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mousehole5000 · 3 years

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wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.” CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well. okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

#tgcf liveblog #so close and yet so far......#i keep hearing tell of this fabled book 4 i must press onwards......#but now im sleepy.....#mouse mumbles

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lemonietrinket · 4 years

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Camping ||| NCT 127 & WayV x Reader

Share With Taeyong

Genre: Fluff, adventure, mystery, interactive choose-your-own-story Warning(s): References to alcohol use but nothing severe/dangerous Word Count: 2355 Ambience: here

[START]

~~~

“Can I share with you, Yongie?”

The man in question immediately sat up, cheeks aglow with tipsy rouge and a beaming smile. “Of course you can!”

His arms flew open, childishly beckoning you over and leaving Doyoung to sigh. He didn’t say a word however, and simply shook his head, stepping further over so you could pass and he could get his bed back. You barely had a chance to offer him a glance of an apology as Taeyong’s face turned from sunshine to a cloudy pout.

“Y/N...!” he called with a whine.

Ah, yes, you had forgotten how needy a mildly drunk Taeyong could be.

“I’m coming, Yongie, hang on.” There was no way you could wipe the smile off your lips as you stepped awkwardly across the suitcases and to his side.

As soon as you were close enough, no matter what you had intended to do before joining him, he stretched up so he could pull you down. Slowly tumbling into his lap with a yelp, Taeyong merely hummed happily as he pulled you against his chest. His hands slipped round your waist and settled neatly across your stomach, whilst he nuzzled his nose into the back of your neck. Surprised at such the display of affection you weren’t sure what to do, especially with you turned away from him. You continued to giggle while your heart drummed against your lungs. However, when he began to rub small circles into your belly, eventually you let yourself sink into his embrace. He felt so light you were nervous to at first, but you reminded yourself that he was tougher than he looked. Besides, he was the one squeezing you tighter to the point it was getting difficult to breathe.

And so you let yourself lay back, hands joining his and stroking them as you rested your head on his shoulder, leaving him to settle his chin on yours. At your new angle you could finally see him, his shining doe eyes darkened with a sated tiredness as he blinked at you, no smile to be found.

It took you several moments to realise that was because he was exaggeratedly batting his eyelashes at you. And truth be told there was no way you could choke down the laugh that followed. You’d been about to enquire if he’d gotten something in his eyes when he shifted away, pouting at you properly with a flush of pink rising to his nose and cheeks. “What! What did I do?! Did I do something wrong—you hate me don’t you—”

Oh yeah, you’d forgotten that side of the liquor’s effects too.

“No, no Yong!” you interjected before he could ramble any further, sheepishness fluttering through your chest leading you to turn in his loosened grip, your hands reaching for his where they had retreated, “I don’t hate you, I promise I don’t hate you!” Fingers linking carefully with his, he didn’t resist though the smile didn’t return to his beautiful features even as you created a cradle for them. Beginning to worry, you looked across the tent. “Isn’t that right Doyoung?”

It was only then that your gaze glanced to the other side of the tent. You felt bad for how quickly you’d forgotten about the third person there with you, despite being well aware of the effect that Taeyong has on people—and especially you.

Though this was dashed as Doyoung replied, not sparing a single look to either of you and continuing to get into his sleeping bag, “I’m not getting involved.”

“But—!”

“Taeyong is your responsibility now, sucks to be you,” he iterated, a lilt of snark in his voice. “Rip.”

You had half a mind to go to town on him right there and then; tease him for how weird the word felt coming out of his mouth, and as to where he got it from. He was spared only because he was correct, to an extent. Taeyong was still quite upset, and if left in this state without attention for too long, he would only worsen—something you’d learned from unfortunate personal experience.

Turning back to him you found him staring at you, a concerned pout still on his face and glimmering specks in his eyes. “Ignore him Yongie, he’s playing mean.” Reaching up, you stroked the hair out of his eyes where it had fallen, before thumbing his cheeks gently. They were so soft you could’ve melted. “Why don’t we get into bed now? I think Doyoung wants to sleep and we could both do with some.”

After a moment’s thought, he mumbled, “Fine...” However, he did not seem to become any less restless. In fact as his hands left yours, he only seemed to sadden more.

“It’s ok Yongie,” you began slowly, in the softest voice you could manage, “tomorrow you won’t even remember this.” Your assurance was met with a grumble that you couldn’t quite make out. “Yong?”

“I don’t forget you.”

As he spoke he peered back over his shoulder, and despite the storm and the dim lights he looked nothing less than a masterpiece, the inspiration of a statue briefly catching him and his neutral expression. You were left in utter silence at his cryptic words, and more so at how the corners of his lips briefly upturned before he turned back round and he began to shift himself across the bed to get himself comfortable.

Hanging back, watching him with a dozy smile on your lips, your thoughts ran wild despite what you showed to the rest of the world. Though the relief washing through you offered a temporarily ease, the nerves and confusion broke through its barrier in the end. Could you keep your cool? The man you had a crush on was going to be right next to you for a whole night. Did he feel the same or was this the drink talking? You didn’t think he was quite drunk but then again you hadn’t been there with him for that long. Then again... what did he mean by that? And would he be happy with this the next morning?

You knew you had to be very careful, for his sake.

“If you want me to sleep away from you or on the floor then that’s—”

Taeyong, now with his legs under his blankets, whipped his head up. “No! No you sleep here, next to me. So you’re nice and warm.”

“Are you sure?”

His nose scrunched briefly before he nodded with such a certainty. “I won’t let you sleep on the floor! Now come on.”

Feeling you could do little but follow his instructions, you stepped over to his side while he slipped further beneath the covers, until only his head could be seen. When it was time for you to join him, he lifted the blankets’ edges to help you under. And no sooner were you lying on your back, blinking at the ceiling than rather confronting the man beside you, Taeyong had rolled closer and rested his head on your shoulder, fitting at your side with a hand clutching at your shirt, as if you were the only provider of safety.

Your heart leapt and you prayed he couldn’t feel it. You felt over the moon, there was no denying it, but your thoughts continued to race.

And then the light went out.

Doyoung murmured an already half-asleep ‘goodnight’ that you echoed without a second thought, while Taeyong merely yawned. It was a cute little yawn, the same one you’d seen while he played animal crossing late in the evening, and it had a special way to awake the butterflies in your stomach.

Taking the deepest breath you could manage, you folded your arm around him, just in case he took that as a sign you weren’t happy, in his tired and slightly emotional state. It earnt him pressing even closer to you, his nose nuzzling further into your neck.

But all that followed was quiet, and once again you laid awake, listening to the drops of rain scattering across the canopy of the tent. Taeyong’s words echoed through your head, their mantra forcing a frown on your face even while you closed your eyes, in an attempt to shut them out. It didn’t work however—you needed an answer

It was such a strange way to phrase something. It implied that he didn’t remember others, or at least to in the same way. Even though it was probably the product of his tiredness mixing with the remnants of alcohol, you couldn’t help but tease at the edges of the hope it brought you. You were special, different from the others, to him, and that meant that you have a chance.

“Y/N...!” The whisper was low.

“Yeah?” you answered, without a hint of grogginess.

“You’re still awake...” He sounded happy that you were.

“What’s up?”

There was a pause. “I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep again, so I’m glad I’m not alone.”

Wait, you thought, how long has it been since—

“I’m sorry that you have to take care of me.”

You felt him lift his head upwards, his breath coming to tickle your neck and you wondered what he was looking at. Of course you knew it had to be you, but you wished the dark would just subside for a moment, just to let you see for yourself.

“I will remember it tomorrow though, I promise!”

“You will?” you uttered, hardly believing it. As soon as liquor entered his system it was as if it triggered a reset within him the next morning. He’d get up and return to being so normal that it was almost unsettling, clearing up any mess he found as he trundled into the kitchen, not a single memory of the night before flickering across his mind. You remembered the first and only time that you’d been up before him to see it—though ‘up’ was perhaps the wrong term, since you had in fact not slept that night to have not been. Either way, you’d become a molten mess as soon as you spotted him enter the kitchen out of the corner of your eye. His presence had been so small as he slipped through the door, holding it steady so it wouldn’t close with a slam. And then he’d turned, arms crossed to retain some warmth and puffed his cheeks into the fridge. It was impossible to picture this man as the same guy that owned the stage in front of thousands.

You would have continued your little dream, sighing like you always did when he stood and smiled sweetly to you slouched at the island counter, when it hit you square in the gut that the real Taeyong had been talking the entire time.

“—like you. So I wasn’t wrong, because that all played a part. And now here I am, with you, finally admitting it. Wow, future-me is going to hate me.”

You cursed to yourself.

“Really?” you said, swallowing thickly and praying that it was a suitable reaction to whatever he’d been rambling on about.

“Yes! Really!” he reiterated, voice rising from a whisper to a murmur in excitement. It was at that moment that his head lifted and he shifted his weight so he could prop himself up on one arm. His other hand trailed to yours and began to play with your fingers, lifting one to stroke his thumb across the skin there, before scooping up another. His head hovered above your own, his silhouette just standing out in the dark of the night. “Y/N, kiss me.”

You choked, “W-what?”

The tip of his nose brushed yours as he repeated with a coy grin, “Kiss. Me. Pretty please.”

Heart pumping at a rate abnormal even for you in the vicinity of the biggest crush you’ve ever had, your thoughts flurried while you tried to string together enough words to make a response, Is he serious? Oh god what if I do badly? Will he regret it? What did he said before? Of course, of all the things you had to miss it had to be that, didn’t it?

At last, with your hand in his, your fingers threading through the hair at his nape tentatively, you answered.

“No.”

There was silence, even the rain had hushed into fine whispers.

“You don’t like me back?” Taeyong asked, voice back down to a whisper, barely audible despite the calm of the storm.

“No, Yong, I do, I really do,” you urged, before sighing once again, cupping his cheek with your palm and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, “it’s just... you’re drunk. I don’t want you to regret anything, to regret kissing me for the first time... because this would be our first kiss, and alcohol always makes you let things slip.”

Taeyong’s shadow didn’t move, nor did he speak. The dread that seized your stomach crept up to your lungs and throat, leaving you without air for what felt like an eternity. Until, at last, he responded.

“See?” he said, leaning into your touch, “Always taking care of me.”

A smile rose beneath your palm before he fell away and settled back down on your chest. His embrace was stronger this time, his arm wrapped around you fully, his hand holding yours. Despite your negative answer, he didn’t seem discouraged, and if his grip was anything to go by, he felt secure.

Still, you felt bad. His set-up had a cinematic feel to it, and waiting only meant more time lost. But you reminded yourself that you had all the time in the world, there was no limit for neither you nor him.

So as his breath evened at your neck, his foot slipping across to interlink your legs, you spoke up, “Kiss me tomorrow morning?” The day following the storm was always beautiful, wasn’t it?

He laughed softly, hair tickling your ear. “Yeah, that sounds like a much better idea.”

Breathing your final sigh of relief for the night, your turned your head so your chin could rest against his crown. “Goodnight, Yongie.”

“Goodnight, Angel.”

Replay?

~~~

an: i feel like im in a real writing funk rn. nothing feels like its any good. or genuine. or cute or anything. is it just me or is that actually true... idk anymore

also i actually wrote out what yong was saying that yn didnt pay attention to (so when i sliced it, it would sound more realistic) and i think its really cute and funny so i dont want it to be left unknown but also its so small so idk what to do with it

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pansexualbatgirl-blog · 7 years

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So like. Some people were kinda confused by the scattered posts and talking from my mutuals bout my new medical issues so I’m just going to quickly explain stuff here rather than to everyone individually. Anyways below this is my horror story of my gallbladder so far. No I did not have surgery yet but I’m scheduling stuff tomorrow when their office is open from the holidays. I’m alright now but occasionally still in pain and have been p much forced onto a diet.

Anyways without further ado, have the extended story of how 2016 fucked me up one more time right at the end. Anyways, I’m avoiding the majority of the gross details (the worst being probably my ultrasound and the pain which was bad)

My gallbladder got infected AND has gallstones (which is like a complicated thing im not gonna explain but long story short: OW) which happened some time just before christmas (the infection part).

Anyways I thought I had the flu the day after so I was tryna rest and stuff but all day on the 26th and 27th I was sick super bad and wasn’t able to eat. and on the 28th i was STILL sick superbad but the pain i thought was just the flu had just gotten super intense. And by that I mean when my moms boyfriend drove me to the hospital I cried at every bump. I was in so much pain it had just taken over my whole stomach and made it hard to walk and move and do anything p much (which was why I had been going to the hospital)

So anyways my mom had work in the morning and so did her boyfriend so nobody was able to stay there with me (and hospitals terrify me, for the record). So anyways I finally get to a room in emerge and the doctor comes in and THANK GOD it had been long enough for the initial tests to come in so I didn’t have to tell them I was a virgin and therefore Not Pregnant 30 billion times (because as a girl going to the hospital for stomach issues, thats their first thought). So he has me lay on my back and then starts pressing on my stomach and I screamed really loud and was caught between shaking and holding still because it hurt so bad i didnt want to move but like. He kept pressing on different places trying to find out where the pain was worst and it was on the right side (which I couldn’t really tell before since it had p much taken over half my body) which is Bad. Like, pain in the right side of your stomach is bad and they thought it was my appendix maybe so I got told I was going to get an xray and an ultrasound.

Which freaked me out.

So after he left the room my nurse came in and told me that it’d only be a few more minutes and then I was having a small anxiety attack so she helped talk me through some questions I had about the type of ultrasound the doctor had planned (bc it was originally gonna be one of the insert-smth-in-your-body ones) and told her I had anxiety issues (which will come up again later). Anyways she explained things in a way that made me feel less scared and then told me it would be painless and how it worked and made sure I was ok before going.

A few minutes later a guy comes in and puts the thing they put IVs in you into my arm and then injected me with morphine and some fluids and then walked me down to wait for my xray (which was so fucking painful lemme tell you. hes lucky the drugs were good or id have passed out by then but again: anxiety. I was too scared to ask for a wheelchair to go there).

So then they do my x-ray and the lady walked me to the ultrasound room. Not sure why (either from dehydration or because the nurse told them i was anxious about the other type) but I got the normal type of ultrasound. Which, idk if all of you have gotten one before, but theyre generally painless. Generally. They coat your belly in gel and then rub it with this thing that shows them your stomach-- painless. And by then the screeching roar of pain had dulled down a bit. Enough for it to only hurt in some places rather than all.

Anyways, she starts and I start crying right away. Like not moving, but tears everywhere. She had to guide my breathing the whole time (okay hun I need you to breathe. deep breath and hold it. okay now breathe, i know it hurts im sorry) and like I don’t know how long I was in there but it felt like forever and I was just in SO much pain the whole time even with the morphine in me.

Anyways bless her soul when she realized I had walked there she just “haha fuck that no i am wheeling you back you are not walking” only more polite and like when I answered I had walked she had this “im going to kill someone on your behalf” look on her face. So yeah she wheeled me back and told me she couldnt tell me about what she had seen on the thing (as they send it to a professional to get the reading) but she had a worried look which left me super anxious.

Ten-ish minutes not even later, the doctor comes back in, along with the nurse. He tells me that theyre admitting me and that it’s my gallbladder. He mentions its infected and my mind just goes blank with terror because when my mom had her gallbladder out it got infected amd she almost died. And at that time it didnt matter that my older sister and like two or three of my aunts had gotten theirs out with no problems, my mind just went straight to “oh my god I am going to die immediately there is no hope Im going to die alone right here in this room”. And the doctor is a bit patronizing and keeps asking me if I understand whats going on and what hes telling me and I just keep nodding and saying yeah and he left me with the nurse to go over the other stuff and I lost it. Like I had asked if I could call my mom (who I knew would understand WHY my anxiety attack had turned to a panic attack) and the nurse had been about to say that she had to go over some medical stuff first but when I broke down she quickly (bless her soul) got me my phone and let me call my mom right away (because again, I was alone at the hospital).

So yeah Im full blown panic mode and I get my mom on the phone and I barely get out “mom its my gallbladder” before i can no longer talk because I’m having trouble breathing. So my moms talking and asking me things (trying to see how bad it is) and I just am having trouble keeping up the conversation because I’m crying so hard so the nurse offers to talk to her and explains what all is going on to my mom for me properly and how bad it is (again, bless this ER nurse because she’s literally my hero). So my mom had mentioned “yeah when I had mine out I almost died from an infection” and my nurse just “yeaahhh lets not tell her that” but the thing is I already knew it was one of the scariest parts of my life and my mom said that and she kinda got how bad it was. Anyways so she gives my phone back and left to go get me something for my anxiety and my mom is telling me to call her if anything comes up and I knew she had to work in the morning so I’m trying to be calmer (because my mom needs p much all the hours that she gets, our family never has had too much money) and I went to ask if she could have her boyfriend or my sister or aunt or someone come sit with me the next day and my voice broke and it was a big sobfest and she just “I’m going to call in right now and drive up there” and Im trying to tell her not to but she just “I wouldnt be able to work with you there alone ANYWAYS” and stayed on with me while she was getting ready then when the nurse came back let me go so she could call her work (it’s community living so theres someone there 24 hours a day to answer, but either way its like one in the morning)

So the nurse brought me a pill for anxiety and chilled with me until it was time to send me up and ALSO had the pill ordered for the floor I was on so Id be able to have one if I had another attack. Now, like taking care of patients is one thing but she was an honest to god angel okay. Like she went way above and beyond what she needed to do and was super kind the whole time and even helped me pack up the little bit of stuff I had. Like good nurses in my hospital arent anything new but she was incredible and I can’t express that enough.

anyways when I’m up in the room they let me wait for my mom to get there (I was put in the old ppl ward because it had the first bed open on that floor, since it shares one with OB). When my mom got there they went over stuff with her and they said they’d know by morning if I was responding well enough to anti-biotics or if I needed an emergency surgery (which wouldve meant the inflamation/infection was very, VERY bad and not getting better). By then Ive mellowed out because morphine + anxiety medication = the highest Jean you ever did see. So I sign some papers and my mom asks more questions and then the nurse leaves (again, I was super high on the crap they gave me so I don’t really remember this part too clearly). But my mom stayed with me until I was falling asleep then gave me a hug and kissed and promised to be back in the morning when the surgeon would make the call.

Morning comes and I wake up and I woke up in too much pain to even try moving enough to hit the red page-y button for a good few minutes. Anyways when I do they bring me pain meds and they take a little while to kick in (as it was oral ones and not morphine this time) but kick in they did and by the time my mom got there (like half an hour later, its a 20ish minute drive from her place) I was very much high again (albeit still in pain).

So we wait for FOREVER for the doctor to come in and I get the news that I don’t need surgery right away but DO still need it. Annnnddd then I’m told Im spending another night there which was blah. I was also told that I wasnt allowed to eat or drink anything and that I’d be on antibiotics and fluids through my arm since they had to flush out my system or whatever.

She sat with me most of the day and chatted with the older lady’s son who was my moms age nd really nice to me even tho i spent most of the day half asleep nd full of painmeds. Anyways aroundlike 2ish? they took me to another room with a new nurse (this one in OB where I was supposed to be) and the guy wished me good luck and joked around bout how they’d loan me a wheelchair because his mom had like 4 different varieties in there ok. So in OB I had my own room and it was super big and the bed was super comfy,

Anyways my mom had to leave and let her dogs out and take care of my animals at my place so I laid there and napped off and on between pain meds and messaged some people and such. I kept dozing off on everyone though and needing to take breaks from talking and honestly theres not much to tall about this part. I slept and slept and my mom came back later and brought me a colouring book, a change of clothes, toothpaste nd toothbrush. Whcih is important because the morphine made my mouth taste gross and I wasnt allowed to have water even. Toothpaste with a gross mouth is a blessing. Boi, the things you appreciate when in the hospital lemme tell you.

Anyways I had to stay another night, this one less eventful and with less pain. I slept the whole thing nd in the morning I was feeling good enough to get up without pain meds (which i didnt need the rest of the day either woohoo). And my appetite came back (I hasn’t eaten since christmas night and even then, not that much as i didnt want food really. I hadn’t really been eating much at all that day or the couple before it) which was both good and bad... good because it meant I was getting better and bad because I was FUCKING HUNGRY OH MY GOD. But I had been dying for a drink since the day before so when later that day one of the peeps came in with apple juice and ice water I was so happy. When I was able to handle that ok I got a liquid lunch (jello, a popsicle nd broth and MORE APPLEJUICE!!!) and it was good. I got discharged not long after nd then got to go home after getting antibiotics nd pain pills.

So now the plan is to book a follow up tomorrow (since the office was closed due to the holidays) and then i go in for surgery round the middle of february. Which means I’ll probably be in the hospital on my birthday which is, you know, wonderful. Although the bright side is I’ll probably get pity presents. Maybe I’ll get a pity party. BUT I’M NO LONGER ALLOWED CAKE SO IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER.

Like I’m not on an as-little-fat-as-possible diet until its out since fattty stuff will iritate/inflame it again. I also have to avoid sugar or eating a lot at once so. Bright side I’ll probably lose the weight ive been trying to get off downside i cant eat fucking anything and i hate everything 60% of the time.

But ya that’s my story if you read this far ilu nd thanks for listening to me bitch

#jean can you n o t #rant #im dying right now tho tbh #fuck everything

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minholly-genius · 6 years

Photo

Talking to a stranger;

Stranger: Hey :)

Stranger: What are you up to?

You: nothin much

You: I'm on a smoke break

Stranger: I’m laying in bed haha

Stranger: I take it you’re at work?

You: yesss

You: I work at a pool

You: but it's winter

You: so nobody wants to swimmmmm

Stranger: Hmmmm

Stranger: Free time I guess

Stranger: I wish you were here to cuddle tbh

You: IF I WERE THERE I'd CUDDLE THE FUCK OUT OF U

Stranger: :D

Stranger: That makes me so happy to hear haha

You: r u in a relationship?

You: atm?

Stranger: No

You: awew

Stranger: You?

You: no

You: :(

Stranger: Hmm

Stranger: I know how you feel

You: if you were I'd still cuddle the fuck out of both of you tho

You: NOTHING CAN STOP MY HUGS

Stranger: :)

Stranger: May I ask what you look like?

Stranger: Just curious

You: I'm blonde

You: typical Aussie girl

You: brown hair

You: i mean eyes

Stranger: You sound cute and pretty

Stranger: I’m white, 6ft, black hair, brown eyes, avg body

You: 6ft?

You: I'm 182 cm

You: Idk how tall that is in feet

Stranger: I think that’s about the same as me haha

You: LOL

You: cool

Stranger: I agree

You: you sound just about a perfect cuddle

Stranger: You too :3

Stranger: There’s room in my bed for you

You: awww

You: ur too cute

Stranger: I try hehe

You: <3

Stranger: Awwww

You: fyi i'm smiling uncontrollably at my phone rn

Stranger: Really?

Stranger: Too cute

Stranger: Just curious are you on kik?

You: no sorrrrryyyyy

Stranger: It’s okay

You: everyone here seems to want social media

Stranger: I was just asking

You: but I deleted them all a the start of last year

You: becos I got into med school

Stranger: I can respect that tbh

You: but at times like this its boring as fuck

Stranger: Med school or social media

Stranger: Or both lol

You: BOTH

You: it is painnnn

Stranger: Ah man

You: are u in school?

Stranger: No graduated

You: university

You: ?

Stranger: Yep

You: wut for?

Stranger: Media production

Stranger: I really wish we were cuddling rn

Stranger: We’d have our arms around each other

Stranger: Legs intertwined

Stranger: Just really happy

You: yessss

Stranger: :)

Stranger: I’m glad you like it too

Stranger: What’s your preferred cuddling outfit?

You: tights

You: and a huge-ass shirt

Stranger: Nice

You: sorry If I pause sometimes,

Stranger: It’s fine I understand you’re at work

Stranger: For me it’s boxers and a t shirt

You: we do get some old ladies interested in water aerobics even to it's winter

You: holy shit forget the tights same.

Stranger: Hahaha nice!

You: I keep forgetting it's like, summer over there

Stranger: Yea even forgoe the shirt sometimes haha

You: I'm freezing

Stranger: Awww

Stranger: Would you like getting your back petted while cuddling?

You: yas

Stranger: Good

Stranger: I’d absolutely do that

You: can you drive yet?

Stranger: Yea

Stranger: I’m 24!

Stranger: The legal age for that is 16 here hahaha

You: same in Australia

You: but I just never got around to it

Stranger: Interesting

Stranger: Anything else you’d like to do while cuddling?

You: hair petting

You: smooches

You: wait no. just petting

You: like everywhere

You: like my legs

Stranger: I can absolutely pet everywhere

You: and my sides

You: and yeah

You: and belly rubs

Stranger: I’m not as familiar with where “yeah” is on the body haha

You: whenever I get too lonely and bored I try to look up videos of this kind of shit

You: but it almost always ends in

You: 1. sex

You: 2. clickbait youtube thing

You: 3. something ive already seen

You: 4. belly rub fetish people

You: 5. furries

You: ;(

Stranger: Well sadly only one of those is good from what I can tell haha

You: i just wanna be hugged goddamit

Stranger: Awwwwwww

You: which one??????

Stranger: Furries

Stranger: LOL JK

You: Yiff yiff

Stranger: #1

You: ....is this a bad time to mention how I'm asexual

Stranger: I guess not

Stranger: Just have no sexual feelings?

You: sorry lol.

You: yeah.

You: well

You: I don't mind, as long as I get cuddles after

Stranger: I mean, I’d only do it with cuddles before and after

Stranger: That’s what makes it special

You: I don't usually and I end up just feeling kind of used

You: awe

You: wot. a. sweetie. pie

Stranger: :3

You: glad to kno u likey

Stranger: Haha thanks

You: anything u like in particular when cuddling

Stranger: Playing with hair

You: really?

Stranger: Little kisses

Stranger: Yea

You: aww

You: my xbf used to complain abt my hair being in his face all the time

Stranger: I can see how that could be annoying but I may not mind as much

Stranger: Idk for sure tho

You: that's so cute

You: holy shit

You: ur so cute

You: wtf

Stranger: Idk haha

You: I like little kisses

You: I'm down for that

You: I mean..I would be down for that..

Stranger: Little kisses everywhere?

You: yessss

Stranger: Neck?

You: yas m*

Stranger: Chest?

You: sure.

Stranger: Arms?

You: totally

Stranger: Belly?

You: yep. alright. ok. fine. yup. im down for it

You: *although i'd probably bite you If I got too ticklish

Stranger: Hmmmm

You: ...lovingly.

You: and kiss it better.

Stranger: Awwwww haha

Stranger: What about little kisses on your legs?

You: yess

You: If I protest too much please ignore me

You: *please force me into it so I have a good excuse

You: I'm one of those kinds of people

Stranger: Hmmm can do

You: yeah.

Stranger: I should warn you you may have to tell me to stop getting too close to certain areas

You: no sweat.

You: my body is your temple

You: do whatever. just give me sum loooooooveeee

Stranger: Oh?

You: i dont rlly care

You: as long as ur having a good time

You: and being safe ;)

Stranger: So what would happen if I were kissing your inner thighs and I got close to between your legs?

You: I don't mind

You: probably get ticklish but not disgusted or horny

You: I suppose it's just sort of like you kissing my arm I guess

You: but I reckon you'd like it a lot amirite?

Stranger: I think so.

Stranger: Especially if you weren’t wearing anything down there

You: :)

You: happy to know you're happy sweetie

Stranger: Thank you

Stranger: :)

You: well...happy ;) ;)

Stranger: Hehe ;)

You: r u gettin hot?

Stranger: A bit tbh

Stranger: I’m sorry if this is more than you bargained for

You: i'm fine

You: I'm happy if you're getting excited

You: and if we did ever cuddle, i'd totally let you grind on me ;)

Stranger: That helps a lot :)

You: ;)

You: you're in be right?

Stranger: Just know I’d be kissing your neck as I do it

You: yess

Stranger: What was your question?

You: are you gonna do anything about it now?

You: because you're in bed and...

Stranger: .... yea ;)

You: hott

Stranger: You’d be naked as I grind on you, right?

You: yess.

Stranger: Good

You: if you were really nice

You: and promised me Heaps Of Cuddles After (tm)

You: I'd go down on you

You: and swallow

Stranger: Omg

You: out of love ;)

You: pls don't dop ur phone/laptop on ur face

Stranger: You could sleep on top of me the whole night

You: yas.

Stranger: My arms around you

You: I'm down

You: sign me up

Stranger: Yesss

You: are you grinding or using ur hands atm?

Stranger: Hands

You: left?

Stranger: Right

Stranger: I’m close btw

You: ur typing with ur left?

Stranger: Yea

You: I'm a leftie too!

Stranger: On phone

You: wait go back.

Stranger: Rifht is actually dominatant hand

You: I'd be cuddling you right

You: my back to you

You: and then....you started grinding on me

You: and then I wriggled around so I was facing you

Stranger: I’d actually be kissing you first

You: yesss

You: just imagine my hands joining yours

You: on the dick

You: fyi my hands are pretty big

You: wait, no they'd be the same size because we're the same height

Stranger: I’d love it

You: and if you were breathing too hard to kiss

You: I'd totally kiss your neck...

You: or whatever I could reach

You: you you could feel the loooovvveee

You: <3

Sweetheart: Yes :3

You: you still going m8?

Sweetheart: I actually came tbh

Sweetheart: Thank you <3

You: awwwww what a cutie

You: happy to help

You: you feeling sleepy?

Sweetheart: Mhmmm

You: sleepy cuddles are the best.

Stranger: Get in my arms

You: I wish i couldddd

You: :)

Sweetheart: Awwww

You: so....what are planning to do now?

Sweetheart: Sleep hehe

You: alrighty

Sweetheart: With you cuddled up to me

You: I'm sending my one-of-a-kind, exclusive, Tiffany cuddles from across the pacific ocean.

Sweetheart: So sweet of you :3

You: It's the og shit. free shipping

You: :)

You: sweet dreams

Sweetheart: thanks

Stranger has disconnected.

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