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#like. personality wise it makes the most sense. also idk they both wrote to someone theres tension with bc something Bad is gonna happen

nettleshuttle · 1 year

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I'm gonna ask for a character too! Who?

My girl Akiza! :)

ooh very gladly, one portion of thoughts on aki coming right up! (disclaimer: i’ve watched up to 80 eps of 5ds until now, so that’s the scope of my opinions)

how i feel about this character: if my tumblr layout wasn’t enough of a hint, i really love aki. she’s definitely the best love interest in ygo, both in terms of my personal favs (though asuka and yuzu are neat too) and, like, objectively (as in best written, most complex). she’s got some great tropes in her character, fantastic intro and development and her relationship with yusei makes me tear up at every duel they play. also her design and deck make-up are just >>>

all the people i ship romantically with this character: yusei. i’m so glad this is a canon ship because this content brings me undue amounts of happiness. the start of their relation was what particularly hit me, with their initial duel and the one in the hospital, then how he consoled her after the whole thing with divine, taught her to ride a d-wheel (built one for her??) — yusei’s as precious as can be and she deserved someone like that so bad. as an optional no. 2 in this short list i’d put sherry — their ship appeals to me far less, but, y’know, lesbians on motorcycles. i’m a weak human sometimes.

non-romantic OTP: hmm. actually, i feel like aki has little to no relationships apart the one with yusei — she was deliberately isolated from others by divine, then when he died yusei seems to be the only one she really trusts. crow and jack appear really distant from her, although they are friendly towards one another — it struck me when crow specifically mentioned how aki hangs out with the signers not so frequently and i just get the impression she doesn’t fully consider them as her friends. i’d put sherry here because they’d have a nice vibe also as besties on motorcycles and also maybe rua and ruka? aki taking care of them is really nice and though, of course, they won’t be her friends the way a person her age would be, it’s still a good relationship.

unpopular opinion about this character: i wrote that i like the make-up of her deck, so, to clarify: black rose dragon is just great and the overall aesthetic of the cards fits her perfectly, but the way it’s constructed, game-wise, is absolutely garbage. why does she have a plant based deck and plant effects for a non-plant ace? why are her best tuners suited to a different star rating than 7? why does she not have cards that would alleviate black rose’s self destruction? i play rose dragons in duel links and it makes me just livid how stupidly this all was planned out because it doesn’t make sense even with adjustments that konami introduced later — and, consequently, they’re making her play some really bad duels in the show. i mean, she could be so damn strong if they admitted her some properly designed cards? i get that she’s one of the more powerful love interests anyway, but, come on, asuka could have gotten a playable deck and not aki?

also idk if that’s unpopular, but i want to say it: she’s probably the only character in the whole series whose psychic powers feel justified and make sense. they have more downsides than anything else, but they’re still ironed out into a real strength in the end, they add a lot to character, her personality is built accordingly, everything clicks together.

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: apart from giving her a better deck and a chance to kick some ass with that? definitely a better ending to her relationship with divine. yeah, he was a toxic, manipulative bastard who fucked her up bad in the head, but he was the single most important person in her life for so long (if not forever, before yusei) that randomly killing him off feels so unsatisfying. let her defeat him in a duel? let her break free of him on her own? the guy caused her so much trauma, she should have had the chance to overcome that (and him) on her own, instead of such a bland resolution.

#yugioh #ygo 5ds #akiza izinski #aki izayoi #5ds spoilers #<3333

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tea-and-la · 3 years

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today i’ve seen enough posts from zutara antis in our tag to make me irritated enough to make a post of my own.

let me start off by saying that i’m not an anti of any ship because i don’t care enough to be.

first, there was a post that claimed the bryke self-insert was unsubstantiated. i think people misunderstand what self-insertion entails, and that in general, the definition is meant to reference the idea that a fictional character represents the real author. that doesn’t mean that we should tote around false equivalencies of assuming that zks are saying that the writers wanted to self-insert into a relationship with a 14 year old girl (we aren’t.) it means that to some degree, all writers relate to their main characters, and can sometimes, maybe even unconsciously, their internalized biases can influence the character.

i also find it funny how there’s all this fanfare against the idea that *maybe* bryke self inserted, but yet, the majority of that side of the fandom thinks it’s acceptable to say that zks do. (if you think it’s gross to imply that bryke self-inserted into a 12 y/o’s relationship with a 14 year old, you should also think it’s gross for non-zks to imply that adults in the zk fandom self-insert bc they want to be with a 16 year old boy.) if you don’t, that’s hypocritical.

i also saw another post that said “zutara is like watching a really toxic couple argue for three seasons long” and then went on to reference loving their platonic friendship. i just ... there’s a lot to unpack there. first of all, that analogy doesn’t really make sense (at least to me) because they aren’t in a close enough capacity relationship wise through the three seasons (in terms of proximity and length of interactions bc they’re on opposite sides--prior to Book 3) to be compared to a toxic couple. also, it just ignores the fact that, they’re enemies for two seasons so them battling? yeah, that’s kinda the whole point. also like, that analogy would only make sense if they were on the same side and were arguing constantly. not to mention that their opposition wrt each other is because they are on opposite sides. also, and this is something that confuses me a lot that zk antis do, why do y’all love to purport zk as horrible but then love their platonic relationship? do these statements not contradict each other? why would you want her to be friends with someone that you just wrote a whole dissertation about how he was encouraging her to kill someone?

the last post i saw and this one probably irritated me the most, was someone saying that zks only ship taang to get aang out of the way. and that that’s the only reason. idk why taang and zutara antis believe that they are capable of knowing the only way that every single person in a fandom thinks but it’s honestly... baffling? and also just the idea that only taang shippers who don’t ship zk are valid because they have a “genuine reason.” no one owes anyone their reasoning for why they ship two ships that can coexist together, and no one has to “prove” that they’re a legit fan of a ship. ik plenty of zks who liked taang first and only became zks because of it. it’s just incredibly irritating when people constantly make assumptions. like just because i like zk does that mean that i’m mentally incapable of seeing the symbolism and parallels and dynamic of taang? tbh taang is more of a comfort ship for me than zk, always has been since i first watched. toph is my fav character, so ofc i’d only want good things for her, and they just genuinely make me happy.

also, a lot of other shippers in fandom do exactly the same thing. i literally saw a post the other day that said a ka shipper initially shipped zs because it made anti-aang zks mad. there are people from almost every fanbase that may ship a couple because it gets another person out of the way. why do some of y’all act like that’s only exclusive to zks and like zks aren’t capable of appreciating both taang and zk?

#fandom salt #i've had it with zk antis #y'all are the most assuming bunch of people and it's annoying #you aren't owed anyone's reason for why they ship something #and someone doesn't have to prove that they ship something for reasons you find 'valid'#nah bc who are y'all?!?#i just hate when ppl come for zks who are also taang shippers #because i LOVE taang #i won't stand for the slander #this isn't mean to be rude but pls i'm begging y'all to stop assuming so much it's annoying #why do y'all hate fun

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lilolilyr · 3 years

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Tagged by @ongreenergrasses, thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Way over 300! Tho it feels like it's been at 300sth so long by now, it'll be weird to look at once it hits 400 :D

Btw, funny how this tag meme asks for so much stuff that can be looked up by just... looking at my Ao3... without asking for any commentary by me? Lol

Anyhow, rest under the readmore bc this is 20 questions and Long!

Personal post - do not reblog

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

995596 - just a few more ficlets or 1 longer fic, and I've got a Million! Hey, maybe I should try to write one with... 4404? (I'd need to ask a calculator xD) words exactly... not rly a hardship with how many drabble exercises (exact wordcounts, 100 is the most used, I also do 200, 500, longest was 10000 exactly lol) I've already done... we'll see!

Over 400k for this year alone, and over half of that is my actual writing (not translations etc), I'm so proud! Last year I only barely hit 200k and that included a lot of translating work

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Again, one could look this up in my works filtered - sorted by kudos? But all three of my incubus!jaskier witcher series are in it, part 2 of the series is highest with 1091 kudos, then a Venom halloween oneshot, and 'Belonging', a fluffy snake-crowley piece from my ineffable spouses series (yes, sth with under 1k words - 666 to be exact - is in the top 5... my poor longfics lol)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

...I try to? But atm I have 202 unanswered (and I always click 'mark read' on replies so these are all comments on my own fic) even tho I told myself I'd not let it get past 200, and now I'm doing a tag meme instead of replying to anything so ummmm

Edit: 203 unread now

But I do love love love all the comments I get! And while atm it's still semi-manageable, if it ever gets to the point where I really can't manage to reply to everyone cause it's too much, i'd rly take that as a compliment lol :D I'd still try to reply to the longer and/or more thought through comments tho :)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*thinks* I have an MCD fic? But not only is that very much a case of ~posting a draft version that's barely in complete sentences insgead of taking the time to turn it into a real longfic~, I also just killed off the mlm couple I only semi care about and left the wlw couple with a happy/hopeful (rly don't remember) ending, so... hm idk whether that counts for angsty ending

Apart from that... I dunno, I just prefer my babies to be happy and fluffy? *.* i remember a mirror milippa in the mirrorverse one where in the end Michael is worried about lying to Philippa about her identity... there are some angsty TOG and Gomens ones but I think they end happy-ish (my memory is. Bad. but looking through my 'angst' tag I just saw a lot of h/c and 'angst with a happy ending')

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They're all happy???!?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ahahahahahhahahaahaha

Check this out

I need you to know that all the works in that collection take part in the same universe (or rather, multiverse), and are alltogether just scratching the surface of my gigantic headcanon multiverse that I've been building in my mind since I was like 10

Actual crossovers other than that I don't remember writing

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh but I only remember clicking 'delete comment', as it should be

Recently I've just gotten a bunch of 'you Need to continue this' and 'omg why isn't there more' or 'this shouldn't end' type comments, not hate, probably not meant maliciously, but So Annoying (maybe espesh bc I don't want to just hit delete on these, but I also don't want to pretend it's fine, but I also don't have the energy for a fight, and trying to explain why that behaviour is entitled and annoying and that I write what I want to write and nice comments should praise what I actually have written, and hoping that they understand and don't get mad is... hard.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Check out my rated E and rated M in my works

Mostly femslash lately, but I did also write other smut in the past

Most is a bit dominant/submissive play, but I do also like good fluffy smut with feelings! Best in combo, really :D

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the sense of pretending someone else wrote it (that i know of), but posted to other sites without my permission - writing 'don't repost to other sites' etc did Not help, they even copied those tags lol, so I just let it be, choosing my battles wisely etcetc, I'd prefer for my fic not to be cross-posted by others bc then I can't edit or otherwise influence the fic anymore and don't see everyone's reactions to it, but as long as it's not someone pretending they wrote it, I only semi care, not enough to fight it tbh

PSA: I Only post fics to Ao3 (and WIPs/prompt fills to tumblr&discord at times), if you see them somewhere else that's Not Me and you'd do me a favour by checking them out on ao3 and kudosing&commenting there instead :)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup, one to Russian a while back, a floreleine (Gunpowder Milkshake) one to Korean just today actually, and I translated a bunch to German myself

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I made a TOG fic together with @cinnamonplums, well mostly I wrote and she made the art :D

Trying to remember whether I ever actually co-wrote anything... don't think so?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't make me choose!!!

Atm Milippa is OTP bc I'm busy writing them for @discoveryfemslashfortnight (this is not a post to reblog for the fortnight), but I'm also still rly into Floreleine, Bering&Wells and Andromaquynh and Andronilynh, and I read a lot of Mirandy lately

All-time favs I'm not rly active in atm but will always be dear to me are the ineffable spouses, clintcoulson, heistwives, gosh so many more I'll stop here tho xD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Heistwives Kinda Job immediately comes to mind

I also rly want to finish at least one cohesive original-ish storyline for the lverse that I already linked for the crossover question above, but I just have so much backstory (it's been over 10 years!!!) and it's... hard...

And everything else that's still WIP and untouched for more than a few months will probably have the same fate lol

Also have a few that haven't even seen the light of day at all, most recent a Mirandy ~what if Andy had been pregnant when Miranda hired her and how would it change the entire storyline~ bit - I wrote it in bulletpoints in one go as quickly as I could, I know I had the finished product in my mind, I don't remember anything now and don't feel like going through the bulletpoints painstakenly filling in the blanks

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing one-shots quickly in one go

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Forgetting everything about a fic if I leave it in a draft for a second too long

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are many ways to go about it, and I think they all work (depending on the fic and the length and relevance of the dialogue)

I tend to leave single sentences as is, and for longer and important sequences use cursive and 'they said in xylanguage'.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hobbit apparently? I remember thinking that fic was so long lol, it's 3k

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Kat/Ana from Reef Break, they have Such Shippable Chemistry, and it would totally fit Kat's player personality to bang both siblings (she's canonically friends with benefits with Ana's half-brother)... but the ship has one (1!) fic on Ao3 *cries*

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

TOG Andromaquynh longfic In Your Stead has had the title since last year and probably for a while to come! I loved the story idea so much I really worked with several drafts and only! worked on that fic until it was finished so I wouldn't get distracted & forget about it, and the result was wonderful.

Tagging, if you want to do it, @sarah-fiers @purlturtle @cookie-sheet-toboggan @ussjellyfish @onaperduamedee @startrekgeorgiouery @rosalie-starfall @lonely-night @banashee @xvnot15 and everyone else who sees this

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

#tagging meme #tagged #mine #ongreenergrasses #ao3 tag #ao3 link #lilolilyrae #sept'21 #personal #Personal 2021 #28.09.21

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rupertgayesarchive · 3 years

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hey jenn...

so tell me about your plot planning process

oh chi i hate this question so much askfjajfakds

okay okay so i had to think about this because?? i don't do a lot of this consciously. have any of y'all looked at writing advice stuff and tried to make it work for you?? i keep trying and idk... i really tried to be the type of writer with like, outlines and bullet points, and usually i might have notes of some sort somewhere... it's all very much a 'trust the process' um. process. so here's stuff i do? in some semblance of order, but more like for your reading benefit than how it might actually happen.

first of all - i start with a concept (that fucks, obviously). considering the current spn fic i'm writing and the last longfic i wrote (marvel fandom) were both borne of that age old 'i read all the fics with this trope so now i have to write my own', i guess that's a pattern?

second, once i have the beginnings of like, a Thing I Want To Read Badly Enough That I Will Bite The Bullet And Write It Myself, how can i write it, considering like, who i am? for heard from your mother, a spn character getting sent back in time to fix things isn't a totally unique plot, but i am someone who 1. has not actually watched that much spn and 2. really enjoys the early seasons. so pretty quickly i started to think along the lines of 'writing a time travel fix it would require an in-depth knowledge of canon that i don't have past like, s3'. then my brain starts spinning off in all these other directions which leads to -

plot, i guess? by the time i put out the first chapter of heard from your mother i knew how cas got sent back in time, kinda sorta what would happen, and a rough idea of the ending, but no real sign posts. i think the main other thing i knew was that dean and cas end up together before the end of the fic, but even then, i didn't really know how. i also thought it would be a fun idea to give cas a cellphone that sends him anonymous messages as another draw/guide to the story. since pre-pilot was mostly focused on dean and cas meeting and getting together, a lot of energy was focused in trying to get them to be in the same place at the same time, bond, and eventually become an item. which also means -

what stories happen within the story? in any of my longer fics, there's usually an A/B plot going, which can shift and morph and intertwine as the story goes on. In heard from your mother, the A plot is probably dean and cas getting together, up until s1 starts, in which case it's the 'find dad' s1 plot, and the B plot throughout the fic is 'cas needs to figure out what he is and how he got where he is now'. there are shorter c plots (like offscreen stuff that happens with jess, bobby, pamela, etc.) but they're shorter lived.

another thing plot-wise that i don't consciously think of too much but is still important is payoff. these can be big or small, but this fic is SO goddamn long that it's good to idk, give the readers *something*. early in s0, this was dean and cas meeting up again after doing their own thing, like, yay! fun treat! good times! or another clue to what cas is (aka the RIBS chapter). some fun reveal, like seeing an old character pop up again, or maybe another emotional moment, like the resolution of the scarecrow episode rewrite, where dean finally comes out to sam. these are all moments that i personally really enjoyed writing, and if you're in this fic for the long haul, i imagine you're reading and going 'omg, finally!' or 'whoa, cool' - just something to make you pick your head up after however many words.

when i actually sit down to write a chapter, i kind of know where i want things to end up? like a lot of s0 was making sure certain characters met each other, s1 was more or less the same as the canon s1 with more focus on how the characters have grown/changed, and everything else is made up on the spot. like the hunts in s0 were made by me thinking: 'oh this monster got mentioned in an early season of spn, dean probably hunted that before. let's find a town for it to take place in, and maybe write it in a way that highlights one of his character flaws' very much an early monster of the week type of fic - creature story with an aesop somewhere inside that prompts dean (and usually cas) to confront something about themselves and hopefully push themselves closer together. we see this in the chapters dealing with the gillepsie family and the crocotta, probably the most obviously? i try not to beat anyone over the head with it. heard from your mother has a writing style that is sort of like 'here it is, you make sense of what people are thinking/feeling bc i'm not narrating that' which is very spn and male coded of me i think.

if i ever get stuck on how to approach something, i usually will put the fic down and listen to music or read something else, or i just talk out the ideas i have (to a lot of people on tumblr actually! thank you!!) a lot of my writing is latent and i just kind of let it happen. there are definitely deliberate choices for some things i do in this fic (i mentioned this with a previous ask about putting stuff in the plot that could help the characters from being backed into a corner later on), but heard from your mother is still something that to me is like 'this is a fun little story, watch me type away at my google doc and see what happens!'. like i take it seriously, i want people to enjoy it, but i want to enjoy writing it just as much.

i guess my writing is just: find what you want to read, figure out how you could write it taking into account your personal hangups, get it started, know kind of where you want to end up, and have fun figuring out the stuff in between (and leave some breadcrumbs in the middle there so if you end up way off base and you're already putting out chapters you can write your way out of it).

#also if it makes me laugh it's going in the fic :)#asks #writing #i really did start typin huh

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amyscascadingtabs · 3 years

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2020 in writing

tagged by the wonderful @feeisamarshmallow and @b99peraltiago! thank you, this took me seriously three hours but it was fun.

tagging whoever has three hours to spare!! but i’d love to see @amydancepants-peralta, @letsperaltiago, @johnny-and-dora, and @fezzle do this, although no pressure because this took me the entire evening.

1. List of works published this year

oh god this is going to take forever...

i’ll walk through hell with you, chapter 5, 6 & 7

all the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

a single kiss and i’m under your spell

paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

dust off your highest hopes

i can’t see the future, but i know that it’s there

look now, the sky is gold

look at where we are, look at where we started

bracing for the winds i always summon

just know that i’m already home

there’s magic everywhere you go

we’ve found a love to cross the ages

all my days, i’ll know your face

hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

(three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life

if devotion is a river, then i’m floating away

when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet)

evermore

i am not a stranger to the dark

in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you

rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky

21 works!!

2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

I am really really proud of finishing i’ll walk through hell with you, that’s still one of the highlights in my writing “career”. bracing for the winds i always summon and (three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life, because they were both longer works with a lot of introspection that focused a lot on jake and amy’s feelings about upcoming parenthood. especially the last one I still love dearly. i’m also really proud of the fics i wrote all from rosa’s perspective (paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans and when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet)).

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

none! I guess a few of them are shorter and written way quicker than some others, but I always take that into consideration when “evaluating” how proud I am of them so no. personally, I’m proud of everything in different ways.

4. A favourite except of your writing

referring to the creator tag meme for this where I posted excerpts from the five works I’m most proud of!

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

questions like these remind me that I need to start saving my favorite reviews somewhere! that’s a goal for 2021, haha. but every comment that have listed their favorite moments in the fic I reread like five times over and smile every time, and all the comments people left me on the last chapter of i’ll walk through hell with you were so wonderful. and the rosa fic. and the -

you know what, I just started reading through old comments and I can’t pick one, it feels too unfair to all the other incredible ones I ’ve gotten. so. all of them!!!! I love you guys!!

I will mention this one that someone sent me in the middle of summer, during a period when I wasn’t writing or publishing so it ended up meaning that much more for that reason as well. comment on look at where we are, look at where we started (in the brief period of time when we thought peraltiago baby would be named Leo)

“Idk why, but the way Jake was talking to Leo made me wonder if my parents ever talked to me like that right after I was born. I've been told the story of my birth every birthday since I was born, so I know it by heart, but despite the countless Peraltiago baby fics and other fandom baby fics I've read, this is the one that made me wonder what my parents were thinking when I was born. And then it made me wonder what I'm gonna think when I give birth to a kid, or if I adopt a kid.” like, I was just so floored that something I wrote made someone reflect so deeply on their own life. and I want to underline that I have so so many favourite reviews but yes, this one stuck with me!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

this summer was the hardest it’s ever been. first the (rightful) hesitance and reflection that followed the BLM protests and then some trauma and deep depression added onto that for me was… yeah. it took a really long time to find real joy in it again.

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

Jake and Rosa’s friendship in i am not a stranger to the dark! I’ve written a bit of Rosa and Amy and feel quite comfortable with their friendship and dynamic but far less of Jake and Rosa!

“At least this is still way better than... that.” “Literally everything is better than prison.” “True that.” Rosa looks up at the tv, realizing she’s missed at least ten minutes of the movie already. “I’m glad we got out.” “Sometimes it still feels like a part of me didn't,” Jake says, quietly. “You ever feel that way?” “Sometimes,” she admits. “We did, though. That's what's important.”

Rosa can hear someone talking in the background on the other end, and Jake mumbling something back in reply. “I have to go,” he tells her, and it makes her a little sad, because he's good company. “I can't miss dinner. Wouldn't want to piss off the entirety of my fiancées family before I’ve even married her, right?”

8. How did you grow as a writer this year?

I wrote more Rosa! that’s probably the single thing which helped me grow most, because she’s arguably a much harder character to write than Jake and Amy, since most of the time you really have no clue what she’s thinking. I have to think a lot harder about how Rosa thinks and feels and reacts to things and I feel like that makes me a better writer overall.

9. How do you hope to grow next year?

I don’t have any big expectations tbh. I know next year is going to take so much of my energy “”professionally”” or well, study-wise, so I think it’s the wrong year to set ambitious creative writing goals for me. then there’s also the inevitable fact that I’ve written a whopping ninety-nine stories for this show now and I’m always asking myself for how long it will last. there was a point in april-may where I thought it was going to be the end and during the entire summer as well. so… we’ll see. I don’t have any WIP I’m aching to finish right now.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta of cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)?

@fezzle, @johnny-and-dora, @vernonfielding, @amydancepants-peralta, @feeisamarshmallow, @amazingsantiago and @letsperaltiago all deserve their own shoutouts here for various reasons!! (if you want to know more about why just message me!)

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year?

always, in different ways in how I relate to the characters and different feelings and moments and experiences that would take way too long to explain. but if I could choose one fic it would be paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans. I worked through a lot of feelings about a breakup I went through in this one and they were ones I hadn’t really had the chance to let myself feel before writing this. It isn’t similar to how my breakup went, at least I didn’t mean for it to be and haven’t put any intentional similarities in there (although I guess there are a few if you look for them) but some of the things Rosa thinks, says and feels after being broken up with were quite personal. i am not a stranger to the dark and the way it focuses on healing after trauma was also partly personal although way much less obviously so because the experiences are quite different lol.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

make writer friends! talk to other writers! you’ll both learn so much and it makes writing and developing fics so much more fun!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

I currently have zero WIP and zero real plans so genuinely who knows. all depends on what my life will look like and what s8 will bring us!

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

all the favourite five, but maybe when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet). I think it’s a great complement to the Rosa and Amy action we saw in season 7 and it has a lot of peraltiago from someone else’s viewpoint as well.

15. Year word count

are you kidding meeeee okay here we go.

okay, so adding everything I’ve published this year together… 111 283 words.

😳 😳 😳

DEAR GOD.

additional trivia: the shortest fic was 651 words (evermore), the longest if you exclude the three chapters of i’ll walk through hell with you (they are 24.6k together though) (three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life, and the average word count for a fic of mine this year was 5 299 or 4 838 words, depending on whether you count the chapters of i’ll walk through hell with you as one or three works. that makes sense because i feel like i’ve written a loot of fics around that length this year!

#johanna talks writing #THANK YOU fee and adele for tagging me in this i've been so excited to do it

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ghoestys · 3 years

Text

i’m literally pulling this out of my ass so if there are errors and stuff doesnt make sense then please myob and pretend like u understand what im saying im trying to do this before i get caught not doing hw he comes at 6 n its 5:43 rn

statistics

full name: suzy nora yoon nickname(s): su, suz (pronounced like snooze without the n) age: twenty three date of birth: tba! hometown: tba! gender: cis female religion: athiest sexuality: bisexual hair colour: black/dark brown eye colour: brown height: 5'5″ tattoos: tba! piercings: tba!

prompt + blackmail

a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a senior undergrad student majoring in aviation engineering. they are as gregarious as they are aimless.

TW DRUGS! 1. to pay for yale's very expensive tuitition, suzy sells weed that's both fake and real, depending on who is buying and if she likes them. she's not a good seller, though, so this hasn't been the best form of income for her. 2. got accepted into the aviation engineering program, but suzy can't complete her homework without the help of drugs to keep her mind focused and creative enough to understand the problems

about

family/upbringing/childhood/wtvr

so! literally pulling this out of my ass and making things up as i go! suzy was born in a family with her parents (mom & dad), her older sister, and her older brother. the family was strictly middle class and her parents and siblings were very hardworking. her siblings were good at what they did and they excelled in their academics because they tried hard and all that stuff!

growing up, suzy followed her siblings and her parents and was basically a gifted child from the very start. elementary and middle school was not hard for her and she was in all the advanced and gifted programs. the family was calm and there wasn’t anything drastic that removed the peace or caused any disruption at all. like. they were just chillin.

i think suzy had an average relationship with her parents. they were still asian, so like... it’s as good as it was going to get. she was somewhat close to her siblings, but seeing as they were 5/8 years older than her, the age gap wasn’t that welcoming to the baby of the family. she was kinda just.. having fun on her own being smart n shit.

anyways! high school! where all gifted kids literally come to die! due to her shit from elem & middle school, she was offered a full ride scholarship to some prestigious school and as asian parents, they were NOT going to reject that free ride to a school that would help ensure suzy’s success in the future. she went from being one of the smartest kids to being another burnt out gift child and high school was fucking ROUGH!

bitch really had a fucking crisis and burned the fuck out. her not being the smartest bitch anymore literally killed everything in her and she just stopped being that. she met people and what do u know! got into the wrong crowd where drugs and alcohol was everyones bff!

she got into that pretty heavily by sophomore year i would say. she was just. yea.

i mean. she was burnt out but her grades were still fine if u saw them. studying isnt hard for suzy and shes pretty smart, but she wasn’t at the very top of her class anymore and thats what killed her. instead of having straight a’s, suzy was getting b’s and a few c’s. in a family where anything other than an a was acceptable it really just killed suzy some more

anyways! drugs and alcohol! made her feel good so she did it. she found that weed was the best thing as well as some tranquilizers/anything that relaxed her essentially. she just liked the feeling of floating n not caring or feeling any pressure like. she wanted to b in her own world n shit.

college/the elites

after graduating high school, she didnt apply to college right away because honestly? drugs and alcohol and a bitch didnt care by her senior year. her grades were not the best and while she couldve gotten into college, she literally had no interest for college and her parents at this point baiscally disowned her so like? who the fuck is gonna pay for her college??

her work ethic is the worst bc shes so careless like. bitch had a shift from 1-7pm and showed up at 5 because she literally didnt feel bothered enough to show up.

anyways a year or so after graduating high school (idk the math rn) she got really high off something and just. did a whole ass application to yale bc she decided to apply for the shits n giggles. wrote a fake letter of recommendation, wrote killer essay and personal reflection shit or wtvr, and even submitted the application with an attached document of her outlining an entire airplane that wouldve been fully functional except for a few tweaks n shit that was needed

she some how got in from that (this is fake this would probs not b real <3 teehee) and bc she was now accepted and going to yale (she accepted high aha a theme for her), she had to think about how to fund for this shit so she decided to get into drug dealing!

which is honestly. not going good like a bitch again has poor work ethics so her as a drug dealer is so.... she literally got into it bc of euphoria bc it looked easy but doing it... is not easy at all but its her only form of funding so she’s doing it. kinda. loosely. please fire her.

idk where to put this but. suzy is kinda like that girl from the queens gambit where she feels like she needs drugs to function so like she ditches class but she’ll do all her assignments nicely bc she thinks the drugs give her superpowers to b smart n at the top of her academic class again

when shes under the influence of anything she feels like she can function more or like her life is just... better when shes not sober and ull rarely really see her sober like shes usually just on something

idk where the post is rn bc im too lazy to look for it bc i jsut got a text that he was coming now but!!! its the tweet where a guy was drunk n drew up an entire blue print of an airplane and that is literally fucking suzy i swear to god

when shes high she’s like the smartest bitch around (shes smart without drugs but doesnt believe that) and can build airplanes n blueprints n solve maths n wtvrs

suzy is truly an asian stem bitch and the sciences and math is where she excels the most!!!! probs won awards n competitions for math and science but doesnt really acknowledge that much becase like... its just not something shes focused on

got into the elites by just making a blueprint of a plane from scratch infront of the twins like. legit just went infront of them, started making the blueprint from scratch to finish n gave it to them saying here is a blueprint for a new private plane u guys can build for urselves

personality

personality wise she is very friendly n goofy n chill n chaotic

literally a dumbass n honestly really annoying just ask orion

shes just a stoner having fun doing her life n not really caring about anything like. how she made it to senior year who the fuck knows i really dont honestly

i think the main way to describe her is bimbo like thats it

not really into sharing her life and is more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations that are genuinely deep and personal. she will not talk to u about her problems and insecurities seriously (maybe she’ll do it in a self deprecating way) unless she trusts u w her life. otherwsie she will keep it to herself n prays that her stoner part will make people believe shes just chillin w no problems

when it comes to conversations about nonsense n fake deep shit like what is air then suzy will not shut the fuck up like if u wanna talk to someone about nonsense then suzy is truly ur bitch like. a bitch can fucking talk

doesnt mind being alone bc she has fun on her own but she prefers company more bc she likes having fun and having someone to accompany wtvr she does. whether its for smoking/drinking or hanging out but also just for like... going to class if she chooses to attend and doing everyday errands like groceries or wtvr. she doesnt really do groceries tho bc she just steals orions fodo but when she does choose to go she likes having people with her :)

she doesnt have a passion for anything bc she doesnt dream of labor but the closest thing about b making airplanes or helicopters like. blueprints come easy to her n she enjoys making them bc she feels like shes actually capable of something bc shes aware that making them isnt something everyone can do

u can treat her like a dumbass n she wont call u on it even tho shes kinda smart bc she feels like shes a dumbass

most likely has bad self esteem and feels like a failure but uses drugs n alcohol to ignore that feeling :)

probs the least judgemental person ull ever meet bc she really doesnt care about what u do like. she hears the secrets getting outted n she doesnt care there r high chances that she’ll still look at u the same way

#intro #i am rushing im so sorry i jsut wanted this out while i was thinking about her

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inkykeiji · 3 years

Note

ME TOO CLARI ME TOO my fav thing to do is making someone watch a film that i’ve enjoyed nd observe their reaction all the time hehehe i watch their reactions more than the actual movie pffft

moving onto ur fav film list, your fav film list made me SO happy!! i was so excited to see that most of them were films i’ve watched&wholeheartedly enjoyed ( ^ω^ ) FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATING THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS YES!! whenever i mention anderson everyone talks ab the grand budapest hotel so im so happy to see u enjoyed the royal tenenbaums 🥺 also omg u watched burning?!? isn’t it such an amazing film <3 also reservoir dogs and little women and spirited away and ahh i could go on and on forever ab ur list but this ask would be a whole essay so i’ll force myself to hold in cri cri

horror movies are so fascinating aren’t they!!! i love em sm too <3 ari aster n jordan peele r my fav favs when it comes to horror. +the shining and scream! i enjoyed the conjuring series as well :) wait can i drop u a rec, since u love horror i totally recommend a tale of two sisters by kim. one of my all time favs&i have a strong feeling u would love it too! that film has such beautiful cinematography as well (✿╹◡╹)

ahhh my fav films r like, all over the place cuz i don’t have a strong preference/taste, but some of my fav films (that aren’t mentioned above/in ur list) include jojo rabbit-waititi, the florida project-baker, dazed and confused-linklater, moonlight-jenkins, girl interrupted-mangold, your name-makoto, mid90s-hill, lady bird-gerwig, uncut gems-safdie and etc etc so many more but i feel like im oversharing hehehe i also love action movies too but that’s a whole different discussion ;)

honestly u can recommend me anything u want cuz my taste is all over the place like i said, but to narrow it down, hmmm 🤔 is there a movie that u think is a must-watch? or genre-wise, maybe horror/action/drama/coming of age!! love u so so much clari<33 how is tumblr allowing me to write this much huh -🐰

ehehehe okay i’m gonna answer under the cut because i knoooow i’m gonna ramble

RIGHT and like idek why i guess i just love sharing the things i love with the people i care about and observing how they feel about it???

AHAHAHA YESSSSS oh my gosh i love the royal tenenbaums so much!! like my favourite wes film is either fantastic mr fox or rushmore, but yes!! grand budapest is rly pretty tho and i think that’s why so many people gravitate towards it yk? I DID WATCH BURNING actually i was super lucky and got to watch it at TIFF before it ‘officially’ premiered + there was a lil q&a with the cast and director (w a translator ehehe) but it absolutely blew me away. i’m just in love with korean cinema as a whole. i have yet to watch a korean film that i don’t like!!

little women is just !!!!!!! i love greta so much and i can’t wait to see what else she creates; i just feel like greta is a woman director creating films FOR WOMEN. does that make sense??? well-known women directors are already so sparse, but there are some (ie bigelow) who create uhhhhhh films that cater more towards men and the masses??? and that’s not to say that bigelow isn’t a fantastic director, because she IS, but i really like sofia coppola and greta gerwig because their films are so feminine and focused on feminine issues and relationships that we really don’t see on widespread/popular screens (like at first run theatres ie multiplexes).

RESERVOIR DOGS AAAAAAAH listen listen i have A Thing for mr. blonde ehehehe yeah i really love quentin, as i mentioned. whenever someone says pulp fiction is his best film i really have to refrain from rolling my eyes, and i know that makes me sound like suuuuch a snob but like,,,,,,,,,, pulp fiction is his most popular film, not his best (in MY opinion!! since art is all personal opinion yk etc etc). and like i could go on forever about him, i love every single one of his films, i think he’s such a fantastic writer and just aaaaah <333333 love quentin’s work so so so much.

ARI ASTER AND JORDAN PEELE ARE FANTASTIC. i wrote an essay on get out and it was literally one of my favourite essays to write!! i’m really really really excited to see what both of them continue to create!! OOOOH I LOOKED IT UP AND YEAH IT LOOKS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY i will add it to the list n get back to you!!!

aaaaah ur taste!!! dw clearly my taste is all over the place too ahahaha i just love cinema so much, i’m always eager to watch new films and literally always feel overwhelmed with just how many i want to watch ehehehe. OH MY GOD YOUR NAME MADE ME SOB LIKE A BABY such a beautiful film!!!!!! loved it so so so much. eeeee i actually hate action movies ahahahaha 🙈🙈🙈

hmmm i’m gonna try n go with ‘must watch’ films just because i feel like i’ve already mentioned so many in most of those genres n you’ve already seen most of them, so!!

ladri di biciclette by de sica

masculin, feminin and pierrot le fou by godard

news from home by akerman (if you can find it, it can be a lil difficult to track down but if ur school has a decent film library/collection they should have it!!)

rome, open city by rossellini

in the mood for love by wong kar-wai

the 400 blows by truffaut

hotel by the river by hong sangsoo (i literally love this film so fucking much my gosh like another one we saw at TIFF one year and just !!!!!!!)

full metal jacket by kubrick

apocalypse now by coppola

bride of frankenstein by whale

nosferatu by murnau (honestly anything german expressionism is worth watching esp the cabinet of dr caligari and metropolis, too,, i just really love german expressionism lmaoooo)

peeping tom by powell

king kong (1933) by cooper + schoedsack

aaaah like tbh i’d be surprised if you didn’t know/watch these, too!! like, i feel like they’re fairly common in film programs but!!! recommending films to another film student is hard cause i’m sitting here like ‘well, they most likely know all of the american/hollywood ‘must watch’ films’, but then i’m all ‘but if they’re a film student, there’s a good chance they’ve watched these, too’ so aaaah idk i hope some of these are new to you, at least!!! i kinda just thought about my favourite cinema movements and picked a film or two from each ahahahaha

SORRY I WROTE U A MINI ESSAY LMAO JUST RAAAAMBLING but !!! i can’t wait to hear more about ur cinema adventures!!! lmk if you’ve seen any on the rec list omg omg and once again sorry it took me so long to finish answering this :((

#WHEW #literally i could talk forever about cinema i love it so much #i will not shut the fuck up LMAO #but yeah!!! aaaaah it's so great to have another film student to talk to on here!!!#if you've seen most of the films on that list then i can move onto horror + drama recs (if u want me to ofc!!)#anyway lmk!!!#i hope u had a wonderful day my lil bunny n i hope you're staying safe!! <33 #🐰.anon #clari gets mail

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comeonharold · 3 years

Text

get to know me tag game 💙

@thegodsaregay tagged me, thank you friend

And I'll tag my usual squad too @blackindiaink @jello-thunderstorm @dscully2019 and the rest if they want to but they haven't done any of the earlier ones so I won't bother them, oh and @lostbunnysblog did one sometime maybe you want to do this one too

What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

You guys can say AJ if you want something other than my url but if you want my actual name you'll have to earn it😉 also I don't really care what people call me like I was studying in exchange and the other people just couldn't pronounce my name like idk I don't even think it's hard but they insisted on using a very English-speaking pronunciation so I was like whatever

When is your birthday?

Same as above, I can reveal that it's in October and horoscope-wise I'm a scorpio (not that I believe in that stuff but that gives a general idea of when my birthday is)

Where do you live?

Finland (which is why I'm not telling a lot of personal information it would be way too easy to find me because this isn't a huge country when it comes to population)

Three things you are doing right now:

Sitting in a car, talking with mom and I'm so slow at writing this thing that now I'm looking for my brother's hockey stick

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

Honestly I don't really do fandoms I like many ships and have great people to talk to about those when I want to but I would like to watch motherland fort salem, haven't had the time to look for it yet

How has the pandemic been treating you?

Well it's not great but I've been working on my pro gradu (that's like a master's dissertation) and quite a few courses so between that and floorball (before covid put stop to that one) I haven't really had that much extra time anyway so it's not that bad, like it would have been nice to see my friends more but what can you do when someone's sick or in quarantine 🙈

A song you can't stop listening to right now?

Impossible by Exit Eden. Or I am the storm by Ad Infinitum. Or many other songs by those ones I can't decide there are so many good songs

How old are you?

Okay this is another one I'm not giving a straight answer to and you can find it out by talking to me but between 20 and 25

School, university, occupation, other?

I study psychology

Do you prefer heat or cold?

*sigh* okay look. I'm from Finland and so my definitions of heat and cold are probably very different from any of yours like for me heat is above 20°C and cold is below -20°C (I don't do fahrenheit I'm sorry but you can google it) so definitely heat but like I'm also really happy about the snow we have here now, the way it crunches under my feet is so fun😄

Name one fact others may not know about you:

Hmm 🤔 okay it often takes a long time for people to really understand the way I speak (or write) because I'm often very sarcastic and don't bother using a sarcastic voice when I am, also I don't really do punctuation and just write whatever I think of and sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn't and I forget what I was talking about in like 10 seconds so then I'll just keep talking about something else and all in all my communication can sometimes be super inconsistent like sometimes I use emojis and sometimes I don't and that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all

Are you shy?

I'm Finnish

Pronouns?

She or they are both fine, I don't know honestly, in Finnish we don't have gendered pronouns and well, the Finnish one for he/she/whatever is technically "hän" but we usually use "se" which means "it" so like let's just say that my relationship with pronouns isn't that close

Biggest pet peeves?

I hate hate hate the stupid psychology-related half-jokes that the people actually mean in a not-joking way like when they ask me to analyse someone or are like "oh you study psychology I thought you were normal" because just please let me live and like, not break all the ethical guidelines we have

What is your favorite "dere" type?

I don't know what that is

Rate your life from 1-10

Hmm let's say 9 I'm really happy with my life honestly and I don't think there's anything really missing from my life or anything but it can always be better and I don't want to get stuck

List your side blogs and what they're used for:

I have one that I use for storing literally anything for future use, mostly writing stuff for if I ever actually have time and inspiration, hasn't happened yet 😂the name of that one is just a literal keysmash so I have no idea

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

Well probably mostly that I'm really busy a lot of the time and my tumblr notifications don't work and I forget to answer if I get distracted which happens a lot and I'm sorry but that's not likely to change anytime soon so all in all you have to be okay with that...also the earlier part about the how hard it might be in the beginning to communicate with me and oh sense of humor is super important I joke a lot that's like half my personality (I recently wrote a self-reflective diary bc that was the assignment but I wrote the whole thing in a very joking way like I talked about all the stuff I was supposed to but it was just very funnily written I think and I passed so no problem there but well I'm not going to be very serious most of the time, I can do that too of course but most of the time I just really don't want to) then maybe the fact that sometimes I write whole fucking essays as an answer to the simplest question because everything in life is complicated

I may or may not have answered them all I'm on my phone and I can't see and will start feeling sick if I keep trying to read any more because the road is very curvy because road work at high way xD

#ask game

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lala-pipo · 3 years

Note

(1/18) *peeks from behind the wall* I hope I am still welcomed here hahaha cricket anon is here! <3 I am very sorry for making you worry last time O.O, for sure no matter what happens to the story, I'm going to be right there to read it! Huehuehue, I literally was not lying when I mentioned that this story is bringing me lots of joy this year :3 Cricket anon is fine now! hahaha my last work place was really bad, kind of black-company-level-bad, and it really took a toll on my mental health…

Dear cricket nony, I already answered one of your non-anonymous asks privately because I was so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of email notifications I got from tumblr and Ao3 that I had to thank you right away, but I still want to do it publically because even after days I’m still overwhelmed that you took so much time to write me a whole essay. I’m still all soft and wobbly and squishy on the inside. Your notifications really made my day, week, probably month – so thanks so much again. It really means so much T___T

(2) so, I kind of took two months? break from social media and just literally try and figure out my life lol basically quarter-life crisis also happening, but yeah slowly getting better now! I hope you are doing fine as well, sending you lots of hugs and love ~^^~ Firstly though!! I wanted to say sorry too that it took a while for me to reply hahaha… BUT!! Let me tell you omg during my rest of 8 weeks, I have managed to re-read ALL. SEVEN. CHAPTERS!! So many things to share!!

I’m so sorry to hear that your last workplace took such a toll on your mental health and I really hope that you are going to get better. I cross all my fingers for you and send you good vibes only. Please don’t feel pressured to comment at all. I mean everyone loves receiving comments, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore. So if you feel like sharing your thoughts I’m always glad to read them, but if you don’t feel like sharing them, please don’t feel bad about it. <3

(3) However, since my comments were a grand total of 4,000 words lol, I inserted them in AO3 under "cricket anon" in every chapter! :3 You might get confused as you read them because I take notes as I read the chapter lol hahaha I hope my comments might bring some joy <3 Ahh! By the way! These anon messages are partly not anon since anon asks are limited to 10 per hour? I didn’t know that! :( But since I accidentally have revealed myself to you lol I think it should be okay!

I’ll also try to answer your comments on Ao3 in the upcoming days because (if I remember correctly) you had some questions and I hope I can answer some of them. ^^ But I’m impressed that you went through all the chapters again. We’ve reached 150k now, which is quite fascinating to me because there are still quite a few chapters left. I wonder how long the story will be in the end *hides* I didn’t know that either! I’ve been on tumblr for so long and yet this 10 ask limit is new information for me, but it makes sense in some way – if I think about spam accounts or people going around spreading hate or something.

(4) Also, I think I’m going to make my snorts reactions straight onto AO3 from now on, rather than spamming your ask box with 10+ anon messages hahaha but I’ll still come here to share you my overall reactions and analyzations huehuehue and also to possibly warn you about the length of the comment lol something I noticed, from chapter 1 to chapter 7, the comment got longer lol more things to discuss about, I guess!? But yeah!! Let me reply to your reply to my previous ask here!!

LMAO I admire your dedication. Do whatever is most comfortable to you, I will be happy either way ^^ I think it makes sense that someone can comment more on later chapters because the painted picture gets fuller and fuller with details, there is more information about the different characters, the storyline is more developed and so on… ^^

(5) Is the sad scene in chapter 6, you were referring to the conversation that Jong-Taem were having, and then Jong tried to diffuse it into another lighthearted banter, and Taem is just. tired. of. Jong avoiding the conversation? and despite all that, Taem still let Jong come into his room and cuddle to sleep? idk... I find that scene really heartbreaking :( or maybe it was another scene?

For me it was the shower scene tbh. I don’t know, but it always struck something inside of me (is it weird that I’m saying this although I’ve written it?) There is something very fragile about Jonghyun in that scene and Taemin does feel a little helpless and is so caught up in his own thoughts, in his own needs, what he wants (and doesn’t get from Jonghyun) and yeah – it always makes me go :( but yes, the follow up scene is sad as well because you sit there and think – you two are just so damn dumb, which is something most people, who read this story so far – seem to think constantly, because yeah, they are very dumb – each in their own way. ^^

(6) I think I mentioned in the AO3 comment somewhere that even I started to feel like Taem can just leave Jong because Jong is not trying to understand Taem, I mean, nothing to do with his mood swings or his claim that Taem will get bored of him, just that he isn't trying to see things from Taem's perspective whereas Taem is trying! so! hard! and he even tried to ignore the fact that Jong avoid the vital conversations for like the 10th time already :(

Feelings are a very difficult topic – and while chapters 1-9 are very focused on what Taemin does, thinks, wants, needs, wishes etc. the focus does shift a little over to Jonghyun starting from chapter 10. So the reader does get an inside of why Jonghyun might have acted the way he did. If his behavior makes sense is up to the reader (and Taemin as well) to decide – but I think it shines a little more light onto Jonghyun, who the reader doesn’t know much about – feeling wise –, although he’s one of the main characters of the story. ^^ It’s the onion layers that get peeled one by one. ^^

(7) Yeah, re-reading this definitely showed me muCH MORE parallelism in Jong-Key and Taem-Jong dynamics. Even with Taem's mood in a sense? Like how Jong used to be really upset when Key has a new friend, and then suddenly okay when they do sexy times. Before, I only noticed the puppy-love-ness parallel, but then there is more to it, like I said, Taem's mood affected by Jong a lot, just like Jong's by Key, and also the way Jong claims that Key doesn't understand his feelings,

(8) well, it applies to Jong not really wanting to understand Taem's feeling? by just brushing it off as Taem will get bored of him or Taem doesn't know what he is talking about. I mean as a reader, I am also not sure, if it’s either Jong doesn't care or he is scared to show himself or both or maybe there is another reason? Hahaha ^^;;

This is true and done on purpose. ^^ This knowledge doesn’t play a key (haha) part in the storyline, but it is there to show how blinded one can get by one’s own feelings. After adapting to his new life in a dorm Taemin sees through Jonghyun and Kibum’s relationship quite well, but later when it’s about his own relation to Jonghyun he’s completely blindsided and doesn’t see how unhealthy it is at first – him going back and back and back over and over again in the hope that Jonghyun’s behavior towards him might change.

(9) You mentioned that there will be more Jongtae drought, and honestly, I think they need it? I think some space for them to think about things and you know do other things and talk to other people about other things lol maybe it will clear up their heads hopefully? Ahh!! You said the beginning of chapter 5 is for your own sanity lol I totally understand ;), it was a very sweet scene, soft, and kind of endearing compared to what is coming in the next chapters TnT

It depends on how we describe the drought. The hard cut was done in chapter 8. I went in like a warrior and just cut all the strings, not showing any mercy. ^^” I don’t want to spoiler anything, but yeah – the hard drought will continue throughout chapter 9 – soft drought from chapter 10 …… till ….. *closes mouth* 6v6

Working on chapter 8 made me write two lovey-dovey JongTae oneshots because I couldn’t stand seeing them fight in my own fanfic, in front of my salad. T_T so yeah, the beginning of chapter 5 was for my sanity. While writing chapter 8 I also realized again while I never really write angst, fights – anything dramatic really, because I’m a very chill person in real life, and I like my fanfics to be very chill as well – so writing this was completely out of my comfort zone. For others it’s writing smut for me it’s writing angst lmao. I usually want to wrap up all the characters in fluffy blankets and make them tea, and yet here I am – letting Taemin suffer for so many chapters. I’m a monster T_T

(10) Yeahhh, about the fact that we don't see Key so much since it is in Taemin's point of view, and also the fact that our (the audience)'s perception of Key is very much influenced by how Taem sees Key, right? I think I even mentioned somewhere in the comments, that in a way, a Rashomon effect is present as the readers read the story right, since they are all on accounts of Taem's witnessing, but then also maybe I am just reading too much into this lol

It would be the Rashomon effect if I wrote the same fic out of Jonghyun’s perspective and Minho’s as well for example. In this case Taemin is just a very unreliable narrator and we don’t (well I do :’D) but the reader doesn’t know what’s really going on, if everything Taemin is experiencing is true or if it should be taken with a grain of salt. Considering that everyone in the dorm, except for Taemin, gets along well with Kibum, we might want to believe that Kibum isn’t the bad guy Taemin wants to make him out to be. ^^

(11) Honestly, I could hear my English Lit teacher saying "maybe that is not the author's intention" hahaha xD Yes yes yes!! more chapters for Taem's development!! I am ready for it!! I mean the end of chapter 7 marked the sign of the broken vase, and paired with the JongTae drought, I am looking forward to the next part of the story!! Some character development at this point is perfect I think!! And also!! About the advices, I think I commented a few times on some of the chapters.

(12) I didn't notice that before! And after you pointed it out, I think I made some comments on Minho's, Key's, and Onew's advices to Taem and definitely, based on how the events unfolded, we could argue that the advice was bad - in a way though, I can't seem to tell (yet, maybe?) if the advice giver was genuinely trying to help or do they have ulterior motives? hmmm but either way, I like how you placed a lot of thoughts in the story, even on things such as advice.

(13) Because for sure, in reality, people tend to give bad advices, and act on bad advices. It is true that most fics tend to focus only on the good advice and then the story ends happily ever after. Real life is most definitely not like that :3 your "slice of life" tag is holding up to its name ;) Thank you so much for your hard work!! You added 10,000 words for chapter 7?? omg… huhuhu (insert a bowing LINE sticker)... yeah, for sure, the way the story unfolds in my head,

(14) probably is different to other readers, right? And for sure, very different to you, the author! There are probably a lot more instances, scenes, implications, interpretations? that we as readers are unaware of! Thank you so much for all your hard work TnT, as readers, having more context into the story does give much more clarity on the flow of the story and the feelings of the characters, etc. Thank you for all your hard work! (bow bow bow)

That was something @hwarang-number commented on as well while betaing the story. What if Minho has ulterior motives?!?!?!?!? In Minho’s case it does make sense to give out bad advice to lure in the innocent lamb haha but for example what would Jinki’s or Kibum’s ulterior motives be? Sometimes people want to give out good advice, but in the end it just turns out to be bad advice – unintentionally – humans are just humans after all – and none of us is all knowing, we all perceive things differently, and what might work for one person might not work for the other. I did add 10k to chapter 7 and 25k to chapter 8 – because chapter 8 felt like the most incomplete out of all the chapters in this story.

I think I’ve mentioned it before but hwarang_number is super attentive while reading and figured most things out that I’ve implied – even smaller details which I thought might get lost in the chapters – which I’m still impressed by, but I also said before that everyone reads stories differently, and some aspects that might not be important to me as the author of the story might be important for the readers and the other way around. For the past chapters I just tried to fill in the gaps that might confuse readers unnecessarily. In the original draft of chapter 8 Taemin is doing the deeds with Minho far more spontaneously because he’s so frustrated with Jonghyun – it made sense like that as well – but I think his frustration got more depth through the added scenes. :)

(15) Ah!! By the way!! Please don't feel like you are forced to reply to all of my messages! Having you read them already makes me happy! I don't want to make it feel like an obligation to you because... well omg my comments like super loooooong hahaha ^^;; And yeah!! Take your time with the next chapter by the way!! I am rooting for the development of the story no matter how it will go :3 I will be waiting for the next update (though no pressure, just want to put it there haha)

Dear cricket nony, if you write me 50 message I will still try to answer all of them ㅎㅅㅎ I might just take a little longer. I hope you will like chapter 8 as well, despite the drought ^^

(16) Next time, this cricket anon will bring some more noise ~ I hope your real-life stuff works out well too :D Once again, thank you for answering all of my messages, and for writing this awesomely written fanfiction! While I wait for the next chapter, I think I'm going to re-read songs of siren hehehe :3 Please stay safe!

Please do! Song of Sirens is definitely a story I would have loved to treat like “Dorm Life” in a sense that it would have turned out better if I had worked on it longer, but I’m still a fan of the big brain energy I had running through my veins when I came up with the mythological aspect of the story…lmao So I hope you will enjoy re-reading it. ^^ Chapter 8 is longer than Song of Sirens (just as a side note haha)

(17) Ah!! I forgot to mention!! After I re-read it, my most favorite literary device that you used in this fanfiction (lol this commentary is beginning to sound like a Literature essay) is the Biblical Allusions? I am not sure if this was your intention, but the juxtapositions of Bible verses or reference to God, in Taemin’s thought reminds me heavily of Taemin’s songs, particularly Heaven? It be a sexy time song if you look at the lyrics, but the composition is that of a choir church song

(18) I find the contrast chilling, and maybe you were trying to invoke that feeling to the readers? Orrr maybe I am perhaps, indeed, reading too much into this hahaha ^^;; but really! I really enjoy reading your fanfictions and coming up with analyzations, it’s very fun, and the fact that I can discuss or ask you questions about it is just makes it even more fun – since in Literature classes we can’t actually ask the author of their true intentions right hahaha okay!! I am done :3 Thank you!! <3

It was my intention and still is, so I’m glad you picked up on that. ^^ I always wanted to write a fanfic in which Taemin’s religion plays a role – even if it’s just on the side – I always make some references to Dante’s circles of Hell (when Taemin is being dramatic again) or I also made a reference to Hieronymus Bosch’s painting The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things in chapter 8. (I’m a big fan of his work – that dude was wild – the way he painted blows my mind every time I look at one of his paintings). So yes, dramatic Taemin talking about religion and throwing around with biblical references is my brain being wild. ^^

I would say that ‘Dorm Life’ is not a really deep story, but I did put a lot of thought into it to not make it your regular smut/romance fanfic. I mean it took time, still does – but I’m glad when people, like you dear cricket nony, appreciate it. So thank you so much for your kind words and sending me all your thoughts and interpretations. <3 I hope you will have a lovely December – please stay healthy and please take good care of yourself. <3

#cricket nony #non-fic post #dorm life #Anonymous

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funkymbtifiction · 4 years

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IDK who I am?

Ok so this is kind of a whole ass mess, I started off with a question that would make it a useful read for everyone and not a waste of time, but it ended up being a bit of a personal advice question so I hope that’s ok.

What would cause unhealthiness in a type? Most of the time, i feel like i’m a healthy ENTP, but multiple arguments with my ESFJ (or ESTJ?) mom have caused me to seriously doubt myself in many ways over the years. I read that an unhealthy ENTP can be argumentative, unwilling to drop arguments, etc. These are all things my mom tells me I do, along with not taking responsibility and making excuses. I’m 18 now and we don’t argue that much but we did a lot when I was around 13-15 and kind of, ya know, going through it as teenagers do. And since my mom has basically always used these same digs at me, I’ve assumed that maybe that’s the reason that it really hurts whenever those same digs are brought up now, and basically I have a lot of self doubt and am insecure about being an immature version of my type (because that would mean that i’ve been in the wrong in so many instances in my life if everything my mom says about me is true, and i think that sentence in itself proves my mom right in that i don’t like taking accountability.) As I’m typing this, I’m wondering if maybe that fear of being an unhealthy version of my type or admitting my faults could be related to enneagram ?? Anyways, I know that nobody’s perfect and can definitely appear even worse especially in conflict, I just sometimes wonder if i’m unhealthy or a completely different type altogether. That’s another thing, I’m always trying to find an answer to things, but have a hard time settling on just one. This could be another reason for my self-doubt. I guess my question, after that exhausting story, is WHY? I go back and forth between caring or not caring about personality type, but I’m in a particular stage right now where i care and really just wanna know why i am the way i am (i’m in a bit of desperate state of mind rn lol.) I don’t know if i gave enough info for you to answer this, but what causes me to fear failure so much? Does it have to do with being raised by an ESxJ? Or is it related to enneagram? Or something else altogether? Also, am i even an entp?? you’d probably need to know more about me, but from the way I wrote this, could you give me anything? I’m asking for so much right now, I’d honestly be annoyed at me. But I’ve been so unsure about so many things lately and I just want one thing in my life I can be at least a little more sure about.

I’m sorry you are in a place of feeling like you aren’t sure who you are; if it helps, most people who embark on MBTI journeys face that, sooner or later. And it often precedes a period of self-understanding that helps you find your type, because you start focusing on how you respond to things and how you get things done, rather than what others are telling you about yourself, and linking that to specific functions.

So much hyper-focus on what your mom says about you either indicates you are a high feeler (FJ seems more reasonable than FP at this point, since it’s not about defending self from the outside world, but wondering if what others say about you is true; but if you are sure of Ne-dom, I’d look into ENFP also) or in a Fe-loop. EFJs often mistype as ETPs at first, because they don’t realize how much they lack a specific sense of self, because their entire identity is built on how others perceive, relate to, and speak to them. If this has been a persistent concern for as long as you can remember, consider EFJ (most ETPs at your age care way less what others think, and way more about how they can ‘use’ them to get what they want, since Fe is just a tool for them and not a place of ‘being’).

If you are an ENTP, you sound as if you are in a Fe-related loop, excessively ruminating on others’ external views of you and causing you to wonder if you are really the irresponsible jerk they tell you that you are. To break this loop, you need to get back into Ti and return to building inner frameworks of logical understanding and consistency. Your natural, healthy tendency will be to notice flaws in arguments, belief systems, and logical inconsistencies, and point them out to yourself and others. You should be learning ‘how things work,’ and not worrying so much ‘how others are reacting to me.’

To gain a better understanding of oneself, you need to put your mother’s criticisms into perspective. Is she the sort of person who finds something harsh and critical to say about everyone, all the time? Or is it just you? What is the objective truth in her digs? Can you come up with specific examples of you doing the things she is accusing you of, or is it just generalization on both your part?

Immature (and at 18, you can’t be anything else, cognitively) ETPs are prone to not taking personal responsibility for themselves and making excuses about it, yes. Ti can rationalize, argue, avoid, and shift responsibility away from self (a natural behavior of unhealthy Fe) rather than simply admit, “What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry.” Arguing, for an ETP, is like breathing – they are so good at it, and so self-assured of thinking up an excuse for everything they do in order to justify their “what I want” based thinking, they forget that their “fun banter” is actually seen as “aggressive behavior” from feeling types. (Sherlock is a great example of what I am talking about.)

If you think your mom has a point, and you can come up with times when you did avoid taking personal responsibility, you have a choice – to work on next time refusing to give an excuse, humbling yourself and admitting you didn’t do what you were supposed to do, or you were selfish and ate the last bag of chips in the house, or whatever else she “gets on you” for. You can also start taking “adult initiative” and doing “mature” things around the house, to show her you are taking responsibility for your stuff, your chores, your bills, etc. The only way to convince an ESJ that you are a mature adult is to consistently act like one and show them you are being responsible with your decisions. Part of being a mature adult, regardless of type, is admitting when you are wrong and taking responsibility for the problems/pain you cause.

If she is criticizing / nitpicking needlessly, analyze her and think about her reasons why she might be doing this, or feels the need to bring others down, or is being “hard” on you in particular. There are many factors that go into people’s behaviors. Do you remind her of someone she used to know, who went the wrong way in life, and is she associating your behaviors with that person’s downward path? High Si’s are prone to instant sensory comparisons of that nature. SJs are also highly responsible people, very driven, who have a specific idea of “how the world works,” and how YOU will have to be, to succeed in it. (IE, 9/5 job, be responsible, buy car insurance, save for retirement, take care of your family, etc). This is how and why they clash with the “when I see it, I’ll know I want to do it, and do it for awhile, and then find something else to do” fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants EP types.

With parents, it’s also important to remember their bias. Their opinion of you is just their opinion. What matters more out in the world is what your boss, your coworkers, and other people who have a direct financial impact on you as an adult in the workforce think of you. Your parents have watched you grow up. Seen all the good and bad things. Things that do not matter at all in the workforce, and that nobody knows about, outside the family. Things that do not have to ‘define you’ as an adult. EJ parents can also have a lot of trouble transitioning from being “parent” to “friend” – she is used to being your “mom.” So, prove her wrong. What can you do to show her you’re an adult?

You might also be an Enneagram 9 or 6 (both, Tritype-wise, is likely) which is messing with your ability to have a concrete sense of self.

Once you’re in college, your functions will show clearer. Heavy school work / an environment where you need to please peers and teachers will bring out lower functional development.

- ENFP Mod

#question

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peachy-lemon83 · 4 years

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⚠️ Waring for talk of suicide attempts, depression, cutting, anxiety, mental issues, mental hospitals ⚠️

So honestly, I genuinely think I should go to a mental hospital or like at least therapy. Like no one knows this (well except for you guys now but like you don’t really know who I am) but I’ve attempted suicide multiple times, no one notice. To the point where I can barely remember my 7th grade year because my brain was almost always fuzzy as hell from trying to overdose the previous night (I serious downed so many freaking pills that year and attempted almost every night)...... no one notice.

Hell I even made the comment to one of my friends that “trying to overdoes really burns your chest” and like nothing...... So yeah, I haven’t attempted in a while, mostly because of school because doing school with that fuzz was hella hard and I already have way too many issues with stressing about my grades (even tho like I do pretty good in school and most people consider me smart, even tho I don’t really).

Like in both 7th and 8th grade my cutting was honestly pretty bad. But my mom noticed and litteraly that’s the only reason I like took a really long break from it (the only time my mom actually noticed my scars herself and because I was litteraly wearing a tank top and accidentally turned my arm...) She told me she’d take me to a psychologist or something, but she never did. She said a lot of things that were toatal invasions of privacy but made me feel like she cared..... but she never went through with any of them....

I still have a password on my phone, she’s never gone through my phone, she never searched my room for stuff.... and honestly that really hurt.

But yeah that wasn’t the last time I cut myself... so I’m currently a sophomore for reference time wise. So in my freshman year I ended up for some reason cutting myself, just once. Only one person noticed... because I kind of hinted at it.... she slapped me and told me I was stupid for it (I’m pretty sure she meant it in a loving way) but like we never really talked about it.

And then I started actually cutting myself... this time on my thighs. My sister noticed, she told my mom.... my mom “talked” to me and told me she was disappointed and I lied my butt off about when I had done it and everything. She believed me (or didn’t call me out on my lie at least, didn’t do anything to make me think she didn’t believe me). She threatened to take me to a mental hospital if she caught me again.... and that was it. We’ve never mentioned it again. I don’t hide my scars but everyone acts like it’s a dark secret that needs to be buried so deep in the closet....

that’s the last time I’ve cut myself... not the last time I’ve had the urge by far.. honestly the only thing stopping me is that I haven’t being wearing hoodies and I don’t normally wear bracelets so it would be weird for me to all of a sudden start until it gets a little colder (and honestly no one would probably question it even if I did, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to wear hoodies because of the heat. I get hot pretty easily).

Sssoooooo yeah. Basically I’ve pretty fucked up and should probably get help but I can’t even imagine asking my parents for help because litteraly one of the first things my mom said after she found out was (loudly, so I could clearly hear it, idk if it was on purpose or not) “we don’t have the money for a psychiatrist” to my dad... And like I guess she’s just never actually shown me that she supports me in like actually over coming this, finding help, or even the fact that there’s actually something wrong with me.

Also there’s the fact that she’ll probably send me to a mental Hospital instead of like therapy, which honestly I probably need the mental hospital. But like you know how much that’s gonna mess up my future. Like I’ll be really set back on school and everything. Like they won’t let me do school work there and schools are terrible and won’t be like “oh we’ll actually put your mental health over school” nope. So basically my grades will plummet, which will freak me out even more. And yeah so like can’t go there because I want a good future where I can actually maybe be a littte happy eleven tho the economy is actually fucked up and I’ll probably be in collage debt forever and never own a house (or even live in an actually good apartment).

Idk I just really feel like I can’t (especially since like I’ve been taught that being sad or anything other than happy is “throwing a fit” or “pouting” but that’s a whole different box to open in a different rant... maybe). And like it feels like (especially in my family) that no one listens to me. And I get it, I ramble a LOT (if you couldn’t tell by this freaking long as heck rant/vent) and like a lot of people like tell me to be quiet or act like they want me to stop soooo. Soooo like yeah no one actually listens to me very well and honestly I’m not the best at communicating, I either over explain or don’t make it clear enough.

Sorry for the hecka long vent/rant. Maybe someone will read this and see themselves and feel a little less alone. Maybe someone will get hecka sad after reading this, if you’re them... I’m sorry. But mostly I just wrote this because it runs through my head a lot and I just like couldn’t keep it inside my head (I might start ranting a lot more if this actually helps) and like my friends normally don’t really respond to my rants and stuff so like yeahhhhh. Here is this dump of my thoughts that honestly probably makes no sense what so ever but it’s here.

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fonulyn · 4 years

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Top 5 uhhhhh quotes!

asdnfgjkn why only five this is torturous! my brother and i quote stuff to each other all the time and i love a good quote, so this is like. there are so many. BUT.

Yleensä elämäss�� on viisasta luottaa siihen, että kaikki menee hyvin.

- Mauno Koivisto

I have this on a postcard that’s tacked onto a cabinet door in my kitchen so that I see it every morning. It translates to basically “Usually in life it is wise to trust that things will turn out alright.” and I draw so much strength from it although it’s such a simple thing like. I tend to stress about everything. Small thing, big thing, I stress about it. And sometimes in the morning it feels like the day is so full of things to handle I will not live to see the evening, you know, but then I see this and as simple as the statement is, it reminds me that yeah sure most of those things I stress about will turn out alright and life will go on. idk if that makes sense? But I find it comforting. (also, Mauno Koivisto is one of our former presidents, in case someone was wondering lol)

it also reminds me of my grandma, who used to say “Tästäkin päivästä tulee vielä ilta.” which is like “This day, too, will turn into an evening.” or smth and I find it similarly comforting. Like no matter how bad the day ahead might seem, soon I’ll be sitting on the edge of my bed thinking that “wow what a day but I survived it!” and life will indeed go on.

So we’ve got an arms dealer on one side. On the other, a government dropping bombs on weddings. Who’s the bad guy here?

- Leon S. Kennedy

I recently rewatched Vendetta and seriously this quote is my favorite quote in the entire movie. Every time I watch the movie and this comes up I feel like giving Leon a standing ovation bc seriously tell it how it is boy! I absolutely love how he doesn’t see it as a black and white thing, and acknowledges that there are assholes everywhere, on both sides. AHHHHHHHHHHH I love him okay. So much. (Also it might not be word-to-word correct lol I just wrote the quote from memory sorry if there’s inaccuracies.)

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain?

- The Gods Themselves

So although the quote is originally from Friedrich Schiller, personally I know it from Isaac Asimov’s book The Gods Themselves and it is my favorite book of all times and it’s stayed with me for already like twenty years and I’ve reread it so many times. The whole book, to me, feels a lot like the quote it starts out kind of defeated, like there’s no point in even trying to fix things, but it ends really hopeful as things just might turn out fine after all.

Guybrush: If I gave you your arm back, what would you do with it?

Murray: I’d terrorize the South Seas! I’d torture the living! I’d demolish the… er… What I meant to say was, I’d use it to pet kittens.

Seriously, everything and anything Murray says in the Curse of the Monkey Island? :D I WILL ROLL THROUGH THE GATES OF HELL! I love that game, and I love Murray, he is the best talking demonic skull in existence okay. Everyone should appreciate Murray like he deserves to be appreciated.

Your right hand comes off??

- Leon S. Kennedy

LMAO OKAY SO honestly on the last spot of the list could be just literally anything and everything Leon says in RE4 because there are so many gems in there. So many. All the things he says are gold. The whole "I'm sure you boys didn't just tag along so we could sing "Kumbaya" together at some Boy Scout bonfire." that pretty much begins the whole game already has me all 😍 and then it’s just better the more we get to hear. The whole exchange when he finds Luis, the “you got a smoke?” and “...got gum.” might be my top 1 favorite exchange like... ever. He’s so unapologetically cheesy??? And at the same time both dumb and witty?? Idk how he does it???? I love him.

....and I realize I wrote like... a novel. Sorry for being so wordy lmao.

and thank you for asking!! ❤ i love lists haha.

#top5 #aiderynddraig #ask and i shall answer #replies #chatty chat chat

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voicedaily · 5 years

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Hey, thanks for this blog! I see you post about the japan remake recently. I don't watch it yet, is it worth watching? How about Mo Tae Gu? Kim Jae Wook set a high bar so I don't want to disappointed with his japan counterpart if I watched it..

Yo! Thanks for stopping by. Of course, I have to keep making this blog active with content [laughs]. And right after season 03 is over, we’re lucky that Japan airs the remake of season 01 just in two weeks. As for your question, I plan to write a review after the series is over. The last episode will be aired on Sep 21.

But for short, I can say it’s worth watching. Well, the remake version of Kang Kwonjoo isn’t satisfying but It has much better, better storytelling than the original has. Jdrama always has the strength of story-wise better while K-drama tends to focus on conflict and sometimes makes the story draggy, and it happened too with Voice. I still remember I did grumble of some aspects in the original haha. But before you decide to watch it, I hope you don’t have the same standard because both Jdrama and Kdrama is naturally different in values. J-drama values more in a down-to-earth/realistic approach to visualize while K-drama tends to make beautiful cinematography with a higher budget. For example, the death of Hwang Kyungil and Nam Sangtae in the remake is more realistic for forensic points to camouflage it as suicide (so I don’t feel the cops are very stupid), the murder of Madam Jang (replaced with Inspector Okihara, equivalent with Inspector Jang character) also more make sense there that you can’t imagine how the culprit in the original did it all in short time and even carried the body outside from 2nd floor to his car on park area without being noticed by anyone; but you feel more chill and horror in the original when you saw a body is burned down, a room full of blood with eyeball taken out, and a body hanging on the tree right when you open the curtain. Same with the villain’s basement; the remake makes it dark, dull and dusty as what basement is used to be while the original made it bright so we could see the red blood stained clearly everywhere.

This “realistic” vs “beautiful” also applies to their drama characters. I can say Korean people shown on TV dramas are better-looking than Japanese ones. I believe it’s a major influence on how Mo Taegu becomes the most stunning villain in Kdrama history. The beauty shots accommodate the perfect combination of the villain’s elegance character and the actor’s handsomeness despite the brutal murders and the amazing acting ability to be a psychopath. Probably those are the 15-30 extra minutes of visualization that the remake does not have (despite the fact of J-drama always having shorter episodes). But it doesn’t mean the remake version of Mo Taegu, Hongo Shizuku, is more lacking in his character. They rewrite their own version while still keep some aspects from the original as follows:

Mo Family runs a public transport company, Hongo Family runs a construction/civil engineering holdings.

While an image of Taegu having the ability to play grand piano as he loves classical music is only mentioned in Kim Jae Wook’s interview, the remake realizes it.

Shizuku is more independent than Taegu when playing a “game”, there’s no his dad’s secretary helping him to flee after he killed Hikari’s (Kwonjoo) dad and to abduct Toru (Daeshik), it hints he takes or abducted them all by himself before killing them in his basement. He also ordered Toru, all by himself and save his contact.

Taegu collects a suitcase of the victim’s hairs still on the bloody scalp (but then, I imagine his random victims on street are women because the hairs he collects are long), Shizuku collects a glass shelf of blood-stained kettlebells. In both of their collection, the name of our hero and heroine are written as he plans to murder them later.

The remake doesn’t include the demon aesthetic that Taegu sometimes underlined his murder as the words of God by citing a bible chapter written on the victim’s blood. Taegu also used other weapons to kill Sangtae (rope and knife). And there’s also a narration that he loves mutilating a body, too (implicit said by Sangtae that Taegu killed his dad that way, explicit when it was shown Taegu keeps the old lady‘s tongue and when Kwonjoo found Madam Jang’s crime scene). However, Shizuku is more consistent in his actions, he left the body in one piece and only collects the kettlebells he just used, whoever his victim is.

Point 4 and 5 make me conclude that the original built Taegu like the star in a slasher/cult horror movie, it was so random (I’m sure even the genius Spencer Reid from FBI Behavourial Analysis Unit in CBS Criminal Minds series would hardly find the connection LOL) while the remake designs Shizuku more like a common serial killer with specific behavior as a crime/procedural series always use to be.

Now, as Kim Jaewook set a high bar, there’s no other counterpart to play the same character who represents the coexist of beauty and madness better than Iseya Yusuke. Both of them starts their career as a fashion model in catwalk and magazine when they were studying. Their physical appearance, their lean body structure and height, and their sexiness/attractiveness are very alike. You even almost can’t differentiate Hongo Shizuku with Mo Taegu when you see them in suit from their back. Well, Iseya Yusuke is as old as Jang Hyuk (born in 1976), so he might be not as handsome as Kim Jaewook in fangirls’ taste. But for acting ability, he’s still the perfect cast balancing Kim Jaewook for these reasons:

Both of them are graduated from the University of Arts. Kim Jaewook is from Seoul Institute of Arts, major in music. Iseya Yusuke is from Tokyo Institute of Arts, major in design. Tho’, Iseya Yusuke achieves his Master’s Degree and exchange program at New York University (major in film).

With that background, both of them aren’t just an actor, but more an artist. Kim Jaewook has a rock band and also plays in theatre as a foreign musician biopic, Iseya Yusuke directed a few movies that were invited to the international film festivals.

Both of them are hardly known popular as TV drama star despite their talents. Kim Jaewook loves indie projects and took supporting role/second lead role in some TV dramas, it took 17 years after his debut that he finally pick a lead male role in popular TV drama genre, rom-com (Her Private Life, 2019). Iseya Yusuke is known better as a movie star, he also took various roles in historical dramas in public channel, it took 19 years after his debut that he finally plays for a commercial broadcast in a TV drama (Prison Princesses, 2017) more in comedic role.

Both ever performed in Korea-Japan collaboration movie. Kim Jaewook in Butterfly Sleep (2017) with Miho Nakayama, directed by Jeong Jaeun. Iseya Yusuke in The Tenor Lirico Spinto (2012) with Yoo Jitae, directed by Kim Sangman.

Both of them ever acted to make a passionate gay kiss scene in the movie. Kim Jaewook in Antique (2008) with Andy Gillet. Iseya Yusuke in Tonde Saitama (2019) with Gackt.

Nah, Idk whether this is the script one that wrote Hongo Shizuku like this below or that’s Iseya Yusuke himself who interprets his character differently from Kim Jaewook:

Remember the scene in the basement that Taegu could hear the sound of the people he murdered? Taegu felt haunted while Shizuku enjoyed it that he even made a gesture of an orchestra conductor conducting their haunting voice. And when his mother’s voice is echoing, yelling at him to not witness that his dad killed someone in the basement; Taegu felt like the trauma strikes him while Shizuku is bothered at first, but then he smiles and waves at her.

So… I think the original shows that Taegu still has a human side and weak point (although his murder methods are the most brutal among three VOICE’s villains) while the remake is like telling us that Shizuku’s madness level is at Kaneki’s level.

#ocn voice #voice: 110 emergency control room #kim jae wook #yusuke iseya #ask

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thequeenofadream · 5 years

Text

Dancing in the moonlight (Roger Taylor x Reader)

Summary: you’re an up and coming artist who could need some more coverage so your management decides to pair you in a fake relationship with the one and only Roger Taylor. how will things go when things get not so fake?

Words: 4,025

Notes: swearing, fluff, angst but blink and you’ll miss it.

A/N: there’s a lot of movie references here most obviously to all the boys i’ve loved before haha anyways at this point everything i touches flops so idk but hey i love you all anyways <333 also i spent like five hours on this wow kill me

🎀 tagging: @obsessedwithrogertaylor @malekdarling @i-padfootblack-things

~~~~~~~~~

Dancing in the moonlight. It sounds like such an aesthetic and romantic venture, but has anyone stopped to think about it? Two people dancing in the dark of night with only a glimmer of light to guide their way. It sounds terrifying. What if you trip? What if you get lost? To most it would sound like a enchanted moment to share with the one you truly love, but to you it sounded like bullshit. Dancing in the moonlight was something to good to be true, especially when you had no choice.

That was all you could think about when your manager had instructed that you get into a PR relationship to promote your next album. You weren't unknown, you had a management team afterall, but you could certainly use more coverage. You weren't one for partying all night so that could explain some things, but you weren't a complete prude. The media, however ran with that. You thought it was stupid and most importantly disingenuous. You didn't want fans who only payed attention to you because of who you were dating. You had strongly protested against it, but your label approved of it and quickly found someone to be your ‘other half’. You were sitting on a sofa in an office waiting for your so called ‘boyfriend’ to arrive reading the morning’s headlines.

ROGER TAYLOR IN KINKY GAMES WITH FLAKE GIRL.

You rolled your eyes. Roger Taylor, drummer of queen, was quite the guy. All you could ever hear of him was his risqué escapades and one night stands. You didn't necessarily hate him with a burning passion, but you were annoyed by him. He didn't seem like the kind of guy you'd become friends with. His lifestyle didn't really coincide with yours. You were much more reserved and quiet compared to his adventurous personality.

You looked up at the clock and back at your manager sitting in the chair across you. He was 30 minutes late.

“good thing he isn't my real boyfriend.” you scoffed, and rolled your eyes showing your annoyance.

“Cut him some slack, (Y/N). “ Your manager, Hera, spoke, pleadingly. You had become good friends and you trusted her for what was good for you career wise. It was just this one time that you were doubting her choice.

The door flew open and out came a middle aged man first and the blonde drummer you had just seen in the paper. You eyed him up and down and could in fact admit that he did look quite handsome and charming. His blonde hair complimented baby blue eyes, how the beach sand compliments an ocean's waves. His physique wasn't toned, but he wasn't a complete stick figure either.

Roger caught you staring at him and raised an eyebrow.

“I didn't think I would catch the ‘polite and innocent’ (Y/N) staring at me.” He smirked sitting down on the spot next to you on the couch. You rolled your eyes setting the newspaper down on the coffee table.

“I can be the impolite (Y/N), if you'd like.” You retorted crossing your arms. Roger was about to respond when the middle aged man spoke up.

“Okay, please stop bickering. We have some work to do.”

Hera just nodded along and you sighed deeply. It seemed like Roger was clueless to what was happening due to his puzzled expression.

“Okay, Jim what exactly is going on?” He asked giving into the curiosity.

“The folks over at trident think you've been way too risqué lately. They want you to have a PR relationship to cover some of it up.” He said picking up the newspaper you were once reading. He handed it to Roger and pointed to the headline.

He grit his teeth, reading through the article. He didn't understand what was so bad. They were a rock band for fuck’s sake, not a bible choir. Suddenly the gears in his mind l started to click and he put two and two together. He looked at you and then Jim and back to you.

“I’m gonna be with you?” He gasped, pointing a finger at you accusitoringly. You didn't understand why he was overreacting so much. I mean you didn't like it either, but you didn't go and point fingers at anyone.

“Yeah, problem?” You asked, almost too defensively. He sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated. The man you now knew as Hera chimed in trying to state the positives of the situation.

“Look, you'll both get to show to the media the other side of yourselves. (Y/N), you can show them that you're not the prude they think you are and Roger, you can show them that you're also a charming young man who doesn't take women for granted.”

“But I don’t-”

“We know Rog, but that's how the public perceives it.” Jim interrupted him with the harsh truth.

Roger let out the deepest sigh you've ever heard and took out a pack of cigarettes.

“I’m going for a smoke.” He exited into the alleyway, lighter and cigarette in hand. Jim sighed and went into the hallway, not knowing how to handle Roger. Hera went after him, trying to bring some comfort.

You just sat there, watching everything unfold. You couldn't really do anything against it so you just watched him storm out, but you could get what he's feeling. You decided to go after him and try to sympathise. You entered the alleyway to see him with a lit cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. His back was leaning against the wall. He immediately sees you and takes a long drag, before huffing out the smoke in his lungs.

“What do you want?” He asked, his eyes full of spite.

“I just wanted to say, I don't want to do this either.” You spoke softly, now wanting him to get any more stressed.

“Of course, you wouldn't.” He mocks you.

“I bet you were the one who suggested this whole thing.” He went on throwing his hands up.

Anger started bubbling up within you, and you had to restrain yourself from slapping some sense into him. To say you suggested this was an absolute insult to you.

“Look Roger.” You paused and smiled sarcastically.

“Do you really think I'd want to be pretending to share intimate moments with someone i barely know? No. I’d much rather spend time to myself, writing music. I find this whole thing dishonest and I don't want to lie my way to the top. I want to do things I’ll be proud of.”

Roger stopped for a moment and looked at you, his blue eyes gleaming into your (E/C) ones.

“I know, I'm sorry.” He dropped his cigarette and squashed it into the floor. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the words to say.

“I know it seems like I don't care much, but I want other people to see that I'm an artist as well. I want them to know for my music, not the women I’ve shagged.” He says, finally letting out his emotions.

You were now apathetic to man you swore you couldn't befriend. You saw how the media portrayed him and you were glad you weren't in his position. I mean sure he could pretend to not care and ignore it, but deep down inside, he cared a lot.

“Okay, here me out.”

“Hearing you out.”

You leaned sideways against the wall before continuing. “We both want the same thing, we're both being forced to do this and we both want a change of perspective. Can't we work together? ” You suggested.

“I mean of course, but how?” both your minds tried to figure out how you would handle the situation of being together. An idea popped into your head and you took Roger’s hand and dragged him inside.

“Hey, hey where are we going?” He asked as you brought him back into the office. You let go of his hand and went behind the desk to look for some pen and paper. You laid them both out and the desk as Roger sat down on the other side of the desk.

“We have to set boundaries.” You said taking the paper and writing down a rule. You put it back down and Roger took it reading what you written down.

“No sex?”

“Listen if I’m gonna do it, I wanna do it with someone I really do love.” You said handing him the pen.

“Fair enough.” He said writing down something else on the paper. You peeked over to see what he was writing.

“But we have to at least make the public believe that we're head over heels with each other.”

You saw what he wrote and it said PDA. You cringed at the thought, but he was right. You might as well get over it.

“Fine.”

“Aw, come on. I’m not a bad kisser. In fact maybe you'll find out later.” He winked which sent a shiver down your spine. You tried not to make your blushing evident, but it very much was. Roger like making you flustered, and would plan to do so in this fake relationship.

“Okay, no wait” You stumbled over your words before finally forming a cohesive sentence.

“One more rule, we tell no one. No bandmates, parents, sisters, brother, friends. Got it?” You wrote it down while Roger watched. You signed your name at the bottom the very bottom signifying your agreement. You looked back up and stuck out your hand waiting for him to take it.

“Just one person please.” He begged profusely. You thought about it and figured there was no use arguing with him. You were both agreeing on things and you had take the seize the opportunity.

“Okay, okay.” You said as he took your hand. He took the pen and added ‘except one person’ on the last rule.

“Now sign the paper.”

“Are you serious?”

“Just do it.”

You pestered him and slapped his shoulder playfully. He raised his hands defensively, giving in. He signed at the bottom and it was done. You stuck the paper in your pocket and this was where your fake relationship started.

It was a month into your ‘infatuation’ with one another and the masses were eating it up. You were both showing your more romantic sides and quickly became quite a power couple. People were quick to forget both of your pasts to focus on the your ever blooming relationship. It was so believable that eventually you both had been invited to parties together.

As you got to closer to him, you saw past the flirtatious jokes and alcohol fuelled activities, and saw the music devoted, passionate drummer. You tried to tell yourself you weren’t falling for him, but it was far too late. On the other hand, he also started to see your less innocent side which was not as innocent as he thought.

“So (Y/N), what’s the most romantic thing Roger has done so far?” Freddie asked smiling at you both from across the dinner table. Roger brought you to dinner with the boys as to introduce you to one another. It was going pretty well and you quite like them. They were fun to be around and they feeling seemed to mutual.

“Hm.. I don’t know Fred.” You thought deeply of an excuse, when you realized it was your time to fluster Roger as he usually does.

“Well, there as this one night where roger came to my flat and woke me up in the middle of the night and surprised me with a box.” You paused looking to see Rog’s reaction was currently nothing. He sat back to see how you would fair.

“The box he had was a decoupage of his face and hearts. I was still hazy so I had not had a clue what was going on, so honestly I thought either I was going mad or Rog was absolutely pissed.” Brian and John had started chuckling whilst Fred listened on intently.

“I opened the box and saw a toy car inside, which Roger proceeded take and told me that i’m in love with my car was about me. I was obviously shocked and still half asleep so I told him to fuck off and went back to sleep.” Everyone at the table, but roger laughed, you included. He just pouted trying to look enraged, but ended up looking like a cute kid who just got embarrassed.

“I knew it couldn’t possibly be about a car.” Brian said in between laughs.

“I mean he locked himself in a cupboard.”

Everyone continued to laugh making jokes based off the encounter whilst Roger just waited for everyone to shut the fuck up. He obviously couldn’t protest, but he was pissed. You started feeling guilty for the partially blind melon and decided to boost his ego the slightest bit. When things started to die down, you spoke up.

“Although I will say, that morning i did show him how to fuck off.”

You winked at Roger and his jaw just fell, leaving his mouth agape. He had never heard you say something with even the slightest hint of suggestiveness. You just giggled at him, seeing how surprised he was by your little comment.

“That sounds about right.” Fred raising his eyebrow.

Later on when everyone had left and you and Roger were the only ones left. He asked you about it.

“So what happened to no sex?”

“I didn’t say we could pretend.” You said sipping more of the champagne you had. Roger just shook his head not knowing how to feel, turned on or turned on. He was starting to wish things weren’t pretend.

You had become quite good friends behind the scenes so acting like a couple was becoming less and less of a drag, but your label would always find some way to exaggerate your relationship by creating elaborate plots that would surely catch the media’s eye.

“You want Rog to fake save me from drowning in the ocean?”

They were trying to make Roger seem like some hero type character and you were some damsel in distress; you both responded in ways that got you in trouble. Bottom line, you saved Roger from fake drowning in the ocean. For a label named after the weapon of the God of sea, they didn’t have much control what happened out on that beach.

This incident however sparked numerous others that the management did NOT like.

What you and Roger did was basically do the opposite of what they’d say. If they had told you to go to a new movie premiere together and start some fight only to end up in some passionate make out session in front everyone, you’d go to either yours or roger’s flat and watch whatever movie was on. It was something you both took deep pleasure in for the purpose of fucking over the management and having a good time.

“This is so much better compared to mingling with whoever the fuck the whole night.” You said throwing a popcorn into your mouth. Roger just laughed at you in amusement. He couldn’t believe how laid back you had become because of him. He was proud in a way.

“True.” He smiled as you rest your head on his shoulder. The movie carries on until quite an emotional scene broke out between the protagonist. In that moment a scary thought entered your mind, unannounced and you didn’t know how to react but to blurt it out.

“So what happens when this is all over?” You asked looking up at him, scared to see what he would say. “Well we’ll still be friends for sure.” He said taking some popcorn from the bowl you held. You looked him eye to trying to set it to a more serious tone.

“I’m serious Roger. Do you promise?” You asked as he looked at you, your eyes filled with dread. He smiled soft, knowing exactly how to put you at ease.

“(Y/N), I could never forget you even if I tried. I don’t think I could even go a minute without thinking of you.”

All these little things you did, only hastened your attachment to him. If you could hold onto him for the rest of your life, you would.

You were in love and it was as if a wrecking ball had just wrecked your heart a million times over.

About seven months in, they had called you both in to the very same office this all started. The room was silent and you sense something horrible was about to happen. Unfortunately, you were correct.

“You both have to break up.”

The CEO said firmly as you both sat opposite him. You were going to protest, but the man who was your boss laid out the rules very quickly. He didn’t want to see you together ever again.

You couldn’t even hear what he was saying after he had said you couldn’t see each other anymore. Your vision went blurry and you didn’t know how the both of you were gonna handle this. You wondered what would happen to your friendship. Was your chance at a real relationship crushed for good? You didn’t know and that was what scared you most.

You were miserable. It was as if you and Roger were finally finding your way when stumbled and fell. You were sure you wanted him more, you didn’t have to pretend to love him. You were in love with him, you knew it by heart. You wanted tell the whole world you loved him and you could only wish he would love you in the same way. You could die happily in his arms, but right now you could die period.

The little meeting ended and he left you two in the room to say your goodbyes. The silence was thick just like in the beginning. A billion thoughts were running through your minds so it was understandable. You were about to speak up when Roger beat you to it.

“Well, It was nice knowing you (Y/N), but I guess our time in a fake relationship is up.”

He stood up and left the room, leaving you to it. You would have gone a followed him, but you were too much in the state of shock to do say. You couldn’t believe that he had just done that after everything the both of you had been through. He just threw every memory you shared as if it were nothing. Tears started to streak down your cheeks as you heard the door open. Hera saw you crying your eyes out and immediately deducted what had happened.

“Fell for him?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you weren’t going to.”

“Me too.”

You had tried to forget him, despite all the polaroids the you had posted around your flat. You didn’t want to take them down just yet, but you couldn’t stand to see his face. He kept you alive, but killed you softly all at the very same time. You would laze around your flat the whole day and spend the night on the sofa the whole night mindlessly watching whatever came on.

You felt as if all the life had just been sucked out of you. You didn’t see any point in living. You were merely an empty vessel among other vessels.

The news about your break up had been a headliner for about 3 days now and you couldn’t care what anyone thought anymore. You threw all newspapers you received in the bin, as soon as you saw your and roger’s name. Fred and John had come over with some chocolates and flowers feeling immense pity. They had even offered to take you out, but you couldn’t not in the state of mind you were in. Brian had also sent over a homemade loaf of bread which was really random but appreciated nonetheless.

You were doing your usual routine one night when a knock came from the door. You grumbled, getting up from your comfy seat. You sauntered towards the door, slowly and groggily as the knocking went on. You opened the door the see the devil himself, Roger.

You were shocked and on impulse, you slapped him hard.

It created a loud sound you were sure the whole complex heard, but you didn’t bother at this moment. He just stood there with his eyes wide open, holding the cheek you had slapped.

“oUch.”

He said rubbed it over again being in unbearable pain. You rolled your eyes not knowing what else he could possibly want. You stepped aside, letting him come inside and glared at him as he came in. “Sit down, I’ll get you an ice pack.” You said walking to kitchen and opening the fridge. Roger sat down on the sofa, the same sofa where you would both hang out with one another, snuggling against the cold.

Meanwhile, Roger was afraid for what was about to happen. He didn’t mean to just leave you hanging, but he didn’t want start a fight and get you into bigger trouble, so he and the rest of the queen just decided to leave the record label. They had all agreed they were shit. He didn’t mean to ignore you in the meantime, but it seems like he has fucked up big time. He got caught up in everything he was doing for you that he forgot you, yourself.

You came back with an ice pack and held it against his cheek, until he did it himself. You finally composed yourself and asked.

“Roger, what the fuck?”

“I deserved the slap, but I can explain further, if you’d let me..” He said raising his hand defensively in case you would strike again. You laid against the sofa armrest and crossed your arms.

“It better be damn good.”

“I didn’t want to get you in trouble so the band and I left the label. I know you said we could only tell one person, but I had to tell them so that they’d understand. I mean we were gonna leave them anyways ” You looked away, your expression softening.

“What I’m trying to say is that when I said our fake relationship was up, I meant it. I want our fake relationship to over.” You looked back at him, and took his cheek in your hand, removing the ice pack and placing your palm against his cheek.

“What do you want then, Rog?” You asked, the icy glaze you once had melted into empathy.

“I want our real relationship to start.”

He closed the gap between the both of you and kissed you like he never had before. You had both kissed many times in the past, but this one felt real, genuine and so much better. It wasn’t a show you had to put up for anyone. It was a moment to be shared by the both of you ONLY. Your lips were soft against his, and he instantly felt the sorrow and pain you had been through the past days, but all that was forgotten when he kissed you so sweetly. You felt like a volcano of flower petals had just erupted and you both were in the midst of it. You both pulled away to breathe for a second.

“I really really love you (Y/N).” He took your hand and intertwined it with his.

“Roger Meddows Taylor, you have no idea.”

So Maybe you were wrong. Maybe dancing in the moonlight was as romantic as it sounded. There were risks and dangers, but they all paid off. You just needed to have trust in one another, that was it. You needed to let fate do its thing and lead you to him as it led him to you. You just needed to trust that everything was going to be alright. You couldn’t trust yourself to fall in love, but now you did.

You were no longer dancing in the moonlight, but you were dancing in the sun and Roger was your sunshine.

~~~~~~~~~

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idratherstayslytherin · 5 years

Text

Re-writing the story I once wrote, but not really

Some of you may remember my fic “The Feelings We Can’t Let Go”.

It began as a head canon, then the lovely person on tumblr wrote the more put together version of it. We decided to write the fic together. It was going well until university and UK fucked me over. During this whole madness my co-writer disappeared from tumblr and I can’t contact her. I have tried it many times. She didn’t reply. I started writing the fic myself determined to finish it, but my life is hell rn and I don’t have the time to write the two last chapters. I do have the outline and hopefully after i start earning money and start actually getting better mentally and studying and money wise, I’ll finish it. For now I went back to the first version of the headcanon I made with my co-writer and noticed A LOT OF GRAMMAR mistakes as well as some things that weren’t making sense. I wanted to re write this kind of first chapter, so I did. I added a lot of new text, fixed all the mistakes that I could see and ta da! There you have it. You have to be happy with just this until I have the time to finish this damn fic. I want it to be enjoyable, but also make sense, maybe even help people with their own problems, I want it to seem real and I want it to be a lovely love story. I’m a romantic shoot me. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it! Let me know what you think of it <3 I love reading your comments. Also if any artist wants to idk make a fanart of my work now or after I finish this damn fic and have a beta read it , then feel free to do so. Okay, I’m talking way too much, just STFU Ola, no one wants to listen to you rumble :D

//////////////

Harry felt like he should have wanted to go back to Hogwarts. Even worse, he knew he should go back there. But he just couldn’t convince himself, not even with Hermione and Ginny returning. Then again, Ron wasn’t going back either, and he didn’t even feel guilty about it, not even after Hermione talked to him about the importance of learning and getting the best possible results in their NEWTs. He got a bit of yelling too, but Hermione directed most of it at Ron, leaving Harry to deal with an angry and sad Ginny, who wanted him to go back.

But there they were on the first of September at King’s Cross station saying their goodbyes and waving after the Hogwarts Express before apparating back to Grimmauld Place. Ron had no intentions of spending the year at the Burrow, it was too far away from London, and he wanted to help George out at Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes in Diagon Alley. He also admitted that he couldn’t really deal with his parents’ grief, and Harry was more than happy to offer him accommodation, not only because Ron was his best mate, but he really needed the company. Grimmauld Place might have looked a lot less gloomy since they renovated it, spending all June and most of July sorting and chucking out old furniture and artefacts, knocking down some of the walls (this being the only way of getting rid of the horrible yelling portrait of Sirius’ mother), and painting the rest in brighter shades, the house was still way too big for one person.

Soon, having turned Hogwarts down, Harry found himself obliged to decide on what he wanted to do with his life or at least the foreseeable future. Of course everyone expected him to become an auror, it seemed like the most obvious choice, but despite admittedly being interested in the job back in their fifth year, he wasn’t sure anymore if he wanted to go along with it. He might have defeated Voldemort, but was that really what he was destined to do all his life? Hunt down dark wizards?

He decided on meeting with Kingsley to discuss further possibilities. After getting detailed information about all of jobs he recommended to Harry, and spending three days straight going through the descriptions, forms and books he got, he was sure he would either want to become an Unspeakable or a Curse-breaker. He would have been happy to dive back into his books and papers to choose one of the two jobs. However Ron was already complaining about the whole house being littered with the papers; how Harry did nothing except sit on the couch, read and compare and read and compare; so Harry decided to give himself some time to consider his choice, meanwhile enjoying his freedom.

Do you seriously want to be an Unspeakable?" Ron asked, his mouth full. This was the only part of the last few days he was enjoying, the takeaway they had every evening. "You can never shut up about what you are doing. Do you really think you could go without telling anyone anything about your job?"

"Probably not." Harry shrugged, picking up another slice of pizza. "Though I guess I’ll have to, and it will be worth it.

"C’mon, Curse-breaking seems much more interesting. I’d go with that without hesitation."

"Well then why don’t you? And let me become who I want to be?" Harry snapped. He ate the last bit of pizza, and wiped his hands. " Sorry I didn’t mean that, I’m tired. " He apologised as soon as he realised Ron said nothing that should have angered him. He rubbed his eyes.

"Hardly surprising, you barley slept these past few days, mate, seriously. Just forget about this job thing for a while, it isn’t going to do you any good. Besides, it’s not like you have to start work instantly, you have enough money to live happily for the rest of your life."

"I did sleep last night." Harry protested, deciding not to comment on the money part, as what Ron said was true, he did have a vault full of money. His friend didn’t, and even though he offered to help them, they never accepted it. What he also didn’t mention was that even though he did get a bit of sleep, he kept waking up from nightmares, and if it hadn’t been for the coffee he had every two hours, he would have nodded off halfway through the day. The nightmares, and pretty much everything else connected to the war were one of those topics they avoided. It sometimes resulted in uncomfortable silences, Harry agreed that it was better this way.

"I wonder who else from our year is going back to school." Ron said, changing the topic. "I know Neville decided to do the auror training. And Seamus isn’t going back either, he said something about opening some pub in Diagon."

"I think I heard Dean was going back."

"Oh yeah I heard that too. And Padma and Parvati. I don’t know about anyone else though."

"Me neither. I only know that most of the Slytherins aren’t returning, a lot of them got house arrests with their parents and stuff like that."

"Malfoy?"

"House arrest, in France. But I think he will be taking NEWTs."

"He deserves to rot in Azkaban with his father" Ron scowled.

"He isn’t that bad. I mean he did save my life once" Harry said, though he didn’t sound too sure about it. He might not have despised him as much as he did before, but it was still Malfoy.

"Yeah, and then you saved his, so don’t get any funny ideas of owing him or anything" Ron told him, making Harry grin, Ron knew him more than anyone else. He did feel like he owed Malfoy, a bit at least, but he guessed that speaking in his favour at the trials made them equal.

"Alright" Harry laughed. He vanished the empty pizza boxes, and stood up, yawning. "I’m tired, let’s pack it in for the day."

"I second that" Ron stood up as well, and the two friends made their way upstairs to their bedrooms, Ron in one of the guest ones, Harry sleeping in Sirius’s old room.

Days passed, Harry visited Kingsley once again, then spent another day reading before eventually deciding on Curse-breaking, which seemed ideal for him except for one small thing: he needed an Exceeds Expectations in Potions. Which was impossible to say the least with his skill and knowledge. So he went to the Ministry again, and consulted with several people before agreeing to let them find him a tutor.

He ended up spending a week doing whatever he wanted, before he got any news on the matter. He visited Ron and George; he went to Muggle London; he started repainting Sirius’s old motorbike that Arthur fixed for him, leaving the finishing touches for Harry. He also sat around at home, waiting for Ginny’s face to appear in the fireplace, so she could tell him about school, and he could tell her how much he missed her. He also thought about who will be chosen as his tutor. Was it going to be some weird old Potions master like Slughorn or someone distant and cold, but really talented and intelligent like Snape, or maybe just someone of his age, who was better at the subject than him? The Ministry owl arrived on Friday, with the name and address of his tutor. But something was wrong, the address was somewhere in France. And the name was Draco Lucius Malfoy.

"Are you kidding me? Malfoy?" Ron asked horrified, when he read through the letter Harry shoved into his face as soon as he got home that evening. "Don’t tell me there isn’t anyone else in the whole wizarding world who could help you in Potions. Why did they have to choose that git?"

"I have no idea" Harry sighed. "But it’s not just that. Why France? Why can’t it be someone here in London? I don’t speak French, I don’t know anyone there, it just doesn’t make any sense."

"Can’t you ask the Ministry to find you someone else?"

"Already tried. But apparently Malfoy is the best solution, as we know each other, and we would both benefit from it."

"Both benefit from it?! How would you both benefit from it? What would Malfoy benefit from it? You are lucky to actually learn something if you don’t get killed, but how can he benefit from it?"

"Search me" Harry rolled his eyes.

"When are you leaving?"

"I have a Portkey for next Wednesday."

"Wednesday? But that’s less than a week!"

"I know, but I guess I’ll just have to do it, no matter what."

"This sucks, mate."

"I know. If I don’t get an O after this, I swear I’ll be using some Unforgivables on some people."

The next few days passed quickly, way too quickly in Harry’s opinion, and soon he found himself at the Ministry, looking at the corkscrew on the table, his belongings in his pocket, all shrunken.

"Here goes nothing" he muttered, before taking hold of the charmed corkscrew, and letting it transport him in only a few seconds to his destination: a little French town.

From what he saw on his walk to the Malfoys’ place (Kingsley thought it would be safer for him to arrive outside the town for whatever reason), he thought it could have been England, the small cottages were no different from those they had back there. The one Malfoy and Narcissa were living in was just like the others, a simple Muggle house. The Ministry told him that he would be staying there in a spare bedroom made for him with the help of the expansion charm, until he mastered the needed level of potionmaking, practising in Malfoy's lab. Apart from this, all he knew was that Narcissa had a Muggle job helping out at a clothes shop in the town, and Draco also worked a bit from home, neither of them allowed to leave the boundaries the Ministry had set, and neither of them possessing a wand.

Narcissa greeted him when he arrived, looking as pale and tired as ever, and much to Harry’s surprise wearing a simple blouse and jeans, something he never thought he’d see her in. She showed him around the house before retreating to the living room where she was sorting through some papers, telling him that Malfoy was in his room, and that he should make himself comfortable in the his bedroom. Harry thanked her, and did as she suggested, unpacking, and quickly Flooing Ron and Ginny before lying down, hoping for a decent night’s sleep, not only so he would have all the energy he needed for next day to face Malfoy, but because he would have felt extremely embarrassed if he had woken up screaming from his nightmares like he did sometimes. Then again, a simple muffliato charm should do for the latter.

Next day he woke up feeling surprisingly fresh and well-rested, that didn't mean he was ready to study Potions. With Malfoy. In France. When he could have been at home, spending time with his friends, or just enjoying his freedom.

But then he reminded himself he needed this to get the job he wanted, so gritting his teeth, he headed downstairs to where Narcissa said the lab was, where his old nemesis was already waiting for him.

"Malfoy" he greeted him, sitting down at the table looking around. The walls were filled with shelves of books and tiny bottles, each of them full of liquids of different colours, labelled neatly. The work space however, was empty except for two cauldrons and a copy of a simple Potions schoolbook. Harry's eyes shifted towards Malfoy, who looked pretty much the same as he did the last time Harry saw him, apart from his white-blonde hair being longer, the strands escaping his elegant hair. He also seemed much thinner, Harry noticed, he must have lost at least 20 pounds, it made the boy's features much sharper and angled than they were before.

"Potter." he nodded, restraining himself from scowling, sitting down opposite to Harry. "So, I’ve heard the Chosen One may not be as perfect as everyone thought so. Problems with Potions? Seriously?"

"Shut up Malfoy!" Harry snapped. He wasn’t expecting any different, but it still angered him that the other boy was already getting under his skin.

"Whatever, Potter." Malfoy shrugged. "But then don’t expect to get anything better than a D." He smirked.

"Fine." Harry said angrily. "Just shut up about other things and let’s get on with it. I get it, I won’t pass the stupid exam without the help of perfect Draco Malfoy, who is the best Ministry-recommended tutor in the whole Wizarding world, but we’d make better progress if you actually started explaining things" he snarled.

For a moment Harry thought this would be the end, and Malfoy would stalk out, but after glaring at each other, the blonde broke the eye contact and opened the course book without any further ado, and started explaining everything, starting from the very basics. Harry soon found, that even though he would never admit it to anyone else, Malfoy was a good teacher. He cleared up some things Harry previously didn't understand; and apart from the snarky comments, he was almost patient. Well he did snap and start shouting and swearing when Harry messed up a potion even after trying several times, but still. He was way better than what Harry had expected.

Soon they developed a daily routine which consisted of going down to have breakfast on their own, avoiding each other; having a short, theoretical lesson in the morning; having lunch on their own; a longer practical lesson in the afternoon; spending time on their own; then having dinner on their own, except for when Narcissa insisted that they should sit together, which usually resulted in glares and uncomfortable silences.

But Harry was definitely improving at potions, and after all, that was what mattered. As two weeks passed, and October was drawing nearer, Harry found himself tired of arguing with Malfoy, and the other boy must have felt the same way, because all of a sudden the nasty remarks were gone, and they were actually capable of spending time in one room without wanting to kill one another. This definitely was an improvement. Malfoy would actually compliment him if he did something right, and Harry would smile at him. They didn’t try so hard to avoid each other in the time between the lessons, but actually greeted each other, and sometimes even stopped to have short conversations. Nothing too serious or deep, only little things, but this was already much better, Harry realised that Malfoy’s company was actually quite alright sometimes, now that they weren’t constantly arguing.

Weeks passed, and Harry was getting used to living there, and as now he felt more comfortable around the Malfoys, he decided it was time to change some things. He started going for walks around the town and the countryside. He spent a bit more time with Malfoy, they stayed in the lab every so often after the lessons and just talked. One evening Harry even asked Narcissa if he could cook something. They have been eating takeaway pretty much everyday, and Harry didn’t mind it, but after over a month, he had to admit it, it was getting a little repeatable, and he was craving a home-made meal.

Narcissa was surprised, but happy to let Harry work in the kitchen, so after making a quick supply run to the shop around the corner to get all the ingredients he needed for the curry, his favourite dish, he occupied the kitchen.

As he started heating the oil and chopping up the onions, the unmistakable smell of cooking filled his nose, he realised how much he missed it. Cooking was one of those things the Dursleys made him do, but he didn’t really mind it when he was making food for himself or his friends, and after seven years at Hogwarts without cooking, he enjoyed experimenting with all kinds of recipes that he learned from Muggle cook books.

He had started dicing the meat when he grew aware of someone watching him. As he looked up, he saw Malfoy standing in the doorway, watching him.

"You know, it’s not too polite to stare" he said, smirking at the boy. "And do try to be more secretive if you want to look at me." He added, grinning as he saw Malfoy blush, which was definitely something he hadn’t expected to see. Ever. But now that he did, he couldn't stop laughing, making the blonde boy blush even harder, his normally pale face was a deep shade of red. "You should see your face now!" he choked out, holding onto the counter as he tried to calm down, suppressing the laughter that was bubbling in his stomach. Malfoy just stood by the door, glaring at him, his face still flushed. "I’m just messing with you, no need to plan my death" he said with a shy grin as he finally stopped laughing, and went back to chopping the meat, but still keeping one eye on the other boy.

"I wasn’t. I never did. Plan your death, I mean." Malfoy said quietly. Harry looked up and saw that the boy's face was serious. Harry swallowed thickly and nodded, not knowing what to say, so he just kept staring at him, green eyes locked onto the pair of grey ones.

"So, do you want me to show you how to cook?" Harry broke the silence, moving to one side so Malfoy had his space at the counter, offering the boy a little smile. The blonde boy hesitated, running one hand through his hair, and chewing on his bottom lip, which caught Harry’s attention for some reason, he couldn’t explain, he looked away embarrassed, afraid of being caught staring. Malfoy made his way over to the counter. Harry carried on cutting up the meat, giving the other boy smaller tasks, explaining why he did things the way he did, and within half an hour the spicy scent of the simmering curry was filling the room. After tidying up, Harry sat down on one of the chairs, fanning himself with a piece of newspaper that was laying on the dining table, his gaze fluttering to the other boy, who was pouring himself a glass of water, before leaning back onto the counter, flushed, but this time from the heat of the cooking, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, his hair messy and curly from the vapour, making the lines of his face look softer. Harry didn't even know why he thought of that, shaking his head, he stood up, and started setting the table.

"So where did you learn how to cook?" Malfoy asked him, his tone genuinely curious, something Harry still wasn’t completely used to.

"The Dursleys, you know, my foster parents made me cook for them, so I had to, but I actually always enjoyed it a bit." He shrugged.

"They made you cook for them?" Malfoy asked, sounding horrified.

"That wasn’t the worst part. I had to do all the cleaning too, I could never go anywhere. I had to pretend that I didn’t exist whenever they had guests over, and I lived in the broom closet until I was eleven."

"You lived in the broom closet?!" The blonde boy echoed, his voice raised. Harry nodded. "That’s even worse than how we used to treat our house-elves. At least they had proper bedrooms."

Harry just shrugged again, and went to serve the dinner without a word, he didn’t understand why Malfoy was so shocked by how the Dursleys have treated him, or why he cared at all. Dinner passed quietly, apart from Narcissa complimenting Harry on the curry, but otherwise they ate in a silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, it was just strange. He noticed Malfoy looking at him few times, but he always looked away when Harry caught him staring. When they finished eating, Harry did the washing up by magic, not wanting to spend the rest of the evening scrubbing pans, something Draco watched almost in awe, telling Harry his wand was taken by the Ministry, and how he missed using magic, how strange doing everything manually was.

They carried on talking, and walked up the stairs together, but when they stopped on the landing, instead of parting ways, Malfoy asked Harry whether he could explain Muggle technology to him, and Harry was happy to do that, so he followed the other boy into his bedroom. He was surprised to see that the room wasn’t much different from the one he was staying in, except for having more books and other bits of things. But the walls were plain white, the bed wasn’t the posh four-poster he was expecting, and wasn’t covered in Slytherin green sheets with silver lining. It was just a simple bedroom.

"What were you expecting, Potter?" Draco smirked, and Harry realised he must have been staring in shock. "This isn’t Malfoy Manor."

"I don’t know. I just thought it would be more like you."

"More like me? And what’s that like?"

"Well definitely not this" Harry said, gesturing around the room.

"Oh and you know me so well that you are positive that I loved Malfoy Manor and now couldn’t stand living somewhere that wasn’t green and grey and silver and black and full of snake-patterns" Draco snorted.

"That’s not what I… oh never mind" Harry rolled his eyes, already feeling irritated with Malfoy, but also himself for thinking that they could actually spend time together properly, without things like this. He was on the verge of walking back to his own bedroom, when he noticed that Malfoy wasn’t glaring at him, he was smirking. Harry sighed, and flopped down onto the bed next to the boy, and started telling him how toasters and TVs and computers worked. He actually enjoyed it more than he thought he would, and he was surprised to see that Malfoy wasn’t being difficult, but genuinely curious and interested, and would listen to Harry’s explanations without interrupting, only showering him with questions afterwards, a fascinated smile spreading over his face, Harry thought that Malfoy was much nicer this way, smiling, friendly, patient and interested in almost a childlike way.

They made this a regular thing, often making breakfast or dinner together, and spending hours before going to sleep talking about Muggle things, and sometimes bringing up other topics as well, and Harry realised he was starting to enjoy Malfoy’s company.

Harry was also improving in Potions, he was now able to make quite a lot of decent ones, and Malfoy was almost proud of him. However then he accidentally burned the cauldron down, causing the blonde boy to give him silent treatment and avoid him after yelling at him about being irresponsible and hopeless.

But after a day of ignoring each other they called truce, and went back to doing things together. This was when Harry realised actually how much time they spent together, and how he talked to Ron or Hermione and Ginny less and less, calling the girls late that evening, feeling guilty. Hermione told him about the lessons, and asked him questions about potions, she was happy with his progress, reminding him again how important it was, and that he needed to carry on. She then left Harry to talk to Ginny privately. They talked about school mostly, and how they missed each other, and how Harry had to go home for Christmas, because Ginny couldn’t go any longer without talking to him properly, face to face, or kissing him, or touching him, and before saying goodbye, Ginny pulled her shirt up, teasing Harry, saying all kinds of dirty words she could think of, leaving the boy with a hard-on. He was too embarrassed to wank, being separated from Malfoy by only one thin wall.

He kept thinking about Ginny, even though he didn’t call her for some time, thinking how things would be when they both got back home. Will they get married straight away? Will they have kids? And if yes, how many? He missed her, a lot, but he had to admit, these thoughts were scaring him slightly. He knew Ron and Hermione were planning on getting married and moving in together when Hermione graduated, but Harry wasn’t sure if he could imagine himself settling down already and becoming a father.

In the end he found himself in the lab, as he did quite often for some time now, deciding it was the best time to practice, trying to make some dreamless sleep for himself, but failing, which meant he could only hope for a decent night’s sleep without nightmares, even though he knew it was unlikely.

He did seem to have less nightmares than before, but now when he did, they were the worst ever, and he would wake up screaming, and couldn’t go back to sleep properly afterwards, and would be stressed and irritable all day. He just really hoped Malfoy never heard him screaming, embarrassed even by the thought of it. One night he felt two unfamiliar firm hands shaking him awake, and a voice, unsure yet steady telling him to breathe, and how it only had been a dream, and finally when Harry was calm enough, handing him a vial of dreamless sleep, he thought he never could have been more thankful, even though he was indeed extremely embarrassed.

Malfoy gave him dreamless sleep and that was all that mattered, because he slept until 1 PM next day, and when he woke up, he feels much better than other mornings, except for the sadness and anger that lingered from the nightmare, but he was used to that. He didn’t even want to get up from bed, he wanted to just stay there and disappear, somehow slip into nonexistence. It was mostly on the days after his nightmares, but sometimes even on just ordinary days, that he thought of what it would have been like to stay dead. He knew some people would have missed him, but with the Horcrux in him destroyed, the world didn’t need him anymore. And it wasn’t bad, it didn’t hurt at all, Sirius had been right, he didn’t feel anything. It didn’t really feel like being dead. It didn’t feel like anything to be honest. But he came back, even though he wasn’t sure he should have.

He decided to go and tell Malfoy that he wasn’t in the mood to study, but he didn’t find the boy in his bedroom or the lab or anywhere else. Or at least anywhere he was expecting to find him, he realised why as he entered the kitchen, there stood Malfoy he was cooking something by the stove, it smelt amazing. The smell of cinnamon mixed with apples and something sweet filled Harry's nose.

"Hi." he said quietly, stopping in the doorway.

"Hey," Malfoy looked up to greet him. "You look like shit" he informed him. Harry snorted. He didn’t need Malfoy to tell him that. He felt like shit. "I’m making you food. Sit."

"What? Harry looked up at him, shocked, unsure if he heard him right. Malfoy was making him breakfast. Malfoy. For him. How did this even happen? And why?

"Can’t you ever do just one thing you’re asked for?" The blonde boy asked, rolling his eyes. "Are you really that much of a rebel?" He asked, as he watched Harry sit down, still dazed, he smiled. His voice was softer than the usual, and Harry couldn't understand why. He continued to stare at the blonde boy in complete shock, until the latter lets out a soft chuckle, and told him to stop staring at him with his mouth open. Harry felt his cheeks grow warm in embarrassment, and he mumbled something Malfoy couldn't quite make sense of. Harry dropped his gaze to the table, and toyed with the spoon. He runhis hand through his hair which was messier than usual, he didn’t even try to comb it as he was planning to go back to bed. He felt Malfoy's eyes on him. Harry turned his head to meet the blonde boy's gaze just as Malfoy turned away.

Malfoy sat down opposite to Harry, handing him his breakfast and a cup of coffee, he himself only drinking tea.

They sat in silence, the blonde watching Harry eat.

"We don’t have to study today" he said, breaking the silence. Harry just nodded, still confused by the boy’s kindness, and carried on eating. As he finished, he watched Malfoy sipping his tea, gazing out of the window. He looked different, Harry thought, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on the difference, the only thing he noticed was that his hair was messier than usual. That couldn’t have made such a big difference, it was more than that. It was something about his whole face, all of his features. But mostly his eyes. His eyes were definitely different, no longer cold and distant, but almost soft. Harry watched his eyes fixed on the garden outside, the shape of the window reflected in the sliver greyness. The practically white eyelashes around his eyes. His pale, porcelain-like skin. The pointiness of his nose. The pinkness of his lips, that for once weren’t frowning. His perfect jawline. The way his shoulder length hair fell onto his shoulders. Harry thought he was beautiful. He felt weird had just thought that, but as he continued to look at the boy, he couldn’t help but admit it. He also couldn't help but notice how his heart was hammering in his chest. He tore his gaze away from the boy and looked back down at the table. What was wrong with him? Why was he finding Malfoy attractive? He swallowed hard, allowing himself another glance at the boy. He noticed the longing in his eyes, the sadness on his face, and he realised, Malfoy must be missing being outdoors. Of course he must miss being outside! He had been in the house arrest for over a year.

Harry couldn't stop thinking how terrible it must be, not being able to go out, and within a minute the idea pops in his mind. He stood up abruptly and told Malfoy he’d be back in a sec. He rushed up to the bedroom and called Kingsley on the Floo, begging him to allow Malfoy leave the house with him, explaining what a great teacher he was, and telling the Minister that he trusted him. He didn’t actually realise all of this before he said it out loud, but it was true. He trusted Malfoy, especially after he gave Harry dreamless sleep and made him breakfast. He deserved something good. Harry was really pleased with himself when Kingsley permitted him to open the doors and go somewhere with Malfoy. He had to make him a promise that he’d look out for the blonde and would be careful, which Harry promised he would. He quickly packed few things and rushed back down to the kitchen.

Malfoy looked up startled as Harry re-entered the kitchen, his expression soon turning to shock, as Harry told him to get up because they were going out.

"What do you mean ‘out’?" He asked, looking at Harry in confusion.

"I talked to Kingsley" Harry shrugged, as if it was nothing, already making his way to the door, unlocking it, and casting several counter spells that would let Draco out as well. The blonde boy followed him, still shocked and surprised, but as he stepped outside and inhaled the fresh air and felt the breeze tug at his hair, he just closed his eyes and let a smile spread across his face. Gosh, how he had missed this. Harry stood looking at him, smiling, thinking how gorgeous Malfoy looked with the strands of blonde hair flowing around his face. No. He wasn’t gorgeous, Harry thought, feeling angry with himself, feeling like his thoughts were betraying him.

"There’s a beach a few miles from here" Draco spoke up.

"Are you suggesting we go there?" Harry asked, snapping out of his thoughts.

"thought that was obvious" Draco smirked, and Harry grinned at him as they set off. They walked in silence, until Draco spoke again. "Thanks. For taking me out." He said quietly. Harry looked up at him. "And everything" the boy carried on. "Testifying for my mother. Saving my life in that room."

Harry didn’t say anything for a few moments. The situation was so strange, Malfoy sounded so honest and so vulnerable, and he just didn’t quite know what to say.

"I did what I thought had to be done." He said in the end. "And… I never thought you deserved Azkaban." He added after a pause, avoiding Malfoy’s eyes. "You saved me too, at the Manor."

"I should have done more" the blonde boy whispered. "I was a coward. I still am. I should have helped." The words spilled out of Draco, no louder than the wind whistling in their ears, and if Harry hadn’t seen his lips moving, he wouldn’t have believed that he heard what he heard. He watched the boy’s face, noticing the way his eyes were shining, tears flooding them. "I deserved all they planned for me at the trial. You should have left me there, but I guess you can’t stop yourself from saving people’s lives, even if you hate them." He said, a sad smile on his face, Harry found it heart wrenching. He swallowed thickly, once again lost for words. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t true, that he didn’t deserve to be punished, that he didn’t hate him. He wanted to squeeze his hand and tell him it was okay. But he didn’t, instead he kept quiet, and carried on walking.

Neither of them said anything on the rest of the way to the beach. It was quite a long walk, they both stopped to catch their breaths as they arrived at the end of the cliff from where the carved steps led down to the beach. Harry had been going out for strolls around the area, but he felt a little exhausted after the walk, and Draco, who had been indoors for ages was clutching his side, but it was definitely worth it.

The view was beautiful, the sun was just starting to set, tainting the sky pink and orange, the warm light reflecting on the surface of the water, the white cliffs and the pale sand on the shore making the picture perfect. It was breezy, but not too much, just enough to ripple the surface of the ocean and to catch in their hair.

They made their way down to the beach, Harry spread out the blankets he brought with him, before sitting down, Malfoy following him, they sat down, watching the sky together.

"I miss Sirius." Harry suddenly blurted out, not even knowing why he said it, regretting it immediately.

"Your godfather?" Malfoy asked, not looking at him, messing around with a stick he found in the sand. Harry nodded, and lied back on the blanket.

"He and Remus were the only people who made me feel like-" He took sharp intake of breath. "-like I still had a piece of my parents with me" he sighed. He didn’t know why he was telling Malfoy this, but he couldn't stop himself. As the blonde boy seemed genuinely curious, Harry carried on talking, telling him about third year, how he met Sirius, and about Peter Pettigrew, and the Marauders Map, and about the Order of the Phoenix, and everything Sirius told him about his parents. Malfoy listened intensely, asking questions every so often, being very careful not to cross the boundaries.

"I’m sorry they aren’t around anymore." Malfoy simply said when Harry stopped talking. He tilted his head to the side, looking at Malfoy’s face, studying his expression, but he couldn't see anything except for honesty and sadness, and something slightly even like an affection. He felt like crying, but he didn't want to cry in front of the other boy. He knew he should feel angry, after all if Malfoy hadn’t let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts, if his father hadn’t been there at the Department of Mysteries, Sirius and Remus could still be have been alive, but that’s too many ‘if’s. Harry thought of asking Malfoy what his intentions actually were, or something, but he chose to keep silent.

"I’m going swimming" he announced after laying around for a while, he stood up, already taking his shirt off.

"Are you crazy? It must be minus twenty down there°C!" Draco exclaimed, sitting up.

"Yeah, sure, minus two hundred." Harry chuckled. "Chill Malfoy ." Harry rolled his eyes, shucking his jeans as well, making his way to the water, ignoring the feeling of the other boy’s eyes on him.

"Come back here you prat, I don't fancy being framed for your death. It’s dark and it’s cold and you will drown. We can come back here tomorrow and then you can do whatever you want." Malfoy called after him, making Harry laugh.

"If you are so worried about me, come with me" he snorted, stepping into the water, leaning down and splashing it over his body, before carrying on walking deeper into the water. He was in knee-deep when Malfoy caught up with him, stopping at the side of the water. Harry went in even deeper, looking back and shooting a grin at Malfoy. "You better take that shirt off if you want to rescue me when I drown."

The blonde boy just stood there shaking his head as Harry carried on, the water was now up to his shoulders. He couldn't help but laugh as he looked at the fully clothed Malfoy standing on the beach, and suddenly an idea crossed his mind. What if he faked drowning? Would Malfoy really rush to rescue him? He grinned in anticipation, before going in a bit deeper, and pretending to drown, yelling for help, and sure enough, the blonde was there beside him within seconds, his hands around Harry’s waist.

"You idiot" Malfoy said angrily, letting go of Harry when the brunette burst out laughing.

"And you said I’m the one with a saving people's lives-problem." Harry choked out, still shaking from laughter, clutching his stomach with his arms.

"You’re such an imbecile! We could have both lost our footing! I thought you were really drowning." he sneered, and splashed Harry with water. The other boy splashed him back immediately, still laughing, and soon enough Draco was laughing too. They were splashing each other madly, trying to get away from one another, making their way to the beach.

"Scared?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow as they reached the dry land, still breathless from laughing, clutching each other.

"You wish." Draco smirked, and chased Harry back to the blankets, ending up on top of Harry, kneeling between the boy’s legs, holding his hands down above his head. "Feeling defeated, Potter? Did I just defeat the Great Harry Potter?

"As if I’d let you." Harry said, wrapping his legs around Malfoy's waist. He knocked the boy over, straddling him, with a triumphant grin, which died down as soon as their eyes met. Until now, Harry didn’t quite realise how close they were, only a few inches between their faces. He was starting to feel uncomfortable, and dropped his gaze, but if anything, this made things worse, as he found himself staring at Malfoy’s chest, his white shirt sticking to his body, the wetness making it almost see-through, the boy’s lean muscles and his hardened nipples visible to Harry, making him blush. What was wrong with him? It was the third time that day that he found the boy extremely attractive.

"Potter…" Malfoy spoke up, sounding a little embarrassed, as he shifted underneath him. Harry didn't get it for a moment, but then he realises he had an unmistakable hardness in his pants, and it was pressing right into the blonde boy’s thigh.

"Shit, I’m sorry, I just…" he stammered, as he stood up as fast as he could.

"Stop, it’s okay. It’s a normal reaction, I guess, I mean you’ve been away from your girlfriend, and…" Malfoy trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished, avoiding looking at Harry, who was also avoiding looking anywhere near the other boy. "Let’s go home. Or do you want me to go and you can just stay here, think of your lovely girlfriend, jerk off, and meet me back at the house" Draco said, picking their stuff up, his words making Harry blush even harder.

"I’m… I’ll be alright" Harry managed to say. Malfoy snorts.

"For Merlin’s sake, just stay here, and follow me back when you-" "fuck, just take care of yourself, Potter!" With that said, Malfoy was already turning his back to Harry.

"You are wet. You’ll catch a cold." Harry said desperately, not wanting to make this situation any awkward, which he probably was doing anyway.

"Well then cast a drying charm on me, will you?!" Malfoy looked angry. Why was he like that? He was sneering at Harry, Harry felt like they were back at Hogwarts and Malfoy was about to make one of his snarky comments that always boiled Harry's blood. "You are the one with a wand, you arse!" He rolled his eyes and let out an annoyed huff. "if you are so concerned about my health then do it." he snapped, and Harry obeyed. As soon as he did, the blonde haired boy turned around and left in a rush without saying another word. What was wrong with him? Why did he get so pricky about all of this?!

He left Harry there on the beach. On his own. With a bulge in his pants. Still painfully pressing to his trousers.

He tried to think of Ginny, he really did, but he couldn’t help it, his thoughts drifted back to earlier that day, Malfoy’s hair flowing in the breeze, and Harry remembered how much he wanted to run his hands through it. The closeness of the boy made his body shiver, his angular face, his soft silver eyes, his flat yet arousing chest… oh Merlin, he felt like he could melt away just thinking of him, however weird it is, and however guilty he felt about not thinking of Ginny. What the fresh hell?! Malfoy was a boy! Harry wasn't gay for crying out loud! How the hell was he getting of to the thoughts of Malfoy?

The next few days passed in their usual routine, making breakfast together, Potions theory, having lunch together, brewing, making dinner together, and talking about Muggle things until it’s time for bed. Neither of them mentioned the day at the beach, and Harry was thankful for that, but he couldn’t stop thinking back to that very day, and what it felt like to be that close to Malfoy. He kept thinking back, and would often get distracted from doing whatever he was just by looking at Malfoy, or listening the way he talked about Potions, with such enthusiasm, or the excitement on his face when he showed Harry a book on Muggle things and told him how he finally understood how something worked, and it dawned on him, that he was growing more and more attracted to him.

It wasn’t just his looks that made Harry want to press the other boy to the wall and snog him senseless, though he didn’t even try to deny how his soft platinum hair and silver eyes drove him crazy, but it was his whole personality. The way he was nice to Harry now, always, but still kept teasing him, and Harry would tease back, and sometimes it occurred him that it felt almost like they were flirting or something. Or how patient and serious he could be as a teacher. Or how clever and intelligent he was, almost like Hermione, but in a different way. Or how he enjoyed just small things, like walking out into the garden when the sun was shining, or finding a new book among his mother’s belongings that he could read, or a nice meal they made together. How honest he could be sometimes. How passionate he would get if he was talking about something that was important to him. How similar his sense of humour was to Harry’s. He felt like they could be friends, like actual friends, who would stay in contact and have fun together even when they weren’t locked up in a small cottage in France together to study Potions. But real friends. And maybe even more, because Harry wanted to touch him again, to feel his soft skin, or his silky looking hair. Malfoy was driving Harry crazy, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

After another week or so Draco told him that he was doing well enough to pass his NEWTs easily, and they decided to go down to the beach once again, before Christmas. They spent the whole day there, taking a basket of food, they swam, but only a bit because the water was much colder by now, they talked and laughed and talked even more, about school, about their childhoods, about Quidditch, anything they thought of. Harry couldn't imagine his life without the blonde boy by now. He thought of how hard it will be for him to leave this bastard. How hard will it be to say goodbye to all their memories. Forget about all that they have accomplished and of course, about the whole attraction thing. Harry didn't even know if maybe he allowed himself do what his mind, and other parts of his body, told him to do, then would he discover something about himself. He found his mind drifting off to this idea while he stared at the blonde looking up to the sky.

As the sky grew darker, covered in thousands of sparkling spots, bright and shining like diamonds, scattered all over the sheet of the night, they lay back on their blankets, and Malfoy started to point the constellations out to Harry, saving his favourite one, his own one, the dragon for last. His voice proud as he told the boy next to him which one it was, which Harry found adorable, and returned the boy’s smirk with a grin of his own. Their eyes met for longer than they have ever held each other's gaze. It was like looking at the other's soul through them, finally seeing the real version of the person they never got the chance to get to know better. Harry wanted to kiss Malfoy. He wanted to throw his arms around the boy and press their lips together. He didn't. Whether it was because he was scared of what would happen if he did or he was scared of what he would become if he made this move. Harry turned his face towards the ground. The moment was ruined.

Sometime after staying quiet for a while, they started to talk about more serious things, and Malfoy told Harry how he didn’t want to kill Dumbledore, and how he only realised then that his parents were wrong, and how all he wanted before was to make his father proud. How he did everything afterwards just so Voldemort wouldn’t kill his parents. How terrible it was to let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts, but how he had no other choice if he wanted his parents to live. What it was like to live at Malfoy Manor with the Dark Lord. How he wanted to just apparate somewhere where no one knew him and there were no expectations he had to live up to, no war, no pain, no suffering. How he felt like a coward but still didn’t do anything.

Harry saw the tears shining on Malfoy's cheeks, in the moonlight, as he got to the end of his story, and without thinking, he wrapped his arm around the boy, pulling him close to himself. Malfoy instantly pulled back as if Harry's touch burned him. He mumbled something about not wanting to be pitied and knowing that he was a coward and a bad person but he wanted to change, and Harry didn’t know what to say, so he just sat there beside him.

Later they lay down on their blankets, and fell asleep next to each other under the starry sky.

When Harry woke up, to the first rays of sunshine stroking his skin, he found himself wrapped around Malfoy's arms, their bodies pressed together. He stayed in those arms for a while, enjoying the warmth that came from Draco's, not Malfoy's, body. Oh how much he wanted to stay here forever and just breath this air, go for long walks, talk to Draco, discover himself, get away from all the stress that England and people there caused him. But he couldn't do it. He felt too obligated to be the man everyone expected him to be. He couldn't just disappear and stay here with the blonde. It would be mad. Besides, he had his friends in England, his girlfriend, probably soon to be wife. He wanted to have a family and a job that he enjoyed, the job that would make him feel more human than just the Savour of Wizarding World. He had to go back home, no matter how much his heart was begging him to stay here and try losing himself in the unknown, something that didn't feel quite possible and normal, in something that was as exciting as scary. Just trying to be happy without all the shit that was going to await for him in London. Harry got up from under the blanket and Draco's arms carefully, making sure he wouldn’t wake the other boy up. He conjured a piece of parchment and a quill, with a deep sigh he started writing a letter. He knew he wasn’t the best with words, especially when they were goodbyes, and writing it all down helped, he could say all the things he could never say face to face. He could thank Draco and promise him he’d talk to Kingsley and find a way for him to come back to England. At least that's what Harry wanted. If he couldn't stay here he wanted to hold on to this unexpected friendship in any way he could. He wrote how he’d wait for Draco, and would want to see him, when he did come back to WIzarding World where Harry would be. Harry realised how much he's going to miss Draco, his smile, his snaky comments, the lessons with him, their midnight or morning walks to the beach, their inside jokes, their conversations, Draco's eyes that at some point became everything Harry could think of, just Draco Malfoy in general, still the same git, but trying to become better.

Harry rolled up his blanket and put it back into the basket along with all of the other scattered bits, and put the letter on top. He looked down at the boy below him, and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss onto his cheek, feeling the soft skin underneath his lips and smelling the scent he will never be able to get out of his mind, he didn't realise when a warm tear run down his cheek. He shook himself from the trans he was in. Before he got up to his feet and head back to Malfoy's house and then the town to take his Portkey back to London, he took one last look at Draco sleeping peacefully on the beach, Harry once again couldn't breath. If he never again got the chance to see this idiot, he didn't know if he would ever feel understood and complete as much as he did in Draco's presence. He could only hope for the best.

////////////////

Read Chapter Two HERE

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry head canon #head canon #my fic #first chapter #re writting stuf #wip #fic #ao3 #feelings we can't let go #drarry squad #harry potter #draco malfoy

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