Apple made the disclosure internally Tuesday, surprising the nearly 2,000 employees working on the project, said the people, who asked not to be identified because the announcement wasn’t public. The decision was shared by Chief Operating Officer Jeff Williams and Kevin Lynch, a vice president in charge of the effort, according to the people.
Did you know Apple had been working on an autonomous EV?
Between 2014 and 2018ish it was impossible to escape the news. Concept art, breathless reporting, the inevitability of Apple simply crushing the industry because Apple could do no wrong. Just imagine a world where Apple fanboys line up to buy a new ridiculously expensive iCar blob every four years, regular as clockwork. Forever.
But for the last five years or so? Not much. In 2021(?) I remember hearing about Apple's partnership with Kia to actually build the things. But then nothing.
So why, after 10+ years and unfathomable sunk capital, quit now?
Most recently, Apple had imagined the car being priced at around $100,000. But executives were concerned about the vehicle being able to provide the profit margins that Apple typically enjoys on its products.
Ah.
Well of fucking course. At $100K per vehicle Apple can't make any profit. And since the Apple car was supposed to be 100% self-driving (not even a steering wheel in the concept art!) it's easy to imagine Apple execs sweating Tesla-sized stains through their $8000 suits. Because we all know how easy & safe self-driving technology is, right?
An end of an era. But honestly? Huge sigh of relief.
I was not looking forward to battling smug Apple drivers on the road.
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Lucifer came to me last night.
He must have intruded on a dream, because I remember I was standing in a grocery store, taking to this cashier and buying apples. The cashier then looked straight at me, completely blank faced, and started saying Lucifer’s enn “Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Lucifer”. I remember saying something like “huh? what was that?” and then the cashier opened her mouth, and a big blast of white light erupted from it. Strange.
I was then in some kind of a temple, surrounded by candles with lots of incense smoke in the air, and what I think was snow falling from the roof. And I was laying in a shallow bath filled with blood. It covered me up to my chest, and my hair was soaked in it. It was a very ethereal scene actually, I should try drawing it. I’ve more or less become immune to images of blood and gore as my work progressed with Lord Cerbere, so I wasn’t alarmed in any way. Not sure what that says about me lol.
Then there was Lucifer, who appeared as a beautiful androgynous figure with long black hair, enveloped in gold and white light, sitting at the other end of the tub with only his feet in the blood. He was absolutely stunning as always. His voice came as a whisper, it was deeper than usual, and he said:
“Did you you know that Pain is a God?”
I shook my head no.
“Oh, It very much is, It is a God who is tethered to the Dark Side of your Mother.”
I believe that he was referencing Goddess Venus, Inanna, the mother of pleasure and love.
“You know this well, don’t you? The God of Pain is the Dark Sister of the Goddess of Pleasure. It follows her wherever She goes. There is the mortifying ordeal of being known before one can be loved and cherished, is there not?”
I remember he moved closer to me, and I could feel his touch along my chest and cheeks. He felt like a warm flame.
“And there is also pleasure in this world, made more delicious by the prospect of pain. To edge oneself through suffering to be rewarded with absolute pleasure is often referred to as sadomasochism. Are you a sadomasochist, my love?”
Looking back on it, this scene looked very gothic. Lucifer is an incredibly alluring and sensual energy. We were embracing each other there, covered head to toe in blood. I’ve never thought of myself as a sadomasochist. I don’t really have a pain kink. Actually, I’m extremely averted to pain in general, so I said no.
He touched my chest, which in this place did not resemble my chest in the waking world. I had top surgery scars and tattoos, and it was a beautiful sight, my dream body. It made me feel something very intense. Orgasmic.
“Oh, but you are, in some ways. I’ve been with you all your life, my love. I have watched you grow into the proud, beautiful creature that you are now, and will continue to be. I have seen you through every agonizing moment.
There is a horrific pain that comes with owning flesh that you do not desire, the terrifying ordeal of being judged for what you are, and the violence in destroying the parts of yourself that do not serve you. You wear the blood of your own suffering proudly, the history of your trauma, as rites of passage, and in this act, you honour the God of Pain.”
Lucifer and I have talked about transness before, usually in reference to my insecurities around dysphoria. But never before has he approached me and spoken about it in this way. I felt deeply understood in a way I never have. My chest felt very warm, and he consumed me with a bright, exciting and loving energy. I was so overjoyed that I began to cry. I was shedding tears in a state of grief and happiness. I don’t really know how to describe that feeling. I felt the crushing pain of all the dysphoria I have ever felt; all those angry, agonizing nights alone, as well as the peaceful beauty of euphoria; every piece of confidence and power I have ever felt, both at the same time, and somehow, they were almost indistinguishable. My senses were completely overwhelmed, and I just fell into Lucifer’s embrace for support. He soothed me.
Love, Grief, Pain and Pleasure, I was.
“What are you now?” he asked. I was too consumed to give an answer.
“You are ecstasy. You have honoured the God of Pain, and you will honour It until you are no longer. It has made you a vessel of Pleasure. This is a True Pleasure that many may never know, only to be bestowed through the tribulations of this Pain. Love for the self that exceeds the pain of the flesh is holy, divine in nature and practice. Remember this now, you will make your body violently and passionately yours. In these acts you will know the duality of the divine. You are a living, feeling thing, experiencing the unbearable torture and the eternal bliss. Both are infinite in you. Mistake this not for a curse, for it is a holy blessing. This is what makes you mine. This is why you are a child of the Goddess of Love. This is why she takes you queers as her chosen people. Understand this, your pain belongs not to you alone. It is the blessing of a God who bestows you sweet suffering in order to achieve the ultimate satisfaction. Become accepting of this pain, and you will be the inheritor of the Truest Pleasure.”
I was a mess. Crying and laughing all at the same time. Leviathan had mentioned something to me about having to go through trials of Pain through my initiation with him, as I had gone through trials of Death with Prince Cerbere. My extreme aversion to physical pain made me really nervous about that. But now I see exactly what he was talking about. I have known a great pain that is unique to my trans and queer experience, and it is agonizing. I didn’t need to have my hands cut off or my skin peeled off to understand that pain. It is more violent than that could ever be. More lonely and frustrating. Embarrassing. Shameful.
Lucifer continued to comfort me, saying:
“Oh, my dearest love, you are my sweet devotee. Wear my pride. Keep it with you always as a reminder of this principle. Be Proud. Be Prouder now than you have ever been. You are Pride and I am within you. This is why you are mine.”
We sat in silence for a while. I can still remember what his hands felt like on my hair, comforting and soothing me while I worked through these feelings. Lucifer admitted that there is great pain in my future, as I continue discovering and inventing myself I will come to know it well.
“Pain will encourage you to fight, to struggle and to improve. It will reveal your most vulnerable self, and your darkest shadows- and you will live through it, and you will be wealthy in pleasure, this I know.”
After some more time, I thanked him and he thanked me. He told me that I was to continue my work with Leviathan. He explained this lesson would usually be an intense and incredibly painful initiation ritual between Leviathan and I, but Lucifer decided that he wanted to do this lesson with me instead. My understanding of this concept as a queer needed to be delivered uniquely, in a way that only he could give me.
This experience ended with me exhausted, laying back in the blood and allowing myself to just float. Eventually I went under, and blood filled my ears and nose. I knew then that this was my own blood, I was laying in a pool of myself. My pain and my pleasure. I surrendered to all of it.
When I inhaled the blood into my mouth, I breathed in air, and I was back in my bed, awaking from my sleep. When I looked in the mirror this morning I felt different in a way I do not know how to describe. I’ve always wanted top surgery, my date has been pushed back multiple times due to medical shenanigans. I sometimes feel like I am being tortured…
Something about this suffering will make the day that I finally look in the mirror and feel complete all the more euphoric. So until that day, I will continue to honour this Pain, and wear my Holy Father’s Pride without shame or fear.
I am ecstasy.
Thank you, Lucifer.
and thank Me, for being who who I am.
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