#Also she never remembers shit about me

[freedarick]

Gotta be honest, sad af

#my boss a colleague and me went to this school and afterwards our boss said we could eat together #I guess she remembered and wanted to keep her word #We ate and my colleague brought up the fact that some time ago I had asked her if she and her family wanted to go to the cinema with me #Then I said that we should invite my boss and she said that was not such a good idea cause it would be like dating #and we left it at that #so she brought it up this time but instead of dating saying that everyone from the office going to the movies was not common here #then I said maybe the difference is that people here do not make friends at work #and my boss said that was not it that people do when the vibes are cool #I guess she noticed what that would mean in my case and said that we could not be friends due to her position and the age difference #later I asked so age matters to you? and she said that she thinks we would not have anything to talk about #she then said something like she could be my mom which true but then I said that my mom was actually about her mom's age #I say so much stupid shit when I am with her. I am so unsophisticated in this language. Of course she would never like me #Also she never remembers shit about me #I really felt like a fish in a fish tank she takes care of out of a sense of responsibility and sometimes maybe generalized compassion #I mean I still love and appreciate her but I feel so stupid for liking her like that #It almost always happens to me that I fall for people that barely see me #I guess it might be a reflection of my own relationship with myself?

[recurring-polynya]

what is the best attack in bleach and why is it la muerte

#chad yasutora #king shit #iconic #if anyone tries to fight with me i will block you #nothing is cooler than punching someone so hard a skull appears in the wall behind them. nothing. #ngl i think the karakura kids busting up these hollows is my fave fight of the tybw anime #remember when little p didn't like chad when she first met him because she didn't like his cheekbones? #anyway she's been a chad stan for about 140 episodes now #but last night (the debut of la muerte) she rated him a '30 out of 10' #'10 for the right arm. 10 for the left arm. 10 for being CHAD' #she also insists he has never lost a fight ever and will shush you if you try to argue with her (i would never) #imagine being nine years old and having such correct anime opinions #she was not happy about nnoitra showing up at the end we are not talking about nnoitra #ichigo 🤝my daughter 🤝chad could never lose

[dootplusone]

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)

(If the OP would prefer this post not link back to the OG post or is otherwise is not okay w/ this post in reference to theirs, please let me know in some form so I can delete/edit it as needed.)

Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?

For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.

A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.

And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)

Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."

And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.

...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.

In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.

#leonard bones mccoy #star trek tos #star trek aos #whump #back on my bullshit #aos bones fretting over Jim and Spock and their injuries; completely forgetting that hes also a little worse for wear #thinking back to dustykneed's post abt him being fucked up and grieving after ST:ID and. Lets just make it even more physical #After the issues they face from that; Spirk are more aware of Bones' tendency to brush things off. are more equipped to take care of him #when he needs it; just as he does for them. He's so stubbornly self sufficient and it worries them. But they're equally as stubborn and #loving. Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object. I feel like post ST:ID is where they kind of Learn that Bones keeps shit on the down low #Because like. Bones will complain. Unless it's smth that's just affecting him. And then he suddenly keeps it to himself. When he complains #abt that whole fiasco he complains abt Jim dying. Abt Spock almost dying on that planet. About how they all almost died. But he doesn't tal #about how HE almost died from that fucking torpedo almost blowing up on him. Not a word. Jim forgot it had even happened until like. Carol #brings it up in passing. Maybe she has nightmares on the incident. But he realises Bones has just NEVER fucking mentioned it despite him #being the master complainer. That sets off the first alarm bells. And then maybe Uhura asks Jim how Bones is doing bc she knows that Bones #would just say he's fine. But Jim is like ??? Bc why wouldn't Bones be okay. And then she realises that HE HASN'T realised that Bones is th #kind of motherfucker to suffer in silence. and she's like Jim. Jim he literally ran himself to the ground trying to revive you. Jim. Are yo #kidding me have you NOT TALKED ABOUT THAT??? ANY OF IT??? Thus... Jim realises or maybe even Remembers what Bones is like #bc maybe at some point he DID know Bones well enough to know when he's fucking himself over. But all the Bullshit that theyve gone through #and the fact they work in entirely different parts of the ship kind of. Alienated them a bit. And suddenly hes like. Oh. Oh No. Oh FUCK. #because Jesus how the FUCK does he even approach this. But he manages it. And Spock gets in on it too as he slowly gets to know the doctor #And then post-beyond its like. Yeah. All three of them gang up on each other. That includes Spock and Kirk making sure Bones is as Fine as #he always says he is. #anyway. Yeah. I just think Bones probably stresses and overthinks too much but god forbid anyone comfort him. Self sacrificing bastard #wow this is a lot of alphabet soup im so sorry AHAHA

[lord-squiggletits]

I need to reread the comics again to have specific arguments/evidence for this, but like

I feel a bit like I could've been sympathetic to the way other Cybertronian colonies view Cybertron, if it weren't for the fact that at least several of them (as in, ones that get notable dialogue/screen time) are so low-key self-righteous?

Like, idk... there's a lot of criticism of Cybertronians because they're so "warlike" and how their obsession with violence and vengeance is just dragging the whole galaxy down with them, but uh. The Autobot-Decepticon war was basically a product of societal ills bubbling over for like 6 million years beforehand and then finally boiling over into a 4 million year war that lasted as long as it did because the people involved had immense social/psychological trauma from being "raised" in an oppressive society.

So when the colonists come in being all 'omg you people are so violent and uncivilized why don't you just like, stop fighting' it kind of pissed me off a little bit as a reader/person like. Idk the colonists really came into this society of people full of massive amounts of trauma where even before the war society was super oppressive and no one has any experience of living "normal" lives unaffected by violence and bigotry. And the colonists were like "ummm wow why don't you guys just??? stop fighting???." Like idk it wasn't EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, in fact I think that when it was played for laughs it's quite a funny "fridge horror" type element. It was just annoying because like.... IDK???? It's just really annoying to watch a bunch of people who lived relatively sheltered lives on their own planets come to a different planet full of traumatized people and be like "omg why are you people so fucked up" IDK BRO MAYBE BECAUSE THEIR SOCIETY WAS OPPRESSIVE AND THEY LIVED THROUGH A LIFELONG WAR???

It also doesn't help that the colonies were literally founded based on imperialism and conquest so like, it's fucking rich to hear colonists scolding Cybertronians for their violence ruining the whole galaxy while literally sitting on planets that their Primes colonized from others. The hypocrisy of this is briefly mentioned in Unicron (literally the FINAL STORY OF THE SERIES) but like, that's basically the only time Cybertronian characters are given a reprieve of sympathy from other characters in universe and it's so tiresome.

I've talked to other people who didn't like the colonists and thought they basically (narratively speaking) existed just to shit on the existing characters, and it's actually really easy for me to sympathize with/outright agree with that assessment of the story considering how much of exRID/OP seems to be preoccupied with "Cybertron/the Primes/Optimus sucks" with very few reprieves for anything positive happening and even fewer chances for characters to get to explain themselves and experience a little bit of justice? Like, as the audience, it's just very frustrating to see the characters you spent hundreds of issues keeping up with get shit on by a bunch of "literally-who"s and then not really get a chance to ever defend themselves, either by literally defending themselves in conversation or having some sort of narrative thing happening that vindicates them at least symbolically

#squiggposting #paused work to muse about this which i prolly shouldn't have lol #oh well i'll still get stuff done #like idk an example of this is how pyra criticized OP for using religion to manipulate people #(lets just ignore how she said she would teach OP but never actually did) #but in the story there's never any sort of confrontation where pyra learns about history or talks with OP #and OP gets to be like. yeah on my planet primes fucking sucked and i'm the only one trying to redeem their image #also ive been fighting an endless war that lasted 4 mil years in which me being a shining figurehead was basically #the sole motivating force keeping my army from just collectively succumbing to endless despair #and i also had to use this shining figurehead image i had to keep the opposing army from genociding a bunch of organics #like not once does OP get to express his side of things he's basically just shit upon endlessly by other characters as he keeps doing plot #i feel like i had another example but i can't recall who/what was involved lmao #like idk it's not just that barber's writing is depressing and dark and edgy. i LIKE stories that do that kind of thing #it's just that it feels a bit as if the story is ENDLESSLY depressing and dark and edgy with almost no reprieve #as if it's mostly presenting the flaws of the characters with no chance for them to justify or redeem themselves #idk i feel like there was another better point/example i was gonna make but i can't remember it #like idk i guess a dark depressing story would've been better if the characters at least got to defend themselves #bc as is it basically feels like they (esp OP) get shit on endlessly and never once get to express anything about it #so like. they get shit on in universe. but also as the reader since there's never a contradicting viewpoint or the character defending them #it's as if you're supposed to take this one-sided criticism of them at face value and it just doesn't seem fair AS THE READER #if i read about OP getting shit on by some people and defended by others and also him expressing his opinion on himself #then that just feels like a normal fair narrative where i get to take sides #but if it's just OP being shit on and he hardly expresses much about it #then it feels like i as the reader am expected to agree with the portrayal being shown? #but in reality the portrayal just feels negative and unfair and one sided to me #and why the fuck do i want to read a story that's just the characters i know and like on an endless shame parade #also shout out to 'literally who' aka slide calling OP 'literally fascist' lmao #one of the most cringe moments of the entire comic. wait no. i can think of a more cringe Slide Moment #when unicron is about to destroy the planet and trypticon is getting shot and dying(?) in the background #and the story decides to pause and focus on Slide so she can monologue about how evil and tyrannical OP is

[synonymroll648]

sokeefitz au where keefe is a magician, fitz is his assistant (who also learned how to sword swallow just to occasionally upstage keefe at his show's because he's petty but doesn't know how to pull a quarter from someone's ear), and sophie is marella's newest friend that's getting dragged to one of keefe's magic shows and holy wow ok marella was not kidding about the magician and his assistant being hot. cue keefe pulling roses out of his sleeve for sophie midshow because he knows a cutie when he sees one (after getting a subtle okay from fitz, who is his boyfriend but most people only know about the childhood friends part). and fitz getting to know her after the curtains close and asking her if she wants to hang out sometime. and keefe crashing that meetup when it happens halfway through because he can't help himself and knows fitz won't mind.

and them becoming friends that hang out a lot outside of shows, and sophie being keefe's most reliable regular. that DEFINITELY aren't flirting, marella, c'mon, fitz leaving out scarves for her to steal at their apartment she now frequents more than her own and learning her favorite treats to bake for her and keefe constantly throwing his arm around her and complimenting her w/ ten million winks is strictly platonic in this context

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fic idea #sokeefitz #sophie foster #keefe sencen #fitz vacker #it has been too long since i have posted about these fuckers considering that the brainrot never stops #also. it would be REALLY funny if sophie was a scientist. that can debunk some of keefe's harder tricks just by paying attention #actually. if anyone writes this. make her specialize in physics. so she knows a bunch of crazy shit from her classes that makes keefe go :O #additionally. for extra self indulgence on my part. keefe being genderfluid and occasionally performing a trick where he's super masc on #stage and then he's obscured for like .2 seconds and then WHABAM he is now a she and very femme would be fantastic #cis keefe works but also. transfem keefe owns my heart. transmasc keefe is great too because i can go 'just like me fr' #but also. keefe gives more transfem vibes in canon. from what i remember from canon #i could probably dream up more scenes for this au but. i just thought it would be cute #and wanted to share

[totheidiot]

i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.

#🍂 arian's shit #IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah #i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that #two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. #they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that #it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on #they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up #two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around #at least i think #the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is #so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice. #i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding #and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone #no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too #we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time #they love me. i am sure of it. #but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love. #it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World #i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent. #all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time. #even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this #i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person. #i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved. #i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love. #vent post #god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world #feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit #arian contemplates his universe

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time

#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start #I wanna get in his head more ok sue me #Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits #Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts #Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever #That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak #Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it #Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom #I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍 #Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue #Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house #Grace post #this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things #Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho #Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain #Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark #Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries #This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts #In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh #Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be #But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc) #So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now #Shrugs #maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno #Ok yapping over byeeeeee

[transcicle]

who up getting autistic over a podcast theyve never seen

more under cut idk if theyll format or not... beware

some of these i just did some of these are old

some of these are the drawing style thing i did sooo.... in order... : FIRST THROUGH FOURTH IMAGE peter drew those :-) FIFTH rumi drew that one :-) SIXTH exandroth drew those :-) SEVENTH peter drew that one :-) self portait EIGHTH rumi [bad at art edition] both NINE and TEN i dont remember if they were ment to be peter or just me goofin... so picjk ur poison LOL ELEVEN thats peter LAST THREEEE meeeeee :3 9-10 and 12-14 are the older ones everything else i did last night / this mornin'

#jrwi #jrwi apotheosis #angelstone #sqlumi #................i prefer sqlumi.... why did name it angel stone thats like exandroth + peter not rumi + peter its confusing to me #im sorry i watched the angelstone cut like half a year ago #IM SOOO AUTISTIC ABOUT THEM YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA MAN YOU HAVE NO CLUE SOSHAKSHLSXHLDHDJDJKRKFKF #i cant contain it anymorw im going to post my cringe #quite a few of these ones are from my little handwriting drawing things where i make up their handwriting and art style tee hee #i think rumi either SUCKS ASS at drawing or can decently draw in an anime esque style #i imagine peter has a lil bit of artistic abilities... he did paint a ton of mug paintings if i remember right???? #he aint the best but he can do it #thanatos has 0 skill because he has never drawn anything ever until this hypothetical situation where theyre drawing and writing this all #exandroth adapts peters skill to an extent #peter tries to follow the rules taught to him about writing as a child to a T soooo he has generally neat handwriting if hes thinking abt i #but if hes tired or just out of it idk #you cant get one word man that shit is just complete chicken scratch even he cant figure it out sometimes LOOLLLL #rumi also has very neat handwriting HOWEVER i love the idea that she hams it up to be really swirly like that one girl in elementary #thanatos is very stiff and neat might as well just be font... #exandroth is either writing in full caps or alternating between whatever ver of a letter he wants to write at any time #VERY heavy handed and goes over every line like 3 times #when writing his name EVERYTIME he writes exandroth archangel of retribution everytime #if you guys wanna see what i have so far.... you can ask.... hehe #theyre my ocs at this point man i havent seen the damn campaign #i would just make them my ocs but my brain immediately loses interest whenever i do that uuuuggghhhhg #i mean i have a beast moomin furry thing peter and an object oc peter bur #*but like idk #btw i have like waaayyy more to say but i reached tag limit <////333 tumblr hates autistic people real #ill just retype it all in the next post ^.^* #archive

[cloudysfluffs]

Don’t listen to haters, everything ever spread about Vivzie was disproven. Your art is cute.

LMAOOOOOOOO NO IT WASNT????????!!??!?!?

#WEIRD take man #first of all there are so many accusations about viv this is so unspecefic #also. no they havent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ive seen so much proof. i see more every single day #i mean thank you. for the compliment. #but being critical about media (even media you enjoy) is a good thing. #its important to unpack how the creators beliefs influence the work they produce #disc horse #this is the first thing i saw when i woke up today and it baffled me so much that i couldnt sleep more like i planned lol #anyway. im not saying anyone cant enjoy the show(s). obviously i do A LITTLE if im making fanart #im not saying you have to drop a media if its creators are problematic. in facf i dont like that take #just remember you are not immune to propaganda and vivzies rac/ist/anti/semetic opinions are very much influencing these characters writing #and things like her (SELF ADMITTED) ra/pe fet/ish arent helping. #sorry. this is a rant ive been wanting to say for a while bur have never got to lol #im just so confhsed by what this person even meant??? some of the bad shit shes done is IN THE SHOW. its in there #you can see it. with your eyes . help #anyway again this is literally the first thing i saw when i woke up LMAO if i completely misinterpreted this ask lemme knkw #the assumption that ive just taken the word of a few ''haters'' and havent done my own research into this topic is kind of insulting #what did you expect me to say....??? did you think id just be like 'oh ok :3' ans blindly retract all negative statements

[deuteragonist1]

This has been gnawing at my brain since I first heard it

because

And the way Arthur says it is so honest, so serious, so earnest. He's exhausted but he makes sure to look at Merlin's right in the eye. Like this comes from the bottom of his soul and he absolutely, desperately needs Merlin to understand (and considering he most likely knew he was going to die at this point, well). Look at Merlin's face. There's such solemnity and vulnerability in this scene. It hurts to watch.

#trust me if i could have picked anyone but uther for this i would have #but alas i could remember no other wedding scene where they actually got to this line #arthur is so beautiful when he opens up about his love and affection #he has such a tender heart but grew up with so much on his shoulders and such a piece of garbage for a father #say what you want about bbc's merlin but they gave us top tier acting #also the contrast between the two scenes here pls #the first one you're looking at two clowns #there's nothing real about it even though it's a royal wedding #the second one is in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the forest as witness and it's spontaneous and honest and pure #and you know he means it with his whole being #and in the first scene catrina doesn't give a shit about uther's feelings she's just using him #meanwhile you can tell merlin's entire WORLD is being turned inside-out #and you know he'll never forget this #this means everything to him #now you may be asking yourself why i am comparing those two scenes they are unrelated #and the answer is #because i am unwell #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #bbc arthur #arthur pendragon #merthur

[irl]

yea

#txt #i gotta bitch rq cos im pissed sorry guys #i hate tht u dont remember none of the shit u did. i hate tht u make jokes about it even. i hate tht it feels like im always the one #to wear the burden of iron wrought weights so tht u can learn how to mellow out and not do the same to my sister #‘you opened up a lot of doors for your sister’ #yea cool im glad u chilled out and didnt also kick my sister out of the house while she was 1200 miles away with nothing but the clothes on #her back. yea cool im glad u didnt threaten disowning when she got a piercing. yea im glad she didnt have to sit thru the ordeal of u when #i first came out to u. im glad she didnt have to have our dead dad used as a damn weapon against her when she told you shes a lesbian #im glad you never sat her down and berated her for being queer for three hours and then sent her to her hole only to send her a long winded #email about how awful she is to you for being queer and how no one will be able to recognize or love her #i still have that email btw #im glad you came to me to ask for help when she was suicidal depressive instead of blaming her and insulting her and making awful #assumptions and insinuations about her #im glad you asked for help for her #but why couldnt you have been a mom to me too #why did i have to teach you all the wrong ways to handle situations so that you could handle them rigjt with her #why did i have to be the one to lockpick all of the doors in order to open them for her #whyd you have to put the locks on there in the first place #why werent you ever a mom to me #why wasnt i allowed to have parents growing up #whyd you have to hurt me since the time before i could make cohesive thought #why werent you a mom for either of us until you realized how heavily you screwed up with me #why did it take you losing me completely for you to start being a mom to my sister? #why did it take you losing me completely for you to finally listen to me instead of talk about why im wrong #im glad to have a mom now #but i couldve used a mom when i was a kid #why do you have to turn it into jokes #and why am i not allowed to be upset

[bunkernine]

society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.

#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing #its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well #further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans #wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up #dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their #departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why #leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never #too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran #and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally #going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic #is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13 #in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or #possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD! #anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman. #but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr. #but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i #forgot he died 🧍‍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo #is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.' #OK! #but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.

[hecksupremechips]

The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules

#the klock keeps ticking #i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter #cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟 #a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts #and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it #plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice #i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of #commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out #but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just #wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts #aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally #i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is #and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route #cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet #its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately #and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing #and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god #like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better #she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years #like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex #and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn #and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset #rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions #and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand #that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good #character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let #her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’ #but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make #everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED #ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING

[eoinmcgonigal]

it's really upsetting me so to get it off my chest i'm gonna confess that the positivity posts i saw yesterday really hurt. i didn't realise that was a thing in this fandom, and i wish it wasn't because those things inevitably leave people feeling left out and like their presence isn't worth anything to the fandom (plus readers, rebloggers and commenters are integral to fandom community but don't usually get a shoutout). i'm already struggling because of this horrible trend towards using threads in discord which renders most of the servers inaccessible to me, i feel extremely isolated and alone and unwanted, but i was doing okay muddling along churning out fic and a few silly polls and posts now and then until yesterday. the fic i posted today just made me feel so sad after i posted it. it was a lovely fic :( but like what is the point. if i'm worth so little i might as well not be here. why put the effort into making things if no one notices. i already feel so lonely it's like i'm being torn in two, posting things now and then brought me comfort but idk what i have now

#i'm in a deleting everything kinda mood #no one remembered me? oh. okay :( #fuckin hurts so much #i want to finish the johnny stuff but i feel so unbearably miserable now and i don't want to spend hogmanay like that #but i also can't bear to leave it unfinished #i wish i'd never scrolled my dash yesterday then i'd never have known about those posts #it brought me so much joy to write and share those fic #absolutely crushing to discover i don't inspire the same joy in the fandom #i was kinda impressed with having written so much i thought it was kinda cool #maybe it's just really fucking annoying idk #sorry just so lonely and upset and the places i find sanctuary are falling to pieces and i'd actually like to die now thanks #so much shit is going on irl you have no idea and i don't have a support network it's terrifying #nothing i do is worth anything #no one wants me #did u no my mother discarded all the photos that had me in them? kid me just. discarded. she took everyone else and threw me out #shit like that hurts i wish i had a new family or friends to chat to as a distraction when shit gets bad #i mean i get discord dm notifications (not server mentions) if anyone dms me but lol guess how often that happens #i get tumblr dm notifications it's been the only place i've talked to anyone for ages so shoutout to those two wonderful people #god i just. want to be included? #i tried #i failed #fuck. #maybe this is goodbye idk i had stuff to finish up/share #and a million more fics i wanted to write #i don't even know if i can face doing tomorrow's johnny fic #i wanted to do the 12 days of christmas too :( #but the fact now exists that i just... wasn't good enough for this fandom :'( #also i can't face the notifications tab #if it's not a Direct Message i won't see it #god there was SO MUCH i wanted to share! there were gifs i was gonna make to share the suffering and gift fic and silly posts

[unicornsaures]

i’m getting TOH all over my dash..i think the only time i’ve ever even watched the show itself was the morning after one of the most fever dream-like sleepovers of my life that i’m still not sure ever happened

#dolirants #some of my mooties like it though #that’s probably why #but still #its a bit funny #i’ve watched approx 2 episodes #don’t know who anyone is #i just know it’s like #magic shit #that sleepover was also insane #lots of lighters #and #i don’t rememebr #i just know we almost lit the house on fire #oops. #recurring theme with me #i was like #around 9 #and i think the girl who’s house i stayed at #i think she was #around 15 #i will never understand that night #ever #i feel like i made it all up in my head it’s wild #and then we just #woke up #and watched TOH #and i left #now that i think about it #i think that was also one of the first times i can remember disassociating