kikistjames

[kikistjames]

Check this channel out!! I love it🌸🌸🌸

#Youtube

[kikistjames]

Can you say hot? 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

I didn’t think it was possible to be cold and on fire at the same time. My face feels like I’m sitting next to a fireplace but my legs feel cold. I have chronic health issues which include fibromyalgia. This is the most confusing disease ever. One minute I am having random pain on different parts of my body and the next my legs start falling asleep. One minute nothing feels better than curling up under my blanket and the next it’s hurts for the blanket to even touch my skin. I am so tired most of the time I feel like I could sleep forever, and when I shut my eyes my restless legs syndrome kicks in as well as my insomnia so I’m awake staring at the back of my eyelids. My loved ones think tough love is going to help me so when I tell them that I’m hurting real bad, they say stupid things like “you are always hurting” or “what else is new”. They have no idea what it’s like to to weigh the pain involved in getting up to get ice water or food vs just saying forget it. Well my face is starting to cool off, so I’m gonna shut my eyes and pray for sleep. Thanks for listening! 🌸🌸🌸

#mentalheathawareness #beauty #writers #chronic disease #fibromyalgia #the struggle is real #bekindalways #take responsibility #music

[kikistjames]

MIA Explained

So I know my posts dropped way off in April. It is a very emotional month for me. This is the anniversary month that my nephew lost his battle with mental illness. Four years ago he became forever 14. It hit me especially hard this year because he would have graduated from high school this year . My heart is forever broken. He is loved and missed.

April is my stepson’s birthday as well. Seven years ago he became forever 6 years old. He accidentally drowned the day before he was going to start school. He was my son in every way making stepson just a label. Another break in my wounded heart. He is loved and missed.

🦋 If you find yourself hopeless and finding it hard to go on, please talk to someone. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 🦋

800-273-8255 - Suicide Hotline

Or

747747 - Text Crisis Hotline

💜💜 You are not alone. Your life matters. 💜💜

#mentalheathawareness #dontgiveup

[kikistjames]

Just love this channel! Creator is very entertaining and knowledgeable 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

#Youtube

[kikistjames]

He is hilarious! Super smart and super funny! He serves Mlms their a@@!

#mackattack #mentalheathawareness #mlms got served #Youtube

[kikistjames]

Why is it when you are trying to be quiet, not only do you make more noise, but every noise is amplified??? #wtfmoments #loudisnotallowed #lol #epicfail https://www.instagram.com/p/CNXp1xaLw_tIB2xozq2zZ2pIpZgK5XY5Po1xCI0/?igshid=4gicvkpaxnl5

#wtfmoments #loudisnotallowed #lol #epicfail

[kikistjames]

Why is it when you are trying to be quiet, not only do you make more noise, but every noise is amplified???

[kikistjames]

Marilyn Manson- My thoughts

First a disclaimer that my opinion is based on my thoughts which I am entitled to and are entirely my own.

I have loved Marilyn Manson and his music for a very long time. I have been a goth in style and at heart for as long as I can remember. So I have been torn trying to figure out how to separate the art from the artist. So the way I have been able to do this is to love Manson and his music while despising the inexcusable actions of Brian Warner. Celebrity is no excuse to tolerate abusive behavior. I have personal experience with the types of alleged abuse detailed by the victims. I am also knowledgeable in the BDSM lifestyle, and what it is and what it’s not. The identifying factor between abuse and BDSM play is consent.

I am deeply saddened by the allegations against Warner. Based on the evidence I have seen and heard from the stories told by his victims, I have concluded that he did indeed abuse them. Unfortunately society tends to blame the victim and add to their self blame. The sheer number of unrelated victims describing similar behaviors led me to the conclusion that Warner is guilty.

The effects of abuse manifest in victims in their own time. It took me 30 years to realize that my own abuse was real and not just a dream. My mind could not handle the reality so it camouflaged it as a dream. I suffer from PTSD too and it stays with you. Based on the information that is known about Warner is that he suffered abuse as a child and had a drug addiction as well. These do not excuse his actions, but can explain how he could become an adult that shells out his own abuse. Add to that the unfair power wielded by Manson’s celebrity and it created the perfect storm. I have researched the allegations, testimony, and overwhelming evidence of his abusive behavior to many people affiliated with Warner. It wasn’t just girlfriends, but his employees, groupies, and anyone he could manipulate. Physical abuse is bad, but you can see it healing. Psychological abuse is not visible but it is the worse of the two. It’s more damaging and hard to recover from.

Warner deserves his day in court, but in the mean time it is important to support the victims. Allow them to begin healing and to speak their truth. Let them take back their power. Listen to them, validate them, and empower them. Manson is still a gifted artist, but Warner must be held accountable if the allegations are proven to be true.

Again these are my thoughts and opinions. Right now Warner has been accused of abuse, but hasn’t been charged. I still love Manson’s music but I will not excuse Warner’s behavior.

S

#mentalheathawareness #music #take responsibility #goth expression #art #marilyn manson #meetoo #phoenixact domestic abuse awareness ! #believe #shock rock #no excuse

[kikistjames]

Queen Rules!

Who would have thought Queen could be a lullaby for a baby. My grandson Ryland wouldn’t fall asleep or calm down to regular baby music. One day I started playing Queen because I love their music and Freddy Mercury. He went to sleep. So now when he is fussy and tired, I put my essential Queen playlist on and he drifts off to sleep. Crazy right?

He obviously knows great music when he hears it!

#queenrules #freddymercurylives

#timelessmusic

[kikistjames]

A day in the life of mental illness.... I haven’t posted much in the last week or so. I have a hard time gathering my thoughts when I’m in a depressive mood. Bipolar disorder sucks. Throw in a dose of severe anxiety, ADD, and BPD and you have the ingredients for the perfect storm sucking the motivation to do anything right out of you. Have you ever been so tired that keeping your eyes open is the most energy you have? Everything doesn’t seem worth the effort it requires. If you are lucky enough not to suffer from any of this good for you. More power to you, but please do not invalidate my illness by comparing your life to mine. It’s awesome that you overcame your difficulties with hard work and determination. I wonder how successful you would have been if you were being held down by an invisible foot. Today I had a little more energy so I thought I would post. I’m still here, I just don’t always have the capacity to write. So there’s the 411 on me.

#mental illness #mentalhealthawareness #im really tired #bekindalways #selfcareisntselfish #writers #alternative #music #yourjudgementisntneeded

[kikistjames]

PLEASE STAND BY....... Personal Difficulties

#I so tired #mental health day check back often

[kikistjames]

I usually do not like to discuss politics, conspiracy theories, or religion because it can get nasty very quickly. Usually everybody feels very strongly and refuse to entertain any other narrative but their own. However, I have been binging on documentaries the last few days and anyone that knows me would not be surprised that I I lock on a subject and exhaust it you could say. My current fascination... The War on Drugs. I started with “Cocaine Cowboys” and “ The Fall of Pablo Escobar and El Chapo” and then moved through “Crack”, “The Business of Drugs” and “America’s War on Drugs” etc. After my brain recovered from information overload, I was left with... BUT WHY.

Anyone with kids remembers that annoying phase every child goes through where they ask WHY, WHY, WHY! I have long believed that legalization may be a viable route to go. We are born with free will and if someone wants to put something in their body it’s their own business. I know that viewpoint is probably not the popular viewpoint, but making drugs illegal hasn’t stopped the use. Drug use is higher than ever, but now you don’t know what you are getting. You have to hope it’s safe.

I suffer from chronic pain due to fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis in my hips and other areas. I used to use opioid prescriptions to manage my pain. Due to the opioid hysteria, I am unable to get them any longer. My quality of life has deteriorated because I am not able to dull the pain. Anyway, I used to not understand how people could use heroin. Now I understand. My pain medication was a synthetic not even raw opium. It was a regulated prescription so I could count on it being the same every time. After watching all those documentaries my eyes have been opened about some things. The amount of government deception and involvement is appalling. I’m not going to get on a soap box, but you should watch for yourself. You would be surprised at exactly who is doing what. I can say that “Just say No” is the public face of the war on drugs, and the reality is “look the other way”!

#take responsibility #mentalheathawareness #justsayno #look the other way #illegal drugs #turning a blind eye #drugs #criminal conspiracy #seeforyourself

[kikistjames]

Played around with some photo editing ideas. I can still tell it’s me 🤔🤔🤔

#alternative #punk #goth #grunge #makeup #artistic #black mask #pandemic #boredom

[kikistjames]

Cyber Bullying has got to STOP!,,

I watched a documentary this morning called “No Place to Hide - The Rehtaeh Parsons Story” and I am at a loss for words. A beautiful seventeen year old girl lost her battle with cyber bullying. She was a victim not just of the sexual assault perpetrated on her and the malicious photo spread among her peers, but over and over by the kids at school, the school, the police, and the community that failed her. This is unfortunately not an isolated incident. I for one am tired of victims being treated like the guilty party and the “kids will be kids” approach when it comes to the actual guilty parties. We should be outraged that it took the intervention of ANONYMOUS after her suicide to get any true investigation in her case. I have attached the link to the video on Amazon Prime.Suicide is the number 2 killer of our children. A large number of those cases are related to some form of physical or cyber bullying. We can not continue to allow bullies to launch assaults on other people chalking it up to kids teasing each other. When I was a kid, we did not have Facebook, cellphones, computers, etc. Yes I’m that old ! 😉😉😉 If I had a problem with someone I could go home and not worry about it until the next day. Kids today do not have anywhere to go. They can suffer blows in the form of humiliating-posts or a barrage of nasty messages. Rumors can spread and become “truth” in ninety seconds. Then the game of telephone via social media takes over and things get so much worse. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of waking up to these tragedies. Enough is Enough👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07B64N213/ref=tsm_1_tp_tc

#writers #mentalheathawareness #take responsibility #morbid #cyber bullying

[kikistjames]

Tears from Heaven?#

#beauty #art #music #writers #mentalheathawareness #sadgirl #current mood #kikistjames beautyinart expression goth beauty

[kikistjames]

I love fat Amy. She is so raw, so real, and so confident. I used to be like that. You could say I always had junk in my trunk, but between my attitude and shape, I would turn heads now and again. I really miss that girl. She was a part of my old life. You see in 2012 my life was pretty good. I was married, I had a family, I had a house, a job and a car, I was volunteering, and overall I was fairly happy. I loved my husband John so much. Sometimes I would wonder how I got so lucky. Then the other shoe dropped. Around 2013 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis in my hips, back, and right knee. At first it was just a twinge but very quickly it became very painful and my physical limitations started to develop. In 2014 I suffered some tragedies and my condition was deteriorating rapidly. I wasn’t able to be the wife and mother I was. I retreated into my head. That was where the great internal debate started.🙄🙄🙄

I loved my husband and my kids so much. My husband was much younger than I and I felt like I had become a huge burden. My income had almost become 50% of what it had been. I couldn’t take care of the house, the kids, my husband, or even myself. I wasn’t able to sleep in my own bed. It wasn’t fair. As hard as it was for me, I didn’t want my husband to be saddled with a handicapped wife. So I convinced myself that if I loved him so much, I needed to set him free. In early 2015 I decided I needed to leave. I had to build up the courage to go. In May right after our three year anniversary, I told my husband that I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. I moved out and filed for divorce. I died then. My old life ended. 😢😢😢

My divorce was final in September of 2015. I was broken, I was sad, I was alone. At first the dreams were normal. I mean I would dream about John and my old life a lot. The memories were very much at the forefront of my mind. I kept telling myself they would start to lessen, I just needed to be patient. My ex-husband moved on. He erased me, and he has had two relationships since then. I tried, but I couldn’t move on. I wrote letters to him telling him I wished him well, or expressing my anger, or whatever. I changed my name, I tried to bury myself in the new life I was stuck with. I was hopeful that the dreams would lessen. It’s 2021 and I’m still having dreams about John. Why? They are not reality. I miss him. I miss my fat Amy life. 🤐🤐🤐

#chronic panic #disability #sadgirl #mentalheathawareness #fat amy #marriage

[kikistjames]

Orange Pixie Stix.....Part of my winter storm survival kit!

Ok so before I get bombarded from sugar nazis or keto enthusiasts, let me say I knew the risks when I poured the first tube of orange sugary goodness onto my tongue. I’m well aware of the empty calories, and lack of nutritional value. With that said I just survived the Texas Snow Storm of 2021 without totally freaking out. Texans aren’t used to being snowed in with rolling blackouts and no Uber Eats! Unfortunately due to financial difficulties we mostly stream our TV using Netflix. So imagine our surprise when we woke up to 4-6 inches of snow. We couldn’t stock up then. So what’s a girl to do, OD on orange pixie stix of course! I think my sugar high lasted 4 days lol!

#pixie stir