#Cat wife problems

[vampireium]

Inspired by my cat who woke me up at midnight just to get attention

*midnight in hell*

Lady: dimples…dimples

Queen: mmm…what?

Lady: I want attention

*Queen looks at the clock*

Queen: Lu Lu…it’s 11:55 at night I’ll give you attention tomorrow

*5 minutes later*

Lady: dimples…dimples

Queen: what is it now?

Lady: it’s tomorrow!

Queen: *takes a deep breath* if I scratch behind your ears will you let me go to sleep?

Lady: mmm hmm

#the devils casino au #cuphead #cuphead au #cuphead show au #genderbend au #devildice #lady devil #queen dice #cat wife problems #cuphead incorrect quotes #txt post #random post

[mabelsguidetolife]

the mental illness is hitting right now……..

#I couldn’t sleep last night and my dad slept even worse because he accidentally woke up my mom #and she started yelling about how misogynistic it is to wake your wife up (????) #so he had to sleep on the couch #it’s a quarter to 1 and ​everyone is asleep right now but my mom #my cats my dog my dad….. me…….. #basically if my mother has a problem it becomes everyone else’s issue #the vibes are calm and quiet but not positive it’s weird #easter is a shitty holiday anyway not gonna lie #not when you’re a little kid doing egg hunts or a very devout christian doing whatever it is they do i suppose #but we don’t really have any reason to celebrate so everyone’s just pathetically cooped up together

[chryblossomjjk]

i thought the cat distribution system finally found me ):

#so there’s a bunch of stray cats around my job #i work in a group home so there’s like a neighborhood and then woods and highway on the other side #and a little calico follows me to my car #rubbing against me leg n what not #no collar #so i was like erm #oh ok yeah #ur mine now #joking lol #so before i make the decision to take her home i start investigating #so i put her in my car and i start going door to door to ask if she belongs to anyone #(outdoor cats destory the ecosystem btw n are invasive so like also keep that in mind) #(n we have a huge stray cat problem already) #so i get to this one neighbor and he’s like oh that cat is stray #she’s outside all the time and my wife and i feed her #so im like all giddy #start driving home with miss thing #and she looking out the window #all of a sudden this old woman and her daughter start beeping and screaming at me #that that cat is their neighbors cat #so i pull over and theyre flipping the fuck out about how i /stole birdie/ #like EXCUSE ME #TELL YOUR NEIGHBOR TO BE A BETTER FUCKING OWNER #anyway the took the kitty n brought her back to her home rip

[shitmylesbianwifesays]

“It’s creepy when people say their best friend is their spouse. My best friend is my cat.”

~ My Lesbian Wife

#shit my lesbian wife says #lesbian #wlw #lesbian problems #cats

[fuckrealityfictionisbetter]

I wish I was a tv executive so I could make a British Criminal minds - mainly just so I could make a televised fan fic without people being mad it’s just a televised fan fic

#criminal minds #for starters reid would keep all his background but he actually has a drug problem for more then 5 eps and we see him struggling at crime #scenes that involve drugs #move up the dating his therapist but make it so people in his life are actually concerned that he’s dating his therapist when they find out! #either make it the same but he tries to help her or make is so she never dumped her Fiancé and he kidnaps abs kills her for the affair #move prison to like s7 and have it planned by scratch but when cat finds out she orchestrates it so that some of the womens prison has #to be moved to a unused wing of the mens and makes a riot so that her and spencer meet up and she gets actual preggas #I do want him to date a women who also has a kid from a serial killer yes I want that to be Ainsley from prodigal son but I’ll his that rip #off #next to Morgan my love #have him show more emotions in child related cases #he’s a player who falls in love with a women even though he’s not ready for commitment and when he finally gets his shit together it’s too #late/the job/timing just made them incompatible for rn #thinking a Buck 911 growth kinda thing though I know dereks nothing like buck1.0 #keep a similar SL to the one with that little girl but make her not so… defo gonna grow up to be an unsub u know #he feels he needs to protect the kid maybe they went through something like he did but he knows to save them he needs to let them go to a #good home because he’s on the road so much but he still visits and the kid wants to be an FBI agent because of him #Emily is a Lesbian so help me god #she adopts a little girl with her wife!!!! #she is happy and doesn’t have relationship drama just oops so I have to fake my own death now drama #more practicality added to that SL as well no grenades in cars #and more visits from the other agents she knows from previous jobs #I think hotch having more too do with his own divorce would be good #like it kinda seemed like it had nothing to do with him and it was just a work problem but like idk I’d probabs change that #I like everyone else’s story’s basically just a little change her and there #I wouldn’t wanna make it just a character drama these SL’s are already in the show or would replace others #like the ooo reid had a ✨vision✨ SL will go #oh wait I want reid to be a women #2 Reid’s!!! #or if double lesbian related pregnancy is viable by this poin 1 reid!

[loptrcoptr]

My neighbors, who have been attempting to edge me out of our shared laundry room and making my home life a pain in the ass: hey, bad news, our lease isn’t going to get renewed in January, we won’t be neighbors anymore :(

Me, the real reason their lease won’t be renewed: oh no, that’s too bad >:)

#personal #basically my neighbors moved in a few months back and the wife has been throwing fits about finding cat hairs in the laundry room #and I mean like fits- like she calls me and accused me of not doongnvenoigh to help with her allergy and making a mess and all sorts of #things that aren’t true. and there are two important facts she neglects to mention. 1) the ad for the house said ‘don’t apply if you’re #allergic to cats.’ 2) the lease stipulates that lessees have to share use of laundry room with me the other lessee. #so basically they ignored the warnings signed on for their and then tried to make her supposed allergy my problem #(never saw her have a reaction she says she gets ‘itchy eyes’ but has no medication. the house is full of cat dander #from my landlords’ cat who lived there until a few months ago but she thinks my cat’s washed hair is making her allergies bad) #the last time she called me nearly in tears saying it’s not fair and I’m not doing enough for her. she wouldn’t agree to anything I offered #to do and I had to keep piling on constraints to get her to agree to stop freaking out #said stipulations: I have to run 2 rinses after each load I have to Lysol wipe top and insides of washer and dryer #and! i have to take the lint filter outside and rinse it out. it’s all such incredible bullshit and she’s never said thank you once. #not once! just treated me like I’m diseased and spreading bf filth and illness and ruining her life and it’s exhausting #she’s been trying to edge me out of my own laundry room and hoping I’ll just say oh ok I’ll go to a laundromat #when I found out they wanted a longer lease it all made sense #edging me out of the space etc. there’s other shit too. #so! when my landlords called to say ‘hey any reason we shouldn’t renew their lease?’ and I was like hahaaaa about that :) #these ppl really thought because they had the more expensive lease they’d get priority lol poor bastards my landlords are my friends

[shadestar413]

Bitches don’t want more BramblexSquirrelxAsh drama

Bitches want the Erin’s to stop putting she-cats second to the toms and blame them for the shit they put them through when the books are literally marketed to young adults/children.

We want ghosts to stop gaslighting the living for plot convenience (except for Flametails situation).

#shadey speaks #riley rants #shadeys warrior insanity #warrior cats #tw bramblestar #tw ashfur #literally like #you cannot put blame on a woman- should not make her feel sorry #for hiding something when she’s proven right the moment he finds out about something #get upset that cats you thought were your kits aren’t? #fine! #fuxking ignoring your wife for a whole year and disowning your children is another #you literally went to cat hell to hang out with your brother and your father- who is fucking known for being a murderer and tried a coup an #d brought bloodclan into the forest #she may have loved you but she did not fucking deserve that #when you’re such an asshole you’re barely indistinguishable from someone who tried to murder her and her kits because she rejected him in #favor of you then you’re the problem #i really hate how Erin’s treat abused women tbh #like I love the series still but what the fuck #tw abuse #alexis dont look #Alexis don’t look

[jamestkirkstittiesenjoyer]

so much of what my ex did and continues to do is just so psychologically fucked up it sounds fake

#confessed his love to his best friends wife while we were engaged and then made me believe i was crazy #had an affair and is still with his affair partner and now lives with her in the house we used to live in together SEVERAL YEARS AGO #continues to lie about his affair #talked to a good mutual friend behind my back and made her believe i was the problem and i was crazy for thinking he was cheating #hid thousands of dollars in debt which still continues to accumulate #'lost' his high paying job conveniently after he found out what he had to pay in spousal support #after 8 months i lawyered up and he finally got a new one that pays a hundred thousand dollars less #told me not to be rude when talking about his affair partner #wouldnt let me see the cat we'd raised from a kitten and now he's moved states #i still pay for kitty's insurance because i dont trust him not to cancel it #and it's clear that after all this he still thinks he's done nothing wrong #i'm exhausted #mentally and emotionally just drained

[vanillabat99]

I am having a Bad Time 👍

#list of things that require me to be standing for at least 1min: #making food. washing my hands. stairs. getting to the other side of the house. feeding my cat. #things that i am not able to fit in any accommodations for: all of the above ._. #like. im not gonna be able to leave my house like this. which is a problem. #because i have things i need to do. and also. my WIFE WILL BE VISITING. #listen. if i still feel like shit in a week. i think im gonna ditch standing. #like. i cant do less than im already doing. im going to get yelled at. this isnt gonna work. #sorry for all the negative posts 😔 i am suffering. #batty blogging #text

[pineapple-cheese-bread]

I think it's really funny when people underestimate my strength based on my noodle arms.

Like, my guy, I am a cat owner, do you know how heavy two bags of litter a bag of dry food and 4 cans of wet food is? I do around 26.1 kgs I can walk that shit home!

#this is brought to you by me being slightly offened when someone asked me if i found the medical hard #cause they wanted to bring their wife into the job but shes a smaller girl #and i was like #?????? #no not really #also while buying the stuff for the cats the bag broke #which wouldnt have been a problem if i was walking #but i had my scooter #and had to call my Pop for an SoS pick up

[vampireium]

Queen: anywhere, you could sleep anywhere on this bed…

Queen: and yet you sleep on my face

#the devils casino au #incorrect quotes #queen dice #lady devil #devildice #rough sketch #its early #artists on tumblr #genderbend au #cuphead #Cat wife problems

[surrender-souls]

you ever get a (now obviously) crush on your cousin’s (now ex) wife so you try to name a cat after her. everyone does this.

#YOU EVER GET A CRUSH ON A GIRL SO YOU TRY TO NAME A CAT AFTER HER #i was like. 7. what was my problem. AND I WOULDVE DONE IT! but my parents decided to name it something else #its not my cat it was a stray. what was wrong with me. my friends bring this shit up. #i speak #i think the fact it was my cousins wife makes this funnier. not any woman. no. my COUSINS WIFE #hes divorced now. and engaged #my parents shouldve known i was gay for that shit

[oh-look-car-horns]

Wondering what boop count your 3 letter word corresponds to? I gotchu:

Using a python script I wrote, I booped myself 50,000 times, saving an image of my boop-o-meter every 500 boops. Before we get into the results, there are two important limitations to this study that I should mention:

Firstly, because I only recorded the boop-o-meter every 500 boops, if a message appeared for less than 500 boops it may not have been caught.

Secondly, every now and then my computer would lose a boop or two when a click wouldn't register. This is seen in the 500 and 1000 boop images below, which in reality read 498 and 994 respectively. Because of this, boop values are slightly lower than they appear.

With that out of the way, lets dig in.

0-999:

From boops 0-999, the boop-o-meter displays your boop count, and changes color as you boop

Boop count: 0 Boop count: 500 Boop count: 1000

Boop fact: the colors do not change after 1000

LOL:

Between boops 1000 and 1500, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'LOL'. This likely took place at 1000 boops, but maybe it said 'MAX' or sumn for awhile at first? Idk this is already the misinformation website so not my problem.

Boop count: 1500 (actually more like 1490 ish)

More results below the cut

OMG:

Between 1500 and 2000, the boop-o-meter changed to display 'OMG'. Again, this probably happened at 1500 but who knows. Maybe staff made it 1523 for the bit or something.

Boop count: ~2000

WOW:

The boop-o-meter remained at omg until the 3500 boop readpoint, when it switched to 'WOW', meaning this transition happens somewhere between ~2980 and ~3480.

Boop count: ~3500

Boop fact: 'WOW' is the second longest reigning message

*-*:

Between 5000 and 5500 the boop-o-meter switched to '*-*'. You get the idea at this point so I'll speed it up.

Boop count: ~5500

WHY:

The boop-o-meter changed to 'WHY' between 6000 and 6500 boops. For science. That's why.

Boop count: ~6500

PLZ:

Next was 'PLZ', switching between 7000 and 7500.

Boop count: ~7500

AAA:

I'm not sure what bloody urine has to do with anything, but for some reason staff felt is was important to display, switching between 7500 and 8000.

Boop count: ~8000

;_;:

Huh the colon makes that one look weird. 8000-8500.

Boop count: ~8500

Boop fact: That fucking cat haunts me in my dreams

0_0:

I realized after I set my pyautogui script running that my computer wouldn't turn off its screen because of the clicking, so there was a strobing blue light in my room all night. This encapsulated my expression while trying to sleep (8500-9000).

Boop count: ~9000

MAX:

After 9000 it displayed 'MAX'. This was cap. (9000-9500 switch).

Boop count: OVER 9000 (9500)

<33:

I miss my wife. 9500-10,000.

Boop count ~10,000

TUM BLR:

THE HOLY GRAIL. The boop-o-meter switched to displaying 'TUM BLR' between 10,000 and 10,500 boops. Because my actual boop count was slightly behind my theoretical, I'd guess that this change happened at 10,000 boops.

Boop count: ~10,500 (likely switched at 10,000)

Summary:

When charted the boop curve looks as follows:

Boop curve: 0 - 10,000 boops

My script continued to run until 53,000 boops, but no further changes were observed. Again, there were quite possibly more messages at lower boop values, but my ass is not checking. Maybe I should have scaled my sampling accordingly, but it is what it is. Thank you for joining me on this journey, and if you have any corrections or more information, please add it to this post.

Boop fact: Terfs DNI

#boop #boop o meter #april fools #april fool's day #april fools day #python

[cyrsed]

sailor and cowboy are so much happier in this house than they were in the apartment, i was so worried it'd take them weeks to adjust and what if they were miserable? but they love this place so much more and sailor's the most relaxed i've ever seen her TToTT yay

#there's so many more windows + no upstairs neighbors making noises + windows can be open more bc it's not a muggy oven outside #the only problem is that we don't have a good community (me wifes and cats) gathering place besides the loft so it's harder #for the cats to hang out w us rn #also bc we need more furniture

[sicko-schizo]

"straight monogamous people are sooo gross and weird" what if I shot you in my backyard

#maybe i just want to be a hardworking husband and come home to my wife and 2 cat children.... what is the fucking problem with that

[hellafluff]

.

#fucked up every day about my grandmother dying ten years ago and how that completely changed myself #and how we were cheated out of any life insurance for reasons never explained to me #but i once heard a figure of around 100k #and i just #yeah my mother probably would have squandered that on her drug addiction but at least for a while wed have been okay #im tired of being poor and tired and disabled #im tired #im tired of waiting to die #i dont have the energy or means to live #i wish my friends had better reactions when intold them my feelings #instead of sympathetic Im Sorrys and a change on conversation or following radio silence #they have problems too but i wish we could communicate with eachother and help each other through it #wish my family gave a shit about me #the only ones who seem to care live hundreds of miles away and i haven't seen since i was 7 #well except my dad but the last time i saw him was junior year of college #and he cares but we talk less then once a month #and he never wanted me #one time he told me he and his wife (not my mom) had cats because they were never going to have kids #as if i wasnt his kid; as if im not his clone; as if we dont have the same eyes and hair and love of weird alien bullshit and music #i hate that im so fucking isolated from family because my mother burns every bridge and life line put infront of her and #my father couldnt be bother #dot