mindmypeelings

[mindmypeelings]

still

i am calm deep in silence idle in my thoughts

however, my stillness does not depict calm it embodies my agony it obscures the chaos

i desire to break free to paint the world, but when i emerge i am black and white

the colours are caught in my idle thoughts

- i am still

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #poems #blotched poems #blotched poetry #blotched ink #blotched words #emotions #mental pain #mental health #alone #personal #deep thoughts

[mindmypeelings]

the trail

the teeth of my sole digging into the ground, the dirt crunching against my feet

picking up pace with each step, hurtling down the rugged trail

abruptly skidding to a stop, as I catch my breath from the shift in altitude

the leaves bustling against the cool breeze, the warm sun pressed against my skin

thinking to myself, there’s no place i would rather be

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #poem #blotched poetry #blotched poem #blotched words #blotched ink #nature #outdoors #hiking #trails #mountains #life outside #enjoy the outdoors

[mindmypeelings]

dream vs reality

ever had a thought about something that happened, wishing you said or did something different

you recite every word, every action, over and over, obsessing

ingrained into your head, registering as a memory

eventually unable to distinguish, is this a dream or reality

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #poems #blotched poetry #blotched poems #blotched ink #blotched words #deep thoughts #reality #dream #false dream #personal

[mindmypeelings]

fake smile

masked with a fake smile, “i'm fine” I uttered without a single thought

believing i was better, i was in control, i was happier

in reality my heart torn, my brain hemorrhaging, my body petrified

hoping someone will see my pain, faintly muttering, “please help” but nobody notices, i am alone

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #poems #blotched poetry #blotched poems #blotched words #blotched ink #fake smile #sad poem #deep thoughts #emotions #heartbreak #alone #relationship #personal #mental health #mental pain #emotional pain

[mindmypeelings]

glow stick

i am like a glow stick, shattered in half, shaken till rearranged, tossed around

agitated so the truth is catalyzed, fractured so i could heal, tarnished so i could shine

why did i have to lose everything, before i could see anything

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled words #poems #blotched poetry #blotched words #blotched poems #blotched ink #sad poetry #deep thoughts #thoughts #emotions #heartbreak #relationship #personal

[mindmypeelings]

sunshine

your connection is like a sunshine, enveloping my body, warming my heart

i never realized how much, i took the skies for granted, until one day it is pitch black

overcome by darkness, alone, disconnected

i could not be better, do what was necessary, now i am left in this abyss

to fill this empty void longing in the only i trust, but feeling like a burden with nowhere to turn

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled words #poem #sad poem #feeling lost #lost in life #thoughts #deep thoughts #emotions #heartbreak #blotched poetry #blotched words #blotched poems #relationship

[mindmypeelings]

feelings

i am like a swarm, complex and scattered, confused and misunderstood

words incoherent, drowning in emotions, struggling for support

wanting to escape, trapped and isolated, torn apart

#poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled poetry #poem #feelings #emotions #thoughts #deep thoughts #express myself

[mindmypeelings]

The Tarzan Method

You have a goal, a place you would like to be, or a person you would like to become in your life. Whatever that goal is, you can’t just reach your goal by following a straight line.  There will always be road blocks or challenges that you have to overcome to reach that goal.

The Tarzan Method suggests that to get from one side of the jungle to the other, you grab onto the first vine you see and you hold on for dear life swinging in whatever direction that vine takes you.  It doesn’t exactly swing in the direction you were intending but it gets you a little bit closer to where you want to go.  You grab the next vine and again it doesn’t swing you exactly where you want to go, but you are that much closer.  You keep swinging from one vine to the next and eventually you will reach your goal.  Each vine represents significant moments in your life.  Each vine will teach you valuable lessons that you will carry with you throughout your journey.  This will be your life experiences that shape who you are.

For most my life this is what I believed in and it is what kept me focused on my goals.  I thought I was on the right track going from one vine to the next.  Not knowing what adventures each vine might bring, but having faith that each vine will take me somewhere important.  However, this year has brought me a lot of pain and suffering beyond my control.  I have gone through many challenges in the past. But this is not another vine that feels like it’s supposed to teach me something.  It feels like I have been knocked off the vine I thought was bringing me so much hope and direction.  Now, I am desperately hanging on by a thread.  With every bit of strength and determination I am gripping that last bit of thread with everything I have.  I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.  I don’t know if I will be able to climb back up and swing to the next vine or will I just fall to my fate.  I don’t have a destination, nor a plan, only the willingness to survive.

#life #lifegoals #lifejourney #tarzanmethod #heartbreak #suffering #pain #lifecrisis #lostinlife #nolifepurpose #holdingontosomething #notsurewhattodo #justneedasign #needhope #storyofmylife