#Aged-Up (28)

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[tsuchinokoroyale]

I’m too old to be out clubbin this late 😴😴😴

#I really said this line at the end of the night to a guy who hit me up at the bar #I got water and he said “water?? the nights still young” and I said “not when you’re my age” #he said “how old are you?” and I said “28 soon” and he said “okay well I’m 30” #anyways tsuchi went home alone tonight and eagerly awaits the warm tender embrace of a bed #gpoy

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Vox died in the 50s and Valentino died in the 70s. We don't know how old they were or when exactly during their decades that they died but its possible that their lives briefly overlapped.

Anyway, consider tiny baby Val watching the TV while growing up in the 50s and being absolutely glued to the screen because he was blind ass 6 year old and wanted to be able to see his fav newscaster's face(Vox)

#vox hypothetically could've listened to al's radio show when they were alive #anyway im really into val having terrible eyesight in life and being 2 inches away from the tv at all times #its important for me that val is younger then angel #canonically thats true cuz angel died in 1947 so he was in hell longer #but angel was like in his early 30s when he died #so i think val should be like weirdly young #like 25-28 #up and coming gangster dies at age baby and becomes a sick moth #something something vox is a craddle robber #i think vox and val would have to be from the same area for this idea to work?? #im rlly into florida man val but now that im thinking about it florida man vox is also great #anyway #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel vox #voxval #staticmoth

[spiderlegeyelashes]

this is so beautiful

#chilchuck really is 28 hut that is middle aged bc half-foots live up to about 50 #so in human years hes like in his 40s or something probably #dungeon meshi

[matchalovertrait]

Noemí and Erick have started to work out a little bit. With their 40s around the corner, they want to make sure they live long, healthy lives!

#edit 4/28: i always talk about them being so young but they just aged up in my game and omg 😭😭 they don't even look that much diff i think #but reality hit me!!!! tell me why it almost physically hurt when i was giving them new hair and outfits too #you hardly see their little fine lines too but i was like 🤧🤧 erick did get a lil more tho cuz he's whiter lmao #erick wade #noemi alegria #tjolc gen 1 #tjol challenge #tjolc #the joy of life challenge #joy of life challenge #matchalovertrait #alegria legacy #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy #sims 4 #the sims 4

[sieglinde-freud]

thinking about fire emblem fates again which always means im thinking about them again help me

#one day u will all wake up. until then… #fe nyx #fe laslow #fe14 #fe shitpost #fire emblem #i do think it would be funny if nyx was actually just in her forties or something #ik the implication in game is that she’s much older cuz she talks like a grandma #in my head ive always placed her more at like 60-70 #but also she got cursed when she was pretty young and do you know how arrogant young people are about age. #when ur twenty anything above 28 is grandma #source: me (KIDDING IM KIDDING IM KIDDING IM KIDDING) #yall are young!! okay!!!! #like wouldnt it be funny if this whole time she was only like 42 and just really dramatic about it #‘back in my day’ and ur day is just like the first blackberry phone #ugh. i miss her :( #i can play fates at any time and i regularly use her in heroes but i miss her

[cordiallyfuturedwight]

⤴ expectajins vs reality ⤵ (cr. namuspromised)

#happy new year I miss jin so have this from my drafts!!!!!! #after age 28 you need a back up plan for getting up off the floor bestie #kim seokjin #kimseokjinarchive #jin #usersky #annietrack #shirleytothesea #userbangtan #useremmeline #heyryen #btsgif #dailybts #dailybangtan #mine!

[redding]

lorelai hobbes should have been at the CLUB

#couldnt pick an age she was getting fucked up her whole life. kid at 16 killed someone at 22 kidnapped at 28 #then ritualistic torture and psychological destruction until she died at like 33. yeah that bitch needed a break #the naturals #lorelai hobbes

[gotchibam]

guess who’s the birthday bean today owo

#it's the 19th here so yeah #IT ME i'm the bday bean ;w; #it may not be obvious but i'm actually 28 now wksjdhfksjhs #tbh tho I still don't feel like i'm almost 30........ #i've barely done stuff that ppl my age would've done by now #I mean I don't really have much experience as much as other ppl bc I pretty much just stay at home & work online @_@ #anyways. maybe someday i'll get to have more interesting experiences in the future. hopefully!! #when i'm able to save up enough for my family #and then I can finally indulge myself #that sounds nice actually #bam blabs

[liquidstar]

I think it's really funny when tumblr posts are like we need characters that are old pathetic washed up elderly losers with their entire lives behind them lamenting the fact that they wasted their time on earth and have no future as the end draws near. Like 28 years olds or something.

#LIKE . #and to be clear this would be a fucked up way to talk abt any age but TWENTY EIGHT is a real age i saw at a post like this #maybe they were really young so im not ragging on the op but can we think about our words more carefully 💀 #life isnt over after highschool and collage. you've barely begun at 28 you're not old and washed up you still have plenty of life to go #but it's such a ridiculous thing to say that it's absurdity as something someone actually means is funny

[thepiecesofcait]

@themiserablesmonth day 4: fabric

Gav Lives AU where Valjean carries him off to safety on his noodle-free shoulder, Marius finds Enjolras's discarded-in-the-heat-of-revolution coat, brings it home and gives it to Gav, who repairs a few rips and tears before taking up the mantle for the 1834 April revolt and/or the chaos of 1848.

#Gav's clothes are NiceTM because upon finding another hungry-hurt-and-lost child Valjean's Papa Instincts ramped up to 11 #Gav's a little too shaken from the 5th & 6th to be his stubbornly-independent sepf just yet #Shoutout to SPFTB (my beloved) for eir ready-knowledge of post-1832 uprisings #and subsequently making me cry first thing in the morning upon picturing a Gavroche that makes it to 28 years of age #All my brain gave me when i started this one was 'Gav sewing' and now i have too mamy feelings #The Miserable(s) Month #TMM 2022 #Gavroche #Les Miserables #France France Revolution #Digital Art #Procreate #Cait Makes

[skinnedred]

he's trying to get this hard headed ass little boy to understand he can't body slam people even if they're being bullies (boys got too much strength)

#fanart #goobersart #doodle #brutal legend #eddie riggs #Riggnarok #finally got around to drawing ye ol pops #im have yet to draw a ref of how i want him to look #but for rn this is a good placeholder until i sit down and brainstorm #so i gave Riggnarok a fake name in the age of modern man #his fake name is Casimir bc its easier than people giving him shit for how supposedly weird his real name is #also since we dont know how old he is during the AOM to the AOMM #i did some calculating for both he and Eddie #So far i have Eddies made up birthday #August 28 1987 #yes its 1987 bc in this piece its around i wanna sayyyy hmm 2000??? maybe might be 1999 #by the time 2009 rolls around hes at least in his 20s #and yes he looks far older in the actual game and most likely is #i pretty much chose the easier route with this one bc math is hard and i hate it #im still struggling w/ Riggnarok so i just chose something temp until i can do the math later #but so far i think that by the time Eddie is in his 20s Riggnarok will be in his late 50s #we dont know what caused his death wanna say old age but idk thats too easy of an answer for me #i havent slept yet so my brain is like RAUGHHRARARAR and im trying to figure this shit out but i CANT

[plumbogs]

Provided they *are* going to college obviously. I'm just curious about how others do this

#personally my teen lifespan is 28 days (4 total week-long seasons) but if they are going to college they are sent around the 14 day mark #that way their ages stay lined up with young adults #and i consider the second half of teenhood to be young adulthood equivalent

[joseigamer]

treehouse censoring even alfred's, kagetsu's, etc romantic lines in elyos after you s-support them....

#WHY!!!! #why let alfred say he loves you in his pact ring support but then not in the hub world??? #avgn WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?.mp4 #fire emblem engage #fire emblem #alfred fire emblem #i swear to god i will make a masterpost of every change at some point because this is insane. #regardless on whether people like how fe has dating sim elements there is no excuse for removing content that *isnt even problematic* #i am normally not someone who overly cares about FE censorship but in engage it was extremely excessive and with no rhyme or reason #hitting even characters that are over 18 in the datamined ages (which aren't even visible in game).... #hitting characters that otherwise WEREN'T censored but then are in other places #theres really no excuse for it especially when this is the game with the most textual m/m and f/f options to date #including characters like mauvier (he says he adores you in his wake up events!) who isnt just a bishounen (ignoring the bad 3d models lol) #thankfully mauviers wasnt censored too hard tho they still removed another reference of him saying he loves you! like why? #because romantic content does not change based on alear's gender; by removing romantic elements they also removed textual bisexuality #dont assume im also including jean and anna in that; because im not. but when its comes to characters that are of age as well...like come o #there also isnt any consistency. mauviers datamined age is 31 and zelkovs is 28; but zelkov is censored muuuuch harder #fe #fe17 #its a little embarrassing to care about this sort of thing but its still content people are paying for that is removed which isnt okay #for the record ive played almost every FE game and enjoy them with or without dating sim elements. #but what i hate is this half baked situation #games

[lildoodlenoodle]

(A thought process post from a couple weeks ago lol, also when I say spiderverse events I’m talking about the comics)

Rereading spider noir 2020 run and ummm wow they rlly threw the actual chronological timeline out the window Huh. Like the 2020 run is before WW2. The spiderverse events happen after ww2, cause at the beginning of spiderverse it’s referenced that MJ was part of the war effort, WHAT ARE WE DOING. Cause he dies/gets resurrected in spiderverse and the 2020 run references that. WHAT ARE WE DOING?!

Ok, did some research. I lied to you. So MJ was apart of the Lincoln Brigade or smth in Spain. Originally, I just assumed that that was a team/effort during WW2 but it’s not. They were American volunteers who were helping out during the Spanish civil war, which ended in 1939(?). So in all likelyhood MJ doesn’t get back to the states until 1939.

First things first, if MJ is the same age as Peter that puts her at about(assuming 1933 vol.1 HS age 15-18) 21-24 and AUGHHHHH. But either way that means Peter is 21-24 during the beginning of the spiderverse events and the spiderverse events end before WW2 starts in 1939 and the US enters the war in 1941. AND noir 2020 happens BEFORE WW2 aswell. That is too tight of a timeline but I digress(writers YOU’RE KILLING ME).

#I could be wrong but omg am I right?? #either way justifies me fucking up the timeline for my own benefit. #cause if comics spiderverse was before WW2 then that changed his age by possibly 4 yrs #+ #that changes his age from 28 to like 22 #during spiderverse so to speak #pffft yikessss #none of this shit makes sense #like I understand not wanting a concrete timeline but GIVE ME DATES AND YEARS PLS #we don’t even know how long the inheritors were hunting the spiders for #id love to know how long the entirety of the spiderverse events were #spider noir #spiderman noir #Spider-Man #peter benjamin parker #Mary Jane Watson noir #MJ noir #spider noir conspiracies

[the-skooma-den]

Young razum-dar and Ayrenn

#my art #eso #teso #tes #Queen ayrenn #Ayrenn #razum-dar #razum dar #Hi im still very very intrigued by their friendship and mad weve seen 0 of it #and ok ok so my feeling here is like #ayrenn is 28 in base game yeah? thats canon #and i think raz is a little older and hes like 30 though he doesnt have a canon age #but the wars been going on for like 2 years #and they were traveling together for a long while #its implied at least i think #so what if they met as teenagers? #and also them as sad teenagers just cause #i cant imagine ayrenn was all that happy growing up the way she did #and raz already had some sad lines about learning to play the lute by himself in a basement #what im saying is i love them