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thewinterpillarhashira · 18 days

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yallz mumu here

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that-bipolar-mood · 7 months

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Writing currently on IV...

TW: mentions of suicide attempt, Bipolar sucks

I got treated awful by medical professionals who only heard my disorder, only preached, never listened. Some of them were wonderful, though, witty, professional, and gently kind.

Yes, I took too much lithium, and yes, I drank alcohol. It landed me into a hospital. It was truly horrifying to throw up over and over and to feel pain in so many ways.

No, I did not attempt suicide. It was no "cry for help" or an act of boredom.

My brain sometimes doesn't function. In fact, it completely derails. Being in a very happy and content mood but stumbling into a minor setback, this brain thought it would be a fun idea to see, as one wants to see, what happens after 10k miligrams.

So I can't explain why. I don't understand if this was the beginning of mania that came to this abrupt end. I wanted to share this just to see if anyone out there does things that resemble suicide attempts, but are far from it.

I remember as kids how we tried to hold our breath under water as long as possible. No one called it suicide attempt even though once a friend passed out.

This is the irrational, impulsive, ugly, dangerous, and so so hurtful side of bipolar disorder. I ask what is wrong with me, but this is the answer.

#quick story #bipolar disorder #actuallybipolar #manic depression #actually bipolar #actually mentally ill #manic depressive #actually manic #bipolar mania #bipolar 1 #bipolar 2 #lithium #suicide attempt

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damelisabarlow · 1 year

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Date night at the Art Bar

... We’re sitting in the back room, amongst the art - the bar is aptly named - on a pink plush loveseat that’s much more chic than it is comfortable, and waiting for the bartender to take drink orders. He already forgot our calamari, which is the least romantic food on the menu, and why I ordered it! Even though I'm obsessed with this guy!

I’m getting something spicy with tequila. If it’s a spicy margarita I’m happy, if he conjures up something more creative I’m happy too. Either way, I pride myself on having a high spice tolerance and I’ve recently dived head-first into what I’m calling my “tequila era" ...

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rens-apollo-shrine-blog · 2 years

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My Dad Takes Rainy Days Off

My dad has an important job. This means he’s gone a lot and for a long time

but when the sky turns grey and the rain drops, I get to spend the whole day with him!

“Why don’t you work on rainy days?” I ask.

“The same reason your mom doesn’t work on Sunday” He laughs. “ I still go to work, but it gets so slow, I can leave early.”

We stay inside and play lots of games with Mama, like tag and hide and go seek.

While we play he tells me stories, like when he liked someone and they played tag or when my uncle hid his things but apologized by making him a gift.

He would also ask about me and my mama, though he says he always sees us when he drives for work.

Mama would also talk to him, and he talks to Mama.

Always “I love you” “You're my sunshine” and how much I look like my dad.

“Mama told me to ask you if I can have a sibling.” I said.

“ You have alot of siblings but they live far away…” He told me some live in a town where my grandpa’s brother is mayor, and that they didn’t like to leave.

“Your brother went there and left but there someone he loved who live there so he moved there.”

“When can I go?” I wanted to see my big brothers and sisters. But he told me I was too small.

Near the end he would sing us songs, play the guitar and dance with us too.

“Apollo,” Mama says, “The rains slowing down,”

That's when we go outside, the drips and drops get slower.

“I have to go kiddo” Dad would always say, always a little sad.

I would always say “Bye dad.”

He kisses my mom goodbye and gives me a big hug.

“I’ll be back next time, play games, and sing you songs.”

When I turn around he’s gone.

Then the sun shines brighter through the clouds than any other day.

I get really sad but then i remember that my dad takes rainy days off.

#apollo deity #apollo #apollo worship #e-offering #divinely inspired #short story #quick story #rainy day #story offering

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blacknbluejustice · 2 years

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Random idea that definatly has a darker origin. (Something tells me at least one of my followers would actually know what it's origin is)

There was once a town where a lot of women and girls would have a lot of pain. One day unicorns found them and decided to do something. (SinceUnicorns are known to find young women (mainly virgins in some myths but not here)). So the one town would regularly get visits from unicorns. They go around to find women and girls in town and boops them with their noses. This gives the women and girls very small amount of magic which they can use for things like pain relief when period cramps come by or for migraines they get. But there is a bad catch to these unicorns. They accidentally out Trans women and girls, including some varieties of Nobinary woman/girls and some varieties of gender fluid folks too. This is due to them still obviously being women/girls of different types and them being in pain but the unicorns can't really distinguish them like we do. All they know we're those two simple facts. Because of this, some people get angry and reject the unicorns! Some even push them away, others run away and some people act on the behalf of the accidentally outed and pushed away the unicorns themselves.

The unicorns were just lost and confused but despite their simple minds, they managed to make a plan. They brought in reinforcements to help "Boop" everyone thinking that was the issue. If everyone is in pain, they wouldnt be able to think clearly. The unicorns would still boop the women/girls. The meredogs would go up to the men/boys and boop them with their paws or even lick their cheeks if the guy was friendly enough. Lastly their friends, the winged myrmecoleons (antlions), would fly towards Non-binary folks and wait until they get their attention before sticking their tiny paws out to paw at the NB's hand or fingers so they can give a tiny bit of magic to them- although over time, they became able to fly up to the NB directly and boop their noses directly.

Because of this, magic not only became more abundant in the town, but some folks had multiple types. Realizing the only thing the animals wanted to do was to help take away their pain (which is the main function of the magic they handed with the boops), they found ways to help them back. Not only by being kinder to one another to lessen the pain, but by being more open minded to one another, a cepting trans folks, and treating eachother kindly. Some even began helping those who wanted (or in some cases needed) to transition.

This let the town prosper in ways it never has before and after years of helping eachother and being more open minded, they began seeing the creatures less and less until one day, the last Unicorn stopped by to boop an elderly woman who stopped by the town for the first time. She burst into tears and hugged them tightly.

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introvert-even-on-the-internet · 1 year

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I tried make up for the first time (out of cosplay)

I don't usually wear make up, have never even wanted to and haven't had any interest in it.

But couple of days ago I went to work and I had chap stick that made my lips shiny pink and my coworkers complimented me by saying they liked my lipstick and it suited me. I did tell them later that it was chap stick and that I hated how it colored my lips and didn't like the color. We then talked about lipsticks and make up and I told them that if I would wear lipsticks I would stay away from reds and pinks cause not interested and told them that I would probably use some 'crazy' color like black, blue or green.

Well that got me thinking why don't I try those colors and ordered black, blue, green and dark violet lipsticks and today I got the black and green ones and tried them

And! Oh my I really loved them, like wow I actually look good (well better than normally) I really liked them.

Black suited so well and green went so well with my blue/green hair omg.

It's too bad that I don't have many opportunities to wear lipsticks now :[

Like I'm not gonna wear them to work, since I work with kids who will absolutely roast me (even though I think they make me look good) and question why not red or pink and it's would be huge thing..

You colour your hair couple of times year and suddenly they think I have a problem and colour my hair like every week x)

I can't wait the blue lipstick to come it probably will be good on me since green was too :3

Black ⚫ I loved and will probably just wear home to make myself feel good :)

#rant #makeup #work #quick story #i tried lipstick #it went better than i thought #i love my black lipstick #and i really hate my tinting pink shiny chap stick

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anonymous-79 · 1 year

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Literally (literary) running

I felt as though I might collapse on the spot, black dots were circling my eyes and everything felt slow motioned. Life was slowing down but my thoughts were moving faster than a wildfire. I wanted to or should I say needed to get out of there. In the space of ten seconds I had already thought over a million different things, like will I get an A on my next quiz, will I get to my bus on time, what if everyone actually hates me, what if I'm a failure, that's okay, no. It is not. At the last thought my breath caught in my throat and I almost felt like I was dying. Wouldn't that be ironic if I died from my own thoughts. I needed to hit something like a wall or something hard enough to leave a mark. I wanted to stop, just stop thinking about everything.

but sadly I cant outrun my own thoughts. Ruby is right, I am such a people pleaser. The ringing bell brings me back to reality but I still can't breathe so I just pile my things into a big clump of books, pens and loose papers. I rush toward the door and yank it open with a far bigger force than needed. I am outside, the cold autumn wind is flying around me and just for a minute my head is completely empty. All I hear is the wind around me and my fast breathing.

#quick story #literary #thoughts #over thinking

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endusviolence · 2 months

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Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :)#trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+#lgbta+#lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

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crazypossumman · 8 months

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Extinction {a short story by r. h. stoker}

Author's Note: A short yet existential story I wrote late at night

Edited: Meh

Genre: Idk you tell me

Summary: Death converses with the last living thing.

Content Warnings: Death (duh)

Dying. Of course, I am dying, but it is only natural. Everyone is dying for every second that they are living. And everyone else had gotten along with it much faster than I.

It was a quiet night as I realized Death was waiting for me. Aside from the occasional storm—sheets of pouring rain that could burn flesh from bone—noise was something I had all but forgotten. There was no bustling of cars any longer, no chatter or drone of crowds. No cicadas. No crickets. No bird song. Years I had gone without hearing a voice but my own before, that quiet night, Death sat down on the log across from my quiet, crackling fire.

“Fire lives, you know,” Death said to me.

“How do you mean?” I asked.

“It breathes. It grows. It changes.” Death shifted, reaching a hand toward the flame. It shrunk away from him, and I wondered if he had ever felt warmth. “It lives, and so it shall die.”

I nodded. “Do you relish in it?”

Death was quiet for a moment, then spoke softly. “Relish I do not. Envy, though, I shall.”

“Envy us? The dead? The damned?” I asked.

“Indeed,” said Death, “You shall be gone soon enough. And you will be the last. This pitiful flame of yours will go out, and you shall follow it. And you will be the last. The last living thing. And so, the last death.”

We sat in silence for a long moment. “You’ll be lonely.”

“Alone.”

“You’ll be alone,” I corrected myself.

Death nodded.

“Then why take everything?” I asked him.

Death laughed. “You have always believed that I take. But I assure you that I give. You will be given death, and life will go extinct. But I, not alive and not dead, will wait. Life will come again, I’m sure. Maybe not here, but somewhere. And there I will go. And I will continue to give. Perpetually, I will be an enemy to the living, but I implore you to ask: What would become of you if I did not give?”

“I… I am not sure.”

“And you never will be.” Before me, the fire went out. “And that is why I envy you.”

Writing Tag ↓ | Pinned | Writing Masterlist | Kofi | Etsy

#roan writes #short story #death #extinction #flash fiction #fiction #tw death #tw existentialism #story #writing #quick story #young writer #young author #writblr #writing community #writing fiction

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localraccconn · 5 months

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barry keoghan u lil freak i love u so much

#saltburn #barry keoghan #jacob elordi #oliver quick #felix catton #saltburn is ultimately a fucked up lil story about obsession and i love it so so much #the fact that barry improved the grave scene too just rubs my brain the right way #cause as i was sitting there i was like wow i hope he fucks the freshly turned soil #and he did #!!!#insane

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callmemissus-bull · 10 months

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POV: You're staring at them knowing you love them but can’t have them in this lifetime

“What the heck are you staring at?” they say, brows pinching. “And please stop looking so sad. I got us pizza.”

You can’t help but smile even though you feel a tightening at your chest. The sensation triggers your mind to try and file through every minute together, to try and find that one second where you felt your heart feel full and shatter all at the same moment.

“Dude come on, you know I hate olives,” you say. flitting your eyes away.

“You suck at eating vegetables so deal with Supreme.” They plop next to you with a satisfied hmph, pizza slice never leaving their mouth. “Don’t be acting like that at my wedding. You better eat all the food. Shit, is expensive.”

You wave a dismissive hand at them knowing you’ll take tons of leftovers home just to make them happy. When your thoughts find you again you reach for that dull ache that you’ve become so familiar with.

I’m the most unluckiest person, to have found you too late this lifetime, so I’ll just catch you in the next one.

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Literally don’t know what this is but I wanted to write something. I’m craving reading about love lost.

#oneshot #angst #unrequited love #best friends #friends to lovers #quick story #love #the one that got away #heartbreak #the slowest of burns #love lost #reincarnated lovers #alternate dimension #it’s 3:30 am #why am i awake #short story #useless short

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wearenotfunny · 10 months

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Okay actually I just tagged this elsewhere but I’m only now recontextualizing this story:

Back in undergrad there was another person in my friend group with the same (dead) name as me, so in the first week we played rock-paper scissors to decide who got to “keep” their name. Even after (very insistently) giving them another chance each semester, I won every time. So, I kept my (dead) name and everyone called them by a pre-determined, oppositely-gendered name.

After later realizing some things, I was maybe a little over-eager to contrive that…

So this doubles as an out-into-the-universe apology for making my friend go through vicarious gender exploration!

#quick story #trans #if that wasn’t clear #sorry friend 😭

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littlenimart · 9 months

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early days in the Garden… i love thinking about Aziraphale at peak cute and naïve cherub :^]

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #the Job story in 2x02 was feeding me.. Michael Sheen is so good at making him feel young and even more self-righteous and invincible #before he has reason to doubt literally anything and be tempered by that.. he’s so cocky and smug in a lovable way #this was meant to be a quick sketch and then OOPS Too Much Rendering. but I’m free now. letting it go.

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bixels · 13 days

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fuck it. hits you with the upa ray gun.

#wip #personal #delete later #i'm gonna draw more explorations of this so wip for now #tulli and i's idea is for the cmc-focused stories they'd be done in a “lower budget” upa art style. as if it's just a quick short film and #the studio's trying to save money for the big feature films

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papers-from-a-ghost · 1 year

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Eccedentesiast

My name is Harrison Torr.

I’ve walked across both hemispheres of the earth through 27 different stretches, with each one being covered in volumes of flowers. Flowers this, flowers that, as if there were more petals than there was air to breathe. It was brilliant.

It was on the 5th stretch when I found that there were meanings etched into these individual faces.

It was on the 8th when I’ve found most, if not all of what I could of those meanings.

Roses meant to love life in abundance, the shine of buttercups as joy was to receptors; all meaning an absence of negativity. They were all beautiful, perfect, distant from the scars left on my tired legs.

There were not many ways to patch up in the perpetuation of this field. Even if there were, Dahlias would always press between both sides of the cut; its stem nested, present, numbing the pain by the beauty of aestheticism. It was unconventional.

It hurts, god it hurts, but their hues were brighter than what the sun was at night; dead.

Roses folding to buttercups, sweet peas softening for dahlias, poppies staining against lilies.

My feet stain the same as the poppies do, walking an endless horizon.

This endless horizon. All the while I am nauseated, by a tint for beauty – nothing, but the flowers.

The flowers.

The flowers always as to mean something nice, but never of something tender. Oh, the flowers.

Oh the tragedy, and the absence of it.

Then, my mind folds.

Suddenly it all turned brighter than what could’ve been sufficed. Suddenly I was blinder than the deaf, and consumed in life by comedy.

My mind folds to the buttercups, pupils soften to the sight of dahlias, and poppies staining against lilies.

My mind folds.

I laugh, I run, across the field: there’s nothing, but the flowers.

I walk an endless horizon, a guttural scream rips through my chest.

“I WALK. AN ENDLESS HORIZON!”

Wanting an end, to want sadness, to justify a meaning, and to feel whole again.

#writing #writer #flash fiction #flash fic #quick story #short story #short writing #toxic positivity

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 24 days

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An unbothered queen has entered, and subsequently left.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen qing #wen ning #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #In the audio drama she quite literally opens the door and then leaves after seeing them without breaking conversation.#It is both so impressive and deeply funny to me.#I imagine her just literally pivoting in one foot and walking right out.#She came home after a long day at work and in 0.5 seconds went “I would rather go back to the office than deal with this right now”.#Besides tickling me to near tears - this scene is also a great introduction to Wen Qing - her first instinct is to protect!#She lives by the code of 'I don't care who you are - if you need help I will lend it.' a true doctor and professional.#Sure she is *mad* that Wen Ning puts himself (and her to a lesser extent) at risk by helping 'the enemy' but she gives in quick.#I love Wen Qing a lot - she is such an unsung hero in this story.#Sorry that her first appearance on this blog was...what it was. I'll let your curiosity take you down that path...

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