#But like theres something wrong there just is it sits so wrong with me

[ironunderstands]

The way some of yall mischaracterize Ratio as being stoic in chill when in reality he is 24/7 resisting the urge to rip everyone around him a new one is crazy to me like. He cares so much, so much. It’s unhealthy, he loses the idgaf war every time because Ratio is the least nonchalant person ever like

He was this close to breaking character and throttling Sunday like you cannot tell me he wasn’t planning a murder in this scene. Ratio straight up calls Sunday a crazy bitch but everyone brushed it aside 😭

Honestly his entire conversation with Screwllum is just him tweaking, watch it on YouTube the VAs performance is amazing, you can here just how much He Cares

Genuinely, Aventurine is way better at concealing his true feelings that Ratio. Ratio may be acting for the sake of the plan but the way he truly feels about anything he’s doing always seeps through, it’s why he apologizes to Aventurine in 2.0 in their staged argument scene. It’s why he is as mean to Sunday as he can be. It’s why him pretending that he “hates” Aventurine makes him act so silly. Ratio can’t fully commit to the bit, he can’t force himself to not care or to be someone he isn’t, because fundamentally Ratio CARES and that is something he is incapable of hiding, alabaster bust or not.

The problem is that him expressing his care is often done in a rude and/or blunt manner which people tend to interpret as stoicism or apathy when it’s anything but. Ratio’s vial that he gives to Aventurine is short, sweet and gets straight to the point, because that’s the easiest way for Ratio to express his emotions, even if it’s often detrimental for him and anyone else around him. However Aventurine understands him quite well, and knows that although brief, Ratio telling him to “stay alive, survive this and keep on living” is how he truly feels towards Aventurine, and that’s enough to keep him going.

Underneath Ratios carefully crafted marble facade is a man who cares so much and is so bad at expressing it and I wish the community in general, especially Aventio shippers would acknowledge that more. Ratios true moments of sincerity are brief, but they are anything but stoic. Let the man be soft, it’s in character.

#This turned into a mini essay whoops #I hold Ratios party voiceline for Aven so close to my heart #Not the EN one idk what the translators were on but CN is UGHH it’s so good #Someone else can point out the potentially ableist undertones to how people view Ratio #I’m not gonna do that again because the last time was a disaster #“He’s selfish and cruel and narcissistic” *concerned glance* #Like I know some of it is just hoyo players having the media literacy of rocks #But like theres something wrong there just is it sits so wrong with me #Begging yall to write him correctly in fan content PLEASSEEE #dr ratio #aventurine #aventio #Not necessarily a ship post though

[pickled-flowers]

Saw some of the grossest parenting today in the bus

#this dad was on his phone the whole bus ride ok #and his two kids were screaming arguing #at most he would periodically tell them to lower their voice while still on his phone #one time he told them to stop the one sitting next to him hit him 😭 and he went back to look at his phone with no reaction #my guy something is seriously wrong with you #your kids are screaming at each other doesn't even matter all that much that we are in the bus rn #theyre not just being loud kids you need to do smt!!!!!! its too early for this!!! i could hear them even with my noise cancelling headphone #anyways #ive never seen smt like this #and i work in a mall i see lots of parents and kids #idk smt really disgusting about a parent just not even interested in engaging with their kids #dude no wonder they're loud they probably want ur attention #also this one lady once who came in wjth a big stroller #and the store where i work has little moving rooms between the aisle so this woman decided TO LEAVE THE STROLLER WITH A KID INSIDE AT THE #FRONT OF THE STORE #the kids started crying and his hrother (toddler not in the stroller but not following the mom for some reason) started exploring and i #i had to watch them until the mom came back but like the woman just left them there??? #i just stepped in but what if i hadnt??? lady????????? #i see lots of cute interactions of course #like this little girl who came with who i think is her grandpa and he asked me to help her chose her next manga read 😭💖 #i basically work in a book/toy store #theres a lot of candy as well the kids love it #idk i like seeing kids being happy ok it is healing #like all the kids sitting on the floors deep in their books while the parents shop 😭😭😭 makes me smile every time top tier behavior

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[cowboy-robooty]

no guys you dont get it itager isnt sweet and tender in the domestic gay lovey dovey way theyre sweet and tender in the BRO way

#im a crazy bitch okay i will be like yes theyre lovey to eachother yes thats true #yes i only get gay and shit for itager bc theyre true love and then see something sappy and gay of them and go THAT AINT RIGHT #im a freak okay im such an asshole about itager bc i think theyre lovey to eachother in a very specific way and all other ways are cringe #me when the only itager i consume is the official goddamn hetalia manga #and them doujins made by corolla that mf was the only person ever who understood them (even if they were misguided and believed in gerita) #i like to think in my heart of hearts corolla knew the truth it was just the wrong time. #like how i know bill and ted wouldve loved touhou koishi song its just they were born in the wrong era #but yeah like germany and italy are gay in that BRO way like. its hard to describe but its not gay its more like.... friendship adjacent #like when you deeply care about your bro and act gay with them in that way they arent about that silently looks at the moonlight shit #they look at the moonlight and italy goes 'germany is right now a good time to tell you i fucked your car again' and germany goes 'What.' #ITS A BETTER AND MORE AWEZOME FORM OF LOVE IN MY HUMBLEST OF OPINIONS.... I PERSONALLY PREFER IT #its domestic in the way of having your average daily life of dicking around with your bros and throwing grenades in cars n shit #instead of domestic settling down and being all serious and sappy all the time #its lovey dovey in the way of being like AHAHA IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!! yeah bro... i really like you too *hug* im glad youre in my life #i just think thats so much more swag because settling down just does not sit right for me #i think settling down sucks tf you mean theres no more adventures and always sunny shit? #i think fruk can get into that settling down domestic shit but im a firm believer itager cant #because their entire dynamic hinges upon italy coming in and making germanys boring ass lonely life fun by ruining it everyday #its not itager if they arent grabbing eachothers balls and acting like bros #ive said this to wiener but its the itager itapan juxisposition #itapan (japans onesided crush ofc) is great because they act gay but are just bros #and itager is great because they act like bros but are gay #idk its hard to explain the nuances of it all but just trust me when i say canon content and corollas sfw doujins are the only true itager #content #robooty asshole moment sorry guys somethings wrong with me #robooty kun

[rose-n-gunses]

Occasionally I'll see posts where people talk about feeling alienated from their peers growing up and I'll be like hey same except for the fact that like. I wasn't bullied and I had friends and I "fit in" and such so I feel like I must not be as different as I think or maybe I'm more "normal" than I feel but then like. Sometimes I go out with people my own age and I'm like yeahhhh we are not the same

#and i dont mean this in a pick me way #it's like. when i hang out with people i feel like im sitting behind a wall of glass so i'm there but not quite? #and i feel bad about it because it makes me feel fake! #like you know how people go and have dinner and sit and talk about stuff i just always feel like im doing it Wrong #and i dont even know if the differences are as noticeable to other people as they are to me #but it's like.. i feel like there are certain things that are typical amongst age groups #(music and fashion and other things like that) #that i don't share in/relate to #so i feel like i have nothing in common with these people #and it makes it difficult for me because when people tell you to make friends it's like.. #1) that is. not something that i am able to do easily #2) do they know how difficult and draining it is to be friends with someone you have literally nothing in common with #it makes the friendships feel superficial imo #idk #it's not even just with having no interests in common it's also very clear that like. we do not think the same way #and sometimes i feel like a robot just like. going through the motions of being a person in social settings #it's always been like this or at least has been for a long time #and i dont know why #but if u ask my parents theres mothing wrong with me! #irl #just r's thoughts #delete later

[frogwen]

i am so so so beyond emotionally drained its reaching levels of critical damage to my focking psyche <3

#it would be so swagful if someone was like ‘hey man. let me carry that for you’ #ive just been crying randomly. not necessarily sobbing (sometimes sobbing) just tears rolling down my cheeks while im just sitting etc #theres always a new crisis. another issue. something wrong ;; i just want ONE easy day. maybe TWO in a row #where theres nothing required of me. i dont have to solve it or decide on things on behalf of others. just cant take it man #BUT!!! i am also sleepy tired and its always possible i will feel better in thee morning

[nerdie-faerie]

Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that

#personal #+Extra #i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week #since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student #accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing #whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to #explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that #theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way #to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love #them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i #cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always #resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like #a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me #but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over #the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know #that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out

[cerbreus]

Been trying to find a funny and less humiliating way to say I fell down the stairs with a mug of hot water like I'm charlie chaplin playing a 90 yr old retiree yesterday but there really isn't one lmfao

#like picture it in ur head .. me spilling hot water all over myself as i tumble down the steps and come to a stop at the bottom sopping wet #theres this slick worn away carpeting that gas almost done me in MANY times for this so i should have seen it coming we gotta get some #grippy tread things this is prob gonna happen again #anyway i am so fucking sore i am tender in so many spots and the worst ones are my back and ass cheek where i landed #for suuure aggaravated my back injury lol #and i cant sit comfortably at all rn which sucks bc i work at my desk full time 😭 #my roommate heard me tumblr down the stairs and thought i just dropped something bc all i said was 'ah fuck' when i got to the bottom lol #also for how much pain im in i have not a single bruise to show for it which irritates me #at the very least i deserve some cool bruises this is fucked up this is homophobic #personal stuff #anyway dont wear slides if u have shitty worn away landlord special carpet on ur incredibly steep stairs #sorry theres so many misspellings in the tags my fingers hit the wrong buttons and i dont care

[youve-always-had-me-cas]

.

#hi hello yes i am twenty four years old i have known for the better part of half of those years i am not interested in #having sex with any possible permutation of being and yet every few months i wind up back here at the conclusion something #has to be Wrong for the concept to so viscerally disgust me #see disinterest is fine and good and ordinary straight people who dont have Issues to unpack are just very calmly not interested in the #concept of gay sex. great. this makes SENSE. i can even relate to this because im pretty middle of the road neutral on the concept of #having sex with women. dont want to. am capable of the normal human experience of seeing two women who want to be having sex with each #other doing so and thinking 'good for them'. so does it not follow that if i like men. want a boyfriend. want to hold hands with a guy and #do all those insanely sappy romantic comedy cliches #but can barely hold my downright revulsion at the thought of violating that happiness with... that. does it not follow that there is some #sort of issue that i have. that needs solving. what if this isnt right? what if theres a Problem and if i just find it ill be normal and #want all those normal things like everyone else. isnt disgust a bad reaction?? how can this be right? but by the same token. from where i #am sitting. how could i ever want different. different DISGUSTS me. i dont want what i dont have. im haunted by the idea maybe im #supposed to #hello i am twenty four years old and i am a sex repulsed asexual. over half my life this fact has given me nothing but grief.

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Hhnnggg and there's the smash back to reality

My mum spending all day yesterday trying to play nice and get me to open up and then today tearing into me for doing my washing after saying I should do my washing

#apparently i did too much bc theres no room indoors to hang it up #as i was in the process of hanging it up ourside which i ahoildnt habe done bc it could rain #even though it hasnt and its windy enough things dry faster and im sitting outside anyway so i would notice if it was #its just. god its jarring #with me yesterday admiting how hard it is for me to be around her because my entire sense of identity hinges on her approval #and how any percieved failure digs into me #and her being like maybe u should try doing something small wrong on purpose:))) #like??? i straight up laughed when she said that #if i know ill get in trouble for doing something wrong accidentslly why in the everloving fuck would i do it on purpose? #ugh im okay though im. okay im just #not going back inside for a while. #hiding in my wall of shirts

[pxrttyprincess]

I genuinely don't know if the way I feel is normal

#like its so hard to put it into words #and all i can do is just sit with the feelings and thoughts #theres something wrong with me big time fr how was i laughing so much 20 mins ago and said goodnight and now im crying #noah if you see this no you didnt #anyway goodnight fr this time im dissappearing

[echoxshxrx]

.

#feel like shit..... #told my “partner” i wanted cuddles before bed cause im depressed and just rolled his eyes.... #kid came in the room just as im finally gonna get cuddles and when i let out the slightest sigh he fucking *snapped* at me #being all like “we'll cuddle later” #i wake up in the middle of the night to kid crying and him literally pushing her to my side of the bed and when i told him to stop he goes #“what stop her from climbing half way up me?” when she literally wasnt so of course i have to get her back to sleep #cause why would i be allowed to sleep when hes got to work in the morning right? #and then when he gets up to go to work hes gonna be loud getting ready cause he doesnt know how to do things quietly #and then im gonna be up at 7am after having nightmares and fighting with him and then have to entertaine a 2 ½ year old literally all day #if im lucky i MAY get a half hour nap if she doesnt wake up right as i lay down to rest #OH also when i asked him to stop pushing our kid away and got up and got her paci and got her back to sleep he kept staring at me #like turned away but looking over his shoulder just staring at me like i was in the fucking wrong #so now im sitting in the bathroom feeling like theres something wrong with me #like theres something fucked up with me #yet at the same time i feel so used and betrayed and i just...... #i dont know what to do anymore and im so fucking tired #so so fucking tired..... #echo has a breakdown on main

[normiewizard]

in a sawtrap designed to make me kill myself called my roommates are dating

#they are happy -> i am miserable -> i feel bad for being upset at their happiness -> i am goig to explode #they are just laughing and having sex on the other side of the wall 24/7 and having people over to introduce each other and i sit alone O_o #today in the kitchen i was cooking and they came in to do something and then started discussing their hickeys and i was like hey stop. #and they were like omg so sorry how are you. and i started talking about my day and i look over and they are literally showing eachother #memes on their phones #i have got to stop being surprised that they only give a fuck about eachother like ok they're young and they just started dating and they #live together woo it's exciting for them. and i am in hell #and theres no end in sight like ok the honeymoon phase ends and then i have to listen to them argue I CNT DO THIS #i just feel like sooo. misled. like they arent doing anything wrong but its a bad fit for me and i didnt sign up for this #like it literally came up as a hypothetical before we moved in and i was like yeah that would be weird for me and my friend was like so rea #and then ONE WEEK after we move in I walk in on them making out #and they were gonna try and keep it a secret but now i know so they just spend all their time together #and this was all last week and we talked about it but i am so not over it it so fucking sucks and theres nothing i can do #vent tw

[cirillafionaelenriannon]

the agonies are getting to me tonight because i'm finally taking the steps to doing something i'm good at & have wanted to do since i was really young and my family couldn't care less about it, and it's just another harsh reminder of how Things are and how they'll always be.

it is so difficult to exist around other people who don't relate to this too. i mean like Growing up with serious serious emotional neglect. i've been dismissed, walked over, yelled at, emotionally tormented, abused, gaslit and humiliated my entire life by my family and even through all the convincing i've done for myself that their approval and their attention is the last thing i could ever want or need, i still NEED it so bad like i need fucking air or something! i think about my childhood self showing my mother a drawing, a sims house i built or a story i wrote or anything i did and only getting her criticism, and it's so small and silly, but the things i was always so proud of and wanted her to know about she could only tear apart, and then tell me i was overreacting and too sensitive anytime i confronted her on how she hurt my feelings.

it turns into the most ridiculous, soul-sucking cycle. because years and years of being shunned and shut down and the endless horrors lol of the years and years and yearrrrs passing me by Of having to shut myself down completely just to survive and where do i end up. right here. and right here is where theres no relationship with me and my family, because how could there be after all of that? i didn't see my dad for years and he never tried to protect me from what was going on or tried to reach out, or know me, my whole life i barely remember a conversation we could've had, or whether he cared about anything i liked growing up, or cared about me enough to talk to me about it. and my mothers emotional neglect and abuse left our relationship like this. and they don't know anything about me because of all this lol. at the end of the day my whole family says it's my fault that none of them can get close to me but how could they literally EVER ever ever get close to me after spending my whole entire LIFE avoiding knowing me. but it's my fault because i 'pushed them away' I will literally never heal from the years that were taken from me from the childhood that was taken from me From the person i couldve been had it not been for what my family did to me and i will never ever ever experience the love and attention other people get to experience I will never have proud parents

#text #valkyrie.txt #like once a #month i sit in my room and i think about my life from like 10-13 and i want to literally burn my house down #i have never confronted my mother on it #and im scared one day ill forget all about it #and only be able to remember it from the feeling it gives me when i think about being that age #its one of those things that u think abt and ur like i dont know how i survived it and its like U just did. #and if u went back u couldnt survive it again #theres this ocd video i re-watched a few weeks ago #and it makes me cry so hard everytime because it reminds me of when i was in therapy #and i would tell my therapist about how i felt like i was such a horrible person all the time #like i was constantly guilty of so many things and i wasnt good at all #and its the most painful thing knowing the person who made me feel that way was my mother #and the time i told her that i was always so scared to do something wrong or make mistakes #and she told me not to blame her for my issues #LIKE WHOS FAULT IS IT THEN LMFAO #was i just born with a debilitating fear of failure to her #anyway the video was like people w ocd have such self image and insecurity and shame issues they literally convince #themselves that theyre the worst people alive like SOOO TRUE SO CRAZAAAAY true #i have the insecurity disorder

[thursdayg1rl]

my aunt after the situation she specifically designed to escalate escalates

#what an annoying bitch I swear to god I can't live here anymore #my cousin basically really beat my brother up #not surprised #like this is the one who slapped me when I was 14 #ac worried abt his fiancé. but I just need to get myself out #then she started bringing me and my sister into it and even my cousin was like stop bringing the other kids into it #god theres never any fucking quiet in this house im actually losing my mind #she's actually so. I don't know. like its really gross and transparent that she's jealous of something #yesterday sitting at the table being like 'I can't look pretty at events bc the girls here are so ugly' #for god sake just accept that you are not 20 years old anymore like this sounds mean but idc #yeah I really have to get out #one year now #why does she want validation from her sons so bad #she was just so obvious about how she wants them to say 'oh you're so beautiful you're so much more beautiful than your daughters' #god there is something so wrong with her

[t4tangle]

///vent post i guess so look out ohhh no/// (just like. struggling with writing n stuff but still a vent kinda completely)

OK so. IVE GOT THIS ITCH OR URGE TO CREATE i WANT to write but I CANT and its driving ME MAD BECAUSE I WANT TO CREATE BUT I CANTTTT. I PHYSICALLY CANNOT THINK OF IDEAS OR PUT THE WORDS DOWN RIGHT NOW, ITS IMPOSSIBLE AND I CANNOT CONTINUE RN. ITS LIKE.

it feels like. SCRATCHING A STICK AGAINST A ROCK TO TRY AND GET IT TO DRAW BLOOD. BUT IT JUST WONT AND EVENTUALLY YOU CUT YOURSELF ON THE STICK ON THE ROCK ON SOMETHNIG, AND YOU GET A DROP OF INSPIRATION BUT IT DOESNT WORK WELL ENOUGH. YOU GET ONE CHAPTER BUT THEN YOU NEED TO HIT THE ROCK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND YOU CANT GET ENOUGH FOR SOMETHING GOOD AND EVERYTHING YOU ✨write✨ JUST FEELS HALF-ASSED AND LAZY AND WRONG, IT JUST FEELS ALL SO SOULLESS AND WEAK??? IT DOESNT FEEL RIGHT.

#tw vent #uhh. writing srtuggles i guess #its just been nagging at me for a few days so im posting it here uhhhh its not actually that bad so sorry #im just. CREATION. WHYG CANT I #i want to create i want to write i want to draw #but i cant. its impossible for me at hte moment and i HATE it I CANT TAKE A BREAK #im just sitting here #trying. trying to do SOMETHING but theres nothing. #and #it just feels kinda >:/ yknow #anywayyy yeah sorry #i think i might just be burnout??? but also like. i dont want to be burnout. i want to continue otherwise im kinda like. i feel like im #failing sorta. #i know that you dont have to write daily i know you dont have to write alot i know you should appreciate your work no matter what AND #THAT IS VALID. THAT IS COMPLETELY valid! for other writers for other artists for other people but for me it just doesnt #doesnt help. it just. feels that kinda anyway #i dont wanna like. make anyone feel this way by saying this btw if you feel kinda shit by reading this stop because. no. this is wrong #dont pressure yourself but #im just struggling here. a bit #i feel like im failing when i know its just. burnout or something #but yeah ignore me #just stupid thoughts