maladaptive-writings

[maladaptive-writings]

Maybe I don't want to figure things out. Maybe I just want to stay in this mess....

I don't have to start something new. I don't have to bear the truth. I can wallow in regret rather than accept the truth.

Maybe I don't want to fix my shit. Cause this feels familiar. And getting out is too much. Starting is too much.

Everything feels too much. I just want to dig inside and leave. But don't actually leave. Dont really exist but actually be there .... somewhere alive...yet not really.

Sleep. Acceptance. Self hate. Too many. Too much.

Scared. Too much. Tired. Fully.

[maladaptive-writings]

Maybe I don't want to figure things out. Maybe I just want to stay in this mess....

I don't have to start something new. I don't have to bear the truth. I can wallow in regret rather than accept the truth.

Maybe I don't want to fix my shit. Cause this feels familiar. And getting out is too much. Starting is too much.

Everything feels too much. I just want to dig inside and leave. But don't actually leave. Dont really exist but actually be there .... somewhere alive...yet not really.

Sleep. Acceptance. Self hate. Too many. Too much.

Scared. Too much. Tired. Fully.

[maladaptive-writings]

Maybe I don't want to figure things out. Maybe I just want to stay in this mess....

I don't have to start something new. I don't have to bear the truth. I can wallow in regret rather than accept the truth.

Maybe I don't want to fix my shit. Cause this feels familiar. And getting out is too much. Starting is too much.

Everything feels too much. I just want to dig inside and leave. But don't actually leave. Dont really exist but actually be there .... somewhere alive...yet not really.

Sleep. Acceptance. Self hate. Too many. Too much.

Scared. Too much. Tired. Fully.

[maladaptive-writings]

Random

random obsessions will ruin me for sure. But why are these 'obsessions ' there in the first place?

Maybe, its just a way to run away.

From your reality.

what's your reality anyway?

reality is, my reality specifically is, escapism. escaping from the entire world. escaping to never come back. to never live. but to never actually leave too. its just a never ending cycle, to choose between what to obsess and when not to obsess. obsess over what?

thats for another day. maybe never. probably never. definitely too.

i know there's no point in writing this. but hell, why do i always need an explanation, a point to do what i want to do?

what ever.

i need more creativity. i guess obsession killed that too. or my laziness. or i never had it. or maybe this is all part of it.

or maybe

just stop.

#writeblr #spilled thoughts

[maladaptive-writings]

Mood swings.

Emotions for me are both the best and yet the worst to go through each moment of life depending on many factors that are not even defined clearly. To me at the least.

I don't get it. How do people get through all these versions of themselves? How do people navigate through this weirdness, this madness? Or is it really just me?

I don't think so.

I really want to know how people choose between their personalities that they want or how they recognize the true one from all these contradictory ones. How do you know this is me when you know there are different me's? Is everything ever real, fake, or both?

And why do I get such thoughts only when am working on something important for my future?

I wish I knew but I don't.

I have to end this for now cause I don't want to go on about this.

But I want to.

But am tired

But not really.

ok just stop.

#writeblr #tumblelog

[maladaptive-writings]

First introduction (may have many more in the near future)

This isnt a thought out decision. This is my third tumblr within one year. I write, edit, delete until its nothing than some words with no heart. I need consistency at least in one place of my life and I hope this tumblr might bring me some.

Usually from the outside am a silent listener and a messy thinker in the inside. But now, am numb on both ways. Maybe that is due to the fact that I used up my mental energy for every single maladaptive thought I had and now my brain can generate nothing.

Nothing other than guilt, regret and a whole load of resentment. And its going nowhere.

So basically, this tumblr would be the door to me getting back my sanity.

I hope so cause I can't live a robotic life with no brain cells working. Anymore.

#writing #black and white #virginia woolf #watercolor #wildlife #wood #words #writeblr #wednesday #doctor who #arknights #kamen rider #f #poetry #ines #e #abstract #portrait #maggie stiefvater #manuscript #mixed media #marble #motion graphics #neil gaiman #net art #painting #english literature #education #england #eddie munson