#sometimes i need to be a person and not a physical manifestation of google

[isa-loves-you]

How you meet and realizing you like them | The group chat.

I love the GC and I like reading Fics about them, so I want to contribute. This is my first-time doing publishing on Tumblr, so it probably won't be the most organized. I am open to criticism or requests. I desperately need guidance.

This is going to be broken up into different parts because this was originally almost 5,000 words but tumbler will only let me post so much at a time.

-Isaac-

you had met isaac back in 2020 when you and some friends decided to go into discord servers and expose pedos. your friend had told you to hop on a server thinking it was with creeps but ended up being a couple of people doing the same thing as you. you all had a laugh and traded information on which servers had what type of weirdos were in. After that night you and isaac had messaged each other here and there about being in his discord videos which you had no problem with due to want to collab with other youtubers, and some years later asked you to be apart of a group with him and your guys mutual friends called the group chat.

Sometime had passed and you, isaac, tanner, larry, nick, yumi, and grunk all made a podcast and even moved into one big house all together. You had decided to stream watching random videos on the internet and just generally talk with chat. " I know that we've been watching meme comps chat but we need to add some spice to our night or I feel empty handed when I end the stream.... well besides leaving with your hard earned money that you donated i'll be empty handed". After saying that everyone started to type anything and everything that came to their minds, but something caught your eye "Have you or isaac read the fic about yall??" you said reading the chatter's comment. You immediately start googling for what this insane person was talking about, and after muttering to yourself about why isaac and you of all people out of the group you find it. "I'm sorry to chat but i need to know and besides one of you recommend it" you start reading it out loud. The story read of you and Isaac slowly falling for each other. "Chat who made this, I want you to reveal yourself so you can be shunned from the village" you bursted out with laughter at some of the parts in the fic but you had to admit, this author knew too much. yeah it's true that you started to like isaac but you knew nothing could ever happen because you work together but you have to admit he had a nice physic and was extremely funny, but still nothing could ever happen. After 30 more minutes of stream you decided to end the stream because you were getting too red from laughter and embarrassment from the fic; you said goodnight to your viewers and thought that no harm would come from a fan's artwork about you and your friend. turns out you were wrong. The next day you were bombarded with fan accounts and edits of you and isaac from past videos. you're scrolling through some of the comments of the edits and something catches your eye.

Isaacwhy?: Damn you guys are trying to manifest something fr ;))

you couldnt believe what you just read; Did he really like you too?, how long has he liked you?, what would the others think?, could you two be together?. Your mind was left with a lot of questions but you had come to terms with it. You like Isaac.

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-Nick [soft willey]-

you had been making music since you were five when your parents got you a fisher price piano. you've just fell in love with your hobby and wanted to make a career out of it, that's when you decided to put your name out there as a singer/rapper. You didn't have a voice like sza but it was good enough to make a living off of it, and it was better when you would pair it with your genius lyrics. It was a nice Sunday afternoon when your music producer Kenny called you to come into the studio and that there as some people, he wanted you to meet and collab with. you had seen that your producer was in the booth with three dudes and a camera? Your producer has seen you looking through the booth glass and gestured for you to come in and met the people he was talking to. There was a tall guy with a hat, sunglasses, and a black mask, there was a shorter guy with shoulder length hair that was pointing everywhere. The two guys were pretty good looking but the third piqued your interest; he was around 5 '10 with a nice build, it was very obvious that he spent his time at the gym. “This is y/n they are in the same business as you three” your producer presented with a big smile on his face. “It's really nice to meet you, Kenny convinced us that you would sound the best on our new single” you shook the gym guy's hand noticing the tattoo of a long spiky line wrapping around his arm. You got so distracted looking at the guy's arm and everything else he had that you didn't hear your producer calling your name “y/n you can't let go of nicks hand now i think he knows you now” you dropped nicks hand realizing how long you just held his hand without him saying anything. “All right let's get to work people, isaac would you be a doll and do your verse first so y/n can get the flow of the song and see what they need to do”. 

It took the whole day for you guys to actually record the song. With larry making funny faces while the nick and isaac where in the middle of their verses and make them laugh so you would have to start back from the beginning then you would issue were either you or the others would have a hard time saying a word right or you went faster or slower than the beat then it was start back at square one. A miracle had happened; you all got through the song with no hiccups and were able to send it out to an editor for some final touches. You had grabbed your stuff and walked out to your car so you could finally go home and let your dog out. You almost got to your car when your arm was grabbed, you wiped your head around so fast to see who you were going to have to beat the shit out of. “I'm so sorry i shouldn't have grabbed like i was going to kidnap you or something but i was shouting your name but you just kept on walking” Thank God it was just nick and not some creep. “oh no no you're okay i was just surprised is all, so whats up?” “I was wondering if i could get your number or maybe your insta so you could be a feature on some of our future stuff, you were awesome like kenny said and i want to keep you around”. It was nothing but two seconds of silence before Nick took back his words “i didn't mean it like that i just mean like your killer and it would be great if you got to do more with me…..not with just me just in general with music. Fuck you get what im trying to say right” “yeah i get what you mean” you said breaking a smile to make him feel less embarrassed “here just put your number and insta in, so we can do more stuff”. He took your phone for a minute to put all is information and handed it back to you with a puppy dog like smile. Dog? “OH, SHIT RALPH” you had forgotten about your poor baby at home “I'm sorry Nick but I have to go!” nick had tried to say something, but you were already in the car and backing out of your parking spot. ‘Whose ralph?’ nicked thought as he watched you leave the building “NICK GET YO UGLY ASS IN THE CAR I WANT TO GO HOME” Larry shouted hanging out the back of the car window. Nick spent the whole night trying to find a ralph in your following list on Instagram, but he had no luck and decided that he didn't care who your mystery man was he was better than this ‘ralph’ character and that he was going to win you over.

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#softwilly x reader #the group chat #yumi x reader #the group chat podcast #tooyumi #yumi tgc #tgc #yumi #larry croft #isaacwhy #softwilly #BigT

[dpdcultureis]

can i get a run down of typical dpd traits and what it's like to have the disorder??? i didn't realize this was a disorder (which- as someone with a special interest in psychology it came as a surprise-) and i'm genuinely curious and want to learn more... i have suspicions about myself and some friends of mine now... 😅

also, if you'd rather dm me answers than post, that's totally fine too! i may end up with follow up questions too 😅

(also i'm so sorry if this isn't the type of ask you prefer and you don't have to answer at all if you don't want, i'm just curious and usually talking to ppl w i t h the specific disorders is sm more helpful and accurate than google 💀)

hey hi!! i'll answer with regards to how it presents for me, but keep in mind that it'll probably look a bit different for me because i have other mental illnesses (including personality disorders) that also influence my behaviour ^^ any of my followers are free to chime in with their experiences too, and just looking through the #actually dpd or #actually dependent tags might be a good pursuit too!!

for me it manifests as being very anxious about making my own decisions (even when i don't necessarily recognise it as such; sometimes it presents so casually - asking about something that really doesn't need external input - that i don't notice when it happens). it also causes a deep fear of living alone and being abandoned/losing the people close to me, although the first one may be partially influenced by the fact i'm physically disabled, and the latter is common in some other PDs too. i typically seek validation over little things and share as much of what i'm doing as possible to my close friends in an attempt to reaffirm my acceptance and the fact they care about me, in a way?

for me i also seem to get a bit clingy, which if left unchecked could progress into something worse like overprotectiveness/jealousy and the like. for me that doesn't happen because my other PDs mask that aspect, but i do sometimes feel that possessiveness that i worry about, especially around my depended (DPD's version of the BPD 'favourite person', for lack of a better way to explain it)

being asked to guess or make my own decision causes me some anxiety, and doing things without permission causes a similar stress. i still tell my parents whenever i'm leaving the house and what i'm doing, and sometimes ask if i can go out, and i turn 20 later this year 😭

i can't really think of much else to talk about that isn't just reiterating what i've already said but with different examples, so now i'll leave this open for any followers here to rb/comment and add their own experiences!

(if you're curious, the other PDs i believe i have are AvPD and BPD, which overlap somewhat with these symptoms, but also work to mask some of them too. bc of that, a lot of my experience with DPD is internal)

#not dpd culture #dependent personality disorder #actually dependent #actually dpd #mod cloud!

[mysticbewitched]

◇ Helpful hacks for everyone struggling with self-concept and trusting in themselves:

#1: use a subliminal or make your own (they're very easy to make) with topics on believing and trusting in yourself, your power, your own abilities, seeing yourself as the God of your reality, and voila. Watch that mindset and self-concept change.

#2: As you listen to the subliminal, then build your belief in your power: As Neville once said, test the law. No amount of success stories in the world will make you truly believe in the law and your own power, so you must prove it to yourself. Test it out numerous times with manifesting anything you want. Keep track of your manifestations in a notebook or a google doc. You will be able to look back and grow so much more confident in your own power. You will realize that you are the one in control and running the show. Whenever doubts creep in, put the subliminal back on and go back to that list as a reminder of your power, then pick yourself back up.

#3: Write out a vaunt in a notebook or a google doc all about your power, your self-concept, your confidence, how long it takes for the 3D to conform for you, and the overall rules you decide for your reality/manifestations. Read over it daily and as many times as you want. This will train your mindset to change as you start thinking from the person you desire to embody.

Lastly, simply persist in the assumption that you have an amazing self-concept and you are already the person you desire to be. The 3D will conform to confirm the change. No matter what you see going on in the physical world, it doesn't matter. You are the master of your own reality. Keep persisting in the knowledge that it is already done and inevitable because no matter what, the 3D will reflect it back. It is the law.

These ideas for an easier manifestation process and way to realize your own power simply showed up in my mind out of the blue after I had an epiphany - it all comes down to confidence and belief in yourself and your own abilities as a creator. If you truly know for sure that you are the master of your own reality, the rest is simply a piece a cake.

Motivation of the day:

We all have the same limitless abilities to manifest anything we want. We just have to trust and believe in ourselves. We just have to trust and believe in our own abilities while knowing we can achieve absolutely anything we desire in this world. We just have to have a little confidence and faith in our capabilities. Why would you doubt yourself? If that person over there can manifest their desires and this person over here can manifest their desires then why couldn't you? Why would there be countless bloggers in this community telling you that you can manifest anything you desire if it wasn't true? We were all born with the same divine ability within us. There are absolutely no exceptions to the law. You are the God of your own reality, you are the master of your world with all the strings, you are the boss giving out the orders and telling your reality what to reflect. You want something? It is done. Your reality hears your command as the badass manifestor you are and it goes: Okay, boss. Coming right up. - Just persist in knowing that you already have what you want, it's a done deal. Anything you want, you can have - just snap your fingers and decide it's done. The creation is finished. It is *done*. We got this, guys . We can fucking do this. Sometimes we just need to put back on our boss hat and remember who the fuck we are.

I hope this helped anyone who is struggling to believe in themselves, you are not alone and we are all in this together as powerful, badass master manifestors. There are times where I need to remind myself of my own power as well, it's okay. You just have to remember and remind yourself that you have the power. Let's go manifest our dreams and embrace our true divine power. ❤

#loassumption #neville goddard #self concept #manifestation #law of assumption #manifesting #master manifestor #law of manifestation

[screadingchallenge]

Behind the Keyboard Volume 37

Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.  

Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.

If you'd like to do an interview, let me know!

Let’s meet our next author:

@demora00 / Demora00

How many fics have you written?

I have 16 published fics. A few for SC aren’t published anywhere and many more for other fandoms have died with ancient websites or disappeared the way physical notebooks have a way of during various moves.

When did you publish your first fic on AO3?

January 7th, 2022

Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3. 

First thing, if it’s a line, or a quote, or a picture, I’ll open my prompt folder and just stick it in there to marinate and come back to when I know how to use it. 

A few times, I’ve been lucky enough to go “oh wait” and open a brand new doc right away and just start writing. Sometimes I’ll take voice notes or send voice memos to friends if I’m driving and tag them #carthoughts for quick reference. 

I rarely write in order. Most of the time, I'll start a scene, get stuck but know how I want another to go, so I'll swap. More often than not there's some frankensteining. I'll moan and whine about it to @doug-judys-blog or Trickiwoo about it throughout. I know it's finished when I've edited it so much I hate it. Finally one or both of them will beta. @doug-judys-blog is the best cheerleader I could have dreamed of. They always know how to get me out of a "no words just vibes" spiral.

Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better?

The last fic I wrote that wasn’t a drabble was about selective mutism. [Some things I still can't tel you] It’s a physical manifestation of anxiety that isn’t often spoken about except as a trauma response and I feel like I managed to capture all the other little things that come along with it in a very tangible way.  I love that Patrick, who is still a person used to struggling in private with so many things, can trust David and show vulnerability without it being a stress point for their relationship. There's something really soft about that kind of trust that ultimately very romantic to me.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time?

Do it. Get a beta. Get a cheerleader. (One can do both!) Hell, ask that compatible weirdo you kinda sorta vibe with in that fandom space to be a sounding board. Our fandom is so welcoming and talented, there's always someone willing to help.

In your mind, what’s the most important element of good writing?

I need writing to make me feel things otherwise what’s the point? I don't mean 'tear out my heart' intensity every time, but if the writing doesn't evoke something for me, I'll be hard pressed to keep reading. 

Tell me about a story that you wish you could write but that you’re not quite ready to tackle.

The last night Ted and Alexis have together and the aftermath of that. Really deep dive into Alexis' feels and sit with it for a while. It's somehow more tragic because we as the audience know that they are incompatible, but the love they have is real. But sometimes love isn't enough, and it's a real sign of growth for both of them, if a tragic way of doing it. 

Weirdest thing you’ve googled as research for a story?

Cowboy and rodeo terms. I don’t know that that’s weird in and of itself, but the reasons for the research were unorthodox.

Outlines - yes or no?

Yes, if not in a classic way. I usually do just point forms and terrible broken sentences, vibes, placeholders with attached comments and that works just fine. Sometimes whole conversations that need to happen but I don’t know quite where to put yet.

Tell me about your current WIP if you have one.

I have a few I’m working on and flip between as my attention span wanes, but I’m most involved in my first long fic. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a cerebral sci-fi mystery with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind vibes. I started working on it a few weeks ago and it's taken over. It's completely different than anything I've done so I'm quite nervous about it, but I've been reassured it could be as amazing as I see it in my head. I’ve already written myself into and out of a corner, so you could say it’s going well lol.

#behind the keyboard #meet the authors #sc fanfic #schitts creek #schitt's creek

[delightfullydanisworld]

The beauty of prayer

At around age 8-10, I have learned that a human being is composed of what I used to call layers...like the cake I once received on my birthday.

We are made up of our physical body, spirit, and soul.

That is quite the reason why there is a mixture of diverse needs within us that require to be quenched.

Sometimes these need of ours battle against one another of who should dominate and get "satisfied" first.

Some people tend to dwell more on their fleshly desires while others are more spiritual.

But we cannot deny the truth that the needs of these 3 parts are present but it's just a matter of how we suppress it and allow one part of our self to be prioritized over the other.

Like we cannot deny the fact that regardless if we are religious or not, we all crave for worldly pleasures but some are just more vigilant in guarding their urges.

It's also factual that our spiritual selves are present and is manifested in the reality that we are constantly in search of someone or something greater than us or larger than our lives.

Me being more of a spiritual person, always yearns for this divine connection with God especially when I am in between crossroads of difficulties and sorrows.

The more I comprehend my spirituality, the more I have appreciated the value of prayer as a deeper way of connecting with Him.

Prayer is just beautiful in a way that it calms my heart even if there is a hurricane that is about to sweep me away.

It reminds me that I may not know what lies within that hurricane, rest assured someone GREATER than me is in control of it and of every little thing that is yet to come.

Tonight, around 9pm, I started noticing my chest pains and chest tightening again which has worried me for months now.

But trying to apply what my mom taught me which is to stop panicking and googling any symptoms and to just utter prayers, I decided to search for online websites wherein I can submit my prayer requests/concerns.

I sent my prayers to about 5 different online sites and have received replies in a form of a prayer and declaration of healing.

Not only have I reconnected with God, I also got a hold of my peace again in exchange of my worry.

I also get to build spiritual connections with people online through prayer.

To know that God cares in the form of the people he sent (that I do not even know personally) to pray for me, is such a fascinating experience.

Prayer bridges us all into an intricate yet wonderfully knitted connection in God's Kingdom.

That we have a place.

That we are significant.

That we are cared for.

But most of all, I believe prayer changes our heart and our attitude towards the situation we are currently in.

P.S - My chest pains began to fade also after I smiled upon reading the prayer replies I received.

Always delightful,

Dani.

#prayer #prayiing #God #Faith #beautyofprayer #connection #spiritual awakening #spiritual #spirit-filled #grace #spiritualgrowth #spiritual disciplines

[whosgge]

🐰 — the void state is easier than you imagine

Hi, lovies! I hope all of you are doing fine today! I felt like writing this post to clarify for once how the void is actually so, so, so easy. There’s no need to complicate it.

what is the void state?

It’s a state of pure consciousness, referred in Neville Goddard’s book as the I AM state. In this state of consciousness, you are faceless and formless; nothing and everything at the same time.

Now, this is the common definition in the loa community, i’m sure you’ve read it a lot. But let’s see other definitions.

The void state is a deep meditative state, where you allow thoughts to pass through your mind without judging them. This is a state where your mind is awake but your body is asleep.

There’s a state that’s not often talked about in meditation, but that some manage to enter, nonetheless, and it’s more than just a deep meditation. It’s complete detachment from thoughts and having a floating consciousness just floating.

Emptiness, in mysticism and religion, a state of “pure consciousness” in which the mind has been emptied of all particular objects and images.

Various religions around the world describe The Void in different meanings but always as the first source of everything in creation. Sometimes said to be the origin of life and even acknowledged as the first god to have ever existed, the void is the orderless state of the universe before creation and order took place, the yawning abyss, the primordial sea, the primeval wasteland, the absolute truth, the first deity, the creator of the universe, etc.

I listed just a few definitions here, but if you google it, you’ll find more definitions for the void state. The whole point of this is to show you that the void exists either you know about it or not and there’s no such thing as “the void exists only if you assume it exists”, which leads me to the next point.

loa x void

This might come out controversial, but it’s been a while since I had my realization moment and I want to share my perspective.

We all know loa is an universal law and we manifest things all the time. The difference is that there’s a percentage of people that is aware while the other percentage is not.

I won’t get in detail about it because at this point everyone knows how to manifest, but in short:

Pick a desire

Know it’s yours/it’s done

Live as the person that already have it

“But Gigi, how is the law related to the void state?” Well, it’s not. The void state is a whole different concept, as you can see in the beginning of this post. However, you can use the law to your advantage and make your own rules. You might want to create the assumption that you wake up in the void every time you go to sleep or that you always enter the void within 30 seconds, etc. The possibilities are endless.

But it’s needed? No. Since it’s two different concepts, you don’t need self/void concept in order to successfully achieve this state of consciousness. In my opinion, all you have to do is to understand what the void state is and know it’s real.

how do we enter the void state?

Now that you understand what the void state is and know it’s real, all you have to do is to shift your awareness. Simple, right? It seems to be easier said than done, but that’s when persistence comes in.

The void state is defined as a deep meditation in some communities, but let’s not look at its definition for now, let’s just stop for a moment and understand how this state of consciousness can be achieved.

In Neville Goddard’s words:

To accomplish this seemingly impossible feat, you take your attention away from your problem and place it upon just being. You say silently but feelingly, “I AM”. Do not condition this awareness but continue declaring quietly, “I AM – I AM”. Simply feel that you are faceless and formless and continue doing so until you feel yourself floating.

“Floating” is a psychological state which completely denies the physical. Through practice in relaxation and willfully refusing to react to sensory impressions, it is possible to develop a state of consciousness of pure receptivity. It is a surprisingly easy accomplishment. In this state of complete detachment, a definite singleness of purposeful thought can be indelibly engraved upon your unmodified consciousness. This state of consciousness is necessary for true meditation.

This wonderful experience of rising and floating is the signal that you are absent from the body or problem and are now present with the Lord; in this expanded state you are not conscious of being anything but I AM – I AM; you are only conscious of being.

So, basically, he just asks you to take your attention away from the 3D and focus on your 4D (aka consciousness). It is that easy.

If you are like me and find it hard to ignore the “floating” feeling, which is only a indicator that you’re about to enter the void, don’t worry! Neville says that “through practice in relaxation and willfully refusing to react to sensory impressions, it is possible to develop a state of consciousness of pure receptivity”. That’s why persistence is the key here.

Now, let’s understand what the void state actually is. Neville says that “this state of consciousness is necessary for true meditation”. Alright, now let’s understand how a meditation works.

Meditation is considered a type of mind-body complementary medicine. Meditation can produce a deep state of relaxation and a tranquil mind.

During meditation, you focus your attention and eliminate the stream of jumbled thoughts that may be crowding your mind and causing stress.

Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can benefit both your emotional well-being and your overall health. You can also use it to relax and cope with stress by refocusing your attention on something calming. Meditation can help you learn to stay centered and keep inner peace.

If this didn’t make sense to you, don’t worry, I’ll explain. The void state is not different from a meditation. In fact, it’s a deep meditation. You can successfully achieve this state of consciousness through it. Maybe it will take you a bit of practice, maybe you will be able to do it on your first try. Everyone is different. But I can assure you that this is fail proof. It’s simple, easy and effective.

So stop overcomplicating the void state and go live your dream life!

#the void #void state #void #manifesation #loablr #loa tumblr #law of assumption #loa blog

[spiroticks]

Google

I like the advancement of technology, but sometimes man...I wish that we didn't receive as much information as we do. "New Test Results" cool cool...but now I'm done the rabbit hole of "what does this mean when it is elevated? What does it mean when A is high but B is low???" and you spiral from there. It's like the old WebMD searches "you might have a cold....or you might be dying of cancer...lol good luck!" Of course, I could just email the Dr and ask for clarification, but...I don't know. A part of me doesn't want to know, and another part doesn't want to be told "oh yeah, it's fine" and be labeled as that paranoid person that googles every little thing. Surely if it is something, they'll tell me, right? But also, if your labs show something, but there is no physical manifestation of that, then is it really something to be concerned about? Maybe some people run high or low and it is what it is, there always needs to be outliers?

I wonder if some of this is a product of childhood. When you grow up with every little thing blown out of proportion because your mother is a hypochondriac with a need for attention, then does it make sense that I swing the opposite? Ignore it until it actually becomes a problem, and even then, think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill? A part of me wonders if I'm more like my mom than I realize, because a part of me does worry that something is seriously wrong, and that the doctors should be warned, and told to do their job. But another part of me wonders if that is me or if that is my mother? And a tiny part of me, a part I don't even want to acknowledge, wonders if I want something to be wrong? I don't. I know I don't. But then, why do I want to call the Dr and ask for a follow up? Why do I continue to google, google, google? If I could just let it go, then why don't I?

It makes me nauseous and sick to my stomach to think that I could wish that something was wrong, and surely that shows I am not like her right??? Because where she would run to the ER, I just stare at google, and then tell myself to stop, to wait, to leave it alone. I don't know. I wish I did.

#google #hypochondria #paranoid #test results

[tangledinmdzs]

Do you do poly relationships headcanons? If you are, may I request a jealous poly XiCheng with an s/o whose a tease and a flirt? If not, you can seperate it, it's okay. Lots of love from anon 💞💞💞💞💞

hi friend!

i don’t mind writing poly relationships at all! i don’t know how good of a flirt you all think i am though, because most of my ideas around this premise so far have been through google aha

hope you all enjoy it anyways!

here’s to your request~

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

your two cultivation partners (yes you have two) will always be weak for you

not only because you were so lovable 

but because being around them made them better people

(most of the time at least aha)

not to say that you weren’t the perfect piece to them, far from that

for example, in between Lan Xichen’s quiet coolness, you were a excitable, smiling and passionate ball of sunshine

and for all of Jiang Cheng’s hot headed anger and coarse words, you were the soothing calm that matched that perfectly,

easy to smile, hard to anger

outspoken and determined

you molded with the large characteristics of your cultivation partners well

and it wasn’t hard for them to fall in love with you (after finding one another)

but just because they were falling in love with you

didn’t mean that other people weren’t going to as well

i mean who wouldn’t, you’re a catch (i’m not lying, you are!)

one of the highest ranking cultivators of your sect, at such a young age

and having played a part in inventing one of the newer techniques of musical cultivation (a mixture of voice and instrument that not many would use)

you were amazing, 

and if that weren’t already enough, add in your beautiful smile and tickling laughter and everyone was tripping over their own feet for you

you made it so so easy to, because it is just how you are

easy to smile, hard to anger

Lan Xichen is a bit more tolerable than Jiang Cheng about your flirtatious and bubbly personality 

he understood that you meant little harm with your smiles, the occasional winks to young pining cultivators that would leave them high on the notion of your attention for days

as for Jiang Cheng, he had always hated how flirtatious you are, 

despite having two people in his life, he still really really wanted to keep everything about them to himself 

he’s quite possessive, and it is the second trait at the forefront of his mind right after anger 

sometimes, Lan XIchen’s quiet calming words or small pat to his lower back in public settings would be enough to quell the brimming heat in his lower abdomen whenever he saw even a glance thrown at your direction

but moments like the present,

when he sees you dining alone with a male cultivator, drinking wine on the balcony above

those normal actions are not enough

“Jiang Wanyin...”  Lan Xichen calls, mindful of the other man’s title in public 

but Jiang Cheng is undeterred, feet stomping heavily up the stairs of the inn

eyes all on you the moment that he saw you

when he reaches the second landing, he meets eyes with your smiling face right away 

and instead of looking away or from him with a fearful or guilty look, Jiang Cheng gets winded by the easy smile that you throw directly at him

even after all these years together, your smile still makes the butterflies flutter in his stomach

your smile makes the companion that you’re sharing lunch with turn around in curiosity to see what’s caused such an emotion

but the moment that Jiang Cheng’s eyes land on the other male cultivator in front of you, the softness of his eyes disappears and he’s reminded why he was annoyed in the first place

the young cultivator is quick to stand up, head slightly bowed as the two most important sect leaders come up to the table

Lan Xichen follows Jiang Cheng’s steps until he is close enough to you, then each sect leader takes a stance by your sides, naturally 

“Jiang Cheng, A-Huan,” you chirp, their private names falling easily from your lips despite all the times that Jiang Cheng had told you not to do so in public 

but right now, when Jiang Cheng catches the widened eyes of the young cultivator at your informality, he’s reeling with the fact that this boy will know of your relationship with them

because his titled be damned, 

if only to show the world how much he and Lan Xichen loved you, knew you, 

and the fact that you were theirs

“y/n-guniang, please forgive me, i hadn’t re-realized that...” the young cultivator stutters out going onto his knees to kow-tow

you widen your eyes and kneel down with him to help the young boy up

(an action that annoys Lan Xichen internally and manifests physically in Jiang Chang with a very deep eye roll)

“no apologies here, i can introduce you to my cultivation partners-”

“we are well acquainted,” Lan Xichen surprisingly interrupts, like he has never done before and you turn away from the young cultivator to give your partners a curious look

“you are?” you ask, 

and Lan XIchen nods, because he knows most of the people that look for a meeting with you 

and the one reason they always try to meet with you very well

you’re too busy staring at Xichen to notice the glare that Jiang Cheng was giving the poor boy 

“i- yes- i, we are. how could anyone not know of Zewu-Jun and Sandu Shengshou...” the young cultivator says, before the rest of his apologies and hurried departure 

you smile at the quick way that the boy bows and leaves for the stairs, turning back to look between your two cultivation partners with a knowing smile,

“no need to scare all the guests away all the time, i was trying to get a new disciple for you, A-Cheng,” you say, tilting your head as Jiang Cheng huffs a sigh out beside you

“he wasn’t trying to be my disciple that’s for sure,” Jiang Cheng mutters and before you can continue to question (despite knowing) and teasing, Lan Xichen steps in, the ever great mediator

“no one can be scared when they aren’t already fearful,” Lan Xichen says cryptically, and you can’t help but shake your head at his words

beside him Jiang Cheng smirks, happy that he’s on the same page with the older man

“you two, what am i going to do with you both?” you ask rhetorically, giggling at the way that the two men before you

you don’t really get much of a verbal answer, but Jiang Cheng wraps a quick arm around your waist, pulling you close to his side

for all of your flirtatious talking and gestures, you were an embarrassed shy mess whenever your men took action

it’s clear now, how you turn to jelly in their arms, when Xichen leans down to your face while you’re leaned against Jiang Cheng’s chest

you hold your breath, blinking quickly at the proximity before closing your eyes

you feel the lightest breath of a laugh against your cheek, before you feel gentle lips pressed against the top of your nose

it makes you blink your eyes open again to meet eyes with Lan Xichen’s small smile

“anything you want to do with us, we’ll do,” Lan Xichen flirts back to you, not for the first time (but first time in public!) 

when Lan Xichen glances between you and Jiang Cheng, he can only smile at the red tint that’s high on your cheekbones

and the mischievous look in your eyes

#mdzs #mdzs reader insert #mdzs imagine request #mdzs reaction request #mdzs self insert #mo dao zu shi #mdzs headcanons #mdzs x y/n #mdzs fic #mdzs request #mdzs request list #mdzs request something #mdzs jiang cheng x reader #jiang cheng x reader x lan xichen #xicheng poly x reader #xicheng x reader #lan xichen x reader #mdzs lan xicheng x reader #lan xichen #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #sandu shengshou #lan huan #zewu jun #the untamed x reader #cql x reader #mdzs scenario request #tangledwriting

[lesbian-ed]

This question might be similar to another one you received but basically I know I'm a lesbian yet my brain keeps forcing me to imagine having sex with a man. When I imagine having sex with a man it feels rapey and uncomfortable and I want to cry. I'm not attracted to men, in fact I am completely repulsed by men so I dont know why my brain keeps forcing me to imagine these things. Maybe these thoughts are just intrusive thoughts but I'm not sure, what do you think?

Hey there! First of all I want to clarify, as always, I cannot be sure what is the correct answer here. This is something that may take a lot of introspection and time to fully figure out. So please, take my perspective with a grain of salt, know I don't have all the answers, and that you are truly the only one who would ever be able to fully comprehend what is going on with yourself and determine your own sexuality.

With that disclaimer out of the way... This sounds like intrusive thoughts to me, especially considering how uncomfortable you are with the whole thing. Unfortunately a lot of us grow up thinking we are supposed to be heterosexual, supposed to obey these rules that were put in place because society doesn't like to admit homosexuality is a thing that exists.

Dealing with intrusive thoughts is difficult, I've had to cope with them myself, and it can feel like your own mind turning against you and trying to put you "in place" somehow. My personal strategy when I get intrusive thoughts is to try to rationalize through them. Basically, acknowledge you're thinking them, acknowledge that just because you think them it doesn't mean anything about your sexuality, about what you actually want, and if you can't make them go away, try to distract yourself with something else. I try to turn to music, TV shows or reading when it gets really bad. I turn to a friend or my girlfriend if all else fails.

Meditation can help make this process of recognizing intrusive thoughts for what they are easier. If you have never meditated before, it can be a good idea to try. Start off when you're calm, outside of an episode of intrusive thoughts. I recommend the Headspace app, the free basic 10 part course is all you're gonna need to get a basic grip of how to do it. Meditation can look at lot like acknowledging your thoughts, and letting them go by. It's not that they don't matter, but they don't have to control you. Meditation is a good way to learn to handle what you're thinking, and not panic at the bad thoughts that are bound to come.

Also, if you have anyone you trust enough to not judge your intrusive thoughts, reach out. Talking aloud or writing about what you're thinking sometimes helps you realize how irrational it would be to just accept your every thought as an absolute reality.

I recommend googling more methods of how to deal with intrusive thoughts, the internet has a lot more resources and tips. Try to remember that it makes sense to have these thoughts, but thoughts are not absolute manifestations of truth. Remember sexuality is about attraction, it is about who you are actually able to love, who you are actually able to be physically attracted to.

You'll be okay, trust yourself, be kind to yourself about this. It doesn't make you any less of a lesbian to have intrusive thoughts. However, if it turns out that in the future you do realize you may also be attracted to men, it doesn't make you a bad person to have been confused. Just be respectful of lesbians, embrace your bisexuality, and move on. I'm not saying this is your case, but I just want to make it very clear there's nothing wrong about not being sure, and figuring it out later. You're not bad for having been confused, you're not bad for misinterpreting something that isn't always black and white due to socialization and societal expectations in general.

I say this because I think the best way to try and analyze what your sexuality actually is is to try to do it from a neutral perspective. Being a lesbian is not value based. You're not better or worse for being homosexual, and you wouldn't be better or worse for being bisexual. Trying to put things in perspective without automatically judging yourself, trying to not assign moral value to your sexuality, is the best way to try to come to terms with whatever it actually is.

And whatever it is, understand you are worthy of happiness just as much as anyone else, understand you are okay either way, you are deserving of a fulfilling life, full of love and care from those around you.

Take care, sister, and good luck. I wish you the best.

/Mod A

#questioning #questioning lesbian #questioning bisexual #intrusive thoughts #compulsory heterosexuality #comp het #mod a #answered asks

[leefi]

Hi, I noticed you did the MBTI types of the ORV characters, and I was wondering what you think the MBTI types are for the Revue Starlight gals :D

Anon, I want you to know that this google doc is 14 pages single-spaced, and I'm still not done.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I'm so glad you asked!! I'll be breaking this up into four parts so we don't have to scroll through one massive wall of text. The other schools will take a bit more time to publish as I'm still working on a couple from each (I think I have four girls left!).

But without further ado:

Starira MBTI Part 1 - Seisho

Siegfeld

Frontier

Rinmeikan

I had a lot of help with all of this reading @HalfACape’s wonderful character analyses of so many of the girls on twitter, as well as consulting the Personality Database page for the characters I was less sure about (though there were a few I disagreed with on there - none in Seisho, we'll be discussing the others later). But everyone feel free to discuss if you disagree with anything!

Karen Aijo: ENFP

ENFPs’ dominant function is Ne (extroverted intuition) (that running gag Karen has in the game where she mishears words, spouting off suggestions even if they make absolutely zero sense to the situation at hand - “telescope? telephone? telenovella?” - is such stereotypical Ne). Ne is always running towards any possibility, no matter how unlikely it seems, and I don’t need to spell out for you how much of that we saw from Karen in the anime. Ne-Fi feed each other to create a rebel/free-spirit type of personality (Ne seeks all possibilities, Fi holds strong inner values and selfish desires - what do I want, what do I need? How does this make me feel?). Her Te isn’t too developed yet, which is fine because it’s tertiary and she’s still so young. That tertiary, undeveloped Te shows up in her scatterbrained, lackadaisical, go-with-the-flow attitude (but when dominant Fi gets fired up by something - like an old childhood friend coming home - it kicks Te into high gear). Inferior introverted Sensing shows no respect towards rules or regulations - see her revue with Junna (Si-dominant) and the anger she draws out of Maya for (a child of the system and traditionally hard worker) in their Revue of Pride. Karen is the natural rebel, the forever optimist, the sunshine girl - textbook ENFP.

Mahiru Tsuyuzaki: INFP

If you want to see what leading with an introverted function looks like compared to an extroverted function, compare Mahiru to Karen! They share the exact same functions, just flipped on the I/E axis. So Mahiru is Fi, Ne, Si, Te. Karen is Ne, Fi, Te, Si. And Mahiru is a very clear example of an INFP - such a warm, brilliant, awe-inspiring person, but can also be her own worst enemy and others tend to underestimate her. And it’s hard, I don’t blame her! Leading with Fi and not having that physical/in the moment Se to support it (like ISFPs do, just compare her to Kaoruko--yes--they’re only one letter off from each other) means that it’s extremely hard for INFPs to naturally advocate for themselves...so instead, they retreat into their own imaginations where it’s safer (Ne). BUT THEY’RE SO INCREDIBLE!! THERE’S SO MUCH THERE TO RESPECT AND ADMIRE!! *shakes her like maracas* IF YOU WOULD JUST SHOW US!!!!!!! (and this is her whole arc in the anime i don’t need to tell her lol). It’s actually so interesting how she and Karen’s Fi and Ne escapism manifests in their respective introverted/extroverted personalities. These two really are more similar than most of us think!

I love INFPs so, so much because they’re like sleeping giants. Once they get a hold of and develop that inferior extroverted Thinking it’s over - nobody else can compare. They’re like the characters in video games that start off super weak, and then you blink and suddenly they’ve become the most powerful units near the end of the game.

Kagura Hikari: INTJ

ENFP’s stereotypical partner (I swear every other reserved person A/sunshine person B couple in fiction is this type pairing) and while it’s tropey it works because these two types play off each other so well. I actually originally had her pegged as an ISTJ, but I think that her bullheadedness earlier in the anime is more indicative of Ni being stubborn. Hikari is cagey, reserved (tert Fi/inferior Se), and an incredibly high-achieving individual (dominant Ni sets specific goals, auxiliary Te implements). Her tertiary Fi (which INTJs LOVE to keep locked up, right here, forever, until they die) is so obvious as you slowly learn just how much of a sap/romantic she is. It’s her weaker Fi that holds that sentimentality towards Starlight after all these years, her Fi that struggles to hold on to that childhood promise, her Fi that has her following Karen (and eventually Mahiru as well) around like a duckling (though we initially get the impression that the dynamic is the other way around). She grows to care deeply for all the other girls around her and that’s all her tertiary introverted Feeling getting stronger as the story progresses! Like so many people in the fandom have realized, she isn’t a mean person, she’s just socially awkward. Not too much to say on her inferior Se, that mostly manifests in how she’s a homelier person who would rather stay in than go out, and doesn’t actively try to seek new experiences (this was what had me thinking ISTJ at first).

Junna Hoshimi: ISTJ

Karen’s polar opposite - they actually share the exact same functions, just in reverse! So Junna leads with introverted Sensing where it’s Karen’s weakest, and Karen leads with extroverted Intuition where it’s Junna’s weakest. And we see this play out in their revue!

Junna is one of my favorite characters in the series for a reason and it’s because it’s SO rare to see the ISTJ in a rebellious role. Si is all about following and respecting order, and Junna breaks all of that to create her own! We see that dominant Si show up in literally every other facet of her life, though - from her by-the-book attitude to her stringency with deadlines and tardiness to her respect for the creatives of old - Shakespeare, Nietschze, etc. She’s an incredibly bright and successful student as well (any type can be of course but the “kind of student” she is is very much Te supporting Si - super studious and placing heavy weight on studying and getting straight A’s). And her Fi is SO GOOD. SO SO SO SO GOOD AND SO APPARENT - MUCH stronger than IxTJ’s sibling Hikari’s at the start of the anime. That’s where the rebellious part of her spirit comes from - her values, her strong sense of self and desire for autonomy (EXTREMELY Fi thing - Fi is all about the self, how I feel about something, what I want out of this, not feeling trapped by others’ expectations, etc.). Inferior Ne manifests in how she struggles with improvisation, ends up tunnel visioning (see her revue with Karen), and can sometimes struggle to accept new ideas or ways of doing things (Junna works so hard, but it’s evident in the anime and a lot of her starira bond stories that she can end up getting stuck in her old ways if someone else doesn’t come in to offer a new perspective -- see her Jekyll bond story dialogue with Maya!). Another example we see is when her extroverted xSTJ sibling Akira, who has Ne a step higher than her but understands where she’s coming from with their shared functions, guides her towards using it in the High Priestess bond story!

Nana Daiba: ESFJ

Textbook ESFJ!! Caring, motherly, affable; Fe doms are always looking to appeal to the group and make sure that everybody feels comfortable (and, likewise, are very keen on suppressing their own insecurities/emotions/discomforts). Nana is not ambitious for ambition’s sake, and in fact suppresses her own talents to appeal to the group. As for that Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :) Si aux… :)

Unhealthy Si can manifest as an extreme fixation on past experiences and a fear of moving on (we’re going to see this later with Si-dom Fumi too). Her poor tertiary Ne had gotten absolutely quashed by her stronger auxiliary Si in the anime - it doesn’t want to change anything! Claudine and Maya can be the leads again. We don’t need to modify the script. The first one was already perfect, why are we risking failure by changing things?! Also, holding herself back for the sake of everyones’ happiness is so Fe dom it hurts. If you want to see the difference between ESFJ and ENFJ (the two Fe-doms of MBTI), compare her to Michiru, who also suppresses her talents -- yes to cultivate the other girls’ (specifically Akira’s) brilliance but also for the sake of her ulterior motives to one day create her own troupe (aux Ni at work vs. Nana’s aux Si). Nana’s is more deferrant, but still just as ferocious - she’ll defeat Maya 60 times over to get what she wants. And the craziest thing is that all of this comes out of love and fear - she’s scared, and all of that is coming from her unhealthy Si aux. Junna is a very good example for her to follow for healthier Si.

Claudine Saijo: ENTJ

“DON’T IGNORE MY LINES!!!” ENTJs LOVE being at the top - the leaders of the pride, the people in charge, the ones you have to answer to (AND she’s a Leo too. Jfc girl pick a struggle LMAOOOOO). You get the picture - except Claudine isn’t in that position. Maya is. Claudine doesn’t even get a revue or her own song, because she’s Maya’s eternal second. This is a really, really uncomfortable spot for an ENTJ to be in, and it’s evident in how hard she pushes herself - and how antsy she gets whenever Maya is around. But Claudine never blames an outside system or factors like Karen (inferior Si) does for her situation - she just gets angry and more driven to succeed, bulldozing her way to the finish line (dominant Te-tertiary Se interacting). The tragedy of her character is that she will never surpass Maya, so we see her Ni begin to reframe achieving the very top to becoming the only star in Maya’s eye (little does she know that she’s already succeeded). That ripping off of her cloak at the end of the revue duet - “the only loser here is me” - is her inferior Fi poking its head out. At the end of the day, Claudine is an interesting character because she’s a walking contradiction. She’s a star denied a spotlight, but she isn’t a failure either, so she’s forced to grapple with this ambiguous, there-but-not-quite-there middle ground. It’s one big identity crisis in the making, and it’s clear to see why so many people relate to her and love her as a character - a lot of us can empathize with never quite being satisfied, and looking up towards heights that can appear insurmountable.

Maya Tendo: INFJ

She seems so normal and established and then you look closer and realize there’s something seriously wrong with her and oh my god where did this massive god complex come from. Typical Ni dom

From her detached, more “mature” personality to her altruistic and often surprisingly keen insight towards people, she has so many key makings of an INFJ. That dominant Ni is strong in Maya - everything is poured into theatre. Everything. From her hobbies to her interests to her personality, everything Maya does in her life is deliberate and all of it is for the sake of theatre. Ni bitches LOVE to fixate on just one thing, and for Maya, that is the stage. “I have no need for those who lack willpower...Come climb up here if you have the resolve...A single step forward is a step closer to my dream” is just...yeah I’m being redundant. Dominant introverted intuition. Ni Ni Ni Ni. This girl embodies it - while Hikari is also a Ni-dom, Maya shows a TON more of it than her (can’t say I blame the writers - Ni is probably the most difficult function to write because it requires thinking so many steps ahead for your character). We can see a marked difference between INFJs and INTJs here in how Maya and Hikari practice solitude - Hikari purposely isolates herself from Karen to avoid hurting her, while Maya purposely isolates and crafts herself into an untouchable God to serve as an inspiration to others (auxiliary extroverted Feeling). Want to see how this looks with the INFJ’s extroverted sibling, the ENFJ? Look at how Michiru crafts Akira’s public image. That’s Ni and Fe at work, just in different priority slots (Maya is Ni dominant, Michiru is Fe dominant - they share the same functions, just flipped on the I/E axis). That tertiary Ti is very prevalent too - Maya mostly keeps her thoughts to herself, and loves to mull over things. She definitely isn’t the first one to shout out an answer, she prefers to think things over.

One interesting comment that really stood out to me on her personality database page was how she’s an INFJ with an INTP persona in the anime, and I think I agree (INFJs and INTPs tend to present similarly and can be easily confused with each other anyway)! But I want to add on to that - I think that INTP presentation is her auxiliary Fe at play crafting a persona that better coincides with Claudine’s, as ENTJ/INTP matchups are extremely compatible (not saying Maya was thinking about MBTI LOL but rather she brought out and exemplified aspects of her personality that would better complement Claudine’s - their partnership is not a one-way street at all! Maya does so much for her!!). Just compare anime Maya to stageplay Maya, where she gives no headway and is absolutely brutal to Claudine.

Futaba Isurigi: ISTP

Futaba is such a great example of what a healthy ISTP can look like! Dominant Ti shows up in how she communicates with others - she's honest, direct, and to the point, but it's never utilized in a way that’s mean-spirited (contrary to how her girlfriend often can be) - it’s just how she communicates. Claudine (a Te dom which works SO well with Ti) actually points out in Starira that this is why they get along so well. Aux Se shows up in her physicality - her love and strength is in stage fights, she's into mechanics with her motorcycle and does all the maintenance herself, etc. Funnily enough, I think that tert Ni, while a slot above Fe, is actually Futaba’s least developed trait (or, at least, the one she's most guarded about) - she went into Seisho to follow Kaoruko, and her aux Se dominates that tert slot and gives her a … little bit of a lackadaisical attitude? Obviously not as much as someone like Karen, but in many senses she doesn't outwardly display a strong fear or anxiety towards the future like the other girls (completely understandably) do - and it’s that tert Ni getting angry when she feels as if Kaoruko is stagnating in her plans. There’s some inklings of her own plan for the future, but Futaba’s own individual plans are mostly kept to herself, so we don’t know how much or little she’s done about them. (I have more to add but will not continue as I’m venturing into movie spoilers territory, but for those that have watched/read them, try to draw your own conclusions based on what I’ve said!). I think that having such a close relationship with Kaoruko is what pushed her to develop that inferior Fe so early to support her girlfriend's dominant Fi. I actually originally had her typed as ESTP for how strong her Fe was (ESTPs have it a slot higher than their introverted siblings), but she really doesn’t strike me as an extrovert, and ISTPs with developed Fe can be very warm, affable people too!

Kaoruko Hanayagi: ISFP

“Kaoruko Hanayagi’s dream is world domination.”

Kaoruko is such a great example of what an unhealthy ISFP can look like! LMAOOO but no, I’m dead serious - if you want to know what unhealthy introverted Feeling looks like, look to Kaoruko. Everything is me me me me me me me, to hell with what anyone else wants (if you want to compare unhealthy Fe to unhealthy Fi, compare Nana and Kaoruko). Tertiary Ni shows up to support Fi in how surprisingly sharp she is towards other people - what makes them tick, exactly where to hurt, their inner thoughts and feelings (see her bathtub conversation with Mahiru).

BUT THAT DOMINANT Fi IS ALSO SUCH A POWERFUL THING. That “me me me me me me” is going to turn into “my vision, and what I want to create, and what I’m going to do” (once that inferior Te finally develops - which Kaoruko is going to be forced to put work into eventually). This is why, like Mahiru, I think that Kaoruko is seriously going to blossom later on in life - ISFPs and INFPs, the Pisces of the MBTI, have this weird penchant for going under the rader and then becoming insanely fucking successful OUT OF NOWHERE??? Like, they aren’t super motivated and driven with a specific plan like Ni-strong xNxJs, or disciplined and hardworking like Te-strong xSTJs, but???? You blink and suddenly they’re millionaires with four creative projects going on simultaneously (but if they get bored with any of them they’ll drop them instantly - you could not pay me all the money in the world to be an IxFP’s manager it must be an absolute nightmare <3). Just...legends out of nowhere? Rihanna is an ISFP Pisces so I have real world evidence to back this up.

#revue starlight #woof #seisho #some are longer than others but i promise it wasn't intentional :( just a matter of when i got to them (i went out of order) #for example Karen and Mahiru were written first so there's a lot less on them. Maya I JUST finished writing 10 minutes ago so I could #publish Seisho and you can tell by the length of hers how much I got into the swing of things LMAO #aijo karen #tsuyuzaki mahiru #kagura hikari #saijo claudine #tendo maya #isurigi futaba #hanayagi kaoruko #daiba nana #hoshimi junna #i love nana so so much but couldn't write enough for her. idk why she was giving me a block...

[digitaldreams0801]

Spirit Fuse AU

Posting Note: I was unable to post this until after the story ended because this contains spoilers for the last two chapters, but now, it is here. I typed this months ago, but now you get to see it. Fucking finally. Anyways, on with the show!

It’s been a while since I did an info dump about Frontiers Unexplored, so here we go. This is a long one. The Google document for it is seventeen pages. Yeah. Anyways, the concept of this AU is basically ‘what if traces of the Spirits were left to share bodies with their vessels after the adventure ended?’ I gave all of them personalities, and it took FUCKING forever. Spoilers for Frontiers Unexplored. Enough talk; let’s get into this!

Spirit Fuse AU

In which the Legendary Warriors share mind and body with the Spirits who call human children their vessels. 

Each of the Spirits acts as common fragments of the current Legendary Warriors and the Ancient Digimon who once saved the Digital World. They act as checkpoints throughout the lives of both, sometimes taking on certain traits from their hosts or offering what their vessels need most. Hybrid forms are often closest to the personalities of the Ancient Digimon since they have combined broken memories from the Human and Beast Spirits, though this is not always the case. 

Warrior of Fire

This collective includes Takuya Kanbara, the current vessel of Fire, along with Aguni the Human Spirit, Vritra the Beast Spirit, and Alda the Hybrid. The body itself is immune to heated temperatures and feels significantly warmer than all others. They are also immune to burns and can breathe in smoke easily. Their strength is replenished when in the presence of fire. 

Takuya

Takuya is known for his endless passion and confidence. He is naturally charismatic and a strong leader, though he can be stubborn to a fault. His loyalty and courage cannot be understated, and he cares for those who get close to him above all else. Takuya has a strong sense of justice, but he rarely thinks before he acts, and this can very easily get him into trouble. He hides insecurity involving his body behind his brazen optimism. Takuya is the most casual out of the Warriors of Fire in posture and movements. 

Aguni

Aguni is known to be a somewhat chaotic person, and he’s openly talkative with the people around him. He’s a leader at heart, very easily earning the trust and admiration of others without even trying. He can be stubborn at times and refuses to give up even in the face of opposition with every power to crush him. In the Ancient Warrior of Fire, Aguni manifests as the leadership needed following the death of the Ancient Warrior of Steel. In Takuya, Aguni is meant to reflect Takuya embracing his true self following his transition. 

Vritra 

Vritra is detached and borderline confrontational in his wish to be kept secure. He despises physical contact under most circumstances and is prone to snapping in the name of safety. He personifies the Ancient Warrior of Fire from the start of the war with Lucemon when times were chaotic and lives were being lost constantly. In Takuya, Vritra reflects his host’s struggle with dysphoria and a wish to stand up to his intrusive thoughts. Vritra takes control on bad days and is known for his general snappiness and cynicism. 

Alda

Alda is known for his endless confidence and stoic nature. He easily rallies others to his causes and has gained a reputation as a powerful soldier who bows to no one. He also has a strong sense of leadership modeled after his peers and those he looks up to. Alda is analytical by nature, doing what he can to get the upper hand in and out of battle. He reflects the Ancient Warrior of Fire’s time as a fighter during the war after he grew used to a life of combat. For Takuya, Alda is meant to reflect someone who Takuya came to admire and rely on throughout his youth (Chihiro). 

Fire Collective

The Warriors of Fire get along well, though the most distant out of their group is easily Vritra, who tends to clash with Aguni while Alda acts as mediator. All of them can be endlessly stubborn at times, though Alda is the best at listening to the issues of others. Aguni is the best at imitating Takuya followed by Alda and then Vritra. Their prominence order is the same, though Vritra notably makes an appearance when they begin to suffer from dysphoria-induced struggles on the worst of days. Since they’re so similar, they both get along very well and clash simultaneously, leading to frequent shifts in dynamic depending on if their various senses of stubborn confidence get the better of them.

Warrior of Light

This collective includes Koji Minamoto, the current vessel of Light, and Lobo the Human Spirit, Garum the Beast Spirit, Beowolf the Hybrid, and Erocia the False Fusion. The body has perfect eyesight in lighted spaces but struggles in darker areas. Their temperature is naturally slightly higher than most humans. They gain strength in daylight and well-lit areas, and they rarely require sleep. 

Koji

Koji dislikes interacting with others and prefers his own company. He is rather quiet, but when provoked, he can be sarcastic almost to the point of irritating those around him. He believes firmly that actions speak louder than words. Koji does possess communication issues though, and he’s prone to times of being snappish and angry when rubbed the wrong way. He struggles to convey his emotions, specifically sadness and grief, due to being forced to hide them from a young age. His actions show how closed-off he is, and he only relaxes around those he trusts. 

Lobo 

Lobo has an incredible sense of justice, always believing in what he finds to be right regardless of what others say. He’s a white knight of sorts, wanting to defend those who are unable to save themselves. He can be somewhat stubborn in his ideals, sometimes refusing to accept it when he’s wrong. He reflects the Ancient Warrior of Light’s wishes to keep the Digital World and its occupants safe from Lucemon’s tyranny. For Koji, Lobo personifies his stubborn wish to defend those he cares for. He is confident in his movements, refusing to bow or otherwise yield to anyone. 

Garum 

Garum acts as an ideal fighter of sorts, unbending in his loyalties. He’s somewhat reclusive, only showing his face when he has to. He’s somewhat distant from the world but possesses more than enough determination to make up for it. He manifests the Ancient Warrior of Light’s resolve to end the war following the death of most of his comrades. Garum also personifies Koji’s stoic mask that kept him from spiraling into despair throughout childhood, causing him to come off as a brick wall at times. He moves somewhat slowly and often makes uncomfortable eye contact with others. 

Beowolf

Beowolf is fueled primarily by his emotions, and he’s incredibly caring for those who are suffering. He’s also empathetic beyond imagination and often offers others quiet motivation to keep them going even through difficult times. Beowolf can be swayed by his feelings at times, most notably when it comes to grief. He manifests the Ancient Warrior of Light’s sadness during the battle with Lucemon when his comrades fell in combat. He reflects Koji’s often excessive emotions as well, causing him to be a bit rash when it comes to jumping to conclusions. Beowolf moves fastest out of the group’s members and has the worst posture. 

Erocia

Erocia, unlike many of the other Warriors, isn’t entirely a stable presence on his own. Instead, he’s the combined might of the Spirits of Light and Darkness, leaving him often unstable and difficult to predict. He’s rarely present, but he holds heavy emotions tied to grief and anger that cause him to look rather spaced out at a first glance since he tends to ignore the emotions to keep from being crushed by them. He doesn’t speak much either, preferring to keep to himself. Erocia may take control during times of extreme emotion or chaos since he can defend the others from suffering too much under the weight of negativity. He is incredibly protective of those around him, but Koichi in particular is a target for Erocia’s defensive nature. 

Light Collective

The Warriors of Light are close for the most part, but Erocia is somewhat distant from the rest. Garum is the best when it comes to imitating Koji followed by Lobo, Beowolf, and Erocia, though there’s a wide gap between Garum and Lobo. Lobo is most prominent followed by Garum, Beowolf, and finally Erocia. Beowolf and Erocia tend to keep to themselves outside of times of extreme emotion, and Erocia very rarely appears unless he’s absolutely required to ensure that everyone else is kept safe. Erocia is prone to notable bouts of fear and anger, so the rest of the group tries to defend him to the best of their abilities. 

Warrior of Ice

This collective includes Tomoki Himi, the current vessel of Ice, and Kuma the Human Spirit, Blizzar the Beast Spirit, and Daipen the Hybrid. The body is incredibly cold to the touch and immune to chilled temperatures. They cannot freeze either, and they feel at their best when in cooler environments. 

Tomoki

Tomoki is on the shy side, easily made nervous and anxious by his surroundings. He longs to connect with others but is often too wrapped up in his own fears to actually reach out. He can be rather clingy at times because of how fiercely loyal he is to those who are able to earn his trust. Tomoki has issues with hiding his feelings as well, rarely expressing his pain until it is pushing him to the point of nearly breaking down. He has a heart of gold beneath all of this and hates hurting others. Tomoki moves quickly and often seems rather jittery. 

Kuma 

Kuma is free-spirited and laidback, uncaring as to the opinions of others. He simply wants to go through life at his own pace, and he doesn’t mind what others think of him along the way. Kuma’s connection to the Ancient Warrior of Ice is that he acts as a fragment of childhood and innocence. His link to Tomoki describes Kuma as the person that Tomoki would have been if not for his traumas, and as it is, Kuma acts so young and carefree to embody the childhood that Tomoki had taken from him. He is energetic and moves quickly with confidence. 

Blizzar 

Blizzar is careful and contemplative, often abandoning his connection with emotion to concentrate on survival. He’s rather quiet and enjoys reading and meditating. Blizzar acts as the manifestation of grief in the Ancient Warrior of Ice, representing his sadness when the war with Lucemon began to take the lives of Digimon. In Tomoki, he reflects the way that his host cut himself away from his emotions at times to keep from being harmed too heavily by his brother. Blizzar’s lack of emotional connection is a coping mechanism to balance out Tomoki’s overwhelming compassion. He walks slowly and heavily and often appears to be spaced out. 

Daipen 

Daipen is caring and gentle, handling every subject that comes his way with a certain degree of logic and emotion that balances out perfectly. He is the personification of the Ancient Warrior of Ice’s care towards the rest of his team during the war, and he is incredibly self-sacrificing, though he does understand his own limitations. Daipen acts as the older brother that Tomoki never had due to Yutaka’s treatment of him, and he is seamlessly able to ease Tomoki’s anxieties when he gets afraid or otherwise worked up. He is quiet and firm in his movements.

Ice Collective

The four Warriors of Ice get along rather well all in all, though there are occasional spats between Kuma and Blizzar due to them being polar opposites regarding emotions (all at once versus none at all). Kuma is the most prominent of them followed by Daipen and then Blizzar. Daipen is the best at pretending to be Tomoki where Kuma is the worst and Blizzar falls in between them. Kuma enjoys bright colors and exciting environments such as amusement parks and playgrounds, and he’s the most social of the three. Blizzar is rather defensive and keeps the group from getting into trouble. Daipen is the best at easing Tomoki’s fears, causing him to appear when paranoia hits a peak. 

Warrior of Wind

This collective includes Izumi Orimoto, the current vessel of Wind, along with Kaze the Human Spirit, Zephyr the Beast Spirit, and Aero the Hybrid. The body has an incredible sense of hearing along with amazing stamina and speed. They have amazing lung capacity as well and feel strongest in windy areas. 

Izumi

Izumi is a kind and caring person who prefers to keep to herself rather than interacting with others. She is naturally empathetic and often maintains a perfect mask of what she wants to show the world with a smile on her face. She wants to make sure that others are happy and isn’t above self-sacrifice to unhealthy extents to satisfy those around her. Izumi has an awful complex regarding perfection though, and she can be self-destructive in pursuit of her goals. She is known for consistently having a demure smile on her face. 

Kaze 

Kaze is confident and flirtatious in a way that not many others are. She’s playful and bold, often believing that everything will work out regardless of what is taking place. Kaze represents the Ancient Warrior of Wind in youth, nonchalant and laidback about the world around her. Kaze is a manifestation of Izumi’s ideals of the person she wishes that she could be. She possesses incredible optimism that she often uses to rally others into action. She is far more energetic than Izumi, and she moves and talks faster than anyone else in the collective. 

Zephyr 

Zephyr is detached and emotionless by comparison, the complete opposite of Kaze. She is self-assured and intelligent, but she can get a bit stubborn and wrapped in her own ideas of tough love. Zephyr reflects the Ancient Warrior of Wind when she was a general in the war against Lucemon, stern and unflinching. She is Izumi’s hidden pragmatism made real, a reflection of Izumi’s slipping faith in others following her years of struggling with an eating disorder. Zephyr’s gaze is always unbreaking when she is in control, and she generally seems scarier than usual. 

Aero 

Aero is soft-spoken and sympathetic, caring for others in a motherly way. She understands the emotions of others easily and is able to slip into the shoes of those around her seamlessly. Aero is a representation of the Warrior of Wind in her older years prior to the war when she shifted her overwhelming energy towards empathy. Aero represents Izumi’s deceased mother as well, and she acts as a natural caretaker. She is the best at pretending to be Izumi, but those who watch her carefully will notice that she walks slower than Izumi slightly. 

Wind Collective

Izumi is the vessel for the Warrior of Wind, and she gets along rather well with the other three extensions of herself. Zephyr is the most prominent of the three easily due to the heavy ties Izumi and Zephyr formed when the latter took control after being discovered. However, it’s rare for Zephyr to actually take control unless she finds it to be necessary, instead being a constant close presence for Izumi. Kaze takes control most often followed by Aero and then Zephyr. Aero is the best at acting as Izumi followed by Kaze and finally Zephyr. Kaze prefers social situations to anything else, and Aero takes control when another person needs comfort that Izumi cannot provide. 

Warrior of Thunder

This collective includes Junpei Shibayama, the current vessel of Thunder, and Blitz the Human Spirit, Bolg the Beast Spirit, and Thundra the Hybrid. The body is naturally charged with electricity, and they can charge technology if they hold it for long enough. When stressed, they emit small sparks and shock others, and they are immune to electrocution. They feel at their strongest when surrounded by technology or during storms. 

Junpei

Junpei is deceptively cheerful around others, showing off his true nature from the very beginning. He’s open about the sort of person that he wants to be and the fact that he wants to make others smile. Despite this, Junpei possesses a strange sense of nihilism, believing that he should be loyal to himself since there’s a chance that nobody else ever will be. He also has anger issues that stem from his self-loathing and inability to satisfy those around him. Junpei moves slowly and often shows off his awful posture. 

Blitz 

Blitz is a people-pleaser who longs to satisfy those around him. He’s openly very cheerful and enjoys teasing others, almost as if he doesn’t know how to stop smiling. Blitz goes with the flow most of the time and often encourages the mischief of others. He’s the manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Thunder’s hope for the world. In Junpei, Blitz is an ideal that Junpei wishes he could achieve. He often moves quickly and seems to always be smiling in an over-the-top and goofy way that attracts the attention of others. 

Bolg 

Bolg is, in a word, volatile. He’s very easily pushed over the edge by the words of others, and he’s incredibly defensive of those around him. He’s not above getting explosive in his anger when it comes to protecting himself and others. Bolg has good intentions but can go too far at times due to the strength of his emotions. He’s somewhat nihilistic, knowing that everything ends sooner or later. He represents the Ancient Warrior of Thunder’s anger at Lucemon for harming the innocent. In Junpei, Bolg reflects and protects from extreme moments of upset. His steps are heavy and often perceived as aggressive even without harsh intentions. 

Thundra 

Thundra is an incredibly curious soul who longs to learn more about the world around him. He loves tinkering around with small devices, and he is absolutely fascinated by various obscure inventions. Thundra has an amazing mind and always longs to do something productive and creative. He’s the Ancient Warrior of Steel’s creativity and ambition from the war that helped him to survive. Where Junpei is concerned, Thundra is the manifestation of Junpei’s coping mechanisms when he was left on his own. He moves quickly and seems unable to sit still. He also has a wide vocabulary that differs from the others in the Thunder category.

Thunder Collective

The group of four gets along well, but when there are occasional arguments, chances are they are between Bolg and Blitz since they utilize their excessive emotional capacity in different ways. Blitz is the best at acting like Junpei followed by Thundra and finally Bolg. Blitz is most prominent, and Bolg comes after him leaving Thundra last. They tend to do more talking under their breath than the rest of the Legendary Warriors because of their general banter being constant. All of them are talkative to some extent, leaving them to hold extended conversations with one another when left alone. 

Warrior of Darkness

This collective includes Koichi Kimura, the current vessel of Darkness, and Lowe the Human Spirit, Umbra the Beast Spirit, Rhihi the Hybrid, Dusk the False Human Spirit, Velge the False Beast Spirit, Malkako the False Hybrid, and Erocia, the False Fusion. The body is slightly colder than others, and they possess perfect vision in the dark while struggling to see in overly bright areas. They regain strength when in darker areas. 

Koichi

Koichi is unsure of how to interact with others due to his fear of reaching out and making a connection. He fears being a burden on others, causing him to retreat into his shell when he feels that others are trying to get too close to him. Koichi is immensely kind and curious though, and he will do what he can to cheer up those around him without getting too close. He is shy and sweet, and even though he’s introverted, he is rarely hated due to his caring nature. Koichi is slow when he walks, and he often keeps his eyes locked on the ground. 

Lowe

Lowe is on the introverted side, tending to keep to himself above all else. He’s quiet and takes a while to open up to people, but he possesses a gentle sense of charm that most others lack. He’s also positive and optimistic, there to soothe others enduring tough times. In the Ancient Warrior of Darkness, Lowe acts as a manifestation of the middle of his life when the war was going on but he did his best to remain optimistic. Lowe also reflects Koichi’s hope for life to get better in the future, and the two get along well due to their similar soft-spoken natures. 

Umbra

Umbra is the quietest out of the Warriors of Darkness, rarely speaking unless he absolutely has to. He’s reclusive and chooses to keep to himself when he can. He’s starved for attention and, despite wanting to be around others, fears making connections with others. Umbra acts as the manifestation of grief for the Warrior of Darkness in the time leading up to his death. For Koichi, Umbra reflects how he would hide his problems out of hope to not inconvenience others. As such, Umbra holds considerable amounts of sadness and fear for the future.

Rhihi

Rhihi is upbeat and talkative, easily able to connect with anyone he comes into contact with. He has an endless sense of optimism and creativity, loving the arts and spending much of his time making anything that he can to get out his extra energy. In both the Ancient Warrior of Darkness and Koichi, Rhihi reflects childhood and the potential for infinite possibilities. Rhihi represents the way that Koichi would have been had he not been distrubed by his trauma from such a young age, and despite being the Warrior of Darkness, he rarely allows life to get him down.

Dusk

Dusk is honest to a fault, and he’s known to be rather confrontational. He speaks his mind regardless of how others will react, and he can be quick to anger, causing many to find him to be abrasive and harsh. Dusk is not a manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Darkness since he originates from the corruption of the Spirits of Darkness, so he only holds memories of Koichi’s past. In Koichi’s case, Dusk represents his anger towards his father, and Dusk absolutely despises Kousei despite Koichi’s (albeit hesitant) attempts to make amends with him. 

Velge

Velge has a reputation for being anxious and easily unsettled. Nearly anything out of the ordinary will upset Velge and send him into a panic, often leaving him defensive and agitated. He sometimes goes to unsettling lengths to feel secure in a situation, and he chooses to not interact with people unless he deems them safe. Much like Duskmon, Velge holds no memories from an Ancient Legendary Warrior. Instead, Velge acts as a manifestation of Koichi’s insecurities brought on by his unorthodox upbringing, and Velge makes sure that everyone is able to survive when times get tough. 

Malkako

Malkako is confrontational and angry much like Dusk, though he doesn’t ever seem to need a reason to be upset unlike Dusk, instead carrying himself with an aura that makes him seem dangerous. He chooses to not spend time with others when he can. While Malkako is open to speaking with those he finds to be safe, it takes a lot to reach this level, and he’s a harsh judge of character. He holds no Ancient Legendary Warrior’s memories. Malkako holds Koichi’s desires to be cared for by his father, so he has a strong grudge against Kousei just like Dusk. 

Erocia

The fragment of Erocia that Koichi holds is completely different from Koji’s half. This version is rather soft-spoken and doesn’t talk a majority of the time. He is similar in appearance to the other variation of Erocia, always seeming to be off in a world of his own. Erocia holds immense sensations of sadness and fear, specifically the fear of death. He prefers to write as opposed to speaking, and he can very easily be pushed too far by the words of others. He is distant from most others out of his own paranoia, but he feels a certain connection to Koji due to the two halves of Erocia caring about each other even from afar. 

Darkness Collective

Despite the varying personalities found in the Darkness Collective, they do get along rather well and rarely get into full-on arguments with one another. They make up for one another’s weaknesses and look after each other when times get tough. In order of prominence, the list is Lowe, Umbra, Rhihi, Velge, Dusk, Malkako, and Erocia. When it comes to imitating Koichi, the best is Lowe, followed by Umbra, Erocia, Velge, Rhihi, Dusk, and then Malkako. This group is the least open to trusting new people, and it takes a long time to earn the full confidence of any member of the group, much less each Warrior of Darkness. They are all notably defensive over Erocia, and they fear death above all else. 

Warrior of Earth

This collective includes Chihiro Ayumu, the current vessel of Earth, along with Aeoel the Human Spirit, Cybele the Beast Spirit, and Yaia the Hybrid. The body has perfect balance and cannot be knocked over. They can smell better than most others and possess immense physical strength and stamina. They feel best when outdoors in particularly rocky environments. 

Chihiro

Chihiro generally keeps to themselves out of a pessimistic belief that the world is a difficult place to be in. They are incredibly stubborn about remaining detached from the rest of the world, often ignoring their issues until they blow up in their face. Chihiro is rather snarky and sarcastic, using jokes as a way to keep people from getting too close. They are independent but struggle to rely on others, and they can be rather temperamental when rubbed the wrong way. They walk with detached confidence as a way of silently keeping others at bay. 

Aeoel 

Aeoel is known for being snappish and almost rude at times, and they are blunt and honest in all situations. Their number one priority is self-preservation, and if they have to resort to being mean to do it, they will. They are caring deep down, but they prefer not to let emotions interfere with their work. They act as a bearer of trauma for the Ancient Warrior of Earth, recalling the life or death nature of the battle against Lucemon and the pain that came with the deaths of their comrades. For Chihiro, they are a defender who prevents others from crossing any lines. They walk roughly and heavily and have a broody aura about them. 

Cybele

Cybele is defensive in the same way that a caretaker is, and they care greatly for the other members of their collective. Despite their stoic nature, they act similar to a parent to the others found within the collective, doing what they must in order to keep everything running smoothly in and out of the group. Cybele represents the Ancient Warrior of Earth from times of chaos during the war when they worked to help others above all else. For Chihiro, Cybele is meant to act as something that they never had: parental connection. As such, they look after their host as they would their own child.

Yaia

Yaia has a strong sense of charisma and leadership, knowing how to get the attention of others and use it to their advantage. Despite having a laid back and casual personality, they know how to get down to business when needed, and they use their endless confidence to rally the spirits of those around them. Yaia acts as what the Warrior of Earth was before the war, always looking on the bright side and believing that everything would work out fine despite evidence to the contrary. For Chihiro, Yaia is meant to represent an ideal that they always wanted to reach, and they're incredibly similar to Chihiro’s best friend from childhood (Takuya).

Earth Collective

The Warriors of Earth rarely get into disputes with one another and act as a family of sorts. Even though Aeoel and Yaia are polar opposites in many respects, they still get along well and look after one another through thick and thin. When there are issues among the members of the group, Cybele takes on the role of a mediator and calms things down before anything can go too far or cause serious damage to their relationships. Aeoel is the most prominent out of the group’s members, and Yaia follows them while Cybele takes up the rear. The order is the same as far as imitating Chihiro is concerned as well. Despite what one would expect, it takes a while to earn their trust as a whole, though Yaia is the most open to accepting the good found in others.

Warrior of Wood

This collective includes Yumiko Mihara, the current vessel of Wood, and Fiore the Human Spirit, Calanthe the Beast Spirit, and Lyseir the Hybrid. The body possesses a natural ability to ease the worries of others, eliminating panic easily. They have a natural green thumb as well and can talk to plants in a limited capacity. They feel best when outdoors in areas with many plants. 

Yumiko

Yumiko is rather shy and reclusive, preferring to spend time alone rather than with others. She has an incredible sense of compassion that can overwhelm her if she isn’t careful. She tends to repress her emotions rather than expressing them out of a wish to not inconvenience others. Yumiko is naturally graceful and elegant as well, easily earning the trust of others even if she isn’t enthusiastic to hand out faith of her own. She possesses a naturally calming presence. Yumiko tends to somewhat hide herself when in control, rarely making eye contact unless she trusts the other party greatly. 

Fiore 

Fiore is a dreamer above all else, tending to drift through life without a care in the world. She is a wonderful dancer and always seems to be moving rhythmically or humming a song. Fiore is a representation of the Ancient Warrior of Wood’s past as a performer prior to the fighting starting. She also acts as a manifestation of the person Yumiko was prior to her trauma. Fiore glides everywhere that she goes, and she has a relaxing aura that can almost put others to sleep. She’s also an incredible singer, putting even Yumiko, another talented performer, to shame. 

Calanthe

Calanthe is incredibly shy and tends to avoid speaking with people where possible. She’s very easy to overwhelm and absolutely detests being touched. She enjoys writing poetry and taking care of plants and animals, operating under the logic that none of those things can hurt her. Calanthe is the manifestation of trauma and grief from the Ancient Warrior of Wood, leaving her as a hollow shell of her former self. She’s the embodiment of Yumiko’s fears, prompting her to be easily frightened and agitated by Yumiko’s triggers involving assault. She moves quickly in an attempt to keep from being touched and speaks softly and carefully, sometimes stammering if she’s particularly nervous. 

Lyseir

Lyseir is proud and firm in herself, possessing a confidence that many others lack. She exudes an aura of pure power, the type of boldness found only on the battlefield. She can be rather morbid without meaning to, saying something casually tragic like it’s nothing due to her experience in combat. Lyseir personifies the Ancient Warrior of Wood’s battlefield prowess and preparedness from the early days of the war with Lucemon. In Yumiko, Lyseir is an ideal companion, the type of person who can defend her from anything negative. She walks confidently and at her own pace, making others wait for her rather than the other way around.

Wood Collective

The group rarely argues, if ever, possessing incredible skills of communication that allow them to easily understand each other. Fiore is the most prominent followed by Lyseir and finally Calanthe. Fiore is also the best at pretending to be Yumiko, but Calanthemon is second in this category, leaving Lyseir last. Lyseir protects everyone in times of turmoil while Fiore cheers them up in dark moments. Calanthe soothes the group similarly to Fiore, but her primary job is to keep Yumiko from giving in to her overpowering empathy and spiraling as a result. 

Warrior of Water

This collective includes Hinoka Sakatami, the current vessel of Water, and Oceania the Human Spirit, Aquaria the Beast Spirit, and Cerulea the Hybrid. The body can see, breathe, and hear perfectly underwater, leaving them immune to drowning. They feel at their strongest when in the presence of water, and they heal quickly when completely submerged in liquid. They also enjoy rainy weather. 

Hinoka

Hinoka is gentle and jittery, often keeping others away out of a fear of getting hurt. She is open about her anxiety and doesn’t even try to hide it when she’s struggling. Hinoka finds herself to be weak and longs to be strong without being nervous over how others feel about her. She is incredibly emotional both for herself and others, but she has a lot of compassionate energy that doesn’t seem to have a place to go. Hinoka is very kind as well, almost to the point of naivete. She moves quickly and awkwardly, and she often seems rather jumpy. 

Oceania

Oceania is a shy and soft-spoken person, and she struggles greatly with anxiety and the fear that comes with being around others. She takes a long time to open up to others, believing that it’s rare for other people to be worthy of hearing about her struggles. In the Warrior of Water, Oceania acts as a manifestation of youth from before she had a sense of confidence and struggled greatly with self-esteem. For Hinoka, Oceania holds anxiety and fear, and Oceania bears part of Hinoka’s trauma so that the vessel of the system doesn’t have to. She speaks the least out of the group’s members.

Aquaria

Aquaria is described by many as the manifestation of strength, rarely allowing the words of others to get to her. She has an undying sense of confidence and faith in herself, and she helps out others with a heart that many would describe as endlessly noble. For the Warrior of Water, Aquaria reflects her personality during the war when she completed her journey of self-discovery and set out to aid those who were struggling under the weight of the fighting. For Hinoka, Aquaria is an ideal that she longs to reach but finds to be impossible, leading to Hinoka admiring the Beast Spirit of Water greatly.

Cerulea

Cerulea has a maternal aura that allows her to easily connect to others. Many find her to be easy to trust, and she is seen as a shoulder to cry on when times grow to be difficult. She has a naturally soothing presence to counteract the stress placed on other members of the group. For the Ancient Warrior of Water, Cerulea acts as the halfway point between Oceania and Aquaria when she was focusing on finding herself in the final days leading up to the battle with Lucemon. In Hinoka’s case, Cerulea is the mother figure that Hinoka always wanted but never got due to her mother’s various personality flaws.

Water Collective

All four of the Warriors of Water are very close, and they rely on each other through thick and thin. They never get into arguments since they simply understand one another well and know how to talk out issues when they arise. Since they can soothe one another’s anxieties well, the Warriors of Water help to ensure that Hinoka doesn’t fall apart under her issues with stress, greatly improving their shared quality of life and mitigating the impacts of severe anxiety and depression. Oceania is the best at imitating while Aquaria is the worst, leaving Cerulea to rest in the middle. Prominence is a different story entirely though, and Cerulea is the most prominent most of the time followed by Aquaria and then Oceania. 

Warrior of Steel

This collective includes Saki Fushida, the current vessel of Steel, and Lyra the Human Spirit, Onyx the Beast Spirit, Aeris the Hybrid, Seraphi the Hope Celestial, Ophani the Light Celestial, and Cherubi the Destiny Celestial. The body can read minds and move small objects, though the ability is limited and can induce severe migraines if care is not used. They can also touch electronics and immediately access the data contained within. Their memory is also above average. They feel best when the presence of excessive amounts of metal. 

Saki

Saki is a distant strategist, always wanting to find the best solution to a situation. They care about survival more than anything else, and they refuse to hurt others unless the person in question is a threat to Saki or those around them. They hide their emotions as a defense mechanism, unwilling to show weakness in case those they distrust exploit it. Saki struggles to open up to others, but their intelligence and quick thinking is second to none. They always move with a purpose, shoulders pressed back and watching everyone critically to frighten those who may pose a threat to them. 

Lyra 

Lyra is emotionless at a first glance, always viewing situations from a pragmatic and logical eye. They have an incredible natural feel for tactics and strategy, and they often notice even the smallest actions and note what they mean about a person. Lyra is the manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Steel during the war against Lucemon, reflecting their stoicism as the team’s strategist. For Saki, Lyra is the embodiment of a wish for survival, and they will do anything to ensure that prolonged safety is secured. They move stiffly and tend to glare without meaning to. 

Onyx 

Onyx has immense ambition and a powerful sense of what is right and wrong. They want to defend those who have been hurt by others, and they detest those who misuse their positions of power to harm those around them. They act as a defender of the weak when given the chance. Onyx reflects the Ancient Warrior of Steel’s righteous anger at Lucemon and others who willingly inflict pain on others. In Saki, Onyx acts as an idol figure who will keep them safe from the pain that others have caused them. They move quickly and with purpose. 

Aeris 

Aeris is easily the most passionate and emotional out of the Warriors of Steel. They fully understand the wide range of emotion and how to properly utilize it. They are a strong leader and know how to appeal to both the emotional and logical sides of others. Aeris is the personification of the Ancient Warrior of Steel at their peak before their death when they acted as the leader of the Legendary Warriors. In Saki, Aeris embodies the feelings that Saki spent many years repressing and ignoring in favor of control. Aeris moves with a sense of casual authority.

Seraphi 

Seraphi is the personable type, and he excels in strategy as well. He’s caring as well, believing that all creatures are deserving of care. He has a fatherly aura, and he often attempts to understand the perspectives of others. Seraphi has an interest in reading. Since he is not a direct Legendary Warrior, Seraphi does not embody anything in the Ancient Warrior of Steel or Saki. Instead, he simply holds all of the memories of Seraphimon from the Digital World after Saki scanned his memory data. He walks with an air of authority. 

Ophani 

Ophani is charismatic and confident, knowing what she wants and how to get it. She’s elegant and tends to attract the admiration of others without even trying. She’s a natural leader and can easily get others on her side regardless of the situation. Ophani cares greatly for those around her and will do what she can to cheer them up when possible. She is not connected to an Ancient Legendary Warrior or Saki, instead only manifesting as the memories of Ophanimon prior to Saki’s scanning of her data. She is known to have a motherly aura. 

Cherubi

Cherubimon is the shyest and most reclusive out of the Celestial Three. He tends to keep to himself and is rather passive. He dislikes conflict but suffers from an awful sense of paranoia that can leave him worried and anxious. Cherubi wants the best for others but isn’t the best when it comes to expressing his emotions. He lacks a connection to an Ancient Legendary Warrior, and he isn’t linked to Saki either. Instead, he holds the memories of Cherubimon from before he was scanned. He moves slowly and avoids eye contact. 

Steel Collective

There are rarely issues of dispute between the members of the Steel group. Lyra is most prominent in the group followed by Aeris, Onyx, Ophani, Seraphi, and finally Cherubi. Aeris is the best at acting in Saki’s place followed by Lyra, Onyx, Ophani, Seraphi, and Cherubi. The Celestial Three are nowhere near as prominent as the Warriors of Steel, often preferring to stick to their own devices. There is communication among all of them, but the Celestial Three spend more time with each other than the Warriors of Steel when push comes to shove. 

Warrior of Energy

This collective includes Mayumi Reiku, the current vessel of Energy, and Kiris the Human Spirit, Sheyu the Beast Spirit, and Aether the Hybrid. The body is naturally energetic and can operate incredibly well even under stressful circumstances. They also have incredible speed and can sense the chaos and energy found inside a person. They can give limited doses of energy to those around them, and they feel at their strongest along other energetic people. 

Mayumi

Mayumi has more energy than she knows what to do with, and she’s incredibly chipper. She’s incredibly optimistic and has a natural way of rallying others to look at the bright side of a situation. She often takes risks without thinking the consequences through, leading to her being somewhat clumsy and disorganized. Mayumi has a short attention span as well, but she always puts her heart into something when it captures her full focus, and she’s filled to the brim with love. She moves quickly and practically never stops moving, always fidgeting with a small toy if she can. 

Kiris 

Kiris is an unapologetic trickster who doesn’t care what others think of her in the slightest. She’s hyperactive and bubbly, and she almost never stops moving. She has a strong sense of humor and always knows just how to cheer others up. Kiris acts as the manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Energy’s youngest years before she found a purpose with her allies. For Mayumi, Kiris reflects childhood and optimism prior to when Mayumi suffered abuse at the hands of her mother. Kiris moves similarly to Mayumi, but she never stops smiling regardless of the situation.

Sheyu 

Sheyu is rather somber and expresses guilt and detachment from the rest of the world. She fears being a burden and wants to be as productive as can be for the sake of satisfying others. Sheyu is an extreme contrast from the others under the Energy name and is calm and self-deprecating by comparison. For the Ancient Warrior of Energy, Sheyu is the manifestation of guilt prior to her betrayal of her allies to side with Lucemon. In Mayumi, Sheyu holds negative emotions regarding the way that Mayumi was treated and cast aside throughout childhood. Sheyu moves and talks far slower than anyone else in the group. 

Aether 

Aether is confident and outgoing, putting her all into the subjects that she cares for. She is charming and can be a bit of a flirt at times, playing around with others as a way of getting them where she wants. Aether cares for those around her though, and she wants to keep them safe. She manifests the Ancient Warrior of Energy’s endless love for the rest of her team. As far as Mayumi is concerned, Aether is a protective figure, the type that Mayumi idolized for being strong throughout her youth. She walks the fine line between Kiris’ speed and Sheyu’s slowness when it comes to movements. 

Energy Collective

The four get along well and bounce off each other rather well. They know how to lift one another up when they’re down, taking their unique perspectives and helping one another through them. Kiris is the best at imitating Mayumi followed by Aether and then Sheyu. The order of prominence is the same, starting with Kiris before shifting to Aether and finally Sheyu. During negative times, Sheyu’s prominence rises because she’s closer to Mayumi when she has an awful issue with her mental health. They talk to themselves a lot since they’re mostly energetic and upbeat. 

Warrior of Cosmos

This collective includes Haroi Tsurumaki, the current vessel of Cosmos, and Orion the Human Spirit, Cygnus the Beast Spirit, and Sirius the Hybrid. The body is usually calm and also operates well despite outside stressors. They have an amazing capacity for knowledge and an incredible memory. They are drawn to areas of peace and can sense a person’s balance. They naturally calm those around them without needing to try. They feel best in spaces far from others, especially if the sky is easily visible. 

Haroi

Haroi is relaxed and calm, always thinking through every situation that comes his way. He’s logical and quiet, preferring to observe rather than act. He enjoys seeing the people that he loves happy more than anything else, and he’ll do what he can to cheer them up. Haroi often worries about bothering others though, and he sometimes makes excuses when others hurt him due to his low self-esteem. He tends to get caught up in his head a bit much at times, causing him to often stay within the confines of his comfort zone. He’s focused when in control, and he can be spotted due to his habits of people watching. 

Orion

Orion is endlessly curious about the world around him, and he tends to talk to himself almost constantly. He yearns to figure out more about how various things work, and he loves fiddling with both technology and scientific subjects, though astrology is his favorite topic for obvious reasons. In the Ancient Warrior of Cosmos, Orion shows off how he behaved in his youth before the war disturbed his years of development. Orion is a manifestation of how Haroi would have acted if not for his trauma as well with Orion showing signs of being outgoing despite Haroi’s introverted nature. 

Cygnus

Cygnus is the most outgoing out of the members of the group, and he isn’t afraid to speak his mind, though he’s always careful to be respectful to those around him. He has endless energy and practically never stops moving and spending time with others unless he hits the point of crashing. He’s the best at handling social situations since everyone else in his collective is so shy. For the Ancient Warrior of Cosmos, Cygnus reflects the charisma and respect he needed as a general in the early days as a war. For Haroi, Cygnus is an ideal that he wishes he could reach, causing him to admire Cygnus greatly.

Sirius

Sirius is introverted and quiet, greatly enjoying reading and writing in his free time. He is more than content with his own company despite easily getting along with others. He is also analytical and logical, easily able to find answers to puzzles that have no solutions at a first glance. For the Ancient Warrior of Cosmos, Sirius is a manifestation of a need for self-preservation born of the war’s existence, something that ultimately led to the Warrior of Cosmos turning traitor before being killed by Lucemon. For Haroi, Sirius holds negative memories of the past, most notably those involving his insecurity after his mother abandoned him.

Cosmos Collective

The members of the Cosmos Collective mesh well and are easily able to communicate their problems thanks to their desire to avoid long-running conflict. Even though most of them are quiet, Cygnus still gets along with the other members of the group, always willing to pull them out of their shell when they need it most while still respecting their boundaries. Sirius is the best at pretending to be Haroi followed by Orion and finally Cygnus. On the other hand, Cygnus is the most prominent with Orion in the middle and Sirius at the end of the list. They all share love of the world around them, and they have a common hobby in stargazing due to their elemental affinity.

Warrior of Heaven

The Warrior of Heaven refers to the combined might of all of the Legendary Warriors when placed together. They share fragmented memories of Susanoo, the Warrior of Heaven, and Luce, the Angel of Hell, that grow stronger when they are near one another. 

Even when separated, the Warriors all share similar passive effects on their bodies. They are able to understand animals when they focus enough due to their inherent connection to nature. They develop muscle faster than normal humans as well, and they rarely tire despite their differing levels of stamina. The Warriors can all sense one another’s presence as well, and they can temporarily indulge in the passive abilities of the others if they put enough effort towards it. Being able to sense one another and use the abilities of the others are both side effects of becoming Susanoomon and merging to become one being temporarily. These effects are all permanent. 

Susanoo

Susanoo has a strong sense of justice and is very rarely deterred by any of the ups and downs of life. They are eternally confident and get along with others well. While all of the members of the group hold fragments of Susanoo that reflect their power and loyalty through their own personalities, the strength of Susanoo grows when they are together. They are all bound by Susanoo’s thread between them, and while Susanoo lacks the ability to take control, the various Legendary Warriors are able to share thoughts when they are close enough physically as a full group of twelve. Susanoo is characterized by all of the group’s members talking in sync, though this is incredibly rare.

Luce

Luce is the complete opposite of Susanoo. Rather than being passionate and confident, Luce is detached and quiet, rarely finding interaction with others to be worth their time. Unlike the Digimon they are based on, Luce isn’t downright malicious, instead simply choosing to keep to themselves. Since they are scattered into fragments across the Legendary Warriors, Luce is nowhere near as prominent as the others, and they even lack strength in comparison to Susanoo. When Luce is in control, the group also talks in sync, though this is even rarer to see than Susanoo being in full dominion of the Warrior of Heaven. 

Heaven Collective

As a whole, the Legendary Warriors have a powerful dynamic, something that can be shown through their connections of Susanoo and Luce. Susanoo is the stronger out of the two by far, and their sense of justice can be seen in all twelve of the Legendary Warriors thanks to the time when they united as the Warrior of Heaven. Luce is benevolent and quiet, though since they are less open with their emotions, they tend to slip between the cracks. The prerequisites for the members of the Heaven Collective to appear and take control are already notably difficult to overcome, causing Luce to be widely unheard and unseen.

#digimon frontier #digimon #frontier #rewrite #frontiers unexplored #digital's frontier rewrite bs #spoilers #like lots of spoilers #for my digimon frontier rewrite #don't read until you've finished the fic #you will not know what is happening #and you will get spoiled #couldn't post this until after the fic was done #but now the fic has been fully released so here you go #takuya kanbara #koji minamoto #tomoki himi #izumi orimoto #junpei shibayama #koichi kimura #eat up kids #content!

[its-bianca]

Why to keep a journal in 2020 🖋✨

Whether it’s an art journal, audio, text based, I think we all need to take some time to get our thoughts out of the jumbled pink blob that is our brain.

get your thoughts out - It’s hard to keep all your thoughts in your head. I used to think that I could just think everything out in my head, but eventually I learned that putting them down, having a physical manifestation of my thoughts actually helped to rationalize my thought process more clearly.

learn things about yourself - Like therapy, writing down your thoughts often helps you wonder why you think that way and go deeper into your reflections, especially when you aren’t cycling the same thoughts over and over again in your head. By getting your thoughts out, you’re making space for new thoughts in. In a weird way, journaling has actually made me realize why I’ve been so upset with my family, why I hate certain places, and why I’m so stressed out all the time.

understand your thought process - Also like therapy, you realize your thought process with how and why you got there. Are you falling into logical fallacies? Are your thoughts biased towards a certain perspective? Do you fall for common tropes or stereotypes about other people? Getting these thoughts out might help you realize these missteps in judgement and logic. Being introspective and self-aware goes a long way.

motivation & inspiration - I sometimes get inspired or motivated to do work, because I (a) Write down reasons why I’m proud of myself and the little things I’ve accomplished that day which motivates me to do more work, or (b) Write down why I’m so stressed and pile of work I have to do which makes me realize that it actually isn’t that bad and motivates me to actually complete it. Things get less overwhelming when it’s not constantly jumping around in your head like a broken blender.

me time - We’re so invested in trying to understand and get to know the personal lives of other people, yet sometimes we need to take a moment for ourselves, especially after a long day. It really doesn’t take that long - just 10 minutes of thinking about yourself and your thoughts can go a long way.

be a better writer (or artist!) - This depends on the type of journal you’re going for and how you’re getting your thoughts out, but writing a journal could help you hone in on those skills. Writing or speaking aloud our thoughts can improve how your articulate your thoughts, especially if you’re like me and aren’t good with translating the jumbled mess in your head into understandable words. Drawing or writing poetry to express your thoughts could improve your skills in representing what you mean through imagery and more abstract symbolism. Journaling actually helped me a lot, because when I was younger, I got nervous to speak up in class because I didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts well; it might make essay writing go faster!

be in a coming of age movie - romanticize your process (healthily!). Sitting down with a journal, a cup of tea, and your favorite writing or drawing utensil sounds so romantic and cozy. Fit in with the tumblr studyblr aesthetic and post pictures if that encourages you.

So how do I start?

First, find out how you want to journal! I prefer physical notebooks, because I spend so much time on my laptop already, and I just like the feeling of being able to unplug and actually write something (also makes for more aesthetic pics...). I write in long-form, hardly any paragraph breaks, hardly any doodles, and not really planned or anything. I use a pen so I can’t go back and erase anything that I feel sounds bad or clunky or fix my grammar, because I don’t want to fixate on trivial details when I really want to just jot everything in my head. I find words work best for me, because that’s just how I best express myself. 

Next...it’s up to you now! I started getting into the habit by just committing myself to write something everyday, even if it was just half a page. It took many tries over some months to really nail it down, but once I started, it really took off from there. After about 1-2 months of almost daily journaling, I started cutting back a little. Yet, I hardly ever go for more than a month of not checking in and writing something down. Nowadays, it’s more like once a week or every couple days. I find that I journal when I’m feeling the most down, because it motivates me to pick myself up and do something.

Some extra tips: 

(a) If it helps, schedule a time with yourself to journal. Even just having a 15 minute chunk in your Google Calendar could help you to stay committed to it.

(b) Don’t feel pressure to write about any certain topic. It’s not an essay draft book, it doesn’t have to be a diary, it doesn’t have to be anything. I might draw or create a bullet journal-like spread in my writing journal, or I might not. It all depends on how I feel that day. Don’t feel like it has to be a diary where you have to write about everything that happened that day, or don’t think every thought has to be well articulated.

(c) Just have fun with it! Toy with a project idea, pour your soul out, get your thoughts on all every item on your to do list and how much you hate/love it. Just do whatever! There are no rules.

idk how to end this post so OK NOW GO! 

Another post on the different types of journals & notebooks

#studyblr #og posts #studying #study tips #study hacks #mental health #mental heath support #self care #bujoblr #journaling #bullet journal #journal #diary #notebook #school tips #life things #writing #writing to cope #writing tips #quarantine ideas #journal time #studyinspo #study motivation #Self Motivation

[mantra4ia]

Debris 1x13 "Celestial Body": rewatch Reaction'd, questions and comments

So if all those people are experiencing emotional convergence, who are they converging from? Who's sending the emotional signal that the debris is channeling, or is it the debris manifesting it's "consciousness" in a way that we can understand it by way of human conduits?

Maddox is clearly trading debris pieces with Irina (perhaps the piece that he took out of storage off the books), and Irina is on the phone with presumably her handler/ boss to negotiate this trade. She gives him lateral (which I assume means latitudinal) readings and then he asks for longitudinal readings which we don't get to hear. They are: Lateral 105, 112, 115, 120, 113, 110, 109

What's the significance of these measures? Latitude goes from 0° to 90° from the equator, so that doesn't track unless the scene is cut wrong and they're meant to be longitudinal (E/W) readings, which go to 180° relative to the prime meridian. That would make more sense, because after Irina is done with the first set of readings, the unknown caller on the phone says "drop to level two for vertical" and latitudes are North/South.

If we're talking Western longitudes, notable landmarks include: Denver, Salt Lake City UT / Phoenix AZ / nearly Sedona AZ - aka where the telesphere went, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe/ Nevada border, Great Salt Lake, Alberta-Saskatchewan border, and the Utah-Arizona border.

Or perhaps they're not part of terrestrial measurement at all. The act of "lateral reading" could just mean verifying your sources/accuracy as you go, where as vertical reading is reading for content first to see if something is worth evaluating for sources.

However, if they are part of coordinates, then is the fragment that Maddox is trading with Irina a legitimate "mapmaker" piece like George previously said Influx was seeking? Ya know, when he lied to his daughter. Can a mapmaker piece track moving/animate debris akin to the telesphere? Are those black dust cloud beings George is running from made up of animate debris?

Bryan: After becoming a parent you're in a heightened emotional state, emotionally raw.

George: Higher highs, lower lows, the joy of having a child, the postpartum depression, and the fear of getting it wrong.

Me: Are we in a pensive, self-reflective mood, George? Are you practicing your pub trivia Bryan, delivering exposition, or are you speaking from personal character experience? Seriously, how would you know?!

John Noble as Otto, man why does he always make such a good villain?

What is with the cryptic vagueness when Maddox tells Irina, "You know I can't let you leave with that case right? I mean you know that. There's another door for you Irina, one that only you can go through." They seemed almost on good terms in a previous episode, like friends or something more in a past life "nice car, i almost left / no you didn't", he wouldn't kill her, would he? Or is it more like a code between them, a sort of "I'm being watched, take the back exit"?

Hey, so why is it that sometimes George's eye seems opaque and damaged from the debris implant, but then when he's talking to Finola after he distracts Bryan while being Debris whisperer, his eye seems fine? PS: I googled Tyrone Benskin just to see what he looks like when he's not playing George Jones and I didn't know he's a former member of Canadian Parliament. Don't trust the government, eh?

George: "You're such a compassionate person, you always have been. So much of your mother in you." That's the second time that Finola's mother has been mentioned in the series, back from the pilot. Is it a coincidence that the first piece of debris that chose to interact with Finola resonated her mom? More than just Finola's desire being reflected by the debris, but the debris emoting it's first impression of her as someone compassionate that it can trust?

It also raises my heckles that George repeats, almost word for word, something that Finola said in episode 3. "If we can't help people, we do not deserve this debris / if we don't use this debris on these people, we are not worthy to have it." Are father and daughter that ideologically similar, or has he been spying on her progress this whole time, or both?

George: "I took my life to allow myself a rebirth, I paid the price. I want you to know that not one day goes by that I don't think of you and your sister. I want you to know this." This coincides with my initial impression that George staged his death to get away from Orbital after he assessed how his research was being used/abused.

George: "You never wanted to go into the pool, I had to throw you in, and you kicked and screamed, but you always did better that way." Immabout to throw you George, just keep talking!!!! I'm sorry, this charicature of absentee father reminiscing about the good old days really ticks me off from personal experience.

Also, as a person with a disability, I am not particularly pleased with the use of Dario as a plot device instead of a thoughtful character with a backstory at this point in the show for 13 whole episodes now. Pretty pissed off actually, so they better do something phenomenal and pivotal with Christian Rose (Dario) in season 2 [maybe have his character interact with debris in a similar way to Caroline]. But that's another rant about ableism in screenwriting for another angry day....

George: "A telesphere was born yesterday. It came from a pocket dimension inside Orbital. I think it's birth may have triggered the debris." This is perhaps the one-ish episode that I find George remotely interesting and also infuriating, particularly because of the way he speaks, like he's finally taken off the guise of the old, well-meaning eccentric and turned into a sharp, cunning, and at times calculatingly ruthless individual. I find it peculiar that he says a telesphere is born. Makes me think that the debris is not just part of a spacecraft, but a hybrid of the beings piloting that craft.

I get tremendous satisfaction from Finola head-butting people. This should continue.

I'm not familiar with all of the work of JH Wyman to know if this is a running theme or an ongoing joke. But does he keep his writing staff in a constant state of starvation? Is that why pieces of debris are called "Nachos", and why Influx has "Beans" to shield them from debris side effects, and why Bryan is always eating junk food? Should I be worried about the writer's room and start sending them healthy snacks?!? Just give me an SOS in the credit roll.

Speaking of: is the "Bean" that Finola ingested a piece of debris? Similar to the pieces of debris that fused with Anson Ash? Will it impart some physical benefits to her moving forward?

"I won't lose you again...you belong with me." What are you talking about George Jones, you made the conscious decision to leave your family. You didn't lose Finola, she lost you. In this version of reality at least. Or (unscripted backstory) did Jones and his wife separate prior to her death / was Finola brought up mostly by her mother? That doesn't seem the case if she was buying her father birthday presents and took it upon herself to settle his affairs after his death.

Why do the Influx Operatives Otto and Anson have tattoos on their hands, but not Loeb? Is he like the low end of the totem pole FNG who hasn't earned his stripes, hence why Otto gives him s***: aka "Careful you cretin. All the finesse of a butcher."

What is the hierarchy of Influx anyway? Despite being an anti-government "for the people/ elevate the human consciousness" organization they do still seem to have a governing hierarchy and Otto and George seem to be on the same level, pretty high in rank / they talk with confidence to each other like they go back a while.

What is that weird thing that Otto does with his hands to Bryan's head? What are all the weird things Otto does, including his massacre at the petrol station? Ick.

Why is it that Leob and George are freaked out by the black smoke (debris particle?) man, but Anson and Otto aren't? They seem to see them(?), but don't overtly react.

Bryan: "It seems like we're entering some kind of new phase." Gee where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah, the story of "Blackwater grandfather" and the black wind that they're still teasing endlessly while refusing to tether it into some kind of world building lore. Agggghh!

Lololol, Bryan and Finola's dynamic even in the midst of a very serious episode makes me laugh. "Devon Reese / two e's? / Two e's!" "This one smells like baby diapers. Almost as bad as the tech section of the plane/ You mean your section of the plane. / Almost." That zinger 👍

Paraphrasing Bryan: "[recapping, recap, and did I mention recap]...something about George doesn't feel right." Personal pet peeve: I HATE IT when episodes have intentional explanatory lines like this to point out the fact that we as audience are privy to information that the main characters aren't. Not only does it make the main characters seem less intelligent, it breaks the fourth wall a little bit and gives the impression that the audience, which is ahead of the plot, is not as intelligent and needs a reminder that we're ahead. Lackadaisical writing drives me nuts!!! I can't outright say that it's "bad" dialogue, but it's not a choice I would make if I wanted uninterrupted viewer immersion.

Finola: "My instincts are good" Me: You are an emotionally intelligent decision maker with gaping personal blind spots.

George: You belong with me, your father.

Finola: My father died six months ago, and you are not him.

Me: Chef's kiss 👏👏👏

Otto: "It would never have worked out with that girl [Finola], not in any iteration." Definitely makes me lean towards the fan theory that the alt!Finola in (presumably) suspensia in Sedona Arizona got plucked from another reality.

Surprisingly, the ending credit roll has no voiceover as all the previous episodes of the season have. Disappointed that there's no potential teaser to a season 2 if the show gets renewed. But I find it curious that the extras who were demonstrating emotional convergence were credited as: chess board persons. Not sure if that's relevant, but I definitely feel like this show is playing games with me and my emotions.

#nbc debris #debris 1x13 #debris spoilers #george jones #finola jones #bryan beneventi #celestial body #sci fi #high concept sci fi #questionable execution #this show guys #renew debris #but also I need to talk with JH Wyman

[portalhome]

Crohn’s disease: what it is and how to write it

tw graphic discussion of physical illness and surgery

I hardly ever see Crohn’s representation in media (in fact, I’m not sure I ever have), so this is me trying to bring attention to that! Hey, everyone-- Crohn’s disease is a thing! 

Crohn’s disease is a chronic (read: no cure) autoimmune illness (read: body attacking itself) that affects the digestive tract. Depending on the person, it can also affect your joints, eyes, mouth, and skin. 

If you’d like a laugh you can Google it and you’ll see a lot of poorly-staged photos of various people wincing and clutching their stomachs. 

Okay so that is it?

Crohn’s patients will often spend their whole lives experiencing interweaving periods of “bad” and “good,” aka remission. The good periods could be months or they could be years, and what jolts you into a bad period (a “trigger”) could be anything from stress, building up a tolerance to your medication, seasonal changes, or even just menstruation. 

It’s an “invisible illness,”  meaning most symptoms aren’t something you’d be able to tell just by looking at someone. Oftentimes I’ll hear something like “you don’t look sick.” Like I haven’t been able to eat anything but applesauce in weeks but since I’m not foaming at the mouth I’m fine?

Triggers

Crohn’s is an EXTREMELY varied disease. Advice for one person by no means works for another.

“hey my cousin’s sister’s boyfriend has Crohn’s and he went into remission when he went gluten free why don’t you do that” wow if only I had tried that in the years of suffering I have experienced I must not want to get better

Food triggers differ drastically-- and not just by person, but also by the month or even day. Sometimes I drink milk and I am happy as a clam. Other times I drink milk and I spend the rest of the night in immense pain. 

Common food triggers include fried foods, dairy products, and alcohol. I try my best to avoid these, generally. 

Traditional “safe” foods are saltines, toast, bananas, and applesauce. Sometimes you just have to stay on a diet of just these things for a few days and that’s how it be.  

Stress is also a common trigger, which might manifest itself in, say, a stomach ache before a performance or during an exam. 

Symptoms (again, Crohn’s is a very varied illness: not everyone experiences all of these!)

Quick weight loss (so you need to keep an eye on yourself!) 

Loss of appetite 

Fatigue (what does this mean? Imagine napping not because you want to but because you physically cannot feasibly do anything else.)

Stomach aches (and you can go from 0 to 100 so fast, which is why most Crohnies are like a walking pharmacy with pain medication)

Body saying Hello We Have To Use The Bathroom Now And No I Will Not Be Taking Constructive Criticism At This Time 

Obviously there are more, but to keep things concise I’ll move on! 

Daily life

People with Crohn’s are hospital regulars. Whether you need to go to the hospital at regular intervals to receive your medication intravenously (like I do) or not, usually you’ll end up having to go at least every few months to get blood drawn and various other tests (and colonoscopies are an annual experience at the very least). 

With Crohn’s comes this like. Magic bathroom awareness. Like I will almost always be able to tell you where the nearest and second-nearest bathrooms are.

This comes with another thing: being in a place without a bathroom is stressful-- downtown areas that are snooty about “you must buy something before you use our restroom”? Stressor. Long car rides? Stressor. (Travel in general is a trigger for me for this reason.) 

A huge under-appreciated aspect of being a chronically ill person is going about daily life while on pain medication, which is a necessary evil sometimes. This is especially true as a college student-- paying attention in math? Hard. Paying attention while on pain medication? So much harder. I need a t-shirt that says “anything you can do, I can do on pain medication.” 

This is perhaps a more personal addition, but I experience a lot of body image issues stemming from going on steroids (which many Crohn’s patients will have to go on when medication is not working) which (among many other things) will make your face become a lot rounder. The sensation of double-taking in the mirror? Not enjoyable. 

Surgery and colostomy bags (I haven’t had surgery so I’m not an expert on this!) 

For some, medication doesn’t work. You can spend years trying to find something and eventually decide that surgery is a better option-- or perhaps your symptoms worsen to the point where surgery is necessary.

If both the colon and rectum need to be removed, the end of the small intestine is brought through a hole in the lower abdomen so that waste can exit the body that way-- it’s collected in a bag that’s on the outside of the body. 

The bag hides under clothing very discretely. You’d have no idea it was there unless that person brought it to your attention! 

Thank you for your attention! I’d very happily chat with you if you have further questions! 

#writeblr #writing advice #disability #crohn's disease #obviously I couldn't talk about absolutely everything without writing a novel #but I tried my best to hit the highlights!! #if you're a crohnie and you think I missed something important I apologize!! feel free to add on #obviously this is colored by my own experiences #there are some things i don't think about because i personally dont experience them! #lexi speaks

[zombiesun]

is it possible to manifest getting over your fears or at least confronting them? do you have any tips on manifesting in general? (you don't have to answer this if you don't want, i completely understand)

I am starting to think you guys are scared of me based on how many times you reassure me that I don’t have to answer your questions. I promise you, if I didn’t want to answer something I would (and have) delete the ask. I however love giving advice and introducing people to different aspects of magik and divination so it’s pretty rare that I don’t answer question of that nature. 

Manifestation is something that you can apply to virtually anything. I’ve manifested money, jobs, relationships, friendships, and physical/mental attributes. I think when it comes to emotional changes though manifestation isn’t going to necessarily “work” unless you actually do the physical work to clear the blockages you have around that particular area. In your case, you want to manifest overcoming fears or putting yourself in a mental state to confront them.This is why I always point people to shadow work long before I point them to any particular magical practice. It is hard to find the cure for an issue you don’t understand and when it comes to our inner landscape you have to actually know what you’re working with before you start asking the universe to remove things.

I would suggest googling a list of shadow work prompts and picking ones that are focused around fears/limitations and start a journal (either digitally or traditionally depending on how your thoughts most easily flow) and work on it for a month. It won’t be glamorous work and it will hurt before it helps, you will often wonder “is this really the best approach? I just feel like I’m opening old wounds with a seam ripper” and essentially, that is what you’re doing. The ideology behind shadow work is that there are two parts of you, the person you exist as and a dark figure that is composed of all the limitations you and other people put on yourselves, buried angers and fears, enemies and jilted lovers, all the parts of you that either you or other people decided couldn’t be a part of you anymore. The root of your fears lie in this person and to overcome them you have to slowly drag that body back into your own until you are a single being again. You will cry, you will spend a lot of time staring at yourself dark eyed in the mirror but I promise you that it is the essential beginning of manifestation. 

Once you clear out a lot of those blockages and really hold the problem between your fingers you will start to be given the answers to overcoming them. It’s like when you’re untangling a knot. When you try to move your fingers through it all you can see is how big, and daunting, and impossible it is to get loose but when you spend time slowly working through it you’ll realize the heart of it is this tiny, fragile thing that you snip apart with a finger. Manifestation does work, and you can use it to a degree during this process but it’ll be more focused on “I’m manifesting that I am able to find the root of this issue. I’m manifesting that I’ll be able to dedicate myself to consistent journaling. I’m manifesting that I have an open mind and heart to look at the more unsavory and dark parts of myself that I am actively avoiding. I am manifesting an honest approach to myself.” 

Unlike manifesting physical commodities there is no easy way to overcome yourself without honest, frank understanding of yourself. In the beginning of my journey I tried to manifest the removal of the hurt/pain in myself around a certain situation and it never worked. I kept on asking and pleading with the universe to take that pain away from me but it only lessened when I actually figured out what it looked like underneath the bruises. It was gory, it was disquieting, but it was the only thing that worked. 

I feel like that’s a really long answer to the question but I do believe in sharing as much as possible on any given topic so that all bases are covered. I think that is my general advice for manifesting too: shadow work before reward and on a more practical level there are two general rules for manifesting. 

1. when you manifest something you must do your best to forget it. this is why a lot of “love” manifestation doesn’t work because if you’re obsessed with having something, you haven’t let go of it enough for the universe to take care of it. this can be difficult to do if you’re someone that struggles with letting go of things/obsessing over something but you must push it to the back of your mind. (symbolically some people like to write their manifestations on paper/bay leaves and burn them, write them on paper and lock them away, or manifest and then meditate to clear the mind.) 

2. what you want will often come when you no longer want it. this is a cruel twist of fate - I have always received things the moment I let go of the need to have them. this is true in relationships, material objects, jobs, pretty much anything. it goes really hand in hand with the “letting go” mentality. you have to accept your reality as enough before more is added to it. this is difficult, sometimes it happens without you even trying but the tighter you hold onto something being the answer to your problems/dreams the less likely it will come into your reality.

hope this helps! feel free to ask for more clarification/update me on your progress. self development is a difficult journey but it is absolutely worth the blood, sweat, and tears. 

#mailbox #anoncore #I feel like I should/had a tag for magic related questions #hmm #divination station #until I figure out a new one #magic is like the absent of glamour or charm #it's just like #x games journaling lmao #Anonymous #manifesting #manifestation

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia hope you’re doing well

I was wondering, is the thing where Arden picks up a bunch of random hobbies and commitments a part of his ADHD or does it have like a name?

I’m a highschool student and I get told by all my friends and teachers that I have overcommitment issues and part of it’s just for uni and whatever ofc but it’s also that I want to do ALL THESE THINGS

Like I’m in 4 different science competition teams, the school debating team, school orchestra, scholarship classes, editor of my school newsletter, I lead the school amnesty and unicef clubs plus the IB program and being in the national maths Olympiad team lol and I don’t want to let any of these go but it’s so stressful and I’m so tired and ppl say I have to say no to stuff which is also stressful!

Also, doing more is always portrayed as such a great thing and I feel rlly guilty letting stuff go? So I’m just reaching out because you portrayed it in such a refreshing way and I was really curious!

Firstly, massive respect for your ability to fit this ask into the Tumblr ask limits. Seriously :D

Okay secondly, Arden’s habit of picking up a bunch of random hobbies / commitments is part of his ADHD. People with ADHD have this to different degrees, and my beta in particular relates really hard to this habit of Arden’s.

But actually, one of the reasons I put this in is because this is a very bad habit of mine - which is overcommitting, and overworking. And not wanting to let anything go.

People teach you a lot of skills in your life on how to pick things up, but almost no one teaches you what to do when you have many hobbies you love, and they’re hurting you because you’re working too hard and don’t have time for your loved ones (or to even really have loved ones) as an example. And it absolutely is a crucial skill to learn for people who are dealing with this, though capitalists don’t want you to learn it.

In the media what I see is most folks having no hobbies and someone being ‘oh you have to learn some.’ I liked Arden as a contrast to that ‘no, that’s too many things, put some back.’ Where Arden’s ADHD manifests - though it’s much more controlled than it used to be - is that he desires to spend a lot of money on the thing as soon as he gets into it (because he only wants the best of the best - which wasn’t great when he wasn’t earning much money), and that he starts really hooking into it in an obsessive kind of way. Spending a night making bows for your dog is one thing. Then wanting to spend $500 and start an Etsy store small business is like...from one day of work, not great.

A lot of Arden’s life has involved choosing to let go of things he’s loved doing, for his own sanity. This is something I’ve had to do as well and I fucking hate it, and these are the techniques I’ve developed for myself (and my still frankly overcommitted ass, who has people saying ‘when are you going to do LESS’ all the time to my face).

* Remind yourself that dropping some things now doesn’t mean you’re dropping them forever. It doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes it’s good to put a time limit on something. ‘I’m going to drop this for four weeks / four months and put a note/reminder in my phone about it right now.’ Chances are high you are not going to be as interested in that thing in four weeks/four months. (Chances are sadly also high you may have replaced it with something else). Like, there will be science groups you can join for the rest of your life. And debate groups. And newsletters.

(That being said, none of those things count towards our grades in Australia? So I don’t know how much these things are counting towards your grades in general and I’m not going to like, touch that side of things - however overcommitment is a super fast way to do a lot of things not that well, or to suddenly get so sick you can’t do any of the things and then feel terrible while you’re sick, more on that later!).

* Time caps on certain hobbies and activities and commitments. This is to actually shoot my habit of hyperfocusing in the foot. I don’t have time to play piano for four hours, but I’m allowed to play it for ten minutes a day (sometimes more but not often). And ten minutes a day adds up over time. I literally sit down and put the timer on my phone. If say there’s something that meets up twice a week but some people only go once, be one of those people!

* Rate the things based on how they contribute to your a) career and b) quality of life and c) happiness. Anything that rates lower on the list compared to the others (that isn’t like, literal money-making work or literal classes) needs to be dropped.

* Dropping things is just actually one of the hardest parts and there’s no real trick to making this easier. I just remind myself: ‘Just because I can do this thing, and do this thing well, doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy for me to do this thing. I need to spend time with people I care about, and I need rest, and those things matter more even if they feel less like ‘accomplishments.’ I want to care for myself through my hobbies, not punish myself.’ That goes some way in keeping perspective, but look, ngl, it sucks to drop commitments if you have an accomplishment/achievement/job satisfaction addiction. It just sucks.

* Accept that you are going to feel guilty, and that guilt is just an emotion, and it doesn’t mean you’ve done something bad. Look sometimes guilt gets it wrong! Sometimes you feel crushingly guilty just for breaking a bad habit, it’s not useful, you just have to kind of be like ‘huh I’m feeling a lot of guilt for trying to look after myself, that’s really interesting, I guess I can understand that but I’m also going to try and praise myself for doing a great job. Just because this isn’t an obvious kind of achievement, I know I achieved something really big and difficult today.’

* Oh yeah, use achievement and ‘job’ type language for doing things that involve successfully taking care of yourself and your energy levels. Just...sometimes you have to ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ - chances are you’ve never been as kind to yourself or proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends, than you are for taking on too many commitments. So...challenge yourself to be kind to yourself and proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends and committing to less. Trust me, you are never going to forget how to overcommit, and you are never going to become lazy or lax because you dropped a few of the (billion) things that you’re committed to. You can afford to praise yourself for this! And generously!

* Seriously, seriously consider seeing doctors or psychologists about this. Despite a TON of PTSD, I actually see my therapist most for working too hard and overcommitting. We spend a lot of time talking about why I might not be the worst person in the world for taking a break. Take it seriously. Your list alone made me feel like I was about to have a panic attack, lmao, your friends and teachers are right, you have overcomittment issues.

* Workaholicism and work addiction is real. There is a growing amount of information about how to deal with it and it’s worth googling.

***

Er anyway that’s what I do. It doesn’t always work. I have a lot of rules in place and I abandon half of them about halfway through the year and then s u f f e r. And have been doing that for over 25 years and I’m going to say bluntly now - it’s why I’m as sick as I am, and some of that sickness is irreversible. If nothing else, if you want to stay as active as you are now, I do not recommend that anyone push themselves so hard that they can no longer even do things that they enjoy on a regular basis, because they’re too physically debilitated to manage it, because they pushed their bodies too hard during the university years and just after. Because that is 100% why I became so sick in the first place.

And even extremely healthy people who have no history of chronic illness often develop something, in conjunction with years and years of working too hard or overcommitting. I’ve seen it happen to far too many of my friends, and you might feel like ‘just another six months’ or ‘just another three years’ but you’d be surprised how quickly you can go from ‘I’m doing it I’m doing it’ to ‘I keep getting migraines all the time doctor how do I fix this so I can go back to working as hard as I was before’ and your doctor being like ‘...yeah this isn’t curable. I’m going to give you some meds, that all come with horrible side effects, and you simply can’t do what you were doing before.’ Game over.

Trust me, that shit catches up with your body always. It might not be now, and I hope frankly it’s never, but overcommitment and workaholicism are the two fastest ways I know to chronic illness and once you get there, you can’t work your way out of it again.

Though god knows I have tried.

#asks and answers #personal #workaholicism #work addiction #like if you start stress grinding your teeth #for years #because you can't sleep well #because you're working too hard #trust me that will be over ten years of absolute misery and agony #as you crack your own teeth #because once you start stress grinding #you never stop #oh one final thing to keep in mind #you have been brainwashed by capitalist rhetoric #to believe that working is the greatest virtue out there #if you don't want to be a capitalist stooge for big business #unpacking overcommitment psychologically #even outside of impulse issues #can be pretty meaningful #but expect to need to do it more than once #because you will get that brainwashing all around you #for the rest of your life #(it's like body shaming sadly it's just everywhere) #some of my friends are going to read this advice and be like #WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT PIA #tons of sympathy anon it's hard as fuck #seriously anon if you don't want to spend your life with a fucked up body FOREVER #learn some crucial skills now #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue #Anonymous