#And I re read it multiple times but my head is hurting so I can't read it again but I don't want to disrespect anyone

[futuregws]

House of the dragon rant

I swear I get headaches everytime I see people trying to explain why they prefer Milly's Rhaenyra over Emma's like dude watch the bts of episode 6 for the love of God, that will help you understand what they were trying to do with the time jump. I feel like a broken record saying this so much but 10+ years passed dude a 30 year old can't be acting like a teenager SPECIALLY when they have 5 kids, Milly's Rhaenyra was rebellious, immature, carefree and was not prepared by the people around her for her responsibilities so in her mind she probably had none so of course she was able to act like she should act like a teenager, but after her engagement party where she sees her father pass out her lover punches a guy to death and said guy just so happens to be her future husband's lover you can finally see in her face something click and you can tell that she finally realizes what she has to do, and plus

another thing a lot of people seem to love to forget is the trauma that Rhaenyra experienced, bc I highly doubt those 10 years were all sunshine and rainbows I mean Emma said it Rhaenyra experienced trauma and Rhaenyra herself shows it on episode 6 and 7 even on episode 8, so yeah no shit that changes a person, it can have a drastic change or smaller changes but it does change you, adding the trauma to her being the heir to the iron throne + having a ton of kids and being an adult that cannot get away with shit as easily as before obviously her behavior will change, Emma's Rhaenyra is supposed to be a more cold and calculated person due to everything that I just mentioned but specially bc now she has kids that rely on her, the directors said it themselves, you can in fact still see small ticks that Rhaenyra had when she was younger and they still remain, bc that would be something slightly harder to lose but it's still there, when she gets mad you still see her essence and what she has always been like, but of course she can't be going around throwing that attitude at everyone bc there's a lot at risk, NOW she's finally realizing her responsibilities and her duty so she had to mature, idk what it is with this hate train towards the writers of the show and even Emma but like shut up, and don't get me wrong I don't love the writers either they made questionable choices but some of yall completely throw logic out the window sometimes just to hate on them, they did a great job with the transition between Milly and Emma, and this is just the beginning for Emma, Rhaenyra when she was an adult was not called the "maegor with tits" for nothing she hasn't had the opportunity to show her explosive side bc she didn't have to. And about the hate towards Emma, let's be real the hate towards them and even their Rhaenyra is 99.9% of the time rooted on transphobia, simple as that, had adult Rhaenyra been portrayed by a cis woman this would not happen. And I would also like to add that no Milly's Rhaenyra is not more popular, Rhaenyra as a whole is extremely popular, Emma's version is the face of the show but they are both extremely popular even though you mostly see posts about Emma's Rhaenyra now (therefore I do believe that Emma's is the fan favorite) but one is not above the other anyway, the only time you will see Milly's Rhaenyra being extremely praised, not saying she's not good, she is, but there's times where waves of praise for her come and with that some people feel the need to bring Emma down it's exclusively with the transphobes, or weird men that created this obsession with Milly bc she is a cis female that fits the beauty standards while according to society Emma doesn't. So please before you share your preferences which it's okay to have first of all don't shit on one to praise the other bc do you even like them if you have to bring in another person and shit on them just to praise the other, AND actually think about the timeline of things and basic shit like idk growing up and what life was like back then and in a place like westeros. Bc I'm certain that NO ONE here is the same as they were 10 years ago SPECIALLY if they experienced trauma.

Anyway thank you for coming to my very long Ted talk. If you actually read all this then wow

#Let me know if I got any pronoun wrong please bc it's a long post and I wrote it fast #And I re read it multiple times but my head is hurting so I can't read it again but I don't want to disrespect anyone #I'm afraid tho that someone might think I'm calling Emma the wrong pronoun when I'm just referring to Rhaenyra bc Emma goes by they them #But Rhaenyra is still she her so yeah and I'm scared I might have gotten some of those mixed up so yeah please let me know #And I will correct it #Sooo the chances of anyone actually reading all that rant are very slim but at least I got it out there so it's good #But please read if you have the patience lmao #Rhaenyra targaryen #House of the dragon #Emma D'Arcy #Milly Alcock

[spidybaby]

I do... do I?

Summary: The stress of planning a wedding makes you re-think everything.

Warnings: cursing.

A/N: I got inspired while watching a lot of wedding shows like say yes to the dress 🤭❤️

"We have bad news," your mom says. You can feel your eye twitch with stress. You tried your best to let everything go with the wind, but the wind is turning into a big tornado.

"What now?" You cry, hands on your face. "It's the third bad news today."

"They lost two of the bridesmaids' dresses." She walked a few steps back, knowing you'll probably blow up. "And they're not able to deliver them back on time."

You can feel your blood boil. But you don't want your mom to get the fire if she didn't cause it. You only lift your hand for her to stop talking.

"You know what?" You say, grabbing your things. "I'm going home." You kiss her cheek and left her home.

The drive home you overthink a lot of the things. There's a lot of things that are going wrong.

First, the makeup artist cancels you.Now the new mua is not bad, but you can't get to love her work on you. The brides maids love the makeup, and your mom loves the work, but you don't.

Second, the florist ordered the wrong flowers, but now that can be fixed, but the wedding planner started an innecesary fight with the florist, and they told you that they're not changing anything.

Third, the dress. You're supposed to love it. You're supposed to cry when you find it, and you did. But when you got it back a few days ago, it wasn't how you expected it. It was way too tight. They tried to fix it, but it keeps coming back the same way.

And now, the bridesmaid's dresses, you don't know if it's a signal of the skies for you and Ky not to get married, maybe you're not destinate to unite.

You just wanted a warm bath and some food. Your muscles hurt, your head hurts, and everything hurts.

The sound of the phone takes you out of your thoughts. Kylians' name can be read.

"Hi, baby," you say, faking your happy voice. He knew some of the things but not all the things. You told him about little details but not the big ones.

"Amour, are you home?" He sounds happy. I wish to be like that right now.

"No, I'm actually on my way back home."

"Would you be super cute and come get me?" The voice he's using is this super kind one he uses when he wants to get something. "Please?" You laugh.

You told him yes and turned the car on the way to the training camp, when Kylian and you spend very little time together, he usually asks you to pick him up, to drop him to training. He would spend every little second he can with you.

You work for him, so you can actually say it was easy to be there, but that doesn't mean you are going to spend that time together.

The guard at the gate knows you, so he just opens the door for you to park. A small thank you and a wave is all you do before entering the building.

You sit outside of the lockers. You can hear the guys talking and joking around. The sound of Kylians voice makes you happy.

They began to exit the locker room, and they said hi and goodbye to you. Some even hug you hi and goodbye.

"Let's go bébé," Ky takes your hand and kisses it multiple times. Hand in hand, you both walk to your car.

He resumed his day for you, telling you all the jokes, the training he did, and even how he joke around with some of his friends.

Once you're home, the talking on his side doesn't stop. He keeps going, not noticing how unusually quiet you're.

"Do you want to take a bath with me?" You ask, interrupting his chat. He's very happy and excited today. You're not.

He says yes and asks you if he can prepare the bath. You let him, wanting him to have his way today. He lights your favorite candle, uses your favorite scent, and even brings your favorite snack to spend a nice time.

You let him talk while you relax, you back to his chest, his hands caressing your arms, kissing your shoulder, massaging them.

"I can't wait to do this every day, but calling you my wife." He kisses your neck. You smile, remembering that at the end of all the stress, you get a happy ending with him.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You check the time one more time. the lady is looking at you confused. "He probably got stuck in a meeting," you laugh, the look on the wedding planner is a pitiful one.

You curse Kylian in your mind. You remind him may times about the cake testing, now you're there alone, just like the other two reunions he missed in the past.

You hated the pitiful looks that people gave you, like if you're the only one interested in this wedding.

You picked the cake you think is the best, even tho it's the first one you tried, not really caring about the other thousand in front of you.

The cake lady tells you to take your time, but the anger you have about all this situation is so wrong. You grab your things, telling the wedding planner to not call you for the rest of the day, thank the lady, and walk out.

You enter your home angry, but the anger turns into disappointment. Kylian is calmly playing fifa on the couch with Ethan, as if he didn't miss a very important meeting.

"Hey, sis." Ethan greet you, you smile at him. Scared of opening your mouth. Kylian does the same, but you only scuff and walk to the room you share. "Okay, that's my outing."

Ethan picks his things, telling his brother to fix whatever he's doing to make you mad. Kylian is confused, not understanding. Maybe your period? But no. Maybe you're just mad at everything. Yeah, that's it.

"Can we talk?" He says as he takes a seat next to you in bed. You're madly typing your phone.

"Oh, he has time for me now?" Your laugh is sarcastic, very dry and mean even. "Please don't let me get in the middle of your very important fifa game."

"Amour, please don't be sarcastic. Let's talk." He's trying his best to understand why trigger your attitude.

"Tell me something." You throw your phone on the bed. "What were we supposed to do together today?"

He's trying to remember, but he can't think of anything important enough for you to be this mad. "What?"

"Let me help you. We had our cake selection."

"And you're mad about me not being there to pick the cake?" He scuffed, not finding why you're mad. "It's just cake."

Your blood boils again. "Just cake?" You laugh. "Kylian, it's not just cake. It's the flowers, the invitations, the drinks."

"Bébé, it's not a big deal." He tried to hug you. You push his hands away.

"Then why are we doing this?" You feel like crying, feeling like anyone understands you, nobody care enough but you. "If you don't care."

"Because you wanted a big wedding."

"Then let's stop." You interrupted. "If this is only because of me, then let's stop."

"Don't be silly." He laughs nervously. "We're doing this together."

"We're not Kylian. You can't even compromise to get to picking the things. Can you even compromise with me after that?"

"Okay, now you're crossing the line." He's serious, mad that you think he doesn't care.

"Ky, you're not into this. What's the point of getting married if probably you'll not be there." Your voice elevates. You don't want to scream, but your frustration is getting the best of you.

"I think you need to calm down, I want this with you, but I don't want the crazy part. Just relax." He elevates his own voice now.

"Do you even want to marry me?" You start crying, feeling all hit you at the same time. "I can't do this, you don't care, and I don't want to pressure you into marriage if you don't want to even pick the things with me."

You realize the mistake of hiding all the wrong things, not letting him know how the process is stressing you. "I just want us to be happy." You grab a pillow and put it against your face.

He hugs you, letting you cry your feelings, letting you break down. He's mad at himself. He cared but obviously not enough to notice how this is affecting you.

"I'm sorry." You say drying your tears with his t-shirt. "I just can't with his anymore." You feel the weight of the wedding on you, and don't want that anymore.

"Then let's not." He grabs your face. "We can cancel everything."

"You don't want to get married?" Your eyes water again.

"No, I do want to, but I'm not letting you suffer from stress and have an unhappy bride." He kisses your nose, your cheeks, your lips. "I want you to be happy, and I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you."

"I'm sorry I hide everything, I just want this to be perfect." You laugh, trying not to cry again.

"We can still have a perfect day." He let go of you, looking for his computer. "Do you still have that beautiful white dress I gift you?"

You nod confused. He was typing super quickly. "Here." He turns the computer for you to see. This beautiful and very private place in Greece, it's a kind of hotel but this is a special room for an intimate ceremony. "Do you like this?"

"I don't get it." You're confused. He wanted to cancel everything but is organizing a trip. "Why are you looking for that."

"Cause you," he pops your nose with his finger. "And me." Me points at himself smiling. "Are eloping."

You laugh, knowing he's trying his best to erase the pressure. "Ky, we already paid a lot of money." You remind him.

"Not like we're going broke for a few hundred thousand." He jokes, "I'll write you a check, you don't need to worry about money, my love, I got you." You were about to refuse, but he was quicker. "No buts, get your pretty ass to the closet and pack that white dress. We leave tomorrow."

You grab his head, kissing him like it's the last time. "You're making me so happy right now." You kiss him again. "Don't we need two witnesses?"

"I'll text Ethan, you text your sibling." He kisses you. Knowing all he needs is you and somebody who can pronounce you his wife.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

"You can kiss your bride." The wedding officiant says, smiling at you two.

Kylian takes you face in his hands, the way your eyes are shining, your smile is as bright as the sun, and the sunset making you look like a goddess.

Ethan and your sibling clap happy. They're both there as witnesses. Even if it was a last-minute thing, they're there for both of you.

"Je t'aime, mon amour." You say, kissing him one more time. "It's you and I till the end."

"You and I. Ma femme."

#football fanfic #football angst #football drabble #football #kylian x reader #kylian mbappe oneshot #kylian mbappe smut #mbappe imagine #kylian x you #kylian mbappe x reader #football x you #football smut #kylian mbappe fic #kylian mbappe imagine #kylian mbappe #mbappe icons #mbappe #kylian imagines #kylian fanfic #kylian smut

[d34dg1rl5]

Hi! New follower here!

I don’t really know what you write for but I thought I’d ‘shoot my shot’! 😂

Do you think you could write ✨something✨ for a dbd? Like the killers (or at least Ghostface because I love him lol) meeting a new member who completely dominates the maps?

Like he/she/they/we know our way around the maps, know how to get away and even mess with the killers before getting away to safety.

(I’m basing this idea like a former player of the game just spawning into a game in the entity’s realm and just enjoying the whole experience, even if the occasional ✨hit✨ is unavoidable)

If not I completely understand, keep up the good work!! ❤️

Hello! I am so sorry for not seeing this earlier! Of course I can do this, I added some other killers to it too, I hope you like it!

Danny Johnson (Ghostface)

💀 You think you dominate the maps? Yeah, you might. But he knows them the best.

💀 You navigate through the maps, knowing them better than your own house. But suddenly Danny jumps out from around the corner.

💀 "Did you really think I didn't study those maps all these years I've been here? How cute!" He aims for your chest but you manage to dodge his attack, earning a cut across your arm.

💀 "Shit-" You run as fast as you can knowing your way around the MacMillan Estate. Now someone just needs to open that stupid exit gate, so you all can escape! Danny hasn't even killed one yet, what is up with him today?

💀 The siren blares and the timer starts to run down. Quickly you make your way across the map and finally reach the opened exit gate, the way to freedom - for now.

💀 Just as you want to get to the sweet exit gate, Danny suddenly jumps out from behind a bush, tackling you down. You're now laying on your back, Danny is sitting on your stomach.

💀 You can't see it but he is grinning behind his mask. "Not so snarky now, are we?" He puts his knife to your cheek, slowly digging the sharp blade to it, drawing blood.

💀 "Goodbye, toots. You gotta study a little bit more if you want to handle me!" With that, he plunges his knife into your chest multiple times. Just before everything goes black he lifts his mask a little above his mouth, pressing a little kiss to your cheek. "See you!~"

Frank Morrison (Legion)

🎭 Frank gets tired after a few minutes of chasing you around the Yamaoka Estate. How the hell are you even that good?!

🎭 He gives up and just lets you run away. But this made you turn and look at him. "What? Are you tired?" You giggle waiting for his reaction.

🎭 Frank angrily turns towards you, gripping his knife tightly in his hand. "Shut the fuck up, you asshole! Just fucking get lost! You should be grateful that I'm not killing you on the spot!"

🎭 You shake your head. "I'm just too good at looping you. You're too slow."

🎭 Frank grunts and suddenly goes into frenzy mode. He lunges forward but you quickly loop him again, making him yell in frustration.

🎭 "I will fucking get you next time, twat!" He angrily walks off, not bother to chase you again for the remaining trial.

Max Thompson Jr. (Hillbilly)

⚒️ Max is angry. And sad. And frustrated. And doubts his abilities as a killer. Just because of you!

⚒️ As soon as he sees you're in a trial with him, he ignores you completely. He won't give in to the annoying clicking sounds of your flashlight or to you hopping in and out of a locker to make him come to you.

⚒️ You know your way around every map imaginable. Even when he's tunneling you it's a rare occasion when he actually lands a hit.

⚒️ Like I said, he starts to ignore you. He doesn't care if he displeases the Entity by not sacrificing you. He'd rather be punished than to put up with you looping him the whole time and dropping pallets on his head (his head already hurts!).

⚒️ If he sees you at the exit gates, he SOMETIMES tries a chainsaw attack but you dodge it as always.

⚒️ He's trying his best, but you're just way too good.

Me re-reading this realizing it's so bad because I didn't write a fanfiction in AGES:

Also. I am now part of the CoD community. Ghost and König got my heart. And Soap too. Oh my god, did y'all know how König is austrian?? It's so funny because I'm austrian too?? Like whaaaaaat. Anyways, feel free to send asks, inbox is open! Love youuuu ❤️✨

#dead by daylight #dead by daylight headcanons #fanficiton #x reader #headcanons #imagine #dead by daylight imagines #dead by daylight x reader #dead by daylight killers #dead by daylight scenarios #dead by daylight things #dbd imagines #dbd ghostface x reader #dbd headcanons #dbd killer #dbd ghostface #ghostface #dbd legion #dbd legion x reader

[lolasimms]

a lots gonna change pt.8

Summary: Married life isn’t great, infidelity ensues, and things change.

next part

I need to know if we’re team Abby or Ellie?

"Hi, this is Y/n...leave a message"

30

She had called your phone at least 30 times in the past 3 hours. She was sorry, she was scared and she just wanted her family back. The house felt hollow, the sound of laughter had died, the light had dissipated and along with it, the happiness had gone. She had gotten multiple voicemails from Paige and Vic asking what had happened, but she didn't have the energy to re-live it, to retell it. It hurt her so much to see the look on your face, the tears in your eyes, your urgency to leave the house and get away from her. But she knew if it was this bad for her, how much worse was it for you?

-

"Come here, oh my god, come here"

Dina pulls you into a tight hug, as she cries with you. She had instructed Jesse to take Lila upstairs to play with Jj, as she knew you wouldn't have wanted your daughter to see you in such a state. A state of vulnerability and heartache, as you mourned the end of your relationship. You told her everything, from their hotel meetups, office hookups, the lies, all of it. Dina was left bewildered by it all, she honestly looked like she could kill Ellie herself.

"I'm so scared Dina, I- what's going to happen to us, to Lila?"

You frantically ask, as you continue to sob into the poor woman's shirt, she however didn't mind as she held you tightly against her and soothingly rubbed your back. Without her reassurance and comfort you weren't sure you would've been able to cope.

"Don't worry about that right now, Lila's okay. Right now you need to think about yourself Y/n."

Her words are stern and you look up to glance at her eyes. She's dead serious , but you can't help but object. "Dina , I cant, it's selfish an-" You're cut off when she begins to shake her head and interrupts your rebuttal.

"It's not selfish at all, you love her and she broke your heart, you need time to reflect and think about the decisions you are going to have to make Y/n. Think about Lila, whatever you decide in the next coming weeks will impact her"

You sniffle lowly, evaluating her wise words. Deep down, you knew what she meant, what she was insinuating when she talked about the "decisions" you would have to make in the coming weeks. An allusion to the inevitable custody discussions you and Ellie were bound to have in the event that you went through with a separation.

"I just can't Dina,  it hurts so bad,why wasn't I enough?"

You sob, another case of tears spring free, the lump in your throat beginning to feel like a clump of granite that was scratching against the surface of your oesophagus. You weren't even sure how the tears still came in, deep down it felt as though there were no more tears you could possibly shed. Yet every time you pictured the intimate photos, text messages and logs of calls between your wife and that woman, your heart broke a little more.

"You are enough, she was just too selfish to see that, you deserve so much better" Dina's only resort Is to console you, as she knows nothing else will work. The two of you sit in the small nook by the window in a warm embrace, you are interrupted by Jesse who tentatively enters from the corner with a soft knock.

"Y/n, you've got a call" he says lowly, strings  of sympathy can be detected from his voice, and you lift yourself from Dina's chest to thank him and accept the phone from him. The contact reads Joel, and your heart once again shatters, the thought of having to explain it to the only other father figure, aside from your own that you ever had. You excuse yourself to Dina and Jesses brightly lit up alfresco to take your phone call.

"Hello?" You say, trying your best to abstain from breaking out into a rough sob.

"Honey, what happened, are you okay, where are you and Lila?" He asks urgently, his voice sounds as though he too had been crying.

"We're okay, I'm at Dina's, did you talk to her?" You ask, voice just above a whisper.

"I did, she's such a fool, I cant believe she would do such a thing, Y/n I truly can't express how sorry I am" his tone is strong, seemingly angered by the thoughts of Ellie's infidelity.

"You don't have to apologise, this isn't your doing" you clutch the phone tighter, in an attempt to be closer to him, he clears his throat, and you can here the hesitance in his voice when he asks you "Are you... are you going to take her away from us?" Your already broken heart, breaks just a little bit more and you earnestly shake your head, as if he were here with you.

"No, of course not Joel, I would never do that to you, Lila loves you... and her"

"Why don't the both of you come stay with me for now?"

—

"Y/n, Dina and I are more than happy to have you and Lila stay here if you need, we're always here for you" Jesse says as he hands a sleeping, Lila to you. Dina nods as JJ lay's awake in her arms, the two of them walking you to the door.

"Thank you so much, the both of you. I think we'll stay at Joel's for a while, just until we figure everything out" They nod and you wave them good bye as you slowly place the sleeping child into her booster seat.

The drive to Joel's is quiet, the soft snores of your daughter lull you into relaxation, this car ride being the most tranquil part of the last 24 hours. Once you arrive at Joel's he's out the door and immediately holding on to you while muttering "sorry"

You hated that he thought any of this was his fault, even worse that he thought you would in any way blame him for Ellie's actions. The room he had given you was simple, yet effective. It housed a queen sized bed, just enough to fit you and Lila, a desk, a chair, a lamp and a wall littered in floral wallpaper. It wasn't anything like your home, but you were more than thankful that both you and your daughter were being taken care of. After settling the still sleeping toddler into bed, you decided you were due a long hot shower.

-

The white shirt that she'd been wearing was stained, mainly from her tears and a few lone drips of whiskey that had dribbled down her chin. She was splayed out on the floor of her daughters now empty nursery, a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels sat besides her. Her hair had fallen out of her neat ponytail and her head was throbbing with a migraine.

Ellie had decided to call Joel again, after having him give her the nastiest talking to she could remember since she was a teen just a few hours earlier.He begrudgingly answered, informing her that her daughter and y/n were staying with him temporarily. She couldn't help but feel a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She would've much preferred that the two of you return home to her but she knew you needed time. Being with Joel was much better than being somewhere where she couldn't reach you at all.

She took the time away from you to reflect, to really think about what she had done. But more importantly she reflected on what was to come from her infidelity. She didn't know if you were done with this relationship, she hoped you weren't, but alas even she couldn't forgive herself. So how could you?She contemplated on calling Amelia, asking her to come over, but she realised that it was a stupid idea. She hated her, she had ruined everything and taken away the two people she loved most. Ellie wanted answers, she needed to know if you would stay with her, she needed you to stay with her.

-

The glass enclosing the shower was covered in steam, the hot water cascaded down your body, as you let your tears flow down freely. You let your mind go blank for just a few seconds, trying your best to forget about everything that was going on in your life, even if it was only just for a second. You were brought back to reality when the water began to turn cold. You quickly pushed the tap closed and grabbed the towel that Joel had so graciously given you. Wrapping yourself into its warmth and glancing at the mirror that was now coated in condensation. You looked a mess, you eyes were red and your face puffy from all the crying, you promised yourself you'd get some sleep tonight.

You made your way back into the bedroom and caught a glimpse of your baby's sleeping form. So innocent and pure, you felt sick knowing you would have to make a decision that could possibly negatively impact her. You wondered how Ellie did it for those whole 5 months, how she managed to sleep at night knowing she was betraying this innocent child. Slowly you lifted the comforter as to not wake up Lila and made your way into bed. You tried to sleep but the images of Amelia and Ellie kept popping up into your brain. The ones where she had her head on Ellie's chest as she peacefully slept, the ones where she stood half-naked in the mirror as she held her from behind and the photos of the extensive gifts she had gotten her. You wanted to erase your memories, you wished that you could wake up to find that all of this was just a bad dream. That the woman you loved hadn't broken her vows. You placed your headphones in your ears, your last resort being music, and wrapped your arm protectively over your daughter as you slowly managed to drift off to sleep, the lyrics of each song fading, the closer you got to sleep.

-

You called in sick on Monday and Tuesday while ignoring the extensive texts from Ellie. She called you at-least 4 times a day, texted you endlessly, she even tried coming over to Joel's but he very strictly warned her that as long as you weren't comfortable with it, he couldn't let her in. You had informed your sister and mother begrudgingly, thanks to Joel's insistence.

They were livid, which was to be expected and your sister had already booked a ticket to come and see you. All in all it was hardest on you to see the way your daughter was coping, just four days without Ellie and she would ask non-stop about her. She was snappy and refused to let you get anything done, it didn't help that all you wanted to do was sit in your bed and cry. You were lucky enough to have a friend like Dina, who had insisted to have Lila over for a few days at hers, to give you time to cry it out and think.

-

You wore a pair of dark sunglasses, an oversized deftones hoodie that had belonged to Ellie and a pair of sweatpants that didn't fit you right. The hood was pulled over to cover your wild curls that you hadn't dealt with in days. You looked a mess and honestly didn't care who did or didn't see you, as you pushed a cart around the supermarket.

"Y/n? A voice calls out to you as you're browsing the produce section. You silently groan and turn to make out the voice coming from behind you. When you come face to face with Abby who's carrying a crate of San Pellegrino sparkling water.

-

"Ellie?" Her name being called out and the rough knocks at the door startled her as she jumped off the couch. She couldn't bear sleeping in your shared room without you, so she had taken residency in the living room for the past four days. No matter how hard she had tried to get in contact with you, nothing worked. Not to mention the fact that Joel wouldn't let her see you. She understood she needed to respect your boundaries but she was growing tired.

As she made her way to the front door a part of her hoped it was you who was out there. Holding your daughter in your arms and ready to come back home and be a family again. To her dismay when she opened the door she was met with Satan herself.

"Ellie, I missed you" Amelia says as she flings her arms around Ellie's neck and attempts to kiss her.

Ellie firmly removes Amelia from her and steps away. The blonde is seemingly confused by Ellie's actions and immediately goes red with rage.

"You can't be here right now Amelia, please for your own good, leave." Ellie's arms are crossed in defence, she would no longer tolerate the crazinesses. She had lost too much from this affair and couldn't bare the thought of you coming back to see her here.

"What do you mean I can't be here right now?" Amelia growls as she steps closer to the door, she's now inches away from Ellie and seething.

"This is our home now, we're meant to be together, we love each other" she's now tightly holding onto Ellie's shoulders, her acrylic nails digging so deep that they would surely leave marks.

"No we're not, you told Y/n fair enough. But I don't plan on letting her go that easily. I apologise for how I treated you Amelia okay? But we just can't be together" Ellie removes her hands once more and attempts to close the door.

"Your apology means nothing to me, you don't understand the mistake you're making" with that she turns and angrily stomps towards her car that was parked further down the street. Ellie shakes her head in disbelief and heads back into the house.

-

I hadn't seen you at work for two days, I was worried" Abby says as she helps you load your groceries into your car. You shut the trunk and make your way over to grab the trolley. You push it back to the trolley station and she follows behind you.

"Yeah well, I'm sick" you lie as you firmly return the trolley and then walk back to your car.

"You don't look sick" she removes your sunglasses and you groan in annoyance.

"What the fuck was that for?" You turn to look at her as she searches your face.

"Have you been crying?" She holds your face in her hands and you pull away before she can jump to any conclusions.

"No, just mind your business" you try reaching for your car door but she's opened it for you, standing in between it to prevent you from shutting it closed.

"You know aside from all the petty shit between Ellie and I, I actually care about you Y/n" for the first time her tone sounds sincere and you don't sense any hints of malice.

"Ellie had an affair, happy?" You blurt out and look away, not wanting to see the sympathetic look she would give you. It would just make you feel pathetic.

"You're joking right?"

"Why would I joke about that?" You sigh, as you grab your sunglasses from her hands and place them back on. You could feel another round of tears coming in.

"How long?" She asks tentatively, trying to gauge your reaction.

"5 months" you reply meekly.

"Y/n, I don't know how anyone could cheat on you, honestly she doesn't deserve you-" you cut her off, not wanting to hear anymore of it.

"And you do?"

"What?" She sounds shocked at your quip.

"You said she doesn't deserve me, I bet you think you do"

"As a matter of fact yes, I think I do. Because I wouldn't put you through that shit. I wouldn't take you for granted."

"Abby, it's too soon for all of this, just please give me space okay?" She nods and you buckle yourself in. She remains stood in the same spot and watches as you drive away.

-

"Ellie?" You question as your grip tightens on your phone. You await a response but all you hear is rustling coming from the background.

"Baby? Hi" Her voice is raspy, it's as if she hadn't used it in days.

"I think we should talk" you say as you fidget with you car keys. Your eyes focused on the charms of the keychain as you swung them around.

"Yeah me too, what do you want to talk about?" Her voice slightly perks up and you feel your throat constrict as the next worlds leave your mouth.

"I think we should seperate"

taglist;

@moonlightdivine @maybe-cece @macaroni676 @sawaagyapong @katiemars @ellieseater @dakota-dream @joliettes @hebrokeimup @bratydoll @wakasaaa @catostrophiclesbian @l0v3e1i

#ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #reader x ellie williams #tlou ellie #ellie x reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fluff #abby anderson x reader #reader x abby anderson #abby anderson fic

[theriverwild]

One Year

I published what is now the first chapter of Autocorrelation a year ago. Twelve months later and I've got nearly 675k posted on AO3, another 100+k in my WIPS folder, and three different fic universes.

Whoa.

I'll be the first to admit, brevity, or finely crafted prose, are not my skills. Plenty of writers might post 1/10th of my WC with x10 of the quality. But I'm proud of my stories, of the plots that came to me in late nights or between meetings or the hundred of ideas I had watching and re-watching the Rings of Power.

(And I wax philosophical self-reflection on writing below the cut.)

I started off by thinking I would write my whole head canon of an in-universe world that lined up (insofar as possible with weird timelines and multiple versions of Tolkien's own histories), with TROP, LOTR, The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, and other lesser known Tolkien works in his Legendarium.

Of course the goal was to create a believable HEA for Sauron and Galadriel and I'm getting there! His redemption arc can't happen overnight, he did some real bad shit. But he's immortal, the Elves are immortal, and reckoning and reconciliation might be approached reluctantly, but also seem somewhat of an inevitability for eternal beings. They can't exactly toss everyone to the void each time one does something unspeakable. There'd be no one left in 100,000 years.

I digress. It's a saga. And while I don't like every plot decision and have put out some clunky scenes to get from A to B, on the whole, I not-so-humbly think it's alright!

Land of Enchantment and Kingdom of Rust are my foray into darkfic. But if anyone's keeping track, I do like a good fix it, even if it means confronting challenging and uncomfortable topics in the comfort and safety of fiction.

And then there's my Fluff AU which is not a WIP as I simply post sequential one-shots whenever I feel like it. Nothing but domestic fluff and smut with the teeniest bit of angst or hurt/comfort to keep it interesting.

If I don't finish one of my WIPS it means I died. I've really enjoyed writing and it's been a delightful journey to try something new (writing fiction), learn about and join fandom, share the brainrot, and interact with anyone who likes my stories even a fraction as much as I do.

Thank you to everyone who has welcomed me to this space and an extra special thank you to anyone who dared to read something I wrote, whether you liked it or not.

Cheers to another year of my new favorite pastime and a hyperfixation that's not going anywhere any time soon.

#writing #my wips #waxing philosophical #one year #three universes #and it ain't over #thanks everyone who keeps fandom positive and engaging!

[papermonkeyism]

Finished my first re-read of this book in twenty years. (original name Homeland, this is the Finnish edition.)

And yup, this sure is a thirty year old book. I don't know why I feel kinda disappointed, I knew exactly what I was getting into. It was somehow both not as bad as I remembered while also being in a way worse than I expected.

But nah, they're just evil. Grinning maliciously and taking unholy pleasure in being evil.

It's kinda frustrating read, to be honest. The story in itself isn't all that bad, I'd say, but it's hindered pretty bad by being based entirely on DnD mechanics, specifically the alignment system. Like, the story in itself makes sense, it tells about dark elves, who basically live in a cult, and the protagonist who's born into it, but will eventually abandon it and leave.

But instead of actually examining what living in a cult would be like, they're just evil. Maybe it's just my perspective, being someone who's been on the internet for a couple decades. I know people who come from abusive bacgrounds, and I've heard stories from people who've survived actual cults, and it would make perfect sense to treat the drow as a cult, except with their god being actually real and actively meddling with their lives to make the brain washing just that much worse. There's a lot of potential in there!

Like the main character is raised from the very start being indoctrinated in the spider cult, there's even a scene where he gets whipped (with a multi-headed magic whip made of living snakes) at the age of four or five for daring to look happily at a woman while being a child of inferior sex, yet he never acts like this kind of raising left any marks in the way he behaves. No trauma at all, what so ever. He keeps being openly surprised by his people not being nice to each other despite the book telling how he was raised to know his place. The guy has no self-preservation at all, he keeps wondering out loud at people with the power to hurt him and I just keep wincing so bad.

He somehow just speed runs his thirty years of life in life lessons in the last few days of the book. Like, you were raised into this your whole life, yet you're only learning all of it now?

(and why do you keep calling it "unholy" all the time, it's the only religion you've ever known. Also that one time he openly gasped about the unholiness at his sister, who's an entire priestess, and her reaction was along the lines of "yeah, but she's the goddess of our people", like why are you agreeing with him about the unholyness?!)

Honestly, you could very easily just rewrite the whole book, keep all the story beats as is, and take out the "always evil by default" racial setting without losing pretty much anything. You'd probably still need to keep the gods as real, physical entities the way they are, but it'd still make it a lot more beliveable.

I have much gripe about the tone of this book, apparently.

I mean, I do like some of the tropes it has, not gonna lie. More prominently in the later books, but still. There's a reason Drizzt was the favourite character of teenage me twenty years ago, and it's been so weird revisiting this story after all this time. I'm still having many mixed feelings here. Multiple emotions even. I don't even know what they are, but they sure are many.

Though, you know what's the worst thing? I am notoriously bad when it comes to names, I have some serious trouble learning and remembering even people I live with for extended periods of time. I can't name most of my old classmates despite them being people I spent 3+ years with, and it once took me over three months to learn the name Paula despite being such a simple and common belonging to one of my closest friends at the time. I'm bad with names. So why is it that I can still remember things like fucking Daermon N'a'shezbaernon, that's an absolute monster of a name, and I haven't thought about it for a single second in the past two decades, why the fuck do I still remember that one???!?

Anyway, onwards to the next book!

#shut up paper #Fun fact I just found out the character of Drizzt is as old as I am #Had to google the english name of the book and apparently the character was created in 1987

[septembersghost]

i do have something to say, and my pulsing head is maybe not going to allow it to be particularly articulate, but fearless was special to me because it was when i became a swiftie, red was special to me because it's my cherished and beloved album. speak now is special to me because it was the first album i got to experience with taylor in real time, from the announcement, to watching music video premieres (on cmt!), excitement building up to it, the thrill of release day.

but it was an especially big deal to me because i had spent the entire year before (almost to the day, because a final conversation was had on october 26, 2009, and speak now was released on october 25, 2010) planning, or expecting, to not survive it. there are many times i've battled through that since for varying reasons, but that was the first time, and the most traumatic. i had vascillated through extremes of sobbing through the night to screaming in rage to complete and total emptiness and cynical numbness - imagine me not feeling anything, or only feeling the tearing of anger in my chest - beyond holding tight to my precious dog, and i feel guilty often reflecting on this because i don't think i did the best for her at that point either. my passion and solace in music felt stolen out of my hands, and had narrowed intensely in that pain, to the point where i only had two pillars to lean against. one was fall out boy. the other was taylor. both had been the only comforts i could reliably turn to, turn up, in the dark. debut and fearless felt like they'd been given especially to me, to express what i was struggling through, how the girl in me who'd lost so much of her life, health, time, and then had her heart broken and betrayed by multiple people, felt. fob stopped me once, very directly, from hurting myself. (thus why their feature here has profound significance to me.) my mom, who had never been through such a difficult time with me (and there are gaps in my memory, but i still feel guilty for what she went through then too), hardly knew what to do, but she bought me a pink ipod nano that 2009 christmas, and that music was basically all that was on it. they were the lifelines i clung to in the tumultuous storm to keep myself from drowning.

by speak now's release in 2010, i'd gotten to shore, but was still battered and cold and exhausted. that album was an aspect of my recovery. that music was what warmed me and woke me back up. and a huge part of that was taylor's own honesty and sensitivity. she was still dreamy and romantic, she still displayed vulnerability, sincerity, and compassion, but she was also angry and bitter and petty and scathing. the fullness and unflinching open-heartedness of that journey cracked me back open and allowed the light back in. the storytelling and lyricism proved her prowess, talent, and growth, but it was often the simplicity that got me, that allowed me to accept even the sharp edges of what i felt, and the softness too. a careless man's careful daughter. i liked it better when you were on my side. i see it all now that you're gone. all you are is mean. please don't be in love with someone else. never imagined we'd end like this. wish i'd never grown up. can't turn back, i'm haunted. the girl in the dress cried the whole way home. long live all the magic we made, and bring on all the pretenders, i'm not afraid. it cast a magic spell, transformed my spirit and allowed me to start to become the person i am again.

it's turned out over the years that some of it is tough for me to listen to because of this, because of that visceral tie back to the things it opened me up to, but tonight i'm thinking yet again about what a miracle it is that i'm still even here, after not expecting that gift of time over and over. every re-record she's released has given something back to me that i didn't even realize i needed, and reading taylor's prologue for speak now, the feeling of her catharsis and reclamation feels so much like my own too. she's brought us in and held that reciprocal experience close, and the embracing connection in that speaks deeply to everything her music represents and means to so many of us.

she writes now, "i had no idea how much this pain would shape me," and also, "i'm still idealistic and earnest...but i'm less crushed when people mock me for it. i know now that one of the bravest things a person can do is create something with unblinking sincerity." this is something i believe too and hold onto fiercely, and she's helped consistently remind me of it.

to those of us with our palms outstretched in the light, still hoping, still having faith in art and knowing that it's good, whose voices quiver with tearful emotion but still share it earnestly, who sometimes wish we could still hear bedtime stories, who hold on to spinning around. i've had the time of my life fighting dragons with her, and with you.

#taylor swift #speak now #long live all the magic we made #thrown out speeches #bubble wrap around my heart #jess.mess

[blamemma]

if you ever wanna write a sequel for your fic just know i'd read the shit out of it

if ur on about this fic problem is it that would require writing proper sex, and the thing that has put me in the fattest writing slump for my current big wip is the smut scenes so i just dunno if i got it in me but the 2 options of the sequel that swim round in my head currently are (starting with good ending in bad (as in like sad/fucked-up/ooft/idk whatever as in this isn't good in the moral sense)). under cut cause is a lil bit nsfw x

simple: christian texts back, they all facetime, max and daniel have sex on the balcony and christian watches and directs them, tells them what to do etc. flirty texting from there, suggestive, more photos sent to christian, some old, some recent, videos passed between the two, christian's are of him jerking off to the both of them. one v successful weekend for max, and daniel is also at the track and they finally all get their act together and have a threesome. its dirty, its lewd, a whole tonne of power imbalance going on etc etc. (and then for even moreeeee it kinda becomes a throuple, but not a throuple cause christian goes home to geri and the kids, and max and daniel go home together, but in the sense of they all have a lot of sex together and daniel is v happy because he gets to finally re-enact some of the scenes in christian's office he's thought a lot about :)) )

kinda not for the maxiel otp shippers (me) (but i love SAD fic, i love morally questionable fic, i love fic that plays with blurred lines and the bad decisions humans can make) (contains cheating and dub-con (daniel getting tricked into things, stuff going on behind his back): christian and max have still been doing their dirty business behind daniel's back (not as regularly, only really when max drives a fucking fantastic race and daniel isn't there to quell max's needs and wants), max does love daniel that relationship is real, but since daniel's been back at rbr, max and christian have been devising a way to get daniel into bed with the both of them. hence why max suggested sending the photo. it was a pillow-talk-plan between max and christian and max knows daniel wont say no to anything he asks. moral quandary for daniel though when he works it all out - hurt by what max is doing/has done, but also has jerked off multiple times to the idea of max and christian so he does like the idea of it. also dilemma of can't say no to christian either cause that's his boss, that's the person he wants to offer him a full-time seat....blurredddd lines, daniel agrees, likes it, loves it, but ends up causing a bit of tension in max and daniel's relationship (like daniel starts coming to nearly all the races, cause one time he was sat at home and watched christian and max in parc ferme hugging and holding each other tight and he lost it a lil bit cause thats his max) etc etc anyway its about daniel wanting what he wants (max, christian, max & christian, a full time seat at red bull, to keep his relationship alive), and so forsaking his own morals along the way....

#max/christian/daniel #mv #dr #ch #my fic #<- not really fic just rambles especially the second part but u get the idea #sorry i just dont think i have it in me to write a sequel but who knows maybe one day x #and also thank u for the kind message it put a smile on my face xx

[hiding-in-my-blanket-fort]

.

Just doing a brain dump to get it off my mind. And to make sure I talk about it, rather than bottling it up.

Since I'm reading a stack of toxic family self help books, I've been re-evaluating the way I perceive myself, my self belief system, etc. I was an anxious, shy, introverted kid. I also suspect neurodivergence plays a big role as well.

So, I had trouble socializing. I was often thrown into a big group of kids with my loud, extroverted, boisterous brother and obviously people flocked to him. He was also the Golden Child so my mother told me to be more like him "because people liked him." The implication was loud and clear that they didn't like me.

She gave me conflicting messages that messed with my head. On one hand, she said, "When you're quiet, people think you're a bitch." (Gee! Thanks!)

On the other hand, whenever I expressed frustration at my lack of friends or social belonging, she said, "What do you have to complain about? Everyone loves you!"

That just made me confused. Did people actually like me? Was I not giving myself enough credit? What was I not seeing here?

But looking back, I realize that I was right. I did not have social belonging or acceptance of any kind.

I had one long term friend. She moved away and we were pen pals for 10 years. But she loved to drop little hints and comments to put me down, i.e. when she repeatedly brought up how she was having literary analysis chats with her college friends about Twilight. "You wouldn't understand. This is what you talk about in college." I went to college a year or two later.

One time, she described our friendship as Frodo and Sam. Which would have been an honor if she'd just stopped there. But she described herself as Frodo because she was "the hero of the friendship, going on adventures". Meanwhile, she dubbed me as Sam, "the sidekick who stays home and bakes pies, being domestic" (I have multiple severe food intolerances so I have to cook a lot of my own food, but she didn't know how to cook, like it was beneath her because she was An Academic Scholar).

It was kinda...gut wrenching tbh. Sam fucking carried Frodo up that mountain. But she did not describe me that way.

My other "friends" never showed interest in what I was interested in. They pushed their interests all the time, but when I shared what I was excited about, I was met with bored expressions or dismissive comments. I read their favorite books and watched their favorite movies, but they didn't give a damn about my favorite anything.

And I'm not saying I did it expecting reciprocity. But there has to be a balance. I talked myself out of expecting any return interest. I was supposed to just pour myself into them, again and again, because it was "selfish" to expect anyone to be interested in me.

And then I wondered why I felt so empty. If you're spending all the time on them, and they can't be bothered with you in return, something isn't right.

In group settings, it's almost physically painful and I struggle to just stay afloat. There's too much happening, I'm overwhelmed by all the social cues flying around, I never know when I can talk, and it's taking so much energy that it's killing me but I can't even meet the bare minimum.

I have a vivid memory of sitting in a group and interjecting a comment about art. The loudest asshole guy in the group who had been commandeering the whole chat said, "Well, there goes the INTERESTING conversation we were having!" And it hurt so fucking much because it takes a lot for me to speak up, especially when it comes to something I care about.

I was even rescued from a group once. It was a teen outing and everyone was really rowdy and loud, practically climbing all over my brother. I sat at the far end of the table feeling invisible. One of the chaperones tapped me on the shoulder and suggested we visit the art gallery next door, saying that she knew what it was like to be stuck in a situation like that.

It was very kind of her to do that, but it's also just...fucking sad.

A few years ago, I thought I was making friends with two girls I worked with. But they both had big friend groups already. And I swear they could smell my lack of friends on me or something. It was so casual for them to have group chats, order food for each other, plan a movie outing, swap phone numbers. They didn't have to think about it because it was natural and well practiced to them.

I've never done that. It's foreign to me.

I worked with one "friend" to celebrate the other "friend's" birthday. We made a poster, cards, balloons, gifts, etc in the middle of Covid. She didn't say anything to me, but she profusely thanked the other friend. It really felt...deflating. Around me, she acted like nothing happened.

I drew a portrait of a friend's 14yo dog who had passed away (it wasn't a shitty drawing either, I've exhibited art in Yellowstone and Cape Cod). I kept asking her if it showed up, again and again. She said no, it hadn't arrived. THREE MONTHS LATER, I practically begged her to go look at the post office. She picked it up, said, "Thanks!" and we never spoke again.

All of these instances have caused me pain I wasn't allowed to feel or admit to. If I did, my mother said I couldn't complain. "At least people are talking to you! You should be grateful!"

No. That's not how it works.

I am sharing part of myself here. I am expressing appreciation for a friend by making them meaningful gifts, showing interest in their lives, and it is not reciprocated.

That is fucking damaging.

I'm coming to the realization just how big of an impact these instances have had on my self belief. I really struggle to think of myself as a person worthy of...anything. I can't fathom someone showing interest in me in any way because...of this. Because this is my history.

It doesn't have to be my future. I can learn to cultivate better friendships. I can learn that walking away is better than forcing a relationship that is going to cut me down and think less of myself.

But first, I need to recognize that I've had a shitty history and I need to accept that it wasn't fair.

I also need to learn - somehow - that just because people in my past didn't give a shit about me doesn't make me a boring person. Just because they couldn't value me doesn't mean I'm not valuable.

It's hard to type that. And I can't really get myself to believe it yet. But I'll work on it.

#ace talks to herself #toxic family #social anxiety #friend trauma #social trauma

[jack-is-lost]

Had another weird dream again. This one was pretty detailed but I didn't wake up in time to write it all down, ended up rolling over to sleep more, so now things are kind of blurry.

This was my first time dreaming about Spike and Angel — my first Spangel, in a sense. I'm not sure why it occurred. I haven't been reading any fics as of late. Nor re-watching the show in recent months. Anyway, here's what I can remember:

The setting is an abandoned warehouse. I'm exploring it, I guess? Not sure why else I'm there. A little reminder that my dreams often jump between first POV and third POV, so it is difficult to decipher who I am at any given moment. As I am wandering around this old and surprisingly still standing building, I come across Angel. A very deranged vampire who can't seem to keep himself together. One moment attacking, as if crazed, the next stalling into a heap of tears and whispers. He clearly has his soul still but it is barely hanging on.

Not dream me recognizes him, putting shape to this hunched over black mass on his hands and knees openly weeping, so suddenly the dream me does. ✨Dream Logic✨ I watch myself try to approach him and he warns me to stay back. Going the extra mile to try and attack again so that I'd run off. It works but I won't stay gone, however. I come back the next night.

Maybe a little surprisingly, Angel is still there — still teetering on sanity. It takes a lot of effort but he finally gives in and starts talking. More like muttering to himself again, but I'm listening closely. This bit is fuzzy so I can't say if I kept coming back, if weeks have passed, or if it were just that easy.

He had lost Spike. It has been decades apparently since everything I've known about the series. It has been long enough that he has lost it all, everyone. Leaving him here like some... extremely lonely, lost vampire who is purposefully distancing himself — hurting himself. Typical Angel stuff, honestly. Recounting his loss seems to tear a new hole. I can see it in the way he winces, grabbing his chest as if his non-beating heart just lurched, and now he is walking and I follow.

I follow him throughout the sub-basement, and while we walk the area seems to shift. I'm going into memory lane alongside him. Again, dream logic. At some point, Spike manifests and they are in a heated argument. I watch them go at each other's throat, metaphorically. I can't recall what they are saying, not now, but I can tell it is some serious relationship/sire-like discourse.

As we continue to walk the memory sequences continue to alternate, showing different moments in time. Of love and tenderness, hardships and bitterness. By the time we are in this dilapidated lobby-like area, I am witnessing their biggest dispute. I feel like a fly on the wall — there but out of reach to do anything. What would I even do if I were there?

Then, as dreams can often be this unbalanced like force of nature, I am Angel. I am clinging to Spike's sleeve, trying to hold him there as he tried to shove away — venom in his speech practically threatening my very existence. I can feel the ache, the fear, and the lack of power. That's when I see the doors smash open behind Spike, revealing multiple shadowed figures, and they charge. It is a blood bath, all things considered, but not enough. I'm not quick enough to prevent it. One moment I am running, ready to throw myself in front of the stake poised for Spike, and then we collide.

Big blue eyes, wide with shock, staring into my face as he freezes. There isn't even enough time to speak — to utter a simple word — and he is gone. Ashes fall through my fingers like sand as the once solid form in my grasp breaks apart. I couldn't save him. I didn't save him. Why was I not quick enough? Why did he have to die and not me? These words rush through my head, tumbling over one another, before the pure unfiltered rage overtakes. Kill. Kill. Kill. Revenge.

I am myself once more as Angel looks to the still unhinged, barely holding it together by a few chains, entrance doors. I can tell by the dim growing light that the sky is starting to light up — that the sun is slowly making its way over the horizon. I can feel dread. It doesn't take much to realize the vampire before me has a plan in motion. Stopping him seems impossible for I am not important — I am a stranger — so my words hold very little weight to them. What could I even say to prevent what was bound to happen?

I feel powerless as I watch him yank the chain till it snaps, the doors falling open with a sad unyielding groan. My feet are working before I comprehend my own motions. I see my arm outstretched to him, fingers splayed open to grab and pull him back into the shadows, and then I wake up just as a hard cut of light hits my eyes — the sun.

So that was my dream. My first ever Angel-centered dream. It was sad and confusing in some places. I wish I could remember the dialogue and could express some scenes better, but it is all blurry now.

#random thoughts and rambles #talking about my dreams #spangel #btvs

[broken-everlark]

Do you think hijacked Peeta fell out of love with Katniss? Or did he hate her/was afraid of her but still loved her? Is post hijacked Peeta the same Peeta or a new person altogether? Thank you :)

@everlarkshipper

I feel like he was two different people inside the same head. If that makes any sense here I'll explain🤣

I feel like the old Peeta the one Katniss loves is still in there but beaten and made to hate her. He fights with himself and the bad memories Snow implanted in his head. There are two different people the one that loves her and the one that wants to kill her. But even when he's trying to kill her (either it be the strangling scene or when he kills mitchell accidentally) he's still fighting with himself or this mutt version of him because he's slowly recovering and thanks to the real or not game Finnick and Annie play, it helps him slowly start to recover his true self. And because (Yes I'm going off movie I don't have enough time to re-read thg) you can see him hitting himself in the head, and talking to himself multiple times. Kinda like he's trying to smack himself out of a hijacking episode or tell himself not to hurt her.

I think even when they first rescued him, he was just afraid of what Snow made him see, so he went into a natural instinct every human being has which is fight or flight. We know Peeta is no coward and is very strong so even being hijacked to hate her, I feel like he was mostly afraid because Snow had shown him that she is truly a mutt and that he needs to fight to save himself and others. Because again in the movies he's warning Prim that Katniss is a mutt and she needs to be killed (and If I can remember correctly he's telling delly the same thing in 13 in the books. Correct me if I'm wrong.) So it's not that he fully hates her, because again he could've. But I think he was more afraid for himself and others being around her.

I think he's a new person all together, yes the old loving and caring Peeta is still in there, he's still artistic, caring to others and wants to help, and when he recovers he's comfortable with katniss again and loves her again. I think what changed is he has hijacking episodes once in a while and that he argues more or doesn't let people step on him as easily. Like i feel maybe he curses more or gets aggressive sometimes but not to the point where he'll hurt anyone just he'll get angry or jealous. But knowing him he'd try to be understanding at first but he can't be his neutral self forever.

This is just my look on it, it may be terrible but I'm running on terrible sleep 🤣🤣

(yes I'm going off movies cause again it's been forever since I had enough time to re-read all the books)

[tetherless]

Heavy TW for talk of abuse, child abuse, CSA and brief mentions of RAMCOA (it didn't happen but I will be talking about the potential of it happening, specifically OA)

I didn't want to put it in the main post because I'd have had to go on a small tangent to do it, but re: my last post

I am pretty sure that that's why we have parts of ourselves that are constantly hypervigilant and expecting to be assaulted by men at any given moment. I think that it's probably why reading about things like RAMCOA triggers us so badly too - we have no experience with either of those things* to my knowledge, but some of them (assault at the hands of men, being abused by multiple adults or trafficked) are things we grew up aware of and afraid of because either they were happening to other people around us or we were being warned about them all the time, or we were in unsafe situations constantly where they COULD have happened and we felt in danger.

(*it is possible that we were assaulted by men and have no memory of it. It is also possible we were victims of OA, but not RA or MC, and I don't really want to talk as if it definitely DID happen when I really don't know. Personally I think the fact that we were surrounded by dangerous men who COULD have hurt us and made us feel like they MIGHT assault us at the age of like <5 is enough to cause these trauma reactions without us actually being victims of OA or whoever.)

The other day we had a very unpleasant experience where reading about RAMCOA made us dissociate, panic, and have fleeting images of being in a dark room with a man - but i have no way of telling if that was an actual memory or just a distressing mental image. I can't fully remember everything that went through my head at the time, only that I was suddenly terrified by the possibility that the abuse was worse than i'd thought, and it took a while for me to calm down enough to recognise that it's unlikely I would ever have been in a situation that would allow for that level of severe abuse (especially not RA or MC). But knowing that at the very least it's POSSIBLE there was OA involved really fucked with us for a bit.

(I think it's pretty natural for abuse survivors to read about certain extreme experiences and... "resonate" with them, for lack of a better word, but that doesn't mean what happened to us WAS that thing. You know?)

The only thing that really casts any doubt for me is that a few weeks ago we woke up one day distinctly feeling like... dogs that had escaped somewhere bad and were supposed to return. We felt that we werent meant to be living in the "real" world and that it was bad for us to be independent; that we had to go home to our master to be punished. And I know how that SOUNDS given the context of what I'm talking about lmao but there was nowhere to go back to; there was no one to contact, or who we felt we SHOULD contact. Just a nebulous concept of An Owner Or Superior. It was very strange and upsetting and you can probably see why the memory of that combined with the RAMCOA stuff made us briefly freak out with possibility.

I don't know what else to say about it really. Just that it was fucking strange.

#txt #actuallytraumagenic #did system #RAMCOA tw #organised abuse tw #CSA tw #abuse tw #I hope this is tagged properly. #Also replies and insight and sharing your own experiences are more than welcomed.

[darwinquark]

(1/2) ok so i’ve read tkof like five times now & i just wanna say,,,, you madam are a true gift honestly like the characterization of each character is on point & not just jeronica but like even reggie and barchie!! the banters between characters are v v well executed

not to mention your prose, the sentence structures??? holy i adore how you switch between hard hitting one liners (“it’s like waking up in the middle of falling in love with veronica lodge” excuse you???? or “i can’t come back from you” like maAM WHO HURT U) to long, verbal tangents that go from 0 to 100 real quick (jughead going off on toni about how veronica is much more than her looks??? like get outta here!!!) it makes the whole rollercoaster reading ride that much more exciting!!

(2/2) also the little details aka imagery and metaphors in between their actual thoughts?? you write so freaking well that i can literally see the fic play in my head as i read & i can actually hear these people say the words you wrote (again on point characterization!!!) anyways i just wanna say i consider you a jeronica treasure and anyone contesting that will just have to talk to a wall

LISTEN, the way these asks just made my day? I'm??? I don't even know where to start! actually, yeah I do - the fact that you've read this moody 110k mess multiple times is legit incredible and I appreciate it so much. Fanfic is so weird because you're really just out here writing this random thing no one asked for and posting it into the void, but realizing people are actually out there coming back to it and thinking about it outside of you? never not wild. my heart.

re: characterizations, for the longest time I thought people were lying to me about getting their characters right because I feel like they're galaxies apart from the gifs I see of canon, but I've come to realize it's more about getting their potential right, I think? Like what they could've been based on their earlier seasons/introductions? Maybe? lololol in any case, I'm so glad they ring true to you! I can't really speak for canon-compliance, but I try to stay true to my own canon at least.

I'm dying at the fact that you brought up sentence structure because I actually feel like I'm sort of stupidly aware of this when I write, like I prioritize rhythm over content sometimes, and I've been wondering whether my actual writing suffers because of it so hearing that it's packing a punch for you and actually having an effect is super validating! It's funny how everyone has different things driving their writing style, and one of mine is DEF the rhythm the words read back with (which is usually why editing takes me so long 'cause I have to blank out and read it over like it's the first time).

ANYWAY, you didn't ask for this dissertation on how I write so I'll shut up, but thank you so, so much for taking the time out to send me this! Brightened up this shockingly stormy California day. <3

#reply #tkof #I need a tag for things to come back to when I'm sad to cheer me up #because this would def be in there

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Graveyard Siblings (5)

[Masterlink] (PART 1) (PART 4)

-----

Mari and Cass sometimes switch their suits as they have the same body type. Cass would sometimes go out in full Hellbat gear and give the appearance that Hellbat is out more often than she actually is.

So Orphan/Black Bat also sometimes uses guns.

This also helps with concealing secret identities. Maria was rescued by Hellbat from Joker’s Henchmen. (Vicki Vale was getting sus of the new Wayne and Hellbat.)

Unfortunately since Hellbat rarely comes out and she had already made all of her appearance for the month and it wasn’t a busy weekend, the public had come to the conclusion that Hellbat has a crush on the newest Wayne.

Basically everyone thought that Mari has a crush on herself. Which led to some teasing and escalated to Mari announcing that Jason had a crush on Red Hood on live TV.

It didn’t help that a video of Red Hood and Jason re-enacting Romeo and Juliet with Jason on his apartment balcony and Red Hood on the roof was posted on the internet a few days later. (Thank you, Trixx and Tim’s awesome video editing skills)

Sadly, it was taken down 24 hours later. (Tim and the others have multiple copies of it, on the cloud or hardware, hidden around in the manor and their respective safehouses in the US.)

Some people kidnapped Jason to hopefully gain leverage over the Red Hood and to their dismay and nightmares for years to come, Hellbat came instead.

One lucky and incredibly brave reporter asked why she was there instead of her brother.

Mari being a little shit, “Red Hood may be a tough and scary guy but when it comes to his feelings, my brother is a chicken.”

Pictures of Jason tackling Hellbat somehow never made it into any papers.

The criminal underworld hasn’t taken a hint and Jason has been kidnapped a few more times.

Other times Jason was kidnapped:

Robin: Red Hood made a fool of himself in front of Todd recently and he doesn’t dare to show his face.

Spoiler: He was taking too damn long checking his hair even though I told him that no one was going to see it under his helmet and he was so offended that he is currently sulking in the bathroom.

Red Robin: Red Hood can’t think straight when he is around Jason. I mean have you seen the dude.

Arsenal*during a rare visit to Gotham*: Red Hood owes me one now.

Dick finally ends it by going out as Red Hood and rescuing Jason. Gotham is happy that Redson (Red Hood x Jason) ship has finally sailed.

-------

Kate, Babs, Cass, Steph and Mari were out on Mari’s first girls’ night since her move to the manor.

This is set a little after she came back from Paris with Jason.

They watched rom-com movies, did hair and nails, gossip about the superhero community and bitch and vent to each other.

Marinette off-handedly mentioned the crazy shits she had done during her stint as Ladybug. It started with asking about the T-rex in the Batcave and she mentions jumping into the mouth of a live one before.

Everyone in the room was shocked and after a few more questions, it was obvious that she was very reckless and self-sacrificing. Yep, she was going to fit into this crazy family just fine.

And Holy Shit. There is so much trauma packed into this kid. She needs lots of therapy.

Babs finally decided that they all needed to get out and have some fun. All in their respective suits and they went out.

Joined by Harley, Ivy and Selina.

Plagg came along because I want Plagg to meet Selina.

It was a chaotic night and it was a miracle that Bruce didn’t find out about what the girls did.

-------

Batman and Red Hood were on patrol together when Selina jumped in front of them.

“Hello, Boys”

“What do you want, Catwoman?”

“I want to meet my new prodigy, Kitty Noire.”

Cue Marinette jumping down from her hiding spot, transformed with the Black Cat Miraculous. “Hiya.”

Red Hood carries her like a potato sack and points his gun at the other two.

“Nope, she’s my sister and I called dibs. I adopted her. She’s off limits.”

“Legally, she’s mine.” Batman coughed out.

“I did it first. Emotionally. She’s my emotional support sister. You have plenty kids already, B and Selina, get your own.”

“Hey, I am still here and can hear you.”- Maria

-------

Alya was worried for Lila. She had been acting weirdly for the past month.

She looked very out of sorts. Her clothes weren’t in order and her hair was in disarray. She had bags under her eyes and her eyes looked wild. Lila didn’t look like herself at all.

She jumped at any sound and flinched at really sudden movements.

Alya tried to find out what was wrong with Lila and received vague answers.

One time Lila said that Marinette is to blame.

Alya reaches the somewhat right conclusion that Marinette was haunting Lila and hurting her because Lila used to come to school with bruises and claims that Marinette did it.

Alya goes to Marinette’s grave to desecrate it. (Yeah, go anger the ghost that is haunting someone.)

Unfortunately, the moment she tries to do something, the sky turns dark, clouds appear and the wind begins whipping. A Lightning strike near her and there was a cloaked figure beside her with a scythe.

All Alya saw from the figure was the blood-red lips in a very sharp grin and glowing blue eyes, raising the scythe high before she ran away. The scythe swiped the air where her head once was.

Alya didn’t get far before she tripped and blacked out.

When she woke up, she found herself in the hospital with no idea how she got there.

She was told that somebody found her with a concussion in the park and took her to the hospital.

------

The next one on Mari’s hit list was Natalie.

She wasn’t as involved in the whole thing like Lila, Adrien or Gabriel but she still did it anyways.

Her punishment is a little mild compared to the others and was more of a warning to Gabriel.

Natalie woke up in the middle of the night to see a not-so-dead Ladybug sitting on her vanity chair with the moonlight from the windows illuminating her body and her neck. Her suit was torn exactly like the day of that battle with blood dripping down her arms and from her open wounds. The shadows kept her face hidden but glowing blue eyes stared at her.

Natalie was scared at first. But she regained her normal cool composure.

“I assume you are here to extract your revenge for aiding in your unfortunate demise. But before you kill me, I regret my part in my entire thing and I apologize for everything I have done against you even though I knew it was wrong.”

“At least you show remorse over what you have done. Visiting my grave when even my parents didn’t and leaving flowers. I love those purple hyacinths by the way. Did you know that they mean sorry in the language of the flowers?”

“Why are you stalling my death? Just kill me already.”

“Madam Sancouer. You just played a minor role in my downfall compared to what Adrien and Lila Rossi did to me. And you showed more guilt over your actions than they ever did and Adrien claimed to have loved me. And like I have told the Bats, Death is too swift of a punishment.”

“Who are the bats?”

“None of your concern. You should be more concerned about yourself.”

“Lila sees the ghosts of her past and they haunt her. Adrien is in a living nightmare and has no control over his actions and is despised by everyone. What are you going to do to me?”

“Well, since you show some guilt over your actions, let me tell you a little secret. I am not dead. Not really. I mean I did die. But there was a spell in the grimoire that revived me. It took a few days to work.”

Marinette changed to her normal form. It was a little jarring to see an older Marinette Dupain-Cheng sitting on her vanity chair like it was a throne. The Ladybug suit and the wounds were gone. She looked a little familiar.

“Why are you telling me this? What was the point?” Natalie faltered as she wondered why the girl looked familiar. Marinette moved closer and her face was fully illuminated by the moonlight.

“I intend to take everything by which I mean everything from Gabriel Agreste for what he did.”

“M. Agreste just wanted his wife back. You just gave him your Miraculous, you would still have everything.”

“What difference would it make? Sure I had friends and family before but they turned out to be disappointing. I might have become a famous designer like I dreamed of and can't achieve because I died. Besides, he never said about wanting his wife to come back in his tedious monologues. For all we knew back then, he wanted them for world domination. He showed that he would end the world for them. For kwamis’ sake, he nearly started World War III, just for a pair of earring and a ring. He was willing to kill me to have her back. No wait, he did that too. If he actually read the translated grimoire or asked the Guardian or at least someone with magic for help instead or maybe used his head and made some who can heal as his champion using the Butterfly, we wouldn’t even be in this mess. Face it, Mme Sancour, your boss is a power-hungry and very controlling maniac who is also thankfully an idiot.”

“But- he- he just-. You are just a child, what do you know? M. Agreste knew what he was doing.”

“A child who had a normal life up until he tried to ruin it with his idiotic schemes and hiring Lila to do it. A child who had to fight a war on her own.”

“I am sorry you had to go through that but I doubt you and your little revenge rampage is going to solve anything.”

Ghostly Chains wrapped around Natalie’s body, squeezing tight like it was squeezing the life out of her.

“I was all for sparing you, you know. If you had actually listened to my side of the story, you would have spared from my ‘little revenge rampage’. This is going to be a little painful. Sorry about that.” In a tone that was definitely not sorry.

Pain coursed through Natalie’s body. Her skin crawled and itched as pitch back feathers grew out of it. Her bones turned to dust and reformed.

Where Natalie Sancour once was, there was a raven.

An omen of death and destruction for one Gabriel Agreste.

Marinette leaned down towards the raven. Natalie tried to peck her eye out but Marinette held the beak in a firm grip.

“Ah. ah ah. Luckily for you this is temporary. Mostly. Every night, you will assume this shape and each night the longer you will stay in this form. Slowly counting down the days until Gabriel’s downfall. Since you love helping him so much, you are going to help him know how long he has to live. The night you are a raven from sunset to sunrise, that sunrise starts the day Gabriel Agreste will be utterly destroyed.”

She released the beak and headed towards the window.

"Send him my regards."

With that, she was gone.

(Part 6)

#platonic jasonette #graveyard siblings #maribat #ml x dc #marinette meets the sirens

[antimonyandthyme]

😂🔁 for fic asks!

😂 A fic that made you laugh out loud

Oh I love this one I love this one I love this one--

you're dead and out of this world by @ignismai

Oh god I think this fic is perfect. Perfection. First of all, a what we do in the shadows AU? Sold. I'm sold. And Mai just has the most lighthearted, beautiful way of writing. The rhythm and cadence of it all is so uplifting. The conversations are so funny yet genuine. The characters are so clueless and believable. The interactions between the older vampires and Seb and Lewis are just so imperious but pure and caring at the same time. The Sewis dynamic is everything I could've hoped for, kind and shy and totally besotted with each other. I can't recommend this fic enough.

🔁 A fic you’ve re-read several times

Ho ho ho you know what's coming I love this one--

Everybody Wants to Rule the World by @kritischetheologie

I think I've yelled about this fic multiple times but I'll do so again, it's just so incredibly good. An amazing story, with so much thought and effort put into it. The players are believable and raw and mean at times. Their interactions are sharp enough to cut you. The games played will make your head spin. And then the moments when they are soft with each other hit you like a truck. The racing??? I'm always in awe of authors who include that in their fics because it gets so complicated! I feel like this fic made me do a one-eighty in terms of what I look for in characters now. Every time I reread I pick out something different. I don't have proper words for this.

And here's another one--

I Heard You're a Player, So Let's Play a Game by Tianvette

Well to be frank everything by Tianvette, but I Heard You're a Player has a special place in my heart. It's so gritty and raw and heart-wrenching and it makes you want to root for Mark and Seb so bad but at the same time it showcases the ugly that came out when they were racing against each other and they just hurt each other unwittingly even though they felt so much for each other and it was heartbreaking and yet. And yet! At the end of it all, after they stepped away from each other, they found their way back. It's a roller-coaster ride, and rereading it each time still punches me with all that emotion. I cannot speak highly of this fic enough. I cannot!

Thank you for the ask @metamatar <333

#athy texts #ask game #fic recs #fanfic #rpf #sewis #sico #martian

[broadstflyers]

A/N: Hello everyone! This is my first ever fic! It's really just an idea I've had for months, and then wrote, and then couldn't figure out which hockey boy it fit, until some mutuals were kind enough to help. I settled on our boy Barzy! It's inspired by Taylor Swift's "Gold Rush", and I really wanted to do my best in reflecting the beautiful imagery this story creates for me. I hope I did it justice. It's a little terrifying putting my writing out there, but I hope people enjoy it!

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Two curse words, it's really just internal conflict within the reader

Summary: You're celebrating your dad's 50th birthday with some friends and family at a dinner party. You happen to land your eyes on a beautiful stranger, who you can't seem to get out of your head. You spend the rest of the night wondering, should you go up to him?

Or do you let him walk out the door?

___________

They say when you first lay eyes on your soulmate, time stands completely still. As you gaze into their eyes, it feels as though you’ve known them for multiple lifetimes. It feels like home. Is that even remotely true?

You start to take a sip of your drink and turn your head slightly to take in your surroundings. Your eyes dance around the room, until they stumble upon another pair of wondering eyes. Your eyes lock, and you’re instantly sucked into the mysterious yet intriguing twinkling grey-blue color that compliments his navy blue suit. Suddenly, your breath hitches in your throat, every part of your body stiffens, except for your lips that part slightly and eyes that widen. The drink is long forgotten, you’re even struggling to keep it from practically falling out of your hands and onto the wooden floor. The party is now just a blur, the noise? What noise? The world is muffled, as if someone stuck your head into a hundred pillows. Images stream through your mind like an endless movie reel wrapped in shimmery gold. Endless laughter on a first date over coffee. Him rubbing the back of your hand as you take a stroll through the park. Holiday mornings, exchanging gifts. Would he participate in the tradition of opening small gifts first, or would he want the biggest gift right off the bat? Ice skating and him catching you as you stumble on a pesky track in the ice. Him tossing you into the pool while you’re trying to put up a fight in a losing battle. A sweet and quiet proposal where he promises his forever love. A kiss at the altar in front of all your friends and family. Chasing after rambunctious little kids trying to get them to nap. All these gold dripping images of a pure love plow through your brain. Your heart is the unmovable object. They are the unstoppable force.

You and him only shared a look for what was probably half a second, but the thick air that seemed to only be affecting you made time feel like it stood completely still.

You burst back into reality with the help of a slight head shake. “Woah,” you quietly whisper. You blink a few times and finally get around to taking a sip of your drink to quench your parched throat. Did you just see a whole future...with a stranger?

“Hey, are you okay?” Stella asks. Her hand gently touches your arm as she cocks her head to the side. Her brows are furrowed in what can only be described as pure confusion. Did you really space out that badly as she was talking? What were you guys even talking about?

“Oh,” you say as you gently shake your head, “yeah.” You chuckle, “yeah, I’m just fine.” You wait a beat then say, “Hey, I’m going to use the bathroom really quickly, okay?”

“Sure thing,” she nods. “Do you need me to come with?”

“I’m totally fine, I promise,” you reassure with every bone in your body while giving her your drink. You really just needed to be alone to calm your racing mind that has now turned a complete stranger into a romantic interest with the power of a golden montage.

You make your way over to the exit of the dining hall and push the creaky open with your shoulder, and the amount of force you had to use honestly hurt. Your heels click down the tiled hallway of the golf club to find the bathroom door. The rectangular bathroom mirror framed in an intricate gold design holds your reflection. You slightly tilt your head as you take a look at your face. It’s like someone took the color of a clown nose and colored in your face with it. Jeez. You shake your head and sigh. This isn’t good, and deep down, you know that. You hate when you’re like this, all flustered over someone who just happened to lock eyes with you. His eyes. They were gleaming and just all around beautiful. What were you thinking again?

Oh, right.

Well, it’s pretty obvious he has this power over you, and you don’t like that. Now is your face going to become red everytime you see him? You check your phone. There’s still two hours left, plenty of time to possibly see him again. You can’t tell if that’s necessarily a good or bad thing.

You pace around the bathroom trying to reason with your begging heart. He was pretty good looking, which means that so many people naturally want him. Who was he even talking to, anyways? You gasp and stop in your tracks, blood running cold. “He was talking to a girl,” you mumble. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t sound completely and utterly crushed. In the heat of the moment, you completely failed to realize the blonde standing next to him. You lean over the counter, the cold marble feeling on your arms making your arms break out in goosebumps. You take one last stern look in the mirror at your face. “See, this is why we can’t allow ourselves to fall that hard,” you whisper angrily, “everyone wants him, and I just...I don’t like a gold rush like that.” You shake your head again and take one last deep breath to shake out any other thoughts. You can see yourself standing barefooted at the bottom of a hole looking astounded at how tall the walls have grown, and how distant the light looks. It feels like you soared lightheartedly into the sky, just to fall and crush every bone in your body.

You roll your eyes to yourself while slightly cursing yourself out. Pushing the bathroom door open, you step out into the hallway and make a beeline back for the dining hall. Your purse starts spastically vibrating, so you hastily fish your phone out to put an end to the obnoxious noise. Scanning the text, you read that your mom is asking where you went, as the cake for your dad’s birthday is going to be cut soon. You sigh as you text, “I’m hurrying back now.”

That’s all you see before you feel a slight brush tickle your bare shoulder. Your eyes don’t dare move from your phone screen. You reason that it’s not someone you know, as they would have said something to you. Your hands shake as you put your phone back in your purse.

“Oh, sorry,” the voice trails off as he continues to walk down the hallway after he brushed up against you.

“It’s okay,” you whisper, without turning around, which is admittedly ridiculous.

As soon as you can judge his footsteps are far away enough, you make a quick glance behind to see if it really was him. And judging by the navy blue suit, it was.

Suddenly, the golden montage flows through your mind once more, showing an image of yourself wearing an old shirt of his, maybe one from when he was in high school for whatever sport he played, if he played one. Your feet feel the coolness of the wooden floor of the supposed home. The home both of you share? It’s so tangible, so real that you almost reach out to touch it. It’s right there...

Your head jerks yourself out of the vision once more, or rather the fact that you’re now faced with a white wall in front of you. You sigh a long frustrated sigh. I can’t believe I really walked by the entrance, how embarrassing, you think as you turn on your heels to backtrack. Why does this stranger have you so wrapped around his finger? No one else has been able to even come close to doing that. You feel your face with your hand, and it’s burning. I’ll go in there looking like a tomato, it’s fine.

You do your best to quite literally shake off those thoughts as you push open the dining room hall door. “There you are!” your mom says. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on, we’re going to sing happy birthday to Dad.”

“Can’t wait,” you beam. After all, your dad only turns 50 once, and this night is about him, afterall. You follow your mom to a table with a white tablecloth resting on it.

Stella pops out from behind your dad to approach you and whispers, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You resist the urge to gently shove her in front of everyone. “Yes,” you pleadingly insist, “now stop asking me in front of Mom and Dad, they’ll think something is wrong.”

She side eyes you with an attitude. “Fine.”

“They’re my girls,” your dad says with a smile.

You and Stella laugh while leaning into him for a quick hug. “Hey dad,” you both say in unison.

The room completely dies down, people could hear a pin drop. “Ready?” your mom asks the guests. The room takes a collective deep breath.

And so the melody of Happy Birthday rings joyously through the hall, you can see the mystery stranger out of the corner of your eye. Heat radiates off your skin, it’s almost like you can feel his eyes boring into you. It takes all the willpower you can muster, but you resist the temptation to look over at him all throughout the song.

When the song is over, the room breaks out into obnoxiously loud clapping. You, Stella, and your parents share loving looks and warm smiles.

Eventually, everyone proceeds to return to normal chatter at the one rectangular table of two that they’re sitting at, and so do you, Stella and your parents.

You pull out your seat next to your sister near the middle of the middle of the table and sit, fixing your dress.

“Ahem,” Stella says in an ill attempt to cover her suspiciousness with a clearing throat noise. Queue whatever accusatory question she’s got.

“Let me just set something straight,” she starts.

“Go for it,” you say as you reach for some water.

“It’s definitely that guy a few seats down, isn’t it?” She smirks. She’s got you trapped in her little web, and she knows it.

You may or may not have fought back choking on your water or pulling a ridiculous spit take on the nice white table cloth.

You lean in and harshly whisper, “Well you didn’t have to say it that loudly.” You glance over at the mystery stranger and see his hand wrapped around his glass as he goes to drink it. He has a thick silver ring on his pointer finger?

“Hello?” Stella shifts her head to selfishly cut off your view of him.

“Okay,” you sigh in defeat, “yes it’s him. Happy?”

“Very,” she says, very satisfied because she finally pried it out of you and got you to admit it. Someone else has you wrapped around their finger. She didn’t even have to know all the details of the montages to know. She could tell by the way your eyes glossed over and how your lips would slightly part like you were in a hazy daydream.

And you were.

“Who is he anyway? And why don’t we know him?” You ask.

“I don’t know, honestly. A little strange, isn’t it? Why don’t you ask mom who he is?” She suggests, but her cheshire smile suggests that she will somehow find out, with or without your mom’s help.

“But mom’s going to absolutely harass me until I say something to him. Just you on my tail is enough,” you say with an eyebrow raised as to say ‘don’t test me.’ And Stella knows you’re right.

“Alright, fine,” she concedes, “But why don’t you, I don’t know, talk to him?”

“I did,” you nonchalantly float.

Her eyes widen and her mouth forms an “O” from disbelief. Did you really not talk to people that much?

“Really?” she practically squeals.

“Yeah, he brushed by me and said, ‘Sorry’ so I said, ‘It’s okay.’” Okay, now you get why your friends and family get mad at you for refusing to talk to people. But cracking this joke was one you could not pass up.

Her face scrunches up and she exhibits the biggest eye roll you have ever seen. She opens her mouth to start saying something, probably to scold at you, but you open your mouth to cut her off first.

“Alright no, I haven’t. And do you know why?” As you’re about to get your thought out, you’re interrupted by a fit of laughter down the stretch of the table. Your eyes scan but freeze on the stranger, whose nose is adorably scrunched up as he laughs with multiple, yes multiple, people about goodness knows what. And there’s that other blonde that you still don’t know, laughing with him. You tear your stare away and focus back on your sister.

“Look, that right there. That’s why,” you say, anger burning through your chest.

Stella raises an eyebrow in her own judgemental manner. “He talks to people? You know people do that right?”

Now it’s your turn to return the favor of a judgemental eye roll. “No, Stella, I mean just look at him and the people he’s surrounded by. It’s so obvious that everyone wants him. Just look at that girl with him. I’m not the only one who wants to love him.”

Silence ensues between you two. She picks up her phone and shoots a quick text. After a moment she says, “Well, I think if you just talked to him, you’d be pleasantly surprised with what could happen. I have to help mom with distributing gift bags. You stay here,” she instructs.

You can only assume you’re not being called to help because Stella graciously told your mom that you’re potentially working up the courage to talk to someone that’s not one of your three friends or your family. How generous of her.

A few friends of your dad stop by your seat to say goodbye before they head out. The noise slightly dies down enough to scarcely hear some other conversations. You hear nothing out of the ordinary, just a girl talking about getting into her dream school to some guy. Your ears slightly move as you pick up on a voice that sounds like the one in the hallway earlier.

“Yeah dude, but did you see the fake out on the goalie on the second goal? That had to have been the best part.”

Out of instinct you open your mouth to interject, but quickly shut it and put it under lock and key. You blink in disbelief. Hockey? Did this man just speak on hockey?

You circle the rim of the coffee cup and stare at the brown liquid. In a different universe…

In a different universe you would have actually kept your mouth open, and maybe even squeezed some words out, too.

“Actually, that seamless stretch pass down the neutral zone from the defenseman after a pretty difficult forecheck set up the play pretty well. I’d give him a lot of credit, too.”

He’d probably look a little shocked, as do most guys when you interject your two-sense about hockey. But maybe he’d break out into a small smile and offer a rebuttal. Yeah, that sounds nice. Maybe one day…

Maybe one day you’ll be sitting next to him on the couch, watching a game while cuddling and brushing the hair out of his face. Oh who are you kidding, you’ll be up and screaming at the TV. It’s your staple.

A noise of someone dropping something behind you slightly startles you and pulls you out of your once again golden daydream. You finally stop mindlessly circling the rim of your coffee cup to take a sip, but only to find it’s now ice cold.

This is why you hate looking through a pair of rose colored glasses. It distracts you from enjoying things. You glance over at your dad who’s still talking to one of his good friends that lingered after festivities. You’re supposed to be celebrating him right now, but instead you’re literally stuck in this cursedly pure golden daydream that is almost too good to break.

You can see him. He’s still there, at the end of the table, chatting away with some dude. The blonde left at some point, though.

“Well, I gotta head out, man, good to see you. My sister needs help with packing her stuff for college tomorrow, so we’ve got a busy day coming up.”

Could that girl have been his sister?

“Congratulations to her on getting into her dream school by the way,” the guy says. “I talked to her when she was here earlier, and she seemed super excited.”

A wave of cool relief washes over your body, remembering the conversation about college you picked up on earlier. It was his sister.

“Yeah she is, she worked really hard, and it also involved a whole lot of crying,” he chuckles.

Ain’t that right, you think to yourself.

The table shakes as he pushes out of his chair. Your eyes remain glued to your coffee cup no matter how much you want them to move. You just can’t gather the courage to say something, and you’re cursing yourself for it. You don’t want to sit here and dream about him anymore. You want to actually let these things happen, for once. You want to just unleash all these swirling and sickeningly sweet emotions from your body and drown him in it. You want so badly to leap up and say something, anything. Step on those voices taunting you and mocking you saying that it could never happen, it could never be so it will never be. He’s so inviting that you can’t resist any longer. You go to reach out to him, but the door shuts before you know it.

And just as fleeting as he came,

He’s gone.

Fuck. It feels as though a brick is sitting on your chest, suffocating you. You really let your worries control you, and this time it feels as though you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You just can’t believe you let it happen when your mind was begging you to talk to him. You always do-

“Shit,” you mumble. In your frustration, you knocked over the remnants of the coffee onto the not-so-white-anymore table cloth. Tears prickle up in your eyes, your throat closes, and your nose begins to sting. You quickly swallow these emotions down your throat and begin to use a napkin to soak up the excess coffee. Drinks have really not been your friend tonight.

For the first time, you notice as you clean that it’s just you left in the room, besides a few people cleaning up on the other end. You’re not sure where your family has gone, but you haven’t received any texts prompting you to leave yet. It’s so silent that you can hear some muffled chatter down the hall.

Suddenly, you hear the same creak of the door open with an “oof” that doesn’t quite sound like your dad. Your blood runs cold and you freeze mid press into the tablecloth. You glance up without turning around to see a lone jacket hanging on a chair suspiciously close to the chair he previously sat in. Your eyes widen and dart around the room, but you dare not move, waiting to see what he does. Even after cursing yourself out for ten minutes while cleaning up spilled coffee, you still haven’t learned to make the first move. His presence feels like a forcefield, you can feel it heavily pressing into your back.

But he isn’t moving to grab the jacket, no.

A pointer finger with a silver ring taps your shoulder.

“Hey,” the clarity of his voice rings in your ears like a bell. Your heart is racing so fast that it feels like it’s going to burst out of your rib cage and run its own 10k. You slowly crank your head around to meet his eyes for the first time-- face to face.

And you must say, his face is really pretty when you actually talk to him face to face. Maybe you should do this more often. You take in his golden features, and struggle to hide a small smirk creeping up on your face. His messy hair falls perfectly into place on his head, and his kind face makes you feel as though a mess of metallic gold swirls are playfully swirling and dashing around you both. You’ve found him in this lifetime.

“I’m Mat, can I help you clean up before I grab my jacket?”

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #nhl imagine #mat barzal x reader