#( i keep on going when it's all falling apart // alex answers ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natalievoncatte · 17 days

Text

Few moments in Alex’s life would stick out like this one. There was a rising panic in her throat, pulsing against her airway. Panic and grief gripped her like icy hands, working to strangle, and she wasn’t sure if what she choked down was a sob or vomit. Her hands trembled as they held the paper. She hadn’t thought of this.

The letterhead read simply, PAST DUE- FINAL NOTICE.

With everything going on, she’d simply forgotten about the matter until she swung by the loft. She should have sent Kelly, should have set up something earlier to deal with this. Kara was six months behind on her rent and she was going to be evicted if she didn’t pay.

Which she never would.

Alex had quietly accepted, about a month ago, that Kara wasn’t coming home, that all their methods had been exhausted, that her sister was lost in an infinite, shattered Phantom Zone, never to be found. She’s finally gotten the martyrdom that she’d been unknowingly seeking since she arrived on Earth.

She was keeping it bottled up, because the others still believed, even Brainy, who had to know the odds.

Alex seethed with a towering rage. There were some nights when, lying awake in Kelly’s arms, she’d fantasize about how she’d punish Clark for failing Kara, or what she’d do to Lex Luthor if she got her hands on him. Sometimes it would even be J’onn she raged at, or Lena.

She saved them all so many times, threw her life and body and soul in front of all them as a shield and took on their misery and suffering on top of her own, and though it was like drops cast in the ocean of Kara Zor-El’s grief, she felt every blow, every loss. Alex’s falling tears stained the letter as she thought of every time Kara paced this apartment, excoriating herself for her failures whenever she couldn’t be in five disasters at once.

Alex didn’t want her to be a superhero. She didn’t want that need to throw herself between others and their own suffering to consume Kara’s life, but it had.

Not for the first time, Alex wished that Kara had just stayed on the ground and let her plane crash. It was a selfish, hateful impulse. Kara would never have let it happen and even if she had, something would have prompted her to put on that red and blue costume and fly. It was what she was for.

Alex raged anyway. Fuck that little shit Wynn for making her a costume. The little pervert probably just wanted to make her try shit on to see her half naked. Fuck J’onn for recruiting her, fuck Clark for abandoning her… and… and…

The paper crumpled and so did Alex, sobbing. This was all her fault. If only…

“Alex?”

She hadn’t heard Lena come in. She’d long ago given up heels. Hell, shed given up. She was a wearing a hoodie that Alex knew was Kara’s and her hair was in a loose ponytail at the base of her neck, and if asked when she last ate or sleep, she’d have lied. Alex already knew the answer: she ate when someone remembered to feed her and she slept on a cot in her lab as she tortured herself.

Lena was the only one that Alex couldn’t rage at because Lena was already punishing herself. Kara would be furious if she knew how they were letting Lena treat her health.

Without a word, Lena gently grasped the letter and Alex released it.

Lena read it, frowning.

Then she pulled out her phone.

“Jess, I have a task for you. I’m going to send you a pic of an eviction letter. I want you to pay off the back rent.”

“Lena,” Alex began.

Lena waved her off.

“I want the building. Set up some shell companies. No one can know it’s me. Try to negotiate so it looks legit, but they can name their price. I want it done by tonight.”

Lena hung up.

“This is her place,” Lena said, softly.

“You didn’t have to do that,” said Alex.

“Yes, I did. This is her place. She deserves to come back to it,” Lena dropped onto the sofa beside her. “I will never give up. I don’t care if I’m still trying to bring her home when I’m old and gray, it’ll be worth it to see her one more time.”

Alex felt a wave of grief overwhelming her.

“Besides,” Lena forced cheer into her voice. “I spent a billion dollars so I could hang out with her at work. What’s an apartment building?”

Alex jolted. It was as if she watched a wine glass, which had toppled and shattered and cast its contents across the floor, leap back into position. As if the shards of crystal returned to their proper places and the cracks sealed, and the wine splashed back to its proper place, not a single shimmering golden drop lost. When the understanding snapped into place, it was like a lightning bolt. She felt too large for her skin, and the fine hairs at the back of her neck stood, as though bearing a charge.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Lena was in love with Kara.

She could see it now. The love radiated from every pore of Lena’s skin, undulled by the grief that draped her like a nighted cloak, as gold shimmered untarnished beneath dust. Alex’s heart was about to break again.

“I have to get back to the lab.”

“Why are you here?” Alex said, softly.

“I was… I’ve been spending the night. I should have asked. I’m sorry.”

“Kara would want you to.”

Kara would want you to move on, Alex thought. She would want you to find someone and be happy and think only of her in fond memories. She would gladly martyr herself for you, too. You above all. She never stopped defending you even when…

Now there were two wine glasses, side by side, almost touching but not quite, promising a toast unsaid.

Oh.

Oh God.

Alex launched off the couch and threw her arms around Lena, holding her tight. Lena recoiled a little; she seemed to dislike hugs, almost like she didn’t understand them, even as she’d melted in Kara’s embrace dozens of times.

How had she been so blind?

“We’ll get her back,” Alex said.

“We will,” said Lena.

Later, Alex stood off to the side, her veins singing with unbridled joy after Kara released her from a full on, no-powers bear hug. She watched as the others embraced her and slapped her back and welcomed her home while Lena stared at here like she couldn’t believe she was real.

Limping, haggard, Kara suffered their joys with quiet reserve, pushing a little closer to her ultimate destination with each one until she stood in front of Lena.

The hug was awkward, tentative, but Kara thrust herself into it after a hesitant moment and Lena molded against her, the pair standing cheek to cheek a beat too long. Lena pulled back and Kara pulled after her, leaning in, only to dance back and do that awkward little shift.

“Kara,” Alex blurted. “For fuck’s sake, just do it.”

Kara looked at her, wide-eyed and a little betrayed. Kara was beyond honest to a fault: Alex knew that after Kara nervously told her about the infamous “I flew here on a bus “ incident. Kara was honest to the core of her very being, sickened by the act of lying.

To Alex’s surprise, it was Lena’s hands on Kara’s shoulders that turned her away. Kara looked back and her and Lena brought her hands to Kara’s cheeks, resting her palms against the abnormally pale skin of her face. Kara froze for two heartbeats and then gently put her hands on Lena’s sides and pulled her in, there bodies slotting together as their lips found one another, Kara leaning over Lena a little more with the added height of her boots as Lena collapsed into her, tears glittering on her cheeks. The kiss carried on until Alex cleared her throat.

Everyone in the room was stunned save Alex.

“Guys,” she said, “let’s give them a little privacy, huh? We can celebrate later.”

As the others filed out of the room, Lena raised her head from where it had lain on Kara’s shoulder and mouthed a silent thank you.

#supercorp #supergirl fanfiction #supergirl #supercorp fanfic #lena luthor #kara danvers #kara x lena #karlena #supergirl fanfic #ficlet #return from the phantom zone #grief and joy #or as I call it: groy #angst and fluff #angst with a happy ending #first kiss #first supercorp kiss #supercorp first kiss

468 notes · View notes

cuntyqueerleondraisaitl · 9 months

Text

They're in love

And Alex’s heart doesn’t spread itself out in his chest, and he doesn’t have to grip the edge of the settee to steady himself. Because that’s what he would do if he were here in this palace to fall in love with Henry, and not just continuing this thing where they fly across the world to touch each other and don’t talk about it. That’s not why he’s here. It’s not.

And he does understand, really. He loves Henry, and it’s nothing new. He’s been falling in love with Henry for years, probably since he first saw him in glossy print on the pages of J14, almost definitely since Henry pinned Alex to the floor of a medical supply closet and told him to shut the hell up. That long. That much.

“I fucking love you, okay?” Alex half yells, finally, irreversibly. Henry goes very still against the mantelpiece. Alex watches him swallow, watches the muscle that keeps twitching in his jaw, and feels like he might shake out of his skin. “Fuck, I swear. You don’t make it fucking easy. But I’m in love with you.”

He’s cut off mid-sentence because Alex has stopped in the middle of the corridor and yanked him backward into a kiss.

“Hello,” Henry says when they break apart. “What was that for?” “I just, like.” Alex shrugs. “Really love you."

“Seriously,” he says. Henry’s looking back at him, beautiful and vital and heartsick and still, always, the person Alex is willing to risk ruining his life for. “I hate this so much. I know. But we’re gonna do it together. And we’re gonna make it work. You and me and history, remember? We’re just gonna fucking fight. Because you’re it, okay? I’m never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you. So, I promise you, one day we’ll be able to just be, and fuck everyone else."

All at once, Alex is in love all over again. He wraps the tie once around the back of his hand and reels Henry in and kisses him like he never has to stop. Which—he remembers, and laughs into Henry’s mouth—he doesn’t.

“Hi, love,” he hears Henry say quietly, privately, right into the hair above his ear, and Alex’s breath forgets how to do anything but laugh helplessly.

“You really are a complete idiot if you believe that,” Henry hisses, the note balled in his fist. “When have I ever, since the first instant I touched you, pretended to be anything less than in love with you? Are you so fucking self-absorbed as to think this is about you and whether or not I love you, rather than the fact I’m an heir to the fucking throne? You at least have the option to not choose a public life eventually, but I will live and die in these palaces and in this family, so don’t you dare come to me and question if I love you when it’s the thing that could bloody well ruin everything.”

“When I was younger,” Henry says, “I had this very elaborate idea of taking somebody I loved here and standing inside the chapel, that he’d love it as much as I did, and we’d slow dance right in front of the Blessed Mother. Just a ... daft pubescent fantasy.”

It is, indeed, bullshit. It’s all I can do not to pack a bag and be gone forever. Perhaps I could live in your room like a recluse. You could have food sent up for me, and I’ll be lurking in disguise in a shadowy corner when you answer the door. It’ll all be very dreadfully Jane Eyre. The Mail will write mad speculations about where I’ve gone, if I’ve offed myself or vanished to St. Kilda, but only you and I will know that I’m just sprawled in your bed, reading books and feeding myself profiteroles and making love to you endlessly until we both expire in a haze of chocolate sauce. It’s how I’d want to go.

Henry’s jaw is tight, but it’s not anger, only fear. Alex can see on his face an expression he recognizes: Henry wondering if it’s safe to accept the love offered to him, and wanting desperately to take it regardless. He puts his arm around her, lets her kiss his cheek.

In the corridor of Buckingham Palace, as soon as the door has shut behind them, they fall sideways into a tapestry on a wall, breathless and delirious and laughing, cheeks wet. Henry pulls Alex close and kisses him, whispers, “I love you I love you I love you,” and it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if anyone sees.

#firstprince #rwrb #alex and henry #henry x alex #henry and alex #alex x henry #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #red white and royal blue

207 notes · View notes

smartycvnt · 9 months

Text

Unfriendly Competition

Title: Unfriendly Competition Pairing: Kara Danvers x Reader Summary: Y/n's arrival on Earth is ruined by Mon-El and Kara's blooming relationship. R WC: 1492

Kara's heart was racing as she stared down at the lifeless body laid out on the medical table. The years had changed her, but Kara was certain that she was looking at her old friend Y/n. Memories of their time spent on Krypton together playing flooded Kara's mind. She wiped away a few stray tears as she heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Kara stood up a little straighter as she felt Alex step in behind her, just close enough to wrap her arm around the back of Kara's shoulders.

"Did you know her?" Alex asked. Kara nodded as she sighed and pulled herself away from watching Y/n. "It looks like she'll make a good recovery."

"Y/n has always been a fighter, but I don't even know what happened to her," Kara whispered. She was terrified of watching one of the last Kryptonians die off right in front of her. There wouldn't be anything for her to do if Y/n didn't pull through. That set in a deep fear in Kara for the weeks until Y/n had finally woken up. Even after that, Y/n was impossibly small and weak. There was Kryptonite poisoning evident in her blood that even the DEO doctors were having a hard time getting out of her. Months and months of that resulted in Y/n being physically weaker than she should have been, not quite as weak as humans, but nowhere near as strong as Kara or her cousin were.

"You know, I've been here for years, but I never really got to see the world," Y/n said as she flew around National City with Kara. Y/n stared at Kara like she had placed all of the stars and planets in space herself, but Kara didn't seem to notice. Occasionally, Y/n swore that she caught Kara looking at her the same way, but it was only for a half second at a time. It was hard having all of those feelings from her youth resurface, but instead of being dealt with, Y/n once again had to let them sit and fester.

"A few more weeks of training like this and I'm sure that you'll be flying anywhere you want," Kara said. Y/n didn't feel like she was making many, if any, improvements with her strength and powers, but Kara insisted that wasn't true. It was almost perfect being around Kara again, but as with everything in Y/n's life, there had to be one giant catch. "Maybe you and Mon-El can train together, I'm sure it would be very good for the both of you."

"Maybe." Y/n didn't want to brush Kara off like that, but she really didn't want to spend a moment more with Mon-El than she had to. The man obviously wasn't a Kryptonian like them, but Kara couldn't see past the idea that they could start a whole new line of Kryptonians. Y/n didn't want to be uppity about him, but she was almost certain that he was a Daxamite. She had spent quite a bit of time on Daxam with her parents in an attempt to broker peace before Krypton was destroyed.

Their flying lesson was cut a bit short when Kara had to go answer a call to action. Y/n opted not to come along with her, feigning weakness instead. She went back to the DEO, where they had been keeping her in a holding cell for the time being. It was really starting to become her own space, and it was a nice place for her to get away from Kara and Mon-El sometimes. Kara had been upset whenever Y/n told her that she wouldn't be moving into Kara's apartment with her, but Y/n thought it was best to be alone than to be subjected to watching the woman she loved falling further in love with some guy.

"It's a bit more believable that you're tired when you don't spend your time resting in the combat simulator," Alex said from behind Y/n. Y/n jumped and turned around to face Alex, who was giving her a sympathetic look. "How was the flying today?"

"Great until she suggested that I train with her boyfriend to build my strength," Y/n muttered, somewhat angrily. Alex sighed as she pushed herself up from the wall and approach Y/n. Alex had been dealing with Y/n's moodiness from Mon-El and Kara's relationship as well as Kara's sadness from the sudden absence of her best friend. There were a lot of parts to the situation that Alex really didn't have the time or patience to handle, but she was trying.

"I'm not saying that you should get to know him because I don't really like him, but for Kara's sake, give him a chance. She misses you. She thinks that she's done something horribly wrong," Alex sighed. Y/n pinched the bridge of her nose. The last thing she wanted was for Kara to think them not hanging out was directly her fault, even if it was. Alex smirked as she took Y/n's obvious frustration as a sign of defeat. She wasn't sure how well things would go, but all Alex could ask for was that Y/n spent a bit more time around Kara, with or without Mon-El.

Hanging out with Kara and Mon-El was just as painful as Y/n had expected it to be. Both of them were very much locked in their own world with each other, a world that Y/n didn't feel she had any place in. Alex had tagged along with them and it was hard for her to watch as Mon-El demanded Kara's attention. Y/n sort of sat back and shrank into herself as she downed some of the otherworldly alcohol at the bar. Alex kept an eye on her, and waited until Y/n stumbled away to play pool with some other aliens to finally talk to Kara.

"Come with me," Alex said as she grabbed Kara's wrist. Kara quickly excused herself as she let Alex drag her away from the table and to a more secluded part of the bar by the bathrooms. "What is your issue?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Kara huffed. "But why don't you tell me what my issue is?"

"How the hell can you stay with that loud, obnoxious asshole at the table when you've got the sweetest girl staring at you like you're her entire world? I get that you can be kind of oblivious sometimes Kara, but Jesus Christ, Y/n has been suffering this whole night because she didn't want you to think that she doesn't want to be around you anymore," Alex said. Kara made a face as she looked over at Y/n. It was the first time in a while that she had really gotten a good look at her friend, and admittedly, Y/n did look much more sad than usual. "She's been through hell and back, don't put her through it again."

"I don't mean to. I-it wouldn't be right to just leave him like this," Kara said. Alex could tell that she was conflicted.

"Do what you want, but don't ruin what could be the best thing for you," Alex warned. Kara nodded and went back at the table to think things over. It was a no-brainer, but Kara was still hesitant to do what she knew she had to. Alex watched Kara from the pool table where she was keeping Y/n company. Every so often, Y/n would sneak a glance over at Kara, but Kara was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice it. Eventually, Y/n let herself get fully involved in the pool game, to the point where she didn't notice Kara striding right up to her in an almost confrontational way.

"Y/n, we need to talk," Kara said confidently. It sounded almost like a child trying to be intimidating, but Y/n listened to her anyway. "I'm sorry for not paying enough attention to you. I got ahead of myself and lost sight of what was really important to me. Please forgive me."

"You could have dropped me off of the Empire State Building and I would have forgiven you before I hit the ground," Y/n joked. Kara sighed in relief as she threw herself into Y/n's arms in a hug. Y/n thought it was going to end there, but Kara pressed a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth as she pulled back. "What about Mon-El?"

"Like I said, someone reminded me of who is really important to me. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, but I never really knew that man," Kara said. Y/n smiled as she leaned into Kara's arms again, finally able to rest there safely.

#my writing #kara danvers #kara danvers x reader #supergirl #supergirl x reader #arrowverse #arrowverse x reader

250 notes · View notes

studentinpursuitofclouds · 11 months

Note

What kind of drunk would the villagers of SDV be? 👀

Heh, it was so funny to write the answer to this ask right after my own hangover. Quite the experience, I would say 😅

I hope, anon, you don't mind if I don't write about Evelyn and George and the kids on this ask, because trying to imagine them drunk... is an unpleasant thought for me. But I will describe all the others (if I do not forget about someone). Thanks for your ask! ❤️

Drunk SDV villagers (except Evelyn, George and kids):

Oh what music! After 3 or 4 glasses of sambuca, Emily feels much more energetic (even more than usual) and simply has to find a potential victim partner to dance until they both fall to exhaustion. In the morning, however, she does not remember anything.

In general, Sebastian despises the taste of alcohol, but somehow he decided to try something like Amaretto coffee or Irish coffee (basically coffee with liqueur or whiskey). Yuck, Sebby didn't appreciate it. The taste of alcohol is terrible and now he feels sleepy and weak. And he can't ride his motorcycle in that condition. It sucks, now he's a mischievous and sleepy drunk.

Jodi is always busy cleaning the house and cooking, so she has almost no time to relax. But if she does get a chance to have a glass of wine with Caroline and Marnie, then she will be more cheerful and a little more chatty, nothing hardcore.

Preferring more green tea and coffee, Caroline, however, also agrees to hang out with friends with the bottle of something strong. Being slightly drunk from a couple of glasses of wine, Caroline will chuckle at her friends' every joke, and may even decide to order a stronger drink. True, all the energy leaves quickly and she immediately becomes drowsy drunk.

Cheerful and energetic, Abigail is ready to conquer mountains after a few strong cocktails. A drunk girl teeters on the edge of "noisy party soul" and "I'm ready to get into any fight for my homies." Luckily, she's not drunk enough to stubbornly go into the mines with a sword in her condition.

Marnie, having drunk about 5 glasses of wine, becomes flirty drunk. And Lewis's slightly angry comments about the fact that she can work on their secret relationship does not bother her at all. It's been a long time since she felt so cheerful and carefree, just like when she was young, ah...

Lewis, meanwhile, teeters somewhere between "paranoid drunk" and "sleazy drunk." At his age, it's not very useful to drink so much alcohol, and now to keep an eye on Marnie, who, as he thinks, will now blather everything about the two of them to everyone. Damn it, you can rest calmly without worries, you old fart.

Let's race, who's faster? Or let's fight on the hands? Alex wants the competition to prove that even though he's a little tipsy, he's still the best. Although the next day he will be ashamed if during the fun he broke some dishes or chair, and apologize to everyone.

Shane canonically is a depressed drunk. He sits in a corner of the Saloon and drinks mostly alone. Please don't touch him, otherwise he will transform from a depressed drunk into an angry drunk. And you definitely don't want to see Shane drunk AND angry.

If the Saloon has karaoke, then Elliott will be always there after drinking mugs of strong ale or wine. Apart from his loud singing, he becomes reckless enough to spontaneously do anything. Gus or the others often help Elliott get home before the failed singer (sorry Elliott, but you write so much better than you sing) hurts himself or others. The poor guy would later lock himself up in his cabin for a couple of days when he found out about his drunken adventures.

After an extra drink, Sam suddenly becomes overly affectionate and touchy-feely. In a state of intoxication, it seems to him that he did not hug someone enough, or that he was not hugged enough. Hug him please, he's like a little puppy.

Linus doesn't drink alcohol, but sometimes in the harvest seasons in the forest he often comes across fermented fruits and berries. Linus almost always processes them carefully before eating so that he doesn't get more intoxicated during dinner, but sometimes he can occasionally eat some raw fermented grapes before bed. He perfectly understands which fruits are more fermented or less. But he treats this without fanaticism, because the main goal is to eat, not get drunk.

"What if? No, it's impossible. But what if I use that formula, and... Nah, it still won't work. But what if I... No no no. Or maybe yes? Or maybe..." The constant ebb and flow of ideas for new inventions is a typical behavior for Maru when she has a drink that is quite strong for her. This will continue until she falls asleep. It is good that her brother is nearby and help her.

Ah, for old Willy there's nothing better than a bottle of mead after a hard day of fishing. So to speak, to celebrate a successful catch. He most often drinks alone, even when in the Saloon, but can occasionally tell his fishing stories to Marlon, Gil, or Clint with a few drinks. And no matter how much he drinks, he will remain the same. Honestly, as if in the mug not alcohol, but just water!

Penny will never touch a drink, but there was a case when she accidentally drank Sam's cocktail, confusing it with her glass of juice. She immediately became sloppy drunk, embarrassed by her condition and making haste to get home. Penny doesn't understand how her mother can enjoy such a state.

Oh, the doctor knows that in small doses, wine can even be beneficial to the body. But when, by coincidence, Harvey has to drink more than his body can handle, then this is a complete blackout. He doesn't remember anything and prays that he did not do anything obscene.

Pam is an aggressive drunk. This is even more noticeable when her order for another beer is delayed by more than five minutes. Mostly this is a verbal skirmish, Pam will not show physical aggression (unless it concerns her daughter. For her sake, she will grab anyone by the throat, and she does not need alcohol for this).

Usually Wizard is always strict about alcohol, but there are times when you just want to get drunk. Given that he always drinks alone, he is most often sad drunk, remembering the old days when he and his ex were still together. If anyone (Farmer) wants to console him, then let them mentally prepare for an hour-long story about his ex-wife, youth, and that "the grass used to be greener."

Marlon will also remember the old days with a glass of whiskey along with Gil, but unlike the same Wizard, Marlon's stories are more filled with fun and excitement. Usually he is strict and silent, but when a little drunk, he opens up a little more, with his comrade remembering their adventures when the young guys just embarked on the path of an adventurer. These old people deserve some rest and fun.

Pierre considers a couple of strong cocktails a well-deserved reward after a hard week at work. The alcohol in his blood makes him more talkative, but now his tongue is tangled up so that you no longer understand whether Pierre asked to repeat the order, or somehow insulted you.

The last cocktail was obviously superfluous, but Haley didn't care. She wants to have fun, and why is the music so quiet, and let's all dance, and she already changed her mind don't touch her, and anyway where is her other cocktail? Cheerful, energetic, but at the same time more capricious - this is how it goes.

Kent has been very wary of drinking since he returned to Stardew Valley. After all he's been through, it's very easy to drown at the bottom of the bottle, and he doesn't want to get to that point. He still has his family. So he asks Gus, Marlon or Willy to stop him if he gets depressed drunk after a mug of beer or two.

Ah, the tango began to play in the music machine! Robin will not miss the opportunity to dance with her husband to passionate music. She usually asks her husband, but after a few sips of ale, Robin pulled Demetrius off the table and onto the dance floor with almost one tug.

The same Demetrius, after drinking, was very sleepy, but the whole life flashed before the eyes of the poor scientist, when his dearest wife grabbed his hand and he heard the words "tango". Demetrius loves Robin and will not refuse her a dance, but still, a strong drink affected the scientist's vestibular apparatus, and he dances no better than a rag doll. But it looks funny Maru and Sebastian will definitely film this on camera as compromising evidence for the future.

Clint has a fairly high tolerance for alcohol, so he probably drinks almost every day. Even in the cinema, he manages to smuggle alcohol under the guise of Joja Cola. So you can call him secret drunk: no matter how much he drinks, he does not look drunk. Just like Willy.

198 notes · View notes

hunterbunter3000 · 11 months

Note

Question

Whats everyones heights? It kinda get confusing can you help a Black person ineed?? 😭

LMAOOO

Dw friend I gotchu (and I'm sorry it's confusing 😥 i should've made it clear)

Disclaimer: Alot of the heights have changed from canon because I said so, and I really had to think on this because this is set in stone for rest of the time I write for Sweetheart 🤭 so I have to go back to edit some posts🧍‍♀️ LOL

Shortest to tallest-

Roach: 5'8

Rodolfo: 5'10

Soap: 5'11

Gaz: 6'0

Graves: 6'0

Horangi: 6'1

Price: 6'2

Alex: 6'3

Alejandro: 6'3 ½

Keegan: 6'4

Ghost: 6'4

Sweetheart: 6'5

König: 6'10

Krueger: 7'1

AND just to make things clear, I'll also go into the backstory (because I don't want people to be confused)

Task Force 141 consists of: Price, Gaz, Soap, Ghost, Sweetheart, Alex, Roach, Horangi, König

(Keegan comes and goes)

Shadow Company consists of: Graves, Krueger

Los Vaqueros consists of: Rodolfo, Alejandro

Sweetheart met the OG team (Price, Soap, Ghost, Gaz) when she was a Private, meaning she wasn't a Sergeant yet. She was so professional for a whole year 💀

It was filled of

Salutes and straight backs everytime one of them comes around her

"Yes sir, no sir"

Only calling them by their ranks and callsigns

Being nervous around them

No joking with them

She was so serious, it got on their NERVES

Price kept telling her that she was apart of the team, therefore you can CHILL THE FUCK OUT- but she was so nervous around all of them (because she looks up to them alot and wanted to impress them- especially Price and Ghost) they saw how relaxed and fun she was around the rookies and her other friends (which I will go into detail on another ask) Soap was so jealous when he saw her smile and laugh with her friends. Like why are you like this with them and not us? Are we doing something wrong? Do you not like us? Soap was going thru it, poor baby

Soap told his team what he saw, and Price was a bit hurt. Ghost thought he wasn't worth her time and got salty 💀 Gaz was sad (he was still intimidated by her, but he wanted her to be comfortable)

UGH they were in such a longing to be her friend and make her comfortable around them. It took a bit, but she finally joked and smiled around them- my God they loved it. (And then they see the real her and they all fall in love 🤭) it still took Sweetheart five months just to touch Ghost LOL

Before Sweetheart was going to be a Sergeant, she met Krueger (I went over how they met already) and Krueger was- yk... really infatuated with her. Like he was thinking about her all the time when he was still apart of Chimera. When that disbanded, he asked (threatened) Graves to be apart of Shadow Company. It took him a bit to find where Sweetheart was located, but when he found out he acted on it immediately.

Then König joined 141, then Alex and Roach, and then Horangi. As I said, Keegan comes and goes in the team. He joins the team in missions and then leaves to go do other things. What things? No idea.

She then meets Los Vaqueros during a mission (which I already talked about as well) and now they just-- live life and try to woo Sweetheart! The end ✍️

Again, I apologize if it was confusing. 141!Sweetheart is made with each ask I answer, so things keep adding on. But I hope this helps! 🙏🫂

#cod headcanons #call of duty modern warfare 2 #modern warefare ii #modern warefare 2 headcanons #cod oc #taskforce 141 #los vaqueros #shadow company

127 notes · View notes

lesbehonestsstuff · 4 days

Text

Chapter 10

Summary: Alex and Casey are called to the precinct where they find Olivia trying to get a little girl to open up.

I feel like this one needs a bit of explaining. I basically mixed episodes 16 and 20 from season 6. Alex got shot and went into witsec (I’ll write that one eventually) she came back because they caught Connors and Casey was attacked because of her relationship to Alex. It will make sense when you read it. I split this chapter into two and will post the second later.

Warnings: usual SVU things

Chapter 10/?

Olivia sat in the dark hospital room, Casey was sleeping, the pain meds having taken her out after Olivia spoke with her. Olivia tried to remain calm and calm Casey when she hadn’t remembered what had happened, knowing it was normal but it still left her deeply unsettled. The last few weeks, scratch that the last few months had been a complete shit show. All of it starting the night Alex died; well, she wasn’t dead, but only Olivia and Elliot knew that. They had promised Alex and the Marshalls they wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Casey, much to the detective's surprise as the marshals had insisted that it was to keep Casey and Niki safe. Alex had asked them, practically begged them, to look over her family, to take care of Casey, to not let her fall apart, and not let anything happen to her or to Niki. Of course, they had promised, and they had kept said promise, watching over them after Alex was gone.

Now Olivia looked at the beaten redhead in front of her and couldn't help but feel like she had broken that promise. She was so deep in thought she didn't notice the door opening and closing until a gasp followed by a broken sob broke the silence. Olivia turned her head so fast she almost got whiplash.

“Alex?” she whispered, unable to contain the shocked tone at seeing the blonde again.

Alex walked towards the bed, her eyes never leaving Casey. She reached out carefully, running the back of her hand over Casey's bruised cheek. Olivia watched as Alex's eyes flooded with tears until a few fell out. A minute must have passed, Olivia's mind still trying to comprehend how Alex was in front of her until Alex quite literally stood in front of her, anger running through her. “How could you let this happen?” she demanded, her voice breaking with emotion. “You promised me you were going to take care of her,” she took a deep breath, and Olivia could tell she was trying to compose herself.

Olivia ignored the questions and instead fired one of her own. “How are you here?”

Alex looked towards the door that was now blocked by what Olivia assumed were a couple of marshals. “One of the marshals let it slip that an ADA had been attacked, so Hammond told me what happened, and after that, he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop me from coming. Now answer me, what happened?” She was using the voice she reserved for when she dealt with criminals, and if Olivia didn't already understand why everyone was so intimidated by her, she sure as hell did now.

Olivia sighed, knowing there was really no beating around the bush now. “We’ve been dealing with four murders, the bullets matched your open homicide. Donnelly pulled Casey out of it the moment we figured out that whoever killed them also tried to kill you. We weren’t allowed to tell her, but you know how she is, she went digging and found out.” The squad had no idea how Casey had figured it out, but a day after they told her she couldn't keep on with the case, she had stormed into the precinct pissed at all of them for not telling her that they were looking into Alex’s murder.

Olivia sighed and continued when she saw Alex was waiting for her to go on. “Alex, she's been in really rough shape, and I guess she just lost it. She went into court the day of arraignment and started screaming at Connors until we got her out of the room. Thankfully, it was Judge Preston, and she let it slide. We tried to calm her down, but she screamed at us to leave her alone and went home after.”

Alex rubbed her hand over her face a couple of times. She knew Casey was going to fall apart; hell, if the roles were reversed, she would’ve lost her mind. “So how did she end up here?”

Olivia knew it was all still an ongoing investigation and they were still trying to piece everything together, but she also knew that she wasn’t going to be able to keep much from Alex. “We knew she had made herself a target the moment she stormed into that courtroom and screamed about him killing her wife. When the prosecution decided to charge Connors with your murder to be able to hold him, they must have figured that they could go after her to try to scare the DA’s office off the charges. I stayed with her because she insisted she needed to look into Connors while Elliot went to get Niki. I stepped out to get us coffee for five minutes, Alex, and when I came back, she was-”

Alex interrupted her, trying her hardest to not raise her voice and wake Casey up. “How could you leave her alone knowing she had a target on her back, Olivia?” She was fuming and pacing the room; it would do her no good to startle Casey, all things considered.

“Alex, we were in the DA’s office, in her office. There was no safer place for her to be,” Olivia reached out, trying to comfort her, but was quickly pushed back by the blonde.

Alex shook her head, her anger palpable. “Well, that clearly isn’t fucking true, look at her!” a sob bubbled up in her chest and broke free before she could stop it, Olivia taking the chance to try again, this time successfully wrapping Alex in a hug.

"Hey, shh," Olivia murmured, tightening her hold on Alex knowing the pressure would help ground her. "She's going to be okay."

Olivia kept holding her tightly, slowly rocking them back and forth. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going through Alex’s head. She felt her let out a shaky breath against her shoulder before she spoke again. “What did the doctors say?”

Olivia pulled back slightly, still holding Alex close to try to keep her calm. “She’s got a concussion, bruising, and a couple of broken ribs. They were worried about internal bleeding, but they cleared that. She doesn't remember the attack yet.”

“He didn’t…did he?” Alex asked her, and Olivia didn’t even need her to specify because she’s been working this job long enough to know what Alex meant.

She gave Alex another squeeze. “No, honey, I talked to the nurses, and it was cleared,” she reassured her, giving her a small kiss on the side of her head.

Olivia could see the relief flood Alex’s features. “Thank God,” another wave of sobs made their way through the silence in the room, and Olivia would be lying if she said it didn’t freak her out slightly to see Alex so distraught. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen her cry that much, and it was breaking her heart.

“Liv, how am I supposed to explain this? She thinks I’m dead; my daughter thinks I’m dead,” this subject was one that had kept Alex awake for so many nights in the past months. Her anxiety at an all-time high over how her wife and child would react to finding out she was alive. She knew that she was in an impossible situation and that Casey might even hate her for this. This definitely wasn’t how she had wanted to come back, adding to the pain and trauma, both physical and psychological, that her wife was dealing with by having her come back to life wasn’t ideal, but Alex couldn’t stay away. She just hoped Casey would understand.

“There was nothing you could do, Alex, you had to protect them,” Olivia rubbed her back, trying to keep Alex from getting more distressed.

Alex let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, look at how well that turned out,” she pulled back from Olivia’s arms, wiping her hands below her eyes to get rid of the last of her tears, taking a deep breath, and schooling her features. “I want him charged with my attempted murder and her assault.”

Olivia’s brow furrowed with concern at the implication of Alex’s words. “Honey, that would mean you’d have to leave witness protection,” she tried to reason, not sure it was the best idea considering what was happening. “We already have him for the four murders.”

Alex shook her head and started to pace the room once more. “I don’t care, if I can help get him convicted, I may have a shot at staying. Besides, if they find out I’m alive, it will only fuel the defense to push for perjury charges.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to Abbie, see what she thinks,” Olivia nodded, already trying to figure out how she was going to tell Abbie that Alex was alive and that they had perjured themselves when they arrested Connors.

The mention of Abbie Carmichael seemed to catch Alex off guard; they hadn’t seen each other for so long she wasn’t even sure Abbie was still in New York. “Carmichael is back?”

A faint smile tugged at Olivia’s face at Alex’s disbelief. “You really think Donnelly was going to let a random ADA handle this? You two are like family to her; she basically speed-dialed Abbie when Casey was taken off the case.”

Alex paced across the room for a little while, seemingly calmer now that she knew Abbie was the one handling the case. She finally pulled up a chair and sat next to Casey, very gently holding her hand, careful not to disturb the cables and wires that ran around her.

“How has she been doing? How’s Niki?” Alex's voice was soft, mindful that she was now closer to Casey, her eyes never leaving her as she asked Olivia for updates on her girls.

Olivia took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding, searching for a way she could tell Alex things that she was sure were only going to break her further. “Niki has been quiet. I don’t think she fully understood what was happening. She has lashed out at Casey a few times, but after, she just seems to go back into herself. After the funeral, she kept asking Casey when you were coming back. We’ve been taking turns taking care of her, making sure she’s with one of us whenever Casey is working.”

A heavy silence hung in the air as Alex absorbed the news, her expression a mixture of sadness and guilt. She knew the toll her death was going to take, and yet, she couldn't shake the feeling of helplessness that was trying to consume her, the nagging thought that she had failed them in some irreparable way.

“Casey, she's not doing great.” Her voice was soft, as if it was aware of how easily it could cut through Alex. “I'm going to be brutally honest with you; if it wasn’t for Niki, I don't think she would be here. Donnelly gave her a month's leave, and she was just going through the motions for Niki. She was almost catatonic during that time, and now she just throws herself into cases until she’s almost drowning in them.”

The weight of Alex's guilt seemed to multiply the more Olivia spoke as she grappled with the enormity of the situation and how much her wife had suffered because of her. “This is a whole fucking mess; what am I supposed to do?” she exclaimed, the frustration at being in this situation clear in her voice.

Olivia reached out, her hand coming to rest on Alex's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “You tell her the truth, tell her it was the only way to keep them safe and that you didn’t have a choice. She’ll understand.”

Alex's frustration boiled over, her anger directed inward as she berated herself for the decisions that had led them to this point. "I hate Hammond, I hate Connors, fuck, I hate myself for not listening and dropping the case," she confessed, thinking about how Casey had supported her as she kept working the case but practically begged her the night they blew up the car and the agent with it to let someone else handle it. She was too stubborn and too determined to listen, and that set all of this in motion.

“You were just doing your job, Alex,” Olivia tried to reassure her, seemingly aware of how much Alex was berating herself in that moment.

“Yeah, and it cost me nearly eight months of my life with my wife and our daughter,” Alex whispered, defeated by the weight of regret that had clung to her since the night she had to leave.

Olivia didn’t have an answer for that; she could only imagine how hard all of this was for them. When Casey shifted a little in her sleep, she got Alex’s attention again, knowing the redhead was going to wake up soon. “Do you want me to stay or do you want to be alone with her?”

Alex shook her head and rubbed her thumb over Casey’s hand. “Please stay; I don’t know how she’s going to react to seeing her wife back from the dead.”

Olivia pulled up another chair and settled in beside Alex, wrapping one of her arms around Alex and letting her lean her head against her shoulder. “Okay, honey, I’ll stay.”

#alex cabot #casey novak #calex #casey novak x alex cabot #law and order svu #olivia benson #all aboard the angst train

13 notes · View notes

vox-ex · 1 year

Text

questions and answers

Supercorptober Day 27 “October"

thanks to kmsdraws for the prompts

Kara and Lena learning things about each other. (aka my take on the Kara learns when Lena’s birthday is fic + a little sg reveal thrown in)

////

The first time Kara asks Lena when her birthday is, it's in the way you ask someone you don't quite know yet — an offhanded question, tucked into the end of a sentence with nowhere else to go. So when Lena shrugs and says, "in the fall," it doesn't feel out of place. And Kara doesn't really think about it again. There are other questions she asks, other things she learns instead.

She learns about all the good Lena is trying to do. Learns she wears her heart on her sleeve even if she tries to hide it.

She learns that her favorite color is green but that she usually wears darker colors. Learns she likes to take her coffee black, but prefers tea at home.

And perhaps Kara's favorite, she learns Lena likes hugs, even though Kara still usually leans in first.

She learns so many things so quickly, so simply, so easily, that it's only when Kara stops by Lena's office and sees the corner of a card peeking out from under a stack of papers on her desk, that she remembers one of the things she still doesn't.

"Oh," Kara says, feeling foolish. "I didn't know it was your birthday. I mean, I knew it was around this time of year, but I didn't know when."

Lena looks startled for a moment, but then she smiles. "It's okay, it's not a big deal," she shrugs, "and it's not anyway," but there's a slight flush to her cheeks that wasn't there before. "My birthday, that is. Sam and Ruby always just send me a card early."

"Oh," Kara says again, feeling even more foolish, "Well, happy early birthday then," she says finally, lamely.

Lena's smile comes and goes quickly, "thanks." She pauses for a moment, but then looks down at her desk, gathering the papers strewn across it and shuffling the card into the bottom of the pile. "I should probably get back to work."

"Right, of course," Kara says quickly. "I'll see you later."

"Bye, Kara," and Lena isn't really sad, but she isn't herself either.

Kara stands for a second, hesitating about whether or not she should hug her goodbye, but there's something in the way Lena is standing, the way her heart is beating, and so she just smiles instead, and waves as she steps backward and out through the door.

"Bye Lena."

Kara doesn't bring it up again, but afterward she starts to stop by more often, just to be there — just in case. It's never anything planned, but somehow they always end up having lunch on the couch in Lena's office or taking a walk to the coffee shop down the street.

And one night, they even find themselves sitting together in her apartment. Sharing ice cream and glasses of the almost expensive whiskey she keeps there for her sister.

"When's your birthday?"

Kara blinks, fingers suddenly reducing the napkin in her hand into little shreds of paper without a second thought.

"Uh. Well."

And yeah, Alex is definitely going to kill her for this, but...well...she's learned so much about Lena and Lena, Lena should know things about her too.

"I don't really know," Kara finally says. Takes a deep breath a decides to just go for it. "The closest I can figure it's September 22nd, but we only had six months in our year, so the days and everything don't really line up the same here.

Lena's eyebrows furrow in confusion, but before she can say anything, Kara continues on quickly.

"So now I mostly celebrate my Earth birthday instead. That's in May. May 18th."

Kara takes a breath. Risks a glance up at Lena. Sees the surprise slowly turning to something soft and gentle and understanding.

But before she can think of what to say next, Lena lets out a heavy sigh, words of her own coming tumbling out.

"Mine's today."

She leans forward a little, elbows resting on her knees and one hand pushing the hair back from her forehead.

"I usually just lie and tell people it's the day I got adopted by the Luthors," Lena quietly admits. "Lex used to think I did it to try and make Lilian happy for some weird reason. But I did it for me." She runs her hand through her hair again. "I've always felt like there is the me who I was before them, and the me who I was supposed to be after. And I thought if I kept them separate, then the world would have to too. That way, I could still be me, and they could have whoever that other person was.

Lena shrugs and gives Kara a small, sad smile.

"I told Sam one night when I was drunk on my birthday, my real birthday. She's sent me a card every year ever since."

Kara reaches out and takes her hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Is there anything you want to do then?" Kara asks gently. "Since it's your birthday."

"I think I'd like to just stay here a little longer with you if that's okay," she says quietly.

And so that's what they do. They order too much pizza and sit on the couch together, watching old movies and learning a little more about each other until Lena's hand presses against her knee. "It's getting late, I should probably get home."

"Sure, yeah."

Kara nods, and stands up with Lena. They walk to the door together, and Kara can't help but feel like something has shifted between them. Something good.

"Happy birthday Lena," Kara says stepping out into the night air after her.

Lena smiles at her, eyes shining in the light of the streetlamps. "Thank you Kara."

"I'd, If'd you like to, I'd really like for you to celebrate my Earth Birthday with me this year."

Lena's smile grows and she nods. "I'd love to."

"And if'd you like me to, maybe I can help you celebrate your birthday next year again too." Kara adds, shy and hopeful all at once.

Lena hesitates, hands pulling into the ends of her sweater, but then "I think, I think maybe I'd like that."

"Yeah? I mean good." Kara says, relief and happiness flooding through her. "Because I'm really good at presents."

Lena chuckles, "That I don't doubt at all."

#supergirl #supercorp #supercorptober #supercorptober2022 #my take on the birthday fic #a little different reveal fic too #sg prompts

188 notes · View notes

shinetcgether · 7 months

Text

alex's tags

0 notes

spaceman-earthgirl · 2 years

Text

Supercorptober 2022 Day 3: Drunk

ao3 fic link. series link.

Kara loves game nights, she really does, but tonight, she’s just really not feeling it. She’s still beaten Alex in three games so far, she’s still eaten too much food, but with the knowing looks Alex keeps giving her, she knows she hasn’t done well in hiding her subdued mood.

Lena’s not here tonight, and Kara’s acutely aware of the warm body missing next to her own. Lena had apologised profusely when she’d called earlier to say she couldn’t make it, a meeting had come up she just couldn’t cancel. Kara’s not upset at Lena, knows her work is important, but she still misses her best friend.

She misses the way Lena would always sit too close, whether there were other chairs available or not, Lena pressed warm and comfortable to her side.

She misses the way Lena would lean over, words whispered in Kara’s ear, when she didn’t want anyone to hear.

She misses the way Lena would pretend to get upset whenever Kara saw her cards when they’re playing a card game, only to shift closer when Kara suggests she move away.

She just misses everything about her best friend, the soft smile Kara is starting to realise is only ever directed at her, the way Lena always puts too much food on her plate so she can share with Kara, the way Lena always steals her comfy clothes any time she comes over and how adorable she looks in them.

“You need to tell her how you feel,” Alex says, pulling her sister into a hug as they all leave.

Usually, Lena would linger if she was here, she’d make some excuse about needing to use the bathroom or helping with the dishes and then Kara would ask if she wants to stay the night and they’d end up cuddled in bed together, Kara trying to pretend she’d do this with any of her friends.

“I will,” Kara sighs, not needing to ask what Alex is talking about, this is a common conversation they have. She will, one day, just not today.

When the door closes behind her friends, Kara’s left alone, the emptiness even more obvious with thoughts of Lena on her mind.

---

It’s not long later, dishes done and Kara about to go to bed, when there’s a knock at the door. Senses instantly on alert at this late hour, Kara easily recognises the heartbeat of the person at her door.

The moment Kara opens the door, she can tell Lena isn’t sober.

“Lena? What are you doing here?” Kara asks, reaching out a hand to steady Lena who is swaying dangerously to the side.

“Kara!” Lena beams, leaning into the contact, only making her tilt even further, most of her weight supported by Kara’s grip.

It doesn’t look like Kara’s going to get her question answered so she tugs Lena forward, careful to keep Lena upright. “Come on, let’s get you some water.”

Kara leads Lena into her apartment, helps her takes off her heels and leads her to the kitchen, hands on her unstable best friend as she goes. It’s only once she’s gotten Lena seated on the couch and she’s had a big glass of water that Kara asks again.

“What are you doing here?” Kara asks, brushing a loose strand of hair behind Lena’s ear as Lena blinks sleepily at her. “Are you okay?”

Lena’s shoulders slump, her gaze falling, and Kara immediately regrets asking.

“You can talk to me,” Kara says, laying her hand over Lena’s. “If you need to. But unless you want to talk now, we should get you to bed.”

“Okay.”

“Bed now, talk in the morning?” Kara asks.

Lena shakes her head. “Talk now.”

“Le-“

“I missed you,” Lena sighs, her free hand falling to rest over Kara’s. “I missed you and I was sad I missed game night so I started drinking after the meeting and then I didn’t stop and then I couldn’t stop thinking about you either and I just wanted to see your pretty face and give you a hug and feel your body wrapped warm around me and fall asleep listening to the sound of your breathing.”

Kara’s breath catches in her throat at Lena’s words, words she knows sober Lena wouldn’t say.

“Lena.” The name comes out slightly strangled, but Kara doesn’t know what else to say, she had no idea Lena felt that way.

She had no idea that Lena feels exactly the same way she does.

“Yes, darling?” Lena asks, her words slightly slurred herself.

“I like it when you call me that.”

Lena smiles, her head falling to rest on the back of the couch.

Kara follows suit, lets her head fall back to rest beside Lena’s. “I missed you too,” Kara says, enjoying the way Lena’s smile widens, fuzzy around the edges from the alcohol. “But we should get you to bed.”

Lena pouts. “But I don’t want to.”

“We can cuddle in bed,” Kara offers, because apparently that’s something that Lena wants too.

Lena nods her head too vigorously, shutting her eyes a moment later, the room no doubt spinning.

Kara doesn’t wait for an answer, just stands and then bends down, one arm behind Lena’s back, the other under her legs, and she picks her up, Lena cradled in her arms.

“My hero,” Lena sighs, her head falling to rest against Kara’s shoulder.

Kara’s not sure Lena is going to remember any of this in the morning, but she will, and she’s going to make sure they talk about it, make it clear that she missed Lena tonight too, that she wanted nothing more than to snuggle with her on the couch as they played games, and then to snuggle in bed with the pretense that this is a normal thing friends do most nights.

She’s going to tell Lena exactly how she feels, because that fear of ruining their friendship that’s kept her from telling Lena in the first place is gone, she knows Lena feels the same.

As soon as they’re in bed, Lena snuggles close, head tucked under Kara’s chin, head pillowed on Kara’s chest.

She presses a kiss to the top of Lena’s head. “Goodnight, Lena,” she whispers.

Kara’s so in love, it sets off a fire in her chest, and Lena may already be snoring lightly against her neck, but Kara knows she’s not going to be able to sleep for a long time tonight.

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #alex danvers #supercorp fanfic #supercorptober2022

157 notes · View notes

yes-divine-ruler · 1 year

Text

Boy Next Door

Part 3: Just a Bit Much

pairing: alex (adult world) x fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of marijuana

Word count: 1992

Previous Part ↤ ↦ Next Part

All parts

I woke up the next morning with Sophie by my side, face down in my favourite pillow. I groaned at the light coming from between the drapes, my head pounding with whatever alcohol Alex and Sophie convinced me to drink last night.

I rolled over, almost sitting up and falling off the bed when I saw Alex, snuggled into my side. I hadn't even felt him there when I woke up. I watched in silence as his chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing, his lips slightly parted and his hair a tousled mess of curls on his head.

I then checked to see if I was still wearing my underwear, I'd be damned to know that Sophie finally convinced me to have that threesome with her that she's always bugging me about. When I saw I was wearing my long pyjamas pants I let out a sigh of relief, yet it still didn't answer the question of why Sophie and Alex were in my bed.

I was stuck, huddled between two people still deeply asleep. I slowly peeled Alex's arm off my waist, careful not to wake him. I climbed to the end of the bed, planting my feet securely on the ground before going to the bathroom.

The fluorescent bathroom light was somehow worse than the sun, my eyes barely opened as I stood in front of the mirror. The girl squinting back at me was unrecognisable. I looked like a train hit, mascara running down my face, thick knots in my hair and lipgloss smeared onto my cheek. Whatever happened last night, it was something that I had wished to avoid, and typically this morning with the raging hangover hanging over my head.

I washed my face, heading into the kitchen and grabbing ahold of a coffee mug. Standing on my tip toes to reach the highest cupboard, I pulled out a box of Advil, popping two from the metal sleeve and drinking water from the tap to wash them down.

I stood against the counter with my eyes closed as black coffee brewed in the pot, an eye opening to gaze over at the sugar cookies I made a few days ago. Giving into my temptations, I slid a cookie off my three-tiered biscuit stand, biting down on it and swallowing my first mouthful.

"Did you save me some, party animal?" My head turned in the direction of Alex, who strode into the kitchen in nothing but a t shirt and a pair of boxer briefs.

"Don't you have your own apartment?" I watched intensely as he took a cookie and shoved the whole thing in his mouth.

"Holy shit these are good," he got out between chews, his mouth full of food.

"What happened last night?" I asked him as the coffee pot rung to tell me it was ready. I poured a mug for myself, watching Alex as he eyed it, rolling my eyes and deciding to pour him his own mug.

I slid it over to him from across the bench top, seeing his face light up in a smile as he read the side.

"Chaos coordinator fuelled by caffeine?" He snickered, taking a sip of the black coffee before setting it back down on the bench, his hands cupping the mug to keep them warm.

"Shut up, answer my question," I nagged, offering him creamer as I poured some into my mug.

He shook his head before letting out another laugh, "what didn't happen last night you mean?"

My eyes widened and my mouth hung open in shock.

"You'll catch flies," he joked, swinging in circles on my swivel stool.

"Alex- what do you mean by that?" I asked, biting down on my bottom lip so hard it could've drawn blood.

"I'm joking, you had one drink," Alex held up a single finger, "and wouldn't stop chatting up random guys so we had to leave," Alex shrugged his shoulders, seemingly bothered as he explained the events of last night.

"And that's not like you Y/N!"

Sophie emerged from the bedroom, in an oversized t shirt that was hanging off her left shoulder. I recognised it immediately as one of my brother's. I kept my mouth shut, she probably didn't know it was his.

"Thanks for bringing me home then," I looked down at my coffee as I said it, Sophie coming up behind me and helping herself to her own mug.

"Yeah you were a bit of a cockblock if I'm being honest, you wouldn't let Alex and I dance all night," my head shot up towards Alex, who was scratching the back of his head as if he didn't know what to say.

Could I have made more of a fool of myself even if I tried?? And did Sophie have to bring it up?

"I'm so sorry," I said, but I think deep down I was happy I decided to wedge between them all night.

"I got work in an hour so I'm gonna head back to my apartment, thanks for last night ladies, was a real treat," Alex got up from his bar stool, and came over to me briefly. He engulfed me in a tight hug, kissing the top of my head before saying goodbye to Sophie. I know it was friendly, but I couldn't ignore the butterflies in my stomach.

"Can you get me a discount, I need some new toys," Sophie called out to Alex as he put his sneakers on at the door.

I looked at him puzzled, I must have missed that conversation.

"Well aren't you just a dirty little whore," Alex teased, shooting Sophie a wink and laughing before leaving my apartment.

"Did you miss when Alex told us he worked at Adult World a few blocks away?" Sophie muttered, her mouth full of her third sugar cookie.

"Like, what, an adult store? Like... sex toys and stuff?" I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks.

"Yeah, how hot is that?" Sophie giggled, going over to a pile of her own clothes and picking them up in her arms.

"I should get going too, can I give the shirt back later?" I bit my lip, wanting to tell her how upset I was that she was wearing it in the first place, but of course I didn't.

"Uh, yeah sure," I finished my coffee, leaving my mug in the sink as Sophie came over to me. She pulled me into a tight hug.

"Love you, Y/N," she said, before leaving my apartment.

"Love you too," I replied, but only after the door was already closed.

Once I was alone, I let out a sigh of relief. The two of them were really getting on my nerves. Just as I sat on my couch to turn on the TV, I heard a knock at my door. I groaned, throwing down the remote and stomping my way to the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw Alex's smiling face, looking like it was inside a fishbowl.

"Yes?" I asked through the door.

"Um- I don't actually have work today, I was wondering if you wanted to make breakfast?" He held up a carton of eggs and a packet of bacon.

I contemplated it, I was wondering why he came back after Sophie had left.

I opened the door, moving to the side to let him inside. He went over to the kitchen, placing the food items on the counter.

"Your friend Sophie is.. a lot," he laughed nervously, standing awkwardly behind my kitchen counter. I knew he felt like he was testing the waters with that statement.

"Yeah she can be," I simply replied, heading into the kitchen myself and taking out a couple frying pans.

"You got any bread?" He asked, looking over towards the toaster.

"Yeah, just in the fridge," I explained, turning the stove on and waiting for the pan to heat up.

We made breakfast together, chatting about random things until it was ready. He was funny, and annoying, but he was nice company when he wasn't being arrogant.

"I didn't expect you to be so.. out there last night," he said as we sat across from each other at my small dining table.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, a small frown on my face.

"You just seem so innocent," he offered me a small smirk, the arrogance making an appearance again after almost a whole morning without it.

"Well I'm not okay? You hardly know me," I replied, shaking my head at his statement and looking down at my food, the eggs and bacon forming a sort of smiley face on my plate.

"I don't need to know you that well to sense your vibe," Alex scoffed, "it's not a bad thing,"

"Right, well you work at an adult store, smoke pot and have girls over at your apartment the day you move in, maybe there's just an in between," I defended myself, knowing deep down that I did nothing like that, that I hadn't even had a sexual experience passed kissing before and the only drug I consumed was caffeine.

"You seem defensive," Alex teased, picking up on my tone.

"I'm not," I whined, "just eat your food."

We ate in silence, the question of why he came back after Sophie left still gnawing at me even after he said she was a lot.

"Alex?" I decided I'd ask him.

"Yeah?" He looked up at me, his bottom lip between his perfect teeth. It almost made me melt off my chair the way he was looking at me.

"Why'd you come back after Sophie left?" I pried, watching as he let out a small laugh.

"Because I wanted to spend time with my number 1 girl," he shot me a wink, heat rising to my cheeks once again.

"No but seriously," I knew that wasn't the real answer.

He sighed, resting both his hands on the back of his head, slouching down in the chair and crossing his legs under the table.

"You wanna know the truth?" He asked, to which I nodded.

"She really is just too much, look good on her it may have worked with other guys but, it's like she's desperate for my attention and it doesn't do anything for me," he stated simply. Inside I was doing somersaults knowing that he wasn't interested in Sophie, but I pushed them away, unsure why I was feeling like that.

"Yeah, she's, a bit like that," I agreed, not being able to hide my smile.

"Someone looks happy about that? Want me all to yourself?" He got up from his chair, picking up both our plates and taking them to the kitchen sink.

"No- I- just" I was stumped on what to say, he knew how to make me feel flustered.

Alex just laughed, starting to fill the sink with hot water to wash the dishes. There was something attractive about a man actually cleaning up after himself, maybe he was just doing it because he was in my apartment. Did he want to impress me?

"Thanks for cleaning up," I acknowledged, moving over towards the couch and picking up the remote again.

"Have you seen Stranger Things?" He asked from the kitchen. I turned to look at him, shrugging my shoulders.

"Only the first season really," I admitted, laughing at his surprised face.

"Clear your schedule Y/N, today we're finishing season 2," he beamed, the dishes now in the drying rack and the pans soaking in the sink.

He came and sat down next to me as I fake groaned in disappointment. He jokingly shoved my shoulder.

"You'll love it," he says, pulling a throw rug from my ottoman and wrapping himself in it. I looked at him again, almost surprised he wanted to spend the day on the couch with me, but maybe he was just bored and hungover like I was.

#evan peters #evan peters fanfic #evan peters fanfiction #evan peters requests #evan peters smut #evan peters imagine #evan peters x reader #american horror story #adult world smut #alex adult world smut #alex adult world #adult world #Alex adult world fanfiction #evan peters x fem!reader #evan peters x female reader #fem!reader

94 notes · View notes

everwitch-magiks · 9 months

Text

Shameless

Henry has a lot of sex. A lot. He's young and in college and there is no shortage of men to fall in bed with. What better time to explore what he likes and what he fucking loves, as well as to catalogue how to make his many, many partners feel as good as possible? It’s all part of the learning experience. And Henry is a very dedicated student.

Alex has been inescapably aware of Henry ever since that one time they kissed. You don’t just stop being aware of the guy who basically caused your sexuality. So when Henry propositions Alex at a lame frat party, Alex accepts eagerly. Maybe this is exactly what he needs. Maybe, if he can just have Henry once, he’ll have a better chance of finally getting over his embarrassing fixation with Henry. It's worth a try.

I wrote this fic just about two years ago, in 2021, and I still think about it frequently. I'd gotten this idea that I wanted to write one where Henry has a bit of a reputation. It came largely from the parts in the book that reference Henry's time at university: Henry says that was where he picked up 'skills' in the bedroom, and he also tells Alex about his 'assortment of guys' at Oxford. Fun, right?

I just kind of loved that whole idea; Henry exploring his sexuality, having all the sex he wants, and figuring out all the things he likes in the bedroom. And when I put Alex there with him - at the same college, interested in Henry, and perfectly aware of the fact that Henry has many, many sexual partners - I realised I had a lot of interesting questions to answer. Would Alex even consider the idea that Henry might be interested in him beyond sex? Would Henry think Alex had approached him for anything but sex? And even if they managed to get on the same page, how would things shake out if Alex felt that he wanted to take sex off the table for a while?

'Shameless' is a story almost exclusively about sex: it’s about having sex, about not having sex, about the trust it takes to say both yes and no, and about how incredibly sexy it is to be open and honest about what you want and why. I do so love to write intimate conversations about sex - there’s something to be said (ha) for when they put it all into words, you know? What they want. How much they want it. How utterly enthusiastically they consent.

I'm so glad my hobby is smut - it brings so much goddamn joy.

Below the cut, you'll find an excerpt from this fic that I'm still so proud of. Alex and Henry are at a point where they are not fucking, but that doesn’t mean they aren't thinking about fucking. Also, Alex is pretty curious about the other partners Henry has fucked - so they talk about it. A safe distance apart. Did somebody say sexual tension?

“Hey,” Henry tells him softly, tugging on Alex’s hand. “What’s up?”

Alex turns towards him, startled. They’re not even there yet. But Henry is watching him closely, his brows creased slightly. Like he knows. Like he cares.

“I just have a lot of thoughts,” Alex says, smiling weakly. “I’m fine. I promise.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Kind of,” Alex admits hesitantly. “Look. I don’t want to say goodnight just yet.”

“Okay,” Henry says easily. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Yeah.” Alex takes a breath. “To mine. But not to… you know.”

“Okay,” Henry repeats. He frowns. “We can hang out in your room without having sex, Alex.”

“Yeah,” Alex agrees hurriedly. “I know, I know. It’s just, the words ‘do you want to come up’, they kind of imply things.”

“Sure.” Henry nods, like he understands better. “But I know you’re not implying anything. You just want to spend time with me. Right?”

“Yes,” Alex says. Except then he hesitates. “I mean, mostly.”

Henry is quiet for a moment. “Okay,” he says slowly. “Can I ask you to try to explain that?”

Goddamnit. Alex usually isn’t this useless at communicating what he’s feeling.

“I keep thinking about it,” he finally says, the words coming out in a rush. “Sex. With you. And I’d kind of like to talk about that? But that doesn’t feel fair, because I know you want to, and I don’t want to rub it in your face that I don’t, so like—”

“Hey,” Henry cuts in gently. “Alex, it’s okay. I think you’re being a little hard on yourself.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Alex sighs. “I just feel like I should make up my fucking mind.”

“Not necessarily,” Henry says. He smiles. “Can I take you up on the offer to hang out in your room? I feel like this is a longer conversation.”

They do go to Alex’s room. Alex digs out two cans of beer from his mini fridge, not because he wants to drink but because he needs something to do with his hands. He doesn’t even open his, just holds it between his palms and feels the cold metal against his skin. He’s not sure how he feels about Henry watching his movements carefully.

“Okay,” Henry says calmly, and Alex looks up at him in surprise. He’d kind of expected Henry to want Alex to explain himself more. “Look. You don’t need to justify to me, or to yourself, why you want the things you want. Okay? It’s okay to just feel what you feel, and it’s okay if some of those feelings contradict each other.”

Alex opens and closes his mouth. His mind spins. He hasn’t even told Henry how fucking frustrated he feels about wanting Henry but still not wanting to go there. At least not in so many words.

“And if you want to talk about sex, but still not have it, that’s okay.” Henry passes his own can of beer between his hands. He hasn’t opened it either. “Honestly, I’d be very interested in that.”

“You would?” Alex asks quickly. Henry is just full of surprises today. “Why?”

Henry smiles. It’s weirdly sheepish. “Look,�� he says. “I’ve had a lot of sexual partners. I know you know this. And one of my hobbies is getting to the bottom of what people like and why. It’s kind of my thing.”

“Jesus,” Alex mutters. He takes a breath. “Just, for the record, that doesn’t make me want to sleep with you any less.”

“Noted,” Henry says, grinning. “That’s very mutual, by the way.”

A thrill runs down Alex’s spine. Yeah. He likes that. He’s very into how badly Henry wants him. Is that the feeling he’s chasing? Is that why he’s keeping Henry at arm’s length?

“So lets talk about sex,” Alex says quickly, before his thoughts can derail further. “I’m game.”

Henry looks at him for a moment. Then, very slowly, he cracks open his can of beer.

“Sure,” he says, like it’s that easy. “Sex. What about it?”

Alex bites his lower lip. That’s a fucking challenge, isn’t it? Henry is pushing him, just a little bit, and Alex likes it. God. He should start making a list.

“Well,” Alex says, thinking quickly. This shouldn’t be that hard. It usually isn’t. “We could talk about the time you fucked me, or what other things we might want to try. Or about the sex we’ve had with other people.”

“All good options,” Henry tells him. He drinks from his beer, keeping eye contact with Alex. “Would you want me to talk about the sex I’ve had with other people?”

“You would do that?” Alex asks him quickly. Too quickly. Too eagerly. “I mean, you don't need to explain any part of that to me. It's not like it bothers me."

“But maybe you’re curious,” Henry says with a knowing smile. “And you could ask me about it, if that’s the case.”

Alex swallows thickly. If this is still a challenge, then Alex is pretty sure he’s losing. Or, alternatively, he’s about to win big.

He is curious, is the thing. But he's figured it would be too rude to ask.

“Yeah,” he admits before he loses his nerve. “Yes. I am curious about that.”

“Well,” Henry says evenly. He thinks for a moment. “What was it that guy at the party said, something about me and half the football team...?” He meets Alex’s eyes steadily. “He’s actually not wrong.”

What. The fuck.

“Is half the football team gay?” Alex asks incredulously, before he can think to stop himself.

Henry shrugs and grins. “Some bi, some curious. I could make you a list.”

“No kidding.” Alex opens his can of beer but still doesn't drink. His heart is beating fast in his chest. “Did you really blow them all?”

“Most of them,” Henry admits. He’s still grinning. “I do like to give head. Although I should perhaps add that this wasn’t all in the same evening.”

“You didn’t do that to me,” Alex says, and then freezes. Shit. That can’t have been the right thing to say. “I mean, not that I minded. Not at all.”

Thankfully, Henry doesn’t look offended. “I just really wanted to fuck you,” he says, his tone earnest in a way that should not be as sexy as it is. "You asked me if I had a preference, remember? And I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for that, but I wanted to so badly, I figured I’d put it on the table and see what happened.”

“I’m glad you did,” Alex tells him honestly. His voice is actually fairly steady. “God, that night was so good. I’ve thought about it so many times.”

“Me too.” Henry’s gaze flickers down to Alex’s lips. “All the time, actually.”

Fuck. Alex wants him. Alex wants him so much.

“Well,” Henry says slowly, leaning back a little. He’s interrupting the moment, and it’s clearly on purpose. “What else did that idiot go on about… oh, right, the handcuffs.”

That makes Alex smile. “Look, you don’t need to confirm or deny every stupid rumour about you. Not that handcuffs are stupid, but you know. It’s okay if that’s not your thing.”

Henry’s eyes brighten with unmistakable interest. “They’re not my thing, exactly,” he tells Alex pleasantly. “I prefer ropes. They’re so much more versatile.”

Alex’s mouth turns very, very dry.

He remembers with vivid clarity the one time that Nora had tied him to her bedposts. He’s pretty sure that he hasn’t come that hard since then. Nora wasn’t crazy about it, so it didn’t happen again, but Alex has touched himself to the memory many times over. If Henry could do that to him—

“Which way do you like it?” Alex asks quickly. “Do you want to be tied down, or…?”

“I’m into both.” Henry is watching him closely. “And you?”

“I, uh.” Alex swallows. “I like having my hands tied. I like that a lot.”

“That would paint a lovely picture,” Henry tells him with a smile, and Alex has to close his eyes for a moment. Jesus fuck. “What is it that you like about it?”

Alex’s eyes fly open again. Is he supposed to have a succinct answer to that? Is he supposed to have words for that all-encompassing feeling?

“Is it that you’re giving up control?” Henry suggests curiosity. “Or do you still want to decide what’s about to happen?”

“No,” Alex admits after a moment's thought. “I mean, there are things I don’t want to happen, but I don’t want to pick and choose. I want to be taken care of.”

“Ah,” Henry says quietly. It takes him a couple of seconds to find actual words in response to that, and that’s a fucking first, isn’t it? “I’d be very into that, Alex. I’d be extremely into that.”

“Oh,” Alex breathes out. “Okay. Cool."

For a moment, they just look at each other. Something has shifted between them.

It would be so, so easy to just pull Henry close and take him to bed.

“Alex,” Henry says quietly, “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.”

It’s really something, how Alex’s feelings of relief and disappointment mingle together. He should get a fucking therapist, shouldn’t he?

“Is it because I told you I want to wait?” Alex has to ask, his stomach knotting uncomfortably. If it’s not because of that, then…

“No,” Henry says plainly, and Alex’s heart sinks. “If you told me you want to, I'd trust you on that. No, I just didn’t think that’s where we were headed tonight, and you gave me a lot to think about just now. Sex and intimacy aren’t things I take lightly, contrary to popular belief."

“Oh,” Alex says. That makes sense, is the thing. It’s completely in line with everything Henry has shared with him. “Of course. And just so you know, I think I was equally relieved and frustrated when you said that just now.”

“That’s something to unpack, isn’t it?” Henry teases with a wry smile.

“I know,” Alex groans. “No need to rub it in."

"I think you’ll know when you're ready," Henry tells him softly. "Don't you?"

Alex looks at Henry for a moment, taking in the whole package of him—his kind smile and his clear blue eyes and his devastatingly attractive body. He's kind of impossible not to want.

"I fucking hope you're right," he mutters, and Henry grins and kisses his cheek.

Read 'Shameless' on AO3

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #firstprince #first prince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #fanfiction #spotlight saturday #evie writes

34 notes · View notes

almost-a-class-act · 1 year

Text

Good evening Band of Brothers fic readers!

I've been mulling over supernatural gifts as a neat AU idea so I wrote three little snippets.

Featuring: Joe Liebgott, Eugene Roe, Bill Guarnere, and Ron Speirs. Co-starring no less darling but slightly less magical Floyd Talbert, Babe Heffron, Skip Muck, and Alex Penkala.

“They don’t just go away.”

Eugene nearly jumps sky high at the sound of the voice in the dark, though even in his instant of panic, he recognizes it. He spins around and sees a silhouette that can only be Liebgott, crouching near the edge of his foxhole.

“You about scared me half to death,” he says reproachfully.

Liebgott smiles, faintly. “Sorry.” He’s not. “You heard what I said?”

Eugene frowns at him. In context, of course, if one knew what Eugene knows, then what he said makes perfect sense. But no one knows what Eugene knows. “I don’t know what you mean,” he says.

“Yeah, you do.” Liebgott glances off toward the line, eyes fixed on some point far off in the cold, silent dark. “You see ‘em too. I know you do.”

Eugene balks for a moment. He’s never met another living soul that he wasn’t related to who could do what he can do. “You see them?” he asks, knowing it’s not enough of a question but unable to put together a better one in time for it to catch up with his mouth.

“Do I not seem like the type?” It’s rhetorical, and Joe isn’t waiting for an answer as he eyes him for a moment. “You gotta tell them to go. That it’s okay. That they’re, you know.” His mouth quirks, relaxes. “That it’s over.”

“I’ve got enough on my plate these days,” Eugene says, feeling justified in his defensiveness. “It’s all I can do to deal with the living.”

“Even so.” Joe shifts, re-settles in his crouch. “Look. They don’t know that anything’s changed. It’s confusing. They think they gotta stay, for the rest of us. You gotta tell ‘em they don’t have to.”

Eugene wonders if he can picture it, the Joe Liebgott they all know having a gentle heart-to-heart with a friend in trouble. Maybe he can, after all. After his initial doubt, he remembers passing him nearly carrying Tipper in Carentan. He can picture him after Tab got it from a bayonet.

“I try not to talk to them,” he admits. Everything else already rises up around him, choking him, pushing him under; if he’s honest with himself, he can barely tell the living apart from the others these days. “It’s too much.”

“Yeah. Sometimes it is.” Joe looks like he’s going to say something else, and then thinks the better of it and rises. “Do me a favour,” he says. “When it happens to me, tell me that I’m dead.”

Eugene doesn’t answer, but Joe doesn’t seem to expect one. Eugene watches him vanish into the gently falling snow.

“Hey, uh." Bill gives a conspiratorial glance around, as if to check he's not being observed. "Don’t tell the rest of the class.”

He tosses a carton of Lucky Strikes into the foxhole. Skip catches it against his chest, and both he and Penkala direct pleased but incredulous looks up at him.

“Is it my birthday?” Skip asks.

“Are you dying?” Alex follows up.

“We’re all dying out here,” Skip quips.

“Don’t make me change my mind,” Bill warns, and they both grin like kids who have gotten away with stealing from the cookie jar.

“What was that for?” Babe asks, crunching toward him in the snow as Bill makes his way back to his own foxhole.

“Anyone ever tell you that you ask too many questions?” Bill grouses.

“No,” Babe says, tucking his hands under his armpits for warmth. “Where’s my free cigarettes?”

“Tell you what,” Bill says. “You can have yours when we get home.”

Babe’s face goes slack with shock. “You mean they’re – ”

“Keep your mouth shut,” Bill snaps, nudging him hard in the ribs. “I told you. Once I dream it, it can’t be changed. Remember Julian.”

People always want to try and alter the unalterable, whenever he tells them. He lets them try so that they understand why he doesn’t anymore. The universe always rights itself. He’s known that since he was five years old.

Babe is white-faced, and he glances over his shoulder at Skip and Penkala but nods. “Is it today?”

“Later,” Bill says. “But I had to make my stops this morning.” He thinks without relish about the shredded snow, the inevitable earsplitting spray of sound and blood and pain that will rattle his skull and his teeth and every last one of his bones. “I’ve got plans this afternoon.”

Sometimes Tab thinks about the night of the bayonet. The guys have the odd laugh about it now, but truth be told it scared the shit out of him. If that didn’t turn him grey, he’s counting on a full head of dark hair well into old age. He doesn’t remember the actual part where he was wounded very well, but he does have an extremely vivid memory of then-Lieutenant Speirs coming over, ostensibly to see what all the commotion was, and laying a purposeful hand on his shoulder.

That touch had been like a bolt from the blue.

All of a sudden, everything he had ever worried about had simply spooled out of his body and into the ground. He had felt so strangely calm, floating contentedly above everything, that Liebgott had even commented on it when they’d gotten him onto the stretcher. Hey. You good? Is he good, Doc? He’s quiet. He had dreamed that night like never before, vibrant colours and sounds and places he’s never been.

He has never asked about it, mostly because he’s pretty sure you can’t ask your CO whether he’s got magic hands without becoming a Section 8, but he remembers it clear as day. He knows it happened. There’s not much else you can trust out here but your own instinct about what’s true.

He watches Speirs hold Grant’s hand now, in the tiny designated surgery, while they wait for a doctor to come in and tell them there’s no chance.

He asks, without thinking: “Does it still work, sir? If he’s not awake?”

Eugene looks back and forth between them, and Tab knows suddenly that the Doc knows, too. Of course he does. Doc doesn’t miss much and he’s been in the presence of a lot of men who might have benefited from a pat on the shoulder like that.

There’s a beat.

“I don’t know,” Speirs admits.

“It does,” Eugene says, firmly. Tab can’t tell if he’s guessing or if it’s based in something he’s seen, but either way, Speirs doesn’t argue with him.

The three of them lapse into silence. Chuck dreams on.

#band of brothers #fanfiction #roaroftheninth

26 notes · View notes

perfectpaperbluebirds · 7 months

Text

Sicktember #21

Prompt: “But if you stay, you’ll get sick too.”

Fandom/OCs: The Black Tapes Podcast (Alex and Richard)

Words: 1590

Sicknario inspo: "Keep your distance, I've caught a cold" from this post, "No, you're not" from this post, “We need to do something about that fever” from this post, and "a bad cold" from this post

Author’s comments/background: Not much to say on this one, except that I love pieces in which I can incorporate several “sicknarios” into one. If you don’t know the characters, you can check out my other stuff where I give more description. It’s a fandom that not many other people here like, but that I love, and writing these nerds is always a treat. I hope to write something else for them over this holidays as well, so you’ll probably see them again soon.

~~~***~~~

"Keep your distance. I've caught a cold."

Richard Strand frowned as he read the text from Alex, frozen in a moment of indecision, as he'd been just about to head to her house to pick her up for work. He thought for several moments about how he should respond.

"Do you need anything?" he asked at last.

There was a long delay before she responded: "I hate to ask, but… could you bring me some NyQuil and some orange juice? I know I just said keep your distance, but no one else is available. I'm sorry to ask."

"It's no trouble. I'll be there soon," he quickly replied.

It took only minutes to stop at the store, so he was pulling into Alex's apartment complex in no time. He parked and made his way to her door with her supplies in hand. He cleared his throat before he knocked, feeling strangely nervous. When she answered, Richard tried not to show his surprise at her appearance. He had never seen her so disheveled. Even through all the early mornings and late nights they'd spent together, Alex had always seemed so put-together. The woman before him now, dressed in a fuzzy robe and slippers, looked anything but. She looked exhausted and miserable and shaky… and sick. She smiled at him as soon as she opened the door, though, looking more like her usual self right away.

"Richard, I can't thank you enough for doing this. You're a lifesaver." She held out her hand for the shopping bag.

"Like I said, it was no trouble. Are you sure you have everything else you need?" He handed over the bag almost reluctantly.

Alex braced herself against the doorway and Richard saw her legs trembling, though whether from cold or weakness it was hard to say. "I think so," she replied. "You don't need much when you just sleep all day, and that's exactly what I plan to do." Her voice, what was left of it, petered out into a hoarse coughing fit that she muffled into her elbow. The coughing left her eyes and nose streaming, so she then had to tidy herself up with a tissue, the friction heightening the blush around her nose, which was only matched by her flushed cheeks.

Richard watched all of this with mounting concern. "Do you have anyone coming to help you?" he asked. "You seem very sick."

Alex shook her head and tried to wave away his concern, but the gesture was lost as she instead had to press the tissue to her nose to catch a pair of sneezes this time.

"I'mb fide," she croaked when she was able. Blowing her nose, she tried again. "I don't think there's much anyone can do, you know? These things just have to run their course."

Richard frowned. "You shouldn't be alone like this, though. What if something happens to you?"

Alex shrugged. "I've been taking care of myself for a long time. I'm used to it. I don't want anyone to have to worry about me."

"Then I'll stay with you," Richard said. “I can work from here just as well as anywhere else. You and I will both rest easier if you're not alone."

"That's not–"

"You're shaking so hard you're about to fall over. Let's go inside, please. I've kept you talking for too long."

In a smooth motion, Dr. Strand reclaimed the shopping bag from her and took her arm, gently leading her to the couch where it was obvious she'd been lying before he arrived. She tried to protest again as Richard began to make himself at home.

"I'm fine, really. I'm not–"

"No, you're not fine, Alex." He paused, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I've seen you work through half a dozen illnesses since we started working together, and you've never missed a day. So if you're saying you're sick, that means you must be feeling awful. You're not fine, so let me help you. Please."

Alex made an exasperated sound. "That's beside the point. You don't need to stay. I don't–"

She was interrupted by her phone ringing. Both of their heads snapped to the coffee table where it was lying. Alex groaned when she saw the name on the caller ID.

"Ugh, Brittany. That's a student that wanted to shadow me this week. I forgot to call her to cancel for today. She'll talk my ear off if I answer, and probably try to show up here anyway just like you did."

"Let me handle this," Richard said, looking almost mischievous. He picked up her phone. "Dr. Strand speaking," he said in his most formal tone. The moment of shocked silence that followed told Alex he had had exactly the effect he'd hoped. Then Brittany began to chatter, but Richard cut her off before she could really get going.

"Yes. Thank you. Perhaps another time. No, Alex won't be available today. She's–"

A well-timed sneezing fit burst out of Alex just then, and Strand angled the phone so the caller could hear it. "Sorry. As you can hear, she's caught a bad cold."

Brittany tried to start up again, but Strand wouldn't let her. "I'll tell her that. Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience. Take care now." He hung up with a decisive gesture, then gave Alex a smirk.

Alex rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Don't act so smug. I could've done that too. But thank you. I appreciate your help I guess. Not that I had much choice in accepting it."

Richard chuckled. "You're welcome. You see, I can make myself useful in the most unexpected ways. You'll be glad I'm staying."

"But I don't want you to stay, though," she groaned. "If you stay, you'll get sick too, don't you get it? And then where will we be with both of us out of commission?"

"I've considered the possibility. It really wouldn't be that serious. IF it even happens. We've spent plenty of time together and have never gotten each other sick before."

"Neither of us have been sick like this, though," Alex groaned, then coughed, Richard thought, for emphasis. "But I can see your mind is made up. I hope you don't regret this."

"Whatever happens, I will never regret helping you," Richard said seriously. "That much I can assure you. Now, would you like some juice? Or is there anything else I can get you?"

"Yes please to the juice, and then NyQuil." She had to stop to cough before she continued. The cough sounded very weary and all the more harsh because of it. "I haven't slept in two days because of all of this, and I really want to be knocked out for a few hours."

"Your sleep patterns will be ruined if you do that."

"I'm beyond caring. I just want to sleep."

With a shrug, Richard complied.

Alex got her wish, and with some help from the good drugs she was asleep in no time. Richard, meanwhile, tried to get some work done. However, his attention never strayed far from Alex, and since she was restless, he got little work done. Every time she moved, his eyes flew to her. She had yet to stop shivering since he'd arrived, as if ice had settled into her bones, so he wasn't surprised when she startled awake less than an hour after she fell asleep. She looked even worse than she had when she laid down, disoriented and not-quite lucid. She groaned as if in pain when she tried to sit up, and groaning naturally made her cough as well.

"What hurts?" Dr. Strand murmured, already at her side.

"Everything," she moaned. "Like someone took a hammer to me."

He made a concerned sound as he pressed a broad palm to her face. "We need to do something about that fever. It's not coming down."

"What fever? I dunno what you're talking about, I'm the picture of health," Alex mumbled.

The attempt at sarcasm made her companion smile a tiny smile. "Whatever you say. More drugs couldn't hurt, though. Sit up and take this, please. And this too. Let me get you more juice."

Alex obediently swallowed the medication he handed her, and even took the high road by refraining from pointing out that he always said medications that only treat symptoms are as good as worthless. She didn't have the energy for an argument, and she would try anything that might help her feel less awful.

Even after Strand wrapped another blanket around her, she continued to shiver, which seemed to make her cough. He bit the inside of his cheek, thinking.

"Sit up for a second, please," he said.

Alex groaned, having just laid back down, but sluggishly complied. Richard sat down where her head had been, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close against him, making sure she was warmly covered.

"Sleep against me," he said. "You'll be warmer and hopefully cough less."

It was a testament to how poorly she was feeling that she didn't argue, just simply let her weight collapse against him as her heavy eyes fell closed.

"Thank you," she breathed, nestling closer against his chest.

"You don't have to thank me. Just get well soon, please," he murmured in reply.

Alex had no reply to that, because she was already fast asleep.

#sicktember 2023 #skt 2023 #the bla/ck tap/es podcast #prompt 21

9 notes · View notes

rosebergs · 9 months

Text

Hey guys!

So I've been trying to get into writing again after taking a break for a while during university, and I've been so inspired by so much of the work that is on this F1 space. This is a snippet from an ongoing word document and university au that I've been using as stress relief while studying, and is just a bit of fluff with Nico and Jenson.

As I've said, this is a draft and I have taken a long break from writing so I do not make any promises that is anything decent and please don't hold back from any criticism! It is absolutely out of character for them and my only defence is that they are both very tired postgraduate students and I may be projecting as a very tired postgraduate student.

Words: 1831

It was quiet between them, the weight of feelings unsaid for six years heavy between them. Nico could barely breathe, afraid that he would ruin this once again. Jenson seemed as tentative as him, blue eyes flicking back and forth to him, for once not running his mouth at the slightest hint of a silence. They both held onto the rail in front of them, hands gripping on from fear.

Fear of what, Nico wondered. The worst had already happened for both of them. He still had nightmares of that night at the pier, and each and every time he had woken up to Jenson beside him, pulling him out of the water all over again. He had spent too long being afraid of what could happen, he had become a passive participant in his own life, letting himself get used to pain and distance. His Dad had always laughed and called him demanding as a child, an only natural occurrence when you are brought up in his wealth. When had he stopped that? When had he stopped expecting the best for himself and started accepting the worst? Where had that stubborn, blond haired boy been when Alex had hit him the first time, where had been the certainty that he was loved enough for it to matter? When did he start to believe that he was no longer worth the care and love he had taken for granted as a child? Why did he believe that he was so incapable of being treated with devotion that he had stopped loving himself?

He couldn’t answer that, nor could he go back.

He could only forgive the twenty-year-old he had been, the young man heartbroken enough at losing one of his best friends from his own stupidity that he had forgotten he was deserving of every devotion and more. The boy so lost and confused that he had run head first into the pain and hurt Alex had disguised as affection. The terrified student lost in the waves until his best friends had been there to drag him back to land.

He could forgive himself. And he knew the best way.

Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand over Jenson’s.

The light from inside the apartment fell perfectly onto their joint hands, illuminating them against the darkness. Jenson shuddered and turned his hand over, taking Nico’s back and bringing it to his mouth. The touch of his lips to the freckles on his knuckles felt holy.

Nico wanted him so badly it hurt. It ached within him, a six-year-old wound being soothed by the gentle kiss of a man who had seen him at his worst and stayed.

Jenson kept a hold of his hand, keeping his eyes locked with Nico’s, his blue mirroring the love he was sure was present in his. They were searching for something Nico didn’t have words for. What else could he do but nod.

Jenson reached down, arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him close as Nico’s found their way around his neck, one hand cupping his face.

“Is this okay?” Jenson whispered, close enough now that Nico could trace his freckles under his stubble. He nodded, a smile breaking on his face as easy as a wave on the shore.

“It’s okay.”

Like a prayer, their lips met. Nico gasped at the feeling of the other’s against his own, his hand falling and flying into Jenson’s hair, a touch he had committed to his most shameful nights since that fateful day in second year. This time, he could have it.

He had it.

“I have you,” he realised, breathless in the gap that opened between them as their chests heaved. Jenson’s face split into a grin, one of his hands coming up to cup Nico’s face and wipe away the tears he didn’t even realise had fallen.

“You have me.”

The dam was broken, and they came back together, Nico not even bothering to hide his delighted giggle at the thought. He was light, he was sensation itself, he was his lips on Jenson’s, his ribs between his hands, his hands locked into the blond mop of the other man, his eyes burning now with tears of a love realised.

He was Jenson’s. He was free.

He didn’t know how long they had been out there until a resounding bunch of cheers came from the open window by the fire escape. He collapsed back into Jenson’s arms, laughing in their shared delight and trusting Jenson enough to catch him again. Jenson was laughing too, pressing his lips into his hair and holding him close enough to pull him into his ribcage should he so wish.

Nico would let him at this point.

Mark and Lewis were hanging out the window, hollering and seemingly uncaring of the weight of Sebastian and Fernando on top of them.

“Fucking finally!” Mark yelled, the street light catching the glee in his eyes as he hoisted a cheering Sebastian higher on his back.

“Only took you six years!” Lewis screamed, and Nico was so full of love for him, for them all, for holding onto him when he started to get lost. The thought wasn’t accompanied by guilt for once, just a bone- deep affection for the men he was lucky enough to call his friends.

“Go away!” Jenson cackled, spinning them around so he could see them all better, “I’m getting my boy here!”

Nico couldn’t stop laughing, half- heartedly hitting him on the shoulder but delighting in the sentiment. He reached up, pulling Jenson back down and kissing him again because he could, because he could now, and barley noticed the ensuing hollers from the window. Jenson reciprocated as eagerly, pushing deeper and deeper with his mouth as if he wanted nothing more than to lay claim to Nico, lay claim to every inch of his mouth and his whole body. He didn’t even hear the others going back inside, only registering the quiet broken only by their shuddering gasps and the muffled sound of music from indoors. He held onto Jenson, burrowing into that wide chest and letting his arms pull him even closer.

“Just in case it wasn’t clear,” Jenson murmured, dropping his nose into his hair and speaking the words into the top of his head, “I love you.”

Nico could only let out a shuddering breath, clinging even tighter to Jenson. The ache in his soul disappeared, soothed by the very words he had longed for.

“I love you too,” he whispered, kissing the patch of skin where Jenson had left a shirt button unopened and enjoying the shudder that ran through the older man. “I’ve loved you for six years.”

Jenson huffed out a laugh at that, pulling Nico back and cupping his face with nothing but tenderness and care.

“I can’t believe you waited,” he choked, tears beginning to pool in his own eyes. It was Nico’s turn to wipe them away.

“You were worth it,” Nico could only get out, his own tears spilling over again. Jenson smiled at him again, thumbs brushing gently across his cheekbones. He choked a bit, gathering himself in a way Nico had only seen before he did presentations or spoke to students.

“I doubt that, but Nico I-”

“No don’t do that-”

“No, let me speak, let me be brave Nico, please, you’ve been so brave already darling.”

Nico couldn’t hide his grin at the pet name, but nodded for him to continue.

“Nico, I have been an idiot. I liked you from the minute you walked into the kitchen with your, I don’t know, your Chanel luggage in first year. I was so scared, not just because you were a boy but because you were, well, you. You were so put together Nico, it was terrifying. I wanted you in a way I didn’t know how to say, but I was an idiot. I was so scared of you not wanting me back and of you seeing me for the mess I am, it was easier to shove it down. It was easy to keep dating and sleeping with girls, and I kept trying to find you in them. And then you kissed me that night, and it felt so right, that for a minute I nearly let myself have it. Then I woke up, and I felt awful for taking advantage of you when you were drunk, and it was the easy option to call Jessica.”

He paused, gulping for air. Nico reached up and kissed his cheek, gently tracing the line of stubble and waited for him to continue. He knew this next bit enough to know it would hurt.

“And then you met Alex, and we stopped talking, and it felt like the worst year of my life. I was so worried for you, we all were, and I was so jealous of him I couldn’t see how much you were hurting until it was nearly too late. God, Nico, I’ll never forget that night, you know? I thought you were dead for a minute when Mark brought you up and it was the most terrifying minute I’ve ever gone through. And I was so proud of you when you broke it off and when you went to therapy, you have no idea how proud I was. I just accepted then, that I was in love with you, but I promised to wait until you were ready.”

Tears were cascading down Nico’s face now. Jenson was staring down softly at him now, matching tear tracks on his own face.

“I love you, Nico,” he whispered, bringing him back in again.

“I love you too, Jenson,” he breathed, letting him. When they kissed this time, it didn’t feel like a triumph,

It felt like coming home.

They parted again, Nico shivering at the slick sound of their lips parting. Jenson seemed to feel it too, swallowing and gripping even tighter if that was possible. He could only blame that for the idiotic sentence that came from him.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Jenson let out one of his signature barking laughs, kissing the pout on Nico’s face that followed the outburst.

“I think that’s a given, darling.”

“Jenson-”

Another quick kiss shut him up and left him boneless.

“Of course I’ll be your boyfriend.”

The pout tipped upwards into another grin.

“I have to wine and dine you properly now, don’t I?”

“I expect nothing but the best.”

“And you deserve it Nico. You deserve the best.”

“You’re the best.”

A fond smile. Another kiss. Nico’s thoughts had shattered into fragments by now.

“And you’re my best. My love.”

He didn’t know what to say in the face of such devotion given wholeheartedly to him. All he could do was steal another kiss from Jenson’s red, bitten lips. Jenson was only too happy to let him, dipping him back and kissing through the grins on both their faces.

“My Nico.”

#nr6 #jb22 #princess cake #my writing #i apologise in advance for them going to a british uni it is all i know

7 notes · View notes

ladylooch · 9 months

Text

Letters in Your Last Name - Chapter 13

A/N: Another fav chapter of mine... what does it say about me that I like the angst so much??

Word Count: 4.6l

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, COVID times

Days without Kevin: 73

Today already feels difficult and I haven’t even left my bed yet. It’s now the end of October and the monotony of COVID has become all consuming. So much so that I find myself living at Felicia and Alex’s more so than mine and Kevin’s apartment. It’s so lonely there and everything reminds me of Kevin being gone. On top of it all, in a normal season, the NHL should have resumed by now. Kevin should be back in Minnesota, but he isn’t. He’s halfway across the world in Scandinavia while I wallow in a pool of self-pity in my brother’s basement bedroom.

I open the world clock app on my iPhone, seeing it is around 3:00pm in Sweden. I haven’t heard from Kevin yet today, but I know he had a long day of training scheduled. I have some time before I am meeting Nick at his gym. He owns his own gym and personal training business, but due to COVID had to lay off most of his support staff. When Alex and Felicia don’t need me for the kids, I step in and work for free so he has some coverage when he’s working with clients.

I slowly pull myself out of bed, even though I’d rather just stay under the covers and fall back into a bored sleep. I stretch and pad up the stairs to the kitchen to make a cup of hazelnut Nespresso. The house is quiet, meaning the other Stalocks are not home. Again, I’m reminded of the nagging feeling of loneliness expanding in the back of my mind.

My phone buzzes on the kitchen counter and I glance down, seeing a text from Kevin. I open it and a grin breaks out on my face. It’s a selfie of him all sweaty after his work out. His sweaty hair is matted against his forehead but his lips are plumped, extending a kiss to me across the world. He looks so damn good that I feel the urge to take a bite out of my phone. I maneuver to his name and click on the FaceTime button. Maybe a call with him will lighten the weight of the world today.

“Babe!” Kevin calls as he answers. “Hi!” I laugh in response to his excitement. We FaceTime daily but every time he greets me with the same jubilant response.

“Hi Kev.” I murmur to him. I take in the area behind him and can tell he is on a patio at a restaurant. It is loud and I adjust the volume on my phone to accommodate the noise. The picture must have been from earlier in the day as he is seemingly showered and put together now.

“I’m out with some people you know. Guys, say hi to Sam.” Kevin flips the phone so I can see the group he is with. It’s about 10 or so people, including Martin, Ella and Andreas. They all wave excitedly at me and I feel a deep stabbing of both envy and sadness.

“Hi,” I wave at everyone, slapping a fake smile on my face. “Babe, I’ll just call you later.” I say to him, trying to hide my disappointment and sadness. “I thought you were just finishing with practice.”

“No, wait, let’s talk now. I’ll go to the street.” He insists, getting up from his chair. “How are you?”

“Okay, I guess. A little bored.” I say honestly as I prop my phone against the vase on the island so I can be hands free.

“Yeah, not much to do with the new restrictions.” He assumes and I nod in response. He is sitting on a fountain in the middle of the square. I can hear the sounds of people talking and laughing. It does nothing to curb the loneliness churning in my gut. “Well, hopefully things will start to get better soon.”

“I doubt it.” I shrug, thinking of the spiking of numbers we have seen over the last two weeks, thus the new restrictions. If anything, COVID is seemingly getting worse. Again.

“Are you at Alex’s?” Kevin wonders, taking note of the light, maple cabinets behind me. The ones in our kitchen are white.

“Yeah.”

“Babe...” Kevin trails off. He knows I am rarely at our place anymore. Not because I’ve told him but because my sneaky brother keeps sticking his nose into our business. I know Kevin and Alex talk about how I’m doing. I don’t appreciate Alex telling Kevin things that I purposely don't share with my boyfriend. Kevin doesn’t need to know about the days I don’t leave my room.

“I don’t like living there without you.” I cross my arms over my chest. “It’s lonely. And I hear noises at night.”

“You were fine by yourself when I was on the road.” He points out gently.

“That was different. I knew when you were coming home.” Kevin frowns deeply in response to that.

“I guess that’s true.” He nods in agreement, running a hand through his hair and letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry, babe.”

I feel a tightness in my throat at his attempt to soothe me. The more intense things get with COVID, the less likely it feels that Kevin and I will be reunited anytime soon. When I think of that and how much we have been apart, it all sits heavy on my mind. Before Kevin, I had never been in a long distance, international relationship, but I’ve also never been in a relationship that felt this hard. I know we chose this, but being in his arms this summer made me forget the reality of our decision.

Another loud shout of laughter is carried across the square to Kevin’s microphone. He glances in the direction of his group of friends and I can tell he wants to join them again. The jealously churns a deep pain in the pit of my stomach. I feel myself reacting negatively to it in my already weak mental state.

“I just… I keep thinking that maybe it shouldn’t be this hard.” I say to him after taking a long sip of my coffee to prevent the outburst I feel pressing against my tongue.

“What does that mean?” Kevin asks, his head snapping back a bit in surprise.

“Most of our relationship has been spent apart at this point. I keep wondering how we can keep doing this? How are we going to sustain if we are never together?”

“It’s temporary.” Kevin insists to me.

“It doesn’t feel that way to me. It feels like our normal.” Kevin pauses taking in the exasperation on my face. He is slow to respond as he contemplates my words.

“It will get easier. I think we are in the home stretch now.” He finally assures me.

“Of course you think that, Kevin. It already is easy for you. You’re busy and seeing people and living your best life while I’m sitting here just twiddling my thumbs waiting for you to come back.”

“I never asked you to do that. If that is how you’re spending your days, that’s your choice, Sam.” He’s not wrong, but the reality makes my frustration burn brighter.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was a “choice” to miss someone. I thought it just happened when you’re apart from the person you love.”

"So because you’re sitting around waiting for me to come back. I’m supposed to do the same? And if I don’t, I don’t miss you? Come on, babe. That is not fair.”

“You don’t even seem sad that we are apart!” I exclaim as the anger overflows from me. My tone is harsh and my eyebrows are furrowed over my sizzling, green eyes.

“I am sad! I’m counting down every second until we can be together again. But I have goals and dreams that I’m working towards. I don't have time to sit around and be sad.” Kevin is extremely annoyed at this point and he runs his hand through his hair in exasperation. “We both agreed this was what was best before I even left Minnesota. You changing your mind now is pretty selfish.” He finishes with a cold stare.

I gasp in response to his words, my mouth dropping open.

“That was low.” I hiss at him.

“You want to talk about low? You’re accusing me of not missing you or loving you or being sad that we aren’t together. You’ve completely dismissed my feelings and replaced them with whatever insecurity is simmering inside of you today. That’s not even low; it’s just fucking insulting. I gotta go.” He clicks off the FaceTime call before I can even respond. The silence of his hang up is deafening to me in the kitchen. I slide the phone back to the counter, so I do not have to see the stunned look on my face reflecting in the black screen.

So much for feeling better. _ _ _

It’s a quiet day at Nick’s gym, which I’m thankful for. After mine and Kevin’s conversation earlier, I’m not in the mood to plaster on a happy face. I’m scrolling through the rest of the confirmed appointments for today, noticing it’s still a relatively light schedule for Nick. I sigh, again feeling the heaviness of COVID and the impact it has on him and his business. I know nothing of his financial situation, but I can’t imagine the business had funds to be prepared for a pandemic this long.

“Hey, I’m going to grab something to eat from Crisp & Green. Do you want something?” He asks as he grabs his keys from the desk beside me.

“Um… sure.” I say even though I’m not particularly interested in food. “I’ll have the cinco de light. Thanks.”

Nick stands next to me, looking over my shoulder at the schedule.

“Well, that’s not great.” He sighs. He rubs a stressed hand over his buzzed hair and reaches for his bottle of water to take with him. “I’ll be back.”

While he is gone, I make myself useful and go around disinfecting the various cross fit equipment around the space. Disinfecting is a constant these days and it’s better to stay on top of it when there is downtime before the next group. My phone buzzes over on the desk and I practically sprint over to see if it’s Kevin. It’s not. Instead it’s Bath and Body Works reminding me about their sale on three wick candles. I shrug, figuring it can’t hurt to look. $80 later, I blow out an exasperated sigh as Nick walks back in with lunch.

“I’m starving.” Nick mumbles, setting our stuff out on the front desk. I grab my salad and slowly unwrap the plastic fork. “You’re pretty quiet today. What’s up?” Nick asks me, stabbing a few pieces of spinach and stuffing them into his mouth. I shrug in response. “Kevin?” He inquires and I nod.

“This is hard.” I reply. “I finally find someone who I connect with on this deep level and we live across the world from each other for half the year. I hate not seeing him.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine that’s much fun for you two.” Nick nods in agreement, pausing to take a long sip of water.

“Kevin doesn’t seem to mind.” My voice is snippy as I scowl deeply.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because he’s so unfazed by it all. I feel like I’m sitting around and waiting for his FaceTime calls and he’s off living his best life without me.”

“Meh, I’m not sure if that’s entirely fair. Things are a little different here than Sweden. They’re relatively open and he can live a normal life. In normal circumstances, maybe it would be easier. You would probably even be with him this off-season.”

“I guess.” I murmur back, pushing my salad around in my bowl. “I keep wondering what our life is going to be like together. Even after COVID. Will he leave without me every off season? Will he ever consider staying here? What if we get married and have kids? Are we going to be international parents that cart their kids halfway across the world every summer?”

“Why don’t you walk before you run.” Nick chuckles at me. “Do you think things with Kevin are that serious?” I shrug dejectedly.

“I thought so, but seeing how easy it is for him to be gone.. It makes me wonder.”

Nick nods his head and wipes a napkin across his face. He seems to contemplate that for a moment.

“The truth is, the only person who’s feelings you’re ever going to know for certain are yours. But, from my experience, most men don’t ask a woman to move in if he's not seeing a long term future with her. And especially not a guy like that who likely has other options waiting in the wings.” His look at me is extremely pointed. Yes, we both know Kevin could walk down the street and grab five new women a day if he wanted to. But, he’s chosen me and that certainly means something. “Maybe you should talk to Kevin about what you’re feeling.”

“I tried this morning, but it just turned defensive and angry. He was out with friends when I called. I got sad and… jealous.” I admit sheepishly. “Like the worst kind of FOMO.”

“You know.. even if you were with someone else, there would still be challenges. Relationships are never easy. You have to fight through the hard stuff to enjoy the good stuff. There will always be trials. Yours are just on an International stage. Right now, he’s across the world and he still wakes up every day choosing you. Make sure you're doing the same. Kevin aside, you’re the only one who can decide if that’s what you want for your life.”

“I know.” I tell him as my heart squeezes in response.

“You’ve seen the sacrifice being in this league requires from Al. It takes all of you sometimes. You need to stand with Kevin in that or walk away. He’ll have to be selfish if he wants to be somebody in this league. You’ll need to learn to be okay with that.”

“I know.” I repeat because I do. I’ve seen both Alex and Felicia sacrifice for his career. How many holidays has Alex missed? How many nights did they go to sleep in different states? How many events has Felicia attended alone because Alex was gone? And isn’t that what I was attempting to do when I told Kevin to leave Minnesota in the first place? I am recognizing what Kevin said- that it’s not fair to us for me to change my mind now that he has left.

“Maybe this will help put things into perspective. You talked about imagining your life together. Maybe you need to imagine your life without Kevin.” My gaze instantly snaps to my brother and I don’t like where this is going. “Close your eyes.”

I do so, but it’s hesitantly and not without a heavy sigh.

“You’re in the family lounge next year with Felicia. You and Kevin decided to go separate ways and you see a woman off to the side who is waiting for him. He walks into the lounge and lights up when he sees her. They embrace and then take off for the night. Felicia tells you what you don’t want to hear: Kevin has a new somebody.” I swallow hard and try to push back the instant dread Nick’s words are giving me. “You go through the season acting like it’s fine. When you see Kevin you exchange pleasantries, but as time goes on you feel like you know him less and less. You convince yourself that it’s fine, natural even. You wanted this after all. Until the day you’re scrolling through Instagram and you see it. They’re engaged. He asked her on a mountain in Switzerland with a huge, diamond ring that would have looked perfect on your finger.”

I open my eyes and stare into my brother’s blue eyes. They are hard and unforgiving as he continues.

“Again, you tell yourself that it’s fine. Remember, this was what you were sure was best for you both. After all, you knew it was going to be too hard to stay together. Until you’re watching him marry her in a video posted on social media. Then you find out the hard way that there is a life more difficult than international distance. And you’re living it now. You meet other guys along the way, but find yourself comparing them to Kevin. They don’t measure up. You can’t figure out why. In the Fall, you’re at the X again, walking to your car after the game. Al gets a shut out. The family is on a high and heading out to celebrate another Wild win. You stop dead in your tracks when you see them. There he is, the love of your life with his wife. He’s holding her close, his hands on the child she’s growing. She’s the one having his babies while you sit in the stands watching his dream come true without you. And it’s all because you didn’t have the courage to make it work all those years ago.”

The silence stretches out as Nick ends this trip to a potential future. He’s right. That’s way worse than this. The pain of this fictional story grips my chest until I can barely breathe. Tears burn my eyes as I try to pull myself out of this fictitious life. How could I ever live in that world? A world without Kevin would be dull and unfulfilling.

“I don’t want any of that.” I whisper out to Nick.

“Then find a way to make it work, Sam.” He gives my shoulder a loving squeeze and walks away to prepare for his next appointment.

Later that night, after letting Nick’s words sink in further, I realize just how right he is. Kevin deserves someone who chooses him always. Someone who fights for him in the midst of the hard days and loves him through the best days. I’m that person. No one could love Kevin better than me and I’m going to make sure he knows that. Our life together will continue to come with trials. I need to accept and adapt to that, even when I want so badly for things to be easier. It’s just hard right now because of COVID. This is temporary; it will pass. When it does, Kevin and I will evolve and grow.

I pull up FaceTime on my phone and click on Kevin’s name. It’s well after midnight in Gothenburg, but I don’t want to wait until the Minnesota morning to talk with Kevin. I’ve missed him terribly all day and I want to make this right. When he answers, he’s laying in bed and sleep covers his features. He wipes at his eyes and squints into his phone at me.

“Hi.” I say shyly, biting my lip and watching as he yawns cutely.

“Hi.” He responds, voice coated from sleep. He settles in deeper to his pillows, looking at me expectantly.

“I was with Nick today.” I begin, dropping my eyes from my phone and looking at the comforter. “And.. uh.. I was talking with him about our conversation earlier and how hard this is.” I stop and look at Kevin who remains squinty and tired.

“Okay.” He says, giving his head a slight shake. I let out a puff of air and continue.

“He gave me a different perspective on what I was feeling earlier. I’m sorry about what I said. I was being selfish. You were right. And It’s not fair for me to say I’m okay with this, then change my mind because it’s uncomfortable now. One day we will look back on this and it will be a distant, hard chapter in our life. I… I want you to know that I pick you. Always. And especially right now when this distance is trying to pull us away from each other. I’m holding on to you. And… I guess, I just hope you’re still holding on to me.”

Kevin is silent as my words settle around us. I’m nervous as I search his face for any type of sign of how he has taken my words. He looks away from the camera and rubs at his face again. Slowly, he moves into a sitting position, flipping on the lamp next to his bed. He reaches for something that I can’t see and then pulls it into my view. My eyebrows lift in surprise as I take in my sweatshirt that seemingly made it to Sweden with Kevin. It’s a South St. Paul Packer Hockey sweatshirt- black with maroon and white lettering.

“This is how I got to sleep tonight.” He admits to me. “I stole it from the closet when I was packing to come back. It doesn’t really smell like you anymore at this point, but I feel close to you when I have it. Yeah, an NHL player snuggles with his girlfriend’s sweatshirt to fall asleep.” I am in stunned silence as I look at my high school sweatshirt, then at Kevin’s face. “This isn’t easy for me either, baby. And of course, I'm holding onto you. Tightly with both hands. But I can’t let our distance hold me back. We made this choice, together, and it’s not fair to either of us if I don’t go all in while I’m here.”

I want so bad to reach through the phone and grab him. I want to hold him close to me and kiss every inch of his perfect face. Instead, I wrap my arms around myself and imagine they’re his.

“I’m sorry I called you selfish. And I’m sorry you don’t feel like I miss you. Honestly, sometimes it stops me in my tracks with how much I do. I promise I’ll do better at being sad.” He gives me a small smile at the end. I return his smile with a big grin.

“You’re the sweetest thing.” I murmur to him. “Kev, I’m so sorry.. for everything I said. Sometimes the loneliness gets overwhelming and I just want you to hold me through it.”

“I want you right here with me, baby.” He breathes to me, tapping his chest. His eyebrows are furrowed in desperation. I yearn for him even as I can feel every mile of distance between us. “I want to kiss you all over. And make love to you until there is no doubt left in you about us.”

“That would be nice.” I tell him honestly, closing my eyes and imagining all of that. My body gets warm in response, a blush dusting my cheeks.

“I want to give you the world. Being here will help me with that.” Kevin whispers to me.

“I don’t need the world. I just need you.”

“I’m still with you. Even though I’m here, I’m there with you, babe. Just close your eyes and feel for me.”

“I know. I feel it.” I whisper back to him. We stare at each other for a moment. I watch him stifle a yawn and I know I should let him go. “I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

“No. Stay on with me? I missed you today.” He says, “Tell me more about your day with Nick.” He settles himself back into his pillows, eyes already drooping a bit more. I smile in response, leaning back to get comfortable in bed as well.

I tell him about my day with Nick, our conversation, lunch, and how the weather was today. I tell him about making homemade pizza for dinner with Sawyer and Serena, including the inevitable meltdown when Sawyer put too much pepperoni on Serena's side. As I speak, Kevin’s eyes slowly close completely. It isn’t long before soft puffs of air are coming out in a steady and slow rhythm. I reach out with my finger to touch the screen of my phone. I can almost imagine the warmth of his face against my skin. I close my eyes to savor that moment, focusing in on when he was last in my arms in our bed.

“Goodnight, babe….” I trail off in a whisper.

I end the call and bury my face in my pillow. With each moment that passes without seeing Kevin on the screen, my old friend loneliness begins to consume my body, inch by inch. The tears come silently now. I cry them all out, my arms still wrapped tightly around my body. Kevin and I may have smoothed things over, but no amount of words or FaceTime calls will ease the yearning I feel clawing at my chest. Only his arms can.

As the mental exhaustion takes over, all I can do is hope that the remaining days bring some sense of relief that the other 73 couldn’t.

Needless to say, I’m not holding my breath. _ _ _

Five days later, a FedEx package shows up on the porch. I find it as I’m coming back from a quick run around the neighborhood. I pop my AirPods out of my ears and reach down for it. My name is on the package, but I’m not expecting anything. After further inspection, I can tell it came from Sweden. My lips tilt into a smile and I rip it open in excitement before I even bother to enter the house. What comes out of the box is a Wild sweatshirt of Kevin’s contained in a sealed bag along with a white card. The sweatshirt he sent is my favorite. I protested loudly when he decided to take it with him to Sweden.

I open the bag and reach for the card. My name is written on the envelope in Kevin’s scratchy writing. I rip the paper open and pull out a blue card with a dresser on it. The text reads: Someday you will find this card in a drawer.. and we will still be in love. My throat expands with tears, then my lips crumble as a cry comes from my aching chest. I open the card and read his note to me.

Hi Baby- This will hold you until I can. I’m counting down every minute until I can kiss your beautiful face. I love you! Kev

Tears leak down my face freely as I close the card. I bring the sweatshirt up to my nose and breathe in deep. Every mile between us disappears and it feels like he’s with me on the porch. I wrap the arms tightly around me. I fall to my butt on the steps and grip the fabric to my chest while I rock back and forth. I breathe him in again and I can feel the muscles in my body release. This is what I needed. The ache has dulled for the first time in weeks. Now, I just need to see him. I grab my phone and press the FaceTime button for Kevin.

“Did you get it?” He beams at me when I see his face. I nod my head because my throat is clogged again.

“Thank you.” I finally push out quietly. He has no idea the gift he has given me. I can’t even put it into words for him.

“I’m sorry it’s not me.” His eyes are longing as they take me in. A tear slips down my cheek and I nod my head in agreement as I wipe it away. “I love you. The second that I can, I’m coming for you, baby.” He assures me. My teary, green eyes meet his. He releases a heavy sigh before reaching out for me through the phone.

The second that I can, I’m coming for you, baby.

Oh, what I wouldn’t give for him to be here right now.

#letters in your last name au #kevin fiala #Kevin Fiala Fic #los angeles kings #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing

8 notes · View notes