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thevindicativevordan · 3 years

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On Supergirl

Figured I should put up my thoughts about Kara in the wake of her first film appearance being announced, and the final season of her TV show fast approaching. Short version is: Kara is very cool and DC needs to stop messing with her.

My Introduction to Kara

I was introduced to Kara the way most millennials/Gen Zers were I imagine, via the Loeb Superman/Batman arc which brought the traditional Kara Zor-El Supergirl take into Post-Crisis continuity, after years of DC attempting to have a “Supergirl” without violating the editorial mandate that Kal needed to be the literal “Last Son of Krypton” (an example of one of the dumb ways DC fucked Kara over). Story goes that one day Dan Didio was in line at the Superman ride at Six Flags (I love that ride even though it’s stolen my glasses every time I’ve ridden it, even when I left them in a locker!). The ride had signs that talked about various Superman characters. Didio was reading the entry for Supergirl where it talked about her not being Clark’s cousin but instead some weird merge of alien shapeshifter, angel, and human girl, and he realized how fucking stupid that was, and he went back to the office and told Loeb to bring Kara back.

Years later I would also be standing in line at the Six Flags Superman ride (probably at a different park location but who knows?) as a youngster and would read the new Supergirl sign that trumpeted that Superman had a cousin who shared all his powers, an update reflecting the new Loeb origin. I thought she sounded pretty cool, made a note to see if my library had any Supergirl stories next time I visited, then got on the Superman ride and promptly lost my glasses like an idiot because I wanted to take them off while I was riding and pretend I was changing from my “disguise” into Superman mid flight. My dad grounded me for this afterwards, but it gave me a funny story to tell at family get togethers and isn’t that what Six Flags is all about?

A month later (and with spiffy new glasses), my mom dropped me off at a new library next to where she worked, and they had one of the best Superman collections I’ve ever seen to this day. I was in heaven and while reading every Superman book I could find (I couldn’t check them out because I didn’t have a card, my mom’s card didn’t cover the area the library was in, and my mom wouldn’t have checked them out anyway since comics were “too violent”), I found the trade collecting Kara’s new origin. I read it and I thought both she and Superman were really cool, and Batman was a punk who had to beat Darkseid by cheating, the loser. Turner’s art to my young eyes was the best I had ever seen, and the panels got engraved into my brain.

I still get downright nostalgic whenever I see Turner Superman or Supergirl stuff. I also got my parents to rent the animated movie adaption of the Superman/Batman arc from Blockbuster (remember those?), and that sealed the deal. Seeing Kara hold her own against Darkseid convinced me she was as cool as her cousin. Next time my mom dropped me off at the library next to her workplace, I went looking for Supergirl stuff to read. I found the first volume of her new volume by Joe Kelly taking place after the Loeb arc and dove in.

It was... weird. 5 years later I might have enjoyed it but at the time I was majorly put off. Kara took a secret identity for a day and then ditched it because it was “stupid” and the kids bullied her. She was always getting into fights with Kal, and there was this weird plot that I couldn’t follow about how her dad had sent her to kill Kal, maybe or maybe not? Also she could grow crystals which I thought was dumb, and said she was stronger than her cousin which I couldn’t buy for a second given he looked like he was carved out of marble, and she looked like she relied on sunlight instead of food. I put the volume back on the shelf and kinda gave up on reading the character after that for a while.

I followed her via the DC wiki updates just like I did Superman, and everything I read seemed dumb and convoluted. She was split in two, moped around a lot, made out with an alternate version of her cousin, and basically just flopped about the same way the rest of the Superfamily did during the 00s. Nothing made me think I had made a mistake dropping Kara until I read the latest update to her wiki page.

I was super into what I was reading about the Busiek/Johns era of Superman online. Lex was back and making a big revenge scheme that involved all the other Rogues! Old Superman Rogues were getting revamped and made cool again! Johns reintroduced Brainiac and made him a big threat, with Kal and Kara teaming up to fight him! Busiek was revamping Prankster and telling big ambitious Superman stories! For the first time in a long while, the consensus on the Internet was that Superman was good again. My “home” library had zero Marvel books and no Superman or Batman books, all their DC stuff was Flash or Green Lantern, mainly written by Johns. Insane to think back on now. My hopes that because Johns was involved with Superman, Superman books would show up at my library were fulfilled. They started bringing in Busiek and Johns collections, and someone there also ordered Sterling Gates’ first volume of Supergirl, and I checked everything out since I was old enough to have my own library card, and my parents were worried more about the violent video games I was playing rather than comics.

I read everything and loved it. I also really liked Gates’ take on Kara. She was still an imperfect teenager but she wasn’t insufferably angsty or constantly fighting with Kal. She was going to give the secret identity another try and Lana had “adopted” her. It’s funny remembering how I enjoyed all that given my current thoughts on how Kara should work, but it was great at the time. I liked Gates introducing new foes for Kara, some classic Superman Rogues adapted for her like Bizzarogirl, others crafted specifically for her like Reactron. Gates’ basically rekindled my enjoyment of Kara the same way Busiek & Johns rekindled my enjoyment of Superman.

Of course it ended terribly like everything Superman-related seems to.

I’ve got a whole post I want to do about New Krypton and what came after. In short that is the most blatant example of “hitting the reset button” that I’ve ever seen. All the potential got wasted, and afterwards everything except Lex’s Action Comics stuff just didn’t appeal to me. Gates got booted off Kara for Nick Spencer who ended up leaving himself later, a promising Teen Titans line-up with Kara on it didn’t happen, and the last proper Pre-Flashpoint Superfamily story was a crappy team-up with Doomsday against Bigger Doomsday (thank God for Cornell’s final Luthor/Superman confrontation at least). When news of the reboot arrived, I was honestly happy. The Superline needed an enema.

Controversial opinion time: I liked New 52 Supergirl. It’s weird because a lot of the stuff I hated about Kelly’s run was here, and a lot of the stuff I loved about the Gates’ run was not. This was angry, moody, emotional Kara again, fighting with Kal and not fond of Earth. But I was in my teens at this point, and I didn’t want happy go-lucky Superman or Supergirl. I wanted my heroes angry, scared of the future, ready to go out there and smash some cars. Morrison’s Action Comics was 100% my jam (still is once I really understood the deeper meaning beneath the work) and this Kara felt like a natural fit for this universe. Plus we got Asrar on art and that guy made it damn pretty to look at, lots of cool science fiction stuff going on, even with the dumb H’el storyline.

I loved all the new Rogues Kara got. I loved her new Fortress under the ocean. I loved how traumatized she was by the loss of Krypton, that she wanted more than anything to go home, that her cousin was like a stranger to her since they had been apart for so long. I found all of that incredibly relatable. A lot of the New 52 Supergirl stories might have been schlock but it was my type of schlock damnit, and I enjoyed it!

I kept with her New 52 series all the way through the Red Daughter Saga (which I loved). As someone who grew up on Johns GL (since that was the only comics my home library had), seeing a Supercharacter join a Lantern Corp was the hypest thing ever. I loved the finale about Kara finally letting go of her anger and losing the ring while smashing her foe into the sun, it was incredibly cathartic for me as an angry teen myself. I finally stopped following her series sometime after since I was no longer enjoying the Superline or really DC as a whole. It wasn’t until I heard that New 52 Superman died and the “old” Superman was back, that I checked back into DC.

DC Rebirth & How I Think Kara Should Work

I did not enjoy Supergirl Rebirth, and I think I’ll talk about my problems with it alongside how I think Kara as a character should work since the two are related. A pet peeve of mine that has formed over the years is this: I don’t like it when Superfamily members get turned into Clark clones. Kon wearing glasses and going to Smallville High. Kara going to high school and being involved in journalism. Jon more or less being written as a copy of his dad personality-wise. I hate that kind of stuff because it’s boring. What’s the point of a Superfamily if everyone is just copying Clark? It also doesn’t fit the characters especially in Kara’s case. Why the hell does she want to be a journalist? Were there journalists on Krypton? I don’t remember ever seeing one! Shouldn’t she want to be, I dunno, a scientist? That seems to have been the El family tradition, wouldn’t she have been groomed for that?

This one-off by Shea is honestly the only acceptable outcome for Kara going into journalism for me. She realizes she’s just copying her cousin and switches to something she wants to do. So Orlando copying the show, which already basically turned Kara into an expy of her cousin, just did not appeal to me at all. What had worked for me under Gates way back when was not clicking for me this time. I wanted to see Kara embody the principles of the S-shield in a different way than her cousin did. So I really enjoyed when Rebirth ended and we moved into the Bendis era with Andrekyo relaunching the title as Kara in space.

Kara in space has always felt like a good fit for me. Unlike Kal I’ve come to believe that Kara really shouldn’t be all that fond of Earth. For him it’s home, but for her it’s just where she ended up after her real home got destroyed. I think Kara works well as a sort of nomad, occasionally making stops back home to Earth to check on her cousin, but otherwise? She’s more comfortable out in space than she could ever be on Earth. Out in space she can be Kryptonian (which is what she should think of herself as in contrast to Clark being torn between his Kryptonian biology and human upbringing, and Jon/Kon identifying as human), be her true self, not have to pretend to be human to fit in. Kara founding a moon refuge was one of the best ideas for her that I’ve seen, I would love if DC made her Future State refugee center on the moon canon. I’m excited for more Kara adventures in space with the upcoming Tom King story.

Also love that her and Krypto are getting tied together, if they don’t want to use Krypto in Superman’s stuff, let her have him! Bring on cosmic adventurer Supergirl!

Personality & Other Traits

Kara to me should be more hot-tempered than her cousin. All the Superfamily members should have a temper in my opinion, I see that as the “Deadly Sin” of Superman and his family. But while Kal is like a simmering pot that will explode if it’s left cooking for too long, Kara is like dynamite. Light her fuse at your own peril because she will go off on you.

I also like the idea of Kara being rash. Kal’s got a maturity that came from over a decade of having to live with Lex Luthor constantly getting away with all his evil schemes. He’s patient because he’s been forced to be. Kara? If you ask for her help she’ll give it, but beware because she doesn’t really care about the long term impacts of her decisions. She’s an invulnerable teenager after all.

Really liked that Venditti Annual where Kara got tutored in history by a reincarnation of Hawkman. Kara having a passion for history is a neat trait, would be nice to see her teach Kal or Jon some Kryptonian lore, or have her lead a Kryptonian holiday celebration for the Superfamily because she’s the only one who remembers how to do it.

Sexuality wise I know a lot of people ship Kara and Lena on account of the chemistry between the two in the show. I haven’t watched the show myself but I’m fine with making Kara bisexual, the Superfamily could use some LGBT+ rep, and Lena hasn’t done anything of worth as a villain, so undo that and throw the two together. If we’re letting Harley and Ivy get away with murder I think we can let Lena off the hook too, undo the Ultrawoman weirdness and put the two together. Could be fun seeing the two building that moon refuge together.

All in all I think Kara is a great character who is a stronger embodiment of the immigrant experience than even her cousin in some ways. I hope King does a good job with her, she’s treated better than her cousin on the film side, and that overall the 20s are a better decade for Supergirl than the 10s were.

#supergirl #superman #lena luthor #krypto #dc comics

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fantasmalforces · 2 years

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“ i don’t think you’re a monster. not really. i just think that’s what you tell yourself to feel strong. ” -> Vin and Star || @ineffablemuses

💜 Enemies, Lovers, and Everything In Between // CLOSED💜

The words struck her perhaps a bit harder than Star had been prepared for them to. She bit her lip, refusing to meet Vincent’s gaze.

These last few weeks had been a particularly hellish point on the relatively short timeline of her life. The world had always been unkind to the S.W.O.R.D.S. but Night City truly seemed to enjoy pushing the limits of human cruelty. Everyone seemed so angry all the time, always looking for reasons to look down on one another. The city seemed so jaded and bitter, especially towards anyone the citizens deemed “out of place.” And of course, Star received the brunt of it. She was the one that tended to go out, curious and exploratory of their new surroundings. But it a not easy hiding what she was. sh screamed outsider, even with her best attempts to hide her extra limbs or mask the imperfections of her altered skin. She’d never had the easiest time looking in the mirror to see anything but some strange abomination staring back, but the city had only made that harder.

“No, I tell myself that because it’s the truth.” She said, balling all four of her hands into tight fists. ”I’m not supposed to exist. I’m not human, I’m not a person - I’m just some weird collage of DNA that someone decided to throw together because they could. My own god damn creator said I was a failure. Just a useless lab rat. She wanted me pulled apart and melted down. If it wasn’t for the S.W.O.R.D.S. I wouldn’t be here. And honestly? Sometimes I wish I wasn’t.” She scowled, glaring at the floor by her feet to try and force back the tears that wanted so desperately to stream down her face. “I’m a mistake, Vin. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Neither should I,” he cut in suddenly, “I took one to the head, flatlined, and came back with a fuckin’ construct in my skull tryin’ to drive me off the deep end. Then, I went on takin’ suicide mission after suicide mission tryin’ to get it outta my head. By all accounts, I should’ve dropped fifty times over now. I even considered pulling the trigger myself. But I didn’t. I’m still here, despite the odds. You wanna know why?”

He threw an arm around Star, pulling her close and grasping at one of her hands. His voice sounded frustrated, angry even, but that little quiver it had to its edge told her e wasn’t mad. He was upset - scared of losing her, and sad she was hurting and he’d never seen it. She looked at him, knowing all to well by the way his thumb was smoothing over her knuckles that he needed to see her eyes. “Because I belong here. With you. I went through hell and high water, thought so many times ‘why bother? Why keep doing this? It’d be so much easier to let go and just... let Johnny do things.’ And every time I did, I thought about everyone I’d be leaving to deal with him. Misty, Vik, Jackie... n’ you. You.” He chuckled softly. “Couldn’t even dream of leavin’ you behind. I had to keep going for you. If it weren’t for anything else, it would always be for you, Star.”

She paused, trying to look away. Vin wouldn’t let her though. She shuddered out a sigh as the backs of his fingers trailed across her jaw, palm slipping up to cup her cheek and draw her in closer. He savored the vibrations of her purring under his fingertips, the way she gazed at him through soft eyes as she leaned into his touch. “I know this city fuckin’ sucks, know you’d rather be anywhere else, know it makes ya feel like shit but... you ain’t no monster. You never could be. I don’t care if you were made in a lab. Don’t care that you came out of a test tube ‘stead of a pussy. Don’t care hat you got four arms and two tails and cat eyes and big ol’ vampire fangs, alright? Don’t care what you are. N’ neither does anyone else. We all see you for who you are. All of us - Misty, Vik, your buddies, Jackie, Jax, Volt, Goro, Rayn - n’ me. I fuckin’ love you.”

Star opened their mouth to protest but Vincent cut them off, pressing a soft kiss to their lips to punctuate his point. He felt them hum, but he didn’t seem to care. They could feel him smile when they started kissing back, raising a hand to caress his face. Their touch was gentle, almost worried. He drew back after moment to look at them, leaning hard into it and nuzzling into their palm with contented smile. He looked at them, adoring, hopeful. He raised his brows as he asked, “let’s make a deal, yeah?” His voice was softer now. “Any time someone gives you a hard time, you point ‘em out to me, and I’ll take care of the problem. And any time you’re feelin’ down, you come to me and I’ll remind you of all the reason you ain’t a monster, aright? Sound fair? We got a deal?”

Star sighed,trying to hold back a smile at the puppy eyes he gave her and say no. But how could she? Those beautiful violets were just something she couldn’t possibly resist agreeing. “Deal.” She said, drawing him back for another kisses and relishing in the way Vin brushed away the tears she hadn’t realized her falling, pulling her into him. He was so warm, ad he smelled so good...

She supposed it would do her some good to start getting lost in him instead of the city.

#{ open your eyes : ask }#{ we will rock you : mutual }#ineffablemuses #vincent and star : love me like there's no tomorrow [ineffablemuses]#{ the unseen sword : star }

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Blog Updates: New Patreon Stretch Goals, Patreon Exclusive Reviews, New Story Arcs and Other Stuff

MHello everyone. For those of you seeing this through other tags my name is Jake. I do reviews on here that are usually full sumaries of an episode of a tv show or comic, with jokes and analsyis throughout. I’m doing this post as i’ve recently revamped by patreon a bit, check out VIA THIS LINK if your curious. I also have some other stuff going on with the blog that I thought might intrest the general public and especially you lovely followers. Thank you guys so much. Your support means a lot and feel free to interact with this post and any of the reviews. it’s always a pleasure. Leave your comments whatever. So let’s start with the patreon stuff

You Decide the Next Patreon Exclusive Review!:

Yes YOU will decide the Patreon Exclusive review for May. How? It’s simple: i’m currently reviewing the Lilo and Stitch crossover episodes, the first two this week with the American Dragon Jake Long crossover “Morpholomew” done yesterday, the Proud Family episode “Spats” coming later this week, and “Rufus” (Kim Possible) and “Lax” (Recess) coming next week and the week after that respectively.

As a way to gage intrest in the shows crossed over, and if I should review some of them on their own, i’m going to be watching the notes, and after the first week i’ll record how many a review got. This way the first review dosen’t get an advantage over the last and so on. Whichever episode gets the most votes wins and it’s show will get two reviews: One exclusive to Patreon in may you can check out for just a buck, and one for all of ya in June. So if you want to dragon up, get louder and prouder, check out what the sitch is, or have some recess, keep an eye on my blog and check out the review. Like it reblog, it, both. This is all in your hands. And if this little contest works out I may do another one like it in the future.

New Patreon Stretch Goals!:

For those unfamiliar with Patreon it’s a site that helps creators like me get paid for their work, used by such luminaries as Linkara, Pushing Up Roses and greatest of all Rifftrax.

Stretch Goals are an amount of money I get a month from patreons, that’s readers like you paying me. Even a buck a month would help a lot and help me put out a reviews and LIVE off doing this. But it’s a two way street so in order to entice you lovely people into paying me for doing my job and my passion with these reviews, i’ve updated the tiers, adding a wider and better range of rewards. I’m currenntly up to 15 dollars a month, or close enough that i’ve acitivated those rewards. And if you help me hit these tiers EVEYRONE gets PUBLIC, on here, for free reviews. Thanks to my lovely patreons Emma and Kevin you all are getting reviews of the first 5 Ducktales episode, aka Legend of the Golden Suns, with the second coming as soon as I finish this post. Even a buck helps us reach closer and for your dollar you get access to the discord, exclusive reviews, and to pick a short any time I review a bunch of shorts. And with Goofy’s birthday coming up next montha nd Donald’s after that, now is the best time for that. 5 dollar patreons also get one review as month, with 10 dollar ones getting two. You’ve already probably seen some of these: Kev has used one of his a month to have me review a house of mouse episode every month, and newest patreon and longtime friend Emma is using them to have me review the netflix dr. seuss adaptation “Green Eggs and Ham”. So whatever YOU want me to review I will and you’l lhelp unlock even MORE great reviews. So what do you get if you hit the goals? I’m glad you asked.

We’re up to 15 so next is...

20 Dollar Tier: Ducktales 87 Season 2 Mini Series!: Yes indeedy. Already on the Docket was the Super Ducktales Arc, which introducices the OG GIZMODUCCCKKKKK. But since that apparenlty wasn’t enough i’ve also added the OTHER mini series. While i’ll do super first since that’s the one with higher fan intrest once tha’ts done i’ll also review Time is Money, the time travel arc bringing in everyone’s faviroite scrappy Bubba. So if you want a buncha cruncha retro Ducktales pony up. But that’s not all the disney afternoon I got for this tier.

A Darkwing Duck Episode A MOnth: This one has also been promoted every time I could and still stands. If you like that mind behind the shadow disguise, that daring duck of mystery, that champion of right, then you’ll get one review a month about him, as voted on by you patreons.

Danny Phantom: The Ultimate Enemy: And since neither of these have helped me so far and stepping back into Amity Park made me realize how much I love the series, even if it’s creator is a 80 tons of smug asshole packed into a t-shirt he thinks is cooler than it is. So it only felt right to add the ghost boy to the tier and the best way to kick that off is with it’s second best, and only barely second behind Reign Storm, episode: The Ultimate Enemy! Danny finds his future is imperfect and must battle his own evil self! If you want my thoughts on one of the series finest hours, then help me hit 20 bucks a month to keep making content.

25 Dollar Tier:

I removed the Tail Spin content, though rest assured I will be covering Plunder and Lightning sometime this year. But what I replaced it with is even better.

One Danny Phantom Review a Month: YOu like teen superheros? you like ghosts? you like me slagigng off about butch hartman and trying to make it crystal clear his creation dosen’t wholly belong to him? Then you’ll like me reviewing Danny Phantom. And while i’m already doing that, this goal gaurantees one episode a month, and said episode will be voted on by my patreons. So if you pay for this you’ll not only get your monthly dose of going ghost.. but you’ll get a chance to PICK what it is.

Disney Shows To Movies Trilogy : I’ve decided to make it a tradition for my 15 dollar stretch goals to do a bunch of disney movies. And like with my last batch, which you’ll be seeing in may, i’m doing tv shows that got their own movies, theatrical or otherwise. And this time we’re doing MY generatoin: Kim Possible: So The Drama, the best story in the show’s histroy and the best movie in the Disney Channels! Recess: Schools Out! The suprisingly bonkers unsurprisingly awesome finale to an awesome show! and The Proud Family Movie, another UTTERLY BATSHIT finish to a great show. Lost at Sea and Seconds: This one’s for my scottaholics, fourth part of my Scott Pilgrim retrospective coming this week!. If you like me taking a look at Scott’s quest to punch the fuck out of his girlfriends exes while growing up a little, then if you help me get to the 30 dollar tier, i’ll also take a look at O’Malley’s other graphic novels Lost at Sea, which follows a girl who lost her soul and her boyfriend on a trip with what may be Young Neil’s older sister, and Seconds, the story of a woman with issues growing up who finds the ablitlity to travel through time.. or is it space? And some of you savvier readers my know he has nother comic. Where’s that one? wellllll

30 Dollar Tier:

Snotgirl: I’m saving this one for this tier. Reviews of each collected volume of snotgirl, Bryan’s first ongoing series, all three so far and any more to come about, unsuprisingly, a hot mess of a person, this time who might’ve done a murder. You know instead of defintely did a murder but in self defnese and with a longsword.

Gravity Falls Season 1!: One of Disney’s finest finally on this blog. All season 1 episodes reviewed in some way in some shape in some form. Star Vs Finale Arc!: You’ve heard me bitch about the problems in Tom’s story, and wil lcontinue to. Now see the terrible way everyone elses ends! From an amazing build up to an awful finish, see reviews of Every story relevant season 4 episode from Butterfly Follies to Cleaved that won’t already be covered in my tom retrospective. It’s a road to crushing disapointment, come on inside!

35 Dollar Tier: More Disney TV Adaptations!: Doug’s First Movie! See Doug get really fucking weird in his sea monster based movie with a punch line of a name! Teachers Pet, a great movie out of a show I barely saw! Kim Possible Live action! it’s suprisingly okay! and Recess Taking the Fifth: a compliation movie for a season we sadly never got.

Gravity Falls Season 2: Buillding on the first reward Gravity Falls Reviews will go beyond the first season and finish the job. From zombies, to dipcifica, to ford to weirdmageddon, I’m doin it all.

40 Dollar Tier:

Two HUGE Disney Focused Comics Retrospectives!

Darkwing Duck: In addition to the show, i’ll start reviewing the awesome follow up comic that got me into it. From the start to both finishes: the unathorized crossover finale and the sadly short lived sequel series from joe books, the worst mistake disney ever made that wasn’t racist, before Artemis Fowl said hold my beer. Also the short lived Ducktlaes series because why not.

The Incredibles!: The Family Dynamic! A comprehensive retrospective featuring reviews of the movie, the Mark Waid followup, the sequel that ignores said followup and the incomparable Christos Gage’s followup to THAT movie. Also that wonderfuly awful failed tv pilot bob made that he and lucius did a mst3k of.

45 Dollar Tier:

Disney Flims Lilo and Stitch a Thon: All four lilo and stitch movies, Lilo and Stitch, Lilo and Sitch 2, Stitch and Leroy and Stitch! All the hawaii, aliens and sequels you can handle!

Amphibia Season 1: I’ve done Season 2 as it comes out, i’ll be doing the same for season 3, so help me get here to see the start at least once a month, but two at a time!

50 Dollar Tier: The last one for now. I’ll probably go to 10 dollar tiers after this.

The Owl House Season 1: While I wait for the second season to start so I can cover it, have me do the rest of season 1! The only exceptions are the already covered Enchanted Grom Fright and the earmarked for pride month wing it like witches!

The Two Loves and 87 Mistakes of Mordecai: A regular show romancetrospective, as we go through the downs, ups, higher ups and crushing lows of Modercai’s romantic arcs from regular show. His crush on margert, making his move, moving on, moving on to cj, and then the horrible cluster fuck I’ve talked about nonstop and will again and again as one of the worst romantic arcs in memory as they shot the relationship in the foot head and groin! Force me to relive it all!

So yeah I’ll add more tiers, again probably 10 dollars apart if I get to 50, but given I barely got to 15 i’m not optimistic. PROVE ME WRONG. HELP ME HIT 50.

Other Stuff:

Finally outisde of Patreon, that was the main reason for this, I have news on my various arcs. For one thing i’ll be trying to keep the pace better, so expect at least one entry a month for ones i’m doing on my own time like the tom retrospective, life and times and Scott pilgrims. Ones kev does will be done weekly to keep my wallet afloat.

I also have two more retrospectives incoming! The first is paid for by Kev: I’l lbe tackling ALL THREE SEASON 2 ARCS OF DUCKTALES 2017. After the headache of trying to cram the della arc into three weeks to keep up with the lena one, I decided i’td be better for pacing if I did all three at once and kev agreed to it, if using his patreon reviews to cushion the blows. So starting next month i’ll be covering the Louie, Della and Glomgold/Owlson arcs, swapping between them in episode order. With that I should be FAR closer to having covered every ducktales episode. Granted i’ll still have 17 to cover, but it’ll make that much more managable.

The second comes in June specifically timed for Pride Month. With Scott Pilgrim Wrapping up in August just in time for the movie’s anniversary, I decided to start covering another one of my faviorite comics of all time. It’s time to transform, roll out and make this precoius it’s Transformers More than Meets the Eye! For those of you unfamiliar it’s an idw comic that follows a rag tag group of transformers, about half of them gay or gay coded, on a mission to find the lost knights of cybertron and bring ballance to a post war cybertron.. which quickly devloves into hyjinnks with a side order of heartrending deaths and charcter development... and references to dexy’s midnight runners.

So that’s all for now. thank you for reading, please support my patreon as the next pay term is at the start of next month, so if you want me to start on any of those stretch goals, nows the time. Please help me earn a living and until all are one, i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

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ellinights · 4 years

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seungwoo as a switch in bed

i just have this weird lil thought about seungwoo. it is so common that everyone who knows him, would think of him as a dom in bed. there’s rarely anyone writing a sub!seungwoo. well, i honestly think he would be a great switch. this man can turn from your daddy to a baby, and vice versa. i definitely have not been fantasising seungwoo being a bottom, no.

okay i think everyone knows the drill when seungwoo is the dom

it’s either 1. he could be really sweet, like a prince. treats you like royalty.

checking on you every now and then, making sure he ain’t crossing the line during sex.

i feel he isn’t much of a talker during intimate moments like this. but he will throw in a few compliments like “you’re so pretty under me” or “you take me in so well my love”. something like that.

instead, he’ll moan or whine a lot. (damn if yall haven’t heard him in pdx where he made those sounds, yall missing out)

his actions speaks louder than words. from holding your hand while he fucks, planting soft kisses on your neck, makes out with you but not in a rough way or just looking at you in the eye fondly while he’s making love to you.

he’s a sweet boy wbk

or either 2. beast mode activated

he’ll mostly be like this when you challenge his authority or you simply just made him mad, which rarely happens cause i see him as someone who’s patient.

he’ll be really talkative this time, mostly degrading you of course

“try to challenge me again and you won’t cum tonight”, “you needy whore always wanting my cock” or “be a good slut for me tonight”

damn he’s wild

mark you on almost every part of your skin that he can touch on. especially part that can’t be covered like your neck ;)

he’s kinky but in a mild way. not really into extreme bdsm and such

he’ll tie you up, or choke you slightly, that’s basically the extend.

and he’s such a big tease

he’ll take his time to finger you with his fingers ( if yall haven’t seen a close look of his hands, his fingers are slender and pretty. ), play with your nipples, or when he noticed you’re about to cum, he’ll stop immediately.

this boi i swear

oh and don’t expect him to go for only one round. i see him as someone with high stamina so maybe 3-4 rounds. or more, we don’t know ;)

ALSO, gives the best aftercare, right after sex. doesn’t matter if he’s in a prince or beast mode, he’ll clean you up, and cuddle you to sleep while praising how you did well in bed or asked how he did

“you did so well for me”, “was it okay?” or “was it too much?”

seungwoo a sweet big boi, wbk :”)

but he’ll also tease here and there about how you acted up when he’s taking control

“you looked like you came really hard today” or “can you walk tomorrow though?”

what a tease shut up seungwoo you don’t need to bring those up

OKAY NOW, SEUNGWOO AS A SUB

if you think seungwoo as a dom is hot

seungwoo getting controlled in bed is hotter ;)

definitely an obedient one

just imagine seeing him implying to you, and if you made him get under your control, damn you lucky. cause i see him as someone who always wants to give pleasure but never wanted to get it cause he thinks it’s his “responsibility” a true leader habit

seeing him helpless, his puppy watery eyes looking desperate for your touch, begs passing through his swollen red lips, looking so innocent like a baby but we all know he wants to be used. oH daMn

when he’s a sub, don’t expect him to moan less. HE WILL BE LOUDER THAN USUAL. every second he’ll start making this lewd noises, it’s basically his way of showing that you’re doing a great job pleasuring him. he also whines like a baby, in a high pitched tone. says out your name like 37827337 times

when he’s basically begging you to pleasure him, he’ll blabber, he talks a lot. you’ll be touching every inch of his body but except his length. that makes me frustrated but he don’t wanna be a brat so he just let you do whatever you want

“p-please..touch my cock please...i want to feel good too” or “don’t tease me please” HE WILL ASK YOU NICELY WHAT A GOOD BOI

sometimes you want him to shut up so you’ll push your fingers into his mouth to suck, and o h he likes it

definitely has oral fixation

i mean guys, come on, seeing him sucking your fingers hungrily, while looking at you with his innocent eyes. rip.

but on other times, you just let him talk a lot, it’s music to your ears to hear him speak in ᵗᶤᶰʸ font.

his whole face would go red, his cheeks especially. it’ll be burning hot. it turns him on a lot to see you take control. sweats two times more than usual.

oh seeing how his toned fair body glistened with s w e a t. yO iM—

i feel that he likes getting tied up, especially when you restrict the movement of his hands ;)

and he likes getting marked up by you. the next day, he doesn’t bother to even cover up his hickeys cause he wants everyone to see who made this piece of art on his skin ;)

wants to make out with you while you both fuck, and also wants your body close to his. sweet boi :”) mY heArt

he likes kissing you okay? always wants your lips against his own.

“please kiss me please...please please please” or either he’ll hold onto your hand and try to pull you down to kiss him :”) i cry—

also tells you how good he feels when you’re on top of him.

“it feels good, please don’t stop..”, “you make me feel so good..” like— he’ll speak in this breathless tone while he moans in between words. how do you not wanna make him feel good when he sounds like that????

notice he’ll say “please” in every sentence. even during sex he has manners. makes you wanna pleasure him more as a reward.

pet names. call him baby boy and he’ll lose it completely. call him prince, he’ll do the same.

he lowkey likes it when you edge or overstimulate him, and trust me, if you do so, the sounds that will come out from his mouth is much more heavenly

when he cums, oH mY... the sounds.. he’ll gasped first, before letting out this loud long whine, almost sounding like a scream as he ride his high.

he’s a baby like i said, so he’ll slip a few tears here and there because he feels so d a m n g o o d

this is not a post of me just talking about how good seungwoo would sound in bed, no

after sex, he’ll be clingy af. you better give him the best aftercare and cuddle him tight. he’ll act like a baby, (i mean he already is one oof)

being a good boy he is, he’ll thanked you like a million times for making him feel good in also ᵗᶤᶰʸ font. cUte

oh man, han seungwoo you—

okay i’ve sinned more than enough today this is the first post i ever did so lemme just apologise if there’s any mistakes or imperfections. imma yeet bYe

#victon imagines #seungwoo #han seungwoo #victon #x1 #x1 imagines #seungwoo imagines #seungwoo smut #this is hot damn

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houndin-around · 4 years

Text

First off I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone that follows me and deals with me 🥺💕 I kinda can’t believe I’m at 100? I have a lot more up coming so bare with me!! I also wanted to try my hand at writing a few headcanons for some of our favorite boys involving how they handle their emotions when they first find that special one! Will do some more later! And since I reached 100 followers I will also be releasing some of my world-building headcanons about my CEO Maul AU that is in the works!

Wolffe- This boy gets extremely, overwhelmed with his emotions and in turn, he begins lashing out at others accidentally. It's simply because he doesn't understand how to control all these new emotions he's experiencing and he's confused and scared. After all, he's not even supposed to be feeling like this so he feels as if he's failing:

*Ever since you convinced Plo Koon to aid his men to Aleen for support, Wolffe has started feeling weird. Any time you tried to approach him though, he was rather reserved and sometimes gave you the cold shoulder. That is until you kept pestering him and eventually broke that beskar like a shield he had up.

*He doesn’t understand what it is, and he’s convinced he’s picked up a bug or something while planetside. Though he refuses to admit being sick and keeps it to himself.

*Part of him doesn’t understand why he has the constant need to get off 24/7 either, and somehow his mind always ends up wandering to you.

*Maker is he spiraling in the hell of feelings.

*During a skirmish with the 501st, he starts lashing out at Boost more than usual because it’s a “life or death” situation, and any mistake they make during these drills reflect on the battlefield. Even though it’s just a friendly game Skywalker organized to keep the troopers entertained but also practice strategizing.

*As days pass, and the more you’re around Wolffe begins secluding himself more. Trying to deal with the weirdness he’s experiencing, still not able to pinpoint what the hell is going on with him.

*“Good you’re here.” When Sinker manages to locate his Commander and he barges into his quarters while starting to interrogate him.

*Wolffe felt like a blaster shot got him right in the chest. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, knowing he couldn’t escape Sinker’s questions. The commander hadn’t even noticed his emotions were controlling his behavior he was too wrapped up feeling like a defective clone.

*Wolffe knows clones weren’t supposed to have feelings, only to do their duty by serving the republic and that was it. Not even allowed to have possessions and yet, the idea of you being his was something he couldn’t suppress. It was wrong but anytime any other man spoke to you, held your attention he longed to stun them with his blaster.

*Eventually, Sinker was able to get Wolffe to unravel everything he was hanging onto. At first teasing, the commander was his first instinct, however, once he noticed how uncomfortable and shrunken the man in front of him was he immediately began comforting him.

*Wolffe made Sinker swear not to tell a soul, in exchange for relentless teasing and inside jokes between the two now. Something Wolffe “hates” but it’s better than everyone knowing, especially you while he gets all the advice from his brother on emotions, love, and most importantly how to get you in his grasp.

*“Kriff Wolffe, I’ve never seen you blush so much,” All Wolffe could let out was a low growl, eyes too focused on you walking down the hallway. Just the way you smiled and greeted him left him in a trance. “Guess that’s why they call it puppy love! Get it, Wolffe! Maybe we should just call you Wolffe Pup!”

*“Cut it out di’kut.” He hissed, walking away to escape to his quarters.

______________

Echo- This precious baby is worried he's not good enough for you. He's super shy and just wants to treat you the way you deserve is that too much to ask?

*100% hopeless romantic, but not sure how to execute it.

*This boy is SOFT. But he’s not one to seek out that attention for himself, he just wants to bask you in that attention, making you feel like you’re his whole world. Because you are. He’d do absolutely anything for you. But in the beginning, it was hard for him to even consider himself worthy of your love. He never knew what love actually felt like until he met you, but he was always intrigued by the idea of love.

*When he first locked eyes with you, it was in a cantina on Tatooine. Wrecker insisted on checking the planet out to scope out any odd bounties to take care of since there were no current missions.

*Of course, once his eyes met with yours that was it. A chill ran down his spine, and his cheeks were dusted with a rosy hue. Butterflies filling his stomach. Once the rest of the bad batch caught on, boy did they give him hell.

*Majority of their time on Tatooine, Echo would wander off by himself into town in hopes to run into you, but knowing damn well he wouldn’t try anything. He was far too scared and self-conscious about it. Especially after meeting the Techno Union, he didn’t feel worthy of your time, didn’t feel like he deserved anyone. He felt like a monster.

*If he wasn’t looking around for you, he was sitting outside the bad batch ship, prosthetic knees pulled into his chest as he pondered the true meaning of love. Considering the possibility you are what most call a “soul mate.”

*All the secret reading of holo novels and never prepared him for the true experience and now he’s left alone with his thoughts. Hatred building at all his imperfections he now has.

*Tech at one point tried to explain the whole biological basis of love and theories supporting it, but that only made Echo’s head spin. On the other hand, he had Wrecker in his ear on the vulgarities of love. Though, because these troopers were different, they didn’t discourage their brother either. They fully supported whatever would make him happy which only made him think of Fives even more. Fives would know what to say and guide him in the right direction because after all Fives always had civies swooning over him.

*“For Fives.” He’d repeat over and over, trying to muster the courage to even approach you at the market. Echo wanted his brother to be proud of him for stepping out of his comfort zone in an attempt to discover if what he was truly feeling was love.

*Even though he was embarrassed to admit it to himself, he attempted some of Fives’ pick up lines but when the words tumble out of his mouth…they sound more like rambles, managing to forget the important parts of said pick up lines leaving Echo red and more flustered

*He’s honestly so precious trying to follow in his brother’s footsteps. Even if he’s making a fool out of himself, the giggle he gets from you is so rewarding that he keeps coming back to your vendor stall.

*The way he sees you look at him like he’s not broken and defective based on his cybernetics makes his heart leap. He finally found someone that hasn’t pitied him or trying to fix him.

*This is love. This is without a doubt the definition of love he was searching for. Crosshair was wrong. Soul Mates did exist, and it was you. Maker was it you, and he will do his best to try and show you how much he cherishes you as he learns more.

________

Fives- This man doesn’t stop at anything!! We all know he’s a popular man, but when that one special someone has his heart that’s it. He’s 100% devoted and will try to win their love every single day as if its started all over again. His pick up jokes are hella corny though and I will die on this hill!

*Confidence!!! Need I say more? Especially after a few drinks at 79s.

*This man will not hesitate to invade your personal space and whisper sweet nothings in someone's ear. Except when he tries it on you? He earns a swift smack to the face, damaging his ego a bit.

*Boy, the look on the rest of the 501st’ face should’ve been holorecorded. He’s NEVER rejected. But you weren’t the type to entertain drunk strangers. Despite the embarrassing encounter, Fives is plotting another scheme to get your attention. Although let's be honest, he’s always scheming!

*Even though he has a pretty high body count, it never meant anything to him. Just some stimulation and stress relief. However, that all stopped when he laid eyes on you. He swore to himself that he’d do everything in his power to be with you. But not just intertwined in the sheets, no, soul and all, hand and hand.

*Fives has heard about love before, but he never really thought he’d find someone who made him feel like that. If he was being honest with himself, he was kinda skeptical about it. After all, he didn’t really know anyone who experienced it. At least he wasn’t aware.

*It took him quite a few days of talking in the mirror and hyping himself up before he dared to try again before it dawned on him you may not even be there again. This kind of sends him spiraling a bit, anxiety starting to creep up on him like a Rishi Eel.

*One thing about Fives though is he’s determined. He was willing to wait as long as he possibly could to cross paths with you once more in hopes to patch things up and catch your attention. Some of the boys had Kix check up on their brother as he was constantly rambling to himself, thinking about all the possible scenarios he’d had with you at 79s. He managed to convince everyone he was fine though, just strategizing.

*His second attempt at winning you over went a little something like this; You were leaning against the bar, talking to a friend while he waltzed up to order a drink. He notices your friend begins to nudge you, only for you to roll your eyes once you see who it is. Of course, he’s got that stupid grin on his face, ready to work his magic. “You look tired darling.” His mouth hovers over the brim of the glass, eyes locking with yours. “I’m fine.” Your eyebrow raised, curious as to what game this clone was playing. You had to admit he was ballsy and hot…in an irritating kind of way. “Hmm...Surprised.” Fives mumbled taking another sip of his Trandoshan ale, “Cos you’ve been running through my mind all day.” The friend next to you ended up spitting her drink on the floor and your face beat red and not because of the alcohol.

*Once he laid out that card, that was it. He locked you in and you had no choice but to give him some of your time.

*Just the way he admires the words tumbling out of your lips, all attention on you, is surprising. Here you thought you had a man just wanting to slip into your pants and yet, he’s listening to your life story, asking questions about you. Your likes, dislikes, everything.

*He’s not one to admit he’s wrong, but he apologizes for his first interaction with you. Even admits that he was so awestruck with your beauty that his brain just stopped functioning.

*After several outings, his demeanor never changes. He’s so into you and remembers every detail about you. Any shift in your tone and he’s pressing you to talk about whatever is on your mind. Wanting to be the one to help you through it all.

*“Ya know Rex. I think I’m in love?” The captain couldn’t help but let out a snicker before realizing Fives is serious. “You? In love? Since when was that possible?” Fives just rolled his eyes and gave Rex a somewhat gentle push, before sneaking a peek at the holopic he has of you. Love was better than he expected, especially when it involved you.

#headcanon #star wars #star wars clone wars #clone wars #clone wars fanfic #commander wolffe #clone trooper echo #arc trooper echo #arc trooper fives #clone trooper fives #fives #echo #wolffe

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relishredshoes · 3 years

Photo

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group. (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Oracle Obscured and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many readers will know you already and if they don’t I encourage them to look your works up including Teaching Miss Granger and How I learned to love teachers’ meetings

Okay, let’s jump right in.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Hmmm ... that’s kind of a weird answer for me. I wanted to choose a name that didn’t immediately indicate whether I was male or female. I’d noticed a certain freedom afforded to authors of indistinguishable gender. With no societal construct about the “nature” of the creator, the story stood on its own, without prejudice or conditioned expectations.

I brainstormed about six or seven names and then picked the one that appealed to me most. I’ve always felt drawn to the idea of oracles (those who see beyond). And I definitely felt obscured in that department. (Hell, at the time, my whole life felt obscured.)

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

I don’t know if I do. I guess if I had to pick, I’d say Hermione, as I have a tendency to be an obsessive perfectionist when it comes to work/studying. I like to be organized and plan things out. And I can be quite demanding and harsh with myself when I feel like I’m not measuring up to my own insane ideals.

But I took that openpsychometrics.org statistical quiz a while back, where you answer like a bazillion comparison questions (I did the longer version), and my highest HP match was Remus Lupin (83%). Yeah, I can see that.

Luna is my favorite character, but I don’t know if I identify with her more than anyone else.

Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general)

It used to be horror/suspense, but ... I don’t know ... I’m just not as into it anymore. Maybe it’s because the real world is horrifying enough without adding fictional monsters to the mix.

Now I mostly read classics.

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

To Kill a Mockingbird.

At what age did you start writing?

Just writing stories in general? Maybe second grade. It wasn’t a passion or anything, just something I was pretty good at. I only really did it at school, though, not so much at home. I read A LOT growing up, so I naturally imagined that I might be an author one day. I tried to write a book when I was about 13 or 14, but less than one chapter in, I decided it was too hard. (I was NOT a Hermione growing up. Planning and perseverance were not my style.)

I took a massive break from thinking after high school (the smorgasbord of medications I was on didn’t like me using my brain too much, and my plans for college went out the window when my depression become unmanageable). I didn’t really start writing again until I was about twenty-seven. That was when I found fanfiction. I consider that when I really started writing.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I found fanfiction while looking for erotica. Needless to say I discovered the motherlode, and I was hooked. Over the years, I’d written bits and pieces of my own sexy scenarios (which is what you do when you grow up without the internet and you have to depend on your imagination for all your kink requirements), but I’d never really thought about taking someone else’s “story world” and using it as my setting. For a little over a year I read/devoured all the HP fanfiction I could, and then I realized I could take all the fantasies in my head and play them out with my favorite characters.

The first story I wrote was a funny/smutty Ginny/Draco thing, and it was HORRIBLE. The story and the sex were fine, but the writing was a nightmare. I submitted it to The Restricted Section, which was the only site I knew at the time, and they vetted their stories, so I had to get approved. They wrote me back saying it needed work and I should get a beta. So I went on the forum and found one (which was rather brave of me now that I think back). The person who helped me must’ve had the patience of a saint, because he/she(?) never said a damn thing about all the mistakes and shitty-ness. Suggestions and corrections were made, and I changed some of the pronouns to names so it wouldn’t sound so repetitive. The next time I submitted it, they accepted, and I got a decent response for a first-time writer (like three or four nice reviews). No one seemed to hate it, and the reviewers said the sex was hot, so I tried again, hoping to do better.

That’s when I wrote the first chapter of Teaching Miss Granger. It started out as just a oneshot. And it got a much better response. I wanted to write more, but I became extremely depressed and lethargic, and I didn’t really do anything for the next six or seven years. (I mean nothing. Unless you consider watching every episode of Law & Order CI and SVU ten times over to be an accomplishment.)

I came back to it years later, intending to add a few chapters to TMG where they have sex, but ... it just sort of evolved into the monster that it is. I worked on it pretty much every day for about a year. I’d never stuck with ANYTHING that long in my entire life.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

I would say love or “the power of love” is probably my favorite theme. But that includes synonyms for love as well. (Like wholeness, which is the theme of Quartet.)

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

None. I like other fandoms, but I don’t write for them, and I don’t usually read their fanfiction.

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

I’ve never really thought about changing cannon. I mean, I change it to suit my fictional purposes (like Snape lives etc.), but I wouldn’t want to change canon for real. The deaths in HP serve a purpose, and while I find many of those deaths heartbreaking, that’s kind of the point. Hatred is bleak and destructive, and good people don’t survive wars simply because they’re good; bad things happen to good people all the time. As for changing something about the individual characters, I can’t get behind that either. The reasons people do things are multifaceted and complex and they’re colored by a lifetime of experiences I will never know or understand, so I don’t feel I can really judge. I can’t say I understand all the choices I’ve made in my own life, and there’ve been plenty of times where I had no choice at all. I can’t hold others to more rigorous standards than I myself can meet. We all have our shortcomings. (And that’s cool. Without them, there would be no growth or diversity.)

Do I have a favorite piece of fanon? Hmmm ... probably Head Boy and Head girl rooming together or having private rooms.

Oh! And uniforms.

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

I used to listen to really quiet classical music while wearing headphones. Every little sound in the house distracts me, and I have to block it out. But lately I’ve just been running this old box fan that drowns out the noise.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

Crap, I don’t know if I can choose. (Plus I feel like I’ve forgotten a lot of what I’ve read.)

My friend Desert Sea is my fav Hermione/Severus writer. Out of her stories, the ones I like best are In Their Hands and At the Headmaster’s Discretion.

After a brief search of my accounts, I’ll go with:

Do Not Go Gentle by senlinyu

Another Dream by dragoon811

The Last Twenty-Four Hours of Severus Snape by CryingCinderella

Pretty much everything by Aurette

Pet Project by Caeria

Post Tenebras, Lux by Loten

All the SS/HG stuff from snapeslittleblackbuttons

There’s a Teddy Radiator story that I like a lot, but I can’t remember the name of it. (Or what it’s about.) (Yes, very helpful, I know.)

And in a category all it’s own is Farmer Granger and the Most Glorious Cock by MyWitch. (Seriously, I read this like once a month and it makes me laugh every time.)

I read a lot of Drarry too. Drarry stories I love:

Everything by bixgrl1, but especially Balance Imperfect and In Evidence of Magical Theory

Everything by lq_traintracks (even the non-Drarry stuff). The writing is amazing.

I love all the advent stories by Saras_girl.

I like all the Drarry stories I’ve read by Faithwood.

I really like RZZMG’s writing. (No particular story or pairing.)

And I just rediscovered a story I found in 2007 (the first m/m fic I ever read). It’s a Snarry, which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it was excellent. Snape: the Home Fries Nazi by pir8fancier

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I enjoy a bit of both. My oneshots are all pantsed. TMG was totally pantsed. But Getting Personal and Quartet were both plotted and planned. For GP I did sort of a chapter by chapter synopsis before starting my rough draft, and for Q I went into even more detail—EVERYTHING was planned out ahead of time. The only thing that changed during the first draft was I ended up combining some of the chapters.

How does plotting affect my writing process compared to pantsing? It streamlines it. In a oneshot there’s not much to streamline; the basic story (or general idea) is all you really need. There’s not enough story to get muddled. But when I’m writing something longer, with multiple chapters, I find it’s better to know where the story is going. How deeply I go into that planning can vary. Sometimes there’s just a basic outline of the major plot points and then I fly by the seat of my pants from there. Sometimes I write out a very rough synopsis (sort of like a short and loose first draft) and then start writing as if it’s my second draft. Things inevitably get changed once I really start writing, so the planning isn’t set in stone by any means, but when I plan, the story goes in the general direction I intend without veering too far off course and there aren’t any plot holes. After I wrote TMG (with no planning) I saw that there was A LOT I could have cut or combined without affecting anything important. I learned a little more with each story I wrote, and when I got to Q, there was a lot of complicated ideas that I wanted to incorporate, and there were so many characters (and character arcs) going on that I had to plan extensively to make sure everything fit together. If I hadn’t worked it out ahead of time, it would’ve been like throwing a heap of puzzle pieces on the table but not being given a reference picture to know what it was I was working toward.

What is your writing genre of choice?

I have no idea. Plotty sex? Erotic dramady? Some of it is just straight up PWP, but I usually like to have something meaningful in there too.

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Usually the answer is whatever I’ve most recently written, as it’s the most likely to represent my current “best.” In terms of writing, I’ll go with A Brush with Magic, but Quartet is probably my best storytelling. A lot went into that (symbolism, planning, obsessive re-writes) and it holds a good deal of personal meaning to me. So, I guess I’ll go with Q due to the time and effort involved.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

The unexpected always crops up (even with all my planning), and it’s the unexpected that makes the magic.

While I had many insights into my own nature while writing Quartet, in the end I think it taught me to trust/listen to myself more.

Later, however, it brought me a very different message. While writing it, I felt a lot of tension and anxiety; I wanted to “do it right” and present my story in the best light. But after some time away, I realized I’d been so worried because I felt as if that story represented me, as if it defined me. And the pressure of being judged worthy or unworthy had been eating me alive.

But I don’t feel that way anymore. Now it’s like I wrote all my stories in another lifetime. While they all might be a snapshot of a fraction of my mind, nothing I create ever says a damn thing about who or what I truly am. Since letting go of that, I’ve found a sense of freedom around writing. I still like to express things as clearly and beautifully as I can, but it’s more a celebration of words than a search for acceptance.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

Quartet was extremely personal to me when I wrote it, and in a lot of ways I think that made it easier to write. When I have to go strictly by imagination, I feel as if I’m missing some depth of understanding (like I’m getting the surface-level stuff, but missing the nuance). When I write from experience, it has an entirely different quality. Richer. More intimate. It’s work to write what I don’t know, but it’s easy to write the truth.

Posting, however, is an entirely different story. Other people don’t always want the truth, and if you feel like your story is an extension of you, it can hurt to have any part of it rejected.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

I think everything I’ve ever read or seen has influenced me. In terms of writing, I guess I’d say I’m inspired by beauty in all its forms. When I first started reading fanfiction, I just searched for the kinks I liked; it was all about the sex (with bonus points for having a decent plot). Then one day I read an extremely well-written PWP (I don’t remember what), and the way the author described the sex was so unlike anything I had ever read, it totally blew my mind. It was art. Exquisite art. And before that, I didn’t know sex could be art. That author didn’t just recount the characters’ actions, they painted a word masterpiece—they turned porn into poetry. THAT was what I wanted in my life. And I didn’t know it until that moment.

Books/authors that stick with me:

The Harry Potter series (obviously).

Shel Silverstein (Love the poetry, but The Giving Tree is one of my favorite books of all time.)

Dr. Seuss (Always.)

Judy Blume (I still have my copy of Are You There God it’s Me Margaret from when I was, like, 10. Tiger Eyes is my favorite of hers.)

R.L. Stine (I got hooked prior to the creation of the Goosebumps series, but I had EVERY Fear Street Book he wrote when I was in middle school.)

Weekend by Christopher Pike (This was the first YA thriller I ever read. *Sigh* memories. I still have my original copy, and I still read it every once in a while. The characters and plot are great.)

Stephen King (Carrie is my fav.)

Anne Rice (I’ve read all the vampire and witch books, but The Witching Hour is the only one I’ve read multiple times. Blackwood Farm is my next favorite.)

To Kill a Mockingbird

Charles Dickens (David Copperfield is my fav.)

Jane Austen (I can’t pick between Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility.)

Thomas Harris (Brilliant writing, and Hannibal might be one of the most intriguing anti-heros ever.)

Stieg Larsson (Another brilliant writer with a brilliant character.)

The Giver by Lois Lowry (I haven’t read the rest of the trilogy. And I haven’t seen the movie. I refuse to besmirch my childhood love with Hollywood’s interpretation.)

Bridge to Terabithia (This book devastated me as a child.)

Gillian Flynn (Sharp Objects is my fav.)

Liane Moriarty (I like all of her books, especially Big Little Lies. The way she plays with the timeline is masterful.)

Frank Herbert’s Dune. (I grew up on this. It’s my dad’s all-time favorite book. And, yes, we’re looking forward to the new movie.)

Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid’s Tale is horrifyingly wonderful. And Atwood herself is fascinating. Watch her Masterclass if you get the chance.)

Steinbeck’s East of Eden (This might be my second favorite book.)

The Lucifer Effect by Phillip Zimbardo (This isn’t fiction, but it was the first book that really affected the way I see the world.)

Eisler’s The Chalice and the Blade (Also not fiction. If you’re interested in the divine feminine and a more egalitarian society, this is the book for you.)

Loving What Is by Byron Katie (The only self-help book that’s ever actually helped me.)

Daphne Du Maurier (I love Rebecca, but she also has a story called “The Blue Lenses” that isn’t really intended to be scary, but it freaked me the fuck out.)

The Secret History by Donna Tartt (Gorgeous writing, and the plot left me seriously disturbed.)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey (Gah! I love this. The writing and the story and the characters and EVERYTHING!)

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury (I Bradbury’s writing style, but the plot of F451 is pure horror for any book hoarder lover.)

The Lord of the Flies by William Golding (This might be my third favorite book ever. No, wait, I might like it better than East of Eden. I can’t choose!)

The Diary of Anne Frank (How in the hell could anyone read this and not be affected by it?)

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

No. This is my own private world, and I like it that way.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

Very. I write what I want to read. There are certain adjustments I make when I write for other people as opposed to what I do when writing strictly for myself, but nothing major. I refuse to write things I have no interest in, and I don’t write to make people happy. I write to please myself. (But it’s nice when what pleases me pleases others. It’s wonderful to share that connection.)

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I like hearing from my readers. I don’t have a lot of time to interact, but I like talking to my audience and listening to their insights. I try to reply to all the comments I get on AO3 (it’s just too hard on FFN). And when I have free time (which isn’t often) I check my FB groups to see what’s going on. To me, the interaction kind of completes the creative cycle; it helps me set the story free and allow it to be. It really belongs to the reader once I’ve published, and it’s nice to see the ripples creativity creates.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

Unless it’s absolutely necessary, stop using the word “was.” Completely changed my writing.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

It doesn’t really happen that much, as I usually know where I’m going with my story, but there can be glitches between scenes or times when I can’t find the words for something (like ending a chapter). When that happens, I usually just leave it and come back later—I can’t force it if it won’t come.

If I really need to get it done for some reason, I read what I have over and over, adding a little bit more each time, trying out words that “sound right” and building what I need bit by bit. What I come up with isn’t always right or what I want, but at least I have something to work with. Sometimes seeing what’s wrong makes what you want more obvious.

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Yeah, just about everything Sex, depression, anxiety, personal growth, likes/dislikes, insights, interests, philosophy, all my little neuroses. Every once in a while I’ll even include some dialogue from real life.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I’m juggling about five long stories right now (plus a couple oneshots). And I haven’t worked on any of them in ages. I don’t know what’s going on with me; I’m just not in the mood. I don’t want to say what they are, as I might never finish them. (Two are Drarry and three are Sevmione. One is a compilation of oneshots. Four of them are completely planned out and just need to be written. The unplanned Drarry was always just meant to be for myself and I doubt I’ll ever release it.)

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Yes. Enjoy the whole writing/creative process as much as possible. Try not to beat yourself up, and don’t try to force yourself to be better. You will naturally get better the more you write. Change is inevitable; allow it to happen. Read books about writing, and read good writers. Notice what brings you the most pleasure when you read and tap into that same pleasure when you write. Play with words and ideas just for fun. Watch and see what appears. There is no perfect.

If you’re writing about sex (because I get asked about that a lot), write what turns YOU on. Don’t try to be sexy. Don’t try to write what you think other people want to hear. Don’t worry about what other people think (at least in the first draft). If they don’t like it they can go read something else. But if YOU like it, it will shine through in your writing, and that will have a bigger impact on your reader than any activity you describe. Also, the physicality is only a fraction of the sexual experience. Don’t turn your sex scenes into a play-by-play. You’re not really writing about what the characters are doing so much as how what they’re doing affects them. It’s a personal experience, and the more personal you make it (the more honest and vulnerable you are as a writer) the more satisfying the story will be for your reader. Wise words! Thank-you so much for speaking with us today Oracle Obscured.

#snamione #writing #fanfiction #fanfic

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calm-and-wine · 4 years

Text

Down the Line

Sooo..... I wrote a thing for @1dffchallenges but since the challenge is not happening anymore, I’ve decided to share it here. It is the first piece of writing I’m sharing with anyone, so please, if you have any feedback, I’d love to hear it!

It’s a Niall one-shot, quite sweet and fluffy, so if you’re in a mood for something cute, it might be the perfect read! And let’s be honest, we all need a bit of sunshine in our lives these days.

The biggest thank you to @verorax for being a wonderful beta and not only giving me feedback, but helping me correct any mistakes and overall making sure it sounds alright, thanks for your time, you’re the best, Rory!

Without further ado… here it is, hope you enjoy! ~~~

“Oh. That wasn’t supposed to happen,” was what Lucy thought right after waking up and feeling nothing but cold air on the other side of the bed. It was supposed to be filled with her snoring boyfriend. Niall practically never wakes up before her, unless he absolutely has to. But today he doesn’t, she’s sure about that. It's Wednesday, the only day when her training didn't start at unholy hours; at least that’s what Niall considers any time before noon. So it’s the day they’ve been spending their mornings together for the past month, since he’s been working on his new album and she was preparing for a new season. They usually spend those Wednesday mornings either staying in bed for as long as they could, or having breakfast, just the two of them and enjoying those little moments together. That’s how their relationship works after all, taking advantage of every minute they can spend in each other’s company.

She finally opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was a rose on the other pillow. There wasn’t a sign of Niall, but there was a flower and a little note in his place. She reached for the piece of paper with one hand while knuckling at her eyes to wake herself up.

Early meeting, forgot to tell you yesterday. Have a good day. N x

To be completely honest, she was really surprised he managed not to wake her up when he was leaving. Niall in the morning was usually the most clumsy person on earth, tripping over his own feet and letting out a curse every other word. She put down the note and got her phone from the nightstand sending a quick text to Niall.

it’s no fun waking up without you :(

She scrolled through her social media for a bit, waiting for his reply, but when it didn’t come in the next five minutes she put her phone down, stretched her limbs a bit and got up. Because she had quite a bit of time before she had to actually get ready and leave the house, she grabbed Niall’s sweater that was lying folded on the chair and went downstairs. It was scary sometimes how homely she felt in Niall’s house. They weren’t living together, she had a flat in the other part of London that she shared with her cousin, Mia, but the truth was she spent most of her time in London right here. Niall asked her to move in with him once, however that was over a year ago and she wasn’t ready back then. She loved him, she’s been crazy about this boy from the very beginning, but living with someone was a big deal for her, and yes, even back then she kept some stuff at his place and perhaps spent more nights in his bed than she should. But moving in was a different level of relationships and even though she was absolutely committed to Niall, she was not ready for that step. Not back then at least. Her phone buzzed in her hand when she was halfway down the stairs.

it’s no fun waking up early ;( have a great day, love!

Niall had this easiness of making her smile with the tiniest things he did or said. It was a true gift and one of the million things she loved about him. She continued walking without responding to message in order to avoid disturbing him during the meeting. However, she stopped in the kitchen doorway, as her eyes landed on a bouquet of the most colorful flowers she has ever seen right at the centre of the kitchen island. And placed alongside it was a paper bag from her favourite bakery. When she stepped closer to smell the flowers, she saw a little envelope propped by the vase.

Wanted to get you coffee as well, but it would have been cold already. Sorry for missing our morning, will make it up to you later. Love you, see you at home. N xx

She was pretty sure her cheeks started burning. It was quite normal for Niall to drop a little note for her or bring her coffee or her favourite tea, but this was more than normal. And just the fact that he’s done all that bright and early in the morning was a bit out of character. She opened the bag and grabbed a croissant, biting into the delicious pastry and typing on her phone.

What’s with all the nice things? are you preparing me for some bad news?

Hahahaha no! just being nice and trying to make up for leaving you alone. sorry for being the best boyfriend in the world ;p

He really was, she couldn’t even imagine a better guy to share a life with. Of course, he wasn’t perfect, but somehow his imperfections might just be the things she adored the most. Like how he stole her tennis socks all the time, especially for his own workouts, because they were “softer and just way more comfy”, even though they are just normal sporty socks. But it’s okay, because sometimes she steals his cute colorful ones as well. She didn’t want perfect, she wanted real. And that’s what Niall was to his core, real and honest. He was an open book and that’s what he wanted from her as well. That was actually the cause of their first ever fight, back in the day. Because she wasn’t used to sharing her feelings and talking like that. It’s not that she had a huge problem with it, she just got used to keeping things for herself and bottling up most of her feelings. She led quite a lonely life; since she was a kid her life was spent on court and on the road - she went to school, but didn’t really have time to hang out with other kids. Of course there were other people around her age on tour, but tennis is a bit of a lonely sport and she was mostly surrounded by adults, people who worked with her and she never wanted to bother them. She was rather doubtful they would be interested in her teenage girl problems. And that’s just how it stayed. She had friends, but they weren’t that type of close friends that you feel comfortable sharing personal things with. Niall never pushed her to share something she wasn’t comfortable with, he simply showed her that it’s easier to work through things together and not carry a burden on your own shoulders. That’s just what he did, he taught her stuff, he changed the way she looked at a lot of things. Her life was not the same since Niall Horan came into it. But she was not going to boost his ego and tell him all that, so she just wrote back a quick “love you” and made herself some coffee.

~~~

Lucy hated pre-season with passion. It was the worst time of the year. And the fact that it started a few weeks before Christmas was just as cruel. Pre-season was the time where she had to work the hardest, it felt like training after training followed by even more training. And then when Christmas came around she felt guilty for eating even one thing that she shouldn’t. Wednesdays were a bit easier than the rest of the week, because she started later and had a shorter training routine. She had just finished her gym circuit, meaning it was time for lunch. She would then discuss the strategy on court, plan out her schedule for the upcoming season and work out ways she can improve her game. Following that she would go on court and have a proper practise, which is definitely her favourite part, and then another gym session, a quick one this time until she would finally be free.

She was on her way to the locker room, when Gabby, the receptionist at the sport centre that she trained at, called her out.

“There was a delivery for you literally two minutes ago.” She said giving her a take-out box with the logo of the restaurant where she usually had her lunch.

“Ummm thanks? But they don’t do delivery?” She knew that because she was always complaining about having to put her coat on and walk there all sweaty, which often caused her to catch a bit of a cold.

“I don’t know, love. This girl came in, said it’s for you, it was all paid for, so I just took it.” Gabby shrugged her shoulders.

“Ok, thank you.” Lucy smiled at the girl. Gabby was around her age, she’s been working at the centre for almost two years now and she was a pleasure to be around, always asking how the training was going on and even talking about some of the matches she played.

She had a feeling she knew exactly who got her lunch. She didn’t know who he asked to deliver this, but Niall was most often on the receiving end of her complains and apparently he actually listened to her whine. She was not even surprised by the nice things at this point, because she also found another bouquet of flowers in her locker when she arrived here. However, she had no idea why he was doing all of this today out of all the days. Sure, he never really needed an excuse to do nice things for her, but it was usually just one surprise, not one after the other like today. It wasn’t her birthday, it was not their anniversary… There were no more notes coming with the gifts, so she decided to text him.

Do you feel that bad for leaving me this morning? One bouquet of flowers would be enough, baby. Or am I forgetting of some special occasion?

Nope, just want to treat you well today. Enjoy your lunch and the rest of training! ;)

Yup, he was definitely up to something. He was not, however, going to tell her anything about it.

~~~

Coming home, Lucy was simply excited to see Niall. It maybe was a bit weird that ‘coming home’ meant Niall’s place. She didn’t live there, yet there wasn’t even a question of going to her own flat, it was just obvious between the two of them that that’s where they’ll see each other and spend their evening together. The last time she was at her flat was actually four days ago and she didn’t even spend the night there.

The light was on downstairs and there was no doubt her boyfriend was home. She barely made it inside and put her training bag down when he appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen. Lucy stopped dead in her tracks, one shoe still on her foot, looking at the guy before her with wide eyes.

Niall was wearing suit pants and a white shirt. It was not an outfit she saw him in very often. He wore nice pants and shirts quite a lot lately, especially to promo or concerts, but not like that. This was extra classy. Everything about it felt weird, he had a habit of changing into sweatpants right after going through the threshold.

“Hey” he gave her his signature wide smile that she loved so much and it all just left her a bit breathless.

“Hi” she said still eyeing him up and down. “Honestly, did I forget about some special occasion?”

He just looked at her and laughed. Then he shook his head slightly.

“I’ll tell you everything later. Right now you should go get ready for dinner. You’ve got” he looked at his watch “twenty minutes.”

Niall finally walked up to her to give her a welcoming kiss and a small hug. She wanted to grill him more, but she knew he wasn’t going to give her any answers. His eyes sparkled and the smile never left his lips. He nudged his head towards the stairs and with a sigh, she took her off shoes, put her jacket on the coat rack and headed upstairs.

She was even more surprised and just simply confused, when she found a dress carefully laid down on the bed. And it wasn’t just any dress. It was a lovely silver, sparkly, dress that she was eyeing up on the internet like two weeks ago. The only reason she didn’t buy it was because she didn’t really have anywhere to wear it to and she already had too many dresses, probably.

She was ready to shout at Niall to come up and explain all those surprises and his weird behaviour, but decided against it. She was gonna humour him and just follow along.

She took a shower post her training, but put her hair in a bun right after, so it was a mess she needed to tend to if she wanted to look presentable. Twenty minutes wasn’t really a lot of time, so she slightly curled some of hair, closest to the face, put on makeup, got dressed and was almost ready.

“Lulu?” came a voice from downstairs, indicating her time was up.

“Baby, we’re gonna have to stop by my place cause I don’t have any heels here.” She said trudging down through the staircase.

Niall was waiting for her, standing at the foot of the stairs, already looking at her with shiny eyes. In his eyes, she could almost always see the adoration he had for her whenever he looked at her. And it never failed to warm her heart. She was pretty sure she looked at him with gooey eyes as well.

“You look… Wow. You’re so beautiful, love.”

Lucy felt her cheeks reddening at his words. “Thank you for the dress. I love it.”

“And I love you” he replied with a shit-eating grin, at which she just chuckled. There were some noises coming from the kitchen, but the door was shut close and when she looked at her boyfriend, he just shrugged. “Also, you don’t need heels, we’re not actually going anywhere, just staying here.” She was a bit confused at his words, but now that he mentioned her not needing shoes, she noticed he wasn’t wearing any either, just his usual colorful socks.

“Okay, you have to tell me what’s going on” she said, but it only earned her a laugh.

“I will, in a minute.” Niall grabbed her hand and lead her to the dining room. It was a simple room, most of the space was taken by a big table. It was a room that was very rarely used. Niall used it whenever his family was in town and sometimes when he had friends over and wanted to make it a bit more classy than just snacks and beer. They usually ate either in the kitchen or in the living room, where the tables were as well, just smaller ones. There were a few candles scattered all around the room, the lights were on, but they were dimmed, and there was another huge bouquet of flowers on the table. “I was gonna hand them to you, but had to put them in water earlier and just didn’t want to take them out all dripping. But they are for you, obviously.”

“They’re so beautiful, but that’s a third one today! That’s way too much, baby.” She even left one with Gabby at the sports centre to put it at the front desk.

Niall just shrugged with a bit of a bashful smile and pulled out a chair for her to sit in, then sat across from her. He then opened a bottle of wine that stood prepared on the table and pour them both a glass.

Lucy was a bit shocked, when a young man came into the room holding two plates with appetizers. He was put the plates before them without the word, being as quiet as possible. She looked uneasy at Niall, but he didn’t say anything until they were alone again.

“So… I guess I should explain” he chuckled. “I got a chef from one of your favourite restaurant to come and cook for us. I wanted to celebrate today, because it’s our anniversary.”

Lucy looked at him even more confused. “No, it’s not. Baby, our anniversary is in two months.”

Niall just shook his head with a smile. “Our relationship anniversary, yes. But this day, exactly three years ago, was the day we met.” He looked incredibly proud of himself, smug that he completely surprised her.

She remembers the day they met, of course she does. It was a sports’ gala, she was invited as a top 10 tennis player, and he was there because of his golf management. They met quite casually, at the bar, when he congratulated her on a successful season and she told him that she loved his music. After that they somehow spent half the night together, just talking and then dancing at the afterparty. Back then she thought she might have a new acquaintance, someone to invite to her games from time to time and maybe to receive an invitation to his show. However, she did not think that she just met someone she will want to spend forever with, someone who will become the most important person in her life. Someone who will truly show her love. She also didn’t know he would message her on instagram the next day and that they will keep talking and hanging out right away and fall in love so easily.

“I don’t remember the exact day, but it was in December, so you must be right. Why celebrate now, though? We never had before.”

“Well.. There’s no good explanation, really.” He took the first bite of the cuisine in front of them, gesturing for her to do the same. “Just thought it would be nice, it’s the end of the year as well, a tough year at that, wanted to make something nice for you.”

It was a tough year, the hardest one in her life. She hit the lowest low, she thought she lost something she worked her entire life for, her dreams. It was only Niall who got her up, he was the only one who could get through to her, and he did. He tried and tried, even when she pushed him away, or tried to at least, he never gave up on her. Last year, well a bit less, in January, she messed up her knee, really badly. Her entire career became a huge question mark. And she wanted to give up. She almost did. But Niall wouldn’t let her. Even if it meant saying things she didn’t want to to hear, which lead to her not speaking to him for a day or two and a lot of tears, from both of them. But she thinks she’ll never be able to truly explain to him how much it all meant, that without him, she would not come back. Not only to tennis, but maybe even to being fully herself.

“Thank you” she said for a thousandth time. “You’re too good for me.”

Niall laughed and shook his head. He wasn’t. She was his angel and anchor, just like he was hers. That’s why they worked so well.

They kept eating and talking, moving to more casual topics, with Niall asking how her day went and her asking about his meetings and who he got to deliver her lunch (it was an intern at the management). Lucy heard people leaving while they were in the middle of the main course, which Niall explained was the cooks and everyone else leaving, like he discussed with them previously.

When it was just the two of them again, Niall took their empty plates to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of champagne. They were only about halfway through the wine, but he still opened it and poured them both a glass. Instead of returning to his seat, he pulled out a chair at the head of the table and turned it a bit to face Lucy.

“Cheers to us, another year together. Three years and much more to come. I love you, Lulu.” His voice was wavering a bit, but he hoped she wouldn’t notice.

“I love you, baby” they clinked their glasses, shared a small kiss and they took a sip of champagne.

“Ok, so I had this whole speech prepared..” he started nervously, slowly getting up from his chair. “But I’m too nervous now, so I’m gonna make it quick” he got down on one knee and Lucy felt like her heart stopped for a minute just to start beating hundred times faster. She pressed her fingers to her lips to keep herself from completely losing it and letting out a strangled cry. “There’s absolutely no one else I would rather spend my life with, no one makes me feel like you, I thought I’ve been in love before, but honestly it’s nothing compared to the love I have for you. Lucy Emilia Barker, my Lulu, will you do me the absolute honour of sharing your life with me and become my wife?” he opened a navy blue velvet box, but she only saw his shaking fingers before her eyes filled with tears.

“Yes” she choked with a smile that couldn’t possibly be big enough for the happiness she truly felt.

“Yeah?” he asked as if there was a possibility he heard her wrong, but the smile was finally making its way onto his face and his nerves were disappearing.

“Yeah” she laughed and grabbed his face with her own shaking hands. “Now get up before you mess up your knee.” He laughed at her, or with her, or just from the pure bliss in his heart and started kissing her before he even got completely up.

After a few sweet, and equally passionate kisses, sometimes clicking teeth, because they couldn’t keep the smiles off their faces, they finally separated so Niall could put the actual ring on her finger. It was absolutely beautiful. It wasn’t a typical big diamond engagement ring and she was actually thankful for it, because that wasn’t exactly her style. The ring that was now comfortably resting on her finger was gold, with round cut emerald in the centre surrounded by 7 round cut diamonds, looking a bit like a flower. It was perfect. She hugged Niall, still crying, she must have looked like a racoon with smudged mascara from all this crying. But she was getting married, for fucks sake! She had a right to ball her eyes out.

“Do you like it? Maybe I should’ve gotten a classic diamond one…” Niall said reaching his hand to touch his neck, which was a nervous habit of his.

“Baby” Lucy said touching his shoulder to get him to really listen, “it’s perfect. I love it.”

They both couldn’t stop smiling, stealing little kisses from each other.

“I couldn’t wait to see it on your finger” he admitted, pulling her hand close to his face to get a better look.

“How long have you had it?” she asked a bit surprised and he looked at her a bit bashfully.

“Around two months.. I was thinking of proposing in Vietnam, but then Greg made me think about someone stealing the ring or me losing it, so I got too stressed about it and it just didn’t seem right.”

She thought back to Vietnam, when they went for vacation after the last tournament she played this year, it was a beautiful place and she loved it there, but he was quite right, it didn’t seem better than this. This was simple, but somehow perfect. Because it was them, just staying in the house, enjoying each other’s company. She knew in Vietnam would have been amazing as well, hell, he could propose in the middle of nowhere and she would still be head over heels for him, but she was incredibly happy with the way it happened.

“How many people know you were gonna ask me to marry you?” she asked another question with a little laugh. They were still standing, just holding each other and enjoying the moment.

“Um… A few. Greg, cause I needed his advice, Mia and Laura, I showed them the ring and also asked about this dress, cause I know you liked it but wasn’t sure about the size and stuff… And then also my parents.” His cheeks were a bit rosy, and she knew it was because he was still a little nervous, but also just from emotions. It was hard to believe Mia didn’t spill anything, because she was the absolute worst with secrets. Laura however, was the person who always helped plan the surprises, whether it was for Lucy or Niall or any other friend. She quite fast became Lucy’s best friend, maybe besides Mia, which surprised her a bit, because she was never really good at making friends, but she was just so welcoming and always made sure Lucy felt ok in their group, they just kind of clicked and she couldn’t have been happier to call her a true friend, cause she was probably the coolest person ever.

“Do my parents know?”

“No” he said and then his eyes widened, “should I have asked your dad? I mean, I thought about it, but it always seemed kinda silly to me, I mean, it’s between us two, it’s our decision and you’re your own woman, so I don’t think we need anyone’s permission, but.. Would you have liked me to ask him?” He looked so stressed and scared now that she couldn’t stop a little laugh bubbling out of her. He was so cute.

Lucy shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I think it’s stupid as well.”

Niall let out a breath of relieve. “Good” he kissed her sweetly, right on the lips. “I think it’s time for some dessert now. Sit and I’ll go get it from the kitchen.”

Before he could make a step, she grabbed his wrist and shook her hand. “I’m going with you.”

It was silly, incredibly so, but she didn’t want to spend a second without him, not tonight. He just looked at her with one of the fondest expressions and led them to the kitchen, their fingers intertwined. He got out a cake from the fridge and cut it, while she just looked at him. Her fiance. She was still shocked and in awe of the man, who wanted to spend his life with her. Niall grabbed two plates in one hand, the other grabbing hers and coming back to the dining room. Instead of seating back in their chairs, he sat on one and pulled her to his lap, giving her a plate, stretching a hand with his plate around her, then placing a small kiss on her temple before digging into the cake.

“Did you suspect anything? Cause you looked quite surprised, but I worried I might have pushed it a bit too far with all the gifts and stuff…”

“I suspected something, but not this. Honestly. And every gift kinda surprised me. I had no idea what you were planning, but proposing didn’t even cross my mind” she admitted. It wasn’t that they’ve never talked about it, the future, their future. They did, there were things they planned, they intertwined their lives, were building one together. And it’s not that she wasn’t ready for that commitment, she was ready to be his fiance, and then wife. It just wasn’t something she expected, somehow. “But now it makes perfect sense. And I’m the happiest ever. I love you, baby”

He grinned at her even more. “Me too, Lulu. I’m the luckiest man in the universe.”

She couldn’t help herself and kissed him. It was sweet and tasted of frosting. And she hoped to always remember this exact moment.

~~~

“Can I hear the speech?” she asked him later that night, when they were lying in bed. They spend the whole evening wrapped in their bubble, always touching each other and stealing kisses. “The one you said you had prepared?”

“Umm… Yeah.” Niall seemed a little nervous. He was open and romantic, it usually came quite easily to him, but sometimes he grew a bit anxious of being too soppy. He propped himself a bit and looked at her to gain some confidence from her shiny eyes that he could see even in the almost dark bedroom. He took a deep breath and started. “Lulu, putting feelings into words is kinda my job, but it’s near impossible to explain how you make me feel. I’ve been trying for three years now and still struggle. Because you make me feel like no one and nothing before. You are my sunshine, my anchor, my biggest supporter. You are my everything. I know this year was incredibly hard, for both of us, but obviously for you more than I, but in a way I’m seeing the light in the situation and am grateful that it happened. Because it let us both prove to ourselves how much we mean to each other. It showed that we can go through anything that life will throw at us. That we stand by the other no matter what, always. What we have is special. And I promise to always cherish this, us, but mostly you. The wonderful, incredibly strong and persistent woman that you are. I keep thinking that it’s impossible to love you more than I already do, but then another day comes and you just prove me wrong. Please, let me love you more and more every day for the rest of our lives. Please, spend your forever with me. Marry me, Lulu.”

By the time he finished they both had eyes cloudy from the tears. Lucy couldn’t even get any words out, so she just pressed her lips to Niall’s and hoped he’ll understand. Hoped he’ll know how much this all means to her, how much she loves him. And deep down she knows he will, he can see right through her.

“I love you. So much” she whispered after a while, when her breathing was coming back to normal and the tears stopped rolling down her cheeks and into her hair. “There’s something I want to say to you too, baby. Something I wanted to say for a long time.” She caressed his cheek and then the space between his brows, when he pulled them together in slight confusion. “I want to thank you for a moment, a long time ago, when you said you loved me, for the very first time. And I didn’t say it back. I need to thank you for how wonderful you acted then, I wanted to for a long time, but the moment was never right.”

Niall shook his head slightly and grabbed his hand that was still on his cheek. “You don’t have to thank me for that” he said, like the whole thing was absolutely no big deal to him. And in a way, she knew it wasn’t. She thought back to that day, when he said those three magical words and all she did was kiss him for a while. And then she said that she wasn��t there yet. She could have maybe said it back, but it wouldn’t have been true (it would, cause in her heart she did already love him, but in her brain she wasn’t sure). She was falling for him, she felt stronger about him and them every day, but telling someone you love them is a big thing. You can’t rush this, and she wanted to be completely certain. She wanted to feel like she had to get it out, had to let him now, how much he consumed her heart. She was honest with him back then, incredibly so, and that was probably one of the reasons why he reacted so well. Because she didn’t sweep the whole situation under the carpet. She let him know how important he is, how he makes her feel and that her feeling for him are growing rapidly, but have not reach that point yet. And he was perfectly fine with that. Because falling in love is an individual thing. He falls in love easily, fast and hard. But everyone has a right to go at their own pace. All he wanted from her was honesty. And she gave him exactly that. He also said he’d rather wait and have her say it back when she’s ready, when it’s honest and she’s sure that’s how she feels, than have her say it now just for the sake of saying it back. “You know it was alright, I would never push you to do anything. And hey, you said eventually. Besides. I knew you loved me.”

“Wait, what? You knew I loved you? How if I didn’t say it?” she looked at her fiance bewildered.

“Yeah” Niall confirmed with a proud smile. “I could kinda see it in your eyes. And, I don’t know, you just made me feel your love, I guess.”

“You’re something else, Niall Horan” she admitted burying herself into his body, at what he just laughed, but also wrapped his arms closer around her.

“Hey” he said after a while, when he noticed her breathing was evening out a bit, meaning she was slowly falling asleep. “I kinda have another question for you.” Lucy raised her head to look at his still smiling face, and then raised her eyebrows to prompt him to say more. “Will you move in with me? I guess now that we’re engaged it’s maybe not too soon, eh?”

She couldn’t help but laugh. That was the question that crossed her mind when she got all those gifts today.

“Of course. I would love to.”

Niall’s smile grew bigger, if it was even possible. “Yeah? I figured we can live here, or we can get another place if you’d like, that would be totally ours. Or maybe we can live here for a while and then get another one for after the wedding or something…” he was babbling a bit, so she put a hand to his shoulder to get his attention.

“I like this place. It already feels like home. Maybe we could get a new one later on, we’ll see. Ok?”

Niall nodded his head and kissed her behind her ear, which made her giggle.

“Ok, one more thing” he said after a minute, which made her laugh again, because he just kept surprising her. “Not a question this time, though. But I’ve made arrangements to come to Australia with you. If you’ll have me.”

She was leaving right after New Year’s to play two smaller tournaments there and then the Australian Open. She was excited, cause she always loved the atmosphere there, but was also dreading it a bit, because that’s where she fucked up her knee last year. She played since then, came back in September, but was still a bit nervous.

“I’d love for you to come. But don’t you have an album to finish?” He was working on his new music for longer than usual. He came back from LA to be with her, when she had to undergo her knee surgery and then she had a rehabilitation in London, so he was with her here, during everything. Which she was unbelievably thankful for, because she wouldn’t be able to do it without him, but it meant he put his music on a bit of a backburner. For her. He made quite a lot of sacrifices for her, she was aware of every single one. Truth was, his schedule was way more flexible than hers, she could choose which tournaments she played, but there wasn’t a lot of room to change things. So he was the one who planned his tours and press junkets around her. Coming to America when she was playing there for a month. Or planning a European leg of the tour for the time when she had tournaments there. Just so they could be closer, fly only a few hours to see each other. Someone might say it wasn’t fair, that both parties should sacrifice themselves in a relationship. But that’s the only way they could work right now. She knew Niall didn’t really mind, and she also knew that it would change in a few years. She didn’t plan on playing longer than 3, maybe 4, maximum 5 years. She would still be around 30 years old, could play longer, but she didn’t want to. Her knee problem was a horrible thing, but it also put a lot of things into perspective for her. At that time she felt like it was the end of the world. Tennis was her life. But when emotions died down a bit and after some hard conversations with Niall, she realized there were a lot of other opportunities. Now, she had a bit of a plan. She wanted to open a training centre. And she also wanted to start a tennis management company, especially to help young girls trying to make it. Niall knew it all, he was the one who told her it’s absolutely possible and offered his help. He also made a little joke of how they’re both gonna be sports managers, him with golf and her with tennis. It made her excited about the future outside the court. And she never was before. And it wouldn’t happen without him. Because she was also excited about her future with him, when she would stop playing and travelling constantly. It made her excited about flying to Los Angeles and New York with him, visiting him in the studio and sitting in the audience of the talk shows he would be doing there, and following him on tour. Her time to make sacrifices and adapt her life to his will come. And when it will, she’ll be more than happy to.

“Yeah, but it can wait a bit longer. Don’t worry about it too much, I’m thinking about bringing Julian with me, doing it old school, recording in hotel rooms” he smiled reminiscing about the old days with the band. “Besides, it’s our actual anniversary exactly a day after the Australian Open, I can’t let us spend it apart on the other sides of the world.”

“I love you” she said for probably the thousandth time today. And yet, she could have said it a thousand more.

~~~

The last month, month and a half, was the absolute best of Lucy’s life. The guy of her dreams asked her to marry him, she spent wonderful Christmas surrounded by both hers and Niall’s family, had a great small engagement party for their friends (another surprise from Niall) and then had a great three weeks in Australia, not only playing some of her best tennis, but also having the love of her life by her side. Her parents and Mia also flew to Melbourne, to watch her play the semi-final and then the final of the Australian Open. It was still surreal to her. She was in two Grand Slam finals before her injury, in Wimbledon and US Open. She never won though. And now, it was her biggest match since coming back. She had an amazing support system and she was really happy with her play. So whatever happens, happens, that’s what she thought to herself stepping on court for that final time in this city this year. She was actually proud of herself she got this far anyway, and of the level she was able to play at. She got out and just did her best, left everything she had on that hard court. And apparently, it was enough.

The whole stadium erupted when she hit the final winner. Winning the game, set, match, and the whole tournament. She was a Grand Slam champion. One year ago, when she was laying on a hospital bed, unable to move her leg, she did not think this would happen, ever. But it did. She fell on the court, her mind still not registering what just happened. After a second, she got up and went to the net to congratulate her opponent. She knew her, they’ve played a number of times before, she was the one who beat Lucy at Wimbledon final, actually. She also knew her just from tour, they’ve spoken a couple of times, she was a nice woman, just two years older than Lucy. She then turned to the crowd and her eyes filled with tears. She could hear the loud claps and roars, could see almost entire stadium standing up, for her. She risked looking at her box, seeing her dad with his arms around her mum, who cried her eyes out, almost like her daughter was about to, saw Mia clapping and sending her kisses when she noticed Lucy looking their way. But most importantly, she saw Niall, standing in the first line, just next to her coach, clapping relentlessly with the biggest smile and the most proud look on his face she’s ever seen. He wasn’t even that proud when the entire arenas where singing his songs back to him. That’s how much each other’s success meant to them.

She couldn’t help herself and run towards them, barely able to reach for any of them, cause the box was quite high, but her dad held her hand, while Niall bent down and kissed the crown of her head, even though it was sweaty.

“You’re a champion, Lulu” he said softly, but surely, like he always knew this day would come. And she actually thought that maybe, somehow he did. Cause he always had faith in her, even when she lost hers. And that made her want to cry even more.

She exchanged small shakes of the hand and half-hugs from the rest of her family and team, cause that’s all she could reach and then returned to her seat to compose herself even a little bit.

The ceremony was a bit of a blur, main sponsor talking, she remembers some nice words of her opponent and then, it was time for her to speak.

“I’m still incredibly shocked, so please excuse me, if I’m not gonna be very coherent” she started, which earned her a small laugh from the audience. “I want to thank everyone who contributed to this tournament, all the judges, ballkids, everyone working backstage, and most importantly, all the fans. You always give me so much support and energy, I really love coming here and playing for you, so thank you. I really want to congratulate Simona, it’s always a true challenge playing against you, you’re a great player and thank you for making it a good show, at least I hope it was.” Another audience laugh and a smile and nod from her opponent. Now it was time to really speak from her heart. “This might be a bit long, so sorry, but I have a few things to say. It means so much to me, because as you probably know, I wasn’t able to play here last year, I’ve messed up my knee just few days before the start of this tournament, so just being back here now, let alone standing here as a winner, means the absolute world to me. Special thank you to my incredible team and my family, cause the past year was not easy, I know I wasn’t easy to deal with, so thank you for not losing your faith in me and standing by my side through it all. And thank you for your hard work and endless support all these years, I hope they paid off. But the biggest thank you to my fiance, Niall,” it was the first time she called him that publicly, until now their engagement was between them, their friends and family; she automatically reached her hand to touch the ring that was hanging around her neck, hidden underneath her shirt, she couldn’t wait to put it back on her finger, “he’s too modest to accept it, but I would not be standing here if it wasn’t for him. Thank you for picking me up, when I couldn’t get up myself. For always having faith in me and not letting me give up,” she saw his cheeks were red, but he was smiling. “If it weren’t for him, I would have quit playing a year ago, so thank you for being my rock and absolutely biggest supporter. And thank you for being here with me today. I love you.” Lucy wasn’t a fan of public display of feelings and affection, but she couldn’t help herself in that moment. What he did and what he meant to her was too much to just keep those feelings inside. And she knew Niall didn’t really mind, cause he blew her a kiss. “This means the world to me, thank you, and I’ll hopefully see you next year” she ended her speech, feeling the tears springing to her eyes once again.

It all was so surreal. She truly was living her best life. And it was only the beginning.

~~~

On the day of their anniversary, two days since Lucy’s big win, they’ve decided to officially go public with their engagement. Sure, there was a bit of a buzz regarding their relationship after she called him her fiance in her winning speech, but they didn’t comment on anything yet, but now they finally wanted to acknowledge the new chapter in their lives. And what better way to do that than on instagram. So in the evening, after they spent the day walking around Melbourne, enjoying the city, they’ve sat down to post. They both chose a similar picture, taken on the day of her win, in the locker room. They were stood next to each other, Lucy half a step before Niall and were both holding her trophy, her with her left hand, so the ring was visible. On the picture she was gonna post they were both smiling, while on the one Niall chose, he was kissing her cheek and her eyes where, what he called “a shining delight”.

“Are you ready?” she asked him. She was lying on their hotel bed, while he was sitting on the sofa. They’ve decided not to show each other the caption before posting, but wanted to put it up for the world to see at the same time.

“Yeah” he said looking up to her with a huge smile. She always loved that about him, his smile, it was so contagious, and she was just happy it was present on his face so often. “You?”

“Yup. On three?”

“One…”

“Two....”

“Three” they said in unison and hit post.

@niallhoran: This amazing woman won the biggest trophy. Many more to come. The most hard working, persistent, strong, brave and loving human I’ve ever met. Can’t wait to call you my wife, but fiance will do for now. Happy three years Lulu.

@lucebarker: The best person to share successes with. And everything else too. Just the best person, period. Thank you for lighting up my life for three years and all those to come. Can’t wait to share a last name with you, Mr. Horan.

#niall horan fanfiction #1dff #niall horan oneshot #one direction fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan one shot #i don't know what else to tag this #1dff challenge #writing #dtl #down the line

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travllingbunny · 4 years

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The 100 rewatch: 5x03 Sleeping Giants

Continuing my joint rewatch of season 5 with @jeanie205. After two great episodes where we caught up with our main characters and saw (or did not see, in the case of Spacekru) their experiences during the 6-year time jump, Sleeping Giants is another excellent episode, this time fully about the present day action with the Eligius prisoners moving into Eden, their conflict with and capture and torture of Clarke, and most of all about the Spacekru trying to find a way to deal with the Eligius crew, get to the ground and save their people.

It’s also a great Bellamy episode, just as 5x01 was a great Clarke-centric episode and 5x02 a great Octavia episode. Raven also gets still getting pretty good character moments here (and has maybe more lines than in any other episode, but to be fair, most of it is exposition).

What particularly struck me - especially after quite a few slower episodes in season 7 - is just how fast, intense and full of both action and loads of new information (about Eligius 4 and Diyoza, but also a lot of setup for season 6, and even for the possible prequel). There are also lots and lots of parallels and contrasts to season 1, and callbacks to previous seasons in general; morality debates, fights, and one very epic (and romantic-looking) reunion of the show’s two main characters in the closing scene.

Timeline: 2 days have passed since the present day events of 5x01 - it is 2201 days since Praimfaya.

This episode is full of action and new information - if you don’t pay attention to every second, you may miss some of it:

First mention of Eligius 3: their mission may have been top secret. but the crew of Eligius 4 obviously knew that the corporation was sending Nightbloods and that one of the planet was a binary star system (Shaw males a comment "Two suns, no sunscreen”).

Eligius 4 was a mining ship; one of its engines got busted in the rebellion of the prisoners, which is why the ship needed a hundred years to get back to Earth (as opposed to Eligius 3 - which we later see took just a few years to reach Sanctum from Earth)

Possible prequel info: Raven mentions great-great grandpappy Blake who was an astronaut with multiple PhDs (but it’s unclear if he was an ancestor of both Bellamy and Octavia, in which case he has to be Aurora’s ancestor).

We start getting some of Diyoza backstory here (there’s more in the following episodes), when she mentions to Clarke that she fought when the “fascist government” tried to take her home. (This could’ve been seen as just Diyoza’s bias, but now that we have an idea - from 7x08 - what USA - under a President Wallace - was like just before the apocalypse, her description seems fitting. Callie also considered the government fascist.)

Instead of more exposition, the show follows the Show, Don’t Tell rule and gives the backstory about the rebellion in a more exciting way, by having Spacekru find and watch a video message that the late captain of the ship filmed and was about to send when he was killed. But the show also still intentionally withholds some info: the captain mentions that the prisoners have learned about Order 11 but we don't find out what that was until a few episodes later - that it was an order to kill all the prisoners. This would change our perception of Diyoza and the entire situation to quite an extent, but so far, all you get from this is that the prisoners, and Diyoza in particular, are very dangerous. The captain was about to send the message that Eligius be blown out of the sky, saying that “Diyoza can't be allowed to weaponize the cargo", which first hints at her terrifying reputation. But considering he was just going to do that, I’m not sure you can’t blame Diyoza for letting McCreary kill him. (Even though Shaw just does that, reminding Diyoza that she promised she wouldn’t kill any of the crew - to which she laconically replies she didn’t promise the others wouldn’t.)

There is, however, already some moral ambiguity there because Spacekru learn that prisoners were seen as “expendable” by the people in power - and Murphy says this sounds familiar, pointing out a parallel between the Eligius prisoners and the Delinquents. In general, season 5 plays a lot with the (imperfect) parallels (and contrasts) between season 5 and season 1. Some of the not-so-subtle callbacks include Diyoza saying “We’re not alone” in 5x01, Clarke making notes and drawings of the weaponry that the newcomers have, which is kind of a "parallel" to how Lincoln made notes in his notebook (except Lincoln was mostly making notes of how many people were there, not their weapons - since they didn’t have any), Clarke being captured and refusing to give any info by staying silent, and Clarke getting tortured, like Lincoln was. And just like Octavia argued that Lincoln didn’t speak English, but Bellamy was sure he did, now Shaw tries to argue that Clarke can’t speak English but Diyoza is smart enough to know she does. (It was really obvious in both cases - someone who doesn't speak your language but wants to communicate would say something in another language and make gestures, a mute person would make gestures, but when someone is looking at you silently and with a stone face, they obviously don't WANT to talk. Octavia seems to have actually believed that Lincoln didn’t speak English, since she was later surprised that he did - but she was still naive at the time. I find it hard to believe Shaw really believed that - he was probably just trying to dissuade Diyoza from letting McCreary torture someone.)

But here’s the thing: a parallel doesn’t have to mean two things are really the same - sometimes, as in this case, it’s more like “this is kind of reminiscent of that other thing, but when you compare them, you see that they’re drastically different”, which is pretty obvious, as in one case, we had a hundred kids with no weapons (aside from one gun and one knife), just going around without a plan and trying to have a good time in a rather small area, vs thousands of organized people with at least hundreds of armed warriors in a much wider territory. In this case, we have a bunch of heavily armed (and that’s an understatement, they really have all sorts of incredibly powerful weapons) adult murderers who came in with the express plan to take over the Valley - which was the only habitable area on Earth, vs a sole woman and a child. In other words, the Eligius prisoners are exactly what the Grounders claimed in season 1 that the 100 were, but what the 100 most definitely were not - a real and massive threat. But on the other hand, there is a reason why this parallel exists - and that’s to point out that the prisoners, no matter how scary they are, no matter how good the reasons to be afraid of them, no matter how bad they may be... are still people who were sent as forced labor, deemed expendable, and now are trying to get back home, to Earth. What else could they do - float forever in space, in cryo?

Another callback in this episode was to season 3 - and it’s a particularly important one for Bellamy’s character arc: the dilemma of what to do with the 283 Eligius prisoners in cryo. Murphy is the voice of ruthless pragmatism and suggests that they simply pull the plug and kill them all, before Diyoza could wake them up from the ground and use them as her army. Echo, though she says she understands why this is hard for Bellamy, backs up Murphy’s suggestion, but Bellamy refuses. You can see how awful even the idea is to him, reminding him of one of the things he has been regretting and feeling guilty for years - helping Pike kill Lexa’s army while they were sleeping. There are differences in circumstance, but it is basically the same thing, kill people in their sleep pre-emptively, before they could be potentially used against you, because if they are, they would be a huge threat to your people. (Well, it is the same thing for the purposes of the show - if we believe that experienced Trikru warriors could all sleep at the same time and not wake up and start fighting - which the show really wants us to believe, though it never made any sense. The Eligius prisoners, however, are really helpless here because they are cryo frozen, so this would really be the massacre that season 3 pretended Hakeldama was.) Murphy brings up Clarke, in what is one of the weirder lines in this episode - “If Clarke was here, this wouldn’t even...” I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to say - did he mean to imply Clarke would be in favor of killing them all (which doesn’t make much sense - it’s not like Clarke was the one more in favor of violent solutions than the peaceful and diplomatic ones compared to Bellamy, in fact, it was typically the opposite in seasons 1-4, especially whenever Murphy was around to witness their actions and decisions, On the other hand, the show went on to give Murphy some weird opinions about Clarke in season 6. Or did he mean that Bellamy himself would opt for drastic measures to protect Clarke?

It’s unclear, and it feels like this line just exists to set up Bellamy’s response and show how much the loss and memory of Clarke is still weighing heavy on Bellamy and motivating him. Bellamy has been trying to be better and redeem himself for mistakes of his past that he made when he was more inclined to react violently against enemies - and, since Praimfaya, he has been trying to honor Clarke’s memory, and be the kind of leader she wanted him to be, and the kind of leader she was. "Clarke didn't die for us to go back and make the same mistakes".

Ironically, Clarke has in the meantime become a lot more like season 1a Bellamy: her focus has narrowed to trying to protect a single person, a child she loves and feels responsible for, and in her present situation, she’s a lot more inclined to opt for violent solutions. We’ve already seen that in 5x01 with the “There are no good guys” scene, and in 5x03 she is quite ruthless when she doesn’t want to mercy kill a prisoner stabbed by one of her and Madi’s traps, even when Madi is asking her to do it. Season 5 Clarke characterization is pretty controversial - and I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it. It was clearly meant to show Clarke changed and not like herself after 6 years isolation with just Madi as a companion - but I don’t like the way it seemed to almost reduce Clarke to the “Mama Bear” trope. On the other hand, this is not entirely new - Clarke was always kind of mother to the Delinquents, even though they were her age, and driven by the desire to protect those she loves and/or felt responsible for - especially in season 2, we saw how far she can go when she is cornered and desperate to save her people. And she is certainly cornered here. We could argue whether some of her decisions here - such as to start attacking the prisoners - were smart, but with Eden as the only livable place, there wasn’t much else she could do other than hide, which she and Madi couldn’t do indefinitely.

Bellamy’s. Echo’s and Raven’s fight with Kodiak - a particularly large and dangerous prisoner that Diyoza had woken up because of the alarm Spacekru had set off - is IMO one of the best in the show, very raw and brutal and desperate. It reminds me of the 2x11 fight where Bellamy also ended up strangling a man after a desperate fight, with the help of Echo and someone else who’s mostly a non-combatant - in S2 it was Maya, here it’s Raven. (For someone who isn’t a fighter and in spite of her disability, Raven has the right moves - going straight for the eyes.) Bellamy and Echo work well as a part of the team, the leader and his right hand, but if you just saw this episode, you’d have no idea that they’re a couple. They don’t get the little everyday moments of chemistry and coupley behavior that we see here with Marper (when Raven teases “lovebirds” about Zero G sex, we immediately see that Marper is who she meant) or that we see with Memori in other seasons, whenever they are together. Here, they are on a break, and it’s so weird after seeing them in S7, watching Emori and Murphy snapping at each other with animosity - but there’s a thin line between love and hate.

Sleeping Giants is generally a great showcase for Bellamy: this is arguably him at his best as a leader, not only negotiating and saving his people while also refusing to commit mass murder, but we also see how good he is at instilling confidence in other team members - be it asking Murphy for his opinion, or building up Emori’s confidence as a pilot. The moment where they smile each other after she lands successfully is one of the best scenes in terms of the Spacekru dynamic - and in terms of genuinely platonic m/f friendships in the show (which should get more screentime).

It’s also a good episode for Raven, who insists she stays behind even though she knows there is a huge chance of dying, and lies to Bellamy that there is an escape pod for two, to stop him from insisting on staying instead, with his own self-sacrificial tendencies. In season 7, Raven felt guilty for not putting her life on the line in 7x03, but she did it here. Murphy ends up unintentionally kind of doing the same - fooled by her lie about the escape pod. Would he have stayed behind if he knew there was no escape pod? At this point in his development, probably not, but he is still showing the desire to contribute and do something heroic. He isn’t even sure himself what his motives are - was it just to impress Emori and show he’s not selfish, or if he really wants to be a hero who is ready to sacrifice and/or risk his life, the way the others do?

There are so many callbacks in this episode! Murphy even says the line "See you on the other side" and Raven tells Murphy: “You're right, dying alone would have sucked", referencing their scene in 2x01, back when they were just starting to not be enemies.

But of course, what this episode is mostly remembered by is Bellamy learning that Clarke is alive, and their first meeting in 6 years, in the epic last scene. The show made Bellamy and the rest of the Spacekru a bit incompetent for a moment when they get themselves captured by two prisoners, so Madi would rescue them and deliver the news that Clarke is alive. Clarke has obviously told Madi stories about Bellamy and described him, since Madi immediately recognizes him. We get Bellamy’s Harper and Monty’s reactions (as they are the Delinquents and much closer to Clarke than Echo and Emori). So Madi rescues Bellamy and then Bellamy rescues Clarke, and it feels like a lot of the plot was written in order to set up that last scene. (Incidentally, Bellamy and Clarke are paralleled with the way they both say the same line: “No, Madi”.)

Let’s be honest here - there was no plot reason whatsoever to put this kind of emphasis on Bellamy rescuing Clarke in this scene, other than to emphasize the importance of Bellamy’s and Clarke’s relationship. He was already planning to use the prisoners in cryo as leverage to rescue Octavia and the rest of the people in the bunker - which he will also do. He could have rescued Clarke in a brief scene and then continued negotiating with Diyoza. In plot terms, this is not a cliffhanger or last scene material. But in relationship terms? That’s another story. And there was no reason to make it look so goddamn romantic - other than to portray their relationship as a romantic one, regardless of their actual relationship status.

The entire scene is filmed to look like a dream. We see Clarke looking at him, with a dreamy look in her eyes. From Clarke’s POV, it looks like Bellamy is appearing out of the darkness, bathed in light (and holding the “Best dad in the universe” cup from Eligius 4).

If this was just your run-of-the-mill rescue of some of our protagonists by other ones, there was also no reason for Diyoza to say the line: “283 lives for one. She must be pretty important to you.” In fact, this line used to bug me - because I thought it didn’t make sense for her to ask that. Come on, Diyoza, you know how hostage negotiations and leverage works! You know he is making a smart play here. Release my people and I don’t kill your people - there’s nothing strange about that. But on second thoughts - I can see Diyoza bulls*itting like that in order to try to suss out what exactly Bellamy’s relationship to Clarke is, so she could potentially use it later in dealing with them. In any case, this line clearly exists to set up Bellamy’s answer: “She is”. Set o dramatic music, as the ending line of the episode.

Rating: 8.5/10

#the 100 #the 100 5x03 #sleeping giants #the 100 rewatch #the 100 season 5 #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #raven reyes #charmaine diyoza #john murphy #bellarke #marper #emori #madi griffin #eligius prisoners

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ourrightside · 4 years

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10 Reasons Why Carrie Bradshaw Wasn’t THAT Bad...

Sex and the City is the most elite series I’ve ever watched - and I was so excited to purchase the first season when I turned 18.

I would listen to my mom and my sister gossip about the show when I was younger and feel so left out. But, my mom would refuse to let me watch it until I became an adult. Thank god.

Being an avid fan now, I sometimes scan through Sex and the City articles on the net, and can’t help but notice dozens of articles filled with ‘Carrie’ slander - which kind of makes me nervous.

Although it was true that years ago girls were labeling themselves as the ‘Carrie’, ‘Samantha’ and ‘Charlotte’ of the group - the serious and less glamorous friend got stuck with being a ‘Miranda’; it is kind of an insult now to be deemed as a Carrie.

As we all matured, we realized that being a Miranda is amazing and we should all strive to be just as successful - but Carrie Bradshaw is still a valid character and I’m here to prove why the “sexual anthropologist” is not all that bad.

Now before I dive into why I totally get Carrie Bradshaw, I would just like to point out before hand that I am aware that she is just a fictional character and hopefully you are too. If you are not informed, then I apologize for this harsh revelation. However, let’s continue.

1. She was average looking

While we can all agree that her physique only gets stronger and leaner throughout the series, she was still not exactly perfect looking. Despite her fit body, she was not model like or necessarily tall. She did not have a perfect nose. She did not have the biggest ‘lady parts’. She did not have the plumiest lips. She did not have perfect facial symmetry.

But, she was okay with it. And has mentioned that by the age of 30, she was over being uncomfortable with her looks and decided to move on.

Despite constantly bumping into models and having to accept that men can be total “modelizers” - especially in the capital of the world aka manhattan, she chose to embrace her natural beauty, which in turn has allowed her to walk the runway in her underwear.

2. She was selfish

Yes, the new trend is to be selfish and say no - because that is ‘self love’.

If that truly is the case, then there was no denying then that Carrie was selfish throughout the series.

As human beings, we are selfish by nature. But since we now identify ourselves in societies with expected norms and values, being selfish disqualifies you sometimes from your environment. To avoid being lonely, we try to let go of being selfish or at least hide our selfish traits.

Unfruitfully so, our selfish instincts at times fail us - exposing our true colors. And whenever that happens, people aren’t too afraid of pointing out what you did wrong. It doesn’t make us necessarily evil, just makes us human.

To avoid being Freudian in this post, let’s just sum up that Carrie is harmlessly selfish at times - that includes being late to every event, asking her friend Susan Sharon if she could trade in her cashmere sweater birthday gift for cash, accepting a pair of 600$ shoes from her other super rich friend, and cutting off Charlotte’s possible infertility problem discussion to talk about her Manolos.

The list goes on, I mean - this is just classic Bradshaw behavior. However, this character cannot be deemed as bad. She was just under the spotlight, and if we were under it too, we would find out that we do have these moments as well without realizing it. We are not perfect. However, Carrie does reflect on her mistakes often, which is something we should be doing more.

Sometimes, her selfish tendencies can really get out of hand.

It was not okay when she got angry at Charlotte who did not offer to lend her money after she blew it all off on Manolo Blahnik shoes instead of rent. It was not okay when she threw away Aiden down the drain. It was not okay when she slept with a married man, even if it was ‘Mr. Big’.

We cannot shame her though because we all have hidden skeletons in our closets...it’s up to you however to peak in and see which faults make it or break it for you.

3. She was a working woman

No offense to chastity ball princess Charlotte, who wanted to be a housewife to any rich man who crossed path with her, Carrie Bradshaw was by all means an ‘all star’ business woman. Despite being unconventional unlike Samantha Jones (PR executive) and Miranda Hobbes (Harvard-graduate Lawyer), Carrie Bradshaw was a restless woman that worked in multiple fields all at once despite being so undermined.

She had so many tasks to tackle all at once while juggling multiple projects. She ran around between the fields of Journalism, Content Marketing and Public Relations. She was able to get invited into all the ‘fabulous’ events and meetings because of the hard work she invested in all by herself as a freelancer who lived in a huge place like New York. Carrie finally reached her goal at the age of 40, which was working at Vogue. She even wrote multiple books as well.

4. She was unconventional

Despite the show running in the early 90s, Carrie Bradshaw decided to be a sex columnist. She never gave up on her weird unconventional job and was proud of her career despite the looks or comments people would make. She had a weird exterior in addition to how upfront she was about the physical makings of life.

In addition, Carrie did not believe in marriage until she became a fiancée at the age of 40. She traded in a ring for a pair of shoes and a walk-in closet, unlike most women, who would rather get married in their mid 20 to early 30s with a huge rock on their finger.

5. She was struggling at adulting

Carrie Bradshaw had a deluded concept of adulting that at least most of us had or still struggle with. She was not a healthy adult with financial stability and a well thought out regime. However, she still managed to be fabulous.

She had poor dieting habits, which made her sometimes skip dinner to buy Vogue instead. She believed that shopping and gossiping were the best types of cardio. She was not the cleanest and had a messy apartment at most times. She did not care about the way her living space looked like, which she later on freaked out about in fear of being judged as an imperfect adult according to Mr Big. She paid so much on shoes that she could no longer afford her rent. She believed that investments must be seen in her closet. She drank at least six dollars worth of coffee per day. She would smoke and drink way too much for a thirty year old woman.

6. She was a good friend

Carrie Bradshaw had so many friends that it almost put her PR bestie Samantha to shame. To be honest, Carrie may have not been a perfect friend, but she was as good as it gets realistically.

What made her so realistic in her friendships was her ability to be there for most of her friends’ hardships. She had her ups and downs with her empowered female group because sometimes they would feel like she was too problematic and vice versa. For the most part, it is impossible to be as passionate to your friends as you once were the first time you guys met. But what makes a friend a good one is that they never voluntarily try to find excuses to leave you behind.

Carrie’s love towards her friends in her good and bad times showed that she valued them like family.

7. She was lost

Carrie was probably more lost than she would have liked to be. She had a tendency to dwell on what should have been and could have been. We all have regrets and sometimes she voiced hers out more than other characters within the show. She would sometimes yearn over the years that passed by her. She even went to extremes such as dating a college boy just to remember what it was like to ‘just kiss’. Rookie Mistake, Carrie.

Just like Carrie, as time goes by at any age, we look back at the spur of events that created our timeline and take note sometimes of which events we deem as either life-changing, traumatizing or both.

8. She was experimental

She may not have been as promiscuous as her friend Samantha, but she was unarguably adventurous in all aspects of her life. Although the most obvious aspect may have been her outfits, her wild colors and funny textural accessories were just a preview on how eccentric Carrie Bradshaw truly was. She mentioned that her younger years were a genuine pursuit of fun in every shape or form, which most twenty-something-year-olds cannot deny.

She emphasized that she fears living life as a cautious person because of the hurt she has endured. However, she truly defined throughout the show what it means to be eccentric, empowering the ones who fail the experiments of life to get back on their feet.

9. She was flawed

Carrie Bradshaw believed in the glass half full rather than half empty throughout the series. Despite being unbearably flawed to the point where her friends no longer wanted to listen to her problems, she decided to see a shrink which is something that would have been especially socially-unacceptable in the 90s. Carrie still overcame her mental issues and found other remedies which in turn has led her into accepting the way things played out.

As we grow up, we, like Carrie, need a little bit of help in order to realize that temporary issues will fade away into lessons and the permanent ones that are out of our control can be accessorized into our lives accordingly to the way that we want it to look like.

10. She was in love

Her love towards Mr Big was illogical - almost completely insane. But what made her character so special was the fact that she never continued her relationship with Aiden because she knew deep down that it was Mr Big all along and never gave up on it; despite all the signs that kept telling her that he was bad for her. He was at the time indeed bad news, which made her feelings towards him fluctuate between love and hate.

Now, the psychology behind her and Mr Big does not justify why you should call your ex right now so put your phone down, but it is something to think about.

Carrie took the road not taken for most women, especially during the 90s where gender roles in love where still a bit rigid. While it is true that it is always easier to date lovers who make the effort to chase you rather than pursuing it yourself, the easiness does not create the ‘fairytale love’ that most of us strive for.

Carrie once described her love towards him as a crash rather than a crush. But if something deep down is telling you that someone is your person, shouldn’t that account for something? Shouldn’t we all just go for ‘ ridiculous, inconvenient, time-consuming can’t-live-without-each-other love’, and get it right just like she did?

- Nina xx (yasminasayyid)

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hunterinabrowncoat · 4 years

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Confession and Religious Trauma

I was reading a chapter in Nadia Bolz-Webber’s amazing book ‘Accidental Saints’ the other day, about sin and confession. The idea of Confession with a Capital ‘C’ is pretty foreign to me, having grown up in an Evangelical church. That kind of stuff was far too Catholic, and therefore suspect.

In my tradition, you just say sorry to God in your private prayer time, and it’s all forgiven already anyway because of the Doctrine of Grace means God looks at people who’ve Accepted Jesus As Personal Lord and Saviour and sees Jesus in all his perfection instead.

Pastor Bolz-Webber said some great stuff about sin. Like this:

“In the end, we aren’t punished for our sins so much as we are punished by our sins.

And sin is just the state of human brokenness in which what we say and do causes these sometimes tiny and sometimes monstrous fractures in our earth, in ourselves, in those we love, and sometimes even in our own bodies.”

I like the way she presented sin; not as some stain that dirties us and needs to be washed away, but the state of human brokenness we all inhabit. And in that light, confession stops being about making you feel guilty or reminding yourself how many bad things you’ve done, but rather is about giving you freedom from the guilt that already consumes you and the things that are eating at your conscience. It’s about coming to God, coming to community, and finding healing and restoration from that brokenness through God’s beautiful, raging mercy. It offers release and a chance to experience God’s grace through community and liturgy.

But like much of the Christian liturgy, I really struggle to engage with it. Partly because it’s so foreign to me and just feels a bit... weird. But partly because of religious trauma.

As I’ve spoken briefly about before, in deconstructing my faith and Evangelical upbringing, I’ve become disillusioned with and wanted to distance myself from many of the practices I grew up with. I feel uncomfortable in those spaces now. And in its absence, I desperately long for religious ritual and festivals; for meaningful practice that connects me to my ancestors and my community through collective tradition.

And yet, whenever I am in a Christian space that has liturgy, or that is more traditional, I am just left feeling distinctly uncomfortable, disconnected and out of place. It feels as though this is someone else’s tradition, something I have no connection to.

I haven’t found a solve for this yet, honestly. I just continue to go to church and feel out of place.

And maybe that’s part of why I struggle to engage with confession. But that’s not all it is, because it’s not just alien, it’s deeply uncomfortable and difficult.

I’m not going to pretend that all of my problems with saying sorry are about church and the way I was churched, because I also struggle to say sorry to other people. It’s a pride thing. Even when I feel bad, it’s like the word physically get stuck in my throat. I dislike being vulnerable with other people, and I find actually verbally talking to people about difficult or personal things, like, really hard.

But I also can’t deny the impact that my religious upbringing had on the way I view apologies, especially confession. When I engage with that part of the liturgy, or that practice, when it comes time to confess, I don’t experience absolution or God’s grace or any sense of release. Instead, I am overcome with feelings of toxic shame and guilt and self-hatred that my Evangelical upbringing instilled in me.

I grew up in a tradition that taught the concept of ‘Original Sin’. It told me I am inherently dirty and I was born unclean and I could never do enough to earn God’s favour because I will always fall short. Needless to say, it’s done a number on me.

The concept of Original Sin, as well as the emphasis Evangelicalism puts on sin, particularly things that in the grand scheme of things are often inconsequential like having sexual thoughts about somebody or swearing or feeling perfectly natural human emotions like anger, is incredibly damaging. It makes you feel guilty for enjoying anything. It makes you feel so much shame simply for being a perfectly ordinary human being with normal, human desires and needs and emotions.

People who are much more learned and articulate than me have written extensively about the subject. But needless to say, it caused me a lot of self-hatred, and a lot of guilt and shame that just festers as the sort of background noise to my life.

So much of my deconstruction journey has been letting go of that and learning to experience life without feeling guilty about everything. I’m allowed to enjoy things just because they’re enjoyable. Pleasure isn’t sinful. Who I am - my queerness, my sexuality, my gender - aren’t sinful. Indulgence isn’t sinful. Experiencing emotions aren’t sinful - they’re perfectly normal and healthy, and the important thing is not to deny them but allow myself to experience them, and make sure my actions and responses to them are measured and appropriate.

Then I come to confession, and I feel all of that guilt and shame and self-hatred creeping back in and undoing all of that work.

I was taught, growing up, that not only are we all born inherently sinful and stained, but also that we all sin every day. And when it came to prayer, and we were encouraged to say sorry to God for the bad things we’d done (you know the teaspoon [TSP] prayer - Thank you, Sorry, and Please). There will always be something to say sorry for, and to think otherwise means you’re proud or conceited, because we’re all imperfect and we all do things wrong.

And I don’t think that’s necessarily untrue. We are all imperfect. Even when we don’t fuck up in some big way that plays on our conscience for ages, we all say or do things that are less than kind. There are always situations where we could have shown a little more grace, or had a little more patience, or shown a little more love. None of us are perfect. We do all make mistakes.

But when it comes to confession, I often can’t think of anything to confess. I can’t think of something I’ve done recently that that I need for absolution over. Rarely do I do things and feel really torn up about it later. And if I do, it’s usually because of anxiety and not because I’ve committed some heinous grievance against my fellow humans.

When people tell me I’ve hurt them, I apologise and I try to do better. And... there is the resolution. When I feel I’ve wronged someone, I apologise and I try to do better. And there is the resolution.

To then bring it up again to God during confession feels like pointlessly drudging back up stuff that has already been sorted, for no reason other than to remind me of all the ways that I’m imperfect.

There’s also the issue of course, the eternal Exvangelical Sturggle, of “is the guilt I feel actually a reasonable amount of guilt to feel due to something I’ve genuinely done wrong, or do I just feel a deep sense of shame because it was effectively instilled in me that I am dirty and bad and I’ve learned to feel awful for many things that I don’t believe are wrong at all, like... experiencing human emotions, or seeking pleasure, or saying ‘no’?”

So in the absence of things I actually feel guilty over, I often confess rather vaguely... Sorry for all the times I wasn’t as patient or gracious as I could have been. Sorry for the times I could have got up and done something, but instead was lazy and just didn’t. Sorry for all the ways I’ve fallen short this week. Sorry for all the petitions I didn’t sign or GoFundMes I didn’t donate to that I could have if I didn’t buy that book or that t-shirt. Sorry for being selfish. Sorry for not getting all my work done this week. Sorry for every time I forgot to read my Bible. Sorry for every instance I could have prayed but didn’t.

And it just feels like it quickly becomes “sorry for not being good enough”. Which is a horrible way to think about yourself.

I’ve done so much work to get myself to see that I am enough. To be kind to myself. To forgive myself. To accept that I am not nor will I ever be perfect. That I cannot be everything and give everything and do everything. That I’m a limited human being, and that’s okay.

And confession just makes me feel like I’m undoing all of that work. And honestly? I just don’t know what to do with that.

I don’t know if this is a common experience for people deconstructing their faith and trying to reconstruct some kind of meaningful practice. I don’t know if I need to “fix” this and find a way to engage with confession. I’d like to think that God is big enough to find a way to reach us all, even with our messiness and complexities and all our baggage.

#christianity #confession #sin #absolution #nadia bolz-webber #accidental saints #religion #original sin #mine #faith tag #personal

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