imasaliveastheplanet

[imasaliveastheplanet]

I have to talk to the doctors tomorrow so i can get a note confirming i have had mental health issues for my college but if im honest ive been putting it off for a long time i was ment to get more medication for my nose in december and my mental health has detriorated and i fear a break is coming i started injuring my arms with my nails in january and its just gotten worse now and ive only wanted to die more once in my life( when i was abused ) i know its wrong and i would be hurting my boyfriend but i cant go on i dont know what to do anymore

#trans man #diary #tw sh related

[imasaliveastheplanet]

I in the past on here have made refrence to my "husband" and i feel the need to talk about it my boyfriend thinks journaling will help me but ive decided screaming into the void is better

To talk about him we first have to talk about my friend ill call him E now ive known E since i was 13 we dated for a little while then we broke up which ud think is where that ends but no i dont entirely understand/ remember clearly how it happened but we ended up being fuckbuddies which continued on till i was either 15 or nearly 16 during this time he had went from normal and nice to emotionally abusive which on the rare occasion went physical at some point during this time frame he had sa'd me

Again any normal person would completely cut this person off i didnt. He and a friend had theorised it could of been stockholm syndrome of some form keeping me around as i was still in love with him but thankfully he started to be less abusive and eventually it stopped and that love was gone

Then i met joey

Joey is allegedly an alter inside his head which he had told me about when i first met him

(DISCLAIMER: What imabout to say next in no way reflects people who had DID or OSDD in any form im nearly 100% sure joey was a manipulation tactic)

One of the first things E rold me about joey was that he killed 3 people and doctors said he was like an extrmely improved verion of E now the murder part was very easily debunked and later on when i asked him about it the talking to a doctor at all about joey was debunked but eventually once E had his fun abusing me he let me meet joey and he and i fell for eachother and E wasnt happy with that but he put up with it.

I had a real emotional attachment to him i made him promise he was real and i wasnt being used and he wouldn't leave (i have quite strong attachment issues due to all the men in my family either dying or leaving) and he wpuld alwsy reasure me we even called eachother our husbands and had a wee ceremony (only me and E were there because i wasnt allowed to tell anyone)

I would talk to him every dayuntil slowly E had had his fun and suddenly joey disappeared me and E havent spoken in months he would get angry if i mentioned joey to anyone

I think its also worth mentioning he would get upset and uncomfortable if i were to date or flirt with anyone infront of him. He would tell me new information about what i was to him infront of people as in in conversation such as i was just a rebound when he would tell me all the time i wasnt.

He also told me that my relationship with a mutual ex girlfriend wasnt real because it wasnt as long as his and while we dated (me and E) he would mope about and stare at her

He also pretended to be addicted to weed, pretended to come to school high dispite not looking high or smelling like weed , and told me his friend OD'd on weed

All this and part of the abuse was emotionally abusing me out of self harm "for my own good" which lead me to abuse solvents and starve myself more

#tw ed related #tw sa mention #tw abuse #tw sh related #tw #tw solvent #solvent #tw od mention #tw vent #vent post

[imasaliveastheplanet]

So i took a break from tumblr my last post was in july of last year but heres a update in bullet point might expand on at some point

I have complete my nq in fine arts and now am doing a hnc in art and design

I dont have the time to obsess over my body as my boyfriend due to family circumstances has moved in with me (4 months now :) )

Ive started reading in the time that i would have been playing video games to starve myself

Im 17 now which i never though i would be

The college councillor i was seeing told me i need long term therapy and i made her cry once when talking about my life

Im 1021 days clean from self harm via blades (my boyfriend would make a bladee refrence here)

I want to try get better mentally but after having been in camhs last year and being told its either go back into that or wait till im 18 i dont know how im ment to cope

But im going to try

For him

#update #personal #male ed #anorexik #trans man #possibly triggering #possible recovery

[imasaliveastheplanet]

Content warning: This video contains some graphic images

“An early morning 34 years ago, the people of Halabja woke up to the smell of sweet apples in the air. None of them were aware of the disaster that would come from breathing in that sweet scent.

The Halabja chemical attack, also known as the Halabja Massacre or Bloody Friday, was a massacre against the Kurdish people that took place on March 16, 1988, during the closing days of the Iran-Iraq War in the Kurdish city of Halabja in Southern Kurdistan. The attack killed more than 5,000 people and injured 7,000 -10,000 more, most of them civilians. Thousands more died of complications, diseases, and birth defects in the years following the attack.

The incident, which has officially been defined by The Supreme Iraqi Criminal Tribunal as a genocidal massacre against the Kurdish people of Iraq, was and still remains the largest chemical weapons attack directed against a civilian-populated area in history. The Halabja attack has been recognized as a distinct event of the Anfal Genocide conducted against the Kurdish people by the Iraqi regime under Saddam Hussein. The Iraqi High Criminal Court recognized the Halabja massacre as an act of genocide on March 1, 2010, a decision welcomed by the Kurdistan Regional Government. The attack was also condemned as a crime against humanity by the Parliament of Canada.”

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[imasaliveastheplanet]

Now im 7.5 stone imma celebrate with hand shots

#anorexik #male ed #handspo #male thinspi #thinspo #not thin enough

[imasaliveastheplanet]

The norse Gods as book quotes<3

Odin

Frigga

Baldr

Thor

Vidar

Freyja

Tyr

Freyr

Sigyn

Loki

Skadi

Hel

Heimdall

Jörd

[imasaliveastheplanet]

Hey everyone rando question

Who counts as a person of colour? I always thought it was based on skin colour but ive seen other mixed people who are white be called poc

#poc #person of color #lil confused #questions

[imasaliveastheplanet]

Crash

[imasaliveastheplanet]

I love it

[imasaliveastheplanet]

I never thought i could out dumb myself but it seems i have not only have i cried under the kitchen counter while my 2 best friends sat in my livingroom i have also realised i wont get into college because i applied with a non legal name my guidance teacher said id be able to explain but they skipped goving me an interview so im fucked

#college #trans man #trans college boy #trans boy

[imasaliveastheplanet]

The biggest irony here is im 5'2 @ best 😭

soooo guess whos going back to starving himself

Right so im the heaciest ive ever been and i am really uncomfortable with that (im lik 5'5-5'7 and last time i checked wiegh 7.9 stone) like i gained 2.9 stone in 4 years at the beginging of highschool (age 11 maybe 12) i was 5 stone the fuck happened to me

[imasaliveastheplanet]

#mixed #mixedkids #west asian #kurds #Iraqi #scottish #middle eastern

[imasaliveastheplanet]

This mf went to his first cahms meeting i had an emergency referal because of my past suicide attempts and shit but my mum is pushin autism my friends think its cause she doesnt wanna deal with my mental health because i think i have borderline personality disorder and after littraly 1 "sign" of autism i suddenly have jt???

[imasaliveastheplanet]

I need one IDC IF THERE SHIT IS TOXIC

you know what, I’m not done posting about baby bats!!!

here is a fact for you: rescued baby bats are regularly given little blankets and swaddled up like itty bitty bat burritos! this is a whole Thing

Oh, and sometimes they get tiny pillows!

And they get fed out of teensy baby bottles!

They are even given mini bat pacifiers to nurse on 💕

in conclusion, here is a baby bat yawning:

BABY BATS!!!

[imasaliveastheplanet]

[imasaliveastheplanet]

Getting vac'd today was kinda suprised i was getting it since im 15 but mother dearest means i can go bed after

[imasaliveastheplanet]

Getting better feels like im not in control anymore my faily tell me im eating to much and then suddenly there ok with me not eating any of my dinner? I understand im not the thinest guy but what are they tryna tell me

I mean surely im not that bad

#ana boy #anorexik #male ana #male ed #trans ed #ftm ed #eating disoder thoughts #ed bllog #trans boy #anorecya #aneroxic #ftm ana #anamia #anorekcia #anorexjc #anorektyczki #anoressic