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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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WIBTA For Snitching On My Brother?

tl;dr at the end, the submissions a bit long. sorry if this sounds like stupid teen drama, but i needed outside opinions. (tw for mentions of attempted suicide)

so for a bit of context here, me (14nb) and my brother (14m) both have Parental RestrictionsTM on our phones. In my opinion they are way more severe than they need to be. i am not allowed to have any social media at all, my mother barely tolerates discord. I cannot text anyone who is not my direct sibling or parent from 9pm at night to noon the next day and i cant use any "nonessential" apps during that time frame too. my brother has the same restrictions on his phone, but he has safari removed because my mother said he was playing "random internet games". however, he has found ways around this and ways around the app restrictions. i know how he does it. i really dont have any intention of telling our mother, its none of my business and i honestly dont care that much.

I recently moved to a new school. My brother and i were homeschooled prior to this during covid. And it was fine. We went to a homeschool co-op twice a week. A year ago we were both enrolled in Local Community College as dual enrollment students. A semester into that i was Not Vibing Well and ended up having a breakdown and getting a therapist. I would talk to her directly about this but i havent been able to see her in weeks due to scheduling conflicts. The workload seemed too much to me, there was no longer a distinction between School and Home. i felt like i was constantly on the clock, and i barely saw my friends. In addition to other factors at my co-op, I got very lonely. At that time the limits on my phone were 9pm-3pm (it was later edited to 9am to noon) . I cant remember exactly what happened, but i asked my mother to at least change the communication limits so that i could talk to my friends during the day. She said no, stating that I Do Not Need to Communicate With Friends During The School Day. i do not have a real “school day” i am at home basically 5/7 days of the week. And normal kids see their friends every day at school. The argument got dropped then.

Fast forward half a year, i felt increasingly lonely, out of place, bothersome, etc, at my co-op and have decided to try going to Local Public Highschool. This meant leaving my best friend (14f) whom i love dearly (for the purposes of this post i will call her Z). Z is one of my favorite people in the whole world, we got platonically married, I lovingly refer to her as “my wife”, and i would genuinely die for her. She got a phone over the summer which means we have a better way to communicate, replacing discord as the primary communication system. Also at that time one of my best online friends fucked up their discord account somehow and the whole online group moved to text. there's about four of them? J, Other J, B, and L (ages vary from 12-16). I believe only B is directly relevant to this story but the others are worth mentioning. Additional context (tw for mentions of suicide from now on), all of those four are varyingly suicidal. B has attempted before, at least twice I believe. out of the group i am probably the most mentally stable.

School starts! I am already feeling a bit lonely due to leaving Z but we stay positive. I wake up for school at like 530 and check my phone at like 6:45. Woohoo a message from B! It was sent at 4 am. This is concerning. There is a glitch that i can use in order to view texts for between half a second and four seconds, it depends, and i use it. B’s message reads “Bye”. theres no fucking reason that they would be texting me goodbye at 4am in the morning unless they were going to kill themselves. I cannot properly view or respond to that text until noon, so eight hours. I wait to know if my friend is ok for eight hours, and at noon i check my phone again. In that time i’ve received messages from the groupchat. J, Other J, and L all received “bye” texts from B at around the same time period. After a few messages, we know B is ok, i dmed them privately and they responded both in ims and the gc. So they are ok. But i had to wait for eight hours to know that. Later that day i asked my mom if she had considered my proposal (i asked her a day or two before if she would at least turn off communication limits because it is also rather embarrassing to be honest to have to tell other people that oh i cant respond to your message right now, sorry my mom has limits on my phone :D. In addition i get anxious when i send a message that im nervous abt and it doesnt get responded to for hours so i hate leaving messages for longer than two hours). Once again, she said no. it goes against her Views As A Parent for me to have “unrestricted access” to my phone. She offered to add only Z to the list of people i can contact during the limits. This is better than nothing but Z texts more in the groupchat than she does in private messages so it wouldn’t work that well. We argued, it didnt work out, i got pissed off and we both went to bed. i very strongly feel that for like my mental health i need to be able to communicate with my friends better than i can at the moment. And i dont want to wake up to a message from a friend, have it be the last one they ever send, and not be able to respond for hours.

Heres where the part where i could be an asshole comes in. (so sorry that that was really long i didnt know what parts would be needed as context and what were not so i just typed everything i think might be relevant). This isnt something that i am very strongly considering, as i truly dont want to fuck up my relationship with my brother and i love him a lot. I just want opinions on whether it would like be going too far i guess. I am considering offering a trade. I tell my mother how my brother has found ways around his limits, and she turns off the communication limits on my phone. WIBTA if i did that?

TL;DR: would i be the asshole if i snitched on how my brother got around some restrictions in exchange for me being able to communicate with my friends?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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qqueenofhades · 3 months

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Hi just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully respond to these anon messages. I work in dc w a fairly wonky set and i cant overstate how haunted the DC Professional Thought Havers are by the spectre of the "low propensity voter." I think these ppl (myself included LOL) thought we had everything figured out ahead of the 2016 elections and then never recovered from the way it ended up going......i feel like in all the years that followed.....the liberal bubbles.....the coastal elites.......the hillbilly elegies......the real america....the ohio diners....the pennsylvania diners.......the polls......the 2020 horserace....while part of an earnest attempt to understand What Happened, were primarily self-indulgent, self-flagellation for being "out of touch" bc of a self-diagnosed "elite" status that then turned into ANOTHER myopic view of the world, just opposite, where the "libs" are hapless and everyone else remotely to the left are primarily victims to the unstoppable supernatural forces of the Right. Then in 2020 the narrative flipped AGAIN and once again, instead of taking the opportunity to expand a worldview and having the bravery to confront their own shortcomings, the opinion havers and wonks and beltway pressers have decided to groupthink their way into writing off democracy altogether. Its BEYOND frustrating to see! Like damn volunteer at a soup kitchen or smthn instead of being obsessed w the fact that i vote lol

Yes, and there are several reasons for that. First, despite all the factors that contributed to Trump's shock win in 2016 (anti-Clintonism, white backlash to Obama, general low voter enthusiasm, Russian disinformation, etc) we should never forget that until James Comey decided to announce 10 days before the election that he was reopening the EEEEEEEMAILS case, even though we all knew there was nothing there, she was leading fairly comfortably in the polls. And while we will never know how the 2016 election would have gone without that, which imho was one of the most unforgivable acts of blatant sabotage by a public official in American history, it's also true that we saw her poll averages start sliding almost in real time, as people who hadn't really been keen on voting for her anyway decided firmly not to and Trump was able to scrape out 16,000 votes across PA, MI, and WI to take the Electoral College. Which... we all remember how we felt that night, right? (Or in my case, early morning, since I was overseas?) We don't, we really, really don't want to feel that way again. Just saying.

As such, the media (which had already beat up Clinton nonstop during the BUT HER EEEEEMAILS saga) drastically overcorrected and as you say, began writing endless angsty handwringing pieces about Trump Voters in Rural Ohio Diners and giving endless sympathetic airtime to how "economically left behind" they felt, regardless of the fact that open racism, especially Obama backlash, was and remains the principal animating feature of Republican politics (since their only economic platform is that which makes very rich people even richer and Democratic economic policies are the only ones actually targeted at helping ordinary people). The hangover was so strong that even when Democrats had a massive 2018 midterm result and flipped the House blue for the first time since the post-ACA backlash lost it in 2010, the Conventional Wisdom was now beyond any doubt that Democrats were doomed for a generation or something, and not that Trump had squeaked out a fluky win (while losing the popular vote) due to endless Russian/Comey/third party-etc interference and wasn't actually that powerful. Even in 2020 when Biden was leading fairly steadily and things were going to hell with Covid, etc. etc. TRUMP IS UNSTOPPABLE, TRUMP IS GOING TO WIN.

(And now. Like. I know Trump thinks Trump won in 2020, as do a large majority of his cultists, but that doesn't mean he did.)

Even after that, when Roe went down in 2022, that made no difference to the RED WAVE COMING!!! narrative, and the amount of smug white male pundits insisting that abortion just wasn't very important and people weren't going to base their entire vote on it reached truly disgusting levels. We're now seeing the same thing with the constant "people won't vote for democracy and/or abortion rights" blast, when as you say, this narrative has just been completely made the fuck up by a lot of groupthinking DC media who are determined that this time, Trump really is going to win and then they get to be principled chroniclers in opposition or something. Not to mention, the basic principle of "democracy and abortion rights are good" do in fact win by thumping margins every time they're on the ballot, including in deep red states. But there is literally not a single piece of empirical evidence despite the massive amounts of it supporting the truth (i.e. that Democrats are doing historically well in competitive elections since 2018 and there's not really a major reason to think this will change in 2024) that will get the media to change the "Democrats in disarray and Biden Iz Doomed" horserace BS they so love. They don't like Biden because he's boring and competent and just does the job without being insane, because it's totally a great idea to treat American government like a reality show! (Recall the infamous comment by the CBS CEO who literally said that Trump was bad for America but great for CBS, because he pulled in high ratings and therefore lots of money and visibility for CBS. We live in the worst timeline.)

As such, the mainstream media has a vendetta against Biden, is determined that this time Trump is super definitely going to win and everyone will see how genius they are, and not-so-secretly wants Trump back because a) he's good for money and ratings, and b) because the media conglomerations are owned by oligarchs who have a vested interest in making sure that Democrats and their policies never get too popular. Notice how the once self-proclaimed centrist independent Elon Musk has turned into a rabidly alt-right fanboy ever since the Democrats really got serious about taxing billionaires as a key part of their platform. Likewise, insisting that Biden Iz Doomed makes Democrats nervous (and thus more likely to tune in) and Republicans gleeful (and thus more likely to tune in), so there's literally no incentive for the media to even try to report things accurately. You could create a very different narrative of the 2024 election if you just remotely bothered to write about things that have actually happened as they have actually taken place, rather than bending over backward to insist that Biden being four years older than Trump is a worse crime than 91 felony indictments, 2 impeachments, 1 insurrection, 450 million dollars and counting in punitive jury verdicts, more major criminal trials coming down the pipe, and just demonstrably being the worst human being alive in so many ways. I mean. Wow.

The good news, as I said in my other post, is that when people actually vote, these utter bullshit narratives get routinely blown out of the water, and that's a good thing. Because it turns out that unlike Super Smart Beltway Pundits' Super Smart Predictions, the average American does actually like democracy and freedom for women to make their own personal healthcare decisions, and they vote accordingly. So while yes, it's being made harrowingly much harder than it needs to be because of how much the media simply refuses to report that basic fact, and there is no amount of evidence that will convince them otherwise, at least we're trending in the right direction and, if we all pull our weight, can do it one more time. I realized the other day that I hadn't heard a fucking peep about Ron DeSantis in the last two months, and oh, how glorious it was. I yearn beyond words for the day (God willing, soon) when the same is true of Trump as well.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts

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koukaimagines · 4 months

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Hello! Could you write headcanons for the four dragons with a female s/o who is sick and how they would go about taking care of her?

Hello Anon! Thanks for sending this in when you did! I'm so sorry about the long wait. Every time I get requests about the dragons fretting about their s/o for any reason, I get so excited because they're all very cute (and maybe even cuter when they worry)

These might be reminiscent of my injured s/o HCs with Jaeha and Kija as the topic of discussion is somewhat similar! (ailed s/o with dragons caring for them)

I also happened to fall sick while working on this LMAO, but side note: using my platform to say please mask up when you go about your day! Masking is a way to protect yourself and your community members, especially those at risk/who suffer chronic conditions due to or not due to the novel COVID-19 virus— the pandemic is not over!

Pronouns for this ask will be she/her as used by anon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kija

Kija is a member number 1 of the overprotective squad. He already wishes to treat you delicately under normal circumstances, so if ailment befalls you, you can bet that protective nature will flare up more. He makes sure you're in bed and resting no matter what you say and takes care of all of your chores for you.

Much like he would in my injured s/o HCs, Kija would want to be as knowledgable as he could be about your illness and would ask Yun questions about your condition, unusually attentive and serious while taking the info in.

He's very worried about you! It agonizes him to see you suffer headaches or sore throats— anything that your illness inflicts on you, he would take in your stead and he would often voice this to you at your bedside.

He'd help you eat and feed you without question, and maybe even force feed you before Yun tells him not to bother you too much in case you're suffering from headache/unable to stomach anything, but of course you make sure he knows his intentions are appreciated.

I don't know what to call this factor; something like this applies to all the dragons in different ways, so I'll tell you how I think they'd go about processing and expressing this: Kija is ecstatic he gets to take care of you. He thinks it ill-hearted on his part to be happy about your unfortunate state, but really, he's just happy to be at your service in any way he can. Your being sick only increases the opportunities for him to show you how much he loves you and how much he cares.

Shinah

Shinah is member number 2 of the overprotective squad. He'd go to great lengths to make sure you're well-accommodated and ask Ao to be with you at times he may have to leave your side. He gives you his fluffy coat of fur and braves the cold without it because he thinks you need it much, much, much more than he does.

He sends you glares if you try to be proactive. He really really wants you to rest because Yun advised it and said it would go away faster if you slept and ate and don't overexert yourself.

While he's out in the field and happens upon some wildflowers and thinks of you, he may hear from Yona or Zeno that he could give them to you as a get-well-soon gift. Even though it's a form of courtesy, he wants to believe that it's like a prayer for you to get well soon and thinks it will help you fight your illness.

He always keeps an eye on you. Every time you run out of water, Shinah would make sure to fetch some more for you. You don't even have to ask— if he sees that your cup is empty, he'll be right back with it full. Even at night, if he happens to be on night guard duty, he'll care for you all the same.

I don't know what to call this factor; something like this applies to all the dragons in different ways, so I'll tell you how I think they'd go about processing and expressing this: Shinah loves taking care of you. He feels like he's doing something good and that makes him feel good and worthy. He has a bit of a hard time expressing his feelings for you in words, so in some ways similar to Kija, Shinah would take this time to make sure you're well-taken care of because he wants you to know how much you mean to him. He really, really wants you to get better.

Jaeha

While you're sick, Jaeha often teases you with things like feeding you dinner and saying that you must've gotten sick so he can dote on you, or hoping that he'll catch your illness and be in bed with you, but he's actually really careful (worried) and observant of your state and wants to make sure you're comfortable.

As always, he cares much more than he lets on, and does things for you outside of the periphery of you and the group. Once he's caught, he plays it cool (like he always does) and keeps going about his day doing things for you.

While you're sleeping, he'd often sit there and watch your peaceful expression. If you have fever, he'd be there to change out the wet towel on your forehead, but he's otherwise there just watching you. When someone else walks in on him, he's unusually startled— I'll let you decipher why on your own. :) (spoiler: he's embarrassed for no reason and gets more embarrassed because he felt embarrassed but he plays it cool— it's complicated. TLDR Jaeha's silly but we already know that.)

Generally, Jaeha may tease you but his true feelings can be gleaned from how he blows on the steaming porridge in your spoon and the way he pulls the covers over you when you lay down.

I don't know how to word this factor; something like this applies to all the dragons in different ways, so I'll tell you how I think they'd go about processing and expressing this: Jaeha secretly loves the intimacy of being at your side and having you rely on him. He'd be quite open about how he's loving it (it'd come off a bit teasing and as typically non-betraying-his-feelings as Jaeha can get), but there's a deeper emotion that he's feeling while he goes through the motions of taking care of you that he wants to keep all to himself.

Zeno

When you're sick, Zeno already knows the motions of caring for you pretty well. He's his usual cheery self and his sunny disposition almost cheers your recovery on like a cheerleader.

Outside of caring for you, Zeno likes picking flowers as get-well-soon gifts. He likes to tell you all about the shenanigans of the group that you may have missed in your time resting, and his lips stretch into that heart-wrenching smile of his as he watches you giggle about how silly the group can be.

Zeno sticks by you the most out of the three dragons. Because he's immune to illness and fatigue, Yun trusts him to look after you the most while he may have his hands tied with other chores. Because of his inability to feel fatigue, Zeno also rests by you while you sleep despite your many demands for him to get some sleep. "Zeno doesn't need sleep, so you rest well, Y/N." You can hear his care in the way your name rolls off his tongue despite his infrequent use of it.

When he feeds you, he lightly brushes his lips against the spoon to make sure it's just the right temperature.

I don't know what to call this factor; something like this applies to all the dragons in different ways, so I'll tell you how I think they'd go about processing and expressing this: He finds your sick state incredibly endearing— it evokes a lot of memories for him that are bittersweet but nevertheless precious. He knows your pain will only be temporary and takes each action he takes to care for you with a profound contentedness and hope that he'll see you bounce back within a few weeks' time.

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drdemonprince · 7 months

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genuine question, I get why blaming people who have just caught covid for it is some fucked up victim blaming bullshit, and highly analogous to shaming ppl who've gotten an STI, but is it okay to assign blame/responsibility to people who *give* others covid? it seems to me that just like with STIs (particularly HIV and HSV bc they're not curable) its your responsibility as like, a person who has sex and isn't a total asshole, to do a reasonably good job of knowing whether you have these things, and then either give people who might catch it from you the ability to consent knowing that, or only interact with people in such a way that transmission is highly unlikely. In other words, having or getting an infection is morally neutral, but failing to break the chain of transmission isn't, especially when that failure results from complete inaction/ignoring the problem, as opposed to *attempting* to break it and failing due to factors outside your control. I've seen people saying that beleiving this is the same as slut shaming people who get STIs, and tbh that seems ridiculous to me, but what do you think? is "if you have covid and pass it on to someone, especially by going around in public without a mask, you are morally responsible for the harm the disease causes them" incorrect/going to backfire in some way I'm not seeing? I do get how the same statement about HIV is not good, but also you can't give someone HIV by eating in the same restaurant, so it seems like there are some important differences.

The passage on moralizing HIV transmission in Sarah Schulman's book Conflict is Not Abuse is a real stand-out passage in an otherwise (to me) highly underwhelming tome -- because Schulman has been involved in AIDS activism since its early days and is very conversant in the laws that have been used to incarcerate gay men and others for having the virus, and for supposedly passing it along to other people.

We can philosophize all we want about how wrong it would be for a person to knowingly go about infecting other people, but when we're actually dealing with how such matters go in the real world, it's not a useful moral or practical question. How do we know that someone knows they have the virus? Do we consider a person morally culpable if they have the sniffles but brush it off, not realizing it's something more serious? What about an Autistic person or trauma survivor with alexithymia, who is not closely attuned with their body states? If I can walk around with a bleeding gash on my leg for hours or a bloody UTI and not know it, I can have a mild cold and not know it. Am I too blame for spreading the virus then? What about someone who does know they have COVID but has no legal protections in their workplace and no financial support and determines they have no choice but to do a shift at the grocery store, because otherwise they'll be fired and at risk of homelessness?

These might sound like extreme examples, but we're talking about collectively millions of people's everyday experiences here. If a person is at fault for any disease that they spread, what then? What logically follows from that declaration? Should we make knowing transmission illegal? We've already seen in history how such a policy is used to terrorize and oppress gay men. It's an impossible thing to enforce, because someone's knowledge state is impossible to fully know or surveil, especially when we're not, you know, providing tests to anyone in any kind of systematic way, and in fact our government and most of our employers are actively discouraging us from testing or knowing too much.

Of course, I doubt that you actually want any kind of legal policy like that very much. I'm certain what you are really asking about is what responsibilities we should reasonably expect individual people to hold. And the answer is, well, look at how they are holding them now! Clearly people do not have adequate support at the moment to even be cognizant of their status. It's not a useful question. It just isn't. If we were providing free tests every day at major public access points and legally protecting people's rights to call off sick whenever they did test positive, and paying them lost wages, then we could talk about people being irresponsible and knowingly spreading a disease out of malice or laziness. but we don't have any of that, so we can't.

The solution to a population failing to take the "right" actions is always to look at the external factors that makes taking the right action hard. And right now? Being responsible surrounding covid is very, very hard. We can condemn every person who spreads COVID (or HIV) to another person morally all we like, but it's not going to save lives, and it's going to harm a lot of vulnerable people in the process, so why do it? Why not instead ask ourselves what we can do as a society to help make it easier for a person to behave in pro-social ways?

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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pandorasword · 1 year

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Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

Chaeri's masterlist

❒ members: OT7

❒ genre: Hurt/Comfort

❒ words: 5k+

❒ summary: In which Chaeri realizes that she took the wrong choice

❒ notes: Hi! Thank you very much for the request (which you can find here). I hope all this is not too much. I tried to write about something I haven't read about. Let me know if you enojoyed it somehow

❒ warnings: Yandere!Sasaeng fan; obsessive behavior; stalking; being locked up; lots of swearing; panic attack; mentions of pandemic; If you are uncomfortable with any of this topics please don't read

2020, pandemic period

She threw yet another tissue into the garbage can.

It had been days since she was unable to recover from that damn flu, even more damned because it had hit her at a time when humanity was so afraid of contracting any kind of virus, with good reasons, that she had been isolated immediately.

The dormitory usually shared with the rest of the members was now huge, silent and empty.

As soon as signs of the flu began to show (headache, hoarse voice, dripping nose) the managers and staff of the company were alarmed as never before.

They immediately arranged a hotel for the boys to stay in for the next indefinite period of time.

They had had the dormitory sanitized and reserved covid tests for everyone.

From that day on, every morning, the only person she saw was the nurse who, bundled head to toe in protective and safety gear, tested her to check her health.

And, like each day, that too had yielded the same result: Negative.

Although she was convinced it was a simple cold, precautions were never enough in times like those, so until she was recovered, she could not leave the apartment building where her dormitory was located.

The boys, in their own way, continued to take care of her and keep her company: They were often on video calls, texted her, watched movies together on 'Netflix Party' and always provided her lunch and dinner.

In Korea, fortunately, apartment buildings in more luxurious neighborhoods like theirs had actual lockers as mailboxes.

Generally these were used by deliverymen to drop off packages despite the residents' absence, but it had seemed like a good idea for everyone to use it for that other purpose.

They had several pairs of keys to open the mailbox, and on a daily basis, they left food, medicine, and little gifts there that they knew would lift her spirits.

All in all, the cold was better. She kept sneezing insistently after getting the covid test but then it would calm down through the day; what still plagued her was the burning in her throat that had resulted in a noticeable lowering of her voice.

By email, her doctor had reassured her: It was more than normal to lose her voice from a strong flu, especially if the vocal cords are already stressed due to external factors.

Of course her vocal cords were stressed, since she spent most of her life singing.

That morning she had felt well enough to shower as soon as she woke up, wash her hair and even curl it naturally with the hair dryer. Looking in the mirror, with her hair so wavy she almost didn't recognize herself. Since she joined the entertainment industry she kept getting it straightened, as Korean standards deemed girls prettier that way.

It was almost lunchtime, her stomach was beginning to claim a decent meal other than a bowl of cold milk and cereal, plus she had finished her supply of paracetamol the night before, the only pill that gave her a chance to feel her throat less sore and the fever low. She hoped with all her heart that the boys had brought her another package, as of that morning she had yet to hear from them, probably too busy with some project she would be behind on.

Wearing her mask and putting the keys of the dorm in her pocket, she approached to go out and walk down the stairs that would take her to the ground floor.

She avoided the elevator. As much as she knew she was tested negative and was wearing the mask, she did not want to risk leaving any germs in such a small, enclosed space.

Before she could reach her destination, a guy not much older than her, also wearing a mask to cover his mouth and nose, removed the earphones from his ears and twisted them around his cell phone, which he placed in the right pocket of his uniform. Then he left the broom in his hand, leaning it against the wall closest to him, "Excuse me, Miss Chaeri?"

Chaeri failed to recognize him immediately, but then realized: He was the janitor of the condominium. Before her arrival, he was probably busy cleaning the floor below the one she had come down from.

He had only been working there for a few months, as far as she knew, and, of course, had not had a chance to interact with him that often due to her busy schedule.

She cleared her throat before speaking, "Yes?"

"Sirs came by this morning. They were in hurry, miss, and left me a medicine packet to give you."

Oh, then her assumptions were true: The boys had been too busy to call on her.

She smiled and hoped that from her eyes the guy in front of her could notice "Thank you"

"No problem"

Chaeri was glad to see that the medicine packet the boy pulled out of his pocket was just what she needed.

As she reached out to get it, the broom that had been resting on the wall next to them fell, causing Chaeri to flinch backward and slam into the stair railing.

"Oh my God, are you hurt? I'm so sorry, I'm such a clumsy person" The janitor's eyes were the mirror of shame and mortification. He bent over and over in apology before picking up the tool from the floor.

"Don't worry about it! I'm not hurt, really" Chaeri's voice, due to her flu-like condition, was little more than a whisper, but she tried to let it out confidently enough to reassure the condo employee "Really, it's okay"

She politely waved to him before returning to the front door of the dorm. The boys had been nice to stop by even if quickly; she could not complain about not getting lunch. They were busy and had done far too much for her in those days. She would cook herself something with what she had in the fridge.

When she touched the pocket where the keys should have been, she went pale: empty

Could she really have left it inside? No, she could remember carrying it with her.

Maybe she had dropped it earlier when she had hit her hip.

──────

Downstairs, however, the janitor's heart was beating so fast he could even feel it in his throat.

A mixture of excitement and fear, admiration and love. He held his hand tightly around the keys in his pocket, which he had picked up from the ground when he had taken up the broom. The idea that soon Chaeri would notice and most likely ask for his help made him thrilled.

Helping Chaeri, protecting Chaeri, loving Chaeri.

There was nothing else he wanted to do in life.

──────

As Chaeri rummaged through her pockets, the janitor watched her intently. He knew that this was his moment to shine, his moment to show her that he could be the one to take care of her, to protect her from anything that could harm her.

He stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to face him. The look on his face was one of concern and care

"Is everything okay?" he asked, his voice soft and husky as he took a step back "Sorry I tapped you without permission, I tried to call you but you didn't hear me" false, but Chaeri, so caught up in her thoughts about the keys, thought it was quite possible that she hadn't heard him.

"I seem to have lost my keys," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

The janitor smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'll help you find them" he said, leading her back down the stairs.

──────

"How is this even possible" Chaeri complained.

They searched down all the stairs, all the floors, even the upper ones despite the fact that she had not gone there, but there were no sign of her keys.

She had no phone with her to alert someone of the staff to help her.

Taken by stress, by the trembling that was returning to shake her from the end of the effect of the previous night's medication, she sat on the stairs

"I'm sure we'll find the keys, miss."

"I'm sorry, I don't even know your name and I'm causing you a lot of trouble."

"No problem, and by the way, I'm Kyong."

"Kyong, thank you for what you're doing to help me"

He could not help but blush, yet he hoped to hide it as best he could. His name spoken by Chaeri sounded so good.

"I see you are not well, do you want to rest in the porter's lodge? You can take the pill, I'll bring you something to eat while you wait for someone who can open the door for you."

"Aren't you afraid of covid?"

"Do you have covid?

"No, I'm negative."

"Then nothing to fear" That reassuring smile on his lips again.

"I'd love to."

But she wouldn't love it at all

──────

As she followed Kyong to the porter's lodge, Chaeri couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. She had never spent time alone with a stranger before, and she didn't know if she could trust him. But her flu-like symptoms were worsening by the minute, and she knew she needed to rest and take her medication.

Kyong was kind enough to bring her some soup and water, which she gratefully accepted.

She mentally told herself that she was a fool to think that someone in his position, the janitor of such an upscale apartment building, could be dangerous in any way...Right? She promised herself not to let the past make her prejudiced about people, that was probably what made her feel tense.

So she tried to be as relaxed as possible and enjoy the warmth of the room in which she was.

"Thank you for the soup, Kyong"

"It's my pleasure, Miss Chaeri"

Without being asked, the guy sat down next to her, right by her side.

"You might catch a cold if you stay this close to me" was the first thing she thought of saying, to try to put some distance between them.

Kyong could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he sat next to Chaeri, trying to control his emotions. He knew he had to be careful, to not reveal his true feelings for her too soon. He wanted to take care of her, to be the one to make her feel safe and loved. But he knew that he had to earn her trust first.

"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable" he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay, and that you have everything you need."

Chaeri looked up at him, her eyes clouded with fever. "That's kind of you, but please don't sit so close to me. It makes me feel a little claustrophobic"

Kyong quickly stood up, apologizing for his intrusion.

Chaeri sighed with relief as Kyong retreated to a corner of the room, giving her some space. She sipped her soup, feeling grateful for his kindness, but also wary of his intentions. She thought maybe it would be better to finish eating, ask for his phone to call someone of the staff, and get out of that room.

The door to the porter's lodge, however, was open. There was nothing he could do to her.

As she finished her soup, Kyong couldn't help but watch her every move, his eyes filled with longing. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, that he should respect her boundaries and keep his distance, but he couldn't help himself. Chaeri was just too beautiful, too perfect to resist.

"Would you mind lending me your cellphone? I'd like to call someone so they can open the door for me."

The boy's face became serious, or rather sad. His eyes reflected disappointment

"Sorry, I forgot my cellphone at home this morning."

When he saw Chaeri's eyes widen in realization, he knew he fucked up.

He did remember only after that she saw him with his headphones on not long before.

He got up quickly before she could and slammed the front door, locking it fast. He could not risk losing his chance with her, not because he told her an innocent lie

──────

Oh no, no, no. Not again.

She couldn't be locked in a room again with a man who wanted to hurt her.

Her senses were slightly dulled by the illness, but she tried to keep calm despite the panic quivering to take over.

'Be smart this time,' she repeated to herself, 'Don't make him suspicious'

“I’m so sorry Chaeri. I didn't mean to lie to you” The boy was desperate "I only did it so I could spend more time with you. I-I think I've been in love with you for a long time."

Although tears were pressing to leave her eyes, she tried to smile at him in a convincing way "Really?" she sounded a little choked up

Kyong moved from the door, took steps toward her "Yes, Chaeri. I know a lot of people tell you that but ... I really feel it. I've been watching you since I got here, I took this job for you! Do you really think I wanted to mop the floor in my life?" His voice began to rise a few tones "No! But I did it for you. For you."

"I am so lucky to..." a tear of fear slid down her face, she could not hold it back "to have such a person in my life."

Kyong took another step toward her, "From my window I can see the balcony of your house. I think it's the kitchen, although the glass is a little too dark to be sure. I saw that every morning you eat the same cereal: kellogg's choco krave. Don't you?"

"Yeah, I like them a lot"

"I had guessed it. I started eating them every morning too. I'm allergic to chocolate but nothing an epinephrine shot can't fix."

He was fucking insane.

She wished she could have slapped herself for the shitty decision she had made in following him. She had asked for it. That's what her mom would have told her. She asked for it.

Chaeri tried to sound interested in what he was saying, hoping to buy herself some time.

"That's interesting, Kyong. I didn't know you were allergic to chocolate. That must be tough."

Kyong's eyes lit up with delight. "Yes, it is. But for you, I'll do anything."

"Would you unlock the door, too, if I asked you to?"

"Why?

"You're my fan, did I get that right?"

"Your biggest and most devoted fan."

"So you must know that I am claustrophobic and need a lot of space and ..air"

He thought about it for a few seconds, as if digging through his memory to find the information Chaeri had just told him

"No, you're not"

"Yes. I am."

"You are not, Chaeri. Are you trying to get away from me? I gave you medicine, I fed you, I treated you well. Are you not satisfied? Do you want me to do more? I mean, what more do I have to do to show you my love!?" She tried to push him away as he clung to her, bringing his hands around her waist. "Do I have to kiss you to make you understand? Do I have to make you feel..do I have to make you feel how aroused I am to have you here locked with me?"

──────

Meanwhile, all 7 of the boys had completed their morning activities. Since it was early afternoon and they were familiar with the girl's habits, they had dropped by a bakery to buy her some sweet honey bread.

Divided into three different cars, which would patiently wait in front of the apartment building, the boys broke into it to drop off the dessert to the female member of the group.

"Maybe we should have bought her more," said Jimin, who was holding the bag. The only noise was his voice and everyone's shoes crunching along the mopped and waxed floor.

"Jimin-ah, it's a pound of bread, I think it will be enough for more than a day."

"Well, when she's sick Chaeri finds comfort in food so I wou-" the guy's voice froze when, opening the dormitory mailbox, he saw that the envelope with the medicine and lunch they had left that morning for Chaeri was still there

"What's going on?" Hobi stepped forward, getting himself next to his friend, and he too was amazed by what he saw

"What?!" Jungkook asked impatiently.

"Chaeri didn't pick up her lunch today."

The boys exchanged worried glances. They knew Chaeri well enough to know that she never missed a meal, especially when she was sick.

"We should call her" Namjoon suggested.

"No, I tried calling her when we were in the car. She didn't answer" Jin replied, his voice laced with concern.

"Maybe she's just sleeping," Taehyung offered optimistically.

But the uneasy feeling in the pit of their stomachs wouldn't go away. They knew something was wrong.

Jimin grabbed the bag of honey bread and made his way to their apartment, followed closely by the others.

They knocked only once before deciding to come in to notice that all the rooms were empty. Chaeri's phone was on the bed still undone, her unfolded pajamas on the pillow, and a half-full glass on the nightstand.

Definitely a house that had not been planned to leave

"Before we panic, we could ask the janitor if he saw her come by. She can't be just vanished" Yoongi said, trying to keep calm.

Everyone agreed except on the 'before we panic' because, by then, they were all panicking.

──────

While Chaeri's fear completely froze her, making her forget the self-defense lessons she had taken, a sound from across the room brought more tears to her eyes.

Someone was knocking on the door. She would have screamed if only her voice allowed it, to let whoever was on the other side know that she was there, in the arms of a fucking psychopath

Kyong quickly covered her mouth with his hand "Don't make a sound. I want to spend more time with you"

The knocking grew louder, more urgent

"Please" she managed to say despite his hand

"Shh, it's just someone at the door. They'll go away soon," he whispered, stroking her hair.

But the knocking didn't stop.

"Is there anyone in? Please, we just need to talk for a minute."

Namjoon's voice called out like a beacon of hope, so loud and powerful that Chaeri felt it down to her core. With newfound strength and courage, she instinctively grabbed Kyong's hand and bit hard into one of his fingers, tasting the metallic tang of blood on her tongue.

He moved his hand away abruptly, gripped by pain. In his eyes she could see all the disappointment he was feeling at that moment. The Chaeri he knew (who thought he knew) was kind, polite, and sweet. She would never hurt him. She would never try to run away from someone who loved her.

"Namjoon!" She strained her voice as much as she could to be heard by the boy on the other side of the wall.

He was there, and probably the rest of the boys, Chaeri thought.

She was not alone.

"This is not you. You would not be so ungrateful. They are the ones influencing you am I r-"

"Go fuck yourself, you creep." Chaeri interrupted Kyong's speech, her voice now filled with anger. "You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. I am not some object for you to possess. You have no right to keep me here like this, get a goddamn life of your own."

Kyong's expression shifted from disappointment to rage. He lunged at her, but Chaeri was prepared this time. With a quick movement, she dodged him and ran towards the door. The knocking had stopped, but she could hear voices from the other side.

"Open the door! Namjoon, open the door!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Kyong caught up to her and grabbed her by the hair, yanking her back. "After everything I've done for you," He also seemed to have tears in his eyes "But I'm not angry with you. I couldn't. You just have to be a good girl and tell your friends that you are here by your own will. You don't want anything bad to happen to me, do you?"

The blood from the finger bitten by Chaeri now smeared her hair, Kyong though did not seem to want to let go of her.

The girl's vision was clouded by tears, but she could clearly hear the voices of the worried boys and the jostling they were doing at the door to enter. "Say it" He commanded her in a more authoritative voice, clenching his fist of curly hair tighter

"I am not here by my own will and someone call the fucking police" she said loud enough to be heard.

"You ungrateful bitch," he spat out, raising his hand to strike her.

But before he could make contact, the door suddenly burst open, and all 7 boys rushed into the room, their expressions a mix of anger and relief.

It wasn't quite clear to her what happened in those moments immediately after the door was opened.

The adrenaline that had kept her alert up to that moment flowed out of her body in one go.

She did not know how, nor who followed her out first of that room into the lobby of the apartment building.

Her world was a blur. She couldn't focus on anything even though she tried to make her eyes see something, anything she could latch on to.

The sounds of the street outside were distant, but to her they were close and overpowering. And inside, the sounds of yelling and screaming were deafening, she imagined that the entire world was fucking screaming.

She trembled violently, her body curling in like she was trying to make herself as small as possible. Her arms hugging her body like a vice.

Her heart raced and her breathing was shallow and ragged as the panic attack took hold of her body, plunging her into a state of sheer terror.

Two heavy hands grabbed her shoulders, making her entire body shudder in fear. She staggered back and suddenly fell to her knees, screaming wildly at the top of her lungs, "Don't touch me! Get away from me!" Tears streaming down her face, she did not recognize the arms that wanted to wrap around her and comfort her were Hobi's and not Kyong's.

Hobi's heart shattered as he saw the state that Chaeri was in. Her body was convulsing, and her screams were endless. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. But he knew that he had to be patient. He had to wait for her to calm down before he could do anything else.

He knelt down beside her, his hand hovering above her shoulder, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence. Chaeri's screams slowly faded into whimpers, and her body stopped shaking. Hobi took that as a sign and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Chaeri," he whispered softly. "You're safe now."

Chaeri's eyes slowly opened, and she stared at Hobi, her gaze vacant and lost. Hobi saw the fear and confusion in her eyes, and it broke his heart.

But instead of staying on him, her eyes wandered blankly among the faces around her. Some standing, some kneeling on the ground as she did. Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jin were missing. She did not want to know what they were doing to Kyong.

"He knew. He knew I was sick, he bought me medicine saying that you came by and left it for me. He knew I would be locked out of the apartment, he knew I would follow him, because ... I asked for it" Chaeri spoke with a surrendered calmness that did not seem natural to that still frightened body "I asked for it," she repeated, looking at Taehyung. He who knew more about her past than anyone. He had to be disappointed.

Her mother had always been right, it had always been her own fault.

"I asked for it" the calm with which she had spoken vanished again, plunging back into panic.

Taehyung's heart broke at Chaeri's words. He knew she had a history of blaming herself for everything that went wrong in her life. He took Hobi's place in front of her, who moved only a step further. "Look at me, Chaeri"

Instead of the disappointment she expected, she saw only sadness in his eyes "It was never your fault" he spoke softly "I... I promised you that I would never let anything happen to you ever again."

"And you came"

"I did, but not as soon as I had to"

Jimin approached them, his hand reaching out to brush her hair away from her face "Let's go home, shall we?”

She nodded weakly, her senses numbed from the shock and sadness.

As tears streamed down her face, the ache in her throat intensified to an unbearable level. Her eyes met those of Jungkook - the only boy missing from the group not including the older ones -.

The intensity in his gaze searing into her soul; his fists white knuckled from the effort it took to stay still; the sadness and heartbreak written over his features as he was trying so hard to not cry.

“Jungkook," Hobi's authoritative voice cut through the silence to bring him to his senses "Let's take Chaeri home."

He could do nothing but nod, his throat too tight to speak.

──────

Jin put the hair dryer down and stepped back, surveying his work. Chaeri's hair was now straight and silky as she asked, shining under the light of the bathroom. He gave her a little smile

"There you go, all done"

"Thank you, oppa" Jin lowered himself just enough to leave a kiss right in the middle of her head.

She stood up from the chair and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying, but she felt a little better after the warm shower and Jin's hair styling. Even better in knowing that from that evening the boys would start staying at the dormitory again.

They expressly made it clear to the staff that if, unfortunately, any of them caught a virus then they would all be quarantined together. They were not going to leave her alone anymore.

"Hey, how is it going here? I hope he didn't burn all your hair with the straightener." Jimin walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bath.

Chaeri chuckled softly, shaking her head. "No, it looks great"

"Of course it looks great! I was the one who styled it!"

They were obviously trying to make the atmosphere softer.

Namjoon joined them too, holding a bag of ice against his cheek. Chaeri could see that he had a bruise forming on his jaw "What happened to your face?”

"Kyong fought back."

Chaeri gasped "Is he-"

"He's in police custody," Yoongi interrupted, walking into the bathroom "We won't hear from him again, that's for sure"

"Okay, okay. What is this bathroom becoming? Where did the privacy go? Is this by any chance a cabinet meeting?"

"Oh my God Jin, that was sleazy"

"Awful"

"But where do you get such bad jokes?"

Chaeri felt her chest feeling lighter as she listened to the members, her family, bickering as always. She needed that sense of normality

──────

Jungkook had been sitting in the living room for what felt like hours, his mind racing with thoughts of Chaeri and what she had gone through. He couldn't bear the thought of her being hurt like that. In addition, in the lobby of the condominium he was so overwhelmed that he couldn't move a muscle toward her. He was tremendously ashamed of this.

He heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Chaeri walking into the room. She looked tired, but she forced herself to smile softly when she saw him. He took a seat next to him on the couch. "I don't think I will be able to sleep in my room tonight.- Or to just sleep, I guess."

"We.."He swallowed nervously. He failed to protect her and even looking into her eyes reminded him of how much he damned himself for that. "We can stay on the couch all night if you want."

Chaeri nodded, grateful for the offer. She scooted a little closer to him, feeling comfort in his presence. Silence hung over the room, the only sound being the faint hum of the air conditioning.

Jungkook's mind was racing, trying to come up with the right words to say to her. "You know," he began, his voice barely above a whisper, "I never knew what it meant to feel truly helpless until I saw what happened to you. It broke my heart, Chaeri, to see you go through that. I wasn't there and I.. hate it"

"You're here now, and that's all that matters."

As the minutes wore on, the rest of the members began to filter into the living room one by one. Taehyung came in first, sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the couch. He looked up to smile at her.

Hoseok and Jin joined them next, settling in on the other side of Jungkook. Namjoon claimed the space next to Chaeri, at his side soon took his place Yoongi. Jimin was the last to come, loaded with blankets for everyone, which he distributed one by one. Only later did he go and sit beside Tae.

She leaned into Namjoon, who draped an arm around her shoulders, holding her close.

The night went on and she couldn't feel safer than that.

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr

#bts 8th member #bts imagines #bts female member #bts x reader #bts addition #kpop female member #kpop addition #kpop oc #bts 8th member au #bts au fic #bts scenarios

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izzyspussy · 25 days

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there's a meta post going around that i disagree with heavily and i wanna say why but i don't wanna be argumentative in op's notes so i'm making a vaguepost instead

a) i don't really remember anything in canon that would provide evidence to say ted is untruthful or inaccurate by saying jamie is "getting good minutes" at city. the one (1) game we see him play for them he IS a starter, and not only that he plays for the entire game (and is also shown to be behaving well, encouraging his teammates, and playing cooperatively). jamie mentioning that he doesn't start every time or play the full 90 every game and is on the bench sometimes really doesn't indicate that he's unfavored as a player, due simply to the fact that Manchester City is a huge, well funded team with more talent to cycle through than it could ever manage to use all of consistently. we also have to keep in mind that TL is not the real world, and while 24 is not a young player anymore here on covid-19's Earth, it is said that jamie is at the beginning of his career several times in canon. it may be unrealistic, but it's not an unreliable narrative - some suspension of disbelief is necessary. jamie is still a junior player in the world if TL so it's not a snub to him or evidence that he's not doing well if he's not a permanent fixture on the starting lineup with more established players on a large and star studded team.

b) and honestly more importantly: abuse makes you crazy. it makes you irrational and/or emotionally unstable. it truly does not matter at all if the rest of your circumstances are "the dream" or not. it does not matter if you might even personally think that bad is worth putting up with for the sake of keeping the good. sometimes people do make that call I won't say that doesn't happen, but it is really unlikely to be a logical cost-benefit analysis of a decision. so like... even if james never treated jamie any worse than exactly what we saw in canon (which i would also say is already quite a bit worse than just "sucking"), there it is not even the slightest leap to think he'd "throw away the dream" to get away, whether he could ideally tough it out or not. sometimes you make choices that are the wrong choices! sometimes you do something irrational and based on emotional impulse! that's true even if your life is relatively easy and low stress and you have a strong support network and no mental illness or trauma responses to manage! and every new factor that contributes to stress makes it exponentially more likely.

say you have a high pressure job, and it's also very physically taxing, and also you have a restricted diet, and also you just made yourself vulnerable and were rejected with no explanation, and also you recently got dumped, and also your mom is disappointed in you, and also you don't have any close friends, and also your abuser can show up any time he wants even at your workplace and push you around and scare you and humiliate you and relentlessly insult you and make sure you never feel any sense of accomplishment or enjoyment from the activity that you love and spend the vast majority of your daily life working hard at and the entirety of your life maintaining your ability to perform. and yeah, you've got your dream job. objectively you're doing very well. but boy i tell you what with all that shit you can fucking bet you're crazy too! and when you're crazy you make decisions that are also crazy!! and btw self sabotage is one of the most common maladaptive behaviors of all time!!!

anyway in conclusion: sometimes coming up with a well reasoned explanation is not necessary (and may even make less sense) when the explanation of bad reasoning has already been provided for you

#this ended up being much crankier than i thought it would #double glad i didn't add it on to the post lol #jack facts #ted lasso #jamie tartt #hc #reading process #infinite diversity #anyway brought to you by an abuse survivor who self sabotaged his way out of a full ride scholarship to an accredited 4yr private universit #because it was too close to home 🙃#i do vague sir but i do not vague at you sir

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anastasiapullingteeth · 6 months

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Calm. Down. Stay.

{Or The Things I Learned While Training My Reactive Dog}

My submission for this year’s @aggressivelyarospec’s Aggressively Arospectacular event! **Disclaimer: this is not a guide on how to train a reactive dog. It’s just me talking about my own experience.** [CW for mentions of COVID, anxiety, disordered eating and general bad mental health.]

It was August 2020, five months into the COVID lockdown, and I was losing my mind.

I’ve always been introverted. More interested in staying in my comfort zone (home) and indulging in my own activities (lazing around), so as bad as this may sound, lockdown wasn’t really the problem. The previous year and a half of commuting for two hours to get to work, plus years of suffering from insomnia, anxiety, and other debilitating problems were. By the time the pandemic happened, I was walking on a tightrope and the recovery was taking longer than I’d anticipated. That was when my mom, with zero thought put into it I may add, decided we needed a dog and got a month-old puppy.

I’m not one of those people who consider their pets as their actual children, but dogs are, in fact, pretty much like kids in at least one thing: not everyone is prepared to have them, and wanting one is not reason enough to get one. And, boy, I wasn’t prepared.

Given the bad state of mind I was in, the shitty job I had (and still have), and the historical event unfolding in real time, it was safe to say I was barely capable of taking care of myself, let alone a pet, but my mom promised the dog was going to be hers and, since I didn’t have the heart to rehome the puppy, we took her in and named her Quimey (“beautiful” in Mapuche).

I had plenty of dogs while growing up, but Quimey is my first dog as an adult and, although she was supposed to be my mom’s, I’m the one responsible for everything concerning her: I feed her, take her to the vet, walk her, clean after her, pay for everything... It’s a full-time job on top of everything else I already have on my plate but, even though my mom wants to help, she can’t really do much because Quimey has way too much energy and her strength and impulsivity can be dangerous if handled wrong, so I ended up taking up the responsibility myself. How hard could it be, right? It’s a dog. Then, of course, it became way harder.

Due to her chronic illness, my mom couldn’t leave the house during that time between the beginning of the pandemic and the first vaccines, so I was in charge of groceries and anything else she needed. Due to a lot of different factors (particularly that she’d been separated from her mother way too soon), Quimey wasn’t properly socialized when we got her, so, in an attempt to fix this, she often came with me to do errands.

She’s naturally nervous, so getting out of the house involved a lot of shaking, but nothing too bad to be considered a problem. The walks went okay and, after some time, she even stopped shaking, but then, one day as we waited our turn outside a store, she jumped on a random woman seemingly out of nowhere, scaring her. She didn’t actually bite her or even try to hurt her, but, from that moment on, I was a little wary of taking her with me in case she did it again so I tried to keep her at a safe distance from other people. It seemed to work and I thought we were back at a safe place, but I was wrong.

A couple of months later, Quimey was attacked by a neighbor's dog that’d been left outside without supervision. I managed to pick her up before the dog could do any damage, but, since we couldn’t really avoid him, he tried to attack her on several other occasions for at least a month or so, until the owners saw it and finally kept him inside. Sadly, that was enough to scare Quimey for life and the primary reason her reactivity began. She’s now terribly afraid of strangers and other dogs (particularly small ones) and is literally impossible to take her anywhere without her having what’s basically a panic attack. Trying to revert that as much as possible is what I’ve been aiming for for the past 3 years.

Living in a place that’s not pet friendly and without easy access to trainers and other specialists, having a reactive dog has been a journey, but one that, looking back, has taught me more than I’d expected.

Puppies are hard to train, they’re basically just babies, but anyone who’s had a dog before they turn one year old knows that’s nothing compared to the teenage stage. Yes, dogs go through adolescence, just like us, and it’s just as bad as you imagine. If by then you manage to teach them anything, they will forget it. They won’t listen no matter what you do and sometimes will even purposely disobey you. Avoiding shouting becomes a challenge and so far I was failing.

I’m not a person of soft emotions. I’m anxious, impatient, and temperamental, and my anger issues, although not as bad now, are very much something I still struggle with. Over the years, I’ve done my best to manage and redirect those emotions, but having a fearful reactive dog can certainly push you to the edge and test your patience because they’re harder to train and difficult to be with if you lack the knowledge to help them.

In dogs like Quimey, on top of the confusing teenage state, fear takes up their minds when they’re around a trigger and they basically lock themselves in a never-ending fight or flight response; in that scenario, they won’t listen to you not because they’re being disobedient, but because they can’t. Their bodies are fighting for survival and the last thing they need is having you screaming desperately because they’re pulling at the leash or barking, so, in order to get her to calm down, the first thing I had to learn was to be calm myself. What an impossible task! Years and years of trying had proved I couldn’t do it, but I needed to. I had to.

Dogs mirror our emotions; if I wanted to show her there was nothing to fear, I had to believe it first.

Dogs, as well as anyone else, are unique and what could work for one won’t do much for others. Each of them has its own process and sometimes it’s ok to just wait for things to pass and manage what you can until it gets better. As a teenager, Quimey was constantly trying to escape, barked at everything that moved, and got up in the middle of the night looking for things to play with or food to steal. It was the worst six months I experienced as a dog owner because all the progress we’d achieved until then was lost. Luckily, my sister, who’s had a similar experience with her own dog, helped me with some advice. Once I understood what was happening, I took a deep breath and established a routine.

As I said before, Quimey is high energy and needs help managing it in a way that’s safe and productive for her. So we implemented longer walks in a route that felt good for her, added scent games to stimulate her mind, practiced simple commands to control her impulsivity, and ran a few laps at night to burn all that pent-up energy that prevented her from having a full night's sleep. And it's working. Taking the time to assess the situation and try a solution is helping and something that was torturous at the beginning became bearable because I took my time. I was patient. The routine helps Quimey feel safer and more sure of herself because she no longer has to guess what is going to happen next; she is in the process of regaining control and lowering her guard, allowing her to enjoy what is around her instead of trying to run away from everything. And, what’s even more surprising, her routine is also helping me.

I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was a kid thanks to an overactive brain, and switching to full remote work due to the pandemic completely fucked any resemblance of a good sleep schedule I had so far, which wasn’t really impressive, to begin with. Routines had never done anything for me and, sometimes, having to keep a schedule for school or work even worsened my insomnia, which is the exact opposite of what one would expect. Having Quimey with me now, on the other hand, has improved my sleeping habits, not only allowing me to sleep most nights all night but also reducing the nightmares considerably.

Over the years I tried all kinds of tricks to sleep better and other things to lower my anxiety that never worked, but having a routine for Quimey did. What makes this one different? That I have a purpose. Getting better for oneself is what we all should aim for, but sometimes that’s not a good incentive when you don’t consider yourself worth it. Doing things for others can be a good first step towards healing and I already knew it’d worked for me in the past.

A few years ago, what took me out of a very long period of bad mental health was working with kids. Being surrounded by children whose parents neglected them in ways most people would dismiss pushed me to try to be the adult they needed and the one I didn’t have while growing up. I not only had to guide them academically, I also had to be able to be fully there to accompany them in their journey and that’s how I, almost accidentally, broke the streak of abnormal eating patterns and sleepless nights I'd been suffering from since I left college; adopting Quimey had more or less the same effect on me.

Somewhere along the way I figured she, just like me, struggles to understand the world around her and her fear comes from a place of feeling inadequate to handle it. She needs someone to give her the tools to work around her big emotions and translate the things she still hasn’t fully grasped in terms she’s more familiar with. And, much like with those kids, I had to step in and be the support she needed and the one I didn’t have. And I’m trying to do that every day.

Two years later, we still do most of the things we started her routine with, varying between the activities she gets tired of and adding stuff that fits her better as she ages. And we’re doing pretty well now.

I used to wonder what people did with reactive dogs before our generation got so obsessed with them that we started to treat them more like living things and not like objects, but then it occurred to me that, even if you think there’s more of them now because of the way the world has changed, most of the problematic dogs back in the day were abandoned or euthanized without giving them a chance or helping them overcome what had made them that way. Most of them still are even now. That, for better or worse, is part of why I keep trying with Quimey.

There’s something people with reactive dogs say constantly, but that’s worth repeating here: as much as a bad time you’re having trying to train your dog, you can be sure they’re having it way worse. Reactivity can be genetic or a result of past trauma, but whatever the cause is, your dog is struggling to adapt to this world and it’s your job to help them get there.

Quimey’s not perfect and never will be. She gets incredibly anxious if her routine changes, still won’t accept any stranger (human or dog) to get too close to her no matter how friendly, and is afraid of the simplest things like bubbles or the sound of a door closing in the distance. She sometimes has to take natural remedies to help her anxiety when her triggers are just too much to handle and we’re still working on teaching her how to stay alone in the house without a panic attack. But she’s also the most affectionate dog I have ever had.

Learning to accept and love her the way she is and my job as her advocate has strengthened our bond and has helped me accept and work on most of my own struggles as well. Identifying and naming her emotions in order to offer a safe space has created one for me, too, one I never knew how to get before, and that, without realizing, she guided me to.

Working on doing better for her helped me do better for myself as well.

Calm, down, stay… you’re safe now.

#AggressivelyArospectacular #essay #HI I'D FORGOTTEN TO POST THIS #lmfaoooo #aas*#aa*#long post #very long post

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twdgkidsdeservebetter · 28 days

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I love the Quarry but I think it could use a complete fix to improve it.

I know a lot of stuff was scrapped due to Covid-19 getting in the way, but there's always potential for a remake (I can only hope)

Making the two save options ACTUALLY let you save Max/Nick. The only thing we get from that are different dialogue lines.

Number 1 is also a reason why we should add character relationships and traits back. Don't get me wrong, I like the pause menu for The Quarry, I think it's super unique, but there's plenty of space to add relationships and traits back in. That's what made Until Dawn so unique, especially when you do a deep dive on character traits changing with your dialogue options. (like for example, Mike's honesty goes down when he tries to comfort Jess).

I also think more options in the game that would change characters fates in different chapters would give a larger variety of story. Like for example; instead of Max getting infected, it's Laura whose infected and Max has to go out and kill Chris. Instead of Jacob getting captured, we have Emma captured. Instead of Nick getting infected, we have Abi infected. This would definitely give more characters some screen time and from someone who thinks characters in a story bring everything together, would allow people to select characters they like in order to give them more screen time over other characters they may not like as much. (It's sort like watching a horror movie but not being invested in what happens to a character you don't like).

Change chapter 8. From someone who has replayed the game several times in order to get 100%, I found chapter 8 to be the most boring and repetitive out of every single chapter. I understand why they made the chapter that way to explain what happened to Laura and Max, I just don't like the execution of it. Especially when we've been following 7 other characters for 7 chapters and now we're focusing on 2 characters we haven't seen since the prologue.

Removing plot armour from Ryan, Laura and Kaitlyn. These three characters can only die at the very end of the game, which sucks, since I really don't care for Ryan or Laura. I know they're fixing that with Mike and Sam in the new Until Dawn remake, allowing them to die earlier, rather than at the very end of the game. (And I know Chris is also getting an alternate death that is a chapter earlier).

When they first announced The Quarry, they said that each character would have several ways to die in the game, which obviously, was not the case. More danger would definitely up the risk factor of the game.

Adding additional scenes for those infected after the curse has been broken. For the characters who have the ability to turn into a werewolf post-curse breaking is; Max, Emma, Nick and Dylan. BUT, we only get Max and Emma scenes. I would've loved to see Nick appear again and be super disorientated. Along with Dylan, who would obviously be searching for Kaitlyn.

Adding scrapped dialogue back in to make scenes make more sense and more fleshed out. Kaitlyn's whole, "You done?" line makes zero sense without Dylan and Ryan's scrapped lines.

Making the ending better. I thought the ending of The Quarry SUUUUUUUUUUCKED. We get this intense car chase with Silas and then we find him curled up in his cage? BORING. It was super anti-climatic (and I get it, covid happened) and should've been more fleshed out.

Also, FIX LAURA'S HAIR!

#the quarry #the quarry game #max brinly #jacob custos #nick furcillo #abigail blyg #laura kearney #ryan erzahler #dylan lenivy #kaitlyn ka #emma mountebank

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syrena-del-mar · 1 year

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Alan honestly comes across as the textbook “nice guy.” (Which isn’t hard when you have First playing him, who is an actual nice guy). You know, the nice guy that acts nice until they don’t get their way and when they don’t, they take on a whole different persona that you wouldn’t expect because of how they presented themselves as the nice guy. Alan can be a “nice guy” and still raise red flags, especially how he postures himself when talking to Wen.

It’s important to also consider the timeline in which they are living in. This is taking place during mid Covid-19. The show alludes to all the financial struggles due to the economy and Wen himself states that he’s living paycheck-to-paycheck. It makes sense that Wen is stuck living with his ex. It happens all the time to couples, sometimes no matter how much you may want to leave, there are extrinsic (in this case, financial) factors that impede your ability.

And! In every interaction that Wen and Alan have together, Wen is more than crystal clear that there is nothing left in between them, even if they are still living together due to circumstances.

First, the interaction they had when they were sharing a bed together. The moment that Wen feels Alan is snuggling up to him, Wen wakes up and tells Alan to move off of him. There’s a certain coldness in the way that Wen tells him to move, as if its been something already discussed.

The next scene, Alan and Wen are having breakfast. Alan doesn’t even ask if Wen wants to go to the party of their mutual friend, he simply states, “You’re going.” He took away any choice from Wen and expected Wen to go along with the charade that they were still together. Wen put a stop to that and even states that pretending that they’re together makes him uncomfortable. ‘Pretending’ is the key word, signifying that they already discussed that their relationship has ended.

Then, when Wen arrives the next morning, Alan reprimands Wen for not notifying him that he wouldn’t make it home that night and for not picking up his phone. There’s no relationship there! Wen already stated as such. Alan is crossing a line that has already been drawn, there was no reason to attempt to scold Wen, when Alan is nothing to him. He’s not his lover and not his parents, so if Wen doesn’t want to let him know that he’s not coming home, he doesn’t have to and that pisses Alan off.

Wen also tells Alan that he’s moving out and that he found a condo to stay out. Wen is giving Alan a heads up so he can figure out his living situation, that wasn’t a comment for him throw it in his face whether he’s moving in with a boyfriend. Even if he was! It’s! Not! His! Business!

The final straw is when Alan seeks out Gong, asking for information on Uncle Jim, just because Wen posts him on his IG story. A) Wen has made it clear that they’re not in a relationship anymore B) who Wen spends his time with is none of his business C) going to a mutual friend to find out is overstepping a huge line when it’s clear Wen doesn’t want Alan in his life.

To top it off, whatever the final straw was for Wen, Alan plays it off as if Wen was being too much since he did it with good intentions. Gong even states that no matter if his actions were well-intentioned, he should have considered Wen’s opinion. I swear Alan’s posturing as if he knows what’s better for Wen kills me.

Then he actually goes and tracks down where Wen is with Uncle Jim and asks if they’ve slept together! The way that he pushes Wen down, as well, he didn’t stop to think until he saw that Wen fell. Talk about overstepping, he really ran through the line that was drawn by tracking them down and then resorting to violence.

It really doesn’t matter that they live together or that Alan has unresolved feelings. Wen has made it clear through his actions and verbally that there is nothing left for them. Wen even stated that what they were pretending for their mutual friend and even just pretending made him uncomfortable. I don’t know how much clearer Wen has to be.

Alan isn’t in limbo with his relationship, Wen made his intentions clear in ending the relationship. Alan just can’t believe or come to terms that Wen doesn’t want him. Living together, sharing common spaces, doesn’t equal a welcome into his personal life just because they used to be together and Alan can’t seem to accept that.

I get it, relationships make people do crazy things, jealousy can be a bitch, but that doesn’t give an excuse for literally stalking your ex and abusing the situation.

TLDR; Alan is a walking red flag “nice guy” that can’t accept that just because he loves Wen that doesn’t mean that Wen has to love him.

#Alan x Wen #Moonlight Chicken #Midnight Series: Moonlight Chicken #thai bl #earth x mix #earth mix #mlc: Alan #Wen #Uncle Jim #bl series #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap #moonlight chicken ep 4 #first kanaphan #uncle jim x wen #idk i think if the was a f/m rs people would be more willing to call him out for the abuse tactics that Alan is showing #this is probably me projecting on alan because been there #done that #and suddenly like Wen you're the bad guy and it's like no! there's a boundary! shithead just doesnt accept it #and like shit you wanna get out but do to circumstances #you just cant #and then all of sudden you're the bad guy because you're not willing to work things out #but there's nothing to work out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#lol i thought about this for a bit more and yeah projecting but ahhhhhh #also rip to all my typos can't be fucked to fix them #moonlight chicken meta #steph rants

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theomeganerd · 3 months

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Video Game News Stories for February 29, 2024

Industry Layoffs and Restructuring:

EA and Microsoft Face Workforce Reductions: Major gaming companies Electronic Arts (EA) and Microsoft announced layoffs today. EA will be letting go of approximately 5% of its workforce, totaling around 670 employees. This decision comes alongside the cancellation of an unannounced Star Wars FPS game from Respawn Entertainment. Microsoft, on the other hand, is undertaking a larger restructuring within its gaming division, resulting in the layoff of 1,900 employees.

Tencent's Riot Games Downsizes: Adding to the industry-wide trend, Riot Games, the developer behind the popular League of Legends, announced the layoff of 530 employees. While the specific reasons behind these decisions haven't been fully disclosed, they point towards potential adjustments within these companies as they navigate the evolving gaming landscape.

Other Noteworthy News:

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Continues to Generate Buzz: Square Enix's highly anticipated Final Fantasy VII Rebirth continues to be a major talking point. Game Informer published a detailed review of the title, offering insights into the story, gameplay, and the unique "New Game Plus" functionality. Fans can also tune in to the latest episode of the Game Informer Show podcast for a deeper dive into the game and a first look at the upcoming Shadow of the Erdtree DLC for Elden Ring.

Twitch Implements Gambling Content Ban: In an effort to maintain a safe and secure platform for its users, Twitch announced a ban on streaming unlicensed gambling content. This move comes amidst growing concerns about the potential negative impacts of gambling streams, particularly on younger audiences.

Gaming Charity Event Faces Challenges: A planned gaming charity fundraiser in Florida has been canceled due to a combination of factors, including concerns surrounding the state's "Don't Say Gay" law and ongoing COVID-19 safety considerations. This news highlights the ongoing intersection of video games with broader social and cultural issues.

#ea #electronic arts #microsoft #twitch #final fantasy #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #video games #gaming #news #gaming news #final fantasy 7 rebirth #final fantasy vii rebirth

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autisticadvocacy · 1 year

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On May 11th, 2023, the Biden administration will end the national emergency and public health emergency (PHE) related to COVID-19. The COVID-19 pandemic is not over. Ending the public health emergency will harm many people. Over a million people have died. The number of COVID cases are at record highs, and over 3,000 people in the United States are still dying of COVID every week. Less than 20% of the US has the bivalent booster. This is especially true for marginalized people. For all of these reasons, COVID is continuing to harm our communities.

Ending the public health emergency gives the dangerous impression that the COVID-19 pandemic is over. People need to continue to think about risk and community transmission. People need to continue to mask, people need to ensure that they are up to date with all boosters. People with developmental disabilities are especially vulnerable to COVID-19. Many in our community have additional risk factors, like heart or lung issues. COVID-19 is especially dangerous in congregate settings such as nursing homes, and it will continue to spread. COVID-19 was the leading cause of death for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (I/DD) in 2020. People with disabilities, low income people, and people of color are more likely to have bad outcomes from COVID-19, including death.

Ending the PHE will negatively impact health care and health care coverage, especially for marginalized people who had difficulty accessing care even before the pandemic. During the public health emergency, Medicaid coverage has been more open and flexible than usual in many states. Medicaid has had enhanced federal funding. States could also not take people off of Medicaid. Over 19 million people enrolled in Medicaid since February 2020, whether due to this expansion or people who newly qualified due to changes in disability status, financial status, or age. On April 1, states will be able to reduce coverage and will no longer have the enhanced federal funding for Medicaid. Millions of people will no longer qualify and lose Medicaid coverage. Even more will lose coverage even though they still qualify, because the requirements to keep this coverage will be more demanding. The groups who will lose the most coverage despite qualifying will disproportionately be children and people of color. This is expected to be the biggest increase in uninsured children in the history of the United States.

Hospitals that relied on pandemic-response higher reimbursement rates for Medicare and flexible waivers and eligibility requirements for certain classes of health care will no longer receive these payments. This will result in decreased access to care. Ending these reimbursements will leave hospitals worse-equipped to handle future Covid cases. This is especially bad because COVID-19 is a mass disabling event. Health systems serving hard-hit communities will struggle to meet the additional medical need COVID has brought about. This will mean that many people who need health care because they became disabled from COVID will not have access to it.

Cost sharing provisions for COVID-19 tests for people on private insurance, Medicaid, and Medicare are ending. People on these plans will have to pay more for COVID tests. Tests will become less available as a result, leading to more spread and less-accurate information about COVID risk in communities. Uninsured people used to be covered for COVID-19 tests, treatments, and vaccines, but without additional federal funding for these programs, people without insurance have been left vulnerable since last spring.

Ending the public health emergency also means there will be fewer tools to help people make informed decisions about COVID. States will stop having to report COVID-19 data to the government. ASAN had to end our COVID-19 case tracker for congregate settings in January of this year due to lack of data. This lack of information will make it hard for people to find out how much COVID is circulating in their communities. It also makes it more difficult to see the impact specifically on marginalized communities.

The public health emergency status provided care to many people who need care to survive the pandemic. Ending it harms our communities. COVID-19 is not over.

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fasterthanmydemons · 3 months

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{out of breath} Alright folks, I know I'm getting on here late tonight, but it has not been a good day. I'll put some updates below a cut, but there's just a lot going on in my life right now that's not only taking away from time I have to write, but it's also leaving me without a lot of creativity or ability to concentrate. I would probably skip tonight if I could, because I'm exhausted and my focus is not really there to write, but I skipped last week, and will need to skip next week as well. So... I am here to do what I can tonight, but I apologize if it's a bit light. I'm doing the best I can, honestly. The next few weeks are going to be rough, but then I'm hoping maybe I can turn a corner and things will get better. Thank you for understanding, I know I've been absent a lot lately in recent months, but you've all been so supportive. Things will get better, I'm just not exactly sure when. <3

Okay so... for those who want to know what's going on... I found out this morning that I will need surgery to remove my gallbladder. This was anxiety-producing enough because I've never had surgery before in my life (unless you count wisdom teeth extraction), and people in my family rend to react poorly and dangerously to anesthesia. So I'm very anxious about this, and I've got a consultation with a surgeon next Monday to probably schedule a date to have this done in the near future.

In the meantime, I'm in a decent amount of pain, and I'm already on a restrictive diet that will likely become even more restrictive after surgery. I've been a comfort eater/baker all my life, that's my main coping mechanism for stress and anxiety, so this has been very damaging to my mental health to have my one go-to taken away.

While that was going on today, in the midst of calling doctors and making appointments and such, I've been working on a promotion package that's due the end of the week. I didn't want to apply for promotion because I don't really think I deserve it, but I also just want to keep things status quo. I'm fine with my job the way it is, and I don't need a promotion. But I've been informed that not applying may be one of the factors contributing to me potentially losing my job later this year, because I won't "seem ambitious enough." I'm just like... of course I'm not ambitious, I'm taking care of my grandmother, I've got health issues, I've got focus and memory issues post-Covid, yeah I just want things to stay the way they are. But I may lose my job if I don't show interest in advancement. So I've had to quickly write and gather everything to apply by Friday because I wasn't planning on doing it.

Then I found out today that the person I have to send all my promotion materials to, and one of two people who will be making the decision on whether or not I get promoted AND whether I keep my job going forward... is a woman who 1) stole my research in 2015 and rendered me unable to publish my own work because she stole it and published it first, and 2) got me laid off from my dream job in 2017 because she lied behind my back to the company we were conducting research for that I was no longer interested in the project, so that she could have all the project funding only for her lab. So I'm just like.... I am... so screwed. *sigh* My hope for keeping my job plummeted after that. That was my second panic attack of the day.

My third... was when I went out to get the mail, only to find out I've been summoned for jury duty. I mean seriously, life? Really? What the actual flippin' pancake?! I was like how am I going to manage this promotion application process, surgery, recovery, AND my students have their midterm this Friday and a forum assignment I have to grade the same day as my surgery consultation as well (the reason I have to skip this blog next week)... and then also add jury duty. After I calmed down, I went on the website and tried to do a medical deferral until the summer, when I would be between classes and hopefully over some of my health issues... which was thankfully accepted. So that at least has been resolved for the time being.

After that, I just... crashed so hard. I slept from 7PM to 11:30PM because the stress just hit hard. After dealing with some laundry that had been backing up, I am just now getting on here at 3AM, heh. So. That's. What's been going on. It's been... ALot™.

Once I have my surgery date, I'll know better when I have to go on hiatus for a bit, because I'll be in the hospital for a couple days with limited web access and then I'll be recovering at home, so I'm not sure how all of that is going to go. As soon as I know more, I'll let everyone know so that you'll know when I'll be gone and when I'm coming back.

Again, thank you for understanding. I'll be okay, it's just a seriously bad patch of life right now. This too shall pass, I know. I just wish it would hurry up, heh.

#{ out of breath } ᵒᵒᶜ

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

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"Narcissism was surprisingly the strongest predictor, and intelligence showed a negative relationship with belief in astrology."

Abstract Belief in astrology is on the rise, although the reasons behind this are unclear. We tested whether individual personality traits could predict such epistemically unfounded beliefs. Data was collected for 264 participants through an anonymous online survey shared on social media. The survey consisted of four instruments: Belief in Astrology (BAI), the Big Five personality traits (IPIP-30), narcissism (SD3) and intelligence (ICAR16-R3D). Data analysis was done with multiple linear regression. Narcissism was surprisingly the strongest predictor, and intelligence showed a negative relationship with belief in astrology. Overall, our novel results suggest that something as innocent as astrology could both attract and possibly reinforce individual differences.

1. Introduction

Astrology is increasing in popularity (Pew Research Center, 2018), despite the lack of scientific support (Allum, 2011). It is not clear why this ancient practice of studying positions and movements of celestial bodies, with the conviction that they influence human behaviour, is going through a revival. However, previous literature suggests that when societies or individuals are under stress or threat, people are more likely to turn to astrology and other epistemically unfounded beliefs (Grech, 2017; Keinan, 1994). Previous research further shows a relationship between personal life crises and belief in astrology (Lillqvist & Lindeman, 1998). Currently we are surrounded by stressors such as climate change and, recently, the Covid-19 pandemic, which makes the topic pertinent. Though embracing astrology might seem innocent, it is nonetheless possible that it facilitates uncritical thinking and favours biases. Further, belief in astrology correlates with belief in multiple other pseudosciences as well as with belief in conspiracy theories (Bensley et al., 2020) which indicates that it might not be all that harmless.

The present study set out to explore individual differences regarding belief in astrology. Although there is no consensus concerning what makes some people more susceptible to pseudoscientific beliefs than others, commonly mentioned factors are personality traits and cognitive biases (Bensley et al., 2020; Bouvet & Bonnefon, 2015; Pennycook et al., 2015).

1.1. Big Five, narcissism, intelligence

The most accepted theory regarding individual differences is the five factors of personality traits (also known as Big Five); openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism (Costa & McCrae, 1992). Openness is usually positively associated with belief in the paranormal (Chauvin & Mullet, 2021), as well as apophenia (Blain et al., 2020). Conscientiousness may be the personality trait with the least connection to pseudoscientific beliefs, and weak negative correlations have been reported (Chauvin & Mullet, 2021). Extraversion too has been shown to be related to belief in the paranormal (Thalbourne & Haraldsson, 1980), whereas agreeableness in earlier studies has correlated both positively (Čavojová et al., 2020) and negatively (Swami et al., 2009) with belief in conspiracy theories. At last, neuroticism has been found to correlate positively with paranormal beliefs (Thalbourne & Haraldsson, 1980).

Though the dimensions of the Big Five are valuable when studying individual differences, there are additional so-called dark traits (cf. Kajonius et al., 2015). One dark trait in particular seems relevant in relation to belief in astrology, namely narcissism, due to the self-focused perspective that may be at the core of both phenomena.

In addition to personality traits, intelligence is commonly used in studies of individual differences. Particularly openness has proved to correlate with intelligence measures (DeYoung et al., 2014). In general, intelligence is thought to be negatively related to the acceptance of pseudoscience and paranormal beliefs (Musch & Ehrenberg, 2002), as well as with apophenia (Blain et al., 2020).

1.2. Present study

The present study aimed to investigate whether personality traits and intelligence can predict belief in astrology. To the best of our knowledge, no earlier studies have been conducted on narcissism and intelligence regarding belief in astrology.

[...]

4. Discussion

The present study aim was to investigate how individual differences relate to belief in astrology. The main result showed that the higher the narcissism, perhaps surprisingly, the higher the belief in astrology. The positive association is possibly due to the self-centred worldview uniting them, though this must be examined in further research. Furthermore, cultural aspects of millennials may emphasize the uniqueness of individuals which might lead to a more egocentric view of the world, and thus relate to narcissistic traits. Further, since astrological predictions and horoscopes tend to be positively framed, this reinforces grandiose feelings and thus might appeal even more to narcissists. Note that narcissistic traits correlated with the belief that astrology is supported by science (Table 1), which leads to a speculation that narcissists may generally be more fact resistant.

Other interesting findings was that the higher the level of intelligence, the lower the belief in astrology (see Musch & Ehrenberg, 2002), as well as that agreeable people tend to report believing in astrology more. Seeing how most personality predictors were small in magnitude, this leaves room for many other variables influencing belief in astrology. Speculatively, additional predictors could be cohort-effects, educational levels, occupations, and others.

4.1. Limitations

As with most survey designs, social desirability bias, common method bias, and the use of self-report may be an issue. Another limitation was that we had no control over who participated in the study, thus introducing a potential selection bias. In the same vein, we do not know how much participants know about astrology. Also, since the vast majority were younger women recruited through social media the sample is not generalisable to a broader population. Another possible concern in the present study is the use of short versions of the scales, especially Openness which showed a low internal consistency and did not show expected effects in the regression model. One indication of this is that openness and intelligence did not correlate significantly in the present study (see Table 1). Lastly, most of the reported effects were acknowledgeable small (Gignac & Szodorai, 2016), which leaves room for both type I-errors as well as for the influence of other variables, outside individual differences.

5. Conclusion

Our aim with the present study was to contribute to an increased understanding of individual differences and unfounded epistemic beliefs, such as belief in astrology. The results showed interestingly that narcissism was the strongest predictor of belief in astrology: Even the stars think I am superior.

#astrology #star signs #narcissism #intelligence #superstition #zodiac signs #zodiac #religion is a mental illness

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carriesthewind · 1 year

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How much is actually being lost because of IA's lending, versus how much is just ... money the publishers and authors would never have seen anyway, because the people reading on IA would just never have bought the book in the first place?

Actually answered my own question there - the NWU faq from that link makes pretty clear that a lot of the "theft" they (and you) are talking about is theft of hypothetical money they're not actually currently making or doing anything to make. Also lots of backhanded compliments to libraries while promoting the same shit as publishers who would happily nuke said libraries. If this is what passes for "authors rights" then I'm just going to stop reading entirely.

Hello! Thank you for sending your second ask before I answered the first - it saves me the time of demonstrating that your first ask was completely disingenuous. (That snide little aside about how authors aren't "doing anything to make" money is so telling about how you sees writers and the work that they do.)

However, we can still use your asks as a learning opportunity for people who are actually interested in the subject, and who aren't just throwing a tantrum and threatening to take their ball and go home* because someone suggested that the rights, survival, and desires of other people matter.

*I am always delighted by the "well I'll just stop reading then!!!" response with these sorts of tantrums. First, it's so clearly a fake threat. But even if you mean it - I mean, fine? That sounds like it would suck for you - reading is great! - but it doesn't affect anyone else.

So these questions about the situation frame the IA's theft in purely financial terms, and shift the burden of proof onto the victims of the theft. That is, the assumption of these asks is that stealing books is only wrong (and should only be called "theft") if the person being stolen from can prove a monetary loss from the theft.

There's two problems with this framing.

First, in cases of digital theft of books, it is virtually impossible to prove (or disprove) direct financial harm. For example, referring to the district court opinion in this case, the court acknowledges that the IA's experts pointed to metrics that appear to show either no correlation or a (weak) positive correlation between the IA's wide distribution of the works in question in the suit (aka the 127 books they are specifically suing over) and financial indicators for the publishers (again, specifically with regard to the 127 works in question). However, as the court notes, correlation is not causation. And this is particularly true when there is a third massive factor that cannot be controlled for, such as the pandemic and COVID movement restrictions. In other words, even if we accept that there is a (weak) positive correlation, there is no reason to believe the positive financial indicators for the publishers were caused by the IA's distribution.

It's not even evidence that the IA's distribution did not cause financial harm, as the positive financial indicators could have been caused by increased sales due to the pandemic, and they might have been even higher if not for IA's distribution. This isn't "hypothetical" money or "hypothetical" theft just because the IA didn't take the money directly from the publishers. This is the fundamental basics behind, say, trademarks - if I make a product and put in the time and effort and money to make a great product that gets great reviews and receives widespread acclaim, and then you pretend to be me and sell a cheap version of my product to a bunch of people who were misdirected from my product to yours, you didn't just scam the customers, you stole my intellectual work and my profits!

The problem, from a scientific perspective, is that in any attempt to prove or disprove direct financial harm, you cannot effectively control for compounding factors. We cannot examine a world in which the IA simultaneously distributed and did not distribute copyrighted works. We do not know and cannot effectively measure the market effects - and especially, we cannot effectively measure the market effects on individual authors.

For an example of why this is so difficult to measure: let's say during a COVID lockdown, a reader went onto the IA and "checked out" one of the works in question in the lawsuit (which would, by the nature of the works in question, be an already popular book). If they hadn't been in a COVID lockdown, they would not have read the book. And more - let's say in this scenario, if the book had not been available for free on the IA, they would not have read it all. Therefore, there is no financial harm caused by the distribution of this book to this reader by the IA!

....except that's not necessarily true. Let's imagine a world where the COVID lockdown happened, but IA did not make that book available for free. In that situation, given the parameters we have laid out above, the reader would not have read that particular book...but that doesn't mean we can know what they would have done instead. For example, the reader might have instead read a similar book by a smaller author (and for the sake of our example, we will say that book was published by the same publisher as the popular book). Under this hypothetical, although there would still be no financial harm to the author of the popular book, there would be financial harm to the publisher, and (more importantly imo) to the author of that less popular book.*

*The author of the less popular book, by the way, would not have standing to sue the IA under this particular scenario. But if we are going to talk about harm, they still matter.

And that's why the financial harm is so difficult to measure in these cases!

I've seen a number of studies suggesting negative effects of piracy on markets - but they (at least the good ones) acknowledge that the issue is complicated and relies on economic models, which can (and frequently are) disputed. (And they measure markets, not effects on individual creators.) On the other hand, there is evidence that library users are more likely to buy books than non-library users: however, that data may also show a correlation, rather than a causation. (Also. Most libraries do a lot more to promote discoverability than the IA does/did. The IA is not a library.) And there is anecdotal evidence of negative financial effects for authors.

In short, although there is some evidence of harm of digital theft to authors, it is really hard to prove either way. This is one reason why the framing of these asks - that stealing books is only wrong (and should only be called "theft") if the person being stolen from can prove a monetary loss from the theft - is so wrong. It might seem reasonable on the surface (theft, as we usually commonly understand it, requires a loss of something), but in practice, because the proof it is demanding can never be provided, it creates a world in which digital theft is never wrong and never theft.

But there is another problem with this framing. Not only does it unfairly shift the burden of proof of harm, it limits the harm of digital theft to purely financial considerations.

But the "thing" being stolen in digital theft isn't (just) money. It's the author's intellectual property rights.

This is why market effect is only one of four factors considered when determining whether something is fair use - financial harm (or the lack thereof) isn't dispositive.

To help conceptualize the non-financial damage of digital theft, let's take an example where money isn't involved at all: fanfiction. (Also, in all of these scenarios, there would likely be no legal remedy - but that doesn't mean there was no theft or no harm.)

Let's imagine that Fan A writes a fanfic and posts it online for free. Fan B takes the fanfic and republishes it on a different site, under Fan B's name. We recognize that this is plagiarism, a kind of theft, and is wrong, and that Fan A's rights have been violated, even though no financial harm has been done.

Now let's imagine Fan A writes their fanfic and posts it to a private group, which is made with the explicit purpose of allowing people to privately post fanfics, which will not be shared or reposted. They post it with the express statement that they would be embarrassed if anyone except the group members read it, and therefore reiterate that it should not be shared. Fan B ignores this request, and reposts the fanfic on a public site under Fan A's name. Even though they have properly credited Fan A, we would (hopefully!) recognize that this is a kind of theft, and it is wrong, and that Fan A's rights have been violated.

...I can go on with many more scenarios, but i hope I've made the point. A writer's intellectual property rights can be violated, and real harm done, even when there is no financial harm.

And we recognize these kind of intangible, non-financial rights all the time! Privacy, bodily autonomy, decision autonomy - all of these are rights that we recognize that people have, and we do not require proof of financial harm to recognize when they have been violated. It is telling, I think, that despite our general recognition of these rights, it is so difficult for many people to recognize (or admit) that authors and other creators have intellectual property rights to their creations unless they can prove direct financial harm. That's why I've been so persistent in using the term theft to describe what the IA was doing. In my experience of the internet, "piracy" is often recast as something cool, something that doesn't affect any real people, just faceless corporations. I want to make it clear that what the IA was doing was something that had real effects on real people.

#asks #anonymous #author's rights #internet archive

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