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stillalittlelostngl · 4 months
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Back in September I had to fly out to be with family while they identified my uncles remains.
It's been hard to do much of anything since. It all feels so silly in comparison
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stillalittlelostngl · 7 months
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part 3 getting posted tomorrow - another longer chapter but i might split it into 2
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stillalittlelostngl · 7 months
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Chiloé
Part 1
You weren't sure what to expect from your first meeting with the cult's leader. Perhaps a miracle if you were to believe what your friend said was true. Even still - the encounter went differently from all of the scenarios you'd prepared for in your head.
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Midterms passed by in a blur just like they always did and before you knew it you’d been dragging yourself out of bed far too early to make it to the airport on time.
Unlike Hisoka, you’d never been on a plane before. The whole song and dance was entirely overwhelming. It certainly didn’t help that everyone had the same unoriginal idea to travel for spring break. You had a damn near white knuckle grip on Hisoka's sleeve as the two of you made your way through the airport, clinging to her like a lifeline since you were almost certain you wouldn’t be able to find her in the crowd if the two of you got separated.
The wait for boarding had been its own special kind of hell too - you’d convinced yourself that the gate for the flight would be switched so every few minutes your head would swivel around the space like a hyped up owl to make sure that all of the screens displayed your flight’s information. It hadn’t been until you were on the plane and the flight had taken off that you’d been able to breathe easier.
The well seasoned traveler and patient saint that was by your side through it all never made any outward comments about your nerves, likely wanting to spare your poor ego from the embarrassment, but every so often her lips would quirk up at their corners and you’d be able to see the laughter in her eyes as she reassured you that ‘Yes, airports made everyone stressed. It wasn’t just you’. A bold face lie but you appreciated it nonetheless.
Japan, or Tokyo more precisely, was different…but not in an entirely unfamiliar way. Which was strange. You’d heard of folks feeling terribly lost or homesick when they first traveled abroad and your patron saint of travel had even mentioned a time or two before how the differences were overwhelming when she’d first arrived in the states. You’d been certain you’d experience the same but walking the bustling streets of the city and all of its different wards just left you with an intense déjà vu that scratched at the corners of your mind urging you to remember…something.
You decided that your brain must’ve been confusing the present moment with what it was like when you immigrated from back home to the states. Memories of a child’s mind that couldn’t understand exactly what the difference was between ‘home’ and ‘elsewhere’ so the two places ended up blending together to create a disjointed tertiary that contained both and neither.
Thankfully, for those first few days you never had much time to think too hard on it. Hisoka was dead set on doing all of the ‘touristy’ things she hadn’t done since she was in elementary school while the two of you were in the heart of Tokyo. The days were long and nights even longer. There hadn’t been a single day where you’d made it back to the room before the early hours of the morning or left later than 10AM. The liveliness of the city was captivating but when Hisoka had announced that you both would be heading to her family's place out in Hachioji the following day you were a little relieved.
A few lazy days exploring a, relatively to Tokyo, quieter city sounded like just what you needed.
___________
Unfortunately, Hisoka had some kind of personal vendetta against a restful night’s sleep and you woke to hands roughly shaking you awake far too early for your liking.
You didn’t bother holding back a miserable groan as you tried to roll away from the offending limbs, curling in on yourself and wrapping yourself tighter into the plush hotel blankets in a feeble attempt to ward off any further annoyances. You were only given a few moments to appreciate the far too expensive bedding before it was yanked off you entirely.
The chill of the spring air sent a shockwave through your system and you hissed as you slowly sat up, every muscle in your body protesting at the action.
“What?” you mumbled as you rubbed the last remnants of sleep from your eyes.
“What do you mean ‘what’? Get dressed!” Hisoka hissed as she hauled your overnight bag up onto the bed and began flinging random articles of clothes at you, “We’re going to be late!”
“Late for what?” You knew you both were heading to Setagaya but didn’t recall making any early morning plans for the trip, “Is the metro even running right now?” you asked, eyeing the artificial light filtering through the window’s curtains with disdain. If you listened closely you’re sure you could still hear the low and steady hum of the street lamps. Any other day you might’ve appreciated the white noise of the city, but today it was just a reminder of the hours of sleep you were missing out on.
“It will be when we get there.” It takes all your willpower to keep from rolling your eyes. The answer was so..maternal.
“What’s the rush?” you question as you start looking through the clothing she’d thrown at you, trying to determine if you can make a reasonable outfit out of it or if you’d be forced to dig through your luggage yourself, “Are we really going to make your folks get up at the crack of dawn to pick us up?”
“It’s Saturday.” It’s said as if that was supposed to mean anything to you. When she was met with nothing but a blank, glazed over look in your eyes she continued, “Weekends are an all day thing at the temple so we’ll be meeting them there. No pick up needed.”
“Oh,” you offer oh so eloquently. You tried racking your brain to try and remember any time she might’ve mentioned that bit of information. You’d heard of some religious sects doing all day services but it was never an idea that seemed personally all that appealing. “That’s today?’
She gives you a very unamused look, “Of course! Everyone is going to be there from sunrise to sunset.”
“And everyone includes me?”
“Today it does,” she glanced down at her phone to check the time and let out an annoyed huff, “we’ll be a bit late but it shouldn’t be too big of an issue considering you’re an outsider - the elders can be hard asses but I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“How considerate.” your comment is rewarded with a pillow to the face and you dramatically fall back into the oh so inviting mattress. Your fingers grip the pillow and you’re so thankful that you let Hisoka make the hotel arrangements - you’d never thought to care about the thread count of a pillow case but she prefers the finer things in life you’re starting to understand why.
“Look,” you feel the mattress dip under her weight as she settles beside you, “I get you’ve had some bad experiences in the past with religion and all that.”
“To put it lightly," you huff. There'd been several times throughout your childhood that you'd been sent off to some religious congregation to be 'cured' or prayed over and whatever else when it became evident that doctors and medical professionals couldn't fix whatever it was that was so utterly wrong with you. You tried not to let it color your perspective of other groups and reasoned with yourself that they'd only been well intentioned. It was incredibly difficult though.
“But this won’t be so bad,” she insists, “The day will go by a lot quicker than you think.”
You don't believe her but 15 minutes later you find yourself rushing out of the door all the same.
_______________
It hadn’t been a terribly long journey, though long enough for you to fall asleep on the rail line and need to be shaken awake by Hisoka (you doubt it needed to be as violent of an awakening as it was but she’d just feigned innocence when questioned about her methods). When you finally arrived, the temple and the surrounding buildings that made up the compound were bathed in the golden hue of the early morning. The sun had begun to rise above the horizon and you observed the view from the bench Hisoka left you on as the light danced between the leaves and cast shadows along the engraved gray stones that made up the buildings.
It was a beautiful space, that much was undeniable. The temple seemed to be created to give the visit the most picture perfect view of the local scenery and the expanse of forest made it feel like it was entirely secluded from the outside world. It was as if they’d created their own little Eden here.
You do your best to hold back a yawn as you scuff at the earth beneath you. Your shoes kick a few small pebbles a short distance from you as you try to think of anything to do besides twiddling your thumbs while you wait for Hisoka to return. She’d left some time ago to check in with an elder and get changed or something. You truly hadn’t really been able to listen to what she’d been saying.
Outside of the beautiful scenery and ornate structures decorating the landscape, there were just so many of those creatures here. It was like something you’d never seen. When you’d first arrived at the courtyard you’d felt like the wind was knocked out of you. There’d been people rushing about, all in the same outfit that was the same deep shade of blue, and all with one of those things either clinging onto them or following closely behind. In your day to day you may see one or two people with those things clinging to them but usually they lived in the shadows or in lonely corridors and alleyways. Seeing this many just roaming about leeching off of people in the open like that was surreal.
Hisoka had just thought it was your nerves and had offered small words of reassurance as she pulled you into the shared space. You were fighting every self preservation instinct you had to remain calm and collected as she rambled about this and that - her voice lost in the chorus that the creatures created. Some had voices that warbled half sentences or singular words and others who imitated human sounds. A crying baby or a shrieking woman - the mimics, as you personally dubbed them, were perhaps the ones you disliked the most. The sounds so animalistic and innate that it tapped into some baser instincts and made it difficult to remain composed. There was a moment where it was all becoming too much and you felt as if you’d go mad but, thankfully, some kind of bell had chimed and everyone began moving to the entrance of the main structure. Hisoka had rushed out some long winded explanation before telling you to stay put and before long the once deafening sound of the courtyard was filled with silence.
You’d nearly cried tears of joy at the newly found silence but now, what you imagine was probably half an hour or so after everyone had left, your nervous system had regulated and you were becoming antsy by the lack of people or any real stimuli to speak of.
You were just beginning to suspect she’d forgotten you when you heard your name being called.
Your head whipped up as you searched for your friend. When your eyes finally landed on her you noted that she wasn’t alone - she was with an older woman you recognized from a few video calls and photos over the years.
You’d thought it on a few occasions but seeing them both in the same space really cemented it in your mind - Hisoka was a damn near copy of her mother. From the soft features on an elegantly rounded face to the willowy build and measured steps that spoke to the dancer background that Hisoka would go on and on about, there was no doubt she was her mother’s daughter.
You’d had a handful of interactions with Junko Nomura over the years. From what you could tell, and what you’d learned from Hisoka, her mother was a kind but stern woman and a bit of a busy body. She was always worrying about her daughter while she was away for school, texting and calling at all hours to check in and give a lecture about something or another. You could empathize, your mother called every now and again too and she lived on the same continent - Mrs.Nomura must’ve felt like she was a world away.
Her mother was the reason the family had joined the religious group to begin with. She’d been sick for a very long time and the way Hisoka tells it she may very well have been on death’s doorstep. One day, she’d been approached by a member and brought before the leader where he simply waved his hand in front of her and she’d experienced an instantaneous and miraculous recovery. She’d been a devoted follower ever since and what the matriarch does, the rest of the family follows.
Truthfully, you’d never been able to make heads or tails of the story. You believed Mrs. Nomura was sick and now she wasn’t. How one got from point A to point B, though, was up in the air in your mind. Faith healings weren’t unheard of but neither were the stories of false prophets and scheming leeches who faked them to line their pockets. But, you also knew the human mind was an interesting and powerful thing. If someone felt better after having another person pray over them or do whatever else then who were you to judge or say that isn’t divine in it’s own way?
You rose to your feet to greet the elder Nomura and were caught off guard when the elder woman enveloped you into her warm embrace. You knew you had a good rapport with the woman but didn’t know she was this fond of you.
“How good it is to finally see you, dear,” Mrs. Nomura said before leaning back, your forearms still held in hers as she took stock of you, “Has Hisoka been a good host? You know you’re allowed to remind her of her manners from time to time, correct? She’s always been such a bossy girl,” you couldn’t help the small laugh at Hisoka’s cry of protest at her mother’s words, “When she was younger and had friends over she’d always be so caught up in directing their play that I was concerned those other girls weren’t having any fun.”
“That’s enough,” Hisoka insisted, pulling you out of her mother’s grasp and giving the woman a pitiful glare.
“Old habits die hard,” you shoot a teasing glance to your friend who could not be any less amused, “but she’s been good to me.”
“As she should be.”
“If you two are done bullying me,” Hisoka huffs before directing her attention towards you, “I got assigned services to attend to this morning so I’ll have to get going. Mom can keep you busy in the meantime - she was wanting to show you around the garden.” “Services?” She’d never mentioned she worked at the temple during all of your conversations about it. You also weren’t expecting to be left alone with the older woman for a prolonged period of time. It wasn’t that you thought poorly of her - it’s just that new people stressed you out a bit and you were worried with her years of experience she’d be able to tell something was “different” about you too. You’re not sure what the outcome would be if you made a bad first impression here - it could ruin the trip or worse could shake the foundation of you and Hisoka’s friendship. She always talked a big game about not caring for her mother’s lectures but you knew she was deeply affected by her mother’s opinions on any and everything. You couldn’t imagine Hisoka sticking around long if her mom said something about you being a bad influence or too strange.
You couldn’t help the small frown that tugged at the corners of your lips at the thought. Not only that - this one-on-one time with her parent wasn’t factored into the itinerary that Hisoka had painstakingly crafted. She also wouldn’t be one to forget if she had an important obligation til the day of. She was winging things today and it was so very much unlike her that it made you itch.
“Oh, don’t look so put out,” she scolds, after noticing your bleak expression, “I’ll be able to meet back up with you after lunch.”
“I’m sure you’ll find I’m not such bad company,” Mrs. Nomura said as she took arm and looped it through yours and giving you a soft smile that you couldn’t help but to return. The warmth reminded you so much of your own mother’s that it made a hollow pang ring sharply in your chest and you made a mental note to text her before going to bed that night.
“Try not to miss me too much,” Hisoka teased before heading back towards the entrance of the main building and leaving you alone with the Nomura matriarch.
As it turned out, her mother wasn’t bad company after all. You hardly had to worry about saying the wrong thing either as she seamlessly fell into the role of tour guide - and a captivating one at that. She spun a story of the religious group and the sacred space that the two of you found yourselves in with an enamored passion that had you hanging off of every word.
It wasn’t long before she led you to a lush shakusui-en. The rolling landscape was covered in light-dappled greenery and light whites to deep, almost violet, pinks colored the scenery thanks to the blossoms in full bloom. The light perfumes of the flowers mixed with the hinoki cypress and earthy moss that coated the structures in the pond in a way that had leftover tension melting from your body. It was a sanctuary within a sanctuary.
And, thankfully, not a very popular one according to Mrs. Nomura. It was one of the more secluded gardens within the compound grounds that didn’t see as many visitors. A ‘if you know then you know’ sorta deal. She explained the history of all of the garden’s elements, everything from the flow of the landscaping that crafted pathways towards enlightenment to the stone lanterns that helped visitors overcome the darkness held religious significance.
It wasn’t until you were sitting with her on the pond-side pavilion that she decided to change the course of the conversation.
“I’m glad you and Hisoka have gotten so close,” she speaks softly. You weren’t certain if it was due to reverence for the space you both occupy or so as to not disturb your viewing of the colorful koi that were lazily drifting through the water, “ She talks about you all the time when she’s here or during our calls. It means a lot to her that you came.”
“Of course,” because you couldn't imagine things being different from what they were. Because there was no alternative where you and Hisoka hadn't gotten close or grown to care for each other. It just couldn't have been a possibility - you knew it just as much as you knew the sun would rise, “She’s a good friend.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” You and her share a small smile but yours grows strained as you recognize an emotion that's reflected deep within her eyes. You've seen it so often in your own mother's eyes and like then, you're not sure what to do with it.
“She worries about you,” it’s a simple statement. One that you already know to be true but it is enough to have a wave of guilt and shame wash over you. “She’s not very forthcoming about it but even now you seem…troubled.”
You’d never meant to be a source of worry for Hisoka. You tried your best to keep your issues to yourself but she had poked and prodded over the years until confessions you hadn’t told another since you were a child came spilling out. It was only natural that she was worried, really. Anyone else would be after hearing the story you spun - hell anyone else would probably be more concerned about their own safety than with your wellbeing and you couldn’t very well blame them.
You’re unsure how to respond to Mrs. Nomura as she stared at you expectantly, waiting for you to confirm what she already knew. You let out a small sigh and slight shrug, “It’s not so bad.”
“But bad all the same,” her eyebrows furrow and her tone is filled with equal parts concern and an insistence, “You’ve taken such good care of my girl, let me help you with this,” she reaches a hand out to take yours,“I want to set up an audience for you with our Star before you leave. I know you’re not the religious sort, my Hisoka wasn’t either, but I really do think he can be of some help for the troubles you’re carrying.”
She must’ve seen the apprehension written across your face because she cuts you off before you can protest. “Even if it’s just words of comfort - it would put Hisoka and my mind at ease to know we did what we could.”
Hisoka had mentioned something about you finding help while you were here but you hadn’t imagined that it would be from having a chat with some elders in her religion and having them pray over you or something. You toy with the idea for a few moments, weighing the pros and cons before determining that you really didn’t have much to lose. Maybe a few minutes of your life but that really wasn’t such a bad trade off for the Nomura family’s peace of mind. So you agree. Mrs. Nomura’s face floods with relief as she gives your hand a slight squeeze, “I’ll put in a request with the council.” You’re startled when she makes to stand.
“Now?” you nearly squeak as you reach out and grab the sleeve of what you assume is the religion’s uniform of sorts.
“There’s no better time,” she gives your hand a small pat in reassurance and you slowly release her, “It will only take a moment and I’ll be right back”
“Right…,” you say with a sigh as you find yourself once again abandoned by a Nomura. You’re concerned that it's becoming a pattern with them. You watch her figure disappear beyond the winding path and the deep green foliage before returning your attention to the koi.
Everything today has felt like it had happened much too quickly and all at once - you find yourself feeling a little off kilter. You hadn’t been prepared for any of this and now you’re going to meet the head honcho of the whole operation. Or the figure-head? You weren’t really up to speed on the structure that the religion took but you figured if he was important enough to be called ‘our Star’ then surely he’d be too important for you to just get a same day session with him. So, you could breath easily and mentally prepare for whatever would be coming your way in the next few days.
It wasn’t until Mrs. Nomura arrived with Hisoka in tow that you found that you couldn’t have been further from the truth.
If what Hisoka said was true then he cleared his calendar just for you.
How fortunate.
__________
Suguru’s fingers tapped a light pattern against his cheek as he considered the sudden turn his morning had taken.
He’d been intending to spend the day with Nanako and Mimiko - his girls had been dropping not so subtle hints here and there that they wanted to go outside of the temple grounds. He wasn’t fond of the idea, any time spent around monkeys made his skin itch so he liked to avoid it whenever possible and he usually stuck to their wing of the compound when he wasn’t performing his ‘miracles’. Unfortunately, the two eight year olds knew what buttons to push to get him to do what they wanted. He had to catch himself on occasion from being too agreeable lest he give them both a princess complex. Nanako was already so willful as it was…
He only hopes the little foreigner proved to be worth the trouble.
He had been on his way to the morning briefings with the council when he’d heard whispers among the flock that there was one wandering the grounds. Visitors and new faces were becoming less common these days but from what he heard your complexion and thick accent gave you away and his interest had been piqued. He’d never had one brought to him before and, according to the council’s discussion, foreigners were never a part of the original group's make-up either.
You would be the first, but certainly not the last.
Not if he was going to secure a future for curse users.
It was a problem that he’d been delaying dealing with for some time. Suguru was anything if not pragmatic. While Japan was crawling with powerful curses and drawing in pitiful monkeys had been no great challenge, looking abroad for resources would be an unfortunate necessity in the near future.
Higher grade curses occurred less frequently abroad, similarly to the rate of curse users that could be found outside of Japan, they did exist. The Japanese shaman had been called on from time to time to help the locals deal with them. He’d never personally gone on assignments abroad but he’d heard enough to recognize the underutilized potential.
It would be far more difficult than just finding lost souls - those were a dime a dozen. Giving them a reason to stay, however, proved to be a more complicated matter. As much as he’d prefer to dispose of them as quickly as possible and wash his hands of them, he knew such action would be short-sighted. The money-making monkeys needed to stick around to continue to fund his efforts and he’d found that a handful of the curse-making monkeys could produce multiple high-grade curses when the right pressure was applied.
He’d learned quickly that keeping them close was just a matter of telling them what they wanted to hear. They were simple minded creatures in that way. They only wanted to hear their own thoughts and desires regurgitated back to them and in return they’d do whatever was asked of them. You would be a good trial run for what sweet words the monkeys abroad may like to hear. He doesn’t suspect it’s all that different from the typical script, however, there had been a foundational cultural understanding that his lines had been developed from. Some things would be universal but he would have to improvise here. It was a discomforting thought initially. Perhaps he’d been getting too used to routine and order lately.
He remembered a lifetime ago where he was thrilled to have some sort of challenge.
His thoughts were interrupted by the shoji door of the hearing room being abruptly slid open and the source of his wandering mind entered the room.
He couldn’t help but to sit up straighter as the cursed user’s signature filled the room and practically rolled off of you in waves. Bergamot and calone lapped at his senses, demanding recognition and acknowledgment.
You were inexperienced. Undeniably so if your output was anything to go off of. It was more contained than a monkey’s but lacked the refinement that came with training. More similar to the girls’ output than what an adult should be producing.
It seemed whatever small cluster of curse users you belonged to had misplaced you or had never been able to find you to begin with.
But the lost lamb had found its way home at the end of the day.
And you certainly were a lamb. All soft features and wide eyes as you examined the room.
The script would need to be thrown out. Before he’d been prepared for revisions, but with you as a scene partner it would need to be scraped entirely.
He motioned for you to take a seat before him. His eyes following your swift movements, practically gliding across the floor before settling into place. You had that feminine thing down. Shoulders and back straight, never slumping. Your eyes staring back into his without wavering or lowering your gaze. The only thing that betrayed your nervousness was the twitch of your fingers as they sat in your lap. Unfortunately for you he could recognize a fellow tradesman.
The lamb was the first to break the silence.
“I’m not really sure how these things usually go,” you offered an apologetic, but strained, smile as you shifted your weight.
“An introduction is usually a good place to start,” he offers, a light tone teasing through his words as he watches you squirm. You’re very clearly feeling like a fish out of water and it’s nearly endearing.
As expected, the name you give is foreign. “Soto,” your last name coats his tongue as he tests it - and finds that he doesn’t particularly mind it. It’s familiar even, “what is it that’s brought you a world away to see me?” Like he’d heard from the whispers, your accent betrayed your origins. While he couldn’t decisively name it, you certainly weren’t from anywhere on this side of the globe. Western, for certain.
“My friend thought you could help me,” you say after a few moments, careful intention with each word evident as you do, “She seems to be under the impression you’re in the business of performing miracles.”
“Well I suppose that entirely depends on the type of miracle,” your face falters for a moment, the comment causing a slight downward twitch of your lip as you find yourself utterly unamused by his vague response.
“She says you can heal the sick.”
“You don’t look sick,” his eyes trail over you, searching for visible evidence of a sickness he already knew you didn’t possess, “or all that convinced of what your friend has told you. You’d come all this way to ask a miracle of someone without believing it possible?”
“Desperate times and all that,” it’s a murmur but it fills the quiet room as you glance away with him and off to the side, wrestling with how much truth you were willing to part with, “I can see things that shouldn’t be there.” When your eyes return to his, there’s a depth to the emotion in them - fear mixed with a begging to be believed that is so tooth achingly familiar.
He’d seen it in the mirror a thousand times that lifetime ago.
It’s the same look he had when he was younger and ignorant of the world of curses and shaman. The same one that was filled with a shame that would gnaw at him and threaten to swallow him whole. each time he overheard his parents’ hushed tones arguing at night after another one of his ‘episodes’. But then he’d been scouted.
And you hadn’t.
And unfortunately for you the world was filled with the tragedy of monkeys, both big and small, and the curses that they leave behind. How lonely it must’ve been to see it all alone and be made to doubt your own senses.
You’d taken his silence as room to continue. You filled the void with descriptions of the curses and of your childhood. Of a life filled with hauntings and fear that no child’s body was meant to hold. Of doctor’s poking and prodigy, of diagnoses and medications that never seemed to work.
Suguru listens but only through a fog as he has to choke down the bitter laugh that wants to crawl out of his throat. Of course they’d try to disguise their own shortcomings and fill your head with nonsense of a sickness that was theirs alone.
It was a special kind of hell -to be a child surrounded by non-sorcerers. A miracle born to those too ignorant to appreciate it. But you were home now.
It would be sick to send you back, afterall. The monkeys had not taken proper care of you - not that they could ever know how. He couldn’t let you go back to them, not after you’d found your way here. Or worse, with you being in Japan and so close to the technical schools there was a very real possibility you could be recognized and brought into the fold of sorcerers. They’d waste no time in seeing to it that you were burdened with misery that the monkeys created.
He couldn’t stand to see another body crushed under that weight.
So you’d need to stay. He wasn’t unhappy at the prospect of you making the compound your home in the same way it was Nanako and Mimiko’s.
It was truly only a matter of how. How much information to give you and how soon. What to tell and what to save for another day. What breadcrumbs to leave to ensure you stayed.
He could, of course, go the far simpler route. He could put all of his cards on the table in a display of blatant barefaced honesty. The preferable and less complicated of the two options, without a doubt. But there was a chance that it would be overwhelming. To learn that the world you’d known was false was no simple matter.
While Suguru would not want you to stay in the dark, as he’d never believed ignorance to be a virtue, he needed to be gentle in his delivery and that required time.
With his decision made, he returns to the conversation only to find the room void of noise and you eyeing him cautiously. He’d been too caught up in his internal turmoil to process all of what you’d said - but he’s certain he understands enough and what you came here looking for and he’s more than willing to provide it.
"So…,” you draw the word out, apparently too uncomfortable with the silence to let it continue for any longer.
"So…," he mimics and is rewarded with a small frown forming on your lips and your fingers tightening in your lap.
"Do you think you can help me or not?” you are frustrated and Suguru supposes it’s fair.
He’s been a very poor host these past few minutes.
"Well that all depends on how you want to be helped.” He’s learned a few things about the psyche being in the position that he is and having the time to reflect on his actions as a student. About how the world of shamans is able to grind so many young bodies into dust just to have more replace them the following year.
The illusion of choice is a powerful thing - especially those born into a life with limited options and a curse user all alone in the world has very limited options indeed.
There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that you’d choose his help but he still felt a warm, and perhaps misplaced, feeling of pride fill his chest at your response.
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” you were filled with a determination that cast all doubt of what was to come aside.
Suguru brought his thumb and forefinger to his chin, pretending to think on your statement, “I’m familiar with many stories like yours. I’ll have to understand your situation better than we have time for today to be certain,” your eyes practically light up at his words. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly ajar in disbelief, “but it will require no small effort on your end.” He watches as the information processes. He’d cast the first breadcrumbs, and he has no doubt that you’ll follow.
“Well,” you offer a small shrug, “I guess it can’t hurt none to give it the ole college try.”
“I’m glad you agree,” Suguru says as he rises to his feet and makes his way over to you, “You’re welcome to stay at the shrine seeing that we have to extend your session.”
You make an attempt to scramble to your feet, caught off guard at the prompt ending to your hearing, but he’s offering his extended hand to you before you can manage. He pretends to ignore the look of trepidation that crosses your features before you finally rested your hand in his own.
“I wouldn’t want to be a burden,” you weekly protest as he pulls you to your feet.
"No burden at all,” he reassures smoothly before leading you to the door.
You still look uncertain as you remove your hand from his, “My things are still with Hisoka.”
The name is unfamiliar but it takes no great effort to conclude that it’s the name of the one who brought you here. He figures he should instruct the council to offer some kind of reward for such an act. He’d found that keeping the monkeys in line required conditioning of their behavior - a carrot and a stick and the knowledge of when to use which. Use one too often and the beasts become troublesome.
Hopefully, it would encourage similar actions from the others as well. He wondered how many other lost curse users there were to be found and brought home. “We can have someone go and get them for you,” he dismisses and he watches as you internally struggle with how to respond.
"If you're certain..."
"I am,” it’s definitive and leaves no room for further hand wringing. You mulled over it for a few more seconds before conceding and giving a nod in acceptance.
He leads you away from the hearing room and can’t help but think of how lucky he is that his lamb is so agreeable.
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stillalittlelostngl · 7 months
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Somebody tell the tiktok edit girlies to make a jjk edit with sza's 20 Something but specifically this part
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stillalittlelostngl · 7 months
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Where tf shoko at
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stillalittlelostngl · 7 months
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Coming back to say I'm posting the next part of the geto/reader this weekend and also to talk about the leaks from last night because wtf
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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Look at the baby 🥺🥺 that's nephew right there
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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The editors note on this chapter...oh it's so over for megumi I fear
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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No way they ended it debating on if it's OK for gojo to forget about megumi....
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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No way they ended it debating on if it's OK for gojo to forget about megumi....
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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Someone tell the fanfic girlies it's cannon that gojo can create multiple copies of himself
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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Was hoping to post some writing this weekend but I've unexpectedly gotten into becoming a silversmith over the past 2 weeks so it looks like it'll have to be next weekend
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stillalittlelostngl · 9 months
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Brb putting a hex on Gege for this
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stillalittlelostngl · 10 months
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Got Google tab after Google tab open tryna figure out if I'm having caffeine withdrawal headaches, tension headache, or if my head is just gunna explode idk
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stillalittlelostngl · 10 months
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stillalittlelostngl · 10 months
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Was talkin to my momma bout this and tell me why her only response was "you need a hobby" ???
Had a great night out and ruined it because I remembered me & my loved ones mortality
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