#these post show tweets are getting more and more abstract and i am here for it lmaoooo

[tocomplainfriend]

I am mad

Yup!

Bro shut up, she is white - being Latina is not a race, is an not the same as color skin. And she is a second generation immigrant too. So like... this isn't like a Salvadorian person doing a cartoon, is a daughter of Salvadorians... That grew in the USA. Being Latino doesn't mean you aren't white, you can be any race and Latino. Still wouldn't make up for the lack of representation or the existing racism. In the piece of media that's "diverse".

Salvadorian is not a race, LMAO. That's crazy- you think someone from Argentina who is white, is not white cause of their nationality??? Being Latino and having that culture does not equal a race. It's in itself a racist thing. This Latino = Race is terrible, It also comes from the idea of the "You are not Latino because you are not brown", assuming all people from Latino America are brown by default. You know how much has that happen to me? -AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE.

(I'm Latino btw)

I already have an older post about it, but - you can really see the lack of diversity in the show a lot. (Will talk about it even more other day).

Again the main thing you get is MEN, hypersexual skinny queer men (cis). You won't get to see female characters being well written, thought all the season 1 and all the episodes we got rn of season 2. All characters are skinny and similar body types and repetitive design choices. Funny enough, shows that lack of human characters still have better race-coding that helluva. (and well in hazbin you'll get POC characters that are gray, lack all ethic features... even when they are humanoid. So that is great.)

Bro you could, you imagine a character being black and having different textured hair, and you go to hell... AND EVEN THO YOU ARE HUMANOID- your hair became straight and spiky, and you are now a light gray? If you build a world like that... it just seems like the perfect racist excuse to delete ethic features out a POC character because you don't want to draw them. "Not going to a single hint of their race/culture unless it revolves on their death"... If the character became a fucking coin with dot eyes, maybe (not really, shows with no human/humanoid characters still are capable to race-code their characters). But all of these characters are humanoid- why do none of them have their different characteristics? Also, this is about a real person in the real world choosing how to design a character.

This tweet also implies that a black character when they were a life they had ethic features, but lose them when they go to hell. Which is even more fucking stupid.

If a white person with straight hair goes to hell, and their hair remains straight (assuming it has nothing to do with their death), why wouldn't there be black people with textured hair? This is dumb. This goes back to the fucking thing of "No black people in fantasy media", In the same way, it's stupid for fantasy stories to revolve around white people characteristics in fictional species and people in that world- not including all the rest of diverse human characteristics POC people have it's crazy. The biggest problem here is why the fuck all Viv's sinners characters (main characters designed by her) that are supposed to black (or mixed like Alastor) have 0 characteristic. THEY ARE HUMANOID, THEY AREN'T EVEN ABSTRACT OR AN ANIMAL OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. She didn't want to draw that nor change designs, and wanted to justify the whole concept of Alastor even using Voodou.

HOW ARE ALL THE ANGELS THAT VIV WANTS TO BE BLACK (black voice actors specified, or are race specified) HAVE NOTHING??? LIKE HELLO THE 'I'm such a nice angel character girl' HAS SPIKY STRAIGHT HAIR??? SHE IS AN ANGEL AND BLACK, WHY DIDN'T YOU DID HER HAIR TO BE CLOUDS- It's THE EASIEST SHIT YOU COULD’VE DONE.

BOOM! A FUCKING TROLL FROM A KIDS MOVIE WITH DIFFERENT HAIR. BOOM! THE FUNK TROLLS ARE SO EXPLICITLY BLACK CODED.

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Bro, you know this whole thing of people with textured hair have to forcefully straighten their hair or wear wogs to a job... because people consider it ""Unprofessional"" cause racism? The erasure and discrimination of POC people and their features is a problem. That's why it is important to people represent all of those things:

(Marvel's Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur)

The only reason of why Alas tor is even mixed is purely cause Viv used the Voodou symbols because she thought they were creepy and edgy. It's sucks that all the angels and sinners that are supposed to be black have nothing.

#vivziepop critique #vivziepop critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critique #anti vivziepop #antiblackness

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

here's the whole post if you want it. it's very predictable. Really love the "I'm not a proshipper!!" part. Agro, you're not getting any favors by lying lol. you are literally a proshipper and even say that directly on your pedo tweet about previously being an anti lmao.

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Agro-Carnist:

Now that I'm slightly less in the spotlight, I'd like to talk about what has been going on and give my side. I'm sure you've all seen what has been said about me, but in case you haven't, this will include a discussion about zoophilia, zoosadism, pedophilia, and taboo kink/fetish.

I've taken several days to write this because I needed to clear my head so I could write something concise. I did not want to immediately write something too quickly that I couldn't think through.

I don't expect anyone to completely understand me or totally agree with my opinions, but I am writing this with full sincerity. I'd just like a little bit of faith when you read this. My positions are based on the science that I read, and I try to be someone that sticks to the side of evidence, not one of pure feelings or assumptions or what we think is common sense, even when it is difficult to understand or seems counterintuitive. I've always preached this principle on here, so I hope you all feel the same way. I ask that you read this with that in mind. Even if you don't reach the same conclusion as me, consider what I say and what I give with good faith.

All linked sources with restricted access can be read by copy/pasting the url or title into sci-hub

First, that twitter account is mine. The art contained on the twitter account is mine. Yes it is graphic. No I am not a zoophile, zoosadist, or pedophile. I understand this kind of art is disgusting and/or disturbing to many people. That is why I kept it on an account specifically for this kind of extreme art. It is why I don't advertise it. I am not secretive about my kinks/fetishes - I enjoy things like gore, noncon, and animal characters - but I know when and where these kinds of things are appropriate. Some of my art is not meant for a general audience. I won't advertise it to anyone and everyone to see because it can be upsetting to most people. That's also why I give plenty of content warnings and include the twitter censor that blurs the image and you have to click 'show' on to see. And that's why I believe posting screenshots of this material with my username, showing everyone exactly where to go to find this content, is irresponsible. I know the people that posted it think they're doing a service, but this is how children find content they shouldn't see. Callouts are how people find things they otherwise would never see. I, personally, don't think calling people out this way helps kids. I think it does more harm than good. My twitter was public but is now private because I don't want curious minors to look me up and look at what is on the account.

I understand that it can be hard to know why someone would enjoy erotic art of violence between animal characters without being a zoophile/zoosadist. But there are many reasons people enjoy taboo erotica without desiring it in the real world. About half of people experience paraphilic sexual fantasies, and the fantasies alone are not indicative of pathology. Deviant sexual fantasies are, in fact, "within the normal realm of human experience." There is little evidence that fantasy alone means someone wants to or will commit a sexual offense. Forced sex fantasies are extremely common. Violent sexual fantasies are not abnormal. Sex therapists and educators acknowledge that fantasies are not necessarily repressed desires. Sexual fantasy is not sexual desire. It's ok for our sexual interests to not reflect our moral code. Often taboo sexual fantasies are a way to explore how we feel about things, like repulsion. Humans are curious animals. We have morbid curiosities. Fantasies can be a way to experience something that would be immoral to act upon.

Why I am into taboo kink is hard to explain, and a lot of it I don't understand myself - human minds are very complex - but I can try to explain some of it. I enjoy exploring the darker parts of humanity. We're still animals and that means we still hold onto aspects that don't align with our morals. We have morbid curiosities. When we pass by a car crash, we want to see it, or when someone tells us something disturbing is spreading on the internet, we take interest in what it could be. Art is a way to fulfill that curiosity without any victims. Another thing is that it can be fun or therapeutic to imagine yourself in situations of bodily harm. That's probably confusing, but I like to explore what my body looks like on the inside, or what it would feel like to experience certain physical traumas, without the threat of dying. Fear and arousal are closely intertwined. The animal characters I draw are also very far removed from real world animals. They are sapient and behave very human. To me the only difference between them and an anthro furry character is the number of legs they walk on and the lack of clothes.

Because I draw this kind of content, many people are claiming that I am faking having ZOCD and my intrusive thoughts, or that my intrusive thoughts have turned into wanted thoughts. They say that if I really was distressed by these thoughts, I wouldn't engage with them through art. But my intrusive thoughts are about real people and animals. I do not have intrusive thoughts about characters. I watch movies and read books with murder, kidnapping, torture, disease, and freak accidents and enjoy these pieces of media. This does not negate the fact that I have intrusive thoughts about these things or the distress I feel regarding them. Someone getting hurt in a movie does not distress me. My intrusive thoughts include ideas of me or a loved one getting hurt, or me suddenly hurting someone. Intrusive thoughts target your fears and your morals. They make you question who you are as a person. That's why thoughts of real world violence are so distressing and depictions of violence in media are (usually) not. I fear losing someone I love, I fear losing a part of my mind or body, I fear losing control of my humanity and hurting someone, I fear loss of inhibition that makes me do things I wouldn't otherwise do. I don't fear hurting a character or a character doing a bad thing to another character. When I'm obsessing and becoming paranoid it's not over things that happen in fictional worlds. My therapist doesn't have to reassure me that I'll be ok if something bad happens in that fictional world. She does have to reassure me that the world isn't out to get me and that I don't have to act on a thought. Others with OCD might find media that resembles the content of their intrusive thoughts triggering, and that's normal, but not everyone will react the same. Not everyone copes with their mental illnesses the same way or has the same triggers. Most violent depictions just don't garner that same reaction from me because I don't have any moral qualms with fake people or animals getting hurt since they aren't real victims. It doesn't attack my moral beliefs that way. It may be upsetting to see, but doesn't make me fear for my or others' safety.

I love horror movies and haunted houses. I love the adrenaline and fear I experience during them. But I still metaphorically shit my pants at the thought of an actual serial killer stalking me and jumping out of a hiding spot. The difference is that the former exists in a safe space that I can leave and where I know it's a script. How I feel about a scenario in fiction does not dictate how I feel about it happening in the real world. To tell me that I don't actually have the disorder that I've been diagnosed with is extremely upsetting. So is to tell me I'm hiding secret bloodthirsty desires behind a mental illness or that I'm making OCD look bad by not having a moral conundrum about fake people or animals being hurt. I especially don't appreciate people that don't have OCD preaching about what "real" intrusive thoughts are or what I should or should not be doing while having OCD. The things that have been said to or about me have been undeniably ableist. And the distress that has caused me has just been brushed aside because I don't adhere to what people think I as a person with OCD "should" act like. I feel like I'm not being granted agency over my own experiences.

I am even being compared to some of the worst people like Kero the wolf or HypnotistSappho. I hope you believe me when I say that is truly disgusting and offensive. These were the kinds of people that belonged to groups for sharing material of real animals being tortured for sexual pleasure, or tried to start an organization to promote bestiality, or openly promoted zoophilia and pedophilia as normal sexual orientations, or actively abused children and animals. I have not done anything like that. My artistic expression is nothing like their real world, extensive and widespread levels of abuse. I am so offended that I'd spend years spreading animal welfare advocacy, including explicitly anti-bestiality rhetoric, only to be lumped in with monsters, like my art erases all the work I've done. How someone could believe I actually desire to torture animals baffles me. How someone could think all this work was just master manipulation to con everyone so I could secretly abuse leaves my head spinning.

I also haven't ever claimed that my nsfw art is a coping mechanism for my OCD/intrusive thoughts. This is an assumption people have made. Occasionally elements of my intrusive thoughts will make their way into my art as a way to confront them head on on my own terms, but almost always are not a factor in my nsfw art. Art based on my intrusive thoughts as catharsis I don't share publicly.

Yes, I enjoy hurting fictional characters. They exist in a world with no consequences. Nobody actually gets hurt. Anything can happen to them and nothing about the world changes. I have no desire to hurt an animal, because that impacts the real world. I have never looked at an animal and felt excitement at the idea of hurting it. I have never felt attraction to an animal. I have never felt the urge to make sexual contact with an animal. I have never experienced attraction to a child, either.

I am also being accused of being a pedophile. This is because I made a tweet saying I enjoy explicitly abusive relationships between adult and minor characters, but don't enjoy minor/adult ships depicted as cute or wholesome. People interpret this as me having a malicious desire to abuse a child. But here's the thing: you don't know why someone enjoys a certain dynamic. Many people that like to see abusive relationships depicted in stories or erotica are survivors of abuse themselves. Many people use kink as a coping mechanism, and the stigma of their kink play often hinders them from trauma recovery. Like I said before, kink and fantasy are not morality guidebooks. This also assumes every character drawn in ship art or erotica is an object of attraction to those that create or consume it. But even porn can serve a purpose other than arousal. Personally I just like these dynamics because they offer a compelling story and/or character interactions that can explore trauma and its effects and can feel therapeutic to work through.

Art does not exist in a vacuum. I don't argue it does. Art is influenced by its creator. But you can't look at the content of someone's kink or fantasy to judge the quality of someone's character. This is the position of professionals that study and counsel people. Whether or not someone commits a sexual offense is more influenced by that person's personality traits, moral positions, pre-existing positive beliefs about offending, environment, and negative emotional states. And, look, fiction does indeed effect reality, but there is little evidence that porn encourages someone to offend or results in more violent offenses. Availability of porn may even be associated with lower levels of sexual aggression. This professional report goes into great detail on sexual offending and concludes that there is no reason "scientific or otherwise" for criminalization of any type of virtual porn because it does not lead to offending, and may even provide a substitute for people that may otherwise offend. Even if you find that content reprehensible. Offensive art has its place and deserves to exist. That is the position I have come to based on the scientific evidence.

And I want to make another thing clear: I am not a proshipper. Disliking the position of one group does not make me a member of a different group. I have no desire to put myself in a category, I just have my own opinions. I also have plenty of issues with the proship community. I just now look at fiction and kink with more nuance than I used to. I don't participate in fearmongering based on knee-jerk reactions to media anymore.

Going forward I'm going to do my best to be more responsible with my nsfw accounts. Any interactions I've made with minors are honest mistakes. I genuinely don't want to expose minors to my nsfw or interact with them. I don't go out seeking minors to talk to. But I know interacting with minors through an nsfw account is serious, so I'm going to do better to police myself and always check that no one I'm interacting with is underage.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Sadly I expect many people won't read this, they'll just continue to repeat "zoophile" and "pedophile." But I really appreciate you if you took the time to read. I know many people really do want to be good and believe they are protecting people by engaging in callouts against people for their fictional interests. I think most people have their hearts in the right place but are misguided by the current culture. And I don't mind if you disagree with me, but I always want people to take their positions with the most information. I want there to be honest discussions about these topics, not naming and shaming people.

I might make updates to this post if I think of things I forgot to address. Like I said, it's been many days of my head buzzing and this post is also very long. I welcome any good faith questions or concerns. People that come just to attack in bad faith will just be blocked. I won't humor that. Please meet me with the same honesty I came with. I want to continue to do good.

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Oh, and for that last study they linked? Here's the abstract:

Abstract

Whether pornography contributes to sexual aggression in real life has been the subject of dozens of studies over multiple decades. Nevertheless, scholars have not come to a consensus about whether effects are real. The current meta-analysis examined experimental, correlational, and population studies of the pornography/sexual aggression link dating back from the 1970s to the current time. Methodological weaknesses were very common in this field of research. Nonetheless, evidence did not suggest that nonviolent pornography was associated with sexual aggression. Evidence was particularly weak for longitudinal studies, suggesting an absence of long-term effects. Violent pornography was weakly correlated with sexual aggression, although the current evidence was unable to distinguish between a selection effect as compared to a socialization effect. Studies that employed more best practices tended to provide less evidence for relationships whereas studies with citation bias, an indication of researcher expectancy effects, tended to have higher effect sizes. Population studies suggested that increased availability of pornography is associated with reduced sexual aggression at the population level. More studies with improved practices and preregistration would be welcome.

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So even the abstract of the study itself admits almost everything was flawed.

It should also be noted the rest of this study is locked behind a paywall, so there's no way to tell exactly what kind of 'sexual agression' the Study was..... well, studying. But I sincerely doubt it was about the effects of pedo or zoo porn, let alone fucking snuff porn.

Oh, and for that "half of people have fantasies considered paraphillia" that study's Abstract mentions things like exhibitionism, voyerism, masochism, etc-- literally zero things about pedo and zoo shit.

And we all know they used that wording in their post to imply 50% of people think animals or kids are hot, because that's the first thing that comes to mind when people are discussing paraphillias, especially on a post defending creating fucking snuff porn of cats being tortured and raped to death.

It just really boils my blood to see people like this still having a following, the only thing he admitted to doing wrong was "i should never have interacted with minors on my nsfw account, and I will do a better job of policing myself in the future"

Which, even the wording on that statement was a way to gain symphathy lmao. "policing myself"???? Seriously?

Anyway, for anyone still unaware, this is Agro-Carnist aka Angrysnakes aka another Warrior Cat's themed blog I don't recall the name of.

the other warrior cat blog is minkpool.

But yeah this says more or less what I expected. Guy who claims to not be a proship uses every proship talking point and whines about antis anyway.

I’m going to be fully transparent and say that I am not inclined to read that entire thing because it is an incredibly long statement and the parts I did read weren’t anything I wasn’t expecting really.

He’s more or less just breaking it down to “just because I love sexualizing and masturbating to cartoon children and cats being raped to death doesn’t mean I’m sexualizing those in real life 🥺” which is just a bit hard to believe because, as I have said before, drawn pornography exists to satisfy fantasies that can’t or won’t be shown involving live actors but ultimately is made as a stand in.

Attracted to a fictional character? Well, the most accurate way to satisfy that is to find drawn or written fanmade porn because the cartoon character doesn’t exist and couldn’t film a porn shoot if they wanted to. Into something like vore or inflation? Well you can’t do those in real life, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t fantasizing about that happening in real life, it just isn’t possible, that’s what the drawings are there to emulate.

So when you’re drawing little kids in a sexual situation? What is the appeal going to be for most people?

It really isn’t much deeper than that.

#Agro-carnist #mainly posting for people who wanted to see his response #AND SO PEOPLE REALIZE YOU CAN PUT HYPERLINKS IN ASKS #and will hopefully not ask I do surgery on a link anymore amen

[blogadobe]

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[tomatograter]

i saw on twitter you reread the epilogues! would it be okay to ask how you feel about them now on a reread? have any of your opinions changed, for better or worse? i've really loved the art and analysis that's come out of your tumblr/twitter ever since they dropped, so i'm excited to know what you think. i couldn't get a great read on your feelings based on your tweets so that is why i am asking directly, hope that's okay!

Not much changed. That wasn't the first time I attempted to re-read the HS Epilogues, I've gone through bits and pieces of them a handful of times in the years since the original release and it's an effort I make to remind myself of events that happened because I tend to... forget. I don't mind reading books, I like those! In the hellscape that was 2020, according to my StoryGraph stats (great new site, by the way, stop using the Amazon-clawed Goodreads and transfer your account to a black led effort to diversify the current literary environment) I managed to read about 22 new books. Not too shabby for a total dumbass. The problem isn't that it was text-only, they just sort of mush together as a nondescript mass in my brain given enough time. 

The first time I finished the epilogues, I said they felt like a purposefully unfinished text, but one at odds with itself (though in much more undercooked words, as I had just spent the last 2 days busy reading it) and it's an impression that has deepened since.

I do not mean anything like "Meat contradicts Candy" with this, that'd be foolish; the dissonance is the fucking point. I know how dubiously canon alternate universes work and I *enjoy* them, otherwise I wouldn't have wasted years in the circus ring that is accompanying Big 2 Comics in the hopes they'd do anything genuinely cool with that concept. Instead, I find there is a general problem in terms of internal cohesion. The Epilogues want to be a lot of things at once, be it a continuation, an expulsion, a deliberate attempt at public scorn, a somewhat genuine play in heartfelt analysis, a reinvention of what came before, or a loaded gun pointed straight at one's own foot. And in the process, they end up undermining the impact of their own strongest moments. 

I don't like the Epilogues. Their lukewarm indecisiveness makes for a poor reading experience that needs far more asides, warnings and 'before you read it-'s than the book is worth. It is a text with a particularly distasteful, juvenile fixation in the show and repeated humiliation of sexual abuse victims, and manages to be more regressive about its female characters and what roles they're allowed to play than Homestuck, the 2009 Comic, ever was. And that was disappointing. It's as if the coming of adulthood must sort them into one of two categories: "wanted, desirable" woman or "unwanted, undesirable" woman. It also interacts with trans women in a really shitty way. It is a text married to traditional white-centric politics that makes an attempt to challenge them from that same perspective but falls flat on its face by pulling big moves like "making the alien-Hitler analogue character fight for a rebellion meant to represent racial liberation" and other unsavory choices. But I don't need to like the Epilogues to acknowledge them as both a text that exists and works within a shared universe. 

They're pretty fertile ground for dissection and analysis. I think it's interesting how they accentuate some of the worst facets of the HS "canon"/"lore" by being incredibly blatant about their connection to stuff like the Skaianet archives, how they play with Fanservice and Fan Expectation by dedicating so much time to solving or sinking ‘The Davekat Equation’, and how they elaborate on complex facets of old characters. It's a text that acknowledges the existence of fanfiction and popular fanworks on a direct quotable basis (like "Can't sleep without holding onto a motherfucker" of 4Chords fame) as well as Fan Movements that preceded it (the also Gamzee-based "Free the clown!" Rush from 2016) it's intrinsically interactive, and that's not something you can say about a lot of media. The olive branch beckons.

I don't recommend the Epilogues. To me, the Epilogues portray glimpses of two potential, but not absolute, futures soaked in limiting metadoomer pessimism, best appreciated as "what-if" tales taking on the questions of serialization, post-myth, the self-cannibalistic nature of franchises, the abstractness of Canon, the absurdity of fanon, and why fascists like milk. The Epilogues are also not going to magically disappear or un-exist from our collective recollection anytime soon, or… ever. These statements coexist. 

I think complex feelings towards media are best put to use in the making of your own art, which is unsurprising, given the fact I'm an artist and a fag, & I've personally enjoyed creating things that interact and rebuke aspects of that text. I've also been graced with the existence of wonderful art from others doing the same, may that be in the form of illustrations, written epics, analyses, comics, videos, songs, the collective transgendering of the series' main character, and all sorts of harder-to-categorize community creations. You can make the best of it. That's my favorite part of the whole ordeal, and one I don't regret one bit. 

I hope this is an appropriately satisfying answer on this subject, and if it isn't, well, here's the thing; you can write a better one.

#homestuck #meta #the homestuck epilogues

[bettsfic]

february pinned: the real & the ideal

in this month’s edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and consultation availability, i have short story recommendations for you and an essay on the nature of reality in fiction! 

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

in other news, i finished two fics this month:

digging for orchids (hualian, 43k, explicit, fake marriage au)

let ruin end here (hualian, 8k, mature, neighbors au)

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

oof,

what a month. january is already a rough time. throwing in a pandemic, a coup, and an economic revolution spearheaded by reddit just seems unfair. as for me personally, the spring semester came at me fast and even though it’s only week 2, i am already buried in grading. which i realize is my fault, considering i’m the one who assigned homework.

so after hearing your feedback, i thought i’d make this newsletter even more writing-related by writing more about writing. this month i’ll start off by talking about the nature of reality in fiction in a segment i call “been thinkin a lot about.” more on that below.

new resource

i’ve compiled a folder of PDFs of the short stories i teach most often, which is to say, the stories i like enough to re-read every semester. most of them are literary fiction but a few veer into fantasy, sci fi, and horror.

i know before the MFA, i didn’t really know what a short story was. like i knew, abstractly, the concept of a short story (it is as it sounds), but i could only list a couple i’d ever read as an adult, and i hadn’t read anything that had been published in the last decade. i remember wondering why i was even being asked to care about short stories. who writes short stories? who reads them? apparently, a lot of people. short storyists are a lot like fanwriters in that they make no money and when you talk about your writing in public, people give you that “why would anyone waste their time with that?” look.

so here’s why i was asked to care about short stories: a good short story gives you the entirety of a world in a very condensed space. moreover, it can sometimes leave you as satisfied as a novel in a fraction of the reading time. all the stories i’ve compiled here are ones that stuck with me, that i find myself recommending over and over to writers who want a good example of developing character, or weird narration, or establishing stakes.

if you’re a writer considering publication or an MFA in creative writing, i highly recommend familiarizing yourself with short stories, if for no other reason than to get the feel for them so you can write some of your own. if you can get a few short story publications under your belt, it’ll be easier to open doors when you’re ready to query agents for a novel. also, short stories make a great writing sample for grad programs, workshops, fellowships, residencies, and grant funding.

if you want to check out more short stories but have no idea where to start, the 2020 best american short stories just dropped in november, or if you want a cheaper one, used copies of 2019 and earlier are available on thriftbooks. if you want an overview of the history of the (american) short story, there’s also the best american short stories of the century. fair warning, though, while it’s more diverse than expected, it’s still a bit heavy on dead-white-dude writing.

content warning: the stories in the above-linked folder may depict instances of sexual assault, suicide, and/or abuse. i have not labeled them individually with warnings but i hope to soon, as well as provide a catalog with summaries.

i’m also still working on my essay and novel recs. more to come on that hopefully next month.

writing-related posts

how i quit my banking job to do a creative writing MFA

how i learned to read faster/stop subvocalizing

how to write when you have no time or energy to write

my experience writing fic in small/dead fandoms (aka fics that will probably not get any traffic)

how to describe facial expressions

how to ask for help from your professors

how to navigate tenses during flashbacks

how to separate yourself from your work

how (and why you might want to) write a shitty first draft

why you should consider making the climax the inciting incident

for a complete list of my writing-related posts, check out this masterdoc (which i still need to update it with the past few months’ posts).

stuff i’m into rn

i’m about halfway through the rhetoric of fiction by wayne c. booth which has more or less become my narrative bible. it’s a little dated (1961) but it tackles banal writing adages that are somehow still believed, like “show don’t tell” and whatnot, and breaks them down with amazing insight, clarity, and research. it’s a bit of a dense text so i’m only reading a few pages a day, i think the first time i’ve ever let myself read something so intentionally slowly. now i’m kind of obsessed with doing things slowly. reading slowly, writing slowly, cooking slowly. i even drive slowly, because it’s so rare to go anywhere at all, and i want to enjoy it. also, it’s very snowy where i am. also also, the battery died in my car this month and i really have to make it a point to drive more often.

february availability

i have 2 openings for initial writing consultations in february! if you’re interested, please fill out this google form.

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

been thinkin a lot about

compulsory reality in fiction. many of us have probably received feedback along the lines of, or thought to ourselves as we read, “that’s not realistic.” many of us believe, consciously or not, that fiction that is more “realistic” is inherently better than fiction that is less “realistic.” for some of us, real means a saturation of details, the clear depiction of the surfaces of things. reality is found in the rendering thereof; if you can “see” it, it’s real. for others of us, it might be the development of complex characters and their growth across a narrative. and for yet others, reality is subtlety, or misery, or the idea of “slice of life,” a term i don’t think means anything, because aren’t all stories a slice of a character’s life? what would a story that’s not a slice of life look like? you’d either have to take away the “slice” part and render a whole life, which is impossible, or you’d have to take away the “life” part and create a dead story, which may be possible, but why would you want to? even if you wrote a story about a rock, the rock would be brought to life by virtue of being written about.

anyway. i think the word “real” is a shitty word for the same reason “slice of life” is a shitty phrase: everything is real and therefore nothing cannot be real. slices of life are all we know because we are alive and cannot truly perceive not being alive; reality is also all we know, and any depictions beyond reality are thus made real because they have been depicted.

so the “goal” for fiction to be “realistic” seems to me to be a false one. all fiction is real because it exists and no fiction can be truly real because it’s only a facsimile of reality. not to get all “this is not a pipe” but writing is just making squiggles, and we as a community of English-knowers agree that certain squiggles correspond to certain sounds, and certain sounds together make words which conjure meanings. and words put together into sentences into paragraphs conjure even more complicated meanings. and when those paragraphs are woven into narrative we create yet more and more complicated meaning.

every time you write anything — a text message, an email, a tweet, a fanfic — you are taking the infinite abstraction of your own cognition, narrowing it into a single concept, and representing that concept with patterns in the form of sounds represented by letters and given meaning with words, so that the infinite abstraction of your own conscience can be fractionally witnessed by the infinite abstraction of someone else’s. and even though we can’t definitively prove for ourselves that any other thing possesses a consciousness, writing shows us the shape of someone else’s mind, and tells us we are not alone.

and yet we still expect writing to be “real.”

have you ever read a story where a character sneezed? like just, a description of a sneeze for the sake of it, with no purpose or function in the plot? if not, is it because our characters aren’t real enough to sneeze, or because the sneeze isn’t relevant to their plight? what would a written sneeze look like, and why would somebody want to write it? moreover, why would somebody want to read it? that leads me to wonder, do we depict reality in the service of narrative, or narrative in the service of reality? in other words, do we write to portray reality (sans sneezing), or do we depict reality to constrain our writing, the way one might request bumpers when bowling so as not to fall in the gutters?

i’ve never read an artful rendition of a character pissing or shitting, either, even when those things are related to a character’s plight and circumstance — stories involving long road trips, living in the woods, being kidnapped. the only exception i can think of is when those things are eroticized (we do not kinkshame here in this lkwrnl), the same way it’s rare to find detailed sex writing that isn’t for the purpose of reader arousal. are there just some things about the nature of being human that are too intimate, too complex, or too boring to write?

once i wrote a murder that takes place in a small fictional midwestern town in the 90s (for the ~aesthetic), and it went uninvestigated by said town’s police force. early readers repeatedly commented along the lines of, “that’s not realistic.” and i thought, no, if anything, the incompetence of police is too realistic for the heightened reality i’m trying to render. have you ever heard of a cop solving a murder that didn’t come with an obvious suspect or immediately found evidence? i haven’t. that doesn’t mean those cases don’t exist, but i definitely think they’re less likely than mass media has us believe, and the average small-town police force has far less motivation (and possibly training) to solve crimes than we think.

i started working on the above-mentioned novel in 2016, and my goal was to depict a reality that hovers above the surface of plausibility. in this novel, which is based on macbeth, a preteen girl, mercy, becomes jealous of the love her best friend elisa shows to her father. mercy decides to get her older and very unstable brother to kill him. naturally the deed goes awry, but it does occur, and the cleanup is far messier than anticipated.

is it plausible for a 12 year old girl to plot and execute the murder of her best friend’s father? no. is that what this book is about? yes. a book about a 12 year old girl who has a perfectly healthy relationship with her best friend and who has no feelings toward her bff’s father one way or another is probably far more “realistic,” but that’s not the book i’d want to read and certainly not the one i want to write. my goal of a heightened reality is what henry james calls the intensity of illusion, the thing that allows a reader, through the witness of one’s distilled cognition into language, to exit physical, knowable reality, and enter a new and unknown reality. and isn’t climbing to that higher place, that intensity of illusion, the purpose of fiction? if it’s not, what is?

the best feedback i got on the aforementioned murder scene was from one of my professors, who, of the perfect calm of all children involved, said, “they just shot a guy. at least one of them would be freaking out.”

he was totally right, but it opened up a lot of questions for me. by what standard did he reach that conclusion? was it something in the chapter itself, was it his personal understanding of the work of narrative, or was it the logical conclusion of the slim plausibility of the scenario? moreover, where did i come up with the idea that all of my preteen characters would commit a murder and proceed to be very chill about it? if an implausible scenario begs the expectation of emotional distress, would it be more compelling to buy into that expectation or deviate from it? is it even my obligation to be compelling when i can never have a cogent grasp of the personal tastes of my audience?

that brings me to what appears to be reality’s opposite: idealism, the state those of us who write fanfic are often trying to achieve. we’re working in an entire genre of ideals, of happily ever afters, of hurt that is always followed by comfort, of glossily rendered sex during which everyone orgasms and no one has to pee afterward. we fix broken texts and continue incomplete ones. sometimes, we want to make existing things better, deeper, more complicated. but all the time, we want to make a text more than what it is.

some see this process, this drive for the ideal, as antithetical to realism, and i think that’s part of the reason fanfiction and other idealistic genres (romance, etc.) get a bad name — the assumption that more real (which for some means more miserable) is better, and therefore its opposite, the ideal, is worse. for them, i have this quote from vladimir nabokov:

For me a work of fiction exists only insofar as it affords me what I shall bluntly call aesthetic bliss, that is a sense of being somehow, somewhere, connected with other states of being where art (curiosity, tenderness, kindness, ecstasy) is the norm.

the ideal, aesthetic bliss, the intensity of illusion. these are all phrases that boil down to the same thing: you the writer get to define the constraints of your own reality. you get to choose if your world even complies with the known laws of physics. and if it doesn’t, you get to choose which ones to break, and why to break them. you get to choose if your stories take place in a real house in a real town on a real day. if you wrote a story that takes place on september 11, 2001, would the events of that story be shaped by the events of that actual day, or are you writing a better world where 9/11 doesn’t happen? consider the consequences of both: why might you want to write reality? why might you want to write ideality? how do these things shape your identity and goals as a writer?

no matter where a work falls on the real-ideal spectrum, you have to accept that prose itself will only ever be a verisimilitude of reality and therefore an interpretation of it, one that might be interpreted differently by a reader. in writing and everything else, you can never have complete control over what others perceive. it’s like giving someone cash as a gift. they might buy themselves something nice with it, or they might spend it on groceries. the point is, eventually we all have to let go of our realities.

#lkwrnl #pinned

[leapingtitan]

The Final Season - Episode 1 Thoughts

I've watched the first episode around 3 times on my own and over a dozen times from anime-only live reactions on YouTube. Those are always something to have a field day with every season, and are part of the whole enjoyment post-watching the episode on your own.

Obviously I'm only reviewing this based on the first episode, so it's way too early to judge The Final Season as a whole. However, I will say that my strategy to keep my expectations low definitely worked. I was very hyped, don't get me wrong, but after Season 3 Part 2, I realized that production and scheduling has never been this show's strong suite and things behind the scenes were always chaotic. And it was my mistake to realize it this late and have unrealistically high expectations of the manga's adaptation.

But enough about that. I'm just gonna say it right now. I absolutely loved this episode and was completely blown away by it. It was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish and boy, the staff wasn't kidding when they said the first episode was like a movie. It definitely felt like that, and it went by in a flash. Now, on to the individual points.

Story/Adaptation

Flawless. Everything was executed perfectly and went beyond my expectations. The thing that stood out to me the most was how many things were changed from the PV in terms of scene construction, camera angles, and overall storyboards. There was only one shot that we reused from the PV, namely the one with Zeke and Reiner inside the airship where they're referred to as the spear and shield. Everything else was redone, which was a huge surprise. Wit was always very faithful to the original manga panels with how they used them as a big reference for most of their cuts, but this one changes them up a lot. Personally, I am 100% fine with it and as someone who has read these chapters in the manga dozens of times over the past few years, seeing them like this was a pleasant and very welcome surprise.

The anime-only additions here are notable and also quite welcome. Falco's line in the beginning in particular stood out the most in the long-run, but the addition of the Eldians' terror being shown as well as the scene before the ED was very welcome. I would like to assume that this was Isayama's doing as whenever the anime usually adds/changes up things, it's his request to do so. He sort of considers the anime to be the "definitive" version of the story that he, for one reason or another, couldn't do in the manga himself when that particular chapter came out. Season 3 Part 1 (The Uprising Arc) is a prime example for this. Once again, I'm very content with what was done here and I trust MAPPA will do the story justice.

A small but very neat thing is the fact that we got to keep the title cards and the info eyecatches mid-episode. Really added to the whole sense of consistency.

Animation

When the initial trailer came out, many people were concerned about Shigeki Asakawa (Director of Photography)'s odd and excessive usage of blur filters on top of the scenes and were wondering if they would remain in the final product, given her track record with other shows like The God of Highschool. Luckily, that is not the case here as the scenes look very clean and the minimal blur on top adds a bit to the muddy/gritty atmosphere of what's going on. Personally, I don't mind it at all and I barely notice it anyway. MAPPA's biggest strength to me is the usage of effects like blood and explosions. You feel the impact of everything and with such an action-packed episode, it made everything so much better.

The usage of 3D CGI for the Titan Shifters has been the biggest controversy surrounding this first episode. When I first watched it, it didn't bother me at all. Personally I care more about a model fitting in the action sequence rather than how it looks for the most part. Right now I would say I'm neutral. It's not the greatest CG ever conceived in anime but it definitely does not look out of place and is pretty decent. For the Jaw Titan, I couldn't tell what was CG and what wasn't for the most part. For the other Titans it's more obvious, but it's not too jarring. Obviously, if it was up to me and the production committee/NHK didn't push their scheduling shenanigans onto MAPPA, I would have gotten every Titan in 2D, but you can't have everything. If they choose to focus on more important scenes later on and cut corners in this first episode as a result, that's understandable. I can live with it. And again, even then, it's not that bad in my eyes.

Now, the character designs are just absolutely stellar. In multiple interviews, it’s been stated that they wanted to stay true to Kyoji Asano’s designs at Wit while also being consistent with Isayama’s style in the manga. And boy did they absolutely nail it. It’s exactly what as they said. Tomohiro Kishi could not have done a better job with the characters we’ve seen so far and I am beyond impressed with his work. I look forward to seeing the rest of the characters in this arc.

Sound

I've been following Kohta Yamamoto's works for a few years now, ever since he started working with Sawano (and being mentored by him to an extent) in early 2017. Although he's been involved with AoT before, particularly with the character songs in Season 2, whenever those two would collaborate on a project it would usually be because Sawano is too busy to compose a full soundtrack. So what usually happens is, Sawano does one track and variations of it (think ShingekiNoKyojin, ThanksAT and T-KT), and nothing else. Meanwhile, Yamamoto handles the rest of the music for the show. On top of that, Yamamoto's style as a composer is different from Sawano's as he comes from a rock/guitarist background as opposed to Sawano, who is a pianist and is classically trained. My biggest concern for The Final Season was that we would get a similar case as with the other shows where Sawano doesn't put in too much effort, while Yamamoto essentially becomes the main composer. Although it looks like this is in fact the case after this first episode, let me explain why I don't think it's a bad thing.

After the premiere of the first episode, both Sawano and Yamamoto tweeted that it was in fact Yamamoto who is handling the majority of the Marley Arc's music. And after this first episode, I have to say I'm impressed. His initial track that he made for the PV was a bit off-putting to me because it sounded like every epic blockbuster Hollywood trailer background track ever, but after the way it was used in this episode alongside a few other tracks, I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. It fits what's going on, and overall delivers a fresh sound to the show that is very appropriate given the massive change in narrative. Back during S3 Part 1, Sawano stated in an interview that he was already burned out and had trouble coming up with new music for AoT given how many tracks he had already composed for it. Given how few new melodies were in S3 Part 2;s music, I think this should be clear. Especially now that we're going into yet another season. To summarize, I think Yamamoto's work here is a result of three conditions that just happened to line up perfectly. The change in narrative, which the new composer style reflects. Sawano being busy. And Sawano being burned out with AoT. Now personally I still believe we're going to get at least one new original Sawano track with variations of it for the big climax moments this arc, and he may compose more music for the 2nd half of this 16-episode season, since that's technically a new arc. But we'll see. As a whole though, I'm satisfied with what I've heard from Kohta Yamamoto in this first episode.

The last point to make in regards to the sound is Masafumi Mima who, apart from Sawano, the voice cast, and some freelancers, is the only one from the previous seasons' staff members to return here. And once again, his work here is absolutely phenomenal. The mixing and usage of sound effects in this episode was stellar and truly felt like I was watching a war movie. It enhanced the action tenfold and I could not want it any better. Music usage is something that goes through the director (Yuichiro Hayashi), but ultimately the sound director is the one who implements the track (instrument layering/stem editing) and does the mixing. The usage of Kohta Yamamoto's music here was very well done, and although the track from the PV repeated quite a bit, it didn't get repetitive at all. Also, the sound director remaining consistent here means we got to keep things like the titan transformation sound effects, which may be a small thing but was very welcome and added to the whole consistency.

Opening/Ending

I'm gonna wait until Shinsei Kamattechan releases the full version of the opening in a single or album to fully judge the song, but boy do I love this opening. Although I'm not sure if the TV-size version is my favorite AoT opening yet, I have to say that it's without a doubt the most fitting OP this show has had until this point. It perfectly showcases the themes of war that this arc focuses on and has this lowkey disturbing eerie vibe with the dissonant chords and mixing of the vocals that feels just as "mysterious" and "tense" as the show itself. I love it so much, honestly. Now, Isayama was a fan of Shinsei Kamattechan prior to them doing the S2 ED, and was the one who got them on-board to do it. Although that song isn't really my thing it's also a perfect fit, which leads me to believe that Isayama himself most likely chose the band again, namely to do this OP. And it's fantastic. I love the song. The visuals also have a very distinct style with all the colors and white backgrounds and I love how it's more metaphorical and symbolic (I guess "abstract" as well?) rather than flat-out just spoiling everything like the last arc's OP did.

The ED by Yuko Ando is fantastic. The first time I listened to the full song on its own I couldn't stop getting chills. Love the production aspects of the song and it's just really nice altogether. The visuals are quite interesting especially towards the end and I also like them a lot. Not much else to say about the ED. It's amazing. Go listen to it.

Conclusion

As a whole, I kept my expectations extremely low prior to the premiere despite my hype. As a result of that, not only were they exceeded, I was absolutely blown away by this first episode in pretty much every way. It may still be too early to judge, but from what has been shown here so far, I am absolutely looking forward to see MAPPA adapt the rest of this amazing story, or about as far as they can get with 16 episodes.

#well this just became a whole essay lmao i'm sorry about that #anyway i hope y'all have been doing well #i don't plan to use tumblr actively again but it's nice to have a place to post huge rants like this #but yeah smh at discord lmao #snk #shingeki no kyojin #snk the final season #snk season 4

[theonceoverthinker]

Signs Clover Might Come Back

So if you’ve been reading this little blog for any amount of time since the end of the last year, you’d know I’ve had RWBY, Fair Game, and Clover Ebi on the brain. And if you’d been reading it for any amount of time since late January, then you’d know that both I and a lot of other people really, really, really hated the ultimate handling of each of those things following the release of 7X12.

But I’m not here to go off about that episode today (Though I still have PLENTY more to say on that front).

No, I’m here to look forward towards the upcoming volume with something a bit more optimistic (Given some of those quotes from the 7X12 commentary that have recently come to light and the possibility of a V8 trailer tomorrow, we could all use that right about now).

Volume 8 is about a month away, and with it, a large amount of the Fair Game/Clover Ebi community as well as myself are hoping Clover will be resurrected as a result of something we call the Staff of Creation Theory. 

Look, I probably don’t have to explain this to anyone reading this post, but just in case, the tldr of the theory is that the Staff of Creation will cease holding Atlas up and since it’s able to create, it just might be able to bring back the deceased as a form of recreation (I.E. Clover). I’ve made a theory or two about how it could work in the context of straight up execution, but again, that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

So -- incredibly long intro aside -- what AM I here to talk about?

Well, as the title states I want to talk about the signs that we can look for in V8 prior to any resurrection that can reasonably suggest that Clover might come back.

My overall thoughts on whether Clover will actually come back or not basically come down to a coin flip at this point. Trace amounts of evidence both in some of the animation from V7 and implications of comments heard here and there give off a real sense that he just might be revived after all, but then again, the writers have done little lately to inspire a lot of faith in me, and a large amount of my distrust with RT is that we had a lot more to go on that 7X12 wasn’t going to be...well, 7X12 before 7X12 was 7X12.

(Jenna, come on, you said you weren’t going to rant about it...)

MOVING ON!

Anyway, I compiled a brief list of realistic ideas that could happen in the context of Volume 8 (And its marketing, merch, etc.) before the theoretical resurrection as a means of foreshadowing it, as well as a brief explanation as to my reasonings for believing them to be meaningful and possible executions they could take in their implementations. Anything is on the table here, so now that this incredibly long intro that somehow got even longer is done, let’s get going!

List under the cut!

1. Clover appearing ANYWHERE in the V8 intro. Simply put, dead people tend to not show up in the RWBY intros following their passing. Maybe their graves will show up, as they have with Summer, but that’s about it. But even outside of that trend, Clover appearing in Volume 8′s intro would put some nice power in the theory’s corner. I don’t even think he necessarily has to be in it himself (though I absolutely want him to). Giving any amount of significant screen time to the pin would (while not as good for us as actually showing off Clover himself) still be a point in our favor of Clover’s importance to the characters. I could see this happening in two ways. First, if it’s not Clover appearing, but the pin, we could have Qrow looking at or wearing the pin and then the camera doing a closeup of it (Hopefully without the blood). Second, if it IS Clover appearing (And if he does appear in the intro, I’d say his chances of returning will be up significantly since they’re bothering to animate not just the pin, but Clover’s face/entire body), Clover could be dragged away from Qrow in sort of an abstract nightmare-ish thing akin to the visual of Qrow drinking in V6 directly. In both cases, they’d be followed by a transition to something relevant to his resurrection would be the real money ticket.

Transitions...

Now, the specifics of this as it pertains to Clover will be explained in the next point, but what you need to know right now is that transitions are incredibly important. Simply put, the sequences of events, especially as they exist in and pertain to large ensemble casts like the one we have in RWBY because so many things are happening simultaneously, are important. They have the ability to convey narrative insights; story beats can be glimpsed off of them and themes can be established or deconstructed by the order of plot and story points. 

What are those things that it would be really good to transition to after mentioning/showing Clover/Clover’s pin?

I am SO glad you asked, because I’m about to get to it!

2. Any mention of the sentiment of “dead is dead” in the context of Clover’s death followed by a transition to something that calls that very idea into question. Here we go. 

I’m of the mindset that we could be witnessing some very nice foreshadowing of a Clover revival if during a mention of Clover, something that’s said by someone (Qrow, Ironwood, Robyn, the Ace Ops) that’s akin to “there’s no way he can come back” or “dead is dead” is IMMEDIATELY followed by one the following things: The Staff of Creation itself or just the door to the staff’s vault, Penny or Ozpin (Formerly dead characters now resurrected, Penny being the current Winter Maiden and the only one able to access the staff) doing pretty much anything, or the base of the floating city and the blue magic under it. ANY of these things (And probably one or two others because I’m only one man here) carry with them a heaping helping of foreshadowing, the universe itself telling us not to count our chickens before they hatch. I can see this happening via a hard cut or a fade between the character mentioning Clover (Or Clover’s pin) and the aforementioned element.

The reason why I place such emphasis on these transitions is because without them, bringing up Clover or Clover’s mortality (or present lack thereof) only has a narrative function of quelling any hopes of him being revived, a proverbial twisting of the knife, if you will.

3. ”No hetero”-ing the Jailbirds ship/separating them as quickly as possible. A worrying point for many of us has been the possibility that with Clover absent and killed off in a way that seemingly showed that Clover and Qrow were too opposite each other to make it work, that Qrow and Robyn (Now off to prison together) could possibly become a thing. I think doing something to ensure audiences right off the bat that that’s not a concern anyone needs to have will do a little something to show that RT at least listened to the clear dislike the ship received from the get go (No offense intended if you do ship it, but it is what it is and both components of Jailbirds are shipped far more with other characters, and for good reason). Moreover, getting rid of the chance of Jailbirds off the bat might show that Qrow’s romantic future is still up in the air, possibly for a revived Clover to come back and be a part of. This can be done in a number of ways -- canonizing Springthyme, getting Robyn and Qrow out of jail and separated ASAP, canonizing Qrow’s romantic love for Clover, etc. The quicker this is done, the more I’d be willing to believe we could see Clover’s return.

4. Not just Marrow being shown contemplating deflecting from Ironwood. This one’s a little hard to explain, so follow me.

Prior to Clover’s death, Neath Oum made a Tweet that pointed out how odd it was that there were five Ace Ops in a world geared towards the number four (Four people on a team, Maidens, relics, kingdoms, etc). If this sentiment is to remain true with a Clover revival, something’s got to give to even out the inherently weird setup of the Ace Ops’ odd number (Pun intended). 

Look, if Clover’s coming back, then they’re not gonna make him a villain because it wouldn't make sense (Even with the garbage logic of 7X12). So that means that they have to make a big change regarding either just Clover or all of the other Ace Ops.

This can happen a number of ways. Clover can come back and take the place of the (possibly) deceased Summer Rose on STRQ (Best case scenario imho because it leaves the Ace Ops open to a redemption), another Ace Op can die (I REALLY don’t want it to be this), or Clover can back and deflects...but not alone, and that last point is the only one with real potential foreshadowing from the Ace Ops. 

Obviously, Marrow’s the one Ace Op everyone thinks will turn against Ironwood, especially with the reveal of Clover’s death to the Ace Ops now an inevitability. He’s going to have a reaction to that, and probably the biggest of his team’s. However, here’s the thing: If just Marrow deflects, that makes one member by himself (Or two if Clover comes back and joins with him) and a team of three. That absolutely doesn’t work with that sentiment of four being the central number of the show, either (Unless even more characters are thrown into the mix and...no...just no…). So if Marrow leaves the Ace Ops, I don’t think it will be alone.

Once again, there’s a couple of ways this could go. One of the remaining could be actually villainized to make space for Clover back on the main team (Harriet would be my most likely prediction because of that exchange she and Marrow had about killing team RWBY), or (ideally) all of them could deflect and create a hybrid of my first and third idea: Clover goes off to join Qrow, Raven, and Tai while Marrow, Elm, Harriet, and Vine stay as the Ace Ops (Maybe under a new team name).

The signs to look out for of this happening are bigger reactions from the non-Marrow Ace Ops than they’ve shown in the series up to this point (With the exception of 7X12), the Ace Ops mourning together and even growing closer during that mourning, or statements of doubt from the rest of the team regarding Ironwood’s plan or just Ironwood’s leadership as well.

5. Any marketing regarding Qrow mourning Clover. Why market a setup to something that doesn’t have a payoff? If Clover’s as unimportant as he was claimed to be, then showing Qrow mourn wouldn’t have a point, after all, right? So why do it? Perhaps because there’s something on its way. I’m just saying, if you see the official RWBY Twitter make a post of Qrow forlornly looking at Clover’s pin or putting on the pin, or a tweet that quotes the kind of “dead is dead” line I mentioned back in point 2, there might be more to it than the surface might have us believe. I’m not telling you to expect anything because as I said, my hope is not especially high right now either, but I will say that that could be a real sign.

6. Ace Ops merchandise with all five of them. A few months ago, a shirt of all five of the Ace Ops popped up on the RT shop. This set off an alarm bell or two in my head because why sell a shirt of a team that ended the previous volume with one member dead and the other four of them cast off to the side as basically secondary villains? I know people like the Ace Ops, but it was still a really weird merch choice. It was especially jarring because in that same wave of merch, the team ORNJ shirt was revealed, and that was effectively a spoiler since that team hadn’t officially formed yet (Just implied, but other teams like RNJR were given their team name on screen). However, I acknowledge that that could all just be a fluke. BUT, if we see more of this kind of thing during V8...you never know, right? 

7. Tyrian bringing up Clover a LOT. I can’t fully explain this one, but while Tyrian seemed to realize Clover’s importance to Qrow, him bragging about it a lot prior to or during his and Qrow’s inevitable next showdown would be a really solid potential mark in the Clover comes back column (If he’s not already back by the time this happens, of course).

So there you go -- a few signs that might be present if we really are going to get Clover back. Maybe getting all of these ideas together is just a means of working out my senses of hope and doubt as V8 grows closer -- it absolutely is (Especially after reading some of those commentary quotes -- YIKES). Maybe this will help someone who feels the same way I do cope as well. Whatever this was, I hope it makes things easier. 

#clover ebi #fair game

[jae-writes-fanfiction]

Caviar and Cigarettes

Ashton x Reader  -  Collab Masterlist - 3763 Words - Part 1 of 1

Notes: this was written as part of a collab event as a gift for @mermaidcashton using a mix of their different suggested tropes but specifically ‘waking up in vegas.’ I hope you enjoy it ❤️ also I’ve never been to a casino I’m sorry this is 100% based off of what I know from TV

Warnings: mentions of alcohol/alcohol consumption, people are on a plane which could be scary, light nsfw content, some swearing.

- - -

The overhead compartments creaked as the plane rushed down the runway headed for liftoff. The sensation always sent a shiver down your spine and caused knots to grow in your stomach.

You hated flying and had everyone been back in LA instead of visiting the UK on a press tour, you would’ve opted to drive to Las Vegas from home and meet the boys there. Unfortunately for you, being their one-person PR/Social Media Management team placed you behind the scenes for the entire junket. And now, it placed you in the window seat of a plane preparing to hurtle dangerously through the sky- although your friendship with the bride-to-be was partly at fault.

Next to you, Ashton rolled his eyes as you gripped the armrest tightly. Across the aisle he watched Michael and Crystal giggle at something, and just ahead of them he could see Callum and Luke watching a movie on one of their phones.

He loved his friends and was beyond happy for Michael and Crystal but each of their small smiles and soft looks felt stifling and Ashton found himself wishing things could just be like when they were younger. Everything felt easier then, it was much more fun going on trips, there was less pressure to do or say the right thing or post the right statuses. They were just four friends making music. Now, everything was different including you.

You silenced your phone and offered Ashton a consolatory smile. “I know you’d rather be across the aisle,” you said glancing over at the others, “but let’s try to be friendly it’s a long flight.” There was a slight edge to your tone and it didn’t go unnoticed.

“You’re right dollface,” Ashton bit back, “I’d much rather be seated with my friends. Not our social media manager.”

You felt a warmth spread across your face as you tried to think of a smart response. Ashton has always been the most aloof of the four when you joined the behind the scenes team yet every conversation with him turned sour.

When you didn’t respond Ashton decided to keep going. “I mean I offense but how the hell are any of us supposed to relax when you’re here hovering around? This is supposed to be a party! A vacation! But you make it look like work.”

“That’s right Ash,” you said icily, “because I am working. I have to make sure none of you do anything stupid while you’re ‘having fun and letting loose’.”

And there you go, Ashton thought, like always making everything else difficult. Why couldn’t you just be agreeable?

“Besides,” you said interrupting his thoughts, “the last thing the group needs is more dating drama. Your last stint did enough damage.”

There. You said it, after weeks of thinking it you actually said it. You didn’t blame him for how the breakup went and for a while you were proud at how little attention Ashton gave to the fan speculation. But then he deleted all their pictures together and made a few (now long deleted) vague tweets that sent the fan base into a deadly spiral that spewed death threats at his ex and caused you more than enough sleepless nights.

You felt a little guilty when he didn’t respond with another jape- but who did he think he was anyway? Sure he was attractive but he couldn’t get away with everything. Not this time. Not after you had to stage and arrange posts for him every time he swapped partners.

You huffed and slipped your headphones in. There was no hope for pleasant conversation, and you had no desire to fill the time with mobile games. The audiobook claimed to calm and soothe the overworked professional with meditation and organization tips. Compared to the $350 plane fare the $25 download seemed like a reasonable and informative way to fill the ten-hour flight.

By the halfway mark you’d been proven wrong on both accounts. The narrator’s lilting accent was distracting in all the wrong ways, and the information sounded like every motivational speaker ever; all hype and no substance. Twice you felt your eyes drifting closed and twice you managed to snap yourself out of it. The third time however you didn’t snap back awake as your head lolled to the side.

The brush of your hair against his shoulder alerted Ashton to the situation. He chuckled lightly under his breath, for a moment you were at peace. For a moment you were someone he didn’t know, someone he might’ve liked to know better.

But moments don’t last forever, Ashton knew this to be true and before long the light jostling of the plane woke you up. You blinked slowly trying to adjust to the lights and grimaced as Ashton came into focus. The intensity of his gaze puzzled you. Was there something on your face? The expression was unconscious, but Ashton saw it flicker across your face and that stung. Not even away more than a minute and you were already getting to him.

Uninterested in having another quiet row like a soon-to-be-divorced couple, he quickly looked away leaving you once again to choose between silence and the droning audiobook as the plane crossed the Atlantic and then the entirety of the North American continent.

The sun had already set when the descent started. Outside you could see the world swathed in swatches of brilliant color and dazzling shapes against the horizon. It felt like your heart skipped a beat. The Vegas strip was everything you’d expected. The hotel itself looked like a work of abstract art, it’s glass elevators sparkling under the desert sunset.

Late dinner reservations had been made for the five of them, and you took the opportunity to settle into your room, eat an entire room service pizza, and take a nap. They would be out on the hotel’s casino floor for the rest of the night and you were more than happy to join them.

By the time you put yourself together and got there, the house was in full swing. The music was loud, the people louder. You noticed Ashton first at a roulette table surrounded by other beautiful people. You turned to walk away and look for Crystal when he noticed you.

You smiled thinly and made your way over to him, you had to. Anything else would’ve been seen as rude and that was a problem you didn’t want to deal with.

You lightly touched his shoulder to let him know you were there and glanced over the table. He hasn’t lost anything but wasn’t winning either. Ashton froze at your touch, the innocuous gesture sent a shock through his body, and at that moment something changed.

The dealer called for bets to be placed for the new round as you settled in next to Ashton. The dark jacket paired well with the retro red shirt he wore and you had trouble looking away.

“You look-“ Ashton started but couldn’t finish the sentence, his wide eyes glanced over your body for one of the first times seeing it outside of business wear. The metallic accents caught in the low light and cast an ethereal glow over you that kept drawing his focus.

You flushed, “thanks...you do too.” The sentiment felt heavy despite the normalcy of the exchange and you quickly accepted a glass of something from a roaming waiter to loosen your tongue.

You glanced back over the table and turned to Ashton with a conspiratorial grin. You leaned in to whisper and Ashton felt your hot breath on his neck.

“Always bet on black,” you offered while biting your lip as he laughed lightly. Everyone said that everyone knew that was a rookie move. But for the moment it seemed like the best advice and you were shocked when he did it.

Not as shocked as you were when he won.

Ashton turned and looked at you, amazed.

“Ash that was so lucky!” You gushed openly and your genuine smile pulled at his heart.

“Maybe it’s just you,” he said softly, the honest edge to his voice surprising you. You laughed awkwardly trying to play off the sentimentality of the words but they kept playing over in your mind.

“I think the happy couple ran away for a little bit,” he offered quickly moving on, “but I think we ought to go celebrate.”

You nodded, “well since I did help you win, I suppose you could buy me a drink.”

Ashton grinned back and quickly gathered his winnings before wrapping an arm around your waist and leading you towards the lounge. You could smell his cologne as you walked and you weren’t sure if it was that or his hand on your hip that kept distracting you from whatever he was saying.

The hazy lounge atmosphere was almost as intoxicating as the cocktails that Ashton kept ordering for the two of you. The liquor burned in all the best ways and a soft sweet taste lingered on your lips. You felt warm and giddy, and surprisingly happy to have been spending this time with Ashton.

At some point, his arm wrapped around your shoulders and you laughed at one of his jokes. Had he been sober the sound might’ve broken his heart, like most secret things do if they’ve been dreamed about before.

You turned to say something but stopped with the words dead on arrival. Ashton was closer than you had realized while talking, your faces just inches apart. The red hue of the lights flashed across his features and seemed to show how truly beautiful he was.

For a moment the closeness lingered, and you could feel a tense stiffness in the arm around you, and electricity where his hand curled around your bare shoulder. Unconsciously you felt your face tilt up towards his, and Ashton felt the same desire to close the gap.

What am I doing, you thought trying to blink out of it, I technically work for him I can’t kiss him! Besides he doesn’t even tolerate me normally.

Ashton froze, unable to tear himself away from you, the soft tint of the lights exaggerated the shadows on your face and kept drawing his eyes back to your lips. His hand on your shoulder itched to run up to tangle in the hair at the back of your neck and pull you against him.

She doesn’t even want to be here, he thought suddenly, why the hell would she want to kiss me on top of that?

But somewhere in the back of his mind Ashton knew you were struggling over something similar. He knew you were at least tempted, otherwise you would’ve moved.

A scantily clad cocktail waitress interrupted the moment and sent you both back to looking away. Your stomach felt uneasy from the tension and you drank quietly for a while contemplating your next move. You needed to say something funny, something light to keep this good energy going.

“Look at the bartender,” you said, “can you imagine him working anywhere else?” Your joke was directed at a thin sort of person who without a doubt had the Vegas aesthetic down to a T.

Ashton felt his heart drop, couldn’t you say something nice? Did you always have to be so critical of everyone?

“That’s typical,” he mumbled into his drunk.

“What do you mean it’s typical?”

“You, princess. Always having some shallow thing to say,” he took a long drink draining the glass before turning back to your shocked face.

This had been a bad idea, you knew he had some problem with you but it had been enough.

Refusing to cause a scene on the crowded floor you swiftly stood. “It was just a joke,” you hissed through a clenched jaw before walking towards the lobby and elevators that would whisk you back to the safety of your room.

“Hey come back!” Ashton tossed money into the table and quickly darted after you, slipping into the elevator at the last second.

“We were having a good time,” he said defensively, “stop being such a spoilsport.”

“A good time? Sure, it’s all fun and games for you. Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe something is majorly wrong when you can’t go twenty minutes without insulting me?”

“It wasn’t an insult it was a comment.”

You laughed openly, “oh that’s rich Ash. A comment.”

The doors slid open on your floor and you quickly turned heel and left. You heard his footfalls behind you and it took everything in you to resist slamming your door before he could enter the room. You angrily kicked your shoes off sending them in varying directions that you didn’t care to fix.

Ashton felt his palms get sweaty and his mouth dry. He didn’t want to keep watching you walk away anymore. “Can’t we just talk about this like friends?”

“Friends?” You felt your heart get all twisty at the words, “we’ve never been friends Ashton.”

When he didn’t respond you continued, crossing your arms in front of your chest as if the pressure would keep you still and safe.

“I used to think we could’ve been. When we first met I thought: now there’s the one- attractive and smart and mature. But all you’ve ever done is play games, spew pretensions, and hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said lamely taking a step closer to you.

“You don’t hate me? Oh that’s right you just hate the way I dress, and joke, and talk...” You met his gaze with a challenge and in another first of the night, he accepted.

Ashton looked at you with a fondness he had never expressed out loud and a gentleness that’s translated in how he took your hand in his and pulled you against him.

“I don’t hate you at all,” he said softly cupping your cheek with his other hand, “I hate that when you’re here you’re always working, I hate that you can’t ever just be with us, I hate that I miss you when you don’t answer a text, and I absolutely loathe that when you do it’s because you have to talk to me.” Because I want to talk to you, he thought unable to form the words in the mouth.

You suddenly felt very small pressed against him and you knew he could see the heat rising in your face.

“Professional was just easier,” you whispered unable to look him in the eyes, “because I don’t hate you either. For a long time I hated having to orchestrate and present people with you-“ because they weren’t me, you thought unable to say the words out loud.

His thumb softly traced the slant of your cheekbones as you hesitantly looked back into his eyes, and unlike in the lounge you did resist the urge to close the space between you, and neither did he.

The kiss was soft and filled with the emotion of everything not said, like all first kisses should be.

“I don’t hate you at all,” he whispered whilst placing kisses to the sides of your face, “not even a little bit, not even at all.” As your lips let a second time you both felt how surely the sentiment was quite the opposite and had been for quite some time.

Ashton was the only thought in your mind, and the only word on your lips as the kisses grew sloppier and needy. He tasted like cherry syrup from the cocktails and you wanted more.

A little disoriented from the alcohol you haphazardly walked backward pulling Ashton with you until you felt the edge of the mattress press against your calves. In a fit of giggles, you both tumbled back onto the bed.

You had never seen him smile like this before, his whole face seemed brighter and you knew instantly he was thinking the same things too. You moved in a flurry of hands and touches that struggled through the haze to remove clothes.

You straddled him to slide the jacket from his shoulders and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt until that too was discarded. Your hands trembled as they skated across his chest, and you felt him shiver as they were replaced with your lips. You slid down his body leading trails of kisses that stopped just above his belt buckle. The way it caught the light sent a delicious shiver down your spine and you tucked that thought away for another time.

Deftly you slipped the belt off before working on the slacks. You slowed and groaned softly upon revealing a dark red pair of lace pants under his trousers.

“Sweetheart,” you cooed teasingly as you repositioned yourself between his legs, “you should’ve led with this.” His hoarse laugh stifled into moans as you traced the lace with your tongue. Your eye wandered to the glittering bottle of champagne on the nightstand and between it and the heady look on Ashton’s face, you knew it was going to be a good night.

The next morning which really ended up being the next afternoon- you were pleased to wake up curled and tangled around a very naked Ashton. The pounding headache and dry mouth were a direct contrast.

You were thankful the curtains were still closed as the moderate darkness seemed to help the monster out hangover you were now feeling. You shifted slightly and were surprised to notice you weren’t entirely naked. You were wearing a t-shirt you didn’t remember owning. The words looked like gibberish but you gathered it was from the hotel’s gift shop.

The discovery prompted you to look around the room and you noticed something. Ashton’s fancy clothes and delightful red panties were joined by a pair of his jeans, another shirt, and an extra pair of your bottoms as well.

There were papers strewn on the nightstand and a shopping bag near the door that you didn’t remember buying. The cool air stung your bare legs and prompted you to curl back into Ashton who lazily smiled and kissed your temple as you rejoined him.

“G’morning darlin’,” he said through a yawn making you giggle.

“Do you remember going back out last night?”

Ashton shook his head but before he could say anything his ringtone cut through the silence and roused a chorus of pained groans from both of you.

He scrambled to answer it and you noticed the empty bottle of champagne on the other side of the bed, and what looked like a sacked minibar’s worth of trash with it.

I am never drinking again, you thought as the ringing subsided and your head began to throb.

“Michael wants us for brunch,” Ashton said tossing his phone back to the cluttered nightstand. You groaned at the thought of food and hoped it would be greasy enough to cut through the drunk brain fog.

You had to swing by Ashton’s room for him to get dressed making it a little later than anticipated when you finally got to the lobby. Crystal and Michael were sharing a love seat and as you both exited the elevator they erupted into raucous laughter and cheers that reverberated pain through your head.

“Aw fuck,” you hissed rubbing a hand on your temple. Ashton had an arm around your waist which kept yours from stumbling.

“Oh come on I expected a little more life after last night,” Michael called with a grin.

“I didn’t think Mikey was serious,” Crystal said, “do you have the papers on you?”

On top of them, Luke chimed in, “I got the whole crying jag on video it’ll make a hell of an update when we get back.”

You and Ashton shared a confused look and silently looked to Callum for help. He was drinking a delightful looking mimosa and sighed putting it down.

“I don’t think they remember,” he started before getting cut off.

“Awe no way! Look at them, they’re the picture of romantic bliss,” Michael taunted with a laugh.

You sighed, “come on now guys I know it’s a little odd for us to hook up but enough with the jokes.”

“Hook up?” Luke laughed, “that’s not what Elvis would have to say about it.”

You were trying not to get frustrated but it was hard. “Luke, what in the hell does Elvis have to do with anything?”

Callum cut in before the others could keep hounding you.

“Promise me you won’t freak out?”

You nodded and felt Ashton do the same.

“Alright,” Callum started slowly leaving time to gauge reactions as he spoke, “Luke and I got a call last night around 4:30, one of you were crying about how you ruined mike’s moment when you were too out of it to explain we came down here to meet you...”

As he spoke flashes of memories seemed to play in your mind. You almost remembered dialing the phone inside who to talk to, but certain you didn’t want to upset anyone.

“Apparently you’d just come in from one of those 24-hour chapels and we’re worried Mike and Crystal would be upset you stole the show.”

“Why would we go to a church?” Ashton asked slowly. Neither you nor Ashton were specifically interested in that sort of thing. Yet as he asked it you remembered stumbling through the lobby looking for something new to wear.

Your mind reeled trying to fit together pieces that you weren’t sure went to the same puzzle. You ran a hand through your hair a small ring on your hand catching in the light. You recognized it immediately as Ashton’s. Something borrowed, you thought unsure of why that mattered.

Callum shook his head as Michael dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“You dumbasses, you got married!”

You and Ashton quickly looked at each other and then back at the others and then back at each other trying to process this whirlwind of information.

The moment lingered longer than Michael found funny and without much else said you were whisked by the other happy couple off for brunch and out into a world where nothing would ever be the same.

#rpf #5sos writers collab #ashton x reader #5sos #oneshot #mermaidcashton #tw: alcohol

[incarnateirony]

15.13+

This year-old tweet of Merecuda’s becomes truer by the day. 

So I’ve said I’d collect old posts I’ve made over the past few years involving perennial philosophy as they apply to our current episode, rather than beating the same horses to death I’ve been banging on for years. That way if people missed/forgot these they can find them without me writing entire-assed new essays but rather find how they’re binding into the current episode -- as well as later-down link collections of thoughtbursts I had about the episode itself.

14.10: The numerology of Billie’s Book -- reality, matrixes and more; god’s understanding of the universe through the universe and the purchase of the extant universe.

Pre-ep-300: Aesclepius -- the dreamer, the healer, the serpent, the climb to divinity

Pre-14.14: Ouroboros, Jung, the Shadow; Nehushtan, the brazen serpent climbing the tree and more. Keep in mind the crucified serpent stuff in here because we’ll swing back to it.

Pre-14.18: Hermetic Absence; the human soul is the one true good. What we call evil is the absence of it. Later the episode itself swung around and quoted it so YOLO.

14.20: 

Optimism vs Nihilism; Hermeticism vs Gnosticism; the demiurge, the Truth and the Shadow. Also, see more on the Truth at this second link (x)

A cosmic game of chicken Jack being both later script-confirmed over here. (x)

Jack as the Orphic Egg, Phanes, the golden child, son of the serpent in the garden, the Big Bounce Impending.

The Empty, the Shadow, Reflection, the Lack of Soul, “Now I’m just Empty.”

S14-15 hiatus:

Old cosmogenic theories that may or may not still work.

The Shadow, Animus, Anima, God; the dance with the serpent and the cosmic marriage post-divorce -- big yike I said it was too Destiel yet here we are. Use this accessory post (x) to see the ranking of shadow/animus/anima in the video a little more clearly.

Inner worlds, we all have them, so to whom does Eden belong? After all, compare Michael’s world for Dean to Chuck’s for the rest. And I ask you to think outside the box for this (x)

A longwinded conversation about the nature of souls (x)

The Three Principles 

...just... this to think on with the rest (x)

15.11: The return of the Son and the Sun portends the revelation that the ego itself reflects light given from the sun and the soul, including the collective soul of the above and beyond, as well as a whole bunch of other stuff (phases of paths, the goddess, and more)

Once you get this far meditate on this for a bit from 15.12, given I stole the preview of the snake for it, and remastered one of my S14 spec vids for it (x)

AND FINALLY WE HAVE REACHED 15.13

Neshamah in the garden: the manifestation of the divine feminine opposed to eve as the essence of the soul or spirit in pre-fall Eden, and her connection with the unconscious serpent.

About the cross showing the way and it’s enduring relation to all above themes -- hell, that shape of cross even has meanings (x) as well as this, to the same theme,

but focusing on the sacred marriage elements more than the elements of the soul Reflected in the first link (x) Given the divine marriage itself is a whole other topic I’ve spammed to death including my old Eucharist video from 15.09 (x)

but with a long video track backwards that really requires just navigating the playlist once the above is soaked.

Also my next S14 video to remaster like I did Grudge based on the few above links (x)

and this old chart y’all are probably sick to death of that the goddamn yellowing snake fucking asked

These collective thoughts bundled, if once you’ve read them you still have questions, feel free to send asks.

Also yet again, Cas is the only one the Empty puts on faces for. His death and inky shadow didn’t work to keep him down (Shadow, primal state). His own didn’t work to put him down (Animus, Albedo, masculine ego). Meg’s didn’t work to put him down (Anima, Citrinitas, feminine superego; a fun choice when demon-searching rather than using Dumah again despite her resonance with Sam’s anima in TMWKTM and EXCELLENT opportunity to let Rachel cameo; but Cas has been at minimum in the yellow since last year and we’re not rich in opportunities to get Rachel back so it definitely worked while Cas was stumbling around in oblivion to revisit it while the rest of the guys grow into Citrinitas). 

Or you know, the literal shadow or blockage of these things as they stand with the above material (not really too unlike Belphegor as the ruler of Thagirion contrary to Tiphareth, which that GOD DAMN CROSS from 13 literally represents.) I AM EXCITE for 15.18 to see who’s face it takes next (in Rubedo, the Self and speaker of truths). And recent on set scene/event leaks minded, I think we have a pretty good idea. So I am even MORE excite. 

I really just saw Nehushtan and Neshamah talk to Phanes in the inner garden before the fall of man asking “Who are you?” in the yellowing phase of this show with the reddening impending in 15+ and I need to be let out of this box.

When I spent more than 2 decades of my life studying perennial philosophy I wanted the secrets of the universe, not the secrets of a cult fiction TV show, and frankly, I need a refund, please pull this snake out of my ear.

BuckLeming were kinda handed the inability to fuck up with as advanced as the hermetic lore has become over the last few years, but I’ve gotta say, they handled unusually well. I’m also quite fond of the Emperor-Empress-Aeonchild imagery being incorporated with the Golden Dawn/Rosicrucian/Christianized elements rather than the more alchemical abstract deliveries that whiff over people, because maybe JESUS MARY JOSEPH will ring a few bells better than colored and only loosely gendered abstracts of development, especially since they haven’t been overtly labeling things Emperor or Empress as much as depicting them with all other associated quotes and symbolism to date. Though I don’t consider 15.02/03 subtle in its delivery of the goddess role in any respect.

This is the second time the Emperor has passed his sphere to the empress. Only this time, rather than the hermit brother choosing not to initiate it for the cost, it was passed from the Empress to the child and brought us to the inner garden to find the truth of the aeon and really, I’m not okay right now, send help

(And summore x) and even (summore about the inner garden, the soul, the proto adam and divine feminine, the symbol above and a whole bunch of hoohah x) -- Yes I just linked you an entire google book. Either you wanna know or you don’t, s’your choice.

Side semi-joke commentary with Castiel’s placement in this structure: is nobody else going to point out that Cas already brought home fruit from the Tree of Life from Syria rather than this non-eden and inner garden? I don’t think they’re quite the same place, but there’s some extra lmao there. dEAnNNn i bRoughT FrUIt fRom tHE tReE oF lIFE

Edit: while i do truly believe this boils down to an excuse to see Rachel on our screens again, I can't help but have it hit harder and harder that Castiel's divine feminine superego was appealed to in supposed reminder of him having no one in life to go back to and instead an old fling he made a connection with in death.

With the overall framing of another relationship as the cause of his suffering, whether intent or by accident it couldn't have been more on point. Just sleep, Cas, happy or not. Isn't what you want here? But he didn't bite. Not one bit. He could have slowed to ask about her or split his focus to find her too, but instead he called out to Ruby still and moved on, still on point for his family back home. I have some posts about The Celestial Ruby elsewhere that I want to probe later about the Occultum but this will do for now.

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #masterpost #pagan life #15.13 #alchemy notes #menu post #hues of involution #serpent

[mercurywaterblue]

The Truth About the Tumblessrr

What People Think Tumblr Is Like---

-SJWS

-Angry Feminists all up in your mouth and nose

-Those trans folk transitioning 

-Fandom shit

-Aesthetics

-Photography

-Funny shitposting

-Shoplifting groups

-Funny shit that gets screenshoted and reposted to Pinterest/Facebook

-Sherlock

-More fandom shit but this time it's pornographic (o wait shit they banned the ding dongs now, so no?)

-Funny jokes, but this time they are gen-z style humor

-Reverse Racism !!1111!!

-Art

-Complex discussions of the impact of Colonialism

-Porn

-Edgelords

-more evil sjws

-Evil socialists

-Fanart

Actual Tumblr

-Assholes

-Boogerheads

-Daddy kinks

-Mens rights acne-ists

- Fetishs

- People who want to fuck anything and everything

-Radical Right wingers who think left wingers should be hung

-Gun nuts who have somehow convinced themselves politicians are oppressing them

-Freaks

-Capitalist stans

-I’m not racist, bu...

-Women haters

-Socialists

-people who hate humanity aka more pro capitalist rhetoric

-just so many fuckwads

-Fanfic recs

- Headcannons

-pro any shipping aka anti-antis aka pedo and incest supporters

-Flat earthers

-People who think looking at a teen is pedophlia

-People who repost tweets

-Like one wholesome meme or faith in humanity post

-ppl who tell you their entire identity and history in their bio

-like they gotta tell u they are christian so u dont send porn i guess

-Actual good content

-more assholes & idiots

-People who wish Tumblr would die but still use it

-Animal blogs

-Serial killers stans

-Dragonkin

-Furries

-Mythology buffs

-So much D&D

-Critical Role

-Plants

-Crazy fuckers who mock mentally/physically disabled people but clearly have severe issues of their own

-More fan art

-Gifs

-Hentai no it’s still there, Apple

-You aren’t ever allowed to enjoy anything

-Harry Potter created transphobia

-Trans and non binary ppl

-Half of them are really cool & amazing

-Half call people terfs for liking something they don’t

-just bc u dont like something doesnt mean its transphobic

-and in general ppl who cant deal with nuance or just want to start drama bc

-Lesbians (who are all trans)

-Non trans/non-binary people

-Who are all gun obsessed nutcases

-Sherlock

-Lack of nuance discussions, and by discuss I mean flip out over people not liking the same shit

-Misogyny 

-Cyberbullying

-Aesthetics

-Funny content

-porn memes

-porn gifs

-they are still here apple

-Voltron

-Avatar

-Vagueposting

-Childish drama

-Accusations of content theft

-Good omens

-Art

-Like 3 ppl who actually know what social justice is

-Anti-fujoshis who don’t mind men fantasizing over lesbians

-More ppl who want to start drama

-Teenagers

-YA book lit

-Bizarre memes

-Teens who accuse everyone who looks at a kid of being a pedo

-Sherlock

-Horse weirdness

-That king arthur or merlin show whatver that ended four score years ago but people still shipping it

-Memes

-Trolling

-Actual  good discourse

-fan art

-ppl who post something like ‘penis meat!’ and get 10,000 reblogs

-People who do the same but get like 4 reblogs

-People thirsting over ugly ass celebs

-Loki

-anti anti aka pedo blogs who act oppressed

-Christians who act oppressed

-Sewing

-Riverdale

-Sexy half naked anime girl blogs

-Thorki

-Shitposts so abstract they have become dada esque humor

-more stupid drama

-Writing advise blogs

-people accused of being terfs who prob aren’t

-actual transphobes

-Call outs

-more creepy far right culture shit

-ppl telling kids to kill themselves

-K-pop

-Marvel vs DC -Homestuck

-ppl who love steven universe

-ppl who hate it and think fans should die

-Your fav is problamatic

-Fashion

What am I forgetting?

#long post #if anyone reads this someone will find a way to be offended #meme #tumblr culture #mine #thoughts #dankness #facts #true facts #steven universe #fandom #riverdale #fashion #k-pop #homestuck #problamatic #marvel #dc #loki #drama #sherlock #shipping #fanart #tagging is too much work

[pnwpol]

Aug 23, 2019 | Across the country, there is a loud backlash against new cycling infrastructure projects – a “bikelash,” if you will – despite widespread support for safer cycling infrastructure. Among non-cyclists in Toronto, 81 per cent are in favour of a safer cycling network, according to a 2016 poll commissioned by Evergreen, a Toronto-based non-profit that encourages urban sustainability. It’s easy to agree that safer streets are a worthy goal in the abstract, but when it comes to laying down new bike lanes on a busy roads near you, the bikelash gets real, fast. Here is what that looks like in the country’s three largest metropolitan areas.

Vancouver

Last year, Vancouver mayoral candidate Wai Young vowed that, if elected, she would tear up bike lanes. The former Conservative MP promised in a tweet that, “As mayor i will free the roads.” On Twitter, she went on to list a number of existing bike lanes she would rip out if elected. Separated bike lanes are, “a luxurious road system built for a select few, and I donʼt think itʼs necessary,” she said in a CBC interview.

In the 2018 mayoral race, Young placed a distant fourth.

Toronto

In Canada’s largest city, the bikelash is alive and well. Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his late brother Rob made their careers railing against the “war on cars.” Stuck in downtown Toronto traffic, Doug posted a Twitter video calling the King Street pilot project – which prioritized streetcars over cars and bikes – a disaster. “This is a war on the car. Folks, this has to come to an end.”

City data showed that, one year into the pilot, car traffic had shifted to alternate parallel routes on which average travel times varied by only a minute during rush hour. Streetcars, meanwhile, were running five minutes faster and bicycle volume rose 380 per cent.

Montreal

In some parts of central Montreal, 15 per cent of trips are by bicycle, “which is nearly unheard of in most North American cities,” the 2019 Copenhagenize study found. And this in a city that gets serious snowfall.

“In Montreal, the conditions are harder than Toronto, more like Moscow,” Giguère said. “It’s kind of: build it and they will come; plow it and they will ride.” Some days, it’s impossible to bike, she acknowledged, but said there aren’t many days like that. “You need to have the infrastructure plowed and salted. You’re not telling people it’s a religion; that you must go on any day with your bike. But it’s hard for cars, too, and when I go to work, I’m so much faster with my bike. … I am a 43-year-old normal mother. I’m not any superhero. I don’t do bungee jumping.”

Still, there are significantly fewer cyclists in winter. The share of bikes on the road declined from 3.1 per cent in summer to 0.7 per cent in winter, according to 2014 data – collected before widespread efforts to plow bikes lanes began – by the Canadian Institute of Planners.

Read More

#cndpoli #vanpoli #qcpoli #onpoli #bike lanes #civil engineering #traffic control #transportation #cycling #infrastructure

[go-diane-winchester]

If you don't like Misha, this post might make you smirk.

I did this post yesterday and then deleted it because the OP made me feel sorry for her.  Luckily for me, someone reblogged it and my momentary stupidity is now remedied.  This whole scenario makes me smirk. 

Yesterday's post:

Doll face found @dean-supernatural-akf ranting in the main tags, including the Jensen tag, which is why she forwarded this biased drivel to me.  Thanks sweetie.  I scrolled though OPs blog, trying to figure this person out, because she ships wincest and destiel, apparently.  And she hates the haters.  It is convenient and dismissive to label those who don’t agree with you, don’t you think?  Label them rather than proving them wrong conclusively, because that would be difficult and you might lose the argument because of a lack of intelligence.  So call them names and be done with it.  Her rant is in italics, and my rebuttal in bold.

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

Why is it that when there is an entire blog dedicated to hate for Jensen or Jared, there is no bleeding heart rant like this about that blogger?  But if you write a blog about all the mean things Misha and his fans do, you are a “horrible human being” with “toxicity and hate in your heart”.  No, I would prefer to call it discernment.  I wont like someone just because “it SPNFamily darn it, haters don’t belong”.  So if Misha gives me consistent reasons to hate him, I am still not allowed to hate him because I will be ejected from SPNFamily?  What is this?  A communist fanbase?  Nobody is allowed to have their own opinions?  Everybody must think the same way and feel the same fairytale happy feelings?  Which dandelion world did you pop up from?

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

Misha gets more hate?  Really?  You mean like death threats?  Like people tweeting him directly that they wish he was dead?  That kind of hate?  Please, show me where the hate is.  Bring me your receipts.  I want to see all the hate that Misha gets. 

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

Prove it.  Screenshot and show me where all these horrible people are.  I will put it in a post.  I always do.  The death threats and death wishes for J2 have been screenshotted and are on my blog.  So I have proof for my claims.  Bring the proof for your claims.  Its called making mature statements.  Quantifying your claims.  So please, set me straight.  Show me all the nastiness poor Misha gets.  I would like to see it. 

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

From under which rock did you emerge?  Misha named his fans minions.  Very disrespectful.  No other actor has ’‘minions’’.  Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t like his fans referring to themselves as Cumberb*tches.  I respect him for that.  Misha did the opposite.   Shocking, right?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

That is an incredibly simplistic way of putting it.  And it gives me the impression that this rant was written by someone who is young and idealistic in their notion of how the world works.  How come you don’t talk about the people who like Jensen and Misha and therefore hate Jared?  You cant.  You cant because that would be problematic to the narrative you are vomiting right now.  Those cockles perverts are the ones that tweet him, telling him that that they cant wait for him to die.  Receipts on my blog. 

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Actually no, J2 fans don’t get angry when Misha is interviewed for Elle magazine, yelling “where’s J2”.  They don’t ask “Whose line is it,anyway?” why they excluded J2.  They don’t threaten to burn Misha alive in his house for being anti-destiel and/or making a joke about Jensen.  That happened with Jensen.  I have the receipts.  The same group were discussing kidnapping Jared’s kids.  That group was made up of 3500 people.  So many haters slipped up your radar?  Well, now you know. 

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Yeah, take a page out of your own book.  If you don’t like the “haters”, as you dismissively call them, then don’t put this incorrect, unsubstantiated, unquantifiable rant in the main tags.  In fact, keep your uninformed opinion to yourself. 

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Dealing with the entire subject of hate, in the most abstract manner, without any analysis into your darling actor’s bad behavior and without taking into account the nasty behavior of his fandom, shows that high school is all you know.  Hopefully, one day you will grow up and think on broader terms. 

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

Keep using the word “hate”.  It will abrogate all the legitimate anger that the J2 fans have against Misha and his hellerminions.  Hellers are the biggest cyberbullies in fandom.  They sent hate directly to J2.  Some of the things they write will shock a person who has a real disdain to hate, not a daffodil like you who thinks Misha is infallible and doesn’t deserve an anti tag.  One said that she couldn’t wait for Jared to die.  And she tweeted that directly to Jared, along with a praying emoji.  Oh, you don’t know about that?  Well, then I guess you are not an authority on who is SPNFamily and who is not, now are you? 

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.

Don’t reply to this?  Then why put it in the main tags, as well as inappropriate tags, and still hope that nobody disagree with you.  Aren’t we childish? 

What happened after the post was put up:

She DM's me and says that she has since changed her mind because she did another post about the hate that J2 get, and if I could please remove my post, because she was suffering panic attacks over it.  I said I would, but she is going to remove the above misleading post and provide me with proof that Misha gets death threats.  Caught between a rock and a hard place, she said that she came across the death threats on two blogs, that had blocked her for some mysterious reason, which is why she couldn't screenshot the evidence.  I found what those reasons were, when I went to those blogs: 

@castiel-needs-2-go

@destiew-must-go

I searched through their blogs, and found nothing.  No death threats.  They just point out the truth about Misha.  That is it.  She accused them for nothing.  Of course, that didn't occur to me until today, because I still felt concerned for her because the poor kid was suffering panic attacks.  So I deleted the post.  Today I find this message from her:

''So i asked like 10 different people Misha stans and Misha haters about those things you said he did. Nobody has ever heard of it, no one. You are telling your lies man, i aint stopping ya. But you are a horrible person if you need to attack a 19 year old on the Internet and 'Call me out' just because it gives you a kick. And just because you disagreed. My post will stay deleted because it wasnt up to Date anymore, but it wont be my last one. People like you need to be stopped, people like you are the reason why this fandom sucks so hard. Bye Bye. You are the sick one here .''

The weird thing is she attached this gif:

I don't know whether she thought it was going to hurt my feelings or something but, it actually helps to show her true identity.  She is not a wincest fan.  She is a Sam-hating heller in disguise.  Who would have thunk it? 

#misha #jensen ackles #destiel #cockles #jenmish #jensen and misha #deancas #casdean #dean x castiel #castiel #cas #bi dean #dean is bi #dean and cas #jenmisheel #dean winchester #destiel headcanon #jdvm #misha collins #sam winchester #sam and dean #jensen and jared #wincest #supernatural #jared padalecki #padackles #performing dean #sabriel #sammy winchester #j2

[emuftw]

Dreamboy theory part 2 -Dane, Critch and Luke

So I know I am officially late to the party with putting out part 2 of my dream boy theory after the final episode has been realised, however, as its only been out for a few hours I wanted to get it out before I had a chance to proper listen to the episode. I haven’t listened to the last episode yet so this is what I THINK is going on. As always, there’s some reference to abuse (quite heavy in Luke’s section) so TW if applies. This is also a fan theory and will be probably wrong at the point of posting so ya know, don’t take too seriously!

In my last post we identified some of the key features of what I suspect is going to take place in the finale, with the main idea being that actually there is nothing supernatural going on and rather Dreamboy is actually a highlight of how some of life’s creepiest horrors are that which comes from everyday life. I’m hoping in this part to talk more on where this is highlighted and normal mundane stuff can, with the correct use of tone can make everyday life seem so much bigger than it is.

An example of how this can be proven is Cora Dela Roach and her “death Dreams”. At first, this idea of someone having dreams about people dying can be seen a very jarring and supernatural. However, at the start of the episode we are told that she is older than we think, and as someone who works with a lot of older people, the convocation of death comes up quite regularly. That talk of mortality as ones gets older comes with age, be it in day or night. I know that one of my mum friends who fit the bracket of her age regularly thinks and dreams about her death. In the same episode, we can tell that she has a general fondness for Luke, which means she’s probably is concerned for his safety which could link in with why she is dreaming of the worse.

The idea of “stress dreams” can also be seen with Dane and his dreams. Dane, has reoccurring dreams of the “Giant freaky fish” has seemed pretty abstract however there are ways that these dreams are not as “freaky” as they seem. (Please note: I use the term “stress dream” as that is what I call my dreams, if there is a more formal name then apologies) Firstly, it should be noted that Dane admits in the first episode he has weird dreams, with either his mom in it or being fucked at a meat counter being watched by old ladies, so in actual fact a giant freaky fish dream isn’t too far of a stretch here. Often its very common for someone who see’s something that they encounter in the day to then dream about said thing at night. With Dane working near “the lost ocean” it wouldn’t be unusual for that to carry over to his dreams, with floating in an ocean and giant sea animal being there. We can also add that the dreams start to take a more sinister turn after the death of Esmarelda, where we can assume that Dane fell asleep shortly after. It’s only after then Dane begins to start thinking about fish in a more morbid fashion.

But wait! I hear you ask, “What does this have to do with Luke and Dane sharing dreams? And the fact that Danes dreams are reoccurring?” Whilst I do have a theory of this, I will talk about this in more details in Luke’s section. With regards to the reoccurring dream, I would like to think that Dane is currently having some known as a Stress Dream because of where he is in life

Definition break! Stress Dream is not a formal term or medical definititon, but it’s a term I coined when I talk about my own dreams which are reoccurring! A “Stress Dream” is a dream which comes about at high points of stress and can have a reoccurring theme, however not exclusively linked. For me, when I am under moments of high stress of work, my stress dreams are of me being killed/ put in danger in a variety of ways. There not pleasant, but there are also a sense of weird over tone to them, such as my stress dreams having a very “Home Alone” feel to them but always end with me dying.

The first time I listened to Dreamboy all the way through, I couldn’t help but feel like I resonated with Dane as he was having Stress Dreams like I do, but I couldn’t figure out quite why? It was only after the second listen I realised that it’s to do in what he said in episode 1, and that he’s TIRED. Tried can link into many things in life, with being busy with work, to emotionally tired with life and I can imagine being in New York of all places makes it doubly so. With Dane being tired it would mean that he is pretty sure going to be taking these Tired thoughts with him to sleep, as you can see in episode when he starts off his dream about the presidential waltz and ends back in the water.

Speaking of Tired people, I also Believe Critch is also someone who is not actually the “Bad Guy” of the series but rather someone who is VERY misunderstood and we are being lead to think one way. Critch’s theory is interesting as whilst in the podcast itself there hasn’t been much talk about him as a character, Creator Dane and the Dreamboy team actually mention him quite a lot on social media and bonus episode.

Critch is portrayed as someone who we should not trust, from the way he smiles and talks to having negative interactions with nearly everyone he speaks to. However, I don’t actually thing he’s “up to something” but rather just a guy down on his luck. In the show, we find out he pushed for the Zoo and the Jupiter moons ride as his big way to make a mark on the stonewall fortune, only to have it flop and put the Zoo into more Debt.  Being down on his luck, He’s just seems to be trying to find ways to have the Zoo stay open and live up to a long family name. I mentioned in my previous post that with Zoe already being dead, he is just trying to prolong the inevitable loss of his main attraction; however, there are a few notes from outside the show that can lead to him also being a Very tired guy down to his last ties of luck.

On Twitter a few weeks back, someone tweeted the Dreamboy team with their own fan theory that Critch wasn’t all out bad. Whilst a couple of members of Dreamboy did like the post, Patrick (WHO I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS NEXT BIT) actually ended up commenting on the post with the shifty eyes. Unfortunatly, I’m not sure how Patrick fits in with the Dreamboy team however I can tell he works with them closely and often the team comment on twitter when something is a particularly stand out to them. Also In the most recent bonus episode, Ellie and Creator Dane talks about in the original off Broadway production of Dreamboy, Critch actually originally had a solo song, in which in it he reflects how back in the old days things were so much easier and could just sign things away at a flick of his finger. I suspect in episode 8 we will find out more of this side of his past and the pressure he has felt from his family to succeed as well as how it will tie the entire story together.

With these two out of the way, I did want to have a section on the original Stonewall and his PTSD with the stone ring however as I am in a rush to type I will post this after the finale, as I want to talk to our poor tortured Boi himself: Luke.

Luke is probably one of the more complicate and mysterious people in the show, but again, there’s not a lot of evidence to show he has link to anything super natural other than he “shares the same dream” with Dane, Which I think is a lie. I DON’T think Luke and Dane are sharing the same dream, but rather it’s a cry for help from someone who has been abused/grew up in a cold home. Whilst I did bounce some Ideas around with if it was just a loveless home or abusive, I couldn’t really find any key correlation, however,  for the sake of this theory we will go with an abusive house hold growing up, which why he A) doesn’t live there now and is camping on the floor in the abandoned house rather than communiting B) seems embarrassed by Dane when he mentions that his nickname as a kid was panda by his nan as he probably lied to her about his home situation and C) the burse on his neck when Dane touched made him react so negatively when touched as he didn’t get it from sex. Its also the reason why he at times seems older as he is, as its shown in common research that children from child abuse often have a sense of maturity to them that is abnormal in their age group. Whilst Luke is 19, he can still count as a legal child as he counts as a vulnerable adult with the age bracket for these guys being 20 in the UK.

We can assume the when he moved at 13 this may have got worse due to his nervousness around the subject when Dane talks about it in episode 4 , however this is up to interpretation. It’s also why the logical of knowing where the pain is coming from, as this was a mentality I adapted back when I looked for reasons to be self-destructive back when I was his age.

This in turn all Links into why Luke is so keen in saving Zoe. In episode 7 for the first time we hear Luke Properly talk about his family, with that he and his mum use to come to the zoo lots as a kid to see zoe, which would explain why he is so emotionally attached to the place. It is one of the few places where Luke actually has nice memories growing up, and not of that of abuse or harm from his family. Trying to protect this one last memory from time is a why he broke down when he found out Zoe is dead.

“But wait!” I hear you say “you still haven’t explained the dream thing!”

The reason I think Luke isn’t having the same dream as Dane is due to his upbringing and him lying. I should say off the bat I don’t think Luke is being evil here and manipulating Dane to stay with him lying. But rather, the odd white lies to make a guy who Luke genially seems to get along with to stick around a bit more.

When Luke first finds out about Dane’s dream, he seems confused, as anyone would if someone at a bar just told you he has a dream of a weird freaky fish. This doesn’t seem that odd or supernatural but by the time Luke tells Dane he too is having a dream, he introduces the idea that the fish is called “Dreamboy”, which was mentioned in the song  that was sung by the drag queen just before they go outside to make out.  It seems like an odd coincidence that a key part of the song is now what he happened to call the fish?

Also, prior to this, back at the abandoned house, Dane literally came rushing in as soon as he seems Luke being hit. He also seems to not be aware of who Luke is, which both of these together seem to be a big change in Luke’s world of sex and abuse.  We can assume that they spoke a little more in the club and to the walk to the zoo in episode two meaning by this point, Luke will have probably made a clear idea of if he wants to see Dane again and the best way how? Tell him you’re seeing the same dream as him. This is why Luke is so calm about the whole situation and why he doesn’t seem phased by the whole thing.

It’s also why he didn’t text him back when Dane says he had another dream? Case how could he when he isn’t having the same dream. It’s also why he’s so off when we see him at the rally case now he’s gotten to know Dane with every other episode, both the good and the bad, and actually realises he properly needs to come clean about the dream thing. Only he’s cant as he’s worried it will then make Dane angry which will make him leave, which is the last thing he wants.

--

So this is a much shorter version of my final theory (I know crazy right?) with what I think is going on with the main characters in Dreamboy. Like I said, I know the final episode is now out but I just wanted to voice into the void of what I think is going on! There might be a part 3 at someone once I listened to the finale to talk about what I think will happen in season 2 as well as the “magic disk” theory as well, but that will be at a later date when I’m not already 10 minutes late for work!

Stay Groovy!

#dreamboy #dream boy #dreamkittens #dreamboy podcast #Dreamboy pod #podcast #WTNV #night vale presents #Luke #Dane #dane terry #LGBT #fandom #fan theory #gay #tw: abuse

[caeboa]

Notre Dame

So I just want to ramble here a second, sorry it’s not an art post guys, but I am just feeling relieved now that reports are talking about how the stained glass rose windows survived the fire in Notre Dame and am thinking back on some things. Just personal anecdotes about my thoughts on stained glass and my trip there in 2012 under the cut

So obviously the style I draw in is inspired by stained glass and tile mosaics and other abstractions, but for a long time I just called the stained glass style, which I’ve moved away from to use glass mosaic more now. But stained glass has always really interested me. The church I used to go to mass with my family in when I was little wasn’t a fancy cathedral or even anything with Gothic architecture, it was relatively new, white walls, carpeted floors, but it had stained glass windows. They weren’t much to write home about, very simple life-and-times-of-Jesus-Christ panels most of them, but I liked them, loved to sit in a pew near one where the light reflected through in colours on your lap, and there were two slightly different ones too.

There was one larger more elaborate one at the back of Mary in her flowing scarf and robes with a dove poised in the air above her. There were more shapes and lines to this one, and while mostly blue the blues varied. We didnt sit by it much as it was at the very back of the church in the overflow seating. The other I guess was what consistutes as a rose window in a church without the build for one. It was a round window across from the altar on the opposite wall, over the entrance, not the best visibility unless you were looking back at it. It was a lot more abstract, with an ocean, land, and sky and three maybe fish circling. It was more shapes and colours than a depiction, and nothing geometric or fancy, but I really liked that odd window.

Fast forward some years to going on trips with my mom and sister, and visiting more and more museums, historical buildings, old churchs, in different places. I always wanted to snap photos of the architecture and the windows, and they were all different! Sure a lot of them weren’t the best out there but it was neat to see regardless. I’d share some photos but my camera back then was out of focus garbage back them looking back hah. In 2012 we took a trip to Paris. We made sure to do all the stops, the museums, the tower, the arch, and of course Notre Dame. We went midday and all the sculpture on the outsides was lit bright. So many gargoyles, angels and faces. And then of course we went in, and seeing the bright sun filtering through the rose windows was lovely. I took lots of pictures, but none of them look quite the way they do. There was meticulous detail, lots of little lines and colours, figures, geometric patterns. They were worth seeing.

And this was even before my medieval art history class in uni showed me pictures of even more old churches.

Trips have been a great inspiration, the mosaics I saw in floor tiles and even more stained glass in Italy when I went for my class solidified it a few years later.

I don’t really imitate stained glass as a style anymore. I don’t outline my figures the same way, I don’t isolate shapes, rather I work with lines and tangents. However it’s definitely been an inspiration and I’m glad some sublime ones didn’t get lost to an accident in a renovation attempting to restore the building.

Hah I even watched Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame on the 1st this month since @immortanjill tweeted that it was a great thing to do for the ‘Feast of Fools’ and it’s just fresh in there.

I’m mourning the spire and the parts of the building lost, but with all the money pledged to rebuild and art works that have been confirmed saved from it, I’m glad the windows are among those that remain. Ok there’s my rambly piece about an old church hah, sorry.

#ramble #notre dame #stained glass windows #inspiration #art history #personal

[makingscipub]

Threads, worms and science communication

I thought I had written my last post about epigenetics. But then came along some ‘worms’ and I had to write another one.

I have written about worms once before on the Making Science Public blog, in the context of science communication. And this blog post too will reflect on worms in the context of science communication, but in a slightly different context.

In 2014, when I wrote my first worm post, twitter was eight years old but still evolving. Now we live in a twitterverse where science communicators can use ‘threads’, launched at the end of 2017, to knit together tweets into a science story. Some of the best science communication now happens in ‘threads’. And this is what happened on this occasion.

So what am I talking about? On 6 June a research group working in Tel Aviv around Oded Rechavi published an article in Cell entitled “Neuronal Small RNAs Control Behavior Transgenerationally”. The gist of the article was this, as summarised in the abstract: “In Caenorhabditis elegans nematodes, parental responses can transmit heritable small RNAs that regulate gene expression transgenerationally. In this study, we show that a neuronal process can impact the next generations.”

So the hero of the study is C. elegans, the worm of wonder I had talked about in my previous blog, but not in the context of epigenetics. What has this to do with epigenetics?

Worms and epigenetics

Epigenetics is a new field in genetics and genomics, which came to prominence around the year 2000 and about which I have written since 2013. It is still finding its feet and it is still struggling with definitions and concepts. One of the most contested notions is that of ‘transgenerational epigenetic inheritance’. This phenomenon has been observed in plants, worms and some rodents, but there is, as yet, no clear evidence that it exists in mammals/humans.

In an important article summarising some myths surrounding epigenetics, Edith Heard, a renowned epigenetics researcher, pointed out: “Since the human genome was sequenced, the term ‘epigenetics’ is increasingly being associated with the hope that we are more than just the sum of our genes. Might what we eat, the air we breathe, or even the emotions we feel influence not only our genes but those of descendants?” This is at the core of speculations surrounding epigenetics and transgenerational epigenetic inheritance.

The worm study that caught my eye has to be seen in this context. It was announced under headlines such as “Worm parents pass on behaviours epigenetically to offspring”.

Even one of the most sceptical observers of research into transgenerational epigenetic inheritance, Kevin Mitchell, tweeted: “Some real transgenerational epigenetics… (in worms)”.

He also retweeted a ‘thread’ by the group leader, Oded Rechavi, which was a masterpiece of science communication, both verbal and visual – indeed, threading them both creatively together. We’ll come to that in a minute.

Epigenetic worms in the media

How was the study reported in the ‘mainstream media’? I had a quick look and found only four articles, all published in Israeli news outlets. I tracked down a few more on Google News. Here are some of the headlines in the print media: “Israeli study: Nervous system can transmit messages to future generations”; “Israel study says neurons, not just DNA, can affect progeny’s fate”; “Researchers say nervous system passes info to kids”; “Worms help Israeli scientists rewrite basics of genetics”.

Two things struck me: first the use of anthropomorphic terms like ‘kids’, a type of language that can create the wrong expectations, and the claim that this study overthrows basic genetics. This claim came also up in an online article on Breaking Israel News entitled “Small worms help Israeli researchers disprove basic dogma of modern biology”. This article was, I believe, the press release for the Cell study and contains a great artistic illustration of worms. It was picked up by eurekalert, where Rechavi is quoted as saying “It’s important to stress that we don’t know yet whether any of this translates to humans”.

In the past, some epigeneticists and philosophers of science have made claims about epigenetics overthrowing basic biology, claims that were greeted mainly with scepticism by other scientists.

Three other online articles reported on the study, one published in The Scientist and dryly entitled: “Worm parents pass on behaviors epigenetically to offspring”; one in Psychology Today seeing it as ‘disruptive’ to biology and neuroscience, and one in the Big Think linking it to ‘reincarnation’ (tongue in cheek)! There may be more. But let’s get to the thread.

Twitter threads

According to Twitter, “[a] thread on Twitter is a series of connected Tweets from one person. With a thread you can provide additional context, an update, or an extended point by connecting multiple Tweets together.”

Here is a random example of a ‘thread’ – there are longer and more extravagant ones out there. This one is about Mayan hieroglyphics, which I loved (it’s linked to a fantastic podcast). You can click on it and see how it goes…

Knitting a science story using words and images

So, what about this worm thread then, which got 423 retweets and 1,156 likes? Rechavi posted it in the afternoon of 6 June, just after his lab’s article came out in Cell. It starts with a bit of a firework of emojis, hashtags, and hyperlinks.

The hashtag uses a well-established epigenetic metaphor. The accompanying image (called ‘a summary model’ in the thread) provides an overview of the ‘flow’ of signals/memory, I suppose, between neurons, germline and behaviour.

The second tweet congratulates all the team members and especially the artist who created the illustration for the press release Beata Edyta Mierzwa and reproduces the sci-art image. See here. I think the image represents a tree of life/arteries of life populated by worms with little epigenetic ‘tags’ or post-it notes attached to them… but I might be wrong.

The third tweet writes about long-standing speculations about inheritance and is illustrated by a photo of a Greek statue representing a thinker. It ends by stressing: “But transgenerational epigenetic inheritance is still extremely controversial, especially in mammals”.

The fourth tweet goes into this controversy in a bit more detail, saying: “The reason it’s controversial is that there’s no good mechanism that can explain it. It was hypothesized a long time ago (19th century) that the germline is isolated from the soma, and that somatic responses (including neuronal responses) cannot become heritable”. The work presented in the thread puts forward a candidate mechanism.

This tweet is illustrated with a photo of the front cover of August Weismann’s seminal book The Germplasm – a theory of heredity (published in 1893). This tweet relates to what some news articles reported, such as one in the Big Think that stated: “Rechavi believes this research pushes back against biological dogma (the ‘Weissmann Barrier’) claiming that heritable information is segregated from somatic influences.” This seems to be much less cautious than the tweet, probably because it’s based on the ‘press release’.

As there are 17 tweets in this thread, I won’t summarise each one of them. Let’s just say each tweet is a combination of text and image. It uses images of many types and genres, such a diagrams, various plots and scatter grams, cartoons, microscopy images, photos, and so on..

However, I want to point out one more tweet, not for its image but for its text, as it engages in anthropomorphic language (also used in some headlines) which might confuse people and make them think that transgenerational epigenetic inheritance has also been demonstrated in humans:

“MORE interestingly, if rde-4 great-grandchildren are derived from heterozygous great-grandparents that expressed rde-4 only in neurons, their chemotaxis behavior is much improved. The ancestors’ neurons control the behavior of the great-grandchildren”

Reception

The response to the thread was overwhelmingly positive with lots of tweets expressing congratulations. One tweet posted a compiled thread on something called ‘threader’, which you can read here. And there is an ‘unroll’ here on a thread reader.

You can also read the compiled text of the tweets on Reddit. There are only a few comments related to that text, but three of them are interesting. One continues the anthropomorphising of the worms and creates a great metaphor: “Grandpa worm sent a zip file of worm behavior instructions to grandbaby worm”.

Two others jump into a controversy surrounding transgenerational epigenetic inheritance that been reverberating through popular science for a while: “Lamarckism wasn’t as wrong as we thought.” While somebody else says (in a longer comment): “I definitely don’t want to dismiss this but I dont know if I’d call this ‘heritable’ in the same way DNA is heritable.” Discuss!

A new type of science communication

The worm study has provided me with a great opportunity to learn about threads and to alert readers of the Making Science Public blog to the fact that there are now new ways of making science public, using the old art of intertwining words and images (see also GIFs), texts and illustrations, art and science.

There is no yet a lot of research out there examining the use of twitter threads for science communication. I found one SciCommthreads hashtag on threads, but that’s about it. There must be more!

On a different but related note: I am looking forward to a new little project with Aleksandra Stelmach and Alan-Miguel Valdez examining the power of images in the construction of popular notions of transgenerational epigenetic inheritance.

Image: Wikimedia Commons: C. elegans, stained

The post Threads, worms and science communication appeared first on Making Science Public.

via Making Science Public http://bit.ly/2KOJ5Q7

#IFTTT #Making Science Public

[marvelsuperfangirl]

Green’s Your Color ( Loki x Reader)

A/N: I’m sorry it took so long for me to write it but since my finals are approaching and I am more than stressed out I put writing aside for a while.

Request by @nori-jan : “Hey there ! i see that your request is open and i've had this scenario in my had for a while so here it is (sorry if my english is messed up): You and Loki have hidden feelings for each other. One day Thor throws a big royal event on Asgard, and Loki asks you to be his ±1. when you get there, you see the stunning emerald green dress that Loki has pick for you (you don't know he's the one who chose it). During the event you don't see Loki a lot because of his royal tasks, but everybody is glancing at you, treating you with a lot of respect and you think it's weird. You manage to ask Thor, and he explains you (quite embarrassed) that there is a tradition in Asgard, when you wear someone's color (Loki's green in this case), it means you are his promise. So you go ask Loki for explanation and he finally confess his feelings for you. Hope it's okay, thank you so much !”

Again I’m really sorry for taking so long to post it and if there are some grammar mistakes. I hope you’ll like it and that it’s up to your expectations.

Words: 3262

When a maid came to you with the mission to deliver you an invitation as the younger prince's special guest, to a party Thor had decided to organize you knew that you'd had to get dressed up nicely. Firstly because there obviously will be many people and among those simple people would be the prince of Asgard, god of mischief and your favorite person in the nine realms: Loki. Usually you wouldn't have been invited to that kind of party but you were going as the god of michief guest.

It's not that he was fond of that kind of event but the appeal of the title and glory was unresistable for him and he made much effort to act like the prince he needed to be to gain the respect of his people again after his many treason against the people of Asgard as well as Thor. You didn't really appreciate those parties either, you'd rather be in the massive library of the castle, settled on one of the armchair with a book in your hands. The smell of the old leather cover and the pages, the sound of the paper when you turn each page to access to the next and the calm reinging on the place. But the most important thing, drawing you to the library even more was Loki, you found that you had a common interest with the prince when you found him also reading a book in a spot near to yours, one day you decided to ask about what he was reading and the at first awkward relationship that started by brief greetings and shy smiles blossomed into a rather interesting friendship.

Despite being a man of action and thirsty of glory and conquers, he was also a lover of art, literature, music, painting and many other forms of art. That was your main conversation subject when you first started talking and it was still the case but there was so much more behind those conversation than just sharing opinion's on someone's art.

For you Loki always have been a masterpiece himself, his raven hair as dark as his soul but his heart as white and pure as his skin. A beautiful contrast that was mesmerizing in your eyes. The way he could be so mean to one and so nice to you was a mystery and like art, his behaviour was  abstract.

When you met him in the garden for your daily conversation, you talked about the party with him and weren't surpised when you saw his face twisting into an annoyed expression when you mentionned his royal duties

" I won't see much of you if you're busy seducing all the beautiful ladies that will attend the event. I mean, the time to find you a wife will come sooner than you think." you said.

He scoffed, a smiled appearing on his face.

" What kind of lady could handle me and my moods, one day I could get all into romance and the next, I'll be off to conquer the universe, leaving mayhem and destuction. You're the only one who managed to put up with me" he said, lightly nudging your shoulder with his.

It was your turn to smile

" I appreciate the kind of mayhem you create my dear, if those ladies don't see how wondeful it is, then they will be sad to learn what a marvelous man they passed by. But if you want to be sure to get to their heart just wear you helmet, you know, the one with the horns"  you gestured over your head, forming the horns of his signature accessory

" Maybe I am already trying to harpoon one lady's heart  and that those giggling hens doesn't even deserve a glance from me."

It was a surprise for you. Was Loki courting someone? Why didn't he talk to you about it ? He never show any signs of affection toward anyone except you and his brother, when he wasn't pranking him of course, but still he was infatuated with someone. This man was a true mystery for you, one that you couldn't resolve even when you forced yourself to try.

" And who that lucky lady might be?" you asked , looking at the setting of colorful flowers in front of you, trying to look like you're not that interested by his answer despite your worriness.

" It was only a supposition, my dear"  

You nodded, still lost in the beautiful sight of the garden but your mind was miles away , seeking which lady of Asgard managed to make her way to Loki's heart. You knew how hard it was to be appreciated by him, for you it  has been a hard task at first. And earning his trust and trusting him back was rather complicated. The flow of bothering thoughts was interrupted by someone scratching their throat. You turned toward your companion and saw that he was now standing up.

" You see me sorry , my lady but I have to leave you. My duties are waiting for me."

You gave him another nod and got yourself up to his level.

" I hope to see you soon" he said, offering you a smile and delicately taking your hand in his. He brought it to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

The usual shiver you felt evertime you received any kind of affective gestures from him, ran down your hand and through your whole body.

He released your hand and turned around, ready to walk away from you. You didn't feel like going back inside the palace and decided to stay there to freshen your mind because of all the disappointing thoughts running through your head Despite the pleasure the simple act of affection Loki just gave you, the shock of his confession had you shook. You let yourself fall back on the stone bench and stared at the flowers registering the fact that you lost the only chance you had with the god of michief . And in your misery, you didn't see how the younger prince looked at you to get one last glimpse of your face before stepping into the golden palace.

The light in his eyes was well-know of you and fitted him perfectly. Mischief. And that scared you more than anything, because if Loki had a beloved and if it wasn't you, your heart would break into a million pieces. You'd had enough of staring into the empty; the flowery garden became a blurry mess of colors while your thoughts were darker than the heart everyone assumed Loki had.

Getting up, you walked away from the castle and to the stairs, leading to a wilder part of the garden. Instead of the perfecty entertained garden you stepped into an equally beautiful landscape but you could clearly see that the gardener didn't really took care of this one. Ivy was growing on the statues and walls and as you marched further the grasser became taller. It could have looked like nobody took care of the garden but it was an intentional effect, the wonderful garden slowly fading into a wild place, letting the nature take back its rights leading to the forest.

As you entered the forest it was starting to darken because of the thousand-year-old trees  and their massive foliage, creating a dome of above your head. It was like you just entered a new dimension where the atmosphere was mystically natural.

The grass was tickling your feet through your sandals and the wind, caressing your skin and making your hair flying and every directions. You walked for a while, thinking, letting the sound of leaves brushing against each other and the occasional tweeting of the birds calming you.

The thought of the man you loved since your tender childhood, despite all his acts, at the arm of another lady and how much it would make you suffer had left your mind, your troubles long forgotten.

After wandering in the forest for the rest of the day,you got back the the palace, the stars were already shining in the night sky. The torches were already burning  and providing the castle with their light. As you approached the diner hall you could hear the voices and laughter of people. You could imagine how lonely Loki was feeling, he always was foreign to these kind of behaviour and didn't want to be assimilate with those apes that were the Asgardian males. In his words, he hated how their drinks spilled everywhere and the annoying sound of their pints breaking o nthe ground  when they wanted a refill. And their conversations about ripping some monstruous creature's head off or talking about their last love affair.

The second your entered the dining hall, your presence was immediately known because of Thor's loud greeting.

" Lady Y/N, where have you been?" his booming voice resounded on the walls.

You smiled and offered a nod of the head to the others while making your way to the empty sit next to Loki.

" I went for a walk in the forest to get away for a while"

You sat down and started to grab a few pieces of food and put it in your plate.

" I s everything good?" the familiar voice of the younger prince asked you.

You nodded.

You could feel Loki's eyes on you but wouldn't dare to react, he was smart and the simple fact to look at him in the eyes would betray you and prove him that effectively there was something wrong.

" Are you still coming to the ball tomorrow?"

You threw him a quick glance and hummed through your full mouth and took the time to swallow to add:

" I still have to find a dress tho"

" Don't worry, you still have the time to find one until tomorrow evening" he said, before getting up, excusing himself and walking away from you for the second time of the day.

A knock on your bedroom door interrupted you as you were brushing your hair, sitting at your dressing table in only a robe.

" Come in!" you shouted not bothering to get up

The door opened, revealing a maid holding a dress in her arms.

" Lady Y/N, I have a dress for you" she said and walked up to you

You raised your eyebrows and put your hairbrush down on your dressing table.

" For me ?"

She nodded

" It's your attire for the ball " she said with a smile before walking to your bed an gently put the dress on it before going out of the room.

You eyed the dress from your place and went to take a look.

The color green was the first thing you saw and, coming closer you noticed the touches of gold in some parts of the dress.

A smile ghosted over your lips and you untied the belt of your robe, sliding it off of you, letting you naked.

You then grabbed the luxious piece of clothing and hold it in front of you; you couldn't wait another minute to try it on.

Turning the dress for the back to face you, you untied the lacing to loose the fabric and permit for you to slid in the piece of clothing .

The soft fabric was soft on your skin, caressing it like you were a fragile being.

The dress was a vibrant emerald green color and the material seemed fluid as how it was dancing with every movements you made.

It had an off-shoulders neckline made in golden lace which slowly faded away to transform into the green piece of clothing.

A split on the side, going up to the middle of your thigh was also covered in golden lace.

And for the final touch a lacy, still golden belt, a part of the dress itself, shaped like a snake with two emeralds for the eyes, matching the color of the dress. The belt was perfectly marking your waist to emphasize your beautiful waist.

It was the most beautiful dress you'd ever had the privilege to wear and you felt like a princess.

You couldn't keep yourself from smiling at the sight of you in the mirror. If Loki don't fall in love with you in this dress then nothing would make him.

" Can you help me with the lace, please?" you asked the maiden who obliged and tied the golden lace.

She backed away from you while you were still looking at your reflection amazed at how a simple piece of clothing could make such a difference.

" The party already started, my lady, your presence is required by the princes" she said

You nodded and walked out of your room, followed by your maiden  

 When you entered the ballroom you felt all eyes settling on you and felt quickly ill at ease and didn't know why all those important people were watching you. You took a few steps further into the room and turned on yourself, trying to spot a familiar face. The first thing you recognized was the luscious mane of raven hair belonging to Loki. You started walking in his direction and waited for him to finish his conversation with one of his guests, as soon as he was free, you tapped on his shoulder to grab his attention. He turned around, his first reaction was a smile at the sight of you but when his eyes wandered down your whole body to see you cladded in the dress, his eyes widened and his mouth fell a little bit open.

" Y/N! You look ravishing!" he exclaimed

You felt your cheeks set on fire and just settled on mumbling a quiet " Thank You".

He put his hand on your arm and rubbed his thumb against your skin. You met his eyes and got lost in them, you could have stayed like this forever if one of the guest didn't call out for him breaking the sweet contact you were having.

I am sorry, I can't spend much time with you, I have my royal responsabilities to attend .

He sighed, his dark eyebrows furrowing at his own words.

" I understand" you said, offering an understanding smile but the sadness prominent on your features.

" Don't worry when I'm done I'll join you. But until then, be careful with the men, I don't want any of their disgusting hands to be put on you. So just try to stay away from them"  he retreaved his hand  and walked away to a new guest.

You stood in place for a while not knowing what to do with yourself and smiling shyly at the people who were still staring at you. Finally deciding to move, you walked toward the table where the royal feast was waiting for the guests to decide to stuff their faces with the food.

You found an empty sit around the table and let yourself fall on it as graciously as you could . Your eyes locked themselves on Loki again who you had troubles to recognize the behaviour . Those warm smiles he was giving everyone and the laugh you were one of the only lucky persons who could hear it was now given to every guests who approached the younger prince. Completely lost in your thoughts and your eyes still glued to Loki you didn't saw Thor sitting next to you.

" Are you alright, lady Y/N?"

His loud voice frightened you and you quickly turned your head toward him the surprise evident on your face.

You put your hand on your chest, clearly howing that he almost scared you to death.

" I didn't see you there"

He chuckled before taking a huge sip of the also huge pint of beer he had in hand.

" Still drooling over my brother from afar ?" he asked

You were caugt.

" I'm...I'm not drooling! I'm just looking at him because beside you, he's the only one I know there, that's all. " you tried to hide the fact that you were now more red than Thor's cape.

Your earned yourself another laugh from him.

" My brother isn't a man of feelings. But he isn't a brute like he calls me or the other Asgardians. He has a deep sense of love and trust me, if he came to lost the one he loves, I can't even imagine how much it would make him suffer."

Goosebumps erupted on your naked arms and your stomach clenched, not yet ready to hear the truth that will probably make you hurt.

" Who is it ?" you asked

The god of thunder gave a quick glance in his brother's direction before focusing on you again. A soft smile appeared on his face as he put his pint down.

" It's been a while since Asgard received so much guest or even organized a gathering, so it's not a surprise that you're not aware of that tradition"

You furrowed your eyebrows questionningly and before you could ask what he meant he continued.

" It's a very old tradition on our planet that when a man is infatuated with a woman, he asks her to wear a garment in his representative color to show everyone that she is his. Loki is know to own the color green and he 's the one who chose your dress for tonight."

Your head snapped to Loki, A mix fof relief and shock washed over you as a wave of warmth spread through your whole body. With a wide smile you turned back to Thor.

" Does he really want me to be his?" you sked barely able to contain your excitement.

" I believe that, coming from brother, this is the biggest proof of love I 've ever seen. Also, as Loi's older brother and King of Asgard; you have my blessings" a toothy grin followed his words. He took his pint back and made a silent "cheers" move with it before emptying its content.

" Thank you so much" you aid, leaning to press a kiss to Thor's bearded cheek before quickly getting up from your seat.

You speed walked toward Loki, refusing to waste anymore time on useless flirting and discreet looks when all you had to do was grab that stubborn man's face and kiss him.

And that's exactly what you intended to do. Walking through the crowd of people and reaching Loki, you didn't wait for him to finish his conversation. You grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

He seemed surprise by your actions but before he could veen say a word  you'd cupped his cheeks in the palm of your hands and gotten on your tiptoes. Both of your lips met in a chaste kiss but you lingered there a few seconds longs, savoring the moment you'd waited so long to live, before pulling away.

The surprise on his face was more than quickly replaced by a smile.

" What was that for?"

His hands found their way to your waist as the two of you finally reach the point of shyness never seem to have existed.

" You didn't needed to make me wear your color for me to be yours"

Looking into the blue eyes that you loved so much, you were touched by a sudden boldness and kissed his smiling mouth in another chaste kiss.

" I have always been yours."

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