Aziraphale: an idealist, a problem solver, a denier and a protector
A meta analysis on his growth, his choices and his actions of season 2 (with a little bit of season 1 context and possible future)
so basically I'm back on my bullshit and need to consolidate my ever growing thought on these character.
Aziraphale's core traits are highly oppositional to Crowley, this could either cause great miscommunication or provide a well needed balance to the two of them. At his core he's an idealist, he assumed the best in everyone and everything, when issues arise he tries to make the best of it and solve the problem in his own way and protect everyone (regardless of the outcome the key take away is that he tries) but this no longer applies when he's afraid. Another key trait, Aziraphale throughout his life is always plagued by the fear of losing Crowley and losing his 'angel ness' and when the root of the problem comes from one of his fears, then his final trait comes around: pure denial.
The first time they met:
The first time Aziraphale meets Crowley we see a couple things, he's already absolutely smitten, he already fears questioning the plans of god and warns Crowley because he wants to protect him, and finally he sees Crowley be unequivocally happy when he gets to build the nebula.
And then.. the angels fall, millions of angels fall, including Crowley, now demons, 'unforgivable, evil, cruel' and barred from the love of god. And oh Aziraphale must feel awful, he thinks about how he planted the seeds of doubt into Crowley, if he hadn't said anything, Crowley would never have fallen, he should have stopped him. (this likely fuels another reason why he wants to restore Crowley to angel status, he blames himself for Crowley's sadness)
When he finally meets him again in the garden of Eden, and this as now is the first time he does something 'out of line' and disobeys god. And he's already afraid, oh he's gone to far, he question Almighty's plan, what is going to happen. He carries that with him, doesn't question the flood, just continues, because he is afraid. He learns one thing: god is unpredictable, he is not safe. So what does he do? he goes into denial, he pretend that god has a plan, and it is actually good, he becomes idealistic, even in such a moment, he uses it to protect himself.
2500 BC:
This flashback gives us an interesting insight into why Aziraphale chooses to make the choices he does. After years of being afraid of not question he develops a 1 dimensional viewpoint. But when he learns of the plan he can't hold back anymore, he knows this is wrong, but its heaven, heaven is good right? This time he has to question heaven and thankfully, his demon Crowley is there to protect it all, to solve the problem for him, so he is still free (as he can) but the question still lingers, and then.. then he finally tried food. Which makes him scares him even more, he wonders if he's sinned too much (questioning, sinned for eating food etc) and finally it all comes crashing down:
"I'm ready to go."
"Go where?"
"To Hell."
His fears reaching a boiling point and then he lies, and demons lie. But he goes forward, afraid but still an angel. He doesn't realize he's in this constant peril not because he deserves to fall, but because heaven and god's rules are arbitrary, contradictory and often use the most miniscule things to hurt.
1827:
His fears over the centuries of falling, losing Crowley, and openly loving him have now manifested as this idealism to life, that if humans make the perfect choices they would be okay, he carries one dimensional thinking because otherwise, he would have to face the fact god is unfair, god is ruthless.
We get quite a lot of insight into both of their philosophies in this episode. For one, Aziraphale realizes that 'bad' deeds aren't necessarily bad when you look at it from a different perspective. And that as of now he believes in that the more your suffer/lower you start in the hierarchy of life the more 'opportunities' you have to prove yourself, but at the same time he believes in 'divine punishment'
In the context of season 2 this makes sense, he has been taught that at any moment, for any miniscule reason, god can punish them (Job, Crowley, Elspeth etc) and the way he can deal with the unpredictability of god is he chooses to be one dimensional, an action is always either black and white, stealing that body is a bad choice and to validate this opinion he uses the idea that its more 'opportunities' but Crowley attacks that thought, he shows him, do you really think that's true? and of course he values Crowley's opinion and considers it, and it breaks him a little, so he goes back and finally reconsiders his initial thought, he concludes that its actually just a plain good deed, no nuance, no greyness just good.
Even though he reconsiders he doesn't reach the root of the problem, for all his problem solving skills, he is still in denial and he still believes that heaven is good, he is still after all that an idealist, he does not want to realize that god is not always right, god sometimes hurts and attacks the weak, that its unfair, that heaven might just not be good. he at this point is well and truly in denial.
Even after Armageddon, he still views heaven as 'good, the light, the truth' after all they went through, after he watched them try and tear apart humanity he still thinks heaven is the good side. Yes he questions them more now, and wants to fix them (problem solver) but he cannot shake of the idea that carried him all his life that heaven is good. His idealism makes him believe that he could fix it, he believes that there is good in all and he can bring it out. This results in less change in his relationship with Crowley then what they both desired, his fear of losing everything because he doesn't know what could happen if they finally verbalized their feelings (fear of the unknown)
So when Metatron treats him with kindness (and also a heavy dash of manipulation) and even validates his love for Crowley, he allows himself to dream. Dream of a new era of heaven, one where he no longer has to fear, one where he can be with Crowley, where he gets to see the unbridled joy that Crowley had pre-fall when he build the nebula. But this doesn't take into consideration how Crowley would feel, to go back into a place that was traumatic, it wouldn't make him happy, it would hurt him.
While this could be dismissiveness, it's likely its actually tied to his idealism and need to protect their lives. In his head he believes he could change heaven (its also important to factor in that he at this point does not know that they are trying for Armageddon 2.0) and he believes he can protect Crowley there. So he sees this as a chance to 'solve the problem', finally escape his fear, but instead falls right back into the his denial of heavens issues, that heaven and god is not 'the light, the truth, the good' but just another side fighting for power.
Growth and the way forward
In terms of growth its clear he has in fact changed though he still has far to go, he becomes less afraid of loving Crowley openly, though he still leaves things unsaid. He uses 'our' 'we' 'us' and initiates physical contact often, and attempts to reassure Crowley. His fear always makes him be subtle, his love is quiet and unseen. When he wants to tempt Crowley, its always so very subtle, he's so afraid to make an obvious move, he dances around it, leaving a clear impression, but never anything too obvious. But in season 2, he begins initiating that vulnerability, more often than not, physical contact, to show his reassurance, his feelings and heart. While Crowley grows to show more emotional vulnerability.
But in the end he cannot grow until he sees the true reality of heaven for himself, and realizes he cannot push this idealism onto Crowley, that he is wonderful, kind and humane because he is Crowley, he loves humanity in a way heaven and hell never could, he is kind and good not because he is actually an angel, but because he is Crowley
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I didn't have time to create something but!! For HSMTMTS Appreciation Week Day One: Favorite Character, I wanted to make a post about how much I love Seb and Carlos :D. And a bit of everyone else too!
First of all, the older I get the more I relate to Carlos lol. The more I'm being the leader, the decision maker, and trying to be the bridge between students and adults.
And, because of the same thing, the same goes for Seb! I'm the "innocent" one, the one who's always nice, and sometimes I'm just so frustrated when everyone's being negative but I'm trying to make the best of a situation. I feel like Seb is definitely like, the one who's looking on the bright side for everyone else (even when he's frustrated too).
And it's crazy because that's so similar between them. Trying to be something for everyone and getting shut down for it. They're so different, but they somehow have so much in common :'D.
Oh, and the fact that they're just one of the couples? Listen, I love queer stories that address the tougher issues we deal with, but sometimes I just want to watch teens be teens. The most we get in that direction is their fears, like "I'm the fool who thought eh would dance in public with me" and Seb saying Carlos doesn't have a lot of options. We get to see them go through their own challenges, just like the other couples, and I love that so much <33 :'D.
Also they're adorable together and they love each other so much thank you for coming to my ted talk :')
Anyway lol, about the Wildcats as a whole, there's a reason I was having so many feelings as I finished rewatching season 1. They're all so at odds and crunching against each other in the beginning, but there's just this shift. It's not one specific moment, but it's the small different ones of seeing everyone relax and let themselves have this family. Let this family have them. There's not a specific time I can point to, they just weren't family one moment, and they were the next :'). And even through all the drama, that's still true. I really think we're gonna see it more in Season 4, despite everything with the movie. They'll come together eventually, no matter what :).
And they're all so unique! They all have their own skills and personalities, and they're amazing on their own, but again, they're at their best when put it together.
I seriously love all these characters so much. I love Carlos and Seb with my whole heart. But I love all the Wildcats :').
And one more thing y'all. We're all here, maybe for the last time together. Let's make the most of it 🥰
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