#(almost definitely Covid)

[harocat]

Just felt like rewatching my favorite men's competitive skate of all time; Nathan Chen's Phillip Glass Selections at 2021 Worlds, where he won his third world title.

(Linking this version because it's almost commentary free. They pretty much just name the jumps.)

#nathan chen #figure skating #this program is like a trance #the language of movement is so somehow both free and polished #it's still insane it didn't get the WR at the time #it definitely should have broken his rocketman WR from 2019 GPF #but i think skating third to last was what made that few points difference #in a way it was almost an ideal choice for the lack of audience (bc covid) #no idea why the above passage says 2020 and not 2021 #Youtube

[inkybinkyboink]

oh fellas it's essay writing time you know what that means

#it means its time to do anything but write the essays and spam the tumblr feeds of the poor souls who decided to click the follow button for #some bizarre reason #i have. about 4 essays due and like. 5 research articles to read and 1 book? and 1 creative project #luckily only 3 essays and 3 research articles are due imminently and all the essays are under 1000 words and the articles are all under 20 #pages. so. it could be worse? but it could be better? the last month of uni is fucking awful! and oh my fucking god i might be #graduating next year? thats terrifying. and its? covid lockdown anniversary and THATS weird because that one day changed the entire #trajectory of my life and everything that ive done the past 3 years has been a result of that day and thats really trippy #i ALMOST had a second breakdown in front of my prof but i didnt! so. we are. definitely mentally healthy /hj

[recovering-vamp]

dating sim (VN or CYOA... hmmm) with a mostly/exclusively fat character cast... with lots of cool gender + poly inclusive... this would be nice. mayhaps time to put my RenPy or Twine love to use... idk what sort of thing. just. might be nice to stretch the coding muscles again.

#i am very tired with how many awesome dating sim concepts i keep coming across #and the datable characters are all or almost entirely thin #and are almost always 100% straight sized #especially for games that are inspired by / like stardew valley #I look through all the romance options like... ah #idk doing something like this would require a LOT of time and energy #and my health is not so good rn #but maybe it'd be nice to try... #I have no idea what genre we'd be talking. probably something kinda cottagecore? #just cos i know how to draw it best #I'd also wanna make something poly inclusive #also aro inclusive? idk my acearo ass always craves games where u can kiss characters but it doesn't have to be A Thing #covid is makin me so sleepy eeby so this is all sleepy musing #cryptidspeaks #oh but shout out to validate #ive never played it but it has awesome cast diversity #from the looks of things #there are definitely exceptions to this rule #but none i know of that kinda include all my check boxes #which is to say acearo vibes #poly positive and fat positive #aaaand with gender characters #i am a cryptid of many needs haha #I'm saying this after getting sleepy from 4 hours of piccrew fiddling #so. we'll see if i'm cut out for an even BIGGER project haha

[lake-lady]

In the woods today 🍂🪦

#almost got lost too bc of covid brain fog #definitely panicked for a min #fall #autumn #october #woods #forest #cars #me #mine #pictures #images #abandoned #vintage #vw bug #upstate ny #adventure #nature

[outstanding-quotes]

My kitten baby a few summer ago, chillin on a copy of Mary Oliver’s Devotions

You and I will always be back then 💖

#okay just a warning im going to talk about sad stuff now #cw pet loss #so he passed away unexpectedly on tuesday #:( #i was crying so hard that I had to skip one of my classes #i emailed the professor for my next class basically like ‘uh hey im coming to class but i might cry’ #he never responded to it which is awkward but the least of my worries #anyway I definitely saw this cat being part of my future for the next ten years of my life at least #he was the sweetest cat ive ever met #my bf and i found him one day in 2019 roaming the neighborhood. he was really skinny so we fed him. #we realized he was really friendly and affectionate so we just had to take him in #this cat helped me through the deaths of family members covid and just everything I’ve struggled with in the past 5 years #and whenever we had friends over he liked to sit in the middle of all of us. he just loved hanging out with us #also my nephew is almost 4 now and has a speech delay. he cant say many words #but he can say ‘kitty’ because of how much he loves this cat #he was my best friend and there’s never going to be another cat like him #anyway sorry my blog is slowly morphing into something much more personal than just a literature blog #but idk i think it’s important to express grief and grapple with the realities of death #and i just wanted to memorialize my little buddy

[hobisexually]

x

#hm its time for a rant again <3 #but my roommate has a date again and that makes me feel…….. extra mentally ill snsnsnsn #I’m a little bit upset because I spent this entire year trying to rebuild right. rebuild my social life rebuild the me I used to be #and every time I think I’m almost there shit derails me? #like okay first my dad and I. collide in unprecedented ways #then my back problems got worse than ever before #then I try to recover from not speaking to said dad and work throws a blow in my face that I quite frankly still haven’t really gotten over #then new body problems arise! #then we find out I definitely have pcos and can’t ignore it any longer #then everyone in my life is. moving on to a life phase I can’t follow to #but I had it all under control I was taking it in stride I was Coping #and then ……… I catch covid again #and it really triggered 1) my anxiety again in ways that. Sigh #and 2) im still not okay? it’s been three weeks and I’m still dizzy every day I have a headache all the time I am So tired I can’t focus #and my eyes are being weird #and idk that happened in the last week and also my neck is FUCKED and my shoulders feel like concrete #and last time my eyes were weird and I couldn’t focus and had a headache all the time it was also my neck #but I just…….. am 1) terrified it’s long covid I am so so so scared #2) how can I live life normally if this. keeps happening. #but mostly 3) I am so tired of it being blow after blow after blow #I am too generally busy with work or therapy or physio therapy or FUCKING pelvic floor therapy #which is a whole different kind of hell I can’t even begin to discuss on this website it makes me so uncomfortable #that I. can’t even date. #like where do I have the energy to. #I am about to turn 32 and what the fuck do I have to show for it #and what if this is it #what if? this is it?????!!???! #I don’t know if I can live with that #ugh this doesn’t even touch the root of it but I am Deeply Upset and I don’t like complaining or acting like a victim (im not!) but Jesus #I for once would just like to. be carefree. instead of feeling like I need to fix 29292993 things about myself before I can Live. fuck.

[riseupriseupandcomealong]

gotta be real- i’m not sure how much more crippling homesickness for a place i can never go back to i can take!!

#i graduated 3 1/2 years ago - i’ve spent almost as much time away from it as i spent there and i still want to go home so badly all the time #it also definitely doesn’t help that i never got to say goodbye to most people and still have a bunch of my things there + didn’t get any #of the moving on traditions that usually help the graduates get closure (covid)

[solpng]

gotta be honest i miss weed but not as much as i thought i would

#i haven't smoked in almost a week 😐 #definitely the longest i've gone since maybe late 2019 or early 2020 #due to reasons covid was not a factor

[dashiellqvverty]

no plans to go to this tour no tickets i kind of didn’t really want to see fob again BUT now im considering it. ginasfs. FUCK.

#saw the mania tour and they opened with disloyal order which is my OTHER favorite and i thought that was enough forever #but fuckkkkkkkkk man thats like. truly tied for the top spot. fucking ginasfs song of all timeeeee #i might really buy tickets if it looks like theyre gonna play it at every show #(i would be going to boston) #i almost saw them at fenway for hella mega but it got postponed for covid and i ended up taking a refund #bc i was moving and wanted the money to spend #they ended up pulling out of that date bc someone had covid so it worked out #also four year strong is opening at the boston show so that would be fun :) #i only know a couple of their songs like literally 2 but its cool that theyre local #idk im not nearly as big on fob as i used to be. so. who knows. im happy with the times ive seen them #but im DEFINITELY considering. #r.txt

[steeleyespan]

my own thoughts annoy the shit out of me and i like consciously try and be zen about it like they are only thoughts let them go by undisturbed..but i also have like 6 voices in my head peer reviewing them and being like lol cringe and derivative try thinking of something true and beautiful. Also the instant i get bored i start psychoanalysing myself which is really unhealthy and also fucking exhausting. This is why i love adhd medication bcos it slows it down to like 1 thought at a time so i can consciously be like STOP wondering if youre actually insane or just faking it as an excuse and look at a flower or some shit instead of like [thinking im exaggerating everything][i need to make appointment i need to fill out form did i forget something][remixing 2 songs together in my mind] all at once

#they need to invent concerta that doesnt keep me awake till 2am. Which i do unmedicated anyway but #i like almost certainly need counselling again lol but i never do anything about it do i look like a guy who can make appointment 😂 #ive always done like the obsessive internal analysis of all my thoughts and behaviours but it definitely got worse during covid 😐

[cowlovely]

do NOT feel good 😔

#ivy.txt #almost definitely have covid cause my sister has it lol. #testing tomorrow morning ://

[kyuala]

HE TOLD US HE'D BE BACK!! YOU CAN'T BURY THE LEFT WING IN THIS COUNTRY

#you guys brazil's history in the last 10 or so years have been so fucking insane #what started as a general discontentment over a rise in the public transport fare prices somehow turned into #an unprecedented reactionary extremist right-wing wave that only got worse and worse through the years #our first and only woman president suffered a literal coup and in the 2 years we were governed by the mild right #a politician who did nothing - and i do not say this lightly - literally NOTHING in like 20 years as a deputy gained so much popularity and #social media attention using nothing but hate speech fake news and the instrumentalization of the Christian faith and masses #somehow won over the public opinion - thru dishonesty n prejudice that's how - and was elected president. that's bols*naro #his mandate was marked by lies prejudice incompetence and negligence. thousands of ppl were literally dying in brazil everyday bc of covid #and u know what he did? mocked them. said he wasn't an undertaker so it wasn't his problem. mocked ppl's difficulty to breathe. caused a #animosity in the population against SCIENCE and health organizations. schemed to overprice when buying vaccines when companies were willing #to give them to us literally for free so the government could cash in. not to mention he dismantled federal operations against crime just #bc they were the left-wing govt's legacy he messed with the legitimacy of the federal police when it went after his sons he created a #scheme to divert public money into politician's pockets instead of employing the resources in u know. the public collective well-being #his govt created a law to protect said politicians and hide the money for 100 FUCKING YEARS from public records #the lost money already amounts to over 65 billion reais. that's roughly 12 billion dollars in taxpayers money. all lost #and he and his supporters have the NERVE to say he's an honest man. that he's a Christian. that he represents goodness. #when he did nothing but spew lies and prejudice and kill us and fuck us over the past 4 years. #his government is the definition of fear politics and necropolitics. it's a stain in the fabric of our country's history. it's never been #anything but a threat to our democracy. our senate n house of deputies r filled with bigoted extremist right-wingers now. but we have hope #now we can have hope! lula has been dishonest and corrupt in the past. he should pay for what he's done like almost every single high #ranking politician in this country should. but not like it was done! after they staged a coup against his ally they unjustly arrested and #convicted him SPECIFICALLY so he couldn't run for president. they KNEW our country would choose him. if he was free bols*naro would've #NEVER won. he's wrong and corrupt and now a convicted criminal turned free man but he represents our country and our democracy! #he's always been our only hope! he's not the right choice but the only choice. and that's how now we have - for the 1st time in history #- not only a president serving a historical THIRD mandate but a president who was arrested and freed between mandates #which is. fucking insane if u ask me #also blsnr is the first president ever in the history of brazil to not be able to be reelected lmfao fucking loser #what's also historical is our divide. lula won by 1.8% can u IMAGINE how split the public opinion is rn #but we won! and we're free of this vermin and on our way to rebuild our country. and i couldn't be happier or feel lighter #and not to mention they tried to stage another covert coup literally during the voting process today 😶‍🌫️ but anyways

[moon-lords-lower-body]

1.3 came out on mobile on August 27, 2019 and i got to spend all day playing it bc i had somehow come down with some illness on that day and had to stay home from school. And now on almost the exact 3 year anniversary of its release I have come down with the exact same symptoms i did 3 years ago so happy early anniversary to mobile Terraria's release as well as that time i woke up one day and was almost too dizzy to walk for some reason and got to play mobile 1.3 on release day all day

#terraria #its not covid for the record. or at least im pretty sure its not #i don't have like any of the usual symptoms didnt even have a fever #exception is mayybe exhaustion but thats almost definitely bc i had a crazy busy last few days and i like barely slept at alllll last night #yknow that worse sleep post abt sleeping in 20 minute increments? thats about how i slept #anyway. we getting better 👍

[mars-ipan]

i’ve been trying to get more comfortable with calling myself disabled

#marzivents #<- not really a vent but i still want it to go somewhere #i’m not nervous about it in a prideful way #i’m nervous about it in an imposter syndrome way #i went so long being undiagnosed that i still kinda forget that yeah i’m not making it up #and even though my anxiety does get so bad that it actively impedes on my life sometimes #from perfectionism to difficulty setting boundaries to sometimes even an inability to leave the house #(thank you covid for the agoraphobia. i will murder you with my bare hands) #i still feel. weird calling myself disabled #i feel almost like i’m ‘not disabled enough’ #which. obviously is internalized ableism #anxiety especially is one of those mental illnesses that people say are ‘just normal emotions’ #because they cannot fathom someone feeling an emption stronger or differently or more frequently than them apparently #so ig that’s why i tend to feel more ‘normal’ (big air quotes) and like i don’t deserve to call myself disabled #but uh. yeah no The Symptoms are definitely disabling #like i have to avoid certain things (usually tic or migraine triggers) or take things a lot slower bc of it #and that’s. disability accomodation #but idk. i’m not actively dying so i feel like i’m being dramatic or smth #i’m getting better at understanding that i am disabled and not faking it though #which is. good #i imagine it’ll just take some practice and time

[maretriarch]

have u thought about getting ur cpr cert & doing a little babysitting on the side?

I was actually briefly licensed to do some basic childcare like in a facility bcs i took this childcare college course in my senior year of high school but after some moves and. the passage of time i both lost some papers and think they just like defaulted on their own since they don't last very long by design which like i get you want people working w the most vulnerable population to have the most up to date knowledge but it is inconvenient. after i learn to drive though i will be going back to school to get all the requirements i need to work in a daycare. kindergarten and under is my ideal age range

#my sister is in the field too so she'll be able to help me out i almost started during the beginning of covid but the facility i was going #to go to it was like. an hour and a half 2 bus ride AND an uber to get there somehow so i try not to beat myself up abt the missed #opportunity my sister did cus shes. kind of the devil and doesnt understand the definition of reliable transportation i guess #asks #it wasnt even that far away it just happened to be like magnetically repulsed by all bus lines

[dreamertrilogys]

i literally hung out with my friends just today but. i miss my friends

#.txt #every time i move schools & make new friends i figure out i’m extremely extroverted all over again #you would think that this being like my. one second. SIXTH school so far would mean i’d know this by now. but alas #although to be fair i feel like i’ve definitely been more. social i guess? since after the lockdowns ended/post online school #like not even crowds or large gatherings or anything just like i now prefer others company much more than i do time to myself compared to #my pre covid self yknow #<- this is partially why i’ve been having such a hard time getting back into like. reading books i think actually . like elementary school #me would read at recess and shit but now if there’s someone to talk to i Will talk to them instead of reading almost 99% of the time