do you pencil traditionally and then colour digitally, or do you just have a very convincing digital pencil brush? I really love the organic, sketchy feel of your work.
I always sketch and ink on paper first, then scan the piece and color it digitally.
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
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guys guess what ?!?!?!? I dunked on tall roommate so hard !!!!!!!
the idiot gave me SOOOO much cat gogurt for no thing !!!!! I only had to put my whole body in the cat carrier and stick my little baby head out the window at the back !!!!!! that is so very easy and he gave me so much !!! it is so so so easy I even stayed sitting in there for a half minute while he walked away -- and then he gave me EVEN MORE TREATSES for that !!!!!!!!! what an idiot, I fooled him SO VERY REALLY GOOD into doing what I wanted !!!!!
this is what a MAKERVELLION GEENYUS looks like !
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Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.
It depends on how the world sees you.
If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.
Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.
Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.
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I wear heels most of the time. Stilettos or pumps almost always at work, and chunky heeled combat boots when I'm not. If I'm not in heels I'm probably in heavy winter boots or rain boots, which are practical but don't lend themselves to agility.
So on the rare occasions when I'm wearing lightweight flats, I'm constantly aware that I'm just that much more maneuverable than usual, and for some reason that translates into an urge to spin-kick absolutely everyone in the face. Not for any reason. Just because it would be so easy. I could do it. I have the ability. Just let me do it, I'm so fast--
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tbh i think that even unwinnable fights should be winnable. some of the BEST fights i've ever run as a dm were ones i built kill the players (in a fun way. I had some cutscenes prepped so even the loss would be a different flavour of win)- but then they were clever bastards and managed to either win the fights or pull themselves out of trouble. I think it's perfectly fine to plan for a fight that players aren't supposed to win, but you need to let them. if they can't win, they can't lose, and the meaning of that encounter is diminished. do that too many times, and they stop trusting you to give them roleplay prompts and start expecting to sit there waiting while you drive the story for them.
but if they can win... if there is always the chance to win, no matter how impossible the odds, then they ALWAYS have hope. they always get invested. they feel the big emotions of success or the big emotions of failure, and you fucking Win as a dm/roleplay prompter/lead bastard.
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I will never be over Valerie's backstory.
It's not a "she's popular and bullies a less popular person" thing. It's not an "I'm going to hunt ghosts because they ruined my make-up one time" thing. It's a "this ghost ruined my life and now I have to fight for everything I want and I want him to be held accountable, no matter the cost"
They gave her such a compelling reason to be a ghost hunter! Obviously, we still root for Danny because he's trying his best, but it's refreshing to have a major antagonist who could have been just another mean girl be someone with real complexity, especially for a children's show
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