#if you know me in real life no you don't

[strawurberries]

tw: nsfw ‼️‼️

Vash is the kinda guy to be nervous—hands shaking, heart racing, and oh God how do you look that beautiful??—about going down on you; the moment he tastes you though? Addicted. And he'll lap you up like a starved man. He doesn't even know where he is anymore, much less understand that you've reached your climax thrice and are hanging on the edge of detrimental ecstasy. Once you get his attention—roughly pulling his hair, making his head snap up with a delicious moan? He'll be on his knees apologizing, your own fluids dripping down his chin as he unconsciously licks his lips. And, God, does he really, truly feel terrible for being too distracted to listen to you and really, you should yell and hit him; its what he deserves, right? But you now have the most feared outlaw on his knees before you, tears in his eyes, your own cum all over his mouth, and a burning erection in his tight pants that you swear keeps moving on it's own. Are you sure you want this wonderful opportunity to pass?

#trigun #vash #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #trigun vash #vash stampede #vash x reader #vash x you #trigun vash x reader #vash x y/n #trigun vash x you #trigun x y/n #trigun x you #trigun x reader #vash the stampede x y/n #vash the stampede x reader #vash the stampede x you #man #i wish he'd do this to me #if you know me in real life no you don't #I LOVE THIS MAN

[eldr1tchterror]

I just honestly believe Felix would say the words "fuck my pussy" like he's just that kind of boy, you know? I can picture it, "yeah Oliver, fuck my fucking pussy" I feel it in my bones as fact you cannot argue with me

Petition to start calling him Felix 'fuck my pussy' Catton

Yes I will most likely delete this later when I come to my senses and decide to be normal

#saltburn #saltburn 2023 #saltburn movie #felix catton #oliver quick #cattonquick #if you know me in real life no you don't #p don't read this

[not-another-robin]

#im not going to lie to you. whatever i write probably will include smut #if you know me in real life no you don't

[iamthecomet]

The Coming of My Ruin

Fandom: Ghost  Rating: Explicit Pairing(s): Dew/Swiss.  Featuring: Near Death Experiences; the first snowfall of the season; Dewdrop being a little shit; No one knowing how to talk about their feelings productively; Harmful perfectionism; A lot of Angst; A tiny bit of smut.   All Dew wants is to go in for a walk in the woods. The weather has other plans.  

He shoves his hand into the snow in an attempt to speed up the process of dying. He brings a handful of it close to his face. He looks at the crystalline structure of each snowflake. It sort of makes sense that something this pretty is going to be the literal death of him. He has only ever wrought destruction to beautiful things—it’s fitting that they would get their payback eventually. Read it on AO3

#dewdrop ghoul #dew x swiss #if you know me in real life no you don't #ghost fanfiction #nameless ghouls #dew/swiss #dewdrop x swiss #angst #swiss army ghoul #swiss ghoul #dewdrop/swiss #comet writes

[cashmoneymermaid]

no matter how far away you roam

"'I didn't - I didn't realize you were home,' Katya said, folding her arms over her chest and looking her up and down. 'I thought you'd be, you know. Touring the world, winning more Grammy's, whatever it is you superstars do.' Her tone was a bit mocking, and Trixie bristled defensively, sticking out her chin. 'I didn't realize you'd be the one with the tow truck.' Otherwise I wouldn't have called, went the unspoken words."

Trixie is a workaholic country music star fresh off a sweep at the Grammy's, and her management sends her home for the holidays. Her car breaks down, and Katya is the only mechanic in town. She also happens to be the first person who broke Trixie's heart.

This is just the Hallmark Christmas movie AU you didn't know you needed.

Read on ao3

#my fics #if you know me in real life no you don't #i'm real proud of this one tbh it gives me the good Christmas feels #really i just wanted an excuse to make a little collage #and yes i have the pink one blocked she does not need to see this #trixya #trixie and katya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #katya zamo #wlw #trixya fic #ao3 #fic rec

[spiders-rob]

Ok y'all, so...here's a rough-draft kinda attempt at a fic based on the first part of a prompt by @my-little-wraithlings about Rebbeca and Renfield having sex to get him comfortable with intimacy again and it being awkward. (I might follow up with a part 2 later or I might not. I should probably post this on AO3 sometime too but *shrugs*.) I've never written anything at all smutty before so...here goes nothing. It gets a bit shippy in places because I do like them as more than friends. I'm a die-hard hopeless romantic so I suspect any attempt at smut is gonna end up kinda couplesy from me, especially on a first attempt. That deviates from the prompt a bit but I tried to reel it in more or less.

Rebecca and Robert just stare at one another for a while.

"Right so. What do we...how do we start?" He finally asks.

"I mean you have um...done this before right?"

"Yes. I just..."

They both laugh nervously.

"Yeah, no. I know what you mean."

"Um. I guess we should probably be naked."

"Oh, yes. Right." Robert pulls his sweater over his head and folds it before undressing the rest of the way. He sets everything neatly on the bedside table. Rebecca just lets her clothes fall to the side of the bed haphazardly. Robert picks them up and begins folding them.

Rebecca frowns a little but lets him set them aside. For a guy whose apartment is as chaotic as it is, he can actually be kind of a neat-freak when it comes to making sure everything is in its place. It's probably fine. Everything is probably fine. She sits down on the bed. He's looking at her now. Like he's waiting for something.

"You okay, dude?"

"Yeah. I think so. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno, you're kinda...freezing up on me."

"Right. Yeah. Sorry."

They lie side by side on the bed, facing one another. Rebecca leans forward a little and kisses him. This is so weird. Not bad, but definitely weird. Nice weird? He kisses her back easily, following her lead. His lips are slightly open, like an invitation, so Rebecca flicks her tongue against the inside of his mouth.

The kiss deepens and Rebecca finds herself leaning over him, shifting to be on top of him. She rolls her hips, getting into it. Robert's hands are by his sides. He's barely moving.

Rebecca leans back up, giving him space. "We don't have to do this, if it's too weird or you don't feel like it or whatever. Y'know?

Robert frowns in confusion, "Do...you not want to do this anymore?"

"No I do." Rebecca lets her eyes wander over the man underneath her. "I definitely do."

Robert smiles a little.

"You just seemed...I dunno I mean you don't seem very...into it, I guess. So. Y'know. We could always just watch bad tv and throw popcorn at the screen like normal or whatever."

"I'm fine." Robert assures her.

"Okay so...um...maybe we should take a step back? What...I mean...shit this is awkward. How can this be...less weird?"

"Did I do something wrong?" His voice isn't outwardly quiet or nervous but it's flat and toneless and his eyes are doing the...the fucking thing.

"Shit. Fuck. No, you didn't do anything wrong. That's...the whole point is for you to get comfortable with this stuff so like...what makes you comfortable?"

He sits up and folds his knees close to his chest. He's quiet for a moment. "I don't know. I mean if I knew..."

"Right. Okay. So what should we avoid doing?" Rebecca tries.

"Um...nothing too intense? I mean we still have the pitcher in the fridge if we really need it but I definitely would prefer to avoid that. I guess if this is really about getting me comfortable it'd be best to avoid pain in general...definitely no blood." He's in his own little world at this point, blissfully unaware of the look Rebecca is staring at him with. He's smiling slightly.

"Shit. Okay. Now I think I need a minute." She says when it seems like he's done talking. She takes a few deep breaths. This is...this is raising questions that she doesn't really want answered. She's starting to worry that this is answering questions she doesn't really want answered.

When she's feeling a little more steady she says, "Why don't I try something and you can tell me what you think?"

He nods and leans back again. She maneuvers herself over him and leans down to kiss him again. "Kissing alright?" She double checks.

"Yeah."

She kisses him gently, starting at his mouth and moving down along his jaw, lifting back up and pressing kisses against his chest, running her hands across his body, watching for reactions she can go off of.

Certain motions get a soft smile that definitely seems positive. For example, a wavelike motion pressing their bodies together. She doubles down on that and he whimpers slightly. She's about to ask if it's a good noise or a bad noise (If it's a bad noise she is going to feel so, so guilty about the feelings it's giving her) when he asks, slightly breathlessly "Is it alright if I move too?"

"Yeah" Rebecca nods, "Yeah of course"

They roll against one another and smile, making noises somewhere between panting and nervous or relieved laughter.

They should take it slow, tonight, obviously, not go all the way.

Hesitantly, Rebecca moves her hand down between them and presses against him. The noise he makes is so sudden and wounded that she immediately pulls back. "Still okay?"

"Very." He nods a little. Oh. Okay. She returns her hand to its place and strokes him, it's a long, steady motion, then back up, pressing at a place just beneath the head that draws out more of those not-quite-hurt whimpering sounds.

"Can I?" He asks. She's not sure exactly what he's asking but-

"Yeah." His own hand runs over her body and down between her legs, running his fingers in gentle circles. He finds her clit and her own motions stutter. She forces herself to focus, to not stop moving. His own movements barely waver, even as his breath comes in shorter and shorter gasps, and he's wriggling against the pillows.

Everything is rushing inside her now and Rebecca twitches against him.

He's relentless now, latched on to her reactions and she's not sure how it happens but she's half moved half fallen off of him back beside him. She reaches out for him again but before she can touch him she's lost in a hot sliding rush of sensation.

"Shit" She says when she's more or less recovered and reaches for him again.

He falls back onto the pillows, face contorting as Rebecca returns to the motions. He's...whispering something.

"Still okay?" She checks.

He nods, eyes closed, and Rebecca steadies her grip, setting a slightly faster pace, spreading a bit of precum over him to ease the friction.

She actually sees the way his face completely relaxes and slackens before she feels the warm sticky feeling spurt over her hand.

She lets go and lays down on his chest, listening as his heart-beat returns to normal. He nuzzles against her, hiding his face in the crook of her shoulder and she runs a hand up and down along his back.

"You're so warm," he says, voice content, and soft and reverent and trembling slightly.

Her clean hand combs through his hair. "So...that go okay?"

He nods against her, still snuggled close.

"This is the best, though." He admits.

"What, cuddling?"

Another nod.

"Okay, great. Then let's cuddle the shit out of you."

He laughs softly and she maneuvers them into a slightly more comfortable position.

#look #I tried okay? #renfield #renfield 2023 #rebecca quincy #robert montague renfield #smut #fic #I am literally so fucking nervous to post this that I might throw up a tiny bit we'll see #Anyway here's some badly written smut #If you know me in real life no you don't #m/f smut but it's written by a lesbian for some reason

[strangerfitz]

did I log back into this hellsite just to post what is essentially, for all intents and purposes,  p0rn for a ship that will never be canon but has taken over my life for the better part of a month at this point? 

yep. 

fetch, ya fucks

#steddie #steddie art #stranger things #eddie munson #Kaz!Eddie #Steve Harrington #StevexEddie #EddiexSteve #digital art #procreate #Vampire!Eddie #if you know me in real life no you don't #tw:blood #TW:Scars

[storytellersumayyah]

Every conversation with my mother follows the same structure.

It begins with an unrelated topic.

Which leads into an admission of emotion. I make it with baited breath, wondering if this time is going to be different. If this time, promises will be kept.

The admission leads to a broken promise. Because she does not listen. Not properly. Instead it becomes a recollection of her childhood. Of my sister's life. Of everyone's pain but mine.

I try to steer us back on course. For once the air in the room is for me. I am not going to waste it untangling the web of someone else's hurt.

She does not let me. She gets defensive. The blame shifts to me.

I remind her that I am a child, not a parent.

I tell her that sometimes, your best is not good enough. I do not tell her that she was the one who taught me that first. I tell myself that next time I will. (Since every time is the same, I won't.)

Something in her face tells me she might finally understand what I'm saying.

But then she lowers her gaze and presents she does not see.

And since children imitate their parents before anyone else, I do the same.

I tell myself I won't ever end up in that situation again. I say to myself that I will avoid all of those minefields because there are things I will not say to her and there are truths she cannot accept.

A few days, weeks, months, later, a conversation starts.

It is about an unrelated topic.

I leave wanting to scream until she realises how imperfectly everything has turned out. I don't.

every conversation with my mother is like watching a film that follows the same plot as every other one the network aired

#sumayyah writes #poetry #poem #writer #if you know me in real life no you don't #not everything i write is about me and this might be but we aren't discussing it #also this is not to say my mum is a bad person she isn't #we're just too similar and she won't listen to me if i talk about something serious #yeah

[charkyzombicorn]

just imagine ben beckman benig female with big....breast and the boys benig overprotective....😳

It's one piece he doesn't need to be female to have big breasts next question

#one piece #Who will fight the dilf accusations alongside Shanks if you take Ben's dilf privaleges #What the Fuck did I just type #If you know me in real life no you don't

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

#normally I don't chronicle my dreams here but fucking hell that one was funny #I think this would genuinely make tumblr better tbh #@ staff do this cowards #spy has thoughts #my life is a sitcom and i am my own laugh track #functional website #spy's smash hits #Glock function #edit for everyone in the notes saying 'everyone clapped' #I know I can't prove to you that it happened for real you're just gonna have to trust me on this #but I swear on my goddamn life I'm not making this up #I make so many conscious puns that sometimes my subconscious cooks up a real good one

[aboveweirdest]

Nexa's Fic Recs (Multifandom)

This is where I'm gonna put some of my favorite AO3 fics from various fandoms. I'll try to update regularly, but I got them ADHD brain worms so I promise nothing

Mind the ratings. Always check the fic tags on your own. Happy reading!

if you know me personally no you don't

Trigun

Heaven Official's Blessing

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Jujutsu Kaisen

Old Fandoms

These will probably be shorter lists so I will put them directly onto this post. This is incredibly incomplete, but I'll get around to adding more I promise.

Star Trek

Asymptote by tahariel - Spirk, E, aliens made them do it (feat. the most pining/feelings ever)

Marvel

Thirty-Eight Days and Counting by thecommodore_squid (orphan_account) - Stucky, E, Witness Protection Program AU???

#fanfic #nexa rambles #fic recs #fic rec #trigun #vashwood #jjk #satosugu #mxtx #mdzs #wangxian #hualian #tgcf #fengqing #Star trek #spirk #Marvel #stucky #if you know me in real life no you don't #beware #you might learn wayyy too much about me if you read these lol #ao3 #a/b/o

[suiheisen]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank #he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :') #he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated #but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING #drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay... #also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger......... #geno kept Hovering in concern #po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog #ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both #also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited #anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a #long post #sidney crosby #evgeni malkin #pittsburgh penguins #also!!! to all who celebrate #ramadan kareem/eid mubarak #<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good

[uncanny-tranny]

Periodic reminder that unless a person specifically and clearly tells you it is okay to tell others they are trans or queer, you should err on the side of caution and assume they do not want you to tell people (especially random people!) about their transness or queerness.

You have no idea, generally, why somebody doesn't talk openly about their trans or queer status, and you have no idea, truly, how somebody might react to that information. The most progressive person out there is still capable of harbouring incredibly negative thoughts about somebody's queer status.

#lesbian #gay #bi #bisexual #trans #transgender #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #inspired after somebody at work outed me (again ×3) #i don't care how 'safe' you assume they will be! you cannot TRULY guarantee their safety! #you are effectively gambling with somebody's safety by assuming you can out them #also even if their safety was somehow 100% guaranteed it is still not your place to dictate what others know about THEM #like it isn't your own information you are giving out. the other person is a real human being with real thoughts... #...and there are real ramifications to your actions! this is like... real life and like... real people #anyway. i'm still fucking horrified at how cool people are (at least wrt me) with outing others 🙃🫠 #and it just... further reminds me that others see me as like... a thing to be talked about/over and i'm not seen as an autonomous human #maybe that's not their intentions 9/10 times but that still doesn't justify it nor does it change how i interpret that behaviour 👍 #it's just dehumanizing imo to be reminded 'your comfort DOESN'T MATTER. i think you should be talked ABOUT not TO.' #clarification for the first tag: this is the THIRD time somebody has outed me. i NEVER talk about being trans to... pretty much ANYBODY irl #it's shit like this that i have to resist taking the 'doompill' over #because it's scary and dehumanizing every. single. time. i feel so fucking scared each time #because - AGAIN - i know my safety will NEVER be guaranteed because i am trans and queer

[iamthecomet]

Flip of a Switch

Fandom: Ghost

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Dew x Aether

In which Dew lives up to his (other) nickname(s) “Look at you,” Dew growls in his ear.

“Please,” Aether hears himself slur. He isn’t sure what he’s asking for, but there aren’t other words.

Dew’s almost there himself if the noises coming from him, are any indication. He whines like he’s the one whose prostate is currently getting jackhammered.

“Please what?”

Aether shakes his head, tucks his face into Dew’s neck and bites down hard enough to bruise. He basks in the noise Dew makes when he bites harder. Helpless. A noise that says he’s at Aether’s mercy even though they both know that isn’t true. 

Read it on AO3

#ghost #dewdrop ghoul #aether ghoul #nameless ghouls #dew x aether #dew/aether #I haven't written fanfiction in years #if you know me in real life no you don't #fanfiction #comet writes

[ms-hells-bells]

is it mean that i legit think that a large portion of young people who claim to be asexual are just socially inept so no one wants to date or have sex with them, leading to a large group of virgins who go 'well, i didn't want to be with anyone anyway!', meanwhile they are constantly hornyposting and talking about how sexually attracted they are to fictional characters?

#just saw a poll with like 16000 votes and a QUARTER claim to be asexual #sorry that is complete cap i know a bunch of you just don't have any real life relationship experience because you never leave the house #i'm not saying this as an insult #i am also often socially inept and have never had a proper relationship #that doesn't make me asexual i'm just awkward and autistic and high standards

[a2zillustration]

We got april fool'd so hard.

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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

#This was pretty accurate to my real life reaction - Larian got me good. #BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET AND I'M BEGGING YOU TO BLOCK #ansur quest #IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE THIS YOURSELF YET AND DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!! #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #act III spoilers #croissant adventures #tav #wyll #lae'zel #gale #I know they're not really prominent here but- #ansur #comics