and he was gaining on her. Was that the brush of finger tips on her cloak?

A cry left her lips, a cry that sounded far too excitable for her liking, and she pushed harder, feet slapping against wood as she hurtled down the corridor past her secret haven.

The corridors were getting smaller, portraits and statues whizzing past as she ran, legs beginning to burn, every breath now a fight, and still, he was right behind her.

He wasn't going to quit, it wasn't his style. He could be near death and he would keep chasing her. Now, that thought nearly made her stumble as she burst out into the Defence Against the Dark Arts Tower.

She barely had time to glance at the shocked faces of the students in the seating area as she made a desperate sprint for the switch back stairs going down, down, down.

She hadn't planned on it, but her feet were carrying her closer and closer to where it all began. That Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom where she had knocked him on his arse on her first day. And, what was underneath it? The Undercroft.

She risked a glance back, he was so close, face flushed but determined. A laugh, rasping and breathless trailed behind her as she kept going, on and on until she thought her legs might just give out from under her. She was flagging as she passed the rhinoceros skeleton and she felt fingers catch hold of her flapping cloak.

He had her.

They both stumbled to a stop, his hands tugging her closer and she braced her hands against his heaving chest. They barely had the breath to laugh, but somehow, they did.

"So...now what?" He puffed. "I caught you...what's...what's my prize?"

She stared at him, fighting for every breath. This was crazy. Stupid. Reckless. How very them.

She smiled and grabbed his hand. A quick glance told her that the coast was clear, no prying eyes to see as she tugged him towards the secret entrance of The Undercroft.

He did the spell to open it, she watched him, couldn't tear her gaze from him. She remembered how she had realised how alive he made her feel, living life on a dangerous edge. It was exciting. Was it enough? What was enough?

She needed to know, her heart and soul had a choice to make. Was this love?

.....*.....

Leina was holding his hand. He stared down at their interlocking fingers as if to fully confirm that he had her in his grasp. All he had to do was keep her there.

He was fucking knackered. Chasing her down all those stairs had damn near killed him, but he would do it again, in a heartbeat. He would run after her until he dropped dead if he had to. She was worth every burning breath, every screaming muscle.

She led him in to the centre of the Undercroft. The last time they had been here, they had fought. How many times had he gone over it? He wished he could turn the clock back.

But they were here now. The anger was gone from her face. He looked at Leina, her cheeks flushed, eyes bright, her hair was some kind of chaotic right now, but he didn't care. She was beautiful!

He asked her again, his breaths more regular now. "What's my prize?"

He gave her his best smirk and watched her gaze drop to his lips. She was trying to pretend she wasn't looking, but she definitely was. He loved that. When she had done it up in the Astronomy Tower it had turned him on, the force of the burn overwhelming. How could he resist chasing after her?

She let go of his hand. Disappointing, but she wasn't turning away from him. "Alright," she said. "Your prize. But first, a truth for a truth."

"What?" He frowned. "Play fair now. I've already won, I caught you."

Her lips twitched. "Maybe I let you."

Dangerous smirk. "You wanted me to."

Her lips parted, little pants of breath slipping out. He wanted to make that sound come out of her with his touch, his mouth on her, her mouth on him.

"Alright, I'll play," he said. He tilted his head, thinking. She wanted a truth. He grinned. "When I was six, I stole Anne's favourite doll and tried to cast charms on it with my Father's wand. I accidently made it explode. To this day, she still doesn't know it was me."

She gaped and then frowned, folding her arms. "That's just mean, and totally not the kind of truth that I meant. And you know it."

Oh, he knew it. He just got a kick out of the little huff she did when he wound her up. He leant towards her, smirk in play. "Your turn."

She hesitated and damn if a little flush didn't colour her cheeks. He lifted a brow, waiting.

"I...I punched Trixie in the face. And I liked it.' She winced.

"I know," he said. "Have you seen her since? That was quite a punch, Leina. I'm impressed."

Impressed and so fucking turned on. Beautiful, and she could throw a mean punch. He tilted his head thoughtfully, still playing the game. "That wasn't a truth I didn't know, you're supposed to tell me something I don't know. So, spill it. What's your deepest, dirtiest secret?"

Wow, now that was a glorious blush she was sporting now. She pressed her fingers to her cheeks, her eyes darting away from him.

He hesitated. Something slippery, cold and sickening filled his gut. Gods, no. Surely not. Would she? Did something happen with her and Garreth?

His fists clenched, her warning up on the tower coming back to him. She said Garreth was important to her, that she wasn't prepared to give him up.

Suddenly, this game didn't seem so fun anymore. Not when he was terrified of what might come out of her mouth.

"I...oh, Merlin," she whispered. She touched her fingers to her lips. His stomach clenched. "I can't believe I'm going to say this..."

Don't say it, don't say it. His hands ached they were clenched so tight.

She looked him right in the eye, cheeks crimson. "I touched myself in the bath while I was thinking of you."

Her fingers clamped over her mouth and the silence that followed seemed to swallow him whole. His eyes burned because he was so frozen in shock, he didn't think he could blink. She did what, now?

Well, fucking hell, he was speechless. He asked for her deepest, dirtiest secret, and she had delivered. That was definitely dirty.

Her saw her begin to regret the words and snapped himself out of his stupor. Come on Sallow, bring the charm. Somehow, he pulled a quip out of nowhere. "Why didn't you just ask? I could have leant you a hand."

He heard her sharp intake of breath, her fingers twitched. He smiled. This was back to being fun.

"Your turn," she said, quickly. "And you need to better mine."

Oh, you clever girl. Nothing like throwing a challenge down in front of him. Although, his heart skittered at the thought of speaking these next words out loud. But she wanted the truth, and he always wanted to be able to give her what she desired. He tried and failed not to imagine her, naked and wet in the bath, her name on his lips...yep, definitely worth running after.

He nodded. His mind was made up and he was terrified. But he hid it well. "I love you."

.....*.....

I love you.

Three little words. One, two, three. So simple, and yet so big. Earlier, she had been too scared that he would say it. And now he had.

He looked more vulnerable than she had ever seen him, even more so than that day he had been slumped on the floor of the catacombs after taking out Solomon.

She swallowed. They had been through so much. The webs that surrounded their lives had thickened and strengthened, and how could it be anyone else?

Garreth. He flashed up behind her eyes and her heart squeezed. Oh, she loved him, she really did, but it wasn't like this.

It wasn't running so fast, waiting for him to catch her, wanting him to catch her, it wasn't knowing each other so well that when one moved, the other did, like a dance. It wasn't covering up murder so you didn't lose them. It wasn't punching a girl in the face because you couldn't stand that she had touched what was yours.

Yes, that's right. He was hers. Sebastian Sallow was hers, for better or worse.

She walked up to him, slowly, savouring every step. He watched her, lips parting, eyes darkening. Smirk for me baby, show me that wicked mouth, she thought. Better yet, let me taste it.

She stared at that bottom lip, swiping her tongue over her own as she reached up on tip toe. He didn't move an inch, watching her as she slowly kissed that bottom lip, teasing it ever so gently.

And then, there it was. His delicious smirk. She gave him one of her own. "So, you love me?"

"I do," he said. His voice was deep, silky dark, full of promise. "I love you. I always have."

She could drown in those eyes. If she wanted. And, oh she wanted to. "I love you, too," she whispered.

He looked like he was afraid to believe it. Her Seb, so smooth, so cheeky, and yet so vulnerable, so deep and dark, so passionate, if only one cared enough to take the dive and see.

"Kiss me, Seb," she whispered against his lips. "Make me burn."

His kiss stole her mouth, and this time it wasn't about making a point, this time it was making a fire, and she was ready to burn. His tongue slid over hers, dominant but sensual. Her toes curled in her shoes and she let her body melt into his hands.

Her robe slid to the floor, his hand slid under her shirt, fingers grazing the skin of her back with trails of fire. Her head fell back, a soft sigh escaping as his mouth slid to her neck, tongue swirling up under her jaw. Her hands luxuriated in his soft hair, trailing against his scalp, drawing a moan from his lips.

Impatiently, he tugged her collar loose, his mouth dipping lower. Her hand skimmed down from his hair and slid through the sticky balm on his brusies. She froze.

She winced. She couldn't help it, she could see that bitch sucking his neck and her chest twisted.

"Don't," he said. He shook his head, voice strained against her throat. "Don't say it, please."

She released him and looked at those bruises. The balm had made some effort to erase them, but they were still there, taunting her. She took a deep breath and flexed her fingers.

She had promised herself she wouldn't use it. It was too powerful, too dangerous. People died when she threw that much power around. But, she had been practising. She was getting better at controlling it.

She took another breath and placed her fingers on his bruises. He stared at her. "What are you doing?"

His lips were damp from her kiss. Nobody gets to kiss that mouth but her. Her mouth, and her mouth alone gets to taste him.

"Trust me," she said. She focused, careful, controlled, and a delicate wisp of blue curled from her fingers.

He gasped as they swirled against his skin. "That's cold."

"Hold still." He did. She traced his bruises, erasing them, wiping every last trace of her. She had to fight to focus, to keep a lid on the fury that tried to awake at the thought of her. But then, all the marks were gone. She drew her fingers back and he watched as the delicate, blue wisps were absorbed back into her skin.

"There, much better," she smiled.

He put a hand to his neck, eyes wide. "They're gone? You...you healed them?"

"You look like my Seb again," she said. Her eyes narrowed. "If she touches you again, she will live to regret it."

If she wasn't mistaken, she thought she saw a flicker of fear in his gaze. She couldn't blame him. She scared herself sometimes.

She took his hand. "Now, I don't know about you, but I could do with a bath. You coming? I might take you up on that offer of a hand."

His smirk was perfect. "I fucking love you, Leina."

"I know," she said, grinning. "Let's go."

Notes: You guys are awesome, thank you for reading! And, yes, I admit it. I went in to Hogwarts and had my MC run down from the Astronomy Tower for that scene 🤭. This got so long and I didn't get to the smut (angst came first, sorry 😏) However, I might do a bonus Smut part for Seb and Leina. For now, let's get to 3B and give Garreth some love. ❤️

#hogwarts legacy fanfic #mc x sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow fanfiction #hogwarts legacy #garreth weasley #BlueRaineShadows

[goldeneyedgirl]

Hi Lexie! So Hybrid Babyverse: so well written and well built, I love this version of hybrid a lot, mostly because is so unexpected to see Jalice being parents (and GOOD parents). I've been reading a lot of angst lately thanks to flowerslut and babyverse has been like a cozy day in a warm cabin to me (even if you already said it's not exactly a comfy story). So if you have more of this universe I'd love to read. Also, one of the most interesting things about this fic, for me, is how protective and loving Alice is as a mother. If I'd picture her as a momma, I'd do it exactly the way you did, responsible and put together even when the world is ending above her head (and probably a bit too liberal as well). I just want to emphasize how amazing you are doing with the characterization of Alice and Jasper in a universe we don't see much at all.

Aww, anon, thank you so much. At some point I'm going to have to get into the actual plot of the fic, but I have a very good time just writing little slice-of-life scenes that are low stakes. I'm really glad that you are enjoying it because I know the scenario is really out there, but it's just the right level of dramatic to appeal to me. 

And yeah, Alice is super liberal and a teenager, which makes her so much fun to write - she has her convictions, and sometimes she's just trolling everyone for shits and giggles. Some of her nonsense definitely gives Bella a little more confidence not to feel like she has to be as 'perfect' as the Cullens; it's okay to be messy and human. 

Alice does clash with some of the Cullens' more old fashioned and conservative beliefs at times. Jasper and Alice definitely discuss a lot of things privately, but when it comes to a lot of the discourse in the household, Jasper's response is something along the lines of 'I was a Confederate soldier in the 1800s, I trust Alice's judgement in this issue.' Or 'As Alice is the one possessing the uterus, I'm pretty sure her thoughts on the matter of abortion are far more relevant than mine.' 

(I, for one, am fixating on the idea that the one thing that Jasper puts his foot down about is the family wealth during Oliver's upbringing. No luxury cars or designer clothing, no outrageous toys, no luxury prep schools, and Oliver has to get into college on his own merit. Alice, from a foster care background, hates the idea at first but warms up - a kid doesn't need a battery-powered BMW to drive around the house or a private jet to go to Disneyland, they need loving and supportive parents, and a secure home. And the houses they live in are insanely nice places, and Oliver still has nice stuff. Just very much more of a middle-class image, than a 1% image. Oliver getting into a good college with a partial scholarship is one of Jasper's proudest moments.) 

(Is that a dig at the upbringing Renesmee gets? You betcha.) 

I could sit here spewing headcanons for Oliver and Alice and Jasper all day, but here's a scene I wrote for purposes that remain mysterious. Still toying with Alice being angrier at Jasper when he returns, and how their reconciliation looks. 

---

It’s not hard to find Jasper after dark these days. The Brandon house is helpfully tucked away from the road, so no one can see anyone who happens to be sitting on the roof. It takes no effort to join his brother, Emmett landing nearly silently next to him. “Long night? Alice kick you out?” He tries to make it a joke, but he knows that their tentative reunion is a sore spot for Jasper.

“No longer than normal,” Jasper shrugs, ignoring the joke but Emmett knows he’s hit a sore spot.

There’s a book next to Jasper; some heavy thing with the words ‘Child Psychology’ buried in the title, and Emmett nearly feels sorry for Oliver.

“She doing okay?” Jasper hasn’t been home much since they got back. He’s trying to get back into the Brandons’ good graces, and get to know his son. Jasper’s son. Those words are a mind-fuck - of all the Cullens to have an accidental kid, Jasper was bottom of the list; Emmett’s been trying to wrap his mind around the idea for the last few weeks. And counsel Rosalie through a lot of different emotions. 

It’s been a weird summer. 

“Tired, stressed, frustrated…” Jasper recites emotions like a catalogue, and Emmett can hear the frustration of his own in Jasper’s voice. “We’re talking, she knows I’m staying at night. Her fathers aren’t happy, and Cynthia’s still leaning towards violence but it’s something.”

“How’s Oliver?” Emmett can hear the disappointment in Jasper’s voice, and talking about the baby always cheers him up. If nothing else, he’s watching Jasper change. Kind of reminds him of when Jasper joined the family and was so bewildered and curious about how they all seemed to like and trust each other. The rare times that Jasper has been home lately, Oliver is one topic he will freely talk about - his relationship with Alice is almost entirely off-limits, as was whatever the Brandons had said to him. But he would almost always give this small smile and update them on Oliver.

And like clockwork, Jasper looks over and smiles. “He’s finally doing better in his own room. He took a while to settle, but he's sleeping now.”

Ah, the bedroom project. It had started two weeks ago - a freshly decorated bedroom of Oliver’s own in the Brandon house that everyone had heard about in great detail, mostly because Esme had been hanging on every word.

Things were … pleasant but cool between Alice and the rest of the family. There was a guest room ready and waiting for Alice and Oliver if - when - they finally stayed over, but Esme was absolutely bursting to get to work on two personalized rooms - a bedroom for Alice (and Jasper) and a nursery for Ollie. But for now, Esme was living vicariously through Simon and Alice’s nursery decorating and trying to gently encourage Alice to spend more time at the Cullens.

But after the bedroom was finished, it had been a struggle to get Oliver to sleep alone in there; he didn’t seem to want or need twelve hours of sleep at night, had disliked being left on his own, and had made that everyone in the house’s problem. Alice had been very short-tempered for the last two weeks. 

Jasper was perched in between Alice and Oliver’s bedrooms, with the soft glow of a nightlight filtering through the bedroom on the left. It was nearly certain that both windows were unlocked, and that Jasper had probably timed himself getting in and out of both of them, in case of emergency.

“D’you ever wonder…” Emmett begins before stopping. It’s a dumb question, he knows the answer.

“Wonder what?” Jasper pauses for a second; from his crib, Oliver lets out a grizzle and a gurgle, but resumes sleep quickly. 

“…what it would have been like if we’d stayed?”

Jasper lets out a bark of laughter; Emmett can hear the regret. 

“I think about that every day,” Jasper says, rubbing his hand over his face. 

And he does.

He imagines Alice telling him, nervous and afraid and desperate. He pictures her flat stomach curving. Getting to feel their baby kicking, looking at the sonograms. Planning for this bizarre future they had found themselves in. Getting to see and to hold his son within hours of his birth, and not months.

And being there for all the ugly stuff that the Brandons alluded to - Alice being unable to get out of bed, complaining of aches and pains, unending vomiting and fainting and seizures… he wanted to be there, to comfort her, to make sure she wasn’t alone. 

He wanted to be down in that bedroom right now, tucked up beside her with her arm thrown over his chest. Her face pressed against his shoulder. To kiss her cheek and read as she slept. 

He wanted it all so badly. 

Instead, he had this - sitting on the roof, watching over them in silence.

And he deserved it, for leaving her the way he did. She was being more forgiving than he expected, really - he had prepared himself for Alice to tell him to fuck off and never contact her again, when they returned. But for some insane reason, she had been willing to talk, willing to let him know their baby.

He just had to earn the love and trust back. 

“Every fucking day,” he echoes. 

“Sorry man,” Emmett shook his head. “It was a stupid question. But… you missed what, less than a year all up? Ollie’s not even one yet. He’s never going to remember a time without you here, being his dad. Alice will forgive you; she’s always been crazy about you, and she’s hardly going to let you sit on the roof if she was planning on kicking you to the curb. In ten years we’re going to turn around and it’ll be crazy that you and Alice weren’t always together.”

“I hope so.” Jasper looks both much older and so very young in that moment. “I… it was stupid to leave.”

Emmett let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, I think you made that clear. Edward’s still fixing his CDs.”

A light flicked on in the right window, and both of them could hear movement as Alice climbed out of bed and left the room. She returned a few moments later, the light going out.

“It’s gonna be okay, man. I bet you fifty that you’ll be dancing at your wedding before your kid hits middle school,” Emmett stood up, ready to head home to Rose.

“Middle school?” Jasper half-chuckled, half sounded horrified.

“I said before - and Alice didn’t look impressed when Edward and Bella announced their engagement. I think she’s more of the ‘live-in-sin’ kind of girl, myself,” Emmett shrugged.

“Go home before you wake someone up,” Jasper said, picking up his book. “Alice won’t care much unless you wake up the baby, but Cynthia will cuss you out from the bathroom window.”

#having some tumblr issues #won't let me post with formatting #alice cullen #jasper hale #my fic: hybrid baby-verse #asks #tumblr lost all my fun tags