#BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Spider-Man India, but... where from India?

A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.

I’m prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be “Indian” is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.

If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion — the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.

So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarika’s Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSV’s release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions — North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South — to do first.

The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:

THE RESULTS

South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?

Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.

Title: "Tell us who you want to see…"

Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South

Context: I want to make art of the boy again

At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.

Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.

But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived — or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:

Where did Spider-Man India come from?

FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA

As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai — most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.

But going beyond that, it’s also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - it’s also known as Bombay. It’s where Bollywood films are shot. It’s where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.

We’ve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable I’ve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, you’re Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why don’t you speak Hindi? You’re not Indian if you don’t speak Hindi, that’s India’s national language!

I have been — still am — so afraid of telling people that I don’t speak Hindi, that I’m Tamil, that I don’t care that Hindi is India’s “national” language (it’s an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). It’s weird, it’s isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasn’t “Indian” enough to be accepted into the group of “Indian” people.

So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk won’t feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?

Everything, actually. There’s a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.

It happens the moment you are born — who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.

Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, aren’t even given the decency of respect). Don’t even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin aren’t given the time of day. It’s even worse when morality ties into it — “lighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdom”, “dark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthy”. It’s fucking nuts.

This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times — most times — it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.

So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences don’t even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? What’s his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.

BUT THAT'S THE THING — HE'S FICTIONAL

I am guilty of this. In fact, I’ve flaunted in numerous posts how I think he’s the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.

I’ve seen other people do it, too. I’ve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. I’ve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.

I’ve also seen him be written where he’s subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones I’m so fond of calling out. The thing is, I’ve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it. 

You finally have a character who could be you, but now he’s someone else’s plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and can’t do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and here’s the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone else’s whims. He’s off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, you’re looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.

AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA

He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesn’t follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isn’t real! Spider-Man India isn’t real!! He’s just a dude!! The logic of our world doesn’t apply to him!!!

“But his surname originates from ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he’s wearing a kalari dhoti so surely he’s ______” okay but does that matter?

“But his skin colour is darker so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like I’m yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.

Listen. I’m going to ask you a question that I’ve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:

Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?

... but why shouldn't i?

I’ll tell you this again — I did the same thing. You’re not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.

It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.

SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK

“What I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And that’s a good thing.”

Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?

Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.

But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character — suddenly, it’s a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. It’s yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.

There’s a reason why he’s called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And that’s the point — the vagueness of his identity fulfils Lee’s purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called “Spider-Man Mumbai”, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).

And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew — you’ve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.

Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.

What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally don’t care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the “anyone can wear the mask” sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. You’re feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures — something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.

Like I said before: Mumbattan isn’t real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:

It’s a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the “Quick tour: this is where the traffic is” section. It has four titles; the first three are written in Hindi. The fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you won’t see a single shred of Tamil there, much less any other South Indian language. Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?

Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!

I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.

It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.

It’s easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I won’t call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You don’t need to stake out territory and stand your ground — you’re entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!

Because there’s only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it — I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!

And, as many friends have said, it’s so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. I’m actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I don’t actually have the “pure Tamil” upbringing, contrary to popular belief; I’ve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and it’s made my life that much richer. 

So it’s common for people to “not” look like their surname, if that’s what you’re really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. It’s entirely possible and there’s nothing to disprove that.

We don’t need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the “right” ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens — a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.

THE POLL: REINTERPRETED

This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed — I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.

Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this. 

So just…be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if you’re trying to convince Pavitr that he’s a particular ethnicity, he’s going to wave his hand at you and say, “Ha, me? No, I’m one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! I’m Spider-Man India, dost!”

(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something he’s not.)

#long post + more tags that kinda spiral away BUT expand on the points above AND kinda puts everything together concisely #BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY #THAT HAS BEEN COOKING IN MY HEART FOR A WHILE NOW. SIMMERING FOR MONTHS BEFORE FINALLY BOILING OVER IN THE LAST WEEK #genuinely hope you read MOST of it because yes it has Quite A Lot Of Exposition but it all matters nonetheless #put in a lot of thought into this so i expect you to do your part and challenge your thoughts as well #you see how i'm not asking for you to listen to me. but to actually Think. i want you to cook your thoughts and add some spice and flavour #and give it a good mix so you can come out of this a little more wiser than before #because!!! yeah!!!! spider man india is just that!! he's indian!!!!! we don't need to collectively agree on where he comes from #bc it gets rid of that relatability factor of spider man. at the most basic level #think of it as a schrodinger's. he is every single culture and none of them at the same time. therefore none of us are wrong!! sick!!!! #pavitr's first priority is making sure HIS PEOPLE are safe. that's probably as far as we can go that relates him back to peter parker spide #he loves his people and working in the name of justice to FIGHT for HIS PEOPLE is just the duty/responsibility he takes up #it makes sense that he loves everyone and every culture he engages with bc that's the nature of spider man i suppose #if peter parker spidey acts as the guardian for the regular folk.. then in my mind pavitr spidey stands as the bridge uniting the people #because society as its core is very fragmented. and having pavitr act as a connection to other folks.... mmmmm beautiful #that's what i'm talking abouttttt !!! #anyways guys this is literally 3001 words on my document EXCLUDING THE TITLE. THAT'S 7 PAGES AT 11pt FONT. i'm literally cryingggg wtf #pavitr prabhakar #spider man #spider man india #desi #desiblr #atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv pavitr #indian culture #india #desi tumblr #what the fuck do i tag this as #agnirambles

[azurajay]

autumn approaches -- which means it's the perfect time to re-read devil town!! :D pls take this dt!techno to celebrate!! @rebelpeas :D

#devil town #dsmp devil town #dream smp #dsmp #dream smp fanart #devil town techno #i rly wanted to practice digital painting and before i knew it dt!tech had become the subject lmao #this was a a lottt of fun!!!! i used a lotta techniques i dont normally #and lets pretend i have motivation enough for cool backgrounds<33 the forest is blurry bc he is dreaming Yep #jay scribbles #my art #i srsly made more revisions to this than my actual end of year essays bro i always overthink my art a million times b4 posting 😭😭 #anyway shoutout once more to devil town for being the honest to god fic ever

[1990jeevas]

creek shippers who just despise crenny shippers for simply Existing are so weird like get a grip 😭😭 ur ship is literally canon but u still got time to be mad about a crack ship that's just as old and came about in the exact same way as creek did? WEIRD.

#shit self #this is directed at sptwt bc they all hate crenny for some reason #just saw an honest to god essay from someone ranting about it and its like bro. bro. ur ship was literally just as baseless #when it started. what the fuck are you on about #'crenny have only interacted a couple times' MY BROTHER IN CHRIST CREEK WAS JUST AS MUCH A CRACK SHIP AS CRENNY BEFORE TWEEK X CRAIG #AND THE ONLY REASON THEYRE CANON IS BECAUSE MATT AND TREY WANTED TO CLOWN ON PEOPLE #DRAWING CRACKSHIPS 😭😭 #like yall have no fucking moral high ground on SHIPPING IN SATIRE CARTOONS

[jxsterr]

bro your account is literally perfect. one of the best zelink ones i’ve ever seen and i think your interpretation of them is perfect!! what’s your opinion on t4t zelink?

YOURE SO SWEET WHAT THE HELL 😭😭😭😭 thank you omg that’s the sweetest ask ive ever gotten

as for opinions?? my opinion is yes. why wouldn’t they. it’s the most delicious hc out there and it does wonders at weeding out the weird fans

i haven’t honestly thought about it much because i enjoy it in passing but i’m definitely for ftm link with his funky new zonai post transition scars bc that’s SICK and he deserves at least one scar that isn’t the worst thing ever. zelda?? honest to god with all of the trauma she’s been through and all of the disconnect within herself i’d say like a nonbinary she/her if ygm?? an occasional she/they if she feels like it?? like the pronouns are just the equivalent of cosplaying a girl bc zelda’s been jumbled up so violently from everything that’s happened to her—from everything pre calamity with her father and her powers, her lack of self identity because she wasn’t allowed to present herself how she pleased when everything rested on her shoulders, trying to find herself Post calamity and figure out what she’s meant to do or even Be now that her one true purpose had been completed, and then the whole thing of being turned into a DRAGON and back—you cannot tell me she isn’t like scrambled egg on the inside.

link feels like the kinda guy to be like “idk i had tits and now i don’t” shrug whereas zelda has this 5 paged essay on everything that lead up to her identity LMFAO

because she’s so interesting to me right. i feel like she’d just kinda leave herself alone bc she’s been through enough without anything else on top, but i feel if she was to get anything done it’d just be top surgery so she could feel more In Control of her appearance?? and that’d be it?? bc dresses with boobs would have her a little :/ because they’re Okay she supposes but the dress Could look nicer without them, so link would sit there and help her bandage them down to see how she’d feel about it (also because he has an ungodly supply of bandages) and then watching something Click inside of her and who better to do such a task than purah???

(link stresses about it for the next 3-5 business days)

cuz i’m still big on zelda wearing a lot more neutral clothing purely bc we saw that her preferred way of dressing was her travel clothes right, and she’s always seemed more of a trousers gal than anything, so i can’t get into the idea of her purely wearing dresses post calam and totk like some people have bc every dress she’s worn. right. has had an air of Ambiguity around it. i think especially her prayer dress and zonai dress but i think that’s because of the total absence of straps or sleeves to them, so i feel like she’d wear dresses like that just for comfort but for any others?? boobs gotta go im sorry it’s just how it is

i’m also a huge fan of link being the more like. Seasoned of the two about transitioning and whatnot because obviously he would’ve had a lot more room to explore this sort of thing (esp with how little she could do w rhoam lord have mercy). so every question she’d have she’d go running to him for once instead of the books and Then him

“pardon me if i’m being intrusive, but was the surgery.. painful?”

“nah. not too bad. purah numbed me”

“you let.. purah..????”

she’d be stood in front of a mirror in their house and squinting at her own reflection, asking, “something feels wrong. i can’t tell what it is, but something feels misplaced on me.” and link peers over to have a look and he’s absolutely mystified because she’s literally gorgeous there isn’t a damn thing wrong with her—and then she starts focusing on her chest, looking at it from the side, squishing it down with scrutinising eyes to see if they’d look better flat and ah. it makes sense now. so, as i said earlier, he helps her bind, makes sure it isn’t too tight and always keeps an eye on how long she’s been wearing it (she is horribly forgetful after all), lets her comb through his ridiculously extensive wardrobe to see what pieces fit where and how to figure out how she wants her clothes to fit, then taking her down to sayge to retailor some old clothes he doesn’t mind her having once they figure it out, helping her figure out the terms and pronouns she’s comfortable with, just the most useful and best supporter you could ever ask for in the beginning of your transition.

I REALISE IVE RAMBLED OOPS but hey maybe when i get through the ridiculous backlog of fics i have i’ll do a little oneshot about this cuz it’s CUTE and so full of zelink potential

tldr. zelda’s this fuckin. she/they ass nb with a complex relationship with gender and her presentation and then link is just. a Guy. in the least straight way possible. he’s simple

i appreciate u sm for making me think about this more……: my little blorbos…

#jez asks #you wouldve thought me being nonbinary myself #that i wouldve thought more about this huh #zelink #legend of zelda #loz link #loz zelda #tears of the kingdom #zelda and link #princess zelda #link #zelda tears of the kingdom #zelda x link #t4t zelink #headcanon

[allyricas]

oh my god i could write a whole fucking essay on why both jon x nancy and steve x nancy should not be endgame! and it's not about disliking any one of them, rather seeing the various reasons each pair shouldn't stay together.

okay, come here: jon and nancy are very cute together. they have a lot of undeniable chemistry and similar interests and goals at the start of season 1. it's pretty clear that despite being with steve, nancy is attracted to, or at least intrigued by, jonathan from the start. he fucking took inappropriate pictures of her and she was not offended.

(we could argue this is because the duffer bros are men thus do not really understand how a teenage girl would react to this but that's a rant for another day)

i think jon and nancy are right-person-wrong time-terrible situation. despite the mutual attraction during season 1, they truly fall for each other during all the drama of will being possessed and the mind flayer. there is genuine love, but also trauma bonding.

the issue arises in the core of who they are and what they want out of life. nancy does not understand jonathan very well. jonathan does get her, i think, but doesn't necessarily like her priority on her career. we see this with the whole newspaper dilemma/argument. nancy is headstrong and determined, both good qualities, but she struggles to see how it could affect others at times.

jonathan might feel pressured to take care of will and stick by his family, but he cannot bear to lose them either. he needs will and his mom close after everything that's happened over the years. this means the idea of going away to college sounds terrifying to him at this point in his life. i also think the way he met argyle and went stoner boy is a huge relief for him. he can relax and get high, but wants to be with his family.

oh, but nancy. nancy wheeler. for all that she seems dainty and soft, she is truly a fucking badass. she is not afraid to fight for what she wants or what she believes in. she sees her traditional, nuclear family and she wants so much more. she wants a successful career. she wants to investigate and know the truth. she does not want to be in hawkins. she wants to rise above what society says a girl can be.

she doesn't want to break the glass ceiling, she wants to fucking shatter it. she is nearly cutthroat in her pursuit of what she wants and thinks is right.

she lost her best friend on the night she was losing her virginity to a boy she didn't love. i do not think nancy loved steve, sorry. i think she wanted to and thought she was supposed to but didn't. and this is not meant in a derogatory way towards nancy. she never had to love steve.

so I think there is an element to nancy where she feels she needs to be in a relationship because she's supposed to be, it's what girls should want. she should be jealous of robin because steve used to be her boyfriend. she should stress over her relationship with jon even though he's in california.

i think it's why we see her side of the weird energy with steve in season 4. she is very analytical with things, and she's considering what she is supposed to want, not necessarily what she actually wants which very well could be neither of the boys if she was honest with herself.

nancy needs a partner who is okay with her prioritizing her career, who has their own career, and is okay with needing personal space and not necessarily wanting a family. someone who understands nancy's desires and dreams, recognizes how she needs to find the story and investigate and reveal the truth, that she will do whatever it takes to be successful and she deserves to! that she can have all this and love, but that it won't look like what society said was acceptable for a women in that time.

nancy would be so, so unhappy with steve. she was unhappy with him the first time they dated. she stuck it out it because it felt like a slap in the face to losing barb if it didn't work. but nancy knew deep down it was bullshit. she might have drunkenly spewed those words to steve, but they were just as much about her.

so yeah, nancy and jon without all the trauma, could have been happy. and who knows, maybe in the future they could work out. nancy and steve, trauma or no trauma, would not work. he straight up said he wants a big family. he wants the house, the kids, and a partner to come home to. that is a nightmare for nance. her face said it all in the rv.

“It’s silly but I always had this dream that I’d have this really big family. I’m talking like a full brood of Harringtons, like five, six kids. And every summer I figured all of us Harringtons, we would pack into something like this and just see the country. You know, the Rockies, Grand Canyon, maybe Yellowstone. End up in some beachside town in California, spend a week parked in the sand. Learn how to surf or something.”

we can argue whether steve's parents are just a little absent or like fully negligent assholes but either way, he wants what he didn't have. wants to create his own family and do it the right way. he wants a big family with lots of people to nurture and love. i don't even think nancy would necessarily want to take her spouse's last name whereas steve would very much want that.

steve's desire for family is intrinsic to who he is. it's why he carts around dustin and the kids. why he worries for them and throws himself into danger for them despite barely knowing them in season 2. it's why robin made her way into his heart so easily. steve wants to be loved, wants to be needed and does want to love others in return.

he may not seem to have big aspirations in terms of college or a career but what he does aspire to is just as important as any other dream.

it's interesting that he doesn't just say he wants a big family but instead, makes sure to emphasize that he wants a big family that are close and spent time together. he wants to cram the whole gang in a damn winnebago and travel together. his dream is no less important than nancy's but it is totally incompatible.

i think steve regressed in season 4 because he was scared. the idea of fighting vecna and not having someone to love romantically made steve fall back on his old feelings for nancy. because steve said himself he was over her. he'd been dating. actively trying to find someone.

it was the circumstance that led to the weirdness between them.

if you follow me, then you know steve harrington is like my ride or die. i think he's maybe my favorite character of all time. so true, i do not want to see him with someone who called him bullshit and was obviously moving on emotionally with another guy while still dating steve.

(i personally don't think she cheated on him, but considered that moment the break up. even if it she did cheat on him, i love nancy. she was a teenager who'd lost her best friend and was dealing with a ton of shit and it doesn't make her bad even if she had cheated.)

all three deserve happy endings that suit who they are and where they are it. i really hope that we get to see that reflected in vol. 5.

#please do not take this too seriously as i am just rambling after a poll over whether st*ncy or j*ancy should be endgame #and like the answer is neither #i am not really sure how i should tag this because it does talk about these pairings i don't want to put in the tag as its sort of negative #but its also not like an anti post because its more character analysis of why each pairing shouldn't be endgame #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #jonathan byers #stranger things meta #also i only used canon for this so no steddie/ronance ramblings lol

[weezeryuri]

ive never read scott pilgrim but i have exposure to it from you and my brother but re: scott reacting bashfully to wallaces flirting. i assumed that if wallace was physically affectionate and flirting with scott, scott would assume its a bro thing. they could be making out and it wouldnt even cross scotts mind that its gay cause theyre just friends. theyre literally dating and scott still will respond to "i love you" with "i love you too man :)" hes stupid like that

i think if he Knew hed be a mess though. but wallace would have to spell it out for him hed have to be like "i love you. romantically. in a gay way. in an i want you to be my boyfriend way." and scott would just have to process it and then he'd do the human equivalent of a bluescreen <3

sorry this turned out longer than intended

this is the exact thing i want in my inbox actually you are so fine please send me 500 page essays if you must i am looking so hard

but FULL AGREE he’s totally oblivious to it and i think especially after envy leaves him, he would just consider any flirting to be wallace’s attempts at making him feel better and he would definitely need to be sat down and told directly that like ‘hey. i’m unironically interested in you gayly and nonplatonically i love you romantically’

but the moment it clicks for him IT FUCKING CLICKS and he begins rapidly remembering several gay moments they had together since uni and realizing oh. oooooh my god. oh my god you were into me literally the entire time holy shit

but i think it would give him that push to return the affection fully and wallace is just NOT PREPARED FOR THAT and scott is just completely shocked when he flirts back and gets wallace genuinely honest to god flustered. i think any confession scene between them would be super sappy and tearful while also being just:

#sorry i went off too. literally 20 minutes after waking up #scollace

[acompassionatemonster]

I seriously think I’m speaking to a three year old because there’s no way you can be older than a toddler with how stupid you are. If you are older, please consider going back to school because you’re not gonna get far in life with your lack of common sense and underdeveloped brain. There is no way you can call me illiterate when you literally started your reply with, ‘not you’re mad’ and ended with ‘stay one that Jujutsu Kaisen season two’. And in your first reply you did get your ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ mixed up - you used ‘your’ when it should’ve been ‘you’re so scared’. Now please tell me if that made any sense. Take your head out of your ass and admit how much of an imbecile you are.

Love don’t worry about if I have a job or not, I know I am and will be fine but it’s you that you should be worried about right now. I don’t think you can get a job with your stupidity and illiteracy - no wonder why you read manga, bro just follows the pictures and ignores all the actual writing. Please do yourself and everyone else a favour and log off of Tumblr and every other social and pick up an actual book.

Oh come on now, don’t be a coward and avoid my question. I’ll stop bothering you when you either answer what media you are planning to consume soon or admit that you putting a Gojo spoiler without any spoiler warning and under a Toji tag was idiotic and insensitive (even though you strongly disagree - I’m sorry I didn’t know we had a new Joker over here- not that you have the IQ to be able to pull that off). I’m sorry that I’m the only honest person in your life to say you are insensitive. I bet you don’t even know what that word means given that your literacy and comprehension skills are very limited. So I’ll help you out a bit (because I doubt you can even spell it) and give you a definition, ‘insensitive’ (an adjective) - showing or feeling no concern for other’s feelings. A synonym would be ‘inconsiderate’. You can’t prove me wrong that those words don’t describe you. It was a big spoiler and I know it because you were probably crying over it and in your post you literally say you’re not ‘reading jjk anymore idc’ - therefore, you had no right in spoiling it for others, get that into your thick head and small fish brain.

I’m sorry I didn’t know you were a sheep and posting spoilers without warnings because, ‘literally everyone on here isn’t’. Are you that daft? Just because everyone isn’t, doesn’t mean it’s not wrong. Bro are you saying that if the purge happened and everyone was out wreaking havoc, you’d do the same thing and still say it’s not wrong? Are you a child that doesn’t know right from wrong? Please for the love of God, for your own future and safety, go back to school.

TLDR: stfu and tell me your opinion when you have a present dad x and sorry if this was too much writing for your bozo self to process mwah.

I think I'm speaking to someone who dropped out of school, like literally dropped out of school in the 7th grade. Because if YOU'RE SO SCARED OF SPOILERS WHY ARE YOU ON TUMBLR?? LIKE I FUCKING SAID YOU PEOPLE HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES. IF YOU DONT READ THE NEW CHAPTERS THEN THATS, ON WHO??? ITS ON YOU. and why are you harassing me about my spelling?? Bitch it's fucking Tumblr, I'm not writing a thesis, a research paper or even a fucking essay. If I wanted to write a whole fucking article and then yes I would make sure that my spellings of both 'your' and 'you're were correct. However IM NOT. AND IDGAF. So why tf would I care if I spelt something wrong or mixed a few words up???. You bitches are talentless, jobless, bored and can't fucking read nor write and still live with YOURE parents in their BASEMENT. AND WANNA COME AFTER ME BECAUSE YOU GOT SPOILED. BITCH I DONT CARE IF YOU DIDNT READ THE CHAPTER AND FOUND OUT GOJO IS DEAD!!!!! BECAUSE SOCIAL MEDIA HAS SPOILERS E V E R Y W H E R E. DONT COME ONLINE AND YOU WONT GET SPOLUED THEN YOU FUCKING ASSHAT. YOUR mother must have dropped your special ass on the head as a baby, because why are you at YOUR grown ass age GOING ON DIFFERENT PROFILES TO HARASS ME ABOUT A FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER. I just fucking know you don't take baths OR EVEN WASH THAT FUCKING FILTHY ASS OF YOURS. it's fucking disgusting that YOUR Neanderthal ass came on here to give me a hard time because you what??? Can't keep up with the chapters when it releases??? Not my problem fucktard. And I'll tag my fucking posts with whatever I want. And I did answer your question, I said and I quote I don't care sweetie. So why don't you go to sleep and roll over on that cockroach infested ass floor mattress you sleep on every night. Roll over and go get caught up to the new chapters. Imagine trying to harass someone because YOU live in a section 8 apartment, with 15 other family members, have roaches and rats crawling all over you while you sleep and mad at me. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU!!! I'm just sure YOURE a fucking foster child whose mother and father left your Crack baby ass in foster care. Because there's no way that someone who had a loving, family or SUPPORT SYSTEM IS THIS BOTHERED. AND IF YOU'RE SO FUCKING BRAVE WHY WERE YOU POSTING ANONYMOUSLY??? GET A LIFE YOU SMALL BRAINED, LONELY, PATHETIC, NEANDERTHAL ASS BITCH. I HOPE YOU TOSS AND TURN ON THAT FLOOR MATTRESS YOU SHARE WITH YOU 8 SIBLINGS EVERY NIGHT.

and stop coming on my page, mad ass., stupid ass, MONKEY ASS BITCH.

[bruhcodes]

One Year of Bruhcodes

i thought about the best platform to dump this essay on for a while, and unironically, tumblr might be the best. sorry for dragging you all to tumblr for this i promise you don't have to stay for too long.

back in 2020, i wrote two scripts. youtube scripts. don't know why, just had two ideas and wanted to put them into words. those ended up being a video about handheld videogames being playable on home consoles, and the original xbox i had just ordered off of ebay. what i DIDNT think of was a new super mario bros review. that wouldn't come until about two years later when one of my friends said they'd watch my videos if i actually made a youtube channel.

WOW, you are a strong soldier. i don't know how you made it through that. i don't know how ANY of you guys made it through my early work. but here we are! a year later! and i'm in a position where i can write out a huge thank you note to my FANS(??!?!?!?!!!) that all watch my videos every monday night. that's so cool!!!

the journey so far has been nothing short of incredible. i've spoken to people i never would've thought i'd be able to speak to, pushed myself out of my comfort zone again and again and again to make content that i truly enjoy making, produced things i would've never dreamt i'd be capable of making. and that's only a year. i have to thank you all, again, and again, and again, and again, because honest to god i would be nowhere without the support from you guys. seeing people in the comments sections, in the discord server, it's amazing and i get so happy seeing people interact and just... talk about stuff.

it's all very heartwarming. even this.

in all seriousness though - thank you all, so much, for this past year. i said i hope we make it to another 6 months in the video, but if this went on for 6 centuries i don't think i'd mind. i love making content and i don't think i'll stop until i'm physically unable to make content. or maybe mentally. maybe making these videos has been reducing my mental ability this entire time and slowly i'll become incapacitated and on life support?

eh, worth it.

[tearskillstardust]

[ For the “Genshin December game” ] 

Hey, I'd like to participate in this game, if you have the free time! No worries if not!

ISTJ. 6w5. Capricorn rising/ Leo sun/ Scorpio moon.

In my free time, I tend to draw, collect bones/bug taxidermy, read, practice learning new languages. I'm also interested in the occult, horror genre and I enjoy watching essay format videos. :)

Personality type: Upon getting to know me, I'm kind of awkward and off standish at first. I want to be more outgoing, but I'm honestly just too intimidated to try. I prefer to be alone, but I do like people!! I've been told I speak kind of bluntly, but not rudely; just straight to the point. I'm extremely loyal, kind of a guard dog towards the people I love. I always root for the underdog, I can't stand watching people get unfairly dogpiled; even if I dislike them. Would be the kind of person to help my enemies if I think they're in the right. Uhh, I cry watching cute animal videos a lot. Easily flustered (I guess?); my friends pick on me a lot. idk I'm autistic, bro. I'm so bad at this LMAO I hope this was enough! ;-; A few things/words that define me: Honest, loyal, aggressive, trustworthy and silly. My preferred aesthetic: probably dark cottagecore; cozy, whimsical with that dark fantasy twist. Genshin favs: Xiao, Neuvillette, Mona and Diluc. (This was tough, my god??)

I would like to participate in event 1, 3 and 5! 

Thank you for your time and efforts. Happy holidays and I hope the new year treats you well!

1] STELLAR UNION ! ░ the characters you have best compatibility with are ...

PANTALONE !

— the regrator has known vices and sins, but none in his eyes outweigh whatever your beliefs are in his eyes initially. when you meet him first he will not be able to understand you at all, and you will come to hate him for his hypocritic beliefs. regardless however, there would be an almost strange synastry between you two that pulls both towards each other. in spite of the threatening impression he may have of you at first, he would nonetheless find you an alluring and hard-working individual who knows how to fight for their beliefs. he would find your own enthusiasm greatly bemusing and would be charmed, though he would maintain his distance due to your impression.

— you, on the other hand, would very much dislike him because of how annoying his belief system appears to be in your eyes, however when you choose to be more open-minded and observant, things will turn better for both of you. you both would come to see each other as the ideal person to be with because despite having different beliefs, you both are highly understanding nonetheless and there would be much scope for you two to come closer to each other. this would manifest as an enemy to lovers/friends relation where both of you are highly in tune with the others thoughts and feelings, making the bond more emotional with time. however he may have a tendency to become dependant on you over time and you may or may not take fancy to it, regardless you would entertain him a lot and would like speaking to him.

— like mentioned earlier, an enemies to lovers relationship is on the line! while there will be every chance for you two to turn against each other, he will be more willing to maintian cordial relations with you and would end up slowly accepting your beliefs over time, brining you both closer and changing his own thinking for the better. there would be elements of bonding over hobbies, speaking about things you both like, sharing tea/coffee, texting each other at the randomest moments because one was missing the other. while partial might it sound, pantalone would love you more deeply than you would love him. he would confide easily in you and see his past-self in you, who was always ambitious, confident and secretive. he would be very fond of you and would see you as a breath of fresh air in his life.

KAZUHA !

— this bond on the other hand, will be much more relatable for both of you. while in the above there was some amount of discord and perhaps even confusion from your side, herein you and kazuha would immediately click together like missing puzzle pieces. you two really recognize each other on a deeper level and there would be a touching relatability of thoughts and opinions that lures both of you towards each other. since he would come off as being highly observant, caring and fair to you, you would find him a lovely person to be around. he would see you as being someone like-minded and hence a great company to have.

— both of you have complex yet meaningful thoughts and opinions about the world and in each others company this side of yours finds solace and you both express yourselves freely with each other. there would be deep intimacy here, like understanding each others thoughts without having to say anything out loud. as he opens up more to you, kazuha would show you more vulnerable and funnier parts of himself that you come to love and adore and his emotional nature would help you solve your own problems with intimacy and emotions. your bluntness would amuse him and he would like sharing thoughts with you thus, because you speak freely. and then you would find his more considerate nature appealing because he doesn't say anything harsh but still manages to get his point across and makes you feel more understood that you usually do with others.

— there would be a quick development here that stems from intimacy on a soul-level, because both of you seem to be made for each other based on beliefs. there would be little struggle here in sharing more 'embarrassing' things with each other because both of you define what the other seems as trustworthy. you both are very respectful of each other, which is already indicator enough of a great relation!

KOKOMI !

— kokomi would find you a very pleasing company because your thoughts align greatly with hers. both of your opinions and ideas greatly match with each others which creates a great spoken understanding. there would be fluid communication between you two. being observant as she always is, she would let you speak more and would be charmed by your personality though she may find your secrecy slightly putting off. as you both talk to each other more and more the level of faith she would put in you would significantly increase and she would find it easy to confide in you.

— you both express yourselves in a way that the other understands, and your language of adoration is quite similar to each others making you two greatly understand and value each other. you two would easily share things with each other and share likes and dislikes with each other when it came to people, paying close attention to who either of you like or dislike because things like these matter to you both. she would respect your discipline and mature attitude towards life very alluring whereas you would enjoy being with her because she takes life more easily than you do, making your time with her feel as though all burdens were lifted off of your chest.

3] ❝DEAR DIARY❞ ! ░ the genshin child who adores you is ...

SIGEWIENNE !

— as the head nurse, sigewienne is much more mature and compassionate than others of her kind. as such, there is little there is to be taught to the young girl that she isn't already aware of. with you however, she feels as though an entirely new spectrum of things have been opened up to her, as though she has much more things to learn and witness than she initially planned.

— she would enjoy speaking to you a lot and would want to learn about endless things from you, and your words would greatly impact her worldview because she would take your insights very seriously. she would look up to you as a responsible and caring figure whom she can rely on and trust completely. you would also ignite her imaginative parts because of your own vividly creative self. your expression and attitude would inspire her to be more like you so that she can present herself as radiantly as you do.

— she would want to see the world with you because you make it seem like much easier an endeavour. while alone she has to deal with a lot of judgement and prejudice, with you she feels much more confident and ends up believing herself on a lot more things other than medical knowledge. she would like your mature approach yet joyful disposition when it comes to living life and would adore how you almost always trust yourself and your abilities. she would like to learn this skill of self reliance and trust from you and would observe your actions very closely due to this. you would be a trustworthy and kind figure to her.

5] VENUS AESTHETIC ! ░ you and pantalone ...

pssst! thanks for that nice encouragement you wrote when i was procrastinating 😭

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin headcanons #event

[toastchild]

OK, I'm not sure if I can phrase everything I want to say correctly, but I'll try anyway: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

Like, really!

Your art is just GORGEOUS, both old and new! And I love love LOVE that you included a bisexual trans male character! (SERIOUSLY, AS A BISEXUAL TRANS GUY MYSELF IT MEANS A LOT TO ME!) I just love Tristan so much, and (what seems to be) his li'l crush on Gabe is just adorable!

Although, to be honest, as much as I love those two (being laid-back and "looking for a dream boy" are two things I can heavily relate to), in terms of personality so far my favorite is perhaps Alizée, and design-wise it would be Noah. Like seriously, when it comes to Noah I can't decide if I just want to look like them or date them??? *fanboy scream* THEY'RE TOO COOL!!! (>////<)

Regardless, I just adore your comic, and everything about it. Everything looks great, everyone is adorable, the diversity is just AWESOME! Bianca and Penny's interactions are just so awkward, funny, cute, and relatable! I just love it! Thank you for bringing a little joy into my life as a non-straight, non-cis person looking for "rainbow" content.

Compliments aside, though, there's something I want to say. I just recently noticed you changed how you identify as, and I have to ask - how did you realize you were aro AND ace? If I remember correctly, you used to identify as aromantic and lesbian (sorry if that's not true, btw). Was it a case of you realizing you only liked girls in the aesthetic sense in spite of being open to intimacy and/or a relationship with them?

Sorry for the weird questions by the way, you don't have to answer them if you don't feel like it. I don't mean to be invasive, I'm just genuinely curious about such things, considering I am neither asexual nor aromantic exactly, and I have never felt any true semblance of being a lesbian (since I'm a trans boy who likes more than one gender, I could not feel any connection to the word "lesbian" when I learned about it even though I'm really into ladies).

If it somehow alleviates whatever discomfort I might have brought to you by bringing up a (possibly) unpleasant subject amidst such praise, I'd like for you to know that I have kind of aromantic/asexual -ish values myself. That is, in spite being a huge fan of romance and, er, "bedroom bonding," I think platonic love should always come first, and I always feel aces, aros, demis, and everyone in the ace/aro spectrum deserve better both in real life AND in fiction.

Anyway, I'm glad your art, comics, and characters exist, they're a treat to the eyes and a warm embrace for the soul, especially for LGBT+ people. I hope you continue to bring smiles to peoples' faces by being your lovely self, and I hope you always find people who do the same for you.

You are a rare jewel, and I wish you good luck on your journey as an artist, as a person, and as a human being.

(P.S. I just realized i made this message WAY too long than I had originally planned. I really went overboard with this one. Oh well... *shyly walks away*)

DUDE!!! I can't thank you enough for such an absolute essay I'm seriously so grateful for the time it must have taken to write this!! All your thoughts about my characters make me so so happy aaa I can't believe it <333

You're right, I used to identify as aromantic and lesbian and I still think women are very lovely! You're spot on, I'm definitely more into girls in an aesthetic sense I think they're funky and cool but god I would never want to date anyone.

I actually realized I am definitely asexual recently - basically w/o getting too explicit someone offered me the option to try "it" and it freaked me out so much it kind of set off an "ohhhh okay, I'm definitely not a sexual person" moment. Honestly, I kind of grew up being told I was too young to identify as asexual and to just wait until I'm older, but bro I'm older now and I still feel the same way so 🤠🤸‍♀️ Honestly I think my thoughts are if a label is resounding w you - give it a try, nothing has to be permanent! You're allowed to change your mind, there are no rules.

Anyway!! I just wanted to thank you again for writing to me and making my day, I hope you're absolutely thriving <333333

#long post #toastchild asks #<33333333 #ily!!!!

[erin-bo-berin]

Couple of things in response to your anon queries over the last few days:

- Joe’s playing a prominent recurring character in Fargo. He’s Gator Tillman, the son of the main character, corrupt sheriff Roy Tillman (John Hamm). You’ll be getting more than one episode, don’t worry about that! Also - and I’m sorry if you already know this, but just to clarify- it’s not set in 2019, not the old west. I think people got the cowboy idea because Noah Hawley wrote an (excellent) article for The Atlantic called “It’s High Noon in America,” which was both a political commentary, and a reflection on how entertainment contributes to issues like distrust of authority by creating heroes who go against the system etc. In it, he shared a sample of S5 dialogue between Roy and Gator, which mentioned “high noon”:

Gator: “I swear to God, him versus me, man to man, and I'd wipe the floor with him.”

Roy: “What, like high noon? That only happens in the movies, son. In real life they slit your throat waiting for the light to change.”

I mean, Joe might still be playing a cowboy-ish type character if he works on a ranch I suppose? But as far as I know, there’s nothing to suggest that’s the case.

- Joe is well positioned to have a great career after ST ends. I’m a bit puzzled as to why anyone’s concerned for him to be honest! Free Guy was very well received and many reviews specifically mentioned Joe’s charm and his lovely chemistry with Jodie. One critic even said - and I quote - “Joe Keery proves he’s going to be just fine when Stranger Things ends.” Add to that, although Spree was controversial, it was still received more positive reviews than less glowing ones (thanks, tomatometer), and even negative reviews of the film praised Joe’s performance.

So that’s recent history. Looking at his current work, he has two films in the can, is currently filming Fargo, then starts Cold Storage, and then in 2024 goes back to filming ST. The guy is as busy as an actor could hope for. Going forward, even if none of the films make an impact (and that’s a big ‘if’, because I suspect Cold Storage at least is going to do very well), Fargo will raise his profile even higher than it already is.

Oh, and then there’s his music. We all know he’s genuinely talented in that regard, and so do the critics. But he’s deliberately flown under the radar with it, and so many people are missing out. Djo doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page for crying out loud. Maya Hawke, who has less than a third of the Spotify listeners Djo has, has a wiki page for each album! No hate for Maya - her stuff’s not my thing but it’s cool. I just think Joe’s music manager (who’s different to his acting one) is sleeping on that front.

Sorry for the Joe Keery essay. I’m just a huge supporter because he’s so talented, and is also genuinely lovely. People who’ve worked with him want to do it again, in large part because of his personality. We know the combination of those traits is what changed the trajectory of his character in ST, which was a remarkable thing in of itself. David Harbour, Brett Gelman, and Kevin Pollack have all pointed out how unusual it was, and praised both Joe and the Duffer Bros for it. It’s kind of refreshing to see someone in Hollywood getting rewarded for being a decent person, in addition to having acting abilities.

Joe deserves every success. Long may it continue!

Oh wow thanks for all the info! I’ve never seen Fargo but man I will happily watch it to see him in it.

I’m so excited for him in Cold Storage. I ended up reading the book after someone on here told me it was actually a book first and Joe is just gonna nail the character. Teacake is such a loveable dork lol

I agree though! He’s been doing so good even without ST fame. He’s gotten some big projects coming up and a handful at that. Also his music to keep him busy too and it really is such a shame that his music is so underrated because his music really is so good 🥺

[simmonsized]

Sometimes you hint at your opinions on things in the tags and it's like. Ugh. You positive tease. I await the day you drop a like 20 page opinioned essay on ultimate Dirk and Act Six with absolutely baited breath.

man i am SO sorry oijfso;ifse;oife i mean

yes okay yes i have SO many opinions and these are definitely things i've said out loud to other people in my life to hear and i'm sure i've written literal essays on discord but it's just like

god i do NOT want to have those discussions in public where people can reblog and interact with them it's SO much, the bro post was SO much i was like, filled with a crazed anxiety but also, i was SO filled with spite and just like, argumentative sauce when i started it that i could not stop myself from posting it LOL

the secret to getting me to talk about these things is actually to say something that's completely opposite of what i believe and then i will be so angry and blinded by my own vindictive need to be right that i post a 20 page opinionated essay on Ultimate Dirk

and tbh the paper on act 6 would be like. 70 pages LOL and probably mostly be about davesprite, if we're being honest

BUT thank u for reading my awful horrible, sometimes deranged tags, and i'm sorry, again

#sometimes i am normal and sometimes i get so excited abt bro that i talk about puppets for 20 pages it's just llike #u know these things happen haha

[avemstella]

Tumblr only just showed me that @ksjundel2003 tagged me with this just now, as technology does. I'll always take the chance to ramble (also thank u for the compliment ahhh :D). These ended up being essays hahahaaaha

1. Three Ships: Uhhh so I'm in a weird place where I'm not actively shipping anything. Like don't get me wrong I still love many ships (I'm a super multi shipper, I have no idea how people dedicate their online everything to one ship) I'm just currently not actively pursuing certain ship tags rn... Hmm hxh's return reminded me of how much I love Leopika, I got into fe3h in this last year and I've read a silly amount of dimiclaude. Also finally got around to getting into mp100 and Terumob is so cute.

Genshin thats what people are here for but if I'm honest while I still am very into the game, I haven't read genshin fic consistently for a while and thats how I interact with shipping the most. Like I love Chili, theres a reason I have plans for that ship, but I haven't read a fic with them in forever (and in the more recent examples it was me searching for found fam harb content). I also adore Kaebedo but same story. I love a lot of genshin ships, many 'contradictory' (love Zhongven as well for example), I just haven't been brainrotting about any of them for a while. God that sounds so morose pfft, its really me just letting my brain take a break and experience other things! Also just know I do think about the final planned Zhongli and Childe scene in this fic (well for the main fic at least) every once in a while and grin like a loon. Hehehe I love it so much and rip its so far away (though also once I get there it'll be right near the end and that thought makes me sad).

Also I think about my fic specific ships a lot too. Sandy and Nella for example have a scene that brings me much amusement in a couple chapters (those 2 always bring me joy). Also I've been recently thinking about the ot3 that's a big old spoiler. There's this angsty but also hopeful romantic scene that's been banging around in my head that I literally can't use in my fic it doesn't work with the timeline. But I love it, maybe an eventual bonus chap. (all I'll say on this ot3 is that at least 1 person is a harb). And taras x any harb that isn't his bro, my favorite running gag I take too seriously. Also Madame Volkov x Tsar, I can't wait to reveal why that ship cracks me up (also weirdly angsty).

uhhh that was way too long of an answer um sorry.

2. First ever ship: God I don't know. Probably amuto from Shugo Chara (I was elementary/middle school, the age gap did not clock as weird then). However my first ship with taste was Soulsilvershipping from pokemon (god we need to bring back that ship name format, so fun). I didn't have fictional crushes the same way most seemed to, however what was close enough was Silver Pokemon my beloved. He spawned my love of grumpy long haired red heads so when I saw Diluc for the first time I remember going fuck I'm gonna love him (and I did haha).

3. Last song: uhhh fun fact I'm not a music person at all. As a child I hated it pfft, while I grew out of that I still have no idea what I'm doing with it. 90% of the music I listen to is from animatics (and back in the day from amvs) or musicals because plot. And u know u find a lot of musicals because of animatics its a cycle. However saying that I was listening to Ricky Montgomery, idk why.

4. Last movie: my parents were like we're watching a movie as a fam and in true Christmas spirit we watched Top Gun Maverick pfft. tbh the movie was fine but not the stunning piece of cinema everyone seemed to be saying... also super military propaganda but we all knew that

5. Currently reading? I'm catching up on the Ascendance of a Bookworm Light Novels (I'm on the last book in part 4 and I have part 5 #1 ready). I've also been really slowly reading through (and got back into after almost a year accidental break) Lout of the Counts Family. Also hunter x hunter (my brain is filled with Sheila theories, despite being the Harbinger found fam fic writer I don't care about the troop lol, just Sheila). I also have some DC comics open in my tabs because I want to watch the newest comicpop back issues episode. Its sort of strange I've been on a reading fan fic break of sorts haha, reading lots of original stuff.

6. Currently watching? uhhhh Mob Psycho though that just ended. Also me and my sis are watching Miraculous together. We used to watch it years ago and we are watching all the stuff we missed and cringing. I also am constantly watching lots of video essays, love a good video essay to put on while doing other things like playing genshin/art/etc

7. Currently consuming? We have a holiday party every year and my dad makes his amazing to die for lasagna (we are not remotely italian, but everyone we know says its amazing). So I've been eating those leftovers and having a time.

8. Currently craving? validation uhhh free time maybe. I had so much free time while I was away at school (well more like I should have been working on stuff time, but it was time I could organize myself). I'm home and between Christmas and parties and my grandparents/Cousins/feels like everyone visiting I've had no time for myself. I love seeing my cute baby cousins I don't get to see too often but its a lot. Also a job, I don't want to have to job but it'll get my mother off my case.

Well that ended on a too serious note haha. Also this was way too long and I have no idea who to tag and I'm anxious so uh, no one I guess. I must now return to my chaotic life, as one does.

#avem rambling #avem's asks #i'll count this as an ask #this was very top heavy but its fine lol #my complicated shipping thoughts #also if anyone wants to contribute to this go ahead! #I just have always been terrible at tagging people in these sorts of things #I'm also just bad at engaging with people over the internet in general... #despite the fact that I sounded sort of distressed at the end #I really did enjoy doing this! #it was fun I just get a bit too honest sometimes lol

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Hi Ram this could probably be a dm but like bro. My absolute beloved. Thank you for getting me into snarry. I admit that I first found it a little unusual and not my thing, the very first time it ever even occurred to me to ship them was when you interpreted that snurch post as "Snape church," but genuinely since then they have grown on me and then however many weeks ago that was that you told me about Pacify. Fucking hell Ram that fic. Full disclaimer I'm only on part 3, I paused to finish reading canon and then I forgot to finish it and now I'll have to start it all over again. But Ram. Ram my beloved. Thank you so much. I love themb so much and it's not fair and it's glorious just how amazing they are. There isn't a point to this ask I just wanted to thank you, im feeling sentimental bc I just finished rereading With Eyes Wide Open and I just. Ram. You're the best. Thank you for getting me into these two <3

Oh you are in for a RIDE enjoy it because it's so good. God I have to reread all of it. It's so good. I would marry this fic if I could. To be honest Pacify Harry and Severus feel like different versions of canon but they're so good and interesting and - I have a whole damn essay in my head on how Pacify is actually genius and excellent, come back when you've read everything for that one haha. With Eyes Wide Open too oh my god I cried so much the first time it's just. AAAAH.

Love you too I'm so glad I finally got someone else into these two T-T this isn't a ship you can casually mention but it's just so dear to my heart even if for now I've moved to different pastures! They're so interesting they're so fun they've been with me for years I love them I'm so glad other people see it too <3 <3 <3 <3 I remember the 1st Snarry I read, I could probably find it but it's in french, basically Harry loses his memory and forgets Severus and it's a whole thing because there's a thing with Draco, but I used to be all 'huh that's a weird ship I was here for the Drarry not THAT guy' and then it all went downhill. I remember the first time I cried about Severus it was in a - well an average fic but impressive in length and plot honestly, just not my thing anymore. It's called Les Secrets d'Hermione (Hermione's Secrets) and basically in it Harry gets a cool Slytherin girlfriend and there's secrets under Hogwarts and magic stuff and - anyway at some point they need someone to sacrifice themselves for Hogwarts to keep working so Severus takes one for the team and I remember reading this character I'd never liked just selflessly go 'well nobody likes me I don't have friends or family I'll do it' and crying in my pillow not understanding why because I was of the general opinion he sucked. Beloved. How far I've come.

#anyway snarry love of my LIFE it's so important to me you can do so much fun stuff with it it's so...... #Yeah #remembering all sorts of fun fics I really do have to get started on my list of faves huh #harry potter #snarry #wow i have an asks tag now

[chiveburger]

bro... there are so many tan songyun dramas that I am waiting, clenching my asshole to WATCH!!!! she's in a lot of upcoming dramas with actors who I like and plots that I don't mind. alongside many other people I'm getting blue balls waiting for "as beautiful as you" and I really thought this drama would be out by now. I'll have to wait like a little peasant for it I guess but I want to see her in a new drama so bad... I love a lot of celebrities obviously, but songyun is one actress that consistently stars in dramas that I quite like or at least I can finish. out of her latest dramas (that she was the lead in), road home was the only one I couldn't finish but otherwise her track record to me is splendid. she surprisingly slapped HARD in her period drama, "the sword and the brocade" and if I even begin to speak on this an essay will spew out like loose spaghetti. my point is, she's due to star in a new xianxia and historic drama and a modern drama I'll be honest? I'm losing my mind. I need her dramas to be airing 365 days a year I swear to god

#borger diary

[khaleesiofalicante]

LBAF - Deleted Scene #1

Here you go, you heathens. 

This scene happens a few weeks after Max and David start dating. 

David walked up the stairs, carrying the magazines in one hand and a box of donuts in the other. There was a little skip in his step, he noticed. He was excited to see his boyfriend. It felt weird to call Max that. 

Boyfriend. 

David giggled to himself and hoped no one saw that. 

Also, the Consul wasn’t home apparently. So, that was nice.

Once he made it into the apartment, he gave Max the box of donuts and a kiss on the lips.

“Double glazed,” Max made an appreciative noise as he shoved one into his mouth. “David, you really know how to make a man moan.”

David’s cheeks reddened. Someone cleared their throat.

“Ahem.”

David turned around and almost dropped the magazines. He whirled around and glared – or did his best impression of it – at Max.

“You said he wasn’t home!”

“You wouldn’t have come if I had told you he was home,” Max shrugged.

“Max!” David groaned.

“Are you wearing my sweater?” the Consul demanded incredulously.

David looked down at the pale blue oversized sweater and then looked at Max. By the Angel!

“I didn’t know!” he said quickly. “Max was wearing it last week and then he left it in my room and-”

“He left it in your room?”

“Relax, dad!” Max rolled his eyes. “I just spilled some sauce on it. We didn’t even do anything that day!”

“So, you’ve been doing things on other days then???” the Consul inquired.

David was contemplating whether he should jump out of the window and run back to the institute when the high warlock walked out of the bedroom, tying an orange robe around him.

“David is here!” the man in orange said cheerfully. “Wonderful! Just in time for breakfast!”

“Oh, I don’t have to stay,” David said quickly.

“You heard him,” the Consul repeated. “He doesn’t have to stay.”

“Alexander, hush!” the warlock said and kissed the Consul on the cheek. The Consul shut up and went to the kitchen to make coffee.

David wished he could make portals too so he could get out of here. It’s not that he didn’t like the Lightwood-Banes. He loved them in fact.

But their energy was too much for him sometimes.

He felt something rub against his leg and looked down. He picked up the cat with one hand gave him a kiss.

“Bonjour, mon cheri,” David whispered at the cat.

The little creature purred in his palm and tried to sneak inside his sweater.

“You know, David. I was worried about Max dating at first,” the high warlock said, pouring himself some tea. “But now my heart can rest easy. Chairman Meow is an excellent judge of character.”

“Yeah, if Chairman likes you then it means you are simply amazing,” Max smiled as the cat ran up to the warlock boy.

“Chairman likes anyone who feeds him tuna,” the Consul mumbled. “He is just a cat.”

“Dad!” Max covered the cat’s ears.

The high warlock gasped. “Alec Lightwood! You take that back!”

“You know I was worried about Max dating too,” Rafael said.

“Awww,” Max cooed.

“I mean I was worried about the person you were dating,” Rafael pointed out.

“Eat ichor,” Max flipped him off.

“Rafael,” David said and held out the magazines. “Here you go.”

The older boy, who was sitting on the dining table and staring at his laptop, looked up. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked utterly tired.

He took the magazines from David and glanced through them.

“David,” the boy said emotionally. “You are my emotional support bro.”

Rafael was studying for his finals. David had promised to help him out with some of the resources he needed.

“Hey!” Max complained. “That’s not cool. I got you cookies from Levain last night!”

Levain was one of the most famous bakeries in New York. Max had taken David there one day as a surprise so he could meet the head chef and learn his recipe for their infamous chocolate chip walnut cookie.

David didn’t know what Max had to do to pull that off, but he was sure there were some bribes – or possible threats – involved.

“You summoned them by snapping your fingers,” Rafael corrected now. “And you didn’t even pay for them!”

“Max!” the older warlock gasped. “How could you?”

“That’s right!” the Consul didn’t look pleased. “We are disappointed with you, Max.”

“You ordered from Levain when I wasn’t home?” the high warlock sounded hurt.

“Okay, we are disappointed about different things apparently,” the Consul rolled his eyes. “Max, you are not supposed to summon things without paying for them.”

“Because it’s unethical?” Max asked, eating his breakfast with no sign of remorse.

“And because it’s illegal,” the Consul corrected. “It’s not okay to steal!”

“But Levain is a big brand!” Max complained. “It’s okay to steal from the rich, dad!”

“We are the rich!” the Consul replied incredulously.

“Dad is right. You are basically contributing to the monopolization of resources by the 1%,” Rafael explained, tapping one of his massive textbooks.

“Nobody asked you, Rafe!” Max groaned, mouthful of cereal. “Show off!”

“No more stealing things,” the Consul said – in his Consul Voice. “Not even from the rich.”

“Not even cookies?” Max pouted.

“I can make you cookies, Max,” David interjected carefully.

“Aww,” the warlock cooed. “There you go, my little robin hood. Problem solved.”

“Guess I’ll take down capitalism in another century,” Max rolled his eyes.

David smiled at that. Max was going to do great many things during his long, long life. David wished he could see them all.

“What’s that then?” the Consul asked from the kitchen, pointing at the stack of magazines.

“Porn magazines,” Max snickered.

“What!?!” the Consul choked on his coffee and glared at David.

“By the angel, Max!” David groaned and then looked at the Consul. “There are just regular magazines and journals, sir.”

“I asked him to find stuff for me from the New York Library,” Rafael mercifully explained. “They are references for my final essay.”

“Why do they ask you to use references anyway?” the high warlock demanded, eating a piece of fruit.

“It’s to validate the claims, Magnus,” the Consul pointed out, sitting down next to him.

“My son doesn’t need to validate anything,” the older warlock huffed. “They should just take his word for it.”

“Oh, Bapak!” Rafael sighed dramatically. “How I wish you were a professor at Columbia.”

“It’s a nice place actually,” the high warlock hummed appreciatively.

“You’re just saying that because literally every one of Rafael’s friends flirted with you when we went for that parents event,” the Consul grumbled.

“They weren’t flirting, Alexander,” the warlock corrected. “They were just giving me compliments.”

The Consul rolled his eyes at that.

Max picked up one of the magazines and flipped through it. “Dad, did you really think these were porn magazines?”

“No, I didn't!”

“Nobody even reads porn magazines anymore,” Max pointed out and then giggled. “Oh my god, is that what you used during your time?”

The Consul went red in the face. “During my time??”

“That’s very presumptuous, blueberry,” the high warlock shook his head. “Pornography is not just for young people!”

David was just quietly standing there and taking in all the banter. He wondered if breakfast in their apartment was colourful like this every single day.

“Well, young people don’t read magazines,” Max huffed. “We use the internet like normal people!”

“We??” the Consul demanded. “You watch porn?”

“Everyone watches porn,” Rafael pointed out, eyes on his books.

“Yeah even David watches porn!” Max grinned.

“Excuse me?” the Consul said.

“I don’t!” David almost yelled. “I don’t even know what that is!”

“You don’t know what porn is?” the Consul asked suspiciously.

“I mean, I do know,” David said - no, blabbered. “But just like the normal stuff. No weird stuff!”

“What exactly do you mean by weird stuff, David?” Rafael giggled.

David was sweating now. The window wasn't that high, right? He could just jump out and run off. 

“That’s enough,” the high warlock said. “There will be no kink shaming under my roof!”

“Yeah, just because I looked up tentacle porn does not mean I am a weirdo,” Max pointed out, glaring at Rafael.”

“Tentacle porn?” the Consul blanched.

“It looked very tricky to be honest,” Max sighed. “Not my thing.”

“It’s not that tricky,” the high warlock said, putting jam on his toast. “The key is to-”

“Okay, we are done here,” the Consul clapped his hands.

Max picked up the box of donuts and took David’s hand. “Cool. We are going to my room.”

“Door open!” the Consul yelled after them.

#what even was this ejhfksjhfsj #but they are such cutooooooes #lightwood bane family #david beauchamp #lbaf #my writing