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jakowskis · 20 days

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sloppy gay ramble about why i ship owento lets go

(this was meant to be a server ramble but it got too big for discord so here’s a ginormous messily formatted semi stream-of-consciousness type essay on why i ship owen x ianto and what’s compelling about it to me. starts out kinda babbly n then i got serious abt it n then i got babbly again so sorry for the tone switch fhsdjkfd. i do not know if this is cohesive, let alone persuasive, i'm not trying to sell you the ship so much as im yapping incoherently about the Themes n Motifs that drive me mad. but yeah. also this is purely based on the first two seasons of the show, nothing else. im not normal about these guys btw im Deranged. anyway here.)

for starters, background. i must explain what first roped me into this pairing. the answer? season 1 episode 12. singlehandedly. and then i felt Haunted for a while, and then i read some fic and something clicked in my head and it's been my torchwood otp since. im very consistently an enemies/rivals to lovers enjoyer so at first i was just like 'heh nice i love toxic yaoi' but then they decided not to leave me alone. and a lot of it's bc of the Themes 🫵 do not underestimate my ability to overthink and overcomplicate a barely-there relationship whose connotations are entirely subtextual

see, owen and ianto are mirrors in like ten ways, and where they're not mirrors, they’re foils. on the mirror end, their backstories are jarringly similar (abusive parental figure; rebellious phase as a youth (punk vs goth); losing their fiancée/serious girlfriend as a young adult to an alien threat). their relationships with jack are adjacent (emotionally unavailable authority figure they look to for approval; owen as jack's second in command versus ianto as his right hand man). most interestingly, imo, is their personalities. at their core, theyre not entirely different. owen in his backstory? he's a lot like ianto. faithful, loyal, quiet, gentle. they're not markedly different in who they are deep down, they just have extremely different coping mechanisms that make them look like opposites. ianto dissociates + turns things inward - owen self-destructs AND lashes out. owen's like a ianto that hardened and got mean - ianto's like an owen who still values being quiet and dutiful and not making trouble. (basically, history + personality-wise they’re mirrors, coping mechanism + temperament-wise, they’re foils. two sides of the same coinnnnn)

they both recognize this, although possibly not consciously - and it bothers them. ianto dislikes + feels threatened by / wary of owen's impulsivity and aggression (partly bc he fears he himself is like that deep down, and he isnt willing to access that part of himself. we see a handful of times that ianto does in fact have repressed anger and its SCARY. and i wouldnt doubt hes intimidated by that part of himself, given his control issues. esp considering his plot in adam, if you wanna read it that way). meanwhile owen dislikes ianto for what he perceives as subservience + weakness (partly bc those are things he sees in himself and HATES. a lot of owen's character is his struggles w his own nature + feeling a need to compensate for perceived deficiencies). and they also look down on each other for these qualities, and, i think, bolster themselves a little bit by comparing themselves to the other. we know owen does this (“it’s like you finally won.” “i didn’t know we were in competition.”), but considering ianto’s preoccupation with competency, i don’t doubt he also feels a little bit better about himself when owen fucks things up by acting rashly.

so ianto's like a version of owen that he tried to bury entirely and move on from when katie died, and owen's reminiscent of what ianto's afraid he's capable of becoming. and they both project these things onto each other - owen more outwardly, in the way he feels the need to attack ianto in both of their significant one-on-one scenes. in ianto we see it more as avoidance + slight disgust. in their lighter scenes ('lets all have sex', and the tin tin discussion) we see owen trying to be companionable (...can u call the sleeper scene that fhsdjkf) and ianto having none of it. funny enough, i think owen likes ianto more than ianto likes owen, at least by s2. liking aside, though, ianto does care for him. but another thing i like abt owento is owen's a litttttle bit fixated on ianto for some reason (i think it could be interpreted ten different ways, but him repeatedly bringing up ianto & jack's relationship is wiiiild to me) - n then ianto doesn't think abt owen much at all, he's just sort of there. it's fucking funny. i like a darker take on owento, as u can probs tell, but also they can be hilarious if you want them to be. two guys who can't stand each other and should kiss about it is always good. but yeah, as they exist in canon, as of s2, they're just sort of... comfortably colleagues, albeit maybe still a bit combative.

but i’m eternally caught up in what episode 12 teased me with. (and i knowww ep12 was specific desperate circumstances, that's not their norm, but what's presented when they're both at that point is soo compelling to me. i like characters at their worst.) see, episode 12 is when we really see that half-mirrors half-foils thing come to a head. owen’s spiraling because he just lost diane. he feels weak, he feels powerless. he’s essentially doing what ianto did in episode 4, putting love first, and you can tell owen was kind of disgusted with + felt betrayed by ianto in that ep, so he’s also being a hypocrite and breaking his own standards for how a torchwood agent ought to act. (not to mention i think owen deeply resents his own emotionality, but that’s another topic.) and during that spiral, ofc, he gets mean and frantic, in typical owen fashion. then we have ianto. despite the threat of losing jack, ianto does his best to stay level headed and focus on what their job is, rather than personal feelings - something owen usually values.

so there’s this moment where their traits are both blurring a bit, where roles are being swapped but without straying from the heart of each character, where the mirrors are RLLY reflecting each other (infinity mirror? on and on and on...). owen’s simultaneously being self-destructive and rash, but also vulnerable and love-lorn, which is something he looks down on ianto for in regards to lisa and then jack (and his verbal attack on ianto is majorly projection, too. ‘part time shag’ is especially notable when 1) him and gwen’s affair literally broke off last episode. owen was HER part time shag, and 2) him and diane were meant to be casual too and owen caught feelings - same as ianto with jack. major projection lawl. and we see owen do this multiple times, it’s a trait of his. another notable instance is him telling tosh “you want someone as broken and screwed up as you”, lmao).

and ianto’s being pushed to his limit, too; he’s trying to hold firm and stick to his values about the rules, but it’s the most hardened and merciless we ever see him. when you’re carefully watching, there’s a Brutality in him in a few key moments when he’s pointing that gun at owen and it’s SO critical to my understanding of + enjoyment of the character. i just find ianto’s inner darkness reallyyy compelling haha. my other fav ianto moment is “pray they survive” in meat. there’s something SCARY to him that the show doesn’t often bring out, and it’s what i find most intriguing about him. (both moments are also some of my fav bits of acting from gareth, too. i also think burn’s a much better scene partner for him than barrowman, there’s just something about the way they play off each other in ep12, man. i am… not always impressed by gareth’s acting, but in those scenes i think he’s brilliant.)

so ep12 introduces the things that my concept of owento heavily revolves around - and then you expand upon it. see, the ship is almost entirely hypothetical. what they Could be - what they have the potential to be. that’s not everyone's thing, especially in a fandom with canon gay relationships, but i loveee it, and i love that there’s tons of freedom in it. it’s also fun as hell + very stimulating as a fanfic writer. other writers have done a lot too, there’s been many fantastic interpretations over the years - there’s a fair amount of rlly rlly good owento fic, particularly by one author back in 2007 who wrote t o n s of amazing stuff + rlly established a great dynamic that most other people have kind of followed (including me). my favorite take on owento (and, imo, the best, and the most plausible, one) is that they hooked up between s1 n s2, while jack was gone. i think its brilliant, i think there's a LOT of rlly insane connotations there + in a show like tw its not far-fetched, like i could see it happening. it's an extension of things we see in canon - for starters, when they’re desperate, they end up in bed with another member of the team. and then the way owen’s always in jack's shadow… gwen wanted jack from the start but she turned to owen instead bc he was there. the idea of that happening again, with a ianto who wants jack but can't have him… owen's consistent trend of being someone's mistake, of being someone’s second choice. his consistent tendency to be there when someone hits rock bottom to offer them a sexual reprieve. because he’s always down there himself, and misery loves company. he doesn’t like being alone in it. (torchwood and its persistent loneliness, btw.) and then there’s the recurrent theme of the power struggle between jack and owen - owen often wants to get one over on jack, which occasionally entails trying to covet the things jack has/wants… rubbing his grubby little hands all over jack’s toys. or maybe that’s just the only way he knows how to establish some claim over torchwood - sleeping with half the members. why not add another? why not give jack the finger a third time? i love drama 🕺

and on ianto’s end… for starters, owen’s a lot like jack in certain ways. a lot of it seems to be a front he puts on (and i wont get into the intriguing implications of owen choosing to or perhaps subconsciously emulating jack in certain respects when he started fresh at torchwood) - if ianto’s kind of like owen was, jack’s kind of like what he’s trying to be, he just doesn’t pull it off as well. not quite as good at being superficially charming. pulls it off in his own way, though. point is, despite the fact that canon implies ianto has zero interest in owen, some of the things he’s intrigued by with jack are in fact present in owen. the inaccessibility, the compensatory arrogance, the brooding, the intensity. this is arguably further present in gwen’s attraction to the both of them. there’s some surface level similarities that canon even seems to reflect on a few times (esp in s2). additionally, i don’t tend to think owen was in charge while jack was gone (i think he stepped back and let gwen do it, but maybe took charge during field missions, as implied by kkbb), but it’s an interesting angle in some owento fics, ianto gravitating towards whoever’s the boss. more than that, though, after losing lisa AND jack, he’d probably end up looking for someone else to preoccupy himself with, against his better judgement. a trait owen and him have in common, it just manifests in different ways. (and, finally, i think he'd also be compelled by the differences between jack and owen. owen's a complicated guy, but i think ianto understands him well enough. there's not really a mystery, he doesn't have to guess with him. owen straight-forward and a bit of an open book, and i think ianto might find that a relief.)

the other thing that compels me, and that i think would compel ianto, is that, oddly enough, owen's someone ianto ends up having power over pretty easily (although not without a fight). this is a sharp contrast to jack, where jack's always the dominating force (i dont mean that perversely, i mean, like, he's all-consuming), and ianto's always kind of at his mercy. a really interesting part of episode 12 is that neither of them, owen or ianto, really win, and yet they both score a victory over the other in different ways, too. owen successfully opens the rift; but ianto prevents him from doing so for quite a while, and does in fact shoot him over it. owen may have succeeded, but ianto established physical dominance by putting a bullet in him. which, cough. that in itself. and not to get additionally horny with it cuz thats not what this is about, but there’s this other really interesting bit in the episode that haunts me, as well: when ianto tells owen to go home, owen sneers at him and refuses, and then ianto stares him down - and owen caves. he’s still sneering, but he caves without fuss. that right there… is the crux of what i find so enthralling. owen, for all his rebelliousness + pride, does briefly bend to ianto’s will. but he does it in such an almost back-handed way, he twists it, almost like ‘you forced my hand, happy now?’ even though… ianto didn’t try hard in that moment to coerce him. owen gave in on his own free will, but had to feel like he’d been made to, and tried to twist it to take some of the ‘satisfaction’ away from ianto (even though it’s not about winning and losing to ianto, at least consciously)… the mind games u guys!!!

and on the flip side, the way ianto was able to come out on top (NO EUPHEMISM INTENDED I PROMMYYYY) simply by standing firm. not raising his voice, not being physically aggressive. he stood there and looked at him. thats insaneeeee. and that's a moment of control for him that he doesn't get in his onscreen relationship with jack, or in his career at torchwood. and we see it for just one moment the only time owen & ianto interact in an substantial way. there's so many crazyyy things that could come out of those two falling into something messy, and i think it's really interesting that the power dynamic that's implied by canon puts ianto in a position of power we don't get to see him in in his canon relationship with jack. i want to see more of a ianto who's not just an accessory to jack, who stands on his own two feet, and that ep is honestly the only time in all twenty-six s1 and s2 eps where that happens. he's not only owen's equal in that ep, he fights for control and manages to command things. that? is a ianto i'm endlessly intrigued by. and then there's the fact that this is all right after owen's gay little fight club episode, where we learn that owen's a guy who lovessss mixing homoeroticism with violence. not only that, the power plays and mind games mark and owen play with each other in ep 11 - ep 12 is a direct continuation of that, between ianto and owen. and thats SOOO sexy to me fhdsfjkds.

so we have something angry and visceral and raw - which isn't everyone's cup of tea but its my LIFEBLOOD. they bring out the worst in each other, the aspects of themselves that they dislike. and personally? im always compelled by ships that have that dynamic - but then they both get a bit Addicted to it. i LOVE the thematic theme of surrendering to the worst parts of yourself, and of being drawn in by the ugly parts of someone else. and i think there’d be smth rlly interesting in the form of them each realizing the other’s their mirror, as well. something almost self-punishing, potentially. lil bit psychosexual. i like the thought of owen recognizing that ianto’s more than meets the eye, recognizing that he’s got a sadism to him - i think he could be compelled to draw that out, because that’s already something we see with owen (most explicitly during the whole gwen affair). owen’s someone who wants to find someone as fucked up and lost as he is. we see this with gwen and diane - and we can deduce that's what drew him to suzie. but it should also be noted those relationships were all with women - in the show, as previously mentioned above, owen’s attraction to men is always associated with aggression, with violence. a lot to be said about that, and i have a wip essay on owen’s sexuality in my drafts, but the point is owen’s queerness exists in anger and in power struggles with other men - which makes it obvious to me, given how they're presented in ep12, that him and ianto’s relationship could very, very easily trip over the line into being something More. owen’s turned on by aggression, he’s canonically attracted to ianto - i really dont think it’d take much for him to make a move. particularly if jack were gone. and i could very easily see him ending up looking at ianto and thinking ‘hm. there's something fucked up about him. i bet i can make him worse’.

and ianto… see, this is where it gets fun, and also where my personal interpretation deviates from most owento writers, because a lot of people write this pairing as very brutal; the ianto in owento fics is usually much harsher than any ianto i’ve seen elsewhere. it’s rarely ooc, bc we see that ianto in the show, just not often, and it’s one of his most interesting forms n i’m fond of him. that being said - i’m personally intrigued by the idea of ianto figuring owen out and realizing that aggression and casual sex isn’t what he really wants after all. owen’s soft, deep down, and there’s a need to be understood and cared for. that’s… kind of ianto’s specialty. and there’s an angle of power there, too. maintaining control in a way that simply being rough could never sufficiently achieve. because i dont tend to ship enemies-to-lovers in a way where the characters aren’t being self-serving and conniving. i like when two characters are exploiting each other and fucking themselves up in the process. that’s my shit. i especially like when it eventually becomes something that almost looks like a really bastardized version of love. all in all i think they just have the potential to bring some crazyyyy shit out of each other

um. theres a lot more i could say but this is already really long and i ran out of steam. basically i think they should have hatesex but then get obsessed with each other and wage psychological warfare on each other👍

#txt #mine #torchwood posting #ya so thats what im doin over here! haw haw. did u know im utterly insane 😂😂😂#and i wrote a huge fic about all this btw but where im at w my ocd rn i hate it so i dont wanna rec it fhsdfjkds #anyway. yeah. im fine im normal #owento

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enneamage · 1 year

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do you think wilbr is going to be the reason the band breaks? i don’t really mean disbanding necessarily but just like not working out lmao

i also kinda wanna know ur thought in lovejoy in general, their dynamic (as little or much we have seen), how they approach their projects and their music in general. bc i used to be a big big fan of wlbrs and everything he did was awesome for me, but as time passed and he started streaming less and stuff i kinda just saw as “meh” and now i listen to lovejoy and it’s like 🧐 “hmm, it’s not as good as i thought”

he mentions a lot of alex turner and julian casablancas as inspirations but idk, in their debut albums they were so good and well thought and idk i’m rambling i’m sorry

Wilbur is the dude I know the most about, and also the one that I relate to the most as the major potential liability, but that also comes from a place of not knowing the others very well. I'm naturally most concerned with him because his flaws come to mind easily but that's just from availability of information. An anon once made a point that he does better under situations where he’s being held to a structure so his flake tendencies might get curbed by circumstance, so it’s in the air.

Ash has done a very good job at making himself known as loveable mime. He’s an interesting one, he seems very creative. He helped dream up Tommy’s faux life bits, which makes more sense in retrospect since Ash’s whole public persona is a bit about him never speaking. Ash might not be the face of lovejoy but when I think about what is exclusive to Lovejoy I think of him, while Wilbur has been all over the place. He's what has me kind of rooting for Lovejoy in spite of my caution around them.

Mark and joe are total wildcards for me. Squarely out of my depth with them and don't have much info to go off, so they could turn out to be anything. I’m not actively following any of them so if info washes up somewhere I can find it I can take a look, but for now they’re thing one and thing two in my brain.

The genre that Lovejoy plays in isn’t my usual go-to so I can’t be as 'objective' as I would want to be assessing their sound. I know I'm in an echo chamber when it comes to criticism, but just about everyone in this conversation is in at least some form of one (the natural mcyt fandom marbling based on who watches who) so it comes with the territory.

When I talk about them with people irl I have found an unexpected consensus: for a band that took off in the context of minecraft youtube they bang, but if you stand them shoulder to shoulder with their genre peers it doesn't come out as well right now. It's almost not fair to compare them, but you have to if you want to switch from one pool to the other. Already liking the people involved seems to help a lot with how much you like their music, as you've experienced, but taste is always subjective.

Overall they're being flung at the wall at high speeds under the right conditions, a lot of attention and a lot of streams from a lot of people, so it's likely that they're going to stick at least somewhat. The grand decontextualizing machine, Spotify, is sneaking them into other peoples orbits every day. How much is enough will depend on what the intended outcome is.

Is it possible to be too big to fail? Because they're already in the public consciousness there's enough of them to drift around, but predictions in 2023 in general are the thing everyone wants and nobody knows enough to be able to make. Divination is going to skyrocket, mark my words.

Nothing is guaranteed and I think that's the cazy-making thing of watching someone with issues wander off into the sunset, not knowing if or when things will explode and wipe out the happy ever after. It may wind up being adaptive for Wilbur to lean more into the music scene because he wouldn't be the first questionable character that thrived there by a long shot. Ultimately it's out of my depth and I can't tell, because there's something to doubt about both the happy ever after rockstar narrative of main and the straight-up-flop counter-narrative too. I think it makes most sense to aim for the middle and brace for the unexpected, because that seems to be the formula for handling any of these people whose careers were supercharged on the back of something that could never have been predicted to begin with.

#Hello not fully back yet just restless #I think an important variable may turn out to be the fans #I am deeply sympathetic to mcyt fans I know they get too much flack and are often misunderstood #but getting a reputation for making lovejoy ‘spaces’ have a Weird Energy might damage something along the way #because they’ve got a bit of that post-mcyt defensive pride of having moved on and matured and whatever #which is a little tiresome #gen wlbr tag

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wickymicky · 2 years

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i miss hitomi and nako but im not interested in akb48 tbh

i feel kinda bad about that, and im not gonna be one of those people who just talk about izone in the comments of everything either of them do. i get it, theyre doing their own things now, and they seem to be doing pretty well, that’s great. it’s not really something i can just get myself to keep up with and become a fan of though, it’s too big and too separate from kpop and it would take too much time, and i barely keep up with most of the kpop groups that im into already! besides, like... it’s just not for me. if hitomi and nako weren’t a part of that, then i definitely wouldn’t pay any attention to it. i dont think its super awful or that it shouldnt exist or anything, its fine, idk, but its not something im interested in. i do miss hitomi and nako a lot in kpop, but... i get that that’s just kinda selfish of me, and they can do whatever they want. when they end up graduating from their groups, it’s likely that they’ll stay and continue their careers in japan, which makes total sense of course, so it’s not even like i’m just waiting for them to return or anything... no, i totally get that their was their choice and i’m not holding out hope that they’ll debut again in korea or anything. at this point, that would just be disrespectful of me.

i do hope there are izone reunions every now and then, from time to time, but that’s about it. le sserafim didnt get to meet either of them when they were in japan recently, but on future le sserafim japan visits/promotions/tours then i definitely hope they can, not just because of the izone connection, but also because of sakura’s akb48/hkt48 connection! i feel bad that izone members regularly meet up on shows and things, but hitomi and nako kind of just have each other (and they dont even get to meet that often, i assume. i know they have performed together at least once though). i’m positive that they would get to meet the other members more often if covid wasnt a thing... groups are traveling overseas again, but obviously still limiting that to an extent, and controlling how many people theyre in contact with while being overseas, and all of that. but hopefully we’ll have many interactions between all of them, hiinako included, over the next couple years. i also just feel bad for sakura who, while she’s very happy in korea in le sserafim, probably misses her j-line friends quite a bit! and who could blame her? i’m not even asking for much lol, even just them going out for a non-filmed, not-turned-into-content dinner or something. i just love them and i want all of them to be happy.

this was just a random and rambling stream of consciousness, sorry lol.

#long post #thoughts tag

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eirian · 2 years

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im going insane so im going to tell you about it and by that i mean make a post to scream into the void about my troubles

this will be a rambly, stream of consciousness post so watch out. unmedicated adhd brain shenanigans are afoot

i feel like i need to draw for myself more. i try to very often, i do, but i still feel like im caught in the whole “if i dont draw for attention then whats the point” hellhole that ive been trying to get out of for years. but i feel like the reason for this is that i literally Need the attention to up my chances for commissioners??? because thats how i make a living rn??? like i literally rely on commissions as my main source of income and that pays for shit like rent and medication and appointments and food :( i barely buy shit for myself anymore b/c im putting it all towards needs and not wants

also im worried my merch wont pop off as well as it did when i first released the submas merch. i know those were in high demand, but im afraid the demand will go to single digit sales for them as well as everything else i sell. im honestly thinking about just buying very small stock, maybe 10 of each item at most, and opening the orders that way (after i ship things out of course). speaking of shipping my last shipment STILL hasnt come in and im a little frustrated b/c im like. bruh i need to ship out these preorders. im not gonna do preorders in the future i dont think, im waiting way too long for this stock to come in :( i dont want yall to wait forever for like..a keychain

ive been trying to work here and there on both villain + school and facets (facets is completely written and scripted, v+s just recently got solidified as an outline Finally) but i kinda only had energy to do so for One Day so im not sure when those’ll be out lmfao. sorry bout that

i want to make more ocs, i havent made new ocs in a hot minute and im like :( wah. my character design brain is kaput right now. i wanna make more cool db ocs and such like i used to. it used to bring me so much joy. or maybe even inazuma eleven ocs idk im just wanting New Boys

i have so much to do or at least so much i could be doing. like i could make new merch art but that feels pointless if i dont have the money to buy the merch. i still need to ship out my FIRST orders, christ. and im trying so hard to get commissions rolling so i CAN ship out my shit but :( its a struggle. im struggling. god im stressed to hell and back hi

sometimes i do be like i wanna die ! but i wont. i’ll be ok things will be ok. i will get commissions its only the 6th. i have time. and im going to check out some cons that i can maybe table at in the future. thatd be wonderful. fuck i need to reprint my business cards with my updated twitter im a little mad i ended up getting my account unsuspended right after i made those cards. at least i only made 50 of them i guess

i need like an online journal or something to write this shit into instead of like, a public tumblr post LMFAO. but i cant use washi tape online so there goes that /hj

i really really need to figure out a way to let the general furry population know that i will draw their stuff for commissions. like. i Will. i Have. i Can. just give me a chance bro i’ll draw your inflation fetish art just give me a chance to make some money to live LOL. i would draw more furry art but i am so unmotivated and sluggish its so hard..

i kinda feel like i should try to get back into adoptables too but ive been so depressed and down and unmotivated its really really hard for me to design things for myself let alone to sell. so im like ok now what i have no income. im too brain fucky to get a “real job” so im just like. sits here on my ass doing absolutely nothing except being sad. ok so i might have depression

anyway life is hard thanks for putting up with me

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redstrewn · 3 months

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Heey its musa! I was going through your playlists and Ive been listening to A God made of flesh and consciousness on repeat! I love it sm! To me it sounds so much like Anatolian rock,, which is one of my fav genres (that being said,, its kinda cool you put that in your leander playlist bc in the stream one of the devs said they wanted eridia to look kinda like istanbul, which is the city the genre originates from)

ALSO (sorry here comes my autistic rant) anatolian rock was a genre that was created by istanbul rich kids that mixed traditional turkish folk songs with western rock. But the genre became immensely popular with normal working class folks bc of the renewed folk elements. It also had many communist/socialist elements to it, which is why it got banned and supressed in the 80’s :((

That being said,, i feel like this genre fits leander well. Sorry for the rambling but that song just made me think!

If you want any recs pls let me know! I feel like i already talked too much so thats why i’ll leave it here

Hey thats pretty cool. I found the album that's in from looking up the word "gnosis" for songs to put in my leander playlist lol. I ended up liking it a lot that i put one of the songs in it in my own personal playlist. I didn't know about Anatolian rock nor its history so that's really fun to know. It's cool how perfectly that goes with leander. I stopped answering music asks for a while bc I needed some time to listen to my own thing for a bit but now I've been itching for new sounds lately, so I'd be down for some recs.

#musa #music

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bethanybeatdowns · 2 years

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i'm reaching a LOT here because olympus is a main story chapter and requiem is a collab event, but let me add that their release dates are a bit brilliant. same energy as releasing yuga kshetra- some deicide kinda thing and limited event gudaguda 4 with oda "heathenism is a personality trait in this game" nobunaga thing they did last year.

so, space and sea exploration are two sides of the same coin. two very dark places where human hands reach into with curiosity and developing technology for the sake of science and discovery. as above, so below and all that jazz. zeus and voyager could be interpreted as foils of each other. here goes...

the divine vs human. stagnation of authoritative gods vs innovation of scientific progress. olympus being a futuristic, utopian metropolis but hinges upon a very outdated paradigm of hollow earth theory located deep below the ocean vs. voyager made by the latest (at that time) technology alone floating in space- above and below. the stars and skies being explained by myth and stories vs. the stars and skies being systematically explored using cutting-edge tools and better equipment.

zeus as space and cosmos coming down to earth for survival to take the form of humans vs. voyager as a mere man-made objects sent up and up beyond the sky, entrusted to outlast humanity, and metamorphose as something human. the old world of divinity represented by a thunderous old god vs. humanity's love letter to the sea of stars being an innocent child.

#fate grand order #fgo #fgo spoilers #fgo voyager #fgo atlantis #fgo olympus #daisy's fgo personals #sorry for being kinda rambly and stream of consciousness #this could be better and more refined #but i'm trying to churn this out before requiem event ends

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imjusttpeachy · 3 years

Text

sleepy angel. (c.h.)

Can I please request some cute corpse husband fluff. I really want something adorable and cute with him. Like playing with the readers hair and cuddles and that. -anon

okay yall i hope this isn’t too weird but i saw a tiktok abt it and thought it was the cutest thing ever and just— i needed to write about it. pretty short but i’m just getting back into writing sorryyyy

please check out the warnings!!

playlist

the licks - lavender kiss

wet bandits - movies as friends

puma blue - want me

dre’es - warm

daniel ceasar - get you

summary: reader is feeling a little cuddly but doesn’t want to disturb Corpse during his stream. who knew the floor could be so comfortable?

word count: 944

WARNINGS: she/her pronouns used, dom/sub undertones???, basically you sit on the floor and he plays with your hair pls don’t read if uncomfy with stuff like that

•••

You didn’t consider yourself a clingy girlfriend.

No, not at all.

It wasn’t clingy to want to be around your favourite person at all times, just to be sure that they’re safe and happy and not too stressed, right? Just to be sure.

Well, that’s what you told yourself anyway as you crawled out of bed and shuffled toward your boyfriend’s office where he was currently streaming. He probably still had a few hours left, but your skin was itching to feel his touch. You had already spent the past couple hours smothering yourself in his hoodie and comforter, reveling in his addicting smell. Though, even with the soft plush completely surrounding you, you couldn’t shake the feeling of just needing to be near him.

You shouldn’t distract him— that was the last thing he needed when he was already so anxious during streams, but it couldn’t hurt to just sit with him, right? It may even be relaxing to have you there, just keeping him company.

Pushing open the door to his office slowly, you peeked in through the crack, eyes immediately spotting that messy mop of black hair only illuminated by the monitor’s light in front of it. You found it odd at first, that he liked playing in the dark, but realized how much smaller it made the room feel therefore being more comforting to him. Finally gathering all your nerve, you pushed the door open and slipped inside the dark room quickly shutting it behind you. You felt kinda creepy, hiding in the shadows and against the walls of the room but you didn’t want to scare him at a bad point in the game and embarrass him in front of his audience. Watching his monitor from over his shoulder, you thought of a plan as you waited for the round to end. You didn’t want to distract him, so sitting in his lap was a big no; glancing downward though, a grin began to pull at you lips as you finally figured it out.

The game went on for maybe another minute or so before the ending screen played and all the characters began transporting back into the lobby— it was go-time. Silently slinking down to your hands and knees, you slowly crawled over to the side of the chair before hooking your chin over his thigh and gazing up at him. You felt his body jerk slightly at the pressure on his thigh, his gaze shooting down from the monitor and locking onto yours as you grinned at him from the floor. He gaped at you for a second before his hand shot out to mute his mic.

“Baby, what-“

“Just wanna be with you,” You could hear the confusion in his tone before you cut him off with your quiet mumble, sighing softly and closing your eyes as you settled in your place, hands folding to rest in your lap as to not accidentally reach out and wrap around his leg as well. Though, as the room settled into silence your brow furrowed as you lifted your chin off of his thigh to look up at him, mind beginning to race with the thought of making him uncomfortable. “Is... Is that okay? I’m sorry I should’ve-“

“No, no it’s okay bunny, I was just surprised.” It was his turn to cut off your nervous rambling just as you began to spiral, his hand coming down to rest against your jaw tilting your gaze back up until it locked with his again. His eyes drifted over your face as you looked up at him with probably the most lovesick expression painted all over your face, nuzzling into the warmth of his hand. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as you settled your chin back over his thigh, sighing in content. Your eyes were fluttering closed when he spoke up again. “Are you sure you’re okay down there?”

A soft hum was your only response as you shuffled closer to him, finally giving in and wrapping your arms around his calf; he tensed for a moment and you were just about to unravel yourself from him again when he relaxed before a large hand found it’s place atop your head. You could practically feel yourself melt into him as he began to card his fingers through your hair, another soft hum escaping your lips in content as his nails scratched along your scalp. Chuckling softly, he leaned back toward him set up and reached for his mic, the hand in your hair still carding slowly through your locks causing you to shiver every so often when his rings ran along your skin.

“Hey, sorry, (Y/N) just needed to ask me something.” You giggled softly as he lied right through his teeth to his stream-mates. It was harmless though, just a little funny; you couldn’t hear them anyway. Even if you could though, all you could focus on was the hand running continuously over your head despite the game starting up again.

“Nah just what I want to eat, we can literally never decide what to have…” His words trailed off of your focus as your body relaxed even further into his. The soothing motion of his hand beginning to lull you to sleep no matter how much you tried to fight it off. His thumb began to run along the cheek that wasn’t smushed against his thigh as you floated in and out of consciousness, his touch so gentle you’d begin to think you’re made of glass. You could barely make out his mumbled words as his soft touches finally plunged you in the depths of sleep.

“Sweet dreams, princess”

•••

When your eyes fluttered open again they were immediately met with pitch black, which would’ve startled you if not for the solid form resting halfway on top of your body; your mouth pulling into a wide grin as you felt the slow breaths of your person warm the crook of your neck. Reaching toward your nightstand, you pat around blindly until your hand lands on your phone— as much as you didn’t want to move, you didn’t know how much time has passed since you had joined Corpse in his office. Squinting as the light from your phone flooded the room, you quickly turned down the brightness before looking at the time, confirming that you definitely didn’t have anywhere to be for at least the next few hours.

However, as you continued to stare down at your phone you began to scroll through the seemingly never-ending mentions, you only became more and more confused. Finally biting the bullet and tapping on one it immediately opened your screen to Corpse’s Instagram— but more importantly, a picture of you.

There you were, completely relaxed face smushed against his thigh as you slept soundly, but that wasn’t all. That signature hand had taken it’s place carding through your hair just as he did to lull you to sleep. Your heart was already fluttering as you stared at the photo on your screen but you think it might’ve stopped as your eyes caught the caption.

corpsehusband: “sleepy angel”

•••

@.valkyrae: was this during the stream? omg corpse you liar

@.sykkuwu: u guys are so cute

@.jacksepticeye: SIMP

@.bretmanrock: jealous 🙄 corpse baby i thought we had something

@.tinakitten: okay loverboy

•••

hey guys long time no see! i was gonna make a post abt why i was gone for so long but i think that’d be overkill. i’m okay now and i’m very excited to keep writing for you!

i think i’m gonna branch out to other fandoms as well but idk yet. i’m working through the requests in my inbox rn so i’m gonna do those first. gonna open up drabble requests too!

okay that’s it! thanks for reading as always, let me know what u think down below or in my asks! love you guys, hope you’re doin well <3

#peachyrequests #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband x you #corpse x you #corpse imagine #corpse husband imagine

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tomurasprincess · 3 years

Note

Here’s a denki idea with incest and streamer denki for that anon that was asking about denki earlier and they get more fucked up as they go :)

(Tw incest Tw dub con... kinda? Tw non con) don’t worry Denki anon I got you, but hear me out. Denki is a live streamer that only shows his face once and a while, one day he “convinces” (basically passive aggressively threats and gaslights sister reader that they need to have sex with him to prove that “they aren’t a slut and they are still pure”, after sister reader refuses again. Denki forcefully bends them over the desk and tells them to cum around his cock or he will turn on the stream with the camera on so everyone can see how big of a slut his sister is.

(Ending one: consent is kinda given but it’s after he already pushes in so imma say dubcon) He’s surprised to find his sister trying to get him to speed up before she rubs against him and smirks at him with a small grind on his cock and a “get on with it then”

(Ending two: no consent, non consensual recording) Denki forces sister reader down onto the desk before slowly pushing in and out, wanting them to feel the drag from his cock before commanding them to say “I only want nii -san’s cock! I’m only a slut for nii-San!” After he fucks them for a while, talking about how much better their pussy and moans are rather than his hand and porn, he finishes. He cleans up sister reader before laying them to sleep, secretly saving the video he took of him fucking them for himself and blackmail

(Ending three: no consent, non consensual recording, non consensual somno, he broadcasts this bitch) pretty much the same as number two but turns out he has a seperate streaming account all for videotaping sister reader asleep as he eats them out or fucks them on his fingers all recorded and broadcasted. He turns on the camera with his face hidden but his sisters not, and fucks his sister as people flood in to watch as she takes his dick. Every time she tries to fight back or get him to stop he shocks her leg and goes harder to prove that she’s his and every time he shocks her he says something like “you must be enjoying it with how much you’re clenching down on me” . He ends the stream after finishing and finds his sister passed out, but not without smirking to himself and saying “tune in to the stream tomorrow and we’ll see if this slut can take dick in her tight little ass as good as she can take it in her pussy.”

Sorry for rambling but I just needed to share this or I was gonna go crazy

Warnings: Noncon, incest, forced orgasms, non consensual filming, degradation, electric shocks, mentions of somno, yandere Notes: Dark!Denki is my favorite kind of Denki, so I went with option number 3.

"I've got a surprise for you, sis," your brother says happily, grinning at you with that goofy smile like he used to. He had been changing so much lately, and not for the better. Much colder, much less likely to take on hero jobs. To your shock, he even said once that heroes were worthless, that the villains would end up winning. It wasn't like his usual self, and you're happy to see him acting closer to how he used to.

"What kind of surprise?" "Come into my room and I'll show you." He walks away, leaving you to trail behind him like you've always done since you were kids. You always looked up to your brother, always wanted to be close to him. And he was the same way. Everyone thought you were too close for siblings, but you disagreed. You wouldn't want it any other way.

Finally, he leads you into his room where there's a camera set up on a tripod and pillows and blankets arranged on the floor in front. You give him a surprised look, feeling uneasy for the first time. "Come on, this will be so much fun." He chuckles at you, pushing you roughly towards the center of the room. You're forced to the floor, face down and ass up in the air before you know it. "What the hell is this about, Denki-nii???" You snap at him, trying to get up again but finding your arm twisted behind your back painfully. "That hurts!" "I know you guys were tired of watching my toy with my sister while she's drugged up and asleep!" He chirps out, grinding himself against your backside. "So I thought we'd have a super special stream today!"

"While I'm asleep? I don't - I don't understand," you whisper, sounding far more childish than you intended. You think briefly to the times you woke up and your pussy was soaked, feeling sore and stretched out. You dismissed it as nothing despite the nagging doubt in the back of your mind. Sometimes you thought you remembered a presence hovering over you - but surely it was just a dream - "You really are a naive little bitch," your brother mocks you. "Can't believe you never realized what your dear older brother was doing to you." He leans in closer to whisper in your ear. "Or maybe you did know and you liked it - " "Please stop," you whimper at him, "I don't want this, please - " You hear the ripping of clothes as your skirt is torn away, revealing a lack of underwear. "My sister doesn't even wear panties? What a little slut. I think you do want this." You feel something hot and hard prodding at your clit, and you let out another whimper as you try to squirm away. But an electric current runs through your body, and your muscles tighten up as you gasp. "Stay still, sis," Denki laughs at you. "You don't want me to keep doing that, do you?" You begin to weep, not understanding what caused your brother to change so much. Why he's being so cruel to you. But you don't have long to wonder before he's pushing inside of you, stretching your muscles out and taking your virginity cruelly. You only cry harder at the pain. "Fuck, my little sister's cunt is so fucking tight. Were you a virgin, sis?" You say nothing, shaking and shivering as his hips snap forward to bury himself entirely into his little sister's tight cunt. "Answer me," he growls, and an electric shock runs through your body. You scream this time, clenching around his cock involuntarily. "Yes! Yes I was!" You manage to choke out through the convulsions, and he stops his quirk.

His hips begin to move, balls smacking against your clit with every thrust. It causes unwanted pleasure to build up in you, muscles of your lower stomach tightening. "Please - Denki-nii, please stop -"

"Fuck," he groans out, "keep calling me that, it turns me on."

Your words fail you, and you keep your mouth shut until another electric current runs through your body. This one is so strong that you can barely breathe through it, the pain extreme. You want to refuse, want to do anything but what he wants, but you also want the pain to stop.

"Denki-nii, Denki-nii!" And still, despite the pain, you feel yourself begin to cum around your brother's cock. "Little slut," he giggles a bit, "cumming around your brother's cock like that. You've wanted your Denki-nii for a while, haven't you?" "Yes!" You scream, feeling a sense of relief as he deactivates his quirk. "Yes I want my Denki-nii's cock!" Tears stream openly from your face as he tangles a hand in your hair, forcing your back to arch and stare into the camera. "My little sis here is squeezing my cock so damned well. Her cunt feels fucking amazing." You let out a choked sob as you cum again, almost painful in its intensity as your cunt pulses around your brother's cock. He finds his own end inside of you, pace stuttering as he fills his baby sister full of hot cum. You can't keep your eyes awake anymore. They flutter closed and stay closed as you finally lose consciousness. "Oops," he chuckles, "I may have been a bit too rough. Ah well, hope you like the show. Stay tuned while I wait for her to wake up so I can fuck this tight little asshole!"

#mari thirsts #denki thirst #tw: noncon #tw:incest #tw: somno #anon asks

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shoezuki · 3 years

Note

sorry same anon continuing my thoughts: the reason ppl cling so much to lmanberg is bc it was one of the few times on the server a group/country FELT like a group. Snowchester doesn’t have that same feel, same with things like the syndicate or even the greater dream smp. They lack that same sense of unity and ppl coming together willingly to contribute to the same thing. Instead they feel like... idk. Single person projects others sometimes loiter around. They feel soulless in a way lmanberg didn’t. It’s like ever since doomsday people have been shock still terrified of putting themselves so fully behind a group that they pull back and don’t invest themselves that same amount, which makes everything feel so token. I mean tbh the closest we’ve gotten since is the eggpire who are Literally all being brain controlled together. I’m not saying it’s all techno’s fault or something, but esp w the fear of getting on his/the syndicate’s bad side by being a government, ever since lmanberg was gone it’s never felt the same (also sorry this is very bad/rambly, I’m basically stream of consciousness writing in here bc I’m having beginning Thoughts abt why ppl including myself care so much abt lmanberg over anything else)

oh yeaYEA I FEEL U!!!!!!!!!! i think like....... the aspect of everyone kinda jus goin their own ways, and the Non Canon aspect of just..... people not being so Present anymore. AND so much of the plot rn is split up rather from one central point like lmanberg, to like 5 different things. its jus. theres such a lack of Communities anymore.

i DO feel that if techno n the syndicate got together they Could give us that Community Feeling, and like. idk if its Lore Wise the people all having their own Things now, the ‘communities’ or ‘kingdoms’ made being like 2 or three ppl at most, or if like... i personally feel that Out Of Lore shit is. p responsible. cuz Now we cant have ppl jus fuckin round so much anymore. as soon as more than like two ppl are online n streaming it Must be Heavy Lore. to the point that ppl rarely log on unless its major planned events. so the small fucking around n goofs of lmanberg just Arent present anymore because of these expectations put on em.

n yea. eggpire is Probably closest. mostly cuz thats Dependent on having so many ppl together in this ‘community’ cuz a brainwashing. but all or most other plots r like.... so individual now.

#anon #hard boiled takes #and the government part i think like.#both ppl dont wanna make a government on there n like. no one seems to understand what a fucking government is #AND fans see ppl congrageting together n be like OH NOOOOOOOO TECHNO WILL DESTROY THEM kslhglkshg

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veilder · 3 years

Note

What's your philosophy on writing? ;)

Omg, coming out swinging with this ask. XD I can just feel a rambling, stream of consciousness answer waiting to come out. XD So, lemme think... I mean, considering I haven’t done very much writing at all in the last half a year, I don’t even know anymore? And before that, I never really considered myself... an actual writer, either. Reader, yes. Commenter, sure. Writing was like... It was my least polished skill, y’know? I’d only ever tried to write some fics casually before 2019 and I certainly never published any of them, omg. And I never expected that anything I did publish would get any sort of response. So... It’s all still sort of an ephemeral concept to me. When I talk about fanfic authors, I always think of other people first, lol. Always think of their epic, sweeping fics first. I guess it more comes down to knowing I’ll never quite have that same impact, y’know? I consider the stuff I write as cheap, popcorn fics. There’s not really a lot there, really. The stuff I write is cliché and predictable and it’s not super evocative. I... don’t know why I do it, really. The enthusiasm has certainly drained out of me recently. I guess... It’s not that I don’t like my own writing. On the contrary, I don’t think I could’ve written any of it if I wasn’t fully invested. But it’s not like... integral in any way, shape or form. I don’t have the same spark I did at the start of things anymore and I don’t have someone to discuss ideas with or try and drive me forward anymore. So I’m just kinda... languishing atm. ...God, what a depressing answer. -_- Sorry, this probably wasn’t the sort of answer you were expecting. Writing is a hobby and it should be fun I guess. And it was for me for a time. But it was always so, so stressful, too. I loved getting the ideas I had out of my head an onto paper, but I was always so anxious all the time. I wanted my stories to be good and I agonized over them relentlessly. And I think that, with the last thing I wrote being such a crunch, I’m just super burnt out right now. Which is a shame, cuz I still have so many ideas I’d like to get around to. So, I guess tl;dr is, I’ve never really considered myself a genuine author and writing is as stressful as it is rewarding for me. And I’d like to do more of it but I can’t muster the motivation anymore. Sorry if this was a rather... sad answer. My ramblings weren’t exactly the happiest this time around, lol. And I hope no one gets discouraged from this, these are my own issues I’m dealing with. But... yeah. That’s my current philosophy on the matter.

#asks #personal #writing #fanfic #I'm just... tired #I guess #I miss being so excited about stuff #that I could sit down and write about it #every time I try to write these days #I have to really force myself #I want to get things done so badly #but I just... can't...#RIP my short-lived writing career I guess lol #and sorry for being so depressed about it on main #nock-and-bolt

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bitchin-beskar · 4 years

Text

witching hour

Rating: M (mentions of kidnapping, attempted dark fertility ritual, sex pollen?? kind of?? and obvi, smut)

Word Count: 2k

A/N: Here’s my attempt at a Halloween-themed Mandalorian one-shot! It’s kinda spooky I guess, but mostly smut. Oops... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I hope y’all enjoy!

Please consider commenting and reblogging! I love the feedback!

“I’m really not sure about this, Mando.”

You looked around cautiously, feeling as though there were eyes on you, but not seeing anything. The planet the two of you had stopped on was a backwater, far on the Outer Rim.

Din was looking for a bounty, and the last known location was in this... town, if you could even call it that. Half of the buildings looked abandoned, and there were dark alleys and suspicious-looking characters everywhere you turned.

“It’s fine.”

You rolled your eyes. Din’s monotone showed he truly wasn’t concerned about being here, and normally that would put you at ease, but for some reason, you were still uneasy.

The two of you finally found a shop that was open, and not just an abandoned building, and Din lead the way inside. It was some kind of apothecary. There were glass jars lining the shelves, different plants drying from the ceiling, and a number of other strange or unsettling items. An old woman stood behind the counter, and when she grinned at the two of you, you could tell she didn’t have any teeth.

“Oh-ho-ho! Visitors, I see! What can I do for two fine travelers such as yourselves?”

You winced at the woman’s voice. It sent shivers down your spine. The woman’s eyes ran over Din, before falling onto you. Her eyes widened, and she smirked, and you felt another chill. You wanted to step closer to Din, but you didn’t want to show any weakness, so you stood your ground.

“I’m looking for a bounty.”

Din placed the puck on the counter, and the woman watched as the holographic image appeared before her. Smacking her gums, she shuffled over to a large, old book, slamming it open, and dust flew into the air. She flipped through the pages until she appeared to find what she was looking for. She ripped a page out and shuffled back over to the two of you.

“This here’ll be what’cha need,” she croaked, shoving the paper at Din. “It’s a good ways away, but if you leave right quick, you can get there before dark.” She cackled. “You don’ wanna be out after dark in these parts.”

Din thanked the woman, and she leered at the two of you. “Buh-bye now!”

The two of you left as the woman continued to giggle and cackle. You shuddered as you left the building, unable to stave off the sense of paranoia that you felt.

“Do you want to go back to the Crest?”

You looked over at Din, about to protest, when he actually stopped walking and turned to you, his gloved hand coming up to cup your elbow. “Cyar’ika, you’re shaking.” You frowned, before looking down at your hands, only to see them trembling. “It’s okay. I’ve got this one. Go.”

You nodded, and Din waited for you to begin waking before he turned in the opposite direction, towards where the woman had directed him.

The walk back to the Crest was short, only about ten minutes or so. The Child was still in the Crest, as you and Din had finally managed to get him to stay in the ship for short trips without him trying to come after the two of you.

As you walked alone on the path, you couldn’t help but feel like you were being followed, but you couldn’t see anyone nearby. Just as the Crest came into view, there was a sharp pain at the back of your head, and everything went black.

***

You woke slowly, surprised by how cold you were and how much your whole body ached. You went to move, only to find that your arms and legs were tied down, and you couldn’t move them an inch. You opened your eyes, only to see a horrific sight.

It was night, and in front of you was a huge fire, flames leaping seven or eight feet tall. Surrounding the blaze was a number of people in dark robes, all chanting in a language that you didn’t understand. You realized you’d been stripped down to your under clothes, the cold wind biting at your exposed skin. You were tied to some kind of wooden frame, your arms stretched above your head, and your legs were spread slightly. As you tried to clear the fog still clouding your mind as you came back to consciousness, you realized something that immediately caused you to panic.

The tell-tale sensation of arousal was building in your belly, your underwear already damp. As the chanting continued, one of the people in robes came over to you, throwing some kind of powder in your face, and as you breathed it in, your arousal increased, almost to the point of pain.

You frantically tugged at the ropes binding you, but they didn’t budge. You tried to close your legs, but those ropes were tied just as tightly. You could feel tears welling in your eyes, the panic in your chest causing your breathing to come in short bursts and gasps.

The group’s chanting grew louder, and you cried out as a stab of pain pierced your lower abdomen. You tried to double over, but the ropes prevented it.

Suddenly, there was a sharp whistling sound, and you watched through your tears as the people in the robes began to drop. You gasped as you saw Din come running through the trees, his blaster drawn. His whistling birds took care of almost all of the black-robed people, except for one. He stormed forward, blaster aimed steadily at the lone standing figure.

“What. Did. You. Do.”

His voice was deeper than normal, his fury evident. You normally found his voice attractive, but at that moment, it was like the attraction was magnified. You gasped out as another wave of arousal washed over you, and you watched as Din’s helmet jerked over to look at you, still tied up.

The figure lowered their hood, and you weren’t all that surprised to see the woman from the shop in town. She was cackling, even with a blaster pointed in her face.

“Oh, I’m sorry sonny boy, but ‘m afraid you’re much too late to help your friend,” she giggled. “Tis a shame she won’t be able to complete the ritual as intended, but her death should satisfy the gods just fine.”

You figured you should probably be more upset at your impending death, but you were so aroused that it hardly seemed like it mattered.

“How do I save her?!”

You could hear a hint of panic in Din’s voice, underneath all the anger and rage. The old woman just continued to cackle.

“You can’t!” She sounded insane. “Unless ya can find some man ta fuck the fertilitatis powder outta her system, she’s dead! You can’t help her Mandalorian! Dead, dead, dead, dead, de–” Her mad ramblings were cut off abruptly as Din’s blaster went off, striking her in the chest and killing her.

He rushed forward, withdrawing his vibroblade and carefully cutting the ropes tying your feet before moving up and freeing your arms. As your arms came free, your legs crumpled, and Din grabbed your waist to try and keep you upright.

You cried out as Din’s hands unintentionally pressed against your lower abdomen, providing you with the barest hint of relief. You clutched at his shoulders, your whole body trembling.

“Fuck, fuck sweetheart, tell me–how do I–” Din’s voice was strained, and you could almost picture the look in his eyes.

As he attempted to support you, his thigh accidentally pressed between your legs, and the sudden brush of friction was all it took. Your mouth opened in a silent scream as an orgasm tore through you, your legs shaking and tears streaming from your eyes as the intense sensation overwhelmed you.

Immediately you could tell something was wrong. Instead of feeling any sense of relief from finally having come, your core was wound tighter than ever. Your cunt ached, and it hurt, and you just needed–

“You!”

Your cry was torn from your throat as you desperately ground against Din’s thigh, trying to find relief. “N–Need you, Din. Maker, please, it hurts!”

You’d probably look back on this and feel ashamed of the way you were acting, but all you could focus on was the overwhelming, all-encompassing need to come, to be filled, to be fucked–

There was suddenly rough bark at your back as Din spun and pushed you back against one of the trees. He gripped your thighs and hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. His bulge ground into the fabric of your soaked panties, and you saw stars. Clawing at his arms, you begged him.

“Din, Din please–fuck–please I need it, I need you to fuck me, I–”

Your babbling was cut off as Din covered your mouth with his gloved palm. “Shh, shh sweetheart, I know,” he murmured, his other hand undoing the clasp of his pants. “I know you need it, but you have to be quiet, okay? I’ll fuck you, but you have to keep this pretty mouth shut.”

You were desperately nodding against his hand, your head jerking in uneven movements when you felt Din move the crotch of your underwear to the side, and slowly slide in to your cunt.

You tried to obey Din, really, you did, but you were just so sensitive. The wanton moan that left your lips was muffled by Din’s hand, and he shushed you again.

He kept pushing in until he was fully seated inside you, buried all the way to the hilt. The feeling of finally being filled caused your eyes to roll back in your head. Just as you were starting to think this would be fine, if Din just stayed inside you, keeping you filled, he began to withdraw.

You didn’t even have time to mourn the loss before his hips were snapping forward and filling you once more. You had no time to adjust, Din just began a downright brutal pace, his hips slamming into yours so hard you thought you might have bruises.

You tried to stifle the whimpers and cries that escaped your throat, but you’d never been able to stay quiet when Din fucked you in the past, so why should now be any different?

Your release was steadily approaching, the tightening in your core growing to an almost painful point once more. You were so close when Din growled out a single command.

“Bite.”

You immediately knew what he wanted, biting the finger of his leather glove, letting him pull his hand free. He took a moment to rearrange the glove between your teeth, as a kind of gag, before lowering his hand and finding your clit with his thumb.

You came with a muffled scream, back arching as you writhed on Din’s cock, your walls clenching tightly, keeping him deep inside you.

This time, you felt better. You no longer felt like you were about to combust, and although you were still aroused, it was no longer painful.

Din removed his glove from your mouth, but made no other move to let you go.

“Din?” You asked, voice quiet. You realized he was still hard inside you, and your eyes snapped up to his visor.

“Oh, we’re not done yet.” As he began to slowly thrust again, he continued. “You wanted me to fuck you. So I’m going to fuck you until you’re begging me to stop, and then we’ll go back to the Crest.” As you whimpered at his words, he whispered one last thing.

“And you broke the rule, cyar’ika. I told you to stay quiet, and you just couldn’t listen. You need to be punished.”

Your moan at his words echoed around the clearing, as you realized you were in for a long night.

Tags: @theocatkov, @cosmicbug379, @marydjarin, @perropascal, @mxndoscyarika, @hayley-the-comet, @phoenixhalliwell, @ahopelessromanticwritersworld

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in any of my other works or in any future works!

#fics #no use of y/n #reader #reader fic #writing #din djarin #the Mandalorian #din x reader #master list #Halloween fic #Halloween themed

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drabblily · 4 years

Text

“Wish I Were...”

Pairing: Midoriya Izuku x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Unrequited Love

Word Count: 2.1k

Synopsis: Y/N can’t help but wish she were the girl who managed to capture her crush’s heart. Based on Conan Gray’s “Heather”

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You shivered, rubbing your arms up and down slightly. You were in a rush this morning, trying to get out of your dorm as quick as possible to make sure you weren’t late for class since no one thought to wake you up. Of course, you forgot to bring a jacket of sorts in the rush.

When you realized you forgot your jacket, you brushed it off. Sure, it was December, of course it was cold, but you didn’t think that it would be this cold! And to top it off, the universe decided to make it start snowing today as well. Just your luck.

Luckily, half the day seemed to pass by in a blur, classes seemingly going by pretty quick if someone were to ask you. Now it was lunch period, and you sighed in relief, praying to some sort of God that Lunch Rush had prepared something warm for the students. Of course, you could’ve asked your friend Todoroki to heat you up, but you know how much he despised using his father’s quirk, so that was off the table.

As you packed your things to start heading to the cafeteria, you and your best friend with green hair struck up a conversation.

“Hey Izuku,” you smiled softly at him, “you don’t happen to have some hand warmers, do you? It’s freezing today and I forgot to bring some warmth with me.” You chuckled nervously as you zipped up your bag of textbooks.

Midoriya smiled, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment, “Sorry, L/N…I didn’t bring any with me either.” Before you could remind him to call you by your first name, he clasped his hands together loudly, as if he remembered something, “Ah! But I have an extra sweater with me…I accidentally grabbed two today since they were on top of each other. You can use that one!”

Immediately he opened his large backpack, pulling out a large sweater that had hints of All Might’s designs on it. Such as the hoodie having two long yellow ears, resembling the former #1’s iconic hair. “Oh…haha…Sorry, it’s this one, its kind of dorky, you don’t have to—”

“No no!” You cut him off once you realized what he was trying to say, “I think its cute! Thank you, Izuku!”

Your classmate blushed at your words, waving you off in a flustered manner, stammering over his words.

You chuckled under your breath before you pulled his sweater over your head, the polyester material falling down just before your skirt stopped at. Unconsciously, you inhaled the pretty citrus scent that you’ve come to recognize as Midoriya’s. You felt butterflies in your tummy from it, feeling at home in his scent and clothing. Snapping out of it, you grinned at him, “See, it looks great, right? Thank you~”

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater

Midoriya laughed, fiddling his fingers together, jokingly he spoke, “It looks better on you than me, actually.”

You said it looked better on me than it did you

Suddenly, you didn’t feel so cold. Heat exploded all over you, especially your face, a warm tingly feeling spreading throughout your body, your eyes inspecting his face in adoration and silence.

Only if you knew how much I liked you

You watched as he opened his beautiful emerald eyes, snapping not to you but to the person behind you. Your ears instantly perked up when you heard his breath hitch.

You turned around, curiously, to see who it was. You stood next to Midoriya, your heart dropping to your stomach when you realized those pretty eyes of his were following a certain beautiful brunette, Ochaco Uraraka. Your eyes looked to his, noticing how he looked at the girl with such love in his eyes, something he never showed you.

But I watch your eyes as she walks by

Inhaling a deep breath, you nudged his shoulders teasingly, capturing his attention for a short second before he glanced back to her.

“Hey, what a sight for sore eyes, right?”

Almost instantly he replied, breathlessly, “Brighter than the blue sky…”

Shakily breathing, you bit your lip to stop your tears, forcing a smile to your face before standing in front of him, getting his full attention now, “She’s got you mesmerized! You should just confess to her already; she totally likes you back!”

Midoriya flushed, putting his face between his hands and groaning, “Stop it Y/N…it’s embarrassing for me!! Let’s go to the cafeteria already…”

While I die…

It seems like your best friend took your advice. About a week or so later, Midoriya Izuku decided to confess to his crush. Surprise surprise, she liked him back, just like you said she did. Their relationship became the pinnacle of teasing from both the boys and girls in class, mostly cute comments from the females and dirty ones from the boys—those made Deku blush brighter than Kirishima’s hair, you swear.

You talked to them both after class, eyebrows slightly furrowed as you tried—and successfully as they didn’t notice—to keep your sadness down and your grin up, “You guys are so cute together, oh my gosh! I’m so glad I convinced this dork to finally fess up his feelings for you, you guys make such a power couple.”

Uraraka’s cheeks became pinker, leaning against Deku cutely, rambling her gratitude to you because she also liked him and sorts. You looked towards the green boy, his soft smile directed towards you, his mannerisms showing his thanks.

You watched as he grabbed her hand and pulled it up to his lips, giving it a small kiss before his mouth turned into a frown, “Your hands are freezing, Ochaco!”

You felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Why won’t you ever kiss me?

She giggled, her bright smile brightening up the room, “It’s alright, Deku-kun. I’m practically invincible to the cold, plus all my jacket were dirty so I couldn’t really use them...” With her free hand, she touched her own face as if to show she was ‘invincible’ like she said.

Your lips pressed into a fine line. Why did she have to be so pretty? Beautiful big chocolate brown eyes that stared up at him, a gorgeous face structure, and such a kind smile. Self-consciously, you brought your own hand up to your face, faintly running your fingers across your cheeks.

I’m not even half as pretty

Immediately hearing her words, Midoriya took his hand away, pulling that same jacket he gave you the other day out and tugging onto her, “I don’t want you to get sick, love.” He murmured to himself under his breath. His eyes widened and face became red once he noticed how cute she looked in his stupid All Might sweater. The stupid All Might sweater that you loved, which wasn’t yours, you remind yourself.

You gave her your sweater

Uraraka touched the material, “It’s so soft and cute!! Thank you Deku-kun!” She kissed his cheek, playing with the sleeves of the sweater.

It’s just polyester, you told yourself. No need to get so worked up, Y/N, a part of your brain told you. Midoriya grinned shyly, saying it was no problem.

But you like her better…wish I were Heather

“I think I’m gonna skip lunch today, you two! I feel a bit nauseous, I think it might’ve been something I ate for breakfast or something…” You smoothly lied, “But you guys should go soon, all the classes are going to steal the good stuff! I think I’ll just head to the nurse; you know?”

Deku looked to you worriedly, “Do you want me to go with you? What if something happens on the way?”

You waved Izuku off nonchalantly, “Nah, I can go by myself. Just go, go!” You nudged them both from your seat.

They laughed with you, their voices melding together like a perfect symphony making you feel choked up. Uraraka stood first, “I hope you feel better Y/N! I’ll make sure to save you a snack for later!” The brunette then grabbed her boyfriend’s hand, tugging him up.

Watch as she stands with her holding your hand

Midoriya threw you a smile before turning towards his girlfriend, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, saying how he wants her to be as warm as possible to not get sick. You felt cold again, a freezing sensation burning your skin.

Put your arm ‘round her shoulder, now I’m getting colder

They neared the door, Uraraka smiling at you oh so kindly once more, wishing you well.

But how could I hate her? She’s such an angel

Her innocent smile made you dig your nails into your palm, you felt so guilty for thinking about the nasty things you thought of her. She didn’t deserve it…

But then again, kinda wish she were dead

Once they left the room, you put your head between your arms, tears falling down your cheeks as you bit your lip to keep in your sobs so no one could hear you.

As she walks by, what a sight for sore eyes…

You tightened your grip on your arms, silently sobbing harder as you remembered his praise on her everytime he talked about her as if she were his queen.

Brighter than the blue sky

You hated how he could never look at you the way she looked at him. You hated her for being his love. You hated him for not ever noticing your massive crush on him and not choosing you instead. Most of all, you hated yourself. You couldn’t help but be full of regret and sorrow, were you not good enough for Midoriya Izuku?

She’s got you mesmerized while I die

What made it worse was that you couldn’t help imagine yourself in his arms still. How it would be if he were the one kissing you.

Why wont you ever kiss me?

How it would be if he were the one praising you instead of her.

I’m not even half as pretty…

How it would be to be in his sweater again.

You gave her your sweater

That stupid, dorky, cute, All Might sweater of his. That smelled like citrus and felt like silk, felt like him.

It’s just polyester

His words from that day flooded your mind, how he said you looked better in it than he did. Was that true? Or were you foolish enough that you would take it to your silly fragile heart?

But you like her better

You stood up, realizing that anybody could walk in, with tears streaming down your face—youd hate for your teacher to see you like this…so pathetic for a future pro hero.

Grabbing your bag and phone, you rushed out of the classroom, running for the dorms, your mind racing with thoughts of them together, breaking your heart more and more into sharp pieces that stabbed at your lungs, making you breathless as you ran.

I wish I were heather…

You pushed through the school doors, feeling heavy as you ran faster to the dormitory.

Wish I were heather…

You reached the dorms, immediately running through the empty place, looking for your room in a haze. Finally finding it, you slammed your door open, walking in and slamming it shut.

Wish I were heather…

You slid down your door, your arms wrapping around your knees in a desperate attempt to just swallow yourself whole. Your sobs came out loud and broken, your entire body shaking.

“Why won’t you ever kiss me?” You asked to the void, voicing your thoughts of the green-eyed boy to the universe.

Pathetically, you tried wiping your tears away, only for more to flood out. You couldn’t help but think of Uraraka. You doubt that even when crying, she still looked like such an angel.

“I’m not even half as pretty!” At this point you were hyperventilating, you clutched your chest, trying to calm your racing heart. This felt like death. You weren’t even in a relationship with Izuku, yet this felt like a breakup. Like heartbreak. And it hurt, so much.

You gave her your sweater…

“It’s just polyester!!” You tried reasoning with your mind, trying to alleviate the pain. It was just a sweater, so why did it hurt so much when you saw him wrap it around her, with so much concern and love in his eyes…?

But you like her better…

“Wish I were…” Your sobs broke off your sentence, not daring to finish it, not daring to say her name. The name of the girl who captured the heart of the boy you loved…

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ifthesescarscouldspeak · 3 years

Text

My Little Secret

(TW - Mental health, self harm, suicide, therapy)

How many of these titles will be Citizen Soldier titles? Most of them, as a tribute to one of the best (for me) bands who can sum up when having depression feels like.

If you don't know who they are, get on Spotify, immediately.

I find them so cathartic when I'm in a bad place. Much the same I assume as people feel when they listen to a particularly relevant heartbreak song, I identify with so many of Citizen Soldier's songs, it is actually crazy.

And is kind of wonderful to have something as powerful as music to relate to, in more than just an 'I'm sad' kind of way.

Maybe it's just me. If you have other bands you think sum up having depression better, HMU in the notes.

Anyways, it's an apt title, because no one knows I'm writing this blog.

I prefer it that way, tbh. That way, I can actually write without censoring myself. Because I often do.

The moment a friend or family member comes across one of these outlets, I have to put more effort into what I write. It's no longer a stream of consciousness, so much as I need to check myself, make sure no one is going to get upset, consider it from every angle, who it might get back to etc etc. Which defeats its point entirely.

It's supposed to relieve weight, not add to it.

And it's not their fault, they just get upset when they realise the absolute depths that my depression goes to.

I think that's a common misconception actually. People seem to think if you have depression, you are either 'a bit sad and fed up' or you are suicidal. That's it, no middle ground.

I think it's possible to go further than suicidal. Like, you've shot passed the point where you have considered ending things, and now, even that feels like too much work.

Admittedly, often as I think about suicide, it's normally in a glorified fantasy way of "what if". The same as when I would occasionally wonder "What if I had met a millionaire..." You know?

I've kinda been there, done that on the suicide thing. I think nowadays, I know in my heart of hearts that I can't do it. I can't do it to everyone else. So nowadays, the real red flag of my 'dark place' tends to be self harm.

That's another one I think people have a misconception on. Self harm. You can say it and people go, "Oh, okay, so you're a cutter."

Oh, sweet summer child. There is so much more to self harm than that.

For me, self harm can look like a lot of things.

It can be the deep and desperate desire to consume alcohol in large quantities (despite being teetotal due to meds and past alcoholism), with rose tinted notions of how being drunk is better, because it puts you in a fog where nothing can touch you.

It can be the intense need for junk food; pizza, cake, chocolate, McDonalds, KFC, takeaways, desserts... despite being on a diet for the last year on which I have lost nearly 4 stone.

It can be the innate driving need to hurt myself badly enough that I end up in hospital. A broken arm, wrist or leg perhaps. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought about smashing my wrist with a hammer. It looks like it would be so easy.

It can be the physical punishment of myself. Full on punching, slapping, savagery with my nails on my own face. Raking score marks through my skin, trying to raise bruises... for no reason other than a need to suffer. To hurt.

I'll admit I don't feel any of the 'physical hurt is easier to control' thing. I just want me to hurt. Whether its because I'm angry at myself for something specific, or I just need to let my anger out in some manner... I don't know.

Wow, this ramble is long. Sorry about that. I got sidetracked. Has got me thinking I should probably think about therapy again. Maybe.

I 'think' about therapy a lot. It doesn't do much. Had a couple of terrible experiences with therapy and it makes me reluctant to try again.

Hey, if you are in a bad place too, lemme say this.

You are way stronger than you think you are. And more than that, regardless of anything else that you might think or feel right now, you are enough. Just the way you are.

#sad #depression #depression posting #depression things #tw suicude #tw mental health #mental health #overwhelmed

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