#As for the physical reason why I got into bsd: it was to impress a girl. duh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mania-sama · 2 months

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Random ask, who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in any media, like anime/manga, tv series, books, etc (can be canon or non-canon)? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them....

Thank you so much for sending in an ask! I would love to answer this question! I didn't go through every fandom I've been in, though I went through quite a few!!! Usually, there is only one ship I really love in a fandom that ends up being my favorite, but I like/love plenty of ships and don't limit myself to just one ship. I will say that when it comes to engaging with fandom and fanfiction, I tend to actually prefer platonic relationships, centered on found family and blood-related family than anything else.

Bungou Stray Dogs -> Shin Soukoku (Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi). I think most of this comes from the way they are quite literally yin and yang (my favorite symbol of all time) in almost every aspect. I firmly believe Asagiri is beating us over the head with a mallet saying "Look! Look what I did! Please look!" I'm under no impression that they will be canon, but BEAST gives me the hope that they can at least become friends, and that's testament enough to the development they go through. There is just so much there. I'm not an enemies to lovers person, but for them, I make the exception. There are so many parallels to draw between them, so much to look at and really dig into. I'm not delusional enough to say they wouldn't be toxic (all of the BSD ships except for, like, RanPoe, are toxic let's be real), but I am lenient enough to say that they can be good to each other in fanfics and decent friends in canon. Also, this applies to their BEAST counterparts, too. BEAST makes them better.

Jujutsu Kaisen -> ItaFushi (Fushiguro Megumi/Itadori Yuuji). There is a sort of trend I have with shipping, I think. I tend to like the second most popular ship, usually the younger generation of the most popular ship, which is arguably a form of torture in and of itself. JJK is not as bad as the BSD fandom is about the popularity difference, but it's still painful. Anyway, I think my love for this ship stems from the fact that Megumi has a big fat crush on Itadori and I will accept, under no circumstances, any other interpretations of his relationship with Itadori. Everything from the SatoSugu parallels (who are one handhold away from being canon let's be real), to their whole shtick being to save each other (physically and mentally), to Megumi literally describing Itadori as his type of person. Gender neutral. Even though it is so incredibly easy to use gendered terms in Japanese as it is in English. I feel like Gege is doing this on purpose because there is just no way he sees this as normal friend stuff. Recent chapters got me in a chokehold. I am SCARED. Besides all this, I think they just work very well together. They are also horribly tragic. Perfect combination.

Genshin Impact -> Xiaother (Aether/Xiao). I debated pretty heavily with myself here on what my true favorite is. I came to this conclusion mainly for one reason: Xiao. I love Aether, but I love Xiao. He is my favorite character, right next to Razor, so obviously he carries this ship. I also think that, of all of the implied relationships Genshin has supplied in plenty, Xiaother has had the most development. Every scene with them is better than the last, and the way that they make each other better is something I adore. And as for the ship being specifically Aether and not Lumine or nonspecific, it's because I chose Aether, so I'm more accustomed to using him as the traveler vessel rather than Lumine, but I'm honestly fine with either.

Identity V -> Elisop (Aesop Carl | Embalmer/Eli Clark | Seer). I haven't played this game in a hot minute for storage and laptop reasons, and I'm also not updated with the lore (nor was I entirely familiar with it from the beginning, outside of the MAIN main lore). But this ship and game were a huge part of my personal development, I think, and I do want to return to playing it in an honest effort eventually (I WANT MY ROBBIE RANK BACK). I think I perceive it differently than other people do, mainly because people oscillate between two sides of the Aesop Carl characterization spectrum. But there is something really fun in the idea that Eli, with his ability to see the future, thinks that he can somehow "fix" Aesop, under the impression that his and Getrude's relationship will never mend. And Aesop, who sees Eli and feels real love for the first time, finds that he doesn't know if he wants to kill and embalm Eli, or if he wants to indulge in this feeling called love. Toxic, probably. Their color schemes also match very well together (which is actually what led me to ship them in the first place, before fandom influence), and they are extremely compatible gameplay-wise.

Haikyuu -> IwaOi (Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru). If you told me two or so years ago that this was my favorite Haikyuu ship, I would have LAUGHED IN YOUR FACE. I hated Oikawa and didn't care much about Seijou. But then. But then. I went through a like. Month-long Haikyuu revival not too long ago and only read IwaOi fics because I came to this revelation. Oikawa is really goddamn relatable. I think we are all, in a sense, Oikawa, at one point or another. He is THE teenager. He is someone you can project every single one of your problems onto because his struggles with being untalented and unworthy are interchangeable with pretty much any self-worth conflict: internalized homophobia, eating disorders, socializing, etc. Iwaizumi can also provide these internal debates, but in a context with Oikawa makes it even better. Does Oikawa carry this ship for me? Yes. I don't care what you think I'm not here to defend myself.

Voltron: Legendary Defenders -> Klance (Keith Kogane/Lance McClain). Do NOT talk to me. They have ruined my life in pretty much every aspect. Also an exception to the not shipping thing because they are kinda the whole reason I even watched this show past season... three probably. I don't even wanna talk about them anymore because it'll just upset me. Just know that as far as the Sheith vs Klance debate goes, Sheithers are wrong for that after Keith called Shiro his brother. There. I added my fuel to the ever-burning garbage fire that is Voltron shipping. I may talk about Klance again in the future but for now I wanna leave my thoughts off here.

Merlin BBC -> Merthur (Arthur Pendragon/Merlin). Thank you Merthur fandom for teaching me what a good fic is supposed to taste like. They are kind of the epitome of the ships I tend to gravitate to: TRAGIC. The ending of Merlin is traumatizing and the fact that all of the cast pretty shipped it (as well as you can see the faint mouthing of the words "I love you" in the final death scene) is like. The first true healthy immersion into a ship I've ever had. I never obsessed over them too hard, I think, but Merlin is still my favorite live-action show, and Merthur is always well and true to my heart. They also got me introduced to the master/servant trope in terms of medieval times, and I had a very long affinity for it in fanfiction. I don't like it as much anymore, but I look upon that time with happiness rather than the usual slight embarrassment.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power -> Catradora (Adora/Catra). I also make an exception for enemies to lovers for them because they even added that extra-friendly step of friends to enemies to lovers. Genuinely, no show surprised me as much as She-Ra did. Shout out She-Ra for giving me the worst envy I've ever felt in my life. I want to rock a suit as well as Catra did in that one scene. Anyway, I loved their development. I know some people criticize it for being rushed towards the end, but I like the way they were able to forgive Catra so easily. They understood what it meant to be used and manipulated, what it meant to be unable to fight against oppressive forces. People are mad at compassion, even though that's the literal whole point of She-Ra. Whatever. They could never make me hate you Catradora.

Percy Jackson (all book series) -> Percabeth (Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson). The blueprint. That's it. That's all you gotta know. I don't read fics about them because there is nothing to improve upon. One of the best written series and best written romances of all time. It was basically everything Avatar: The Last Airbender failed to do with Kataang (sorry for ragging on them for a second but that's the only thing I didn't like about ATLA; the romances) failed to accomplish, with all the same in-depth and wonderful characters. Like, they are everything I aspire to have in a relationship. The way they are simply meant for each other and aren't rushed, but are always implied to have that cutesy young crushes until they finally got together. I love them. Ugh. Uncle Rick you win again.

Anyway, these were some of my favorite ships of all time!! Sorry, I blabbered a lot. Probably listed more ships than you meant to but I take whatever opportunity I can to talk about things I enjoy IN DEPTH. There were also a lot of M/M romances, which, I swear to God, just happened out that way. I love plenty of F/F and F/M relationships, they just rarely end up as my top favorite. DO NOT accuse me of anything because I WILL NOT hear it.

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samsa19 · 3 years

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Ranpo, Fyodor, Dazai: three intelligences

When I think about these characters, I really find interesting how different their intelligences are.

I don’t claim to know anything more than everyone else, but organizing it makes it easier for personal reference. So I’m just going to cover my observations, here.

(brain: wow. you really worked hard on that intro, didn't you.)

(me: shut the fuck up)

So I’m going to start with Ranpo.

I’ve heard people say that they’re on par in intelligence. Now, that might be when comparing the totality. but if we’re talking about the quotient itself, I would say that Ranpo’s is incomparably higher.

Take, for example, this scene.

As Dazai bounces his ideas off of Ranpo, the difference in how fast they process information is very apparent. This is also shown in the murder case episode. (Nothing to say or mention there.)

Whereas Ranpo can, in a split second, scan, process, and analyze a huge amount of information, Dazai takes a bit longer. So in terms of the height of raw deductive/ analytical intelligence, Ranpo has the highest of the three.

Ranpo sees through everything in a technical standpoint. All information is transparent- it would be impossible to hide anything factual from him.

Like, this man’s intellect is massive. It can be likened to an actual computer database, but even quicker and higher in functionality.

So, how can Dazai and Fyodor actually hold up against this quotient?

I’ll start that by covering Fyodor.

Fyodor is a little bit more similar to Dazai. He sees through people, and uses this it to manipulate them (as we have seen repeatedly). He’s done this with Gogol, Sigma, even Ace to a large extent (though not so interfering with his psychological aspects).

He predicts people’s actions, and crafts flawless plans to target their human vulnerability. Then, he takes people’s strengths and turns them into weaknesses. In context of this specific skill, I think Fyodor tops everyone else in BSD. Combined with his natural base intellect, it’s very very difficult to beat him.

For example.

He sees through Ace’s character extensively, in both his precaution (he had speakers in the walls), stronger-than-average cunning (theoretically correct assumptions) and his pride (Fyodor provokes Ace on purpose). All of this is combined in a single plan, to lead Ace to his death.

Similarly. Fyodor uses Ranpo’s incredible intelligence, to chip away both his and the rest of the Agency’s mental stability, driving down their morale. Kunikida’s affirmation is debilitated, and Ranpo (though he doesn’t show it) takes a hit as well.

The Agency was driven down to such a low point (mentally) because Fyodor specifically was the overseer. Being able to see through, and top of that, poison the core of someone’s mentality- Fyodor seems almost invincible.

But here’s where Dazai comes in.

Him being my favorite character in BSD, I’m reluctant to say he probably has the least deductive intelligence out of the three. Note that “least” does not mean at all “low”. (We’re talking exceptional geniuses here.) But in comparison to the three, I’m of the opinion he has the lowest raw IQ.

However.

Dazai has a single unmatched skill- which is enhancing people’s strengths to their fullest. Although he’s seen as a similar scheming type (like Fyodor), this is the key difference.

Even in the mafia.

(Putting aside for a moment his extremely questionable practices,) he recognizes the multiple strengths in Akutagawa’s ability, as opposed to a single offensive type. Hence Akutagawa (again, through extremely questionable and unforgivable practices) now uses his ability for single offense, defense, and supportive attacks.

Same with Chuuya.

He devises multiple plans taking in the full parameters of Chuuya’s ability. In “shame and toad”, I assume Dazai goes with this plan because Lovecraft is an “irrational” enemy, with compulsion to attack everything in proximity. Hence why it provides the perfect decoy for Chuuya to smack kick Lovecraft. Chuuya's physical strength comes into optimal timing here, and gives the best chance for success.

Now, I don't actually see the same thing happening a lot with Atsushi. Perhaps that has different reasons, or that Dazai knows Atsushi's already aware of the strength of that ability.

One last thing I wanted to mention before I close, is that all three of these is incorporated with their personalities.

Ranpo is successful with putting people on his side using his impressive intellect, because he has such an extroverted and earnest personality. He could’ve ended up like BBC Sherlock, but instead he earns the respect of his coworkers, and eventually, a whole partition of the police department.

Fyodor is only able to twist his opponent’s mentalities so malignantly because it’s the nature of his character. I think, regardless of what his past is, this is just a natural characteristic in itself: Fyodor is arrogant. He acts above the humans around him. And it’s not wrong. By any means. He is, in fact, above most people- but eventually, it’s going to become his weakness.

And Dazai, I would like to argue, is in nature, borderline good. Even in his most evil time period he’s attracted to and stuck to people with respect for living (Odasaku and Ango). His current strength is enhanced partially because Odasaku reinforced how he sees the goodness in people; but I have a hunch that he’s always seen it, just that nobody had ever guided him properly.

What’s for certain, though, is that he isn’t, in essence, arrogant. When looking back through what he says or does, he doesn't actually look down on anyone (save Chuuya, but I’d like to argue that it’s confined to teasing). He puts his trust in people, unlike Fyodor. And that’s what I think puts the current arc to his side.

...I think I covered everything?

Let me know if there’s anything I got factually incorrect, or if you have any counter theories. Thanks for reading! :)

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #bsd ranpo #dazai #fyodor #ranpo #bsd theory #bsd manga #bsd analysis

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fabricated-misslieness · 3 years

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Hey, can you do a Dazai x Port Mafia Executive Male Reader. Where reader is Dazai former partner before he gets replace by Chuuya and instead of Chuuya coming for Q and fighting Lovecraft its reader instead. Readers ability is like Shigaraki from bnha.

Dazai Osamu x sadistic!male reader

Ngl I was a little confused cause the last time I watched bsd was months ago.

Also made the reader sadistic because yes. i forgot the reason

Part 2

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 3859

Warnings: Mentions of suicide (Dazai stuff ofc), angsty boi

“You want me to pair up with this rookie?” You gesture in the vague direction of Dazai. You know he’s there, but you don’t act like it.

Dazai huffs, offended by your words. He crosses his arms. You weren’t giving him the best impression and if you were going to be partners, he at least had to tolerate you enough to keep his head on his shoulders.

“Now, now,” Mori chides with a sweet tone. You don’t trust the guy, he may act kind, but you’re sure he hides something with that kindness. “He’s already a port mafia executive.” You roll your eyes, he was only one of them because he witnessed the old boss handing down his title ‘willingly’. You seriously doubted he did do it willingly, seeing as it was a mere few minutes before his death. That sort of coincidence belongs to a movie.

“Like I don’t know that.” You shake your head. “Fine, fine, I’ll be his partner. I only want to know what he can do. He has an ability, doesn’t he?”

You finally acknowledge his presence, turning to him and sizing him up. Dazai is flustered by the gesture, but he pretends to act calm and collected, something that works with that young poker face of his.

“Yes--” Mori is interrupted by the executive himself, who is eager to show off.

“Yes, I do.” Dazai replies, uncrossing his arms. “But what’s yours?”

You furrow your eyebrows. Abilities are wide and unique, ranging from psychological to physical to straight magic. Knowing your ability could be a part of his ability. You were to work together so he’d know either way, but at the moment, you wanted to know his weaknesses.

“That’s valuable information.” You crack your knuckles and stretch, pretending to prepare for a fight.

“No fighting in my office.” Mori reminds you. “Or the building, for that matter. One of your abilities is particularly destructive, and we don’t know what you could do. Go to the training area if you’re going to fight.”

You give both of them a smirk, “Who says I was going to fight? I was merely enjoying the look in Dazai’s eye.”

Dazai frowned, quickly fixing his composure. It’s true, he was a little intimidated and he did not mean to let it show.

“You’re quite sadistic, aren’t you?” Mori chuckles, shaking his head.

“That’s one thing right about me, boss.” You smile brightly. Dazai furrows his eyebrows and examines you. That smile of yours is sickeningly sweet, almost mocking. You look like a monster, but maybe that was part of your act. He’d know your ability in no time.

“Well, as partners you do have to know each other’s abilities. I picked Dazai specifically for you.” That gave each of them a hint to each other’s abilities, more to Dazai than anything.

You nod letting out a sigh, “Do you have anything you don’t want, Mori?”

Dazai quirks an eyebrow, interested in the peculiar question. Mori nods, nudging forward a tongue depressor, those big wooden popsicle sticks, one he could very well spare.

You pick up with all but one finger, your middle finger, holding it up for both of them to see. “Do you have anything for the debris?” Mori slides a metal tray towards the edge of the table.

“Pay close attention, Dazai.” You give him a glance before looking back at the stick, putting your final finger on it. It disintegrates in a matter of seconds, turning into pieces so small that they look like ash. “What’s yours?” You turn to him.

Dazai seems to shrink under your gaze, but he keeps a stoic look. “Put your hand on my arm.” You raise an eyebrow. Does he wish to experiment with your ability or is it part of his?

You put your hand on his arm, once again with all but one finger. You don’t trust him, that much is clear.

“Trust me.” The look he gives you is genuine, albeit the smile is devilish, though you oblige all the same.

Your eyebrows furrow when your ability has no effect. The skin doesn’t disintegrate, nor does it fall apart as usual. “That is my ability, No Longer Human.”

“And that is why I paired you two up.”

You huff a little angrily once you realize. His ability stops other abilities, what triggered it you didn’t know, but that wasn’t the most important thing for you. He paired you two up to have him be your control. You don’t need anyone to control you and you don’t want anyone to control you. You want to do you and you do not want this boy to hold you back.

You open your mouth to protest but Mori interrupts you. “This is my decision and mine alone, you cannot say otherwise.” As much as you want to mess up his pretty face, you couldn’t disobey the boss.

“Fine.”

As time grew on, Dazai had become a friend, though sometimes he felt like more than a friend. Despite your early refusal to the idea, you’d really warmed up to each other.

Dazai, the young bastard, was also quite the prick at times. Though you couldn’t really complain about his age since it turns out you’re within the same age range. While he was a prick, he was also caring, as you’d come to learn.

Sometimes he’d hold your forearm when you were touching something, even though over the years you’d built up the habit to not use your middle finger. Every time he did so you would laugh and it would somewhat fluster you, you’d tell him you didn’t need it and without fail he would say “Just in case.” It was nice to know he cared, and the other little gestures he would perform were even nicer.

You were known for being a little sadistic, taking joy from inflicting pain for no reason. When he’d hold you back from attacking some random lackey at the time it would make you angry, but a few minutes later you’d be grateful for it. After all, that lackey wouldn’t be very useful with an injury.

Though sometimes even he couldn’t hold you back. When you’d start a fight with another executive just for your enjoyment, he was quick to be there and keep you in touch. Perhaps you did need control after all.

The other executives were rather thankful for Dazai, as you chose someone to pick on every week. Something you hated about Dazai was that he was immune to your mockery. He got used to it from your partnership and he couldn’t be hurt by your ability. But you supposed it was for the better, the other executives were starting to get really annoyed by you.

Except everything changed when Nakahara came along.

Although your partnership was relatively new, you found comfort in each other’s companies. You protected each other’s weaknesses and complemented each other’s strengths; so when the news came along that Chūya would replace you as Dazai’s partner, both of you were a little ticked off, per say.

Dazai’s first impression on the newer rookie didn’t help their relationship. Chūya annoyed him to the very ends of the Earth and he did not want him to replace you. It wasn’t just Chūya either, he’d grown very fond of you. Sometimes he couldn’t even fight without you; He was used to you being there to back him up, though this detail he would not tell you.

In time, you didn’t look like the monster he’d thought you were in his first impression of you. You actually looked sweet.

Your smile, which for everybody else would be sadistic, turned out to look more endearing to him. Everybody caught onto the fact that the smiles you’d directed at him weren’t the smiles he’d show others. Somehow you hadn’t realized it, but he had.

You’d grown to like him, dare say crush on him, which was something you denied. His triumphant smile after the end of a mission and the jokes he’d make as you fought were always the highlight of your day.

None of you wanted to give up the other.

“This is his decision and his alone, we cannot say otherwise.” You mocked, making Dazai snicker. The fact he used the same words was quite ironic, really.

Tomorrow marked Chūya and his first mission together, so you’d dedicated this day to each other. Dazai did not look forward to tomorrow, and as much as he wanted to vent to you about Chūya’s very abundant annoying qualities, you’d both promised not to talk about it.

The news of your separation had made both of you realize your growing crushes for each other. You were no longer in denial, though you loathed the idea… but when you really thought about it, you didn’t loathe the idea. Musing to yourself about hugging him, playing with his hair… thinking about the fact that you did in fact like it made you gag.

As the night neared to an end, your guts told you to tell him. You wouldn’t see each other all that often anyway and if you were never to interact much, at least you would be getting this off your chest.

“Dazai.” You both stared out the window of the HQ, prior to you speaking up you were in an awkward silence. None of you wanted to say goodbye.

He turned to you and you to him. As much as you wanted to avoid eye contact, you thought it might help. “I like you… don’t joke with me.”

Dazai was going to make a joke. It was amazing how much you got to know him in so little time. He smiled, and your hopes raised when you took notice of how it wasn’t pitiful. “I like you too.”

You immediately let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Where’s the big sadistic lion?” Dazai questions, playfully mocking how meek you are right now. His smile seems more joyful than usual, as it should with what just happened.

You snicker, giving him the sadistic smile he’s used to. “I’m right here.”

Dazai was your anchor in the Port Mafia, even when he plead for double suicide with you. Before you were partnered up, you absolutely despised the place. The other executives and the occasional lackeys were fun to provoke but it was almost as if that was your coping mechanism. You often complained about how awful the Mafia was handled with the previous boss, but he would never change anything. He was an idiot up until his very death.

You thought Mori’s recent ‘crowning’ would change your opinion, but it didn’t change it at all. You still hated the place. It was almost as if their only objective was to keep their hands on Yokohama. You wanted more than that, you wanted the whole of Japan to be your turf.

Mori didn’t want that and while he would take the opportunity once presented, he wouldn’t do a thing otherwise. He was perfectly happy with that and you weren’t.

Dazai was the only reason you stayed, but now the reason had been diminishing. You barely spoke and barely hung out. This wasn’t what ‘dating’ was and both of you knew it.

He wanted to try harder and so did you, but with your current situation, you couldn’t. When he wasn’t with Chūya, you were out on a mission. No, you weren’t jealous. This wasn’t Chūya’s fault nor was it something either of you could control. There were various times you debated on breaking up.

Dazai was the only thing holding you back from leaving, so if you broke up you didn’t have to worry about him. But you liked him and both of you would be heartbroken. You never liked thinking about it, but someday, it had to be addressed. That day never came.

The final day you were with the Port Mafia was the day that you had a brush with death.

You’d called for backup, you’d received none. The henchmen you were commanding left like cowards. To think these were the people you’d trained.

One of your big weaknesses was fighting groups of people alone. These henchmen knew that and they’d run. Where were their morals? Where was their faith, their loyalty? Where was their honor, their pride? It was then that you’d learned the Port Mafia wasn’t your place. These people weren’t your people, this turf wasn’t your turf. They were cowards and you were no coward.

Alone and fighting recklessly, you were down. You refused to flee, and that stubbornness was what caused you to nearly die. Luckily, you never crossed death’s doorstep. The people you were fighting presumed you dead the moment you dropped to the ground.

They were fools but a fool you were too to let your emotions get the best of you.

That day somebody had found you on the brisk of death. They claimed to be a spy and they offered to get you help.

Of course, you accept without asking for conditions. You were dying, what else could you have said? The conditions turned out to be joining his organization and feeding them with information or something equally as important.

No longer would you be associated with the Port Mafia. You were glad to leave them. But your only consequence being leaving behind Dazai, the love of your life and the highlight of the day. It was a hard decision to make that was for sure, but it was either this or death.

You felt selfish.

Months after joining them, the so-called ‘Guild’, your heart ached. Leaving Dazai was your biggest mistake but joining the Guild was the best thing that had happened to you since him. For the longest time, you’d wanted to tell him. You never had the guts to. And then you left Japan to join the bigger part of the guild in North America.

In time you’d stopped thinking about Dazai.

The crew was polite, a contrast from the cold lackeys and executives from the Port Mafia. It’s a nice change, one you wish won’t ever change. But maybe the hope of a different life blinds you from how bad these people really are, their underlying motives and morals, their similarities to the Port Mafia executives.

The guild is ambitious, their leader most of all. They have a turf and the turf is way bigger than the Port Mafia’s, something you’re proud about. You certainly feel better about this place than the Port Mafia.

Your sadistic personality never changes either, and while the others are certainly annoyed by it, they handle it in a different way. They make sure you know that you can’t hurt them severely, or there’ll be repercussions. Maybe not repercussions from the Guild’s rules, but them hurting you back. It’s a nice change, one that gets your adrenaline pumping every time you pick a fight.

The only time you did think of him was in your nightmares, the middle of the night. Those nightmares consisted of him calling you a traitor, betrayer, but that wasn’t what hurt you. They played out scenarios of you telling Dazai.

He’d kiss you, hold you tight, ask you where you’d been, question the new stitches and scars… and then you’d tell him.

His face would be ridden with denial. “No. No you couldn’t have! You’re joking, you’re lying!” He laughs, tries to believe it’s a joke, but he can’t get it out of his head that it isn’t.

“It’s not.”

It’s then that he lets out a sob. He trembles, pushes you away from him, looks you in the eye with a look full of betrayal. It’s then that he calls you names, which stated before aren’t what hurts you. It’s how he looks and what he says next that hurts the most, “I thought you loved me.”

That’s when the nightmare ends. You wake up with tears of your own, they’re hot and sting on your cheeks. You furiously wipe them away, but more keep coming.

You sob loudly, which wakes up John and Lucy. They’re the only ones you’ve trusted with your secret, Dazai. They comfort you the best they can but the most they can do is tell you it’s going to be okay or something along those lines. As much as you try to believe them, you can’t.

Dazai becomes a mere figure of your past. You think of him as unreachable, unattainable, as something you should scold yourself for thinking about.

If you could’ve taken him with you, you would’ve.

Learning that you will go back to Japan because of the leader’s obsession with a ‘tiger’ almost breaks you like your ability would.

You hadn’t thought about Dazai nightmares in the past year, but now you remember him again. You begin to regret leaving him, your heart aches again and your nightmares act up again. Everything gets worse when you arrive in Japan.

War breaks out between 3 organizations but the only thing you can think of is the Port Mafia. It’d been 6 years. Could he still remember you?

You don’t care who wins, you just want this whole thing to be over with. It upsets your ‘teammates’, but you don’t care. Once again, you think about leaving the organization, maybe live a normal life. That sort of life feels far-fetched right now and you know it’s something you’ll never have the chance to achieve. But still, you hope for it.

But then you see him again.

The second your eyes land on him you want to run. His eyes land on you and they must look the same as yours.

It hurts, but you have to persevere. “Hey, Lovecraft?” You glance at the man with the strange ability and appearance. “You want to go sleep, right?” You let out a mocking yawn of your own, giving the two in front of you your signature sickly smile.

“Yes.” Lovecraft replies, voice monotone and deep as always.

“Go get John and leave, get to sleep faster.” You nod in the direction you’d seen Chūya knock John towards. Your eyes stayed on the two in front of you. They both act as if they’d never seen you before, which you’re glad for. You don’t know if you could’ve handled seeing the same look Dazai would give you in your nightmares.

“But Francis and... you.” You’d like to think you’d gotten close to Lovecraft, but really he treated everybody the same because of his ‘contract’ with Francis.

“I’ll be fine. I know these guys’ weaknesses, anyway.” He doesn’t question how you do nor does he protest further and leaves immediately. “Quite the reunion, huh?”

“(y/n)..” Chūya growls. He glares at you, something you’d never seen 6 years ago as his senior executive. He never dared to interact with you. He knew he’d be replacing you as Dazai’s partner and knew about your relationship together. If anything, it was out of pity, and that you hated.

“Chūya.” You reply. “How’s the family, the mafia, the kids?” You mock. Chūya all but seethes, he looks like he’s ready to strike.

“(y/n),” Once Lovecraft is gone, Dazai gives you the look you dreaded to see. “H-How--” He doesn’t know what to say and neither do you. Your smile fades, turns into a frown. You don’t want to fight him but you also don’t want him to take on Lovecraft. As much as you liked the guy, he was a nightmare incarnate.

“Dazai.” Is all that you say. The vague response hurts you both.

“Chūya you might want to do that here.”

Chūya looks back at Dazai, shocked and taken aback. “You want me to do that? Dazai, I don’t think that’s needed and you know how shit that makes me feel.” It’s clear he doesn’t want to give into his corruption.

“You shouldn’t underestimate him.” Dazai speaks with experience, and it hurts you to know that he knows that.

“Don’t hurt him too much, we’re dating.”

“You’re still dating?!”

“Technically we never broke up!”

You laugh, staring at the limp body next to you. Chūya is deep asleep, or knocked out, you don’t know. You never really saw the aftermath of his corruption.

“That was a nice fight.” You remark, loud enough for Dazai to hear despite how weak you feel. Chūya had basically broken both your legs and injured you, but at least he hadn’t killed you or put you into a coma. The pain was unbearable for most people, but it was a simple background thought for you.

“It’s been…” Dazai starts.

“6 years.” You finish for him.

“I missed you.” You’re glad to hear that instead of the words from your nightmares, but you’re sure those words will eventually come.

“I did too.”

“You did?”

You sigh, nodding. “There were plenty of errands I had to run around and do for Francis. That rich old guy didn’t do anything himself. I didn’t think much of you, but I never forgot you. I had my own fair share of nightmares about you, they’re all the same.”

Dazai moves you to lean against the bark of a tree. You look into each other’s eyes, and you can tell that his are pleading. “Please stay.”

You ignore his remark, weakly reaching over to feel his coat. “New coat?”

“Yes.” Dazai grumbles, sitting down next to you cross legged. “Answer me.” He pleads again.

“You don’t want to know why I left, first?” Dazai shakes his head, taking your hand in his and squeezing it, prompting a pained groan from you. He quickly apologizes for it.

“I don’t know if I can.” You sigh, rubbing the back of his hand. You were quite touch starved, seeing as you couldn't really hold or touch anything properly. “If Francis wins I’d have to stay with him. If either of you win, I’ll most likely end up in prison.”

“Join me.”

You think back to the Guild. They were inviting and you thought them to be good, but just then did you think about how bad they really were. You’d known all along but you always refused to believe it. You wanted to be there just to escape the Mafia, you never wanted to be there because it was the guild.

“What was it… the Armed Detective Agency?” He nods. “How would that stop me from going to prison?”

“I don’t know.” Dazai admits with a huff. “Just.. please stay.”

“Okay.” You smile at him. Dazai remembers that smile, it’s burned into his memory and he takes note of how it hasn’t changed a bit. He’s missed it ever since you left. “Would they accept me, though?”

“They will, they will.” He says it as if he were determined, but he knows there’s a high chance they’ll refuse.

Dazai pulls you into a much deserved kiss. Long, gentle, sweet, and full of fireworks, it’s almost like your first. The only thing is it’s a little weak on your end, but he can’t blame you.

“Not going to mention sucide?”

“I haven’t seen you in 6 years, at least let me cherish this for another 2 months.”

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