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nerdexer · 4 months

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sad that i won't be able to work on worldbuilding and drawing and stuff because i've been putting off my duties in my JROTC battalion and i'm the battalion publicist and Sergeant Major Responsibility has come a-knockin on my door to deliver my signed death warrant. in simple terms i have to do my job T-T

that is to say, stuff i was working on will be halted for like a few days lol. i'm sure you all would be devastated if any of you knew what my dastardly machinations were in the first place (all of my worldbuilding plans are currently hidden away in an ancient mountainous lair that reeks of centuries of rotting corpses and mysterious forms of life.

as you cautiously feel your way through the cavern---large enough that the torch in your hand cannot illuminate the roof nor further walls of the cavern so you cannot truly know the size of the mountain lair and cold enough for the wind to bite through your thick adventurer's coat---you hear the crunch of bones. not yours---thankfully. but something is in here with you.

you shiver---partly from fear and partly from the cold. you aren't used to this kind of weather nor environment. but you aren't here for the joy of exploration. you're here to uncover the strange and unpredictable goals of a madman. vile goals so spontaneous that not even their creator knows the next step.

months---years? or had it only been days... or mere seconds..?---ago, the lunatic had unabashedly released the location of his terrible plans on his tumblr blog. you've managed to reach the location, but you're having second thoughts now that you're in the heart of evil.

CRUNCH!

There it is again! You spin around in the direction of the sound as fast as you can---but there's nothing. And now you're lost. You've strayed far enough from the entrance that you can't find it anymore. You're sure it's over some bend or incline the cave you went down earlier, but you can't find it anymore. The spin's taken you off course too. You do your best to turn around and face the way you were going. Now there's nothing you can do but press on.

Your eyes nervously scan the imposing, choking darkness. The lick of the flames---such a small and lonely source of warmth---the steady drip, drip, drip of water off of stalagmites, and the wind blowing through the cavern are all you can hear.

You feel your left foot fall into something fleshy. You shriek---don't try to deny it! You did!---and jump backwards. Looking down, you find a boot-shaped impression on a carcass of human flesh. The skull---picked clean---smiles at you. Despite its rather bony appearance, there's quite a bit there... It seems rather new...

Shaking, you continue on. You walk for what seems like days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, millennia, ages, eons, eras, periods, epochs, lifetimes of the universe, from explosive starts to whimpering ends, you walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and

suddenly, you stop. Before you is a chest. Like a classic, basic treasure chest. You know the one---brown planks framed with gold and somewhat ornate but not at all too ornate or---God forbid---hard to draw or model. Stooping down suspiciously, you see a paper note pinned into the top by a dagger. It reads, "yeahhh this is nerdexer's bin where he keeps all his important stuff yeahhhhh this is it baby it's all right here"

Too tired to feel excitement, you squat down and inspect the chest. It has a keyhole, so there must be a key. Looking back at the note for any hint of a hint, you notice that the text has changed. It now reads "the key is under the chest by the way"

Lifting the surprisingly light chest, you find a key that seems to match the chest. It's a suitably nondescript key, made from the same gold-like material as the frame of the chest. The bow of the key is a stereotypical circle, the shaft is not ornate at all, and it has two rectangles that could not possibly be effective bits in any key. You lifelessly insert the key into the chest and turn it.

You hear a click and the chest magically pops open. You're startled by the unexpected movement, but you don't have time to react when a blinding light shines from the chest and bright, cheery music begins blasting at you from what seems like inside your own head.

You fall to the ground, overwhelmed, when you hear a few snaps---barely audible under the music. Then you hear a voice from the same direction saying, "Hey, hey, hey. Cut that music out. And that light too. What am I? Made of money?"

The music stops and the light fades out. The only things visible is the floor under you, your hands, and the torch.

...That torch... how come it hasn't gone out? Surely the time you've spent carrying it would have extinguished it, if not the recent drop. What... what is this place..? This isn't normal... is it..?

"Hi! Terribly sorry about that." you hear that voice again. "I haven't gotten around to uninstalling that yet... I really should, huh?" You feel their hand on your shoulder and spin to get a look at them.

It's nerdexer, hazy as ever. He says, "You're probably here for my plans, right? That's the wrong chest."

"Oh," is all you can muster. "W... where's the plan chest?"

"Look behind you."

Turning around, you see that an identical chest has appeared next to the first one. Stumbling up to the note pinned to the identical chest by an identical dagger, you read "this one is the plan chest"

"C-can I look inside..?" you ask tentatively.

"Oh sure!" says nerdexer.

Exchanging the key from keyhole to identical keyhole, the chest pops open. No fanfare this time, but inside, your trembling hands grasp one piece of paper. Written on it were the following words:

"nerdexer's PLANS!!

"Yeah... I never really got around to them," he says from behind your back. "Oh well, what the hell!" He rubs his neck and looks around at everything but you.

Silence fills the cavern for a moment. Then nerdexer says, "Oh I'm sorry, I know you were anticipating something more than a blank piece of paper, but really! I never did get around to it! Being battalion publicist is a lot of work when you don't do any work, you know!"

You stare back at him.

"Okay, how about this," he says with earnestness. "If you want something really dramatic, then how about this? Good luck leaving this place... alive!!" He melodramatically extends his arms out to his sides as a menacing tune on an organ plays in your mind.

As you stand there staring at him, he looks around and snaps his fingers. The menacing tune on the organ plays again. But actually, it turns out that the first menacing tune wasn't actually finished and was just in a dramatic silence so now there's two menacing tunes on an organ playing in your head at the same time playing different parts.

Looking around again, he dramatically grabs at the darkness around him and shrouds himself in it. But he accidentally grabs too much of the darkness and then you can see everything again. A bright red emergency exit door is visible right behind him.

"So......" you say, "can I go?"

"Oh yeah sure," nerdexer says. "The exit's... uhhh.. you know..." He started trying to give you directions to the exit but you already saw it and started walking towards it before he started talking, so now he awkwardly stands there gesturing towards the exit door and stammering while you do the same thing and shuffle past him.

And then you leave.)

#the woes of having a position #i can't believe i'm being expected to do my job #this is unacceptable #those three tags were there before this became #microfiction #? perhaps?#i don't know if this counts #hopefully this was interesting to someone #because i just ended up putting off my publicist duties again to type all this #jrotc #yeah im a jrotc kid #you may throw your assortment of rotten vegetables now

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teethmafia · 2 months

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TW: romantic relationship, confrontational banter, Fruit

#realtionship #text #gourds #gourdcore #fruit #fruitwave #no vegetables #masc with a gf but still fruitier than Welch’s assorted gummies #posted with permission

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sins-of-the-sea · 6 months

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The Cruel Choice

June, 1520

"I can't take another bite, Phi. I feel like I'm going to throw up if I do…"

"At least have water. Here. I boiled some. Sit up, I don't want you to choke." Phoebus holds Guy up as he wraps his brother with the blanket, though he is careful not to push over the stick hut they and the other stranded survivors of the Santiago made. They are stuck, lost in a land they are unfamiliar with, muggy yet cold.

Guy gulps as he struggles to drink. "I don't get it. We're at the start of summer now… yet it's dead of cold here??"

"Maybe we're in a part of the world where the weather is opposite in the New World. Cold during the summer and hot during the winter."

"What kind of backwards part of the world are we in?!" Guy tightens the blanket around him. "It's been two weeks! No one has come for us! I want to go home! I miss Maman and Noelle so much! We're going to die here! We're going to die lost and alone and-"

"We're not going to die. I won't let you."

"What about you?? You're not going to leave me, are you, Phi??"

It takes a while, but Phoebus manages a small smile. "Of course not," he says as he holds his brother's hand, squeezing it. "I won't ever leave you. Not here, not anywhere. Have faith. Magellan and the other ships are going to find the Santiago soon."

"They'll just make us search for a strait again…"

"Maybe they can give us a break. Hopefully-"

"….!!" Phoebus gets up to step out of the hut, leaving Guy behind.

"Phi??

"Phi?? Phoebus!! You said you wouldn't leave me! You said-"

"Guy, it's all right! Look!" He opens the flap to the hut; from within, Guy can see familiar faces outside of the Santiago coming in to their makeshift camp. "Magellan sent a rescue party! And look who's here!"

"Mr. Phoebus! Mr. Guy!! You're here!"

"Mr. Giovanni! Mr. Josep!! You came for us!"

"Thank God you're all right!" Josep rushes over to the hut to grip Guy's extended hand and hold him close to comfort him. "Hang on. We're not going to abandon you.

"We're not…..

"Guy… Guy….

"Guy?? Please wake up, lad," Josep pleads as he taps on Guy's cheek while he is beneath four blankets. "I need you to warm yourself up! Wake up!"

Guy snaps awake, realizing immediately he's in a cold room instead of a makeshift hut in the middle of Argentina winter. "C-…Captain?!!?"

#[The Cruel Choice]#[Memories of Mactan]#[Guy Duchamp]#[Phoebus Duchamp]#[Giovanni Vespucci]#[Captain Josep Frascona]#I may have gotten the climate of June Argentina off I'm mostly guessing from math and the assorted journals/studies of the Magellan Expedit #I don't recall if the mini-Ice Age applies during this period too #either way living off of local vegetation and shellfish in huts along an estuary must fucking suck

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pepsinister · 10 months

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making chicken and the way my bluetooth thermometer displays on my new phone is really fun

#cooking #food #there’s assorted vegetable under the chicken #cabbage + potato + zucchini + jalapeño #my easiest meal to throw together with an hour’s notice

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salanaii · 1 year

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youtube

Bibimbap

비빔밥

Rice mixed with vegetables, meat, an egg, and chili pepper paste

Today’s recipe is bibimbap, a super-popular Korean dish you might have heard about already! It’s made of a bowl of rice, sautéed and seasoned vegetables (namul: 나물), a bit of hot pepper paste (gochujang: 고추장), and usually a bit of seasoned raw beef, too (yukhoe: 육회).

Bibim (비빔) translates as “mixed,” and bap (밥) means “cooked rice,” so bibimbap literally means “mixed rice.” Before eating it you’re supposed to mix everything all together.

There are many variations on this dish, from simple to elaborate, and this recipe I’m showing you today is for one you could consider “classic” bibimbap. If you ordered bibimbap in a Korean restaurant, you would probably get something like this dish, with regional variations. I’m also going to show you bibimbap prepared and served in a heated stone or earthenware bowl called dolsot-bibimbap (돌솥비빔밥). “Dolsot” means “stone pot” in Korean, and this version is well-known for the way the bowl makes a layer of crispy, crackling rice on the bottom of the bibimbap.

Even though we mix up bibimbap before we eat it, each ingredient needs to be prepared with care and individuality, bringing out their unique flavors, textures and colors so they come together beautifully in the bowl and deliciously in your mouth. The different ingredients aren’t random, they’re chosen because they balance, harmonize, and offset each other.

This recipe isn’t quick and easy, it takes some time to make. But if you’re really in a rush you can make a great bibimbap with the soybean sprouts, spinach, and carrot (or red bell pepper, or both), and gochujang, toasted sesame oil, and an egg— those items are unskippable!

I’m going to share some more bibimbap recipes on my website in the future, and you’ll see how many different variations there are. This version is a little different than the version in my cookbook, because I make a quick and simple soup with the bean sprouts. When I started my YouTube channel, bibimbap was one of the first recipes I made, because it’s such an essential dish in Korean cuisine. So I’m happy to remake the video now in HD with much better editing and instruction. I’ve been building up to this video by remaking videos for the ingredients, too. I remade yukhoe, and sigeumchi-namul, and my yukagaejang video has a lot of detail about preparing the mountain vegetable fernbrake.

So if you’ve been following my videos, you’re now ready to be a bibimbap master! Ready? Let’s start!

Ingredients (serves 4)

5 cups cooked short-grain rice

12 ounces soy bean sprouts, washed and drained

8 ounces of spinach blanched and washed with the excess water squeezed out by hand

1 large carrot

1 large red bell pepper

1 large zucchini

1 English cucumber

3 to 4 green onions, chopped

½ pound fresh lean cut of beef (fillet mignon, flank steak)

4 ounces fernbrake (gosari), fresh or soaked from ½ ounce dried gosari (details below)

1 ounce dried bellflower roots (doraji), soaked in cold water for 18 to 24 hours.

4 eggs

kosher salt

vegetable oil

toasted sesame oil

toasted sesame seeds

garlic

soy sauce

honey (or sugar)

Korean hot pepper paste (gochujang)

How to prepare dried fernbrake (gosari) for use

If you have presoaked or fresh fernbrake you can use it straight away, but if you have dried fernbrake you’ll need to get it ready to eat. It’s fast if you have a pressure cooker, but if you don’t it will take some time.

With a pressure cooker:

Wash ½ ounce of dried gosari and boil it with 5 cups of water in a pressure cooker for 30 minutes.

Drain and rinse in cold water a couple of times.

Drain. It should make 4 ounces.

In a pot on the stove:

In a large saucepan add ½ ounce of dried gosari to 7 cups of water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat and boil for 30 minutes. Cover and let stand until cool, about 2 to 3 hours.

Rinse the fernbrake a couple of times, drain and put in a bowl. Cover with fresh cold water and let soak for at least 8 hours or overnight in a cool place, changing the water 2 or 3 times during the soaking.

Taste the gosari: It should be soft. If it’s tough, boil it again in a fresh pot of water for about 20 minutes and then let it sit, covered, until soft.

Drain. It should make 4 ounces.

Make rice

If you have a usual method for making rice or have a rice cooker, go ahead and make 5 cups of rice like you usually do. But here’s how I do it on a pot on the stove. 2 cups of dried rice makes about 5 cups of cooked rice.

Rinse 2 cups of rice in cold water and scrub the wet rice with your hand. Rinse and drain until the drained water is pretty clear.

Put the rice in a heavy-bottomed pot. Add 2 cups of water, cover, and soak for 30 minutes.

Cook over medium high heat for 7 to 8 minutes until the surface is covered with abundant bubbles that are spluttering noisily and look like they’re about to overflow the pot. Turn the rice over a few times with a spoon and cover the pot again.

Turn the heat to very low and simmer for another 10 minutes until the rice is fully cooked and fluffy. Remove from the heat.

Fluff the rice with a spoon to release excess steam. Let the rice stand, covered, at room temperature to keep it warm.

Prepare and cook the ingredients for bibimbap

I like to get a big platter and then put each vegetable on it as they’re ready. I think it looks really pretty, but you don’t have to do this. When all vegetables are prepared and ready to use, the platter looks pretty delicious!

Soybean sprouts:

Put the soy bean sprouts in a pot and add 4 cups water and 2 or 3 teaspoons salt. Cover and cook for 20 minutes over medium high heat. Take out the sprouts with tongs and put them into a bowl, leaving about ½ cup of sprouts in the pot with the water you used to boil them. This is the soup to serve with bibimbap later.

In a bowl, mix the sprouts by hand with ½ teaspoons salt, 1 teaspoon minced garlic, and 2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil. Put them on the large platter.

Spinach:

Cut up the blanched spinach a few times and put it in a bowl. Mix by hand with 1 teaspoon garlic, 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil, ½ teaspoon kosher salt, and 1 teaspoon sesame seeds. Cover and put it next to the soy bean sprouts on the platter.

Other fresh vegetables:

Cut the carrot into matchsticks, put them in a bowl, and mix with a pinch of salt. Let stand for 5 to 10 minutes until sweating.

Cut the red bell pepper into halves, deseed, and slice into strips. Put them in a bowl.

Cut the zucchini into matchsticks and mix with ½ teaspoon kosher salt.

Cut the cucumber into halves lengthwise and slice thinly crosswise. Mix with ¼ teaspoon kosher salt.

Beef:

Cut the beef into matchsticks and put them in a bowl.

Mix with 1 tablespoon minced garlic, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, 1 tablespoon honey, 2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil, and 1 teaspoon sesame seeds with a spoon.

Cover and keep in the fridge until ready to use.

Mountain vegetables:

Cut the fernbrake (gosari) a few times into bite size pieces. Set aside.

Put the bellflower roots (doraji) in a large bowl. Add 1 or 2 tablespoons salt. Rub for a minute to wilt slightly and release some of the bitterness. Rinse them in cold water a couple of times and drain. If you find some roots are too thick, split them lengthwise. Set aside.

Let’s cook!

Heat up a pan over medium high heat. Squeeze out excess water from the carrot. Add a few drops of cooking oil to the pan and sauté the carrot for 1 minute. Put it on the platter next to the soy bean sprouts and spinach. Clean the pan with wet paper towel or wash it.

Heat a few drops of cooking oil in the pan and squeeze out the excess water from the cucumber. Sauté with ½ teaspoon minced garlic and a few drops of toasted sesame oil for 30 seconds. Put it on the platter. Clean the pan.

Heat up the pan with a few drops of cooking oil. Add the red bell pepper and sprinkle a pinch of salt over top. Sauté for 30 seconds. Put it on the platter. Clean the pan.

Heat up the pan and squeeze out excess water from the zucchini. Add a few drops of cooking oil and sauté with 1 teaspoon minced garlic, 1 tablespoon chopped green onion, a drop of toasted sesame oil for 1 minute until slightly softened. Put it on the platter. Clean the pan.

Heat up the pan with a few drops of cooking oil. Add the bellflower roots and sauté for 2 to 3 minutes. Lower the heat to medium so as not to brown them. Add 1 teaspoon minced garlic and a drop of toasted sesame oil. Stir for another minute until a little softened. Put it on the platter. Clean the pan.

Heat up the pan. Add a few drops of cooking oil. Stir the gosari for 2 minutes until a little softened. Add ½ teaspoon of minced garlic, 2 teaspoons soy sauce, and 2 teaspoons sugar, and keep stirring for another minute. Put it on the platter.

Serve

Here are a couple of ways to serve: bibimbap in a regular, shallow bowl, and dolsot-bibimbap in a stone or earthenware bowl.

In a regular, shallow bowl

Reheat the soybean sprout soup.

Divide the cooked rice into 4 portions. Each portion will be a little more than 1 cup of rice.

Put the rice in each of 4 bowls and arrange the vegetables and beef on the rice. Top with a raw egg yolk and gochujang. If you prefer your eggs and beef cooked, use a fried egg sunny side up and slightly pan-fry the beef before putting them on the top of rice.

Sprinkle the bibimbap with the sesame seeds and drizzle with sesame oil to taste.

Ladle the soup to a small bowl and sprinkle some chopped green onion over top.

Serve right away with more hot pepper paste on the side, and maybe kimchi too.

Dolsot-bibimbap in a hot earthenware bowl (ttukbaegi) or hot stone bowl (dolsot)

Reheat the soybean sprout soup.

Put a few drops of toasted sesame oil in the bottom of each of 4 earthenware bowls. They should be big enough to hold 4 to 6 cups each.

Divide the rice among the bowls. Arrange the vegetables and beef on the rice. Top each serving with a raw egg yolk and 1 tablespoon gochujang. If you prefer your eggs and beef cooked, use a fried egg sunny side up and slightly pan-fry the beef before putting them on the top of rice.

Set each pot on a burner. Heat over medium high heat until you hear a ticking, crackling sound coming from the rice.

Sprinkle the bibimbap with the sesame seeds, drizzle with sesame oil to taste.

Ladle the soup to a small bowl and sprinkle some chopped green onion over top.

Serve right away with more hot pepper paste on the side and maybe kimchi too.

Eat

Gently but firmly mix everything together in the bowl with your spoon. Try not to crush the more delicate ingredients.

Eat with your spoon.

Posted on Sunday, January 6th, 2008 at 11:14 pm. Last updated on September 18, 2022.

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