#Everything sucks and I'm upset

[banannabethchase]

I've been panic crocheting all day to the point where I got so frustrated I almost cried, as the existential dread of being an American today is so aggressive I keep almost having panic attacks (scared for the lives of my students, my nieces, myself, you know the drill) SO HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING? YOU OKAY? YOU TRY THE SALAD? I THOUGHT THE SALAD WAS GREAT HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHSHRUDGHUIOF *crochets another scrunchie*

#I never do well when the Supreme Corruption does their bullshit #But I'm better than last year at least? #Time to crawl back in the closet with Tumnas #Fuccckkkk I hate T*xas so much #I hate Amerikkka so fucking much #I hate everything that's happening and I feel so fucking powerless and scared #I want to be myself #But it's not safe to be myself anywhere #My nieces are in danger #I'm in danger #My students are in danger #The only one who might be safe in my life is J and he's so batshit crazy when it comes to protecting his people... #panic cw #I don't know how to tag this #Welcoming happy stories or positivity in the ask box. Fluffy headcanons. Anything #This corresponded directly with my period too which is Fucking Terrible for like eighty reasons #Everything sucks and I'm upset #Anyway if you made it down here feel free to throw a HAPPY FLUFFY AND OR SMUTTY PROMPT in my ask #If you send me angst I'm going to jettison myself into the sun #in which Sara loses her shit #Haven't used that tag in a while

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

#damian wayne #damian al ghul #damian al ghul wayne #batman #batfamily #for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them #btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done #has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world. #it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something #like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more #three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale #so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point. #I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series. #I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get #hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at. #I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas #where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing #for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good #it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series. #and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well. #instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character #I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay #tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money. #I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip. #it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT #of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well. #and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave #and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him. #I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim #is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR

[hiraganasakura]

I'm ill over the extended RWBY V9 epilogue.. I'M ILL [POSITIVE]

#original post #i do wish we got a snippet more of branwen twin stuff but i'm just biased cus i'm obsessed with them so don't take this as a complaint lol #i'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth! i'm just happy this got to be released at all! #but like. oh gosh the extensions added sm already!!! #team jnpr/ornj is falling apart without jaune. oscar and ozpin's merge is NOT going well. tyrian and mercury are already causing trouble #vale's been totally destroyed (WHERE'S TAI???). but ppl are still trying darn it! #things suck rn but they're trying to make the most of it in whatever way they can!! and i love that!! #if this is the end of rwby then i can't be too upset. man what a sendoff #and what a relevant message to today's world: of continuing despite everything trying to tear you down. despite the cruelty the world holds #bcus hope is hard and it's ok for it to be but you have to keep going #i'm glad i got to see this #and i wonder what rwby beyond will have in store... #rwby #rwby9 #rwby9 spoilers #rwby9 epilogue

[zombiepatch]

depressed and alone rn. will a margarita make me feel better? no, worse. am i having one anyways? probably (<- aka they fixed a glass but will probably forget about it after a few sips)

#miles txt #basically i dont rly like alcohol all that much. just upsets my tummy more than anything else #but i aint got weed unfortunately and have been off my antidepressants so i'm kinda rawdogging everything and it sucks shit bro #anyways what the hell is a hangover? i drink a few sips and have an IMMEDIATE headache and stomach ache. instant misery

[foolishnpd]

hmmm I've noticed that a lot of my I'm The Best thoughts come out when I'm angry/upset. I guess superiority is a coping mechanism? it's like a way to comfort and bring myself back up to a good level again

#lilyroaring #npd safe #like literally sobbing and seething in anger #while reassuring myself that I'm the best and everyone else sucks and I deserve everything and fuck everyone else they don't deserve me #which... probably looks pathetic looking from the outside #and it also doesn't help much #but that's always what I default to when I'm pissed off or upset #just a weird little coping mechanism I suppose #of course it comes with the side effect of looking like a stupid edgy kid #like someone criticizes me #I start sobbing in my room and laughing to myself like an evil villain #because hehe they don't know who they're criticizing I will destroy them with my mighty awesomeness #they aren't even worthy of my presence #silly cringe behavior 💀💀

[corset]

Really feeling that experience of being an autistic person in an environment that's terrible for me where I'm basically trying to figure out really hard how to not be an emotionally unstable wreck all the time who throws "childish tantrums" over "dumb shit" because I hate feeling like my family always expects me to just snap whenever anything happens and whether or not I do just depends on how much Repression Juice I've got left in the tank or how Unshitty the circumstances have been for the last week or even few days

#I am literally doing the best that I can for myself but there's a lot of stuff that I communicate actively to other people in this household #that never gets better or that just gets scoffed at and my environment is horrific because we're very poor and everyone in this house is #disabled and my workplace environment fucking sucks and I spent 15 years of my life basically being completely unaware of just how high my #supports needs actually are and so I'm also trying to mentally juggle and figure that shit out so I can at least make an attempt to take #care of myself the way I need to but when so many things are basically looking at you trying to cope and laughing in your face and then #punting you down from the mountain you're climbing with a bat and basically saying 'how cute and stupid of you to think you could possibly #make progress or take care of yourself? don't you understand your circumstances dipshit?' #IT'S KIND OF PAINFULLY DIFFICULT HAHA. #I basically deal with this by holing myself up all the time just trying to keep my bullshit away from people #I'm very sick of it #Like even when I try to have a conversation when I'm getting really upset or angry about something #one person in this house is impossible to talk to at all because she's argumentative as hell about literally everything and anything #including stuff you didn't even say. Like I have no idea what she's even saying to me half the time and she almost never listens #the other one is my aunt who is so emotionally repressed she can't even have a conversation with a whiff of vulnerability in it #and then my mother just shuts down and ignores me ! Which Makes It Worse!

[thethingything]

I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #emetophobia tw #vent post #<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now #anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised #I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow #anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense #but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much #it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely #but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future #idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever #also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar #even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything #but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that'' #like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either #being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder #because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters #and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion #a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit'' #anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine'' #or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it

[thelastspeecher]

I rolled my ankle last week and it was still bothering me yesterday so I went to Urgent Care.

they did x-rays, which I expected. what I did NOT expect was for them to find something on the x-rays.

they found fracturing.

OLD fracturing.

apparently, when I sprained my ankle back in college so badly that I was purple from my toes to my knee and my ankle swelled to a softball, I actually fucking BROKE my ankle.

and the x-rays that were done back then (and then done a few months after, when I sprained it AGAIN) didn't fucking see it. I've been walking around with tiny loose pieces of bone in my ankle for seven damn years and didn't even know.

so no damn wonder my ankle's been fucked since then.

#should I have gotten medical treatment faster when I sprained my ankle back in college? yeah #but when I went home I got seen and they did everything and they FUCKING MISSED IT #I mean that kind of fracture is easy to miss from what I understand #but still! I didn't get a boot or a referral to PT or ANYTHING like that #and tbh I probs should've gotten both even if it was ''just a sprain'' #I'm shocked and fascinated by the discovery of these old fractures #and also just. upset. that I was failed. #anyways I'm headed back to PT tomorrow since I did in fact sprain my ankle when I rolled it #speechie sucks at health #speecher speaks

[undead-potatoes]

I don't complain a lot about it on here bc what's the point, but man am I tired (no pun intended) of being chronically ill

The way it has eaten away my entire adult life, the way it keeps eating away what little life I get to live, keeping me from hobbies and experiences and loved ones, how it fucks with my everything to the point where I can't even do something as simple as take a shower without suffering the consequences for 4 days straight

And I'm so, so afraid that this is all my life will ever be, that I'll never be free of this shit bullshit disease and it will just keep stealing my life away from me until there's no more life left to steal

#Sunny Life #Negative cw #hey don't mind me everything just sucks today #I blame it on the shitty night I just had (which is also my chronic illness' (and winter's) fault so yaay) #worst part is I don't even feel like I can talk to my parents about this bc it'll upset them and they're already upset enough on my behalf #so I just sit her stewing in it alone which I'm sure super healthy #I probably should have a therapist but I don't have the spoons for scheduled appointsments so you know *finger guns*

[closetspngirl]

You ever try to hold in a breakdown because you're at work and you don't want to talk about it with anyone but you don't have a way to expend the energy so you're just vibrating with said energy?

And then you lose your whole appetite (after you had lunch delivered to the office) because of said whatever the fuck this is?

Yeah. Same.

#I'm fine #it's fine #everything is fine #just kidding #not the owner of my (small) company pulling me in a meeting with hr because of my friendship with one of the bartenders #there is zero romantic involvement #I feel like everyone knew a secret about me and I had no idea #this sucks #I want to cry #I swear we're just friends #it's not my fault the entire fucking company reports to me #that's 70 people #I can't process this #I'm sad #confused #upset #worried #like...do I still have a job? #I think so #I mean it seemed that the owner would go to bat for me before my friend #but then he said something about my boss having concerns #like...what? #le sigh #long post in the tags #thank you for coming to my ted talk #I'll be sitting in my office with the lights off the rest of the day #happy Friday

[seventh-district]

wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!

#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development #Seven.txt #writing stuff #ao3 #like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil #but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine #it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard #not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own #but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire #and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning #i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it?? #but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone #and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn #and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized #and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay. #anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain! #most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao #the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already! #anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally #next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe #and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story #the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough

[moon-and-stars-selfship]

Internet is "technically" cut off but it's still up for now. However, the only device that is registering the Wi-Fi as inactive is my phone.

Great.

#vent post #everything else is working so i shouldn't be upset but... I'm in bed with a slow phone. #back to the stone age of watching a loading circle for me #my phone service sucks in the apartment so I'm just out of luck

[running-in-the-dark]

I gave my mother my old sewing machine a few months ago and I've just realised what a huge mistake that was.

#she is incapable of figuring ANYTHING out on her own #I showed her everything. I even printed out the manual for her. #but she still can't figure any of it out #if I was capable of figuring out HER shitty sewing machine when I was like 15 and didn't have access to any online tutorials or even the #manual. then. maybe. you could try SOME of it on your own?! #(it's not that she's asking for help. asking for help is fine it's good I encourage it! it's that it's HER. and HOW she asks. like it's the #most difficult and awful thing anyone has ever had to do and like *I'm* being a huge burden by putting this on her. she's the victim and she #has to make everything seem sooo difficult. it's infuriating) #she's completely uncooperative and she gets really angry and ugh I just hate this #like. she tried to teach me how to knit when I was like. 6. and I got upset because I didn't get it immediately. and she is STILL mad about #that. maybe that provides some context for why this sucks so much. #ugh I cannot stand this woman. #personal

[mychemikuromance]

Ah fuck it hurts after all

#j talks #deleting things i shouldn't keep around #i've been holding onto the worst parts of everything that happened because the good kept me hanging on #it just wasn't gonna work #but i was happy when i wasn't worried or having A Time #the hardest part is remembering how to be friends i think #its not like we ever stopped being friends but. idk. it just sucks ! #it was the best choice and it was mutual but fuck if i'm not a little resentful over how things ended up #but i think i'm most upset at myself after all #a week huh? how the time flies. #its crazy to think everything happened in such a short time span too #april always changes my life I guess.

[roobylavender]

if i really scratch my head i think maybe the one thing all of this could stem from is mere discussion of the fact that talia and selina's histories with bruce sort of operate in the reverse and inevitably that factors into any contention with either relationship. like it can't really be helped that bruce and talia were married very early on into the latter's history and that this is integral to analyzing talia's entire dynamic with bruce, her evolving perception of her own place in the world, and her eventual decision to break free of bruce entirely. the constraints of a marriage with bruce as desired by her father are foundational lore to the early aughts of her character in a way that selina's settled domestic life with bruce is not. if we're talking about the golden age what was foundational to selina's dynamic with bruce was his ability to recognize above everyone else her consistent capacity for mercy despite her villainous goals on the surface. in post-crisis that was translated along the lines of a class struggle specifically. the villainous goals were interpreted to represent a defiance of men and the state and their collective violence, and they also formed a means of survival. what was initially merely a recognition of selina's capacity for mercy now became a potential recognition of bruce's own hypocrisies. selina acted as a symbol for petty criminals in gotham whom bruce would otherwise have written off as immoral wholesale bc to him the law was the law. and the remarkable thing about it was that none of it required selina giving even an inch to bruce. she was who she was and that was what made her utterly compelling to him. it's not a slight against selina that neither marriage nor a close civilian relationship formed the basis of her relationship with bruce and i don't understand why anyone would take it as one. marriage and domestic life for talia was a mark of the utter tragedy of her relationship with bruce. it was a fantasy and a delusion and it could never have given her what she wanted nor lent her any kind of agency in the long term. and i think when we meander into the realm of comparing the relationships we really start to diminish why certain aspects are important to either. why are the various patriarchal restrictions on talia's agency so integral to her character arc and its exploration of freedom? why is selina's existence in a sphere of life entirely distinct of bruce so integral to her character arc and its exploration of class? the constant back and forth between shippers on either end trying to equalize in terms of what either relationship has gone through in canon like it's a checklist to romantic validity is a bit absurd and i wish we would move away from it when analyzing the relationships or the characters

#it reminds me a bit of when i said that i think selina becoming a millionaire was a stupid development #that was insulting to everything newell and grant and moench had tried to build up about her in the early 90s #and people got upset and called me a hypocrite bc talia is rich. like my guy. can i help it that talia is rich #i can't erase her foundational character traits to make some sort of even playing field.. #and frankly the fact that she and bruce are rich /is/ precisely what drives the whole argument about duty between them #they are in no position to complain or grow tired or languish in their reams of wealth #there is a duty they owe to the world while they have power and they have to suck it up and uphold that duty #it is the absolute least they can do and they know that. hence why talia is repeatedly on bruce's ass about it #it is also not lost on me that the above complaint may largely stem from the lazarus affair #where talia was portrayed to be ridiculously haughty and more than willing to show off her wealth #even though she didn't do that in like. any other comic in her pre-assassination era #and the lazarus affair as i have said so many times was a ridiculous comic anyways bc it setup talia and selina to be #combative ship fodder to fuel disagreements between dick and bruce. it is literally the first comic where they were ever #pit against each other. despite the fact that they had co-existed in harmony for a decade prior #and denny o'neil had gone so far as to establish both of them as bruce's definitive love interests in the 70s #like idk man it's not hard to entertain a little more critical thinking and poke at why the comparisons between them are nonsensical #a lot of it. a Lot of it. is stemming from people wanting either ship to one up the other. and you shouldn't fall for it #to be deleted #anyway. not making this rebloggable bc i'm sure you're all annoyed already but this whole thing has really confused me. so i've rambled

[aberooski]

If I have another breakdown at work tomorrow like I did the last time I worked a Saturday I'm going to kill myself because last time I screamed in the hallway and cried so hard I was shaking because of how stressed I was.

#working at the movie theater sucks I hate people so much #I also hate that the movie theater was the best I could do even with a fucking degree because I've never had a job before #and I haven't even been there a month and I'm already the most fucking competent usher we have #i have to do fucking everything and I'm the only one keeping us on track every fucking day #also the only other ushers I actually like aren't the ones I consistently work with and tomorrow I have to work with the one that I hate #they literally do not pay me enough for this shit #anyway I'm back to considering opening art commissions becauae as I said they don't pay me shit and I really do need the extra money #also another reason I'm pissed about working tomorrow is that I have to miss christmas cookie baking at ny grandma's and that's one of- #-my favorite traditions every year. I'm actually very upset about it I might cry about it at work tomorrow. #alao they're making me come in at 10 am when all the other ushers don't start coming in until like 12 and the first theaters don't let out- #-until like 11:40 so there's literally no point in me being there that early other than to just piss me off #I'll take the extra like fuxking 20 bucka those 2 hours will get me but fuckibg seriously? I know I'm technically available- #-which is probably why but all it's gonna be is me making sure our usher cart is stocked then sitting around for an hour and a half #fuck everything #I fucking hate that this is my life this is awful #I can't have literally anything can I? #abby after dark #abby's having a crisis