hazyweeks

[hazyweeks]

hey. if anyone needs to hear it. sometimes waiting works out. sometimes they really weren't ready and they do come around. sometimes it wasn't about you or about them but about life and the situations you're put in. sometimes it's worth waiting for them.

#it worked if anyone cares #relationship #love thoughts #soft love #love #text post #writing

[hazyweeks]

i never hear anyone talk about how embarrassing it is to be intermediate at something. i tell people i can play the piano and they expect me to whip out entire pieces and i offer up the fourteen snippets of songs that i hyperfixated on long enough to learn. i can sing! but not amazingly. i hold a tune and sometimes it sounds slightly better than expected. being mediocre is somehow worse than being bad just because i know i could do better so what the hell am i actually doing.

#text post #thoughts

[hazyweeks]

I'm starting to get the impression that people don't actually know what a trauma trigger is or how to identify them.

It is not feeling uncomfortable or disgusted with a concept or subject.

It is an activation of your sympathetic nervous system (activates fight or flight) over things your brain has associated strongly with a traumatic event.

The things your brain associates with the traumatic event don't always have to make sense: it can be as innocuous as a certain song/ringtone or notes from a cologne/perfume, or as direct and obvious as the sight of a weapon.

The important thing here is that it's a moderate to severe body experience in response to something that is not immediately dangerous to you and reminds you of a traumatic experience you have had in some way.

When you know and understand this, you can start to catch the physiological signs of the activation of your sympathetic nervous system. It's helpful to recognize both to calm your body down when you're not in immediate danger, and to recognize how this activation can affect other areas of your life.

I say that last part because it shuts down a lot of cognition, makes you stop thinking clearly, because it serves the purpose of trying to get you immediately out of danger.

My therapist still does a kind of explicit mirroring with me a lot, where rather than focusing on the thoughts and the fear that's on the surface, she brings my attention to my body: tightness in muscles, narrowing of vision, increased awareness of sounds/smells, constriction of the chest.

I bring this up because, first of all, it seems like some people use "trigger" to by synonymous with feeling uncomfortable or disgusted, to ride on your concern for their wellbeing in order to control your behavior. I don't like that.

Second of all, it also seems like other people are focusing on the occurrence of a trigger as a hallmark of something being harmful. Like once you're triggered, you're hurt and damaged yet again, and there's no coming back from that.

This is both untrue and disingenuous. I don't think it's particularly useful for trauma survivors. It's important to recognize that triggers are the residual effects of the things that harmed us that we couldn't do anything about. Triggers are manageable and they are not an indication that you're being harmed again. They are the body's memory of the harm, and its commitment to preventing you from being harmed again by latching onto a pattern it thinks will help you be safe if there's a next time.

You HAVE to learn to rationalize this if you want to feel safer, more comfortable, and in control of your world. You deserve that.

You don't deserve to sit inside of the intense fear and lack of understanding that comes with not investigating your own experience, or the way it can box you in to see danger and harm and abuse all around you.

And if you don't learn that, you're going to end up believing the only thing that can keep you safe is the elimination of everything that reminds you of what you went through... which is harmful to other people.

[hazyweeks]

“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

— Emily Brontë

[hazyweeks]

“Abusers don’t abuse every day. They have good moments. Days when they do the right things. Moments when they say the correct words. when this happens, the key is to remember that it is just an abuser having a good day, but still an abuser based on all the other days.”

— Shannon Thomas

[hazyweeks]

no i don't understand why your artwork is so intricate but i will sit here and listen to you break down exactly what techniques you used to make it that way and i will love every second

#soft academia #romantic academia #chaotic academia #love thoughts

[hazyweeks]

pressing my forehead to the wall and telling myself i am human i don't have to know everything it is okay to be scared it is normal to be confused i am not worth less for not knowing more people are not staring as much as i think the world is moving around the sun and there are bigger things than a teenage girl in her bedroom suffocating under the to be's

#teenagers #anxiety #i am so confused and tired and scared always #i #mental health

[hazyweeks]

signing the letter with a pen running my tongue over the envelope leaving a little stamp with a lighthouse on it addressing it to you

#letters #love thoughts #relationship #soft love #txt post

[hazyweeks]

i wanna go to college so bad. douse me in coffee and throw me to the nerdy queers please

[hazyweeks]

Bad art doesn't hurt me, unfinished one does, the one of lost potential, the awfully mediocre, the one probably will never be remade or picked up again, let's say Maneskin's Rush for example, the curse of the second album, art rushed (oh, irony), art by artists but directed by means to consume

#this

[hazyweeks]

the "i can see what face you're making right now" when you're on the phone with someone. that kinda connection. yeah.

#yeahhhh #i might sob a little #missing a lot rn #soft love #text post #lovers

[hazyweeks]

i have so much creative energy and everything is pointing towards sun & moon symbolism and i want to write a piece about the two so bad but when i tell you i think that'll make me finally break over this whole situation

#sun and moon #sun #moon #and we know its an overdone thing kinda sorta #but is there anything so full of thought as the relationship between them?

[hazyweeks]

Hozier b like "hey girl what if the ceaseless battle between unconquerable suffering (as a consequence of existence), and the indomitable human spirit, was just. in ur earphones. What if the constant tug of war between the limitlessness of love and inevitability of heartache was literally injected into u via sound. Like. just playing in ur ears for an hour. Take my hand. Let's take a stroll through hell, baby :) wouldn't that be gre- why are you crying"

#sniffles

[hazyweeks]

he's an international treasure actually

#please

[hazyweeks]

fav part of first time is when hozier goes on about mothers and flowers and death and then he goes “… anyway”

[hazyweeks]

yo cupid. what the fuck. aphrodite this you? frigga? parvati you wouldn't do this to me. which one of you decided fucking over a silly lil lovergirl was appropriate. i have so much love in my heart let me be

#cupid #aphrodite #frigga #parvati #no disrespect meant #shitpost #text post #greek gods #norse gods #hindu gods #roman gods

[hazyweeks]

you ever sit down and write your type so your standards won't sway to someone who just shows interest and then you take a step back and oh shit that's literally just The Person i'm in love with right now. oops. oooopsssiessss. silly me.

#im reeeeally not doing okay right now on a verrrrryyy real note #text post #hyperfixation #situationships #shitpost