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#so that doing nothing but Processing It for several hours will not give me sleep deprivation
festeringfae · 11 months
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By the way I only have like 4 episodes of Utena left and MAYBE one Ace Attorney let's play to get through before ENTIRELY ceasing to care about spoilers so be prepared for this blog to enter a phase it feels like I should have gone through in middle school and/or age 21 soon.
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become a disciplined person easily
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it's not that you are lazy or don't know how to do it, you just don't know how to organize your time well, stop telling yourself that you don't have discipline or that's for other people and take action now!
start by organizing your current life
what are my goals? what would be my ideal routine? where can i start? what habits are stealing my time or are harmful to me? am i satisfied with my current life? what should i improve? what can i do now to improve?
after answering these questions yourself and having a clearer idea of what you want, write down your short-term goals (for example to become more disciplined in one month by creating small routines) and start organizing yourself, again ask yourself, what can i change right now? and for sure you can improve many things, you can start exercising, have a day and night skincare routine, go for a walk every day, write a diary, whatever you want! and propose to do these new things for at least a week every day, take it as a challenge, even if it is 10 minutes a day, but make a space in your agenda for this new thing you want to start, this is how you will start to create a discipline.
find your motivation
what are the long and short-term benefits you will get when you start this habit or routine? how will you feel when you get what you want, no matter how small? what improvements will there be in your life during and after this?
little by little
as i explained before you can take this as a small challenge, choose a new "harder" habit and another smaller one like drinking water several times a day, and to remind you of this you can carry a bottle of water with you (and i recommend this habit to everyone). if you want to start exercising and you always end up leaving it, propose to yourself the challenge of doing every day 10 minutes for a week and this way you will get used to it (it can be any task that you want to incorporate to your life) and enjoy the process, write or talk to someone how you feel, it may be hard at first but you have to get used to it, do not put too much effort during the first week, maybe there are days that you do not feel like it, but remember better little than nothing, but remember always do it for your well being and improvement, that is the biggest reason you will find.
it can also help you to keep a record of what you do during the day, you can write it down or use an app called daylio, by seeing your progress will keep you motivated.d
some ideas to train your discipline
wake up one hour earlier than usual and go to sleep one hour earlier
organize yourself every day with a planner as soon as you wake up
know your goals for the day
control the time you spend on social media or watching tv
don't give up!
after you have achieved your goal, for example, to lose weight, don't give up the habits you created, you have to keep them in your life so you have to create a routine that suits you and makes you feel happy and motivated at the same time. you will always have more goals to achieve. when you create a routine and a plan of action everything will be much easier for you.
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Note: request by @hb8301! I hope you like this short fic :)
Warnings: fluff. pregnancy, mention of giving birth (nothing described).
pairing: Sihtric x you (f)
Summary: You told Sihtric you were pregnant, and he immediately became a loving father-to-be.
Word count: 1,5k 
Masterlist
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'I am pregnant, not dying.'
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Your belly wasn't even showing yet, but as soon as you had told Sihtric you carried his pup a few days ago, he would rest his hand on your tummy at any given chance. Sihtric, your playful, loving, but often still rather boyish husband, suddenly went into full dad mode after he had finally processed your words that day.
Days later, you were sitting on the floor, wrapped in fur, preparing dinner when Sihtric came home from another day of scouting the lands with Finan.
'No, my love,' Sihtric gasped, 'what are you doing?' he asked and helped you up, 'I told you I would take care of everything, you need to… you need to rest, take things easy.'
Sihtric sat you down on a stool and his concerned eyes darted over your face, he was terrified you were doing more than you should.
'Sihtric,' you sighed and took his hands, 'I am pregnant, not dying,' you chuckled, 'I can do everything just fine.'
'But I don't want you to,' he said, 'I want you to be careful.' Sihtric placed his hand on your belly, 'our pup needs to be comfortable, as do you.'
'I am comfortable,' you said, knowing the morning sickness phase was behind you already, 'and so is the pup.'
'Maybe,' Sihtric mumbled, a little embarrassed how quickly he became overprotective of you.
'I love you for being so caring,' you smiled and cupped his cheeks, 'but let me do my thing, okay? I can cook perfectly fine. Besides, you need to rest and take care of yourself too,' you said and kissed his lips.
'Okay,' Sihtric sighed and pulled you in for another kiss, 'but as soon as you need help, you will tell me.'
'I will,' you promised.
Sihtric smiled and got up. He walked over to the cooking pot and, as if the conversation you just had never happened, he finished making dinner, and he refused your help. 
After you both finished your food, Sihtric cleaned everything up while you were basically forced to go and lay down on the bed. When he was done, Sihtric joined you, pulling the warm furs over the both of you and he wrapped his arms around you. His warm, rough hand immediately moved up under your thin tunic to rest on your belly, while he pressed soft kisses to your cheek.
'I can't wait to meet our pup,' he whispered and softly hummed in your ear.
'Me neither,' you smiled, and dozed off in his arms.
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When your bump finally became visible after some time, Sihtric had been ecstatic to tell his friends about your pregnancy, and he often went to Gisela, behind your back, to ask her what else he could do to help you out at home. Sihtric helped make dinner every day, he made sure you ate and drank enough too, he washed the clothes in the river, and he cleaned around your little home. He basically did everything you usually did. And as soon as you'd yawn or even as much as sighed, Sihtric ushered you to lay down.
At first you almost got annoyed with him, as you were perfectly capable of still doing a lot of things on your own. But you knew Sihtric meant well, and if he had his mind set on something, there was no stopping him. You also knew you just had to let him have this moment, it was his way of preparing for fatherhood too. And as your belly grew bigger, you became more appreciative of everything he did, as you started to struggle with several tasks.
Every night when you and Sihtric laid in bed, not yet wanting to sleep, and Sihtric sat up for hours, caressing your baby bump and telling whole stories to the pup you carried. It was also a nice way for you to hear a lot of stories about battle and his travels you hadn't heard before. But you were pretty sure Sihtric made himself look better in some of his stories than he really had been, but that was Sihtric too; always wanting to impress you, even if you saw right through it. And you loved him for it. 
When Sihtric wasn't talking to your belly, he'd ramble on to you about all the things he couldn't wait to do once the child was old enough.
'Calm down, love,' you smiled and brushed your fingers through his short, dark hair, 'the pup isn't here yet. Don't look too far ahead, we have to enjoy each day. And Gisela said they grow up faster than you can blink.'
'I know,' Sihtric smiled, realising he had rambled without really thinking, as usual, 'I just can't wait.'
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Wherever you were, when you and Sihtric were together, he constantly had his hands on you. It was a mixture of being over protective and him simply thinking you were absolutely breathtaking while carrying his pup, as you were glowing. And whenever Sihtric looked at you, he had a beaming smile on his face. He took any excuse to pull you close, and his favourite thing to do was sneaking up behind you, moving his arms under yours, around your waist, and slowly rubbing his hands up and down your belly. Sihtric was always affectionate, but it became more and more after when you were pregnant, and you enjoyed it. You secretly even hoped that the babe would stay in your belly a little longer, just so you could enjoy your husband's attention that little longer too.
Your due date was approaching. You knew it, you could feel it. Sihtric was anxious but tried to remain calm, even though he simply couldn't wait anymore. And after a long, warm day, you got in bed while Sihtric cleaned up the little kitchen. And when he joined you in bed a little later, he thought you were sleeping already.
You felt Sihtric's fingers slowly tracing over your belly, a comforting and loving feeling. You smiled, but Sihtric didn't see it, and he started to hum, which slowly turned into a soft singing, something you hadn't heard him do before. You decided not to disturb him and kept quiet. At first you thought Sihtric was drunk, but then you figured he was singing in his native tongue. Not wanting him to know you heard him, you desperately tried to fight your tears as he did his thing. You weren't sure if your hormones made you emotional, or just the fact that Sihtric was the sweetest man you had ever met, and you felt so blessed to call him your husband. And so you listened to Sihtric's soft, low voice as he carried an unfamiliar tune while he rested his forehead onto your bump.
'I den lille rede var et lille æg, aldrig så jeg så dejligt et æg.' In the little nest there was a little egg, I never saw so lovely an egg.
'Af det lille æg der kom en lille fugl, aldrig så jeg så dejlig en fugl.' From the little egg there came a little bird, I never saw so lovely a bird.
'På den lille fugl der sad en lille fjer, aldrig så jeg så dejlig en fjer.' On the little bird there sat a little feather, I never saw so lovely a feather.
'Af den lille fjer der blev en lille pude.' From the little feather there came a little pillow.
'På den lille pude lå en lille dreng, aldrig så jeg så dejlig en dreng.' On the little pillow there was a little boy, I never saw so lovely a boy.
Sihtric stopped singing and you heard him chuckle softly.
'What am I singing,' Sihtric whispered to the pup, 'I don't even know if you are a boy or a girl,' he chuckled again, 'and it doesn't matter either,' he continued, 'I promise I will protect you with my life, little pup.' Sihtric kissed your bump and whispered, 'the same way I promised to protect your mother with my life,' he paused, taking a deep breath, 'and I don't know what I did to be blessed with such a beautiful and sweet wife. To be blessed with a woman like her who wanted to marry me and now carry you,' Sihtric nuzzled your belly, 'I never thought I could love someone as much as I love her, and I promise you will feel loved too.'
Sihtric was quiet for a moment. 'Sweet dreams,' he whispered, then kissed your belly again.
You felt him move up and he laid down next to you, while your cheeks were wet with tears. Sihtric kissed your forehead, whispered a soft 'I love you,' and cuddled up to you. Never knowing you had been awake the entire time, or that you had silently wept because your heart was so full of love.
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And when your baby was finally born, and it turned out to be a boy, Sihtric had announced it screaming his head off, waking the entire village as he ran around. 
And you only barely recovered from giving birth, or Sihtric already looked at you, with loving eyes, and he said, 'We should have at least one more.'
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taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @bel-bottoms @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie @sweetxime @solango @gemini-mama @cheyennep3107 @little-diable @jennifer0305 @drwstarkeyy @mrsarnasdelicious @verenahx
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dwntwn-strnlo · 11 months
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HEY I LOVE UR WRITING could you do a touch deprived reader afraid of asking for attention or physical touch, and they think matt was angry at them and gave him some space but really he was just very stressed and when matt realized what they wanted he felt guilty and the rest is up to you! Lyy (matt sturniolo btw)
thank you sm for the request! sorry it took so long. love you ❤️
TONE DEAF matt sturniolo
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.
↳ 𝐀/𝐍. its kinda different from what you asked, but i hope you like it!
↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. matthew sturniolo x reader
↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. request
↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃? yes!
↳ 𝐂𝐖! verbal argument, happy ending
walking into matts room, you sit on the edge of the bed behind him. he just got back from filming a personal video, and is already editing the recordings for it.
you were hanging out with chris in his room when matt got home, and he didnt even let you know he was back. which you will admit, it stung a little. you only found out that he was home when you looked out a window, finding the mini van parked out in the driveway.
"hey," you say, watching him replay the same 5 seconds of the video.
"hey," he mutters, repeating your greeting. but not turning around to give you even a sliver of his attention.
you easily frown, "you didnt tell me you were back," finding that he isnt going to respond, you continue. "you were gone for like three hours, i missed you." you let your light words trail off into the slightly too cold room.
"yeah, sorry. i forgot." his voice is low, and almost like theres a slight bite too it.
"oh," you sigh, tucking your knees up to your chest. still not taking your eyes off the back of his head. "well how was your day? i didnt see much of you since we woke up."
he sighs, a tinge of annoyance lacing his voice. "fine."
you pause before continuing. he clearly put a wall up, and youre just trying to find some sort of crack in the bricks. "what did you do, other than film a video of course." you laugh lightly to yourself.
"god, are you fucking tone deaf?!" he groans, spinning around in his chair to look at you for the first time. his expression is overridden with panic. "clearly i dont feel like talking right now."
his words take you aback. your eyes search his as he processes that he just snapped at you.
"oh . . ." you whisper. your voice fading into a void of nothing. the only sound you hear is the faint whirring of the ceiling fan overhead. "ill give you some space then."
"hey, no- honey . . ."
"no, its fine, matt." you frown, standing up and grabbing your shoes before walking out of the bedroom.
shutting the door, you stop and stand there for several seconds. letting his harsh words wash over you before walking over to the couch and putting your shoes on. matts never snapped at you like this before. he'd always been careful with his words when he was mad or stressed out.
grabbing your car keys, you don't know where your headed, or for how long. you just know you want to go.
. . .
eventually, you pull back into your driveway. you had just drove around and listened to music for a few hours, but you knew you had to come home.
finally glancing at the time sitting on your dash in a glowing shade of blue, you find it to be just after two am. with a sigh, you shut off the engine. getting out of the car to be hit by the cool, autumn air.
walking up the ever so familiar steps from your driveway to your door, you slow your pace down when you see the silhouette of someone sitting on the front porch. once they notice you, they stand up; taking a cautious step in your direction.
"y/n?" matts voice rings out to you. a slight hurt in his tone as he mutters your name.
"what are you doing out here?" you sigh, stepping around him to get to the front door.
"you know i couldnt fall asleep until i knew you were safe." his voice is sad and low as he mumbles the words out to you.
"well im safe, so go to sleep, matt." you snap. instantly regretting it, but you don't let your expression falter under the the dim glow of the dying porch light.
"baby, can we talk? please?" he pleads, running his hands down his face. "i feel awful for yelling at you earlier."
you stay silent. darting your eyes across his disheveled face as you wait for him to go on.
"i just - i feel stupid." he whispers, trying hard to not let tears fall. "i shouldve communicated to you that i was stressed out. but i didnt, and i let myself snap at you."
"matt . . ." you frown.
"im sorry, baby. i really am. and i understand if you still want some space and time to yourself, but i wont be able to fall asleep until you know how sorry i am.
"just please dont go to bed upset with me. i love you too much to let that happen."
you gently smile at the boy, walking over to him and pull him into a much needed hug. "its alright love, you dont need to apologize. i understand that your going through a rough time right now."
he nods, nuzzling his nose into the top of your head. "i love you so, so much, darling. i hope you know that."
you smile, nodding against his chest. "i know, honey, i know. love you forever."
matt tightens your embrace, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "forever and always."
TAGLIST
@slvt444smvt @thetriplets3 @theboyz-delulu @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic
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mindfulstudyquest · 2 months
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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲
𝟭. being consistent in journaling ( 🪻 )
i have recently started journaling more consistently and would like to maintain this line. i tried several times to start, failing miserably, because i couldn't find a method that would keep me motivated for a long time. then i purchased the famous five minutes gratitude journal, which is much easier to keep, and which i manage to update almost every day because by simply having to answer the pre-set questions my brain doesn't experience it as a commitment, unlike writing a diary page. alongside the fmj i have another diary with blank pages that i use as a proper diary, writing my reflections, talking about my day, complaining about negative things and stuff like that. i must say that it's therapeutic. i hope this is the right time i can maintain consistency in writing.
𝟮. having a more balanced diet ( 🍋‍🟩 )
i admit i've been eating like shit lately, a lot of sweets and processed foods alternated with periods of fasting due to guilt with the excuse of not having enough time to cook among the thousand things to do. i want to seriously commit to investing some of my time each week into preparing healthy, homemade meals (i could share some recipes here if you want, lmk) that keep me energized and don't ruin my hard work at the gym by adding empty calories to my diet.
𝟯. being consistent in the gym ( 🍄 )
and then obviously going to the gym at least 3 times a week, not really due to a matter of weight/aesthetics, but to cultivate discipline and focus. i believe that physically venting stress is the best and healthiest way to handle the crushing weight of life lately. sometimes i simply need to unload my energy without throwing a fit and risking venting it on someone who has nothing to do with it.
𝟰. reading at least 10 pages per day ( 📚 )
i love reading. i love reading madly, but i also know that i often find a thousand excuses not to do it. my brain fried by social media and zombie scrolling doesn't like the idea of concentrating on printed pages at all and i always put off reading all those books placed on my shelf gathering dust. i haven't read a book in months, so the time has come to break this bad habit and take back my greatest passion. i won't even mention all the benefits of reading, because only one book can give you so much in such a short time.
𝟱. sleep at least 8 hours ( ☕ )
i think my lack of sleep has a psychological component, but i'm no expert so what i say may not actually make any sense. i sleep little, much less than i need, when i was in high school i finished studying very late at night (past 3am) every day because i was so dependent on academic validation that the idea of getting a slightly lower grade than my usual could make me throw up. the thing is, i always delay going to sleep, even though my body is begging me to do so, and i think it's due to an inherent fear that the next day i'll have to go through it all over again. consequently in the morning i'm a wreck and i have to drag myself out of bed, being 30% as productive as i actually could be. i think it's time to work on my sleep schedule much more seriously, i think it could boost my health a lot.
𝟲. spend 15min in the sun every day ( ☀️ )
as a woman i know how important it is to be in the sun to produce vitamin D, unfortunately for me i'm some kind of goblin vampire who can't stay in the sun for more than five minutes without getting sunburned – on top of that my eyes start to water when the light too strong. i'll arm myself with sunscreen and give my body what it needs, hoping i won't get arthritis in my forties.
let me know in the comments what are YOU planning to improve in the near future <3
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tenebraevesper · 3 months
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Shatter Me, Entry 3: Vandalize My Heart
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''Sound the alarm.. Shatter me like glass. Covered in scars, but roses are coming through the cracks. Time that you killed, you promised to help me rebuild! It caught me off guard, sound the alarm... Said you'd keep me safe, now you're tearin' me down! Am I laid to waste now that you're not around? Come and leave your mark! Vandalize my heart! Fight the pain away, my head is in ruins! Need you in my veins, don't know how you do it! Come and leave your mark (Come and leave your mark)! Vandalize my heart!''
– Vandalize by Sonic Frontiers
xXxXxXx
Sonic shifted, feeling the warm sunrays on his cobalt fur, but kept his eyes closed. His senses were surprisingly slow, as he still wanted to sleep, but his internal clock told him to wake up as he had once again fallen asleep at a random place, leaned against something soft. He wanted for it to last a bit longer, feeling quite arm and content, but then he felt a flick against his nose, followed by a familiar voice.
''Wake up, Sonic.''
''Uh, huh,… Shadow?''
Sonic blinked, blinking the sleep away as he lifted his head, realizing that he was leaning against Shadow. A faint shade of red spread across his fawn muzzle as he frantically tried to recall what had happened last night, but his memories were still in the process of loading like the slowest computer in the world. It also didn't help that he had noticed Shadow's arm around his waist, leaving him feeling awkward. What had happened?!
Shadow, in turn, furrowed a brow as he saw Sonic's flustered expression, wondering why he acted like this when last night, he was quite comfortable sleeping in Shadow's arms. The sense of confusion was then replaced with a sense of temptation, as he realized that he might as well take advantage of the situation and tease him a little. ''What's the matter Sonic? Why do you look so flustered?''
''M-Me? Flustered? Why would I be flustered? I'm not flustered!'' Sonic quickly responded in a panicked tone, his quills bristled as he tried to remembered what had happened. ''Where did you even get that idea?''
''I guess I misunderstood your response then. After all, you were quite shameless last night.'' Shadow let out a soft sigh, as if reminiscing about what had happened.
''Wh-What do you mean?'' Sonic's muzzle was now as red as Shadow's stripes and his mind was wandering aimlessly as several improper ideas of what he and Shadow had been doing appeared, and he tried to frantically dismiss them, feeling embarrassed. It was only then that his memories had slowly started to return, albeit still fuzzy and unfocused.
Shadow hummed in interest. ''Well, you were the one who cuddled up to me and wouldn't let go of me.''
''Wha- Oh…'' Sonic's memories finally snapped back into place and he realized that nothing had happened, aside from them talking and, as Shadow put it, cuddling. His eyes narrowed and he shot his rival a glare. ''You're the worst, Shads!''
Shadow smirked. ''What did you even think had happened?''
''Nothing,'' Sonic quickly responded, finally taking note of the fact that he and Shadow were holding hands. When did this happen?! He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. ''What time is it anyways?''
''I suppose it's a couple of hours after sunrise,'' Shadow replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
''Really? Why didn't you wake me up?'' Sonic asked, raising an eyebrow.
Because you looked quite peaceful while asleep, was what Shadow wanted to say, but instead he responded with, ''I thought that you would wake up on your own. My mistake.''
''So, you let me cuddle up to you and use you as a pillow, and you really had no issues with it? None at all?'' Sonic asked, quirking a brow. A smirk graced his lips when Shadow frowned, giving him the typical 'Don't push it' look. However, Sonic felt quite bold now and wanted to press further. He wanted to know just how far he could get with his antics and what Shadow's limits were. ''Huh, so you wouldn't mind if I-''
He nuzzled into Shadow's chest fur, still fascinated by how soft it was, tightening his grip on Shadow's hand. Shadow just rolled his eyes at that, being patient enough to give Sonic a chance to actually stop with that. ''Don't you have places to be?''
''Right,'' Sonic groaned, his head still in Shadow's chest, before looking up. ''Tails is probably worried about me, and I also have to return the picnic basket I had borrowed to Amy.'' He then stood up, letting go of Shadow's hand and already missing the warmth it provided. He stretched his arms, having to admit that it had been quite nice overall. He then glanced at Shadow, who had already gotten up and grabbed the blanket, giving it to Sonic. Sonic took it, giving Shadow a sheepish smile. ''Thanks for keeping me company.''
Shadow simply nodded in response, waiting for Sonic to continue. However, for once, Sonic wasn't sure what to say. While he was genuinely happy that he and Shadow had grown so close to deeply trust each other with their fears and vulnerabilities, he wasn't sure what the next step in their relationship was. Obviously, they were still rivals, but they also became friends… but it also felt that there was something more in their relationship that neither of them wanted to explore, or at least, neither of them wanted to acknowledge.
''If you ever want a challenge, just give me a call,'' Sonic finally said, giving Shadow a thumbs up. Shadow nodded again, with Sonic waving at him, having picked up the picnic basket and then speeding off.
Shadow leaned against the entrance to the alcove, feeling the warm sunrays against his black fur, and took a deep breath. His mind was filled with memories of what had happened last night, and he was baffled with himself that he let Sonic get so close to him. He simply let his rival tear apart any walls he had built, showing a side of him that he wanted to hide, and he didn't care at at all about the fact that it went against his core principles. Sure, he made it clear that he trusted Sonic, but he still wanted to keep some kind of distance between them. Yet, that was all thrown out of the window the moment Sonic decided to constantly stay by his side. Once again, his rival was the source of all of his troubles, and he couldn't even be mad at him.
He pressed his hand against his chest, feeling his own heartbeat, which was slightly faster than usual as he kept thinking about his relationship with Sonic. He had felt magnetically drawn to his rival, and it was in equal parts frustrating and exhilarating. His mind was in a bit of a haze, partially wishing that he could've chalked this up to a dream, but he shook his head at that thought. He knew that it was too late to go back to how things were before considering what had just happened.
Shadow took a deep breath, taking out the green Chaos Emerald. Knowing that he needed some time on his own to process everything, he vanished in a flash of light.
xXx
''Hey, Tails! I'm back- Amy?''
''Hi, Sonic! We've been wondering where you were,'' Amy said. ''Last night's storm was really bad, and we were worried that you got caught in it.''
''Well, I kinda did…'' Sonic started, rubbing the back of his head as he gave Amy the picnic basket back and reached for the blanket. ''But, Shadow had managed to find a shelter for both of us so we stayed there to wait for the storm to pass.''
Sonic then went to place the picnic blanket back on the shelf, with Tails and Amy exchanging strange looks. It was as if they dared each other to ask Sonic the question that was constantly burning in their mind ever since Sonic told them about the picnic with Shadow, as both were really curious about their relationship. They knew that it wasn't that unusual for Sonic to just befriend every person he came across, especially if that person previous kicked his ass, but Shadow was a bit of a special case. He was aloof and reclusive, not exactly the type of person who would want to socialize with anyone out of his own free will, let alone Sonic… that is, unless it involved a fight between them. However, going by Sonic's lack of bruises, it was obvious that they didn't have one of their usual race battles either. Not to mention, this development in their relationship was quite sudden, and both suspected that there was more to it.
''So, how was it?'' Amy decided to ask, with Sonic giving her a confused look. ''I mean, the picnic.''
''Oh, it was great! By the way, thanks again for letting me borrow your picnic basket,'' Sonic replied happily. Tails and Amy exchanged glances again.
''Really? Did nothing happen? Shadow didn't say or do anything weird?'' Tails asked. Sonic paused for a moment, thinking back to the night and what had happened.
In regards to their relationship, he knew that he had been crossing any boundaries placed between them over and over again, and he enjoyed it quite a lot, especially considering how receptive Shadow was. If other people saw them like that, Sonic knew that they would consider it weird, but in his personal opinion, he didn't feel like there was anything weird between them. Or rather, he didn't care whether there was anything weird between them. This was a dynamic he genuinely enjoyed, although he still needed to figure out what this strange sensation was, always forming in his chest whenever he met Shadow's gaze. He could still remember the wave of warmth when Shadow had comforted him, followed by the sudden desire to pull him into an embrace and never let him go as he met those crimson eyes, usually sharp and fiery, but now soft and compassionate, full of understanding and… love?
''Nope! No! Nothing weird happened!'' Sonic responded, suddenly snapping out of his thoughts. He realized that he really needed to figure out what was going on with him and Shadow, because while their usual dynamic was still there, it seemed that there was really something more going on. ''All we did was talk and eat chili dogs, and just kinda mess with each other. The usual stuff. Why are you asking me that?''
''We've just been curious,'' Tails replied, the talk he had with Rouge still being on his mind. He had told Amy about it when she visited him, and Amy too noted how she was surprised to hear that Sonic wanted to hang out with Shadow and Shadow seemed to have responded positively to that. That was why they had decided to confront Sonic together whenever he decided to drop by. ''So, Sonic… Do you like Shadow?''
''Of course I do,'' Sonic replied, being a bit puzzled by the question. After all, he had made it clear to his friends that there was no animosity between him and Shadow, no matter into how many arguments or fights they got, as both deeply respected and cared for each other.
''Does Shadow like you?'' Tails asked, confusing Sonic even further.
''Well, I guess he does,'' he said, once again recalling their conversations and interactions. He then grinned contently. ''As a matter of fact, I think that we're now closer that we were ever before.''
Tails and Amy seemed to be a bit surprised by the answer, but at the same time, they also looked as if they had expected it. Sonic wondered what was going on with those two, with Tails and Amy then giving him a look of approval.
''I see… I mean, I didn't expect you to fall in love with Shadow, but hey, I support you all the way,'' Tails said, giving Sonic a thumbs up.
''At least I know now why you never were interested in me romantically, and while it does sting a bit, I can assure you, I support you just as much as Tails does. As a matter of, if you need a wingman, you can ask me for help,'' Amy replied, smiling back.
Sonic just stared at them for a moment, his green eyes wide and his mouth slightly open as he tried to process what they had just told him. ''Wait, what?!''
xXx
Shadow had found himself standing on top of the Loop-de-Loop, his arms folded across his chest, having taken upon himself to check whether there had been any damage from the rainstorm. Fortunately, it appeared that there wasn't anything, leaving him with nothing to do. Not really knowing what his next move should be, he resigned himself to just find an isolated spot where no one could find him or reach him, and just be alone with his thoughts.
Unfortunately for him, whenever he left his mind to wander, an image of a grinning Sonic popped into it. He tried to shake it off, but thoughts of Sonic just kept invading his mind, leaving him quite irritated, but also making him realize that he wanted to see his rival again. He sighed, well aware that he needed to finally confront his feelings on this matter rather than avoiding them.
Shadow's eyes narrowed as he suddenly heard a flapping of wings coming from the side, his eyes briefly darting towards the source before gazing ahead once again. ''What do you want, Rouge?''
''You know, a simple 'Hello' would've been enough,'' Rouge said, placing her hand on her hip as she hovered next to Shadow, who didn't respond. She rose an eyebrow, with a sly smile creeping up on her lips. ''So, how was your date with Sonic?''
To Rouge's surprise, and annoyance, Shadow's expression remained impassive, stating in his usual matter-of-fact tone, ''That was a picnic.''
''Huh, really? I thought it was just a way for you two to get to know each other better,'' Rouge teased, standing on the edge of the platform.
''It was merely a victory celebration, the same kind you had already attended,'' Shadow responded in a firm tone. ''Since I wasn't there for the first time, Sonic insisted on making up for that.''
''That's really nice of Blue,'' Rouge commented with an innocent smile on her lips. ''Nevertheless, going out of your way to hang out with Sonic this way is really unlike you, Shadow. One would almost think that there is something-''
''I thought you'd be interrogating me about the location of the Paradox Prism, not my relationship with Sonic,'' Shadow suddenly interrupted her, casting a glare at her. Rouge was a bit startled by the interruption, but her demeanor suddenly changed, a greedy look appearing on her expression.
''Well, I wouldn't mind discussing it. I'm certain that you had found a good hiding spot for it,'' she said, giving Shadow a look the dark hedgehog knew quite well.
''I'm not telling you anything,'' he stated in a firm tone. His ears flicked as he heard Rouge groan in annoyance, and he smirked slightly.
''Of course you wouldn't,'' Rouge muttered, only to get startled when Shadow suddenly moved, leaping off the platform, and rushing off. She then simply sighed, shaking her head. ''I swear, it is harder to get any information out of Shadow than stealing the Master Emerald from Knuckles.''
Rouge took note of her own history with Shadow, reminding herself that, while the dark hedgehog saw them as allies, he still didn't let anyone get too close to him. She didn't mind it much, though, well aware that what Shadow had experienced would always be a reminder of why he was always so on guard. Nevertheless, she had to wonder whether his rivalry with Sonic was a sign of a possible change.
As for Shadow, he knew that he needed to get away as soon as possible, feeling his heart beat at a rapid pace. This sensation was unlike any other, filling him with a rush of anxiety and the need to just keep on skating through Green Hill Zone, to go faster than his own heartbeat, to give into the adrenaline and push himself to his limits. He could understand Sonic's desire to keep moving, as this was the only thing that allowed him to clear his own mind in his current state.
All because Rouge suggested Sonic and I went on a date.
Shadow closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth as he thought about that bold statement. So, what if it seemed that if he and Sonic went on a picnic date?! He didn't really trust Sonic to think the same. No matter how affectionate the azure hedgehog got, he knew that Sonic ever saw them as rivals and even friends, despite Shadow's aloof attitude. That's how their relationship always was, and both took it for granted.
Nevertheless, it was clear that Sonic left a mark on him. His rival always found new ways to madden Shadow with his reckless actions, but also amazed and astounded Shadow with his determination and unwavering desire to protect and befriend even those who hurt him. Sonic was someone who inspired people to do better, a light in the darkness and a hope for all of those who seek freedom of their own.
Shadow slowed down, eventually coming to a halt as he pressed his hand against his chest, trying to calm himself down, his mind now clearer, even if that feeling of anxiety was still lingering. A shadow fell over his expression as he realized that he needed to accept the inevitable. He thought that he was safe, only to to be torn down again. However, this time, he knew that he would be fighting back.
If these feelings were true, then he would confront Sonic, and no matter what happened next, Shadow would make him pay for vandalizing his heart.
xXx
''W-Wait! I'm not-'' Sonic could feel a wave of heat spreading through his body, followed by a fluttering sensation in his stomach as a blush bloomed across his fawn muzzle. ''We're not- I-'' Despite usually having no problem talking, he was now stuttering and feeling more and more embarrassed with each word he fumbled. Finally, his mouth caught up with his scrambled thoughts, and he asked, ''Wh-Why would you think that?''
Tails and Amy gave him a puzzled look, clearly caught off guard by his flustered reaction, with Amy responding, ''Well, you've been talking about Shadow a lot lately, and both of you went to a picnic together, and you just told us that you and Shadow were closer than ever. The natural conclusion would be that there is something going on between you.''
''Especially since this change had happened in a matter of days,'' Tails added, raising an eyebrow. ''As a matter of fact, you have changed a lot lately.''
''H-Have I?'' Sonic replied nervously, rubbing the back of his head. ''I didn't really notice.''
Amy huffed, placing her hands on her hips, realizing that they weren't going to get any answer out of her former crush this way, deciding to take a more direct approach. ''Be honest, Sonic! What is going on with you? Why are you acting like this? What's the deal between you and Shadow?''
She took a step forward with each question, forcing Sonic to step back, his hands up in defense, as he was suddenly reminded of Amy's temper, knowing well that, despite her compassion and kindness, there was a reason he didn't dare to mess with her. Nevertheless, this didn't make things easier for him, as he wasn't the best with expressing his own feelings. What was he even supposed to say?
''I-I'm not really sure,'' he started, trying to finally make sense of the swirl of thoughts and emotions coursing through his mind. ''I mean, we went on this adventure, and afterwards Shadow had told me that he trusts me and considers me his friend, and then there was this picnic where we talked about stuff and we-'' He stopped himself from revealing that they ended up cuddling, figuring that, at least for Shadow's sake, Tails and Amy didn't need to know this detail. ''We fell asleep and the next morning, we parted ways. Nothing really happened… Well, at least I think so.''
''There has to be more to it. You were really flustered earlier,'' Amy pointed out. Sonic still had no idea how to respond, as he was also in the process of trying to understand whether he really had any deeper feelings for Shadow or not. He always saw their relationship in the context of their rivalry and, while he was honored to have earned Shadow's trust and friendship, he still wasn't sure whether there really was more to it. He then snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Amy asking him another question, ''Have you two even flirted with each other?''
Sonic paused for a moment, trying to remember whether there was a moment like that, but from what he could remember, most of their conversations was just the usual banter and teasing. ''Does telling Shadow 'I heart you too' count after he saved me from getting blasted into pieces?''
Tails just stared at Sonic in disbelief, while Amy just groaned, facepalming in response. ''Sonic, that's practically a love confession, especially when it comes to you.''
''How did Shadow react?'' Tails asked.
''He just rolled his eyes and moved on. I mean, it was just the usual banter between us…'' Sonic trailed off when he saw Amy's frowning at him.
''It sounds to be like a lot of that banter can be easily misinterpreted for flirting,'' she said, raising an eyebrow. ''Do you even have any feelings for Shadow?''
Sonic didn't respond, falling silent. ''That's what I'm trying to figure out.''
Tails and Amy gazed at Sonic, feeling a bit disheartened. This was a situation neither of them ever expected to happen, least of all Sonic, and all they could do now was to try and help him navigate through it, especially since this was unknown territory for the azure hedgehog.
''Sonic?''
Sonic almost felt his heart leap out of his chest when he heard Shadow calling out for him. The three turned to the entrance to the workshop, finding Shadow standing there. Sonic stared at him, and despite all the perplexing revelations, he couldn't help but smile. He knew that, every time Shadow appeared, things would get quite interesting and he lived for the thrill of the adventure.
''Shadow, what are you doing here?'' Sonic asked, walking up to his rival.
''I'm here to take you up on your offer,'' Shadow responded in a matter-of-fact tone.
''What offer?'' Tails chimed in, him and Amy giving Sonic pointed looks. Shadow briefly glanced at them, before turning to Sonic.
''You had told me that I can call you anytime I want a challenge. That is why I'm here,'' he explained. Sonic quickly perked up, walking over to Shadow with a smirk on his expression.
''Heh, and I thought that I was the impatient one,'' he said in a teasing tone. ''You simply couldn't wait to challenge me again.''
''Tch, as if. Knowing you, I'm surprised that you didn't return immediately. I was already getting worried,'' Shadow responded, folding his arms across his chest. ''You have no clue what kind of battle awaits you.''
''Oh, I think I know, and I can't wait for it,'' Sonic replied, taking note of the smirk on Shadow's expression. Both felt the same spark of excitement, restless as they anticipated each other's next move. To Shadow's surprise, Sonic held up his hand, raising a finger. ''I do have one condition. The loser has to do whatever the winner tells him to do.''
''I accept. It should be more interesting now that there are stakes involved. Although, I hope you know what you're doing, for your own sake,'' Shadow replied.
''I don't mind taking any risks, Shads,'' Sonic responded, giving Shadow a confident look. ''Let's go!''
Both of them quickly left, much to the surprise of Tails and Amy. Both exchanged glances, wondering what had just happened.
''These two…''
''Seriously…''
Both then sighed in exasperation, realizing that they may have misinterpreted things. They were genuinely stunned to see that Shadow actually went out of his way to seek out Sonic, even more when Sonic's mood almost immediately flipped a switch the moment he realized what Shadow wanted. The way the two looked at each other was as if they forgot for a moment that the rest of the world existed, and knowing how easily distracted Sonic could get, he probably did. It was completely different from how Sonic acted earlier, any nervousness immediately vanishing and him clearly being quite comfortable in Shadow's presence. If Tails and Amy haven't had the conversation with Sonic earlier, they wouldn't have noticed that there was any change in their relationship, at least on Sonic's side.
Nevertheless, whatever these two rivals had going on, it was still an enigma to them.
xXx
Sonic went for a slide tackle, trying to knock Shadow off his feet, but the latter managed to dodge it. He then charged at Sonic, who just smirked confidently, suddenly stepping behind a palm tree, with Shadow splintering the bark as he punched it. Sonic then peeked around it, giving him a taunting grin.
''I thought I was your target. What did the poor palm tree ever do to you?'' he asked, only to duck when Shadow went for another punch and kick, only for Sonic to go into the offensive and block it. He was startled by the sudden spark of Chaos Energy emitting from Shadow, realizing that his rival was on the edge of actually going all out by using his Chaos-based attacks, and this made him even more excited. ''What's up? You can't take me down so you go for a Chaos Spear?''
''Tch, you wish,'' Shadow replied, an amused smirk on his lips, only for Sonic's eyes to widen when Shadow grabbed his arm and threw him over the shoulder, causing him to hit the ground hard. Sonic felt a numbing pain in his back, but knew he had to move, trying to get back on his feet and create some distance, only to be taken off guard by a flash of light, with Shadow having used Chaos Control to appear right on top of him, straddling him and pinning down his arms. Sonic squirmed beneath him, trying to break free, only to realize that Shadow kept a tight grip on him. Both stared at each other, Sonic's eyes narrowing as he was met by Shadow's smug gaze, with both realizing that this fight was indeed over and Shadow was the winner this time.
Sonic then sighed, rolling his eyes. ''Okay, you win. You can start gloating now about how superior you are, Mr. Ultimate Lifeform.''
''I don't have to. It is enough for me to hear you admitting that I'm superior,'' Shadow told him, clearly enjoying himself, still grinning at Sonic's peril. Sonic let out a huff, realizing that he kind of walked into that.
''Let me guess, you want me to continue praise you; all hail Shadow and all that stuff,'' Sonic replied in a deadpan tone. ''Could you at least let me go so I can get up?''
Shadow tilted his head, giving him an appraising look. ''Honestly, being on the ground like this suits you way more.''
''Next time, you'll be the one in this position,'' Sonic replied, feeling an odd sense of thrill, but not registering it fully.
''Is that a promise?'' Shadow's voice was just as taunting as ever, but there was an underlying tone of expectation.
''You bet it is,'' Sonic said, giving him a confident smirk. Even if he did admit defeat in this fight, he wasn't someone who was going to give up easily.
Shadow nodded in response, letting go of Sonic and just sat down next to him while the latter sat up, leaning against the palm tree behind him. Both took a moment to catch their breath after this exhilarating battle, remaining silent, but content with how things were. Sonic had already moved on from his loss, as he knew that there would be more battles in the future and he was looking forward to it. What he did not look forward to was the bet they had, sighing as he dreaded what Shadow would want from him.
''Hey, Shads...''
''Mhmm?''
''Remember the bet? Since you won, you get to order me around... but only for one thing!'' Sonic quickly added, not wanting to inflate Shadow's ego even more by making him think that he could do whatever he wanted. Shadow was silent, clearly thinking about how to formulate his demand.
''I want to know what you, Tails and Amy were talking about.''
Sonic was taken aback by Shadow's demand, having not expected this to come up. He felt flustered, a faint tint of red spreading across his fawn muzzle, with his next immediate thought being the question of whether Shadow had somehow overheard their conversation or not. This was a topic he did not want to touch, especially not in the presence of the person he had a crush on.
Yeah, I crossed that bridge…
Sonic sighed internally, having finally acknowledged that, no matter how much he waved off his own feelings, played it cool or just ignored them, he understood now that his emotions towards Shadow were way stronger than them just being rivals or even friends. There was an internal warmth, or rather a flame burning with passion inside him, and it was growing stronger and stronger whenever he was in Shadow's presence. Every word they exchanged and every touch they shared had only fueled it, and Sonic did not want it to go out. Therefore, he decided to finally go ahead with it.
''Tails and Amy were wondering what we've been doing, and actually thought that we went on a date,'' Sonic said, ripping off the band-aid and awaiting Shadow's response anxiously. The ebony hedgehog hummed in interest, his expression impassive.
''Rouge had also asked me the same thing. I had told her that she was mistaken and that it was just a picnic,'' Shadow replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
''Yeah, right... It was just a picnic,'' Sonic muttered, his brows furrowed as his gaze fell. He wondered what was even going on with him now, because on one hand, he was relieved that Shadow didn't make a big deal out of it. On the other hand, he was disappointed that Shadow didn't make a big deal out of it. This made him wonder whether he misunderstood the things that were said and done between them and whether what he felt for Shadow was even mutual. What if this all was just a huge mistake?
''Indeed. Because, if it was a date, I believe that either of us would've specified it first,'' Shadow continued, leaving Sonic baffled as he gave Shadow a stunned look.
''Uhhh, does this mean that you wanted it to be a date?'' Sonic asked, raising an eyebrow.
''Did you want it to be a date?'' Shadow countered, giving him a curious look. Sonic stared at him for a moment, only to finally catch on the implication and laugh, feeling a sense of relief washing over him.
''I'm really awful at this, aren't I?'' he said, taking note of Shadow's raised eyebrow. ''I'd take fighting you over confessing my feelings any day, because throwing a punch is at least less complicated than all of this mushy stuff.''
''Sonic, you are aware of whom you're talking to, right?'' Shadow asked, furrowing a brow, although there was a tone of amusement in his voice. Sonic took a moment as he processed that, yeah, between them, Shadow was definitely the one who would have more trouble expressing his feelings regardless of what it was.
''Fine, point taken,'' Sonic replied, only to start to lament, ''I still think I'm worse than you at it. At least you got us to this point, even though I have no clue how we ended up here.''
''Since when did we start to compete at who is worse at confessing their feelings?'' Shadow asked in a deadpan tone.
''Since I realized that I want to be with you,'' Sonic said, placing his hand over Shadow's and quickly leaning in, feeling now bold enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. However, this didn't go as planned, as Shadow turned his head, and due to the sudden movement, Sonic caught the corner of his mouth.
Both were taken aback for a moment, their cheeks flushed red, staring at each other. Sonic wondered for a moment if he went too fast, which was kind of ironic given who he was, only to be surprised when Shadow started to laugh. Sonic gazed at him, mesmerized by the fact that he actually managed to make Shadow genuinely laugh and quickly deciding that this was the most wonderful sound he had ever heard.
''What was that kiss? That was pathetic,'' Shadow told him, causing Sonic to frown.
''Pathetic? Dude, that's the first time I ever kissed anyone!'' Sonic protested. ''I'm completely clueless about this whole romance thing, so I thought that I might as well give it a shot and see how things turn out.''
''Then, maybe you should start practicing how to kiss properly,'' Shadow suggested. Sonic's emerald eyes widened at the suggestion, his lips parting slightly as he stared at the ebony hedgehog. Even though Shadow's gaze had softened, Sonic could still see the passion and fire in his crimson eyes, recognizing that it was the same look he would give him whenever they had dared each other to a race or a battle. Sonic smirked, having gotten the message. This wasn't an invitation.
This was a challenge.
''Oh, so you know better? Do you have any way to confirm it?'' Sonic asked mischievously. Despite the fact that this was what both of them wanted, he wasn't going to give in so easily, and Shadow knew it.
''Doubtful, are we? Well, let me prove it to you then,'' Shadow said, but before he could do anything, Sonic was back on his feet, having taken several steps back to create a proper distance between them, his body language showing that he was ready for another fight. Shadow got up, taking a fighting stance as well, knowing that this would be different than all of their previous battles. This time, their true feelings were on full display and both knew what was at stake, aware that neither of them was going to hold back anymore.
If Shadow wanted Sonic, he would have to catch his rival first.
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nostromo13 · 5 months
Text
Fandom: Fairy Tail
Pairing: Nalu
Rating: T
Summary: Following the Alvarez war, Natsu has to come to terms with a new reality.
Merry Christmas! I did this one for @endragoneel and I loved their prompts. I wish I'd had more time for it, but other commitments got in the way. I hope you love it regardless, Ever. I definitely want to write more on this topic in the future. Also a big thank you to @allaboutnalu for the mountain of effort that went into organizing the whole gift exchange <3
A little additional info: Cymorth, the title, is a Welsh word that translates to support/aid (thank you to the anonymous person who corrected me on what I previously thought it was! I really appreciated it as I’m rusty on my Welsh)
AO3 Link
Cymorth
“No, dipshit, side K should be on side 296. Wait, that can’t be right.” Gray grumbled, snatching up the instructions to take another look.
Natsu groaned. His hands hadn’t hurt this much since he’d thrown Zeref through the wall of the guildhall. Or maybe since waking up on Tenrou island and the sleep state had preserved not only him but all the cuts and bruises of the fight with Hades too. They’d been at this table and its gibberish instructions for hours, doing their part in the post Alvarez war rebuild by shaping up Magnolia’s library. The whole rebuild process taking way too long for his liking and aching palms were just adding to his impatience.
When Gray began to grumble again, he’d decided he’d had enough. He let the pieces he was holding together at a weird 79 degree angle drop to the floor, creating a loud bang that displeased his entire team and earned him a few choice words as he made his way over to Lucy’s bedroom.
He spied his girlfriend as he poked his head through her doorway, seeing that she was busy sorting through the piles of books torn down from the library shelves in the tremors caused by Acnologia’s attacks. The rest of their teammates had set up base in her living room, arguing through the instructions to build a new book returns table, the noise of which had sent her out to, as she put it, concentrate. He’d sat back from that argument for once, finding more enjoyment in observing since constructing things was not one of his strengths.
Feeling like she was a little too comfortable he readied himself for a sneak attack. Legs set to pounce, fingers ready to poke her relentlessly into annoyance and muscles primed to hold on until she either paid attention to him or Lucy kicked him for pestering her.
He took one step towards her, then another. Her back faced him and with every move closer he could feel the anticipation of how delicious this attack was going to be. Listening to Erza and Gray bark orders at Wendy, Carla and Happy all afternoon had his attention well and truly fried and more importantly his Lucy quota was severely deficient.
His attack progression paused for a moment as he caught himself up in the excitement of it. His partner was in front of him. Alive and safe, busy kneeled in a mountain of books that he was sure to be her happy place. He let out a quiet laugh to himself, foolishly giving the game away and attracting her attention.
Lucy turned her head to pay him a quick glance before returning to her work, speaking to him. “Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to help me?”
“I’m bored.” He complained, rather like an impatient child. Or dragon slayer.
He joined her anyway, nudging a space for himself with his foot in the book pile with more carelessness than Lucy would appreciate. “If the table is done you could see what they’re doing at the guildhall. I have a few more hours of work before I’m done here tonight and I’m not sure how much fun you’ll find this, sorry.”
He gave her bedroom a glance for anything to distract himself while she worked, but nothing took his fancy after so many hours of a tedious task. His attention only really fell on who he’d come in here to distract. His girlfriend enjoyed little organisation jobs and appeared entirely content in the little book nest she’d messied the bedroom floor with.
In the few hours he hadn’t seen her Lucy had tied her hair up. It lay in a braid down her back, and pieces were slipping out each time she moved her head from the absentminded attempt to get her hair out of her face while trying to continue working at the same time.
With an audible “Hmph” Natsu sat himself down behind her. He tugged the hair tie gently so it fell into his hand and he got to work combing out any tangles with his fingers.
He felt her tilt her head slightly into his fidgeting, glad she hadn’t put up a protest and possibly gladder that he hadn’t gone through with his first approach of distracting her. As he worked through her hair and began braiding her features released the tense expression that she usually wore when she needed to concentrate. Lucy always looked a little upset when she did that and he could never quite wrap his head around the idea that she was perfectly okay, She had agreed that her resting face was one that did appear quite frowny, but she’d assured him she wasn’t really thinking of anything when she was like that.
“I’m bored.” Her brow creased as she held two books in her hand, looking between them, but she didn’t acknowledge his statement. “And I’m hungry.”
“Gray said he was going on a food run in a bit. Why don’t you go with him?”
“Don’t wanna go with him. He’s smelly.”
She chuckled a little, not wanting to encourage his insult. “I have too much to do. Go get food and I’ll join you when it’s here.”
He tied the end of her new braid off, letting it fall flat against her back and shuffled closer so his chin could rest on her shoulder, pressing a kiss to the fabric of one of his hoodies that lived here. “Take a break with me.”
She smiled, shaking her head.
“C’mon, you’ll strain your eyes.”
With a little huff of her own she began to stretch her legs, leaning against his chest comfortably as she did so. He tucked her head under his chin, meeting her eyes at an angle that made her giggle. “Pizza or Pad see ew?”
“Why do you get to choose?”
He stood as she moved, offering her a hand up off the floor. “Because it’s my turn. And only a few take out places have passed the damage checks.” Her eyes narrowed on him. “I want crepes.”
He hadn’t gathered the heart to tell her nowhere would be open at this time that did them when Gray dropped an agitated f-bomb from the adjoining room. Natsu laughed loudly with Lucy, hoping the ice freak could hear him through the wall.
-----------------
With a quick goodbye and collection of orders from their teammates, they set off down the canal streets to the centre of town where more food options were available. Lucy had opted for a jacket as the September air was now turning frigid and Lucy was the sort that if she didn’t have a hundred layers on in the colder months she’d complain until her fingers fell off. Except he’d never let that happen.
Her fingers met his as they walked, her pale hand clasping his tanned one together in an easy swing between them. It was a short walk to the town centre, and a small debate between the two ended them up at a small dumpling place being run out of the back of a pizza restaurant in an agreement made by two neighbourly owners for the time it took for Magnolia to rebuild.
“I’ve got Wendy some mango pudding.” She told him as she joined him standing outside the restaurant for their order to be prepared. “She liked it here last time, but it can be hit and miss.”
Natsu nodded, taking her hand back. Her skin felt cool in his, contrary to her having been inside moments ago, although his warmer temperature made it hard to tell sometimes. “Are you cold?”
“No, I’m fine. It’s just chilly.”
She didn’t need to ask. He ran his arms up and down hers, pulling her closer so she could benefit off his body heat.
“It’s only 50 degrees.”
He laughed at her trying to pretend it wasn’t a big deal. It always felt like a big deal to him when she couldn’t handle the winter months as well as him. He hated the way it made her slow in the mornings and shower ten minutes longer each time. It was nice that it made her cuddle up to him more. She was less of a physically affectionate person, whereas he naturally drifted towards it. At least with her anyway. He’d identified a similar thought sometime around her birthday just before the war.
She gave into his warmth, thinking they probably appeared silly to anyone that looked at them both rubbing her arms.
“After the heat from your book everything just feels a bit mediocre in comparison.” She admitted jokingly between them. “Don’t look at me like that, Natsu. I didn’t mean it to worry you.”
“I always worry about you.” His eyes dropped from hers, looking at the thick coat on her shoulders. He’d ceased warming her arms, stopped her biceps.
“Food order for Lucy.” A waiter called out from the restaurant doors, holding out two full paper bags.
Natsu dropped his hold, grabbing the food with a “Thanks” before they set off back.
The roads were quiet this time of night, and the currently displaced citizens temporarily living in Onibus meant the place was even less populated. Magnolia wasn’t meant to be quiet. Natsu was used to there being a hundred different sounds to choose from every time they walked down the main streets. Now all he could hear was the canal beneath their feet under the bridge and Lucy struggling to adjust her hold on the dumplings.
“Give it here.” Liberating the bag, he paused as she protested. She glared, pouting unconscious of where the streetlights managed to shadow the top portion of her face, making it all the more funny to him.
“What?”
He smirked, showing a cheeky canine. “Nothing.”
“Can we go home then. I’m freezing my butt off out here.” She waddled on the spot in a little Lucy-warming-up dance, trying to produce some friction between her hands. He only responded by watching, making a face that didn’t require him to verbalise to call her a weirdo. “Natsu please it’s practically Baltic.”
“I wanna sit for a bit.”
“The food will get cold.”
He ignored her, dumping the bags by the bridge side and sitting on the stone ledge, letting his legs dangle freely. She may have huffed and puffed behind him in annoyance, but knowing if she had would have required him to put in the effort to turn around. “I’ll warm it up later.” He excused when she finally joined him.
They sat for a small while, taking in the pleasures of a calm September night. The rebuild effort was taking a lot out of everyone at the guild and sometimes Natsu just needed a moment. He thought that after the war forced their lives to stop as it raged through everything they called home he could take a few moments to appreciate it occasionally. Even if it meant food would wait five minutes.
Beside him Lucy swung her legs, leaning back to watch the stars, her teeth absentmindedly chewing on her lip. He hadn’t meant to start watching her, but she had a way of capturing his attention sometimes, and it surprised him when she suddenly spoke.
“Do you think about END?” Lucy asked, eyes still buried in the night sky.
He felt himself frown. It was a valid question; he just never knew where she got them from when she came up with stuff like this. Normally it was more along the lines of ‘What do you think sheep count to go to sleep?’ and not the existential sort. He nodded. “Not so much when I’m in the shower, but when I’m hungry I know he needs feeding.”
She smiled. “I get it if you don’t want to talk about it.”
Actually, she really didn’t get it. She’d analysed every bit of her life since they found out her partner was END to see any way she could relate to what he was going through. Finding out something so big so far down the line felt earthshattering to her.
“I guess it answered some questions for me.” He shrugged and she turned, listening with care. “I didn’t know there was a part of me out there in some book, but it doesn’t feel strange.” He paused before he continued with a new thought. “Like when they said I’ve got that dysleck- dyslexic what’s-it.”
“Dyslexia.”
“Yeah. And I didn’t know letters weren’t meant to look like that because that’s all I know. It’s not as if dragons get dyslexia, so how was Igneel supposed to have spotted it when he was teaching me.”
She hummed, understanding better.
“END doesn’t feel separate to me. I just feel a little less tied down.” Natsu corrected himself when worry graced her features. “Not tied down. Just… I think it’s the knowing now that I was tied to that thing, tied to Zeref when he’s the bastard that’s been causing us trouble for so long. I’m happy I got to pound his face into the ground.”
“Without him I never would have met you.” Lucy spoke with a small smile. “I know it’s wrong for me to think about it like that when the whole of Fiore has been affected by what he’s done. I can’t help but want to be a little selfish. Without you I-”
“I get it.” He interrupted accidentally in his eagerness to agree. “I haven’t exactly processed what he did or what he is meant to mean to me. I don’t care about rushing on that. It gave me a chance to meet you, and Happy and everyone else. I wouldn’t be me without ya.”
He gathered her into his hold, her arms holding tight around his neck. She pressed her nose into Natsu’s collar, inhaling his warmth as he stroked her hair. They sat like that for a few minutes. The only presence around them on the cold street whatever wildlife hadn’t been scared off or killed in the war.
Finally, he pulled away. “Did you find the book after you lost it?”
Lucy shook her head. “It disintegrated, Natsu. It shouldn’t be possible for it to turn up again.”
He didn’t like the way her mouth had settled into a sharp line. His skin pricked with anxiety as a wave of stress washed over him. “Does me being END bother you? Like, dating me?”
“What?” She didn’t drop the line, instead directing it more towards him. “Why would you think that? I-” She allowed herself to breathe, refocusing herself on the conversation. “I love you. I love every part of you.”
“Every part?” He grinned into an innuendo, achieving the look of dismay he sought from his girlfriend.
“If I do break up with you it’ll be over you saying stuff like that in public. Maybe I’ll shack up with Cana.” She quickly backtracked. “No actually, she’d be worse.”
“Like you making gooey eyes at my chest when we’re at the guildhall is any different? Besides,” He leaned in closer, his breath meltingly warm against her lips. “We’re not in public. There’s no one here.”
She felt a warm hand place on her thigh, stroking above her jeans, the surprise of it sparking the same feeling Natsu could always elicit from her. Lips pressed to her own, paying particular attention to where she abused the skin frequently as he continued kissing her. Lucy pressed her chest closer to his with a tug on his jacket. His hand came up to stroke her cheek, taking his lips away to smile down at her. She felt herself getting enchanted, and it took a good effort for her to steel herself, brushing his hand off and standing up, too aware of the sharp drop into water 2 inches of a footstep wrong. “If you’re going to do that it’s not going to be where any peeping Tom can get a free show from their curtains. We’ve got food to deliver, come on.”
He followed her off the edge, picking up their food before slinging an arm around her shoulders. Their delay in grabbing dinner had meant a very hangry Gray and several apologies from Lucy, but they did eventually get a Natsu-rewarmed meal.
-----------------
Natsu yawned as he shuffled out of bed, stretching his arms over his head as he made his way to the bathroom in the dark. He’d heard the hour beep on Lucy’s bedside alarm clock, and by his guess it was about 2 AM. Erza, Gray, Wendy and the exceeds had left around 10, leaving him to distract Lucy from the hundred more books she insisted needed sorting tonight. He had managed to coax her into another rewatch of How to Train Your Dragon. A movie he insisted was a cinematic marvel and later when Lucy had introduced the books to him a literary marvel too.
Upon leaving the bathroom he glanced over to his girlfriend passed out in the bed. She’d encroached onto his side in the few minutes he had taken to pee and, worrying it might’ve meant she was seeking his heat, he decided on fetching another blanket to throw on top of the small mountain she required.
He opened her chest of drawers first, finding none of the thicker sort she preferred, before opening her wardrobe. He lifted the first of the fluffy ones, gathering the large monstrosity over his shoulder as his eye caught on the object that had sat beneath the blanket.
It was a book. One with worn brown leather bound to a thick manuscript of papers. It had a patiently decorated boarder with a small sun facing down from the top. If he’d analysed it closely he maybe could have seen that it had been read and re-read many times, but his attention lay solely on the front cover, and the black painted-on font that read ‘E.N.D’.
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pavlovleowrites · 9 months
Text
From @jegulus-microfic prompty for August 22nd Vulnerable (588 words)
When Regulus gets hit by the bludger, he knows right away from the searing pain that he is about to pass out. A few hours later, as he wakes up inside the Infirmary, groggy and sore, it still gives him a sense of satisfaction to know he was right.
As his eyes flutter open and adjust to the lack of light, Regulus realizes three things : first, it is the middle of the night, two, that he must have had several broken bones that are currently mending — thanks to Mrs Pomfrey—, three, that James Potter is asleep in the chair next to his bed.
Of all these things, the one that twists his stomach the most was the presence of the sleeping boy. James is breathing softly, head falling forward on his chest and arms crossed, still wearing his Quidditch uniform, the golden Captain badge shining with the lowlights of a few candles lit around the Infirmary. He’s got a slightly disheveled appearance with his tousled brown hair and the way his glasses dangle dangerously at the end of his nose. His face is scrunched in discomfort. He looks so open and vulnerable at that moment.
WIthout thinking about it, Regulus finds himself reaching for the boy’s glasses, hoping to be able to put them on the side to avoid them falling off. The sharp pain that pangs from his elbow all the way to the end of his toes made him whine in distress. The sound must have been louder than he attended, because James' eyes shot open suddenly, and he surges forward to help him adjust.
«Don’t move, love, I’m so sorry, Marls got you bad. »
Regulus' only answer is a hum of pain, trying to reign him the awful tingling sensation that is cutting through his body like an army of knife leaving him defenseless.
« I’m so sorry Regulus, it was a dick move, I told her, I’m sorry. »
Regulus can see the distress in James’ big doe eyes, the hazel of his pupil shining brightly, tired.
« Why are you here ? » Regulus finally manages.
« I know you don’t like to wake up alone, and I figured it was my fault, my players, my responsibility you know ? »
Regulus inhales sharply, trying to process the pain as much as James’ words.
« Oh love, I’m so sorry, I was so worried. »
« You shouldn’t let people see how worried you are. »
James frowns but still asks softly, indulging, « why is that, love ? »
« They’ll know your weaknesses. »
The smile that splits James’ face is blinding. His whole gorgeous face lighting up.
« Oh but love, that’s why I’ve got you, when I’m vulnerable, I know you’ll be my strength. »
Something warm and pleasant spreads from through Regulus’s veins, his heart beating a bit quicker at the statement.
« Is that what you’re doing for me here ? »
« Oh no, don’t worry, love, even in your sleep there’s nothing vulnerable about you. » then with a cheeky smile, as one hand cradles Regulus’ cheek softly « there’s only one time I’ve known you to be vulnerable. »
« Oh really, and when was that ? » Regulus’ tone is quiet but playful as he leans into the feeling of James caressing his face.
« Maybe i should remind you if you forgot… » and the feather light brush of James’ lips against his own quickly dissolves into something more pressing. It numbs all the pain in his body.
In James’ arms, Regulus might be defenseless but he’s never felt so safe.
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thousand-winters · 3 months
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Can you imagine Hunter trying to make himself as unburden as possible?
He sleeps as little as he can, eats just a little under the bare minimum, and does way to many chores in hopes that he Can makes Darius like him.
It probably doesn’t take long for Darius to catch on.
Oh, yeah, unfortunately he would so do that.
As I always mention, I think what really shakes him up between those months living at the Nocedas and when he first moves with Darius and Eber is that he doesn't have the other kids as a sort of "debuffer", nor a clear goal he can tell himself he's working toward that could justify that he's just kinda just having a good time here instead of earning his place like he had to do before, so a lot of anxieties he could ignore before just resurface and there's nothing to distract himself from it, no "well, my friends are doing this and it seems okay, so I suppose it applies to me too?"
Now he can't justify being "lazy" and sleeping more than, say, 5 hours, because there's no one else around doing the same, right? And it hardly matters in his mind that Darius and Eber obviously don't sleep that little because well, duh, why would they? This is where they live, they don't have to earn it unlike him. And the same goes for food and for asking for any necessities. He doesn't even want to mention when his scars itch or any lingering pain he might have from all those years at the castle.
First things first he has to earn something as basic as the right to stay here.
At first Darius thinks that it's reasonable that Hunter seems tired and that he always finds him awake already in the morning; he has gone through so much, having been dead and his best friend giving his life for him very much included, so for him to have trouble sleeping isn't odd. Concerning, yes, but Hunter is still a bit cagey when asked if he wants to talk about whatever's troubling him, so not too strange.
Similarly, it's normal for him not to have much of an appetite given all the traumatic experience he went through in such a short period of time, not to mention all the others he's barely processing now. And him seemingly not wanting to do much of anything? That's also normal, of course he wouldn't launch himself into trying to watch movies or read or do fun activities right away, everyone copes with trauma in different ways and if Hunter needs some quiet time for himself, that is alright.
But then Darius notices Hunter does seem like he's on the verge of falling asleep several times before waking up in a panic, and while he atributes that to nightmares first, Hunter acts as if he was caught committing a crime when he spots Darius watching him. At some other point he hears his stomach growling after he said he wasn't hungry anymore at lunch, and he certainly doesn't seem like he's planning to grab a snack or ask for one, so the suspicions start there. Darius knows Hunter and his unhealthy habits better than most after all, he witnesses quite a lot of them while they were both still in the coven.
The moment Hunter insists he would love to do the laundry when he looks a second away from passing out and he sounds more desperate than actually thrilled for a new life experience is when Darius decides enough is enough and he doesn't really need more evidence to know something is truly wrong here.
By this point, Hunter is probably at the end of his rope, so when Darius presses him gently, but firmly, he's just gonna break and spill. It's gonna be a bit ugly, but at least the problem will finally be out there, and while one single conversation with Darius clarifying that he doesn't need Hunter to try and mute his own presence for him to accept him won't fix everything, it'll be a start.
Now every time Hunter starts falling back into those habits, he can get some nudges and reminders that he can sleep a bit more, even sleep in late if he wants to (which definitely does NOT mean until 6am only), that he can actually eat his whole meal and ask for more (he's a growing teenager after all), and while it's good for him to do chores, he doesn't have to do everything, they can come to a household arrangement to see what everyone does, and that's more like basic house maintenance anyway, not something he's doing to earn his place. He can forget from time to time and he won't be kicked out for that.
It's going to be hard because it's going to be different but he'll get there.
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maxislvt · 1 year
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Imagine this Alpha!Emo!Wanda w Omega!reader who just gave birth to both of her pups, Wanda who's really protective of r who is in labor she snarls at the nurse's because of the fear of hurting her mate and her pup's, so Wanda scent marks and holds reader the entire time of the process and at the end of everything Wanda teary-eyed gives reader kisses and praises after the birth of the 2 of her pup's and reader just looks at her with love in her eye's
(The birth is natural and the pup's are twin females, the names are Nadia and anya)
warnings: omegaverse, pregnancy
Wanda's parents had instilled a number of principles in the very second she presented as an alpha. They spent years teaching her everything that a good alpha was supposed to do. It was embarrassing, but Wanda was thankful for it. Having a mate wasn't on her mind at the time. Only after meeting you did she start practicing what she was taught. Wanda had always been kind, but she always made sure to go an extra mile when you were around. The effort had truly paid off in the end. After months of longing stares and a few awkward dates, Wanda was able to finally claim you.
She was over the moon. No one could take you from her and nothing could get her down. The only thing that made her happier was finally getting you pregnant. Wanda was terrified at first. Though her parents were no longer there to be proud of her, she still wanted to honor them. Which meant you were to spend the following nine months under the most possessive care you'd ever been in.
You understood it at first. Pregnancy was a vulnerable state for omegas and any good alpha would do their best to keep a pregnant omega safe. Wanda's firm touches and insistent pampering didn't bother you much. It didn't get bad until your second trimester of pregnancy. Wanda started to become unreasonable. Nothing could convince her to relax. Especially not if you dared leave your nest to do anything besides eat or use the bathroom. Wanda had always been protective, but it was starting to worry you.
"You're growling again," You said softly with your eyes still closed. Sleep while nine months pregnant was hard already, the constant shifting and growling of your mate had only made it worse. You nuzzled into Wanda's neck, covering her in your scent. "Relax, everything is going to be fine. We're safe."
Wanda wrapped her arms around your and kissed your forehead. Anxiety had overtaken her as your pregnancy continued. "Sorry, it's just…I don't know." Sitting still was difficult. Every bone in her body ached to establish dominance and protect you, but there was nothing to protect you from. If she wasn't worried about you being in danger, she worried that she wasn't good enough. "Am I…enough?" Part of her dreaded asking you that question. What if all her fears were right and she was useless?
You ran your fingers through Wanda's hair. "Baby, you're more than enough. I wouldn't have stayed with you if you weren't." You grabbed her hand and put it against the curve of your stomach and placed a firm kiss on her cheek. "In a few weeks, you'll be a mommy and I'm so happy to raise these kids with you." A groan interrupted your words before you could continue. "Ah, I guess they're happy to have you as a mom too."
Wanda wiggled her way down to your stomach. She pressed her ear up against the curve of your stomach. "Do you think they can hear us?" Your hum of agreement made her heart swell. An unfamiliar heat spread across her face and chest, but she began to speak anyway. "I hope you girls are listening, but I get it if you two need to rest up…I can't wait to meet you. Just go easy on your fish tank until you come out." She softly kissed your tummy. "I don't know if I'm what you're hoping for, but I promise I'll do my best for you guys."
"Did you call me a fish tank?"
"...I mean, the guppies are inside of you."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
After several long hours of labor, you had finally given birth to two beautiful baby girls. You were sweaty, hungry, and absolutely drained but you were happy.
"They look like…us." It was a simple statement, but one full of awe and happiness. Wanda carefully took one of the swaddled babies from your arms and held it close to her chest. "She's so small." She would have spent hours playing with their little hands and fingers, but eventually the nurses had come back and needed the children. "No," Wanda said harshly before baring her teeth at the smaller woman.
"Wanda, they just need to run some tests. I promise they'll be fine." You handed one of the twins over to be placed in the plastic crib. "I'm so sorry about her. Y'know how alpha can get." You smiled at the nurse hoping to make up for your wife's aggression. "I'll handle her, I promise."
The nurse nodded and smiled back as politely as she could. "It's no problem at all. Alphas are usually overprotective after their omegas give birth, especially if they're first time parents!" She placed your children into the cribs and quickly rolled out of the room.
"Come, lay down. You've done enough pacing for the both of us."
Wanda slowly sat down on your bed. "Are you hungry? I can go get you something from the cafeteria if you want. I know you can't have anything just yet but I'm sure a-"
You pulled Wanda into a kiss and then peppered more over her face. "I'm fine. Just be with me for a few minutes. We'll go see the babies once they're done."
Wanda let out a defeated whimper but snuggled up next you.
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a-really-good-lawyer · 6 months
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Something I never see people talk about (which could be because I simply haven't come across it) is how rough forming a new hyperfixation can be, especially a core hyperfixation.
I've loved Star Trek for years. But for whatever reason, it wasn't until a couple years ago that something in my brain *clicked* and it became a new core hyperfixation.
In some ways it was better than past such hyperfixations because there is so much Star Trek out there to consume, between shows and films and then the fandom content because this fandom has been alive and well for over 50 years, gave birth to modern fandom.
But that didn't change the fact that, for the ensuing six months, it consumed my life - and not in the fun, tongue-in-cheek way we say 'this fandom consumes my life', like semi-hyperbole.
When I say it consumed my life, I mean it was near non-stop hyperfocus for months.
My apartment was constantly a mess, same as my sense of time. My sleep schedule was constantly erratic. I was often dehydrated, had frequent headaches, often found myself shaking from all the adrenaline surges. I dropped fifteen pounds almost without noticing (weight I shouldn't have dropped).
I was always drained, always disoriented, always distracted. It didn't feel good. Really, it felt distinctly bad, and I felt completely out of control to make it stop. If I made myself ignore the media and fic and fan art and all of that, it just meant I sank into myself, got lost in my head for hours on end.
After the first two months it began to gradually, slowly ease up, and when I hit around six months it stopped feeling like I was being dragged along and started to feel the way I want when it comes to hyperfixations - it was fun, mood-boosting. Engaging with it improved my mental health, instead of causing it, along with my physical health, to deteriorate.
That was probably the worst 'epsiode' I've had, but I've had them several times. The one when I developed the Daredevil hyperfixation thankfully lasted only two months, same as when it was FMA:B and BBC Merlin, and...three months, I think, for Star Wars? The one that got closest was Smallville, my first fandom hyperfixation, though I imagine some of that had to do with it coming out when I first had regular internet access. That one was maybe four or five months, and was dragged out by the fact that I was in high school so I was 'forced' away from it all by the anxiety of college applications and AP exams and all that fun stuff.
I love having these things. They've been good for me, for my emotional welfare - have helped me survive so much. I never regret that initial rough aspect, not that I've ever had the power to do things differently.
But it is rough, and one of the aspects of neurodivergence I've had the most trouble explaining to neurotypical people. They see it as simple obsession or addiction, something that I fell into and need to take steps to pull myself out of, rather than something that my brain just does at the drop of a hat and which won't stop until I go through that process. Trying not to, trying to mitigate it, just ends up dragging that process out. It can't be reduced or bypassed. It's just part of how my brain works.
And people trying to interfere with that, to 'fix' that by making me pay attention to other things, giving me tasks, whatever it may be - it does nothing to change it. If anything, it makes the whole thing much more destabalizing, in ways that can have major consequences for my state of mind, and I've had the experiences to prove it.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I just...wanted to put it out there. I think there can be shame attached to this reality - shame I've felt, and which I've come to recognize originates from neurotypical social expectations and a lack of understanding.
If this is something you've dealt with and have been shamed for, I hope this post can give you some comfort. It isn't a failing, isn't deviant, isn't indulgent. It just is, and you aren't bad or broken or weak because of it.
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hampop · 3 months
Text
.
I don’t have anywhere else to vocalize this so. The birth process was traumatizing. I didn’t really want to induce but was told I should. Go in at 7am on the fifth and they give me pills to soften my cervix and I lay in a hospital bed for a full day while they monitor me and my son. That night my water breaks and they start me on pitocin to induce the labor.
I labor for 18 hours.
The contractions are inconsistent. Some are brief and others long. Most are very painful. Every couple hours a nurse comes in to check my cervix which hurts unimaginably. I find out each time I’ve only dilated a little bit, much slower than they’d like me to be. I am in a dizzying pain, I ask for an epidural way sooner than I wanted to. The entry point is in my spine. My husband holds me while I cry like I haven’t since I was a baby and a whole team of nurses coaches me through to pain. Epidural kicks in. I feel ok for a while. Catheter gets put in. Nurses realize I’m not creating urine. They encourage me to just drink more water. I labor another several hours. No one says anything to me about what is going on behind the scenes—that my kidneys are experiencing acute trauma due to lack of water, that my body’s sodium is fucked. I’m crying and shaking and at 10pm on the second night the doctor comes in and tells me that my body rejects pitocin and has been sending fluid to other parts of my body as a reaction. They have been speculating what is wrong with me for hours, knowing something was wrong but not what. Multiple doctors across the country are contacted. They turn the pitocin off after nearly 18 hours of it. The doctor tells me the pitocin isn’t working and my baby isn’t going to be born naturally and that we need to get him out asap or we might both die. I agree to the c section. I didn’t want one, but I had to have it. They still call it elective and not emergency.
I am wheeled into a sterile white room, crying, while a team of surgeons preps for the surgery. I weigh too much. I, still experiencing labor pain, have to roll myself onto the operating table. They strap me down. I don’t get to see my husband for a while. They start giving me drugs to numb me from the neck down. This makes my lungs go numb. I have to actively try to breathe. My husband comes in and holds my hand. I can’t breathe. They put an oxygen mask on me. I vomit into it. I can feel them cutting me open though I don’t feel the pain. I vomit three more times. They deliver my baby and I start sobbing at his cries and I can’t touch him because my body is numb. My husband leaves my side to tend to the baby and is excitedly giving me information while I continue to vomit. They give me a drug to knock me out entirely. They don’t tell me this before they do it. I have sleep apnea. I stop breathing multiple times. I don’t really remember the birth of my baby.
I wake up and two surgeons are above me sewing me up. I ask if I’m ok. They ignore me. I’m hallucinating, thinking I’m speaking when I’m not. They congratulate me and the team rolls me into the hall, laughing and celebrating while I am genuinely convinced I died on the table. Nothing feels real. They roll me into my room and my husband is in the corner, holding our baby. I still think I’m dead. He goes to bring the baby to me, the nurses take my baby and run some more tests. My husband comes over to check on me. I ask if I’m dead. He says I’m not. I don’t believe him. The nurse comes over to finally hand me my baby. I start crying, I reach my arms out. She forgets something and turns around, taking him away just before I can reach him. I’m too tired to say anything. I finally get to hold him and before I can even process anything, a team of nurses comes over and starts trying to teach me how to breastfeed. I am high as a kite, my baby is rejecting my breast, I still think I’m dead. Someone takes him from me at some point and I am told to go to bed. I do. I wake up in horrible pain. The next two days are spent trying to bond with my son while being barely able to move. I’m in a diaper, I’m bleeding profusely. The hospital bed is too high and can’t be lowered so I have to learn to crawl like an animal to get into it. My legs are swollen with the water my body was rejecting. I am told to rest, as I have received a major abdominal surgery. I am also told not to rest, to keep from forming life threatening blood clots. They won’t let me lay down for more than an hour.
I finally leave after four total days. I am terrified of getting pregnant again.
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justagalwhowrites · 7 months
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I'm so curious what is your writing process like? I'm floored by how fast you write yet the quality is always sososo high. Do you have a beta? Are you a god? What..how..😱
Please get some sleep
Ahhhh Hi Bestie!
Um you're so sweet???? This is so nice??? Thank you so much??????
TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION
....probably don't fully approach writing like I do if you're trying to write because I approach it like a trash goblin in a human suit trying to make things BUT here's what I do!
When I get the idea for a story (fan fic, novel, screenplay, whatever) it usually comes character first. There's someone who intrigues the hell out of me whose story I want to write and then I just have to figure out what their story is. The second part usually comes pretty quick, at least one or two major story moments and the climax and the resolution at least. Then I think through how to get them there and what kind of journey is going to be the most impactful for them. Then I write that down in the form of a story map where I lay things out beat by beat (these notes are usually very vague, like 2 or 3 words per chapter, my vision is far from fully realized) and then write down some basic stuff about the main characters. Actually write it, too, I've got a real cute lil' notebook that I have my story notes and any poems I've written lately (and my D&D notes) in it and I carry it around everywhere when my brain is feeling particularly creative.
This is where the trash goblin takes over because then I just write it. The story map is pretty fluid, I don't think I've ever stuck to one entirely, it always shifts and changes depending on what I get up to narratively. Sometimes that's just story beats stretch longer than I thought so they span several chapters instead of one, sometimes I change my mind on something altogether (like in Yearling, the stable incident with Simon was originally something else entirely but I was like "wait no that doesn't make as much sense, this feels convoluted, doing something else now" and took place in a slightly different spot). When I'm writing, I kind of picture what happens in my head like I'm watching a movie. The characters have their conversations, I write those down, describe how they're feeling, what stuff looks like, etc. The downside to this is the movie of this shit is literally ALWAYS ON in my head and will NOT go away until I write it. The angst that's coming in Yearling? Been playing in my head on a loop for weeks. IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE SEND HELP.
Once I get a chapter done, I give it a quick read mostly for grammar and stuff and to make sure it flows right (and there aren't a bunch of repeated words and stuff - I was a copy editor previously in my career but copy editing your own stuff is tricky so this is a questionable process) and then I post it. No betas, no editors besides myself, generally very little rewrites (I'll rewrite a chunk of a chapter once every like 20 chapters or so, it's rare.) I just throw all these words on the page and then hurl them at y'all and you're kind enough to make super sweet comments like this!
I'm so happy you think my work is high quality and written quickly!! I think I've finally adjusted from the schedule I was keeping for Lavender so it no longer feels like I'm slacking only putting out 2-3 chapters a week but it still doesn't feel like I'm quick lol so thank you for that, too!
And as far as the sleep goes? You saw nothing, definitely not me posting at 3 a.m., don't tell my therapist, everything is fine here.
JK I'm largely just fine! I've always been a night owl and function fine as long as I get a total of 6 hours of sleep, even if that's between a nap and an overnight sleep. It's probably not the best but eh, I'm having fun.
Thank you again for reading and for being so kind!! So happy you're here. Love you!!
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deepspacedukat · 1 year
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Begin Again - Part 6
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I’ve been enjoying writing this waaayyyy too much. Koss is just such a perfect target for teasing and...yep. Anyway, enjoy!
Part 1 here. Part 2 here. Part 3 here. Part 4 here. Part 5 here.
Cross-posted to AO3 here.
~*~
Koss (ST:ENT) x Reader
[A/N: This is smut adjacent with mentions of innuendo, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]
Warnings: Mutual pining, mild innuendo, discussion of a wet dream, ozh’esta (Vulcan finger kiss), public flirting Vulcan style, Soval gives The Pon Farr Talk, one of the two idiots begins to put two and two together.
~*~
I really should have taken Koss’s robe back to him the next day. That would have been the logical, polite thing to do, but I didn’t. The night he’d lent it to me, I fell asleep wearing it. I didn’t mean to, really I didn’t. I laid down - just for a few minutes to attempt to process what had happened between us - and the comforting, familiar scent of my neighbor on his robe lulled me to sleep before I could even consider taking it off.
Embarrassingly, even my dreams weren’t free of his influence. My subconscious mind had latched onto the sensation of Koss sweeping me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing at all. The soothing sturdiness of his warm, strong chest against my bare skin and the heady realization that we were entirely nude while in such close proximity had made my head spin in the moment. In my dreams, that became the main focus.
Images of impassioned kisses and breathy moans against burning skin flashed through my mind, making for a rather rude awakening by my morning alarm. Waking up hot and bothered was one thing, but to do it while wrapped in Koss’s robe? That felt entirely scandalous.
My morning routine was a blur that day, and when I got to the Embassy to start my shift, I realized I’d tossed Koss’s robe on over my uniform tunic instead of my own. Leaving it draped over my chair in my office, I tried to get through the day without anyone being the wiser about my little mix-up. Soval even caught sight of it once, but if he recognized the robe as Koss’s, he didn’t give any indication of it.
One Embassy employee must not have liked my perfume, though. He gave a little sniff when we were in the lift together, and he promptly turned a rather dark shade of green as he averted his gaze. Huh. Oh well. That wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen to me. Making a mental note to wear a different perfume on my next shift, I brushed that off and got on with my day.
A few evenings later, I prepared to give the borrowed robe back to my neighbor. There had been several opportunities to return it to him, but...well, I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to do it. I was almost embarrassed that I’d waited so long. After all, it wasn’t as if Koss was my partner. How could I excuse my behavior? Surely it would seem illogical to a Vulcan if I said ‘I kept your robe a little longer than I should have because your scent relaxes me.’ That would only make Koss think I was some kind of creep.
The evening that I was determined to return it to him, I washed it by hand and took the time to examine the fabric more closely. The deep, brown cloth was soft and well-worn. Koss had clearly spent many hours nestled in its warm embrace. There were many places along the robe’s length where Koss had mended tears and holes, but the bottom hem near one of the corners was beginning to come undone. A small smile made itself at home on my lips at his attention to detail where he’d sewn the robe back together. He’d matched the stitching exactly.
Attention to detail seemed to be a common theme with him. Even when it came to our socializing, Koss always made sure that I was comfortable and that my needs were met. I really needed to find some way to thank him.
As I folded the worn material, I had an idea. Hurrying downstairs and over to Koss’s door, I took a deep breath and rang his door chime. Koss looked thoroughly surprised to see me smiling up at him when his door slid open.
“Hi! Sorry, am I bothering you?”
“I always welcome your presence, but you do not typically visit me in the afternoons. Is everything alright, ashaya?” He asked as he stepped aside to allow me into his home.
“Yeah, I’m fine, I promise. I just wanted to, um...” I stammered, but I trailed off as I caught sight of his living space. Memories from the last time I was here swept up to greet me, and I blinked in surprise as I realized that being here again felt like coming home. Noticing how long I’d been silent, I cleared my throat and turned to face Koss. “I remembered that I still had your robe, so I’m here to return it.”
“Thank you, but there was no rush, I assure you,” he said walking over to me and accepting the folded robe. “Was that...all you came here to do?”
“No, actually. I was wondering if you were familiar with any farmer’s markets around here?” At his look of confusion, I tried to clarify. “A place that sells fresh local produce.”
“Ah. Yes, I am. There is one not far from here. Why? Are you not receiving adequate food supplies?” He seemed utterly alarmed and protective at the prospect, but I placed a calming hand on his arm.
“I’m well-fed, I promise. When it comes to Vulcan produce, though, the variety offered by the Embassy provisional department is a little limited. I wanted to try my hand at a sort of fusion cuisine, but I can’t seem to find the right kind of fruit. I was hoping a local market might offer something I haven’t had the chance to experience yet,” I explained, and Koss relaxed substantially. Even if he could never feel the same way that I did, it was sweet how much he cared for his friends. “You said there was one nearby?”
“Yes, it is a short walk from here. I can escort you there tomorrow morning, if that is convenient.”
“That’s very sweet of you, but I’m sure I can find my way without you having to play tour guide. Surely you have better things to do?”
“It is no bother,” Koss said setting his robe aside and taking a step closer to me. “Besides, I would happily be your ‘tour guide’ if you’d allow me.”
Did he look hopeful or was I projecting my own emotions onto him?
“Alright, then. I accept your offer.” Koss nodded his head in approval just as a small thump came from the door at the back of his home. We both turned to see I’Tol sitting with his big, fluffy paw against the glass.
“Your introduction to him was not...entirely pleasant. Would you be comfortable if I allowed him inside? Or would you prefer that I wait until you depart?”
I looked over at him and smiled.
“Oh, he’s just a big teddy bear. Go on.” At my permission, Koss walked over to the door and slid it open, letting the big fluff inside. Much more sedately than our previous encounter, the sehlat walked over and flopped on his back in front of me again. As I knelt and rubbed his belly, Koss strode over to us and sat beside me.
“How odd. I’Tol never behaves this way with others, yet he has done so twice with you,” he murmured, and I looked over to find my neighbor already observing me closely. Blushing under his intense gaze, I looked back at his saber-toothed bear.
“Maybe he can tell that I’m good with animals,” I suggested, but Koss just slid a little closer to me. “On Earth, there are people who believe that pets, especially dogs, can instinctively tell good people from bad.”
“If that is true of sehlats, then you are undoubtedly an exceptional person,” Koss murmured. When I looked over at him, he was wearing an expression that was so open and full of kindness that my breath hitched in my throat. He really meant it.
With a rustle of fur, I’Tol stood and padded off to a large cushion at the side of the living space that appeared to be his bed, and Koss and I got to our feet.
“Thank you for letting me see him again. I’ll um...I’ll leave you in peace. See you tomorrow?”
Koss agreed and walked me to the door. As I made my way home, I wondered what that look of his had meant.
--
The next morning, I donned a set of lightweight robes for the trek to the marketplace. It turned out to be a shorter distance than I’d anticipated. How had I not found this place sooner?
What must have been dozens of stalls were set up with vendors selling produce and pieces of local craftsmanship. Vulcans of every shape, size, and color milled about examining various items and speaking quietly amongst themselves.
As Koss and I chatted and made our way through the crowd, something bounced off my leg with a little grunt. Looking down, I spotted a young girl looking up at me with wide eyes.
“Ni'droi'ik nar-tor,” she stammered as if she was afraid that I’d hurt her. I supposed that my ears didn’t help. Bumping into an alien in the middle of a Vulcan market must have been startling. Releasing Koss’s arm, I smiled and helped her carefully to her feet. Brushing a bit of dirt off her robe, I noted that she didn’t appear hurt, at least.
“T’Ria,” a voice called, and the little girl called back. A Vulcan woman made her way through the crowd as I stood straight again, and she glanced between myself and her child. The two exchanged a few quiet words in Vuhlkansu, and the mother gave me a small, respectful nod of her head. “Lesek, t’sai...osu.”
We returned her gesture and the two went about their business. When I looked back at Koss, he was examining me as if he was attempting to decipher a puzzle.
“Did I do something wrong?” My voice seemed to knock him back to reality.
“No. Not at all,” he said, but his voice sounded rougher than before.
Once we returned to our path through the stalls, we finally found the section that would hopefully yield the results I wanted: the fruit stalls. I didn’t recognize the majority of the fruit being displayed, so I quietly asked Koss what they were.
Several sounded intriguing, but it wasn’t until we reached a vendor selling little yellow i’su’ke berries that I knew I’d found what I was looking for. Koss described them as being tart, but pleasant if accompanying something sweet. The bright pink ones beside them were called g’teth berries, and they were, apparently naturally sweet.
Perfect.
Removing my hand from his arm to examine the fruit, I purchased just enough to make the surprise I was planning, plus a little extra. There was something to be said about having a little more than you needed when experimenting with a new recipe. Mistakes were bound to happen, after all.
Exchanging the correct amount of currency with the kindly vendor, I stowed the fruit in my shopping bag. When I turned back to where Koss had been standing only a moment before, he was nowhere to be seen. Glancing around, I spotted his broad shoulders moving back through the crowd toward me with something in his hand.
He led me to an empty side section of the market before speaking again.
“Forgive my absence, ashalik. While you were occupied, I made a small detour to another stall. Would you indulge me for a moment by turning around?” I looked at him curiously, but I did as he asked. Why wouldn’t I? The warmth of his presence moved closer to me, and his arms reached around me.
Within his grasp was a silver chain with a deep, red stone - I took a guess that it was a garnet or something similar. The way the light reflected and refracted off the stone’s many facets put any other jewelry I owned to shame. Once the necklace was secured around my throat, Koss swept my hair out from under the metal to its former position. Was I imagining things or did his fingers linger just a beat longer than was necessary over my pulse?
“I thought this pendant appropriate for one whose passions have carried her across the stars,” he murmured somewhat closer to my ear than I had expected. This felt like more than just a casual gift from a friend, though. I knew what I so desperately wanted it to be, even if it was impossible. “You are an admirable, venerable woman, and knowing you is my greatest pleasure.”
I didn’t know what to say. What could I say in the wake of such a sincere compliment?
Before I could find my voice and the correct words to say, part of the crowd moved closer to us, and Koss grasped my hand lightly to guide me away. A few moments later, he pulled me carefully to a stop outside a small shop with his hand still holding mine.
“Would you like to share some tea before we return home? I am familiar with this particular tea maker. He is quite skilled.” He looked so hopeful. How could I possibly refuse?
Smiling up at him, I agreed, and Koss escorted me inside.
“Shif pasu.” The waiter nodded his head at Koss’s request before leading us to a table for two in a secluded little corner. This felt surprisingly intimate, just like many of the other things we’d done together. Was I crazy or was there more to our interactions than I’d previously assumed?
When we were served a single, slightly larger than normal cup of tea, I looked at Koss curiously.
“Is this a Vulcan custom?” A hint of green dusted his cheeks at my question.
“It is, ashaya. However, if you would prefer a second cup–”
“No, no, this is perfectly fine. I was just curious. I’m afraid I don’t know as much about your culture and customs as I should outside of the diplomatic arena,” I explained, and he visibly relaxed.
“I would be gratified to teach you whatever you wish to know,” he said gesturing for me to take the first sip. As I did so, he continued. “For example, this particular custom is traditionally a gesture of trust and familiarity between two individuals. This tea shop is often frequented by couples beginning a courtship.”
“Really?” I asked as I set the cup back down in the middle of the table. “May I ask why that is?”
“To share food and drink - resources which have been scarce throughout our planet’s history - signifies one person’s desire to ensure the survival of the other,” he explained before taking a sip of the tea.
“So...the pair two tables to our left is sharing a cup, as well. Are they...’courting,’ as you called it?” The term sounded rather Victorian, but I wasn’t about to criticize them. I was just happy to be learning something new about Koss and his people. He glanced over at the table I’d indicated, then back at me.
“I have no doubt that they are,” he replied sounding certain of the fact.
“But they’re behaving just like anyone else. Besides the tea, I can’t see anything that sets their behavior apart. What makes you so sure?” I asked curiously, and the barest hint of mischief sparkled in his eyes.
“Look at their hands,” he instructed quietly. I did so as stealthily as I could manage, and I saw that atop the table, the man’s first two fingers were resting over the same fingers on the woman’s hand. When I looked back at my companion, he must have realized that only raised more questions than it answered. “That is quite intimate physical contact.”
What? But Koss had held my hands much more firmly than that tiny, little point of contact. Why was that so different?
“How so?” At my question, he blushed more prominently.
“Lay your hand on the table in the same position as theirs,” he murmured, and I did as he said - of course I did. I trusted him, after all. Delicately, Koss laid his hand on the table, allowing two of his fingers to lay atop mine. A soft, pleasant, dizzying sort of warmth wound its way up my arm from the point of contact, and I looked up at my neighbor curiously. “This is a variation of a gesture called an ozh’esta.”
“Does it always feel like...like this?” I had no idea how to describe the sensation he’d thrust upon me, but I had to assume this was normal for this particular gesture.
“I do not know. What are you feeling?” He asked looking almost surprised.
“Warmth, I suppose, but that doesn’t quite describe it fully. This feels different somehow,” I murmured, realizing how ridiculous I must have sounded.
“I...was unaware that Humans could experience what we do with the ozh’esta. Your species has no telepathic ability,” he muttered. Telepathy? Was that why Vulcans dislike physical contact? Tilting his head curiously, he blinked and the warmth his touch had inspired changed to a subtle, pulsing, tingling sensation. “And now?”
I described it to the best of my ability, and Koss’s eyes darkened as his pupils dilated. After a short burst of what felt like pure pleasure, he removed his hand from mine and took a bracing sip of tea.
“Forgive me. I should not have behaved so inappropriately.”
“You didn’t, Koss, I promise.” I touched his wrist lightly, and he looked at me with surprise written all over his face. Giving him a small smile, I tried to reassure him. “You were teaching me. Thank you for the lesson and for the insight into your culture.”
“You...are welcome,” he said just above a whisper as I sipped our tea. Once our cup was empty, Koss paid the tab and we made our way back toward home.
We paused outside my door moments later, and I turned to face him. He was already looking at me with an expression that - if he’d been Human - I’d have described as softly affectionate. But he couldn’t feel that way about me.
“I just want to thank you for today. I know you probably had better things to do, but I really enjoyed myself. I mean, that’s no surprise, really, because I always enjoy spending time with you, Koss.”
��As do I, ashaya,” he murmured as his eyes skimmed my face.
“You know, if you come by after your evening meal tomorrow, I’ll have a surprise ready for you,” I said with a little wink. Koss tilted his head curiously, but before he could ask what I meant, I stood on my tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “See you for a swim tonight?”
“I...Yes, of course,” he stammered, and I gave him one last smile before heading inside. Now, all I had to do was make sure the recipe would work the way I wanted.
--
The next day, Soval and I arrived in the Embassy lobby at the same time. We offered each other the ta’al salute as usual, and made our way to the turbolift.
“I take it you had a pleasant day of rest?” Soval inquired as the lift began moving. He sounded almost amused.
“I did, but what’s with the tone?” I asked curiously, but all he did was raise an eyebrow.
“Koss escorted you to the market stalls yesterday, did he not?”
“He did, but how did you know that?” There was no reason for my cheeks to start burning, yet they did. We hadn’t done anything wrong.
“I saw a pair resembling the two of you. The male seemed to be quite a dedicated provider,” Soval stated, and my cheeks heated further. “You were aware that his behavior is that of a male who wishes to win a potential mate’s affections, were you not?”
“I...Soval, you’ve got it all wrong. Koss doesn’t see me like that. I’m not a Vulcan woman.” We stepped out of the lift and started walking toward our shared office. “We went shopping and shared some tea. That’s all.”
“Do you view him as a potential mate?” He asked, and I stopped in my tracks. I had strong feelings for Koss, that much I was certain of, but I knew he could never reciprocate them. Why should he?
“I like him probably more than is proper, but, ultimately, it doesn’t matter,” I murmured resuming my stride, and the Ambassador gave me a quizzical look.
“Explain.”
“Vulcans abhor emotional behavior. I’m a Human. We’re pretty damned emotional. I highly doubt that someone as illogical as I am would be seen as a viable choice for a romantic partner for a man like him.” The door to our office slid open, and we both stepped inside.
“But you do desire to be seen that way by him?” I barely managed an embarrassed nod of confirmation. “I submit to you that he already sees you as such.”
“Your evidence?” I expected no more than a knowing glance, but he surprised me.
“You wore his robe to the Embassy while it still held his scent. He would not have given that to you if he did not wish to express a desire to protect you. His scent was mixed with yours for the duration of the day. No doubt anyone who encountered you that day is now aware that you are under a Vulcan’s protection. Accompanying you to the market, adorning you with a piece of jewelry he’d purchased, and sharing tea with you in a public area - all are actions which illustrate his desire and ability to provide for you. Such behavior would be quite obvious to a Vulcan female as that of a male desiring courtship, because those traits are ones heavily and instinctively sought after in a future mate,” Soval said, but I could do no more than blink in surprise. “Has he attempted to demonstrate his physical fitness to you?”
Memories of our swims together flashed through my mind’s eye, including the time he’d swept me up in his arms so easily. Perhaps his teasing wasn’t quite as innocent as I’d previously assumed it to be.
“Should I take your silence as a confirmation?” I nodded my head silently, then another thought occurred.
“What...? I mean, does serving someone breakfast count as a demonstration that you can provide for them?”
Soval’s eyes widened almost comically.
“I will not ask how that particular opportunity arose, but if he did so unprompted, then yes. I believe it was,” he said with a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
Oh my god, had Koss been trying to flirt with me the whole time? Was I really so oblivious? Had I done anything to make him think I was rejecting him?
“Ambassador, I should warn you that Vulcan males can be quite single-minded when they have decided that someone would be their ideal mate. If you wish to dissuade him, you must do so clearly and quickly–”
“What if I wanted to reciprocate?”
Soval leaned back against his desk with an almost proud tilt to his chin. Had he been hoping for this outcome?
“It would appear that you are already doing quite well on your own, despite not being fully aware of the implications of your actions,” he stated tilting his head slightly. “By allowing him to complete these tasks and showing your gratitude for them, you have demonstrated that you are open to - and accepting of - his attentions. However, it is likely that he is aware of the vast cultural difference between your species. As such, he may not view these reciprocal gestures as intentional. You may need to be a bit more overt in your own actions.”
At his advice, a plan began to form in my mind. Maybe there was a way I could show Koss how I felt.
“One last concern, which I suspect will become relevant soon: how much do you know of Vulcan biological cycles?” The deep, emerald blush that ignited to the tips of Soval’s ears made my eyes widen. At my confused look, he set the office door to conference mode so that we wouldn’t be disturbed. Clearly, whatever I knew wasn’t as thorough as whatever he was about to tell me. “We do not speak of such things publicly or to outsiders, but yours is...a unique situation. Every seven years...”
~*~*~
Vulcan Words:
ashaya = love
ni'droi'ik nar-tor = I am sorry
lesek = thank you
t’sai = Lady (as an honorific title)
osu = sir
ashalik = darling
shif = pair
pasu = table
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0verthinking1t · 1 year
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A severe case of The Wiggles
Good morning ADHDblr, I was today years old (29 and a half, a full 3 decades I have not known this) when I realized something important. Context first tho, let me define The Wiggles:
A case of The Wiggles: also known as "brain Zoomies", simply "Zoomies", etc. A temporary state where your brain and body respond to fatigue by becoming uncomfortably hyperactive and stimulation seeking. One who experiences The Wiggles may experience things like jitteriness, irritability, anxiety/stress, mood swings, physical discomfort, feeling like they're stuck on fast-forward and can't slow down their thoughts or actions, feeling like they need something important but nothing around them is the right thing, fast-paced and compulsive fidgeting, intrusive impulses and thoughts, inability to sustain focus on one thing at a time.... You get it. All the hallmarks of the ADHD experience, happening very loudly, all at once. To an outside eye, it may look like the person is super alert and hyper, or like they're being overstimulated and overwhelmed, but it's usually the exact opposite— our brains run out of energy to work on being good and productive, and our muscles get restless and tight from lack of exercise, so we start going haywire from being both burnt out and understimulated.
For example, many ADHD children start getting The Wiggles later in their school day and have trouble sitting through later classes, but having a substantial amount of recess time halfway and an extracurricular activity of their choice gives them the relief they need to make it through everything comfortably. As another, personal example, I'm especially prone to the wiggles early in the morning. It takes me a long time to shake off sleep inertia, especially if I have to wake up to an alarm, so I can get stuck in limbo for an hour or two. my brain is having trouble making the chemical shift to alertness, so my thoughts, feelings, needs, and responses are all an unreliable mess— fortunately, once I find the right activity or topic of interest to anchor to (like a walk outside, a snack with a strong flavor, a weird texture to rub, or even reading a random spam email) everything starts slotting into place all at once, and the wiggles start to ease off.
Ok, accidentally long explanation over. The very important thing I realized..... Is that The Wiggles..... Aren't the symptom itself. Just like hunger is the body signalling a need for fuel that's not being met, or shivering is the body signalling a need for warmth that's not being met, The Wiggles are a signal from the brain and body that a need is not being met— an intense need to stim. No holding in, no being discreet, no masking, just grabbing the nearest bumpy texture, clicking object, or piece of string and going to town on that repetitive action. It's grounding, it's focusing, and the little pleasure of doing it helps nudge the dopamine process back to work.
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jacks347 · 2 months
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Y'all know I love making fandom content but honestly...I can't remember the last time I wrote something just for me so fuck it
Meet Mars and Ollie
Ollie didn’t sleep much. Mars had noticed that from the very beginning but hadn’t known what to think of it. Hey, he was stressed with a moderate to severe case of Gifted Kid Syndrome, the stress probably kept him awake. Or at least, that’s what he thought. How Mars wished that’d been it. This was so so much worse.
“Insomnia? So you can’t sleep?”
“It’s not just insomnia, Mars. Fatal Familial Insomnia is chronic sleep deprivation until it kills you. I won’t live to see my thirties.”
No…no. This wasn’t right. Ollie was the sweetheart who ran the flower shop across the street, the clumsy dork who tripped over his own feet so many times he had to switch to iced coffee at risk of burning himself anymore and causing serious damage, the man he loved. And he was…dying?
He wasn’t processing this correctly. His heart had turned to ice-cold lead inside his chest, freezing the very air in his lungs along with it.
He would watch the man he loved die. And there was nothing he could do about it.
Mars had once controlled the stars, the very cosmos themselves, and yet he was helpless to do anything but watch the stars in his lover's eyes die one by one.
Time had meant so little to him before. Now each second was a blessing. Each second sat next to Ollie's hospital bed, each minute he explained their love story again as Ollie's mind began to leave him, each hour he watched Ollie trace over the tattoos on Mars's arms while he still had the strength, each day he prayed for the gods to grant him one more.
"I've tried to stop calling him mine. The blank confusion on his face whenever I do is like another knife through my heart. But it's so hard. I can't bear to spend a single second not giving him every ounce of love I can manage. I don't think I ever will. I'd rather tell him our love story every day than settle for being a stranger."
Decades of faces and personalities all blurred together but Mars could remember every detail about Ollie.
His name was Oleander. He was 22. His favorite flower was marigolds. He couldn't handle spicy foods. He was terrified of Final Destination but always watched it cause he knew it was Mars's favorite. He loved to read. He learned Turkish from his grandmother. He'd loved Mars for two years.
"He's not there. I don't know when he stopped being there but I know he's gone now. He's been gone for a while but this feeble heart of mine didn't want to believe it. It still doesn't. I still don't. My Ollie, my beautiful flower, my eternal starlight, why of all the places you could go did you have to pick the one where I can't follow?"
What a beautiful twist of fate, for an immortal to fall so deeply in love with a mortal such as this. What a cruel path of destiny, to be forced to watch that love die as time stole him away.
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