#<< listened to podcasts while i was on the job like 24/7
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oh my GOD i just finished network effect. what if i cried.
#im FINE#i have. sooooo many feelings about sooo many things.#i know ft isnt next chronologically tho so im like. dying 2 know what happens next. i rlly rlly hope thats not the end of the story#reaction time#i..fucking love these books sooo.much more than i thought i would oh my.god#im actually rlly glad i didnt finish them last year. the timing wasn't right#altho im.glad i started it then . i think i needed mbs whole “i hate my job so im gonna watch media instead” mentality. its just like me fr#<< listened to podcasts while i was on the job like 24/7#god. i feel like i need 2 go stare at a wall.for a whole BUT I STILL HAVE A WHOLE OTHER NOVELLA TO READ !!!!!!#just opened the first page and weve already got.mensah and indah thank god <3#aaughghh. murderbot books so fucking good.#hey mutuals this is my propaganda. i think u should all read murderbot. i need 2 go talk 2 roswell#OH MY GOD WAIT TODAY IS ROS'S BDAY I THINK. OH MY GOD. BYE
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things/aesthetic you associate with your moots please!
hi anonie!! it’s been a while since i’ve done tag games like this so LETS GAUR 🤩
im doing for the ones that i talk to most often ✨
@from-izzy my soulmate 🤞🏻(who clearly SHOULD be living in my city instead), sunricyeon!!, ✌🏻level-headed and ☝🏻dum-dum, purple 💜, bunnies 🐰, raccoons 🦝, in constant denial of her love life 😒, long calls & video calls, SAUR, music 🎶, “ALLY HELP ME 🥺”, fellow believer in God, concerts, has 19374848 plans to meet up but our studies/job preventing us to do so 😞 (but we will beat them and meet irl someday SOON BCS I MANIFEST)
@sungbeam my precious lil 妹妹 🫶🏻, blue 🩵, “hear me out….but another changmin potential wip/plot 🤡”, photocards, that wet tree rat pc, if talent was a person its her, care packages 📦, fellow introverts ✌🏻, the one who convinced me to purchase my sony headphones while we were videocalling in the store 🥹, my sleep paralysis demon, “ALLY JIEJIE”, my cutie wookie little sis 😔💗, but also goes 😐 whenever i talk abt sangyeon 🙄
@aimeecarreros the unhinged and wild one in the b*****, 1/4 of sangyeon’s whores, twerking ✨, the best gif maker ever 😤, “so elena…pretty pwease can you gif this for moi 🥺”, BBANGJU 👅, “CORREQUE ✌🏻”, insanely hilarious and unhinged memes and text messages 24/7, the moodmaker of the group, “haysss *inserts stripping meme*”, teasing me 24/7 🙄, pinterest, fashion 😍, bridal dresses 🤍
@snowflakewhispers the SAVAGE, maknae and the demon (lovingly) in the b*****, teasing me is her everyday job atp 🙄🙄🙄, mrs jacob bae, 1/4 of sangyeon’s whores, spitting fire 24/7 🔥, matching sony headphones 🤍, matching macbook colours 🩶, psych & kids 💗, the sunwoo to my eric, apparently is in a messed up relationship/situationship with someone who shall not be named 🦝, the moot who lives the closest to where i am 🥹 (so faster get your ass back here after uni ends)
@daisyvisions the unnie of the b*****, NAUR, that iconic zoom selfie 😌✨, constantly being distracted at work bcs of ✨unholy thoughts✨, podcast 🎧, 1/4 of sangyeon’s whores, also joined in on the fun with elena & ophelia on teasing moi 😔, jerry lee 🤤, doggo 🐶, newnudeshot 😏📸, photoism 🎞️, spongebob memes, BIG SEXC BRAIN 🧠, late night talks while working, always judging me for some reason 🙃
@justalildumpling my dongsaeng 👧🏻, sunricyeon!!, black 🖤, ptsd from windows turning from black to bright blue, “pull a j” aka doing and leaving assignments till the very last minute 😁, “guys…..”, “yall…..”, a simp 🤓, attracted to red flags men (but not anymore 😚), FOODIE CHINGUS, malatang, “guys….can we just call for like 20 mins max…i promise it won’t take long” = a 6-7hours call, late night (or early mornings) video calls, SHE IS A BEAUTY AN ICON AND SHE IS THE MOMENT 😍
@ethereal-engene my long-lost best friend 🥹, JU HAKNYEON 🍊, anime!!, men in glasses 🔛🔝, fellow chinese friend ❤️, cny 🧧, lion dances 🦁, WOOZI (ESP IN LONG HAIR 😩😩😩), matching hakkie pottery pcs 🤍, wips brainstorming ✍️, another cutie lil 妹妹 🥺, arms….and pecs 🤓, editing 👩💻, convos abt our studies/work life 💗
@kimsohn kim sunwoo, pinterest, “maya….i had a dream abt sangyeon….”, “oh!”, anime!!, that smiling and then speechless meme, sangyeon drenching himself in water 😀, “so when are you gonna write this”, sunric sluts, tbosas, coriolanus snow, always talking abt being on writers block with one another but eventually gets things done (and sometimes its long af), being caring 🥺, food!!
@quaissants 1/2 of my gremlins 👹, sends me lip gloss sangyeon 24/7, my twinnie 🤞🏻, same birthday & mbti 💗, speaks in such a soft manner like hello 🥺, genshin impact!!, ragnvindr bros ❤️💙, childe 🤓, angsty angst ❤️🩹, constantly looking out for me 🥹, men 😃, “i have selective reading”
@sanaxo-o another 1/2 of my gremlins 👹, unhinged as a person, sabrina carpenter 💗, flirty af but then i dont return the favour 😄, sends me sangyeon content 24/7, a great listener and gives me comfort, always checking up on others, ✌🏻level-headed and ☝🏻dum-dum, “LET ME BETA YOUR FICS”, pinterest, “Als”
@stealanity my unnie 🥺💗, always looking out for everyone, the big sister of the net, amazing as a person (i admire you loads), moodboards 😍, aesthetics ✨, a field of flowers 🌹🪻🌸🌺, brave (never afraid to speak up!!), i miss you sm unnie always 🫶🏻, calls me a cutie 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
@cloverdaisies CLO MY LOVE 💚, great britian 🇬🇧, fish & chips, “you have no rights ally ive revoked them”, “you dont love me anymore 🥺” aka clo’s way of making me feel guilty that i couldn’t visit her when i was back in EU (IT WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY I SWEAR I WILL BE BACK 😤😤😤), writing fics for one another 💗, STRONG ASS WOMAN 💪 (who juggles between work and uni all on her own 🥹🫂), “there’s a rat in my apartment”, phone & video calls (which we havent done in a while and we should again!!)
@juyeonszn my fawnie my bubba 🥹, coffee ☕️, zeneration livestream 🙌🏻, crying tgt, unboxing albums ✨, pcs collection, puppies 🐶, anime!!, big sexc brain 🧠, sunric sluts, INSANE MAKEUP LOOKS 😩, delulu is the solulu ✨, education 📚, never-ending talks on dc (which we haven’t done in a while i miss you loads 🥺), my fellow dancer 💃, if cutie was a person its fawnie 💗
@itsbeeble my pookie 🫶🏻, kim sunwoo, another big sexc brain 🧠, taylor swift 💛, eras tour ✨, “ALLY GO TO SLEEP”, eric sohn, ateez & svt!!, memes 24/7, exposing each other’s asses 😄, biker sunwoo 😩, delulu is the solulu ✨, another coffee buddy ☕️, talks abt uni/work life, always bouncing off ideas with one another
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emma macdonald rant
this is something that's been quite noticeable for months now, but it's been a long time since i've come across a lifestyle vlogger as lazy, unmotivated, uninspired, and borderline dispassionate as emma. she is a lifestyle vlogger who struggles to make content of even the most basic aspects of her life. in her "i'm back" vlog from two weeks ago, she straight up verbally recaps her day, and says she "didn't feel like showing" the things she did... does she realize that people want to SEE her doing these "work" things she talks about, and not watch a 10 minute clip of her talking about getting back into hot pilates and yoga, and being in her gym era while driving around? also, obviously the chatty vlogs are nice, but she has a podcast... so her and maggie can chit chat. why doesn't she show her day in her vlogs, and save some of the chatty segments for the podcast? at least then the podcast might be worth a listen.
the worst part is when people comment and tell her that her content is boring, because it is, she just comments back "don't watch it then." i'm not even kidding, she replied to a yt comment with those exact words. i'm sure some people are too harsh (check the reddit threads, yikes), and it must not feel great to receive criticism for something that she's been doing for six years, but wake up, girl. she's hemorrhaging followers and supporters. her views and comments seem to be less than normal, and yet none of that is enough to make her realize that she needs to improve her channel. also, you'd think after six years she'd have mastered her craft, especially when it's as easy as picking up a camera, filming her life, and sending it off to an editor to deal with. but, it seems like as more time goes on, the more she puts her only job on the back burner. and i say only job because let's not act like she puts more effort into her tiktok or instagram content either. i'd get it if this was just a dry spell in her life and she's just having an uneventful few months, but this seems to be it for her. and i can't even imagine what it'll be like after she gets married.
i watch a lot of lifestyle vloggers and from those individuals, the macdonald sisters are arguably two of the most boring ones. maggie a little less so because even if she stays home all the time, at least she puts in more effort and genuinely puts her heart into it. i give her more of a pass because for some reason i still enjoy her content, and i actually believe that maggie has an undying passion for youtube. i haven't felt that from emma in ages. it's just sad seeing someone with an amazing platform and cushy job waste it and basically insult her audience by not even putting 30% of effort into it. also, doesn't emma have an editor? what exactly are her and her team doing that causes her to upload a pre-filmed video like two months later?? i don't understand how someone who does virtually nothing but wake up, go to the gym or pilates, makes simple meals, and travels with her nba fiance, is so tired and exhausted all the time.
for all the shit paige lorenze has received over the years, i will say that she is one of the most entertaining and creative youtubers on the platform right now, specifically in her little niche. her content is truly a breath of fresh air, and most importantly, she too seems to put her heart and soul into the content she creates. say what you want about her, i know i've critiqued her, but she has shown what dedication and passion could look like. it's just ironic that someone who started on the platform years after emma is surpassing her in terms of content quality and quantity by an absurd amount.
i think observing her peers would do emma some good because they are the ones who are going to surpass her and leave her in the dust when more and more people realize that listening to her talking about the gym 24/7 isn't exciting anymore. she's getting married and can't even make more interesting content based on that. not that her channel should become entirely bridal based, but considering getting married has become half of her personality, you'd think she'd milk it for more content. idk if everyone around her is just constantly congratulating her and telling her how hard-working she is, therefore leading her to have this deluded sense of self, but i just can't imagine being proud of this kind of job performance. this trajectory is just sad because she started out so passionate about youtube, and well... here we are.
#emma macdonald#maggie macdonald#paige lorenze#youtube#lifestyle vlogs#danielle carolan#brooke miccio#i miss her messy la era sometimes#with taylor holder#and trevor zegras#also dustin lynch??#has anyone seen THAT photo of them?
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Stray kids as ghosts hunters/exorcists
⚠️ warnings: ghost, exorcism, spooky things, ghost / demonic possessions.
📢 announcement: I will write a marathon of 3 episodes for this AU as an October special ~ comment if you want to be on the tag list!!!
(🖤)•(masterlist)
Bang Chan
>Obviously the leader of this crew
>Empathetic with every ghost he has to exterminate
>Will be the one who trained the kids to fight ghosts
>but avoids violent confrontations with the spirits
>He knows some of them had very tragical deaths and wants the to have a happy ending
>He is such a nice guy even with ghosts </3
Lee Minho
>Chan's right hand man.
>He has this sixth sense that allows him to feel presences, just like cats!!
>For some random reason, he looks like the scariest one from ghosts' perspective
>But 80% of the time he is just taking care of the maknaes rather than fighting ghosts
>So no real reason to be scared of our cute Lee Minho!!!
>Also makes lunch for everyone with Felix <3
Changbin
>Literally the human shield
>Has been possessed by ghosts and demons so many times that he has lost count
>He is like a medium at this point
>builds all the artefacts they use to hunt
>He is like a garage ghost scientist
>He also owns the van and doesn't allow anyone to drive it, MAYBE just Minho.
Hyunjin
>Is there to make act of presence rather than helping
>And with act of presence I mean screaming... REALLY LOUD
>He loves and hates this job
>Is the one that makes the publicity for the crew. From posters to web announcements
>Designed the crew logo. It's like the Ghostbusters logo, but with dwaekki as the ghost
>Has the big ass backpack full of everything the might need.
Han Jisung
>The hardest to scare
>Helps Changbin to program his weapons and ghost hunting tools
>He is the computer guy, who is always with his ghost tracker, helping to find the invisible ones
>manages the web site
>Enjoys scaring Felix with horror movies, but Chan always scolds him <\\3
>Maybe is the one who enjoys this job the most (Ghostbusters enthusiast).
Lee Felix
>Screaming and crying 24/7
>Always hiding behind Han or Changbin
>He has seen so many ghosts but still really scared of them (´;︵;`)
>He grew on a family of green witches and knows how to purify cursed objects
>crystals, stones and plants ✨
>He doesn't need a radar to feel spirits.
Seungmin
>Ghosts puns
>The second hardest to scare
>Is in charge of distributing the money
>Chatting with the ghosts while the others make a mess
>Takes selfies with cursed objects, he does not fear death
>Helps I.N with his podcast
I.N
>Scared but won't allow anyone to notice it
>Works efficiently, and complains that he is the only one doing the ghost hunting right
>Has a podcast where he listens to paranormal experiences from his fans
>That is how he and Seungmin met the ghost hunting club and joined!
>Because 3racha were big fans of the podcast and contacted them to join their adventures
>The paranormal enthusiast kid became an authentic ghost hunter!
>The paranormal enthusiast kid became an authentic ghost hunter!
#stray kids x reader#stray kids felix#stray kids au#stray kids fanfic#stray kids#ghostbusters#bangchan#Minho#lee know#lee minho#Changbin#changbin x reader#bang chan x reader#minho x reader#hyunjin x reader#Hyunjin#han jisung x reader#han#felix x y/n#lee felix#seungmin x reader#seugmin#i.n x reader#i.n#jeongin x reader#jeongin#ghost#stray kids x y/n#stray kids fluff#stray kids x you
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Blah blah blah, filling up this bit again. I should stop being lazy and make like a pinterest board or something. Anyways, here’s my final child. He’s exactly what this gif suggests he is.
BASIC INFORMATION
NAME: Liam O’Connor
NICKNAMES: None
BIRTHDAY: November 16th
AGE: 21
HOMETOWN: Dublin, Ireland
BIRTHPLACE: Dublin, Ireland
RELIGION: Catholic
ETHNICITY: Irish
NATIONALITY: Irish
EDUCATION/MAJOR: Sociology and Psychology (minor)
JOB/EXTRACURRICULARS: N/A
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single
SOCIAL CLASS: Upper-Middle
PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS
HEIGHT: 6′2
EYES: Green
HAIR: Brown
BUILD: Slender
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: N/A
NOTABLE FEATURES: Eyes, hair
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: N/A
ALLERGIES: None, but he lies about being allergic to ketchup because people judge him if he just says he doesn’t like it. When asked how he’s not allergic to other tomato-based sauces (man eats his weight in pizza), his response is usually “Ketchup has a particular chemical compound that just makes me arse swell up and me eyes pop out, honestly, it’s like bein’ fucked by Freddie Kruger, don’t wish it on me worst enemy.”
PERSONALITY & BEHAVIOR
HOBBIES: Painting, photography, smoking weed 24/7 (he will do it in his dorms too sorry), playing video-games, playing the piano, skateboarding, pretending to play sports and then making his team lose. He’s an avid reader which most find surprising because he comes off as a complete moron. Listening to podcasts while cooking. Cooking (not great at it but he has munchies a lot).
LIKES: Talking shit all day long, hanging around new people and making them laugh, leaving his assignments until last minute and then panicking to get it done and then getting it done and saying ‘it would have been an A if I had more time’
DISLIKES: Judgmental assholes, people who don’t understand sarcasm, rules upon rules upon rules, his father, particularly hot weather, people who get all touchy-feely when they’re drunk
QUIRKS: Picking on scabs
POSITIVE TRAITS: Extroverted, receptive/accepting, humorous
NEGATIVE TRAITS: Unable to be serious ever, insensitive, stubborn
SHARE 5 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER:
Liam was born and raised in Dublin. He is an only child to a very conservative mother who at some point consulted a priest on getting the boy an exorcism. The priest denied her request saying her son was likely just dropped on his head as a child and will eventually ‘grow out’ of his personality.
His mother comes from a rather wealthy family and is a business woman, taking over the family business in something Liam never cared to inquire more about. He just knows they got money, so he doesn’t give a shit to make some on his own. His mom also eventually learnt to let him do his own thing and just gave him a debit card and called it a day.
Growing up Liam always sought out attention from strangers and just random people, places and experiences. He was almost never home, hating to be around his mom and her shitty boyfriends who all wanted to teach him ‘structure’ and whatever else. His social circle was always big but he never really had any ‘close knit’ friends or nothing like that. It was always more about ‘who’s around today?’ and go from there. This is why he has many interests in general.
Essex was a random choice. He saw it online, his mom was pushing to have him go to college, he applied for the sociology course because it seemed fine and easy to get into. His mom is paying for the whole experience and was all too happy he chose to go to the other side of the world.
Actually really loves the idea of American University experience. The drinking, the whoring, the whole thing. Seems cool, totally his vibe. The weed is good too.
WHERE DOES YOUR CHARACTER LIVE (please pick one):
Dorms
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Twenty One
Survey by Robotease
1. Do you like zombie movies?
I do! I watched Train to Busan. I am watching the Kdrama series All of Us Are Dead.
2. What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom?
Bloody period or tampon on the ground. Missed the trashcan?
3. What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do?
I don’t recycle as much as I could.
4. What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give?
....
5. What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen?
“There is more fish in the sea” Just don’t start.
6. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to?
I have not. I am not against doing it, but it isn’t something I really want to do. I want to do more volunteering so it is possible.
7. What was your worst Halloween costume?
Being a white trash can...You can imagine the jokes while being a teenager in high school.
8. Who has/had the worst reputation in your graduating class?
I really didn’t know.
9. When was the first time you can remember feeling mature?
Owning up to mistakes.
10. Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas?
Not disappointing but i think either when in a bad place, or there is tension in family. It wasn’t disappointing, but my birthday this year was a little hard, with a lot going on and recent events.
11. Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones? I thought I bought some recently. A cartoon character I know but I don’t recall who it was.
12. Have you ever had to give a pet away?
Yes..3.
13. What’s the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten?
Potato chips, pizza, and dips. Good stuff though.
14. Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes?
I did. As a kid my best friend and I would pretend we entered a portal, and entered the forest and she was the fairy princess of the forest. We’d go outside and explore an old barn house she had. :)
15. How do you feel about runny egg yolks?
It is interested to look at but I don’t care too much to eat it like that.
16. Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong?
Nothing that comes to mind.
17. If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose?
IF I had to choose, puzzle workbooks but it’s sad to think about DX.
18. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family?
No.
19. How much do you know about first aid?
Putting a bandaid on, holding pressure to a wound to stop bleeding, and pinching the bridge of nose to stop bleeding, and a brief idea of making a stilit if you get bit by a snake..
Other stuff. used hydrogen peroxide myself for open cuts and Neosporin. I am CPR certified and heimlich maneuver certified in training. That is all that comes to mind so pretty basic things haha. Nothing doctor or intense stitches and stuff.
20. Which of your relatives do you know the least about?
My older cousins and they’re children. I see pictures on Facebook but they live in another state.
21. Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you?
I try and I can’t sit for very long but maybe the breathing did something.
22. Have you ever given advice to someone who was much older than you?
Yes.
23. Have you ever used a view-master?
Had to look it up and didn’t recognize the name but yeah we had those as kids!
24. Do you ever listen to talk radio or podcasts? If you do, what are some of your favorite shows?
I like to listen to Japanese podcasts now and then and some Trash Taste.
25. When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck?
It’s been a while haven’t seen many icecream trucks around but maybe a few years ago.
26. Are any of your favorite bands broken up or on hiatus right now?
I think some have broken up.
27. Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job?
I don’t know any one personally. Are we talking about porn or prostatution? Not my line of work but they’re not necessarily bad people.
28. What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go?
Nothing big I can think of.
29. What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live?
Cows. LOTS of cows. But I like it. I find them cute :).
30. Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire?
Hot dogs!
31. Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose?
Hehe.
32. What do you hope the afterlife is like?
I would like to go to Heaven.
33. What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child?
I think horror stories I’ve read of teen-child killing small kids. :(
34. Have you ever planned an act of revenge?
Not like anything serious like killing or hurting.
Something in water balloon fights or pranks and harmless stuff.
35. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies?
Yes. Watching Football for one.
36. Do you think it’s more exciting or scary to get older?
I think it’s scarier in some ways.
37. How was the reception of the last wedding you attended?
A lot of fun!!
38. Do you have any physical photo albums?
Ones from elementary that we put together. I gave a physical one to my boyfriend. :)
39. Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop?
Hahaha kind of. I’d go to one and look around but I would be embarrassed if family or like if I left my teaching job and saw someone I knew. I have been to some though.
40. Who was the worst friend you ever had?
Not sure. They had annoying points but not the worst.
41. What’s the biggest sacrifice you’ve ever made?
I am not sure..
42. Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active role in an election?
No.
43. What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given?
Dresses and sweaters from my sister.
44. Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other?
Yes. When grandparents were a live, they did yes.
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My 2023 Year in Reading at GoodReads
43 books. 13,757 pages.
17 Fiction. 26 NonFiction.
12 Female Authors. 31 Male.
13 Print. 30 Digital.
27 Library Digital. 11 Audiobooks.
*2022
48 books. 13,795 pages. 20 Fiction. 28 NonFiction.
13 Female Authors. 35 Male. 14 Print. 34 Digital.
27 Library Digital.
*2021
32 books. 8,582 pages. 16 Fiction. 16 NonFiction.
16 Female Authors. 16 Male. 7 Print. 25 Digital.
24 Library Digital.
*2020
33 books. 8,029 pages. 14 Fiction. 19 NonFiction.
16 Female Authors. 17 Male. 14 Print. 19 Digital.
18 Library Digital.
*2019
46 books/14,455 pages. 17 Fiction. 29 NonFiction.
20 Female Authors. 26 Male. 22 Print. 24 Digital.
21 Library Digital.
*2018
52 books/12,504 pages. 20 Fiction. 32 NonFiction.
30 Print. 22 Digital. 21 Female Authors. 31 Male.
18 Library Digital.
*2017
47 books/15,472 pages. 18 Fiction. 29 NonFiction.
19 Print. 28 Digital. 16 Female. 31 Male.
25 Library Digital.
*2016
50 books/18,944 pages. 22 Fiction/28 NonFiction.
18 Print/32 Digital. 15 Female/35 Male.
27 Library Digital.
*2015
44 books/14,765 pages. 25 Fiction/19 NonFiction.
30 Print/14 Digital. 10 Female/34 Male.
7 Library Digital.
*2014
39 books/14,316 pages. 18 Fiction/21 NonFiction.
20 Print/19 Digital. 14 Female/25 Male.
12 Library Digital.
-
This year I read 43 books, just five less than last year (when I read many more short books to more fully bounce back into numbers). But 43 is 10 more books than I was reading back in 21 and 20! And most crazy is just how many more NEW (aka Frontlist) books I read this year compared to most years.
I never kept track before, since it was never this blatently obvious, but when I was collecting my data I noticed this trend towards recently published / new books. 21 out of 43 (almost half) of the books I read in 2023 WERE RELEASED IN 2023. Add in the 8 I read that were published in 2022 and now 2/3rds of the books I read in 2023 were published in the last two years... wow.
Guess as I've gotten deeper and deeper into publishing news, marketing, social, and advertising... I'm more susceptible to jumping into newer books as they're publishing - curious to see what the fuss is about... and it's paying off. I loved so much of what I read this year.
Despite again almost reading 10 more NonFiction books than Fiction, it's the Fiction I recall most fondly and have a harder time forgetting. While I certainly enjoying learning about Matthew Perry, behind the camera stories of Bourdain, east coast sharks trends, the recent history of the internet, fraternity-centered modern crime rings, the history and controversies of The Oscars, an oral history of emo, and what it's like to go blind and be a doctor that's dying, the best nonfiction was closer to therapy... Good Inside (the best parenting book I've read) and I Think You Should Talk to Someone (a therapy book wrapped in memoir).
Fiction (perhaps as it's the most different from my day-job work) was the standout - as I loved most every novel I read in 2023. A reminder that I should pick it up more (especially in print - as I read the least EVER print fiction this year, just because I rely so much on the library and love my Kindle Oasis experience). I read one Kevin Wilson novel, then went and almost immediately read two more.
I listened to more audiobooks than ever (four more than last year) in lieu of podcasts on my walking commute or over long family drives in the front seat while everyone else slept... while switching back to the Kindle version in bed at night. I highly recommend this hybrid model! I credit it completely with getting me through the LBJ book and it was really fun to do with Tegan and Sara's memoir (since they splice in old audio archives during their stories - so well done!).
Also again like last year, I read twice as many male writers as female writers - not intentionally! And it's helpful to look back on this now, as I wasn't always aware I was doing that, since my favorites from the year were more books by women writers - also again!
If any book ever catches your interest, I hope you follow through in finding a way to acquire and read it - check out my reviews (I write a review for every book I read) and let me know what you’re reading these days.
So in 2024 I'm pledging to pick up more fiction, more women authors, and more print (and maybe more older books?)... if just to reverse some continuing trends from the last two years. Thus, send me your recommendations. And without further ado, here are mine...
My top 3 reads from 2023:
Favorite Fiction:
Wellness
Yellowface
Now is Not the Time to Panic
Favorite NonFiction:
The Path to Power
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
Good Inside
Honorable Mentions:
Vintage Contemporaries
The Midcoast
Birnam Wood
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it's december~
i did a lot of black friday shopping: nordstrom's (with my aunts 40% off), breville, manduka, smith tea, and lululemon. i had a "fuck it, we were overall quite financially responsible this past year" given also receiving a promotion (and saving a lot by not upgrading apartments), so i wanted to be a tad irresponsible and treat myself. it's the most responsible time to be financially irresponsible, at least!
from my last post, i still have some funkiness and sadness going on, but the crying has stopped after that period. i read sara payne's book "i did all of that for this?!", which is a book written by a medical spouse. i think i first read it towards the end of residency but didn't really relate to it too much. however, now rereading it at this point in our lives and the medical journey, i related SO much to basically everything she said, to the point where i had the some of the same thoughts verbatim. i also listened to a few of her podcast episodes called rock solid relationships, which were helpful. additionally, i did some CBT workbook practices - these were all to identify and examine all the thoughts i was having that were impacting my feelings.
i'm letting myself "grieve". recently on the medspouse subreddit, a few people have posted about how disappointed and upset they were at where their partners had matched for fellowship. a number of people have indicated crying and grieving the news. hearing this, i also felt less alone and normal to have these kinds of feelings and wounds.
some news about the job search: matt's interview and chalk talk with USC went pretty well (it seems). the interviewers were impressed by his current title from a fancy hospital. compared to the previous job interviews, he is genuinely interested in this one and doesn't think it's a step down from his current position as the others may have been. this would be a "normal" 8-5 M-F job. additionally, he has interviews with UCI and city of hope coming up. we're also in contact with UCLA. i will follow up with UCSD. cold emailing really works to get interviews. i'm keeping my expectations low but have my fingers crossed for good outcomes. i really hope he can get something with a start date of 7/1/24.
strangely, and perhaps i have some depressed girl vibes going on which is creating this - but this past month has been the most i've ever been complimented by strangers, like ever. on my plane ride to SF, an older white man poked me as he walked down the aisle (i was seated) and said "you're too cute". then, in brooklyn as i was walking to the japanese market, some younger white (?) guy started walking next to me and said "wanted to say what's up, you look kinda good". lastly, yesterday, matt and i went to visit R&T at their upper east side home. we arrived earlier than them so i was waiting at the steps while matt walked around. a black guy that walked by said "you're beautiful, have a lovely day".
i'm telling myself this is god's/the universe's plan for me. that the previous jobs and redlands didn't work out for a reason. that R&T coincidentally moved here to NYC in september so that my remaining time in NYC would be better (and it has been substantially because of them). that random strangers are complimenting me to lift me up.
thanks to R&T, thanksgiving wasn't so lonely this year. last year, i basically spent my thanksgiving weekend alone because matt was working. this year, they joined us on thanksgiving day which was also matt's bday and made it a festive day. that weekend, i spent the day with them at industry city, dropped off coffee for matt, shopped at primark and had dinner at our apartment. they invited us on a trip to CT this past weekend to see their cousin perform at a community theater. it was so nice to just tag along with someone else's plan. we just showed up and went along for the ride.
R&T are very casual and very lenient on time. matt and i's new normal is to rush and be on a time crunch so traveling with them really helped us slow down and chill. it was nice to experience how another couple travels and to finally not be in charge. thanks T for driving! we watched elf the musical (which was quite funny and entertaining), stayed at a hotel that night while they stayed at their cousin's place, visited their family the next day, met up with their resident friend at yale and got a short "tour", and got malaysian food for dinner! they are a bit younger than us, so it also feels like they have more energy. R takes a lot of nice pictures and brings a warm happy energy to the group.
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This week, Cointelegraph reporter Joe Hall takes podcast listeners back to school — Bitcoin (BTC) school. On the latest episode of , listeners can indulge in interview snippets, soundbites and pearls of wisdom from the likes of Blockstream CEO Adam Back and Tether chief technology officer Paolo Ardoino, as well as professionals in cybersecurity and from Chainalysis.Paolo Ardoino (left) in an interview with Joe Hall (right).Plus, hear from students who attended the school about what it’s like to live, breathe, sleep and study crypto for two weeks, 24/7. An Italian Ethereum fan comments on Bitcoin maximalism, Latin Americans observe Europeans’ behavior regarding recycling, and Taiwanese students settle into life around the cryptocurrency. This week’s episode of also investigates how deep Bitcoin and crypto adoption reaches in Lugano, the distinctly Italian city in the southern section of Switzerland. The city adopted Bitcoin as de facto legal tender one year ago, and there has been noticeable progress since then — with the Bitcoin “B” logo hard to miss in the town center. More than 200 vendors accept Bitcoin in Lugano. Big brands like McDonald’s, Rolex and even Lamborghini will take the cryptocurrency, while some pharmacies, convenience stores and tobacco shops also accept it. However, Bitcoin is still not deeply or broadly understood, and there’s a lot of work to be done if Lugano is to one day fully embrace it, as Ardoino explained:”I wish I was able to say that our job is done, but I think we are just at the beginning. The most important part is the education of the merchants.”The point-of-sale devices merchants use across Lugano also accept Tether (USDT) and Luga, a token that locals and residents can use. To hear a secret from Back concerning MicroStrategy CEO Michael Saylor, learn what Paraguayans made of Switzerland on their first-ever trip to Europe, and discover why the efforts in Lugano could spread to other areas of Europe, plug in and listen in to this week’sepisode of available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Cointelegraph’s podcast page and more.The episode also serves as a sneak preview of an upcoming Cointelegraph documentary about life in Lugano. Subscribe to Cointelegraph’s YouTube channel here to catch it when it’s released.This article is for general information purposes and is not intended to be and should not be taken as legal or investment advice. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed here are the author’s alone and do not necessarily reflect or represent the views and opinions of Cointelegraph.
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Isn't it Grand to be Walking Undead #268
What happens when a traditional Irish song is rewritten about zombies? And I have CDs!!!! If you didn’t say, “You have Cds…”, you’ll find out why it’s important. It’s kind of funny.
This is Sci Fi Pub Songs & Stories #268.
0:16 - “Isn’t It Grand Boys” from Happy Songs of Death
4:09 - WELCOME TO SCI FI PUB SONGS & STORIES
This is the audio edition of my newsletter. I am Marc Gunn. I’m a rhythm and folk Celtic musician living in Atlanta, Georgia. I play traditional Irish and Scottish drinking songs. I’m also a songwriter. I write songs inspired by Celtic culture as well as pop culture, things like Lord of the Rings, Firefly, Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who and more.
If you’re new to the show, please subscribe. You can do that PubSong.com/free or even better or you can subscribe and download all of my songs in this show. Just send me an email. pubsong@ celtfather
You will get an auto responder with a link to download this month’s songs. You will also get that subscribe link. It’s quick and easy.
While you’re emailing me to get your free EP, let me know what you’re doing while listening to this episode.
We kicked off the show…
5:04 - WHAT’S NEW STORY
I really should talk more about the stuff I sell in my store. But it feels uncomfortable to do so. That’s one of the reasons if you go to any of my live shows, and I say, “I have Cds”. Audience members will shout “you have Cdddsss?!”
It’s a little gimmick I use to draw attention to my merch. And it’s really catchy.
I was listening to the last episode of the podcast about writing drinking songs. While I talked about my song “The Cat Came Back… the Cat’s Perspective,”. It’s from my C-D… And then I paused, just like I do at live shows.
When I listened to the episode, I responded, “You have CDs…”
It got me thinking. Could we do that same thing through a podcast?
I don’t know. But we’re gonna try. We’re gonna make this podcast into a sort of an interactive drinking game.
Each time I mention CDs, your job is to audibly respond, “you have CDs…”
6:25 - UPCOMING SHOWS
APR 1-9: Sherwood Forest Faire, Paige, TX
APR 6: Dragon Con Filk Music Concert with Brobdingnagian Bards @ 7 PM CST
APR 20: Cat Drinking Songs on Bandcamp @ 7 PM EAST
APR 21-23: Jordan Con, Atlanta, GA
APR 29. The Lost Druid Earth Day Biking Concert, Avondale Estates, Ga @ 6:30-9:30 PM
JUN 3-10: Celtic Invasion Vacations, County Mayo, Ireland
9:24 - The Celtic Kitchen Party “Covid-19 Shanty” from Last Call
11:11 - COMMENTS
I don’t get a ton of feedback for this show. But if you send an email to pubsong@celtfather with a short comment about the show… or just mentioning CDs that you love, that’s a great way for us to interact and have more of a conversation.
In fact, if you need a starter, I’d love it if you would grab your phone. Go to your voice recorder app. Say, “You have Cds”. Then email it to me.
Marisa Halvorson emailed: "Hello Marc! I have been listening to your songs practically nonstop this St. Paddy's season (I'm in NOLA and work on Magazine street so season it is) I had to work on the day the Irish Channel parade rolled and definitely enjoyed it more with your songs keeping me company while locked in my building by parade goers. Thank you for always keeping me company and my spirits up with your music."
Kennedy Johnson emailed: "Happy St Patricks Day to you Marc. I hope you and your family are well on this day of Green & Orange 🇮🇪 I love your podcasts!! I have today’s show cued up and ready to play. Always a tradition foe me to list to your music podcast on this day!!"
13:50 - JOIN THE CLUB
As always, this show is brought to you by my Gunn Runners on Patreon. If you enjoy this podcast or my music, please join the Club. You get something new every week. It might be a podcast, a song, sheet music, a blog, or a photo. And of course you will get videos, including my weekly Coffee with The Celtfather video concert series. Sign up for as little as $5 per month and save 15% with an annual membership.
Thanks to my newest Gunn Runners on Patreon: Alice M, Karla A, Triskele, Ayden B
14:34 - Marc Gunn “The Maid Went to the Mill” from Kilted For Her Pleasure
16:49 - THE STORY ISN’T IT GRAND, BOYS, TO BE WALKING UNDEAD
What happens when a traditional Irish song is rewritten about zombies?
One of the cool things about drinking songs is when the audience gets involved to make the song their own. I don’t know if that is the origins of the “dead, dead, dead” line in “Isn’t It Grand, Boys”. But it seems likely.
It also seems like a great inspiration for a geek to turn it into a song about zombies. My friend Cathy Dailey did that and wrote “Isn’t It Grand, Boys, to Be Walking Undead.” It features all sorts of undead tropes like BRAINS, crushed flowers, and hunting undead, which totally takes my brain to Buffy, The Vampire Slayer.
The “Brains” line is my favorite because it replaces the “dead, dead, dead” with “brains, brains, brains” in the most-zombie-like style.
The chorus is also fun because it includes the “Wilhelm Scream”. That’s the term used for that death yell I make at the end of “Just time for one bloody last cry”.
Oh! Check this out from Wikipedia:
“The sound is named after Private Wilhelm, a character in The Charge at Feather River, a 1953 Western in which the character gets shot in the thigh with an arrow. This was its first use following its inclusion in the Warner Bros. stock sound library, although The Charge at Feather River is the third film to use the effect. The scream is believed to be voiced by actor Sheb Wooley.”
Sheb Wooley is best known for his song “Purple People Eater”.
But the trope of all tropes that makes the song for me is “Up come the hands of another undead”. It’s creepy, very visual, and just perfect.
The song features Nathan Deese on guitar, whistle, bass and “Brains” comments.
20:34 - Marc Gunn “Isn’t It Grand, Boys, To Be Walking Undead” from Sci Fi Drinking Songs
23:47 - CREDITS
Thanks for listening to Sci Fi Pub Songs & Stories. The show is brought to you by my Gunn Runners on Patreon. Every week, you’ll get a new podcast or song or video or video concert. You’ll also save 25% off all the merch in my store. The show was edited by Mitchell Petersen with graphics by Miranda Nelson Designs.
You can subscribe and listen to the show wherever you find podcasts. Sign up to my mailing list to read the show notes for this episode and find out where I’m performing.
And of course, please tell one friend about this podcast. Word of mouth is the absolute best way to support any creative endeavor.
Have fun and sing along at www.pubsong.com!
#pubstories #theceltickitchenparty #walkingundead
Check out this episode!
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Casting For the Pod You Love
I listen to a fair amount of podcasts, which is interesting considering ten years ago I didn't know what a podcast was.
About that long ago Emily bought me my first iPod, to listen to music while walking or doing chores.
It was called an iPod Shuffle and it still works, despite being over two hundred in electronics years. But it sits in a desk drawer, because although you can play music in order or shuffle it at random, there's no way to better pick what to listen to, in what order. That became a big deal when I started with podcasts, basically radio shows you can download off the internet. Since I have an eclectic list of interests, I wanted to be able to pick the order.
So for my birthday several years ago Emily bought me an updated model. It gives you much better control of the what and when, plus you can load it with photos and videos and other stuff, something I've never done. Although the battery is fading, it still works.
But now I mostly listen to podcasts on my phone, because why carry two devices when you can carry one?
There's a danger in running your brain 24/7; sometimes you need to stop the input and let it rest a little. Just the same, I've found listening to something makes chores like lawn mowing go faster, and helps out when I walk or run. Oh, who am I kidding? Walk.
So, what kind of podcasts do I listen to? I thought you'd never ask.
There's something called podcast fade, and some of the ones I used to like have faded away in time. But plenty others are still going strong, and most of my favorites--of course--involved writing:
I Should be Writing is by SF author Mur Lafferty, and is aimed more at beginning writers. Lafferty shares her own struggles with writing and publishing, not to mention depression and other related challenges.
Ditch Diggers: Lafferty is joined by author Matt Wallace for a more advanced writing podcast, which covers more of the business end of the industry. As their theme song says, they pull no punches.
Writing Excuses: It's fifteen minutes long, because "You're in a hurry, and we're not that smart". A group of authors goes over every aspect of writing. Sometimes they spend too much time on the politically correct for my taste, but it's not a bad thing to hear what people have to say on various issues.
Shipping and Handling: Two literary agents sip wine and discuss their industry and their jobs. Sometimes they spend too much time on national politics, but otherwise it's a great look into the minds of agents and how the business works from their end.
The Writer's Digest Podcast They don't seem to be podcasting anymore, and neither does Harlequin: Meet the Editors, but you might still be able to glean interesting tidbits from their older shows.
Smart Author with Mark Coker: This one's about book marketing and self publishing, which isn't surprising when you realize Coker is the founder of self-publishing powerhouse Smashwords.
Of course, there's more to life than writing, although you wouldn't think that to talk to me.
ID10T with Chris Hardwick is a talk show with uber geek Hardwick, who has far ranging conversations with, well, everybody--actors, authors, comedians, singers, you name it. One of my favorites was Max Brooks, author and son of the legendary Mel Brooks, who's just as fast on his feet as his dad. I don't spend a lot of time on pop culture, but Hardwick seems to be a genuinely nice guy and a joy to listen to.
Nutty Bites: My first podcast experience was with my friend Tabz of Strangely Literal, and she led me to Nutty and her husband Tech, and don't Canadadians have strange first names? You boot, they do. Nutty holds fourth with her friends on various nerd subjects, and this is where I go when I just want to have fun.
Planetary Radio: I love space stuff. This, the podcast of the not for profit Planetary Society, looks into the tech, politics, and science of space exploration, very much one of my earliest interests.
The History Chicks: Two ladies talk about history--specifically, women of history. I love history, and women ain't too bad either. Sometimes they're surprisingly squeamish about how things were done back in the day, but they don't pull any punches--and by the time they're done, you'll be squeamish about the good old days, too. But you can learn a lot in a fun way, about women ranging from Queens of England, to a Chinese pirate (yes, female), to authors, inventors, and murderers. You probably won't be surprised about how seldom the ladies get the historical credit they earned.
The Bladtcast: Christian Bladt was Dennis Miller's sidekick on Miller's podcast, and when Bladt started one of his own I moved over there with him. Not literally. He and his cast of friends basically nerd out (often obscenely) about various fandoms ranging from movies and comics to sports, and it's another one I listen to for the fun of it.
How about you all? Any favorite podcasts to recommend? There are a million of them out there.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"
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I posted 911 times in 2022
That's 45 more posts than 2021!
13 posts created (1%)
898 posts reblogged (99%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@dianaprinceownsmyass
@captain-lovelace
@jazzyjesse
@eroticlizardfiction
@mercutiglo
I tagged 179 of my posts in 2022
#writing - 25 posts
#parascience - 21 posts
#me - 13 posts
#reference - 12 posts
#wtnv - 5 posts
#fave - 5 posts
#parascience pod - 4 posts
#listen to parascience - 3 posts
#please - 3 posts
#space - 3 posts
Longest Tag: 135 characters
#and who knows maybe i’ll be able to get a second job or at least have the financial peace of mind to then still work on creating things
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
yall ever read a snippet of fanfic that makes you just make the most INSANE sounding noises you’ve ever made so of course it’s while you’re on call with one of your friends
anyways
6 notes - Posted March 1, 2022
#4
anyways, love the parascience chapter 3 finale and i WILL continue to scream about it
(art done by the amazing @eliasdouchard i simply combined it with the meme)
7 notes - Posted March 9, 2022
#3
MCR I am here and i am HYPE
10 notes - Posted October 1, 2022
#2
Hi Gamers :)
As any of you who have been around for a while will know, my birthday is on Halloween aka October 31st. And while sure, you could ask to get me something, I have something else I’d like to ask of you instead:
Infinity Break is cool as hell. They make very fun podcasts, and if you look at my pinned post you’ll find my endorsement of their show Parascience, a horror themed table top campaign. They also stream 2-3 times a week. There’s been a goal for a while now of 250 followers, and the goal is to reach it by Halloween. The promise has been the Warathon - an extended stream of all the Wario games. I’ve promised to join for a bit and cosplay Princess Peach. It would be an absolute blast.
Currently the Infinity Break Twitch is sitting at 240 followers. Help me help them hit 250 by Halloween and I will do my best to also return to streaming in general, since also as many of you know I used to stream point and click puzzle games on wednesdays over on Infinity Break. If you click here, it’ll take you directly to their twitch so you can follow. I genuinely enjoy hanging out with these gamers as much as I can on Tuesday nights and Friday nights.
This is my main birthday wish, so help me make it come true. It literally only takes 10 more followers on the page.
24 notes - Posted October 19, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
listen, i’m not saying that if you like horror and tabletop podcasts that you should listen to parascience, but i am saying that if you want to listen to a show with amazing and funny players that create phenomenal loveable characters and broaden your listening beyond dnd5e and also there’s creepy shit in the woods and ghosts on a boat and ghosts(?) in a small desert town THEN YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO PARASCIENCE
please i’m begging you
parascience. it’s good. its on whichever podcast listening app you use.
273 notes - Posted February 9, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS LISTEN TO PARASCIENCE PLEASE AND THANK YOU
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1 - Are you interested in any reality TV shows?
Nope.
2 - When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person?
I made plans to play a board game yesterday and we did. It was a trick-taking game with cats.
3 - How often (if ever) do you use moisturizer?
Every once in a while during winter. My hands can get ashy.
4 - Name five things you can touch from where you’re sitting right now:
Keyboard, mouse, fidget spinner, mac pro, backpack.
5 - Have you had any of your wisdom teeth removed? What was the reason? (eg. infection, impaction, lack of space).
Nope, they’re still in there.
6 - What was the reason for your last hospital visit?
Getting a mole and a cyst removed.
7 - Where was the last place you had an itch?
The side of my stomach with a mystery itch. I’m paranoid it’s a bed bug lurking around my bed.
8 - If you’re on a long car journey, would you rather drive or be the passenger?
Drive.
9 - What’s the earliest time you’ve had to wake up for work? What about the latest time you’ve clocked off for the day?
Hm maybe about 5 to 5:30 AM? One job required me to be in pretty early. But I got transferred out of there because I lived far from the office and kept showing up late.
10 - Do you use a laptop, desktop, tablet or phone to take your surveys?
Usually a PC, sometimes my phone.
11 - Are you fussy when it comes to how your surveys are formatted on your blog?
Yep.
12 - How old were you when you first got internet access at home? Was it broadband or did you have dial-up first?
It would’ve been dial-up in 1999.
13 - When was the last time you painted your nails?
Never.
14 - What’s your typical order when you go to Starbucks (or wherever your favourite coffee shop is)?
Some kinda cold tea or coffee.
15 - What’s your favourite thing to have on toast?
Not a fan of toast. It scratches the roof of my mouth.
16 - Do you have any debt? If so, are you on top of paying it all back?
About $1,600. I pay off my cards every month.
17 - What was the last thing you purchased with a credit card?
This morning’s breakfast. I put everything on cards for the mileage points and rewards.
18 - Have you been to college/university? If so, has your degree been useful to you or was it a bit of a waste of money?
Yep, for three years in the early 00s and then non-stop since 2008. I got an associates degree in graphic and web design and it helped for sure.
19 - How often do you travel by public transport?
Every day since I don’t have a car.
20 - Do you have an instagram account? If so, how often do you post on there and what kind of things do you post?
No I shut it down.
21 - Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer?
Not so much these days. I’m a distant type.
22 - Do you prefer to give your pets human names or not?
Not.
23 - Do you like having ice in your drinks?
Yep.
24 - When was the last time you went to a BBQ restaurant?
Oh man... years.
25 - When was the last time you re-arranged the furniture? Is this something you like to do often?
A few days ago to accommodate some upcoming construction. I used to like to move things around but now that most of my stuff is in storage I’m fine with the layout.
26 - Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? Would you know how to use one without reading the instructions?
Nope, and I think I could figure it out.
27 - What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job?
Talking with devs who have emotional difficulty.
28 - What was the last thing you used your mobile phone for?
Listen to a podcast.
29 - Did you used to play The Sims? What version or expansion pack was your favourite one to play?
Nope, but I worked on Sims 2 and Sims 3 so I did get to play those. I liked Sims 3 more than 2 when I had to poke around in there.
30 - What was the last thing you used a lighter for?
Probably to melt a plastic part back together after it snapped off, but I can’t recall which device.
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1. My mother makes me watch her take a bath every evening because she is afraid of falling (she is able bodied, this is not a real concern)
2. My mother does not let me go to my aunt’s house (even though I have a car) because she claims I do not love her any more.
3. My mother considers my part time job “not a real job” even though it’s in the field I studied and even though the market is shitty and this is the only job available.
4. My mother wants me to train her dog, and gets mad if she has to train it.
5. My mother makes comments about how at her age she wore a size 00 (I am almost eight inches taller and a size 16) and how I should lose weight, and then always says it’s a reflection on herself and not me.
6. My mother has raised my sister to yell at me the way she yells at me, and discourages any real relationship between the two of us.
7. My mother takes my phone away when she gets mad at me by ripping it out of my hands.
8. My mother has given me CPTSD yet pity posts on Facebook about how she suffers from the same ailment and is growing from it.
9. My mother twists stories in her head until I look like the bad guy. My phone (a phone that is three years old and once was hers) is not working unless it’s on wifi and even after I showed it to her, she claimed that I was lying and just didn’t want to spend time with her.
10. My mother claims I have bedbugs in my room because it is a mess. (It is a mess because she ripped the doors off my closet in a anger fueled rage and then told me it was my responsibility to fix them)
11. My mother only ever wants to talk about her workday, and when I try to talk about mine she gets angry.
12. My mother claims everyone must walk on eggshells around me even though I sit quietly in my room and do nothing most of the time because she judges me if I go anywhere.
13. My mother has admitted to trying to replace me with a student she favors because “I don’t love her anymore”
14. My mother has made the holidays (once my favorite thing) unbearable as she spews all her anger on me.
15. My mother has BPD and has pushed all her friends away and is now using those tactics on me.
16. My mother claims that I no longer wish to hand out with her unless she is spending money on me even though I have been paying for my own incidental purchases for three years now.
17. My mother gets mad at me for writing on my computer/phone/journals because she claims, “I was an English major and never get to write in my free time, so why should you?”
18. My mother hijacked a trip my friends and I were taking into the city and came along with us, turning it into my “graduation present”. While I did have fun with her that day, I know I would have had fun with my friends too.
19. My mother told me that my act of “teenage rebellion” was watching Doctor Who from the ages of 15-17 because she hated that show because her older brother watched it. I only watched it because I found it interesting, and now no longer tell her about anything I watch on television/movies.
20. In regards to that, my mother gets mad when I finally express my interests because she says that I do not share them with her ever.
21. My mother assumes my father and I are “in love” and that I am his “second wife/real wife” because he is not paralyzed to talk to me and we have a good relationship .
22. In regards to that, my mother does not know that my father and I have been hanging out every Friday.
23. My mother claims I am addicted to my phone because I use it to; stream tv, listen to music, listen to podcasts, read, write, work, answer emails, catch up with my friends, play games, and text even though she sits on her ass from 3pm to 11pm and watches the same four shows in reruns.
24. My mother got mad at me when my phone bluetooth plays my text message sounds because I should know better. ( I do not control when people text me)
25. My mother claims that she would love me “if I was gay” while saying/acting homophobic. She does not know that I am in fact bisexual.
26. My mother gives my sister all the love she used to give me, and it pains me to see her act kindly towards her but nastily towards me.
27. My mother is still the only person I feel like I can cry too, but even that is straining.
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Weight loss success homework: episode 11 “inhabit yourself”
Weight today: 138.6
I took a little break from these journals but it’s okay! The weight above is my actual current weight.
So great news! I hit a new low this year at 136.9!! Just in time for the weekend to roll in so I can go back up a little bit. But I don’t feel guilty because I only had two alcoholic beverages the entire weekend. And I’m so proud of myself for sticking to it! It’s really the little steps and the little wins that will matter in the long run.
I’m also trying to be positive while under a mild anxiety attack so bear with me.
This episode was about really embracing your body and trying to accept the reality that your body looks like what it looks like, but at the same time re-discovering who ELSE you are. Cuz you’re not just your body. You are your personality, your hobbies, your career, your likes/dislikes, you are a parent, a sibling, a friend, or just simply a human being. You are so much more than what you’re giving yourself credit for.
We are all our own worst critics because we are the ones that spend the most time in our bodies. We know all the ins and outs, all the nooks and crannies that no one else will really notice. And that tends to warp reality in different ways.
This message kind of goes off my interpretation of the previous episode. And I am so glad she responded to my exact concerns so beautifully. That if people start to accept themselves for who they are, how can they be motivated to change?
Her response is (and it’s just a paraphrase): by accepting reality, there is no shame or punishment involved in the process, you are changing yourself because you want to and you want to enjoy the process. Because enjoying the process (or at least making it part of your everyday routine) is going to get you to your goal. Being shameful and critical of yourself all the time is just not a good motivator cuz you just feel like you’re being tortured 24/7. You feel shitty when you eat healthy and exercise, and feel shitty when you eat unhealthy and watch Netflix. You never feel good! How is that any fun??
They say hard work pays off. But there’s a difference between hard work and literally making yourself miserable. Just as an example, I work hard at my job BECAUSE I love it, not because it’s my job and I have to. (I know that this example doesn’t apply to everybody). Another example may be that it’s like brushing your teeth or showering, you make it a non-negotiable part of your everyday but make it enough to not even care one way or the other. Okay, run 2 miles, sure why not?
Anyway, my assignment was to make an “I am” list that says all the things about me that are NOT about my looks.
I am kind and gentile
I am an anxious person
I am considerate
I am a daughter, a sibling, and a friend
I am a wife to be, and a partner of almost 7 years
I am a public health researcher
I am shy and quiet
I am loud when I’m with the people I love
I am a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear
I am non-judgmental
I am a runner when I want to be
I am an artist
But most of all I am enough. :)
This podcast has been great so far.
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I work online, albeit in a country far away, and when the war started -- well, that morning I did attend a work meeting on pure insane inertia, but then I sort of, uh, ghosted my work (my two works! two jobs! both online!), completely, because everything to do with the world here felt so utterly divorced from the world I was spending 24/7 caring about and thinking about. and of course, messages piled up, and the sheer dread of thinking about what people were writing kept me from opening them.
but I did eventually - a full two weeks after 24/02 - and of course they were all kind and understanding and so on. it helped that we only have the one meeting a week, so I didn’t miss many. and things got better, in the sense that I readjusted to the physical country I was actually in, joined into the workflow again, etc etc. but like, the war didn’t go anywhere, I still think about it every morning when I wake up and read through the news, and every night when I read through the news before I go to sleep, and throughout the day (during meals and tv shows and those same online work meetings).
and so I went back to my parents’ place for the weekend two weeks ago, back to a home where I speak my actual native language (instead of English with my partner/friends/coworkers), a home where everyone is likewise thinking about the war in some capacity 24/7, and it threw things off again. not in the same way, but just -- it was Easter (our Easter -- Western Easter gets holiday Fri+Mon around the weekend, not so for ours), and I was home, and the world here seemed extremely distant again, and messages piled up and now the dread is real ...
but like, this time I don’t feel I can as easily say “it’s the war” and wrongly reap the kindness of my employers. because things were better for about a month and a half, I got work done, I checked messages, I did things on time - I was a well-adjusted person in this fucked-up situation.
but it is the war! there is no rest from it! there’s no such thing as a relaxed moment that doesn’t get interrupted by the thought of “oh, fuck, the war”! it fades to the background here and there, I can and do get distracted by media that takes my roiling brain blessedly away from the war, but ultimately it still comes down to mornings that start with “oh, fuck, was there a strike in Kyiv while I slept?” and nights that end with my grandparents texting to say “things are quiet” and that’s just... the routine now! I watch shows and listen to podcasts and I waste time and I procrastinate opening those messages and the whole time, any second that my brain is not actively occupied by something else, somewhere somehow I am thinking “fuck, the war”
like, gee, maybe this sudden drop in my ability to stay in touch with my employers and the world around me might have something to do with THE WAR??? who’s to say.
anyway, it’s also a horrible feeling in the sense that I don’t want to get vulnerable with my employers and explain that, well, you see, the war is still going on, and no, nothing’s gotten worse for me personally, no one has died, no, it’s not actually taking up my time so much, it’s not stopping me from doing work, no, I’m not actively busied by it, it’s just -- the war! it’s THE WAR, it’s the war and it’s there all the time.
I don’t want to open my soul and explain that to my coworkers for whom it’s not THE WAR. how can they understand? and because this job has been online for the whole year I’ve been working it, I haven’t made friends out of coworkers, and I likely won’t -- this would be vulnerability out of thin air, and the thought makes me sick. but I owe them work, and in absence of that I owe them an explanation, and they would forgive, they forgave last time. this is unprecedented and so forth. I just fear to think: how long will they be kind enough to consider it unprecedented on my behalf? my sense of the world will be shifted on its axis until the war ends and the war routine fades. will their kindness last that long? how can they understand?
good news, though: air raid alert has ended in Kyiv, apparently. yay for that.
#personal#it's a time of the day and i'm at something of a breaking point I think#last time I had to ''fess up'' and face my coworkers and boss (ONLINE! TEXT MESSAGE!!) i cried like a fucking child about it#on my couch. at like 8pm. for no reason other than having to open those messages and respond to them in some adult way#the general inability to open messages and paralysing Dread is abnormal; yes I probably have an anxiety disorder; but holy fuck;#the war does not help to deal with it day-to-day; the lack of genuine relaxation and constant VERY REAL fear for lives and places#I have a problem but the war is a second problem and there's only so much space i have to handle my problems#and i dont exactly have the option to turn either one of them off and they both are there all the time all the time#in other news I did my first T shot today - overshadowed heavily by the Dread. but hey. it's a step into the future (a future)
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